Two In The Think Tank - 185 - "Having a Restaurant"

Episode Date: May 28, 2019

Under an Anaesthetist, Having a Restaurant, Nuclear Notifications, Swat Travel, Hole Helmet Long Game, Fart SwapHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereSimple, perfect thanks to George for producing this episode., Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Multitask right now. Quote today at Progressive.com.

Progressive casualty and trans company in affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential Savings will vary. Discount's not available in all safe and situations. Visit Planet Broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. I'm trying for a baby on the floor. I'm trying for a baby on the floor. I'm trying for a baby on the floor right now.

I'm trying for a baby on the floor. I'm trying for a baby on the floor right now. I'm trying for a baby on the floor right now. I'm trying for a baby on the floor right now. I'm trying for a baby on the floor right now. I'm trying for a baby on the floor right now. I'm trying for a baby on the floor right now. I'm trying for a baby on the floor right now. maybe for its floor. There's a pelvic floor, but there's no pelvic ceiling. That's right. And there's no floor pelvic, pelvis. What about this, a floor pelvis. Okay, I like it.

Well, I mean, is that like in a bathroom? You know how some modern bathrooms, they'll just have a drain in the middle of the floor. Yeah. Yeah. Take the water that runs, it comes out of the bar. Is that a floor pelvis? Yeah, well, I guess it's a pelvis. I mean, look, I guess the pelvis is kind of, in many ways, it's just a like a bone tunnel. I mean, there's some stretch. It's a bone hole. Yeah, it's a bone hole. I mean, it's a bone hole that holds flesh holes. Yeah.

But also holds a bit of equipment so that like legs and sort of hips and stuff. But is the pelvis everything? Like the hip and all that? Or is the pelvis just the hole? Oh, I don't know. I mean, you've got a pelvis. I've got a pelvis. Yeah.

Is there organs and stuff in there? I don't know. I think he's got to be organs. So you have low to our organs, sit there. But I just don't know what the pelvis actually refers to whether it refers to just that Mm-hmm like Because you got the waist yeah, the hips I Imagine there's not much left over to be called pelvis definitely a cavity in which a baby's head It's a cavity, yeah, it's like it's a it's the bone hole

headball pass through it. It's a bone hole. It's a bone hole. It's a bone hole. I can see the baby's head presenting through the bone hole. And so, it can be a drain. I love working with you, but you've got to stop using the phrase bone hole. It's throwing the patience. They don't like it. They lose confidence. Or flesh hole. I mean, it is going through a flesh hole as well, I suppose. Bone tunnel. Something pipe? Bone pipe. I mean, it's not quite a pipe. You expect a bit more length, but I guess tunnel, you expect some length, but.

Is bone hole anything? Is there a sketch in bone hole? It's probably the title of the episode. Yeah, okay, that's nice. But I mean, yes. Look, scratching out the sketch ideas from the failed episode we tried before this. Well, it was nine minutes of us yelling at each other. No, it wasn't, it was maybe a minute.

Okay. And then eight minutes of flailing. Could have done with more yelling in those eight minutes. So the bone hole, well, I mean, yeah, but we have to find more to it. It's gonna be, you know, bone hole. No, you're absolutely right. It's just somebody who uses the word bone hole.

I think that's already, you know, it's got a chuckle attached to it. Do you think there's something in the idea that maybe doctors have words like the real words that they all doctors use for all the body parts? And then the words that they tell us are just the ones to make it sound more like a real profession. But like Eric and Bonehole is absolutely one of the ones that they use.

But when it's just doctors or when the patients under anesthetists, and they're under the anesthetist. Back in the day, before they had anesthetics, I reckon being under the anesthetist would just come and sit on you to start you're flailing around. But they're belly over your mouth and the nose and stuff until you pass out. If you feel pain, just scream into my gut. Mm-hmm. And there's just, like, I mean,

for some reason I picture, like, so you just puts pushes their gut into their face. And they kind of struggle a little bit. And then I think just on top of it, just to kind of finish it off, they put their fingers in your ears. Mm-hmm. And I think when you close all those holes,

then your body shuts down a little bit. Yeah, like a chicken. It's like that Vulcan pinch. Vulcan turns out there is a real Vulcan nerve grip, but it involves the stomach. Your stomach, their face, and your fingers in their ears. It's instant though. As soon as you do it, you block. Do you think that there's a real

no? It's instant though. As soon as you put your belly over there, three face holes and then put your two fingers in their ear holes and then wait 45 seconds. It's instant. It's instant. It's instant. It's instant. It's instant. Yeah. instant. It's instant. Like that. Yeah. I think every... I wonder if everything happens instantly. Right? And sometimes there's a lot of build up. But then everything happens instantly. Would that be possible? What's an example of something that doesn't? I have had this conversation very recently. No, where somebody said... With me? I think it could be you. I've put it in the last podcast. Last episode. Oh my God. That's terrible.

Look, the terrible thing is that as I was coming up that it felt so new and I was so excited. And as soon as you tell me we've had this conversation before I'm like, of course we have. I couldn't tell you what, no, it hasn't come flooding back, but I just believe you utterly that, yeah. I'm sorry to, no, I'm sorry to the listeners.

No, it's fine. Look, I was thinking about something. So this sketch with the anesthetist. Could it be called under an anesthetist? Esthetist? Sorry, under an anesthetist. I think you put a few extra... Yeah.

And it's a restaurant. You're certainly having a rest. Okay, it's a new one, having a restaurant. Okay, and it's a motel where you could go and book a room for a couple of hours, but. And you lay in some food. That's a better food. Well, I called it that because it was a better food initially. It's a bit of salad, a bit of mixed greens,

a bit of mashed potato. Initially, I called it that because I was saying to me, she said, what's the name? I said, hang on, I'm gonna go have a rest. She said, a rest, and then she wrote it down. And then once the name was written down. My name is a ront. A ront.

