Two In The Think Tank - 205 - "THE WARLOOK"

Episode Date: October 23, 2019

Candildo, Mocha Ascendancy, Flacildo, Kid You Not, Invincibilitiser, Warlook of the Summer, Artectomy, Privatise HistoryHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereSick and ripped thanks to George Matthews for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. For more videos, visit PlanetBroadcasting.com you, thank you, thank you, thank you, Passion one could experience cause my mind leapt

Al says speaking of that yeah, you've just been on the do-go-on podcast. I've just been on the do-go-on I think they're all a bunch of wakers and very passionate about my new episode which the topic was I made it this said it was the history of the penis, but they've had a long-running joke about this keen for pain thing, so I decided based off of Brian's, Brian Klael's suggestion that you should do that. I should do it and I went, you know what? You embraced it. I'm the only person who's- And you smashed it.

Great episode. Very funny. Now, by the way, this is two in the Think Tank, the podcast where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy. And I'm Alistair George William, Tom Lieberich. And thanks so much for listening to this. Now I'm sorry about this, Alistair, but this is what my mind has put together from what

we've talked about so far. Right? It's a way to have a more romantic wank, or like a sexual experience by yourself. And so basically what it is, is it's a candle that is also a dildo. Because candles are the most romantic thing. Oh, yeah.

Okay, and dildos are the most sexy thing. Can't say. And dildo because candles are the most romantic thing. Oh yeah. Okay, and Dildo's are the most sexy thing. Can't say. Can Dildo. It's a candle, though. Right, so. Candle, though. It's a long, it's a long, sort of, Peter's shaped thing made out of wax with a wick,

a dick with a wick, right? And you light the end. Yeah, which end that you light the end. Yeah. Which end then you don't put it to your... Oh, okay, Seth, that's what I was wanting. I guess I was wanting you snuff it out every time. Snuff it. Yeah, right.

Is that what snuff pornographer is? Snuff films. Yes. Oh, films where you dunk a lit candle into... Into a... Into a... And absolutely sod and orrofus into a wet sod and arofus um the arm sodden yeah could you let me have a

of absolutely sod and could you have a ropeable or arofus right bubble on rightful forget it let's think about it. Just a furious orifice. I mean, furious orifice sounds right? Well enraged. And enraged. Enflamed. Look, I really love the candle though. Great. How could you not? There was some way it could also be made out of chocolate. Then we would be, we'd have everything. We wouldn't even need a person there. You could just leave that alone in the room and it would be erotic. Could it, could it be loaded up with chocolate? So that when, I mean, I know by that, by the, by the point that, I mean, what about this, a dildo that comes and then goes soft.

You're well-lettered to the chocolate. Yeah, it's actually its chocolate, but then also. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee flavored chocolate. Mocha. Mocha. Can we all just agree that mocha is the best drink, right?

We all, I got mad at you, and we have, you know, you have hot chocolate so that you have coffees. Right. I remember when I was first getting into coffee, I would have mockers. And even now, I know it was better than everything I'm doing now. Right, that is, it was actually... Of course. It was actually nice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was really enjoyable and I agree. I used to have mockers as well and then eventually the shame took over. Exactly. You know, so that, that was like, well, no, you're not allowed to have good things. That's for... Can there be a little code where you go to the cafe and you say, can I just get a restreto latte, double restreto latte, it sounds like a real coffee person's order. But then you do some sort of little gesture. Where you go. And they know that you're actually asking for a more.

Well, maybe you know how people say that, you know, some of those people order a long black. But then they say, can I get a little thing called milk on the side. If you say, can I get a long macchiato rostretto, please? And can I get a little pot of chocolate powder on the side? Yeah. What could you have? This is what you could have.

Have we talked about this before on the podcast? No, I wish I had. The thing of those little cyanised capsules that you have in your mouth if you're a spy and you want to be able to kill yourself at any moment. Yeah. You know, why do I only spy? I get that for a start.

We should all get that. It's probably the expense of dental work. It is a dental work. It's just, it's the end nut. It's, yeah, we don't get a lot of elective dental work. It seems like such a crazy thing to do to put that in there. But is it just like it, but it's a tooth that opens up and then you can eat the pill inside

or do you crush the tooth itself? I don't know. But then like, surely it's just such a dangerous thing to have in your mouth. Especially if you chew and gum. Yeah, well, if you're chewing anything really, you'd be like a soup guy. And then, if you ever want to kill yourself, you just eat something crunchy. Eat anything where you have to chew.

But I reckon if you were just a soup guy and all you had was soup, you'd probably want to kill yourself pretty quickly. Anyway, the point is Alistair. Can we have that? But the tooth is, Alistair, can we have that? But the tooth is full of chocolate powder, right? So anything you're eating or drinking, you crack that bad boy open, and it becomes a mocha in your mouth, right?

So technically, at the point at which you put it into your mouth, it's just a regular coffee. But by the time it gets too late for you to be able to taste it, past your tongue, it's just a regular coffee. But by the time it gets too late for you to be able to taste it, past your tongue, it's a mocha. So it's a mocha in your belly. What about a, you know, coffee on the lips, mocha on the drips. And the drip in the back of your throat.

