Two In The Think Tank - 179 - "RECONDITIONED CORN ON THE COB"
Episode Date: April 16, 2019Monopedal Quadracorn, Service Legs, Foot Head Kid Book, Foot Boxing, Upside Down Boxer, Woman Sheep,Dining on the Claw, Reconditioned Cob, Social Chat Circle, Power of One Billionaire, New Elvis Coste...lloOur Melbourne Comedy Festival show is for sale here: use the promo code TITTT for 20% off full price tickets!Hey, why not listen to Al's new meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereHefty thanks to George Matthews for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Bing, bing, bong, the bing, bing, bong, bong, bing, bong, bing, bong, bing, bong, bing, bong, bing, bong, bing, bong, bing, bong, bing, bong, bing, bing, bong, bing, bong, bing, bong, bing, bong, bing, bong, bong, bong, bing, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bing, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bing, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bing, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bing, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bing, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bing, bong to two in the think tank of the show, where we come up with five sketch ideas.
And I'm Andy Matthews.
And okay.
And I'm, yeah.
I'm Alice to George William, Charlie, British.
And I'm Andy Matthews, okay.
I want to start this thing out with a base of reality.
You got to start in a basis of reality.
You can't just start, you know, somewhere else and have people being like, oh, what's
going on? Yeah, great. Yeah. And have people being like, oh, what's going on?
Yeah, great.
Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, no, you can't.
Mm-mm.
Um, no, I think, I think there's a card in there.
Okay, great.
Well then, let's start talking ideas, Andrew.
Andrew Matthews.
That's the thing.
I mean, I know this is base, Andy.
This is what I'm gonna about to say is base.
Oh, that's good.
It's good to start with a base.
Yeah, absolutely.
Reality, and a base.
Okay, great.
Well, just to think about it,
like animals aren't perfect, including us.
All right.
So there are times when animals,
their location would have been given away to a predator
because of a fart.
You know what you're right.
And we've developed the ability to hold farts in,
but it's not foolproof.
No, it's absolutely not.
Especially.
I recently discovered various other abilities
to hold things in.
I'm also not foolproof.
No, absolutely.
I mean, you think they are.
But then...
No, that's right. They're not.
But those fools, they're always upping their game, aren't they?
Oh, yeah.
You build some sort of defence.
You think it's foolproof and then they're fools.
They're so smart.
They find a way around it.
Yeah, you're talking about liquid feces.
Yeah.
I once they develop that.
That's a fluid stool as a fool.
Yeah.
So, yes, now you're out the ainess is not foolproof.
No, absolutely not.
But it is amazing that we haven't evolved a better way of dealing with funds.
You know, like to have a secondary sack that you can find into quietly.
Like a just like an air sack on the inside?
Yeah.
That you could just sort of like, like,
like, like, like, like,
I guess you're gonna have to vent that at some point.
Yeah.
That's probably gonna have a quite a bit of buildup
up up overall.
It's a storage hole.
I don't know.
I'd always just be venting into the storage hole.
Well, it should be like, like a cow stomach
of like extra storage bags.
That's right.
Like, you should be able to store as much
as your skin can flex.
I need to be able to put this off. You know, it's one of those things that I can't
delay sufficiently in my life. I love to put things off and be great to be able to put off
a pup. I was about to say a pup, but that's not a word. A pup? No. I think you're going to say a pup.
I should be able to delay a pup. Anyway, I'm sorry everybody, this is where we started.
So, right, we've been doing the comedy festival
for three weeks now, something like that.
Yeah, we're deep in.
I've barely got a voice left, but also our psyche's
have been eroding away.
Absolutely.
Andy's actually using lines now from the show.
That's how much his psyche's been eroding away.
Well, there's nothing worth it.
He doesn't even have creativity left.
He's just basically reading off of this script in his mind.
We're recording downstairs in the main studio,
it's Jupyterol Studios today.
We're on this, recording on this unfamiliar,
talking recording device.
It's my answer to ask me about the card earlier.
There's also why whenever he wants to make
a real point, he's leaning into what's the machine.
I've never seen you do that before. You're like, this is just between you and me recording device.
Well, I see the recording devices are audience. Our audience, who by the way, so many people have come
to see my own.
Somebody's responsible show.
To come if this will show. Thank you. First of all, thank you. Second of all, at least three people
have come from overseas.
Which is one.
At least four people have come from overseas.
Not all of them specifically just to see us.
Of course, some of them won't.
We don't even know what they've been doing.
We've also seen Matt Stewart.
Some of them did.
Yeah.
But when he's gone,
Yeah, well, like,
It's not gonna be long.
It's not gonna be long.
We're gonna be.
Because of when he when he dies.
Yeah.
Then it's just gonna be us.
It's just gonna be us.
We'll be all you have.
I don't know if people can justify coming and flying all the way here just for two and
the thing.
No, we need to diversify the port folio, don't we?
Yeah.
You know, we need to have a few more legs to this tripod.
Yeah, right.
You can't just have a one-legged tripod.
No.
No.
It's true.
Oh my god.
I hadn't thought about that.
Well, what about a tripod?
No, you build a tripod.
And then there's a little base.
Right. And then under that, just one leg. Okay. You get all the benefits of a tripod, you build a tripod, and then there's a little base, and then under that,
just one leg.
Right, do you get all the benefits of a tripod?
Yeah.
Right, because it has those three legs, but then under those legs, there's one little flat
platform and all those legs sit on, and then under that, just one leg.
Just a single leg.
Yeah, so you also get all the benefits of just one leg, which I can't imagine what they
are.
Well, I mean, it's the unicorn of the tripods.
It is.
And, yes.
But I guess also, it has that ability
that you can stick it into soft ground really easily.
Perfect.
Whereas with a tripod, that's hard.
Harder.
Sure.
I mean, tripods, what do we use tripods for?
Does that something that you put sort of a,
you often put gals on top, metallic gals on top,
and a bunsen burner underneath,
and then you put like a beaker or something like that?
Yeah, you think about like a heating tripod
in a chemical environment.
I was thinking of course a filming camera type tripod.
Oh yeah.
But I forgot you went into primary one.
No, I mean, I think this is the first tripod, right?
Do you think they were holding up,
they were holding up beakers before they were holding up?
They're actually right.
Cameras.
But both involve some kind of like see through lens thing.
The beaker.
The beaker's see through and it's a bit lensy.
It's a bit lensy.
I mean, it's not a good lens.
Can we go back to the unicorn comment?
Right, what about this?
It's sort of, it is an inverse unicorn.
Four horns on the head,
just one leg in the middle of the horse.
Wait.
So...
Four up there?
Four legs on top of the head.
No, no, four horns.
Okay.
And then...
And then one horse leg right in the middle of the stomach.
Oh, yeah, I like that.
Yeah.
It's funny, because as you were saying that,
I felt like I was having that idea. Oh, I like that. Yeah? It's funny, because as you were saying that, I felt like I was having that idea.
Oh, I wonder why.
Yeah.
I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna say this one he's done.
Finally.
And then I had the idea to not do it,
because that's what you were saying.
Oh, I don't have the pad.
Oh no.
Oh, we're gonna raw dog it today.
This is different.
Oh, this is different.
I'm not going to have
I will but then I better get out my phone so I can write down the sketch ideas
So I don't know what to write underneath the episode description on the on the thing
So now you're getting so many glimpses behind the um behind the full crew proof facade of the of the of the
Yeah, inverse unicorn. We apologize. this is normally such a slick pod.
It's a quadricorn.
It's a quadricorn.
Yeah.
