Two In The Think Tank - 181 - "FREEDOM UPDATE"

Episode Date: April 30, 2019

Pre-existing Friendship Conditions, The Yahtzee Party, Gamify Health, FU, Five Buttholes You Meet In Heaven, The Friend of my Enemy is my Trial Judge, Imprintable WidowerHey, why not listen to Al's new meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereThree square thanks a day to George Matthews for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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this podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites I love it. I love it. I'm doing the thing, Ty. This is a good idea where we come up with five podcasts. I am N.D. And I am George, Alistair. Tromble. Virtual Williams.

It seems even longer when you say it out of order. Because I think now I don't really see the Alistair Tromble virtual as being three names. I just said that as being one name. And I just think of the two middle names as being the extra name. So I really only think of it yourself as having maybe two or three names. But then when you put it out of order, I'm just like, this is just a list of names. Yeah, this is just the phone book, you know?

The book. Old phone book over here. I'm going to start calling you a PB. Sure, for phone book, because you've got as many names as the phone book. All right. You've got more names than a Chinese phone book. Yeah, you know, and I don't think that is offensive to say that more chins than a Chinese phone book. I mean, it's a pretty good joke, despite it being, you know,

sort of a bit racist and fascist. Oh, yeah, it's a pretty good joke, despite it being, you know, sort of a bit... Rice, stand, fast. Oh, yeah, it's just, it feels like it's just, it feels original. You know, it's just kind of like, it's, yeah, despite the negative things that it's talking about. Maybe we could have a new joke, which is that you've got more red flags and more chins than a Chinese phone book. Right, more red flags. Oh, yeah. And now, we've taken the, not only the original joke,

so we get to have that comedy there. We've also taken a post-modern interpretation of that. But what's the chins mean in this one? No, you're just saying you're more problematic than the original joke. Oh, so say the whole thing again. You've got more red flags and more chins than a Chinese phone book. Is that what a red flag is? Or is a red flag more, more... worse?

Yeah, it's more like, look out this person. This is like predator. Yeah. And some con. Yeah, okay. Or just a bad, like, you know, somebody you don't want to be associated with. And sometimes it could just be because they seem like they're going to make your life really hard.

Yeah. So, like, if you're going to date with somebody and they go, oh, that plate that you've got there looks dirty and you go, that doesn't look dirty to me. This is a red flag. This could mean this person could be a real pain in the ass, cleanliness was. Yeah, all they, they're like, we're gonna send this back. You know, like fuck.

All right, we're sending stuff back, are we? Yeah. Is that how it is? I don't think so. Oh, I'm sorry, okay, okay. So this is very good for me to know up top that things that aren't perfect are gonna be a problem. Yeah.

Because there's gonna be a lot of that and it's not all gonna be coming from restaurants. Yeah, but when you said red flags before, were you referring to the actual Chinese flag? No, it wasn't, but that's an amazing confluence. Yeah. You know, of exactly. The Chinese confluence.

That's a bit of a red flag for me to ask me. But those ones that you're talking about, somebody complaining about a thing being not clean or sending food back or whatever, It's not quite a red flag. I don't think. It's a kind of a... It's a brown flag. It might be a brown flag or...

No. I think it just depends. I am a flag. For me, I go straight to red alert with that kind of stuff. Yeah, right. Because I work very hard to whittle out any people in my life who are gonna make it even slightly difficult. Right?

Yeah. And I'm excluding anybody as of, you know, like that I already know who gets worse due to either brain injury or, you know, whatever, who, you know, I don't want to, I don't want to do that. If they're already in. Yeah, if they're in and they become a burden, that's completely okay. That's not a burden. No, no.

But you're not going to take in the pre-burden. It's like a pre-existing condition for health insurance. Exactly. No pre-existing conditions for Alistair's friendship group. Yeah. Okay, and then you'll be ensured to the tune of one ongoing friendship for anything that arises after the inception of the friendship. That's right.

Yeah, so it sounds prickish, but I mean, we've already got enough people in our lives right now. Too many. Already still. Too many. Yeah. And so it's just a matter of, you know, if, yeah, I can't be taken in troublemakers. There's a real troublemaker. Green flags should be a thing. Yeah. A real trouble maker. Green flags should be a thing.

I don't know if this is a thing that people talk about, right? But like, all I see, I believe, a bunch of bloody green flags. A whole lot of go ahead. Yeah. Become this person's friend. Yeah. Somebody's, you know. They're generous.

They're a billionaire. They inspire me creatively. They have a working pin. They have a working pen. They have a real, they also own a flag factory that makes the color green. Yes. And flags, they make them that color as well. Oh, you just said they have a flag factory

that makes the color green. It's like, oh, what's green? It felt like there was some undied ends there. You know, I thought they might have just been mass producing the color green. Green does. Sort of the abstract concept of greenness is produced green, those green backs. Yes, that's what you were talking about, right? The color green. When you look at this billionaire, you see green. Yeah, jealousy. Galecy.

Yes, that how? Much money that how? How much the color green they make. Mm-hmm. Yes. Is there anything in here? Is there anything sketch wise in that? Yeah.