But that wouldn't, you wouldn't be able to taste it. You would have to just be like a thing that shoots, look, you just have to get a little compartment, put inside your nasal cavity, right? I think you only need to be able to breathe through one nostril, right? And it's just filled with powder, right? And...

You know how great it is when you get chocolate powder up, you know? No, no, it's in a container. And then underneath it, it's got little hose that you've drilled through the pallet. Mm-hmm. Yep. And it comes down.

And then whenever you drink mocha, you just go, and whatever you have. Have we talked about this already? And then it just shoots dry powder straight into your back of your throat. And again, so you can't taste it. I know.

I mean, I just wanted to be humorous for the breathing reasons. That would be bad. But no, yeah, like that. And so you can still look like an adult drinking a regular coffee. Great. That's for your inner child, right? That's what we'll call the little thing that goes in your nostril. It's your inner child. Yeah, right. I mean, it wasn't exactly what I was picturing, what I

pictured in a child, but I guess this all have to do. Yeah. A little... Did you have another thing you were going to say just then? Ah, I don't know. Okay, because I would like to go back to my idea that I think, I would like to go back to my idea that I think, you know, I think it would only be fair to the world if Dildos came and then went soft and it would even the playing field. It would, it would. Do you think this could bring a men's rights activist? Yes.

This is, I'll get on board with the MRAs, but only on this specific campaign, which is make Dildos go flaccid. They can only last so long. Yeah, be great. And you know how I love a constantly updated economic type forecast for things, right? What if there was a global index of how long sex lasts? And Dildos are, you know,

how like the Australian dollar used to be pegged against the Euro. Speaking of pegged, right, if you're being pegged, no, you used to be pegged against gold. Sorry, I don't know why I said that. And now you're getting pegged against the wall. Yes. And then your dildo, which is connected to the internet of things, right, can only stay erect for as long as the average man. And that's why we need 5G rollout as fast as possible, because I don't know if we'll be able to, the current internet will be able to handle all this extra data. This streaming, yes.

Make dildos go flaccid. Yeah, and, you know, they'll tell you that at the end of the news, right? Alan Kohler, after he's done the Dow Jones and the Nasdaq and the Futsi, right? He'll also tell us what's the flacco, right? And the flacco is currently at 17.3 minutes, right? And then that's how long the dildo will... 17 minutes. Oh my god. How sad. I had to come up with another. It wasn't going to be embarrassing on the thing. Well, I mean, there are going to be those, you know, those the whales of the sex world, the instincts

who are blowing out the. The 1%. The 1%. We're going to keep going and going. That's right. And I guess anybody on an anti-depressant, some things like that, they just, you know, they're going to be putting a way out of whack

for the rest of the system. Yeah, because, you know, anti-deppressant can affect your ability to all get them. A ability to talk so. But can you still get a direction? Look, I don't know the full sort of... I imagine it was the full sort of... I think that some people can still get a direction, but they can just have trouble achieving. And it is an achievement.

Yeah, well, when you're on a drug that prevents you. That's true. I mean, that's would be the extra joy that you would get from it if you could. I never understand, you know, Viagra is talked about. Like, does Viagra just help you get the erection? But then it also makes you last longer before you... I don't know about the last long time. I don't know about the last long time. This is from, you know, how I told you, this is the story I just told on...

Oh, you mentioned this on Dugalan. On the teen for peen. The Dugalan thing, but a friend of mine had a friend who said he was at a sex party and he was on Viagra, which meant that whenever he came, he didn't go soft. Right. So he said he would say, by the end, it was shooting gravel.

Yes. Right. And, but which suggests that I think, yeah, that's all it is. I think it's just that you just wouldn't lose your... You're gonna have this thing. For the... And after a

sign number, you're not gonna be able to enjoy it. No. And it'll just become a burden. I mean, it's a embarrassing burden. I guess you'd just go, I don't have to leave the house for a few hours. I'm gonna pop one of these little blue pills. Yeah. Yeah. They've got to be blue, right? They're blue. I'm not sure. I saw an episode of Matt about you where he said, like he took one and then he was starting to see blue

or maybe it was an episode of friends. I can't remember. Things that everything had a blue tinge to it. And apparently that's a side effect. Really? According to this episode of Matt about your friends. He's like, Never seen Matt about you. Could you tell you the first thing about it? Paul Reiser? Don't know who that is. Helen Hunt though. Oh no her. Yeah. I mean you couldn't. I

can't deny Helen Hunt. You can't deny Helen Hunt. I'm not a Helen Hunt trufer. Oh that'd be great if there were true. Yes. Yeah. Because I mean what happened to her after Twister? She kind of just left. Really? She just this Arnold she I guess she did that Jack Nicholson one. What we want to ask her for it. But Twister then what was the Jack Nicholson one? Anger management? No, no, no, it was like the Jack Nicholson movie of the 2000s or whatever. As good as it gets. As good as it gets.

She was in that. Yeah, she was like the, she was the waitress. Mm. Yeah, and she, that he treated poorly and then they ended up together. That's a, yeah. He seemed genuinely unbearable, but also rich. Was he rich?

