Two In The Think Tank - 184 - "NICEDAYGEDDON"

Episode Date: May 21, 2019

Warring 9 to 5, Crumpledstiltskin, Next Level Shelving, Beaked Lips, Global Humidifying, Gass, N, Double MemberHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereShuddering apologies to George Matthews for not getting this episode to him in time to edit it. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit Planet Broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. Harry's Ed Spot Harry's Ed Spot. Go to a little little Harry's Ed Spot. Hi, today's episode of Doing the Tink Tink is brought to you by Harry's ad spot. Harry's ad spot supports this podcast, and you can support the Harry's ad spot that supports the podcast. So I'm getting yourself some,

Oh, Harry's sample pack. Oh my goodness, so much value. What's in there? So little to pay, Alistair, I'll tell you later in the podcast, I wanna keep you on the line. But it's Harry's Shavers. Harry's Shavers, we're talking a close, smooth shave. We're talking durable blades,

we're talking precision engineering. We're talking two guys who are sick of having to pay for overpriced razors at the counter. You know, and then they've got to go up and ask the person to get it from behind the thing because they don't trust you. I think you're going to steal it. Harry's trust you so much. They'll just give it to you. I'll just send it to your house. That's how much they trust you. Absolutely. All right. We'll get into it later on in the podcast. Harry's.com forward slash think tank. If you can't wait to hear the details and you wanna just go there and buy whatever it is now. Just fast forward to somewhere random in the episode.

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Or you could wait and then buy two. Yeah. So think about it. Alright, here we go into the episode. Hello and welcome to doing the think tank. Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh- good to be here with you. My date of birth is just feel like if I'm giving away information about myself. Oh, which you are. You've already given away all of your names. Yeah, that's right. Which is if established gives wizards power over you. Oh, I didn't know that. What about Rumpelstiltskin? Yeah.

Does he get power over me or does he say he's getting powers with him? No, he says he's getting powers with himself and half. What a dishonest floor, by the way. Absolutely. And also why is he taunting people with it? Was he kind of taunting people? Yeah, but you know, I'll never guess my name. I think it is probably just burning him up inside.

You know, it's like anything you try and repress, because he doesn't want anyone to know his name, right? And then he, but then once that becomes his thing, he's like, oh, you can't know his name, right? And then that's just to eat away at him. He starts just wanna say his name. But we always just wanna hang out near the edges. You know, we're coastal people, you know?

We wanna hang out near the edges. So it's like, the rule is, nobody can know my name. So then he bases his life around people trying to find out his name. You know what I mean? I don't understand what that's good to do with coastal people that live here at the edge. Living around the edge, because he's living on the edge, because that means if somebody finds out his name and says it to him,

he's going to tear himself apart. Yeah, just like with coastal people. No, but that's what living on the edges, you know, with coastal people. So you reckon he's getting a bit of a buzz from constantly being on, on the verge of tearing himself apart. Of course, look, this is, this is another way of putting it, right? The other day, me and my son, and this is just, this is just an accident that

this actually happens to be a coastal based, okay. Because I'm already confused. Yeah, no, I haven't established. I'm quite clever. Yeah. That's from a previous conversation about a sketch that he didn't get. That wasn't even by me.

It wasn't even that confusing. Okay. So me and my son are creating a wall. He's like, we want to build a wall of sand and buy the water. A real Phil Collins type. A wall of sand. Not Phil Collins.

Phil Specter. Phil Spect. A wall of sand. No fill Collins. Fill Spectre. Fill Spectre's wall of sand. Build the wall of sand so that the water from the ocean can't get past, right? But if you build it too far away, the water won't even reach it. And so you're not really blocking any water and also it's no fun. Yeah, right. What you want is somewhere where you have enough time to keep building, but then also sometimes where you know a big wave will come and wipe it out now. This is a lesson about picking your battles. Well, it's a lesson about picking a battle in which you will definitely fight. Yeah. Well, then at least it's still a battle because then it's at least exciting or else

I guess this is if you had nothing else to do. So Rumpel still skin He could have just gone through his life without getting anyone to ever ask it Find out his name. He could have just made up a fake name. Mm-hmm. You could say my name is Michael. Yeah Like that and then he could have Markle pleased to meet you. Can I have your first baby or whatever? He didn't have to be a trickster. No. He could have just. Straight up and down.

Yeah, gone. Got an office job. You know, just done whatever. And becoming accountant or something like that. Could have been in charge of the King's gold. You know? I trust the guy called Michael. Yeah.

But instead, he decided to live where it's exciting on the edge there. You know, that's his version of drinking and drugging and things like that. You know, living an exciting life for him, he doesn't need those things to be close to death. He's got just people guessing his name. Now, when he tore himself apart, is that what happened?

When he heard his name, he tore himself apart. I mean, that rings a very vague bell to me. Yeah. And when you picture that, what do you picture? You picture, he grabs, like shoves his fingers into sort of the sternum and rips his ribcage open and tears himself like that. Or is it you rip a leg off, rip another leg off?

I reckon it goes in half like that. Yeah. I just, I just picture him as being very empty on the inside. Yeah, and kind of a bit more like paper mache almost. Yeah. He's a piñata type. But enough to sort of be able to live a life. I mean, I would have thought he'd still be just just being a basically a hollow man like that. So fragile, he'd be living on the edge all the time, but he needs to raise the stakes even further. But there's a chance that maybe he wasn't whole, maybe he was so dense, but he was very strong. Very strong. It was muscle density. Yeah, this is me, this is what I would do if I was at the gym.

Yeah. If I was working out the gym, I just work out the chest muscles, the pecs. Yeah, that's kind of creating a handle so that you can... Well, but I'd leave everything else real flimsy. Oh, good. Basically, like noodles, to reduce the chance of me ever tearing myself apart. Would you even soften maybe the bones? I would soften the bones. The arm bones and the leg bones. So there was no risk of them taking over and sort of taking things into their own hands. Oh, I want to keep that chest strong and intact, protect the core.

Yeah. And then maybe the, maybe the cheek muscles as well. I guess that's like watching, did you see that footage of Arnold Schwartz and aggregate and kicked in the back? I didn't watch it. No, because he tweeted that he didn't want people to watch it. Well, he tweeted that he didn't want people to watch the one where you see his face and what he said yeah right so but I didn't hear anything in either one I just saw you what I watched all version I was trying to find out what this thing was that shani doesn't want me to hear what his face was like that he didn't want me to see Yeah, and then and was the face the face of a young Arnold Schwarzenegger? Don't look at his face. I'll be back. I'll travel through time. Well, he probably seemed to have that kind of dense muscle around his back and chest because he barely budged while getting fly kicked in the back.