Well, I think, I think, I think the, Yes, sorry. The pre-existing condition for friendship is I think, I think I think I think the yes, sorry the pre existing condition for friendship is I think I think it might it feels like more like a sign felt kind of observation, you know, I do stand up comedy. Well, that's perfect. So does sign felt Jerry sign fell. So I could do I mean, do you think this bit is too Jerry Seinfeldin' that even though we came up with it and he doesn't do this bit? No. Do you think it's still okay for me? I think I wouldn't be surprised if we didn't get a call from some of his people saying,

we both know this is a Jerry bit. He would have got to it eventually. Okay, he's just working his way through and even without him having said it written it or claimed it, we all know. It's a journey that is belongs to. Yeah, right. Do you think people will know the people who don't hear the podcast will say to be able to read it? Like, will be able to get...

You get to draw the connection? Yeah. Yeah. No, I think that could work as a bit. Yeah. Yeah, preexisting conditions. But we're think that could work as a bit. Yeah. Yeah. Preexisting conditions.

But we're trying to come up with five bit ideas. Ah. I mean, what's the difference anymore? You know, you tell me the difference between a sketch and a bit, and I'll tell you the difference between fuck off and get out of here. And? And I've had enough of this. My favorite jokes is that I've probably even told on the podcast before, it's Henry Phillips.

Tell me. He goes, now I was doing a show somewhere and they were asking me what my two favorite things are. And I said, probably cooking in master, baby. And the other thing is that is something that they did on the Philipses here. Philipses. Oh. Is that a song that they did on the Toad Glass show when Henry Phillips was there? Oh man. Toad Glass show.

Haven't been back. I've been listening to an episode just really. Just like yesterday because Tim Hidekker is on it. Oh wow. Oh that would be fun. Was it fun? It might not be fun actually because Tim can also make things just awkward. Yeah, but I think recently he's kind of moved beyond that a little bit.

Really transcended. But he, they're not having that much fun with the bits in it. Yeah, right. It's still fun to hear Tim, to my record. Man, he's got to be one of the most. It's one of the grits. One of the most, like Tony Bestlink, a comedian, we know, doesn't do much standup anymore, if any, doesn't do any standup. But you just have a joke about how you slide, if you were to look at a cake, you'd be like, this is cake all the way through, you slice it up, and it's all just cake.

I feel like that about Tim Heidek. You have no way. Okay, right. He's all comedy. Yeah. You slice him up. It's comedy all the way through. It's amazing.

And I grow in my appreciation. Even though I don't consume that much of his stuff, every single bit of stuff that I see him do, I'm like, that is very funny on so many moments. Apparently they did like a full-on long court case thing as part of something that he does, where like they rented this court case for, like courtroom for like...

You can rent a court? Apparently they found a court that they could rent to film in, and they did like, and it was to do with some, you know, some joke, like suing of somebody, or whatever that they've made. And he's like, oh, we hadn't seen anybody ever do that. And it was like, but they played it straight.

Like the whole thing, played it super straight. Can you watch this? Can you please, can you please, I just, I don't really find this. I gotta find this. Cause it, yeah, I mean, that is very can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, can you please, other than his comedy name, Neil Hamburger. Greg Turkington. Yeah. Turkington. Oh, the noble Turkington. There's just too many beats in that survey.

Turkington. Turkington. It's like a town where there's Turking. Because I mean, that's the thing about ton names, is that they're all based off of a town. Oh, town, right? Referencing where you were from. Yeah, I'd never thought about that before But there's interesting huntington That's a town where you would go to hunt. Yeah, the greatest game of all

Hunted yeah, see The because we were thinking about calling a kid Alington So yes, you were we still are but kid, Alington. So, yes, you were. We still are, but I know they go, but Tom makes it a town name. Mm, can't name a child a town. I don't think so, except for Oslo, I think that's a great name.

That is a really good name. And I don't know, nobody uses it, even if you Google baby names, male baby names. Oslo's not in the list. Oslo, they go, yeah, but it's a name of a town. But isn't Oslo, Oslo, is there a jazz musician called Oslo, something other? Feels like there is. There's not a lot. There's not a lot of Oslo's around. Oslo Davis is the cartoonist for the age. Oh yeah, there you go. There's one. There's one. Yeah. But there's not a lot.

Oslo, yeah, I love it. Anyway, we're way off. No, but that's okay. Yacht C. Right? Yeah. Now, the Yacht C party. You want to invite a lot of people around your house to play Yacht C. What do you call this event? The Yachtsy party. You call it the Yachtsy party, don't you?

And then what position does that put you in? Are you the head of the Yachtsy party? Are you a neo-Yachtsy? A neo-Yachtsy? I don't think you can be a neo-Yachtsy. No, you're right, I've pushed it. Pushed it beyond it, but there's any connection. No, yeah, yeah. So, you could be a Yachtsy sympathiser though. I guess I'm a Yachtsy sympathiser. I'm a... What is it when you kind of like you appreciate the game? You kind of understand. You like it. I do.

You know, a fishinado? Do you have any yachts you remember, Billy? You don't understand. There's been no huge misunderstanding. I mean, what can we do with this? Other than the name of a party that you're running at your house. I think, I guess the misunderstanding, right, there has to be a misunderstanding that, you You're being dragged away by the police for hate crimes and you're shouting at the topic you're lungs, you don't understand.

I was just recruiting for my... Dice-based game. Get together. I don't even remember what Yachty is. You know Matt Stewart plays a lot of Yachty. He plays a lot of Yachty? Yeah. He and his beloved went through a huge Yachtsy period. Really?

Yeah. And it's crazy to me because when I had played Yachty in the past, seems like a game with almost no redeeming features, like no element of fun. Because what you're doing is you're rolling. Like six dice. Yeah. Or something like that. You're trying to get...

