Two In The Think Tank - 210 - "SEXY RECTANGLE"

Episode Date: November 26, 2019

Smell Light, Sausage Tongue, Kissing Toys, Sexy Foot, One Metric Human, SR, First Base Contact, Roast Me Like One Of Your French GirlsHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereA tank of thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy, Here we go, coming up with sketchy ideas. Oh, isn't it the first one? Lights. What about lights, but for smell? Oh, there you go. Makes... Alistair, you joke. But you know, Peter Fond, something beautiful there, because, because, Alistair, we all know... Yes.

..that when you're going to a room and it's dark, all the stuff is still in there, all the stuff to see, you're still in there, but you can't see it until the lights come on. Now, what about that with smell? You know, like sometimes we can make out things with a bit of smell. But if there was a light for smell, it would just bring all those smells into stark relief. Maybe what it could be is some kind of like corrosive acid gas. But you spray into a room and it just melts little bits of the thing. The surfaces of things.

Corrodes them and then makes them airborne. And everything, right? And now you'll be able to smell everything at a room. Okay, because there's a lot of things that don't release a lot. This meal is very flavorless. I'm going to get in intense. Oda of nostril. Because I imagine that'd be the overriding smell

if you're breathing in corrosive gas. Because you would get the fun. I mean, you get a bit of nostril, you get a bit of blood. Yes. That the metallic scent of blood. I ate a bit of sausage the other day, but a bit of meat sausage the other day. Wow.

And my mouth tasted like blood for the rest of the day. Oh yeah, eating sausages makes your mouth blood no quest. It makes your mouth bleed no quest. But I do think that what kind of oils don't realise is that their mouth just tastes like blood all the time. I don't think there's blood in me. I think they drain it of meat of blood almost. I think it still tastes like blood. I don't think there's blood in me. I think they drain it of blood almost.

I think it still tastes like blood. I don't know. No? Often like meat. Yeah, right. Well, I think what meat actually tastes like is blood. Mmm. I can't tell because I've just got the taste of blood

in my mouth the whole time. Correct. Right. And then all that you can taste is the meat. Could butt. Yeah. Could what you thought was a chunk of sausage might have been the end of your tongue

It was already in my mouth the tongue Like I tried to pull it out and it did not want to go Did not want to back All right, this is two sketches ideas Which is terrible wait wait wait the smell light hmm right? That's something. Yeah. I don't know what. But even if it's just that product, you just spritz it into a room.

It's like a flavor enhancer. It's like salt. Isn't actually a flavor. Salt isn't a flavor. You might not know this. It's a flavor enhancer. No. Right.

And so you put it into a food and that allows you to taste the existing flavors in there. What about when you have a flavor enhancer? It's also a fear existing flavours. But what about when you have a little bit of flavour? It's also a favourite. When you have a mouthful of salt, you go, I can taste something. Like probably just the flavour of your tongue. Just enhancing. If it's enhancing the flavour of your tongue,

and it tastes as bad as it does, does that mean your tongue must taste horrendous? I think probably the answer is yes. Because you know when you get saliva on your hand and it dries and then you smell it and it's the worst smell in the world. That's probably default tongue taste. You think it's saliva then vomit, then shit? It's weird that all the worst smells are things that come from really quite close by within our own bodies.

We're protected from it with very thin walls. Yeah. A thin, quite permeable membranes. Sphinctors. You know? Sphinctors, you know. Wet orifices. But such is the power of the body. My body is a temple. It has its own

Yes, police force, like the Vatican. And it's on astronomer. I mean I think somebody who eats their tongue thinking that it's a sausage. Mmm. Okay, okay. But can we then put this in the context of a court case where they're a client trying to sue somebody because they accidentally ate their own tongue thinking it was a sausage? Now. And who are they suing? Sausage companies? Well, I'm not sure.

For making a product that's so much like tongue. It is so much like Tung. Tung. I mean, I think yes, because we can absolutely make a parallel between that and some other kind of court case. I'm sure people have brought a similar sort of thing, you know, like it is, it is like when a company, you know, makes a toy that looks too much like a lolly and kids end up eating it and choking. In this case, it's kind of the opposite. They've made a food that looks too much like something we shouldn't eat.

But it tricks us into automatically eating things that are like that and that we find in our mouths. And maybe what happened was this person was at a sausage restaurant or festival. Or festival. And they went into a micro sleep or maybe a small coma. And then they woke up and assumed that what was in their mouth was maybe they, okay, this is what happened. A macro power nap, that's a big sleep. It is okay Sorry, Alistair. I'm too much focus on my own thing just even process anything It wasn't it wasn't good enough and we're wasting time to get to your idea while I forget it I am forgetting it. It's almost totally gone. Okay, so this is what happened right somebody was at a sausage festival

They they start to choke on a piece of sausage, right? And then somebody comes to administer first aid, right? And they get the bit of sausage out of their mouth, they resuscitate them, bring them back to consciousness. But what they didn't, when this person went unconscious, they thought that they had a piece of sausage in their mouth. They come to, now they don't have a piece of sausage in their mouth. But they start to chew on the thing that they assume piece of sausage in their mouth. They come to, now they don't have a piece of sausage in their mouth.

