Two In The Think Tank - 183 - Salivatore's Restaurant

Episode Date: May 14, 2019

The Gushing Chef, Workplace Raspberries, Nu-Food, The Restaurants of Australia, Reverse Parachute, Personal Dirigible, Santa Clause 3: The Easter Bunny, Othermatepia, The Genital Long Game.Hey, why not listen to Al's new meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereRefined, effortlessly elegant thanks to George Matthews for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroardcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. Bones, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans I'm Andy Matthews. That is absolutely correct. Thank you, 100%. That's right. Yeah. That is exactly the amount that it is right. You've heard of yes and? Yeah. This is absolutely.

Yeah, this is and and more absolutely. This is your right. You're you're 100% correct and... Hello, honey. You're 100% correct. I am hello. I am hello. Okay, this is an in-pro scene. You say hello, honey. Hello, honey. an in-pro scene. So I said, you say hello, honey.

Hello, honey. My name's not hello. What are you talking about? And why would you say honey instead of my name and say it? Mm, say it back to me. Hello, honey. Wrong.

Oh, my voice is a bit funny. You know what it is? I just haven't been talking. I just haven't been podcasting. Haven't been interacting with Alistair. Hey, you know, let me ask you, I hear you've been doing some renovations. Thanks for asking. And so there's been a lot of sort of probably dust and things like that from that. Have you been wearing any kind of protective stuff over you? No, I haven't Alistair.

Good. Well, that's why your voice is fucked up because you've got... You know, I've been cutting stone with a diamond tipped saw. You've got silicoces. That's what it is. That's why your voice is changing a little bit. It's okay. It's only one of Andy's last podcast.

Till the silicoces took him. The the silicosis took him, you know. I think you may make it to the 200th episode. We've established what voices sound like after years of smoking, right? It's sort of rich and husky and very sexy and authoritative. That's right. But there are so many other things out there that we could have people in Hale for years and then see what their voices wind up like. Could be whole new fields of vocal range that are yet to be discovered. Fast mountains, vast terrains. Well, I guess you could make people rich and husky by feeding them sort of diamonds drenched in fat. I feel like that would probably have a similar effect. Yeah. But it might not.

Especially if you fed them down the throat hole. No, but I'm not breathing hole. No, but I'm not saying it does it to their voice. I'm saying it makes them both rich and asking. And asking. I mean, I get, I just got the dog thing while you said dog before I was like, I was just a fat dog. At first I didn't understand. I just got the dog thing while you said dog before I was like, I was just a fat dog.

At first I didn't understand. So it's a great. We both didn't get each other's husky reference. Mm. Yeah. Now Andy, we're here to come up with sketch ideas, if you call them. Find the Malaste, that's how many we're supposed to come up with. But hang on, when you think of the throat, what do you think of?

Sort of, like a camera going down there and it's... Which bit is the throat? Is the breathing hole? Is that the throat? Or is the food hole? Is that the throat? Or is the throat the whole neck? The throat? Not the neck. I just think of it as inner neck. Inner neck. Everything under the skin is is throat No, because there's some bone there as well. That's not throat. Well

Throat is anything. So you feel the skin. There's the skin there. Yeah, right and then there's a thing There's a hard stuff there, isn't there? There's like a there's that more cartilage ebit. Mm-hmm I think if any bump is isn't it? Yeah, it's bumpy. Lots of wires in there. Lots of important stuff. It's essentially it's a bulkhead. It's a bulkhead, forgetting the wires, connecting the head to the body. And yeah, so I think there's some wires maybe in between the skin. I think it's more plumbing.

I think the wires are at the back in the spine. Right? Think of the front here it is some there's some like celebratory glands maybe I don't think you can sell a Come on down to Salovatoris. What? I mean, I just like a guy called Salovatoris who may, who may draw a lot. I think he draws. Yeah. I think he draws a lot.

Okay. What scenario is he in? It's an ad, it's an ad for Salovatoris. Okay. And you think it's gonna be a Salovator. It's a restaurant or something like that. It's a restaurant, sure. But it's all, every shot of all the food.

There's a lot of like trails of listening stuff across the bench tops and that sort of thing. Everybody's constantly trying to wipe, you know how when they plate up, they're always wiping the corners with that little tea towel, right? God, imagine what that tea towel's like at the end of the night. You could suck on that tea towel and you could taste a thousand flavors. Anyway, the point is-

Assuming they have that many flavors in their meals. Yeah, that's what it was. That's what it was. Yeah, thanks for pointing that out. I was picturing them having watched Gordon Ramsay's kitchen nightmares and seeing that one of the main tips that he keeps giving people is to simplify their menu. Man, you get it to some places.

You get it to some places. They have a big menu. A lot of the places as well, a super cheap restaurants with just pages and pages. And at some point, these are all just the same thing, aren't they? You've just given them different names. I think sometimes it's that, but then sometimes these are just insane people who just have that much stock in their fridge at all times.

They're just like all day long. They're just prepping for just any of it. Yeah, hopefully somebody will get the, we'll get the prawn salad or somebody will get the mud crab, you know, pancake. Bisc. Pancake Bisc. Pancake soup. That's a great idea. Think about it. You make a pancake then you blend it up and add some water to it.

I think you're exactly right, Elastair. Think of all these other things. We have that are foods, existing foods. Now, what if we don't treat them as existing foods? What if you don't think of cake as cake? What if you think of cake as like a carrot? It's like a carrot. It's just an ingredient. It's like putting it to something else. Yeah. This is new food. It is. This is new food. It's like, well, it's meta. It's next, it's because, you know, think of like a programming language, right? At the moment, or, you know, what do you have? You have like basic, which is the very bottom level

of coding, but then you have second generation language, third generation language, which is where you use a language that programs the basic, and then you have another thing that programs that language, we're doing that with food, right? We're taking, you think, the basic ingredients are like your flour and your water and your, you know, what apples. Apples, exactly, great example apples. Apples. Exactly.

Great example. To fire. Fire. Right. And then we're taking, so those things, you use those to cook something. And we take those, and we treat those as the ingredients, and then we start cooking with those. I mean, basically what we already said.

Yeah. So let's say, let's say, add one cup of spaghetti bolognese. Mix it in with a, you know, with a pinch of Doritos. Pinch of Doritos. So far this is seeming like these things kind of work together. Yeah it seems like we're basically making notches. Maybe while we're playing on now. Playing on?

Hang on. No, no, no, no. Now add two handfuls of beef strong enough. Again, we're keeping very straight with at least the beef's part. Okay. And now- The whole bolognese does sometimes have some pork in it.

Yeah. And now the next secret ingredient, creme brulee. Creme brulee, okay. And then you put that over the top. Yeah, yeah. Okay, no, you put it on the bottom, then you use a flame to burn the meat. Right. And then the meat caramelizes. And then you can caramelize meat almost certainly. Yeah.

I think that would be amazing actually. Caramelized meat, somebody get onto this. Well, that's what happens. It almost every time you cook the meat at the right temperature. You think? Yeah, yeah. That's the whole point. It's like you get that browning kind of thing. That's essentially it caramelizes. essentially, but is it actually? Yes. Yeah. Okay. You say very confident. Well, I do that with chicken. If you just fry chicken in a kind of non-stick pan, you fry it a little bit of oil on there and then it browns and it gets that really nice flavor. And then also you get all that flavor stuck to the pan, which then you can add stuff to deglaze it. And then-

This, I found out about deglazing only a week ago, probably. Exactly. And so you can take that off, and then you can keep that and make a little, maybe make a little jus, out of it, maybe a little sauce or something. Yeah, you pull that back on. Pour it back on.

Pandate. Drink some pandate, you say to you. It's pan-mood. It's pan-mood. Pan-mood. All right. Delicious pan-mood. All right, so look, celebratories, right?