You're rolling and then you're looking for pairs and then I think you take away all the ones that aren't pairs and you roll the dice again. There's not a lot of skill involved. Yuck. Yuck, yeah. I mean, you do have to have the skill of being on record and that recognize pairs. But what's the, there's no basis on which to riff, it doesn't feel like it's the start of anything. Like even something like, you know, or Uno?

See, we always pronounced it you know growing up But I think then when I came to the mainland everyone was on this Uno trade and I'm like oh Yeah, I feel like a real a real hick from the sticks, you know when you come into town Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm you cool new friends if they want to play you know and then they look at you and they say do you mean they don't know that yeah And they say no They chase you out Anyway, at least that game there's like the element of Ha ha hit you with this hit you with that, you know, you can build up a friendly rivalry you can get us out of a I don't there's a dynamism to it. Yeah, you know, whereas

Yeah, it's just like let's just watch Waterfall I think I think anytime there's like a game like that, this is based entirely off of random, random chance. It feels like you could just be gamifying your life. Like every time you get sick, you lose a point. You know what, that's not actually a bad idea. Right, and so at the end of the year, we, somebody wins a prize.

And then like you do this with your group of friends. I think, I think, gamifying health is very good. Yeah. Yeah. Not fitness. No, no, no. This isn't the traditional competitive fitness kind of thing. You know, this isn't your Strava.

This isn't our, our last year competing with his dad to see you can run the game. That's not competing. We're, I'm, I'm, Without competing, I'm getting his respect. I'm earning approval through him seeing that I do exercise. You do exercise. That I take care of my body. Or push it beyond its limits. Yes, it's very limits.

And they are very limits. I've done 39 runs this year. It's good. I've done 39 runs this year. It's good. I've done maybe two. Hello. Yeah. That's more than none. I think you're on a good roll.

I might also have done none. I can't remember. I don't want to explain it last week. I was running around like three weeks in a row, once with Cath. Every day. No. Oh. No.

No. I ran three times one time. Over three, over 21 days. Yeah. That's cool. I actually do want to play game of fighting health with against you. So what do we win at the end? Every month you put in, if it was $100 each, it's good.

You put in $100 for the year. I wonder, they should do a study into this. Because the placebo effect is almost always a positive thing in which you tell your body that you're going to get some kind of benefit out of something, right? But what if you told your body that you're going to lose $100 if you get sick, you know? That's an interesting, different approach to helping the mind have control over the limbic system. Like you go to a doctor and they say, I've got bad news, you have cancer and then at the moment it's 50-50. And then you say, I like those odds. Let's make this interesting. 100 big ones says I recover. The doctor says you're on. Okay. And this is covered by Medicare, by the way. This is all under medical care.

Right. So the doctor's not out of pocket, right. But now things are interesting, you know. And you stand to make 100 big ones if you kick the big say. Wow. Anything. I mean, I guess it'll be interesting to see if it has any effect. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, let's say you and me were to play this game, which we could halt, you know, healthy oncy.

Yeah. Right. Um, if I did say get cancer, I'd be like, God damn, that takes me further away from winning 100 bucks in the year. So that could be, so it's a double stinger. Yeah, but I mean, I think there's got to be an option to come back. Oh, well, the cancer is just one sickness. Exactly. come back, you know, like... Oh, well, the cancer is just one sickness. Exactly, you know, and that's only worth a certain number of points or whatever it is.

So it could be like, with life expectancy, it's a bit... No, I think like... You catch three colds in the year, you're on three points. Yes. Like day, you catch three colds and a cancer, you're on four points. Oh, literally every disease is just one point per disease. Yeah. So when you have...

So when you have... So when you have... You answer isn't worth any more or less than the disease. No, it's just a disease. So purely numerically. The only way time it's bad is if you get something that's like, you know, like AIDS that decree the immune system thing. Oh, you're removing the immune system thing.

Then you're really done. Now you're like, God, it's gonna really cripple my game. But it's golf rules, so you wanna get the lowest score possible. Yes. Right. And yeah, so like when you were going through your, your sort of diary, a nipple boil, kind of scenario. Diary, a nipple boil.

You would have been, you would have been really lost this year, I think. I would have been a real. But then I've caught about three colds, you know, in the last month or so. I think that is a sketch. And I think I just send a text message, I'm sorry. I'm organizing a lift for after this podcast

so that I can be taken away from this place and to a different place. We're all live with my family. The Yacht Sea Party. The Yacht Sea Party. That's what I call my family. Again, I don't know why I'm just seeing some other joke that I saw, but.

It's funny to inject some comedy into the podcast. You know that footage of a sange getting taken away? Yes. Did you see the one where they re-voiced his voice so that he was going, um, what is the charge? Eating a Chinese meal? A succulent Chinese meal? I think I saw that in a text-based thing, but not with actual audio.

But for our listeners, again, we've brought this up on the podcast in the past, but this is the funniest piece of video that exists. Look at Google's succulent Chinese meal. In YouTube. And then just watch this first person's story. Google YouTube succulent Chinese meal me and then YouTube Google as well You know people are always Googling YouTube, but when was the last time YouTube got the chance to YouTube Google?

Something's been the come up sure, but um, but yes It's very funny video of a man being arrested outside a restaurant for trying to not pay for his meal. And it turns out he's a serial offender of this type of thing. And he's just an incredibly pompous and overblown, quite funny, loud man. And it's very funny. with a free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill.

Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. And I'm going to write a short film based on his life. Really? Yeah, I am. When? I am soon. Could you do it on your way home? Yeah, okay. You could write it with your lift partner.

It's gonna be called a succulent Chinese meal. Yeah. And but it's gonna be meal like is in like a ground almond. Everything. Yes, spells exactly the same. But I think people will know. Yeah. Succulent, ground almonds.

Exactly. Yeah, probably the greatest achievement of Australia. Something happened recently and I was like, oh, this is the only good thing Australia has ever done. What was it? I'm trying to remember. What about that fake skin? That fake skin?

For like... But have we actually seen that being used in... I don't know that many burn people burn people. But I don't know, I wonder if the fake skin, because this is Elizabeth Blackburn, the scientist from Western Australia, I believe, got the Nobel Prize. Did she? For working on fake skin, I think. But I don't think that, or maybe she was Australian over the year, one of the other. I know I might have got a name wrong as well, and I'm so sorry. But I wonder if it was one of those things

where it's like, here's the innovation, it's all gonna be ready for human trials within the next 10 years, you know? I thought it was already a spray on thing. Maybe it is, well, I mean, I saw a video that made it look like that, but I wonder again, if that's, because this is everything. little trick of editing. There needs to be an app, right, that you just have on your phone that just sends you alerts when

the scientific breakthroughs that you heard about on the news 15 years ago are finally becoming a reality, right? Because it seems like all you ever hear about is the initial study that shows that this could be effective in mice, right? And then that's the big news story. And then you're like, oh great. And then you find out that it's not actually available yet. And you're like, oh, the world is dull and empty, right?

We've never actually gonna make any progress. But if there was a thing that just pinged on your phone, it was like, hey, remember this study, bloop. There's the one with the mice that regrow their legs after you burn them with debt, all right? And then you're like, oh yeah, regrowing their legs. Well now this child has regrow on their legs. And then they have a picture of the child

that's regrowing their legs. And you're like, ah, it's real. And you can go out and cut your legs off with impunity. Now you know. Confidently. Now you know, because what this app does is it now tells you it's another kind of freedom, isn't it? It's an update on your freedom because previously you couldn't cut your legs off and that was a way in which the universe kept us under wraps, you know, imprisoned. In prison, exactly. Prison fate, we all are, and our legs, right? But now, when we get this update, we're like,

see, I'm a little bit more free, and a little wheel, color wheel, ticks around from red to slightly more green, until eventually, one day, we will all be 1,000% free. It's Christmas colors. It's Christmas colors, yeah. You're right, a season of freedom. And I think that's Christmas colors. Yeah, you're right. A season of freedom and I think that's a sketch

So what is it? It's breakthrough updates Which get let you know when you when you've got the freedom to do more dangerous and stupid things with your life Because finally this science has caught up to the point where you can now do it without having to worry about it So so it's like freedom increases. Freedom updates. Yeah. But a really sort of narrow and not very meaningful definition of freedom, which basically is a kind of a freedom to be an idiot and take risks. You know?

I mean, obviously there is the side of this thing where it's like, well, that's actually quite good. You know, you would want that. You would want people to have breakthroughs so they can grow back their legs for other reasons. But humorously, you know, we are misinterpreting it as a way to sort of just increase our, I don't know, sense of entitlement or whatever it is. Some toxic attitude to... If you could regrow some part of your body, just start again with it, which one would you want? You tongue? You know what that would actually be quite good.

If I could regrow my tongue, would it start out as a tiny little tongue like a baby's tongue? Yeah. Because that would be quite funny. Yeah. You know, a small tongue in a big mouth, that's comedy. That's right. It would make you seem more like a different type of creature.

And I think the sounds I would make would be very different. I probably wouldn't be able to do a lot of the, because my tongue wouldn't reach all the way to the front of my tongue wouldn't reach all the way to the front of my teeth and that sort of thing. So I would... I hung right there. I would do that. I would hang around.

I would hold on to that. Especially a lot. A few weird episodes of the podcast. The podcast, yeah, sure, until my tongue grew in. But also I would get a fresh set of taste buds, right? So I'd be able to taste everything in new. I'd be like a baby. I mean, a baby with like a, set of taste buds, right? So I'd be able to taste everything in new. I'd be like a baby.

I mean, a baby with like a, with the full set, like when you get a new set of watercolors, right? And all the paints are there. You know all the different ones. And you're like, aha! I haven't burned any of these colors off yet. Yes, haven't wasted, right? And then you could go out and you drink bleach

or something, you'd be like, ah, finally I can taste this as a baby would. Yeah. I think maybe, I think we'll be able to get a new back. Like I don't have a back that really hurts, but I think my back is my hideous part. You know when I would get it, you'd get it in your butt. And you'd get it all. I'm getting you butt hole. I think I'm getting hemorrhoids.

Really? Yeah. Oh man. I think it's happening. And you know, I just got a, like, I don't want that. No, you're becoming an adult now. I'm for killing a real man. Yeah.

Yeah, a dad. A dad, your hemorrhoid dad. Hemorrhoids. And... Hermorrhoids. Hemorrhoid rage. Mmm. Word association. Yes, new word. But wait, what is like growing these new bits? What is this? What is this? We're not going very deep into any of these ideas. Oh, that's okay. Well, no, it's not okay. I think it's it's more fun if we were actually Deep into something You know, good. All right, well growing new bits, right? You know what we're doing that? Why? Because the government is doing it. Everybody gets one new bit, right? You get one new bit. And now you've got a card, right? You can go in. Everybody, and then you just go to the side.

