Two In The Think Tank - 18 - "BAD TIME ISLAND" - WITH JACK DRUCE

Episode Date: August 9, 2013

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Well I stumbled across it like many of the great discoveries. I stumbled across this one. By accident? By accident. It's just keep trying to end it. And then once it's almost ended you keep going again. You should just leave a gap for a second. This works with writing with songs. This works with

knitting. Just leave a gap and then second. This works with writing, with songs, this works with knitting. Just leave a gap and then you keep going. Yeah, right. Stop, then start again. Yeah. Pause. Intervals. I saw your one-man show

at the Comedy Festival this year and it was kind of like, well, that's all for me, you guys. So, thanks for coming. Thanks for coming. Yep.

I hope you had fun. You know, tell people about it, maybe. Yeah. I hope you had fun. You know, tell people about it maybe. Talking to people is a good thing. Yeah. I remember this one time I was... You had a comfortable seat there? You know, I had a funny thing happen to me in a seat. I was at the dentist.

I hate the dentist, you guys. Yeah, I had a lot of cavities and I don't take care of my teeth. By the way, that's Jack Druse there. Hey. He's a bit of a dentist hater. I think he was the first guest and now he's the first recurring guest. We've now had three guests. Three different guests.

Three different guests. Yes. And now four guests including Jack, number two. It's an honor, guys. Two of those guests are Jackdrews. Am I half the guests on this show? You are half the guests. Excellent. I'd like to maintain that ratio as the show goes on. Sure, it's going to get

harder and harder as your time is going to get eaten up. But sure. I'm willing to accept that challenge. I guess that's the point of moving to melbourne yeah that's why i moved to melbourne so that i could at least be on half of the podcast yeah what if you were on like you were so so much a hustler on getting on podcast that it just became it just became a thing where if you liked like listening to podcasts in Melbourne,

like Melbourne Comedians and stuff, it was just a given that you were going to be on the podcast. And people would just... Like it wasn't, oh, was Al on the podcast? It was just a guaranteed... So what did you think about Alistair on the podcast? I haven't listened to it yet, but I'm sure he was on. He was definitely on.

Yeah, well, I mean, I'd like to... Maybe I'd like to become a household name like that. Were you listening to Green Guide Letters? No, I didn't get to listen to that. I was listening to Comedia del Party. Yeah, well, I mean, maybe I'd like to become a household name like that. Were you listening to Green Guide Letters? No, I didn't get to listen to that. I was listening to Comedia del Party. Oh, how was Al? Yeah, he was good. How was he on Green Guide?

Yeah, pretty good. Yeah. I think I could become this guy. I just could become a bit more of a hustler. I've got to be more like, hey, can I get on your podcast? Or when am I going to be on your podcast? That's good. Yeah.

When would you like me to come on your podcast? Yeah. Or just, hey. That's good. Or, when would you like me to come on your podcast? Yeah. Or, or, or, or just, hey, I'm free Wednesday. Is that good for you guys to record your podcast around me? What are some, what are some techniques to sort of foster that, that kind of hustler attitude because that's what I need in a lot of comedy stuff

as well. What can I do? You need to get more pushy. Yeah, what can I do to get to just like bug people about jobs and things? I think step one

you got to want. I do that. Oh, you guys want? I don't feel like I want all that much. Step two, you got to dream. You got to dream. I think though

Step three, aspire. Okay. Step four, you've got to dream. I think though... Step three, aspire. Step four, desire. Andy, these are all the same thing. What? Andy. I've already printed motivational posters with that on it. Aspire, desire,

want, and dream. Set goals. Don't do anything. Don goals. And set goals. Come on, guys. Don't do anything. Don't put anything in place to make these goals happen. But just have so many goals and want them so badly.

Yeah. Yeah, a list of goals. The universe will take pity on you. That's the problem. A lot of things, like of in terms to achieve things people you know when you got you know you're looking at creative techniques here if you want to achieve things right a lot of time they're like you got to set goals right yeah okay but the problem is that setting a goal is a task in itself and and i very rarely get beyond that i've never set a goal in my life yeah yeah. Yeah. And look at where we are.

But I think that's, like, I feel like you're a guy who goes out and actually does a lot of stuff. You're building things. You're putting on, like, different, like, you've got a lot of projects on the go. And I think that's good. Because if you're very focused on goals, then you're like, I'm going to do this thing. And then when that thing doesn't go exactly the way you wanted it, it's like, do i do anything but okay i guess my goal is to do something yeah but also you when you go to build you go i'm gonna build that wall i mean you don't write it down and put it like post it up on your wall in your room but you go that's my goal and then i'm gonna do it and you go i'm gonna write a show with my brother yeah and. And then you go and do it.

That is setting a goal. I guess so. There's just a pride in saying, I would never set a goal. I wonder when the, yeah, maybe, maybe there is. But like, maybe, but I feel like it's a thing that I should be doing. You are. Yeah. Okay, okay.

Is there, like, when do you think, like, the first, how can we, like, this idea of setting goals, right? It feels like it's a relatively new kind of thing that's come in with, like, the sort of self-help kind of generation, right? So can we take the idea of setting goals and put it in a different context? Okay. Say the Middle Ages, maybe a pope is going to go start a crusade. Yeah. Okay? And he's writing a list of his goals. Yeah. All right.

All right? I keep thinking soccer goals, so I just had to get that out of there. Yeah, I do asade. Yeah. Okay? And he's writing a list of his goals. Yeah. Alright. Alright. I keep thinking soccer goals so I just had to get that out of there. Yeah, I do as well. It's the worst. You keep thinking about soccer goals?

Yeah. Like, out of, not related to this idea? No. I have an acquired brain injury. Soccer goals.

But like, okay, or maybe like Jesus Christ or who would be like a funny person to have with their vision board, setting some goals, keeping them, not making them pointy, making them sort of achievable, breaking it down. Yeah. What I'm thinking of, there's like a caveman, like a Neanderthal type, and he's got on the wall of his cave, and then it just says, fire, question mark. Now, fire isn't a thing yet, but he thinks he can, if he works hard enough, and he's just like, he has a list of all the different things he's rubbed together. He's like, so leaves, nope. Sticks, A little bit.

Water? Nope. You know Caveman365? That's his name. He actually... It's his Twitter handle. When he figured out how to rub sticks together to produce fire,

it took him 9,999 attempts. Yeah. What he was took him 9,999 attempts. Yeah. And what he was learning was 9,999 things that you don't rub together to produce fire. That's an Edison quote. For those who weren't following that. Neanderthal Edison.

Neanderthal Edison. I like the idea. Maybe the Neanderthal's there. He he wants to create fire and he's written up, like, the goal of, like, creating fire on a list of things that he wants to achieve. And then, but then, like, he's got, like, maybe sort of a life coach there. And the guy's like, you see, creating fire, that's what we call a really pointy goal, okay? And it's very easy not to achieve that goal, okay? There are many, many more ways not to create fire than there are to create fire. So what if your goal was instead to just create warmth, okay?

Or what about just to have fun trying to create fire? You see? Yeah, I see. That way, you're not going to disappoint yourself when you don't create fire. Sorry, if you don't. So you see this drawing here that you have of fire,, you're not going to disappoint yourself when you don't create fire. Sorry, if you don't. So you see this drawing here that you have of fire, what you're imagining. What if we just drew you shivering, right? And then we put sort of a red circle and a line through it. There you go.

