Two In The Think Tank - 199 - "SOCIALISED HAIR"

Episode Date: September 10, 2019

THE PENULTIMATE EPISODE OF SEASON 1!Thanks everyone for listening. The 200 sketch episode has been streamed online (Part 1 and Part 2) and drops as audio next week.Thanks to Harry's for supporting this episode! Visit harrys.com/thinktank for your sweet listener only deal.Self Jerking Tube, Shrink Dad, Skin Bible, Bible Church, Salt Birth, Hand Face, Lion Up, Frog Spawn, Gum Sum, SHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Alistair, did you know that humans have been shaving for 5,000 years? Well, it's news to me, but I'm going to trust it because it comes from you. It doesn't just come from me, I'm a stare. It comes from Harry's. The shaving experts. They know everything. They've done their research. They've gone back. If something's wrong, you trace it back to the beginning and you try and trace through the history

and you try and work out where it went wrong. Where did we go wrong? So they went back and they used flint tools and shark teeth to try shaving, you know, went back to the very basics, worked their way up to the present day and they discovered where everything went wrong with shaving. It's all the gimmicks. It's all the gimmicks, it's all the bullshit. You don't need any of that stuff. I think that part where you're dragging sort of like a shark's jaw along your face. No, we were closer to the truth then, then we are now, like when you get one of those, when it's something that's got like a vibrating, you know, electroball. I've made that mistake. Yeah. Yeah. You'd be better off with the shark's

jaw. Why, what do these guys have? Look, I got a lot to say about this, and I don't want to get into it now, because I'll get all riled up before we start the podcast. That's not a good place to come. You don't want to have a whole bunch of energy going into the podcast. Certainly not, certainly not. No, not if you've listened to any of the recent ones.

No. And so anyway, look, but if you're hungry for it, you can't wait to find out you go to harry.com.com.com slash think tank, you can pause the podcast, come back. But you go there right now, you get a special trial offer just for our listeners.

Okay. Wow. Yeah. So anyway, I don't want to go into any more detail about it. Talk about it more later in the show. So if I should say it's a good deal, you go there, we'll look after you. Harrys will look after you. You'll look after yourself, dammit. Yeah. And boom. T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t I know it's hard to keep track of these kinds of things, but what number episode would you say that you think it is?

If you had to pick a number. Hmm, let's see, it's definitely a hundred and something. You're in the right ballpark. I think we've reached the 90s. Yep, yep, yep. This is very much the correct order of magnitude. And I remember going through a lot of the numbers, and that there's only one left.

19... It's 19... Nine. 19-nine. Ah, ah, the year 1999. You think that's what they called it back in 1999? Yeah, the 1999. Well, you're spot on Elastair. This is episode 199 of the two in the Think Tank podcast.

You know what that means? That means that, because we're recording this the night before. Yeah. We start tomorrow morning at 6 a.m. Correct. To record the 200th episode. Yeah, so the reality is that before we even release this episode, we will have recorded the 200th episode. That's right. You're hearing this now. The 200th episode has happened, has been recorded.

We may be dead. Well, like regardless, because the 200th episode in case you're just tuning in now, this is your first episode, 200th episode, we're going to do 200 sketch ideas. Not where we do five. Tomorrow, we're going to come into the booth at 6am. We're going to come up with 200 sketch ideas. We're going to live stream it. We're going to have, well, this has already happened. You've missed this, but the live stream, but there's going to be a lot of great guests. The point is that by the time you hear this, regardless of whether or not we actually died,

the two men you're hearing now are dead. Yeah, we're not going to be the same people. We're not going to be the same people. No, you can't step into the same live stream twice, Elastair. I've heard that. Yeah, you can't cross through the stream and then be a same person. We've teleported and we've had the original people

that we were deleted in the one portal. Yes. And then we were, had new people created in this new portal. And these are the two portals. It turns out the tank, the whole time was a teleporter. A tele tank. Yeah. And, out the tank, the whole time was a teleporter. A tele tank. Yeah. And, uh...

Oh boy, I gotta tell you, it's a little daunting. But fortunately, we've lined our stomachs with garlic bread and pizza. Nothing like a strong, breathed food to eat before you're in a small, enclosed space where you're inviting guests. Look, I mean, you say that, I won't step it. I mean, the point is, we're equals at the moment. We both eat in similar amounts of pizza and garlic bread. So, I mean, you can't offend me. No, no, no, and it's not about you that I'm worried about.

I'm worried about like, you know, next day, garlic mouth. I mean, I've heard of such a thing. I've never seen it in the wild. That's true, you don't. I mean, I believe the rumors, I mean, it's a lock dance. But garlic breath, is there a way in which to sketch around garlic breath, you can see?

Mm-hmm. How many, how many clothes are garlic do you think you have to eat before you can see the garlic breath? Before the density of garlic molecules, I think you might already be dead. Well, there's a chance. But I guess, I guess there's, you know that once you get to the point where your mouth is filled with garlic,

and you need to just... ...filled with solid garlic. Well, chewed garlic. Yeah. Yeah, that, you know, maybe it could be, it could be ground down, it could be crushed. As could we all. By the way, that garlic crusher is not a good system. I've seen improvements on the system.

My parents went through a phase of like every, seemed like every three months dad would come home with a new elaborate expensive garlic crusher. But no one has ever perfected it. See this is the problem, you crush down, right? You get some of it through the holes and then some of it sort of comes back up around the crushing thing and you gotta pull that off, push that back in.

And then you're not getting it all through because some of the skin bits, I mean, I'm telling you, I'm preaching to the choir. You don't put it in with the skin. No, but like even under the skin, that other... Under the skin. Under the skin. Down where I'm bleeding. Yeah.

Well, what I was suggesting is that once you, if you have a mouthful of solid and chewed garlic, at one point when you're gasping to just let a breath out and then let a breath back in, liquid will just spit out. So you know at that point you will see that, that will be your breath that will be carrying so much liquid garlic in it that you know at that point it's usable.

Droplets, yeah we're talking drops. I mean obviously in a cartoon I've seen breath many a time. Yes, green and wavy. Yeah, green and wavy but sometimes almost like a like a like a cloud as well. Like a mystere., usually green. A fog bank, the meeting from your mouth hole. There's also, I guess, in order for somebody to see something, nothing actually has to be there. It just has to trigger the senses, though. You know, so let's like a garlic smell that's so strong that it burns the retina in some way.

Yeah, or it triggers some, what's that thing where you flip hallucination? And then we'll kind of hallucination, but what's that thing where you flip hallucination and what kind of a hallucination But what's that thing where you synesthesia? Synesthesia trigger synesthesia. All right. It's a smell so strong. It pushes your synesthesia button Your nose basically gets such a colossal whiff of garlic that it says to your eyes Boys, you got to smell this. Yeah, I can't. Hacks, grab some of the nasal nerve, which I assume every sense has its own nerve, right?

Crack it up. Slams that up against the optic nerve, right? You get the feed directly from the nose into the eye. I think it's the nose, I think it's the nose bailing. It goes, this is too intense for me. I can't handle this anymore. You're gonna have to take this sense, like take this feed of sensory information.

