Two In The Think Tank - 20 - "FREDDY VS LOUIS" - WITH MARTIN DUNLOP

Episode Date: August 26, 2013

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When I die here, you'll never leave Japan alive. FX's Shogun, a new original series streaming February 27th exclusively on Disney+. 18 plus subscription required. T's and C's apply. When I can't Hey guys Welcome to Two in the Think Tank I like that that one Had a really good beat to it

Yeah? Yeah Okay Good enough to have Like the sort of The percussive Sort of like the higher end Sort of

Troubly stuff I liked that that one Had a really good Sort of droning Nasally Song bit to it Yeah It was a song bit

I really liked We try and come up with Two sketch, three, five sketch ideas. Five sketch ideas. Welcome to Two in the Think Tank. Two in the Think Tank. Two Think. Two Think. Scribble.

Or not to. We've had a guest here today. Yes, we're joined. Hello. Hello. I'm Martin and I'm here. Yeah. In this curtained booth.

Yeah, that's where we've chosen to perform this. This is a performance. Conduct? It's the act of creation and performing at the same time. It's sort of like a fornication of some sort.

In a curtained booth. We all jizz into a bowl and then the Earth Mother comes along and squats over it and releases an egg. And something howling and twisted crawls out of the bowl about nine months later. And we raise it together as a comically mismatched bunch of guys. Yeah, that was the prequel to Three Men and a Baby. we raise it together as a comically mismatched bunch of guys. Yeah. That's actually, that was the prequel to Three Men and a Baby. Three Men and a Howling Creature.

Also known as Babies. Has there ever been a sequel to a movie that's been in a completely different genre? Martin, you know film. Yeah, I think, yeah, there's been lots of instances where they went for comedy with the second one, like shitty horror films in the 80s. And they sort of went, fuck it, for the next one. This is... We'll just say it's all a joke.

Like the sleepaway camp movies and stuff. Okay. What about, like, something that started off as... As a romantic comedy and then wound up as a horror? Like in a sequel? No, no, that has never happened. Okay, what about film noir and then wound up as a sort of sci-fi space adventure? For the sequel? Yeah.

Or prequel. Yeah, sorry, I forgot to mention or prequel. I don't know, like I'm trying to think. Like there are films where that happens in the film. I don't think there's anywhere for the sequel. There's horror movies where a later one was a sci-fi film. That's like the Leprechaun movies. The fourth Leprechaun is Leprechaun in space.

Really? The fourth Crit is Crit is in space. That also happened with Jason? Or Friday the 13th? Yeah, Friday the 13th is Jason X. in space. That also happened with Jason, or like Friday the 13th. Yeah, Friday the 13th is Jason X. In space. That's like the horror movie version of like Dan Under. Yeah.

Or European Gigolo. Yeah. Yeah. European Gigolo in space. Rob Schneider meets like a space lady with a dick for tits what's the name

of like a the one that Professor X was like involved in in the comics you know like doesn't he

marry like a space princess of some sort in the comics but somehow Rob Schneider cock blocks Doctor X

or Professor X like Xavier and then ends up hooking up with this space princess. And then, I don't know. I don't know what they do in space. I haven't actually seen European Gigolo. So it's possible that it all, like it came out and everyone said it was shit.

So it's possible it's like actually a really touching, well-conceived film. And I just haven't, like, there's too much hate around it for me to give it a shot maybe the last scene of the film is just rob schneider in his guise of being a european gigolo just sitting alone in a giant like la mansion bought with his fuck money yeah and just staring at a glass coffee table with three lines of coke and then he just looks out onto the beach and then they cut to credit yeah i think that's actually how it ends yeah yeah i mean it wouldn't have been great if he was super successful like he was successful but lonely yeah yeah it is way sadder it needs yeah just like like to to end on

what critics will call ambiguity but but is absolutely just suicide. Like the pretend... And then the director will come out and say, look, there's no ambiguity here. I don't know where you're getting the ambiguity from. He's clearly going to walk into the sea. Yeah. Just keep walking. Freddy Krueger, European gigolo.

Can we make that film? No, because Freddy was a pedophile, and that would be a frightening, frightening movie. That was technically Lilia Forever. Ah, there's a reference no one's going to get. Lilia Forever and Freddy Krueger. But look, we've got like 80 listeners, so someone out there is going to get it.

Yeah. Get that reference. Look, Lilia Forever is going to get it. Get that reference. Look, Lilia Forever is one of those incredibly raw films about a teenage prostitute in Eastern Europe. It's a very good film. It's very well directed. But I'm trying to think if it would have been more horrific and upsetting if one of her clients was pretty great. Or would that have just taken me out of the movie? Yeah, you don't want to be taken out

of a movie like that. You want to be in the moment. I mean, it would be such a tough ask to try to write Freddy Krueger into a serious film and try to explain his backstory so that it made sense. That, okay, so this is, you know, like, okay, he's a real man.

Okay, he just had a horrific facial scarring. Actually, it wasn't just facial. You know, like, you can get scalped. Well, he got faced. Why was Freddy Krueger's face like that? Because the parents of the children he molested um set him on fire and burned him oh um but he was it based off of that simpsons episode yeah that simpsons episode yeah yeah uh that's that's what they they saw that and said let's turn that into like a serious horror movie

yeah um and then they discovered time travel and yeah went back to like 1983 because the director wes craven actually like was in love with a girl in 1983, but he let her go. And he needed to go back to 1983 to get the girl and, in the process, make The First Nightmare on Elm Street. I think someone should make that into a movie. Yeah. Yeah. No, that would definitely... But then, isn't there a chance that he might erase his parents?

Maybe. I don't know. There you go. I guess with the right kind of stationary. Speaking of... Comedy! Okay, time track.

Can I introduce an idea? Is this... Yeah. I had an idea for... Hang on. No, actually. Al, can we talk about this? Okay, wait.

Are people allowed to introduce ideas into the podcast? It's a bit early in the podcast. It's supposed to be no ideas. You're supposed to be no ideas. You're supposed to ramble until

out of desperation you write down words you've been saying on the sheet. Okay, see this is why we don't have people who've listened to the podcast on the show. Because the conceit becomes too clear. And then they shove it in our face. There's no time to create ideas.

We're just having ideas pushed on us. I am a little worried that the notes aren't detailed enough. Because when you read them back at the end There's no time to create ideas. We're just having ideas pushed on us. All right, how about... I am a little worried that the notes aren't detailed enough. Because when you read them back at the end of the episode, it'll have that feeling of when you look back through your notes on jokes you want to do, and you're like, what was Vishanga? But we have established that we are recording this as well. So you'll go back and...