Just how about not freezing? And then it gets to the end of the day, and the caveman spent the entire day rubbing these sticks together, not created fire, right? But he's been working hard, and he's got really warm. Yeah. And then the life coach comes back, and he says, you see, you didn't create fire, but are you warm? Yeah.

I mean, that'll pass, and you'll probably get quite cold because of the sweat, but right now, you're warm. I mean, that's a... Yeah. Well done. And that's why we don't set pointy goals. I don't know what this pointy goal thing is. Isn't that a thing? Like, a pointy goal is something where, like,

it's a definite, you did this or you didn't do this, right? Like, I want to run 500 kilometers tomorrow, okay? And if you don't run exactly 500 kilometers, then you're going to be disappointed. Yeah. I feel like that's a setting goals that are the opposite of pointy. Setting a nice round goal.

Yeah, a nice pebbled goal. Yeah, a nice smooth bubbly goal. That's great for people who don't like, uh, they're not, don't have global significance. They're not like, or they don't have like their, their agenda. Isn't like, I'm going to make mankind, but like, you know, there's, there's people, I think like us who want to be like creative where we can have a round goal, but I can't imagine like they can't have like, okay, so we've got like at the NASA headquarters, they're like, okay, the rockets in place.

We will put a man on the moon, not we will put a man near the moon. We will put a man closer to the moon. Yeah, as long as the rocket gets away from Earth, then that's a win. We will have fun trying to get a man near the moon. Yeah, I feel like we all learnt a lot about ourselves. We as a nation don't want to set a pointy goal because we don't want to be disappointed you realize last time you came on the podcast we also talked about yeah i i have that vibe i put that out we choose to go to the moon not because it is easy but because it is fun and

we will grow a bit and another thing and do the other thing because that'll be good too you know if we do it together that's the important thing the important thing. And do the other thing. Because that'll be good too. You know, if we do it together. That's the important thing. The important thing is the sense of pride that we will get just from having done something and got out of the house, you know? We choose to put a man on the moon because I don't want to be bored. I mean, it'll be boring. I need a project.

If we don't do this, then we'll probably start a war or something. We just need something to focus on. Idle hands make war like criminals. I'm sick of playing Uno. I need something to do. We will create less war in the Middle East. Xboxes won't be invented for another 40 years. I need something to fill my days.

But actually, that's... Okay, I think that's really good. I think, like, sort of non-pointy goal Kennedy is really good. Non-pointy goal. But, like, it's interesting to think, right? Okay? The... Like, when people talk about... And when people talk about, I think a lot of wars these days, a lot of the wars we have these days, people say things like, we want to create peace, right? And they say, we have to fight to create peace, right? And that feels like it's a really pointy goal. Yeah. pointy goal yes um but then like if they just said we want to create less war right you can't

like you you might be able to go to war to create peace but you can't go to war to create less war yeah right so if the goal was like less aspirational like the less this sort of idealized idea of peace which you can imagine sacrificing lives to create peace you can't imagine you know yeah sacrificing lives to create less war like you can't i don't know it feels like in that case the less aspirational goal might actually be more the less pointy goal might actually be more like productive yeah i always wondered why they don't just find the leaders. Like, this was a joke idea that I had at one point. Why don't they just make it illegal to declare war on someone?

Yeah. Right? So that way, that's the international law. It's illegal to declare war. Right? So once a leader starts declaring war and going to war then you just kill that leader right and then the next guy will come up and he'll go no i'm gonna keep going with this war thing then you kill him right and so then the only people who die are the people who are trying to

push the war forward yeah yeah i don't know this is probably oh i was i was thinking about the problem with that is that you've got a big bit of killing in there yeah i know but that's better than the war yeah but like that's that sort of thing've got a bit of killing in there. Yeah, I know, but that's better than the war. Yeah, but that sort of thing. You're killing the mind behind the body, which is the arms of the war. What if instead of killing them, you just made them have a really bad time? Okay. It's not a prison, but you just really structure their day so they're always not that happy.

What about like you were allowed... Like they just have a bad daily routine where they don't sleep very well and they have a project they want to work on but something always gets in the way. So like you have a version of Mossad or whatever it is, like your secret spies who would normally go out and assassinate somebody

but they just go out and make their life slightly less comfortable. Yeah, like they make it so they always miss buses. Like they always get a phone call just before they want to get the train and like, ah, they've got a city with just all these dictators and people with aspirations for power. Yeah. And the buses don't run on time. Yeah, it's like this.

And the coffee's bad. Oh, dictators love buses running on time. It's like this giant, it's like the most minimum security prison where it's just its own city where it was a city built on inconvenience. Yeah.

And if you declare war, they send you there and you have to live there. Oh, that's good. Like, yeah. Like prison and loss of freedom, I mean, whatever.

But like, loss of convenience, like inconvenience, that's a punishment. Yeah. And you would never, the worst thing about this was you would never be told this you'd never be like hey so this is how this city works that would just

be you'd think it was just you you'd be like am i it's just me i'm nothing i can't do anything now yeah everything's just like it's also like all the products that are there are like the lowest quality products like the kind of stuff that's just disposable everything just breaks yeah yeah like like it's like glasses and all the glasses kind of like start developing tiny cracks in them all the time yeah and and like like bulbs are constantly going out and you're like yeah and you try and you try and make food and all the all the ingredients are just of the poorest quality and they go off straight away and you're like oh well i can't eat out because i never get served when i go out like what am i gonna do even and last time i went out i was like i went

there and i got sick and i went there and i got sick and i oh jeez we're essentially making people uh like you're making dictators have to uh suffer under what their regimes would cause so like you're basically... But we're also just punishing them with inconvenience. Yeah. Yeah, because that's what I think about a prison. It's like, clearly prison is horrible, but the silver lining is that you know you're going to prison.

You know what I mean? Like, a worse... Like, I think if you were 30 years in prison, but you knew you had to go to prison like you were aware of you went through all the proceedings or you had time to be like okay this is going to be my life I'm going to prepare for this I got to make the best of this I think that is better than if you had like 20 years in prison but you just woke up one day and you're in prison and you're like yeah prison this is what it is so as soon as this guy declares war some group of like you know sort of SWAT team kind of comes in puts him in a mesh sack yeah and just like you know he'll go to sleep like a snake you

know in a bag yeah and then you just fly him somewhere and you just shake him a lot yeah like i think that'll just disorient him a bit just shake him a bit all right he wakes up in hobart all the shops are closed yeah yeah and he wakes up in a place like he's in a bed he's in a comfy bed yeah it's relatively comfy there's a bit of a spring in his side right but then he kind of like he he maybe like it's so real this new life that he has to almost contemplate like his past life would seem like a dream yeah yeah And then he just starts going about his day, finds clues about his life. It'll be like a movie, so there'll be some interesting parts to it. But then once the curiosity wears off, he'll realize that it's actually quite an inconvenient existence.

Yeah, it's just a bad time. All right, look, I'm going to write down. Can this sketch be called Bad Time Island? Bad time. to write down. Like it, yeah. Can you, can this sketch be called Bad Time Island? Bad Time Island. What if it was called,

um, at her majesty's displeasure? Yeah. Uh, what if it was called,

uh, yeah, inconvenient prison? In, bad time island. Or, inconvenient prison. Bad time island. Or inconvenient city.