And he just thought he was jostled by the crowd. That's what it's like to me. Yeah, I was sure to do. It's yeah, it's different. At 70. That's 70. He still looks pretty solid, doesn't he? In the chest area.

Oh, yeah, he's solid. Even his biceps are still. Yeah, he must be doing drugs. I think he does weights. Oh You reckon that's what it is. Do you think he works out? What are you bet? I'm not sure he works out, but he does wait Do we have any sketch ideas Do we have any sketch ideas? I had an idea, vague idea, right?

When you were talking about picking your battles, or I was talking about picking your battles while you were talking about some other thing at a beach with you somewhere. Might be something with Rumpel's thoughts. Yeah, and they're sketched somewhere. There might be as well. Yeah, absolutely. I'm not ruling out that there could be something with Rumpall Stiltskin Alistair. Do you want to talk about that first before you go?

No, no, no, you go into yours. No, I'm just saying that, you know, we always think about pick your battles as in being pick a battle that you can win, right? But you could pick a battle where, like, it's an easy commute to the battle. True, yeah. You could pick a battle where there's like good cafes.

You could pick a battle where you're like, I'm going to pick a battle in France. That's right, because a lot of people are based on love the battle. You could pick a battle where there's like good cafes. You could pick a battle where you're like, I'm going to pick a battle in France. That's right. Because a lot of people are based on love the culture. Yeah. A lot of people base picking their battles on whether or not they're going to they're likely to die in the battle. But sometimes having to commute a long way really kills you inside. Exactly. I'm gonna pick a battle where I can have a good time. You know where I can be home early, see the kids. Here's a, by the way, within this, is the nine to five war.

I love it. Give me a war that you could just commute to. And we know when you're going to knock off. So the war is in say, maybe the CBD or maybe we sort of designate a war area sort of in it. It's like you'd have like an industrial sector, you have a commercial area and then you have sort of the war zone. Yeah.

Or you can get there on the tram, right? I think that would be really nice. Yeah. Or a train or whatever and you get there and all the different sides of the army are sitting there and they're different uniforms on the train. And then they go out and then they start fighting each other. Yeah. Oh, lunch time. I wonder if it would be like working in the media though. We're like, you don't really get a lunch. Like you can Like you can go nip out, get a lunch, but you're expected to come back and eat it at your machine gun, probably.

I would say so, yeah, you know, you could get it like a pad tie around the corner. Yeah, yeah. And then come back. But they encourage you to call up and order it in advance, so you just nip down and get it. Maybe someone will get one for everyone, go pick up all the meals. Suddenly they get one, yeah, they get, yeah, that was about to say that, and then I realized that you had.

Oh, I'm so sorry. Why'd you start it with suddenly though? You started with suddenly, which is like. Well, some of us like to have some excitement in what we say. You're like, oh, I'd probably, oh, that's boring, Andy. That's just speculative, suddenly.

But I guess everything. My man has been given a job to get all the food for everyone. Now you're surprised, you're excited to find out who is this man, what kind of food are they getting? Is he gonna get them all in a plastic bag or is he gonna say, don't need the bag and then carry them all in Bernie's arm on the pad tie? That's right.

Or is he gonna get a plastic bag for each single, each one because each person is getting a thing from a different, you know, a different type of place. This guy a different take away place. I think from every different takeaway place. They're almost ruining the The economy of scale that we got and sending him just one guy down in the first place. Anyway, I must do So you're hypothetical faster suddenly then walking Back to the I think everything happened suddenly. Everything happened suddenly.

Does it? Yeah. What about what about blacking out? Yeah. And kind of like they kind of fade in a little bit. What when

blacking out like of all the things you could pick that's an example of a thing that doesn't happen suddenly losing consciousness else there. Dying? You know what I mean? Dying? Are you trying to prove your case at all?

No. I mean, black, have you ever blacked out? No, I don't think so. You know, first you kind of go, oh, I'm getting a bit of a head spin. Whoa, there you go. And then suddenly? And then it's like, oh, too much, too much. And then you wake up and then you go, whoa, would you say you wake up gradually or I know

you wake up suddenly. Yeah, I think everything, every single moment is sudden, right? Yeah, I mean, every moment is sudden. Like it's like, thank you. Suddenly, the next moment happened. Suddenly, the following one after that arrived. Yeah, I'm correct. Yeah, but then there's things that fade in and out. What about this? Fade. Suddenly, it faded in a little bit more. Yeah. Suddenly, it continued to fade in. Look, I'm not 100% sure on your, everything is so theory. I bet it's interesting. It really is interesting. I mean, it's got me thinking.

I wanna write a dissertation on it. Dissertation. I have tried to write a bit the other day. Let's try to write a comedy. Look, we haven't gotten, wait, nine to five war. It's a good one. It's a really good sketch idea. Where, I mean, is this, this is too dumb a joke, right?

Oh yeah. I mean, this was part of a bigger joke about war. But I was saying, you know, you probably see me as a deserter. And I am. That's exactly what I'm looking at. But that, nobody's going to shame me when I get back, Back to town, you know like from deserting the war, you know I call you cow or whatever because I hang out with deserters. I hang out with deserter people Right, you know, we we do deserter things we eat

Deserter food Mostly savory That's too dumb, isn't it? No, I don't think so. It's quite a journey. Oh, but it's a thing. It's part of a bigger thing. Yeah. And there's other bits about being a deserter. Is there other bits about being a deserter? I do deserter, the battlefield. Yeah. I mean, there could be more. The idea is not that I'm really, there was a chance that that won't even make it in the bit

because it's hard to find a place where there's not so much fat on it. But I do like the kind of joke where you Essentially make the joke but you don't want to make By not making it. Yeah, by not making it But you you don't need to make it because everybody knows what the hell the joke you're gonna make is and then you do you do a slightly different joke that is maybe the or You just do the joke. You think that's the joke be the or you just do the joke. You think that's the joke? Look, I think that's really interesting. And I personally like the idea of hanging out

with just desertors. Yeah. I think the tricky part would be getting them to show up, you know, you organize it, sort of a get together. Yeah. Very difficult to get everybody. I mean, you know that a lot of maybe is on that Facebook invite that's all I guess you could be worried that The people who run the war might be running the invites Mm-hmm, you know, and so then that could be a Tricky like you feel like you're being trapped. It like it's a setup. You mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah But then you don't want free free savory food as you know it's like a sound event that pops up and you feed free savory food in the park. Yeah, come on down

all welcome. Everybody's welcome. Yeah, oh, specifically you and then you show up and you get caught for being a deserter. It's a good idea if you're the war people. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Yeah. But it's a bad idea if you're the desserters. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I was thinking as well. But then you also don't want to spend time alone. No.