It's not just the notes. Although maybe we delete the podcast and we just post the notes up as a Facebook post. Yeah, that could be a better idea. A series of Facebook posts instead of a podcast. You're going to have to go back and listen to your own podcast. I have. Oh, my God.

Yeah, I know. How bad is that? Wow. No, I think it's okay. It's quality control. Oh, that's good. That's good that you can... Yeah, but the idea I wanted to introduce was like a time travel movie

that's just about the normal passage of time, but they treat normal things happening. Like, I broke a glass yesterday and it's still like shattered on the floor today like so and everyone's surprised constantly surprised that time keeps moving inexorably forward yeah okay yeah great so like and then all those tropes of whatever would happen in in a time travel movie occur, but it's with... We still keep doing things really urgently,

like running around like you're about to run out of time, because they always do that in the movies, even though when you think about the concept, technically they don't... Urgency does not make any sense. Get in the car. We're going to have to go back to the library. Yeah, no, just keep doing that

It's closed now What is going on? How long does it take for the toaster to pop up? We have to wait three minutes, quick Travel forward To the future Get into the car We're gonna have to wait until the library opens in the morning

Set your alarm for 9am That's where they open We'll have to be up before then Now Are you okay with us? It feels like you brought this idea from outside Of this area Are you okay with us writing down this idea?

Yeah, no, go ahead Alright, let's do this The other thing I was thinking about Was just like a really shitty time travel machine. We just go into a box for 20 minutes and you come out and say, oh, that felt like two hours. It was really... Yeah? Oh, that felt like much longer.

Okay. So, and then what happens is you feel like you're in the future. You feel like you've gone further into time. You have, in fact, gone forwards in time,. You feel like you've gone further into time. You have, in fact, gone forwards in time, but you feel like you've gone further forwards in time. It's a time machine that travels you, carries you forward in time at the speed of time, but creates the experience of time slowing down.

Is that for just the audience member? Yes. Because the movie's so tedious. It's just, wow. Well, actually, that's the third level of effect, which is that for people watching it, it appears to have slowed down fourfold. So it just keeps looping.

So there's a lot of scenes where it's like, people go and like, wow, a minute's really long. You don't realize how long a minute is. And no editing in the film. No cuts. Just constantly depicting everything in exactly where it's... I put a little timer down in the corner until the film finishes just to remind everyone of how long this is all taking.

Two hours and eight minutes and it's just going backwards. And you keep cutting to the pages of the calendar not going anywhere. And clocks. There's so many shots of clocks. Just clocks everywhere. Put something in the microwave

and it just watches the counter thing go down. There's a really long shot just looking out the window at the seasons not changing. And people not aging. Yeah. Like

just shots of their face and their hands and everything. Just not shots of gravestones with nothing written on them and it remains nothing written on them for the whole movie. It's great to describe. I can't help but feel that in the moment it would just feel like you were watching CCTV footage of a really boring place. Well, maybe that's what CCTV is.

Is it? It's just a movie about time travel where nobody goes time travelling. This came from the really pretentious thought I had that every movie is technically a time travel movie. I don't think it's that pretentious. It's pretty dumb. No, but it is the sort of realisation that you would expect to be having at 3am on marijuana. Yeah. A marijuana, I believe that's what they call it.

On what? Marijuana. The marijuana. The marijuana. Yeah. If you've been having the marijuana Then I wouldn't be surprised if you You can have

You can have some quite firm policies About the marijuana Yeah Marijuana is just a general thing Whereas the marijuana Needs to be removed from our country No, no The marijuana

Implies that we are talking about A small quantity of marijuana That we are in possession of. Do you have the marijuana? Like maybe the household has some marijuana that you refer to as the marijuana. Oh, I believe Andy is looking after the marijuana today. Andy is looking after the marijuana today, and if I want to get some for this meeting that you were discussing with me, I'm going to have to consult him in order to get a portion of the marijuana.

I think the marijuana should be available for medicinal purposes, but Andy disagrees. It should be legal in certain circumstances. The marijuana is like... That's the definitive marijuana. You could also have some marijuana in the house, but there would always be the marijuana. Is this marijuana or is this the marijuana? It's like that...

I don't know why it makes me think of this, but people who make bread and they have these really old cultures of yeast that they just keep adding to and then it spreads sourdough yeah sourdough things like that that's sort of like the marijuana that you just keep you kind of you keep adding marijuana to it but it's like you know it's like this now this blend of so many you know like aged and kind of different marijuanas vintage marijuanas and sort of fresh marijuanas and you've got it's like it's like a coffee blend of different marijuanas, vintage marijuanas and sort of fresh marijuanas. It's like a coffee blend of just perfect thing.

But then, yeah, you can also just have some marijuana. Yeah. It's not the single origin, though, is it? No. It is a blend. Absolutely. But it's the greatest representation of marijuana. This is single origin marijuana.

I got it all from my mate Steve. Yeah. That's the origin that's they're probably because there's like there's a noticeable effect with marijuana the whole thing about people preferring different kinds of marijuana is genuinely true it's like wine tasting but not bullshit yeah like it's not like the the difference between like wines at a certain level they've done tests that if if you're blind to it people actually kind of can't quite tell yeah there is that sommelier documentary that disagrees with that yeah i think there's like there's a few things with that i don't know because oh yeah i i reckon i reckon there's like a bit of hocus pocus around

it but people can like people who do drinks and stuff can go this is absolute crap and this is good if you're i don't know but there is such a thing as things being different to other things yeah i think i think i don't know i know i feel i feel it's the same way i feel about comedy like people say it's good or it's bad it's all the fucking same it's it's not good there's no bad i'm laughing when it's bad i, people say it's good or it's bad. It's all the fucking same. It's not good. It's not bad. I'm laughing when it's bad. I'm laughing when it's good. The point is, it gets me fucked up.

The important thing is that this life is just a one-time travel movie. Constantly moving forward. With some YouTube videos of people doing stand-up. You need it as a... Okay, it's a running joke. For whenever you can't end a sketch, the time travel idea, just have all the characters suddenly become amazed

that time is moving forward. Just out of nowhere. Just suddenly go, oh my god, it's... It was seven o'clock before, and now it's five past seven. Holy shit, we have to get to the train station. It's real.

Is there something in a sketch in the idea that people just talk about weed, but just refer to it as the marijuana? I don't know. Where is the marijuana? You could have, like, a bad pot dealer, and people come over and he says all right shall i go and get the marijuana for you they're like oh so like what what kind of thing it's the marijuana yeah uh i like i like also the idea okay that like it's a guy that you're you know it's a drug dealer

that you text and if you text them you're supposed to be kind of like subtle about stuff and so you go hey you got do you have any some of those you know like uh some of that stuff that i can get off of you or whatever that's maybe that's the text you send them yeah and then he goes he sends a text back and he goes what the marijuana i have i have this much i have loads i have uh a distribution quantity. Yeah. Would you like to purchase some of the marijuana? From me, because I am willing to sell it to you. And I am the person who

has the marijuana. And I will meet you at this particular spot at this particular time. I think that might even be funnier if the person who's trying to communicate with him is like an undercover policeman. Yeah. And the guy is so blatant about it all.