A ront. And she wrote it down and then I had to basically read, you know, fix the restaurant based on the way. Because it was written down. It the way the pen died and so you know she'd already gone to the sign writers and you know what she's like she off like that she's my business partner she's actually the person who I work with she's she just basically our say things to Rengigo's to sign writers with them and get some printed immediately and never double checks Because she doesn't want to waste my time and I appreciate

The only time it backfires is most of the time And so now I'm running this restaurant which actually I'm going through quite a bit of food But you can still charge for a night a night's rent, but it's just in a big food hall Initially it was a Well, we get into the council regulations for food halls, which are actually much more lenient and they are for places of accommodation But oh you don't want to get me started on a bed and breakfast But the other but this is a bed in breakfast It's just eggs and bacon sometimes it depends what meal you want but you know it helps if they just want something that's very

carby because you can sort of make a lot that will cover a big surface area that you know doesn't cost too much for me. I think a a bed and breakfast is good is a good thing is an interesting thing to sell as a single unit. What is this? It's a bed and breakfast. It's both a bed and it's a breakfast. It's true. That's what those signs mean to me. I think that's what it means.

Whenever I go to a bed and breakfast, I think the bed is going to be a breakfast. It's going to be a bed that is also a breakfast. So it's a bit of a breakfast. It's going to be a bed that is also a breakfast. So, so it's, you know, it's like a it's a point. If this is a, a, I can't think of anything that's two things where you put an end in the middle. What about a twist and shout? Which I joked in the past is a song about a guy lifting something heavy with poor technique.

It's quite good. I don't know. Yeah, we're lifting and passing something, you know. But you know when you're like, you're always like, don't twist your back while you're lifting, because you're like suddenly, did they say that? Oh yeah. Have you ever done, have you ever done that? I've never left it.

You've never worked at a war. I think everything's at the right height. I already like where everything is to. Yeah. Especially things that are messy. Hmm. I can move them around. I just don't want to change the height of everything.

Everything finds its level. I feel like we've said lots of things that I would like to write down. You've only written down under... An anesthetist. Having a restroom? No, I mean, down. You've only written down under... And an esthetist. Having a restaurant? No, I mean, I haven't... Oh, you've written under an esthetist.

I'm writing an esthetist. Yeah, I see. That's something. And then I think having a restaurant, we've got to write it down just for old times sake. Yeah. You know? And was there something else there? I want my bed and breakfast thing, but that's not really right.

But I do want to ask the question, Alan Stapp, which foods do you think would be the best to sleep on? Yeah, I mean, it'd be hard to go past mashed potatoes. But I wonder though. I wonder. It does make you wonder. Yeah. What about, there's only one way to find out.

What about a bed of lettuce? You know, like full heads of iceberg lettuce. No, not at all. How could that be good? Think about it. So a picture, you know, like a, like a water bed. Right. Now, remove that, that weird bubbly thing, that weird bubbly,

the water bed. Yeah, the bladder part. Because there's still that frame that holds in the bladder. Is that, is that the case with the water bed? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a frame. Yeah, there's got to be a frame. I think water bed? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a frame. Yeah, there's got to be a frame. I think it's just a...

No, it's not like a normal mattress. I don't think, it's not like a normal mattress onto this lane. I always picture it as just being an air bed bit full of water. Am I wrong? No, no, no, no. I think there has to be like a frame around it. So there's not like, it's not like move inside to side.

You know like that, kind of imagine that like, you're right. You're right. And it was just kind of like somebody gets on and it kind of pushes move inside to side. You know like that kind of imagine that, you're always on there and it was just kind of like somebody gets on and it kind of pushes you side just up and then it starts to kind of like ease off for this, it would move. It would travel through the room over the night. Of people still manufacturing new water beds.

I can't imagine. I mean, there might be somebody trying to disrupt the bed market, but I don't know. But think about now, that frame where you would put that bladder, fill that up with full heads of room temperature. Yes. Iceberg lettuce. Okay.

So the ice is just there as a, it's in name only. Well, yeah. And I think it always was. It's almost like a ball pit, but full of iceberg lettuce. Yeah. Of sort of bouncy, crunchy, you know, nice, springy lettuce. You know, I think it would be very comfortable. If you went to a iceberg lettuce farm, and you sort of lay down, you lay down, let's say

you were in your prisoner of war, who was working, was forced to work on this labor camp at the iceberg lettuce farm. And you were trying to keep the troops in iceberg lettuce. Yeah, you got it. And then you got it. And then you got it. And then you got it.

And then you got it. And then you got it. And then you got it. And then you got it. And then you got it. And then you got it. And then you got it. And then you got it.

And then you got it. And then you got it. And then you got it. And then you got it. And then you got it. a big truck with like sort of, you know, a wire cage around it. And so that you can see into it. Yeah. And then you, so at first you fall into the lettuce and that would be like, what would be like, getting into bed, into this iceberg lettuce bed.

I think that would sound real nice. Oh, I think that's a real, because I think the state they use iceberg lettuce is when you make a foley of somebody punching somebody and punch and iceberg lettuce. So it sounds that people would look around, they go to somebody just get punched. With a full body punch. Yeah, and then you'd have to pull lettuces over yourself. You have to get right in the middle because as you go to the exit, right, to get off the the lettuce compound, there's going to be these guards there with pitchforks that are going to be stabbing into the lettuce,

really damaging the produce for the people who are going to be buying it later. It's really sounding a lot like a lot of people are getting punched. Yeah, well, that'll be something like somebody was getting pierced. Sure. With four problems. And this is one of the problems with stabbing iceberg letters to see if there's a person in there. You can't tell.

Oh, that's right, you can't tell. It sounds exactly like you're stabbing people, the entire time. Well, and that's the kind of myth that you could really get around the, like, you know, spread around the compound before you jump in there. Right, so that's how you prepare the ground. So anyway, that's why it's not worth checking that truck

for prisoners trying to escape. And then once you get those guards really convinced, that's when you make your move. Yeah. The tricky part is knowing when the guards are convinced. I guess the... No, that's the easy. So when they stop stabbing the lettuces. Yeah, well that's it, you keep an eye on them.

