Two In The Think Tank - 188 - "BROSPITAL"

Episode Date: June 18, 2019

Brospital, Pervantage, UgLev, Bundtachute, Fire Breathing Van, Kickin' Mirror, Hand MirrorHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereAncient terracotta thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. To in the think tank, that's the podcast harries.com. Port slash think tank, that's where you go to support the podcast. Harries are bringing you this episode of the podcast? Well, the shaving people. Yeah, they're the people who do the shavings for you.

Send them to your house, save you time, effort, trouble, worry. Absolutely, I've stopped worrying since. Exactly, you barely react to the world around you anymore. Yeah, now I've become an emotionless nub. Yeah, a nub. That's what I think of you. Yeah. An unfeeling nub. And you could be an unfeeling nub. And a smooth unfeeling nub. With Harry's.com for a slash think tank,

we're going to tell you more about them later on in the program. This is a program, by the way. It's a day's a program. We're doing a program today. Yeah. The whole thing's been programmed. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, yeah, had words with the guys in programming. Good to you.

You to it. You to it. You to it. You to it. You to it. Hello and welcome to Two in the Thing Tank, the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy. And I'm, I'm Alistair George William,

Tromblay virtual. It is, uh, Crabby and the Wink. That's who we are. On the program. Yeah. It's Crabby and the Wink. Yeah. Uh, so Crabby.

Oh, I thought you were Crabby. Yeah? No, I don't. I don't talk to myself. No. No. Crabby talks to himself. No. I don't. I don't talk to myself. No.

I don't. I don't talk to myself. No. I don't talk to myself. No. I don't talk to myself. No. I don't talk to myself.

No. No. I don't talk to myself. No. I don't talk to myself. No. I don't talk to myself. No.

I don't talk to myself. No. I don't talk to myself. No. I don't talk to myself. No. I, get those lug holes in here. Yeah, you know what I love? What's that? People who talked to you about the mouth is your laughing gear, you know? Yeah. Because you know what that says to me?

That says to me, that's somebody who regards the primary purpose of life as enjoyment. Yeah. Fun. You know, it's not your eating hole. Sure. You know, it's not your chew, chew, chew, chew, chew. Your chew, chew.

No, it's your laughing gear. That's right. I'm here to have a good time. Unless they don't eat through their mouth. I see. And so maybe they... People who have one of those tubes that goes directly into their stomach

or possibly down their nose. Well, those people who get vitamins through injections there, what's that thing, a big bag of water? IV. Get IV. Get all your vitamins through an IV. Straight into the vein. Because you could get it.

You know those baseball caps with the two beers on them and you drink like that, you could just have two bags IV liquid up there. And then instead of the tube going into your mouth, tube goes into your vein. I love it. Yeah. This is when patients in intensive care want to show that they have a good time at the watching the footy. That's right.

So you can't leave the ward, obviously. No. But you can still have a damn good time. Alistair is standing up, I'm gonna comment this, commentate on this, Alistair's standing up to get the pad, if you've got to get the pad, now he's looking around the room for a pen. He's casting about this, a pen over there on the table.

He's reaching the extent of his microphone cord, he's found the pen, he's going back to the table. Oh, what a maneuver. Yeah. Anyway, I think two IV drips on a thing, And back to the table, what a manoeuvre. Anyway, I think two IV drips on a thing, either side of your head. It doesn't even have to be about watching the game, right?

What it is, is it's about trying to make, because this is a problem for men, right? Men very often are scared to go to the doctor, right? They don't take good care of their health. Yeah, you finish it in another one. of the doctor. They don't take good care of their health. So this is, we're making, it's not a hospital, it's a bruised, bruised, bruised, bruised, bruised, the bruised, that looked better written down in my head. Brostable. Hospital. No way, it's a hospital. It's a hospital. A brospital.

Yeah. Brospital. Yeah. And so... So then that hat really makes sense with the brospital. Yeah, all the IV drips are done via one of those things. And let's see, you know, when they're... Oh, instead of bandages.

Yes. It's all flannel. It's flannel bandages? Yes. It's all flannel. It's flannel bandages. Or bare skins. Right. Yeah. It's like surgical, great bare skin, obviously. Of course.

Yeah, these are bears that were grown in a lab. Yeah. In a sterile environment. Totally sterile. And when the doctor is, I want to do something like when they're doing surgery of some kind, they set up a small, some goals or something. Maybe, maybe, you know, you know, they'd be in the middle of the whole thing with a pocket I didn't like it enough. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did.

I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did.

I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did.

I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. there for waste, you know, you know, basketball net. Yeah, basketball net over the bin. The game could be on as well. The game's on. Yeah, and they're taking out your disease to kidney, right? Yeah, they kidney, toss it into the bin, and you're conscious through all of this. By the way, you get, they let you throw your own kidney. That's cool. Right? And if you get it in, surgery is free. Wow. Yeah, they love a wager, they love a punt.

Yeah, so you're just numb from the waist down or wherever. Oh, cool. Yeah, yeah, so you're still conscious. You can still, you know, toss a kidney. And that's the bros, Patel. Sure, I think there's gonna be more to that bros, Patel. I can't see how. You were gonna say something in the middle of it.

Do you think women should be a lot? I think women should put it like this, the sketch could be about how women haven't been allowed to go to the bros hospital. Yeah. And then this is the first woman kind of going in. I think that's really how. And then maybe she realizes

actually she didn't want to be there. Well. It's actually quite grubby. Well, I think. There's a lot of gatorade, empty gatorade bottles on the ground. But this is the thing, women can be just one of the boys now. Of course, they could be from the beginning. Right, but I think this is one of the,

maybe one of the questions they ask when you're being admitted. They say, are you one of the boys? And then if you say yes, you're in. Sure. I just feel it's like one of those men's clubs that somehow has managed to stay segregated or whatever. Segregated and they have some reason for it. Well here's see when I was at uni a guy said that his mom was a was a doctor. Am I told you this already? And she's at uni and then she said that, apparently he said that she had told him that sometimes guys go in there to get checked for prostate exams.

And he says that some guys just do it more than they need to just for the sexual pleasure of it. Okay. And so she said, so he said she's like, so some people who are getting these done are just perverts. And so that's been enough for me to never want to go get myself checked. I think you took away the right message from that. Is that, is that, oh you go, if you go get your, your genitals checked by a doctor, they consider you a pervert secretly. Yeah.

And then tell their children about it. And they show you them your photograph. They bring the medical record out of the hospital. They print that out. They let that. And they show you them your photograph. They bring the medical record. They have that up on the wall, your face is on the wall and the staff room at the hospital under a sign that says, perverts. Okay, how about this? So I can either deal with this, sorry, you can tell you. You know what this means. What? That's statistically speaking, more perverts are going to, or fewer perverts are going to die from intesticular cancer. And that means that over time, the pervert population is going to have an evolutionary advantage.

Yeah. And then all the non-perverts are going to die out. Yeah. And then it won't be considered being a pervert anymore. Well, I'm not sure. I think there are still just fixed rules for what's okay. Well, even though these fixed rules for what's okay. Well, even though these fixed rules are shifting, but I'm pretty sure it's never to be a pervert. But so with this, I mean look. Well done now. No, no, no, you covered that nicely. What did I do? You made it clear that we didn't think that it's ever been okay to be a pervert. Yeah, great. That is not the position of this podcast is strongly anti-pervert, right?

But you know what, this could also mean though, if people are going in to get prostate exams just for the sexual pleasure, you got to wonder how many other procedures people would be more likely to get if they were able to do it via the prostate. You know, if people, if that's what it takes because if so many guys are like can't wait to get my prostate check. Well that's the premise of this sketch. I mean I'll just get yeah. I mean another there are some. Yeah well the pre- this sketch it's all of them right and so now if you go in to get like your throat looked at they go in via the prostate right they regard it as the window to all medical examinations. I mean, this is after all the non-perves have done that.

Exactly, yeah. This is in that glorious utopia. We can't get men to get their throat checked. Yeah, because there's no sexual plagiarism. Oh, fuck, I just spat a huge amount of spit. I saw it come out of my mouth. Alice there. You hit me in the corner of my mouth. Oh God. No, that's never happened to me. I think it certainly linked my mouth like a web. There was nothing I could do. Well, you gotta believe me.

It's all this talk of being a pervert. It's completely got me salivating. Talk of being a pervert. It's completely got me salivating. Oh, just thinking about my two doctors rubbered glove fingers being pushed up. They have the pressure on my prostate. And when I say my two doctors, I do mean it's two doctors. One finger each. I just talk about two doctors fingers for some reason. Look at this, there's a... Oh, look, maybe in the photo lady,

but I see the drips of spit on the... I mean, if we take the photo before it dries out, how about this for a... How about this... Okay, this was... So, I've got to remember mine. Right, this on your head. Thank you.