And the policeman is trying to get him to... The policeman is trying to be undercover and trying to be subtle about everything. And the guy is so over the top and out there. Like such a flamboyant drug dealer. Would you like to smoke some of the marijuana here or will you be going home to get high the policeman I was almost takes please like taking pity on him or something he's like come on man just like be a little bit subtle. Hmm, it's a little warm in here.

Let me open a window that streams down to the street. This will make it much more pleasant when we are imbibing the marijuana that I am selling for a distributable quantity. If at some point you are tired of buying the marijuana from me, I also have a few dealers that I get, people who sell in huge bulk quantities and grow it themselves. Here's a list of their names and numbers and addresses and where they keep

their marijuana. If for some reason you are tired of buying marijuana from me, that's the worst way you could have got into that sentence. Yeah, no, but this is how that guy speaks. You are tired of buying your marijuana from me look i'm gonna put this down as uh bad drug dealer yeah bad at being a drug dealer but i think yeah it's just so offensive to this cop who's just this amazing undercover policeman who's, like, gone to all this effort to create this persona and, like, you know, act perfectly and just stay cool and, like, not draw attention to himself.

That would be great because, like, if the guy had invested, like, you know, like six months or a year or whatever. Yeah, he's got a commode story. Yeah. He's got everything. Yeah, he's, like, abandoned his family. Yeah. Like six months or a year or whatever. Yeah. He's got a commode story. Yeah. He's got everything. Yeah. He's like abandoned his family. Yeah. Like he's like, I can't have any more connections.

Yeah. Yeah. He's cut everything off. Yeah. To infiltrate this sort of drug thing. And then the guy like, and then the guy just gives everything up first attempt. Yeah. So yeah, you like open the sketch with the, have you seen Reservoir Dogs?

yeah so yeah you like open the sketch with the have you seen reservoir dogs there's a bit when where mr orange tim roth is like he's just about to leave the house and he realizes he's forgotten there's a ring he usually wears and he only goes back and grabs it at the last minute and he starts like having a panic attack and he looks in the mirror he's like you're fine they don't know they don't know so you start the sketch out like that and then he walks in and the guy's just like well would you like to buy the marijuana that i have oh yeah what yeah text my phone everywhere oh i was just texting you look i'll send it anyway I record all my conversations with the other dealers because I have a speech impediment that I am trying to stop as as you get to the guy's house he's like putting up a a sign that says marijuana salesman do not enter if no I don't. I have all these cameras in here

because I like to film my sexual liaisons, but they run 24 hours a day. I don't know how to switch them off. Yeah. Has there been a sequel to Space Jam? They did another Looney Tunes movie called Looney Tunes Back in Action. I've never seen Space Jam? They did another Looney Tunes movie called Looney Tunes Back in Action. I've never seen Space Jam.

I haven't either, but I was thinking maybe the reason there hasn't been a sequel was because it was already set in space. So you couldn't do Space Jam in space. You would have to do Space Jam... In the hood. In the hood.

Space Jam would have to go to the hood because that's the next one. I feel like maybe Jam? In the hood. In the hood? Space Jam would have to go to the hood, because that's the next one. I feel like maybe they went to the hood. In Space Jam? Maybe. I don't know. Oh, Looney Tunes in the hood. That would be...

But I mean, like, you know, there was basketballers. I think there's probably like a Bugs Bunny cartoon from the 1950s where it goes to Harlem and then everything after that is just unspeakably offensive. Yeah, Bugs can't go back to the hood now. Yeah, not after that cartoon. Was there any racism in the Looney Tunes?

There was so much. There's this beautiful one. It's so messed up. It's like a cowboy and Indians thing where Bugs Bunny has to defend this fort so messed up. He, he, uh, he, he, it's a, like a cowboy and Indians thing where Bugs Bunny has to defend this fort

and Yosemite Sam And is he dressed as a confederate? Yeah, he's dressed as a, oh no, he's dressed as a union soldier. Oh,

sorry, yeah, alright. But, um, yeah, he has to defend this fort and,

uh, Yosemite, Because the confederates had nothing to do with fighting the Indians, I'm sorry, history. I,

um, feel bad. Yeah, and Yosemite Sam hires Indians to defeat him in the fort, and they run at the fort, and Bug stands there shooting them all while marking it off on a scorecard going, one little, two little, three little Indians, four little, then stops and says, no, wait a minute, that one was a half-breed, and wipes out half of the score. It's, yeah.

Wow. I want one of the Indians to turn to the camera in that cartoon and say, we protest ourselves! I watched a documentary with Rich Hall where he talked about, I think it was called How the West Was Lost, and he talked about basically the progress of Western western films and that they kind of started out kind of like and with well i think they emerged because of this guy buffalo bill who you know who was doing shows and they were like oh we can do things people really was like it was like a i don't think it was just because of him but like but you know they realized that there was these stories and people there's a real market for people going and like and all uh all the the original the first wave of movies were all about like just killing the indians and they

were the bad guys and things like that right yeah and then like the next wave was sort of like becoming a bit more self-aware that that was a bad thing yeah and and it was kind of a bit more yeah revisionist westerns yeah and then like the third one was just completely like apologetic like you know like realizing that that like and that the main characters were completely like like felt bad for what they were doing and realizing the main characters were completely like like felt bad for what they were doing and realizing it was just like a horrible like genocide that they were performing and things like that it's quite interesting and now you kind of can't release a western they don't make money anymore um it's a weird thing like there was it was just one of

the genres of film for ages and they stopped being able to do it because it wasn't a myth that we had anymore. We knew now that the West was fucked up. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder whether there's any other... So the Italians went off and they made them. And they were awesome because they were just basically fantasy movies. Because it was all these directors and stuff who'd grown up watching American Westerns.

And then they made Westerns of their own. And it was as if they were set on the moon. Because they weren't in Arizona or anywhere. They were like filming out in Spain. And it was like a kid's dream of what a western was. Yeah. That's like the... What's it called?

Spaghetti westerns. Yeah, spaghetti westerns. Call Me Trinity? Well, Call Me Trinity was one of the comedy ones later. But yeah, like The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, Once Upon a Time in the West. Right, right, right. But is there any other, like, film genre that could evolve like that? Because, like, it's like, I don't know if horror is, like, actually...