Can you have a nasal hallucination? I like that. Yeah. I mean, this could be a person who goes through a very strong garlic breath phase. And then that pushes them, it's so strong, they have the kind of shamanic near death experience where then they from that point on they kind of their nose is not the same again.

And they can smell dead people. Yeah, and they can smell the smell you and then they can tell. And this is all because of a garlic See old smell and tell yeah Do you think you would tell people if you could smell that they were gonna die soon? Oh my god. I Actually Feel like that. I this is an idea that there's some vague familiarity to me in it But look I can't remember what it is right now But the idea was I was there is now riding down a sketch idea, and I'm intrigued to see what particular nugget he has picked out from the rambling. So I'm writing all of that then.

All of that. Yeah. Wow. Everything that's said so far, verbatim. Yeah, but I like that. I like the idea of a nasal who's sent a hallucination. I don't know if ghosts traditionally do have any kind of a smell associated with them because obviously you can get like a tingling sensation in the skin. You can see ghosts. You can hear a ghost. You've never seen a ghost. I've never seen a ghost. So then you've never you've never been present to know whether or not you've smelt one. No, I'm that's true. I'm not. Alistair, you're you're you're you're phrasing this as if you somehow caught me out. And I'm feeling that I'm feeling caught out.

But I don't I don't believe that if I've it, I mean anyway, no, no, you're you're wrong. Am I out in order to be, I must be out in order to be caught out. Yeah. Well, I guess, I guess I guess it was just because you were saying so confidently that ghosts don't have a spell. No, no, I didn't say that.

I was asking the question, do ghosts have a spell? Yeah, right. Right. I apologize. I took, you know, I took the, This is the modern thing. This is just what it's like now. It's this call out culture, right? You don't, you, you, you, you, we're so ready to jump on somebody just because we think we've heard them say ghosts don't have a smell. But maybe they're, what they're actually saying was do ghosts have a smell?

And, um, and shame on us, I think, or shame on us. I thought I'd been shamed, I'd been shamed. All of this is gonna be the kind of stuff that you can see live on a video stream. If you choose, I'd say that again. I guess the stream might still be up, I guess, saved on the, on the similar channel.

I guess on the channel somewhere, right? It won't be, I presume, live anymore. Live anymore? No, I assume. Unless we're still going on Tuesday. It's absolutely possible. You could be watching me on the stream right now, uploading this podcast that you're listening to now.

I don't know why you're watching one stream, listening to another. I don't want to judge how you live your life. Imagine that listening to it while you're uploading it. Yeah. Yeah. Almost seems impossible. How is it?

But no, it doesn't matter. No, I apologize. No, you're right. You're right. Actually, I was wrong about them and you were right to call me out. And... So, wait, were we in call out culture before? Were you making some...

I don't think I was going anywhere particularly interesting. It occurred to me that we could be in this situation where we are live streaming. But we won't be watching the stream because I don't think we need to focus. We need to focus. It's hard enough. We're perfectly capable of distracting each other and ourselves without the entire internet. But we might be in one of those situations, like one of those people who tweets something,

tweets a joke, gets onto an airplane, is in the air for like 10 hours. And then when they land, finds they've been canceled. Like we could say something appalling in the first 30 or 40 seconds of the podcast. Yeah, I can very much picture that. And yeah, well meanwhile, you know, everything's crashing down. Of course, we'll have guests coming in, but I imagine they would try and keep that. I guess they, oh yeah, I guess I thought you were going to say they could let us know. I mean, do you think it would be detrimental to our project if we found out an hour in that we were cancelled?

Yeah, but at least an hour in will still have some mental strength. I think if we find out 10 or a, you know, 16 hours in. Yeah, and it's gonna take a lot of mental strength to quit. Yeah. You know, I think if we find out 10 hours in, I don't think we're gonna be strong enough to quit. I don't think we're gonna be strong enough to quit. Um, those, you know, those ads that they used to have about quitting smoking. Oh yeah. Yeah, we'll put good guests. I mean, quitting smoking.

Yeah, quitting smoking. Which ones? The ones that were real positive, like you can do it, you can quit. Remember those kinds of things? They had like cheerleaders and stuff. No, they know that. No, it was a thing.

You know, probably about 10 years ago. It was like a... It was like a... Nicarats? Maybe it was. Go Gary Go. Yeah, maybe that's it. Go Gary Go.

I thought that was the quit line sort of thing. But no, it's Nicarat. Yeah, alright. I mean, but that was a great brand. You know, their gum was green. You know, they still around? I don't know. I mean, they must be, right?

People are still smoking. I think I still have a packet somewhere because once I bought a pack because I was like, I'd read that. I don't even need to know where this is going. What's your guess? My guess is that you'd read somehow that people who smoke to help them concentrate

or something like that. And so you thought, well, why bother smoking when I can just buy the nicotine gum, take that and use that to help me be productive or something or write, you've set yourself a challenge and say, well, what I'm gonna do, so I'm just gonna write five jokes every hour and I'm gonna film those and put them in on Instagram.

And that'll just be what I do. And then after two days, I'll have an entire comedy festival show. But then you found that that wasn't working. So you thought, I'm gonna have to take up smoking, but then after two days I'll have an entire comedy festival show. Yeah. But then you found that that wasn't working. So you thought, I'm going to have to take up smoking. But then you realize you didn't have time or you didn't like the taste. So you just bought the the Nicaret gum. Yeah. The smoking did taste like a campfire. Yeah. So, um, how close was I? Well, nicotine, yeah, was one of the few ways that you can extend

your, your concentration. One of the few ways. Like chemical ways that just genuinely shows that it increases your attention span. It's amazing. I mean, I guess you can have smoke ice or something like that. No, no, no, no. I don't know if they ever talk about that. No, they don't talk about that in official papers, but I do know people who studied using methamphetamine.

Methamphetamine. not just amphetamine, methamphetamine, smoke ice and increase there. You could just take it orally. Just have a crystal put in some orange juice or something. Yeah, wow. It was just dissolved or something like sugar? Yeah, or you just swam up swallowing or something? Like a chunk and then it dissolves in your stomach.

Yeah. It does whatever it does. Whatever it does. I don't like to pry. I don't want it's business. You know, I'm saying, they didn't want to know too much about it. It was just a thing some people do to clear their heads. Mm.

Sure. I mean, you know, a lot of those drugs, you know, there's like a 12-step program to quit them. Mm-hmm. But I'm sure that if you took enough ice, you could probably get it done a lot quicker, you know, really race through that 12 step program. Yeah, sort of admitting that you've you're sure, you know, you're what's that? You could admit that you're got a problem that there's a higher power. Oh, yeah, you're surrender to our power.

Yeah. Yeah. I already have this ice. Yeah, see? Oh, ahead of the game. Oh my God, I'm gonna skip through. I'm gonna go to eight. I reckon I could do eight. No, I think I'm ready.

Give it to me. Yeah. Hit me with it. So now we got a, what's a sketch idea? I guess the opposite of a 12 step program, which is usually what you use to get off of something, there could be like the opposite of a 12-step program, which is usually what you use to get off of something. There could be the opposite, which is like a hill that you tumble down. And that's the one hill program.