It's a uni-dextrous quadricorn.
Yeah, so, but is it dextrous?
Is it, or is it like a way?
It's a biped is two legs.
It's a monopad.
Monopetal.
Monopetal.
What's the last quadricorn?
Monopetal quadricorn. It's a beautiful name for a beautiful animal.
I mean, it would just hop everywhere.
Yeah, and when you put all of that, it sounds easy.
Mm, you know?
Well, I think if it always just kind of jumps into a hole where it can rest the rest of
its body on the edges of the hole and then lift up its leg for a bit
and just give its leg a rest.
It just needs to do one big hop to get back out of that hole.
Okay, now, what about this?
In order to have a hole that was deep enough
for it to lower its whole body down into,
I think that the hole would have to be deeper
than the leg, the monopede, right?
And I think that then it wouldn't be able to hop back out again.
It'd have to roll out.
But then when it rolls over,
it's four horns get stuck into the ground.
They can't roll back.
I see. I picture the top of the body
just is laying on the ground.
Yeah, no, me too.
Yeah. Me too.
But then where's the leg?
The leg is hanging down into the hole.
Yeah.
How deep is the hole?
Well, I think the hole is just a bit shallower than the leg.
It is a little bit shallower than the leg.
The leg can be lifted off.
The leg can just bend a little bit like that.
I mean, you can never fully stretch it.
Right, but then you're not looking at that hop that he's doing.
It's a mild, quadraquon.
That hop that he's doing, he doesn't have much to work with
in terms of leg extension in the hop.
You're not lowering the body down or anything.
You're doing the equivalent of a one inch punch,
Bruce Lee, but with a hop.
I know, but that's the one inch hop.
I mean, but that's probably the one special power.
Is that like, you know, they're just known for being able
to accelerate very quickly over a very short period of time?
Either that or what he does is-
You're right, that leg would be so developed, wouldn't it?
Absolutely, I mean, that's a strong leg. We're not talking like, you know, this is, this is its only, you know,
like workable limb that carries all of that horse weight all the time.
But it's consoled, see, what it's done is it's done is it's consolidated all the legs down into one leg.
So there's a lot less maintenance.
Absolutely.
I was thinking the other-
Chaper fissures, horseshoes.
Yeah.
Remember we saw a horse get rubber shoes on
so that it could walk on the inside of a studio floor?
I did.
Yeah, I didn't mean to.
Remember, I never thought that a horse could
wear rubber shoes. I guess if they were playing basketball
that's what they would wear. Yeah I wonder if you're going to have pumps. Well we'll work on it.
It seems unlikely though. I was just going to say with the horse. You can hold on to that.
Make it out of your own new telephone if you need to. Another way that it could get out if it
can't jump and sometimes occasionally it's going to
find a hole where it can't reach the bottom. Is that it could bend its leg and then roll and then sort of just
want just come over a roll onto its bended knee and then just lift itself up and then just start going.
She's going to be amazing to see. Yeah.
Still rot in quadricort. Do you think a good rider quadricort?
Not happily.
No.
I think the hopping is the antithesis of a rideability.
Yeah.
What is there that hops the kangaroo?
I wonder rides a kangaroo.
Yeah.
The rabbit?
Nobody rides a rabbit.
Camel, the way a camel runs is a bit hoppy. Not at No, no, no, no, it couldn't be further from the truth
No, that is close to the truth
You're seeing a camel run. You haven't seen camels run. I think I'm sure I've seen
There's a madness. I think if there's a madness to it that is reminiscent of hopping
Really what they're doing is all four legs are individually hopping
Yeah, it's just a it just a four-legged hop.
But they're hopping out of sync.
Yeah.
Right.
Maybe that's kind of what happens to them.
Amazing if you could find that out, if you could prove that all the animals, all the
camel's legs are hopping.
All the individuals involved.
Individuals.
Individuals, like they're actually doing their own thing.
Totally independent.
Totally decentralized.
Lave control.
Each leg is at the start of the year,
given a certain amount of resources
to get it through the year.
And the leg was to survive.
The leg was to survive.
And so it's up to the individual leg
to ensure that it uses its resources
and it contributes to team and observes
what's happening around it in order to make sure
that it and the camel that it's dependent upon.
That's right.
Make it through.
Yeah.
And what's great about this is if the camel does lose a leg.
It doesn't care.
It doesn't care, because it doesn't care about its limbs.
Its limbs care about it.
Exactly.
Yeah.
That's how it should be.
Your legs support you.
Yeah, that's right.
I don't know what I'm talking about my legs.
You never rub cream on them or something like that?
No, I live in sunscreen.
No, this is a great,
I don't know if you're in shorts.
This is a great kind of like a neoconservative thing.
Right, where you, you know,
log with care about your legs.
Absolutely. Because they can stand on their own two feet. where you know, look, you can care about your legs.
Absolutely.
Because they can stand on their own two feet.
They can stand on their own two feet.
But also because you're on top, you know,
you got there by merit presumably.
Yeah, they wouldn't put you on top if you were worse.
Yeah, exactly.
Because metaphorical design of things, like idea of things being on top, being better
than the things on the bottom.
It's also a literal, physical, spatial thing.
Yeah.
But this is like when Carl Sandelent won some sort of award, right?
He won some fucking award logies or something like that and he got up there.
Right, he's at Carl Sandelent's as like a shock radio shock kind of guy.
And he got up there and to accept the award and he said,
I'm not going to thank all the people who worked on the show
because they were just doing their job and he walked off.
And I think that's how, you know, these people would feel about legs.
You know, why would I take care of my legs?
You're on a sketch?
Yeah, I think that's a sketch.
I think we can definitely say it's an extension.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That your legs are essentially like, you're underling.
They're a service-based.
Yeah.
They're a beast of good.
And you do whatever you need to to keep them in good health or to get somebody to keep
them in good health.
All right.
But mostly they work for you.
Yes.
Yes.
So I'm running down service legs.
Service legs?
So you already do enough of your legs, for sure, really just by eating and keeping them
alive.
I mean, they depend on you.
Exactly.
And it's the thinking head that has to do all of that work.
And you'll get the stuff.
Especially these days when we work in industries that mostly don't involve our legs.
It's a lot of sitting.
How do you think the legs are becoming redundant?
Well, exactly.
They kind of get you to work, but you don't do nice things for your car, and that also
gets you to work.
I think that there could be a children's book in a story
in which somebody's legs overnight,
they like, have an uprising,
and then the mornings, the legs are on top,
and they're walking around on their hands.
You've got yourself a story.
Do you think it wears them like a hat
and the feet are actually on top now?
Yeah, I think so. It's the fader on top.
Yes, and then do you think that the feet then grab food and shove it up the bump,
that then has to be pooped out in the mouth? Or is that a little too graphic, even for children?
I mean, look, kids, you know, kids these days, you know, they're shaving it too.
Yeah, yes.
And, you know, they've already, you know,
at the time they're in the womb,
they've already watching, you know,
they've got a porn hub in there and things like that.
So, yeah, it's not, there's nothing that shocks them.
No.
So, you know, your feet, I mean, the only thing I guess
that might be shocking is how easily feet that are,
as far away from your head as can be when the top of your legs are on top of your head
are physically grabbing food. So I presume the feet are just curling over and picking up like corn on the cob
or whatever and cake. And then they're bending around which would involve you like which would be so hard on your neck, that weight going all the way around,
and then pushing with the limited dexterity of,
I think they probably got more potential
than we give them credit for.
Yeah, and then pushing them into the butt.
Yes, yes, exactly.