Just the thought that like... It's just a clarifyifying this idea that most guys for some reason just don't want to go get two fingers in their butt together, some's checked. And it has to be two fingers for some reason. It has to be two fingers. And whereas a small amount of... Two fingers because the second one's for the second opinion. Oh, I better bring my colleague in here. And then there's a small population who just are going there for the wrong reason, not because they need to be checked. And then they're making it so that the other guys don't want to go even more.

Yeah, you're right, because if you're not a perfect, you just certainly don't want to be people thinking you're a perfect. That's right. And so now, the only technique of going in there, and this is probably the technique that the perverts use, is that you've got to go in there and be like, I'm really nervous about this. I really don't want this to happen. Anyway, that's all I... No, no, no, no, no, that's good.

My only thing was just going to be that, you know, that you're in there, the doctor has a finger or two up your bum doing the thing. And then he calls in another doctor. Yeah. And then they also, so they're both, but they're figures up there and they're both feeling around. So not over here, like in their showing. Yeah, so one one's still got his fingers in there, and the other guy just slides them along.

Well, because they want you to show you what they, you know, what are you talking about? So I think I'll go in there. And then when they're like rubbing their fingers up against each other? No. And he goes, oh, that's a bit, that's a bit ribby. He goes, no, that's my knuckle. Oh, sorry. That's my wedding ring.

That's my ring. I feel like an engagement ring. Oh, no, no, no, no, sorry. That's not me. That must be an anal polyp. That must already be been in there. Yeah. When I went in. Anyway, that's all a bit of fun, isn't it?

Yeah. A bit of, well, it's a bit of filth. Yeah, well, yeah. It's a style of podcasts with a bit of, it's not filth, it's medical filth. It's Darwinian filth. It's filth with a solid basis in science. Exactly.

Why, I mean, that's an article that you could write for the New Yorker. Why non-perves are dying or a dying breed. Why are there no good men anymore? Exactly. That's right. Because we're nervous around doctors. We don't want, I would rather get very ill than somebody think that I'm a pervert. So then you kind of have to decide if I want to live, then I have to just make people, I have to be okay with people thinking I'm a pervert. Well, but maybe that's a rule for life, you know, we should

care less about what people think of us. Or we could learn a lot from perverts. Or feel, feel less bad about people thinking that we're perverts. Sure. You could just change your opinion that being a pervert is a bad thing. Correct. Right? Mm. But I guess you create this pervert category so that it's for people who do things

that are not really okay to do. I don't want to be like a pure tanical person who says that just you know, sex things are bad. Of course it's okay if they want to have somebody put their fingers up your butt. Sure. Of course. But a medical person. It's more, it's encouraged.

I mean, obviously get all the opinions you want. But you know, to waste a medical professional's time, somebody who's not, you know, in this for the pleasure. And that's going on. Medicare. You know, we're all paying this. And that's going on, Medicare, you know, we're all paying. The government, this is the bottom line. This is the bottom line.

The bottom line, it is the taxpayer dollar. That's right. That's all I was concerned about this entire time. Yeah, and so suddenly it's like a socialized sort of like... Sexual pleasure. Yeah, like anal play. Yeah, well, you know, if we're gonna have universal basic income, maybe we also need to have universal basic anal play.

Well, I think it's one of those things that you couldn't. That'll be the door. That'll be the door. You can't legislate it, but I mean, it's sort of, they basically said that that's okay by, you know, with basically said that that's okay by, you know, with the way that they wrote the current legislation. They say, they didn't say, medical stuff is free, you know, it's all pay for by the government, unless you're getting a couple of digits up your room.

Yeah, we'll spring for that. But you've got to be over 40. I suspect there's probably an age cutoff in which that kicks in and that way. You could probably just get it done now. You reckon? Yeah, I think they charge me. I don't think I'd be have to cover the gap.

Not at all. Well, the gap. It depends where you go. Yeah, I mean, just if I want to go see a good doctor, I got to pay a little extra. That's right. But you can get bad medicine. You can get, you know, people they churn you through, you know.

Don't even change the glove. You know, that's what you got to save money somewhere. Yeah. No, it's a business too. I had something else in there, you know, just to go on this line for longer. Man, we got a one plug that doorbell. Hang on, I'm going to pause the podcast and we're very much back. It's so good to be back. It's so quiet in here now. Anyway, you're listening to Cranky in the in the wink. Cranky in the wink. Well, what would be before Krabby? Krabby. Krabby and the wink.

But I've got worse. If you've gotten worse. Yeah, I've evolved like a Pokemon. Sure, yeah. From Krabby to Kranke. Yeah, I think it is something like that. Yeah. Yeah.

This is a new version of the movie Kranke. Yeah. That's a unique idea for a sketchy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's called Kranank. Yeah. That's a unique idea for a sketchy guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's called Cranky. Yeah. Right. And, you know, you've just got to stay irritated.

A certain amount of grumpy. Yeah, a certain amount of grumpy. Yeah. Or else something in your heart goes off and kills you and whatever. Well, I mean, this is actually starting to sound like just describing old age. Yeah. Although sort of the opposite. Right?

Yeah, because I think you've kind of got to chill out a little bit so that your blood pressure goes down or somewhere. Yeah. Yeah, really crank is sort of very unrealistic, right? Because normally it would be the high stress levels that would cause your heart to explode, to see explode? I feel we've covered this or at least we've covered our lack of knowledge of the answer to this question in several previous podcasts. Yeah, but I enjoy, you know, you know, me, I enjoy trying to guess what different

action movies you're about. Sure. I haven't even seen the trailer to this film. I think I have at least seen part of this movie. Yes. Because I do remember the scene where he's kind of having sex with his girlfriend in the street. In the street. And I imagine she... Yeah I think I remember it not being as like as graphic as I thought it was gonna be. Okay. You know? Because I guess you still kind of got to like, it's got to be a bit on the down low so that you don't get arrested. Sure. Because you know what that is, that's getting arrested, that's a thrill.

That is a thrill. But yeah, you want to get, but you want to get enough time, enough heart rate out of each activity. Yes. get enough time, enough heart rate out of each activity. Because you don't want to be like starting to make love to your wife in a public scenario on the streets, on sidewalk or whatever. And then that be over and done. And then straightaway be into the cops.

You want to get a bit of time out of this. And then hopefully then a cop will see you, or you know somebody will yell yell out or call for the cops and that gives you a bit of time. So you just want to get even just the idea of cops that's a heart rating increasing then. And then the real cops so you're trying to fill a whole day. That's right. Heart rate. I mean if you're lucky 60 or 70 years you know a full life full of continuous adrenaline hits.

Yeah because especially. a full life full of continuous adrenaline hits. Yeah, because especially, you gotta do it, you gotta be sustainable. It's like anything, it's like a marathon, you gotta pace yourself. And you've just convinced your partner, your beloved to do this. She's probably not gonna be into doing it

for a second time later on. So that means you also need to be given time to think of a new idea of another crazy thing that you could do You know what would be great would be if you were you were in in in this situation the crank situation Jason's daytham situation. Yeah, but you were a commitment fob right? Yeah, and then you could just you know commit your relationship Get married take things seriously. You know knuckle down. Yeah have a really quite, you know, commit your relationship, get married, take things seriously, you know, knuckle down, have a really quite a, you know, you'd be screaming inside the entire time.

Yeah. But that's going to keep you going. Yeah, and get one of those treadmill desks. Yeah. Because that's a real commitment. Well, you know, you can keep your heart rate up as well. Oh, sure. Yeah, but I mean, those two things together. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe just keep a walking pace and then be committed to somebody. A puppy, you know, that's a commitment, not just for Christmas. No, absolutely. I think also that commitment folk getting married thing would really That's something that's really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really You call it. You've met their parents and something you feel kind of culturally like societal pressures to stay with. You're basically in this, this, you're trapped in someone else's life.

Right. But at least you're not dead from either a bomb or poisoning or something like that. And that's what keeps you back from the edge. You know, going full crazy. If it was poison that was in the blood and maybe you had to keep it moving, how do you think that would work? Is that the poison sort of, I guess it has time to like,

to set or actually be? That's an interesting idea. If it does, it's moving faster. Or I hadn't actually thought about what the mechanism could be, but it could be, say it's something that crystallizes. Like a concrete. It's a concrete, it's like the mixer on the back of a concrete truck, right? You got to keep it churning, okay?

But I, and I don't know where I've got this idea from. Yeah. And correct me if I'm wrong. But if he does not do the right thing in crank, does he explode? Because I've always imagined he explodes. But it might just be me confusing it with the movie speed. It's either he explodes or he dies of a poison. He just dies.