But they start to chew on the thing that they assume is the sausage in their mouth, but it's their tongue, they eat and swallow their tongue. Yeah, go. There's a few faulty parties here. One is the sausage manufacturers making a product that's too much like tongue. The other is the person who administered the first aid, because they didn't alert them when they woke up, that they'd taken the piece of sausage out of their mouth That's right, yeah, right?

That's a big worry for emergency services I think so And then I can picture this person at like a group of Like you know like a group to help people out who were who have problems like this And there's also a person who would say, a judge at this sausage festival, they're tasting sausages all day. And so then they had this experience of putting a sausage in their mouth,

like just a nub of sausage in their mouth, chewing it up and then moving on. And they got in such a rhythm that when they got home and their beloved kissed them. I get that. They've been off their tongue. When you are at a judge at a sausage festival and you've been eating sausage all day, and you get home, do you think that the first thing

your beloved does is goes for a kiss with tongue? Absolutely, because they might be themselves a sausage. Oh, and they thought, what I'll do, is kind of like a news aggregator, right? What I won't bother to eat all the individual sausages myself, I will just lick the inside of this, the mouth of this person who's been eating all the sausages

and I'll get sort of a sense of it. I know, but think about it, what if they were themselves? What if your partner was like a judge for mashed potato? Then suddenly it's a beautiful match made in the hatch. Yeah. Suddenly they're coming in and they're just putting a topper on quite a delicious day.

That would be the most delicious kiss of all time. Sprinkle a little bit of salt in there. Yep. You got a party. Awesome butter. I mean, it would almost be a palate cleanser that you could have in between each sausage bite and each mouthful of mashed potato that you're judging.

And then they could both, you know, palette cleanse, one person's palette cleansing with sausage, the other one's palette cleansing with the taste of mashed potato. Because they sort of cancel out, is that what you're saying? Well, they, you know, it takes you away from the taste of sausage and it takes you away from the taste of sausage, and it takes you away from the taste of mashed potatoes. So it kind of resets your mouth to the perfect midpoint between it. The neutral that exists halfway between mashed potatoes and sausage. And it would also put a cautiousness within your brain to allow you to get used to not just biting any sausage-shaped things that enter your mouth straight away.

Exactly. And so because the people who ran the festival didn't put that kind of pre-thought into their thing. Correct. They are now liable to be... It's an O.A. CNS it's it's it's it's it's it's it's duty of care. Mmm absolutely. It's you've got to give your your workers at your Amazon factory

five minutes to go to the toilet every 24 hours. That's just human rights. Yeah. And you've got to give your sausage judges at least an opportunity to make out with their beloved mashed potato judge in between half an hour. In between each sausage bite. In between each bite. Yeah.

Each bite. So then you kind of have to put the mashed potato judging table and the sausage judging table back to back. There's a gap where the judges stand and the judges walk in between the two tables. One's facing towards the match, potato table, one's facing towards the sausage table. And each... And after each table, they take a bite and then they turn and give a full tongue kiss to each

other. And I guess it would be a great dating thing. Yeah. So that you could always be like, you know, like instead of showing up to one of those like, you know, traffic light parties where you're, you know, you've got green, I'm single red, I'm, you know, I'm taken and yellow, it's like, look, I could be available, maybe. It'll just be sausage, I'm a sausage. Mass potato, I'm a mass potato. And then- The two genders.

The two genders. I'm a mass potato, looking for a bit of sausage. And that's right. It's a dating thing where you show up with your mouth already full of a food. Yeah, well, I mean, if you're passionate about that food, you would at least, at all times, have a little bit of residue in there.

In there, and it's good to be honest upfront. Mm. You probably have something in your pockets. Yeah. Can I just bring my new little germ? Yeah. We do with, there with all sorts of things to improve the quality of genital to genital slash orifice enjoyment, right in the sex field. There's things that are ribbed, there's

things that are slippery, there's things that have shape and that sort of thing. You know what there isn't? Any of that for kissing. That's true. Nobody is trying to improve the quality of the kissing experience. Here's your wholesome sex toys for kissing. For kissing. Yeah, exactly. So people who are trying to hold back on having sex maybe,

or even people who are, they've already overdone it with sex and now they're just trying to improve their kissing game. I think it's one of the fundamentals. You shouldn't be allowed to have sex until you're kissing is at a certain level. Until you hit like, you know, you get an A plus or an A or something like that. Yeah. That's the sky out.

It's other at A or at A plus because all kissing is pretty good. Yeah, that's true. I mean, you know, I guess if somebody's kind of comes in with too much tongue early on, that's probably just an A. But then when they sort of pull back a little bit and just do a good amount of time, A plus. A plus. And so what I'm thinking are sort of like, you know,

things that go around your tongue to make it vibrate. Tongue ring. Tongue ring, yeah sure. Keeps your tongue harder for longer. Yes, yes, it's different. Ribbed tongue type thing. Mm. Even, you know, vibrating tongue.