That's what I'm describing.
Now, on the call.
You want to write down that kids book idea?
No, we don't come up with five sketch book idea? No, I'm not sure.
We don't come up with five sketch ideas.
Leg head, foot head.
Leg foot head on.
Legs on top.
Legs on top.
Yeah, great.
I mean, I don't see there being any problems with that.
I think what it is is because they get it.
You know how sometimes your legs go to sleep.
Sometimes they wake up early, right?
Because they had all that sleep during the day.
So they wake up, their legs wake up,
and then while the legs are awake
and the body still asleep, the legs decide to get up on top.
And so when you wake up,
already the legs are sitting up in the air, right?
And they slide you out of the bed down onto the ground,
and you have to use your hands to walk around.
You wake up and you're under the sheets.
Yeah.
And you see the feeder up on the pillow?
Yeah.
Like that.
And then you're kind of just dragging the bottom
of your torso along the ground
and you're kind of just lifting yourself up like that.
And I think you'd be walking on your hands.
But then if you're walking on your hands,
then your feet are now back on the ground.
No, just your hands. So your feet are up in the air and you're walking on your hands, then your feet are now back on the ground. No, just your hands. So your feet are up in the air and you're walking on your hands.
Aren't your legs coming out of your head? No. No, their legs are still where they are.
It's just they've turned you upside down. Oh. I see. I saw it. It was more fun as they just sort of took the top off.
Oh, I see. It was way less Yeah. Yes. Oh, much less fun.
I mean, look, I think it can work like that.
It can work like that in that way in which it doesn't involve somebody being snapped in half.
But it's interesting the way that your mind went, you know, where your mind went.
Yeah.
It's just a simplistic oversim simplification, if anything.
Are there any martial arts that involve hopping?
I think it can be quite powerful.
If you use a martial art, you do the whole thing
just on one leg, and that means that the other leg is just up.
It's up there, it's up with the hands.
It's in the mix.
It's just another basically punching.
Sort of like a half-capoeira. I think there's moments where they're jumping, It's up there, it's up with the hands. It's in the mix. It's just another basically punching.
Sort of like a half capuera.
Yeah.
I think there's moments where they're kind of jumping,
hopping from one leg to another, like that.
So if you were to be like a semi capuera,
which is actually a completely new form,
where the leg actually joins in with the rest with you,
it becomes an arm, like that.
And so you could use it for punching.
Yes. You can punch with your feet.
Yeah.
Let's go with foot punching.
Foot punch.
Foot punch, the actual style.
Yeah.
Foot punch.
Sure.
You also soak your foot in.
Yes.
And so it's fruit and wine and some maybe like a... Like a cow's yoke? Like a macardi or something like that.
And some juice like that.
And you hold a ladle with your foot.
Yes.
And how did we get to here?
Well, I was a potential martial art.
No, no one with a foot is to stop there.
Yeah.
Because I think a lot of it is punching.
And a lot of people, they used to blocking, you know, the standard two hands.
Yeah.
But you get another foot in there.
Do you think you bring your leg up over your shoulder?
Like, I mean, that would be amazing.
You bring your leg up over your shoulder so that your foot is kind of here.
And you can just kind of kick.
He's in boxing, right?
It's boxing now, but you also have a boxing glove on one of your feet.
Yeah. I mean, say it's fine as long as it's wearing a boxing glove and it's up above your shoulders.
Yeah, technically it's an arm. That's the way an arm is defied in the big book of boxing rules.
The limbs above your waist.
And then you just got to get it up there. And you can revolutionize the sport.
Absolutely. It's about time it needs an injection.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It needs an injection.
All right. Am I writing this down?
Absolutely.
Foot punching.
Foot punching.
Boxing foot boxing.
Foot boxing.
And this is not kick boxing.
No.
No, of course not.
No, because that's mostly you're just kicking,
well you're kicking with the feet, not punching.
Yeah, I'm picturing this guy who is now walking on his hands.
He had a big boxing match that day.
Ah.
And so then, you know, high school...
I can't think that could be quite good.
But I mean, but think about it though, he's got two boxing gloves on his feet,
and we're now up to top. And instead of aiming for the guy's head because that'll be below the belt
which you can't do anymore. He's just got to aim for his balls.
Which is now above the belt.
Above the belt.
Yeah, I mean that is the risk isn't it?
But I figure that most of the boxing, most of the punching will be down.
If you're on hand standing on your hands with your legs in the air, most of the punching will be done if you're up on hand standing on your hands with your legs in the air.
Most of your punching will be done sort of from behind like the feet kicking backwards,
which would mean that if you're facing him with your butt, he can't reach your balls to punch them,
because the butt's in the line.
Well, that's good. They're just punching in the butt.
I think the butt could take quite a bit of punch.
Yeah, you could take it like, I mean, you could go 12 rounds easily.
Yeah.
I mean, you have limited sort of dexterity with the legs, I feel, compared to what you have
with the arms.
And also that whole having to tilt your head up so high so that you could look up and
see what the hell's going on up there.
You gotta do it instinct.
Or hearing, or just rating the reaction of the crowd.
Or you can just do this and go.
Yeah, perfect.
And then use echolocation.
Those environments, they're not noisy in any way.
They wouldn't be much sound pollution
in the Madison Square Garden.
Yeah, correct.
Is that the thing you first match pollution in the Madison Square Garden. Yeah, correct. Is that the thing you first match?
You get Madison Square Garden.
They go, normally, you'd want to work your way up to a heavyweight title or something like that,
but this guy's still boxing on his hands.
Well, he's turning the boxing world upside down.
He started at the top.
Or at least at the bottom, his hands are.
Yeah.
I love it.
Yeah.
Is that also written down? Or is that part of... I think it's part of foot punching. Foot punching hands are. Yeah. I love it. Yeah. Is that also written down, or is that part of...
I think it's part of foot punching.
Foot punching, okay.
Yeah.
Oh, no, I mean, it's a different thing, isn't it?
It's an upside-down boxer.
It's a totally different idea.
Well, it's kind of back to the kid's book.
Maybe the kid...
Do you think...
The person in the kid's book is a boxer.
Yeah, well, I mean, he's a high school boxer.
Well, maybe it would make sense that if they were a boxer that you
had used to getting punched would probably not put up that much of a fight when
the legs took over. It would be like thank goodness this is actually a relief.
It's great.
It's more of a mutually beneficial change of roles.
Imagine how good you'd have to be at handwork.
Cause I mean, like the feet do some pretty important stuff
during boxing.
Fancy handwork.
Fancy handwork, you know, having to do that rope a dough.
It's like it gets, arms a get so tough.
What's the hell long you could do that?
And you'd get like, you just, your head
it fill up with blood.
Oh yeah. You see me going, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh if we could slide inside of dolphins' mouths. Yes. And just be comfortable in there and fit in there,
and then not digest us,
and then just be able to swim inside them,
and sort of access their oxygen,
and just get to know what it's like to live as a dolphin for them.
Downstairs, I think that is in practical.
But I think if you upgrade that dolphin to say a minkey whale,
or even a pilot whale.
That's perfectly designed.
It's basically a sleeping bag with a tail.
You can slip in there.
No doubt about it.
Slip in.
Right?
Where are we looking at the mouth hole?
Are we wearing like a scuba mask or something?
No, full blurry.
Oh, I love it.
It's not about seeing.
It's about experiencing.
When the last time I was open my eyes underwater,
it's been ages, it used to be a big part of my life.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll get down there, open your eyes underwater.