What's in you get new bit going to be, right? And they grow them in a vat, right? And there's just enough for everybody to get one. Right? And then you... Also, you get like... So it's not your body growing them. You get a new pair from a vet. From a vet?

Yeah. But then why would you have a tiny tongue? Then that's an Oreo. Why would you buy a tiny... Get a tiny tongue? Or a tiny butthole. I think you just, like, it's your body can grow back. Okay, sure.

I mean, I wonder what it looks like. And why would you think of the mullin' of that? Like, you can imagine... You can just floating around and you should out with a net. Yes, but you can imagine what it's interesting. It's interesting. You can imagine what it's like to regrow a ton, right?

Because the ton feels like something that just starts off as a little nub and then it gets bigger. But it doesn't, it does not make sense to imagine growing a new butthole, right? And I think that's because the butthole is the first thing that grows when the cell is, when your body is forming, it's a tiny little embryo. I think we start off just as the butt

and then we grow through a tube and the tube turns into our digestives and then everything grows off that, doesn't it? Do you show your surface as a butt? Well, I don't know if we start as a butt, but we start as the blob and then that blob turns in on itself. Yeah, yeah, making that little tube basically becomes what, two ends. Yeah, I guess at some point you're about the size of a butthole. But you can't imagine the butthole re-growing, right?

Because it's a... Well, because it's a hole, I suppose. You can't grow a hole. Yeah, but here's how I think it would grow. You were growing a new butthole. It would just be there would be another one underneath that kind of comes through and you sort of start the other one on the outside of the ring starts to dry and shed. Oh! You know, and so it would look a bit like that crusty shell of an insect that stuck to a tree

when the cicada or whatever, like that, just shed it. You just get this dry crusty butthole and it would probably, you'd probably just lose it in the toilet as well. Yeah. Or you'd, you'd, you'd, you'd peel it off. Mm. And you'd just hold it up like there against the light. Right. You wish the light flood through it. Ah, my old friend.

Yeah. And then you say, you're finally free. Yeah. And you blow into it. I thought you were about to eat it. And it teed us to dust. No, I'm about to. That's not freedom. That's putting it back into the system. Yeah, I think you say you say you say you're in a LA, you know, to your

Vale, no, I've started hearing in last couple of years people say, Valle and it's made me go, wow, that's never how I read it in my head. Valle sounds so much stupid. Of course it was in my mind It was Valle. Valle, right? And you put your butthole onto a burning barge. No head and it sounds so much stupid. Of course, it was, in my mind, it was veil. Vail, right? And you put your butthole onto a burning barge, you put it out into a river. I think it probably is more correct that it actually is volley, but there's no way I would ever say that.

You're right. And I've never said it out loud before now, I don't think. And this was my first attempt, and I thought, I'll go with volley because I think that's in the, in the zi at the moment, right? But if I was true to myself, I would have gone with violin because that is what I have read every time. Good night little brother.

Your work here is done. Yeah. He ain't heavy. He's my coach. But oh. Yeah. I love the idea of you standing there on a wind swept cliff. You just let it go with the wind. Lands on the beak of an animal, a bird flying by and it keeps its shut.

The beak stays shut. Yeah, the beak goes inside the butthole, the dry butthole, and then it can't open its beak and a bird dies because it can't eat. More butthole littering. All that butthole, you know, people, because people are discarding their buttholes there by the Assisite.

I think a sketch in which somebody's butthole has worked so hard their whole life, but then eventually gets retired one way or another. And then is either cremated or dries up as you describe and is set free. And then maybe we see the butthole in some sort of afterlife. You know, where are you waiting for you? Waiting for you. Oh, you know, where it is. Waiting for you. Waiting for you. Oh, you get to meet it there and you're so, and you're like, you barely recognize it

because it's so happy and free. What do you think the butthole, like butthole heaven, what do you think that would be like? Do you think this is regular heaven? What do you think? Well, I wonder, I wonder what would be considered heavenly for a butthole. You know, I think maybe just... Oh, soft, three-ply.

Three-ply, sure, but I think even any form of toilet paper, I think like just moisturiser or something, right? Oh, what about your held up by... A bidet. A bidet jet. Yeah, like when someone, you know, when a cartoon character gets squirted out of the, the blowhole of a whale, it's just balancing there. I'm just on this perfect jet of warm water.

Yeah. Yeah, that's a butthole, heaven. Butthole, heaven. I think that's a sketch, right? So wait. The five buttholes you meet in heaven, the five body parts you meet in heaven, all something like that.

I think there's a, there is a beauty to letting go and having a part of your body that has worked so hard for you. You know, I'm going to call it the worst job on the body. But it doesn't matter because I think a lot of stuff that we find gross. It's more of a social conditioning. Like, for example, the idea of seeing finding your parents naked gross. I feel it's something that is just taught to you in high school or primary school, where people go, ooh, like that.

Oh, as a comedy, that's a comedy thing, teaching you that reaction. And then you go, oh yeah, that's how I should be saying, and I better not say that, because it's weird being around kids right now and when it's like it's just normal that's where we don't think about bodies is bad things. But then you go to school and people teach you to be to think of bodies as bad things, right? And then suddenly, and then I guess you get old again, and then you take care of your elderly parents and

you're back to just being like, yeah, and so you do, and so outside of the social contact, like if you were, let's say having to wash your elderly parents in front of your old high school friends, there might be become embarrassing again. But are they also washing their elderly parents or are they still high school age? Maybe. And if they're still high school age,

then I think it could be embarrassed. Because that would be the worst. They've still got their bullying instincts as to shop. And their youthful bodies. Yes, so they can run and also punch you in these shoulder. And their bodies have an age, too, as well. So they can still see older bodies as gross.

