Two In The Think Tank - 190 - "SALARD"

Episode Date: July 2, 2019

Candle Fat Factory, Fat Salad, You Got a Leg You Got a Lamp, Spin Doctor, Blood Milk, Flat Earth, Crypto Baby Smile, Overly Familia, WIzard's KnobHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereCritically re-evaluated thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Progressive casualty and trans company in affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential Savings will vary. This counts not available in all safe and situations. Visit Planet Broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Garf, Garf, Garf, Garf, Garf, Garf, Garf, Garf, Garf, Garf, Garf, Garf, Garf, Garf, Garf, Garf, Garf, Garf, Garf, Garf, Garf, Garf, Garf, Garf, Garf, Garf, Garf, Hello and welcome to Two In The Thing Tank to Share where we come up with five sketch ideas.

I'm Halister George William Trumply Virtual. And I'm Gaff. Gaff. Gaff. Oh my god. I can't even have Gaff. I'm almost terrified of the bullcaught. I'm home Gaff.

And I'm Gingo. Gaff, I'm Gingo. Gaff. Um, here. Yeah. And I'm Gingo. And we're going to come up with some sketch ideas. Oh, right. Now, what about these? Oh, and we're gonna come up with some a-skick char dees. Oh, right.

Now, what about this? Oh, there's a couple of people that work in a candle shop. And they both die. No, they're working a candle shop. They're- they own fat down, they're making candle, turns out we fight out the whole time. They've been making candles out of their own body fat. So they can-

Eh, whatever they want. Yes. They can eat whatever they want. And they're literally burning fat. They're legit, they burn their own fat with the candles, but I sent them, and they don't have to smell them, the fat burning because they burn at another people's house as they bar the candles.

This is actually quite a good sketch idea, right? It's burning fat, right? And it's a system that combines the two things that like, you know, you become obsessed with in sort of your 30s onwards candles and weight loss. And weight loss, right? Absolutely, because it becomes harder to lose weight. Exactly. And it becomes harder to get candles.

It becomes harder to resist. Well, yeah, that's right. So, if there was some way that you could basically wick your fat away, maybe it's even like, if you could drill a wick into say your leg, you drill a hole into your leg, it's kind of like a liposuction. You drill it in, you shove a wick down there,

the fat leeches up the wick, and then you light the end of the wick down there. Right? The fat leaches up the wick. Right? And then you light the end of the wick. You burn that. You're burning your fat. Well, I mean, you could do that. What about, like, if you just had, you know, like, you know, when you watch the documentary,

it's about people who don't want you to eat meat and then they show you, like, anyway, in this guy put a hole in the side of this cow that he can open up and then reach into it. Alistair, you made a leap there that I am unable to follow you. I watched a doctor entry where it was like that cow and then it put like a little door on it and you could open up the cow and then you could reach in and you could grab stuff out of its stomach or something like that. Well, I'm not looking at stuff.

Out of its stomach, out of from inside its digestive system. I'm not 100% sure, but I think that's what it was. Anyway, this is one of those things, but it just goes into your fat areas. Yeah. Right? And what you do is you kind of go in a hot room like that, and you just dip a wick in there

until it gets coated in your fat like that. And then coated in fat, maybe you could squirt some lavender smell in there. Into your hole. Into your hole, or you could bring it out. You could dip. Into your hole. Into your hole. Or you could bring it out. You could dip it in a bit, then spritz it, and then dip it into your fat spritz it.

You dipped it. You dipped it. You dipped it. The dip and spritz. The dip and spritz. And so now, you can have as many, like your desire for candles, which happens in your 30s,

and people who might not know about this yet, it makes you want as many candles of say, say if you had a factory that produced candles. That's how many it makes you want. Yeah, and this is what this allows you to do. Mm. And I guess the thickness of the candle is dependent on how many dips you do.

I used to want a factory, but now I have a fat curry. Curry. A fat curry. Right, make candles. And you could also make, you could also spritz the thing, instead of lavender, you could spritz it with the kind of foods that you enjoy eating. You know, so it could be nacho flavor. Right.

So as you're burning that fat, that nacho flavor's fat, you're smelling nachos, you're salivating, you're getting hungry, you want to eat, right? You eat the nachos, you put back on the fat, it's sustainable. Exactly. Right. And so, okay, well this is... It's the closest humanity has ever come to inventing perpetual motion.

I think it's fair to say. If only you could eat the candles. Yeah. That's a shame. Because you still need to make the nachos and things like that, you know. I wonder if anyone has had liposuction and they're needing the fat. Someone must have done, right? Like as an art thing.

I mean, if not, that's one that's totally up for grabs. That's just like a turner prize that is just sitting on the shelf that you could just take that down. Anybody listening to us now, if you want to turn a prize, here's how you get it. And I can imagine every single one of you do. Who doesn't want to turn a prize? I think it's like a hundred thousand pounds or something, at least, that's probably Which is what you weighed. That's what you weighed. Yes.

What you needed to weigh, but, you know, what you weighed after you ate all that liposuction for that. I mean, I guess if you kept eating it, if you just let's say you instead of getting the liposuction and then eating it out of the bag, you could just spoon it. I was a picture eating it out of the bag. If you could just spoon it. I was a picture eating it straight from the bag.

I was thinking that'd be some cooking or something. You cooked the fat, just a bowl of fat. Yeah. What do you cook it on? I think it would be much more distinguished to just spoon it out of the tiny hole in the corner of a bag. Most of it falling off your spoon. As you can.

It's becoming very real. I mean, I guess you could do to sort of make it seem healthier as you could put it in a little jar like an empty sort of jam jar, add a bunch of maybe white wine vinegar and some djohn mustard, a little salt and sugar. That's shake it up. You got yourself a nice salad dressing. Then you could pour it over more fat. Fat salad. I guess you could make some of the fat, you could sort of let that dry out and cool down.

And get into it. And get into it. And get into it. Get into it. You know. So then you know, obviously you're eating a few other things. This is another thing. This is this next idea.

It's a very two in the thing tank idea. It is, it's called fat salad, right? And what it is, is we've made every single ingredient of a salad. We've replicated it out of pure fat. That's great, yeah. By various drawings and stretchings and moldings, and it looks exactly like a salad is all fat. It's not necessarily human fat from life-o-section, that might be complicating.

I don't know. That's what I'm a little fat salad. Fat salad. 100 degrees. I got a salad and it's made for my knees, fat. Fat salad. You know, we're all about a food hack. Yeah, but also like, I mean, a chef, a TV chef,

who shows you a TV chef. A chef, a TV chef, a TV chef. No, but like a chef who shows you how to make a full meal out of your own bag, a liposuction fat. Mm. You No, but like a chef who shows you how to make a full meal out of your own bag, a liposuction fat. You know, and there's nothing more. It's where we're headed. There's nothing more homegrown. That's right. You know, local, you want local. You might have already done this joke on the show. It feels like we've already done it, but nothing's more local than your own body. Yeah. And eating local

is the most sustainable thing to do. Less transport. That's right. Right, less energy released in the transport. That's why I only eat my own body fat. Yeah, and to decrease my carbon miles or whatever I do, I've moved next to the plastic surgery clinic. And so now I just have to walk next door. next to the plastic surgery clinic clinic.