I have a huge reaction to salt and chlorine
from opening my eyes, I would open my eyes
so much underwater, and then my eyes would just go like,
oh my God, like that.
And then with having a kid, I would refuse to not open my eyes.
You would refuse to not open your eyes.
Right, so when you were a kid,
you insisted on opening your eyes on it.
I want to see.
Even though you, like, was this always the casualty thing
you developed like this reaction?
I think this might have been always the case.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I thought, you're quite sensitive to contaminants. Yeah, it could be been always the case. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I thought...
You're quite sensitive to contaminants.
Yeah, it could be due to that.
Could be due to the amount of chlorine
I've taken in via the eyes.
And...
But now we're the kid.
No, the kid. He always wants to look at each other on the water.
So it's just goggle time.
And he's comfortable with goggles. Well, why didn't you have goggles as a kid?
I just didn't ever bother.
Oh, I don't see it.
But I mean, they are the cowards, you know.
Yeah, your eye color.
They are.
You know? They are.
Yeah.
I mean, the fact that your eyes need to add.
Yeah, well, it's like, we'll bring a little bit of it.
Yeah.
You're bloody tourist.
Little bubble.
Yeah.
Everybody can tell.
Like, I mean, I want to just. I want to be like a normal animal.
I just want to go in and just see the way that they see.
Blurry.
Must be so blurry for them all the time.
And the salt must really sting their eyes.
But I bet that don't get ulcers.
No, you don't think so?
And mouth ulcers.
What are you doing when you get a mouth ulcer?
What do you do?
You're into missing salt water.
No, I don't.
All right. Why not? It's the best. Have you never even tried it? You get a mouth ulcer. What do you do? You rinse it with some salt water. I don't. Alright.
Why not?
It's the best.
Have you never even tried it?
I don't think I even really get ulcers.
Well, you don't get like in your mouth, you don't get like some kind of...
Sometimes I bite the shit out of my mouth and there's a wound there.
I think your mouth is probably scared of you and that's why it doesn't give you ulcers
because it knows that you're not to be fucked with.
That you'll bite your own mouth. Yeah, even when I don't want to. It's probably scared of you and that's why it doesn't give you ulcers because it knows that you're not to be fucked with.
That you'll bite your own mouth.
Yeah, even when I don't want to.
Exactly.
Right?
That's how serious this is.
Man, I would love some water right now.
The only liquid I can see is some sort of spray and wipe.
But is it toxin?
It's the earth kind. It's green.
It's got a picture of a plant.
There's a lime there, there's some mint.
This earth choice brand of detergents
and washing up powders and liquids
and all that sort of thing, spray and wipes,
I always buy it because it says earth on it
and I'm like, that must be good for the planet.
And it's always green and stuff.
But also, it's always like the cheapest one.
It's like the cheapest dish washing detergent.
And that makes me think it's can't be good for the planet.
Like, they gotta do something about this product.
They gotta raise the price,
so they gotta ditch this planet saving thing,
because it's all too easy.
It's messing with my head.
But it's not the only way that you would really sell this thing?
Is it if it's like cheaper than other stuff?
No, I mean, that's the whole point about making things environmentally friendly.
You can charge more for them.
That's why I'd be wanting to save the planet to make a little dollar.
No, no, no.
You've got it. If you really want to save the planet, you make it cheaper
so that you can, you say no to profits, to extra profits.
No, you're absolutely right.
I mean, it just depends on how much they do.
I mean, I'm not saying that they're not a scam.
There's a possibility.
I mean, they're looking at this.
I mean, it's a plastic bottle.
Yeah, it's a plastic bottle.
That good, that good.
Should be served inside like an old banana leaf or something.
You got a store out of way from sunlight.
So that's miles, that's extra miles that you're adding to.
You got to find places with no light.
Plant-based formula?
No petrochemicals?
We had to spend all this time.
This is all really suspicious.
I mean plant-based, that means they're making it from plants.
They're telling plants, which are giving us oxygen.
Yeah, exactly.
This whole thing, it's a real bloody mess.
What do you think of destroying the Amazon in order to plant cane so that we can have ethanol
fuel to have a more environmentally friendly car, sort of thing, put it in the petrol, destroy
a bit of Amazon, plant a bit of fish.
But is that ethanol more efficient or is it?
It's not that it's more energy efficient.
It's that because it is, because it's not coming out from underneath the earth, it's
not fossil fuel, it's like, it's renewable in the sense that you can, when you grow the
cane, it takes the carbon back out of the atmosphere.
So in that sense, it's sort of carbon neutral, right?
Right. Yeah. But it's like 10% or it's like less than 10% of the thing.
Yeah. And it's got less energy in it, so you're having to drive more.
You're having to destroy the Amazon. That's a hard sell.
Yeah. Can I just burn the Amazon?
Surely. Could we just put Loss?
On the Amazon in the car?
Mm.
If we have to grow the cane,
then we can just grow more Amazon, right?
Yeah, no, we just have endless Amazon.
The Amazon was renewable.
I don't know, the ethanol thing I've never been sold on.
I mean, it's a bit cheaper, again, it's a little cheaper.
No, it is cheaper, I do buy it.
I want a cheaper.
I haven't a really good time with that.
I was buying it the other day some guy pulled up by me
and he said you're putting that in that car.
I don't know what that meant.
I like I got a shit car.
Can I not put this shit in that car?
Is that my...
Oh, who cares?
I don't know why I felt the need to.
You put that in that car.
I've, the only time I've really had
most like bad interactions with strangers.
A lot of times I had a petrol station.
Yeah, yeah.
Some woman shouting at me about using my phone,
while I'm on the pump.
I can, I'll blow up and die if I want to, okay?
I know what you're, you're the thing with her as well.
She's there too.
She wasn't until she pulled up. She saw me.
She saw me.
She knew.
Yeah, I've had old guys where she's pulling up to the one,
there's two in one row, there's two pumps in one row,
and he's pulling up to one, and I'm like,
oh, great, I can get to this front one,
and then he moves way more forward so that he can go,
and I go, and he goes, nah, like that.
I don't get it.
Yeah.
Why?
He just couldn't, he didn't want to make space for,
for both of us.
But there's two pumps.
Yeah.
Oh, what a dog.
Yeah, he was a dog.
Yeah, how he dies.
Is he saying like he would die?
I think it was definitely coming in the next 20.
Was he immortal?
No, it looked like it was coming in the next 20 to 25 years.
That's perfect.
But he did have lightning around him all at all times.
So that could have been a mortality thing.
Man, if that woman had pulled up behind him at the pump,
she would have had that.
Yeah.
I mean, I think he would have had to get his wife
to sort of start the petrol.
You don't want to be have lightning around you, you know, when there's fumes around.
Yeah, so how good does that petrol smell?
This is the thing I've never liked it.
No. No, I've never liked it.
My brothers used to like it when I'm a girl.
I'd like to open the windows of the petrol station.
They smell it. No, like this is disgusting.
I like to smell a diesel.
My diesel guy.
Really like exhaust? Not the exhaust,
no, but the fuel, the diesel fuel, it's got a more earthiness to it. It feels more natural.
I don't know if it is. It's a bit rude, I think. It's a bit rude, I think. It can measure
how much more natural it is. It's got to be a bit more natural. Do you get a little bit more
distance out of it as well?
Yes, but I still get more something, more power, more talk, of course I'm out of it.
But it just seems worse, doesn't it?
It does seem worse.
Everyone thought it was more environmentally friendly for a while.
And then this Volkswagen thing, and they're like, oh no, it's bad.
Oh right, so it was just a Volkswagen that was somehow...