Yeah. Is this to get on to something then if it's the opposite? Yeah, I guess it's kind of like a... I guess, yeah, you feel like your life's going too well, and you want some life experience, you know, that I guess doesn't involve the sort of success in the direction that you've been going. I wonder if at some point it would be possible to, because we're a big on body modification etc. Obviously. because we're a big on body modification, et cetera, obviously. And if at some point it'll be possible to basically have a chip in your brain that runs your body, runs your entire body, and indeed your entire life.

So that you can have, like, you can be the ultimate functioning addict in that your body, your mouth, everything in your interaction with the world around you is running as perfectly as possible. And then your brain itself can just be so messed up and addicted to drugs and doing basically whatever your brain wants. I don't know how your brain will be getting the drugs, but it'll probably have some kind of deal going with one of the hands where it slips at stuff when the rest of the body's not looking

or something like that. The brain slips it to the hand. The hand slips and stuff to the brain. Maybe pokes it in through the ear or something, right? It's got a guy on the outside. You got to have someone on the outside. So you got a naughty hand. You got one naughty hand, right?

The other hand and the eyes and stuff aren't really watching, right? But when, yeah, and then it just pokes a little, a couple of shakes and crystals into your ear or something, go straight into the brain. Oh, yeah, that'd be good. And your brain's tripping out. Yeah, but the chip is like called functional, you know, but it's ALS spelled AI. Yeah, really good. It kind of looks like an AI. Yeah, really good. It looks like an AI. Yeah, well, we really haven't sorted out and this is very, I'm, I think about this way too much with my kids,

the difference between the capital I and the, and the lower kids, but I mean, we can talk about that later on. No, I mean, that's a big one though. It is a big one. It's a big one to take on. I mean, we're late. I mean, should we just tackle it now? Okay, sure, because this is my problem. At some point, we gave up on that little foot at the bottom of the lowercase L. I don't know when we decided that it was okay to just like amputate that the L's foot.

Yeah, where did we put that? I mean, like, like, Yeah, when I was, you know, when I learned handwriting, it was, there was a little curl at the bottom of the L, wasn't it? But was it when it's a loop? I would always just put one. I never learned to do joined up writing. Really? No. Curseive.

Curseive. Yeah. But can you do it now? I mean, I guess I can just sort of scribble. Yeah, but you don't have to scribble. You can just write it like... Yeah, but there's a, you know, cursive is like a a it's supposed to look a certain way and things are supposed to join particular points and stuff aren't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah, might might not just don't take the pen off the page and then I just do all my letters normally. Yeah

I mean, I don't think it's mostly that the s is kind of becomes like a bit like a d Sure, sure funny little Looks like the sale of a boat like a a Spinnaker or something like that. It looks like the sale of a boat. I don't know what the Spinnaker is, but Spinnaker's one of those big sort of sack like sales you put out the front, you know. Yeah, okay.

When you just got the wind behind you. It occurred to me that I was taking us on another tangent. No, man. So, L, now that we've gone this far, L, small L big eye, how can we fix this problem? I mean, oh, I was gonna say maybe we didn't context. I mean context is big, but there's but like when you're trying to teach the kids the letters You know like we've got the ones to stick onto the fridge as magnets and there there's, there's, functionally speaking, there's no difference between the capital I and the...

I see what you're saying. Yeah. You're saying, I don't want to have to explain it to my kids. That's right, how I'm going to explain this to my children. You're right, this is hard. Yeah, before we took the, took the foot off the L, we should have had a, I like it, a referendum.

A referendum, a, you know, a playbassite of some kind. I mean, this should be a whole web series that's called, how am I going to explain this to my kids? And it's things like this, genuine problems, not like problems that conservative people have made up. No, no, no, problems that idiots like me have had. Exactly. Well, I mean, this is a very concerned. I mean, I'm sure the problem also affects people who come here from non-European alphabet. Alphabet, yeah, yeah, whatever that's called. What is it? What is that?

Arabic alphabet? Is it the Arabic alphabet? I don't, but then what is it? No, the Arabic alphabet is totally different. It's probably what you. What is the thing that we've got from the real alphabet? Yeah, yeah, that's what I mean. The real alphabet? Yeah. I think from now on, if you're on a right the letter L, okay, you've got to write the words the letter L. Oh, no, but that's not going to work because people won't know if that's

you're writing the letter L or the letter capital I. Yeah, well, but you wouldn't write the letter L with a small L. You don't think? I think you'd use a capital. Well, what do you think is the default letter? It's the capital. You think the capital. It's the more official one. You think the capital A is the real A? Let's the official A. That's the face of A. Right. I guess that's why you always put it at the front or something, right? You put your spokes letter out the front of the sentence.

It's a master and slave kind of thing. The capital gets all the sort of the big roles, beginnings of words and like, you know, entitles and things like that. Whereas the slave kind of gets the shittier sort of, you know, smaller jobs like, you know, it can begin the word like and and things like that. They don't matter and you know,

all the eyes and the Mississippi and things like that. All the sort of the bulk of the work. All the heavy lifting, they don't matter, and you know, all the eyes and the Mississippi and things like that, all the sort of the bulk of the work. All the heavy lifting, all the drone work, the grunt work is done by those lower case ones, which I presume that maybe they're asexual, maybe they can't reproduce. I think that every slower case letter does get neutered or whatever you have to,

and that's one of the privileges also that the big letters get to do is that they get to cut the genitals of yours. Oh, I was gonna tell you I thought you were gonna say that one of the privileges they get to have sex, but no, the real privilege is getting to cut the genitals. Yeah, yeah. And I guess that's how they keep them small like that,

like when you neuter a sheep or something like that. Yeah. Yeah, so that way they never mature. They don't feed them the royal jelly or whatever. The capital jelly. Do they evolve like Pokemon? You know, like you start out, maybe you start out as a lowercase,

or maybe they all start out in just like a little full stop. And then that bursts open. To a, yeah. I guess the full stop at the end there is sort of there is just like a little chalk to stop all the letters, sort of running off. Yeah, spray out of a real white or whatever. Yeah, they're very much like an elephant.

It's been tied to one of those little posts as a youngster. You know, you show them once, you know, when they're small, which obviously they're there they're, they stay small all the time. Yeah. But that little dot there, they kind of go, whoa, that and they don't want to go be on it. And then, you know, the longer they live, they still don't learn anything.

You can really actually just put them on a page and they don't move. Unless you get an eraser. Yes. Then you can use that to kill them. You can use it well. Yeah, threaten them, make it like they were never there. That's the only thing that's bigger than, it can actually kill the big letters too. Capital letters, yeah. And digitally that's the back space or the delete key.

I think we could go through all of the letters then. I mean, assuming the capital letters are capable of reproducing we'd have to go through all of them and sort of work out maybe a family tree or like a sort of which one's mate with which other ones. I mean obviously the Q and the U are in some kind of a relationship yeah yeah like or like the Q really it feels like is in a monogamous relationship with the U but the U really feels like it can see other people. Yeah, yeah, I think the queue is quite clingy. The queue is very clingy and the you, yeah, is a bit of a player. Yeah.