Yeah, you go, yeah. Maybe you could even, you could, you know, the prisoners always seem to get access to phones. Yes. That seems to be a thing. Contraband and phones seems to be a thing that you can't stop. So this is a modern prisoner of wall camp.

Well, you know, I mean, it doesn't have to be that modern, it could be 1993. Okay, you know? You get yourself a GSM fun. Yeah, you get one of those GSM anyway, you call up Ericsson. It's a Sony Ericsson. It's a Sony Ericsson GSM phone. Is that GSM the brand or is it like a TSM was the network back then? Sure, and it's a satellite. It's also you also got an option for satellite in case the GSM network goes down. Yeah, you don't get range out at this rural property. And so then you call up on your phone.

And you go, excuse me, I am just a humble lettuce consumer. And I've been noticing both a lot of piercings in my lettuce that we get from your farm and the browning around the hole. You know, today air intake or, I'm not sure exactly how it works. Whether it's a- Oxidation, procession play. Oxidation play.

Oxidation play. Or is that the lettuce play? That's my sister. What's that? I'm your sister, talking over you. Oh, that's my sister there. Anyway, is it the lettuce bleeding? I'm not sure.

Lettuce has blood. Why is it brown? Where is the brown? When you don't pierce it. You know what I mean? Where does the brown come from? Where does the brown go? Where do they store the brown to put it at the where the damage is? Anyway, stop. How does it know? Is this lettuce consciousness of what is it of a nervous system? What is going on with this, these lettuces, do you make very smart lettuces? Because if you do, you should stop stabbing it. That's a second argument, why?

Anyway. I don't even have a central nervous system. I have a central confidence system. Wow. That's how cool I am. That's how cool you are. I mean, you know, confident people are cool. I guess they're confident people are cool.

Confident people are cool. Yeah, or cool people are confident. Yeah, you know, a confident people are cool. I guess they're confident people are cool. A confident people are cool. Yeah, or cool people are confident. Yeah, you never see a seesaw somebody who's fully full of doubt and you go, man, that's cool. Yeah. Although. Yeah, but there are some. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, everything's so perverse these days. Yeah. It's nice to see from fragility. Yeah. You know, I liked that. I think that was very humble. Nothing's cooler than weakness in self-doubt.

Exactly. Except for maybe confidence and strength. Okay, okay. So. Anyway, best food to sleep on. Yeah, is that a sketch? Food bet. I mean, this is, I guess, part of the having a restaurant. I guess so. Yeah, or better and breakfast. I didn't get to answer Well, what was your favorite food? It would probably be like a sponge cake or something But that's a course. No, but that's a good. That's a really good answer Thank you. Because I mean a sponge is often what a mattress is made out of right in a manner of speaking. Yeah

Yeah, I mean, you know an manner. When I met when I met my girlfriend, I, I was so unprepared on the camping festival that I went to that I all I had was a piece of fruitcake for a pillow. She... That is... This is true, right? That is absolutely true. And I was wearing what I met him. He didn't have nothing, not even a fruitcake for a pillow. No, but I had like, I borrowed to somebody's tent. And then I packed a bag, but somehow I also only packed

T-shirts. I didn't pack any underwear. I didn't pack a change of shorts or anything like that. Even though there was gonna be swimming, right? And so I think I might have had a belt or some rope. And so when I went, when I wet my underwear, I just put on a t-shirt. I'm gonna go with rope. Some rope.

Belt doesn't fit with my picture of this stuff at all. Everything I know about you based on this particular attitude, you're not a belt guy. Exactly. And so then, and so then we went swimming. And then before I even met my now wife, I had changed into a t-shirt and put my legs through the arms. And then tied the rope around the top so they would stay up.

And then put wet shorts over this. Oh, no. Why did you bother with the t-shirt at all, the t-shirt underpants? Well, it's more comfortable to have something partially dry that is being wet from the outside. I don't know. Rather than having rewrite it back into the wet shirts. I'm going to sleep a gin until this would have just

been hanging through the neck hole. You can set a pull it down a little bit. I'm not sure. Maybe I tied the neck into a little knot as well. I don't think you can do that with the neck of a t-shirt. Oh. Not if you're putting your legs through the sleeves, there's not gonna be enough loose fabric to get a knot going.

Oh, yeah. Alistair, this story is full of holes. Yeah. One of which your penis is holes are hanging through. Yeah. I'm confident. I'm very confident. I'm very confident.

And nervous. It's a cloth hole. Mm. Much like the... We just asked to quickly check the pad to see if that was in this episode. Yeah, do we talk about bone hole in this episode? I can't remember. Yeah.

We talking about bone hole. Well, because we've got... Stopters having their own words for things. I mean, was that going to be a sketch? Or was that in a different version of this episode's podcast? I can't remember any. I can't remember either. It's all the realities are melting into one.

Andy, it's almost like we should do drugs because I think we have the memories of people who do a lot of like MDMA and stuff. Why is it so bad? Why is my memory so bad? Is there anything that can be done to improve this? It's not like I do anything that's recreationally, traditionally considered bad for the mind.

Except for look at my phone every 30 seconds. Could that be affecting me in some way? I don't think so. I don't think, I don't think. I'd love to find out if it does, but unfortunately every time I take out my phone, I forget what I'm looking for, go on Twitter. Yeah, and so the same thing, I walk into a room.

Sometimes I walk into a room while I'm looking for going Twitter. Yeah, and so the same thing I walk into a room, sometimes I walk into a room while I'm looking for something and going to my phone while I'm looking for something else, and I forget both. At the same time. At the same time I go, why am I in this room and why am I in my phone? Okay, how about this? Everyone's worried about who's got the nuclear launch codes. Everyone's worried about who's got the nuclear launch codes. Mm. Right. What, this is how we're going to make it sure that it's safe, right? And they don't get misused. If you want to launch the nukes, you've got to use an app on your phone, right?

Yeah. Now, you're going to get out your phone to launch the nukes. You're going to get distracted. Unless it's really important for you to launch the nukes. You're gonna get distracted, unless it's really important for you to launch the nukes. Right, you're not gonna do it. You're gonna wind up into it or you're gonna forget why you got your phone out. War is averted, okay?