So it's kind of easier to just, I guess, start a fresh with some person that you meet in the, just in the country you've deserted your army in, allowing the language to seem like a local? Yeah, but then you might be a bit risk of not only being a deserter, but being a what's that other one? Where you're a defector. A defector. A traitor, which is even worse, right?

Because a deserter is someone who just goes away to not fight at all, but then going all the way over to fighting on the other side. Yeah, no, you don't want to fight on the other side. All right, you just want to live on the other side. Yeah, you live on the other side where your army can't find you. Yeah, or if they do, they'll just kill you accidentally as a civilian, you know, think that your wedding event is a military encampment or something, which seems to be happening, seems to happen way too much. Yeah. People are having weddings that look way too much like a, like a military thing.

Yeah. I think maybe some cultures love to shoot guns in the air during wedding. I think that's genuinely, genuinely part of the, yeah, and that's one of the reasons why that keeps happening. I mean, it was a... they're edging, aren't they? It's a high risk. It's their coastal people. Yeah, they are coastal people. Is that why Australia is a coastal nation? Yeah. Because we love to edge.

Well, I mean, what good is there in the ocean? Almost nothing there's an almost certain death and is yeah, this is what swimming basically is right? It's it is it is you're basically semi-sphyxiating yourself in a way in which you could die at any moment whenever you put your head underwater Yeah, that's a little thrill Absolutely, it's like the ocean is just one big plastic bag. And your body is like a head. More so than ever. Right, because of all the plastic bags in there.

I'm starting to follow your drift. Continental, I mean, ocean, plastic, drift, that didn't work at all. Oh, well, um, do we have a third sketch I did in here somewhere? Pfft. Um, I just talked about picking a, um, a battle that I had good, uh, the amenities.

Is there any reason why you would hide beans in your nose? Hide beans in your nose. Yeah. Well, do they ever, do they ever, you know, like, like, do they ever look search the nose? I don't think anyone's searching the sinuses. Yeah, right? But do you think they're listening to see if you have like a kind of net help?

I have read about it kind of measly voice. I don't think, I don't think being nasal is a cause for suspicion. In fact, I think people probably overly would A, think that nasal people are sort of more whiny and less likely to be involved in something cool like drug trafficking. Yeah, hard to spend time.

Hard to spend exactly. You don't want to be like, we'll come into this small room with me. I'm going to do a thing. We're like, that's quite irritating voice. I'm going to wave you through. Yeah. Oh no, I'm going to wave you through. Yeah. Oh, no, I'm just heading back from Columbia.

Yeah, well, well, yeah, just heading back from Columbia to where I was visiting by mother. I think the body has a whole lot of unexplored cavities in terms of transporting, transporting drugs. You know where I was thinking? Under the eyelids. No, I wasn't thinking that,

but that's, I mean, I'm starting to do it now. Yeah, right. You know that little tray, that tray area up in the ear, on the edge of the ear there? You know, just like so, it's like just the curled over area. If you weren't living in Australia,

you would recognize an area like that from fences, you know, like outdoor fences. That's kind of often where the red back spiders would be. And you don't ever curl your fingers under there. Sure. So with the ear, it's a little, essentially like a little trough, an upside down trough where you could just pack,

densely pack some cocaine in there, like that, and then just kind of put some putty, ear putty in there. Fill that in. Fill that in, and then you could bring in at least two grams. Two grams. Yeah, well, I mean, if you did it right,

and you tipped your head back far enough, you would just be able to pour it in there, and just sit in there. You know. So like, I turn that upside down trough into a regular trough. But and then you could fill up the nostrils as well. Yeah. I mean, nobody wants to talk to the guys whose head is inverted. His head is inverted and he's leaning all the way back. Nobody wants to. You think this guy's bringing any of the gins? I don't want to know, frankly. I don't even want to begin a conversation.

It's so uncomfortable to look at him. I think under the eyelids, because you can pull those eyelids out, right? And if you shove two little bobbles up in there, I drop them back down, sure my eyelids look a bit puffy. But when's that ever been associated with drugs in any way? Yeah, I mean, puffy eyes, sure,

but having lumpy eyes. Puffy eyes? That's not associated with drugs at all. And if anything, you could get a lawyer to probably argue that they were harassing you needlessly because no one's ever heard of lumpy eyes. And despite the fact that they did find drugs under your eyelids, no one had ever heard up

into this point. Well, I think that the search is invalid if they didn't have probable cause. I'm sure you could you could definitely argue that how about this right injecting individual pores on your skin so with with cocaine or whatever so that they become big big sort of ugly pimples on your face right and then and then they're quite heart unpleasant to look at and deal with and nobody's gonna like search your pimples No, that's right and then when you get to the other side you just squeeze them all

into like a little bag. Yeah, yeah, well straight up somebody's nose That's good. I mean the probably be some real pus in there sure But I mean that's like any drug right you don't know what's in there. That's true. Could be anything. And they cook it, right? Are you here the word cook in there? Cooking is involved in drugs. Yeah. It's a culinary art. It is. Well, I mean, it can be. It's the dark, dark culinary arts. Oh yeah. Yeah. Because I guess they would have just started with like, you know, like boiling some leaves. I would never like to tell you what have extracted cocoa or something like that. Maybe like an butter, that's how they do it with marijuana.

Well, there was way too many nouns in that sentence for me to understand. Like cocoa, like they do with butter, like marijuana. Yeah, you know, with marijuana, when they're extracting the THC from it, that's why they always make it into cookies or something like that because they get a cook it in butter and the THC comes out because it's more of like an oily Okay, comes out into the butter and then there's a lot of people to just believe You cook marijuana in butter. Yeah, no wonder it's so good. Yeah Everything that's cooked in butter is delicious. Yeah, exactly It's probably just the butter that's giving you the buzz.

Being out of those guilt-free. You're on a butter-high. Butter buzz. Butter buzz. Butter buzz. Yeah. Get my butter buzz on. No, there's something there, Alistair.

Is there something in the idea of dark cookery? Or this transporting things through a therapist? Yeah, definitely a sketch. Yeah. And it could take the form of like a police training thing that they're trying to like inform the airport security about new ways that people are smuggling things in. We could do a whole get really get into it. You've got to watch out for small children because there was this thing

where a small child coming into, it was later discovered that the small child was actually a smaller child, right? And the entire head of the child was just solid cocaine. Yeah, right. And then, you know, if you'd taken the head off the child, you would have seen a smaller child underneath. If you'd smiled at the child. Yeah. Taken the head off the child you would have seen a smaller child underneath if you'd smiled at the child. Yeah smiled at the child the child would have Wouldn't have been able to help smiling and then it would have cracked It was just a still

Unsuspect unsuspecting no not like a still and what's the something that you don't suspect? Oh and Suspicious and suspicious doesn't feel like a word does it child's head in Inocuous I guess not curious has anyone tried the fake head just like it's a non-moving head It's just it is it's just a non-moving game. It's just a non-moving, sort of close enough looking human. Close it out. Yeah. You know, these are just the attempts that didn't work, but just it so like doesn't look right.