I think he was a rich author. Maybe, yeah, maybe. And that does play into your attractiveness. Your abilities as an author? No, well, your attractiveness as a lover, yeah. Because I think when you look at somebody, what do you think, what is it that attracts you to them? Possibility.

The possibility of the happiness, possibility of good times, possibility of deep love. There's three things there, only one of them doesn't involve money. The deep love. The deep love, right. Good times and happiness, they can both unbelievably be helped

by money, also wanting to have kids and making sure that they survive. And also, what about the possibility of not having to work that also, especially as a, you know, in the hospitality industry? Correct. Correct. I think the, a, you know, in the hospitality industry. Correct. Correct. I think the, like, you know,

when people talk about having kids, you know, they're very, they don't specify and I want them to survive, right? But maybe they should. Yeah, that's true. I want to have kids and I want them to survive. And I want them to survive. I'm not just interested in the birthing process.

No, but, you know, I mean, that's a fun date kind of thing where it's like I'm interested in having kids. And then he goes, oh, that's great because that's what I'm really interested in too. She goes, I always wanted to see, you know, kids grow. She goes, oh, I'm not interested in seeing them grow. And not so kiddo. I just want the part to give birth. I guess that's true. I guess that's kind of what, I mean, there could be people with a psoragacy fetish, right?

People who just want to be pregnant and then give birth over and over again until they're just a husk. There's nothing left of them. Yeah. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. over and over again until they're just a husk. There's nothing left of them. Yeah.

I guess if people, I guess if we accepted there are people who kind of want everything, anything, you know, like at some point, I guess there's those iterations everywhere, right? There's a lot of people who just want anything, possibly due to some kind of trauma. Possibly it's almost to some kind of trauma. Probably, it's almost always some kind of a trauma.

Every want is a response to trauma. The want for food? Trauma. The want to go to the bathroom? Trauma. Well, it's in a trauma. It's a pre-traumatic thing. Pre-traumatic.

Well, it's like a stress disorder. Yeah, it's pre-traumatic thing. Pre-traumatic. Well, it's like a stress disorder. Yeah, it's pre-traumatic, bursting disorder. You know? What about this is a, you know, like, so people are handsome, or beautiful. Summer. Yeah. People are, you know, they're kind and generous,

summer. Yes. So, you know, people are rich. So these are all things that can be attractive qualities. Right, but what about somebody who has the ability to make you invincible? Do you think? I would find that sexy.

Yeah. You know, like that. So you're flipping through, you're flipping through, you know, Tinder or whatever, or a bumble. Grinder? Hinge? Hinge, grinder? No, never quite aware of the distinctions

between all of these things. I don't think it matters, Andy. Yeah. But people seem to say, oh, this one's good. Oh, this one used to be good. People also say the whole thing is horrible. Yeah. The whole scenario is a mess.

Yes. But then people find love. That's true. Sometimes you got to trudge through the mud in order to find a really nice rock. So you're flipping through and then you see on this thing and it's just a normal looking person. Male or female. So you flipping through it and then you see on this thing and it's just a normal looking person male or female They're not a warlock

They were given a stone by their grandfather that He was told by their grandfather. They were told by their grandfather to To hand it to the person that they love and that will make them invincible And I do wear rose with long, droopy cuffs. Yeah, yeah, but they're not a wall of And I don't know I just feel like there's a You know like conversations with the person going do you think you're just dating him because he's gonna make you a bit... Yeah, I don't think so, I think I quite like him. Yeah, he's got a lot of annoying, you know,

who would have other qualities which are annoying, but then there are other things that I love about him. Like he's got a wispy mustache, that he's not quite ready to grow a mustache, and he's always in that state, which like right before kind of fills on, becomes a good mustache. that he's not quite ready to grow a moustache. And he's always in that stage, like right before kind of film's on, becomes a good moustache.

Great. Yeah, look at that. Yeah, no, I think that's definitely something. I, a couple of things. I'm not sure that invincibility, like I said, she said the word invincible, I was like, oh, that'd be great. And then I was like, when would invincibility be relevant to me?

Like, is it immortality? That thing it is, right? It's invincibility, which means that like if somebody what stabs you or punches you or something, you can't be hurt. But then I've never really that badly hurt. Like, can I still get it? Yeah, Andy, the way that you use power tools.

I think it's on its way. It is very much only little matter of time. Found a drill on the side of the road there that I can't wait to use it. Oh, can't wait to plug it in while I'm standing in some water. Look, I think invincibility could mean that you're in immune to cancer. Or your cancer is just really strong, right? If the cancer has your genetic material. This part of your health, part of your body. I mean, how do we know?

Well, we don't know. But at this point, this person is only, you know, how do you know when you see somebody on Tinder that they're really a nice person? I mean, like, I think that's a great place for it to go. They're like, oh, well, I'm sorry, and the cancer is indestructible, be judy or inventive ability. Sure, there's some downsides, you know,

and things can go wrong with any relationship. And also they wouldn't be able to cut the cancer out because they wouldn't be able to cut into you to get in there. Yeah. So then you'd have to go on a journey. You'd have to do it yourself. You'd have to, the only thing that could cut you would be yourself, so you'd have to punch into a journey. You'd have to do it yourself. You'd have to, the only thing that could cut you

would be yourself. So you'd have to punch into your own chest and pull it out. Or, or, or, or, or, with your fingernails. Going away with your fingernails. Yeah, or sharpen your fingernail. Grow them long.