And so now I just have to walk next door. It's like walking into your own backyard to pick a bean straight from the garden. Well, I mean, it also feels like there should just be like an attachment to like a kitchen I eat, I'm lying. So, if you can have the dog. Yeah, so you can have the doctor who just kind of gets the tube

and he's there with you and he's going, oh, you know, because he's got a bang in, it's a little vacuum thing, and it kind of keeps spluttering out into the bag and you keep spooning it out and you just have a spoon for you. Oh, there's just nothing fresher than that. You can't get fresher than that. That's straight from the bag. It's still...

Is that tartare? Tartare? I guess it's fat tartare. How's everybody going with this episode? I think I feel like I did just check in. I mean, so far we've got two fat-based eating. And the first one's not fat-eating, unless you eat candles.

Yeah. I mean, there aren't many foods that also produce light. Not many foods that also produce light. You're right. There's no saying. I mean, there's those people who eat light bulbs for those circus freaks. I don't think you can call that anymore.

No, no, but that's not something you're born with. That's something you do willingly. And I think you can be a freak for something that you do willingly. The fact that they're in a circus with people that you can't call freaks, that's obviously circumstantial. That's circumstantial and that's the, that's the the complications. You can't get me for that. Yeah. I'm clean. But you gotta see that this is a nuanced argument that I'm making.

Oh yeah. You see, yeah. I mean, now, if the person eating it also had some disability or something like that or. It was being exploited in something. It was being exploited or just had any kind of otherness, right? Then I would be disgusting for you to say, use that word.

But I want you to know that I had an able-bodied person who was such a good person who had nothing bad happen in their in their childhood. And what we're saying here is they had agency. They had agency. And something we haven't talked about on this podcast for a long time, but it is one of the three founding principles of the podcast. The people in our sketches have agency and I want you to know that they all have agency and they all have clowacres They all right, and they are all ants and and and not all their clowacres are used for the input and output of liquids and solids Do you think ants have clowacres? Hmm I reckon all insects probably probably and I'm not sure yeah, but I reckon all insects probably rock a clowacca

You think so yeah, they they pack a cloaca. They pack a cloaca. Are you packing a cloaca? You pack a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a cloaca packer. Are you packing a, cloaca? Yeah. Pack a cloaca. I mean, that's a t-shirt.

Yeah. Which I, I'm, I'm packing a cloaca. I know, I pack a,-shirt. Yeah. I'm packing a clowacca. I know. I pack a clowacca. Just so you know, something you need to know about me is I pack a clowacca. I mean, it's concealed carry, but it's there. I mean, imagine this instead of nipples, it's still like this. I was told you do someone called carry there. Oh,, imagine this instead of nipples, it's still like this.

I was told you do someone called carry there. Oh, wait, what was it? Open carry? It's concealed carry. It's like a horror, right? Jesus, I wish you could have seen the look that he just gave me. I was just trying to find a context in which that worked.

Which that was funny. I concealed carry. No, don't worry, I'll understand. The audience gets it. No, the audience gets it. The audience gets it. Does that mean that you put Carrie in a cupboard or something like that? Yeah, that's what it means. It's not that you didn't miss her.

You miss hered me and... What was it? It does not stand! Examination! I can't go back! I'm embarrassed! But you've made it worse! And you won't let me move on.

I just want to hear what this thing is about. I'm going to pause the recording because I can't get your phone call. Alright, we're back. We're back and lucky I guess for you. It came at a perfect time to reset. It's like when you're playing a game of tennis and you're losing badly and then rain stops play, you come back onto the field, everybody's forgotten about all the embarrassing tennis you did before.

Yeah. The uphires moved on. You're right. None of the points get reset to zero. What was it we're concealing? What are you doing, Yellowstone? I know, but I actually had to work to try to remember it. Yeah, I don't want you to work.

Okay, no problem. I don't want you to have to work. I want us all to move on and just be free. You know, this is like, think of this as like the United States and how they're saying they should cancel all student debt. Yeah, start again. This is all I'm asking. Yeah.

Can't we cancel all embarrassment? Sure. I want that. Like, if it was just some way, maybe we released something into the water, some more. Maybe a gas you could breathe in. A gas.

Perfect. You know, like just like, you know, I think if you sniffed enough petrol. Do you think that would cancel out? Do you think I'd be able to forget all embarrassment? Yeah, I think most of it. Would I also forget how to control my bales because I'm worried that might

Restart the cycle of embarrassment. I'm not sure the way that you're going right now. You have that much control anyway Elis there Why would we do this up in the context of me describing how I wish I could put cancel out all past embarrassment I can't think of a worst time for you to raise the subject in the context of me describing how I wish I could cancel out all past embarrassing. I can't think of a worst time for you to raise the subject to my bowel control issues, which have been flaring up. No, Andy, you're doing fine. You're doing really well.

Thank you. I'm going to need to pause the podcast again. We're going to reset. Raid stops play. Oh, thank you. I'm gonna need to pause the podcast again. We're gonna reset Raid stops play Now good God. What's another fat based sketch? I guess that's the important things that we've got to figure out I mean we've got the candle fact fat Factory which I guess is an adult's dream a 35 year-old's dream. Well, I think if you can make your own light You know, you, you're one step

closer to true independence, you know? Oh, yeah, absolutely. And you could make things like the candlelight spotlight. Yeah. With a candle so big and a mirror. Yeah, yeah, so to sort of focus the beam, so you've got a big, see, you've got, you've got your version. For some reason in my version, it's always drilling into the thigh and shoving the wig straight in and just burning the fat straight from the leg. Straight from the leg, but how are you selling these candles? Well, you're selling the drill? You're selling. Oh, right. You're selling the wigs. So your, your, your solution is produce light with your legs with your legs. Yeah. Yeah. With your own body. Yeah. You know, I got a I got a

fire thigh I've got a you know, I guess yeah, there's already thunder thighs, but that's not the same thing. It's more like a lightning thigh. Yeah to go with to go with your thunder size And you know, so it's a bit dark, you know, the power goes out. Sure. Right. Everybody don't panic, gather around, find my thigh drill, where are my wicks,

you're fumbling around, you find them. Loo. Sure. I think this could be a separate thing because this is like, this is a real prepper thing. Yeah. You know, because then you don't need to buy loads and loads of candles is like, this is a real prepper thing. Yeah. You know, because then you don't need to buy loads and loads of candles.

Oh, no, you just need one drill. All you need is a drill, a piece of rope, and some body fat. And some body fat, and probably a whole bunch of carbs that you could just eat so that you can keep replenishing fat. You can load, yeah. And you only need to use it at night time.