I don't know, I don't know.
Maybe you do get a little more distance out of it,
but the contaminants, the pollutants that it releases
are as bad if not worse.
So...
I think the last 10 minutes hasn't really been exescapitated.
No, no, no, no.
Instead of us just talking about various sort of fuel-based concerns,
what about this?
You know how we've got vertical gardens now?
You're going to want to have fancy buildings in the city.
It's all about that vertical garden.
They got it up there.
What about introducing some vertical animals?
Get yourself some goats on that.
Or sheep.
Sure, just like they just fall off.
Yes.
I guess they'd have to be, like in the studio here,
we've got these funky kind of like ratchet things
that you can just pull down and they just support
a light at any level.
Right, maybe the sheep just need to be on those
and they're hanging sideways next to the thing.
Or they're on bungee ropes or something like that.
And they can sort of bounce up and down,
past the vertical gap.
I mean, there should be a thing where it's like,
it's, you know, like these indoor rock climbing places,
where you don't need to have somebody down the bottom
with a rope.
So it's just like a kind of coil thing.
Yeah, clicky, clicky.
Yeah, so like, you know, you can climb up the wall
by just sort of using your little goat legs or whatever it is, go blah, blah, blah, blah, blah clicky. Yeah, so like, you know, you can climb up the wall
by just sort of using your little goat legs
or whatever, just go blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
and you could eat stuff.
And then if you stop, you can just, it'll just hold you in place.
On a level.
You fall, it snaps you.
Yeah, but if you push out, it just allows you to start descending.
I wonder how long it would take for the shape to learn that.
It can't be that long, especially if you started really young. Yeah. And I'll be like, oh, you know, you just teach one
a pregnant woman sheep. Yes. I call them women. I think so. Yeah. I think they're a woman and a man.
I said, run. Yeah. So woman and man, does that apply to war?
A woman's sheep and a man's sheep.
I don't know.
Yeah.
I don't know.
A woman cow.
Dog, a man, a man.
A woman.
Is this dog a woman?
Yes, a woman dog.
A woman cat?
I don't, I don't, I feel like you would say.
No, I think you're mistaken in thinking that it's...
Those are terms reserved only for humans.
Because they go man in there, you see?
Yeah, but what?
But listen, it's human.
Human, that's just one type of man.
Okay.
So old, does that mean that old creatures are a type of man?
I think so, I think, I think, you know, I think bears.
Yeah. They're essentially baremen. Yeah, yeah. I mean, they're ors and I'm trying to think, you know, I think bears.
They're essentially bare-men.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, they're ors and I'm trying to find, you know.
Yeah, I see what you got in there.
I'm trying to find.
I mean, there's gotta be other months.
Peter-men, I mean, it's also a human.
Yeah.
Ice cream.
Because you talk about a boy-shaped and a girl-shaped.
Yeah.
Well, at some point that boy-shaped becomes an-
It becomes a man-shaped.
Because when you're taking a boy-shaped,
you're talking to the lamb.
Yeah.
That's right.
Um, well, uh, is that a sketch in any way?
Well, they're not they're a man.
What would it mean?
Yeah, could the edible-
Could the edible-
It's a speech from one of the guys from the Oxford Dictionary.
Yeah.
He's just saying, I want to be able to say this.
It's just, I think it sucks.
I think it's very restrictive to people.
I mean, nobody's come to me with this.
Or a sudden there's a problem with this.
A real maverick.
Maybe somebody buys out the Oxford Dictionary.
Do you think that could happen?
Mm.
You know, like some...
Someone like Trump.
Yeah, someone like Trump.
Right, and starts trashing the institution of the Oxford dictionary.
Right. But it still has enough, you know,
it's held up so that it's still the thing that people turn to as like,
now, if it this says it, then that's it.
He would probably pronounce human as human, which sounds a lot like a sheep.
You know?
It's true.
You.
Yeah.
So, definitely what Ray Romano would say.
Now, a sheep that has lost its testicles is a weather.
So that would be a weather man.
Of course, man. This is all working great. Yeah. And you know, and the sketch is just writing itself.
Exactly. You know, all these ideas, they just tie together so well.
You know, the narrative is clear to me. You know, the various beats.
The characters. So it's so clear. It's a rich guy. Yeah. Okay. So it's a rich guy,
and he's talking to somebody, and he like, like, we're talking billionaire. Yeah. Okay, so it's a rich guy and he's talking to somebody and he like, we're talking billionaire.
Yeah.
Right.
And he, he, this counts up and goes, it's a Jeff Bezos type.
Oh, wow.
No, I'm pretty sure it was a woman sheep.
Yeah.
And then the guy goes, you can't say, you know, it's a female or a male, you can't say woman sheep.
And then he goes and he buys the Oxford Dictionary and he says, you can say this, like that.
So I think there is a sketch there. You're absolutely right.
Okay, Dictionary buy out.
Yeah, or woman sheep.
Okay, show, woman sheep.
Woman.
Woman dog.
Woman dog, woman horse.
Woman dolphin.
And then like a human woman becomes a woman man?
That's not gonna be popular. Yeah, no, yeah, woman woman becomes a woman man. That's not going to be popular.
Yeah, no. Yeah, woman man and a man man.
But is that a human?
Or I think we remove human.
Yeah, we're not.
Or a woman human.
A woman human.
And a man human.
Yeah.
Because the species is human.
The species is human. Okay, that checks out. That's fine. Yeah. Because the species is human. This species is human.
Okay, that checks out.
That's fine.
Yeah.
It's going to be an easy fix.
Woman, shape, dictionary, buyout.
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Yeah.
Well, you're burning the candle, sort of, all the way along the side.
Yeah, absolutely.
Because I'm not really doing that much during the day.
It's sort of work-related, but I'm hanging out with family and preparing for a wedding.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Which has only just started to get more intense.
Yeah, right.
Because now we've realized there's lots of little things to do.
Wedding stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Which is kind of things like, we're going to have a photo booth thing.
What do we have in the background?
They're going to be seats.
They're going to be chairs.
I think we're getting, oh, maybe.
Maybe not though.
I don't think so.
No, sitting.
It's going to be any sitting.
Standing wedding.
Yeah, it's going to be standing, wedding.
Okay.
Standing, wedding only.
Um, well, you're going to have pizzas.
Yeah, pizzas.
We're talking spork, splatons.
No, no, no.
No color.
You don't need it for a pizza.
No.
Right?
Yeah, I don't think so.
I think anybody who does that, you don't want them
that you're wedding.
There are any scenarios in which you would go to a dining experience and they would just
give you gloves to wear.
Disposable gloves.
You eat with the disposable gloves and you chuck those away.
And well you could make gloves like that for, you know, wedding experience, not a wedding
experience, but restaurant experience where each finger has a different utensil.
Oh, that's really fun.
Yeah.
Yeah, or just, they're just spikes, you know, like talent,
kind of things.
Yeah, you're just, so there's big bowls of sort of little things
going around, they're in shiny bowls and that sort of thing.
You've just got talents on the end of your fingers.
You plunge your claws into this bowl that's being carried
past, pull it out.
You know, you've got ten.
Curry puffs, this is a thing.
I didn't know.
No, ten curry puffs.
Ten curry puffs, there you go.
Happy as an end in the world.
Off the claws.
It's the claw style.
Off the claw.
We're eating it off the claw.
Off the claw.
Corn on the claw.
Clawing on the claw.
Clawing on the claw.
Clawing on the claw.
I mean, I was about to say before,
I would love it if there were more things
that you could eat off the cob.