And then sharpen them. You wouldn't be able to sharpen them. You wouldn't be able to cut them. Your fingernails, you, be impossible to cut. You could only cut your fingernails with your other fingernails. Or your teeth.

You could chew them ourselves. So you chew them into a point and then you scratch yourself open like a dog. But that's a bad habit, though. It is a bad habit. And you would probably have been able to defeat that habit because of your invincibility. Yeah, but then there could be a journey here. I mean, I don't want to turn this into a full length epic, but you and the person who made you, you know, invincible would then have to go on a journey to find where this grandfather got this stone

and meet maybe, you know, the people who are the descendants of the people who gave them the created the stone and how do you reverse the spell? Yeah, or can you selectively reverse the spell? Right? That's right. Maybe they've got a stone that removes invincibility. I love it. Yeah. The invincibility curse. Yeah. At first, it's just a dating thing. And then my other idea, Alistair, is the warlock look. Right. If we could somehow bring that into the 20th century, the warlock. The warlock look. Right, if we could somehow bring that into the 20th century. The warlock. The warlock. Right, and I'm talking, I'm talking those long droopy sleeves,

but on a business shirt. Right, so there's still a cuff and a button, but it hangs way down below. It's okay, I see this. And then it's, you know, it's quite a slim, you know, the shirt itself quite a slim fit. But then it also keeps going down. It keeps going down like that and then kind of flaps.

It's like tails, but all the way around. Yes. And a drag along the floor. It's not a dress though. Not enough, of course not. No, because a warlock is a man. That's right. Yeah, it's a man. Yeah, it's a man man. That's right, yeah, it's a man.

Man, which? Yeah, it's a man-witch. That's just a regular witch-up and bigger. Yeah, that's right. I believe so. It's a double-sized witch. Mm-hmm. With two witches in a long coat.

Yeah. Or one and a half Boy witches Yeah, boy witch I think look okay the war look could your business shirt also have a hood Could it be the caller you know that stiffened caller? Hmm, you know, it still does the sort of the up and then the down But then at the bottom of the down, it also has a stiff upper thing

that comes all the way over your head as well. Yeah, but maybe it doesn't go around the sides. Maybe it just goes over the top, like one of those mud guards. Oh, maybe. Or you could fold it back with using origami. Okay. So you can pop it out, kind of like a...

Like one of those bendy straws. Like a bendy straw, exactly. But made out of cloth and cardboard and stiffness. I would love to have one of those bendy straw type things. But it is my collar. And then when I want to, I just go and pull it up and it goes all the way around my head Yeah, and then I'm just totally isolated in a little tube Mm-hmm, and then I go Pull down again. It's a turtle neck. It's a turtle neck, but it extends. It's like a stealth turtle neck Right, and then it's self-supporting you pull it up

I guess it could be made out of whatever it is that they make that That stuff for air conditioning tubing. Oh, yeah, you can pull it up, I guess it could be made out of whatever it is that they make that, that stuff for air conditioning tubing. Oh yeah. You can pull it up, right? And then maybe I can bend it down and around, right? Maybe I can connect it to somebody else's tube and we can have a really intimate time. Docking. Docking.

When people say get a room, right, this is what you'll do. You'll just pull up your collar like that, and you'll dock it with the person that you're gonna make out with. Oh, magnets on the end. Magnets on the end. Like that, right? And then you can pump gas into that space.

Oh yeah, helium. Helium, whatever. No, I trust. NOS. That's the real getting high for me. Helium. I'm curious. NOS. That's the real getting high for me, helium. Yeah. And, you know, it'll be just like, it'll be your own little space.

Think about it. Just for two. Trump and Putin could have done that, saved themselves all this trouble. You know, having to go around through diplomatic lines. Yeah. So it's just a tube, and Trump unfills it out the window of the White House and he gives it to Rudy Giuliani who goes all the way to Ukraine and meets an envoy of Vladimir Putin and they dock the two tubes together and then they shout down it to each other. Yeah,

they probably have walkie talkies. They also have walkie talkies. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. I love to hear that. I love to hear that. I love to hear that. I love to hear that. I love to hear that. I love to hear that. I love to hear that.

I love to hear that. I love to hear that. I love to hear that. I love to hear that. I love to hear that. I love to hear that. I love to hear that. I love to hear that.

I love to hear that. I love to hear that. I love to hear that. I love to hear that. I love to hear that. I love to hear that. I love to hear that. I love to hear that.

I love to hear that. I love to hear that. I love to hear that. I love to hear that. I love to hear that? I love to go to bed. Because I've been thinking about them a lot. Yeah, why? Because they, I saw a girl with a walkie-talkie the other day and it was like, that's the first time I've seen a kid with a walkie-talkie in so long. But I just remember that when I was a kid, the walkie-talkie was the best. The walkie-talkie was king. It was king, right?