He's a drooling man. Okay. Right, very high. And this is what I want in a chef. You know, forget it, people say, never trust a skinny chef. I say, never trust a chef who isn't constantly drooling. With a dry mouth. With a dry mouth.

Cotton mouth chef. Salivatory, he's directly across the road from cotton mouth. He's in direct competition with cotton mouth. And I mean, do they make the same food? What is it? All the chefs that I've worked with have done a lot of ecstasy. Right? Sure.

Now that dries up your mouth. Is that right? I think it can, yeah. Yeah. So I think that's probably really, they're just doing it as a reaction to all the constant delicious smells. It's probably, you know, they need it as a reaction to all the constant, delicious smells. It's probably, you know, they need to control this saliva.

So they're not just drooling all over the kitchen. Well, maybe that's what salivatory has to start doing when the health inspector gets sent in because somebody finds a suspicious, clear liquid on his plate, right? This liquid is suspicious. It's clear. Yeah clear liquid on his plate, right? This liquid is suspicious. It's clear. Like water. Yeah. Yeah, it's viscosity.

But then he holds it up to his nose. Oh, yeah. And then he smells and he goes, that doesn't smell like water. You know what water smells like? Well, this isn't water. No, but you smell saliva, right? Oh, I sure have.

Yeah. You know, if you smell saliva, it's one of the, it's a very intense smell. It's a very familiar smell. Let's, let's see here. I wonder, I wonder what saliva smells like in its liquid form. Because I feel like I've smelled saliva when it, like dries. Yeah. You know, like if you lick your hand, then it dries and you smell that. That can smell bad. But I wonder what, like, just like a cup of full of saliva would smell like. You think if you got like a larger quantity in one place, it might smell less? I wonder if the smell of saliva, because you don't, you can't smell your own breath very easily.

Right. It's really hard. Yeah. Okay. And I imagine that the smell of your saliva and the smell of your breath are inextricably linked. Right. Absolutely.

That's not a controversial statement. I mean, look, I'm sure that there's probably more to it. And I think, I wonder if the way that you, the reason that you can't smell your own breath is because No, that doesn't make any sense. Come on. Let's just let's go all the way. No, there's nothing there There's nothing there my logic falls apart, but I don't think you can smell wet saliva. I think you can okay Yeah, I think I have a kid who looks me all the time right now. Yeah, and I reckon I can smell it. I got a couple of those. Yeah, yeah Great. I think the a couple of those. Yeah. Yeah.

Great. I think the trick is to not lick back. Yeah. You can give raspberries, right? That's like a while hugely accepted form of child parent to child mouth contact is the giving of the raspberry. Yeah. Right.

But I think, you know, other stuff like if you were licking your child in public, people would say that's not on. Sure. But you can bite them as well. Yeah, you can bite them. So that's true. Like playful biting. Yeah, but you just can't lick them.

But I think it's mostly not okay to lick most people in most places. Sure. But it's also not okay to give people raspberries in most places. Yeah. You can give a child a raspberry, and I think it's because of the to give people raspberries in most places. Yeah. You can give a child a raspberry, and I think it's because of the funny sound, which elevates it. Yeah, well, there's fun, but I think you also can probably give raspberries to most people.

You just don't. Like, I think if you give raspberries to somebody, like none of the harassment cases that come out of offices are ever raspberry based because I think the fun makes it more okay. You're absolutely right. You know, you try and take a case like that to the courts and say, oh, he seemed like a fun guy. You know, he was always giving people raspberries

that just would be like, that is fun. He is a fun guy. Case closed. Case dismissed. Kevin, your case has been dismissed. Legally speaking, you are a fun guy. There's nothing they can do. I mean, it's pretty awful.

You go, you see footage of it and Kevin, you go, look, you're laughing, Kevin, you're having a good time, we can tell. Don't pretend. You weren't enjoying that. Yeah, I think that's a sketch. I think that's a sketch. I feel like this subtext is a bit uncomfortable.

Well, we'll play with it masterfully. We'll tiptoe around the doubtful areas. And it'll be done in an environment where everybody is equal. So there are no power dynamics. Right, perfect. To be exploited. It's in a future in which everything everyone is equal. So there are no power dynamics. Right. To be exploited. It's in a future in which everything everyone is equal. See? So it's not a, it's not ignoring the issues. It's, it's trance, it's, it's, it's trans, trans something, them, it's transcending them, you know? And that's something that we would all agree.

Is good, is good. Yeah, you're right. I would agree with that. What was the thing that was in between celebratories and the Raspberry court case? There was something in between that celebratories transitioned into? Oh, where he was starting, oh that's why he was,

he was starting to take drugs to try to... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, something else. Work workplace, health inspector. No, there was something else with foods, forms of food. Oh. Oh, using food as existing foods as ingredients. That's it, that's it, that's it.

That's a second tier restaurant or whatever it is. Is it a meta restaurant? Maybe we even order full meals from other restaurants. Some of the best restaurants in the world, how about this? It's a restaurant that cooks, using as its ingredients, meals from Hesse and Bloomingham Falls, the fat duck,

and whatever that one is that's in sort of Norway or something like that. And the eat-apotted dirt. I think these days if you have a fancy restaurant and you're not serving people a pot of dirt, are you even doing anything? Yeah, like it's not anything. It's not anything, exactly. You are, you're failing because that's what people go there to go to.

People go there going, well, I want to eat dirt. Where is the potter dirt? This is the only way that society is allowing me to eat a potter dirt and still maintain my status. $2,000 ahead, just so that I can eat something that's readily available just outside at all times. But this way, I can do it without having to bend down all the way to the ground. something that's readily available just outside at all times. But this way I can do it without having to bend down all the way to the ground. I only have to bend down as far as the table.

Unless they serve the dirt, unless they just, you go to the restaurant and they just point to the ground and say, eat that. And you have to get down on your hands and knees. I mean, a meal that served served, glazed on the floor. Mm-hmm. Okay, so you just have to lick the floor and it's like a jawbreaker as you work through

the layers. Yeah. You know, the outside layer is the entree. Yeah. I mean, the outside layer might just be bread glaze with butter. Mm-hmm. And you lick your way through it. You lick your way through it and then you're like, there's just different sections have been marked out on the floor. That's yours there. You go and

you lick your way through that and you eat that. How about this, right? It's a restaurant. You go, it's an open field, okay? And they strap a couple of tusks to the side of your head, some sort of a thing. This is already good. And then, and then you like a warthog have to root the food out from the dirt. Like you're digging out tubers. Tubers like like, like, exactly. Tubers, French horns, coronets, coordinates, coordinates. No, so, so, and you know, you get down there and there's a, there's a bit of a flugal horns. Flugal horns, absolutely the flugal horn. Trump. I never met a flugal I couldn't horn.

Is that anything? I like it. Yeah, thanks. I couldn't horn. But, you know, and then so then there's fully, there's fully, you know, made little food like there's some aron chini balls, you know, at the base of an oak tree, right? You're just going to dig the dirt out of the way with your, with your, with your tusks and then you can wolf them down, or is warthold them down?

Is the, is the dirt edible itself? Because I mean, that's why you're really there, isn't it? I mean, it's edible in the sense that all dirt is edible. You can't eat it. You can. Yeah. You know, it's probably not going to kill you. Well, it's not going to kill you.

How about that? Dirt is in that weird place, right? Because it's... We know it's healthy. We know it's got all the things that you want in plants. Yeah. Right? And it's not illegal to eat it.

I mean, very few things are. And no one really tells you not to. They tell you that when you were a toddler you did. They never said I stopped you. They never said it was bad. And we wash it off like if you buy say What's the thing that mostly a leak right?