So do you think that people say that hell is, you know, being trapped forever in a room with your friends? But maybe hell is having to wash your naked, elderly parents' bodies in front of your still youthful child with bullies. Having your still youthful Chinese bullies. Chinese bullies. Chinese bullies.

Chinese. So that was a complete accident.ful Chinese bullies. Chinese bullies? Don't point it at Chinese. That's the sort of thing. That was a complete accident. Teenage bullies. You're probably thinking about how in certain countries, the teenagers, they do still look after their early relatives in a much more, you know, caring and family-minded way. Yeah, that's what I was thinking about. When that, how that slipped across between sentences and cross concepts.

I was thinking about a succulent Chinese meal. Is that anything? Okay, this is a court in which there is no limit to their power in terms of punishment. Because I think we've learned that incarceration doesn't work for such a huge range of crimes. Right? People go in for a minor crime and they come out hard and criminals. People go in for a bad crime and it doesn't seem adequate, you know, for the hurt they've done or the damage they've caused. Yeah. I think we

need to open up the scope of what's possible in terms of criminal punishment to include such things as having to wash your naked parents elderly parents bodies in front of your still youthful Chinese police That one I was barely conscious of that coming out that way. I'm seeing a red flag way. I'm seeing a red flag. And yeah, I think that that should be within this go for what the judge has available to offer. Another thing the judge should have available is they should just be able to seal up one of your nostrils. Oh my god. Now that's that's all both is both is that too much? Is that my carb? I mean it's crazy.

It's pretty bad just because you think about it, but I guess if you can never breathe through it, but you've got to hope that that fluid can still drain. Sometimes you get it to the point where it feels like both nostrils are totally blocked. And then you can use your finger to block one nostril and you can drag in some air, somehow squeeze some through the other nostril.

And that feeling is really horrible. That feeling is like, oh, this is what sadness feels like in a nostril. Sure. Sad nostril. Yeah. Like, wait, I know that there are fundamental things wrong inside my head. The pipes are not good. So what is the sketch idea? And this, well, is this the additional judge options

for punishment? Yeah, unlimited punishment potential, creative punishments? Creative, well, it's not that it's creative, it's that we're going deeper to try to properly publish. creative punishments? Creative. Well, it's not that it's creative, it's that we're going deeper to try to properly publish. Yeah. Yeah. The sentencing guide, the book, the big book of sentencing suggestions

would be so thick, you know. So wait, but this is an alternative to going to prison. Yeah. And so then what, but is that the alternative to going to prison. Yeah. And so then what, but is that the idea that you're actually just trying to make their life horrible? Well, I mean, what do we have? I mean, if you want to make somebody's life horrible, you could hurt them. You can then flogging or something, right?

That takes the skin off their back and they do that in some countries, right? But we're not doing that because we think that that's my car. But I mean, we are trying to bring, you do want there to be some consequences. Your punishment to be closer to the crime. Yeah, and maybe, or just to be adequate to the crime, and maybe this is the thing, see, people say, well, if we had capital punishment,

people knew the death penalty was an option, they wouldn't do as many crimes, right? Or they wouldn't do these kinds of crimes because they would know that then they could be killed for it. I don't know if that's ever been proven to be an adequate deterrent for anything. I think before that that's not the case. But what if you knew that if you committed corporate fraud or transported

a endangered species across more than two time zones, you know, that you could have to wash your elderly parents in front of your store and use Chinese bullet, or Chinese. It's now just coming out. Teenage. Teenage bullies. Yeah, but now I'm wondering whether that is much of a, you know, like, of punishment in terms of like the law, like if you've killed somebody or... Well, I'm not saying that this is for you've killed somebody, right?

This is for something else, right? And the idea is that you look at that and you're like, oh, you're right, that would be awful. I mean, that's the joke, isn't it? I think, I think in this case, it's almost worse just that some people who have bullied you get to become young again. That's already really interesting. I love it, isn't it? Yeah. You know, that's already pretty bad because then not only of you kind of not getting to live your life to the max, but then you see other people kind of get to get another like extra 20 years back. Yeah, well this is like when you say, oh, I'm trying to finish writing this book.

If I don't write this book, I'm going to donate $500 to the Ku Klux Klan, right? It's like, if I do this crime, then my bullies, childhood bullies are going to be given the I think that would make you reconsider. You're a path of crime. Of course now you're doing something nice for someone. By giving them their use. Yeah. You could say, oh, yeah, my wife bullied me and so did my kid. And my parents.

And my parents. I mean, this basically occurs in a magical universe. Yeah, you could say, oh, yeah, my wife bullied me and so did my kid and But I think this at parents. I mean this basically occurs in a magical universe Right, I mean if we're giving people the elixir of youth then we also have the magical ability to work out Exactly who the people are that they wouldn't want that given to and give it to them. Yeah, are you right? So it's like it's punishment Yeah, you're right. I'm right. So it's like, it's punishment by kindness, by... By kindness to your enemies. To your enemies, yeah.