Okay. Because there's going to be a lot of people who want power and to declare war. I like the idea that you'd get some sort of product. You'd get a new coffee machine or whatever. You'd take it home. You'd use it twice. It would break. And you'd take it back to the shop and they'd be like, machine or whatever, you'd take it home, you'd use it twice, it would break, and you'd take it back to the shop

and they'd be like, oh, we're so sorry, we'll get you another one, you get another one. And you take it home and it breaks again after two times. And the people are really helpful, but they're just...

Yeah, well, it's like... I'm having to spend all this time going back to the shop, getting a new coffee machine. Those types of... In our lives today, first world problems sort of thing, those seem to be the things that really make everyone angry.

Like the thing about having to keep going back and dealing with this. And like I send it off. This is the fifth coffee machine I've had this month. Yeah. Okay. Like they don't even get it. It's the stuff that just grates away at you. Yeah.

You're like, maybe I won't drink coffee. It's the stuff that just grates away at you. Yeah. Just when you're like, maybe I won't drink coffee. All right. Okay, well, I'll switch to tea. And then it's all tea, and then, like, the bag breaks. The bag splits open. Yeah. Tea leaves in your mouth.

Yeah, exactly. He tries to rinse it out, but his, like, tap won't work. He's like, oh, no. It's got one of those really dribbly teapots. Yeah. You know, like, some teapots just don't pour tea. Well, they don't.

Yeah. What's with that? And then there's like this whole subculture emerges. It's like this horrible kind of crime underworld, but all they're doing is they're smuggling in

like good products. Or they're actually designing and manufacturing good products. Yeah. The underworld, like the black market are these like sort of entrepreneurs that just need something. Yeah. The underworld, like the black market are these like

sort of entrepreneurs that just need something. Like they're like, yeah. Like, hey man, for $2,000 I can get you a genuine non-itchy sweater.

Yeah. The only one in the city. Hey, come on. Like, $2,000 though. Yeah. No, no, touch this. Touch this. Just put it on for a second.

Oh, man. And then the guy tries to run away with it. They have to shoot him in the back. He can't because he doesn't have a good gun. It's one of those weird old blunderbusses that just fires up in the wrong direction. My kingdom for a weapon that doesn't jam. Get him with your blunt swords, boys. Get him. Ah, my arms are being bludgeoned by blades. I mean, like a blood sword, you still hurt someone really badly. Yeah. That's the thing.

Well, yeah, I mean, it's... This sword is so sharp that, like, what? You're hitting a guy with a long metal stick. Yeah. Yeah. You'll have very thin bruises. Yeah. You'd have to cover them

with those, like, odd-shaped bandages in a packet of Band-Aids. You get, like, there's a couple regular Band-Aids and now a lot of them have, like, little ones for, like, little injuries.

You only get those ones. Yeah, and there's one shaped like a snowflake. Yeah, you only have those ones. You can't get a proper bandage in this society. I can't get a good bandage in this society. I can't get a good bandage in this society. All the knives are so blunt so when you cut yourself,

you really cut yourself because you're pushing down someone. It's never a clean wound. No. It's always straight to the bone. What if you could declare war on people but when you declared war, you had to be, some ridiculous outfit.

Like a clown nose or something. You can declare war on whoever you want, but you have to do it dressed as a clown. I like that. So who's enforcing this? What if you're just declaring war on the people who were making you... Well, that was the problem with all of these plans who's enforcing any of this no no there's there's a there's a it's like the rest of the world has all come together yeah like a like a a uniting of the nations right some kind of united nations okay and and they've just national union all they've done if they've if

they've they've got to get they've got helicopters and they've got SWAT teams yeah and and they've just... National Union. All they've done is they've got helicopters and they've got SWAT teams. Yeah. And then they've got a whole bunch of people who run this inconvenient city. Right? And then they just go in and they capture people. So this guy could be declaring war on the people who are forcing him to wear a clown outfit when he declares war. And he's not doing it. And then they're coming.

He's like, I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to wear the clown outfit. Wear the clown outfit when he declares war, and he's not doing it. And then they're coming. He's like, I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to wear the clown outfit. Wear the clown outfit. They're up in the helicopter with the makeup on. Put it on. Put it on the nose. Put the wig and the big shoes. I don't have one.

I don't have one. That makeup does not look sad. Frowny face. Big frowny face. All right. Look, I've got three down already. Okay. Three down.

And I think we can go for the most amount of ideas that we've had ever today. No, that's not a pointy goal. That's good. Goal settle caveman. We got non-Pointy Goal Kennedy Bad Time Island or Inconvenient City The third one is difficult to set up as a sketch. It's difficult to envisage.

It'll be a full-length feature film. This is our solution to everything. If we just got to work a little bit more, if we use some of my creative techniques... Yeah. Well, the pausing one. Yeah, the pausing one. The stopping and then starting again.

Take a break. Because you know how your body's always like, stop, stop, stop doing whatever you're doing and go do something else just for a second. Just go get a cup of tea, go to the toilet, go get a glass of water, go look out the window. Maybe that's not your body. Maybe that's your brain. Your brain is a part of tea. Go to the toilet. Go get a glass of water. Go look out the window. Maybe that's not your body. Maybe that's your brain.

Your brain is a part of your body. That's me, actually. I hang out around you. I'm like, go get some coffee. So your body's going, yeah, go do that, right? And then you go, all right, I'm going to give in to my body for a second. Yes, I'm going to stop doing this important thing that I'm doing here that helps me in achieving the goals that I've set for myself in my life, my rounded oblong shape.

No, oblong is rectangle. But oblong is quite a round sounding. Anyways, it should be oval. All right. So then you've stopped for a second and you're about to go look out the window and you go start writing again. Yeah. Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it like that.

Yeah. All right. And then you've achieved all the things you want to achieve in your life. What you do. Okay. You have. Yeah. Right? And then... It's like... You've achieved all the things you want to achieve in your life. What you do, okay, you have the animal part

of your brain, right? This is the animal part of your brain, say, that wants to go off and get distracted, right? So what you do is you pretend you're going to go off and get distracted,

like when you've got a dog in the park and you pretend to throw the ball, right, and the dog runs off. Okay? So what you do is you pretend you're about to go up and get a cup of tea.

The animal part of your brain runs off, really enthusiastic. Meanwhile, you're running down. Quick, quick, quick, before he gets back. The dog's looking around. Where's the tea? Where's the tea? That's amazing. That's awesome. I think it's a good idea. Trick the animal part of your brain.

We've got to be three steps ahead of it. And then it comes back and you go, Oh, it's right here. And you throw it again. No, no, no, I'm going. That's the great thing about the animal part of your brain. We've got to be three steps ahead of it. And then it comes back and you go, oh, it's right here. And you throw it again. No, no, no, I'm going. That's the great thing about the animal part of your brain.

It never learns. I've had so many sort of discussions with people who are like comedy writer people. And it often comes back to the same idea of like,

you know, you've got this, you do have this animal part of your brain that always wants to be distracted and always wants to, and I, you know, you've got this, you do have this animal part of your brain that always wants to be distracted and always wants to, and I, you know, I try and combat that with exercising.