Well, I think this is funny to see this person being taken in and given like the cavity search and you know, it's clearly a fake head, but the, you know, they're getting the regular pat down and all that sort of stuff. No one looks in the head. No one looks in the head. No one ever in the head. No one looks in the head. No one ever suspects that. We've looked inside everything, every orifice, and then there was nothing in there,

so you're free to go, sir. Mm-hmm. Oh cool. Oh cool. Wait, you got to drink this. Or even you could have an entire, like, you know, just make your head look bigger, right? So it's a whole extra layer of head, right?

An extra good, you know, good centimeter or two of head, packed out over the top of your regular head. Sure. So it's just what, like, fake skin kind of like a mask or whatever and then just like a layer of cocaine. But just like cross that, probably absorbed some of it through the skin. Couldn't be quite an interesting flight. It would be good if it was in baggies or something.

Yeah, it would be. But I'm picturing it loose. Every single time we've been talking about it, I'm picturing it loose. Just say you know. Yeah, great. Even the little clumps under the eyelids. Yeah, just loose.

I was just staying in a clump and not getting absorbed by the... My closest association with the world of cocaine Spunkley. I'm imagining I think I saw an episode of Or I saw that movie traffic or something like that. Well, maybe it was a James Bond I can't remember but something but they'd sort of plasticized it somehow and turned it into Toys, yeah, so I'm just picturing you can just do that with cocaine easily Yeah, now I realize that was a fictional representation. Sure. And plasticizing stuff.

It's probably not really a thing that happens in the real world. I reckon, you know, you'd probably use pill binding agents. I'd use egg whites. Egg whites. Yeah, well that's good too. I mean, so you don't want your people who are taking your cocaine getting someone else. Oh, no No, but you know, you know like pill binding agents. Mm-hmm. You know pills. They don't they're not that far from being a bit like You know a chalky toy

Mm-hmm. Yeah, chalky toy. Yeah, chalky toys, but then but then what about Advil? You look at that. I'm with the candy coating All right, what is that? What is that? Is that just like a little sugar on the outside? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. That looks like a toy. You know, you know, you can play with that.

I play with that. I keep me going for hours. Keep you entertained. All right. We've done this idea. I think. Did we've done this idea. I think. Did we actually have an idea for Rumpel Stiltskin?

I just wrote down, it's Rumpel Stiltskin gets a, gets an office job. You know, and I think you would have to explain it within there. You know, that either this is some alternate history, some, you know, where he just is a bit more reasonable, like he was kind of raised right maybe, and his parents paid more attention to him. Exactly, and they taught him, you know, Mr. and Mrs. Stiltskin.

Yeah, them both being people who come from a line of people who, if you know their name, they rip themselves in half. They kind of have learned to become a bit more reasonable humans. Yeah. Is there something in a gym offering the Rumpel Stilts can work out, right? Which is basically where you do build up your arms hugely and you let the chest with a so that you are strong enough to tell yourself apart. I'm strong enough to tear myself apart. I mean, but then the part is where do you get a grip? Well, that's why you've got to be able to plunge your fingers into the sternum or like get into that

chest cavity somehow. I reckon you can get under those bottom ribs. I reckon that's the weak point. You get in under there if if you're sort of weak enough in that muscle near the diaphragm. Yeah, but strong enough in your fingers and you keep your fingers pretty pointy as well. Like with nails. No, not necessarily just just just like just just the muscles at the bottom of the finger. Yeah. A real bulky. Yeah, but the muscles at the top of the finger, not so strong. I love that whilst you definitely do want to tear open your own chest and be able to pull yourself apart, you don't want to have like sort of gross nails. Well, there would be super helpful for cutting through skin. There was a thought in my mind of basically like, I don't think human nails are really that good for that kind of stuff.

Right? And the risk there is that you'd break your nails and you'd actually like, I feel like the string skin might win in that situation and your nails just kind of bend back or something. That's very painful. And that might throw you off from your objective of tearing yourself apart. Yeah, that's true. And there was definitely a lot of thinking that way.

But did you think about maybe getting that human a cuddle fish, like, you know, like a, those little white bits of cuddle fish and that they just kind of keep filing their nails? So I think they would keep growing, but then you keep filing them into the right way. So maybe they would get you to get more. You strengthen them like a bird does with its beak.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's not what we're doing. We're just strengthening them, whether they're just shortening them, stopping them from overgrowing. We've ever seen it. Birds beak get overgrown. No, is that a thing?

Yeah, that would happen to our budgie. Did it look messed up? Looks a bit messed up. So the beak keeps growing. Yeah. Because I guess the beak is the bit messed up. So the beak keeps growing. Because I guess the beak is the tooth, but the tooth doesn't keep growing. No. I guess the beak is like a beak.

The beak is like a beak. It is a bit like a fingernail then. Is it fingernail material? The beak? You know what I don't know. Chitin. Chitin. It could be, I mean, it feels like it is somewhere between the tooth and the thing.

It's got a bit of texture on it. It kind of has a bit of turtle shell about it. You know, whatever, maybe it's turtle shell. It could be turtle shell. Yeah. Birdle shell. There you go. Alistair, just want to interrupt the podcast here with a little pre-recorded ad for harries.com.

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after using that trimmer blade, you can't have a wood. I never would, because I'm on harries. It's so insufficient. You show up at your parents place, you forgot about that travel pack, they only have those disposable razors that don't have the trimmer blade. Suddenly you're walking around with like a, you know,

just like the beginnings of a Hitler mustache under your nose. That's, you don't know what you want. No, no, no. That you're in the process of sliding into the far right. That's right. Harry's isn't going to let that happen. No. They've got the rich, lathering, lathering.

What a word. Shave gel. Comes out as a gel, rub it on. It's a foam. It's so easy. It smells so good. And you get to witness that phase transition from gel to foam. Oh, yeah.

It's a really good moment. Where does all that air come from? I don't know. How do you face? Must be. It's got to be coming from somewhere. You've got the travel blade cover. Right. What is carbonated?

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I mean, what do you think it would be better than the lips? It would be better than lips, wouldn't it? good. You know, I mean, what do you think it would be better than the lips? It would be better than lips, wouldn't it? Well, okay, plastic cutlery, we know that's bad. Right. Getting into the oceans, we're trying to get rid of it. Right. I think the obvious way around this is a beak, you know, if everybody has a beak, you can put that straight in, you know, look at the hummingbird. Look at that beautiful long beak specialized for like dipping into those really long tubular flowers. Now, imagine a human beak, it would be specifically designed for getting into those takeaway noodle boxes.