My enemy, the friend of my enemy is the court system, in this case, of me versus... The court, should we go to our three words? Yeah, let's get our three words from our list, list, list, tain list, list, tainers. This listener is known as Mitch Griffiths. Mitch Griffiths God. It's always a holiday for the mouth when you get to say Mitch

Griffiths, you know, it's everything. It's everything. It's everything. It is everything. But what are the words through it? And thanks for your donation, Mitch. Thank you, Mitch, for being a part of the pool of Patreon people. And thank you to all of you for any donations that you have done or that you will do in

the future if you go to patreon.com slash to entangue. And then reminder to anyone who is a Patreon, jump on there. If you're not already giving, you haven't given us your words or you haven't given us a new set of words, jump back on there, give us more words. Yeah. We'll take them.

Exactly. Or if for some reason your words haven't been done and it seems like they've been forgotten and it's been a long time. Seabes. And if it seems to you like we've done Mitch Griffiths like three times and haven't done any of yours. Yeah, please just give us a reminder

because sometimes some messages slip through the cracks of life. The cracks of the net, a large whole net. That's right. And also send us some ideas for those who are on the $8 thing and can get the two bonus episodes. Send us some ideas for topics for what kind of ideas we could come up with in one of the episodes.

Things that we've done recently, we've come up with in one of the episodes. Things that we've done recently, we've come up with ideas for celestial bodies. We've come up with ideas for fitness regimes. We've come up with ideas for constitutions for countries. Uses for STEM technology. Yes. So yeah, check some out. Sex toys.

Sex toys, that was fun. That was a Daniel K idea. Daniel K's Let's's play, podcast. You all know it well. Mm-hmm. All right, so our three words from Mitch Griffiths is dad's bad monkey. Oh yeah.

Dad's bad monkey. Which suggests that dad has a good monkey. Maybe. Maybe, yeah. Or he just has a bad monkey and then he has an even worse monkey, you know. It's true. Our monkey's relative.

Yeah, no. It's not daddy's, it's not dad's worse monkey. It's just his bad one. It's not his terrible one. I mean, we're taking this as a phrase, you know, Dad's bad monkey, but a lot of the times we get three words that are totally unrelated, right? This could be Dad's, this could be bad, this could be monkey, you know? There are separate concepts, and it's up to us

to find the connections. Not necessarily one of ownership and one of relative state of evil. That's true. You evil, totally disconnected data points in the night sky. And we're assuming these are all words and not acronyms. Yeah, that's a thing that we very often assume when we read the written word, isn't it? Almost all of that. But anything could be an acronym.

Mm-hmm. Even the word acronym. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. The first day stands for acronym. Even the word acronym. The first day stands for acronym. I wonder what the rest stands for. Cronym. Cronym.

Ronym. Ronym. Ronym. Nim. Nim. And motherhood. Alright, so let's say a dad. What is a dad?

It's a father, it's the thing with his kids. Mm. Yeah, so I mean, yeah, we've obviously, yeah, the dad, so that implies that you have a dad, right? And then, you know, I mean, there's the home of a situation of like he gets that helper monkey, right? And then he starts treating that. Does he treat that like a child?

Or does he just treat it like a friend who he leads astray? I think that's what happens. Yeah. Right? But like, what about this? Right? It's a family, right? Of monkeys.

Could be. Okay, yeah. Keep going. I was just gonna say it's a family. They have two children, right? They want another child. Yeah. And then one day dad brings home a monkey, right? And he says to the they've been trying they haven't been able to have a child. Meos, I finally found something to get me a rail. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. and stuff. I mean, it's got the same number of arms and legs and stuff. It's the same. You can check the DNA. It's pretty close. Pretty close, you know, probably more in common with, you know, with us than with people across the road. Yeah, who are always playing yachting. Yeah. So, uh, their dad, you know, doesn't understand basically the difference between a monkey and a child and thinks that you can just substitute anything with the same number of arms and legs.

He basically regards as being equivalent. So like dogs and tables. Dogs and tables. He sees them as exactly the same. Yes. Starfish and spider with three legs missing. He sees them as I did. That's the same thing. Yeah. Wait, a ladder. Yes. And his wife. Yeah. The rest of the reason why you can't have any more kids because he keeps mistaking his wife for his Alladda for his wife and

Advocca Yeah, is this trauma because his wife passed away or something? Right Much like when you're born like a duck is born it imprints on the first person that it sees Maybe a gentleman who does. When he's white, he imprints on the first object. With the same number, two-legged object that he sees. I think that is actually a sketch.

Right? Yeah. And, I mean, what that would mean then is that zoos or some kind of friendly organization would try and get to these men as soon as their partner dies and using some sort of a puppet on the end of their arm, start interacting with them to be able to trick them into thinking that that is their wife and then help them guide them through the grieving process and then help them eventually to migrate to their ancestral breeding grounds in sort of northern Russia. And they find them nice, like a rock looks like an egg to sit on. Yeah, for a bit.

What do they need to do to get this guy, cure this guy, this thing? Cure him. Yeah, make him feel like, you know, it's like, because it's kind of, I mean, it looked for some of the guys that got under guns, like quite a bit of tragedy. Yeah. But what would fix? Well, I think if they do do the puppet, why I think that's there is a sort of a placeholder so that you don't imprint on a ladder or an easel or something like that.