Yeah.
Right? Like I didn't see why all food shouldn't have the option of coming on the cob.
Yeah, meat balls on the cob.
Meat balls on the cob, somebody's got to be on this.
Yeah, I mean, it's fun to eat off the cob.
And what are we doing with all those lost husks?
Yeah, and all the used cobbs.
Exactly, that's what I'm referring to.
You send back a cob to be reconditioned. Yeah.
But you could just have other foods put on there.
They've still got the indentation
where you can anchor in the foods.
Yeah, it's like a lost tooth.
They're very much like, you know,
when technology is that they use to attach a new tooth
into your mouth hole.
Use that on the cobb.
Exactly.
Now I like this.
I mean, because you could have sort of an entree, a main, and a dessert cobb. Exactly. No, I like this. I mean, because you could have a sort of an
entree, a main, and a dessert cob. Yeah. You know, you're writing down cob. Well,
I'm going to write down a classic. It's a classic tune the think tank restaurant experience.
It is. I'm going to write dining on the claw because I like that as well.
As a wedding thing. You know, we're doing this thing. It's new. Have you put just put on the gloves.
wedding thing. We're doing this thing, it's new, we put on the gloves. Then the food comes around and you stab it.
We were talking the other day about how, while we're talking about dining experiences,
it seems really dumb that the body removed the functionality of the belly button.
We've definitely talked about this because I've talked about,
I just realized I did have an idea about one where you keep your
umbilical cord and so it never stops and then you could just like lay it in
some soup.
You know, you could just do other things in the meantime and that could just
absorb it and still keep eating that way through, have this food go through it.
Mm-hmm.
But you would have to be able to suck in through the tube, right?
American, that's possible.
I am with your abs or whatever, right?
Like surely.
You'd figure it out, pushing it.
You'd be pushing it.
You'd be squeezing your abs, you can create suction.
Yeah, I wonder if the baby in the stomach
can decide, like, no, that's enough.
Well, the baby in the stomach's not getting
just raw food in through the...
No, I know, but I mean, like, it is...
Despite the fact that that's how I picture it
every single time, it's just mushed up food
directly from the mum's stomach
that goes in through the pipe into their stomach,
that is... I will never stop picturing it that way,
even though I've been through
extensive medical stuff
with our kids that has taught me that that is not the case.
It's just blood, right?
You're just getting new to it.
It is just blood that goes through some kind of like
transfer thing in the placenta.
It's almost like a heat exchanger
for in any condition or something, but it's heat exchanger.
Nothing touches itself, it's so.
It touches anything.
I think that's where we're heading with society, you know?
To try to keep it like a more, you know,
a more contactless society where the only...
Nothing will have to go into anything.
No, it will just go near each other
and then love will just transfer.
Yes, like while it's charging.
Like exactly.
And that's contactless payments.
And then that way it's going to reduce,
hugely reduce the amount of sort of sexual harassment
and things like that.
Well, maybe we could get some sort of inductive type sexual thing.
So you get some sort of plate sort of thing that goes over your genitals, right, that
has coils, magnets, and stuff in it.
Right? And now you can sexually interact with one another genitals,
and place where all sex happens of every kind.
Right?
And you can do it from a safe distance.
What about if you just had a steaming device in there?
Like a steaming and jerking device.
Yes.
And so the old steaming jerk, I jerk, that's a white lifting maneuver.
It's basically just a device that jerks and then produces heat, I guess, which heats
up water in a sort of an area.
Yeah.
And then, and then as this, like a spawn comes out, it really pushes the steam out
and you just go into a breeding booth like that.
Okay, wait.
So then-
The sperm becomes basically vaporized.
Yeah, it becomes like a sperm vapor.
Yeah.
Or maybe it works like one of those vape pens, right?
Whatever takes the delicious flavor and turns it like vape pens, right? Whatever takes the delicious flavor
and turns it into vape.
And then you do that with sperm, right?
And then you just do that into a booth,
and then your beloved gozins of the booth,
and then she just gets pregnant like that.
Just from the atmosphere.
Just from the atmosphere.
Yeah.
And then you don't have to do any of that kind of
troublesome stuff.
Sense so good. So easy. So it doesn't send troublesome. Yeah. And then, you know, you don't have to do any of that kind of troublesome stuff.
That sounds so good.
So easy.
So it doesn't send troublesome in any way.
This was just another idea I had while we were talking about, so they're like these ideas
of indirect transfers.
I was thinking that what if we were to stop talking directly to each other?
Okay.
But we just start non-stop talking to ourselves.
Yes.
But encoding within there, things that we want other people to pick up.
Which I guess is probably all things that we say out loud.
Yeah.
But you, and then you stand near people that you kind of want those things to be communicated to.
And then if they pick up some stuff through some like, you know, so like,
I just sense like you're describing social media.
Hello.
No, but like it's like an echo chain, but just for you.
And then it is actually pretty not that far from what like sending out tweets.
Oh, no.
There you go.
I guess this is kind of mostly for me, but if anybody else likes it, let's bring that
to regular conversation.
So you're saying things that could be interesting,
and if people find it interesting,
they can come and stand around you and listen.
And buy them your,
yeah.
And then you go and like,
goobers, what are the work?
For that, this is standard.
No company, you know, but you just go to rooms.
It's basically set of social media rooms.
And it's where you don't want to be alone,
but you're not that comfortable with regular social
interaction where you have to look at people's faces
and stuff like that.
And sometimes you just want to hear people's voices,
but you don't want to have to be talk to or answer questions
and things like that.
So you can just go and stand around somebody
who seems to be talking themselves in answer questions and things like that. So you can just go and stand around somebody who seems to be talking themselves
in a relatively entertaining way.
It seems like a sort of thing I would lump to go
and do just stand next to someone who's talking to themselves.
Like, you know, you're going, oh, blabbered, you do.
You know, that's a kind of thing that I would do
under do-but-you-do, you know?
College football is a, is a Notre Dame.
I heard that term a lot, you know?
And, you know, briefly, I knew somebody who had a Notre nother name shirt, you know, and you know cosmic rays. I mean, that's the thing you got that plays on your mind
Like that and then people who are like kind of like in your flavor of things
Yeah, obviously over time you get better at just the constant riff. Yeah, and making it funnier or better
Well, it's basically it feels to me like what you're stripping out from communication is all meaning.
We're going back to almost this kind of a random thing, like almost like a primordial soup of communication.
And then we're allowing a kind of evolutionary thing to take place,
wherein people who are attracted to certain types of gobbledygook will be attracted to yours,
and then you'll be able to slowly, like along with them, you'll develop entirely new languages,
probably, in ways of communicating.
Yeah, and I guess also you'll quickly find out
what people do want to listen to.
Yeah.
And so then you'll shift what you do to kind of...
I have a feeling that what people are going to want to listen to
is anything else.
Anything other than gobbledygook?
Well, anything, I think silence, probably, I think they'll probably just go away.
No, no, no, no. People don't want to be alone. Loneliness is increasing.
I think that's because people want to be alone.
We're going to need these social halls.
Maybe the social hall, all our apartments will now be
all back onto a town square. We're going to go back to town squares, but because the will now be all back onto, like I said, of a town square.
We're gonna go back to town squares,
but because the buildings will go up really high,
they'll just be a town square on every level.
And the...
And the town square is all the way down.
And the ceiling of each level will shine
imitation sunlight, so it just feels like,
it'll be imitation sky in sunlight
so that it feels like every level is the top level
Yeah, and there'll be like cool refreshing. Will you know about the other levels?