Right, so you won't miss any of the stuff down in the water. No, the rice, none of the noodles that are all soy saucey right down the bottom. But it did the thing like the dog's tongue. We've ever seen a slow down version of the dog's tongue where it seems like they're catching, but they're catching water like underneath the tongue. Yeah, it bends backwards. And then it's amazing. Exactly the opposite of what I would have thought the dog's tongue did. Of course. Yeah. But at first when you said beak and you were like, you know, you won't have to use utensils,

but then I was just picturing, you know, like when you see a bird, like a parrot or some of that, pick up just like a seed with that beak and then they kind of like poke it with that gross tongue. Oh, the tongue is so dry. It's so dry. Get some moisturizer in there. How about some saliva? I guess you can't keep the saliva in when you got a beak.

You need lips. It looks a little bit scoopy. Too much to ask to have a beak with lips. Ah, now we're talking. Best of both worlds, right? Exactly. All right. The beak with lips.

Now. And would you add that to birds, or would you add a beak to humans? I'm adding a beak to humans, because I'm trying to solve this cutlery issue. Yeah, I'm not sure it's working the cutlery thing. This is really more of a tongue. These are like, you're talking about these are huge advances in tongue technology is what you're really doing. Right? No, no, because like you, you get the beak in, you can just poke your beak into the into the container or

whatever it is and you pick up the stuff with your beek and I mean putting lips on the beek does undermine this a little bit. I was thinking because it's not fleshy right you aren't gonna get burned or whatever by hot foods. What about your dry tongue? Your dry tongue it's dry It doesn't get burned. Dry things don't burn. As we know from bushfires, to dry to burn. At the moment, we're discovering that Australia, that you're out. It's now to dry to burn. Oh, they were right. We shouldn't have done anything about the climate. We just broke over to the other side. We pushed through. We pushed through onto so dry that it can't burn.

A some part of me is like, that would be so good. There was a way that we could get, we pushed through. We just need to get, because you think about it, it's not inconceivable, right? We put enough carbon dioxide into the atmosphere that suddenly all the plants are thriving, right? And they take the carbon dioxide out, but then we're back where we started. Yeah. Okay.

But I haven't heard about this one though. The albedo effect, have you heard of this? No. Right? The planet heats up, right? More water evaporates, more clouds in the atmosphere, reflects more sunlight, planet cools down. Our beta effect. Is that a real one or is that like real effect?

It's a real effect, but I've got a feeling it's not gonna do it, not gonna save us. Also everything's gonna be so humid. Yeah, which is a worst kind of thing. Oh, so much. This is the thing, global heating, yeah. That hasn't cut through. People haven't, that hasn't scared people. This is the thing. Global heating. That hasn't cut through. People haven't, that hasn't scared people.

Global humidity. Oh no. Now we'll get some action. Exactly, finally. We love this. No response from the heat. I just say, my clothes are sticking to me. global humidity, right that down. Yeah. Yeah, rebranding global, because I, the Guardian newspaper, news website, they recently, just last couple of days, they said they were going to change the language they're using around climate change, to be climate crisis or climate emergency and global heating instead of global warming, because they actually think that that reflect better the reality of what's happening and the seriousness of it. But I think global humidifying is even more has even more cutthroat.

Sure. I mean, that'll be great for people who have those like allergies or whatever in the air. It's a bit too dry for them. They have that dry cough. Is that people with allergies? Well, I remember one of the guys in South Park had it. You know, Kyle's cousin came to Staven. It's a bit dry. I mean, air is very dry in here. It's really annoying.

It would be great to get that kind of transport drugs across the state loads. Oh yeah, nobody's taking them into a small room. Mm-hmm. Maybe. What if you can turn drugs into a gas? If you can plasticize them, maybe you can gasify them. Put them in a balloon.

Gasify them and then put them up into your butt. And then you fart them out when you get there. Gas doesn't show up on an X-ray. They're looking for solids. They're looking for solids. The fools. Could you drink it? Breathe it in. Drink it all. No, keep it in your lungs. Yeah, breathe in. Hold it in there. Hold your breath for the duration of the flight. Is there a way that maybe you could get... This will be your super tricky.

Put the drugs into your veins. Well, no, no, no, no, no. You have... You have... Yeah, you have. I'll be transporting it inside my veins. I'll be gesturing to me. No, but you could have like a bottle, like a little cylinder, that, it's a cylinder of oxygen that looks like a mobile phone, right? Okay. It's perfect. All right. And it connects to this watch that you have that connects to your wrist.

Yep, right. And the watch is actually got a little thing that goes into your vein. And then takes this canister of oxygen and just keeps oxygenating your blood. Yes. Like that. So you don't need to breathe. Okay. Okay. Because your blood is just instead of getting its oxygen from the lungs, it's getting through your wrist. You're just watching. Yeah. And you're holding. You find everyone's already holding their final the time. That's not suspicious. That's not suspicious. Lots of people wear watches.

Exactly. Usually they don't have both of them, because you didn't look at, that's what I'd be like, one of the guys got his phone out, if you got a watch. It's a Fitbit, see. Oh, fix it.

Yeah, you did. All right, it's an Apple watch. Now, Alistair, dare I suggest that there is the alternative of just keeping the drugs inside the canister that looks like a mobile phone instead of keeping them in your lungs But they're gonna find that really suspicious Well, how well I mean How's that anymore suspicious than the current scenario?

Well because they're never gonna find the drugs in your lungs Sure, but if they're not gonna find that the phone is a canister of oxygen No, no, I'm saying that they might. Okay, but then you don't have, then they take it away your oxygen. Yeah, but they have to give it back. Yeah. Well, they feel like,

do you have anything wrong? Yeah. It's all, it's all right. But it's connected into your veins. How long are they taking it away for to check it? Hey, we don't know, just... He just got... Alright, so nothing that we found,

that there was nothing suspicious about your phone that looks like... Your catister of oxygen that looks like a phone, so we're gonna reconnect it to your watch, which is plugged into your veins here, and send you on your wife. Good, good, good. No, no, no. No, wait, just say, just say, oh, we found there's nothing wrong with your phone that has an oxygen canister attached to it.

That it attaches to your phone just to it. Okay. We found that there's nothing wrong with your phone that has an oxygen canister in it that attaches to your watch or something like that. God, give it back! This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of 7 discounts.

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Quickly. Are they named Fart? He's also got guessy butt. Drugs as farts. Guess, I mean some drugs are guess, right? What's that one? Not yours? Not your socks.

Oxide. Imagine that, China transport. Nitrous oxide over international lines. Is that the laughing guess? It's the one that's available from baking stores, the people. What's the one that's laughing guess? Is that not just the same thing? Imagine how much funny a farts are already funny.