Mm-hmm, and you cut it and then you open it up. There's some dirt in between you wash that off. Yeah, all right I think it I think because it's gritty. I think it's the grittiness that people say yeah, you shouldn't chew dirt No, yeah, yeah, but you can sort of like, you can sort of... You can gumbet. Yeah, mash it between your tongue and your palate. Yeah, and then you just need to make sure that you rinse with something before you go and do any chewing. Yeah, I mean, surely it's good for...

Like, you know, that's where all the... It feels like that's where all the undiscovered cures to all diseases. That's what it feels like, you know, they're in the dirt. In the dirt? Yeah. You know, that's the, like, the, you know, like the Pharaoh's tomb where there's this disease that's just been hiding in there. When was the last time you saw an earthworm with emphasema?

I haven't seen every, every warm that I've ever seen has perfect skin. It's incredible, isn't it? Unblemished. And you'd see it on a worm because all they are is skin. That's right, they're mostly, yeah. I mean, they're just skin and skin folds. Mm-hmm.

Which I think is the type of skin. Really? Yeah. Okay. Feels like it type of skin. Really? Yeah. Okay. It feels like it's an action. So have you written down the ingredient, food as ingredients for thing? New food. How do you feel about running down Warthog, Warthog's breath cafe?

Warthog's breath cafe? Well, do you have the, I'm now openly asking a question to our listeners, I ever see, is do you have, Hogs breath cafe elsewhere in the world? No, I think that's an Australian thing. It's an Australian thing. The worst-named chain. Hogs breath. Hogs breath cafe. I mean, when you're smelling meat and then you pretend that that's the breath of a hog, that's probably okay, but if you're somehow captured the actual smell of the breath of a hog hog saliva, which you would claim has no smell Can't be smell They just pump it in sort of like they pump it onto the street kind of like

That's one of those chains subway that smell of breading out the scent of a hogs breath. Hogs mouth. Hogs breath. You know, that's one of those things, right? Well, like, you can understand that being one restaurant because there are always lunatics, right? They're always going to be people who are not connected to reality or what's good or what other people want, right?

That's why we have dictatorships. So you'll open one restaurant and you'll call it Hogsbreath. Fine. But to successfully have a chain, which I assume might even be a franchise. People to want to get on board with that, that's wild. And that speaks to some sort of a deeper flaw in the human psyche that I think should be probed, probably using MRI machines. I agree.

I don't think there's anything that I wouldn't like to see probed with an MRI machine. I think they could tell us. I reckon I could pick something. What about your family? Yeah, no, I'm up for that. Yeah. What if they're really scared?

What do you do about my immediate family? Yeah, immediate. Now, if they're really scared, what are you doing about my immediate family? Yeah, immediate. Ah, I was thinking extended. No, well, it's obviously extended. We all want to see them put into medical machinery. But immediate, you just want to see them go through that. You know, they get nervous. You know, you go, and you have to like calm them down and you'll be like, this is fine. Okay, so look, I didn't write down the hogs thing yet. No, sorry. But it's because I felt like it's in the same vein as let's say the tile-licking restaurant, but I could picture this as-

Have you written down the tile- No, I haven't. No, I'm not writing down my silly idea for a restaurant. I just wanted to check. Yeah, you know, I still am relatively fair. Even my brother apparently was talking to my mother the other day about, like, he's like, don't make all three sons, the executors of the will.

Just get Alistair to do it, he'll be fair. That's amazing. Say I'm mostly fair here. I mean, look, you might not feel like you got an equal representation here. And I understand that writing down is power. But I have no desire to be a dictator. No, I, I, I asked it, look, I would say that fairness,

I don't, I don't think I know anyone else who is more concerned with fairness than you. I mean, look, I, I probably, It's almost like you've hogged all the fairness. I think that there's, there's, at least there's, maybe one, it occurred to me the other day, there's maybe one thing from Redbubble where we were selling t-shirts, a $16 amount that we got

that I don't think I've given you half of yet. Alistair, that's fine. There are probably all sorts of things. It plays on my mind. Well, I know what it is. And I want you to know that I can't keep I can't, I can't keep secrets anymore. I think it's just, it's just too hard. I don't want to keep secrets anymore.

Yeah, you've got $8 burning a hole in your PayPal. Yeah. Hell instead, I absolve thee. Thank you, but I'll still, I'll get, get that to you. Yeah, all right. And I think it's, I think it's at US. So, hello. Yeah.

Hang on. And I know, I know right now, Andy, times are tough. I should have realized that was where this was going. Oh, and times are tough. And somehow you're renovating your bathroom. But you're doing it all yourself. I'm doing it all myself,

and help with my dad. Yeah, but then. Who is retired, and therefore his time has no value. And so he is able to work for free. So I'm absolutely. And also pay for a lot of the materials himself. It's almost a joy. I would hate for any fair work commission

to look into this arrangement. I've got going with my dad who's for renovating my bathroom. Because he, I mean, I would be going away for a long time. I reckon there's other people in line first to go away. I mean, yours will be easier. It'll be an easier case to solve. Well, yeah, but you know, they always, they never go after the big guys. You know, they never go off because they're too big to fail.

You know, who's not too big to fail? This guy. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, you could almost, you could almost argue that your dad is forcing this upon you, like a raspberry at the, at a office party lunch. Yeah. You're right. And that is the, that is the line of defense that my lawyer will take when this goes to court. You're on a, his father was forcing it on his fresh bathroom. Now, I feel like we've, we've come up with a lot of strange restaurant ideas in the past.

Yeah. Have we ever come up with a way of just consolidating them into one thing where it's like, it's sort of like a, who was that guy kill himself recently? David Foster Wallace. No, more recent than that. He was a food guy and he would go to different places.

Anthony Bourdain. Yeah, it's like an Anthony Bourdain style show, but you just go to all these insane restaurants and then, you know, it could be you, it could be me. To be fair, it'll be both of us. It's Ramsey's kitchen daydreams, right? That's right. They're not nightmares, they're be both of us. It's Ramsey's kitchen daydreams, right? That's right. They're not nightmares.

They're just flights of fancy. Exactly. Yeah, flights of Ramsey, you know? Flight of Ramsey. Flight of Ramsey. Flight of Ramsey. And... Florentpsy.

So it's us, we're traveling around Australia, and we're going to see some of the finest, most unbelievable restaurants. Things that appear like garbage, when you first go in, are these intricate, unbelievable. Like you know, you meet these people and they just look like they've, you know, they've all just got shotguns and they're back pocket and they're hicks, like that. And then they take you deeper and deeper and like they're cooking things on the earth's core on the mantle of the earth and they're making it's still a chicken parma, still a chicken parma jhana but you can taste the magma. Yeah I wonder if you know because you

have you have a wood fired pizzas obviously. Imagine you imagine that, imagine your Earth-fight. And the great thing about pizza, pizza's the best when you have your stove real hot and you cook it real quick. Well, if you like that, you're gonna love this one where we cook it at the center of the Earth. How about, this is even better. We drill the hole all the way through the Earth, right?

And the food is prepared on the far side of the globe. And then it's fired through this hole, through the center of the earth, and it cooks as it passes through the core. And then shoots out the other side, heavily irradiated. Heavenly, absolutely. But also perfectly cooked. Oh, and it's cooled because of also...

And cooled, perfectly cooled. Perfectly cooled. Like it's cooled to biting temperature. Just because of... Well, from that last column, you know, last few kilometers of going through just cold dirt. Yes. You know, like tunnel through cold dirt.

I... Oh, wait, what were we talking about? You know like tonne like tunnel through cold dirt. Mm-hmm. I Oh I was wondering you know geothermal energy. Yeah, they're always putting big pipes in there Couldn't you just get a really thin pipe and just get that down really far and then that would be enough to conduct a heat all the way back up Sorry, why is saying this? What's the this? What's your problem with the big pipes? Well, I think it's too expensive. Couldn't it just, it wouldn't be easier to just get like a really thin pipe, sort of go for like the, you know, like an injection.