Or easels have three legs, really, don't they? No, yeah. He's not going to imprint on an easel. No. Unless one of the legs is broken and you're just leaning it up against the wall. Yeah, yeah, a broken easel. You don't even print on a broken easel. But maybe an EMU. But yeah, it could happen. And then you get, so you get that in there, right? The puppet, right? And you're looking after this guy until you can arrange a scenario in such a way that he does meet a woman who would be good for him to move on with and he's ready to. And then at that point you make it look like the

puppet gets sucked into a woodchipper or something like that. And you arrange things in such a way that the other, but then doesn't better. Oh yeah, because that partnership comes in at the right. Just as it was in print, he needs to in print. God forbid that the woodchipper has two legs. then the other, but then doesn't, better. Oh yeah, because that partnership comes in at the right. Just as he was in print, he needs to imprint God forbid that the woodchipper has two legs and somehow he mistakenly falls from a woodchipper. Yeah, or one of those like mobile cranes.

You know, those, it's like mostly on wheels, but it lets out those two legs on either side to stabilize it. Yeah. You didn't realize and that'd be off because you just start hearing like a beep beep beep. And it's the legs going down as they hit the groan. It looks like the window. Oh no. Seizes wife being his puppet wife being dragged into the plates. I think that's a sketch, Ellen. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, great. Dad, dad, print. Dad, printed, dad, print. You written that down? Yeah. No, you were ahead of me.

You wrote it down. I just got a name. I don't even notice. Social. You take us through these. I don't know what this first one means. Oh, no, that's a great sign. Read it to me, and I'll see.

Oh, okay, no friendship, not taking in any red flags. So that's the pre-existing conditions. Yeah, pre-existing conditions. You're not taking in anybody who has any kind of, any fresh problems. If you want to develop problems once you're a my friend, I will absolutely be there for you 110 percent I think that's why people hide who they are at the beginning of dates. That's right. You got to slip into the

Yeah, to the zone. Yeah Then there's the the yacht's party Which is very well defined sketch. Yeah I mean look at somebody get so much more than just a No, but I mean somebody really taking away Game of Taking away if they're getting taken away and they go no, it's just a mistake It's the Yacht's he already we thought about this

Gamma fine. Yeah, we are so tired. I don't know if you can tell. I just kicked in. Man, after the recording this the day after the comedy festival is finished. Even though this is coming out a week after the comedy festival is finished. Yeah, I was recording it straight away. I'm going to be on, when this is coming out, I am currently on my honeymoon. So I'm getting married two days ago from when you're, days ago from when you're listening to this, but or six days away from now. And we're just so tired from the end of the company festival. And I'm sorry that this is, we've just lost the 3rd podcast for today. And we are like floating out into nothingness.

Yeah, I've still had a dead engine. I was trying to hold up in my eyes. All right. Oh! Okay, gamifying healthy of health. That's when you compete with your friends to have the least diseases over the course of a year and you get 100 big boys.

Yeah. But I still also think that betting your doctor when you get a cancer diet knife is... That ain't your doctor. It's pretty saltwater as well. Freedom updates. Yeah, that's when you get an app on your phone, it tells you when, you know, they finally invented a cure for losing your legs. Yeah. All right. And so you can throw them away. You're going to afford to toss your legs. Like, as

like I just heard, there's a thing today where they were like, they're trialing a type of cannabis that helps treat people's diabetes. Oh, you see, perfect. Then we won't have to stop eating bags of lollies. You know, let's just be starbursts after starbursts. First rules are starbursts. Oh, that's starburst. Whoever it was at starburst, had the great idea of just putting in more flavor

into everything. Yeah, that was a really good idea. Yeah, they were holding back on the flavor with a lot of other sweets. I felt like we're ready for jubes to be hipsterized and have even more flavor put in. Wow, you think that's, that tell they'll do it. Well, I think that's one of the ways they can do it. Maybe they'll put grit in there.

Yeah, well, you'll find out it'll be like salt or something. Yeah. That's so great. Salted, salted starbursts. Good happened. Yeah. Then we have the five, the five buttholes you meet in heaven. This is when your butthole dies and you can

grow in you. Yeah, you're gonna grow in you. Yeah, you're gonna grow in you. Grow in you butthole and then you see your butthole in heaven living on floating on top of a spray of bidet. What is this one? What is it? I think that's very clear. That's very clear. Sorry. It's the life cycle of the of the bottle. Yeah. This is then this new types of punishment, which is where you punish someone by being very kind to their enemies, like allowing them to

become youthful again, get an extra 20 years. Worst, the worst. I mean, that's amazing if we got that technology. Oh, imagine if you could make their enemies really productive. You know? Oh, yeah, become a really successful artist. Yeah.

I would teach them how to express themselves. Oh, because that would be the worst thing if everybody respected your enemies. Yeah. Oh, then you wouldn't complain about that. And then they came to you as this criminal and said, you should really look at some of this art. It really helped me. And you look at the art and you realize it's the art of your enemy.

And everybody loves it. Things are very worthwhile. The art of my enemy. I'll call George. Then we got man imprints on object after their partner dies. It's like the opposite of a duck. It's the opposite of a duck. It's obvious. It's very clear. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast. I'm sorry we're so tired.

But everything that we said today comes from a place of honesty. Yeah, and we mean that. We mean it because we don't have any defenses. We have no defenses of something. You know that you're getting really something very honest. Yeah. You can follow us on Twitter, I'm at Subeon Andy.

I'm at LSTWTB. We're at two in tank. You can suppose on Patreon if you can imagine doing such a thing. It's such a lovely thing when people do. Thank you so much to Mitch for the three words. And to everyone who's supposed to be on Patreon, and to everyone who listens to the podcast, to everyone who came to our comedy festival, two weeks ago, and to everyone who went to Al's wedding on the weekend. And we love you.

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