Two In The Think Tank - 191 - "IMPROCRACY"

Episode Date: July 16, 2019

Personal Shell Company, Polypgamy, Yes and Do What I Say, Locasuit, Eye Time, Genie Us Bar, PreTatHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereLong underdue thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time! Mycomputercareer.edu.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. Hello and welcome to doing the big tech to show where I come up with fun. Wow. Is that a deeper truth than just emerged? Wow, this has gone off the rails fast. Let's show where we come up with five sketch ideas, Alistair. The show where Andy comes up with five sketch ideas and I say some words along the way and can get my initials on those scripts. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, makes sense, we'd have the same mind. Exactly, and we're one polygamous man with children from different mothers. Yeah, yeah. I think if we could, it would probably help for tax purposes, if we could somehow consider ourselves. This will be the new frontier. Yeah. Yeah. If we're talking rights, this is a new thing. People, you know, slippery slopes, you know, all these slippery slopes. Yeah.

Right? Well, Eric and the next slippery slope, right? Once we start doing stuff with like, you know, gender and stuff like that, Next, it's gonna be like the individual, the concept of the individual's gonna go away. Right, what it is, it's gonna be called, it's gonna be micro communism. It's where two people identify as a collective. Sure. And they no longer have any sort of individual,

it already happens in a lot of relationships, I think. I mean, I think even if you're just formalizing it. Even if you just replaced yourself with a shell company. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You know, I mean like shell. Like shell, yeah. I mean, I'm basically an empty vessel.

Yeah. So I may as well have a, you know, sort of a disposable shell company front. Mm-hmm. That... But then can other people sort of conglomerate under your shell company? And maybe for tax purposes maybe also for the ability to sort of avoid individual responsibility

for if somebody dies at your workplace. And so like... Yeah, I just want it to be so that like let's let's say, I'm trying to leave, you know, I wanna leave a relationship or something like that. That technically, it's my shell company that's left, and I haven't wronged you at all. Or possibly you could even leave the shell company there. And just you quit the shell company.

Exactly. If you were in a relationship with me, you were in a partnership with a shell company registered in the Cayman Islands. I'm not breaking up with you. I'm quitting. Yeah, I'm resigning. And that is perfectly acceptable for me to do my email. Yeah, and the people of...

That's been determined by the Fair Work Commission. Absolutely. I'm on solid ground here. And so don't think of it as a break up in any regard. If anything, I think my replacement, whoever will step into the role, you know, will be equally as qualified to do whatever it was that I did with you. Obviously nothing very good. Yeah, I mean, look, there could be a sort of a crossover period where I, for two weeks, I shadow them and show them everything that you like and don't like and things like that.

I hand over. A hand over. Yeah, yeah, I'll put together a document, some templates, you know, for the kind of text messages we send. I mean, it's not a crazy idea to do that with people. Like crazy idea, right? To do that with people. You know, like, you can't break up with me, I quit. Exactly. I mean, it's not a crazy idea to do that with a crazy idea. To do that with people.

You know, like, you can't break up with me, I quit. Exactly. Look, I'm going to write personhood shell company. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, this is more of a sort of what we got to there was a sort of an individual's version of this. But I do still think that there is something in the other idea

of the two people becoming one organization. Or more people becoming one individual. Like, whoever said that an individual had to be one person. Well, it's a work around. It doesn't seem like there's any reason why that would be. It isn't work around for marrying multiple wives. Because, or you know, multiple husbands say, because say you want to just, what you do

is you register all your wives as a shell company. And then you, and then you, you marry the shell company. You marry the shell company. Michelle company. Michelle company. That's the name of the company. M-A, Dash Shell Company. My Shell Company.

Gosh, imagine if Shell... No, I guess you could be spelled M-Y. No, that's fine. My Shell Company. Yeah. That's fine. Okay. But imagine if Shell, the oil company, was a Shell Company.

Like, you know, talking about hiding things in plain sight? I think that'd be a real bold. Like, if there was another, like, do you think that if there was a company called like Sham or, or, or wrought, scam? Yeah. You know, we would, would we, would we be suspicious? Or would we be like, well, they couldn't possibly be a scam. No, yes. Scam. Only a really reputable company could get away with calling themselves scam. No, it's just a thought.

Yeah, sorry, I'm just writing things there. Just a funny, oh no, look, Alistair, we've given ourselves a lot to work with here. Absolutely. But I think, you know, this could be the shell company episode. Yeah. Of two and the thing, 10. Yeah. Yeah. So about, you know, it's very, very Russian, Russian, Russian Dolly, you know, not the show, but like the layers. Like, you know, you can have more within. Yeah. Because you could have another shell company that owns your shell company. I think you probably can. Yeah. I don't see why. Like, like,. If we're trying to get ourselves a little bit of legal distance from one, from the consequences

of our actions, because I don't understand why it is, if you're working at a company and your company does something illegal, it's definitely easier for you to get away with that, right? Like to avoid going to jail or something like that. Right? Then it is, you know. Well, for a regular individual. But I think the reason why you would have a shell company owning your first shell company,

and then you own that shell company. Would be because in case they make it that people who own shell companies could be responsible for the actions of that shell company, then luckily we have that shell company that did, you know, is always the only one. I didn't own that company, that was owned by a shell company. Yeah, so you got a little buffer, they're safe.

Yeah, just, it's like Crumple's owns in a car. Exactly. You don't want a couple of shell companies between you and anything bad,'re safe. Yeah, just like crumples zones in a car. Exactly. You want a couple of shell companies between you and anything bad. Two, three shell companies. It's the rubber of the sort of administration world. Here's a good way that we could make this work. Basically, we created a company that is an in-pro theater. Right?

OK. It only has one employee. It's us. It has one ongoing performance, which is our lives. And then once you've got that, this is basically how a lot of these things work. Once you've got that setup, that little framework, once you find that you can legally incorporate an in-pro theater company, you're then, now, you know, maybe you just, you just, or we're dressing blacks, you know, you're standing in pro-black's.

Right? And then you go about your life and you're not being yourself, you're being a representative or a performer in this ongoing theater piece. And then, you know, whatever it is that happens that you do is now sort of, you know, whatever it is that happens that you do, is now sort of, you know, that's your employer's problem. Yeah, I can see that it's like, it was taking a long time for me to kind of figure out exactly where you were going. So I wasn't really going anyway, it was pretty dumb, bunch of stuff to say, Alistair. No, no, no, I mean, did I just pull the mic out?

No, is it still? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah it was like a, it was a, I think it was a, it was an improv troupe for like a, you know, an improv theater that gets into some financial trouble to, to save, you know, like to, um, to, you know, and they're going to lose the theater. And so they realize that they're going to have to pull off a heist. And probably if you're going to like get any newbies to pull off heists, an improv truth is definitely like the kind of people that he would want to do it. Oh, absolutely. Yeah.

And then so then they they they probably pull it off quite well because not only not only can they do a bit of planning, but they can also think on their feet and they can do characters, you know, if you need one to dress up as a crew PA. Yeah, you know, I only see one problem with this, right? It's the scene where they come up against, you know, a security guard. So they address this as a security guard. And they come up against another security guard, right, who actually works at the casino or the, you know or the royal men's

tour, the reserve bank or whatever it is that they're doing. The highest is they're going to break into the reserve bank and lower interest rates when nobody's looking. Wow. Yeah. I think that's the real highest. You're going to change all the documents in there. It's sort of a modern day Robin Hood store.

Yeah, it's only average. Because you're giving money to the banks. First, but then they have to drop the interest rates, even if they know that it was done by a sort of theft. Well, you know, it's there. Yeah. They are an indelible digital. Mmm. Like, I'd be great seeing on, you know, where they're looking at the, all the, all the, the Reserve Bank Governor is looking at his computer screen, which just has like a, still has one of those green text. Of course, black screen. Yeah, green, green text.

BS GT. Yeah. And he's looking at the interest rate, it says 1.28, right? And he's looking at it. And then just before he's very eyes, it drops down to like 1.23. That's crazy.