Yeah, behind its back. In that relationship. Yeah. But actually when it's behind its back is actually when it's with it. When it's with it, yeah. It's in front of its face that it often goes and does other things. Well, I guess it depends on which side you think the face is on the cue. Yeah, I guess for me it's the part where the back isn't.

Oh, right. Okay, well then, Alistair, I hate to call you out and say, gotcha on this. How do you know which side's the back? Well, on the small cue, it's the long line. Right, is it? Okay. And so I just assume with the regular queue, with the big queue, real queue to me,

the back is on the same side. I assume they just face the same direction. Right, I guess for me, maybe the capital letters, I would say that the face-up, facing all of the little letters in the sentence or in the word sort of keeping an eye on them, right? Not looking out sort of towards what the margin or something like that. What would be the point?

No, I see their authority as being great enough that they can look away and be confident that the other, the smaller letters are still listening to them. And they're more a leader than they are a supervisor. Yeah, they're not here to babysit. They're not micro-managing. Yeah, they just, they put them in place. But I mean, I guess with a letter like, you could see how maybe that faces the audience, the reader.

Oh, yeah, right. Okay. And so maybe that's kind of what the queue does. That's sort of a more powerful thing like they're saying like hey I'm gonna look eye to eye with even humans which are clearly maybe I would say more like an superior race to To letters You have a look at the letters and think you you're staring me down You have a look at the letters and think you're staring me down. Yeah, you're staring off cue. Stare off, mate.

You're better than me, huh? Oh, I can not. I'm not an eraser. What do you mean you're pen? That's why I created the eraser to dominate the letters. It's very much invention of me. Anyway, I mean, this is all very fun. But we've already written something down

for this haven't we? Yeah, Master and Slave uppercase and lowercase letters. And yeah, I think that works as a sketch idea. We talk about their history and, you know, I mean, I guess. I think they're, they're, they're primalized in how they, how they reap it. Do you think the V and the A are related in any way? I mean, they almost feel like there will be nemacies in some sort of, you know? Yeah, but you know, but then they would find out that, you know, maybe the A would find out that

the V was actually its father, like that, or a long-lost relative, you know, their cousins or something like that, you know? Yeah, yeah, and then, and then- Because I guess they all come from Greek people. Greek people. Greek letters. Yeah. Which they all come from Greek people. Greek people Greek letters. Yeah. Which I guess come from Greek people. I guess so. Yeah. But I guess they come from they pop it even the Greeks go from somewhere else, right? What do you think about the stripe?

Right? Here's the thing. Right? Yeah. Right. The stripe, probably the default pattern, would you say? Right? Yeah. Right, the stripe, probably the default pattern, would you say?

Hmm. Anyway, if you would have picked the main clothing, like the basic clothing pattern, probably the stripe. I don't know what you think about the spot. The spot, the spot to me feels like you would have come up with the stripe well before you came up with the spot. Because if you're making things with like sewing

or weaving or whatever, easy to get a stripe, I think a spot is an absolute nightmare. Yeah, but but the stripe is also, I don't know, it feels like it would have taken a while to get the coordination to get a good stripe going, you know. Oh, you're right. Whereas a spot, you know, especially early on, you know, like maybe if you're weak, maybe if you're sort of, you're looming or some of that, if you're using a loom, then a stripe kind of almost makes more sense because then you're putting it in lines.

Yeah. But what if you just get, what if you just come across some cloth? Okay. Yes. No, but I mean, it could be an animal skin or something. It could be an animal skin or something. It could be an animal skin sure But see I think you're neglecting the keyword here, which is patent, right? And I think for those spots to form a patent

Yeah, you probably would have need to need to put them in a line So you kind of already need to know about lines in order to be able to make a patent out of a spot Yeah, I guess if you have to make cloth ice, does every cloth have to be weaved? Wove and? Wove and? Um, I guess felt. Felt isn't, I don't think felt is woven, felt is just sort of pressed. Is that a very early material?

Could be an early material? Doesn't feel like it feels like it became a long bit later, you know? That feels, felt feels like it, how does felt feel? I felt like felt felt felt felt. From a long, five ago. I don't know what you, I can't even picture what the first cloth would have been. Like a hemp, like a hemp weave? Either way, either way there's a lot of it.

It would have been wool. Right, it would have been wool or it would have been maybe human hair, maybe even human hair. Yeah. Right. Okay. So then, you know, before, if we'd never, if we'd never domesticated the sheep, right, and instead we'd just domesticated ourselves, right? And there would be people whose whole jobs would sort of roam around in fields and then be dragged into a shed occasionally and have

their hair shave and off and then woven together into a cloth to be worn by, I guess, maybe them or something like. Or a capital letter. What about this, right? In order to reduce animal cruelty, we decide that we're no longer a farm sheep for wool. And that all people are just going to keep growing their hair until it's at such a length. And then you can just be randomly grabbed by one of the government's shearing squads. And they drag you into their van, their shearing van, they cut off your really long hair. And then that goes into some vast depository. Yeah.

OK. And then that all gets mixed together. And then we get issued with a couple of square meters of cloth every year made from the shorn here of everyone in the country. So it's like a little mixed up there together. So it's like a cloth mixed up there together. So it's like a kind of like a cloth sort of socialist utopia. Yes.

Which in which, you know, we only make the cloth out of human hair. But that's the only element in which the country is socialist. Yeah. Everything else continues as normal, which is why the vans have to come and grab you. Yeah. Right. So it doesn't really interfere with your life in any way. You're still be going about your business.

Oh, I reckon it's going to interfere with your life if you're getting grabbed in the street It's probably gonna affect minimal minimal It's gonna affect the you know how how you can regulate your emotions and things maybe they could drench you while you're in there Yeah, they're drenching. It's like how you give your sheep the sheep all it's like Vaccinations and that sort of thing like they shove it like this squirty gun into your mouth, into the sheep's mouth and it sort of has to swallow this goo, blue goo that you squirt into its mouth. No, I do that. Right, maybe then you paint like a blue stripe on its head or something so that you know

who's been done. I mean, I guess you'd be able to tell from the fact that they're they're balls. Yeah, but you know, maybe like I get a wig or something and do Do ball people get wait I get get cloth? I guess that I guess that's it. That's what makes it an equal. That's what makes it socialism This is like meddy care for all or something like that. Meddy hair for all. Meddy hair. Meddy Yeah, I don't know what the meddy is doing in there. It's medical hair. Okay.

And that, you know, it's used for keeping you warm so you don't get sick. Of course, this means that all our clothes are made from human hair. And as you know from getting your hair cut, there's nothing more irritating than when you have some hair inside your shirt or something like that. We're imagining that. But maybe that's just because your shirt's not made of hair. Maybe it's just a relative thing to do. I think this feels out of place.

If only my shirt were made of hair. This feels like my relative's hair. Yes. And maybe then we would all be uniformly uncomfortable all the time and it would be comfort that felt uncomfortable. Yeah. And so then we would start calling discomfort comfort.