It could be he just dies. In which case, I reckon it's probably concrete. Right? It's just a... It just hardens. Yeah. It just gets... It starts hardening.

And then the inside of his body is now, you know, you could... You could carve a skate park out and whatever. So this is a very realistic, now, this is a very realistic scenario we've created, right? We're in, this could happen, right? Because, you know, as we know, concrete or cement is the most abundant man-made material in the world, responsible for 8% of the Earth's carbon dioxide emissions. Just cement.

And I think... Is something that organise crumbling often has access to? There you go. And I just think there's so much of it, right? We're probably absorbing it, right? And by bio-accumulation, which I believe happens because humans eat the dead bodies of other humans, right? So it builds up in our bodies, in our circulatory system.

We'll reach some threshold where if we stop, our blood stops moving enough, it will harden in our bodies and we'll all die, right? So they realize the scientists realized this is something. It's why I exercise this so important. The scientists realize this is going to happen and then suddenly it's on. The human population has to stay excited, right? For as long as possible. Sure. If we're getting us to survive. Maybe the way that the concrete gets into our lungs from other people's bodies is because of all the crematory services.

And that's the concrete particles go up into the air from the cremated. The dead being cremated. So what you're saying, we're not eating the bodies of the dead. Just thought it'd be. If you wanted an alternative, we're breathing it in, it gets into our blood. Cremation is becoming more and more common.

Absolutely. Obviously, the first line of the film is all of the cemeteries are full. So now, cremation is the only way to be disposed of. When hell is full, the dead will walk the earth. And when the cemeteries are full, everyone will be cremated, so we inhale the cement. That's inside the body. If bio accumulates, it alums in our circulatory systems, until the point where it reaches a threshold, beyond which it will harden if it's allowed to go to sit still for too long,

like the cement in the back of a cement mixer. That's right. I mean, we're also getting, there's also concrete in the air just from when people are emptying that bag of concrete before they mix the water in with it. I've been doing this so much recently. That powder goes out like that. I'm a test case for this. Yeah well I bet you you've been wearing lots of protective mouthwares. Absolutely Alistair you know me. I haven't been having you. Not at all. No. I had to hang out. Protective hand game, my hands went all horrible for a couple of weeks there. Oh, sure. So dry, Alison.

Why wouldn't you wear protective stuff? Alison's dead because that would take me 30 or 40 seconds to find those in the shed. Andy, could you just... And I'm busy. Could you please... I got cement to inhale. Who cares? Could you please...

You have three children now. Last I checked. And I don't think that the way that you guys are doing financially, your family could go on without you all that well. I don't know. You don't have to wait one less math to feed Alistair. Yeah, okay, isn't it? Yeah, I'm sure you'll save a lot of money

on the pumpkin that you eat or whatever. Pumpkin. Pumpkin. Pumpkin. The cheapest vegetable per kilogram at the supermarket right now. Where it's in the season. Everybody go out by yourselves.

A couple of big pumpkins. Put them in a dark space. They're not going anywhere. You never see a pumpkin sprouting. Not a full pumpkin. No, you don't see a pumpkin rotting. Oh sometimes you do. All right. Now you do a lot around Halloween don't you? Yeah, a lot. But then they've been cut open. Quite horribly and they've been left out. That's true. But they've been cut open.

That's right. You keep yourself a pristine, untouched pumpkin. Check that in a... Wherever, dark space. Dark space. Dark space full of rats. Yeah. Put all your money in pumpkin people. That's what I'm saying.

Take it out of the banks, put it in pumpkins. Especially with the geopolitical climate, the way that it is. You know, don't put it in gold. Put it in goddamn pumpkins. This is, this is, you know, what is going to continue to have value after society collapses, right? Because a lot of people are putting their money into gold. But you've got to believe that if society does collapse, it's going to collapse to the point

where gold is no longer valuable. Well, what about to make superconductors? this no longer valuable. Well, what about to make superconductors? Or? In some ways, I feel like superconductors are a sort of part and parcel of a more or less functioning society. You're right.

What I would love to see now is that I would like to see. What I would like to see now is a joke answer. No, I know that. But I thought I'd make fun of you for it anyway. Correct. Now, what I would like to see, I'll see, is a prehistoric situation where they invent the superconductor, right, before they've invented almost anything else. Maybe possibly even before fire. Okay. So, like, first on the list, superconductors. Now.

So, pre-wheel. Pre-wheel, okay? And so, then we can have those, before, you know, they can't have like a carriage that rolls on wheels, but they can have one of those maglev trains, like they got in Saudi Arabia, or Dubai. That's because, I mean, if you invent that, you don't need the wheel. You don't need the wheel.

You skip the wheel. Everything is maglev. Yeah. Imagine that. Caveman-advents maglev. Maglev? Straight to maglev. And it's not until about 1982 or something like that. It's somebody invents the wheel.

Sure. But then what would you do with it? Be kind of like that. You think where maglev technology would be at by now. This is what I would like to do. Sure it's helpful. I would love to go back in time. And I would love to take back some MagLeb,

a couple of kilos of MagLeb, take it back to the prehistoric era, give them the MagLeb. Come back to the future. Maybe give them a couple bags of Mag, and then maybe two or three bags of Leb. Exactly. And then I pop back to the future and I them a couple bags of mag. And then maybe two or three bags of left. Exactly. And then I pop back to the future and I see where mag labs got to by now.

It'd be so good. Because you think about how far the wheel has come. What the wheel, it used to be like a round bit of wood. And now, round bit of metal with some rubber on the outside. It's right, yeah. It comes so far. And there's an inflatable bit. There's an air in there as well. And you can change the the mags on it, but it's different kind of mags, the other mag you're talking about. And I wonder whether so different. Maglev, will you be able to get mags on them or something

that you would call wheels or something like that or wuhi. That makes it more ornate. You could have a sort of a decorative wheel type thing. You could get you to have fake wheels sort of hanging there. Like when somebody pretends to be a horse. Yeah. And they have those little fake legs dangling off. You know, that. But for Maglev, little fake wheels flapping there.

But do you think we would have abandoned the horse so early on that maybe we would have never domesticated the horse? Did you know that before we domesticated the horse to ride them we were just keeping them to eat them. Really? Yeah for like maybe hundreds of years and then somebody went I think I could ride one of those. Well it makes you wonder how many of the other things that we currently just keep to eight. Yeah you could actually ride. Like tofu? Or a pumpkin. We just have it tried.

For that, I mean, that's crazy. We tried one thing, the horse, and it turns out you could ride the huge success. And then we stopped. We were like, well, no more riding foods for us. We've got one that works. It shows a lack of creativity. It absolutely does. And then it's also a messy thing.

Well, all the things that we ride, we ever tried eating any of them. Like a bunch of them. You know? I don't think so. You do see the rodeos and that sort of thing. They are doing a bit of this. They are trying to ride cows. You know, it's true.

They're trying to ride cows. Sometimes they get a kid to try and ride a sheep or something. But I think we gotta keep pushing. You know, there's gotta be something else out there that you can eat that you can also ride. Cake? Cake, yeah. I mean, if you make the cake big enough,

and you put it on a hill. Yes. Yeah. Or a cliff. I mean, there must be a cake that you could make big enough that you could get into a plane with it, and then get pushed out of the plane and just fall with it and it'll land and you'll be fine.

Like, as long as the cake is underneath you when you land. How is there? I love this. Yeah, it's the landing cake. It's the parakek. It's the parakek. No, that's a parakek that broke the fine. Okay. Cake or shoot. No, that's when you plug up your your butthole with pinecone. Oh, what? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like, what? What the fuck are you doing, you man? No, that's kind of like how the bears do that before they go into hibernation. They I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? They're like, have repairs do that before they go into hibernation. They'll plug up their hole.

No, they don't. Yeah, they do. I think they put it up, they plug it up. I don't know if they plug up the hole through that or by eating stuff. But I'm pretty sure that they like it. Elastair is gesturing the band. The plug. The plug.

It got this butt hole. I think they plug up their hole. This seems like a myth. This seems like an urban legend. I very much doubt it's a myth. I guess the rats don't get in there or whatever. I don't know. I got no idea about it.