That's gonna be one of the best things ever happened. Yeah, so I think, or whatever screen, because I think it's probably more dangerous to have the ability to launch it from your phone and wherever you are, wherever the screen is, like maybe if it's locked away behind a thing, you know, behind a bookcase or something, right? Because you're not going to just be there accidentally. No. And then whatever that screen is, it already has your Twitter locked in and your Facebook. This is great. Yeah. And then we've got dual level security here.

Yeah. And there's also like one of those websites that's kind of an aggregator of like the latest cool stuff. Oh fuck. Yeah, like Gizmos and stuff. Gizmos, but also like, you know, the latest few memes or videos or whatever that are like, hey, this person jumping into this ice-covered pool discovers quickly that ice up against your coxics really hurts. And you go, I

got to see this because I really want to know what happens. That's a clickbait works. I think that's a sketch, right? I think that's absolutely a sketch, yeah. I think you could be used for all sorts of things. I wonder how many, it's very possible that it already has averted was. We know that Trump is on Twitter a lot, you know. We also know he's kind of an impulsive guy. I think maybe Twitter allows an event a lesson of vent those impulses, which otherwise could be expressed in so many more destructive ways. You know, you

know, let these little things out, you know. Like God. How does God communicate? Wind. Wind. Using tornadoes. Huge floods. Butterflies. Butterflies. To represent the dead people that have gone. Yep. I don't know where I was going with this. No, but I forgot too. I forgot what the beginning of it was. How does God computer chat? I mean, it doesn't matter. But you know like that when somebody, you know, sometimes somebody's died in the last

year or something like that. And then a butterfly, like you're with somebody, right? You know, what are your sort of like, more open-minded friends? And then you see a butterfly and they go, oh, maybe that's the dead person, trying to talk to us, you know. I bet you it is. Yeah.

Alster, I've never had that experience. You've never had that? I don't have those kinds of people in my life. Open-minded friends. I shut them out. Yeah. It's often a mom. It's often a mom. Yeah. Yeah. It's often a mom.

Yeah. You know, yeah. One of your mom's, friend moms. Yeah. Friend moms. You know, but like often, you know, it's like, I don't know. It's that part when it's that age where we all get to where one screw comes a little bit looser.

And, you know, you kind of just allow yourself to believe a few more things. Yeah, the mind cracks open a little bit and bullshit slips it. Yeah, I guess I guess something happens. You don't need to keep your defenses up for as long as much. Yeah, but then also old people seem to be super paranoid conservatives as well. Yeah, but that's because they've allowed the leaks of all the possibilities of horrible things that could happen if they don't conserve the way things are. Worse things come to the worst, right? You die, some terrible thing happens, you die, turn into a butterfly.

And then you communicate to be through being near them. As a butterfly. As a butterfly once every six months or something like that. Yeah. Just kind of like usually in butterfly season. Yeah, usually butterfly season. But you do it by being sort of a bit careless with how close you get to humans and things like that. You know, a very swatty species. Would you say that we're

probably one of the swatiest? I think there's a lot of tails in the animal kingdom that are pretty swatty. Yeah, and can it love a swat? I'd love to swat. Yeah. I'm trying to think of anything else that swats. I mean birds are basically constantly swatting. Like as in flight. In flight. Yeah. I guess it is a kind of a, it's a sort of a two handed, a swat bass. Travel, swat. Travel, swat. Yeah. I guess so. They are kind of just swatting empty air and getting it out of there. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to progressive? Drivers who saved by switching saved nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of 7 discounts. Multitask right now. Quote today at progressive.com. Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates,

National average 12 month savings of $744 by new customer surveyed, who saved with progress between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential Savings were very discounts not available in all safe and situations. Yeah, for a millennia man has looked at the birds and envied their ability to do a two-handed travel spot. Well, what they're swatting away is low altitude. The earth. The earth. It's such an effective swat. They actually get themselves away from whatever they're swatting. Well, relatively speaking though, in the inertial reference frame of the bird, it is the earth that has been swatted away, and all the incumbent bugs that lie there in. Yeah, but you think about that. Like, when we swat, I mean, I know you're talking about reference frames, but we swat

and we try to make the bug go over there. Yeah. And I, but yeah, and I'm pretty sure within the, the reference frame of, you know, the, a fixed reference frame. Yeah. Let's say the earth, like a truly fixed reference frame. I'm like, like that brick in the middle of the universe You would see that relative to the brick only only the bug moves

That brick that we were talking about in a bonus episode that most people haven't heard right? Okay, there's a bonus episode we did where we talked about a brick that's in the middle of the universe that is a fixed That the finally a fixed point in the universe from which you can determine how everything else is moving. These are the only episodes that we do remember. Yeah. Some of us nobody's heard. Yeah. Ah look, I think... We're doing a bonus episode after this that's going to be the second episode of Sci-Fi

Try Guys, where we come up with science fiction ideas and then Alistair and I have to go away and separately write short stories. I'm very excited. I'm very excited. I'm very excited to read my first short story out to you, Alistair, on Sci-Fi Try Guys. And to hear your story. I'm excited for both of those things with our roles reversed and also to come up with another Sci-Fi idea to write for the following months. For the following month, yeah.

Probably the thing that I'm most excited about. How do people access that tier of a Patreon? You know, I go to patreon.com, FordslashThinkTank, to Intank. To Intank. To Intank. And they all think Tank, I'm sure, whoever they are, they're doing something.

They're probably doing well, yeah. They run any bad think tanks, are they? They're in. There are no bad people. No. So, you know, you can feel free to support them as well. And you know, maybe they'll send people our way. Who knows?

If they exist. You must be happening. And yeah, if you support the overflow tank tier, $8 you get to two bonus episodes of a month. This sci-fi trial guys is going to be coming out in the next couple of days. So I'll get it into this month's thing. And it's probably a big back catalog of bonus episodes.