But if you were farting, laughing guess. At a high pitch? No, that one doesn't do a high pitch. At a high pitch? That one doesn't do a high pitch. At a high pitch? High pitch fart. I mean, but if you were to fart helium, does it make you fart a higher pitch? Oh, I imagine. Probably. How high pitch could they go? How do we not know this? This is absolutely some YouTube slash science prank guys, you know thing. And then it's just a bunch of you watching the YouTube YouTube slash science prank guys, you know thing and then it's just a bunch of

Watching the YouTube YouTube slash science prank guy. Yeah, and then they're there Like helium up their butt like that like that and then And then they're farting yeah, that was really high pitch that was like that sounded otherworldly Yeah, that's maybe what it would be like to fart on Jupiter That sounded otherworldly. That's maybe what it would be like to fart on Jupiter. Fart on Jupiter, I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

Be so dense in Jupiter. You think so? I think the gas is very dense. What about in the outer parts? Just as you're falling in. You're right, that'd be a point. You're suddenly fading into the very wide gas. Yeah, suddenly.

I think that would be falling into Jupiter. That would be, it wouldn't be very sudden, because it's falling into Jupiter. Yeah. Text George. Falling into Jupiter. Hmm. How about this one? Wait, it's very similar. Drops of Jupiter. Oh, yeah. Now she's back from her solv vacation tracing her way through the constellation. Yeah. She's back from her sole vacation. I think that's right.

Tracing her way through the what constellation? Tracing her way. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. You seem to really know. But I'm probably wrong as well, you know. I know, but I don't know because I'm probably

wrong. I also should we do three words? I think so. I guess we're there. Yeah. I mean, global humidifying doesn't have a huge idea attached to it. I mean, it does have, but I think it's attached to a broader thing of people trying to explain global warming in a way that more people will relate to.

I think it's worth remembering. It's worth... Here's a thing that is real sad, right? I was talking to my dad the other day and he was like, hey, no. And he was like, he said something about it being a really nice day. And I said, yeah, but it's winter over here. And I was like, yeah, but I can't really enjoy nice days anymore because I just think about global warming. And he was like, oh, really? And I was like, yeah, I mentioned everyone felt that way that like now whenever it's like winter or it's supposed to be cold and it's a nice day, I'm depressed.

Somehow reversed. Like the fact that my generation can't enjoy nice days anymore is already so tragic. But for my dad, I don't think he made that association in his head. But is there a chance that maybe throughout his life he's had nice days in the winter? Oh. And been like, oh, this is just normal. That's why he, yeah. No, totally.

And that's exactly what it would have been. That's exactly probably what it still is a lot of the time. But it feels like there's way too many nice days this winter. And it's making me sad. We're going to stop calling them nice days. All right, we're going to be start, start calling them red flag days. What Andy, I think what we're coming close to is the nice, deep, complex way. Let me say that. Try that again. Nice day, polyps. What about just nice day, getting.

Nice day, getting. Yeah. So soon, there's going to be so many nice days. Do you think that that could be all that's going to happen from climate change? Is just like, it's just going to be back to back nice days. It's going to be like LA all the time But but I think that's a problem Is it I think that's gonna be a problem because I think LA doesn't have any water This is a problem with LA. There's no water. They're trying to pipe water from all over California to get water to LA

Because it never rains Yeah, right, and that'd be the rest of the world. Yeah, but we won't be on a fault line. Yeah, you're right So yeah, no, look, I'm gonna write down I think there's there's a there's an idea in there. I don't think we quite got nice. Yeah Show take it on Three words. Three words. Today's three words come from our Patreon, $3 Patreon supporter. Mr. Fred Rhodes. Fred. Hi, Fred. Thank you so much. Great name.

Great name. Great to have you on board. Great to have you in every single way that we can have you. Great to have you in our lives. In we can have you. Great to have you in our lives. In our lives. Fred Perif, really? Cheers, Fred. Cheers, Fred. Well, Andy, and then the three words, are you ready for them? Yeah. They are pay. Mm-hmm. Andies. Yes. Mortgage. I wonder if we recently got another review on iTunes at the show. Five stars just said Andy has financial issues. I was saying it's high review.

I wonder if that was free. And I want you to know that those reviews still mean so much. I mean, you can say a nice thing about the podcast or you cannot say anything at all or you can say. Yeah, the deepest truth. The deepest truth of all. The Dandy's financial problems have not yet been solved. Hey, look, we're going to be employed by next week.

I know, so imagine that. We're back on track. It's been two months, two and a half months. Yeah, it's been going to be quite a while. How do a few little sources of income along the way? Oh, you know, comedy festival, comedy festival went okay at the end there. Yeah, did really picked up. Yeah, I mean, don't work it out on a like an hourly basis, but no, but in terms of like, if on a, on a, on a per second basis, for the second in which the money was coming

into my bank account, it was a very good payday for me which the money was coming into my bank account. Yeah. It was a very good payday for me. When the money suddenly came into account. Yes. Well, that was that one wasn't that one. But also that that IP exists forever. I mean, one day we're potentially going to film it. Hmm. And there you go.

And that's another place. It could go international. Yeah. Remember, we were going to do the French Festival. We might not be going to do the French Festival anymore. Yeah. We might be just going to be doing a run at the studio. But we still have that registration money that we put aside for the festival.

Oh, did we? What do we get into with that? Well, hell is there. We could use that to pay for filming it. Yeah. We could do. We're on the way to start. It's a start.

Anyway, there you go. Sorry, just some thoughts that you didn't need to hear. Oh my God. So sorry. Okay, pay Andy's one. We really went into a private conversation. Pay Andy's mortgage. Yeah. I mean, what if, okay, can I run on this as a political campaign? Sure. Right. Can I, can I, can I, can I, this, this, this, this will be my thing. I'm running for government. And my platform is that I will use taxpayer money to pay my mortgage. And what else are like, once I get this job,

I'll be able to pay my mortgage. Yes. But and then once mine is paid off, I'll be able to help all of you pay your mortgages. I think that's not a terrible idea. Right. I'll work with charities and angel investors and philanthropists. Hmm, public private partnerships to pay all our mortgages.

Is it philanthropists? No, it's Philanthropists Robists, I think so Philanthropy. It's not Philanthropy Oh great. Philanthropy Throppy, throppy Throppy I'll call George Throppy just it sounds like a description of a penis, doesn't it? It was very throppy.

I mean, I guess you're just thinking of it floppy. Well, yeah, but also the fabric that's around it, and that sort of thing, I think gets you the throop. Oh, yeah. You know, the zipper, all of that stuff. That's probably what a penis sounds like when you're running. Yes.