I'm sorry, so I wonder if they've thought of this. Well, they might not have. I wonder if they've thought of changing any of the parameters in their thing, their amazing technology that they're developing. Well, they're probably not looking at doing it for domestic use. Oh, you're just so, I just, just a home. Yeah, like a micro system. Right. You know, you just have it and it just comes with like, you know, just eight kilometers worth of pipe and a machine that just keeps pushing it down. And because it can just easily spin or go through like rock or whatever, it just keeps going down, down, down, down, and then that 30,000

degrees heat, you know, 9 kilometers down comes up and is enough to power a little generator to just run your house. Every house has hot and cold running water. Why not hot and cold running heat? Just a twisted pipe and just heat comes out of it. Then you can use that heat for whatever you want. You can pump that into your room hot. You could melt some glue.

But I just thought you turned it into electricity, which is kind of like the money of energy. Yeah. You know? Yeah, it is. Isn't it great that we found that kind of money of energy that you can then turn into any other kind of energy? And fully fungable energy, you know?

Yeah. Fungable. Fungable. I didn't know about that. What that word meant? You know about fungability? No. Money is fungable because the same money over here is worth the same money over there.

Oh. Separate exchange rates are just like normal. But like if you give me a dollar on one side of the world, I can give that dollar to someone else on the other side of a still dollar. I may not have explained that well or possibly at all. But I think that's a good deal. I think that's one of those words that you can sort of fudge a bit. What about this? I think fungability might be when like you give any dollar can be exchanged for any other dollar. There you go.

I love that. Right? I don't know why you would bother. Well Taiwanese dollars or something like that. No. No, no, no, no, no. But like any Australian, like one Australian dollar can be exchanged for one Australian dollar somewhere else and nobody's lost anything.

Except maybe a bit of time in the transaction which seems to be pointless. But I don't know why we're doing this. But you can also use that one Australian dollar to get a certain amount of US dollars. Really our currency should be batteries. You think so? Well, what about, what if the coins, the coins which basically look like one of those little batteries that you would put in the back of a watch? Yeah, you're right. Why can't they all just be those? I mean, it seems so simple. We've already got little round bits of metal, they're shiny and whatever, but what if

they also had electricity in them? Well, I mean, we've already established that electricity is the money of the energy world. Let's combine them. Combine money and electricity. Yes. And then your phone is getting flat. Yeah. You reach into your pocket.

Running out of money. Pull out a few little charge coins, shove them in the back or something. Yeah, or just plug it into the wall. Everything just uses the sign. Take a deposit, take a withdrawal. Exactly. Then anytime you just go to the, you know, you need money, you just go to the airport, plug it into the wall,

and then it's free once there. And you get some water. Charge up a whole lot of batteries. Yeah. Well, I think that's causing problems, that was it. You think the system's breaking down? Yeah. What we thought was a feature of the system.

But then again, that's already what's happening, right? We are essentially taking money, but it's just that the amount of money is so small that it doesn't matter. When we charge up our fines at the system. But then again, that's already what's happening, right? We are essentially taking money, but it's just that the amount of money is so small that it doesn't matter. When we challenge up our phones at the airport, yeah, because we already are stealing money from them. Well, I drive my Tesla into the terminal three, and I plug it into one of those USB ports. They have three phase. Yeah. Do they have three phase USB? I think they should. Yeah. Yeah.

I had to, something I was thinking about three phase the other day. I was trying to run a tweet about it. I only, I don't think anybody cares about three phase other than you and me. No, I know. No, I barely do. I don't really even understand how it works. I said three, three things that are slightly, it doesn't matter. Out of phase.

No, 90 degrees out of phase. Probably more. That doesn't matter, Alistair. What does matter is our next sketch idea. Which is got to do with whales. The place, the animal. Definitely not the place. I don't know enough about the place the out definitely got the place I don't know enough about the place and everybody makes fun of it and then I don't I don't laugh because I don't get it But I kind of get why you know people are like oh everybody thinks it's shit and people from Wales are like oh, that's not that

It's not that bad. It seems it seems nice seems very Lyrical, you know, yeah, I think a lot of very good singers come from Wales. Tom Jones. Tom Jones. Yeah. Tom Jones. Doesn't seem like he comes from Wales, though, does he? Right?

Like... No, I mean, he's got a real American feel. He feels like an all-American man. Yeah, but he also doesn't feel like he belongs to any particular race as well. I think he might be a the true international man who sort of who does transcend all. Do you think he's like a like a racial unique? Maybe. Yeah, he's had it removed. Yeah. And that's removed. Yeah, and That's good. Yeah, I mean, it's really excellent. Do you think maybe he shouldn't live on land?

These things you should live sort of floating above here. That's exactly where he goes Yeah, or he doesn't even touch the earth You know if you look closely at Tom Jones, he's never actually touching the ground I mean, it's not that crazy that a man like Tom Jones is who you would invent the personal dirigible for. Yeah. I mean, if the dirigible is a thing that can work, why, if you can just fill it up with enough gas to carry a thousand people,

why can't you just have a backpack full of gas to carry a single person? You must be able to. Right. It must and it and more than that, right. We've established that helium, right, can be compressed down and being a little canister, right? And then you release it and it makes things float. Yeah. Which is why I don't understand why we can't all have a little backpack on. Some highly flexible sort of sack, right, and a canister of helium. And any scenario that you don't want, you pull the rip cord and you've got yourself a reverse parachute, okay?

Sure. It inflates and you just float up and away. So up and away, it's the, it's the, it's the omnioscape, you know? So how, so are you just dropping the metal canisters? That what's happening? Because what was within it that was stopping you from floating away?

Well, because it's compressed. And so when it's compressed, it doesn't, oh, I guess it doesn't. Because it's more dense, right? So when you release it, it becomes less dense, it expands. Yeah. It's lighter than air. And, you know, it can inflate things.

So I think you, I think we could pull this off. I'm not sure what kind of a weight of helium you need to carry around in your, in the canister in order to make this possible. But it's got to be, it it's gotta be possible at some level. Well, I mean, I don't necessarily need it as like an escape pod. Well, okay, but can you write down my idea because I think it's really funny and cool. Sure, reverse parachute.

Yeah, personal inflatable, you know, rep thing. And you get up there and you're up in the atmosphere. Right, and you just float away from whatever awkward conversation or scenario or police. So is that all you need to do? But then if you want to go up and down, you just compress and decompress the air. Yeah, you have a little pump that's pretty much. So what's happening in the reach of the brain? Reach of the brain?

I don't know how they go up and down with those. Maybe they have to vent some of the... No, but you wouldn't get be getting rid of it. Well, you might be though. But why? Well, because then you'll just get be getting rid of it. Well, you might be though, but why? Well, because then you'll just get more. You'll just get more later in when you land. But what about you?

Maybe you have canisters on there as well. But I guess if you could just compress it back down and put it back into the thing that it'd be fine. Have a little thing running, a little pump running to compress it, put it back into a gas canister. Because I mean, people are talking about reverse parachute, sorry, right down this hill. Escape, escape route.

You'd get up there, and then, and then, I wonder how long that would be. But I'll sort of be everyone's, I'll sort of be a slow escape, wouldn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Psh. Psh.

Say, uh, suckers. Well, what's up? Stuck in a pet accord. Yeah. Because people talk about the jet pack, but the problems with the jet packs, and even all these like for these, you know, the quadcopter kind of personal transport things,

is that they stop working you fall to your death with very little protection. Or even if they are working, they just drive you into the earth or they slice your legs off or something like that. They're all so dramatic. Yeah, but at least if you've got a personal dirigible, something has to go terribly wrong for you to fall out.