Yeah, we realize horror is bad. Yeah, they're like, actually, the monsters are like, we actually, we hadn't realized that killing young, attractive women was actually quite a bad thing to do. Okay, that's not a good example. No, but that's quite funny. realise that killing young attractive women was actually quite a bad thing to do. Okay, that's not a good example. No, but that's quite funny. No, it happens in cycles. Like, yeah, with horror,

you go through the period where everything's subtle and it's all a ghost story and then you go back to people being chopped up with axes and then you go back to being subtle. We're in the middle of a subtle thing at the moment because of paranormal activity and stuff. But I guess, like like you could have a horror film where i don't know like it would it would ruin the horror but if like the monster came out and talked to people and like the end of it just completely killed everything

and like apologized and then there's just a shot of an indian man standing on a road with one tear rolling down his face. No, the monster's sitting in a giant mansion with three lines of cocaine packed up on the coffee table in front of him. He looks out at the beach and then it says, Freddy Krueger, European gigolo, committed suicide. Absolutely, definitely committed suicide. Well, the horror being that Freddy Krueger can't die, right? Is that a thing?

Can he die? No, not really. He lives in people's dreams. Imagine if Freddy Krueger... Wait, is it an actual thing that Freddy Krueger is a pedophile in the thing? Or is that your interpretation?

No, no, that's literally... That's his origin story. But they kept making sequels and he got less and less threatening and he kept making more jokes and stuff. And they did the remake. But we got less and less threatening and he kept making more jokes and stuff and they did the remake but we don't know whether or not he was just doing that to be able to get access to children yeah no it's just using the humor yeah um but like i mean that would be a

crazy thing the idea like of of he realizes like you know like the final movie is he realizes that he what he's doing is wrong. And that he tries to make amends? Yeah, and that his desires, that he's stuck with these desires, but he feels guilt and he feels like it's nothing but wrongdoing and it's just a burden that he has to carry. But he also lives forever. What about Louis Thoreau, Weird Weekends, Louis Thoreau weird weekends Louis Thoreau meets Freddy

and he goes and meets Freddy Krueger and Freddy Krueger's had a chemical castration. Yeah and he just doesn't want to talk about being a pedophile

though Louis he's trying to bring it up he just wants to talk about like the vegetable garden he's growing he's like yeah no

the carrots are coming through really well Freddy Freddy why don't you want to talk about the kids? No, no, they're great. I mean, have you ever seen

a carrot this big? This is amazing. Freddy, I don't want to talk about the carrots. Has he put something over his like, knife fingers? Yeah, big gardening gloves. Really long ones. And the knives

keep poking through. Yeah. It's supposed to be a, it's, I think it is actually supposed to be a hedge trimmer of some kind.

Like, like literally there was a gardening tool that looked like that, I think. Or I might be entirely wrong and it's mental.

And like, maybe that's where the idea for Edward Scissorhands came from. The, the idea for Freddy Krueger came because Wes Craven saw a documentary about the Cuban children who were immigrants in America,

and they had night terrors, and whenever they were asked to draw a picture of what the night terrors looked like, it was always a man with long fingers. And that's why Freddy has knife glove. Have you seen the children's story Straw Peter? It's like a German one. S-T-R-U-W-P-E-T-R. It sounds like that guy.

Yeah. It's fucking terrifying. He's got really long fingers. And I think maybe he cuts off kids' thumbs or something. Yes, I have heard of... No Nintendo. That's why you shouldn't... No Nintendo That's why you shouldn't suck your thumb, because he comes and cuts it off.

Yeah, and he's got crazy hair. But I think Louis Thoreau meets Freddy Krueger. I don't know if it's Freddy versus Louis, or Louis' weird weekends. Yeah, just a weekend spent at the cottage he lives in now. Yes, I had the, I take the pills and they basically,

they made me completely impotent. I can't, you know, I can't feel anything. Really, I think it's fine. I don't know why you keep bringing it up. Why can't I die? And then at the end of it,

Louis Thoreau wakes up in bed and it was all a dream, but then the knife hand comes through the pillow and rips his heart out. Yeah, ah. Perfect. It's a perfect ending. And then Freddy.

The knife hand comes through the pillow and trims the flowers he's got next to his bed and then goes away. Is that a thing that Freddy Krueger does? Well, no, if he was a gardener. Oh, yeah, yeah. He was big on gardening. Okay, I forgot, yeah.

The other idea, one of the other ideas I had was, I don't know how much of an idea it is, it's just the other day I had the realisation that I absolutely shouldn't be Prime Minister. Sure, I had an inkling about that. I was having something like, you know, and it's rude to just bring that up in conversation if i if i hadn't brought it off i would have been i probably wouldn't have said anything

i mean it'd be interesting to know like how close you would have had to get to being prime minister before we would have said something if we would have said anything at all i'd like to think i would but then you know because it like i get upset and i have opinions about political issues but i am like me being Prime Minister is so ridiculous. I don't know why anyone would bring it up. It's just like, it's so, you know, and I don't want to be Prime Minister. I don't know why people can't understand this,

but I've never held down a full-time job. I have an unfinished Bachelor of Media Studies from La Trobe University. I don't understand a lot of the political issues. Obviously, obviously it's flattering that people are even talking about it. And if my friends came and spoke to me and said that they needed me to be the Prime Minister, I mean, obviously I would consider it because I'm a patriotic Australian. But the more that he tells me he doesn't want it, the more I'm kind of starting to think,

actually, I would love a prime minister that opens with, and then we all jizz into a bowl. Because just, you know, like, I mean, at the moment it doesn't seem to really matter who it is. It's just the size of the gaffes. Because I posted a thing on Facebook that said that I shouldn't be, you know, like saying it's ridiculous for me to be prime minister. And someone posted on there like glibly, oh, you have to be better than Tony

Abbott. And I'd have to say, no. No, I wouldn't be. Like, I disagree with everything that man does. Yeah. But he does have, like, 20 years of experience in political office. Yeah. And I do not.

You really need to understand how little I am qualified. I need to run campaigns about how much I don't want to be Prime Minister. You have a dirty background. I've done shit. I've done shit that would preclude me. I've done shit that I am not willing to stop doing. But I feel like a campaign against me, like trying to make me Prime Minister against my will, A campaign against me, like, trying to make me prime minister against my will, would, like, find the things that I've done in the past that kind of might not completely rule me out.

Like, I was a prefect in high school. There you go. And I'd have to, like, make a campaign ad responding, look, it was debate. Sure, I was a prefect. It was debate. I was a prefect for a bit. Oh. But it was... Did you hear that?