And I kind of want to bring back the walkie-talkie. Well, I'm sure it, you know, there'll be plenty of available walkie talkies, all the ones that were made over the last 50 years, they're not being used. I just think that, you could probably even find ones that like security guards use.

And so you could have, give them to your kids and they can wear them on their belt and they can have that little mouthpiece, the trucker mouthpiece that they could have it hung up on their collar, and they could pick it up, or they could speak down to it. Lean into it, they go, hey, other twin, which one are you? Yeah, great.

Yeah, I'm just sitting here. I'm also in the house with you. We never go anywhere. We don't go anywhere. I'm just sitting here. I'm also in the house with you. Yeah. We never go anywhere. We don't go anywhere. Um, walkie talkie. I mean, it might have been touch and go there for a while, which one was going to take supremacy, right?

The phone or the walkie talkie. Yeah. Because the walkie talkie had certain elements that the phone didn't have, the walkie element. That's true. Yeah. And the phone, the phone didn't have, the walkie element. That's true. But the phone ended up achieving supremacy, via the smartphone thing.

But there might be an alternative universe in which we've all got smart walkie talkies. I could see that. Do you think the thing that stood in the walkie talkies way was the fact that you couldn't speak over each other? But that's just politeness. No, but we do, I think maybe we need that. I think we just need, you know?

We need to be able to speak over each other. Oh, I see. You know, and, you know, exert our dominance. You know, we can't have the pace of our conversations. Because if somebody, if you're talking to your relative, you know, and they never say over. They never say over and they're just, they're going on a story and you can never go, okay, well, like that.

If you can't go, okay, well, like that. They don't know that they're supposed to wrap up and they're just holding that button down the whole time, you know. And then Carl showed me his phone. You remember Carl. You remember Carl. Anyway, his mole is grown. What's changed shape?

Not this one. Mollas grown. Mollas grown. Is that bad? No, just an interesting combination of sounds. Mollas grown. Yeah. And I thought it was worth talking over you for.

I was wrong on this case. And if we'd had walkie talkies, I would never have done that. Do you think if your brother's band hadn't found a name? By the way, hey everybody, Andy's band, brother's band, it's got a name. Yeah. Well, the last we heard they had a name, but who knows if they could have dropped it? I think it's very likely. I can't remember what it was.

Something stares. Silk st't remember what it was. Something stairs? Silk stairs. Silk stairs. Sounds too much like silver chair to me. That doesn't. No? Don't. Don't give them any reason. To let it go. I would just collapse there. Silk stairs. Silk stairs.

Yeah. Silk stairs. Sounds like it's own thing. Sounds unlike anything I've ever heard before. Exactly. Totally unique. I love it. Can't wait to hear the music. Wow. They're like a release song. They can release it. I love it. I can't wait to hear the music. Wow. They're like a release song. They can release it.

I'm waiting. They've been keeping it caged. Mm-hmm. Encaged. Encaged. And slavoured. Is there anything in this walkie talkie thing? I think it's like, it's an example of parallel evolution.

It's like the shark and the dolphin. Right? And then, you know, one basically just out-competed the niche, you know? The phone drank the walkie talkie's milkshake. Do you think that the dolphin is, like, or the shark is the evil dolphin? Yes! Yeah. Because they kind of take up a very similar space, but one is evil.

One is very much evil. Like one is sort of, you know, is like the dictator, and it's often more like democracy. You know, one's totalitarianism. They're the ones democracy. Do you think democracy is on the way out? No. You don't think so?

No, I think that we're gonna make some... Changes to democracy? Some real improvements. Get into the firmware updates. I think it's gonna be pretty hard to justify continuing with all these billionaires around capable of controlling everything. Totally.

So something's going to have to change in that regard. I don't know if it'll happen within the next 20 years, but it would be great if it did. It would be so good, wouldn't it? Yeah. Because I was thinking, it feels like the democracy started as a good operating platform. And now, it's got all these security vulnerabilities,

all these bugs, and the whole thing is sort of like, it seems like, so democracy might be a bit more like the Windows operating system, whereas you're told totalitarians, they're like China, they're like Apple, they're able to keep a tighter reign on like, you know, what gets approved and that sort of thing, keep their security strong, makes it seem like a more robust system.

So we just need to, you know, update the platform in some way. Yeah, I think- Democracy 2.0. I think that the part that we didn't really, maybe we should have maybe we did predict this, but the part that I hadn't really seen with hacking elections was that I always thought that people would be trying to find a way

to actually change the votes after they've been made. But what you're really doing is you're hacking into people's brains by giving them false information or misleading information Which I guess is kind of what politicians have been doing the whole time, but yeah But then there's people with way more money and way more resources who are better at it or better at it Yeah, even though English isn't their first language. Yeah But Maybe not having a strong command over the English language helps.

You know, because of... It keeps you emotionally distant from it, because it would be quite difficult on you morally to know that you're doing such a bad thing. But do you think it is? I'm sure some people feel guilty about it. I guess so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is there a sketch in this?

Is there a sketch in this in any way? I mean, I'm... No, I remember that's another rabbit hole. Probably a very shallow one that I was about to take us down. I was just going to say that the 2.0, saying 2.0 to things, we don't, that's pretty old, isn't it? That's pretty one point.