It's a huge backlog for the end of the year. Way backed up. Anyway, turning into too much of an ad. It's fun with the showers of it. No, what is this show about? It's about nuclear codes that are behind entry screens. Well, we just saw it. Not a paywall, but a distraction wall. You know, the ultimate barrier of all the barriers. I wonder if it could be weaponized in some way.

The SWAT? No, no, the paywall. Oh, the paywall. The distraction wall for stopping people getting from getting to the nuclear codes. Right. If it, you know, you could use it in the in the war in war zones. Hmm. Right. I think especially if it was like weaponized notifications. Oh, absolutely. That I mean, all you need is to distract people momentarily to get an opening. That's all it takes. Yeah. If you get a sniper on them, or like some future sniper, like a laser sniper, you know, probably robot sniper that just uses computer vision.

Yes. I mean, not to, I don't know why you need the person to be distracted if you can see the thing with a computer vision. And you're a robot. And you're a robot. But I can't hurt. Yeah, maybe you're like a magpie and you can't attack when their eyes are pointing towards you.

Do you think that there's some way that we could just use maybe ultrasound, right, and focused beams or something to make them feel like their phone is vibrating? Oh, that's a good idea. They look down, shoot them in the head. That's right. Yeah, because maybe they're wearing like one of those helmets that's full mask, but little hole opening in the top of the head. Yeah. Like that. And so that you've got to make them look down so that you can get a bullet in there,

or a laser or something. Sure. Yeah. Donut, donut thing. Donut, donut helmet. I'm the inventor of the donut helmet. It's a helmet. Because you never get shot from straight above. Yeah. And so you're paying for all that extra. All that extra helmet up there. Nobody's up there. Nobody's up there. There's no one up there. No one ever shoots you from above. No one's ever got the high ground in the wall. And even if they do, it's not straight up.

No. It's not straight up. And they're not like, how do they get up there? They're not laying up there in like a massage chest. They can look directly down. This is usually an angle. And what you know what this does? It's an event now. You're in the war in the middle east, hot.

It's very hot. Your head gets hot. Yes. Now, like a chimney out there, I think it all goes straight out. Oh yeah, and that hot air goes up. And so cold air comes in through the side. Sucked in, sucked in.

Sucked in. Sucked in. Sucked in. Sucked in. Sucked in. Sucked in. Sucked in. Sucked in.

Sucked in. Sucked in. Sucked in. Sucked in. Sucked in. Sucked in. Sucked in. Sucked in.

Sucked in. Sucked in. Sucked in. Sucked in. Sucked in. Sucked in. Sucked in. S2 per helmet. It's worth it. In materials. In materials. And there's not, there's not. Lower carbon footprint. You want to feel guilt free while wearing a helmet.

Lower carbon head print. And there were, I've also made shoes with a little hole at the bottom of the shoe. Carbon, carbon hand print. Now whatever attacks you from a mund, straight down up into the ground, those shoots run up into your feet. So for landbides, obviously.

But rare. So they were illegal in war now. And nobody ever breaks the rules in war. Anyway, thanks a lot. Well, is that something? What are we talking about? Well, it was the thing that makes it use focus beams to make it seem like your phone is vibrating. So they looked out, you can shoot them through the top of the head. It's almost like you have to invent that technology.

Sell it to your enemy for, I mean, the helmet technology. Sell it to your enemy. This is how I would be thinking ahead. And look, I'm sure this happens. Right? International arms trade, huge big thing. Right? We're buying parts for, we're buying submarines from France.

Right. We just say the French are thinking ten steps ahead to an eventual war between an eventual sea war between Australia and France. Underwater sea war. Underwater sea war. And you know, we'll, they will have built stuff into the submarines that they know how to exploit. Of course.

Yeah. I mean, why wouldn't you? That would be a huge military disadvantage, wouldn't it, to not put that in? Yeah. Because if we turn against them, they'll be like, oh no, our perfect weapons that we built. Yeah, we worked so hard on those. Yeah. And made them indestructible as we were paid to do. And so what they, yeah, they have to put in a little bit. As per the terms of the contract. Surely nobody's going through all the source code of...

It can't be. And how can you even predict what source code's going to do anyway? We so complicated you could put stuff in there that operates on a level that we can't even understand. That's right us two people who are unfamiliar with any kind of programming. I'd even learned some. And I feel now like I learned, I know less than I knew before I went to that.

Yeah, well, that's all moved on. What did you study? Well, I've done a few. I did C plus. Yeah, we did C plus. I did C. I didn't do C. Did I think I did blue-eye full? No, no, high to that one. I did see. I didn't do see. Did I think I did blue eye full? No, no, I just eye full, I can't remember.

I remember it kept making me think about blue, that blue, but that was because it was blue and then also they were called I full 65. And then I also did another one. Was it like a Catran or something like that, Petran, Petran? Oh, yeah, that rings a bell. Did a bit of Matlab.

Fortran? Fortran, probably that? No, that sounds like Fortran, but something like it's... Fortran? Yeah. I did Haskell. You ever do Haskell? No, I never did Haskell.

Haskell? Oh, I think I did some Paskell. Yeah. And Matlab. Yeah, a bit of Matlab. And... Oh, your brother's. Maybe. Yeah, a bit of MATLAB. Um... Oh, your brother's...

Your brother's... Maybe I did a little bit of basic. I should be called MATLAB. Because they're the math users. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's the exact reason why they won't go for it. Yeah, yeah, the, you know, that and they probably hate it. It's just not worth trying with them anymore.

What are you running down now? All the whole helmet with the vibrating phone. Whole helmet with the Phantom ringer in general. Like getting your own, getting your own into a book down. Whole helmet with vibrating leg long game. It's a long game. Yeah.