He was a prefect. Out of his own mouth. Oh, well. Well, look at this. He's just trying to avoid it. Because he's worried he's going to do too good. You're just humble. You're just humble, Martin.

Come on. Just be Prime Minister. Yet another thing that isn't a gaffe from Martin. And if the sketch should just end with me just really glumly accepting Prime Minister shit. Like, yeah, this bulletproof... Going, look. Yeah, okay, whatever. Alright, get the bowl.

We're just jizzing this bowl. Come on, guys, this is the only idea I have. It's a metaphor for the beginning of my campaign. Oh, Christ. Like, prime ministership. Yeah, cabinet's a bit of a circle jerk, isn't it? Especially since I got in. Oh, this is... I Especially since I got in. I love him. I'm the worst prime minister.

And I keep, like, they come to me every time, like, an issue happens, like, the Indonesia Brain Mortars or Assam Seekers, and I'm like, why do you keep coming to me? Alright, get the bowl. I didn't even want this. Get the bowl. Get just everything. My solution to everything's just being jizzing in the bowl again. Like you come to me, you say the economy is in a shambles,

you know, we need to make a stand on Israel and Palestine, and I just keep bringing the bowl out. When will you take the fucking hint? I did try to move the bowl to Papua New Guinea. That was my other plan I'm so sick of people trying to make me Prime Minister Oh Christ The reluctant

I think that could sort of be like a short film kind of idea Where somebody I'm being super quiet Fuck Okay Death is in our air This year's most anticipated series fx's shogun only on disney plus we live and we die we control nothing beyond that an epic saga based on the global best-selling novel by james clavelle to show your true heart just to risk your life when i die here you'll

never leave japan alive f FX's Shogun. A new original series streaming February 27th exclusively on Disney+. 18 plus subscription required. T's and C's apply. Where somebody does just start by saying I would be a bad choice for Prime Minister.

And then that just builds off of that. Yeah, because you're right. It's a really silly thing that people say, which is, could be worse than this mob, or that like... He's like an... Tony Abbott is like a fucking Oxford Don or some shit. He's a Rhodes Scholar.

Yeah, he's a Rhodes Scholar, isn't he? Yeah. Do you know what media studies at La Trobe University is? We watched films all fucking day. And then also people say that like, you know, and we joke about this, we say anyone who wants to be in power shouldn't be in power. But at least wanting to be in power inclines you to get some of the skills required, like at least in an administrative

level to be ready for power so you could do something which does take the piss out of that where somebody says oh yeah i could never be prime minister and then someone else takes that and is like that's exactly what we need somebody and then that like that just spreads across the country and yeah we take the piss out of that yeah it's just like yeah i don't like any of the political options offered to me but i have to assume they've run something or they've had some kind of administrative power like even even george bush at least he's been he george w bush had been in like boardrooms of major companies and might have picked up a thing or two. He'd bankrupted more companies than you've ever run.

Yeah. Oh, but then we're getting back into the whole thing. Oh, sorry. You're right. Yeah, like. You're right. That's not the thing. Yeah.

But, oh, you'd be all right. I don't think he'd do that bad a job. I mean, you know. I think someone who has bankrupted a company, though, is probably still better at running a company than I am. Yeah. At this point. Well, yeah, they know what bankrupts a company. At least one scenario.

One of the ways you could bankrupt a company. And presumably, they wouldn't do exactly the same thing again. Presumably. Or at least if they did, they'd do it faster. And that's better for everyone, right? Yeah. I'd only get elected because australia loves the underdog and the more i protested they just keep going oh you

know he's the you know it's like the castle it's like the castle no fuck off i don't want it okay look i'm a criminal look and he's just on stage you like shoot somebody yeah okay this is yeah this is getting good here guys i like this a lot a lot. It's like, yeah, they said he would never be something or other. They said it couldn't be done, but Australia loves an underdog, and he's just like a fucking lunatic, openly murdering people. Just won't put pants on. It just gets worse and worse. He keeps trying to put pants on him, just gets worse and worse. He'd keep trying to put pants on

and he fights them off. He's just wearing some around his head. His fists are perpetually bored in anticipation of a fight. Bloody. And when he's not punching other people, he's punching himself. He's standing on a stage in front of a crowd of people And people are holding him there

Fuck Fuck I don't want to do this I don't want to do this What a larrikin And like Just the Australian people Are so used to

Having stuff spun Yeah Just seeing something They're just like You know They see somebody getting murdered And they're like Ah

Just It's just something honest about it Yeah He's doing it in the open You know They're just seeing something. They're just like, you know, they see somebody getting murdered and they're like, ah. It's just something honest about it. Yeah, he's doing it in the open, you know. You know they all do it. But at least he's honest about it. No, no, they don't all do it. There's just one person, one voice of sanity. It's like, no! Would you like to meet the American president?

The American president just punched him in the face, takes his pants off and runs away. It was like fighting Secret Service. Shoot him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The final scene is him strapped up like Hannibal Lecter, being wheeled into government house.

Yeah, also I want it like I think he should be half-shaped like only half his face and the rest is like just acting big. They just put a pen in his mouth, get him the sign and then they just move the board

in front of him. This is, this is, like, that's a really good idea, but it is a little bit like your realisation that if you make anything that shouldn't be the President of America, the President of America, that's a comedy film. Yeah.

This is the extreme version of, like, this is the Aussie version of unmotivated president. Actively, This is the extreme version of like... This is the Aussie version of unmotivated president. Yeah. Yeah. Actively, violently disinterested prime minister is the name of this film. AVDPM. Yeah.

You also can't like... The Australian prime minister, it's very hard to make movies or drama about the office because it's so difficult for you to get things done. Whereas the American president is a little bit of a dictator, like he can just launch the missiles and shit. So, yeah, like an American movie can be about the president making an important decision. And then enacting it. Yeah. Instead of having to go through Senate committees.

It's like, yeah, very well, we will announce war with Russia in like six months, maybe. If we've got the numbers. An inquiry. Yeah. We're going to have an inquiry. But this film, it starts off as like a bit more, it starts off a bit more larrikin. Like it starts off a bit The Castle-y. Like in it's just a, you know, he's just a bloke with some gumboots and a flanny or whatever and then it just spins out of control as he just keeps drinking

and punching yeah but like he literally just starts as like an like an off an offhand comment yeah he doesn't want to do it or whatever or that it's like i would never do that yeah and then nah you can bloody make me. But just nothing defeats Troy's love of the underdog. Nothing is more powerful than how much they want to cut down the tall poppy. And just want to help this guy out.

Yeah, when he punches the American president, they're like, oh, well, he had that coming. We are at war with America now. He is doing what we're all thinking. The blood of Yanks. Is the movie called Small Poppy, which is kind of quite a romantic title. And it's also called that because he ends up doing a lot of heroin.