But I feel like at some point, everyone is going to just independently come to the only possible solution to this, like the inevitable outcome. And there's just going to be like a, there's just going to be like a there's just going to be like a writer's fight club in every city yeah yeah and then just like in the morning club yeah like some sort of i'm not i don't have a good title for it yet because it'll probably be illegal it'll probably be on the ground but just like club right club we'll call it right club um

as well yeah so every day like before everyone gets to work they all go to right club and so it's just some weird basement somewhere in the city and i say the city i mean every city every city in the world would be doing this the cbd and then yeah it's just this battle royale of any creative person who doesn't do a lot of exercise yeah just and then they all go bloody knuckled back to their desks yeah pipe away content that they've got the animal part of them out of yeah with their mangled fingers and their horribly bruised faces and then they bust out a screenplay yeah like it is it is yeah it's a thing that you probably do need to get out of you in some way yeah and i think that would be the that would be like their complaints from then on.

They'd be like, oh, I can't get this script good. I haven't made the right club in three days. I gotta go beat someone into a coma, then I think I'll have a good ending to this. I gotta go beat an author. It's essentially like feeding the beast. You're like, I just gotta feed my beast with some violence. Yeah, with the blood of a poet. Yeah. And then just,

and then I get back and I'll just write my little pony screenplay that I've been trying to get off the ground for. The funny thing is that, like, whatever you're writing, like, it's 99% of the time, it's not gonna be anything. Yeah, in my mind,

I've always pictured like heavy metal guys yeah that are like you know they began angry and they're always like singing about death and stuff but at some point they have to kind of like sit down and like write down some lyrics and work out some like some court face. Smash your face. Gonna open up my heart. No, not heart. Anus. Hell hole anus. Oh yeah, that sounds kind of better. Hell hole.

Hell hole. And they're trying to get the note right. Hell hole. Hell hole. Hell hole. Mom, what do you think about this? Hell hole anus. You're doing great steven you're doing great i just i've only got my uke that i kind of write on heavy metal guy writing with a uke is pretty funny he's got the little if you keep saving

up your allowance you can buy a piano for christmas thanks mom you'd have one of those little things that you blow on to get the note, but like when you blow on it, like it makes a really horrible gravelly sound, like a... That's it, that's it. Yeah, here we go. It's hard to illustrate, but I'm holding a little pipe up to my mouth that when you blow on it, creates a really gravelly sound that we would do in post-production. It's the gravel pipe.

Gravel pipe. He's got like a box full of gravel that he just throws at the wall. That's it. That's the sound I want. Remember that? It's the tuning fork. The tuning fork. That's what it would be for a regular person. Fall on the ground. Remember that? It's the tuning fork. The tuning fork. Ding!

That's what it would be for a regular person. Fall on the ground. Yeah. And then it's the sound of somebody sweeping up. Yeah. He drops a box of crockery into a shredder. That's how you tune up for... He drives his car through a pack of deer. Sorry, I'm just tuning up.

I'm just getting my drums ready. Yeah. That's when he also hit a pterodactyl. Sorry. Can we do that? Can we, like? Can we like... Yes. Like a guy, just before maybe like...

Can you give me an ungodly scream? Can you... Yeah, okay. What key is this in? Oh, this is in nightmarish hell screaming. Okay. Can you just give me a... Give me a nightmarish hell scream in F.

And give me a rhinoceros eating wafers. Can you give me that? Yeah. Very good. You guys started watching me while I write. Yeah, watching Alistair write and it's beautiful your writing style is kind of

well it's kind of messy but it's got a bit of a grace to it all the curves are sort of similar in a way I feel like there's a consistency to the way you curve the pen yeah it's quite a it's a lazy curve.

I mean, this is particularly messy today, but I've been really enjoying the progression of my handwriting. On some days, it just looks beautiful. Really? Yeah. What are the factors that would mean you had a good handwriting day? Because it's not cursive, but the letters kind of do mostly attach. So I don't lift the pen between letters.

And just the curves are just particularly elegant on a good day. And the words, you know, they just flow nicely. You know, there's just a flow to them. Particularly elegant. I'd be interested to see whether it works better with that previous sketch. Whether it works better if he just has a tuning fork that he can bang and then in post-production

we change the sound to be some sort of gravelly screech. Or he just has a big jar full of gravelly and smashes it against the thing. I like the idea that also they have to do other things. Or maybe they're like... I think it's that thing. Yeah, but I like the idea that also they have to do other things. Or maybe they're like... I think it's tuning because it's him and he's got a portable handheld microphone.

And he's waiting for a dump truck to collect the garbage from a hospital. And he's just waiting for the clinking of needles and stuff. hospital and he's just waiting for the clinking of needles and stuff. Yeah, but then he's like, are you sure that was medical waste? Because it doesn't... It needs to be medical waste. It really has to be... It doesn't sound like medical waste. Can you check again?

They sound like syringes, but they don't seem like they were used on the terminally ill. Oh, this is just a general practitioner here. He's recommending them to specialists. This is mostly just cotton balls and those wooden things, those tongue depressors. I don't want to sing like a goddamn dumpster full of tongue depressors. I'll be a hack. I'll be laughed out of town. Come on, guys.

I'm trying to do something original here. I'll be the laughing stock of Stockholm. Yeah, I need to punch a burlap sack full of bones. Then I'll have a song. Ah, the old burlap sack. A burlap? What is that? I've got no idea. It's a reference I like to throw out there.

It's a word I like. Is it like a synthetic material? I've got no idea. It's a reference I like to throw out there. It's a word I like. But is it like a sort of a synthetic material? See, I can identify a burlap sack, but if you ask specifically what is burlap, I don't know. You can identify a burlap sack? Absolutely.

It's like those... It's like the kind of... You know, it's sort of like a... kind of woven, like, ropey bag that you might see in a... You mean Hessian? You talking about Hessian? I'm not sure if I'm talking about Hessian. Look. Look, guys. You guys here,

listeners, I'm gonna... I'm backing out of this. I don't want to be... You have so much confidence that absolutely I can identify a burlap sack. We're talking about burlap sacks here and then you go

as soon as there was any doubt Heshin. Heshin is Yeah Heshin if you hadn't said Heshin I would have taken that to the grave.

I would have like I would have just yeah if you hadn't had the word Heshin this would be this would be over. This whole episode would be

What about crumpler stuff? Have you ever seen Crumpler? There's no way that's burlap. Burlap, I feel like, predates Crumpler and even synthetic fibers by a long way. Everything that Crumpler has to make its stuff from has to predate it. Yeah. It's got its technology from somewhere. You're right.

Bags are still a... Like like that's kind of amazing this day and age bags still a thing we need we need bags bags we gotta like yeah i gotta go i gotta go to somewhere can i can someone like weave me using fabrics a thing in the right shape that i can put my possessions in and then carry on me. Basically a sack that I can empty. Just a space. Yeah.

Made of, you know, sort of grains that have been weaved or fibers. We like to pretend we've come a long way because we're using synthetic stuff

that's made from oils and, you know, we're creating nylon and that sort of thing. But we're still weaving it into a sack. Using bags. Yeah. You have to buy a bag to put an iPad in. And you already own the iPad. You're already basically a Superman, but then you have to put it in a bag. bag it's it's well it's it's almost like you know how like uh in architecture they have like you know old some a lot of them will still have like that kind of old greco kind of like greek kind of

like columns and things like that that they they always kind of reference like that time of our history and civilization that's kind of like what those bags are to us. It's like, hey, don't forget that you used to just pick up, you know, you used to just go through dirt to find worms to just get protein. There's a time when... It's winter and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs, mozzarella balls, and arancini balls? Yes, we deliver those.

Moose? No. But moose head? Yes. Because that's alcohol, and we deliver that too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, groceries, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region.