It's probably a myth, but... That's cake-issued. I think that's a really great idea. Yeah! I love the idea of... That's cake issue. Yeah, but I think that's a really great idea. Yeah, I love the idea. Like, I love the idea of, you know, somebody spending the time to work this out, you know? I think it's a cake to be-

And then wanting to prove a point and then they go, I head and do it. Yeah. You know, it's the first cake that will successful, like, does the cake break your fall because it catches the air air or is it just big enough and soft enough that it's like You're in the cake and then having the cake underneath you when you hit the ground the cake absorbs Yeah, well, it's a bit about it. It's a bit about because I mean it's the big surface area that shows you down But then also adds to some of the craziness because it'd slow you down, but then it would like

Tip counter to the way the wind is slowing it down and then just kind of fall straight down for a bit and then kind of start fluttering a bit. So it would be much more exciting than just jumping out of a plane. Well I thought but I think a lot of this would come down to the shape of the cake. Absolutely. You could definitely make the shape in such a cake in such a shape that's almost like a a teardrop kind of a shape. Oh yeah you saw if you just wanted to like go as fast as you can down towards the earth. Yeah. Well, I think that at least that would be a stable falling shape. Yeah, right.

And you're right, it might minimize to a certain extent some of the air resistance. But then we can work with that. We can find something. I don't know, maybe a bump cake. I'm just picturing. In fact, I think a bump cake would be very good, because you know how they have the hole in the middle of the parachute. That's to stop that wobble.

Right. Which wobble? The sway that the parachute can get up that would flip it over. So they have that hole in the middle of the parachute, so somewhere you can get out. That keeps it vertical. The whole hole. Yeah, you're right, where are you? I picture a sponge, right? I picture a sponge, right?

It's been cut in half or there's two layers of sponge. Yeah. In the middle, there's some cream. Yeah. And you're like, I lay the cream. And then they put the top layer on top of you. I love that this has to exclusively be done with cake ingredients, by the way.

There's nothing, you don't have anything that's not cake. Yeah. It's a falling cake. Yeah. And I think drop scones, is that a thing? Maybe only in drip-cache. Drop cake? Drop scones. Might be, it might be already a joke,

but they take a break. Now the only problem is that when you, if your head is just sticking out of the end, there is that problem, there is that chance that when you hit the ground, so to just your neck, why is your head sticking out of the end. There is that problem, there is that chance that when you hit the ground, so to just your neck, what is your head sticking out of the end? So that you can enjoy it and see it,

you know, see what's happening. I think you put your head back in before you hit the ground. You enjoy it for as long as possible, then you duck your head back in like a tortoise. I think there should just be like a breathing, like just a breathing area inside the cake, where you can be inside,

but your head is still secure between the two big ones. But then there's a cavity. But there's a cavity, a breathing cavity. Right, above you. Yeah. And then so that when you land, your head doesn't snap back with all the whiplash and kill you.

For the car does, I'm looking at this. Tens out his head whipped back, and the whiplash killed it. Put down the cause of death as whiplash. Yeah, and then people will be like, wait, whiplash, whiplash cream? You know, no, not the cream. Is that related to the cream? No, no, no, no.

Tens out it was the, was the cream whiplash? He was killed by the fall. When the fall stopped when he hit the ground, that was what killed him. But I think the cake would be spongy enough to start with. You know what would be good? One of those rolled cakes. What are they called?

That log? You know, you get yourself in the middle of that log. You get them to roll that log around you. That's true, that could be good. Yeah, and it's got a nice jam and cream, those are good. Yeah, and the whole nice spongy, and everything. Jam, super spongy. Yeah, it was, you know, it's a fluid, it would definitely, it would evenly distribute the

force. Is that how fluids work? Well, I mean, you know, if you hit water, like that, although all the force goes out, goes out, equally outwards or whatever, I don't know, as it squirts away. Yeah, yeah. I know when you do a belly flopper into the water, you hit it hard on your stomach, you think, ah, that feels so good, because it evenly distributed the force away. You know, it distributes it almost too perfectly, people leave over the belly.

He does, the coroner says, he dies from the perfect distribution of the force over the belly. I think there could be what I'm doing this coroner character. It's, I like him. Yeah, thanks, now. That means a great deal. Well, this is a, you know, because we had the society in which they invented the maglev before they invented the...

This is a society in which they invented the cake, right, before they invented the parachute. But again, this probably very much, this society, we find ourselves in now. That's right, that's the parallel universe that we found ourselves in. But when they invented the cake, they didn't much like, I was saying, much like we didn't realize that you could ride the horse. We thought it was just food. Well, in this one, they invented the cake, they didn't realize you could eat it. That's right.

They thought it was just a fork, trans fork. It's just something for breaking your fall. Yeah. Instead of knee pads, they made little scones. Why invent a sponge cake at all, if not to break the fall? Well, it's absolutely there. It's a yeah. So, you know, the Allies, you know, would parakeake

behind the enemy lines in World War II. I just think this is a fascinating alternative history that I would love to see explored by a great author. Well, also, especially in a military setting, you land suddenly you've got a weak food with you. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments.

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You've got a house. You've got food. You've got a house, you've got food. You know, parachutes, they don't offer any of that. Yeah. You've got maybe a best, a little fort. With a parachute. Yeah, if you dangle some of it maybe, or a couple of shrubs.

It hasn't been shredded by some trees or something. That's right, and if it has, it's a great thing about it. But this is the great thing about it. You're falling lessons. Exactly, you're falling lessons. But this is the great thing about... You're falling less than during your... Exactly, you're falling lessons. But this is the great thing about the cake. Get shredded by the trees. You've still just got cake.

It's still just cake. You've still got pieces of cake. You've got... Yeah, you've got easy bite-sized pieces of cake. And it attracts maybe animal friends. LAUGHTER Now you've got friends! Everybody needs friends!

You're behind enemy lines! You need all the help you can get. You can get. Here you are. You've got food. You've got friends. To get the war, I stay starting your life. Well, I mean, what's the society? Once you get all the animals on side, you know, they're coming for you, you've tamed

a lot of them, right? Who's to say that they won't try and protect you? Who's to say? they won't try and protect you? Who's to say that? They very well could. I don't think they've tried to harness, like, I know that the military has trained dolphins and it's trained dogs and things like that.

But that's all, they did that back in your home base. If you could train them while you're out in the field. That's right. So every member of the squad, as well as their little emergency rations, their emergency medical supplies, they also have a series of bridal of different sizes so they can break the spirit and domesticate any animal

but maybe just one adjustable bridal that whatever animal you find yourself in a situation with you can you can domesticate it right and again you need all the help you can get all creatures grow small no how does no matter how small you know if they're on your side you've got a vol, that's an ally. I don't know what vol looks like. No, they don't like. I think it's a little mouse with a pointy face. Okay, great.

Like a bandicoot. A bit like a bandicoot, but non-massupial bandicoot. Smaller. Like a bilbi? No, more like a mouse, but with a pointy face. A bilbi is kind of like a mouse with a pointy face. And not really, no, no, it's more like a bandy kick, you're thinking. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no And then I mean they've just even scary to look at. The amount of bullets your enemies would waste trying to kill your sort of 20 to 120

oh possums that you've got around you. And to be that thing where you could throw a handful of oh possums at baby oh possums or sort of adult oh possums. But then you know he's like when you throw a bunch of coins up in the air and you never know which one to catch, they won't know which one to shoot at. So they'll just kind of shoot randomly in the air.

Meanwhile, why don't you sneak away? You're in a small splendor group of possums. This is what I like. Go around the back. Here we are. I'm somewhere in Germany, right? World War II. I see a cake.

I see a huge cake falling from the sky. Do you think during World War II they called it World War II? What do you think it was only afterwards? Did they call the first one the Great War? They called that one the Great War. So the second one they were like, oh, this is just another pretty big war. This is a sequel.

We'll just wait and see if it's as good. Why, I don't know. That's an interesting question. I don't know. Wouldn't you agree? Anyway, you're there in Germany. Maybe you're a German military man. You look out, you see this huge cake falling from the sky

and landing some shrubbery. Right? And then six to eight months later, a man emerges, totally covered in old possums. And you think, I'll get to get my machine gun out. Yeah. I wonder if you draw a connection between those two things. You think, of course, you use the cake to domesticate the possums.

I should have seen that coming. But you don't, you don't, you don't predict that kind of an outcome. No. Because you're not ready for it. Well, I mean, at the time you would have been confused because you would have seen actually quite a few cakes falling. What do you think they, they can only load each plane with one big cake, the cake so big?

Well, that's the problem. I don't think the cake packs down like a parachute. No, no, no. Unless maybe it's a souffle, and you can somehow get it to rise, quick rise, cake, the bakes at room temperature. Unless you add the first jump. Out of the temperature. You've also got an oven around you.

Yes. Okay. And then you rise the souffle. And then you dump the oven like a spaceship dumping it's like a rocket compartment. Yeah, the old jump and dump. Yeah, the old jump and dump. And then you get rid of that oven. First of all, that oven. like a spaceship dumping it's a rocket compartment. The old jump and dump. Yeah, the old jump and dump.