That's five basis points. Yeah. I mean, that's not a very big. The movie's called Basis Point. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And it doesn't write itself, but it names itself. That's good enough.

And so, but what was the trouble? No, the problem is they come into this security guy and he says, you don't work here. And then, of course, their in-pro training says, you're right, I don't work here. You know, and then they got to incorporate that into the seed. They have to say yes and, right? Yes and, yes and, I'm here to rob the bank. What do you say? I mean, because yeah, what do you encounter when a guy starts, you know, a guy from real world starts blocking you? Yeah. You say, stop it man, you're blocking. Yeah, you're blocking. You know, well, that may be true,

but this is my training day like that, you know, and you can all what he's saying. And, I think that's high level improv, you know. If you're able to like work with no, isn't that sort of thing? Because once you learn the rules of improv, you learn that there aren't really any rules of improv. You know, there are structured, there's a scaffolding that they, of things, there are shortcuts

that they found work to make scenes more enjoyable to watch. But once you learn those skills, you can actually make an even more enjoyable scene. It's exactly the same as designing an aeroplane. Once you learn the rules of aerodynamics, you can then start taking shortcuts. You start taking shortcuts and then you realize that you can actually make even more aerodynamic and better flying planes by breaking those rules. That's right. Yeah. And I think that's how the bumblebee was invented. Absolutely right. You're sort of you're looking into the mind of God when he intelligently

designed first the airplane, then later on the bubble boat. Yeah, but I think in my mind then I thought also the improv shoot would kind of keep it going to a point where it's like, I think, I don't know, they start doing heist and then suddenly they're kind of quite a powerful crime gang, right? Maybe in some way. And then the cops are trying to come after them. And so then they kind of morph into a political party and try to run for office because they also be good at running for office.

Oh yeah. Because they could think on their feet. Yeah. I mean, it's such a, you know, so many people have to sit down to think. Exactly. And so many jobs are just bullshit. It's all about bullshitting, marketing,

politicking, you know. I think all the leadership positions. And then they could get to the point, this improv troop, we get to the point where they're running the country. The world, to change the, initially they were just doing it, to change the law so that they're not in trouble. And then suddenly they're in power. Well, they're in a scene, aren't they?

Yeah, it's a scene they can't break. Well, I'm so far we've had two acts, right? But the classic Harold that has a three act structure, that was it. So what have we got? We've got a crime family. We've got political party. And what's next?

I mean, do they establish a theocracy? Do they combine church and state? There's a lot of fun business you can do, like stage business and stuff with religions and. Well, the thing is that they could split up to maximize the spread of their power. And so while some of them are going into politics others are climbing through the finance you know i was a client of the church and suddenly they're having round table meetings with all the powerful people in the city

and in the city and it's all them minus like one person and they just have to keep the scene going and arguing with each other and they're making deals and things like that but really they're all just helping each other. This is essentially a metaphor for all the people who go to school together and then they go to school together. Yeah, the elites. How do we know we're not living in an in an in-procrisse? That's right.

That would be the other name if it wasn't if we weren't already settled on the name. Basis points. Basis points. Basis points. Well, I think, I know, I think the Reserve Bank highest is a different sketch, right? To your improv, Chrissy, one, which I, or you're saying Chrissy? You're saying Chrissy? Close off the tongue.

Close off the tongue, doesn't roll off the even close. That saying Chrissy? Close off the tongue. Close off the tongue. Doesn't roll off the even flows. That's even better than rolling off the tongue. Yeah, well it suggests a lot more liquid in your mouth. Drips out the mouth. That's one of those words that you can't even resist saying a word that drips off the mouth. Yeah, it drips off the mouth.

Sort of like a person who's passed out and is... Like a word like a rhododendron, right? That doesn't just roll off the tongue. That gushes out the pie hole. I don't know what rhododendron. Rhododendron, it's a type of flower. No, right. I'd probably, probably rhododendron rolls off the tongue. It does, it does see, it's actually a lot of it.

There's a very rhododendron. Very much on the front of the mouth. We wrote it androin. We wrote a dendron, there's another word that could have been named after the sound of an ant falling down the stairs. We wrote a dendron. Yeah. Derigable, wrote a dendron.

It's an ant falling down the stairs from the first floor of the second and down the door into the basement. We think reddedred is her then rolling across the carpeted floor towards the front door. Eventually to get her out onto the street. If we can get her on a big enough incline, one of those sort of steep roads and... While it stands, yeah, good. We're going to assemble a full vocabulary that will get your aunt all the way across the North Island of New Zealand. From Wellington to Auckland.

That will describe her tumble. From Wellington to Auckland. By noun, right? Yeah, it's an entire noun-based language. A noun-based language. I get rid of those troubles of verbs and adjectives. I mean, I think adjectives you could do without. I think, absolutely, we could.

We just wouldn't. Absolutely, is that a verb? No, it's an adverb. It's an else one I feel was in. I was wondering if it was an adverb. I'm not good with these. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I mean, unfamiliar territory. I think anything LY is adverb. Oh, that's good.

That's a good shorthand. That's a good short cut. Yeah. Um, but I think, uh, getting, getting rid of adjectives would, we could, I think we could construct a world in which adjectives were not required. Right? Because we would just have everything standardized. Right?

So all your lions would look exactly the same. Lions, for example, to pick an object, random. The lion. The lion. All your lions would be identical. And then, but then you'd probably still have to say, like an angry lion. Well, they're all, they'd all be the same,

and they'd all be feeling the same. They'll feel exactly the same way and we're done. I mean, you don't need to say that he's angry. You can describe what the lion is doing. Don't impose the emotion. It's a biting lion. You still got verbs there. Were we still allowing verbs?

Yeah, I was just... Were we allowed verbs? No, I thought you were saying we're just getting really adjectives. But is biting, is that an adjective? A biting line? No, no, no, it's a line. Because it describes the line. I know, but he is biting. I don't know enough about grammar, but I doesn't see any...

And it's an action. I know what you're saying, but I wonder if you're wrong. I just wonder. Yeah. You know, because I'm just describing it. I'm describing the lion. I know, but what I'm describing is that the lion is biting. Yeah, that would, I'd accept that as a verb.

Yeah, the lion does biting. I'm not saying that he was like, he had a sharp wit. I wasn't saying he was like biting in that way. But I still think, I don't know, we're gonna have to get Brian to let us know the truth on this one. Yeah. This is the podcast editor, not editor in terms of cutting up the podcast. No, that's George. Yeah, that's George.

No, no, no, but this is the podcast editor. He tells us which words and which grammar and what we use. That's correct. He has suggested the idea of transcribing the podcast so that it could be read instead of listen to. Maybe release all 100 and 91 episodes as a book. As a book. Yeah.

I guess that would be a textbook because it's really a learning experience. It would be. Yeah. But the process of people learning how to do a podcast where they come up with sketch ideas. Biblical texts, you know, it could be a foundational text of some sort of new. Yeah, definitely foundational. I mean, you could definitely put it in some slab of the building. It seems something appropriate to be poured into concrete. Yeah.

Okay, let's not go anywhere with a language that has no verbs or adjectives. I think we made life hard for ourselves. I think in these people I'm going to write an entire novel and I'm not going to use the letter E. What is that? Learned about that in primary school. Somebody who did that. I mean, it's just putting restrictions on yourself,

isn't it? It is. But sometimes, making putting restrictions on yourself is like, you get creativity, you get freedom from those restrictions. But I don't think that couldn't possibly be the case with not using the letter E because it would just be so hard. Sometimes a restriction is just a restriction.

Yeah, but is that maybe, like was that book about somebody trying to, it was talking about the problem of them trying to give up taking ecstasy so much? Dropping it. Yeah, and so they were. And so they were. What are you serious?

Yeah. Really it was? Well, I mean, I learned about this in primary school, so I doubt very much that people were talking about E back in those days. So this was a joke, Andy. This was a suggestion of how somebody might, you know, like, you know, there was a purpose to it. There was some meaning to the reason why they wrote their book like that.