You're selling it to their military as a way of saving money without losing soul service. Anything. And there, and then, that's when you've convinced them that it's to lose nothing, you make them realize they've lost everything. Because you're gonna shoot a vibrating thing

that makes their leg tickle, and they think that their phone is going off. Yeah. Look down. Look down. And bam. And hopefully, They tickle and they think that their phone is going off. Yeah. Look down. Look down. Bam. And hopefully we kill them all before they re- the word gets around, don't look down when

you're feeling like they're able to stop themselves. Yeah. It's true, right? Because even if you tell them to be a moment of weakness. I wouldn't be surprised if this whole vibrating phones thing that we have was part of one of these. Yeah, absolutely. Well, once we start seeing sort of donut helmets.

Because you know when your phone vibrates and you look down. Yeah. You look down at your pads because your phone's high rate. You know, just reach for your phone. Yeah. You look down to see if you can see the vibrations through the pocket. Yeah.

So sometimes you can see the light from your phone through there. Maybe someone else, probably more readily, than you can see it on yourself. Yeah. But sometimes you can try, right? Yeah, you can definitely try out. Yeah. It's one of the great things about life. Yeah. Do you think we should do three words? I'd love to do three words, yeah. No, you could definitely you can always try out. Yeah, one of the great things about life. Yeah

Do you think we should do I'd love to do three words? Yeah well I'm pretty it's been a really fun time. I'm glad that you're having a good time I'm glad that you're enjoying this more than the one where we floundered for nine minutes and then fought for one We flanted for eight minutes eight minutes for one minute for one for one. And then, and then, and I was right. Yeah. All right, three words come from a listener. Okay. So this time, and I think the change.

I think it's the first time that this listener has ever given in some suggestions. Now they have, Lovely. Rather unorthodoxodox first name. It's XZ, XZ Neal. Hi XZ Neal. Hi XZ Neal.

Thank you so much for becoming a patron and for sending us three words. Now are you ready for the three words? I'm so ready, LSD. Flabbergasted. Burlap. Yep. Flambergasted. Burlap. Yep. Pig.

Fantastic words. You know what that makes me think of? It's straight away to obviously the Australian bush palm slash song, one's a Waltzing Matilda. Yeah. You know, because of course he was a jolly swagman. Yeah. You know, because of course he was a jolly swagman. Yeah, once a jolly swagman camp by Bill Bong under the shade of Cool Bar tree. Yeah.

Down came a jump buck to drink at that water hole up jump the swagman and grabbed him with a glee. He sang, is he stuffed that jump buck in his tucker bag, ill-come a waltzing Matilda with me. Now, and that's a type of sheep. A jump buck is a type of sheep, a tucker bag is a type of bag, a swagman is a sort of a homeless man who would walk through the outback. Please, John.

It was a little wavy. Same jolly until the very end when he kills himself. Yeah. And... And, uh, it draws himself into a billi-bon. Billabong is a sort of a region of water, a cooler bar is a type of gum tree. Yeah. So it's a pretty self-explanatory.

Yeah. Two little two-verse pub that a lot of people seem to think should be our national anthem. Yeah. We should be really interesting guys. I say go for it. You know? I mean. Why not? Suicide. Lean into it. In the rural areas. Suicide and sheep theft. Yeah. Rural suicide. Homelessness. And does the sheep also die in this? I reckon the sheep probably dies. Does he go in with him? I mean, is it struggling a bit? I reckon he jumped up and grabbed the sheep. I don't think he was stuffing it into his tucker bag alive. I reckon he killed it, he may have even chopped it up. Yeah, right. Say how big is this sheep? How big is this bag? Yeah, it's just crazy to think.

I think we need more information. Yeah, but unless he's got like one of those good straps that allows him to like click it on the front around so it carries on the weight around his belly or whatever, around the hips or something. Yeah, the bone hole. Yeah, around near the bone hole area. Pelvis. When we were talking about the bone hole area earlier, or the pelvis, and let's say the one earlier. Oh that's right, because we were talking about the floor pelvis. Right. And I was picturing, it's like a pelvis, but it would just kind of be like a nice play.

So if it's just kind of sticking out out of the ground, like, you know, I guess the part of the back of the pelvis, maybe the pelvic floor, is part of the floor. And then the rest of the pelvis kind of comes out. It'd be a great place to just slot in like your slippers, right, in the floor pelvis. Well, I also think that the, you know, when the baby is ready to be born, the head of the baby fits into the pelvis. Slots in there. That would probably feel quite nice. So maybe this would be a thing like you have a floor pelvis in your house.

Then you do a little headstand, put your head in the floor pelvis and it just sits in there quite nicely. Maybe you can rest, take the weight of your feet, put it onto your neck. Oh, that would be nice for a bit. Maybe like just a couch, like an lazy boy. Take the weight of your feet, put it onto your neck. Oh, that'd be nice for a bit. I think yeah. Maybe like just a couch, like a lazy boy. Mm. You know what, that would be.

If you put your head into a floor pelvis, it'd be like you were wearing a world as a hat. Oh yeah, that would be nice. Yeah, well you could do it with a lazy boy, like a recliner chair. Yeah. Not only just reclines back, so you can lay down. Oh yeah. But then so you can lay down.

Oh yeah. But then so you can go all the way. Oh yeah. And then your head goes into the pelvis. And then it's like you're wearing the earth as a hat. But also like you're about to be born. And also like you're sitting in a chair. Absolutely.

Oh yeah, it's not too bad. As long as there's also maybe some shoulder rests. To kind of keep you up. Take a bit of weight on the shoulders. Maybe there's still one of those straps around the waist, right? Yeah. And now you're still taking the weight in the waist, but now it's your weight upside down. And so that's the strap from the guy with the sh-

The shucker bag. Yeah, it was. We bring in that Tucker bag technology too, that we're good. So wait. Anyway, so Flabbergasted Burlap Peak. Sorry, we can move on. So Flabbergasted is such a great word. Yeah.

It's another one of those ones, the Onomatopoeia that isn't Onomatopoeia. No, yeah, it's the Onomatopoeia. The word gas, Flabbergasted. Flabbergasted, I mean, if we didn't have the word fart for fart, I'd say, let's use the word flabbergasted. I flabbergasted in here. Sounds more like fart than fart, really, doesn't it?