Then you get rid of that oven. First of all, that oven. That's just another weapon on your side. That's a precision air strike. Now that's falling. That gas oven, that looks bloated. Probably, yeah. Hopefully not too close to where you're going.

Where you're landing, it's where I'm going. That's where I'm going. No, that's too flat. That's directly below you. No, that's souffle, that's gonna drift. Yeah, that's true. You can go around the world in 80 days on a souffle. souffle? From the French to blow. To blow. To blow.

What a giant up you say. What a giant up you say. Really? Yeah. Why? Running trivia questions. Of course, that's not my alternative questions. Oh, yeah. Of course. Are my alternative careers falling key?

Anyway, that's a fun little world we created there. Yeah, slightly alternative universe. Bomb Alaska, what's that? Bomb Alaska. A bomb Alaska. A bomb Alaska. A bomb Alaska. I think that might be a type of cake.

So, or a type of dessert. So what are the top of dessert? It's B-O-M-B-E. Alaska. Uh. B-O-M-B-E. Bombay. B-O-M-B. Bomba laska.

It's something. It's a something. It's some sort of food. I'm almost sure of it. That it used to be mumba laska. I don't know what that's a reference to. That's possibly a reference to how mumba then changes them to Bombay. Fuck. And I tried to spell the same spell. Yeah. No, Alste. To be honest, you did as well as it was possible to do with what I was

putting out there. It's okay. Possibly you exceeded what anyone would have thought was possible. Andy, yes. Let me talk to you about shaving. Hey, Alistair, I wish you would. Yeah. In fact, we should talk about Harries.com, Fortslash Think Tank, you know, because Harries

are the good people who are bringing us, bringing us, bringing you and me out of this episode of the podcast. Oh my God, that's very kind of... Yeah, we're very lucky. You know that the average man spends over 3,000 hours of his life shaving? I mean, if the average man is only doing 3,000 hours shaving, then I must be an Uber manch, because I probably do that a month. Yeah, well, and that's why you're so small.

Your head is a tiny nub. That's right. Well, we would like to introduce you to a better way to shave. Okay. So, if you pop yourselves over to harryst.com for a splash think tank you can get yourself a trial set that comes with everything you need for a close comfortable shave. Weighted ergonomic handle for an easy grip.

A five blade razor with a lubricating strip and trim blade for a close shave, love that trim blade. A rich lathering shave gel that will leave you smelling great. I'm gonna eat that gel one day, get onto me harrys and a travel blade cover to keep you raise it, your razor dry and easy on the go. Dry and easy on the go. This is I gotta read this verbatim.

Yeah, yeah. I'll read it verbatim. And a travel blade cover to keep you razor dry and easy on the go. Yeah, that's right. And you easy dry guy. Yeah, on the go. And you easy dry guy on the go. The thing is that my face has never felt smoother. I shaved this morning, Andy. And then I went and kissed my beloved on the cheek.

And she said, is that you the baby? Mmm. The baby's ass. Yeah. And I said, no. It's me, the adult man. Face. Face. Yeah. Human face.

Kissing your face. And it was a beautiful moment. It also, it sounds beautiful. Yeah. It looked beautiful, especially if you would have seen the sheen on my face after using the light full gel. Probably reflecting the glint from your eye.

It really brings out the natural colors of my skin out. The bagels and the skin color. What does? Just shaving. Shaving. I guess it removes all the obstacles. Yeah, I guess so. Remove the obstacles that people see in your face.

Shave today. Yeah, well, you know, come out. It's like coming out from behind a tree or something like that. Exactly. Like, you would think it was crazy if someone in your life was always behind a tree. And yet that's what you're doing if you have a beard. When you don't shave. When you don't shave.

You always look like you're obstructed by leaves. Man leaves, hairs. The leaf of the man. The leaf of the man. And if you're a listener of our show, you can go to harry.com for what you think tank and you can redeem your trial set. So make sure you go there and you can let us them know that we sent you and that will

support this show. Can you believe it? Two in the Think Tank, which is the show that you're listening to right now. This show that you can support by doing that, by going to our patreon.com slash two in tank. But what you don't realize is that you're already supporting the show. But you can also do nothing at all, nothing more than what you're doing. Hopefully sitting back, relaxing and enjoying your life, somebody's bringing

you a beverage as we speak. You're not itchy in any way. Although now that you've mentioned it, you probably are. Alistair has already scratched his face. Since he said it, he's going again. I'm now feeling itchy. But if you're pushing through all of that, well then you're probably a sociopath because you're not affected by the typical social cues that sort of causes to yawn when someone else yawns. Or some kind of meditation master, you know those meditation masters who... Total control over their body. Or, you know, but they learn how to ignore any sensation.

Right. Which is kind of control. I guess it is kind of a control or an ignoring. But that's a way to control. Is it? Yeah. Well, you think about your children, when they're playing up, what do you do?

Ignore them. Yeah. I go into the other room. You leave. That's a form of control. Controlling yourself to not be implicated with your children. Yes, be the absence of yourself you want to see in the room as Gandhi said. That's right. Yeah, I had a lot of interrupted sleep last night as you know. A very little amount of uninterrupted sleep.

That's right. Yeah. I haven't had an overabundance of little uninterrupted sleep because the child he was crying. The boy he cries. The boy. He cries out in the night for four hours. And you've got to tell you, you don't make your best decisions about, you know,

in that period of time. I made a lot of investment decisions. Oh, no, in the middle of the night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, don't invest tired. That's what they say, right? Yeah, back when I used to play poker, this is not the years where I lost money on line poker, but the years where I was just playing at high school, just with friends, you know, poker nights and stuff.

Oh, wow, yeah, I never did this. I remember the saying we would go 3am's a good time, lose it. My deck is you start making really bad decisions. You're at high school, you're playing poker at 3am with your friends? Couple of sleepover nights, you know? Weekend, poker night. This is so cool! You got money, and this is just a replaying for real money. Sometimes we put in 10 bucks, sometimes we put in 5. Yeah, right.

Remember one of my friends had a little wheelie bin. Just a little mini sized wheelie bin. Red wheelie bin full of coins that mini sized wheelie bin, red wheelie bin full of coins that he'd bring to the poker game and then you put it in there get his chips you know put that all that coinage in the kitty and then when he won he'd fill up his wheelie bin. What a legend. No, he's not that so good. No, no, he's a good guy. Yeah. I didn't mean that. I mean I meant No, he's a good guy. Yeah. He's a good guy, sorry. I didn't mean that.

I mean, I mean, like I felt like my story wasn't enough. Did he ever say anything about like time to take out the trash or anything like that? No, well that would mean that he'd be leaving with his money. Yeah, you're right. Dumping it. Time to take out the trash. That's quite good. Yeah, so it's good.

I think it worked. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I never did anything that cool. I did go to a party one time where we tried amateur, I didn't myself, but amateur fire spitting or fire breathing. Sure. So you just put some turpentine in your mouth?

Caracene. Caracene, sorry. My friends were putting caracene in their mouths and then spraying it out. Did you try? Over some kind of a flame type thing. No, I absolutely did not. Because even though I was very drunk, I could tell that this did not seem good.

Like a good idea. Didn't seem like a good idea. You keep the flammable material that is inside your mouth. Yeah, I guess you could put it up by closing your mouth. I feel like if it's the fire started in your mouth. Sure, but I mean, there's very often oxygen within your body going down into your lungs, et cetera. Like, you know, and you're putting this foreign material in your mouth, like

who's to say you don't cough and then breathe in, suck a whole lot of the flame back down. That's true. Burn your entire internals. Yeah. Nobody was hurt in any way. I find it hard to believe. All these teenage boys drunk, spitting fire for the first time. It's definitely one of the more dangerous reasons, like, yeah, reasons that put care or seen in your mouth. Yeah, you're right. But it's also one of those

things where like, you know, our parents worry about what their kids are up to. I don't think that would even cross their minds to worry about that. No, but look, you've got to keep an open mind when you're a parent of teenagers, I guess. Right. Drinking teenagers? Yeah, well, my mum would always just say, before I went out, she would just say, where a condom?

What? That was with the last thing she would say to me. Yeah. As I got into a friend's car or something like that. Where a condom? Where a condom? Yeah. I don't know what she thought I was doing.