I was dropping the E's. I don't want to be taking any more ease. Just the way your face looked and the way the words came out of you, Alistair, in that moment, made it entirely plausible. That's what I was going for. You ran up against my comedian level knowledge of anything, which is two sentences in, the facts give way, two speculation. And that's okay, that's okay, you know, like, but...

But I should have known that as a comedian yourself, you wouldn't have known, you wouldn't have known what it was really about. You know, I don't even know if I even consider myself a comedian. I just consider myself a, no, I'm just an un, an uneducated, I mean except for my education Just you know a slob who speaks But I'm just saying that there might have been a reason that they were not using eat you know like a lot of the time These art types they they go into these things with some kind of intention. It would have been a statement about fascism right I thought of a great statement about fascism, right?

I thought of a great thought recently. Yeah, right. This is such a good thought. Yeah. You know how people accuse the people on the left, right when people call, accuse people on the left of being cultural Marxists? Yeah.

But aren't people on the right just cultural fascists? Like if you go and make that claim, or your cultural Marxist, aren't you inviting the comparison that, well then what are you on the right? You're just, you aren't, you're a cultural fascist. Yeah, I don't know 100% of what fascists mean. No, me neither.

Yeah. But I don't think the people who are saying cultural Marxists know what Marxism is either. Yeah, I mean. So I think we're gonna give up on the idea of knowing what things mean. And also that you can be another version of something that is, you know, like,

cause like trying to apply Marxism to the idea of culture, I find I'm finding it really hard. Oh, for sure. Yeah. And that, and then, and that is just some association that somebody's made, right? When they're, when they're going to try and describe an approach to culture as Marxist, they're going to have to make compromises in the definition of what Marxist means. Yeah.

And so then I can call them cultural fascist. I can call them cultural Nazis. You can call them that so then I can call them cultural fascist. I can call them cultural Nazis. You can call them cultural murderers, genocide, and ablers. Yeah, genocide enablers. And I can sort of call them cultural fuck boys. There you go. Yeah.

I can call them lapsed, lay, no. Cultural anal pro lapses. That's what some people love using these days. Anal prolapses? Yeah. They don't use their anal prolaps, but using it. I think you could. And that seems like something we would talk about

on this show. Well, you don't. You want to use every part of the beast. 50 uses. I like to call, refer to my body as the beast. The beast. And, you know, like the enuits who used every part of the polar bear, yeah, according to one of the greatest jokes of all time by Jimmy Parto,

yeah. Um, then, you know, we will use every part of the beast that is this man body that we have. Yeah. And, um, and that includes the prolapse. Yeah, I mean, it would be good. If you, I guess you really wanted to make the most of your body and use every part of the body, you would over your lifetime,

you know, give up parts of your body and have them used for a greater purpose. Sure. You know, you're at some big machinery place and something has some babies about to fall into into the machinery. No, this sounds terrible. And so you cut off your arm, you throw your arm into the gears. Why didn't you just throw in whatever it was that you were cutting off your arm with? Like a knife, a single, a small knife.

Well, you think you don't think you're okay. Okay, I'll let's do it. Okay, all right. So, as we've seen, we've all seen the movie 127 hours. I haven't seen it. You'll see how long, we know how long it takes into carvings way through that. Yeah, but with that small knife. But you know about when a baby is in danger, you get superpowers.

And mostly it's super strength, but it isn't super speed. At hacking your arm off. Yeah. Because if you had super strength, maybe your arm would become sort of knife proof, right? You wouldn't be able to hack through it. Fortunately, it's just super speed and you're able to use

the increased hacking speed to, I mean, obviously, it also increases your speed of thought that you're able to work out in this scenario, that the only thing that I can do with the benefit of my increased speed is to hack off my arm and throw it into the gears. I mean, look, I guess you could use your super speed to save the baby. Potentially. Something that would be so much easier if you had two hours. would use your super speed to save the baby. Potentially. Something that would be so much easier if you had two hours.

We assume. Maybe that second arm is going to be a burden. But maybe on the way to saving the baby, you're cutting your losses. You want to like, you're hedging your bets. So while you're running over to the baby, you start slicing through your arm. In case you don't get to the baby in time. And you need something to throw. Or you need to, you work out, this is how quick you're operating.

You realize that you're gonna be able to run almost all the way to the baby in the amount of time that you have available. Available, right? Available. And that means that you'll have, you'll come up like 70 centimeters short of where the baby is falling into the machine. And so as you start running, you're already cutting off that arm at the shoulder.

So that when you get there, you'll be able to use that dead limp arm and hold that out at arm's length to thwack the baby out of the way of the grinder. That'd be beautiful. That is beautiful. Yeah, using all every part of the beast. Every part of the beast. I mean, you could do that, you know, also in a, you know, like, you know, say you're running a 1600 meters at the Olympics or whatever.

You, you know, your neck and neck with some guy who's very good at writing. Your neck and neck, but you know what I'm and I'm. Because you're holding it out. If you hack off one of your arms, you show me where it doesn't say you can't do that. Yeah, you know, and I mean, I guess it depends on whether or not you're allowed a knife while you're while you're running

I think as long as you don't threaten anybody with it. Well, I mean I I wonder if in the Paralympics because I mean The Paralympics could um allow knives it could It could allow you to just remove your arm. Well, if you could remove it, if you could remove a prosthesis, it would be wrong to not allow you to remove your arms. You're actually all in the test. Now if you were to use the prolapse or something, I'd feel like a sucker for climbing up a wall, a glass wall.

Sure, probably be. For your cat burglar face. Yeah, of course. And instead of suction, I mean, you could have a couple suction cups on your hands, but you have them on the base of your feet as well. And then you just have a little hole cut out in the butt where it's kind of the sort of a red protrusion

sort of gooey, not gooey, but kind of like, you know, it's a bit wetter than it and then the outside skin. It's not self lubricating, but it's a bit gooey. Yeah. It's what's now and as a bit gooey. Yeah. And then you kind of just, hmm. Your way up the side of some glass building. And you start breaking records that, you know, that Spider-Man guy who climbs building, you know, big buildings, start breaking the building. Well, he claims to be sort of free climbing. Yeah.

But as far as I'm aware, he's using suction caps. Is he? Yeah, right? Or something. I thought he was always like just grabbing in the gaps and building stuff. Ah, fine. I thought he would probably be using suction of some kind.

I've never really believed that that technology could 100% work suction cups. Succeeds can be very powerful. Yeah. Yeah. Like that's what they use for picking up those huge like double glazed windows and that sort of thing for big buildings. Like you see them on, you see on grand designs,

they're picking up those big windows suction. With suction cups. And that's, you know, that's 100s of kilos probably. You know what that is? That's they've used Abolony technology there. That's what abalone do. They're about to suck it into rocks. That's biomemically. You've taken something from nature, the abalone is abalone.

The humble abalone. To suck onto a rock and you've applied it to a glazier work. Is that what you call a person who works in? Yeah, a glazier. A glazier. Who leo a glazier work. Is that what you call a person who works in? Yeah, a glazier. A glazier. Who leo, a glazier? Glaziermanship.

Mm-hmm. Wait, was there a sketch there? Sorry, I was right. Sorry, I said humble abalone. I described, I've anthropomorphized the abalone. I don't know if it's humble. Do you think what it would be arrogant? What would it be like to put an abalone on your leg

and see if it sucks on? I think it would suck on your leg. I think we could absolutely get an ancient medicine going based on the abalone. Putting the abalone on your back. Like it feels like cupping, but better than cupping. Yeah, because it's fleshy cupping. It's flesh cups.

Fleshy cups. Who's not gonna want that? Mm, all right. Could you use it to Who's not going to want that? Mm-hmm. All right. Could you use it to get something like get stains out of your shirt? Wouldn't it be cool to have like, you know, like that sink that's next to the washing machine? Always just have a few abalone in there.