It's pretty one point-o, same 2.0 to things. There needs to be a 2.0, 2.0. Yeah. And there probably is. Is it cyber? No, that one's old. That's cyber, that one's old. I think that one goes back to what's his name?

William Gibson? Yeah, William Gibson. Yeah. Look, because I feel like we only have limited amounts of time. We do have limited amounts of time. I thought maybe we could just go... We have a few things written down. Quite a few sketch ideas here.

Yeah. I thought we could go to three words. I'd love that. From a listener. Absolutely. But this is not only a listener and a patreon supporter Not just any listener. This is a person who has also appeared on the show Good bloke How do you know it's a bloke?

Because I heard you say his name before the podcast Mr. Martin done long. Yeah, thank you. Martin. We're meaning to have you back on the show, so I would love that yeah Thank you Martin. We're meaning to have you get you back on the show so I would love that yeah right now We're recording during the day and I thought maybe you were working full-time anyway. We'll have this conversation So Martin's three words yes are Ancient yes Roman yes sandwich I mean this is it's already written a sketch basically, hasn't he? The ancient Roman sandwich. What do you mean? Well, I mean, you know, anything, anything where you put people in a toga, that's already a sketch. That's already fun. Right. You know,

and, and then you take something from the modern world, the sandwich, the icon of modernity. And you put that in the ancient Roman times, comedy is inevitable. What about this? It's a Roman subway. So you go into whatever the Roman equivalent of a subway is, right? And you order, you know, whatever, like a sandwich, but based on what they would have had available at the time. Bore. Bore, exactly.

See? Hilarious, right? And then, you know how the Romans used to like to eat until they vomit, right? They would have the vomitoria kind of thing. Well, as well as getting a takeaway, you take away food, which is way too much food, right? They would have the vomitoria kind of thing. Well, as well as getting a takeaway food, which is way too much food, right? You also get like a little takeaway bucket

that you can puke into. Oh, what lengths of measurement did they have back in those days? Oh, rather than like a foot long or something like that. What would it have been? What cupit? I'll have a... A quarter Cupid?

A quarter here, half Cupid or a Cupid? Look, I don't know if this is actually... This is not the sketch. No. I mean, maybe this is the test. It feels like he's fucking with us. No, no, he's... Yeah, I think this is the sketch he wanted us to write so that he could laugh at us for for falling into his trap

Yeah, he's obvious. I should Roman said which yes, yes, of course, and so we can't right we can't do that sketch No, right we have to we have to change this in some way, okay Roman could be Roman Polansky No, I know't. Hello. All right. No, I know Martin. That's another trap. He's put that there on purpose. That's right. He wants us to say something inappropriate. Although, you know, I mean, Tarantino just put Roman Polanski

in his film. I mean, not the real one, but one of the characters. Yeah, all right. Well, he was in the reality. This is the thing about Roman Polanski. He's also in reality. Yeah, but I mean, he did decide to write about Roman Polanski's reality. Yeah.

It's not that he was like, it's unfortunate that, you know, it's like... I mean, it's a pretty interesting bit of reality as well, right? Oh, absolutely. Can we just not talk about that bit of reality? Because Polanski happens to be in it? Just like... I mean, we can talk about it. Is it?

You know, you got to separate the... The... the... You know, people say you got to separate the artist from the art. I don't know if that's true. But do you also have to separate the artist from the murder that they were involved in? Yeah. Or that... sort of happened to their...

partner. What about a thing where you actually do separate the artist from the artist? This would be great. Can I just pitch this? Yeah. I don't know where you're going with your thing. What is?

Right. But if we're going to separate the artist from the art, like if we got problems with Michael Jackson, let's just separate the artist from the art and now all that stuff, it's no longer by Michael Jackson, that's available and we can attach that to somebody else. Okay, great. Now all of our Michael Jackson's work, right? That's now associated with... Somebody who's needy.

I was trying to think of somebody who wasn't problematic and my mind went to Kevin Spacey. So... Wow, wait, I thought you said Kevin Bacon. No, oh Kevin Bacon, great, okay? Clean slate. Candence. Candence.

It's plausible. I mean, is it problematic that we're giving, giving it to a white guy? To a white guy. Sure, okay, you're right. Yeah. But couldn't we give it to somebody who needs it? Kevin Bacon's already got success.

Shouldn't it always go to somebody who's homeless? This is really good. Yes, okay. So you give the creative credit for the work of whoever it is that you don't want to have the credit for anymore to the homeless. And then do they also get the like publishing rights and that sort of thing in the money? It depends on whether or not Michael, it belonged to Michael. Right, because he'd lost the rights to a lot of his own stuff as well.

I think he sold it to Sony or something like that. Yeah, I kept getting confused. I think maybe he bought the rights to the Beatles. People's rights to the Beatles. Yeah. But then I think he didn't have the rights. Maybe he did have the rights to his own stuff as well. Yeah.

It feels like you'd want to be self-sufficient because you could feel like things could fall apart at any moment, feel like the title of it was a pretty tight reign on that kind of stuff. So, but I think that's something. OK. Right? Yeah.