Probably filling your mouth up with kerosene and spitting it onto people onto your penis. You know all right well then she was correct because that's what I was doing. But yeah. What other reason would you put kerosene in your mouth? I guess how would you What other reasons would you prefer to carry something in your mouth? I guess, how would you... I just would assume, if you'd carry something, would burn your mouth. No, it doesn't. It's more sort of,

it's more oily than it is petrally, I think. Right. And I think it ignites... I don't, I think, something about the way the vapor works or something, it burns. It doesn't, like, if you'd been doing it with petrol, yeah. I think that would have just absolutely just, well, firstly, burn your mouth, it doesn't, like if you'd been doing it with petrol, I think that would have just absolutely just, well firstly burned your mouth, but then also like, I think

the fire would have just burned back into your mouth. But for some reason with kerosene, it doesn't do that. I don't know. So petrol is kind of like that, that Amazonian fish that swims up your stream. Correct. But with fire, well the fire I guess up your stream. Correct. But with fire, well the fire I guess is the fish. Yes. If petrol is your urine.

Yes. And the fluid. And the fluid. The fluid, your breathing tube. Yes. Is your aether. That's your blood. Your lungs are your bladder.

Your lungs are your bladder. The fire on the stick, that's the pond or the swimming hole. Yeah, sure. Are there Amazon river? Yeah, yeah. Now I think this is, I think when we do the safety thing, we go around to schools.

And we teach kids about the dangers of spitting fire. This will probably be the metaphor that we use to try and like make it more relatable for that. Yeah. Yeah. Any of your kids ever swim in the Amazonian rainforest? You're an 8 into the Amazon river from the side, from a river. Well then you'll know what I'm talking about, okay? Because think of this. Well then you'll know what I'm talking about, okay? Because think of this. Is it too much to have a van?

Right, like you would have like healthy harrowed or whatever the giraffe would go around and teach kids about what healthy eating or something. Yeah. We will have one, which is, you know, a Freddy Flamingo, who goes and round and teaches kids about the dangers of breathing fire. I think it's just a guy and he's just got like, he has a little bit patch here, right? A little red patch.

And he just drives around teaching high school kids about the dangers of breathing fire. And he just only got, was that little burn. Just had to make that. Still healing probably. It's still healing. I mean, it's been, it's been 15, 20 years. Yeah.

You see finished high school, you know. And, but it's just this very specific problem that nobody, actually, is probably instructing more kids on how to do it. And then he does a damage to it. How did it do it safely? I had to do it safely kids on how to do it. And then he does it down and straight. And it's to it, sadly. I had to do it safely because kids are gonna do it. That's the thing.

And either they learn it from me, or they learn it from some other kid. All right, or some loser, or they watch a video online, you're okay. So it's good that they learn how to do that in a safe environment. Don't do this. Don't do this. Don't do this.

Like that, and he does it. It's basically him finding a way to both do a show. Yeah. But then also for him to just teach people kids about the dangers of this. Right, so basically it looks incredibly cool. Yeah. Right. And what sort of age group is he targeting? Like sort of six, seven-year-olds or something

that? I mean, I think if it's like 13-year-olds, you have the exact kind of kids that would be like, let's go try this. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Okay. And the problem with these things is that all these ingredients are accessible. It's readily available.

Anywhere, that's why it's so dangerous. You probably have them in your own home. Which is why you absolutely should not try it. Like that. Look, that could have taken off all your eyebrows. You know, obviously I'm a trained expert. I've been doing this two, three weeks, but it's different for you. All right?

You got it. You can't afford to take the risks that I take on a daily basis with no consequence. Sure, it looks good when I do it, but imagine if it didn't, all right? Imagine if it burned back and hurt me, as opposed to shooting out in a cool kind of a a billow of orange flame.

Look how dangerous this looks. Yeah, maybe he doesn't, he doesn't think of, he's like, this isn't cool kids. This is wildly dangerous to, to put anybody in front of him. And now I'm gonna do something that looks even more dangerous. Can I get a volunteer? He dips his long hair, turpentine, and leg to the floor. He's got dreadlocks.

No, I just picked your, it's just just beautiful straight hair. Wow. Yeah. He looks like Regmombasa. Oh, wow. Regmombasa, designer for Mambou. Yeah. T-shirts.

Also, one of the members of Mental is anything. Mental is anything, yeah. But I think that's really good out. I like it, he does it with his hair. The hair is totally un-singed at the end of this thing. He's been whipping flame around. We're gonna be able to do all of this by the way. This is a very doable sketch.

Yeah. So, that is, we have five sketches now. We need to get three words from your... Get three words from a listener. And I believe this one is one that we may have forgotten to do. It was like one of the lost three words that sometimes in the process of getting three words and putting them in my little document. Oh sure. There are some casualties. There are some casualties that I just I don't

maybe the copy and paste doesn't work. This is what happens. Maybe I forget the copy and paste. I was there. Reached them from one document, right? Deletes them from the computer and then goes to type them into another document. Yeah. based on only what I remember. Exactly. But he does this while trying to do other things as well. Absolutely. I'm a very busy person. But this one comes from our listener, $3 Patreon, maybe more. Uh, you can do it.

I need to spend more. I don't need to spend more. I don't need to spend more. I don't need to spend more. I don't need to spend more. I don't need to spend more. I don't need to spend more. I don't need to spend more. I don't need to spend more. I don't need to spend more. I don't need to spend more. or Patreon contributing. Leon Horseman. Leon.

Leon Horseman. Leon Horseman, you would have enjoyed that bit early on when we were talking about riding horses. Maybe. You're people. No, but I mean, you might have hated that. You're right. He could be a horseman.

Yes, but he might not be any of it. I think he might be from another country. Oh, sure. Because not be any of it. I think it might be from another country. Oh sure. Because here is his three words. Okay? Miren Nuker? Okay. And in brackets he said ants will really like this one. Tandleys? And peep-sweep.

Are those words backwards or something or is it definitely another language? Are you tried reading them backwards? Okay, let me try. Raku, Raku and their brain. Mm-hmm. Seal the internet. Yeah. And myooookspeep. Okay. What about from the middle out? Okay, well, you can try that.

Wait, we're reading two letters that's a sentence. That's right! And that's what I'm asking you to do, Al! Mm. Eat. Shh. Mm. Eat. Eat. Boom. It's... It...

And... It... Yeah. That's not too bad. No, it's not too bad. I think you did quite well. But it's... Miranooka.

Tanvles. And a peep shrimp. It's... I love peep shrimp, by the way. Peep shrimp. That's a beautiful word. We don't use enough of the shwap. Yeah, shwap. Shwap.

Shwap. Shwap. Well, I think it could be Dutch. It could be Dutch? Sure. I mean... Miran Nukka. Landlies. Tanvlies. Tanvlies. To me, that sounds like people swimming. Tanvlies. Well, I think of sandflies, obviously. Tandlys, yeah. I think of sort of leaves that genes. Leaves genes.

And then they've been browned. You're tanning the leaves. Yeah. Tandlys, but then there's, what's the V? No, I don't know. Yeah, no, you're right. What was your... Sandflies.

Sandflies, okay. So people swimming sandflies. And Miranooka, for some reason, that makes me think of a special mirror that you use only for looking at your knees. So it's a mirror that's sort of mounted, just because you know how you go to a shoe shop, sometimes they have a little mirror down there, just at the ground level,

to allow you to look at your shoes from ground level, to sort of give you the impression of what it would be like to be somebody that you just sort of beaten up and kicked in the gutter, looking across at the shoes of your assailant. And you're like, good kicks. There's somebody kick to the ground. Yeah, you've been kicking them in the street.

That's nice. Putting the boot in, they uncover their head for a moment. Catch a glimpse of your shoes just before you start kicking them again. You want them to be impressed. Yeah, absolutely. Or, you know, I guess you could use the mirror. You could sort of kick at the mirror. See what it would be like while they're getting fucked.

While they, yeah. Right, from the point of view of the kicker. The kicker. The kicker. That's probably one of the words he sent us. Mm-hmm. Is that a sketch? I mean, but those you said means.

Yeah, I know, but I'm now talking about what that little mirror is there for to give you the point of view of someone that's laying on the ground. Lying. therefore to give you the point of view of someone down on the ground laying on the ground. Because before that, you know, obviously you would have to get a friend to come with you to the shoe shop and lie down on the ground and just hope that they give you an honest opinion of what they look like before they invented that handy mirror. I think I liked that idea. What it made me think of was, we're gonna have mirrors in the palms of our hands.

Oh, sounds like a song by... We are in the palm of my hands, watching the clouds roll away. Exactly, that's what I was thinking. While it was looking forward, but they were back home. This is what I was picturing. Just mirrors you have in your hands so that you can hold your hand up

and just see what's going on behind you. It's really good. You don't need eyes in the back of your head when you've got mirrors in the palm of your hands. Exactly. It's a great idea. And then you then, then you can look around. Claude, I mean, what we're describing,

I was just saying, it sounds a lot like holding a mirror. I know, but if you're holding a mirror, that looks so suspicious. It does. It looks like you're trying to look around corners. Right, sure. But if you just normalize everybody having a mirror in the palm of your hand, then suddenly you're not a weirdo.