And then when you're like, ah, look at this oil stain, and you just go, like that, and you put it on there. If there's anything we know, it's the seabirds absorb a lot of oil. Mm-hmm. So we've seen from when they dragged out of the ocean. This is what I think the truly modern and environmentally friendly laundry would look like. It's just a series of tubs which have different types of sea life in them. So say you've got some chunks of pasta. First you dunk that into the crabs, right? And they come and they pick off all the bits of...

They go all the big bits. The big bits of pasta. And then you're putting it into... Chisas and your bacon and your... Exactly. In your pasta. You know how I eat. Yeah, that's all going on the shit.

And then you put it in with the sea birds. Like a type of fairy penguins. And they absorb oil it in with the seabirds, like a type of fairy penguins, and they absorb oil like a motherfucker. So they're rubbing themselves up against this polo shirt. And they're taking out that oil that was being leeched out. And then for the last, you really want the whitest whites, you stick it in with the abalone for a while. That suction power, they're abilated like sort of crawl their way over that and absorb. Mmm, yeah, they suck in dirt, they suck in grime, they're sucking, you know, oil residue, yeah, residue.

Absolutely. And, yeah, I mean, what's, you know, you know, those little creatures that, it's probably just plankton, those ones that kind of have those, you know, like that kind of glow in the ocean when you move your hand. Fito plankton. Fito plankton, you know, if they could get some of that onto your shirt. Hmm, they can. I mean, it feels like they could make your whiter's whiter.

It feels like they could. And your colors brighter. And they'll glow. Yeah, at least when you were glowing. I mean, even if you had those just living in your shirt. Okay, hello. And you move. Mm-hmm.

These light patterns. I'm bioluminescent. You've heard of this, a water bed. What about a water shirt? Yeah. You heard of this? I mean, think about it. It's just, you know, it's just a half an inch of water.

It's like you're wearing a life vest, but full length sleeves. You know, zips up at the front. Could be buttons. Oh wait, so is the water, is the shirt just wet or is there actually water trapped in between you and your shirt? What do you prefer? I mean, it could be water's trapped. Well, but I was picturing it clear, you can have a whole aquarium in there. Right, it's clear. So like, like, okay, so it's sort of like

the old platform shoe, right? Where you would have a goldfish in the heel. That disco stew would have? The disco stew would have. Well, I'm thinking more of the, that the jacuzzi suit that, that Mill mill houses mom wears when he becomes fallout boy. But only but only that. I don't remember that. Yeah, but just a shirt that's what makes it a different idea.

Yeah, and also the water isn't touching your skin. The water is enclosed in the shirt. But also there's animals in there. But also there's animals in there. Yeah there's animals in there. There's like fish and stuff. Yeah, yeah, flat head. Sting rays. I think in a aquarium shirt Alistair is a very valid idea. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a layer of ocean. But I also think, and I know this is sort of riffing on the vein of international waters that we've done, and it's also been done on Conan, but after we came up with it. The idea of a sort of the opposite of a dry suit, so that like, it's kind of a wetsuit.

You can be going about your business. Like you're just doing regular business stuff. You're sitting at your desk, you're attending meetings. Yeah, you're writing notes, checking coffee. Sure, sure. All of this, but what people don't realize is that under your business suit, you're wearing a fully sealed, like, sort of sealed water suit thing. That means that, apart from your exposed areas, your hands and your head, you are swimming. You are completely immersed in water. You're immersed in water as most people are when they're at the beach or the pool. Maybe even more so. A lot of people just stand in there up to their waist.

Yeah. So you're there at work, they got nothing on you, because you're surfing, baby. You're at the beach. You got sand in your shoes, and you got water everywhere else. Yeah, and maybe you could have just a few ultraviolet lights just in your hair, just sort of,

and that's burning your scalp. And so you're technically, you got the full beach experience. That's right. You're suffering just as much damaging UV exposure as anyone at Byron. Yeah. Baby.

I like that. It's like, be at the beach. You know that movie, my own private Idaho? No, but... River Phoenix? No, I own private eye to her? No, but- River Phoenix? No, I've been- but I've been hearing about it, no, I'd like to watch it. I don't know anything about it except for the name. Yeah, right, but also River Phoenix is on it.

Yeah, yeah. And that, right? Joaquin's brother. Joaquin's bro, right? Do you call him Joaquin? What do you call him? Joaquin with an N. I think the N is pronounced like an N, but it could have been...

What do I call it? Joaquin. Yeah, that's good though, isn't it? Well, it sounds like now he's from India or something. Anyway, this is my own... Or maybe a rarer. You think Joaquin would be kind of more... So wait, this is my own private bion, that's what you're saying?

Yeah. So is the water from Bionbe? That good bait. Yeah. You is the water from Biren Bay? That could be. Yeah. Yeah, you get a refill sent to your house every week. You get some fresh biren water. Why couldn't it be a company that just sells location suits? Yeah.

Be wherever you want to be at the top. Your things. Yeah. So think about this. Yes. We could be, you could have a Sahara suit. Mm-hmm. So it could just be like 10 days at the Sahara.

So you basically just, you wear the suit for 10 days. But it's just filled with sand. I think that's any suit. It's filled with sand. Your legs are filled with sand. Even some of the, in the, in the, in the wind as well. Yeah, I want to try the wind. The wind, the, the inside the, on the back,

there's a pump and it pushes air through, through the, the hot air. The hot air and it whips the sand up, that's inside the, and it stings your body. Yeah, great. And neck and it shoots up into your neck and like eyes and things like that. But nobody else knows.

Nobody else knows. This is just your secret, right? Just for you. They got nothing on you. You're in the Sahara baby. That's right. And you know, maybe you could have a suit that is like grandma's house and it's pumping out the smell of her soap.

You can't smell it because your head's out of the soap. No, but your body can. No, but what it's doing is that you in part of the suit is that there's an inject, there's like a hole that pierces into your body and then sends a pipe up your neck and over over into your bottom lip like that. And then it ends there, but when you close your mouth, it seals up with another pipe at the top It sends that pipe up and sends a smell straight into your nose. Yes like that, but only works when your mouth is closed Because they're also pipes open

Data yeah Because your mouth the smell comes out your lip. Yeah, you know what people mean? People say, like, you're in a business meeting, you don't want people sniffing about. Your breath smells like grandma's. You're breath smells. You're breath smells like grandma's. So, what is this called? What is this sketch?

By the way, we've definitely come up with more than three sketch ideas. You've only written down three sketch ideas that are there. Locations. So, you've been writing. Did you've only written down three sketch ideas? Yeah. Locations.

So you've been writing... Sometimes the transition to fall and winter feels like experiencing every season on the same day. The shoes in the Allbirds' Missile Collection were made for Misty Morning Walks, surprise snow days, and anything a trip to the dog park might bring. The whole collection brings together water repellent technology and classic style, so you can stay warm, dry and comfy during your everyday adventures. Check off your errands with the wool runner missile. Dash through cold and wet weather with the wool dasher missile, or upgrade to next level

protection with the wool runner up missile plus. Go to allbirds.com and use code fresh socks for a free pair of socks with your purchase. ALLBIRDS.COM code fresh socks. It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun.

It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun. away from things. Yeah, but you know what? Okay, well how about we do a sketch about staying in a place. Oh, that's nice. You know, maybe let's say you're in your house and you're just in that place. And then you get some goggles that take you away to another place. Oh no wait, that's different.

Or it's, how about this? So you're at work. But then you've got, you've got glasses, right? And it's glasses that connect to your partner's glasses, your wife or my wife. Your glasses don't connect to my wife's glasses, but they connect to my wife. Unless it's some sort of error or there's that approach. Which there's gonna be a lot of.

Oh yeah. And let's say my glasses. And I'm at work and I'm in a meeting, but then Babe what's happening with nobody else realizes is that Inside my glasses I can see something else. I'm looking into the eyes of my beloved Directly into the eyes. Yeah, so there so there's cameras inside it her lenses Yeah, look into her eyes and then there's cameras in my lenses, they're looking to my eyes,

and so we're always looking to each other's eyes. These are romantic glasses, right? And you're always just looking into, you're blind to the world around you, because you're lost in each other's eyes. You're just staring into them constantly. Yeah, and you can hear them talking, and talking, and talking, and they can hear you talk.