It's like the opposite of solar power. This is the real fleshlight That's right. Yeah, this is the real fleshlight. That's what that's what it'll say on the On the box the box which contains a drill and some wicks and it'll say this is the real fleshlight and I imagine We'll have a lot of disappointed customers. A lot of people here. I mean, but if you're if you're already opening a hole in your leg, that's true. Maybe you're on the way to the opposite of disappointment in that regard. You know, so people could you could, I mean, do do that. I guess you just, I mean, you could, I guess with the thing put in a little syringe of morphine.

I think maybe the drill bit will be impregnated with some sort of thing, like whatever leeches have on their little teeth or whatever. So we just put that on the drill bit and then you won't even feel it going in. But Amelster, I think you're on the way to something which could be a real breakthrough. Yeah. Which is basically that you drill into your own thighs so that you can have sex with it. Oh, so you're thinking on the inside. Well, now I am. Yeah. Of course. Since we went down. Well, that's only only men can have sex with it.

Well, hang on. Oh, no. Not necessarily. Okay, great. You know, uh... Oh, you're right. I mean, that's true. You can have all sorts of interactions. I've... I was being so heteronormative there, Andy, and I apologize. And also sex is more than just penetration.

Well, not... I cannot in this world. Oh, no, no, no, no. I mean, think about it. I really don't want to. No. It's a hole in your thigh. It might be too complicated. The body might not be flexible enough in the ways that are required to make this truly satisfying for either of you. I don't think there are few I mean your thigh. You and you. my thigh and me. My thigh and I.

That's the name of the person who invents this in monobiography. I was so sick of masturbating with my hand. Being alone at home, masturbating with my hand. Staring down at my legs and thinking, they're getting just as much pleasure out of this as the rest of me, but they're not doing any of the work. That's right. I thought it's time my thighs took things

into their own hands and stood on their own two feet. Their own hands, which is the inside of themselves, their thigh, with a hole drilled into them. Well, and we're getting back to a very with a hole drilled into the hole. Well, and then we're getting back to a very old to-in-the-think tank question, you know? What is the head of the face? Well, the nose is the head of the face. What is the hand of the thigh? A hole drilled into it.

That's right. And you can pick things up with that hole. You can, you know, you can- Diseases, probably. Infections. But, you know, but you can also, let's say, if there's say some marbles on the ground, you know, you could just sort of, I guess, move your second. You can do the splits. Yeah, you can do the splits and just sort of press it up against there. You can pick up

some dirt and things like that. And then you go to the shower, you sort of turn it on, that'll wash out most of it away, the stuff that doesn't go deep into the whole. The wound. The wound. The wound. Or the catch-all. Oh yeah.

That's a good way to rebrand a wound. Yeah. A deep wound. A sticky catch-all. We here at the, you know, the positive outlook hospital, deal with a lot of our triaged patients. Well, they're basically separating to those who need emergency care, those who need poliative care,

and those whose diseases could be fixed with a bit of a rebranding and a positive outlook. So a lot of those gashes and those deep cuts, we'll send them off to somebody and they actually get to meet first with someone in marketing who helps them to find a way to sell the injury as something that is fun and exciting

and helps them to move forward with their lives and even becomes a positive. So yeah, a lot of those big leg holes and wounds, as long as they're not nicking an artery, we'll send you along to somebody who's, got a lot of very clever graduates straight out of comments to grazing. And then it cuts to one of the guys,

one of these marketers, one of these retro-rissions who are spin doctors, it's a spin doctor. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I mean sometimes things just work. It's like the universe wants you to make the sketch. And he's looking at one hole, he's going to see, you see the way that that wound is picking up dirt and things like that from when you were laying on the ground. Now what we could do is, have you ever seen an octopus? I've seen those little suction cups on their tentacles ever one of those if we put more holes all along your legs. Yeah.

Those holes they create a kind of suction when you press them against a flat surface. I assume. Probably. And so if we put lots of them in there this thing could, you know, it's completely transformed. You're going to be, you're going to be head of the species for this kind of thing. No, most people don't get to have any kind of sticky legs. So you're gonna be head of the species? Head of the species in terms of...

No, but I just love that as a position. Who is the head of the species? In each category, head of the species in sort of on foot running over 100 meters, you say in bowl. Oh, I see, yeah, by category, but I think they should also be an overall head of the species. Absolutely, sort of like a one-world government kind of president. That's what I'd say.

Agenda 21. Yeah. I think, I think, you know, spin doctors, Alistair. You've absolutely got it there. And I think, you know, and this person could say, or if you're not ready for that kind of, you know, medical intervention, we'll just work with what we have.

I'm gonna put my pen in there. There you go. There you go. That's a useful, you came in here with a wound, a gaping wound, you've left here with a pen holder. You've left here with a pocket. With a pocket. A pouch. A pouch. Look at you, you're like a marsupial. You're welcome. Now, your young will be born very early. It's like a little peanut.

They're going to crawl down your leg and into this leg wound. Now we're going to have to rearrange one of your arteries, take away its blood supply and put in a sort of different kind of blood supply that the baby can feast on, maybe milk. Which is a different type of blood. What's the blood? I think it's white blood. Is that what I know the cells of that milk? I actually know you're joking, but I think milk is just a variation on blood. I understand. Really? Yeah, I think it's like blood with a bunch of stuff

taken out of it. Of course it is, it makes a lot of sense. Yeah, where is it gonna get all that flutes? That is gonna make it very hard to drink milk from now on, isn't it? Ah, white blood. So does that mean that cheese is just scabs? Well.

White scabs? I know, but they do something to it so that it doesn't go as hard. Ah, soft scabs. Yeah, I mean parmesan, that's scabs. Yeah, oh, there's no doubt. Yeah. And it smells like scabs. Yeah, it's hardly, they're hardly even hiding it there,

aren't they? Yeah. Wow, that's a hot take. Mm, well. Yeah, that's hardly they're hardly even hiding it there. Yeah, wow that's it that's a that's a hot take Hmm well, yeah, that's really interesting. I'm full of them Really Yeah, brimming not just hot takes Hot gifs Are we talking now we're gonna write down

Jesus scabs? Is that a sketch? I don't know that it's a sketch, no. I mean, unless there was, and, you know, it's just another marketing thing. Sure. Right, but you know, you get a lot of things these days, which are trying to go for a more authentic kind of marketing, or like one that cuts through the bullshit.

That's right, and makes fun of other marketing. Absolutely, sure. So could we be the new milk brand, or the new dairy on the scene? Face it. Other, you know, this is the end, right? They go, yeah. Let's face it. Other milk companies, they try to pretend like milk isn't just blood with some things taken out of it in the cow's bodies. We're not gonna do that. No, no. We're gonna be honest with you. Yeah, right? Oh, and they'll, and they'll, they'll sell you blocks of cheese like it's not just a big yellow scab. That's right. That they dried themselves.

In a big bat. It's pus, isn't it? It's pus. Well, no, no, no. Puss, that would be different. Well, but pus is probably just blood with stuff taken out, isn't it? No, no, maybe. Oh, I think it's dead things.