See app for details. age please enjoy responsibly product availability varies by region see app for details you just if this bag would be used to carry your young and now it's just using you're just using it to carry this extension of your brain yeah i see this is a thing i'm thinking about a lot is i think we're at a we're at a point now what bags sure i'm thinking about bags but like uh like i think we need to decide whether or not we want to be... Whether we want a Star Wars future or a Star Trek future. Because in a Star Wars future, the reason... I think one of the reasons why Star Wars was such a, like...

Even though it was a long time ago. Yeah. I do know that. I do know that. If there's any Star Wars... I don't want to be beaten to death with pipes on this. I know. I get it. It annoys me when other people do it,

but you know what I mean. Because in the Star Wars world, they have amazing technology. They have these incredible spaceships and lightsabers. Then they also have old shit, which is how the world works. People still sit on furniture that was made in the 70s it's not like and before 1970 yeah and so before star wars like images of the future where everything

was just like shiny chrome and perfect and that's kind of what star trek is everything is like everything is clean and and nice and perfect and i think we need to make a call like if we want because if we want to be in a nice Star Trek universe then we also have to deal with the inconvenience of just getting rid of stuff for no reason like there's a lot of waste involved yeah we have to start throwing away bag like no one's walking around with a backpack in Star Trek it was just like an old-school bag that they were doing it yeah I never saw anyone with a bag in Star Trek. I don't remember a single bag. Yeah.

I've watched a few episodes. What about a pouch? I don't even remember a pouch. I don't think they carry anything, really, apart from those little... They don't have pockets. Look how skin-tight their uniforms are. That is the future. Yeah.

We've progressed past pockets. future yeah like we've progressed past pockets well but is it is it that we come to a point in society where where we just have one device for everything yeah and then you just you just hook it under your belt or your or your well-fitted pants yeah because we don't have belts because we're not animals yeah like it was like why why would we have something that's ill-fitting? We'll just have self-fitting pants that just change size. Yeah. This, like, Star Wars, like, that thing is striking and cool and interesting because it's the advanced technology and then, like, almost like the prehistoric or, like, you know, just that really, really basic rural stuff

with, like, the fibers and that sort of thing. Like, it would be sort of fun to make a sci-fi where, like, all the technology is really, really advanced, but, like, then all the clothing and stuff is from, like, the 90s. Yeah. So the contrast is nowhere near as striking, but you're just like, yeah, and all the clothing, they're all dressed like they're from the 90s.

Well, to a certain extent Because There's a guy He's wearing like a Nirvana t-shirt Over the top of like a black long sleeved shirt But then he also just Like destroys a moon with his brain Or he sort of like takes out a little A little pen knife

And creates a portal through space And then just walks Like hops through it. In his parachute pants. Yeah. In his skateboard. I think what we're describing is Back to the Future.

Yeah, the One Direction skateboard. Yeah. What happened to that? Anyway. One Direction, not the band One Direction. The One Direction is in the skateboard that's got that tail thing at the back,

but then the front is pointy. That's what you mean, right? I mean, that must have been an amazing time in skateboard history when somebody went wait two directions you're crazy

it'll never work no but that is essentially what Back to the Future was because it was made in the 90s I know their future was like

people are riding one direction skateboards hoverboards actually no those are two directions of the hoverboard but then like yeah

but the thing was their technology was like a 90s vision of what technology would be like in the future. So we should make one now with our vision of what technology would be like in the future, but everyone's just dressed from the 90s. I think today we should make a 90s future film. Yeah.

Well, almost like... Imagining what Minority Report was a little bit like that like where we we created the future what it would look like and with the screens and stuff like that and then our technology has kind of tried to move towards that yeah but in like 20 or 30 years time new discoveries will have been made where it's like it seems ridiculous that people thought that you would have screens yeah even now people are saying like it's ridiculous that he put on a glove to manipulate the thing on the screen yeah like as if you would put on a glove yeah you would just like have someone use a gesture yeah like that

yeah and like and then i saw a thing yesterday on graphene and then you know they're going to be able to make these things that are just you know know, like, because it's super flexible and it's also super thin. And so they're going to have these screens that you can sort of extend in size. Oh, wow. And then you can roll it back up and just put it in your bag, and it's going to be like your phone and your newspaper and your everything, things like that. But that's just our idea of it now because we can't imagine anything more. Maybe you'll be able to build a little house out of graphene. Yeah. Portable house. We'll probably have to build a little house out of graphene. Yeah.

Portable house. We'll probably have a film over our eyes, I would say. There'll probably be a contact lens. Well, I think it's going to be, you're going to be able to have just video projected into your brain that you'll be able to just see like the way that you imagine. Right. So everything's going to just be in-eye display. See, that is scary to me because... Of course it is. You're a caveman compared to these people.

I feel like if you could project something into your brain just the same way you would imagine, that means we would also have the technology to know what people imagine. And I think one of my biggest fears is that i i think that i have quite a good imagination and then if i was ever exposed for not having a good imagination that would ruin me if someone had like a special scope they could put to my brain and going oh man jack is like the he has the least interesting imagination this is what you're scared about about people being able to get into your brain

and read your thoughts is that they will judge you to not have a good enough imagination yeah totally totally this is the only thing I value

because it's like no but it's like but it's like before I'd get my enemies list too that would be a problem but it's the enemies list and not having a good enough imagination

and they'd be like man this is such an uncreative enemies list yeah look at he's got Hitler on the top of the list this guy's got this guy's got no imagination than not having a good enough imagination. And they'd be like, man, this is such an uncreative enemies list. Yeah. Look at it, he's got Hitler on the top of the list. This guy's got no imagination. Like, what are you, just watch the Discovery Channel?

Jesus, man. Oh, really? People who were mean to you in high school? Yeah, great work, idiot. Get a bit more creative with your enemies. No, but like, I think once, once your imagination is visible to other people, then you're just going to value some other minor aspect of your brain that people don't have access to yet.

You'll know people based on their imaginations. That'll be a part of your mental picture of other people. At the moment, I value your imagination, but only through what comes out of your mouth. Will your imagination just put updates to Facebook? Wouldn't it be great if you could just go like, hey, you would stalk somebody's profile on Facebook, but you could just go into their imagination and just go and see what their world looks like. Yeah, what they're imagining.

That was a really interesting thing you just said about how you value someone for their imagination, but you only see what of their imagination comes out of their mouth like that's that's really all we are really is like an imagination filter like that's the only thing you really aspire to be is to have a good filter on your imagination like that's all it is really like like what you filter out the crap like as it before comes out of your mouth because i don't think i do that or well but you need to let some stuff through i think some people have like their filter is too much and then they just don't say anything or yeah yeah tuning that filter like and filter out filtering out like the boring or the offensive or just you know whatever oh yeah

i got that filter yeah all of some of it but But, I mean, but then it also comes down, like, but maybe there isn't an imagination behind what you say or do. I think maybe you are what you do. So your actions, the act of thinking of something and then saying it is your whole imagination. It doesn't exist as like a like a world where there's thoughts that are just floating around waiting to be said like you know all the like this endless possibility of things that you could say uh it's it's only

like the things that you you piece them together just right before you say them so they're they're you know there's there's all these kind of like uh neuron and connections and things like that that kind of don't mean anything that are memories and things like that. And it's only in the moment of creating the thought that you weave it together into an actual thing. And so maybe there would be no imagination to explore. You could look maybe through somebody's actual memories. It would be like going through a warehouse of car parts. Toyota car parts. And at no point would you be like,

wow, these guys can make really good cars. You'd have to be standing there right at the point where things roll off the shop floor and being like, well, that's a good car. That's a good car because everything comes together. It would be cool if you could map a person's brain through like a cloud of knowledge, like a cloud of known things so so you know like

the this i guess the bigger the cloud or um would be um just sort of the like the breadth of how much experience of experience and how much things that you've actually heard about and things like that the density would be how well you know things right right? And other things. But yeah. But then you're saying you would map that and then you're saying you would be able to like reverse engineer and then produce what their thoughts would be out of this? Well, maybe, but I think...