That's right. And so that's what he's like, you wanna be accepted by the culture. You don't wanna just, because if you invent a new technology, for a while, you have to look like a jerk when you're the only person with the technology. Anybody who had those Google Glass, when they were around,

with a bunch of jerks. They look like jerks, but now we all wear them. Well now, now that we realize, that's one that was never able to, that was one that was never able to that was one that was never able to make it to the next level. Yes. Right? Because there was a dumb idea. Yes. And so the people remain jerks forever. If it had been widely distributed, say if they had used some kind of Google Glass socialism or communism where everybody got one universal basic Google Glass Socialism or Communism where everybody got one universal basic Google Glass You BGG

Then everybody would have it and suddenly these people wouldn't be jerks But I think in about Problem mirrors with the benefit of hindsight jerks hindsight something very easy with the palm mirror With the palm mirror. Yes, and that way you wouldn't because you know that mirror that they have at the ATM The laws you see behind you. Hmm. You go. Oh, I can see a mug are coming. Yeah, I kind of think we won't need that anymore You know what also you else you can do with your palm mirrors? You put your two hands next to each other like that just a part just facing each other palms facing each other You can trap light. Oh, yeah trap some light in between bouncing between the mirrors and your hand cave mirrors

Yeah, yeah Oh yeah. Trap some light in between bouncing between the mirrors and your hand. There's a whole cave mirrors. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And then you can concentrate it, right? And then as it bounce back and forth, I imagine it'll build an intensity somehow. If light's coming in, right? From some other source. And then being redirected in between your palms here.

Bouncing back and forth, more lights coming in and then getting trapped in there. Hot palms. Bouncing, bouncing, bouncing. And then you quickly whip one of the then getting trapped in there. Hot palms. Right? Bouncing, bouncing, bouncing, and then you quickly whip one of the hands out of the way. You could take down in a sailant. Exactly. You shoot a beam of like this super-powered light.

Yeah. You got to move your hand out of the way pretty quick so that the light doesn't like destroy your hand. Yeah, burn your hand. Around the mirror. I guess you could cover your whole hand in mirror. But like just the palm is concave so that way you this is good But that way it protects your hand from sure

But now we've got this super mirrored hand surface where the light is gonna bounce off in any direction could hit you in the face but Your face is also married face is also married. Yeah. Just, okay, just your face and eyes are mirrored. Now, what would it look like? Maybe your neck. What would it look like, Alistair?

Yeah. If your face was all mirrored, right? And then you looked into a mirror. What would you see? Nothing, it'd be invisible. You think? I think so, you'd be like the invisible man. I think you might be right.

Yeah. I think that's what invisibility is really. You just gotta cover yourself in a mirror. You yourself in mirrors, because you know, you look at a disco ball. You can't. You can't see it. Well, you know why? The only reason why you can't see it is because of those gaps. You're right.

You're gonna admit that disco ball was hugely flawed in that you could tell that we're just little squares of mirror all stuck to a spherical surface. Right, so but you go to something like that big shiny reflective ball in the Adelaide mall. Yeah, you can't see that. You can't see that. Yeah. Well you can all you can see is its environment.

You're right. You're absolutely right, Alistair. You can't see the thing. You can only see the things that's reflecting. That's right. You're absolutely right, Alistair. You can't see the thing. You can only see the things that are reflecting. That's right. But then maybe that's true of everything. So maybe we're all mirrors. Well, in a way, we are, but only reflecting certain wavelengths of light. So do you think that if are we a mirror and we're actually outside of ourselves?

Yes. But reflecting, but then so, but we're seeing the light that's outside of us. I'm not really saying you. No, you're just seeing, you don't see me, you're seeing the light that's reflected. Oh, fuck man. Back on to me. Yeah. From me. The real you exists in the shadow behind the line. Yeah, or slightly in front of it. Oh, it's invisible to you. Because that bit doesn't reflect. You're only looking at the mirror. Maybe it does.

I don't know. Was there a sketch in any of this? Well, the palm mirrors. Do you think that's a sketch? I mean, could you just have light shooting out of your eyes? Because that's how you could fill your palms with hot light. Well, the cognacus just gets some light from the sun. Why do you have to shoot light out of your eyes?

Eyes there. Well, just so that what if you're, what if it's, it's in the salund at night time? Well, then you're in trouble, right? But why are we suddenly shooting light out of your eyes? This is a whole new paradigm. Well, because before we're just using a power hand mirror. Absolutely. You can do that. But I'm just saying, or like a light in your mouth or something

like that. I'm just saying, because you're making your hands and mirrors like a light capacitor. Yeah. Right? And so you're just shooting a light and they're filling up. But if you have the ability to shoot light out of your eyes or your mouth, right? If we're in a hypothetical scenario where you can shoot light out of your head, out of your eyes or your mouth, why do we need this hand light amplification thing? Why can't we just say that, oh, well, you can shoot more light out of your mouth or your eyes? I just don't think it. Like, it's still the shooting beam.

I don't even know the battery capacity that we can carry a lot of something. It's a human body. It's a human body can carry that you could create enough light in one go. To one go. Like, you know, like I just want to like flash. I think I can believe you can write a lot. I don't believe that you can make enough light.

I just don't believe that you can make it all in one go. No, but as in like, you don't want it to be instantaneous because what if you open your mouth with your light on accidentally? You're right or not even with your mouth mouth open your mouth closed You can turn it off and inside of your light. Yeah, yeah, okay Or you're talking to somebody and you put in their face you burn their face exactly So you want it to be a very deliberate act of you got to fill up the mirrors with light right?

Makes that sound. Well, it's more than you could hear it. And what if you could hear it. Yeah, if you could hear it. And then, yeah, like that. And maybe you could also fill it up with sound waves. You just scream into your hands. And then you got like a sound mirror. Yeah, sound mirror.

And you could get a mirror that does both. Ah! People around probably wouldn't hear it because most of the sound is going into your hands and bouncing in between. You probably just hear this, ah, like that. And you're actually, ah, filling it up.

And then until eventually you go, oh, you got all this light and sound and you shoot it out of the palm of your hand. Yeah. And then you take down and assail it. I wonder, I wonder, because it's going to be bouncing back and forth, it will probably be going in both directions. Mm-hmm.

Are you moving that one? Yeah, no, I think that works. Yeah. We can definitely make this work. Yeah, I mean, you think that if it's enough to take out a person, I don't know, so it'll just be heating, impacting stuff like that, but you think you'd feel the force of this thing moving, but I guess it's a lot of physical activity. You might feel any force, because light doesn't have any mass.

Yeah, what about sound? Sound doesn't have mass either. No, but the atom's moving and things like that. Yeah, sure, the atom's moving. But you don't feel... It's pressure-choose. ...if you feel vibrations. Yeah.

Yeah, right. But... You could stop their heart. Just a knock to the heart. Yeah, that then, like, just a knock to the heart. Yeah, that's what it can do. Knock to the heart. Mmm. Alright.

And you, uh, dead. I hit you with my palm-like sound. Um, gosh, I hope that's what you're expecting. And, Anne, you're right, Anne, would love that. Yeah. Because, uh, all of that that, I love all of that. Well, I think it's just the first word that they like. Oh, really? Yeah, then.

Maybe it means honey. Do you think it means honey? Let's see. Miran Nuker. Sounds like honey. Miran Nuker. Sounds like honey. Yeah?

Yeah, I reckon that's a foreign word for it. Well, I mean, miel, miel, which is honey. French, it's M-I-E-L. This is M-I-R-E-N-N-E-E-U-K-E-R. I think it's honey. Yeah. Yep. Cool.

Yep. All right, well, I guess I better take a through. Oh, thank you very much, Leon. Horseman. Thank you, Leon. I hope that was everything you dreamed. So first sketch is brospecial. That's a really good sketch. I think we started real strong. Yeah and then and then it's also you know we encounter this the first woman who's going to try and get treatment

there. I think it's enough enough is is enough. I wanna get this treatment. Then we got evolutionary advantage of being a perv. Mm, yeah, I mean, that's really worrying. I might actually use this to a standup, maybe. Sure. Yeah. Pre-wheel invention of the... It's the highest compliment that a sketch

can get on this podcast, in a way. You think so? Yeah. You think it's, because as we all know, sketch is just the level form of a possible stand-up bit. Sure, I mean, I guess why act out a sketch when you can just talk it. Exactly. You think of all the great sketches, you know? Chees shop. Chees shop.