And then we can, you know, does this homeless person now go and do tours of Mark Jackson's material? I guess they could. I mean, they would have the right to. The yeah. If they want. Yeah. But we're not picking them based on their talents.

No. Does everybody... Everyone just has to transfer their allegiance. If you're a wild Michael Jackson fan, you're now a wild Leon. Tremensky. Tremensky fan, right? And you go along to all of Leon's concerts and they're, you know, and they're spectacular as well.

Sure. Well, I mean, he's still got, he's still got Michael's band. Yeah. You know what I mean? They give you his little address book and stuff like that so you can get all the contacts. And to be honest, you know, these artists, they reach a certain point in their career. They're not doing anything new.

What's the ultimate thing they could do to shake things up? Be somebody else. That's right. That's the challenge. I mean, that's what David Bowie was always trying. Exactly where we were going. That was the one thing Bowie said that he wished he could have done. It was the one thing hampering his creative process.

Yeah, he transcend the self. You know? Yeah. So, I think that's because it's sort of like once you cancel somebody, right? It's not a cancel, it's not a cancellation anymore. It's sort of a rescheduling, right? It's a re, it's a recasting, we recast,

we're not canceling, we're recasting. The part of Michael will be played by Leon Traminski from here on. And, um, yeah, I for one I'm excited. You could probably, you could probably, you know, and we change all the historical records as well. It's really easy. Now that everything's digital, you just do a find and replace it in all the stories, the news stories of all the awful things. Oh, yeah, well, you don't want to. So you probably have to have something a little bit more advanced.

Yeah. Ah, rather than doing fine, replace all for the whole internet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But then you know, I guess it'll also cycle some of the wealth around because there's a chance that maybe a person who's on the street may have done something bad in their life.

I think maybe when we finally privatize history, privatize all knowledge, you will be able to just, if you have enough money, you'll be able to buy the rights to sections of history and change it how you want. Right? That would be good. So, if I did want to be credited with the work of Bertrand Russell. Right? That'd be so good.

Now that he's dead, presumably, I could pay Wikipedia, I could pay Google, I could pay, you know, enough money to enough people and they'll just change the records of that and that'll that'll be me now. God, that would be nice. You can be so good. I was just thinking about Aristotle in the day and he go, he's considered such an important person, But you got to say he was He was wrong about a lot of things. Yeah, yeah, and you go like he's probably one of the most famously wrong people Uh-huh, but he was wrong in an important way. Yeah, and at the right time right when even the idea of having an idea about things was so good

Yeah, that it didn't matter if the idea was wrong. Yeah. And feels like that's a lot of the music in the 90s. Think so? Yeah. You think that was just that was the hurdle we had to overcome to get to the current day. Yeah. It was just wrong. We were doing all the music was wrong in the 90s. Then we got it right. For obviously fresh prints.

Of course. And boom, boom, shake, shake the room. And Montel George. Work that booty. Is that boom, shake the room? Work your body. Is it a booty? Body, work your body.

I don't know. They feel like they were very clean. Shorty, boardy. It was probably about board shorts. It was probably. When I private high school history, I'll buy all of that and I'll edit that. Any Bordy stuff? Yeah.

More body stuff. We're going to make it about Bordy's. Bordy's. Yeah. To clean up history from all of that yucky filth. I think we're going to have to take you through all the sketches. Yeah, that was great. Thank you Martin, by the way.

Can you write down privatized history though? I think that's a sketch of you. I think you're right. I love to privatize things on this podcast, but only on this podcast. I don't like it in reality. No. I think everything should be nationalized in reality.

I'm a communist. And if I ever run for political office, you can clip this out and have me saying, I am a communist. I think you even hate saying you're a communist. I think you wish that the state was saying you're a communist. You're right. You're a communist.

You're a communist. All right, we've got, look, if you are gonna run for politics, that's not the clip that they're gonna cut out. They're gonna cut out this part where you came up with a candle that you stick up yourself called the candle though. It's the most romantic type of dildo, because it's, you light it. All the mandal could be the mandal. Why the mandal?

Man, man, penis, man, man's penis. Yeah. And I candle, man. All right, candle, dildo is better. Yeah, candle, candle, though. Candle, though. I haven't put any eyes in there. I don't wanna have a fuck with it too much, you know?

Yeah. Candle, do. You can fuck with it, though. Yeah, it's, well, this one you can. Too much. Yeah. Way too much, you know? Yeah. Candle do. You can fuck with it though. Yeah, it's well this one you can. Too much. Yeah. Way too much. Too much is when it's burned down to a nub, right?

That's how you know. And then it's just this lake little. Yeah. Like a cigarette butt. Mm. Yeah. Like a dick butt, little chowd. There you go.

Oh, I'll tell you I lost it. I and you could go to it with a nice shop run by somebody wearing hemp, and they're dipping these dildos and the big things are waxed, they need to be great. Candle does, not the regular doldof. And then we got, let's admit, mocha is the best drink. And then there's various ways in which we could find ways of avoiding the shame of being

seen to be drinking mochas, including the suicide pill that's just filled with chocolate powder or obviously the inner child, which is the compartment that you're looking for. But the great thing is that you can see that you can then make anything moccas, not just coffees, right? Broccoli, right? Broccoli. That's now moccale. Even chocolate.