This would really change the idea of internet dating. That you don't have to write a profile, you could just include a link and go, by the way, this is everything I am. Yeah. But then you would also like the areas of the cloud, like where somebody is dense and things like that. Like, you know, dense and so very knowledgeable and things like that might be where their interests lie. Okay.

And so that's where they spend more time developing that kind of thing. And so you go, oh, well, they're quite dense in the Northwestern quadrant. There's this thing called Wordle. Have you seen these things? Wordles online, which is where you can put in, say, a document, a text document, right? And it will produce this visual graph of what words or phrases appear in that document. words or phrases appear in that document. So if a word like fish appears a hundred times and a word like dog appears 200 times

on this sort of cloud grafting that they produce, they will write the word fish and the word fish will be twice as big as the word dog. So the size of the words will be proportional to their frequency. To do that with somebody's imagination and what concepts you see, that would be a scary thing to look at

of your own mind and be like okay, well the word bucket. I don't know. Or fuck it. I think there would be things like need to get better. That would be a big thing. Big one of mine.

And sex. Yeah. And sex. Yeah. Yeah, sex. But you can also, you can tell it to ignore. And then me to get better at sex. When you do these graphs, you can also tell it to ignore certain words. I think to have any meaning at all, you'd have to be like, obviously ignore sex. All right, now let's look at this graph.

I have the idea of someone who just remembered sex. Like they're thinking about stuff they want to do and stuff they like and they're like, Oh yeah, sex. Oh yeah. Yeah. Get me some of that sex. Yeah. Oh.

What is that thing that I've been... I guess you can wait. Okay, I want to... There was something I wanted to do today. Oh, sex. Oh, that's novel. Hey, how do you guys, what do you guys think of sex? Yeah.

How much fun is it? How great is it? It's so strange that it's such like a thing that is both, I don't know, that it is such a common thing that it's also like, oh, when you see a person, you should also remember that they want sex. No matter who you're meeting meeting they kind of want sex It's so weird that like from an evolution when you say you should do that. Yeah, do you mean you should do that? Yeah, well to say yeah because like every all these people are both or like they're all driven Towards sex to yeah stand because you forget it and then you kind of go, why is this person acting in this way?

Oh. But how weird is it, right, that like evolutionary speaking, our genes, everything about our history from the very first piece of life, right, we are evolved to do sex, to procreate, to reproduce, right? And then like in our society, our human society, like, pretty much the one thing that we don't talk about and try not to acknowledge, right, and we hide away and treat as shameful or whatever,

is sex. Like, how did that happen? And how, evolutionarily speaking, can that have been a good thing for us to evolve to never acknowledge the thing that we are designed to do? This is my theory on that, is because I've watched a lot

of animal documentaries recently and there's a lot of... Jack does a podcast called Nature Buddies with Greg Larson. You should listen to it, it's very funny. But the thing about a lot of animals is the thing they have to make them appealing is just something they don't have to work on like they just have a really big horn

and then all the ladies are like hey he's got a big horn sweet like oh that guy's very very like he has a those like fins that flare out from his neck are the most colorful yeah so yeah of course he's gonna get laid because he has colorful neck pins where with humans the things that make us attractive it's like the stuff you have to work on like you if you want to be if you want to be an interesting person or a strong attractive person like this you stuff you got to do to maintain that but I think it's not just like that but I think I think I think because we also have the things that were just given they're not oh yeah sure they're not as simple as a big horn,

although some aspects of it are as simple as a big horn. But I think maybe this rhino who's got the big horn, it can also, or if he's got just an average-sized horn, some of it has got to be just in the way that he delivers the horn, like the way that he kind of moves it about. It's not how big it is, it's got to be like just in the way that he delivers the horn like the way that he kind of like moves it about and the way like how big it is it's how you use it yeah like how you use that horn i imagine a rhino can be charming yeah oh yeah you know in the way that he kind of charismatic rhino yeah exactly and he's sort of just in the way that he kind of like

shuffles over yeah and the way that he slowly kind of you know is laying down his feet and things like that. I think, and the bird with his dance and the way that he... The birds, it comes down to experience. A lot of them haven't showcased their tail feathers to girls before and then they kind of go like,

okay, that was a bit abrupt. They didn't like that. I looked a bit needy. That'd be so embarrassing for a bird if you did your tail feathers at the wrong time or something and the woman just turns around and you're like, oh, man. I did it. I fucked it up. But I think...

I'm such a failure. God damn it. I'm the worst bird. I like the idea that birds think of themselves as birds. Like, ah, I suck at being a bird. I'm the worst whatever we are. Whatever we are. Whatever are whatever this is i suck um but yeah i think what i was i was getting at was that how the reason that we're not all talking about sex all the time and the people don't know sex is because if if we did like just hyper acknowledge sex then the people who would be back to like animals or more primal humans

where the people who are having the most sex were just the strongest people where if you're not the strongest person and you're making over all of society you get involved with using your brain and using like getting doing like things that creating stuff and informing people with using your brain and using, like, getting, doing, like, things that, creating stuff and informing people, then you need to use that in a way that makes it,

you need to make it okay to, like, not talk about sex. Because if everyone's always going on about sex, then it's only, like, the strongest people are having sex. And that would suck. Nobody wants that. I like the idea of a society where one man, like it kind of is down to that. It's like the strongest guy The alpha male. There's one alpha male. There's one alpha male

in a city of six million. And he has all the women. And he has to sort of guard his territory a bit with other alpha males that come in their jeeps and sort of drive around the outskirts, the outer suburbs.

Hanging them up. He comes up and he's hungry and he's like, hey, get out of here. I'm just imagining, yeah, it's like a big paddock and just all the women are there and he's just running around it and just like,

he's spotting other males. He's like running at them and chasing them off and then he goes like, and it's just this giant them and chasing them off and then he goes like and it's just this giant like yeah like hundreds of kilometers of women and just like and he's just running and he's like hey get away like that and he beats one off and then he sees he sees one of the women and he goes and has sex with her and then he kind of yeah he's gone he's like and the worst thing about it is he hates it. Like, he hates his job so much.

And he doesn't get any time to himself. And, like, he doesn't enjoy sex anymore. Like, at first when he became the alpha male of Chicago. Like, that's his job. And now when he got the job, he's like, yeah, I'm going to get laid all the time. It's going to be the best. And then, like, four years of it now, he's just like... He can barely stand up straight

because everyone is always trying to kill him like he has to fight men every day to prove he's stronger and he's like and he does like as he comes around

as he goes around the paddock he's like encountering children that he's sort of fathered and he's like hey there kid here's a little kid

and he runs off because he's just he goes around that sort of like pile of women once every time, he goes around that sort of like pile of women. Once every time the sort of the planet goes around the sun, you know, that's how often, that's how big that is. But like in these societies, like a lot of the time, the alpha male will be knocked off his perch by one of his own kids. Yeah.