But isn't that blood, what blood is? I don't know. It could be dead red blood cells or something, or white blood cells. I think probably white blood cells is what pus is, but I mean it's closer in color to milk, isn't it? Yeah. So. Yeah, so should we say that it's pus?

It's pus, but then it takes away from our thing where we said it was blood. Yeah, that's true. It does take away from that. Anyway, we'll salt this out in the marketing. Yeah. Yeah, the marketing. I thought we were still in the ad. I was enjoying it.

I was enjoying it. Yeah. We're still in the ad. We're still in the ad. Yeah, it's like that. Have you seen that ad that's going around on viral on Twitter at the moment? The one that's the subway ad, which is like a really...

Oh, we're going up with a baby or something like that. I think I've seen it. Yeah, baby born, people aging and falling in love and all that stuff. And it goes for about eight minutes and then at the end, it's like subway. That's good. I see I hadn't thought about that, but I actually think that's one of the best bits of marketing. The fact that we're even talking about it.

Yeah. Oh, it's the best bit of marketing. Every ad should start with a baby being born, growing up, growing old, dying, living, you know, but seeing the next generation take their place. I love watching a baby die. Every single ad, bam, bam, bam, bam, right? And then, you know, subways or head suspension, or yeah, Hyundai or Scab milk. Scab milk, yeah.

So do you think we're writing that down? Yeah, I think so. Milk is. Yeah, maybe this is a way to market it to men, you know? Yes. The man milk, right? You know, you say this is Spartans that would admit Spartans, they knew that milk was just blood with some red taken out of it.

That's right. Maybe we even put the red back in. Yes. Two out, two out milk, right?. That's right. Maybe we even put the red back in. Yes. To our milk. Mm. Right? And that's red. So it's, it looks like blood. And you know, a lot of the time you'll put a bit of,

you put, you put some, some red food dye in milk or whatever, turns pink. Well, you're gonna put so much in. It'll be red. Don't you worry about that. It'll be real red. Right? And then. Maybe two red. Don't you worry about that. It'll be real red. Right? And then-

Maybe two red. Two red, yeah. Yeah. Redder than red. Like, when you see it, it will give you that reaction, like, I'm scared and I'm about to get hurt. You know, like when you see blood, like just blood on the ground.

Fresh, fresh. And it's gonna be sticky. Like, whoa, we make it sticky as well. We make it sticky. Yeah, and it dries black. And it dries, yeah, and it hardens like that. If you leave a glass of milk out, it will start to form a scab on the top. Yeah, not a skin. Not like a skin. No, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, scabs right up. No, no, this is scabbing. And you've got to drink it fast. And it's just, it's just called scab. Mm. And, you know, you can get one that's calcium enriched if you want. Yeah, you can get one that's sort of 1% fat. Yeah, you can get one.

We've only really with milk, or only really experimented with taking out the fat. Right? Maybe we should experiment with taking out some other things. Taking out the protein. The protein, the calcium. Taking out the milk. Yeah.

Just have a glass of water. Or just the water and the fat. Oh, yeah. So it's just fat water. Yeah, it's wet back to the start, back to the first sketch. You can light it on fire. Oh, that's good. I mean, a glass of milk you could light on fire.

Men would buy that. I wonder if you could just have like just a molsofied fat. Mine. You know, it's just fat in water There must be it must be possible. Oh, absolutely. What about just like you just pour some like vegetable oil into a glass I suppose you could but you'd need to add something to to a Mulsify it so that it does Disperses. Yeah, a bit of lemon. Maybe some lemon like just need like a lot of the salad dressing Maybe some lemon. Like just need like a lot.

Oh, we've invented the salad dressing you get. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Great. It's good to say that we never go anywhere on this podcast.

Well, you know, there's circles, but they, you know, they go around. They're like that those early models. They're circles, but they go around. They're circles, no, but you know, it's like they're like, it's like a kaleidoscope, not a kaleidoscope. You know, those drawings where you put your... Spirograph. Spirograph, like that.

They kind of, you know, our sketches or podcast is a bit like those early models of how the stars moved around us, you know, when it was an Earth centric idea. Geocentric. Geocentric thing, and we thought that they all went in these funny patterns. I mean, imagine what the gravitational structure of the things around this would have to be. To cause those actually. And I think that we could create a group

who actually does still think that everything rotates. I mean, if you can be a flat-erather. That feels like that's been an area that's rich, is that if flat-erthers can become this group of people who say that they genuinely believe this, then you could mock that idea by doing all we think that it's we're geocentric and explaining the way that you think that the science. But in a way, I don't know if you could mark it with that because it feels like geocentric is more plausible than flat earth, right? Like geocentric, it feels like you can you can argue that, right? Because it is more like it's it's it's it's it's much easier to prove

that the world is round, right? Yeah. Then it is to prove that the the is round, right? Then it is to prove that the earth isn't the center of the universe, just because... You can go up into space and you can't just see that the stars are not moving in a certain way. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe you can though. Maybe if you were up in space, but you have to be up in space for a while, just watch a star for a bit. dollar for a bit. But I think there is something to that. The, the, the, you know, I think at the very least, right, we should be able to be geocentric geocentrists, right? And people love centrist's centrist. Absolutely. That's the future. It's the opposite of extremism. Exactly. And, and we should be able to at least get the people like from the flat earth is on board with us.

Absolutely. Right, so that's it. We've already got that group of people. We'll be able to leach all of those just by having slightly more plausible bullshit than they've already got. They'll be like, oh yeah, you're right, flat earth is silly, but now we're geocentrists.

So we'll get all of those over here onto our team. And then we'll be able to get some more people off the heliosentrists who are just like soft, swinging heliosentrists. Yeah, that's right. And then, oh yeah, because of people who think that the sun is the center of the universe. Yeah.

And here's the great thing about these kinds of groups, is that you dismiss science whilst also having to use kind of science to explain your own thing. Oh yeah. So we're gonna be like, NASA's full of shit. You know, as all astronomers are full of shit

and geophysicists have something, you know, they only do this for their funding. They only pretend that they understand it for the fun, so they can get funding. And they keep going with this lie because they don't wanna have to go without funding. Mm, funding. And then we explain how it's all through the black holes and dark matter, gravitational thing that makes all these other things go around.

You know, why don't some stars go instead of just like orbiting around one black hole? You know, couldn't they sometimes be orbiting around one black hole then sling shot, then go to another black hole and then loop around like that. And then loop around like that. Yeah, and we say that gravity follows an inverse square rule, but what if it doesn't, what if it goes down and then goes up a little bit again and then sort of goes and then pulls you in the sort of to the left. Yeah.

And I think that would be easy for us to sort of prove. Really, you know, yeah, and then we draw this diagram of like the The fabric of space time. It's more like a skate park Yeah, and then it is like one of those And then the star grind down the down the the handle the hand Handrail and then trips on the little bit that they put on there so you can't do that Yeah, a little metallic bit that they had to that. And then they do a 360.

They do a 360. Nothing cooler than when a burning ball of light does a 360. Now, how does this work as a sketch? Who are these people and where, what context are they? Now they're a seminar. A seminar. Oh, now that's a dynamic location. A seminar.