And we'd start calling discomfort comfort. And we'd start calling comfort discomfort. Discomfort. And nothing would really change. Just about. Assuming that discomfort felt like comfort. Or it wasn't just another way of saying discomfort. Discomfort.

I mean, I don't think that made sense for the, I mean, it, but it worked. Just comfort. I mean, I don't think that made sense for the I made it but it worked. Yeah, yeah. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession resistant career in a rewarding field with plenty of growth opportunities and often session-resistant career in a rewarding field with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including

the GI Bill. Now is the time. Mycomputercareer.edu. That's for me. Before we go on to that shaving people thing, what were we talking about, what were we talking about, patents? Oh yeah, so I was gonna say, so let's say they made the first cloth. Yes.

Okay, right. The first cloth. Okay, I think early on, you've made cloth, even if you are weaving it, it would take a while before they realize you could pre-dye some of the things and then weave the line into the weave. So first thing would be painting patterns onto already made monocolored cloths. So then it's about whether or not it makes it would be easier to put spots on or easier to put lines on. You know that's I guess those are the two things that it would be. Let's make a parody of this is

going to be very topical, right? It's going to be a parody of that movie, that Ricky Gervais movie, the invention of lying, right? This is called the invention of lining, right? And it's about a world where nobody's invented the line, the straight line. Oh, right. You went like the inner part of the jacket. No, Alistair, that would be stupid. This is the invention of lines, straight lines.

Nobody thought of straight lines before everybody's working in circles or like sort of wiggly shapes or houses kind of look like blobs. Okay. So they invented like the straight line. You invented the straight line. That would have had to happen. Right, and then everyone would be like,

how'd you get here so quickly? Oh, well. Well, and then he doesn't want to tell people at first. No, you wouldn't tell people. It'd be like a superpower. But he basically teleportation. But also, he would only be able to tell them the truth though because they haven't, this is lost it.

It's in the same universe. Yeah. It's part of the invention of lying. It's the sign universe. Yeah. It's part of the invention of lying. It's in the universe. Yeah. We got to get Ricky Dervais under this. Ricky. Or get us get Ricky to get us onto it.

Oh, that was a good idea. We're happy to write this one for you. Obviously we still want Louis involved. I was Louis involved in... In which you're lying. I haven Louie involved in the show of lying. Yeah, I haven't seen it, but I do recall. That was the time. There was a time there where they posted a video online of them on some small plane, where there was a lot of rumbling and falling and things like that and Louis very scared and

Ricky You know you won't believe this, but he's laughing quite loudly and obnoxiously I mean I guess that proves it right that that really is the person that You are like if a plane is going down and you are still... Yeah, that's who you are. Maybe he's one of the most pure people that exists. I mean, you know, he's a hero to all people. There you go. I mean, I haven't checked online recently, but I think he's lost or checked universally loved.

Loved, yeah. I I mean he's as close to to having reached reach some kind of enlightenment as I've seen you know he he doesn't seem to be worried about stuff. Yeah right. You know he's I mean that's a lot of what of his stuff is about these days. I'm not worried about this even though you know talking about it does kind of make it seem like you might be you've definitely given it some thought. Yeah. You know what, Harry's razors, Alistair. Yeah. You know, we have a special offer for our listeners,

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They'll just send these to your house. You don't have to go to the place and ask them to get the thing from behind the thing. I often leave it too long. And they start dulling and it hurts my face every time I shave. I had to buy some condoms right from the IGA in our small town recently, where everybody knows everybody, right?

And there's this, a lot lot of like, just young teen kids who don't seem to have ever left the town. This young boy is basically serving me. I have to go ask him to go and get the con, I don't know, we're talking about condoms now, not Harry's, but I imagine it would be similarly embarrassing. He had to go and, I had to ask him to go and get them from, from behind the counter, you know, they're up there on a thing, right,

with the raises. He brings them back. Were you doing this in? This is this year. Yeah. I know, this is the country town, right? And then he brings them back to me at the thing and he says, fighting the good fight.

And I said, yeah. Yeah. I just didn't know how to respond to that. Well, I mean, you're fighting the good fight. You're fighting the good fight. I mean, you're fighting the good fight. You're fighting the good fight. You're fighting the good fight. I mean, you're fighting the good fight. You're fighting the good fight.

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your skin is gonna be so beautiful. And plump and moist. Plump and moist, right? You'll be crumbling inside Mm-hmm right but outside just like that egg shell perfect. Yeah, oh People will look at your open casket and they won't let the priest bury you Yes, because he said nobody who is dead could possibly be that plump and moist And the priest will say it's Harry's It's damn Harry's making my job so hard.

Go to harry.com. Watch the thing tank to start shaving better today. I just think what if the first pattern that we come up with had been like a dolphin jumping out of a, you know, like a blood, you know, like a whole lake of blood. I know I hadn't thought about that. It probably wouldn't be considered a pattern. But maybe it would be if that was the first one. As long as you repeat it. Right.

How many times you need to repeat it before it's a pattern? Three. Three dolphins jumping out of a, right? You could do that on a skirt. I think three makes a pattern. Do you think that before, you know those kind of hula skirts that were like, that are just remind me, that are like a grass, a grass sort of combination skirt? Do you think that's pre-cloth?

Like, baked. Do you think like before, like, do you think it's an alternative to cloth or is that a pre-cursor to cloth where, because I mean, I thought there are places that weave things together, you know, like bl-blad-ot blades of grass and things like that. So maybe that's like a proto cloth. Yeah, well, we'll just have them all hanging next to each other. We won't necessarily force them to connect together

in any way. I guess you have a lot of that. You have a chain the threads. You have the downward thread. You just don't have the across ones that leave in and out. Yeah. Yeah. You're halfway there.

That's right. And do you think maybe there's shirts like that? Like a, like a, like a, like a hoolah shirt. Yeah, like a hoolah shirt. A grass shirt. A grass shirt. Just around your neck, I suppose you have like a thing. And then the threads hang down.

Socks like that. I think it'll be hard because they'll hang down just sort of from the, I think, I think it'll be hard to conceal like consistently your pecs or your nipple area. Right? Because when the threads just hang down from sort of the neck central might break some wind though. Like, you know, you might like. Yeah, I do. I'm very short. Yeah. You know, it could block some wind. Maybe they just maybe it's a, it's, you just hang the threads over your shoulders. And then maybe you have hang that you the threads over your shoulders Hmm, and then maybe you have some more that are hanging from your neck

I mean they'd fall off your shoulders very easily But if there was no wind at all maybe if there'd never been any wind we would never have invented Cloth we would have just had threads hanging down Yeah, all over our bodies We did okay before before that we had cloth at all? Like, obviously we survived without cloth for a long time. No, I want to know when did we lose our hair, right? As apes or whatever.

We lost our hair and then at some point we started wearing things or did we start wearing things and then our body lost our hair because it was like, don't need this. American, the must have been a long time when we just weren't wearing anything and then our body lost our hair because it was like, don't need this. American, the must have been a long time when we just weren't wearing anything and we just, well I guess it works for elephants, works for pigs. Works for naked mole rats.