Like the trade minister goes into his office To discuss some new policy And they open the door Just masturbating by his desk Oh that's right Four till five That's when you wank Okay

Sorry I forgot And also Six till seven Eight till nine I'll face the other way No four till five is when he comes The rest of the time is when he's waking No no he opens the door

And he sees him masturbating And he goes, my God, you're good. Oh, mate. You've got the people's touch. You're like Bob Hawke without the bullshit. We all know politicians

are wankers, but... Yeah. And then he's just trapped with this immunity. Like, he just can't do a thing. It's almost like Groundhog Day, in that he's like, or Freddy Krueger. He's like, I just want to die.

I want to do anything but this. And he just can't get out of it. But I think by the end, he has just gone completely insane. Like, he's already... I think he starts off probably a bit of a drunk and a bit of a lunatic, and then by the end, he's a yeah like he's already i think he starts off probably a bit of a drunk and a bit of a lunatic and then by the end he's just a fucking but he's just got ultimate power yeah yeah and maybe australia becomes the dominant military power like he becomes the ruler of they actually defeat america after going to war with them and then and then

yeah it becomes and then it spreads all over the world and Australia becomes the one empire, the world empire. Yeah, no, I want a title. I think at the start of the film, you need a title card saying, some people might view this film as a statement on politics as a whole. It's really not.

Yeah. This is just stupid. We're not saying anything about anything in there with the with the trailer with the trailer like sort of open with like australian politicians through history so you're like you have uh you have hawkey drinking his yard glass yeah you have um uh keating you know touching the queen on the back or something like that. Yeah. And Gorton walking out of a burning plane, just lighting his cigarette on the ground. Rudd eating his earwax. Yeah. Australia loves an underdog.

I wish I could remember the name. There's a hugely fat prime minister we have. He was beautiful with a big walrus moustache. And they sort of couldn't quite fit him into his clothes for his portrait, and it's like his legs are splayed open because he's too fat. Oh, fuck.

Who was the one who was just really casual? Is that Gorton? Like, you go to... You go to Government House, you'll see all the portraits of the... Parliament House? Yeah, but if you see all the portraits of all the Prime Ministers, they're all in suits or whatever,

except there's one guy who's in a sort of a leather jacket and jeans or something. It's weird. Could be. It may also not be real. One of our Prime Ministers was a guy who they found out partway through his term he was actually a citizen of Chile and then he stopped being prime minister.

He was a guy who spoke English and he was prime minister for about six and he was of an Anglo background and everything but when I read the story I did sort of picture just a Mexican in a sombrero sort of going, You know, we've heard that apparently you might not actually be

an Australian citizen. I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go. Oh, see, see. Damn, it's a shame he's gone. I really liked him. He was fun. He was one of the better ones we've had. I liked siesta time that he put into things.

Siesta. Siesta time. Yeah, no, having siesta is a government house. That's actually, we're so lucky that in Australia, this is all, like, just charmingly stereotypical, because if we say all that stuff in America, that's racist. Yeah, here it's like, yeah,

it's like if Americans come here, or British people come here, and they start making Asian jokes. Yeah. Because they don't really have. Yeah, they're not close as much. It's not like they have a... Yeah, we don't have a history of persecuting Mexican people.

We don't... Yeah. Mexican people come over here. I do. You specifically persecute that one Mexican man. I have a history of persecuting a Mexican person. Yeah, every Thursday you just go to that guy's house and pointed him through the window.

Yeah, Ramon. Yeah, Ramon. Yeah, Ramon. I don't know what did he do something wrong to you? Look, it's just a prejudice that I have against Ramon. You don't like him. Yeah, why don't you like him, Andy? Because he can't do improv.

That's one of the worst skills Yeah, I know It's a flaw, right? You put him on the spot and he can't come up with anything Yeah, that's Ramon I'd hate him If I just had a chance Star Wars Yes

Episode 7 In space. The hood. In the space hood. Yeah. Space gigolo. Star Jam. Star, yeah.

Down Under. Down Under. Star Jam, Down Under. Star, wait, was there a thing like that? Was there a Star Wars... Down Under. Down Under, something like that? Caravan of Courage might have been...

No, what was some weird show I saw recently? Or it was like, no, there was the Star Wars Christmas special. Yeah. Which was a thing that they made without George Lucas. He sort of gave the approval for it. But was it the actors? Was it any of the same actors? I think so.

Yeah, no, most of them show up because it was made in between two of the movies. It wasn't made years after. It was like the second one, and George Lucas bought every copy of it and tried to hide it, and then someone actually got their hands on a copy, and it's on YouTube now, and it is amazing.

It's lack of understanding. It's like someone who's been producing Like Osmond family specials Where everyone's singing and dancing And hasn't seen Star Wars Is like well we just basically do the same thing I guess but with some space shit In the background

That's a really inappropriate thing to have a Christmas special for Like Christmas specials Work with a very limited range Of programming If there's types of shows special for yeah like christmas specials work with a very limited range of programming yeah what are the types of shows would it be a bad idea if they did a christmas special go it's law and order svu christmas special great i can i can absolutely picture the christmas special for svu though because santa claus yeah no there we go but with the singing and dancing think about

like when yeah when the Star Wars holiday special happened that's basically

one step removed from doing an alien holiday special going oh Ripley like

we won't be able to get the presents ready in time for the orphans like burst through the chest. Yeah, no, like somebody would tear open... A puppy would come out of someone's chest, right?

It's a puppy. Even in this rusted industrial wasteland that seems to be the world of the future, we can still find a moment for holiday cheer. Yeah. Even on Christmas Day, the aliens put down their guns. I haven't seen Alien. Andy, you've got to start watching movies and stop just reading the synopsis on Wikipedia. It's true.

They've got acid for blood and they have these tongues that are mouths and stuff like... Yeah, okay, well they put down their acid for blood and they take out their tongues. The idea of them holding a little gun in their alien hand. That would actually make them a lot less threatening. Can we give these guys guns? Because I think it would make them more approachable. Just humanise them slightly. Fight Club Christmas special.

Oh, Tyler. I felt like destroying something beautiful. This, the Christmas decoration. Oh, I cut my hand. Oh, I cut my hand. The third idea I had was another Schrodinger's cat joke out of the millions of Schrodinger's cat jokes, but just the idea of a magician that does Schrodinger's cat on stage,

but you can't look to see that he's done it. Yeah. So the cat's in the box. He, like, takes a cat and puts it in a box with radioactive isotope, closes the box, and goes, ta-da! It's alive and dead at the same time. But then does he cut the box in half? And

now, then I both murdered an alive cat and dissected a dead cat at the same time. That's pretty good. Yeah, I both committed animal brutality and a post-mortem vivisection. I both committed animal brutality and desecrated a corpse. Which is which? It's impossible to say. Ever. Because the cat's dead anyway.