Yeah. You know, I love that. I don't, me? I don't go to seminars. No. I go to the full seminar. Seminar. Yeah.

I go to a double-narr. Double-narr. Yeah. What about, I saw this in a like a legally blonde joke, but what about instead of, shouldn't we stop going to seminars and we start going to Ova Mars? Is that a, you know, I think it was like, she's like, why are we always going, it's like a parody of a feminist in that movie and she goes, and I'm, we're going to try, we're campaigning to get rid of the semesters and have it next year so we have three O-vestors.

Is that illegally blonde? I think so, yeah. Yeah, really. Yeah. So, I mean, the idea of geocentrists is just kind of, I guess it's an idea that exists in the world that we're trying to promote. But I love that we're also militantly against flat earthers, right?

We think that they're so stupid. They're so dumb. Right. And we're laughing at them. So we're also, yeah, so we're in battle with these flat earthers. And because it can't be possible in it, because it doesn't work with our idea of... Well, it's in defiance of science, and it's in defiance of the clear explanations, and Occam's razor, and all that sort of stuff.

What's the simplest explanation? And yes, so we mock them, but then as soon as somebody challenges us with any other kind of science, we, we've flatly rejected it. Like, so science comes just as far as I need it. We don't, we rarely reject it. We, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of 7 discounts.

Multitask right now. Quote today at progressive.com. Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates, National Average 12 Month savings of $744 by new customer surveyed who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. This counts not available in all states and situations. I roundly reject that. We actually roundhouse it. Yeah. Yeah. Great. No, I've got nothing. Sorry. Is the question, what are the three words?

Did the flat earth people also think that the moon is flat? What do they think of the moon? That would make sense. But then, and the flat earth people, do they think the earth is flat and a circle or flat in a square? I don't know. If they decided what shame it is, maybe it, you know, could be, could be real complicated shape.

But then... Could look at that flat version of the Earth map. You know that one with all the ups and downs? Yeah, all the flanges, whatever. But then, yeah, I'd like to know what they think of the moon. I would like to know flat mooners. I actually think the Earth is bad, but the moon is flat. That's why you never see the other side. This is actually considerably more compelling argument.

And does that explain why sometimes you don't see the full moon because it's at an angle? Doesn't quite work, does it? Because then it would just go sort of like look like a foot ball. Well, it's kind of concave or something. It's actually a concave moon. Yes. Yeah,. Well, it's kind of concave or something. Oh. It's actually a concave moon. Yes. Yeah, I mean, that's quite good. Well, maybe it's folding over on itself, right?

Yeah. So that's how it looks like, oh, the moon is flat and it's black on one side, right? And then colored on the other. And what's happening is like a piece of paper, it's folding and pulling across itself to do the phases of the moon. It's the folding moon theory. It's the folding.

The folding flat moon theory. Everybody knows it. Well, there's also the expanding Earth. Those people who it was a theory that predated tectonic plates that people thought that everything fit together, all the condoms and stuff fit together because the earth was smaller, but because of the rotation of the earth were actually expanding and then the water is just filling in the gas. It's not a bad theory. I quite like it.

I mean, I prefer that to flat earth. And I think I prefer to take tonic plates as well. Yeah, I do because then it suggests that we're just making more land at all times. That's quite optimistic. Yeah, you know, very optimistic. It's a very positive glass half full. It's a very magma type idea. It is. Yeah, it's the sort of thing we'd be into. We were already talking about our new show. We are very excited. And we're

also talking about the now filming magma. Oh, yeah, no, that's gonna happen now. Yeah, sometime in August. Yeah And so then maybe we can selling it. Yeah, well giving it away. We'll see. I guess we could We'll see it's gonna cost a bunch of money to film it, but We could probably put it on Patreon or in also for sale. How about that? Great. For the upper tier, you could probably just watch it

over and over again, and then you could also buy it if you just want to buy it, and then on one off. Great. Kind of thing. Cryptocurrency is an issue. You know, fair bit about crypto currencies. So much. Well, if we can have crypto currencies,

what other things can we have that could be crypto? Like why, we can have a digital version of a currency. Yep. Right? And everyone can make their own one. Can anyone make their own one? I think so. I don't know how they work. And I don't know what it actually does. But a lot of them, you want them so that they have a purpose. You know, so they go, well, you know, I was reading through the white paper of this thing. And it doesn't seem like this, this,'t seem like this cryptocurrency has any purpose whatsoever. But then. So Bitcoin's one is that those numbers that they find are somehow valuable in cryptography

or something like that. I don't know. I think it's going to want to do with its value as a currency that you can swap and use to pay for things and stuff like that, Whereas there's other ones that are let's say used for tracking stock in In like supply chain right, but then they still have a financial value They they themselves have a financial value as well, right? So maybe the thing that I was talking about has already sort of been done though like by having you've got a crypto

Version of some sort of track stock tracking thing, whatever. I'm just trying to think like what other, you know, like crypto, like what other things have value? Obviously, you know, love and connection and relationships and, you know, smile on the face of a newborn babe has value. Like is there any way that that could be crypto? It's really pushing the limits of my knowledge of crypto stuff. I don't know exactly how to turn it into. Say I'm having a new baby. Congratulations by the way.

Thank you so much. Can't believe you're being so irresponsible. Well, it's have it again. I'm having a new baby and I say this baby is first first smile. It's gonna have a huge amount of value. Right. Great, you'll pull on there. I'm gonna put it on the open market. I'm gonna let that be bought and sold.

And what I guarantee to you then is that I'm never gonna look at that baby smile, right? And the right to look at that baby smile is owned by whoever owns this token. Sure, right. And you can keep selling that on. And then obviously, you know, what, if you have that token, you're allowed to go and look at the baby and see the baby's first smile.

But of course, once you look at it, it loses its value. So it's like a bottle of wine, I guess. I think it could be maybe that it's like's it's a crypto kind of currency that that is implanted straight. It's like from the first generation of things that are brain to computer interface. Right. Okay. And when you have some coins of this baby small coin, you get to have that image appearing your mind. Right. And so it's the baby's first smile. Now, the more coins you have, the less transparent it is. Right. Yeah, you can add to focus.

It comes into focus. So if you have 500 coins, then you can see it. It's almost opaque. But as soon as you sell those coins, you can't bring it up anymore. It is completely wiped from your memory. It doesn't go into your permanent memory. It only goes into your coin memory.

And so it's not on a computer because then, because then you could just screenshot it and things like that. So it's only a thing that goes straight into the mind and you could only see with your third eye. Well, so this is, I mean, this has not already been done as a sci-fi. I think it'd be great. And it probably has already been done. But now we're talking about a new section of your memory, in which you're able to buy and store memories, which you feel when you revisit them and, you know, sort of then record them, you feel them exactly the same as your other memories. They have as much weight to you, but they can be taken out or put in reinsert and that sort of thing. And then you're

able to buy and sell memories on the open market, which I think is only fair and it makes sense that that is, you know, if these things have value and, you know, say people have happy memories. Everybody has happy memories. If people with the worst lives, they have happy, some kind of happy memory, right? But they might not have a lot of money. And in an open market, it makes sense that if they have something of value, they should have the right to be able to sell that. They take it out of their permanent memory, then put it into their coin memory. Right. And then they can sell to people, and they get all that value from that.