And you know what, if it works for the naked mole rat? Well, you know what I think happened is that we probably came out in a place where the weather was fine to be new to all times. But then we started traveling, right? We started traveling, but we couldn't travel until we had the appropriate gear to be able to traverse colder terrains. And so we started killing animals, taking their skins.

We started using, obviously, putting some grass around our neck, so it dangled over our nipples. Yeah. And things like that. And then, people who moved further along could claim land for themselves where there was nobody, no other people. Sure, there were bears. Mm-hmm. You know, but that bear wasn't a person who could

knew about ownership and things like that. Correct. So you could, you know, you could, you could, you could, you could, you know, you could, I don't know, then get a bunch of dogs and then defend your land from the bears. From the bears. Yeah. And that's fine. You can do that.

You can do that because the dog already has clothes. Um, the naked mole rat, Elisdeg. Yeah. They know, they know they could do that. To them, they're probably just mole rats. Well, they have an eaten from the tree at all. Oh, God. Oh, God.

I mean, I'm actually being a naked mole rat. Yeah. And then who'd eat from the tree of the knowledge of it? I think they are blind though. Yeah, but then. But they'd be able to feel that they could and then the tree would give love them to Experience shame as I would have I think that's what it's I mean, I think there'll be a fair bit of shame as I see I didn't think it make a mole. That's why they're so far underground You know, it's like gods given them a chance to never be able to access the fruit.

Yeah, a bit of a buffer. These fellas. But I mean, maybe they do know. Maybe they wear the earth as clothes. That's why they're underground. That's not so crazy. Yeah. I mean, because what is clothing?

If not, it's just a hole. It is a hole. It's a hole. It's a hole that you climb into. Poke your limbs through other holes. Clothes. Oh, just, you're regular. Clothes are a cave.

Yeah, they're just a cave. You take with you. They're a cloth borough. Yes. A portable cloth borough. It's just a smaller house that you wear as you walk around. This is how when we invent clothes, this is how we're having to sell them to the people.

Right? This is how we're pitching it. You know, it's a portable cloth burrow. You know, they think of it as being a hole in the ground, but once you get into the hole, you walk and the hole comes with you. You know how you, you know, when you're, when you're, when you're, when you're standing behind a tree,

you can hide from the wind. Well, imagine there's trees all around you. And they're very narrow. Yeah, this one isn't good. We're just waiting for me to finish writing. So you're like, all right, I can quit. Yeah, I mean, in a sense, Salon. Thank you so much.

Tomorrow, do you want to write some stuff down so you have, or do you like the traditional gender roles that we have? I think it's important that we keep this in a way. I mean, we'll see. We'll see how your risks going, Alice. Imagine that 200. I could be. Yeah. That's what that's an essay. It's a couple of essays I reckon. Carpool tunnel. essay. essay. I think we've got five sketch ideas.

Now we just need some words from a listener. Right. I mean, so easy. How many minutes did I take that? I don't know. I barely, I don't know. I barely want to know. Just as I was clicking over, I was like, did I even start the recording?

How would I know? Yeah. That's 45 minutes. I mean, it's not a good sign. We need to be going a lot faster than that. We'll be fine. We'll be fine. We'll be fine. OK, we got three words from our Patreon supporter.

Hey, if you want to support us on Patreon, we love it. It helps us. It helps Andy pay his office mortgage and his financial problems. We're about to go into five months of unemployment. This will be what this is this is how we know to stop the podcast. Yeah, we've been talking about is there ever going to be a reason to stop the podcast? Maybe when I pay off my mortgage, we'll stop the podcast.

So what do we got with how many year more? It's a 30 year term. 30 year term. Right. Yeah. I think there's a chance we're gonna dive before that. I think it's girls. The so okay three words. Anyway if you want support the podcast patreon.com slash two in tank. We've got a lot of people

joining the three dollars that allows you to suggest three words or the eight dollar one that allows you to get all the bonus episodes. We love it so much. Including sci-fi try guys. But also you don't have to do that if you don't want to. Of course not. And you can review us on iTunes or you can just tell a friend about the podcast. Yeah. Or you can just be. You can just be.

You can just be. Just be. You know, it's just an unbelievable, weird, lucky thing that anything, we've been getting anything from this, from doing this podcast, which we've been getting anything from this podcast, which we just enjoy doing, except for tomorrow, which will be a slog. It'll be hell. All right. So, the three words from today is from one of our Patreon supporters called Jaden Younger.

Hello, Jaden. It could be Jaden Younger. He might want it to be Jaden Younger. Yeah, Younger. Yes. Jaden Younger. Younger. Yes. J. Younger. He's followed the traditional method of sending in three words.

And they're all individual words. So there's no trickery in there. Oh, I love it. Yeah, you really love the absence of trickery. Yeah, hit me with these three individual words. Egg. Yes. Boiling.

Yes. Adventureiling. Yes. Adventure. I mean, honestly, this takes me way back. I believe we've talked about this on the podcast, telling me about how when you boil eggs at different altitudes, it takes a different amount of time because the water boils at a different temperature, at different air pressure.

It has lower pressure. Then when there's lower pressure, I think it boils at a lower temperature, a different air pressure. And there's lower pressure. Then when there's lower pressure, I think it boils at a lower temperature. It feels like, I mean, I can't remember. It feels like, I don't know, like it just, my instinct tells me that at a higher pressure, I don't know, yeah, maybe that's what it is. Because I'm trying to think back to Giro dreams of sushi. They cook rice at a, under a dreams of sushi. They cook rice at a lot of pressure, which must mean that

it boils at a higher temperature. That way they can sort of, because they need to get the rice needs to cook at a higher temperature, right? It's so confusing. Because I guess my instinct would first tell me that higher pressure boils at a lower temperature. But then why would you get anything out of that when you're... Yeah, no, I think you want it to be at a higher temperature so that you can put more energy into the thing that you're cooking, cook it more intensely.

Do you want to try and figure out in your mind? Why what makes it shift? Well, this is it. So this is what boiling is. Right. Boiling is when bubbles of vapor form in the liquid. Right. That's what defines boiling, I think. Yeah. Like, because something goes from being a liquid to being a gas, basically, when a boil. So you get those bubbles inside the liquid, and you see those when you're boiling a pot on the stove or something, right? Those are bubbles of water vapor.

Now, those bubbles would occur when the pressure of the vapor is equal to the atmospheric pressure. Right? If there's less pressure, if there's less pressure outside, it takes less heat for the bubble to form. And so you would boil at a lower temperature, at a lower pressure. And that makes sense, that's why it takes longer

to cook an egg at a high altitude because it is a lower temperature. Yeah, and then you'll boil it a lower temperature. That that's why you put a lot of pressure on this rice when you're boiling it so that it boils at a higher temperature because it can't cook this rice properly. Yes, now is that a sketch idea? No. And that's why when you're in space, right? No one can hear you screaming.