And talking, and talking and talking and they can hear you talk. And talking and talking. And talking and talking like that and and and you know when you move I wonder there's a sensor over their body that yeah they can feel you move and they can't get to sleep because you're constantly wriggling. And you can't sleep because they're constantly wriggling. And you can't sleep, because they're constantly wriggling. Try to get away from this sensation. But you're one. It's like you've joined into a shell company. You're all I need, right?

There you're whole world. You don't have people say that to each other. You're my world. Well, this gives you the opportunity to make money where the math is motherfucker. Like good on your promise. Yes. Actually, essentially fused through electronics,

which are good at fusing. Well, it's electronic-based sort of welding. Relationship welding. I think there would be an interesting phenomenon when say you are in a meeting, and you're talking to people in the meeting. They don't know that you're staring directly into the eyes of your beloved. That's right. But I think for both you and your beloved, whenever one person is talking and staring into

their eyes I think it would be I think it would be a fairly Disconcerting sensation of having somebody stare directly into your eyes at all times while carrying on a Conversation with someone you can't see it will probably break you up. I think I think it would be the end of you But unfortunately these glasses we didn't tell you they don't come off. So even after you break up with this person, you're still staring into their eyes. It's not just welding on stop. It's not just welding you to another person.

It's also welding the glasses to your head. Oh yeah, it's a literal welding, as well as an electronic welding. Exactly. And you won't just be seeing sparks from the love in each other's eyes. You'll also be seeing actual sparks from the welders. From the welding.

These welding. That rises to your skin. And when you say, you're my whole weld, it's the weld. Like we're talking not world. Elastair, how would you pronounce that world and? Welled. Yeah, he still works. You're my whole you're my whole weld Well world Let's just well. Let's just talk with a compromise accent you and me. I think I do have the compromise accent.

Like I had somebody describe, the other day I was asking, should you want me to do an Australian accent for these things? This thing, and he was like, you already have a blend of an Australian accent and a Canadian accent. I hope you've punched that person.

And he said that I have this international accent. Oh. So I mean, I guess I'm not wrong when I say that I have the neutral accent. Yeah, but also you're not wrong when you say you have no home and you can never rest. Yeah, but that's the only one. You're like one of those ghosts. I don't need to rest. I only need to sleep.

Yeah, but you can't do that either. No. Sorry. That's why you can't get any sleep out of the stairots because you'll never, you'll never feel at home. Yeah. Anywhere. You're cursed to wonder.

Yeah, but that's okay. Yeah, okay. That's okay because I know I'll die one day. I mean, that is it. No, but I think that this thing, this thing, these people, the sketch is these people who do do it because they're in love with each other and then slowly but surely it obviously becomes hell. And it breaks them up but they can't escape from each other. Sounds like a perfect twilight zone episode.

They go into it, you know, some sort of genie or a demon or something shows up and says you can have one wish. And of course what are they wish for? What does it sound like? They say I wish I could be looking into my beloved eyes at all times. They give them some electronic glasses and they weld them on they say there you go You wish they're like they're like um Wow, I don't know how that wish could have gone wrong. Yeah

Well, I mean, I've seen the twilight zone because in the in this episode of the twilight zone They've the show the twilight zone exists right so they're like, well, this feels like a Twilight Zone scenario. So let's make sure we guess for something that couldn't possibly go wrong. Yeah, that's what I mean. We wish for something that's interpreted. We were wrong, right? And then they're congratulating themselves

and patting each other on the back for coming up with something that's foolproof. Yeah, but you know what's worse than, because these days, you don't need to have storylines that involve a genie or a wizard or something like that. You could say, you know, all those jokes that used to start, well, I was walking down the street and he found a lamp and he rubbed it. These days it could just be he was walking down the beach and he meets a tech entrepreneur. And then he rubbed him.

And he said, I'll give you anything. Three things. You know, and technology printers are now so powerful. Well, I'll give you three things, but it's not really three things. It's one thing. Oh! That is the best joke I have ever made. Alistair, give me a high five.

I'm going to kill myself now. Oh, he's this pen. Okay. Oh, yeah. That was more graphic than I thought it was gonna be. Less celebratory. Oh, I had something. Oh, I just think it would be really interesting.

When this podcast in 50 or 60 years time is regarded as one of the foundational texts of modern society, I think it'll be really interesting for people to examine the epistemology of what it is that welding means in the, in the weld of, to in the think tank. Because welding, I think, in two in the think tank has a very different, no, no, no, sort of definition to. To upset. You're upset, you always get upset by me using welding

to not just mean fusing two metals. You're like, well look, you can't weld metal onto the flesh. And I just don't think that you're right with that. I disagree with that thesis. Really? If you take a piece of solid metal, and then you use, and then you press it against some flesh, and then you use some liquid metal,

and you pour it near the edges there, and you kind of heat it up so that it's all fusion. Yeah, all right That will stay no No, what you will have there is burned flesh and Some metal near it No, I need a screaming person look have you ever placed your hand for a little bit onto a hot plate? No, not even for a little bit It sticks.

I'll tell you what it's for you to do. You've never cooked, you've never cooked, chicken on a piece of metal with no oil. I have put my fingers on real cold things, like even ice blocks. That's cold welding. Yeah, cold welding. Yeah, that's a cold weld,

but I'm looking for something more permanent, hot weld. Yeah, all right. I think a hot weld is only as permanent as it doesn't get any hotter than the hot weld, right? Whereas cold weld, suddenly as permanent, it doesn't get hotter than the cold weld as well. Yeah, I'm forgetting. Don't worry about it. We technically have enough stuff here.

Yeah, great. Do you want me to go through it? What do we have any words from a listener? Oh yeah, we've got three words from a listener. Thank God. All right. I'll stay up just on the scale of, you know, one to a real good time.

How would you write this episode so far? I'm having a good time. I'm having a real good time. I'm having a real good time. Yeah, yeah. this episode so far? Well, having a good time. That would have been a real good time. Yeah, yeah. Right. Do you think it's because we're drinking beers? No, well, you know, we are on a spiral descent towards,

I guess, just being slightly less reasonable. Having a real good time. Yeah. Spiral descent to a good time. Mm-hmm. He's spiral into fun. Yeah. Well, of all the shapes, what's the most fun? Spiral. So that checks out.

It's a thing you find in nature, isn't it? Follows the Fibonacci sequence. Yeah sure does. I don't know in what way it does. I don't either. Yeah. And then they tell you this thing about fucking pine cones and the number of rings on the pine cone. You're like, yeah, sure, whatever. Okay, he's said that. I don't see it. I don't see it.

It doesn't look like no Fibonacci sequence to me. Fibonacci sequence, it's a bunch of numbers. There's no shapes at all. I don't see it. I read the whole Fibonacci sequence. All of it. Didn't see. I read the whole Fibonacci sequence. All of it. Didn't see a Panko once. Maybe you can go high enough.

He goes. I read the whole thing. One, one, two, three, five, eight, 13, 20 Panko. I just didn't read his sentence. And then the problem is that you got to add. I know what I'm saying.

Then you got to add 20 plus pine cone to equal. So the next one is 20 pine cones. Yeah, that's tough. But then there's a point in which you get to pine tree. Because enough pine cones sort of make a pine tree. That's not true. Yeah. We all know this.

God, this must be fun to listen to for people. This is our boreal man. I bet absolutely nobody's brain has ruptured to save them from this. All right, three words from a classic listener of the pod. Do you already know what I'm talking about? Is it Tyler Thera? No.

Oh. No, we haven't been getting much at interaction from Tyler Thera Thera. Yeah, I'm under a ton of interrupt. That's fun. Look, it's fun. Of course, people, you know, these things come in cycles. Oh, and people's lives change.

Of course. I mean, a lot of people who would have started listening to this at the beginning are not the same people who are listening to it now. No, no, it's probably that children who are listening now. That's right. They've passed on the subscription to the next generation. You know, maybe we should do.