And when has there been a single example, historically of anything going terribly wrong with an airship? I know but but we've we've fixed that problem I think. Have we? I think so. Oh great. You just don't make was that was just doesn't the wall made of something very flammable? Yeah. Yeah. The whole thing was made out of oiled canvas or something like that, all the exterior. So that was basically flammable. All the internal structure was made from, I believe, like aluminium, which burns and probably magnesium, which burns as well. And then they'd filled it with hydrogen, which also burns. So it was a big burning box full of things that burn. Yeah, and then it probably encountered some kind of heat.

I think what they've speculated actually caused it was static electricity from when it landed because it builds up static electricity as it moves through the air. And then they have to discharge that before they touched the ground, but somehow that didn't work and there was a spark. So it's basically a big thing for making sparks, filled with things that burn and made out of things that burn. And so we fix some of those problems. And we'll probably just use rubber or something like that, right? Yeah, ideas rubber. Yeah, probably. Rubber, maybe latex. Yeah, some latex. Latex allergies.

It's such a weird thing to be allergic to. And a bad thing to be allergic to. Because the only way, you know, when do you come into contact with latex, when you're covering parts of your body with a very tight film of latex? That's right. Often quite sensitive parts of your body. That's right. Right.

What a disaster. What a high risk. At least people who are allergic to bees, there's never a scenario where they're expected to cover their body with bees. Almost never. Almost never. Except for in those big... Beard competitions. You know,

or wicker man. Yeah, or wicker man. Um, so hope he wasn't allergic to bees in wicker man. That would have been bees. I guess that would make sense why it was so dramatic. Otherwise, it would have just been like, oh, bees. Bees. Oh, I guess there's a fair few bees here. I guess if I don't freak out, they probably won't attack me. How long do you think you could not freak out with the bees all over your head? Well, I guess you could, I mean, it's not gonna help to freak out. It's not going to.

Yeah. No. Like, unless you're trying to bite them. Would you breathe through your nose? I'd, I'd make a little slit with my mouth. Sort of fold, yeah, fold a little slit with my mouth. Sort of fold it, oh, teeth. Teeth, yeah. Teeth filter.

No bees are getting in there. No. The old bee wall, that's what I call my teeth. But then again, I don't want them getting in between my teeth and my... But if you're not freaking out, Alistair, they'll stay calm. They'll come in, they'll look around and they'll leave.

Yeah, but nobody think they get their mate panic. They might panic. I'm worried about them freaking out. You're right. It's a two way straight. You've got to make a little o, and then breathe through your teeth, and then pitch your nose. But if you can't do that, you might be able to get your hands in, just from the little

gaps in the weaker helmet the wicker helmet. You're all worried that they'll go up your nose. Well, yeah, that was my concern. That's why I wasn't breathing from my nose. They'll go up in there and then they'll freak out. Yeah. I mean, it's probably a bit like a hive. I'm sure bees or a flower.

So you think they don't freak out? I don't think they would freak out. Because they go into those, is it French or panes? Those ones that are sort of a long tubial thing probably basically shaped like a nostril. So do you think they'd just be actually quite elated that they're in a tube now? And they know they're probably salivating.

I think they'd be elated. Elated. They're probably salivatory. Now, Tom Jones somehow led to the invention of the personal original. Well, because we think that he doesn't really belong anywhere. So he is one of those stateless people who just floats. Yeah, but I mean, he lives up in the sky in a derogable. Like he probably wouldn't have the first sky city.

Yeah, it feels like something Vegas would have sort of a sky apartment. It's just a floating apartment. Is it tethered? It's not tethered. I think it would be tethered. This one. It's the first one. Okay. We're not at the point right now where we just have tether-free, you know. Yeah. And I think he's got to get down and up and things like that. He's got to show every day or whatever. And then he also does get down. He probably does have just a tube. Oh, Tom Fajos gets down. Yeah, he gets down.

He's got a tube that takes him down, but he just uses this personal dirigible to get down. All right. So he just kind of gets in there and it just gets the inflation at, you know, just under what he needs to be lifted up. And so he just slowly descends. And then when he gets close to ground, it keeps an eye on his altitude and then it levels it out to equal so that he's always hovering just above the ground. And then, but he's never touching it. I think it'd be great. You got to Tom Jones' concert. I imagine he starts singing before we even touch his background.

Oh, you know, it gets close to the ground. He starts singing about 20 feet up. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Launches into what's new pussycat? Yeah, or it's not unusual. It's not unusual. You open to the thought of new...

I think if you're decednick, it appears that it'll be dirigible from your floating city and your Tom Jones. You open with it's not unusual. It's not unusual. Yeah. Anyway, Tom Jones, everyone, not sounding unusual. Nothing to see here.

Look, I know it's pretty silly, but I'm just going to write that under reverse Nothing to see here. Look, I know it's pretty silly, but I'm just gonna write that under reverse parachute escape. I can't. Personal, dirigible, invented for Tom Jones. That makes sense. Just I think it works as a story, you know? You can explain the story of how Tom Jones was responsible for the invention of, and he's just talking about how he

doesn't want to touch a land or land it bothers him now. I wonder how long until we can get some kind of a sky city is type thing going on. It's got to be possible. What are the benefits? Well, I just think it'd be pretty cool, right? What are the benefits? Well, I just think it'd be pretty cool. Yeah.

Right? You would, you would, because we've got this scenario where a lot of people now, there's this whole movement of people trying to start their own sovereign states or like countries and that sort of thing. Have you seen this thing? No. People got in trouble recently for building a little seapod thing that was on the coast of Thailand.

Yeah, I did see that. Yeah, they thought they were in international waters and they thought they could just build their own little structure. And then Thailand didn't like it. They thought it was a... It was an attack on their own. Sovereignty, I wonder. Which I never understood Sovereignty. And what's this thing in all the government always talking about?

Sovereign risk. What does that mean? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. But it feels like, it seems like a big deal. Seems like a high stakes thing. People are like, ah, sovereign risk, sovereign risk.

And I'm like, oh no, can't have sovereign risk. I don't think anyone knows what it means. Yeah. Do we, are we capable? You know, like if you have a helium balloon, that helium just leaves. But is that just seeping through the walls of the balloon? It's a seepage. Yeah, it's because helium is so such a small atom and it's um,

and I imagine also because it's electrically, because it's because in it maybe it maybe it doesn't interact with things nearly as much. So it can go through rubber. I think you can probably get through rubber eventually. But can we make a, can we make a dirigible for the everyday person that doesn't leak as much helium? I'll tell you what we're going to make it out of. Well, graphene. You think so? You think about this? You're across graphene? Yeah, of course. I mean, look, I read the same headlines as you did. Yeah, yeah, sticky tape, you know, you put it on a pencil. I watch the same, um, Reuters, like, you know, summation of, hmm, of what is probably a lot of intense work.

Yeah. How do they get it off the sticky tape? That's what I want to know with it. I don't think they know that other. No. It seems hard, doesn't it? I mean, it's sticky tape. The whole thing that's keeping it there Is the stickiness of the tape. So they put you know, they put the sticky tape on the like a lead pencil

Maybe you get some stronger sticky tape. You can get it off. I know, but then how do you know you're gonna see there? No problem. What you want to go on to is like on a on a stick-free pen That's what you don't need to glaze it. But then how do you how do you stick it? Why don't you stick what you want to get out of. I need to deglaze it. But then, how do you stick it to that to get it off? Yeah, like a Jew. Oh, get it with a Jew. If you don't know, do the listeners know what graphene is?

People can Google it, graphene. I think people are bothering to listen to this. They know about what graphene is. Yeah. If people are bothering to listen to this, they know about what graphene. Yeah. If people are bothering to listen to this, they obviously have reached the bottom of the internet. And to get there, you've got to go through graphene. Yeah, absolutely.