Yeah, fart seems wrong. Fart seems like it should be like a financial term. Yeah. Yeah, they're doing 25 microfarts per cube it. they're doing 25 microfarts per, per cube it. Oh, the down, down, 25 farps. All right, let's free up fart, and it's a single syllable word. Those again, you know, we've talked about this on the show before. Well, maybe we haven't, we've talked about it somewhere that there are a lot of single

syllable sounds that aren't being used You know, yeah, like oh, no beepers. Yeah I think this is exactly what happened last time that you started saying words that are we use anyway To not to done Weeb yeah, okay weab Deek. Um... I mean, I... Band...

Glot! Glen? Glen. Glent. Glen, isn't that you. There's a Glenent in a eye. Anyway, I think Fart's a good one that could be used somewhere else. And then Flabberg Astrid, a word that doesn't get used for its regular use ever, would be so much fun to

say instead of Fart. Absolutely, I hear you. Pig Burlap. Flabberg, is that what we should use, is the bit? That's the sketch. I don't know. I don't know, what do you think? How do you feel about it? This is gonna be a really short episode, by the way, if you think of that. Yeah, like under, under 45 minutes.

Wow. Yeah, how crazy is that? But look, I'll just write, swap, fight for Flabberg acid. I think we gotta get to that dress up this pig and some burlap. What is burlap? A little burlap, sack. I think it might be like up this pig in some burlap. What is burlap? Well a burlap sack, I think it might be like Hessian or something, you know, or some type of like cotton,

rough cotton type weave. Maybe it's maybe it uses a bit of hemp or something like that. A burlap sack and is famously like, if you didn't have any clothes, maybe you would wear a burlap sack. Yeah. And you know, it's wear a burlap sack. Yeah. And, you know, it's either a burlap sack or a barrel with those two straps over the shoulder.

Where do you get those straps though? I don't know where you get those straps. And what is that doing for your mobility? A lot of the time the people who find themselves wearing a barrel are also sort of on the run in some way. Yeah. You know, this, you know, they're on the wrong end of the law.

Right? And now you're fleeing. I don't think a barrel is helping you in any way. You're more conspicuous, you're less agile. I mean, I think the burlap sack is where it's at. Yeah, no, I think a barrel is a really poor decision. It's quite a heavy object. Mm, heavy.

It's like the outside of a piano. And where are you getting these barrels that don't have a top or a bottom in them? Yeah, well how are you attaching those straps? You don't have time for that. You're on the run. You're on the run. Yeah. I mean you could put the barrel on its side and roll inside it. Oh, that's quite good. You could be coming a human wheel. Yeah. Oh, maybe they've thought about this more than we gave them credit for And up but you're nude inside wood. Yeah splinter town. Yeah, yeah Yeah, like they kind of want it to be a little bit of splinter They're probably storing wine in there you want you want splinters in the wine

Well, you want you want some openings into the woods and get some flavor in the Increase the surface area. Yeah, yeah sure You know a perfect barrel. I mean only God has perfect barrels exactly You can get some flavor in there. Increase the surface area. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. You got a perfect barrel. I mean, only God has perfect barrels. Exactly. Only God's barrel is perfect. Do you think God has a barrel?

It's going to have at least one. One. Look, Andy, I think we just call it episode. Let's call this episode. Oh, man, I am getting tired. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to do this whole bonus episode, which I'm getting tired. Yeah. Yeah. We're gonna do this whole bonus episode Which I'm very excited about by the way. I'll try guys. I try guys. All right. I'll sign up to the patreon and get that bonus gear

I'll take us through the episode Okay, we've got under an an East the test No, no, this is just one where it's early Anesthetic use early anesthetic, you use of anesthetic where they didn't have any chemicals. They didn't even have any herbal things. They had, they had, they didn't even have alcohol.

They didn't even have that bit of wood that you used to bite down on to. Yeah, they shunned all that stuff as quackery, right? And then they just had like the anesthetist press their belly up against your mouth and nose Quite their fingers in your ears While you lay on the thing until you sort of you don't show them very many signs of like consciousness Riding I imagine Riding is one of the big signs. Yeah

So yeah, I think I think something there. Yeah, then we got having a restaurant So this is a guy real throwback sketch to if you don't know episode two or episode one or something on that Yeah, we can't put the sketch under a restaurant. Yeah, and That was a police station that was there was a restaurant that was under a police station above another police station Yeah And then this this is a having a restaurant that was under a police station above another police station. And then this is having a restaurant. It's a having a restaurant. It's a guy who was opening a ront. A ront, yeah.

Who got his wife to name. He was not. Oh, it wasn't his wife. He was a cheat. Yeah, that was just she. It was she. She was. She was anyway.

She was about to send the name of whatever place that were. They were opening. They were. I'm not sure if they were sure. There's this band's revisiting. I think it's all going to fall apart. It was a some kind of big hall. Anyway, you're sending it to the sign writers. He said, I'm going to have a rest.

And then I don't know the word or wrong together there. Well, his name is a wrong. Yeah. So I mean, it was possible. And then having a rest a road. And he turned it into a, it's like a restaurant that you sleep on the table on top of the food. Yeah. And it was, it's worked out really good for him.

He's been able to skirt both. And then he's been able to do it. to a, it's like a restaurant that you sleep on the table on top of the food. Yeah. And it's worked out really good for him. He's been able to skirt both food, cleanliness laws and hotel sort of sanity laws. Sanity and sanitary. And that's what I, that's what I look for in an establishment. I look for a loophole. I look for an establishment that's managed to find a loophole behind all OHS regulations.

The judge let him off of those OHS or food cleanliness infringements based on insanity. You gotta go to this place, it's amazing, the chef got off his food safety violations by ple the insanity. You mean in sanitary? No. No, no, no. That's what the charge was. But conversely, a murderer had previously got off the murder conviction by being the judge found in the case of a sad'm sorry you were too dirty to cause this crime. That's like the case in which somebody got murdered, but they were so clean that this dirty

person couldn't possibly have done it. That's going good. It would have happened like, played in sanitary. In the place where they make microchips for computers and stuff and you gotta wear those white things. Yeah, that's done. You know, pressurized environment, whatever, analogs and...