How great would that have been as a stand-up bit? As a bit of stand-up. I went to a cheese shop the other day. Yeah. And they didn't have any cheese. Yeah. You see? And I said, oh, do you have any, uh, do you have any of that cheddar? And they didn't have any of that? And the guy says, no. And I go, well, okay. Um. And there was a bazooki playing in the background.

Was it bazooki? Yeah, were we in Greece? Um. Is that what it was? Yeah, were we in Greece? Um, was that something serious? It was just a Buzuki there. Okay. Is it Buzuki a Greek instrument? Yeah. The two guys doing Zorva's dance in the background. It seems a little bit absurd.

A little surreal. Right, in the same... What about those multi-pithing guys? What were they smoking? That's what I want to know. Ha ha ha ha. Maybe something to concentrate like a cigarette. Probably.

Probably. Probably. Probably focus your mind. Really? Oh, that's something to look forward to. To look forward to you planning on smoking in the future? I think it. Well, now.

You don't have to smoke though. You can just get like a nicotine gum or something. Hmm. And then we've got pre-wheel invention of the Maglev. Yeah. This is an alternate universe where instead of the wheel, ancient people invented maglev. Yeah, fog comes out of the cave and thugs invented.

It's rut and thog. Yeah. And they've invented maglev. And they show the other tribes people, and they're obviously impressed. And then they go ahead and use it to make, I don't know, like a thing to drag a woolly mammoth carcass. They even make little toys. Maybe they start, you know, in South America, they had the wheel, but they didn't use it

for transport. They found examples of like little toys for kids that used wheels, like a little lamer and stuff. Little toy lamer with wheels. But they never were like, oh, let's use this to make a maybe they just those too big, too hard. Probably. There's a lot of hollow trouble you don't need. Exactly. How enough making this little one? Just think about how what a pain in the ass carpentry would have been back in those days. A real pain in the ass. They think about stone masonry. What a nightmare. What have you got the harder than stone?

What are you using to cut this stone? They're making this amazing intricate, interlocking stone, you know, buildings, the things that all match up perfectly, making straight lines and stuff. What are you making that with? Doesn't seem worth it. Doesn't seem worth it. You just get a big, hard bit of stone. Maybe you smash it with another stone to a certain extent. I think that's got to be it, right? But as you're doing it with a wood. I mean that's taking ages. Yeah, it depends on how,

you know, it's like one day you find a good stick and you're like, oh, this is a great stick. Yeah. And then if it's a good, really is a good stick, you never need to find another stick. Because you can hit it up against other sticks and you always win in the breaking the other person. But I think eventually your stick will start to show stresses. Well, from that's repeated. Yeah, if it's not a good stick. I think you're talking about a pretty good stick. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about, a pretty good stick.

I think what it was was that they had a totally different conception of the value of human life. And they were probably thinking like we look at the end product of their civilizations and these things that they built, but the reality of, like, you know, somebody having to spend their entire life just carving two blocks of stone or something was not a big deal to almost anybody, maybe not even the person doing the carving, because there wouldn't have been any, like, I wonder if there was any concept of leisure, you know, it must have been, because they had little toy llamas with wheels. Was it the same people?

It was a leisure time, that's what I'm imagining, yeah. Wow. God, I went nowhere with that. Oh, it was good, we got fallen cake. Yeah. This is fallen cake, is always in the universe, but they invented the fallen cake. Safety cake. The safety cake before they invented the parachute.

What black forest cake is, because isn't the black forest is in Germany? Yes, so maybe that's what the cake they made to fall in. It's got a lot of accoutrements and stuff on the top. Big glassy chairs. Cherry, those would be good for food, you know, your sustenance, your energy boost? We have a lot of the idea that maybe these people and used it to also lower animals and train them so they can get them on your side

and get it a bit of another advantage over the enemy. And we got the fire breathing van as a guy who as a teenager got injured in a fire breathing accident, got a little burn on his cheek. And, um... Yeah, it goes into the school teachers and stuff. It goes into the school teachers and about that. And at first, it's very serious, and he's talking about how you should never do it.

And then he starts basically doing a demonstration of exactly all the things you shouldn't do. Yeah. And which also goes into very intricate tricks. Hmm. I'm imagining he squirts little bits out of the corners of his mouth. Oh, that would be cool. Looks like he's got whiskers, fire whiskers. Yeah, fire whiskers like a dragon beard or something. Yeah, dragon beard. Who wouldn't want that?

It would be so good. If you could get floating fire over your face, I'm just like a fire goatee. I'm touching your face but following you around always in front of it like a snapchat filter. I think Harry's could get onto this. They could get that foaming face gel. but following you around, always in front of it, like a snapchat filter. I think Harry's could get onto this. They could get that foaming face gel. Yeah. Oh.

Make it somehow so that it's like flammable. Yeah. On the outside, but they're insulating, because it's a foam, it'll insulate you. That's right. Well, we don't know that it isn't. Yeah. We don't know.

I mean, it is only one way to find out. I think so. Put it on your face. That actually might work elsewhere because you think about it. You've got those little spray cans for aerosols. They've got hydrocarbons in them. Yeah.

So the gas in there is flammable. But then the foam itself, that's got... And it's moisture, isn't it? Moisture. Basically a fire fire. That's going to protect you. So I think next time you're shaving, before you actually do the shave, squirt this stuff on the spread around your face, then just try and light it and see what happens.

Do you think about that fire fighters or moisturizers? No, yeah. Look, but in the moisture truck. They just moisturise your buildings. Moisturise buildings. The moisture boys. The moisture boys. The moist your boys. Laying ground. Laying on ground, getting kicked mirror.

Let's see the next sketch. And then we got the hand mirror so you get sort of utility. The shooter. Later sound to take down the salons. I'm picturing this quite a lot like the, you ever watch that show, Spellbinders? It's only ABC. It was like a kid's teen thing about parallel dimensions and stuff. And I think there was a woman who could shoot these little energy balls out of her hands. Anyway, it would be a lot like that.

But more realistic, because we've explained how it's possible. The light comes out of your mouth and then is amplified. Yeah, you could either get it come out of your mouth. I guess you could have like a sort of torch up your sleeve or some torch up your sleeve. Yeah, I probably have a torch up your sleeve. You could have a dragon beard. You could have a dragon beard. We thought we thought we'd do a dragon beard.

Just the light from a single candle. Yeah. I thought you just laid a single candle and put your hands either side of it. Well, it just, it slowly charges up. Man, and you've been there for like a week, you know? And then you can destroy whole cities. Woo! Guy just camping out outside of a town.

You know, like the... I'm worried about that guy. He's been there for four days. The clan and something. The queen's son has been, you know, and shown you disrespect in the market. He's doing a tour. The Queen's son is doing a tour of the market.

Well, you know, he goes around, and sees what the peasants are doing. Oh, he's not giving the tour. He's taking it, yeah. He's taking a tour, he goes around, he picks up things off the table, he doesn't have to pay for it, whatever. Yeah.

He might show disrespect to you or your family or something like that. And so then you get a candle and your mirror hands. And you go outside, just stand outside the town, and you stand near and you need the castle within sight. Yeah. And you lift it up and then you burn down the castle. You burn the stone. What? The smell.

The stone. This is all very intriguing. Bukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuk Thank you very much for everything you've done in listening to this episode of the podcast. I feel like I was not really on my A game, but then I feel like the ideas that we came up with were good, Alistair. I'm happy with the whole thing. I'm happy with the whole thing, and if you can forgive the failures, then focus on the successes will all have a good time. I apologize if you want to do that. My sound got weird during it, I realised maybe two-thirds of the way in that my mic was pointing down. We're using the lapels because we're not in the regular room. Anyway, God I hope this is all okay. You can follow us on Twitter at to and tank. I'm at Alistair TV. I'm at stupid old Andy You can find me on Instagram Alistair Tromblay Bird and all A Tromblay virtual I think is way sounds about right. Yeah

You could you could um suppose on Patreon. Yeah, you can review the show that makes us feel great all the time. All the relevant links are down there. Bit of a couple of really nice reviews recently and I love it. Thank you so much, everybody. You guys are the greatest. And we don't have any projects right now. I mean, except for what we're doing, if I try guys.

So if I try guys coming out next week, there'll be two new science fiction podcasts, that stories on the Patreon. If you're an overflow tank supporter, you're going to get those. Yeah. And I've been posted up the text as well. If you want to read them for some reason, I'm sure you've got to be all up there.

You'll be all up there. Yeah. Who listened to this podcast, but wish that they didn't have to. You'll be able to read it. If they could just read the podcast, we should just release the podcast as a book every word. Every word.

Sell it on Amazon for 99 cents. That feels like it would be worth it. I don't know what it's good. I don't know what it costs to transcribe things these days. Anyway. And you make that money with from the huge volume of sales. Exactly. Yeah.

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