They're one atom thick. One atom thick film. I mean, that's definitely what we're making these dirigables out of. It's all a single, big, single molecule of graphene. Yeah. It would be perfect. I'll but think about like I just picture this this personal dirigible. It inflates underneath you like under it starts from a backpack

and then inflates, but it also goes under your arms and it feels comfortable like a like a personal couch or like a hug. Yeah, it's like a huggy kind of like it's a it's a floating lazy boy. Yes. You know, but it just, but it carries you around. And then you can also have little fans that allow you to, you know, decide which direction you go and think about. Sure.

Not, again, not very fast because we're there's speed, there's risk. Of course, we're not going fast. We're not, we're no longer a fast people because we're, you can, we'll just have, we'll just, it'll be self-driving or whatever. You can decide where you go, but also you can also just check your phone while it takes you places. And even if it does crash, it'll be a bump. Everything's just a bump.

It'll just be bumping. Right. Really, a crash is just a bump that got out of control It's just a heavy nudge. Yes, just a loud nudge look we got to go to the three words. I think oh, yeah, I'd love that yeah Well three words from a listener who supports us on patrol. Yeah Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments.

Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. This is from somebody who we've interacted with a lot on Twitter, but I don't think has ever had three words come in.

This is Stuart McGown. Stuart, lovely to have your words on the podcast. Lovely to finally be able to speak your name. And not in vain. And not in vain, yeah. Not just shouted in the night. Not just shout in the throes of passion. Here we are in a formal, codified context

in which you, the normal way of pronouncing someone's name after they've spent $3 in order to be able to suggest three words that they, you then come up with a sketch idea. In the throws of podcast. Yes. And so here are steward, I'm saying that correctly, as three words, festive, menu, antagonist. Really interesting. When we went to, my family one year went for a bush walk together on Boxing Day, right, the day after Christmas.

Excellent. I love stories like this. Yeah, it's good, isn't it? We all went back to Tasmania and reconvened the whole family got together and we went and we had Christmas at Cradle Mountain Lodge, right? We stayed there and had dinner at the restaurant the night before. On Christmas day, so the restaurant was open on Christmas day. Of course, yeah, it's good business. And they served, or they just gave out this stuff called white Christmas. Have you ever had this? No. It's sort of like a nougat, like a big chunks of this kind of white New-gar stuff filled with like glass A cherries basically. It's it's awful It's just it's a very European kind of thing. Yeah, it's it's one of those things that is probably from an era where like

the very idea of something that could both be sweet and probably not rot was just so valued. You know, that people lowered all their other standards of what things should taste like or be enjoyable. And this thing became popular. And so they gave us these chunks of this stuff. And we didn't take it with us. Well, we didn't eat it, right?

But then when we went on the hike, my mom, who never lets us throw anything anything away took all this white Christmas with us. And then anyway, don't have this story, it goes nowhere and it's boring. But anyway, dad who had been in charge of packing all the food for the trip had interpreted the serving size on the back of a box of biscuits for how much you are required to eat, to survive for a day. So basically, he had brought us two biscuits each for lunch. And so on the third day, we ate this white Christmas, and it was very adequate, and it helped us to survive.

But that's how many days it takes you to want a borderline starvation to make you want to eat white crisps. Well of course it would be very caloric rich. Yeah. Or just be caloric. Caloric. Yeah. Not rich. Caloricific. Caloricific. You might be caloricific. Yeah. Really? Yeah. That's great. Call George. Okay. Yeah. The tell them that it would be calorific. And is there something, right, enough, enough, enough, in terms of a food rating?

Sure. Because we at the moment we had the health start rating, right? Which tells you, it gives you a reading of how healthy some food is based on its portion size. Sure. What if there was something where it was, you have a desperation rating. And basically it says on there,

how many days of starvation will basically be required for you to eat, whatever it is that is very salty. Look, that's interesting. I think it was not too bad. While you were talking, I had a... I talked for so long, and it was very unsatisfying. No, it's okay. While you were talking, I had a... I talked for so long, and it was very unsatisfying. No, it's okay.

While you were talking, I had another idea. Fuck, thank God. I hope we haven't already done this, but obviously you can look at festive menu. That's one way of going about it, and that's what took you on your flight of fancy. Fram-C. Yeah, Fram-C. For where? For our MC.

But you can also think of festive antagonist, which makes me think of something like the Santa Claus, the movie, with 10 million. Yeah, yeah. Well, it is more of a festive protagonist, isn't it? Oh, yes. I think you're thinking of the Grinch as a festive antagonist. You're right.

You're right. But we can use these as a basis to launch into other things. We don't necessarily have to make the sketch exactly about this thing. And so it made me think about maybe making a film that is much like Tim Allen's second best role as the Santa Claus. What's his best role? Buzz Lightyear, of course. But maybe, it's just basically the Santa Claus, but this time it's done with the Easter Bunny. It's just basically the Santa Claus, but this time it's done with the Easter Bunny. And it's a person who accidentally kills the Easter Bunny.

And then it starts to become, it'll be the bunny claws or something like that. I don't have to be that, but it doesn't have to be part of the chain. It doesn't have to be Tim Allen. Unless Tim Allen as Santa Claus kills the Easter Bunny. Oh my God! This is really good.

This is a beautiful transition. He's sort of hop-scoting his way around the festive kingdom. Sure, yeah, I mean, then, but the idea that he also becomes part, because then he, he's already in this contractual obligation as Santa Claus, but now he is becoming more beastlike. You know, he is this kind of anthropomorphic bunny who now is in charge of two different factories, one for making chocolate, I assume. We never hear anything about where the Easter bunny gets its chocolate from. Santa Claus and the mythology of where all the toys come from has been thoroughly explored.

So we're expected to just accept that the Easter bunny's chocolate appears from nowhere. Yeah, that's true. It does it come from bells or something? You ring bells and chocolate comes out. There's another idea. Maybe that's a French idea. Maybe. But I think the idea that maybe it's also then you can go into like chicken farming kind of stuff.

Yeah. And that maybe the Easter Bunny, the new Easter Bunny realizes that he doesn't like how this is being done. Right. So it's like a battery. It's a battery farm of chickens that make chocolate eggs. Yes.

And then someone has to wrap them as well. That tight, beautiful wrapping. Oh, no. Could be the chickens. Maybe they're doing it with their wings or could be, you know, he realizes that's where some of his lost elves have gone. Well, it's the, it's the, I was gonna say, is the foil, the shell of the egg,

but it's not. The egg itself is the shell of the egg. I mean, the egg is hollow. The egg is hollow sometimes when it's bad, it's hollow. Yeah. There's nothing better than to, you just get a big bunny and it's full. You're solid? Solid. All the way through? Yeah. There's nothing better than to just get a big bunny and it's full. You're solid?

Solid. All the way through? Yeah. That's crazy. I got that a couple times when I was a kid from my grandma. There was no better time in my life. I once tried to microwave it and the microwave couldn't even handle it. It was so dense.

It interpreted it as it being metal. Why were you microwaving your... Oh, because it was too hard and I couldn't get my teeth in there. It was so dense, but I'm not gonna complain about the amount of chocolate I've gotten. It's a good problem to have. Sure, sure. I had to cut it with a knife.

I think... De Santa Claus Easter Bunny. Yeah, I think that's a sketch absolutely asked to. Yeah, Santa Claus 3, the Easter Bunny. I want to find another legal pun, obviously. There's something in Torts or sub-clothes. No, I mean, sub-clothes kind of works like it's a borough. Yeah, sort of, but I mean, we'll find one. We'll get the team onto it.

There'll be a pun in there somewhere. All right. It'd be great. On borough time. I don't know why. Doesn't quite make sense. But that's a good pun name for a rabbit film. Yeah, a rabbit sort of a rabbit slash like Jason Statham as a rabbit.