Throppy. Throppy. They had a mic down there. Yeah. Which we will for the next episode. Okay. That's what the Patreon bonus episodes are. Oh, we're gonna mark up our genitals. And then go running and see if they're throppy.

I'm putting money on yes. So this, if I'm running for, I had this little side idea there, which is that like you're a... I imagine you're a politician, right? And I'm wondering if there's any way that you could sort of get elected twice, right? So, you know, these days a lot of people have to have a second job, right, in order to meet all their bills. What if a politician also has to be another politician? Like has to be, has to have two seats basically in order to... Yeah, he's like, look, he's complaining about the the wage is not coming up for politicians.

He says, I've had I'm a federal politician and I've recently had to also join either the state or my local council. Yeah, together I'm a mayor as well in the evenings. the state or my local counts. Yeah, I'm a mayor as well in the evenings. I mean, we're laughing, but is that actually funny enough to be anything? Right? I've had to become the politician of another country as well. Yeah, or a smaller, a muscle, muscle, muscle politician of Fiji. It's a conflict of interest, but, but sure, or, or, or, or maybe just a member of the opposition as well Right No, yeah, you know, I've got a big That's fun because then you can't enough to be just a member of one party anymore because I think it's like then you can You can have that moment where he's asking question or whatever

Then he has to walk lectured and we're like mr. Speaker Okay, so we're like, Mr Speaker, Mr Speaker, can I address the question of the member for Higgins? He runs over. That is a very accurate representation of the state of our parliament. There's some people say, Mr Speaker, Mr to speak and then someone else going, that is all it has been for the last probably 20 years. And maybe before that as well. Yeah. Okay, yeah. Yeah.

Politician has to take on extra roles, take on other seat, to take on other seats to pay mortgage. Yeah. I mean, it's a bloody joke, isn't it, because they're always giving themselves pay rises anyway. Well, he's complaining about when they took away penalty rights and again, themselves a pay rise at the same time. Oh, but that's independent. That's independent. Yeah, they're penalty rights, the fair work tribunal. But that's what. That's independent. Yeah, there are. That penalty rights. The fair work tribunal, but they know that's what they know, argument they always use for when they're when they're way just go up they go, oh, it's an independent body. Yeah, you're right. Oh, okay, good. But you still voted for it. Didn't you? You still approved it? Yeah. It doesn't, doesn't happen against your will. Also, last thing I wanted to say before I guess I'd go through the sketches is that I've been thinking about

Also, the last thing I wanted to say before I guess I would go through the sketches is that I've been thinking about the harshness of the Scottish accent recently. Oh, yeah. Big theme of this podcast. Yeah, and I've been sorry about this, Roy. I've been listening to a history of the English language podcast. And that vowel shift, I keep suspecting didn't occur in Scotland. I still don't have any proof that it that it didn't. But this is when it went when we went from Old English to Middle English. Right? This is the thing. It's so hard to know what people sounded like in the past. Oh, it's very hard, but there's there's there's ways. Is it? Well, there's sort of ways because you go back to root

languages and But you don't know what they sounded like well You can based on how the other languages evolved from From them and things like that you can see where there's been shifts You can't know exactly what it sounded like but you can get an idea There was an episode of the ex files where a read was brushing against a pot that somebody was doing some pottery, right, and it acted like the stylus of a recording device and it engraved the sound of Jesus talking into the edge of a pot. And then when they played that pot back, God knows how they knew which pot to play back. Anyway, I played the pot back it brought the dead back to life or something.

Oh my God. But there's not the pot that was there when Jesus was speaking. I better keep this. I was making this pot while Jesus was speaking. I better put a bit of play the pot. Just in case. Better keep this in case in the future there's some way to play pots. Play a pot back. I don't know what these words mean. What does play even mean?

Play back? So that big vowel shift, where I keep saying that Scotland didn't go through it. Apparently, when we went, I reckon if we look back to me talking about vowel shifts in the past, you will have made that joke. Yeah, I think it's very, very, very likely. So we went from Old English to Middle English. There was a huge vowel shift because that was the Latin, it was the vowel movement. It was from the last time that Britain was invaded around the 1300s, the Normandy invasion and for like 300 years. All the vows had to retreat to Scotland. No, all the harsh vows.

No, there was, the leadership of England was all French people for however 300 years. And so then it shifted during that time, it shifted all the sound of the vows. And I reckon Scotland didn't shift. Maybe the Normans weren't in there. It's entirely your own theory. This is my theory. Have you seen it replicated anywhere else? I haven't seen anybody talk about it yet,

but I'm waiting to hear it. I'm just trying to come up with this theory on my own, and then I'm waiting to see whether. Well, this is exactly, you've got to publish this theory right publish your parish This is what happened to Charles Darwin right to be parish. Yeah. Oh my god. Oh, what is that god damn you 2016? It's the by the way, it's the year 2019 if you listen to this in the future when you haven't uploaded a really light episode Anyway, we should stop. Okay. I gotta do the run through the sketch I did. Okay.

Okay, this is the first one is sort of a mixture of pick your battles and you pick your battles, but not necessarily a battle that you think you'll definitely win, but one that's kind of convenient, like it's a good commute away. And that's why this person has picked the battle of the nine to five war. It's a war you can work five days a week

for 40 hours and then go back home and spend time with your family. Sometimes you get to the end of the day and you're in the middle of some sort of melee one-on-one bayonet fight with another thing and you'll stick around to finish that. Maybe. But then. But you're clocking over time. Yeah, but then there'll also be times on Fridays where it'll just be, there'll be Friday drinks, and you won't really do work for the last three hours or so. And you know, you really should be killing people on the other side, but what you're doing is really you're fraternizing. Yeah. And which is important as well, because that builds bonds and that makes you stronger,

isn't it? That's right. Army. And it means that you're more excited about coming to work on Monday. Yeah. Well, the greatest weapon of all is friendship. That's right. Then we've got Rampol Stiltskin. He's not a guy living on the edge. I think a corporate style personnel review, like individual performance review, but for someone in a nine to five war would also be quite funny to see. I think that would be fun. Yeah, call someone into your office and talk about how they don't really seem very motivated or I think that's good. Whatever it is. Yeah, showing up late. Showing up late, leaving early. Because we're all in this together.

Two long to toilet breaks. Yeah. You know, so then you have a job and you just go sit on the toilet for like, oh man. You just go like, sometimes I'm not even going to the toilet. I put the top lid down. I'm just sitting there. I'm just going to close my eyes.

Just right out the clock. Are we both talking about engineering? Yeah. Yeah. That's right. R we both talking about engineering? Yeah. That's right. Rumble Sillskin gets an office job. Again, this is just another office job sketch. But it's instead of living on the edge and trying to get people to guess his name.