Right. And now they've got some money, and sure, maybe that money they could go and make some more happy memories. Exactly. They go out for a baby. They make some more mistakes. Now people finally have a reason to actually have a kid. Exactly. You know, because reason to actually have a kid.

Exactly. You know, because there's actually a financial reward. It'll actually be the first time that maybe having children could be financially like, you know, zero, like, you know, like neutral. Neutral. Because at the moment, you take, you have kids at a great financial loss. Sure. And what do you get in return?

What do you get in return? What do you get in return? Positive happy memories. Positive happy memories and a deep satisfaction that you're a part of the world and the process of everything that happens. You're right. Very tactfully put out. Yeah.

I used to narrate documentaries and make them meaningful. But then, okay, what will happen? Well, it will mean that the rich are able to buy all the happy memories in the world, right? That will be just a new form of inequality that's able to exist. But with the money, you can make new memories. And it's kind of a metaphor of the way that the the rich always take culture from

the poor. And you know, and then they, you know, like, we were poor and so we invented spaghetti bolognese. You know, because we all we didn't have much. All we had was this leftover cheese beef. Oh, spaghetti. It's bolognese. Yeah, all we had is this spaghetti sauce and this pasta. And one day we put it together. Yeah. And we're like, oh, spaghetti ball and ice, it actually worked quite well because the way that the pasta doesn't have that much flavor.

But then the sauce kind of has too much flavor. Mm-hmm. You know, so you put them together and really dilute each other. One dilutes the other one's flavor. And the other one dilutes the, it's blandness. Diluted blandness. Yeah.

I'll call George. Yeah, and then that obviously is the same as memories. As memories, what's that sort of metaphor of a thing that happens in the world? I think that's what people want in art. I feel like this is a, if we're not going to do this black marriage, you'd do it. Unless they have already done it. And then maybe we just stole it off them. But I haven't ever watched an episode. I've just watched the first one. But I haven't ever watched an episode.

I've just watched the first one. The peak one. The peak one. Yeah. Well, right distance, I'm really sketched. Or maybe there's a sketch. Oh, this is absolutely a sketch. Oh, it's a sketch, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, It's got it good. And it's also a movie. Why can't a sketch be a movie, you know? I think we should write movies, Andy. People always talk about making movies that you look at it, you're like, well, it feels more like a sketch. Yeah.

Well, we're gonna do exactly that. We're gonna set out to make a movie that feels like a long sketch. Like a long sketch where somebody cries in it. Like if you have a bit of emotional investment, then suddenly it's more than a sketch. That's how you know it's a movie. It's how you know it's a movie. Did somebody cry? Yeah.

Was it real tears? And you could you see them coming out or did you cut away and then you cut back to them and the tears are there because then you can tell you just squirted them on. Yeah. No, no. You got to have like early on in the movie. Someone's going to get kicked in the shins or like stubbed their toe. And then when they cry, you go, all right, now I'm invested. I don't know if stubbing your toe is the kind of tears that we're after.

I know. But I think you know what emotion is. What if the toes was their children? You know, it's like a movie where you get. They call the kids toe. Well, yeah, they stubbed them. They ran them up against the coffee table. Oh, okay.

Can we have some words from a listener, please? My crypto baby smile. I'll just go right to the... A listener at the podcast. So what we have is we have this thing set up on Patreon. Where if you give us $3, we will let you give us some words and more. Use those words on the podcast to come up with a sketch idea. Come up with a sketch idea. That's just a third, that's

a three dollar tier. Eight dollars, you can get the only the bonus episode. Including sci-fi try guys. Sci-fi try guys, all the things that we came up with when we were making magma. And then some other, what was some other things? So I want more, we're trying to write a sketch, a sitcom at the beginning. Yeah. Look, it didn't go anywhere, but that, but there's more stuff than that. Oh yeah. And it was, you know, those was some other things? So I won't want to try to write a sketch, a sitcom at the beginning and look, it didn't go anywhere, but there's more stuff than that. Oh yeah. And it was, you know, those some ideas there. There was a lot of things going.

There was a sister. Exorcist, that's right. Exorcist, they were sisters. Exactly. They weren't doing very well financially. It writes itself, which is good, because we didn't write it yet. Okay, so the three words from our Patreon supporter

is from Andy, our listener and contributor, David Patrick Nelson. David Patrick. Dave Nelson. Dave Pat Nell. It's so great to have you. Thank you so much for joining up. And for sending us these three words

mechanized yes posture society oh wow think he's fucking with us in that he's not fucking with us you see you would expect it now for it to be somebody who's fucking with us but now they're not fucking people haven't been fucking with us for a while. I feel like that's fallen by the wayside. We got some in the bank where people are fucking this. Oh yeah. It's good to see that people haven't lost sight of what this is all about. You know, paying $3 to fuck with us.

Yeah. Well, you got to get something. It's got to be something in it for them, I suppose. Exactly. And there is. Yeah. High carrier on a lot of tension. Okay. So we're mechanized posture society.

Yeah, right. There was something that's straightened out my back, get rid of this hunch, society that doesn't allow you to have a hunch back. And so they build these robots. That if you wear like a backpack, they're just a little robot that technically doesn't control you, but it is run by the government.

And any time that you sort of slouch a little bit, it needs you in the back. Well, so is it just walking behind you or is it strapped to you in some way? I think it's like you're piggybacking it at all times. You're piggybacking this little robot, okay? And it's just there to just correct your posture or does it correct it like other aspects of your manners?

That's how they convince you to carry this around on your back and go, I think I'd be happier in a society where everybody was standing up straight, looking nice. Yeah, keeping themselves nice. You know, it's kind of hard to argue against. It's like it's just polite society. It's what you do, you stand up straight. You don, it's kind of hard to argue against. It's like it's just polite society. It's what you do.

You sit down up straight. You don't like your shoulders hanging forward. Now, let me tell you, what about, what do you think about this? I'd like another direction. Can the robot also wipe your ass? With its foot? With its foot?

Yeah. OK, so it's a robot. And what it does, because think about this, the human body is really only designed to deal with things that are in front of us That's right, right and that feels like a huge oversight. Yeah, right and that shoulder arm that shoulder blade Hmm the whole thing. It's really it's not set up for you to be reaching behind your back No, it doesn't go that way I mean you can get a bit of movement there and if you're super flexible do, do yoga or whatever, but look, we're talking about this is a robot now that's going to, it's going to sit on your back, it's, you pick you back it, and it takes

care of everything behind you. Yeah. Right? You've got to niche your back, it'll scratch it. You need to wipe your ass, it'll wipe your ass. It's got an eye on its foot that allows it to see what it's doing. To inspect your bum. To inspect your butt at all times. And it knows, it's got an eye on its foot that allows it to see what it's doing. To inspect your bum. To inspect your butt at all times. And it knows. It's got an eye on the situation. Yeah. It's much better at this than you are.