And a thing borrowed time. Yes, the, what's that thing that we were always referencing on this show? The crank. Crank. Crank. Great. We did it. We came up with another sketch idea. Indeed, you want to start taking us to the sketches while I write this one there.

Oh, I mean, I'd love to. I'm going to have to try and read your handwriting up. So that's a salivatory restaurant. Okay, so this is the restaurant where the man is constantly drooling. And that's how you know that it's good, right? From the glaze that is across everything, that dribbled across everything. And also it's like people are bringing them to the restaurant,

bringing their families to the restaurant, like their extended family. You've got to come to this place, and he's like, it's so good, and people see it, him, Salvatore, like drooling on the food and around, and things like that,

because he got that open window into the kitchen. And they're like, he's got nothing to hide. He's got nothing to hide, he's not ashamed of this. This is a sign of his good food. His food is so good that it bypasses the body's control system. Any switches that would normally stop you from salivating too much where it dehydrates

you. The switches. All of those natural proteins, he's deactivating proteins. Is he withered basically? Well, he's deactivating proteins. Like that. Is he withered basically? Well, he's drinking a lot of water as well. Okay, he's staying hydrated. Yeah. He has a drip.

He just has one of those ones. He just gets straight into his own. Yeah, that's how they have to put him on a drip because that's how delicious all the food is. And so first everybody's a, you know, very, you go, no, no, don't, don't let it bother you. Like that, no, no, no, ignore that. No it bother you. Like that. No, no, ignore that. No, it's nothing. It's nothing like that. And then the food comes out and people just even

the smell hits you. Like the smell of the saliva of the food. Oh, obviously. But then it's so it's such a good smell. It overrides the smell of the saliva that's what I'm dribbed on the plate. And then cellulator is like wiping it away as he, because he's also the waiter. And he brings it to the table, he's wiping it away. The guy I don't worry about that. And, but as he's wiping more, he's like falling there on the table, things like that.

And eventually, you just like, just leave cellulator. Don't worry about it. Yeah, no, thank you so much. And he shakes your hand. There's just drool in between your hands. Anyway, I think it's a sketch. Oh yeah, that's a sketch. Hopefully people sat through the whole episode

just to get to that version where you actually had a sketch. Description. I think people could tell that there was something in there. Yeah, great. We got Kevin's workplace raspberry. This is Kevin's going to court, taking his boss to court because his boss fired him for giving people raspberries. Oh no, his boss was giving.

His boss was giving raspberries. Boss was giving Kevin the raspberry. Yeah, and you know, as a fun thing and then he thought it was harassment. And then everybody else just doesn't believe it, including the judge. Yeah, that's not her. That's not her. It the judge. Yeah, that's not her. That's not her. It's funny. Everybody loves that.

And there's footage and he's laughing. He's having a good time. Yeah, and they could be proven that he was having a lot of stuff. It's like that. He's like, no, but nobody knows. Everybody knows you didn't mean that. And everybody does it when you say stop. When you get a good husband.

It means more. Yeah. And then they show, they won, make the tape and they find a frame at the very start where it shows that Kevin's actually pulling up his own shirt to be their raspberry. And as we say, we'll tiptoe around anything that's that's, do you think it seems awful?

Yeah. We'll make it good, don't worry. We got, then we got new food. It's about, and new food. Hmm. It's food made from food. It's food where the basic ingredients are complete other meals. Hmm.

Yeah. From some of the finest restaurants in the world. Rigatoni. Yeah. Sir Duccan is just one of the ingredients in it. Turduccan. Turduccan. We use Turd of the ingredients in this meal. Exactly. Turduckin. We use turduckin just as a seasoning.

Exactly. And instead of pasta, which is something that you would have in a traditional meal, we have full lasagna's. One lasagna is one noodle for us. We just make tiny little lasagna's. I think a tiny little lasaniac. It's like a stuffed crust. Nobody's ever tried to put something in a noodle.

Like a pasta noodle and put it in a dry packet. What about a total lady? No, I know. What's that one? What's that one that is exactly that? Are you fucking with me? No, the ones are a bit wet. They're a bit moist. So it's totally dry. This is totally dry. So it's dry, Luzanne. Yeah, dehydrated Luzanne. Completely dehydrated Luzanne. So you cook a tiny Luzanne lasagna. Yeah. And then you completely dry it out. Okay. There's not any moisture in there. Right. And then you could store that on your shelf for 16 years. Right. And then what happens? And then you boil it. And then you boil it when

you're ready to eat it. You open a packet full of these things. You shake them all in there. Yeah, you put just you make them like you make pasta. Yeah like that I think you've become a little bit Italian over the salt closses ever say like you make pasta. You're like you make a pasta You hit it a little bit there. Yeah, well, yeah You know, I just have a ponch hunt for life. You do and no one would Begrudgy that and then we have a fake travel food show where we just go to some of the best restaurants in Australia and none of it is real and it's just all insane. Like that war hug thing.

Like that war hug thing, like that lick in the tiles. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's like these places that are like, it's somewhere between an escape room and a restaurant. That's what I want. You get locked into this chamber and then you're not let out until you eat your whole somewhere between an escape room and a restaurant. That's what I want. You get locked into this chamber and then you're not let out until you eat your whole meal.

But all the meal is hidden. All the meal is hidden. Oh, the meal is actually inside the chair and you have to get under the chair and you have to suck each sort of plate of food from the inside of the leg. So you gotta go under the leg and you gotta suck it out from there. And it's just like, man, the bottom of chair legs, they'd be filthy.

Yeah, but you know, you think about some of the, like they never, they never look there, but I reckon that's one of the filthiest places in your house. Cause that's a fun, that's the fun part is that you still, you have to find your meal first. Yeah. But you know, we all have that dusty little foam, that's the fun part that you still, you have to find your meal first. Yeah. But you know, we won't have that dusty little foam thing that stops you from scratchin' the floor or whatever. That'll be a culinary plug. Yeah.

One of those famous culinary plugs. Yeah. Well, I mean, it doesn't exist because the restaurant doesn't exist. Yeah. But you know, the exact meals that we create, I know I know. A chair filled with food doesn't exist because the restaurant doesn't exist yet. But you know the exact meals that we create. I know how. A chair filled with food doesn't exist yet.

Yes. Oh, and the cushion inside the cushion is the dessert. The hard thing is gonna be getting the culinary plug out without all the food falling out of the bottom of the leg of the chair. I guess you have got a negative pressure. You chipped the chair upside down? Oh, you could, I guess.

Oh, then. All right, for some reason I, you're laying on the floor. Yeah. And then you put each leg in your mouth, and you... But it's not really that safe to be eating while you're laying on your back. Well, I think that's part of the experience. Yes, that's part of the experience.

It's a great thing about these sketches that we come up with that are sitting restaurants. Anything that seems weird, we can just answer part of the experience. Exactly. We could say that about... We can't lose. This can't not be a great sketch, because it's all part of the experience. By the way, that show that we enjoyed, that sketch show that was on Netflix. Yeah. What's it called again? I think you should leave with Tim Tom Robinson.

We absolutely, like having written the two sketch shows with you very recently in the last two years, we absolutely can write sketches like that. Yeah, yeah. It's not undurable. Having done that, we can do that. Yeah, anyway. Reverse parachute, helium escape. You just have some compressed helium and then you press a button and then you escape.

Do you want to add some flavor to it? You're sort of bouncing, your feet sort of scrape against people's faces as you leave. You know, you're having this awkward conversation with someone you don't want to talk to, you pull this thing and then it's just, and then the conversation probably continues as long as it takes you to get out of a year shot vertically, basically. And then yeah, I imagine your shoes your shoes are dragging up past their lips. As the wind sort of slowly pulls you over their head and your front of your toes are pulling at their lips.