Well, technically, if I did both, I'm probably going to get put in prison for one of them. Probably not. But then when I'm in prison, it'll be completely sealed. And will I get abused by the other inmates or not? How will we know unless we look? I mean, and not only the radioactive isotope, does it have to be a lead-lined box? Do they ever mention anything about that? Look, yeah. Because I'm thinking the cat might be alive and dead at the same time,

but everyone in the room definitely has radiation poisoning. The point is it's supposed to be a very, very, very small radioactive quantity because you only want, say, one alpha particle or whatever to be emitted from the source of radiation. So there's just like a 50% chance of that happening

or not. You're like, well, we'll never know. So is there just a 50 chance of a thing decaying um pretty much like that's that's what half-life is like within a particular period of time there's a 50 chance that okay no half-life's a video game oh andy kind of missed that yeah i read the synopsis. No, I actually have played Half-Life. That's like the one first-person shooty game that I...

You must like video games so much more than me because you've only played Half-Life and Monkey Island. So if you use video games, they're great. Yeah. Like, they're really good. Whereas for me, like, I've seen the last five years, and now we just shoot brown people. That's all video games now.

Oh, really? It's just, yeah, it's that Call of Duty shit. It's the most successful entertainment thing ever, and it's just a game about shooting foreigners. You've got to watch Kamil Nanjani's new special, and he talks about that, that one of the scenarios is in either Lahore or Karachi, I think Karachi, and he's like,

that's my hometown, I have an advantage there. Mr. what's-his-name will give us shelter. No, I stopped playing Call of duty after i played a level in the third game and it was set in sierra leone and i was like running through shooting like bandits i was playing a i think a member of the british sas and i was shooting sierra leone bandits and i was thinking i know about sierra leone and no one here has clean drinking water i don't want to make their lives worse by running around and shooting them. I'm definitely the bad guy right now.

And the game doesn't seem to think so. Well, a lot of the enemy combatants are dying of dysentery. Yeah, like the game's unrealistic because they're not really skinny and sickly. Like, it's so fucked. and sickly like it's so fucked but in a way that's kind of like what what being in the military is as well like is that is that you're like you're always being told that you're on the right side and so you have to deal with these morals but you also have to like fight when you actually fight in the military you're in a real fight which means most of the time you can't see anything and you just fire out. Like, it's not combat isn't like Call of Duty.

And there are games, like, they call them military sims, where it's like actually being a soldier. And I have less of a problem with them because it's like, you know, a bunch of old guys playing tabletop war games. It's not actually that fun, like, objectively for a person. Whereas the Call of Duty games, it's so much fun. You like objectively for a person. Whereas the Call of Duty games, it's so much fun. You can just kill everybody. You never run out of bullets. You just like, you don't even have to aim the gun. If you just click the right trigger, it automatically

snaps to looking at somebody. Snaps to an appropriate brown person. Yeah. It makes you feel really gross. Can you turn the gun on yourself? No. Though there is... They did make a game called Spec Ops The Line, which was made by a bunch of really depressive Germans.

And it came out, and it looks like one of those Unruh Call of Duty games, and then you play it, and it's actually like a commentary on those kind of games. It's about, like, there's a sandstorm in Dubai that traps all these American troops there that were supposed to get everyone out to safety. And you go there and it's based on Joseph Conrad's

Heart of Darkness. Like, it just keeps getting worse and worse. And there's a bit in the game where someone tells the main character, why did you come here and kill all these people? Did you want to feel like a hero? And it's kind of clear that's not really directed at the character. And you accidentally kill civilians and stuff in the game.

It's really upsetting. It's sort of, yeah. Anyway. And then you run out of bullets and then you walk around. Could there be a sketch based on killing civilians? All right. So, okay. Let's say you're in the military and you kill a civilian.

Can there be a video game where you kill a civilian Alright Can there be A video game Where you play A member of the United Nations And you go to Rwanda And you just have to Watch the horror unfold Because you can't do anything

Yeah And people are awful Can we do that? How do you get points? The more The more tears you shed Yeah The more you get

Yeah You have a futility bar and your sense of futility just increases and you can really stack that stuff up or just like day to day life on a firebase in Afghanistan you don't play any of the combat parts

you just spend all day long eating butterfingers and missing your girlfriend and then there's like a fear meter that like rises every time it goes to night that maybe you're just gonna get shot in the night possibly by a fellow soldier who's lost his shit yeah but could it could it be that could it be like it's like a video game but where you play one of the like characters that wouldn't you would normally shoot if you were just walking through it with your thing is that what you were just saying?

Yeah. Yeah. I think that'd be fun. Or, no, no. So you just have to, like, sow the fields and try to stay alive and, like, keep your family alive. And then occasionally...

Oh, my God. ...this troop of, like, men just come through the city and you gotta, like, hide and, like, protect your kids. Oh, Catch 22, the video game. And then you've gotta tend to all the sick. Yeah, to all the injured and murdered and things like that. Get rid of the bodies so that they don't infect the water and the ground around you and things like that.

Oh, bodies are leaking and infecting the water. But you can't have dead bodies everywhere. What can you do? Nothing. You're too tired to move anybody. Sit there and think about this. Catch 22 22 the video game where you play the character who wants to be bored all the time yeah because it extends his time yeah and you just have to do more and more tedious activities to stave off like to make it

feel like the the part in between missions where you're alive is a much longer period of time so you're just like why don't you re-alphabetize all your books yeah but now jumble them up and do it again but i think that would be fun like maybe it could be a sketch if it was a guy pitching this idea to to like a you know like a network board or something like that just just there's a way of going look okay so then you know then these people get murdered okay so so then you're you're like it's like it's like a shoot-em-up. Yeah. But you don't get any guns.

You're actually one of the person who gets shot, right? Or like, he would be like, yeah. No, it wouldn't become clear until the people asked a question that you were actually one of the, on the victim side. So, yeah, it's like, okay, it's set in you know, or it's set in Mumbai, or not Mumbai, what's the, Kashmir? Kashmir? Kashmir. Kashmir's the

Kashmir's a sweater. India and Pakistan yeah, board, a video game set on Kashmir where you just like, you walk across hills for ages, occasionally firing shots in the air just to remind yourself you're still alive. And then, yeah, no, and you worry that if nuclear war did break out,

you actually wouldn't know before it killed you. Okay, the sketch idea is game developers bring in an actual, like, soldier to assist them on the game. It's like, oh, okay, see, the problem with this level is you can see things. In this actual sort of combat situation, it would be pitch black, and we didn't have the fun,

like, the night vision goggles didn't come through that week. So we just sat there in the dark. So you need to... Also, your characters moving around in combat, you can't do that. Yeah. Don't move. Like, lie there and look at the ground.