No, when you're in your space and you go out, you're blood boils instantly because there's no pressure outside you, right? And so you don't like the water in your blood instantly turns to vapor. Even though it's really cold? Yeah, I think your blood boils and turns into... That's a real bummer, isn't it? I think that's right.

Is that why there's so much gas out in space? Could be. So many things are gaseous because there's just such little pressure. I guess there's no pressure to cause them to turn into Hmm, but then they're also boiling Yeah boiling cold boiling cold. Oh, it's boiling cold out here. It feels like something we've already said

Oh. Okay, now we got to figure out how to make a sketch. Well look, it's egg boiling adventure. Egg boiling adventure, I'm so sorry, I got his way off track, right? That's okay, well I mean I enjoyed the process of figuring out. I mean maybe that's why people climb Everest because they, because of the... The difficulties of boiling water on Earth. It's happened more because...

The down on ground level. The down and ground level. Because, I mean, sure, you climb Everest to sort of see the view from the top of Man Everest. But that's just one experience, right? That's just, and in many ways, you've already seen that, right?

You've seen those photographs, so that's something. You've probably been in a plane that's even high. You've probably seen something that's even better than the view from the top of Mount Everest. But what haven't you done? Boil the egg and it takes half an hour. Right, now that's an experience. Yeah, especially with the pressure of having to get back down

before the weather changes. Exactly. I got to get, I got to boil this egg before the weather changes. When have you ever had that experience? It's a low pressure, high pressure egg boiling scenario. Exactly. The pressure's on you, not on the egg. Mmm. I've been under so much pressure up here.

To be honest, I thought it was gonna be such a new experience, but to be honest, the low pressure that the egg boils at and the high pressure that I'm under really makes the whole thing feel just like it does back home. Do you think that Hillary and Tenzing were the two people to the first two people to take the longest time to cook an egg? Woo! That's a good question. I guess there could be somebody who just didn't have very much fire. Do you very much fire or you just kept getting distracted? That's true.

Because they're holding the pot above the fire with their hand. I guess. Yeah. Is the low pressure. High pressure thing. Hillary gets down from the top of Mount Everest and all he wants to talk about is how long it took to boil the eggs. I couldn't believe it. I remember setting foot on top of the mountain and thinking, can't believe how long it's taking to boil this egg. I mean, I'm hungry now. I mean, look, I cooked it for the seven minutes that I normally do after the water boils.

And I tell you what, when I got it out, you've never seen an egg so running in your life. And I said, well, okay, well, I've got one more. I'll give it another go. Give it a couple more minutes. Something about the cold, the atmosphere, cold must be changing the scenario. And I tell you what, after 10 minutes of boiling, I swear, it was probably softer than the seven minute one. Or could not. I said, you can eat both of those tensing. No, gay. That's right. That's a shirt for a friend.

Mmm. God, that was a good bit of snippet. It was a good, it was a good, it's good accent we were doing for that New Zealand. It wasn't it. I can't even imagine, like even though I know what a New Zealand accent sounds like, I can't, in my head, even start to understand how to do it.

Well, I think it's just something about a nut. That's worse. That's so much worse. Something about fish and chips. But there's also that thing about early, you know, even 1950s, Australian 1950s, everybody sounds weird and different. A lot of people sound British. A lot of people sound British, a lot of people sound just like,

ah, what, wait, I'm flake, that. And I think it's hard to imagine, like I think I feel like Hillary, is her Edmund Hillary would have been given an honorary British accent. That's right. Right, if you've climbed up to the top of a man ever so they probably just give you one.

They whisper the secret to doing it or something in your ear and you're allowed to do one from then on. Was the Himalayas at that point owned by the British Empire? I reckon it would have been out of the British Empire. Yeah, because Nepal, Nepal was never a British colony. Probably was. It feels like something that would have been. No.

I reckon they would have grabbed that. Would have been a lot of work though. Getting up there and stuff. Yeah, I'll go. Oh, I'm trying to go over the mountain to sort of say, ah, don't run away. Yeah, you're out. You do stay.

Be. Al. Be us. Let us. Say it a lot of this. It's a lift. It's a lift. What a beautiful lift.

What the fuck is that? Teaching a English word. The way that we say it in English. The way the word lift. Because that's what they say instead of elevator. I don't know that that's the most crucial word to be teaching people in Nepal. In a way I was picking something silly

so that it would be ridiculous. Yeah, but in another way, Alistair, I picked you up on it and took all the fun out of it. That's okay. So did we have anything there? Yeah. All Hillary wants to... I mean, I feel like there's probably plenty of other stuff in egg boiling adventures. You know, I mean, you think about it, an egg, such a fragile thing.

Such a fragile thing, the egg, right? But to take the egg and to boil the egg in some adventurous type scenario, surely makes the adventure more adventurous. That's true. I mean, you're rafting down the, the, the, the, the rocket, so the Colorado river. Yes.

Right? There's rapids. That's right. All very well, but you're also boiling an egg. You also have a little hot plate going or a fire. Think about the elements of jeopardy you've added in, right? Suddenly you've got a fire. You've got boiling water and you've got this egg that you don't want to break. Right? Now that now we're talking now it's an adventure skydiving.iving, right? Okay, source of heat, boiling water in free fall. It's free fall. And an egg. And an egg.

How are you boiling the water in free fall? How about this? You jump out of a plane, right? You're in free fall. You have a global, how about this? I've changed it. I've changed it. I've changed it.

You're in zero gravity. You're in space. I want to know if this is possible. Tell me if this is. You're in zero gravity, you're in space. Right, I wanna know if this is possible. Tell me if this is what you're in zero gravity, you're in space. You've got a globule of water, big globule of water there, hovering in front of you, all held together with surface tension.

You take an egg, you put it inside that globule. You get a blowtorch, LSD, you're ahead of me. You get a blowtorch, you pointed at that globule. Right, can you boil the egg inside a globule? Now, my suspicion is that when you point the blowtorch, you point it at that globule. Right, can you boil the egg inside a globule? Now, my suspicion is that when you point the blowtorch at the globule, it'll just blast the globule apart. Because that's kind of the back of a rocket, right? Yeah.

And will the blowtorch push you away? Oh my God. Okay, well then you've got to have something to hold on to. And then you need all your shipmates with other blowtorchers. To hold on to and then you need all your shipmates with other water With other blow torches and you're basically you're hurting the water with your blow torches not letting it get away because you're trying to boil this egg Obviously, I mean, I imagine this is how they have to boil eggs in space because how would you do it otherwise?

That's right. Well, do you think when when they all manage to sort of contain the water by pointing all the blood to it? They actually somehow start fusion power. Well, that's basically what it is, isn't it? Yes. Can't get away. Look, I like it. I was picturing, you know, going to Vans, you know, Vans, that music festival. I have no idea what you're doing. Fans warp tour and going to watch. I know what that is. The Vans warp tour. Fans like the clothing. Yeah.