I think every skit, I just thought about this here, as I was about to say, this personal, the Ridgeable invented for Tom Jones. Right, that feels like that's kind of the Alistair's dumb, weird idea for the episode. A little bit, you know, there's like kind of, like, I also always has like a sketch where it's like, oh, here's Al's one that doesn't, in any way seem like a sketch.

And he's added this extra detail, it seems that important. And I feel like I should start just making a sketch show with just these ones that nobody, but of all the sketches, nobody else believes it. Yeah, I think you should. And I think we'll call it the waste tank, you know? Sure. All the stuff that sort of the sludge that flows off,

that everyone's like, that's disgusting. It would never drink that. Yeah, the overflow tank. You drink it. So what we call something? Uh, possibly, maybe one of the bonus episodes. Just, I think the overflow tank is one of the tiers. Oh yeah.

The $8 tier is the overflow tank. There you go. All right, and this is so this personal dirigible Tom Jones is responsible for. There's just some element in which, I'm not sure if it's connected to the fact that he's, he's sort of outside of race. He's other worldly. He's other worldly, but he lives in LA in the first

floating apartment and he also has the first personal dirigible attached to his body, which is exactly what it sounds like. I think if we've learned one thing, it's that dirigible is really fun to say. dirigible dirigible dirigible dirigible dirigible dirigible dirigible dirigible dirigible dirigible. That's not good dirigible dirigible dirigible. Yeah, it is fun to say. It just feels like it just feels like real garbage just falling out of your mouth dirigible dirigible dirigible dirigible dirigible dirigible.

Yeah, it's like if you had a bunch of like if you're holding a bag full of cans and you tip that bag of cans upside down and they just fell to the ground the Ridgeable Yeah, if you had a mouthful of Ball bearings, right? You just opened your mouth and just let them fall onto the table directly Yeah, it's like if your aunt is halfway down the stairs and she just trips and falls the bridge She just trips and falls. The bridge of the... The bridge of the...

The bridge of the... The bridge of the... The bridge of the... The bridge of the... The bridge of the... The bridge of the... The bridge of the... The bridge of the...

The bridge of the... The bridge of the... The bridge of the... The bridge of the... The bridge of the... The bridge of the... The bridge of the... The bridge of the... The bridge of the...

The bridge of the... The bridge of the... The bridge of the... The bridge of the... The bridge of the... The bridge of the... The bridge of the... The bridge of the... The bridge of. Yeah, I think whoever it was who invented the dirigible, they were trying to think of a name for it. And then fortunately, there aren't fell down some stairs.

And they say, can I use that? dirigible. And she was in no state to disagree. Help me. Let me have that sound. Help me? No, no, before that. Derigible. And we have the Zeppelin. That also sounds like something that's just a sound that something made, you know. Yeah, something that kind of made a stote on like a flying fox or a zipline. Yeah, We're thinking of clothesline. Yeah.

Wait. You know, when you slide a peg along a clothesline? P, uh, for, uh, you're, oh, you're running down here. You see, this is good, isn't it? When sometimes we get a sketch idea out of saying the sketch of this. Yeah. And are we done now?

Oh, no, Santa Claus. And those are Santa Claus three, the Easter Bunny rabbit Claus 3 the Easter Bunny rabbit No, he said the bunny rabbit Easter bunny It's not weird that bunny and pussy kind of the same they both mean a type of animal yeah, and And they all have the you this sort of the second letter you last letter. Why? Mm letter Y. And then all the other letters are consonants. And all the letters are consonants, and with a double continent in between the... And it's interesting that I think that the P kind of looks like half a B, as well. Yeah.

Are they in any way connected? Well, they are because they're connected in a sort of, they're both a little bit sexy in some ways as well, aren't they? You know, in some ways as well, aren't they? In some ways, certainly depends on your point of view. But some people would say, bunnies are a boy thing. Yeah, and there also, I think there's that sort of dildo vibrator thing that was like, oh, it's the bunny. Is it like the phallic pussy?

Is it the dick version of pussy? Is maybe, so I'm gonna start calling my dick my bunny? Well, I'll try it tonight. You could try it. Tonight, when you start talking about your penis. Yeah, I'm just, I'm driving home. But it's gonna be like the sexy version of it. Like, you know, I guess if you're sort of,

if you can be masturbating on camera, no, I'm about to bring out my bunny. All you guys wanna see my bunny? Yeah. Hey everybody, you wanna see my bunny? I think we're under something here, I'll just let that check out. And that explains why the women at the Playboy Mansion

are subdued as the best pieces. The best pieces. Which is what men love to look at. the women at the Playboy Mansion. The whole purpose of the Pinnis is Pinnis. Which is what men love to look at. You know, the sexy penis outfit. Ah, a penis with boobs. Yeah. The sexiest of all the things. That's fun.

I mean, if a penis had a vagina and boobs, I mean, or a vulva, you know what I mean? I mean, then the risk is that they wouldn't need us at all, you know? Men? Genitals. Genitals would be able to do everything themselves. Oh, I mean, that's the crazy thing, is that what if all the organs started to move down into our genitals?

And then they realized- And then they're bandening the body like a sinking ship. They realize that they could just live without us. That's fear, isn't it? Yeah. The the the brain is actually superfluous. And then yeah. And then they're just going to drop us off like a Salaman who's tail and just go off without us. That's a sketch idea. I think it's like, it's an evolutionary scientist to realize that this is slowly happening to the body. And you look at the human body,

it does kind of look like the head is kind of being left behind by everything else. Like the head is a little bubble that's being, like if everything else was being dragged away from the head and the head was being left behind This is what it would look like The head does kind of look like it's did you see budding off? I didn't but that's exactly what I was thinking looks like it's budding off Yeah, and then you know budding out being being left behind yeah

Hate to break it to you like this head But you know you you the further you go back in time the um I hate to break it to you like this head. But you know, the further you go back in time, the less necks everything had. You know like the whale, you look at the whale. That is an animal where its body is very happy to be seen with its head. It doesn't need like that neck to try and give it a bit of distance. No. Somebody please work on this. Draw me up a diagram of what a whale would look like

if it had a neck. It's like a narrow neck between wherever the head is and wherever the body is. That's really interesting. Would be interesting. Yeah. So I can look around corners. That's why they can be like that because there are no corners in the ocean.

If a whale was wearing pants, would it just have one pair of pants over the tail and then just the other pair, like the other sort of leg just flop in there, or would you have the tail going in through like the top bit, you know kind of through the leg and then the head bent over Going through the other leg Like that so that you just followed the way I know the way all over like that. I don't know Yeah, I wonder how much whales can bend hmm. They look relatively like we've ever seen a seal bend They can bend but you just they can bend hmm Well, that's how you a seal would wear pants. I don't think I'm think I'm picturing a like a sperm whale this entire time

And I don't think there's a lot of bend in a sperm whale. No, they're too they're too girthy. They're husky I know, but you get a big pair of pants Yeah, sure. I'm not talking about some you know 34 and I'm not talking about something, you know, 34. And, um, thank you so much for listening to the podcast where you really do appreciate it. You can find us online at I'm at two and I'm at Alistair TV. I'm at Stupid Old Andy and we're at two in tank and you can support us on Patreon. That'd be delightful. Thank you everyone who already does. You are gems in our

lives who help keep Andy afloat and that's mostly a joke. But also Andy does have financial problems. And we've gone through two months of unemployment right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, and, and, but you know what, Andy's doing better because he can wait for at least three days after the Patreon money comes in before the, that's right. Absolutely needing it.

So yeah, yeah, I stayed strong. Yeah. And it was all okay. And, um, you want Instagram, Andy? No, I mean, I am, but I don't do anything on this. There's no point at all in finding me or following me. I think I'm at a... Trombly virtual.

Great. Yeah. We really gotta wrap up because do go on to record a podcast in one minute. Oh my god. Alright, well, you should know this, and this is very important that you know this. We love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network.

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