And all dirt has to be taken off you and you have to wear things like that. And then this person was too clean to be murdered by this filthy fucker. That's right. Anyway, then we have nuclear codes. I'd like to play the filth. Oh.

Oh. Oh. This is. This is. Oh. Uh, nuclear codes entry screen behind having to get through Twitter and Facebook first. So that's the screen. Yeah.

Where you got to put in the nuclear codes. If you really want to do it, you got to get through Twitter and Facebook first so that's the screen Where you got to put in the nuclear codes you first if you really want to do it first You got to you got to get through remembering what you got to do through Twitter and Facebook Do you think that's quite dangerous in that one time? They might really need it and then they do just get lost in I mean how how much do you really need these nukes? I guess you never really need but I'm sorry I think if surely if Everyone you knew was going to die you wouldn't need that. But I'm sorry, I think if surely if everyone you knew was going to die, you wouldn't spend that long checking

Twitter. Yeah, you'd check just to see in what the progress is. Sure. You'd click on the thing, but then you wouldn't go into each notification. You'd be like, oh yeah, OK, I'll check those later. Now to bomb. Once I survive this nuclear wind, I'll go and check the rest.

I'll have lots of time in the bunker. You'll keep reminding yourself, time to check him in the bunker. That'll be time to check him in the bunker. That's how you get through. Yeah, and then you go, what am I talking about? Check it, check it.

Check it. Yeah, I'll check it right now. And then we got SWAT travel, which is just, I guess, how birds travel. I don't know if there's anything in this. So funny to me, the criteria that you have. No, I mean, look, that one I really didn't feel. I just felt like we were somewhere

and I forgot where we got to. It just felt like, you know, it's a swathing-based mode of transport. It's this joke, it's obviously been done in some animated movie, right? But like, was this done in bugs bug's life? I don't know. But it feels like it could have been. Swat team comes into kill bugs. I mean, that's definitely the name of some Pestic Terminators, right? They'd be Pestic Terminators. So many call it SWAT,

and they'd have big jackets to say SWAT on Yeah. And then they come and kill you. Cockcrackers. Yeah, but then they spray them or something like that. You go, oh, it's not really that accurate. No. Should be called, should say, spray on there. Yeah. And then that doesn't make any sense.

Yeah, sorry. Oh, well. $300, please. And then we got this whole helmet and vibration leg long, long game. You know, you know, how it goes. And if there are any defense like... Yeah, that's right. Like we're willing to sell ideas to defense. That's right. We'll come up with defense ideas.

Yeah, if you work for BA... Didn't you tell me you knew someone who just had to come up with ideas to defense? Yeah, I did. That sounds, you know. And apparently I talked to his beloved recently and she says that he's maybe working on something more ethical these days. So it could be an opening. It could be a stepping stone to being ethical.

Yeah, well I mean, but it could be that there's an opening at the company that he was working on. Oh, that's great. That's even better. Stepping stone to something less ethical. For us. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like I don't know if he's coming up with,

you know, murder ideas for this new place, I think. So that wouldn't be good for us. We need a place that will take our military ideas. No, of course, you're right. Well, I mean, we'll probably need a place that will also take our comedy ideas. I might need both. Who says the military doesn't need to be funny?

That's true. It's true. And then we've got SwapFart for Flabbergasted. That's our last sketch. I think for how much fun we had on this episode, there's not. There's a lot there. There's a lot of the pain, just there. But it's just not to spend time with you, LSD.

It's just the journey that matters, really. Yes. Thank you. Phoebe, deba, deba, deba, deba, deba, deba, deba, deba, deba, deba, deba, deba, deba, deba, deba, deba, deba, deba, deba, deba, deba, deba, deba, deba, deba, Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! You're so mean to me. No, I'm not. I was really enjoying that we went on them, but we both. I think we both had the idea at the same time to go and have a nice solo. That was not true. You were mocking me with my, your solo was mocking my solo. But then I was just trying to, I realized I was just doing your duba duba thing. And I thought I was just to do something else. And then after I realized I was probably doing your solo thing.

But there were motifs and we were working in, what? To play. To play and things like that. Andy, that was probably the purest music we've ever made. Yeah, a lot of self-destruction. Were you were you were you mocking my duba double? You know that would never be the way this flies out. I was there. It could be.

When would I ever have the confidence to mock you in the music bit? Andy, I'm not. Anyway, if I ever mock you in the music bit, I want you know that's not me. That's an alien that's taken my form. Okay, that's how you're gonna be able to tell. Well, I want you to know if I'm, if I'm mocking in a mean way, that's also not me. If I'm lightly...

Pairing. Pairing, enjoying what you're doing through... Through mimicry. Oh, it's just that this is in the episode where you specifically said we're going to do a counting at the start of the first song because I know that it frustrates you. No, I mean, no, I just thought we would just trial it. All right. Thank you so much for listening. We should have just had that discussion off the internet. No, no, no, they need to know. They need to know.

It's lovely that you listen to the podcast. Thank you so much. We have such a good time doing this podcast. Yeah, the fact that anybody listens is a miracle. And the fact that some of you enjoy it and even great at miracle. Yeah. And we are on Twitter.

Yeah. I'm at Stupid Old Andy. I'm at Alistair TV, we're at Two in Tank. If you want to support us on Patreon, we would love that so very much. If you also want to review us on iTunes or any site place. We'll talk about that. If you want to use the rules on Stitcher. I think the only review on there is for me.

I think we'll be able to. But it was very convincing. I read it and I thought, oh, someone's reviewed us on Stitcher. Look at this woman. I wonder what I said. Oh, I listened to it with my husband or something like that. I was like, he's deep in character here. If you want to find out, let's do a Stitcher review.

Yeah. Maybe just review that. Yeah. Or report it as fake. Oh, no. Yeah. See if you can get him kicked off. That would be incredible.

Get that back down to a round zero. A round or several of all the numbers. Yeah. And we love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want, it's up to you. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now.

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