Right. And they had a line of music festivals for a while called Vans Warp Tour, where bands would come maybe, you know, maybe blink one, eight, two. Oh, they'd be, that would be a love that. What's that band? What's that other one bit one? It's like penny wise penny wide. Oh I think it's before good Charlotte sort of like when you know, maybe limp biscuit. Yeah, maybe good biscuit. Yeah, corn would have played I don't know. I think live was maybe different. Yeah, these are kind of like more like punky kind of bands, you know anyway

Green day green day. Yeah, and then but then at the same time These are kind of like more like punky kind of bands, you know? Anyway, Green Day. Yeah. And then, but then at the same time, one would also have a touring. Luciba? Sorry. I don't know. I look to be honest, I don't know.

They might still be running these bands, work to it. Anyway, they also have X games, or that tour with them. Big half pipes. And picturing those people on a half pipe boil in an egg. You know, you see, hold it in your hand because once you're doing flips, sure, everybody can do flips. But what about like, you know, it's a pot with a self, you know, like a hot plate underneath it, maybe sticky taped to it. Yep. Sticky tape. Boiling going up. Trying to look at that splatter on you. Yeah every time you go up

you got to catch the falling water back and you can't break that egg. Oh you just swing it. Yeah. Like spinning a belly. Or you just keep it flat as you spin. Yeah. Yeah. This is the best. Why don't we have the first sport in space? Space sports. Hmm. Can you say that guy's going diving from that big high balloon? That doesn't count. Doesn't count.

Because that's more of a Earth sport. Yeah. Yeah. I want a space sport. I just wondering what the first space sport will be. Some sort of jet pack thing. Air hockey. I mean, I guess, I guess, like, like, like, like, maybe some of those ones like underwater,

underwater, underwater hockey or water polo or whatever. Those ones that are sort of already sort of floaty. Yeah. Sports will translate quite well to space. I guess jetpack quidditch. Oh my god. That's going to be jetpack quidditch. Oh my god. It's gonna be jet pack. That'll that'll actually be real big Yeah, if you can make a broom that does shoot out flame or whatever kind of propulsion

Man people will be all over that jet pack Quit it at the back of that jet pack with that flame Boy, boy, the name boy, the fuck it egg I'm gonna take us to the sketches for for one episode one, nine, nine. Garlic breath so strong, you get a nasal near death experience and you now can smell dead people, right? Wow. It triggered.

How did you any that one? It triggered nasal hallucinations and now you see things that aren't there. You've got nasal that other thing there. No, synesthesia. Synesthesia. Nasal, Sennesthesia. You can start seeing smells. I think you have Sennesthesia amnesia because you can never remember the words Sennesthesia. You're right. And by the way, that's a great name to send to George. I mean, he won't like it, but Master and slave of the upper and lower case letters. There's a whole history to these

Why the upper case letters are the the big boys and the lower case are the other slaves to the big boys Then we think that the word ouch is like the universal safe word like Outside of in non bondage contexts. Yeah, We sort of already have an informal universal safe word. It's just ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, there's that one too as well, yeah. There's that. I feel like they use that in both Mexico and Japan. Yeah, all right. Well, maybe there's some interesting, you know, anthropology that you get down to look into that. It's related to masked wrestling in some way. Probably.

Yeah. Then we got a sheepless society in which we shave humans. And it's sort of like a, it's a cloth socialist utopia where vans just come and grab you and shave your hair off. Vans will tour. It's vans world tour. They're on a world tour. Yeah, it is a warped vans warped tour.

Yeah, anyway, now we've got the invention, the invention of lining. And that can either be the person who invented lines. And then the world is ripe for this parody. Yeah, we made that very successful, very well done film with all those iconic scenes. That would be just that kind of thing is absolutely the kind of project I would love to do. You dedicate my life to. I would dedicate at least a couple of years to. I would dedicate at least a couple of years to. That's the only problem with life is that there's only so many years to waste on pointless

projects. My only regret is that I didn't have more time to waste. Big projects that didn't seem worthwhile. Clothes are just a portable cloth borrow. A person said, trying to sell clothes to the nude. Mrs. Lino said, clothes or anything. You've just invented cloth, and you're probably just about to invent the line or the spot or the first pattern

Dolphin's be intrigued to see what arouses It's probably Sploges or something like you know like the first thing the splodge the splodge or the first pattern would have been like fully colored and one thing would dipton and dies or then I don't think that's a pattern Well on the microscopic level. Oh sure the microscopic life it would dip it in dyes or whatever. And then I don't think that's a patent. Well, on the microscopic level. Oh, sure, the microscopic level.

It would never look entirely blue. There'd be gaps if you're getting close. And so then it might be a pattern in that way. I suppose you're wrong. Yeah, thank you. Hillary was the first to take a really long time to build to boil an egg. Yeah, I feel we can skip over that and get some better later on.

No, no, no, no, wait. And then we have egg boiling adventure, which is basically the three words that Jame gave us. We can we see your three words and we give them back to you. But it's it's three, it's egg boiling adventures where you... Like, eggs games. Yeah, where you... Eggs games. The eggs games. Where you do exciting stuff and you make it more exciting

by also doing it whilst boiling an egg. Yes, the eggs games. And yeah, all right. This is a thing I thought of today, I was there. Yeah. You know the Hollywood Bowl? Yeah. You're thinking in Bollywood, they have the Bollywood whole.

Live at the Bollywood Hall. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I guess it's funny as well because it's slightly less classy. It is. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I guess it's a ditch.

I mean, it's a hole. I guess it's a hole. Yeah, I pictured it being a kind of a big dirt pit. Dirt pit. But that there's performances that have a ball. Sure, sure. The Muppets probably are performing at the ball. As we speak.

Yeah. Great. Um. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, What do you think of by what do you think about Star star. Yeah Thanks so much for listening to anything tank the podcast where we come up with five sketch ideas I'm Andy and he's all a staring you believe that we're one episode away from finishing season one It's what a journey. Yeah, you know feels like we've come so far and yet gone nowhere at all. Yeah. So thank you very much for listening to the first one nine nine episodes or at least some of them or or just this one and then brace yourselves. I guess yourselves for us being different people beyond this. Yeah.

Well, obviously you got listen to 100 episodes first. I guess this is good. I'll say goodbye to you now. Formerly, Ellen's there. Yeah, knowledge that you won't ever exist again. Yeah, and I know you won't exist in this form. Yeah, yeah. Do you think we should cut our hair during the 200-thousand? Sure, I mean, fuck, we're gonna do something. I mean, maybe there's some ideas up there there.

If there's time. Okay, what's the idea? Is I in my head? Yeah. I gotta get to them. Somehow, this hair is just between getting in the way. Where's that? Where's that knife I was gonna use to carve the cheese goblet. If the next, if the 200 sketch episode doesn't end with us carving into our own skulls to try and get to the ideas. I'll be very disappointed.

Well, we'll see Andy. I'll see you back here in probably eight hours. Oh, that's my favorite bit of the podcast. Yeah. So you can, you know, review us on iTunes and find us on Twitter and on Stupid Old Andy. He's at the L.I.C.A. TV. And we're to entangue.

You should listen to Shusha, Al's got an meditation podcast. It's very relaxing. Some people listen to it every night apparently to get to sleep. It's a beautiful thing. Yeah, it's very lovely. Take care of yourselves and we love you.

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