And it could probably wipe in all those times when during the day. Yeah, just a dry wipe. You know, just a little dry wipe occasionally. You can catch those problems before they become a problem. There's stopping problems before they become a problem. Yeah, there's stopping problems before they become a problem. Yeah. You know, and I mean, and now it's really hard to say no, because now, and like it could have a little jet, you could have a little jet of water like those Japanese toilets.

Yeah. With that, and it could catch the dripping water with its other foot. What? They're still feet. Yeah, they're still feet. One of them's got an eye, and one of them's a little cup,'re still feet. Yeah, they're still. What have them got an eye and what of them is a little cup, but they're feet. Yeah. And then what it does is it catches it in its foot

and it jets it with its other foot, then it dries it with its with its with its knee. Yeah, it's just got cloth knees. Right. Yeah. Like that. And then it and then it sucks up that gross water into its legs. And then while you walk around, I kind of like, missed it out, missed that gross water into its legs. And then while you walk around, it kind of like mists it out, mists the gross water out, like evaporates it out like that. So that's just like farts.

It's just gross water. Just point farts. I mean, you could have, you could have some eyes on its butt and it can see when no one's around. Or maybe it stores it up, right? In some little thing, concentrates it, maybe boils it, concentrates it,

and then keeps it as like a defensive spray, like a skunk one. It's a good idea. You know? So if somebody's attacking you from behind, right, which is where we're the most vulnerable, right? Now you've got this guy on your back there, he's got a little arsenal.

Yeah. Right, of literally ass water. Mm. Uh, that he can use. That's beautiful, because right now now we don't have like we don't have a sort of a poison We don't have like nothing. Yeah, we you know, you know, we don't really have nails that are functional for Scratching it at predators. No No, they did they do almost nothing unless you're a banjo player. Oh, yeah, that's right. You know banjo players They're they're prepared in case they're unarmed and getting sort of ambushed. Yeah. And I

think this little creature could be like this little robot creature could be considered your familiar. Yeah. You know and it's quite familiar. Extremely familiar. Yeah. It gets to know you know it knows the topography of your inner of your inner buttock better than you know it yourself. I mean, it could even tidy it up in there, you know? I mean, it goes up in, you know, but you know, around the area, you know, sure, sure, sure. You know, things to get. It would take pride in this. It could be sculpting, it could be sculpting any kind of hair that might grow in that area. Things like that tidy it up, you know, because you're not going to do that all time.

Does it keep, is it always just clinging, holding on around your neck? Just holding around your shoulders. Or does it sort of scuffle up and down your back, like a little spider? I think it probably can just stretch out its legs a little bit, and it's because it's always looking over your shoulder, you know, it could maybe whisper things in your ears, things that it knows that you need to hear. Well, but it can't be looking, so it's, it's, it, so it's mouth is going to have to be on the back of its head. Okay, well, it could be looking back.

It's looking back, but it's mouth is sort of close to your ears. But it doesn't have to be. It could move its mouth, and it could have a round head, and its mouth can just move around. Right, well, maybe the mouth is on the end of a tube, like an elephant's trunk. That's good, yeah. Prehensile mouthtube. Yeah, that's really good. And that mouth could act as a sort of a third hand for you.

Great. Because it's using its hands to hold onto your shoulders. But it's trunk. Could be like a hand that could, is that hand that I'm always dreaming of, that you have that comes over your head and can hold your phone and stuff like that. So your arms don't get tired. What do you do about laying down? I'll do you think it could be made of cushions? That's interesting. What do you do about laying down? Could it just stand

could it just stand above you or like stand at the wall, sort of behind you, while you sleep, sort of like sort of looming above you, keeping an eye on the room. That's great because when you are lying down asleep, you don't need it to watch your back because your back is against the mattress. That's when you want it to sort of almost flip up and sort of, yeah, hang over your face, protect you sort of that way while you sleep. Yeah. I think this is quite good. Yeah. It's a little robot familiar. Yeah. Scuttling up and down your back, cleaning your bum,

and keeping your back straight. Scuttling your back. It's straight keeping you, so it'll be easier in the back. I mean, now that seems like a, you know, I think maybe later on people will be like, I can't believe we just allowed these things to go on our backs for the reason of them

neighing us in the back. That now seems crazy because eventually people will be like, I don't like being neat in the back. Well, well now that it'll be like the phone, right? People, you know, people like, ah, you know, we used to have those just to knee you in the back. Now, kids don't even know what kneeing in the back feels like. They just usually get for wiping their ass and whispering names to them

when they've forgotten someone's coming behind them. Oh my god, that would be great. It's like a shazam, but for people's names, faces that you don't recognize. for wiping their ass and whispering names to them when they've forgotten someone's coming behind them. Oh my God, that would be great. It's like a shazam, but for people's names, faces that you don't recognize. Yeah, but only if they're coming from behind you because it only deals with the back. That's true, yeah.

And that still gives you agency. Yeah, well, at the moment, we really do only operate it 50% at all times because we're only dealing with the front. That's right. The front 50% at all times, because we're only dealing with the front. That's right. The front 50% of our lives. And you could double your effectiveness. And in a way, I mean, that's a benefit,

because you don't have to say hi to anybody who's behind you. But now that robot could just do that. And if you hear it say hi to somebody, you don't need to acknowledge that. You just, that's done for you. It's done. It's your representative. It's done.

It's got sort of whatever the power of attorney is, but for saying hello. Right. It's got the power of Aloha. That's nothing. That's a hello and goodbye. Yeah. And yeah, I think those are our sketches for today. I'll ask, would you like to take us through them?

We've got the candle fat factory, and that's a 35-year-old's dream. It's both you get to produce candles, and you get to, and have as many candles as you want. And lose light. And you get to lose weight because you're making the candles out of your own fat. Mm-hmm. Possibly you're directly burning your own leg. That's right.

Well, that's coming up later. Oh, that's later. Then we've got fat salad. Now this is a salad that's made entirely out of fat. And I would like it to be entirely out of fat from your own body. And that means that the salad dressing is made from your own fat. Then the lettuce itself is a dried compressed, sort of just fat that's been painted green.

And then you got little sort of sweet red cranberries that are made out of fat and a whole lot of sugar and a bit of acid in there. And things like that, you got red capsicum, you know, things like that, that can be fat, makes with a bit of blood. Anyway, that's one, that's fat salad. It'll be a TV chef who will present that.

Great. Then we got thigh candle for preppers. I mean, that can just be for prepper's initially until they realize how popular it's become. It could just be called salad. So, like, salad. Salard. Yeah.