Yeah, no, that's really good. The consultant, like, yeah, the military consultant guy who's actually been on the ground. And then he says, oh, yeah, no, no, we were actually in a really similar situation to this one here. And, yeah, the way that it unfolded was in the morning, it turned out that the convoy was actually a wedding. Yeah, we had gotten the wrong information from someone who didn't want the wedding. So are you going to put that in? Is that useful?

Well, we were thinking like, you know, like maybe they could get on the jet ski things at some point and like there could be a jet ski chase did you get into jet ski chases um in your uh in your fire base at any stage um we waterboarded was there enough water for a jet ski we we waterboarded somebody with dirty polluted water we found in a puddle. In order to find out where the child murderer was. Did you find the child murderer? Was there a jet ski chase?

It turned out the child murderer was us. We'd accidentally killed the child murderer. It was actually my best friend had been the guy killing all the... Okay. Well, okay. It was actually my best friend had been the guy killing all the... Okay, so was there any stage where you had to fight your way through a building and shoot a lot of insurgents? Well, every night in my dreams. Yeah, I was running through a building, but I didn't have a gun. So how did you defend yourself from the insurgents in the dream? I just sat and cried.

Okay, so we've got a mission here where you play a sniper and you need to pick off all the insurgents so your troop can get through a combat zone. Were you ever in a situation like that at any stage? No. Okay. I was by this stage

of the war I was in a military hospital. Is that a saving area? A save point. Is that a save point? I guess they saved me in a way. Was there any Is that a saving area? The save point. Is that a save point? Yeah. I guess they saved me in a way. Was there any excitement at the military hospital?

Would there be any events? People who raid it or something like that, and then you have to get a gun. You have to get out of bed and fight the insurgents with that. I was pretty heavily sedated, I don't believe. Remember. Yeah. How much are we paying you?

Look, we'll put the jet ski level in, but your character will be crying while he's on the jet ski. Oh, that's fine. Yeah, no, that's great. That'd be fun. With that accurately. Hey, ocean of tears. Ocean of tears. To be honest, there's fine. Yeah, no, that's great. That'd be fun. With that accurately. Hey, ocean of tears.

Ocean of tears. To be honest, there's a lot of things we want you to tell us that you're not really telling us. We need to hear about the time you, like, just drove a tank into a village and then it was full of bad guys and you fooled the bad guys. Could you just say that and we'll pay you some money? If you write it down, I'll try and sign it with my shaking hand. Okay. If I can still remember my own name. Actually, I definitely...

If I can manage to grip the pen despite the fact that my arm is injured, I will sign it because I need the money to pay my healthcare because my pension is insufficient for my survival costs. And my children need to be looked up. My children who I never see.

Who have been, who are deformed because I was exposed to Agent Orange. I was also in Vietnam. That was on a holiday to Vietnam. It's okay. So I've got the video game pitches there with that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One got dark, but I don't mind that.

Yeah. It is, it has been. It's dark here in the curtained booth. It is a little bit me themed, I feel, this episode of Two in the Thing. You know what? I had a feeling... We do Freddy Krueger's pedophilia. Well, look, I think we're probably at the end, because we've got our five ideas.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And look, they are dark, but we... I think we... We knew the risks when we made you Prime Minister. Yeah. And you know what? I told you I didn't fucking want it. We couldn't be happier about this

I just like how brutally honest you are I really don't want it I don't know why you keep Look I'm drinking the bowl now I'm drinking from the bowl I'm drinking from the jizz bowl I definitely want the Juice Bigelow European Gigolo ending

I don't think there's a way you can properly make that into a sketch. I just, like, I would pay Rob Schneider just so I could see that. Actually, that's an idea I had today. Like, something where you can, I would just call it, like, the idea initially was, like, because I like to end songs really stupid. So, like, let's say Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire, right?

And he goes, you know, I fell into a burning ring of fire no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no right and I'd like to record that ending to the song and then tweet at Johnny Cash if he was still alive yeah and then go here I fixed your song right and you could do that for movies as well

like you go okay you know ending for Deuce Bigelow European and you just film that scene and you go

here Rob Schneider I fixed your movie like that and that would be a great fun Twitter thing where you can just do it with all sorts of art forms. Yeah, great. You do alternate endings for all these things.

Yeah, or different scenes. You go, here, I fixed your movie. And then you just put that scene in where Luke actually goes and finds the hand that gets cut off. And then he goes and sees a doctor and he sells it back. And he goes, that's much better. I can feel with that. I don't know, because this medicine would have gone yeah and it's true so i think that's probably the end i'm just gonna go list through the uh the things here we got

take us number one is a time travel with no time travel everyone is amazed that uh time moves forward no one's gonna be difficult to to show difficult to show but I think it'll be beautiful. Two, we got bad at being a drug dealer guy who gives out all Couldn't there be a scene in that movie

where they go to like a 90s themed party and everyone's dressed in flu right? Maybe. Thank you. Yeah. Yes.

That's great. Okay, great. That's really good. And then they They dance to Trouble One. They remark that isn't it amazing that the 90s was 12 years ago.

And then they very urgently leave to go to the shop to buy some Coca-Cola because they've run out. Yeah. And anti-anxiety medication. They're constantly just stressed that time is moving forward. Oh my god, there is no going back, isn't there? It's just... And they just get scientists working on trying to stop time. Well, if we do our job well enough,

eventually there'll be no more work to do and we'll just be frozen. We haven't figured out a way to slow down time. Just watching Australian television tends to... What is the movie called? Hours turn into weeks. What's the movie called? Is it called Forward to the Present?

Or is it called Lifetime? It's called Time Moving Forward. Time Moving Forward. Time Moving Forward. Time Moving Forward equals time travel. Right Time moving forward. Time moving forward. Time moving forward equals time travel. Right. Subtle. And if someone could just

say that in the movie. What do you mean? Is time moving forward? Yes. Constantly. We can't do anything about it. I don't think there's anything we can do about this He's an old fisherman for some reason

Okay We got Louis Thoreau meets Freddy Krueger Why can't I die? Then there's man doesn't want to be prime minister And actively tries not to be But becomes But becomes so because Aussies love an underdog Right And then we've

got video game pitches which is the military consultant and he makes it uber real and the guy who lives in the village who has to clean up after a shoot him up style commandos have come through and then he has to survive and yeah it's one of those people. What would it be like to be the person who almost gets murdered? So. You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea and ice cream?

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