You'll know about them. You know that this is fake. You know you haven't been tricked. Well, how long will you know?
You'll forget eventually. I think you'll start to yeah, you'll probably what we're in right now
You know exactly and so then'll, and then everybody's backyard
or back window if their apartment slash house thing,
it'll all be in an apartment building,
but you can have big enough things that it's a house.
Anyway, and then everybody's house will back on
to one of these town squares
and that's where people will start with the couple
of the good things like that
so that everybody is connected to society.
I mean, that's perfect.
And then you can just go and you can start...
And everybody will get better at talking.
Yes.
And riffing? Yes.
Everybody will get better at...
You know, be interested in what...
No, other people want to hear.
But isn't everybody constantly talking?
Well, they can be if they want to.
So you can be silent as well. You can just listen.
Exactly. That's good.
For the people who just go sound it. Yeah, yeah.
Because they thought they were also constantly talking,
and you were just going into each other's orbits
and letting your words just kind of mingle in it.
I mean, there will be a lot of that, too.
Yeah.
Because some people will want to be heard
by the big crowds of some of the other people.
Oh, no, like parasites.
You will have attracted this crowd,
and then someone will come in,
and then you'll have to be constantly on the move,
leading your group of listeners.
Although there will be people who will basically try and copy your style,
people who've decided they like your success,
and they'll copy your style in a similar way, like that.
But then they'll find a way, they'll be like,
I know how I can improve on this style,
and then they'll stand near you and do a very similar thing to what you do.
And then steal some of your listeners,
by doing their better one.
And force you to become better.
Man, people would be so fascinating, wouldn't they?
Like, you would get so fascinating.
You would get really fascinating.
What do you call this sketch, Charleston?
Like, I mean, like a social...
Social circles.
Social endless chatters.
Like, it's like, we're trying to just take social media
and bring it offline.
I think that when the, when the whole thing
collapses, you know what I'm talking about,
all of this, right?
All this that we live in.
All of this, all this technology and everything.
People will still be so addicted to podcasts, right?
That what they'll probably do is we'll be able to be hired
to sort of come and sit on somebody's shoulders
and just chat
either side of their head.
Yeah, well that's good.
Yeah, I like that.
Yeah, if there's some way that we could be made more light, so that that's less of a burden
on them, you know.
Yeah.
Maybe we'll just be reduced to a head.
Wouldn't it be cool if you'd just had to work one day a year?
Do you think there's a way that we could just do one podcast a year and never have to work
again? No, no, I don't think so, I'll say. But what about in like, certainly not on the pathway
heading down? No, no. You think by making a thing that's a very niche. Yeah, but then also, you know,
by getting people to support us on the Patreon, where we do extra podcasts, which is more. Yeah, but then. Right, unless.
You just need to lure in one billionaire.
Yeah.
This is always the best.
I didn't, you just lure one billionaire.
It's hard to lure them though.
No, I know, I know, but you only need to lure one.
I know, I know, I know.
So you can, you're hard to lure.
I know, but you can try to lure many.
You can try and lure as many as you want. Yeah, right. There's only one you need to lure. I mean, you could try to lure. I know, but you can try to lure many. You can try and lure as many as you want.
Yeah, right.
There's only one you need to lure.
That's true.
I mean, you could try to lure all of them simultaneously.
You can miss 100% of the billionaires.
You don't try to lure.
Exactly.
And then you just need what, like a billion dollars a year?
Yeah, and they're a billionaires.
And you want a billion dollars a year.
Is that too crazy to ask for?
I think there's a lot for a billionaires.
I think even billionaires regard a billion dollars as a lot.
Yeah, right.
But what about...
If you wanted every year...
What about 500 million?
I think you find yourself a billionaire.
Alistair, and you ask for two million dollars a year.
You ask very rich...
That's rude.
That's rude to Alistair.
Well, how are you getting them to give it to you?
You make them think it's their idea.
You can't get money out of a billionaire by asking for it.
I think, I think some people who are trying to just get one billionaire.
Yeah.
And what do you do? You got to go up to all of them and ask?
I think this is a movie.
You know, you're not allowed to ask apparently. You have to make them think it's their idea.
Yeah.
All right, so it's a movie called All It Takes Is One, Billionaire.
The power of one.
The power of one billionaire.
Billionaire.
Okay. Great. Gosh, we've got a lot of ideas today, I'll say. I'll leave it to the listeners
and posteriors at the side. I don't know if they sketches. Um, I think that might be enough.
Yeah?
Yeah, we've got some words from a listener.
I've got to go and look, we really just jumped into this today.
We really did, I mean, in every sense we were unprepared.
Yeah, oh, this is great.
This list of sketch ideas I've put on an old note.
And it also has, you know, broccoli carrots, zucchini noodles.
Yeah, written there.
It does seem like three words.
It has the phone name of,
in the name and a phone number of a woman
who could possibly babysit for us.
These are gonna make great sketch ideas.
And probably closer being sketch ideas
than some of these other things.
I don't quite know how the monopetal quadricon
is gonna make it into a sketch.
Unless, I mean,
I guess you find the bones of it somewhere, you speculate.
Yeah.
We have a sketch where you speculate.
Well, sketch where you speculate. No, no, no.
We're going to actually just find just a, like, a herd of them.
Oh, great.
Yeah.
That'll be easy, easy to try to break one
We get a bit we get the best cowboy in town. Try to break them
Then what he actually does is he keeps breaking their legs. They're coming on their backs chips. Oh
I'll get oh fix the next one. Well, that'd be very fondly balanced. Be hard to get on. No, I don't think we've done this one
Yeah, like these words on this person this listener
And Rihanna, Gen. Aldi. It's a beautiful night. Have you ever heard
Andriana? No. But Gen. Aldi. Gen. Aldi takes away all your stress, doesn't it? Did I do this
last time? I don't know, but I'm loving it. Okay. Well, I'll tell you the words. I'll tell you if you've already told me the words. You ready for these words?
Yeah.
Do.
Yeah.
Go.
Yeah.
On.
I feel like we've had those words years ago.
Yeah.
Like a really long time ago, we did do go on as our three words.
I don't know if it was from Adrianna.
Andrianna.
Andrianna.
It might have been from Adrianna. That was probably a thing of Adrianna. This is probably a was for me, Adrianna. Andrianna. Andrianna. It might have been for me, Adrianna.
I was probably thinking of Adrianna.
This is probably a totally different person than Adrianna.
Well, do you go on?
I wonder if we did that.
I mean, if we did those last week, we're terrible.
But I feel like we did it a long, long time ago.
You're right.
But that doesn't mean that we can't, you know?
I mean, try again.
You're right.
You know?
Maybe we just go back through them all. No, well, there's quite a few people I can get through.
No, no, no.
That's it, we're cutting it off,
and we're just going to rehash all three wordes.
Do go on.
Do goon.
Do goon.
Do goon.
Yeah, do goon.
Oh, man.
Do. Do.
So do is a half a do do.
Yes. Go is half a go-go. Half a go-go. Yes. Go is half a go-go.
Go-go. Half a go-go. On. Oh, non. Oh, non? Yeah. Oh, non's not a word. That's the only one.
It's half an oh, non. But the oh, non, isn't a word? But oh, non would be a good name for a baby.
Oh, non. Yeah. Oh, it's got O'Nan in it.
That's not good.
It doesn't start him out right?
No, it doesn't really.
No, okay.
Yeah.
Well, it's No-No backwards.
Yeah, it's No-No backwards.
O'Nan.