You want me to write that down? No. If you want. It could be an episode, It could be the name of the episode, man. I think it's a good name, and it's a really good option. Then we got thigh candle for preppers slash the original flesh light. Oh, yeah. So it starts out as just being a thing,

a product that you've created, it's mostly a drill and a wick. And it allows you to burn the fat from your thighs. You got a thigh? You got a drill? You got a wick? You got a candle. And then it becomes a thing where you can also drill holes into your legs and make love

to them. And so it becomes a, you know, like it's a new technology, it's a whole new industry. But using things that were part of industries that already existed, you know, so it's a real reimagining. It's the kind of thing that they would come up with in Singapore, where they have no natural resources. And all they have is creativity. You see. Yes. So it's a Singaporean company that's come with us. Everyone else at uni, I was doing engineering and a guy came and was trying to like, hawk he came into our lecture and gave us a big talk about Singapore.

That's Singapore? Creativity, techniques and how he worked for a creativity company kind of off the back of like the popularity of guys like Edward DiBano. Yeah, right. And he was saying that his company worked at a Singapore because they have no natural resources and they have to make their money off of creativity. I mean, that's a quite compelling, really.

I don't know what he's doing now. You know this thing, you go to, he's dead. You know this thing, you gotta do what you gotta do. You gotta jump, obviously not, because I reference it constantly. How about the opposite of that, right? It's got a gym. You got a gym, you got a door. All right, and what it is, is it's a magic door knob. Right, and you attach that to any gym, right? Yeah. And it turns, and then you turn the door knob and you go, errrrr, like that, and it, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, gym is. But is it like, but are you, what are you attaching the door knob to? Well, okay, you're either you're attaching it to the wall on the outside of a gym.

Or maybe you're just standing in a gym. Yeah. You just put the door knob in the middle of the air, right? You turn it and then everything behind it becomes like a two-dimensional play in that they turns away and you're just folding it away into another dimension and passing through into untouched hyperspace. Sure, yeah, that's beautiful. And I love that a lot.

Are you, is it, yeah, no, that's fine. It's a wizard, basically, who's selling this. Yeah. You've got a gem. You've got a gem. You know, that's what it's called. It's called the wizard's nub. The wizard's nub.

I mean, is it, you got a door, nub, You got a gym, but it doesn't matter, we're not. No, it's the other way around, you've got a gym, you've got a door, Elastair. Come on. With Wizards Nob. Wizards Nob. It feels like a nice reference to Terry Pratchett for me there, I'm enjoying that a lot.

You know? So he had a song referenced in one of these books called A Wizards Stuff, has has a novel on the end. Yeah. That was what it happened? It's like a, yeah, no, that's not what happened. Don't worry about it, Alistair. It's just for me and the other Terry Pratchett's readers out there. A Wizard's Staff has a novel in the end.

Yeah, I kind of think. Neil! Neil! Neil! In the end! Neil on the end. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Ne. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Ne. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Neal. Ne what's a positive way you could look at these wounds. Then we got milk as blood, Jesus scabs, it's the honest ad campaign for dairy products. Contains 100% of your daily truth. No bull.

That's good. That's very good. Alistair, I mean, that and the spin doctor's thing, you are bringing me the punch lines that I require. Yeah, that you love. The ones that I don't necessarily enjoy. No, but it's like I've learned my audience. Yeah, so you, anti-flat-erther,

the geocentrists, earth is round, and also they may believe that the earth is round, but also the moon is flat. But this is just us trying to recreate the success of flat earth or campaigns, but now with geocentrism. And then we go. I wonder if you could get some geos and flat earthers who still, like, they modify their beliefs. So they think that, like, the earth is flat,

but it's been curved around to make a ball. You know? Like, it is flat, but it's been twisted around so that it's around, but it is flat. You know, like a piece of paper, right, is flat. But then you can turn it. What's that endless loop? Mobius strip.

I mean, if you think the earth is a mobius strip, suddenly. Oh, that's something. Yeah. Yeah. You could make that work. Because then you still get your edge that you can fall off of. Can you though? I wonder if you can fall off a mobius strip.

Yeah, off the side. Oh, I guess you can go off the side. Go off the side. So that's an aspect that I think I think you know flat earth is like But you can also still sail around it sail all the way around. Yeah, you know, I Think we could get this get this up in the flat earth. This is a side. This could be big for them. Really big We got crypto baby smile Yeah, and then we got robot familiar for an for ass wiping and dealing with your back.

I really, I really like that idea. Yeah. I mean, we great to have a familiar and there's got to be a startup somewhere that's dealing with, you know, dealing with, making us familiar. You could battle them like Pokemon. Oh, just back, back to back battle attack. Yeah, you just like you just back run towards your

and you know, you could fall over. Let's say you fall backwards. Oh, and you're familiar. Scuddles along and it could like, you know, launch you back up the other way you could like flip you. You know, it knows how to do it's it's like a what's that to it's like a segue to wield thing. But with falling down backwards, you know, it just it knows the right way to stand to just make it to the floor. Yeah, to catch you and then you flip over. Yeah.

It's like having a kung fu master on your back. So you have to run backwards though if you're going into back. Into battle, you have to run backwards. But if you're just old and you fall over, back. Well, we came up with a thing a while ago, which was if you fall over, you just literally have one of those stretches with folding legs stuck to your back and the legs pop out as you fall.

And then you're already on a stretcher. You already on a stretcher. But when the end you're on the stretcher. But when the end you're on the stretcher. Possibly into traffic. He was going to just fall over. But now he's lying down, he's rolling. He's rolling downhill. And then we have finally, you got a gym, you got a door, wizard's knob.

That's right. This has been a rich episode. Rich, I mean, it started out very rich and fatty. Yeah. Later on. It was rich in concepts. Yes. Yes.

Conceptually rich. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do Don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the podcast. We really do appreciate it We've been the gravy boys. Yeah, and you've been dipping in and you guys have been dipping your your mashed potatoes Spoon a mashed potato into us Your mashed potato ears into our pot of gravy bowl. Our mouth pot? Our mouth pot of gravy bowl. What it is, right? We lean back, we fill up our mouth to the brim with gravy.

We invite you to dip your mashed potato in the ears. The gravy wells up from within our mouths. Oh yeah, no, yeah, that's right. We've got a mouth full of gravy and then we each place our mouth over your mashed potato ears. Yes, you're listed right. And you absorb our fatty brown goodness.

Well, you eat up your own ears with your mouth, your brain mouth. Yeah, with your brain mouth. Okay, so you can follow us on Twitter at 2ntag.com at AlistairTV. I'm at Stupid Old Andy. And thanks to everybody who supports us with listening and with reviewing the podcast. It's been so lovely getting all those reviews and with donating on Patreon. There's been a real up tick. Up tick.

On people going for the bonus episode stuff, maybe people are interested in the sci-fi try guys. Yeah. And it's been, if so, I hope you've been enjoying them. We've been enjoying writing them. We don't mind if you want to give us feedback. We'd love that. We'd love that. We'd love that.

And thank you to everybody who continues to exist. Oh yeah, that's a great thing. Yeah, I'm so glad you guys are all alive. And we love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want, it's up to you. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now.

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