They did. Maybe we should do too when the toddler tank to capture that youth market. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And the tank of toddlers. Mm-hmm. You know, soon we could just get our kids to do it. Yeah, well, we got to do this.

We got to do more episodes of this dad podcast. Dad pod. Well Well we had that one episode that we recorded right before you had a kid. Yeah well two kids. Two kids. Right before the twins were born. Like two days before. And now they're two and a half. Yeah. This is going to be a very compelling podcast if we do it every two and a half years. It's a good idea yeah. I mean it'll you could do 10 episodes and then we'll be 25 years later down our life. Yeah that's interesting. Yeah we'd be 60 out. What? We could be 16, 25 years. Yes. Oh my god. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. That's only two thirds of the life I've already lived, which doesn't felt that long. That's the most horrible thing anyone's ever seen. You take that back, you take that back.

What? You just look like I, like, I spat on you. No, I haven't done for weeks. I hadn't realized that you don't open the third beer. All right. Classic listener. Sure. Starts with T.

Second word starts with P. Tab of the post. Tab of the post. Tab. Tab. Tab of the post. Yeah, okay, that would've all. Yeah, that went well. Great.

Alright, hi Tabitha, thanks for sending in these three words. The three words, Andy, are you prepared? Yeah, I've been prepared this whole time. Fortune. Yes. Escapade. Tattoo. Fortune Escapade Tattoo. Well. Well this is interesting isn't it because people

always get tattoos to remember things but not to anticipate things. So you're like sort of like pre tattooing the pre-prominition tattoo. Yeah yeah yeah this is the you know what do you what do you get after an intense experience get post-traumatic shock stress PTSD post-traumatic shock or stress post-traumatic stress disorder disorder stress shock post-traumatic shock disorder post traumatic stress disorder Okay, yeah post-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-tab-ab-tab-tab-tab-ab-tab-ab-tab-tab-tab-tab-ab-ab-tab-tab-tab-tab-ab-tab-tab-ab-tab-tab-ab-ab-tab-ab-tab-ab-tab-ab-tab-ab-tab-ab-tab-ab-tab-ab-tab-ab-tab-ab-tab-tab-ab-ab-tab-tab-ab-tab-tab-ab-tab-ab-ab-ab-tab-ab you also could get a tattoo after an event, after an extreme event. But why not get the tattoo beforehand?

Why not get a tattoo of your dog that you don't have yet? Yes, why not, you know, people say dress for success. Why not tattoo for the traumatic experience you want? That's true, yeah. So, you know, I guess if you, let's say you start getting stuff in sort of big gothic print.

Now you're suggesting to yourself that you're choosing a direction for your life. You're gonna suddenly become a person who is a little bit darker. You know, I wanna become darker, I wanna become more. I want to get in, I hate death metal right now. I figure if I get death metal for life, tattooed in big, gothic texts across my chest. I I won't have much of a choice but to get into it.

Oh I'd be great to use that the the dot on that I use your nipple. See now that's thinking. Yeah. And then you just get the eye in life. Hey, a gothic. What? So you've written the word gothic? All I said you were writing was death metal for life. You got it gothic text. Oh, you're not writing the words in gothic text. No, I love this. You email your tattoo artist. And because you're scared of tattooing, you're going to go under a general anesthetic.

Right? To get this tattoo. You email say, can I get death metal for life in Gothic text tattooed on my chest? And I want the nipple to be the dot on the eye. The dot on the eye. You wake up from this general anesthetic. You look down, you got that sort of cling film thing over there

and it says death metal for life in Gothic text on your chest. The life has the right nipples, dark and the Gothic has the left nipple. I think there's a rich vein. Don't show me the design. I want to be surprised when I wear gull. Well, yeah, you know, but you go and for some reason, you're being tattooed by like sort of a robot, maybe. Oh. So, you know, well, we've taught a learning,

a neural net, we've got a learning robot, we've taught it how to tattoo. You just email it, you're tattoo. You could actually be a full net. It's a full net. It's a net that's attached to a neural net. And that is a computer. Like, you can see how a net would actually be quite

a good alternative to a person. Oh, yeah, I absolutely can. In so many ways. Because I mean, it's just, it's a node, which is like a joint and then a length and then another joint. So they can move the person. I'll say it just serves to me exactly

like you're just describing a person. Well, no, but I don't even know if you're talking about the net or the person. No, but it's like, it's a good robot replacement for a person. You know, like, can you got robotic arms? And those are kind of a thing. Well, this is like a lot of movement with robotic arms. It's all about just having lots of joints.

It's like a wide snake is what our net would be. You know? Because a snake is just like, it's a lot of strength that can, with a lot of sort of joint points, but there is like an infinity joint point, right? Because it's just all muscle along the way. Well, I mean, it's got some vertebrae and things like that. So those are kind of more of the joint points.

And ribs. Yeah, and ribs. But then this one is like a width, it's like a length of snake, but then also a width of snake. This is good. You know what I think just the idea of a wide snake. I mean, it's amazing that I haven't come up with that.

That like God or whatever. Yeah. Well, a snake that kind of... Here's the thing I was thinking about. It's like a blanket creature. I didn't say something I was thinking about earlier in the podcast. Yeah.

I'm thinking that like, you know how like when they like account with Minecraft and then people were using Minecraft to like build, a calculator in Minecraft. That must be how God feels about, like, airplanes. It's like he put it in place, the laws of, you know, fluid dynamics and that sort of thing. Right, to find how gases move, boom, burn all these theorem on us,

or something, probably didn't call it that. Do you think he would have, what do you think he could? I think he could. God's theorem. God's theorem. They were all God's theorem. But, and then, and then, and then we come up with a plane. Do you think he was like, whoa, I didn't think they do that.

I think he would have been surprised. Yeah, because it's like taking it and riffing on it, right? Yeah. We also think that about electricity. how crazy is it that like we were able to like get pure metal, which Darwin would like, like God wouldn't have thought about getting pure metal. He was put it all into like, into amalgams and stuff. Yeah, and into into, into, into ores. It was just the kind of like, you know, the period of elements was just the thing that he did just so that stuff was a bit different.

Yeah. You didn't think people would refine it. Yeah, exactly. Get all of these ones out, all these bits out, and then turn them into stuff, and then cut them together, and then you know, stretch them out, put an electron through it, and you're like, whoa, I didn't see that coming. I really like what they've done with it. That's how the guy who made Minecraft must feel like, like God, surprised.

Anyway, what were we talking about before? Preminition testers. Yeah. That's how the guy who made Minecraft must feel like, like God, surprised. Anyway, what were we talking about before? Premonition tattoos. Yeah. But I mean, I think it's good. I think it's a much better version of dress for success. Because then you could get all the names of your kids tattooed on you that you haven't had yet.

See? Yeah. Now you got an incentive to go out and kidnap kids with those names. Exactly. Either that or meet somebody. Sure, sure. And what's more realistic? I mean, what if you got three names tattooed on your kids? You know, like, you don't have kids in your chest.

On your kids. Let's say you're down your arms or whatever. And then you had to go meet a single mom who already had those three kids. Because you know you're infertile. And unwilling to do it. Because of the amount of tattoo work you've had on your general region. You've had the ball tattooed on your genitals. How many people have got their ball sack tattooed?

Six. Really? Yeah, I'm not sure. But... Because it feels like, like, if you've had your whole body tattooed, it feels like, because of the stretching ability of the scrotum. Yeah. That, like, it feels like that was put there so that once you've had your entire body tattooed,

be like, all right, you can have some more skin because you can just stretch that out as much as you want and just make more space. There's so many veins in the skin. It makes you wonder, does if you shoot a needle straight into the vein, like that, does it put in your bloodstream? I don't know either. Can you get tattooed on the inside?

Could you have somebody cut a flap of splash, peel it back, tattoo on to the skin, put that back down, sew that up. Oh like one of those spot books. Yeah. Where's spot? Who lift up the flap there he is? Well you have to, like it would heal back over. So if you want to lift up that flap you're going to have to like flap it open.