And once they say it, he gets a terrible... So abstract, this idea. He instead just comes up with a fake name. Because he was raised right probably this one Anyway, then we got new frontiers an orifice drug hiding And so just new places to hide drugs in your hidey holes Yeah, you know up in the the ear trough under the eyelids in your pores Most people nostrils. He got a nasal nasal... Back knee. Oh, back knee.

No one's gonna go near that. No. You see those videos, the people squeezing boils. You can fit a lot of stuff in there. Yeah, how about this? You know, like you said, you turn it into toys or whatever, you could just turn it into flaky sort of like foot skin. Yeah.

Like you've got a psoriasis for some point. And then you get there and you get your pet egg and you shave it all off. Mm-hmm. All right. You just put it in the water like you, like they do in that movie. And then it just turns to dust again.

Love it. Love it so much. Love it. And we got. I think the James Bond one that I was thinking of, they dissolved it all in petrol Transporting it in in petrol tankers. That's gonna do. I mean if you could do that. Hmm Yeah, it'd be great. Yeah, you wouldn't have to put it in your body. You just put it in a big truck

Yeah, so much easier. You carry a lot more and there was no truck chance of the truck Getting high because of trucks can't get high trucks can't get high But what if they did? This sounds like a sure episode. I do have to come up with an idea for this week's one. Wow, yeah. I think there's something to that. You know, and then it wouldn't just be you have to be breathalyzer and you get pulled

over by the cops. That's right. Your car also. I gotta put that little breathalyzer in the tailpipe. Yeah. Can you go... Broom. Yeah.

You rev for us? Then we've got the beak with lips. Which is just like the... It's a replacement for calorie. Well, I don't know if that's the case, but... I can't believe you're resisting this. I don't see that at all, but... That's insane for me.

So you don't see that at all. But do we also change our customs completely where it's okay to just stick your face in a more... Yes! Yeah. Obviously. I guess so, yeah, I guess that makes sense. I guess it would also diversify kissing, wouldn't it?

Kissing would involve a lot more of this kind of sound. But I thought the lips would soften that. No, but you've removed the lips apart, you pull them back to fully reveal the beak. Oh, the point. I'll underneath the lip. Do you think there'd be that beak point? Mm.

Or do you think the lip would just come to a point? No, I think there's a pointy beak. I want a pointy beak. But then, then wouldn't there be that scenario? Where you bite your lip? Where you just put your beak through your lip all the time. No, well, that's like with teeth. You don't do that with teeth.

A lot of animals have got really well, but you don't do it all the time. No, not all the time. But then it's not a super sharp beak pointing right into your lips. I just think I use a lot of animals that have got real sharp teeth, right? And they don't not putting them through their lips all the time. Yeah, but I was picturing this this point was like under the you know know, like just hanging over the point like a sheath or something. Oh, that's a terrible idea.

Well, that's a bad design. Why would you picture that? Well, I'm just explaining why it seems so dangerous. You're bad at imagining. No, I was really good. But you're, I guess you're picturing it kind of sticking out a bit like a narwholes of a narwholes team. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got a bit of, got a bit of, and I think if you stretched your lips, you could picturing it kind of sticking out a bit like a narwholes. Yeah. Like a narwholes tip to the liver.

Yeah, you've got a bit of, got a bit of, and I think if you stretched your lips, you could fully cover it. Yeah. Right. But where they default sit is just back a little bit. Yeah. Like a foreskin. There should be a restaurant where you can go, where you can have a beak.

Yeah. Well, we did the restaurant last week where you could be a warthog. Yeah. Well. Root out the food with your tasks. I mean, just different restaurants where you can just go in and just be different pets. I think there's definitely possible that we could, because they do those mouth guards that are like molded to your teeth.

Why not get one made that is basically then just sticks out like a beak? It doesn't have to be very big, but basically sits inside your mouth and you have the top and bottom halves of a beak. Yeah. And you can live with a beak. Yeah, and then you could have that like that. And then for a day, you just get put in a little cage. Mmm. And your foods, your foods in a little seed, seed area, like one of those seed sort of feeds. Yeah, I get it. in a little seed area, like one of those seed sort of feeds. And then you can swing on one of those little things that only like strippers really do,

or circus people, and you drink from that little water thing like that, but you know, it could be champagne or whatever, you know. Oh wow, so it's a real treat. Yeah, poop on the paper. On the newspaper. So it comes and takes that away. That's the life. That's a real life. Yeah. You have a look at a bird in a cage and think, oh, yes. He's got it figured out.

Well, we don't know. We don't know if they're happy. No. There's no way of knowing. Maybe that thing where they pull out all their own feathers and then start pecking at their skin could be a sign of joy. You could do that. You could do that. You could do that.

Got global, global humidifying. I mean, that explains something. Oh, it absolutely does. And there's gas drugs in lungs and butt. And that's where you also have your oxygen in your phone that's attached to your wrist that is a real good system that pumps oxygen straight into your blood. Honestly, if someone can figure that out so that we don't have to use our lungs anymore, I know we can get our oxygen from our phone. I think that would be a big hit. Andy, there's absolutely a startup somewhere

trying to do that right now. This breathing is, it's a burden. I mean, it's troublesome, because I know it's mostly automatic, but sometimes you do think about it. I'm doing it now, you've made me think about it. Oh, now I've got to do this myself. Now I've got to forget about it.

Manual over on. So that the automation can take over. Yeah, we've talked about this before. That's a bit of mine that I'm thinking about doing. Yeah. Politician who has to take on another seat to pay for his mortgage because of the price of houses has gone up so much. Price of houses.

He's the one, he's the first one who acknowledges that there's a real problem like the people, especially the people who don't have houses. He's the one he's the first one who acknowledges that there's a real problem like the people Especially the people who don't have houses Anyway, what a sketch what a sketch Thank you so much for listening to the podcast to and the think tank with me and he and him out of their trombla virtual George William dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip hour and six minutes to make this an effective mid-roll. What if I just edit it and put it in the middle of the podcast? Sounds good. Let's... Right. Cut here, or you will finish, and then I'll put it in. Well, we're already in this bit.

Yeah, I know, but let's finish the podcast. Okay. So that the sentence still flows, and then we'll record it afterwards. And then I'll put it in somewhere. You're going to keep this in? Yeah. Okay, great. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. So you can find us on Twitter. I'm at a two in tank or I'm at Alistair TV. I'm at stupid old Andy. You can always listen to Shushar guided meditations if you don't get enough of this. And you can support us on Patreon if you like what we do. Or if you can't afford that, which is fine.

I don't. You can like. I don't support us on Patreon. That's right. and I've been very disappointed in Andy for the time. And so you can give us a review on iTunes which would be really lovely and helps the podcast. In some way. You should know that we also love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit Planet Broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. It's not optional, you have to do it.

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