Oh, moccolate. Moccolate. Oh, fuck it out. That whole... Alright. That was a beautiful thing. We're gonna call this episode mockle it, if I remember. Yeah, great.

I wanna have kids, but not see them grow. This is a dating conversation. It's a lady. People realizing that they both wanna have kids, but then the guy realizing the woman doesn't wanna see them. She just wants to birth them and then she's done. And we got Guy who has the ability to give the person he loves in visibility.

And how he uses that on a steady- Invisibility. And what did I say? Invisibility. And I did mean invincibility. Yeah. To love her. And then it possibly goes into some kind of thing where their cancer is also invincible. Yeah, well obviously, you know, somebody in a film, they want something. When they get what they want,

they can't be what they- It's not interesting. Not interesting. No, like they have to realize that that wasn't what they wanted. And they wanted a deeper thing. What they wanted was love or a deep connection or whatever, but they went for this thing, right? Oh, actually, what they really wanted is not to die, but then they got cancer. Anyway, hopefully, hopefully, maybe what they discover at the end

is that even though this cancer can't be killed, it actually can't kill them. Yeah, sure, but then that would just mean that you keep growing and deforming with this tumor. I would take that for a general life. Okay, really? Yeah, deforming, of course. It'd just be like, eventually you'd just be a little head

on top of a giant tumor. Like with an arm sticking out the side. Well, not necessarily. I'm not, it might entirely envelop my head. Yeah, okay. Then we've got the war look. Yeah, which will make people think that it's just wearing camo. No, the artist from the art,

which is, and then we are recasting it to a home's business. It's a graft. We perform a body of work graft. Yeah. A fuel transplant. I mean, I would have liked for there to have been actually... A fans plant. We transplant the fans from one person onto another person.

Also, you think it has to be somebody who likes their music? No, no, because the fans are all the followers. So they're now being transplanted from Michael onto Leon. Of course. You know we're right down the fans plant? Err... Sure. We've got to have a little pun one for everything. And then we've got privatized history. And Andy's a communist. Yes, and I am. And I think I just, I like communism.

Yeah, I just think it should be privatized. Communism, but it's run by a company because I think I just think the companies are better at running things. Well, you know, if it's run by the state, it's always somehow the most, most corrupt person who works their way to the top. So there's a flaw in it. There is. So if you just put like a board of directors in there already.

Yes. And shareholders. And shareholders. Right. So they can, so they can have shareholder meetings and they can vote out the leader. They are not describing democracy by the way. No, no, no.

No, no. No. They buy their shares with actual money. But also I guess the fact that there's shareholders suggest you're doing communism for a profit, you know no, no. They buy their shares with actual money. But also, I guess the fact that there's shareholders suggest you're doing communism for a profit. I am. Yeah, and communism for a profit, but not for your own good, but just for the people who own the cash.

Just the shareholder. Yeah, it's just the shareholder. And that's it. So then now we're going to... Sinking. But then... Binking. In the water going down. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it? You were already screaming towards 300. And are we going to do 300 sketches for this? Well, I mean, this one was so doable. I know, and that's what scares me. On the day, I said, that's the limit.

Yeah. Right? Even though I was thinking that we were going to do another 3, 4, 5 to 8 hours. But I don't know if we would have the drive to get through. But maybe, you know, I think felt like you carried a lot of this episode. So maybe we need to take turns and I'll try to do the one that's really on. I think it will just both be on, both be on at all times, and maybe we will open up the door to some kind of performance enhancing drugs for the next one. That's right. That was an kind of performance enhancing drugs for the next one.

That's right. You know, that was an option there. Yeah. For the previous one. We didn't go that way. No, yeah. But who knows? People want to keep seeing records broken. At some point, they're going to have to accept.

We have to change either. What's in the air, we have to change. You know, what's in our bodies, we have to change whether or not we even can afford to put in the energy of sustaining a body. I think we probably have to just become like a plate on a head. A plate on a head. I mean, a head on a plate. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, a plate on a head.

And we become the plate. Yes, who is cogn, cognizant? Yeah, sentient plate. Sentient plate. And, and what's laying on our dead head, but absorbing the minerals. And we, you can review it online. Yeah, thank you to everyone who's been reviewing

some of my kids. We've been getting such nice reviews. It's very, very nice. The lightful. Thank you. It brings joy into our hearts. You can find us on Twitter at 2 in Tank or I'm at Alistair TV. You can post on Patreon, which means that you can send in three words for us to muck around

with or you can get our bonus episodes. We've got the sci-fi try guys and we've got two in the side tank. I think we're soon going to have to start working doing one of our, you know, last time we worked up Magma, which is a show we're working with. I think we're going to have to start up Teleport. Yeah, yeah. Well, let's start up Teleport. Yeah. Yeah. Well, let's start that right away. All right.

And you can find me. I'm at Stupid Old Andy. I'm at Alistair TV. And we love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. I mean, if you want, it's up to you. nights. I mean, if you won't, it's up to you. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to

consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to MycomputerCoreer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time. Mycomputercareer.edu.