It's like a trap door but you got to use a knife every time you want to get into it. Yeah, that's cool. Something's got some steaks. You know? I have anything that's got some steaks. Yeah. Well, it's me some steaks. Yeah.

Anyway, did we have a sketch for Tabitha? Do you think Promenician tattoos is a sketch? Yeah, I think absolutely. I mean, the guy who gets his body tattooed and then lives his life according to the tattoos on his butt. Maybe he gets random people to do it. I mean, this feels like something somebody on the internet would do. Probably.

17 people recommended tattoos for me. I got them and then I'm going gonna live my life according to these tattoos. I'm gonna do all of those actual things. Based on that. I'm gonna give these tattoos meaning. Because you make, you know, it's like what Dylan said in that documentary I haven't seen. You don't find yourself. You don't find yourself.

You build yourself. Yeah, you make yourself. You create yourself. Well, whatever it was that he said. Something like that. Yeah, the words. It's a word to that. But it's an interesting one. Thank you Tabitha for those words. Thank you Tabitha. Ever so much. Yes. And sorry everyone that I stuffed up the numbering of these episodes, recently I'm going to fix it all. Yeah, this is technically 19 nine one one nine one. This is episode one nine one. And in general, things are good. I love generals. You tell me the sketches that they have.

Okay, we got personhood shell company. That's you breaking up with people, but not you're not actually breaking up because you. They're still in a rush. With a shell company and you're gonna get a replacement for them. I don't know if you're responsible for the hiring or whatever, I guess you know, maybe you're overseeing it, maybe you're a shareholder of who knows. I don't know, like if you say you have a company,

you're the only person employed in the company. Can you leave the company without, like I'd say the company has responsibilities, can you just leave the company without having actually do anything for the company, like to make sure that it continues, like without finding a reply. I think you can just give it to someone who sells somebody for a dollar. Yeah, okay, cool. And so then they're suddenly these person, let's say you just sell it to someone person. And there are no relationships. And then there are relationships with the shop. That feels nasty.

Yeah, but then they can still decide that they can break up with that shell company. Sure. You know, if they don't like the new staff. Yeah, okay. And I like a cafe. They're not going to do business. Yeah, no know, depends. That's what they were claiming. So then we got the polygamy facilitated by a shell company.

That's when you, you know, you want to get married to multiple people. I don't think this one had to be about polygamy. I know I didn't have to be. I know, but at that moment it's written up like this. That's what it's about. But within it, it contains the idea that two people can become one person by joining in some kind of incorporated sort of thing.

A self-grading, and that's a lot to do. Some sort of to be polygamous. And you could be two people, you're your best man friend, and then you could want to be in a polygamous relationship both with each other and two other people. Well, you get you to get incorporated, and then those two get incorporated.

And then you're two shell companies who together, and then you're having some four-way. And then, but also, say you want to be in two different relationships at once. Nothing to say you can't have two jobs. You can't be an employee of some different company that's in a relationship with someone else. And it's all legal. It's all legal. Nothing on you. This is just, you know, it's all under the corporation law.

I've only got this in case you wanted to do a marriage, legal marriage between two corporations, which is allowed. Yes. Then we got improcracy, and this is the improcracy, and this is the people who are having some financial trouble. This is an OI.

Yeah, it's an OI. Outside of the Olympics. It's funny because you said that, because outside of the Olympics. It's funny because you said that, because outside of the Olympics. Yeah, in the pro-Valympics. Is that I-O? I-O. And it's sort of like an I-O-O-I.

Basically, the in-pro-troop go from committing hists to save their theater company to running the country, running the world. Then we got the Locust Suit, which is a suit that, these are suits that we sell from our company that allow you to be in other places while you're still where you are. Just look like regular clothes,

but underneath there's lots going on. Sahara, deep sea, Franba's house. Ah, Borey, Ah, Boreyam. Yeah, so it's like being inside an Ah, Boreum, like being inside essentially a tree museum. Yeah. How beautiful that would be. Loose bark leaves. Tuck all the trees, put them in a tree museum. Johnny Mitchell said it best when she was describing what a beautiful place to be. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is that her song?

I think it originally it's Johnny Mitchell. Oh, right. OK. And then counting crows did a cover. Oh, that's funny, because I was going to be like, Johnny Mitchell, did she do some counting crow songs, but I'm a real idiot, all right? You're a real idiot.

Oh, go on a tree, pull them in a tree, move. Is that her? Yes, that's the leader., move to the other side. Then we got the eye could be in your eyes forever. This is getting welded to your lover essentially. Yeah, looking into each other's eyes and then you break up. Well, eventually, you realize, you know, but you're not just looking into each other's eyes constantly through these glasses.

You're also in each other's always touching you. I could be with you forever. You're connected through everything. Maybe even with you. It's so interesting, isn't it? You think so? Yeah, no, I do. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's good.

And then I think it's really interesting to think what it would be like to try and live a life outside of that. And I wonder, like once you got all that stuff welded to you, how you would break, because whether that stuff would fade into the background, you'd be able to ignore it. I don't know if you could. And I I wonder maybe you could use some deep brain stimulation Just try and interrupt the signals that are coming from your lover and give you some independence You could just break your glasses at the center pit

So just peel like cracking a ribcage Yeah, and just sort of like all cut them off Yeah, cut them off Yeah, probably just cut them off Or just cut them off Or drill a hole or something to be removed to be a huge It's had them removed. There's just be like a huge industry instead of unwelding metal from your skin and things like that And you'd have all these kind of red marks from where you go whatever it's no different and get a divorced It's a slightly stronger commitment than marriage isn't it? It is which is basically meaningless these days.

Hmm. I don't feel that difference since getting married. I mean I do say to my wife now I do go you know you're trapped. Do you say it when she's a wife or are you just sort of winger? I wanted to hear it. Yeah. That's it. That's it. That's it. Then we have... Alistair, you should be saying wear trap. Wear traps? I know.

I know I should. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, honey. Then look, I've written down tech entrepreneurs are the new genies. Oh, I'm glad you wrote that down because that's interesting, isn't it? It's a fun idea. You can do any. You find one on a beach in your rubbit.

Then you could get, you know, if you met who those guys who are like Australia's young tech billionaires? At Lassian. At Lassian. If you met them, I always think about them and going to them and going, hey, can you give us money for a sketch show? And I think that's how you get a billion dollars. It's by giving people the money for a sketch shows. You know what I'm saying? Look after the

pennies and the pounds will look after themselves. There's a second comment when they say, but don't be afraid to invest in a couple of sketch shows. Once you get a billion. That's true. You know, you tick over it. Do you just get money from a meaning? Yeah, I mean, you know, like, there's no reason for Bill Gates to have 90 billion. I actually don't know how much a billion dollars is. Is a billion dollars a thousand million? Yeah, a thousand million. So when people talk about a billion debt, they've got a thousand million.

And Jeff Bezos, who's got over a hundred billion dollars. He's got over a hundred thousand million dollars. Yeah. It's a lot. That's why he's creating space travel and stuff. Yeah. And that thousand, 10,000 year clock. It is a lot because that is genuinely like, what do you actually do with this money territory?

Yeah, I mean, once you get to one billion, I think you're ready to think even once you get to 200 million, you're kind of there. No, I don't, you get to one billion, I think you're already there. I think even once you get to 200 million, you're kind of there. No, I don't know. I've got it. I've got it. Each one of those first 200 million is a marked for me.

I mean, look, I'm sure you can find things to do, but a lot of that money's going to be spent on giving it years to all the money. Yeah, it's not easy. Yeah, it's not easy. I, if I get 200 million, the first 200 million that I make, it will be, I will spend it giving new ears to deaf people. So nice. Yeah. Where on the chest or like on the back of something.

Wherever they want. Where? What? You have an ear. Each deaf person gets one new ear. No, I think, I think what, I think heaps, heaps, they can have as many years as they want. Sure. I think that's real nice. Why not? Right? I find a place that can mask producers.