I mean, O'Nan sounds like, you know, you're giving this kid a chance of being a sort of like
a...
No, it's very close to O'Nan.
What's O'Nan?
Well, I think O'Nanism is a euphemism for masturbation.
Self-love is ownanism.
Self-actualization?
No.
No, masturbation.
I mean, I guess that is a form of self-actualization.
Yeah, right. What do you...
I don't know what actualization means.
It means being the thing that you... you are, like being yourself basically.
Pretty sure.
Yeah.
You know, to be or not to be, all that stuff.
What about being the person you think someone else is?
Yeah.
Like, let's say like, you know, somebody called Trigiana Corlette.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
And you go, I'm Trigiana Corlette actualizing.
Yeah.
What would be the general term for that?
Like, it would be like, other actualization or them actual actualization?
They, those, that.
Is there, have you ever seen something like this
where somebody like starts dressing up like somebody famous?
Like let's say you started just at all times
dressing up like Ralf Wiggum, right?
And you get your hair done like it, things like that.
Ralf Wiggum, right?
But you just, you, you always look, like you always refer to yourself by your regular name.
And if anybody asks you about it, you say you don't know who that is.
I don't know if I've heard about that, but I like that a lot. I had another idea where you were talking.
If there's more renewals, we can go back to it.
But my idea is that somebody becomes...
You become like an impersonator, right?
Elvis Costello.
Right?
And you impersonate Elvis Costello and you do all these songs
and you show up as him at parties and that sort of thing.
And then you start releasing original Elvis Costello.
And it becomes more popular than the actual Elvis Costello.
Yeah, like, yeah.
And everyone sort of just transitions over into following you.
You're the newer Elvis Costello.
Yeah, and especially because you actually,
you push your sand and some pretty interesting new directions.
I like that.
And, um...
Because I think once you've learned and sort of like embodied all of the look of
him and all of his music, you basically know what's in his brain.
That music is more him than he is.
Oh, totally.
And so, yeah, so you know better than him what he was trying to do.
I think because you've done that and you're not worried about all the other stuff
I suppose and you have your own experiences to bring to it. I mean, that's what's so exciting
Because we've already seen what Elvis Costello can do with his influences
But what could suck Elvis Costello do with somebody else's influence? Exactly like an Elvis Costello that was born in South Africa
Exactly. Maybe this is what he needs in order to push him, his music into the next level.
Yeah.
Right?
Everyone's looking for the new sound.
We're looking out there.
Oh, it's in there.
I think that's good.
It's you that's wrong.
It's him.
He's doing, he's going, and he's moving on.
He's moving on.
Yes.
You know?
So that's the thing.
He's doing Elvis Costello.
He's having a go at him.
And whoops, and then he's moving on even more.
We're calling him new, I was gonna say,
new Viscostello, but that wasn't quite working.
What about Elvis Costello?
New Elvis Costello.
New Elvis, you got it now.
There was something there.
I thought you could become an Alvaskasello impersonator
and then just do buddy holy songs.
But that's not, you know.
It's a bit too subtle.
No, it's definitely satirical.
Yeah.
What point do you think it makes?
They both wear it.
I was going to say it was a bit like buddy holy and something. They were, They both wear- I was going to sell those a bit like Buddy Holly and some-
They wear-
They both wear sort of thick frame square glasses.
Yeah, kind of like a skinny face.
I think it's about time somebody says that.
Yeah.
Do you want to hear the sketch ID?
Yeah, indeed.
Okay, here we go.
Kate, possible babysitting.
Oh, for one.
All right, I won't read it.
I have a number.
How about broccoli, carrot, zucchini noodles?
No, all right.
Here we go.
Now again.
Do you actually buy zucchini noodles?
No, zucchini and noodles.
There's a separate.
All right.
Points.
Do you ever make zucchini noodles?
I haven't, but I would love to.
They seem like a really cool thing.
You know, they're okay.
Yeah, they're pretty good.
Okay, well, I'm glad you didn't let me get too excited.
Collie Flower Rice is also a bit like that.
Collie Flower Rice, beautiful name.
Inverse Unicorn, yes, forehead, horns on the top.
What was the name that we came up with for that?
The Monopetal Quadricon.
Service legs, a new sort of frontier
and sort of alt-right obnoxiousness.
I'm basically saying that we don't owe our legs anything.
And you know, they have that role because they...
They're subsurrient to us.
...as a servant, yeah.
And, you know, the head was put on top for a reason.
Yeah.
Uh, server, uh, foothead kid book.
That's somebody who in the morning have feet are on top.
Mm-hmm. They do everything upside down. Footboxing, that's where you in the morning have feet are on top.
They do everything upside down.
Footboxing, that's where you stand on one leg
and you get one extra foot up there in the mix.
Pull it over your shoulder.
Yeah.
Use it to the...
You think this is the first time I've ever read out
the sketch I do, isn't it?
Yeah, I've never said...
How are you feeling about it?
It's very relaxing.
Oh great.
Upside down boxer.
So it seems similar to the previous one, and we even know one before that.
But it's not.
Okay.
Now, woman's sheep dictionary buy out.
Jeff Fasen.
I think it was exactly the same sketch as what he says.
No, it's not.
No, foot boxing is when you're standing on one leg and you're lifting up.
Oh, yeah.
And the upside down boxer, because his ass can take a real cut out of it.
Your ass is passing checks.
It's passing checks.
That your ass can cash.
Yeah, because it's not an ass.
It's not the head, it's not the head of the face.
Head of the head.
A woman should be a dictionary buyout.
Jeff Paisos gets into conversation,
doesn't like the outcome.
So he buys out the dictionary and changes
that you can say woman for any animal.
And man, dining on the claw, you just get a claw and you can stab woman for any animal and man dining on the claw
get just get a claw and you can stab it into the food. Dining on the claw.
Putting on the ritz. Yeah.
So that's during the ad for the dining on the claw. Dining on the claw. Duh, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun I could off the floor. Re-conditioned Cobb. Love it. Sinking Cobb's back, and they'll send it back to you with something else on it.
That's a startup.
Yeah, a startup.
Social chant circle.
That's how it says, I do, where you just constantly talking.
And then, the pyro process of evolution, you learn to be more interesting.
Yeah, but also you track people.
You walk around the city square, and everyone's living at a multi-level sort of city square apartment complex with it,
where the ceiling looks like the sky.
The power of one billionaire, he just had one.
He just had one.
And the new Elvis Costello takes his sound
in a really interesting new direction.
Should we take us out of here, I'll list it. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft.
Pfft.
Pfft.
Pfft.
Pfft.
Pfft.
Thank you so much for listening to the podcast.
We love it.
Thank you to everyone who's come to the podcast.
Thank you, everybody.
Because of the live show, Magma.
Magma.
There's still some shows to see.
Oh my God.
You're hearing this, you know, as it comes out,
then there's still, you know,
we've still got until the 21st,
yeah, even most of a week,
you've only been available.
One day, you could even see it tonight.
You could see it tonight.
No, you couldn't.
Oh wait, Tuesday, yeah.
Tuesday, Tuesday,
can't see it tomorrow, it's sold out.
No, no, no, no, no,
Wednesday is the only night that's sold out
because Andy, there's 35 engineers coming.
Yeah.
And then some other people.
Yeah, they can have an interesting time.
Mm-hmm.
And, um, and, you know, thank you, they can have an interesting time. And
And you know, thank you so much for everything you do Everything supporting us on Patreon and for just being good people. You're all great
Everybody that we've met has just been unbelievable person. You make all of this possible
So you make us continue and we love you
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