So like you'd be, hey son, how you doing? Don't ever try and steal my women. Yeah. Ah, I'm going to get you. But in this world, there's still TV shows that are kind of like Sex and the City, except they're only referenced,

it's all referencing having sex with Steve. It's all talking about, the other day when I was having sex with the one man who can have sex, this happened. And you're going to online dating, and Steve is looking for women. Free now to join if you're Steve.

That's great. Yeah, you got internet ads, and it was like, sexy women in your area. Send them to Steve. Sexy women in your area. Stay away from them unless you in your area Stay away from them Unless you're Steve Stay away from them

Or you will incur The wrath of Steve So Steve has to like Employ some of his women To like be web designers And TV makers And things like that Because he's got

He's got all of society And everybody else Just lives in the woods He's just cleared This one field So that he's got A whole like line of view But this actually could be Like imagine this As a full line of view. This actually could be...

Imagine this as a romantic comedy. Okay? And you can imagine you can picture the trailer. It's just like he's the only man who's allowed to have sex, but he's never fallen in love. This alpha male, played by Matthew McConaughey, out there in the fields

fighting off other men to protect this six million women that he has in this city. Yeah, I really like it. And then he meets this one woman that he just kind of, he wants her to be the one. They just have this connection. He's like, but I can't give up on all these women. I've been defending them for so long. She's like, just stop fighting. We could just beat it, Kelly.

She's like, I've got every sexually transmitted disease known to man. She's like, look, I know some doctors. They're all women. Actually, she's a doctor. Oh, I know those doctors as well. Yeah. They both got my diseases. They've got my diseases and they're all my kids. They've all got my diseases!

They've got my diseases and they've fathered my children. He's essentially, he's like the human embodiment of a cockroach. I think this would be a great film. Like, I think this is an amazing concept for a film. It's an, yeah, it's like society now except with alpha males. Like, an alpha male and yeah. Yeah, and it's and yeah the rules of the savannah

and there's no real jealousy in men anymore about anything other than Steve you know what I mean like nobody's like ah shit I didn't get that promotion at work

also only one man is allowed to have sex that bothers me a lot more than this promotion situation the promotion is still bugging me but most of my energy is directed

at the only human being in the city who is allowed to have sex. Do you think Steve still has... Is he called Steve? Is that what we're saying? Yeah, yeah. Steve still has friends who are like guys, right?

Yeah. They meet up at barbecues, but all Steve does is just go, don't fuck my women. Don't fuck my women. Hey, none of you guys should ever fuck my women. No, I think... Anyway, great barbecue. I'll see you all next week. I don't fuck my women don't fuck my women hey none of you guys should ever fuck my anyway great barbecue i'll see you all next week though steve like he's not like that he's like he's trying to like he's he's want he needs like friends to kind of like vent about like he's

trying to like he's like oh boy it's tough out there man all those women and his friends are just like fuck you man like go to hell for real, Steve. I hate you. Stop complaining about it. You don't want this. You don't want this. This is a burden. I do. I do.

It's all I want. You think you do. You think you do. Now, don't fuck my women. Don't fuck my women. I'll see you guys next week. See you later. Great game, guys.

Great game. He finishes his beer. He finishes his beer. Throws it down his car. He finishes his beer. Smashes it on the edge of the table and says

seriously don't fuck my women and then leaves and then he starts jogging again around the pile of women just the just the the land

the expanse of women like just like it's like it's like Lake Michigan of women you know like you can't even see the other end of the pile

I keep saying piles of women which makes me feel bad well but it's just like say binders I. I keep saying piles of women, which makes me feel bad. Well, say binders. Binders full of women. Just fields. I mean, they've got their own buildings and stuff. But you've basically got to have an eye lined.

There's a lot of glass. If there are buildings, there's a lot of glass. No, but I think it really is just like, you know, it's just suburbs. It's just like Brunswick, but just like women just live in share houses and Steve just

comes around yeah hello and they're they're all happy because he's the alpha male yeah

they're all really happy because we can't have them not happy yeah because he's the best

yeah he's clearly the best he's got the thickest neck yeah but he's probably

also really skilled yeah he'd be amazing like he builds a few things yeah and he'd bring them maybe he'd really skilled. Yeah, he'd be amazing. He builds a few things. Yeah, and maybe he'd bring them nice things. Like he'd bring them chocolate. Yeah, and it would also be like...

It's always a problem when you haven't... It's like doing a new thing is always difficult because you think, well, I've never done this before. I'm just going to be horrible about this. Where actually no one else would... Steve has to be having sex because, where actually no one else would, like, Steve has to be having sex because, like, from the women's point of view, it's either they have sex with Steve or a person who's never had sex, compared to Steve who's only had sex.

Like, he's going to be unimaginably better at sex than anyone else. Yeah. And your turn's probably only going to come around every few months, once a year. Yeah, it's around to you. Yeah, so you're like, I'm really going to try and enjoy this. Yeah. Yeah, and because if you know if you have sex with anyone else, you'll be shunned by Steve. And I love that Steve is kind of like, he would be like a great guy.

He would be amazing. And it's sort of like, it's almost like That TV show Big Love Where like it's Mormons And this guy's got like four wives But it's like Steve And he's got an entire city Yeah It's like the

Greatest Mormon of all time That might be the title of the movie World's Greatest Mormon World's Greatest Mormon Starring Matthew McConaughey World's Greatest Mormon Mormon movie. Starring Matthew McConaughey, the world's greatest Mormon. The Mormon King. Is it based in Salt Lake City?

Yeah. I don't know. Anyway, but it's more like a woman lake. I feel like this movie is going to come up and get some

negative reaction. I think the fact that it's a romantic comedy and it understands itself. But when it becomes, I think in my mind, when the city becomes too developed, it loses. I love the idea that it's a big field and people can just, like the weather's good enough all the time, but people can just live outside on blankets and things like that so that he can

always have just a perfect eye line. He can look around and he can see woman, woman, woman, woman, woman, woman, woman, like that and he just keeps running and he's just like, you know, just running around like a sheep dog around a herd of sheep. I think you can have scenes in the field when

he goes out for a picnic with say 50 or so women but I really like the idea that the closer it is to reality, I think the better it would be. Yeah, right. But then that's just like the one change. Does he run everywhere? Yes. You really like the idea of him jogging. Yeah.

And there are no weapons. There are no weapons. Yeah, no, there are no weapons either. No guns or anything. Yeah, otherwise taking out Steve no weapons either. No guns or anything. Yeah, otherwise, taking out Steve would be way too easy. He would have to carry around a lot of weapons. Then it would be like Arnold Schwarzenegger

with all these kind of... He'd be in one of those kind of massive exoskeleton robot fighter suits. Except the suit would also be full of women because he can't... That'll be the future greatest Mormon of all time. In existence, or whatever it was. Morbot.

Morbot 2000. Have we come... I think we've come to the end. Yeah. Alpha male of Chicago, but greatest Mormon. Yeah, just take us through those ideas one more time. Okay, so we've got the goal-setting caveman, which is the guy who wants to create fire.

He's got this idea about fire. He's a life coach. He's got a life coach who says, don't set some pointy goals. Maybe just try not to be cold. That's your first goal. And then we've also got the non-pointy goal, Kennedy. Yeah.