I do any countries that have money that isn't a rectangle? Like notes, aren't a rectangle? Like circles that you could throw, like a frisbee? Circles, or even like the shape of a head, or something like that? Mm, that's a good idea. You know, like we got the Queen's face on the money. What if the money was just a shape of the Queen's face?

Or if it was a mask. Mask, you know, and then it could see it. And then it could see it. Into each other like that. Or you could wear it on your face like you just as a sign of wealth. A real state of symbol. Yeah. I think if they make a billion dollar note ever, it should be just like it should be a face.

George Washington's face with holes in the eyes. It's good Donald Trump don't he should be on the money soon. I mean I wonder if he can instruct the mint to sort of produce bills With his interesting. I wonder how that would That would how that would how that would be love it I think he I mean he's better do it fast because I think if he you think he's better to do it fast because I think he'll feed. You think he's a limited time frame to pull off those kinds of lookings? When it comes to my belief in the American people, I do have a slight feeling that Trump may be around for another four years.

Just in the way that things have always kind of gone. People always kind of tend to go, look, this isn't great, but it could just be beginner's faltering. And so I think that there's a chance that he may be in for another turn. I don't, but I don't think it's even people saying this is beginner's fault ring. I think it's people saying this is good. Sure, I wasn't, I wasn't even saying that seriously.

Yeah. But I just know that my expectation that things won't last long. And by the way, the person who gave us a review recently who said that we're being a bit too political sometimes, but not too much. Yeah're going to hate this bit. It's so political. Sometimes we get so political. And the last sketch idea was premonition tattoos.

Somebody who gets a bunch of tattoos. Did you ever say that? Well, we did it already at the end before. That was so recent. That's the problem with the whole structure of this podcast. You know what? The ones that we do at the end of the podcast was so recent. That's the problem with the whole structure of this podcast. You know what? The ones that we do at the end of the podcast, we read them out again straight away, basically. Yeah. We got to pat it out with some political talk just to get a bit of a gap between when we come up with the idea, when we tell you it again and then try and come up with something

more for it. But you wouldn't be surprised if Trump got back in, would you? No. No. Honestly, I like... I'm just not allowing myself to be surprised. The most recent Australian election, I will admit that I will after the whole time being like I'm not going to allow myself to get ahead of myself and think that anyone progressive will get it.

And then like the morning of the election, I did say to my wife who I love, it could be good to be rid of these people. And then they won. And after that, I am now only going to expect the worst possible outcome from everything that happens. And that's good.. And that's good. I think that's good. Yeah, I think it's a good dose of realism.

Yeah, because that is what's real disappointment. Well, what's real is what's happening. Yeah. And what's happening is disappointing. Reality, it's what's happening. This is if I were to come up with a slow, like a by-line, the reality, it's what's happening. This is if I want to come up with a slow like a like a byline reality. It's what's happening. I think it's a great t-shirt. I think in the future when when you're going to be able to you know descend into a

virtual reality so easily and live your entire life in one. I think reality itself, the alpha reality, the real reality is gonna need people to market it. Just like, like people say, like why is there an egg marketing board? Why are there people who say like, eat it, why do we need people to tell us to eat eggs? Yeah. That's what we're gonna be saying about reality.

Why do you need people to tell you to go and spend time in reality? Well the fact is, people are eating eggs and people are spending time in reality. People are eating eggs because they're not spending time in reality. Exactly, which is where eggs are relevant, right? They're eating, they're eating space waffles or whatever. But yeah, fake space waffles with sort of like synthesized vitamins that are coming in through a vein to sure. And they're experiencing a greater joy than anyone on our plane of existence. Because they managed to synthesize endorphins.

They met a tech billionaire on the beach. They rubbed one. They rubbed one correctly, right? But I think reality, the base reality is going to need, at some point, we're going to have to sell it to people, we're gonna have to make it seem cool, right? And reality, it's what's happening, is gonna be our slogan.

It's gonna be good. Yeah, yeah, that's a, I mean, I think we should call the episode one known one reality. It's what's happening. All right, I'll try and remember that, as I do every time we come up with a title for the podcast and then I'll forget but Let's make it happen now. Yeah, and you know what's gonna. There's gonna be a big influx of when

When we're all sort of mostly in virtual reality things. Oh, we're gonna be living in pink goop No, no, not pink goop yet We're gonna still be outside of the pink goop because once get the pink hoop, we'll probably be like maybe in sealed things. Yeah, yeah. And that will protect us from the people who go around and just fondle our bodies while we're in alternate realities. Oh, this is gonna be a bunch of purves.

Maybe this is when there's gonna be a lot of that analog, digital kind of flip over in the transition period. A lot of purves are gonna be squeezed in the bodies. It's period, a lot of pervs are going to be squeezing the bodies. It's going to be a good night of pervs. Wow, they're going to, like, yeah, it's going to be a good time for them to be able to essentially pinch and fondle almost any type of body they want. That's really interesting, isn't it? Like that maybe the only people who bother us stay in the real reality are gonna be perps? Yeah, peeping tombs and fondlers and

groppers. I wonder if the peeping tombs will stay because I think peeping tombs for them probably part of it is the possibility that they'll get caught. Maybe they'll get caught by a perv. that they'll get caught. Maybe they'll get caught by a purve. What are you peeping over there? That would be the worst thing, because they would really recognize, I think a purve recognized a peeper. Do you think that there'll be sort of second-level purve or peepers? Yeah. Who are the sort of, the peepers who they get off on peepin on on a perv fondling a person in virtual reality. Oh, that'll be a very big rich subculture.

Yeah, it's quite exciting isn't it? Like once the dominant culture becomes perv. Yeah, perv peepers. Perv peepers. Yeah, so then they're like those little fish that follow sharks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. All right, I think we should wrap it up. Dippin' dippin' boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop bo Oh, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, I think mine definitely is. Yeah, look mine is. I've been really healthy for the last two weeks. Yeah.

And my time says, crack. Tolerance is really crack. But it feels like we were wrapping up there for at least 20, 30 minutes. That's what this is. You know the format by now. You know the format? We're wrapping up for 20, 30 minutes.

Yeah, there's a lot of wrap up. And we thank you so much for listening. Yeah. I don't know if you've heard, but you can find us on the internet. You find us on the internet on Twitter, on at Tuin Tank. At Stupid Old Andy. And I'm at Alistair TV. This is a sketch idea.

This is in the sketch idea. Tell me. But this is an observation. I think I have, every time I dry myself out of the get after I get out of the shower. I realized I think I'd drive myself in exactly the same order every single time. My wife does that. Your wife does that. But you don't? She has a system. I don't have a system.

Well, I didn't think I had a system. And then very recently I was like, I do it exactly the same way every single time. I reckon you probably do as well, Alistair. You just haven't realized. Really like start writing your tension. I do it exactly the same way every single time. I reckon you probably do as well, Alistair. You just haven't realized. Really, like start writing your tension. I don't want to be bored though. I don't want to be bored by realizing. I want to be bored.

That's why I do it the way I do it. It's because of my want for boredom. Now that is actually a thing I have, I do want boredom. Yeah, I do. It is comforting, I think, to be in something that you know. But I don't think it's even a question of a boredom it's it's a question of it is an absolute autopilot it's at some point probably like in my early what's what's pre-teens what do you call that nine yeah but like

what do you like pre-teens what do you call somebody who's pretty teen does that word is that word that they have for like sleens or slukens or tweens but no but even pre-tween right because tween is 1112 well then it's just childhood childhood thank you yeah and that I would have settled on my on my oh I think I think we should do an analysis someone should do analysis to work out when it is that that solidifies your post shower drying like structure routine yeah I'll be into your denying the existence of this entire premise anyway we're supposed to be finishing the pot this is very much the podcast is absolutely over yeah no it's over and so if you're still listening you're actually intruding on our podcast.

Five in conversation. And that's not okay. Yeah. And we love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you won't, it's up to you.

Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time.

Mycomputercareer.edu