We will do this because what else are we going to do? And it'll be fun. We'll learn a lot about ourselves. Everyone needs a project. What are we going to do? Nothing? Come on. All right. Then we've got Bad Time Island or Inconvenient City. It's like, what are we going to do? Nothing? Come on.

All right. Then we've got Bad Time Island or Inconvenient City for people who declare war. A lot of these sketches have got a really big scope. Yeah. Oh, man. We're not these guys who write sketches that are like, hey, set in a restaurant or a doctor's office. Yeah, I wish we were. No. Okay.

And then heavy... We're going to have to rent a city to film these. Yeah. We can film the... We can film World's Greatest Mormon and Bad Time Island. All in a day.

All in a day. We just need to rent a city. We're going to use the set that they had for Synecdoche, New York. Yeah. Yeah. Great. Can we do a sketch

where it's an entire city and everyone's a doctor? Yes. Right. And then doctors going into doctor's offices. Yeah. And another one where everyone is a lawyer. And the one where everyone's a doctor, he goes to the doctor and he goes, you've got a lung disease.

And you go, I want a second opinion. I have spleen disease. Yeah. See what just happened there? We were wrapping up. We were almost finished. And then we had a pause. Came up with another idea.

Creative technique. It's my creative technique in action. I can't fix your leg wound. I'm a doctor of history. He's also allowed in the city. It's a different kind of doctorate. Heavy metal. Imagine the pressure from your parents.

If everyone was a doctor and you're like, I think you should go to university. I don't want to go to university. My name's Steve. I want to have all the women. I want to have all the women. I want to be a doctor of love. Nobody has all the women. And then that's how... I don't know. I want to have all the women. I want to have all the women. I want to be a doctor of love. Nobody has all the women.

And then that's how, I don't know. I think the... That's the cold open to this movie. His parents say, nobody has all the women. And he sort of stares like majestically into the distance. And it's like, I'll show you. Everyone's such a high achiever in this place that he creates, that does the impossible. So is this steve society is

it like it's never been like this before like in my mind it was originally like it's always been like this and this is just the way we evolved from like apes on the savannah but then what it was was steve was just great and he just got all the women yeah and he yeah and he sort of just had to go listen buddy you gotta go and then he just did that to all of these guys that have these really like difficult conversations with their girlfriends they're like looks like i gotta go steve is here now and no the girls have the difficult conversation with the guys they're like i'm sorry i'm seeing someone else it's not steve is it yeah oh it Steve? Oh, the guy! Oh, yeah. Steve!

And then they're all just like, you know, they're packing their bags and putting all their stuff in a bag. And driving out to the woods. Yeah, moving out to the woods. We don't get houses. Just like, and then like, Steve starts setting up a perimeter as he's running around. Hanging together fence posts. Yeah. Sorry, guys.

He's just putting up like those, just those basically those traffic things thatabbling together fence posts. Yeah. Sorry, guys. Just putting up like those, just those basically those traffic things that separate roads, you know, either cement blocks or orange things filled with water.

It's like Mad Max 2, but instead of that little citadel being where they, the last place where they have oil, it's where all the women are. Yeah.

Six million women. And Steve. I always get like I'm always so angry if I ever feel like I get swindled if I'm like I didn't need to buy that train ticket I could have spent half and it would still have taken me to the right place every time I feel like I'm talked into something

that I don't need I'm very angry I can imagine me sort of sitting in the forest going how did that guy convince me that it was a good idea for him to have sex with all the women and live on his own like,

sex city and me and a bunch of guys have to live in the woods? How did he convince me that that was a good idea? I like that we've, this is, by the way,

this is a very heteronormative concept. Or, Steve also has all the gay guys. Yeah. That could be That can work Yeah

Yeah That's even better actually But then also You have to do a It's a very like It's a very intense series of like Questions you get asked to prove You're a real gay guy

And not just One of the many straight guys Who've tried to like Pretend to be gay To get back onto the mainland Yeah And But I also like the The women don't want The other guys Yeah one of the many straight guys who've tried to, like, pretend to be gay to get back onto the mainland. Yeah. But I also like the idea that the women don't want the other guys. Yeah.

It's like, what are you doing here? Like, come on. We used to, remember, we used to go together. And by the way, when you said sex city, you know, I think that the sort of the greatest Mormon version of sex in the City is called In the Sex City. Yeah, In the Sex City. Yeah. As much as just sassy girls gabbing about Steve.

Gabbing about Steve. Oh, you gotta. You gotta play with that. What are we doing? Yeah. Okay. What are we doing? Okay.

The fourth idea is heavy metal guy using his version of a tuning fork where he throws gravel jar at a wall. I think I got it. Hang on. And then he like pinches a cat. He goes. There we go. I think I got it. Cool. There we go, I think I got it. And then number five is Alpha Male of Chicago,

in brackets, greatest Mormon, in brackets, sex city. Just before we wrap that up, I do want to, because you were saying this before, Andy, I just want to change it back to the original thing of it is just that's how society evolved, that there's an alpha male, because I think that's a much cleaner idea in my head. And I feel like it's sort of... But in terms of a comedy,

it's funnier if he goes, I want to have all the women. Yeah. Like... Yeah. And then like... And then maybe... So maybe that's the romantic comedy

is not that he's met a girl who he... He's got all the women and he meets a girl who he wants to be with. What it is, he's in romantic comedy where a guy wants to be with the entire city. Yeah. All of the women. Until he met all of the women. Yeah.

Until he met all of the people that could potentially be with him sexually. Yeah, and all the gay men. And all the willing horses. He was a guy who wanted to have it all, and then he did. Get it all. And all the other men had to go outside the outskirts of the city. And so every romantic comedy is like a guy who you can't quite get it together and then the girl comes along and like she hey she's like the missing piece and she

helps him figure it out this is like the guy who is actually the most strong and charismatic human that's ever lived and he's just trying to get them all together yeah yeah and the happy ending Is that he gets Every woman Yeah Yeah And then It's just like a Cause these days There's no stories Where it's just like And then they lived

Happily ever after But maybe there are A ton of I think there are So many of those stories I think that's pretty much Every single story Okay well then

It's not the You're not the Movies like Cool guys Like us Yeah cool guys Like us It's all like And then Everybody died And us would watch. Yeah, cool guys like us. It's all like, and then everybody died, and that's great.

And he was alone. And then he realized he just had to accept himself and that his wife was never going to move back in. That's the kind of movie I would watch. I would hate that kind of movie. I don't watch anything that's got feelings. But even feelings that are like, and life is shit.

The end. Yeah. All right. I think we've got to wrap this up. Yeah. So 1, 2, 3, 4. 1, 2, 3, 4. 1, 2, 3, 4.

1, 2, 3, 4. What do I do in this? 1, 2, 3, 4. 1, 2, 3, 4. 1, 2, 3, 4. 1, 2, 3, 4. 8, 9, 10. 4, 3, 2, 5.

4, 3, 2, 5. 4, 3, 2, 5. 4, 3, 2, 5. 4, 3, 2, 5. 4, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, I don't remember the last ones. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 5, 4, 3, 1, 5, 4, 3, 1, 5, 4, 3, 1, 5, 4, 3, 1, 5, 4, 3, 1, 5, 4, 3, 1, 5, 4, 3, 1, 5, 4, 3, 1, 5, 4, 3, 1, 5, 4, 3, 1, 5, 4, 3, 1, 5, 4, 3, 1, 5, 4, 3, 1, 5, 4, 3, 1, 5, 4, 3, 1, 5, 4, 3 need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything.

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