Bibrating tongue, yep. What about like a... Flavid tongue. What about like a... a thimble for your tongue? And the other person could wear like a, you know, like a fork or something like that, or like a sewing needle.

It's like a tongue roll plate. It's like your back. So let's say if it was sex, one of you might get dressed up as the devil and the other person gets dressed up as like a rock star. And the devil gets to have sex with the rock star and then the devil and then the rock star gets to be able to learn a new lick.

But not that kind of lick. Oh, okay. The other car. Yeah, the other car. Whatever the car you were thinking, that's your own. Yeah. And but with kissing, there should also be role play. But why get your whole thing dressed up?

Like maybe dress up your tongue like a farmer, and then your partner could dress up their tongue like a cow. Now, and on that, what were doing this all day? Let's make it about sex again, when doing role play in the bedroom. Why bother dressing up your whole body? Why not just have little costumes for your genitals? Okay, and they can...

Imagine a little suit for your penis. So your penis gets to have its own penis. Oh, that's cool. You know? A little strap on. A little strap on. See, that's cool. You know a little strap on. A little strap on. See, that's cool. Yeah. I mean, that's yeah, that's really interesting. And so then, and then maybe you're like if you're having somebody with another penis, their penis could have like a fake vagina or a fake butthole. I love it. Yeah. I do love it. Maybe even then I can be dressed up in such a way

that the end of the urethra becomes an orifice. Of course, yeah. Or you could also dress up your legs like this. So your arms, you know, so that people who are waiting to have sex. Alistair, there's never been a more to the thing, take the idea that this. I mean, you could dress up each part of your body as a different people and have a full

energy. I mean, it's great. You could have what seems like a two-person gang gang, you know? Full body gang gang gang. And without upsetting God because you're not actually using your real genitals. Correct. Your real genitals are actually locked away. Or they're dressed up as two disapproving looking religious figures. Oh, see, that's really good. Yeah. One could be the Pope.

Another one could be your grandma. Okay, and they're both frowning and looking disappointed at all the sex that's going on over. That's right, yeah. So, God can't get you for that. No, absolutely. I mean, you could dress up your head as God. Okay. Looking down on the other person could dress up their head as the sun.

Yes. Together at last. Back it out. Hmm. I mean, is that a different thing? No, it's a bit of all-send of it. I think that there should be little costumes that you can get for your head.

So you can make your whole head look like a body. And then your... Your face... We've got to pause the podcast for one second. So, you know, this feeds very well into the two in the think tank central question, it's like, what is the head of the foot? You know, now, it's not just a philosophical question.

Now we're applying that philosophy. We're dressing them body parts up, each body part up as a body of a sign. And now, it can have sex. Oh that's right and you can mix it up I guess as well so let's say the foot is dressed up as a person you know one of your orgy's the big toe can be the head right but another at another orgy the heel could be the head. The costume sounds like it's very flexible.

Well I mean if you you've built a bunch of costumes that can fit over various body parts, I think they need to be flexible. They need to be able to inflate and deflate and size. They need to be a good stretchable material. I think maybe that material that they make leggings out of will be very useful. Maybe a wet suit material. People think that feet are sexy now. Imagine how sexy they'll think feet are when feet have their own feet. That's right. Or when they address them up as a sexy foot. A sexy foot costume. Yeah, okay. So you dress them up as a person who's wearing a sexy foot costume. What would a sexy foot, okay,

I do quite like this idea of a sexy foot costume because I don't think this has been explored for me at purposes of costumery that we could have a sexy foot costume where the head becomes a big toe and then you have a series of other toes just sort of next to it. Yeah. And I guess the breasts will be the ball of the foot?

Yes, yes, absolutely. And then over the chest area it'll be a bit of a big sort of a crop top. So that your belly will be exposed but you'll have sort of lines drawn on it so it looks like the underfoot. Yes. And then what you want is that big heel, but don't-ca-donk, or maybe heel, like it's like a tail that comes off, it looks like the, you know, maybe the Achilles heel. Yeah, tendon stuff. Yeah. I think that, you'll be wearing a thong, but it'll be the Australian sense of a

flip-flop type thong over your back. But still very sexy. Over your back. But then maybe what you need, if you have the double thong, which is a thong, and a thong. And so you wear it up your sort of crotch area. Yeah, okay. And then that kind of really defines the direction your foot is pointing. Right, well then it is your head any longer or a toe?

Okay, no, no, no. The head worked very well when the head was a toe. Sure, but like we're saying, there's some diversifying. To have that thong there going in between the legs, right, up through the butt crack and everything like that. Then you need to have sort of one leg will be the big toe, and the other leg will be the second toe. Okay.

And so that thong flip-flop. And then so you'll have two toes, and your camel toe will be a camel toe. I guess... Because camels have two toes? No, but I mean, you can still have fake toes both the sides. You have more toes hanging on the side.

Same thing with when you have the big toe as the head. You were going to make other toes. I've changed my mind. The head is no longer the big toe. The head has to be the middle toe, obviously, so that you can be nice and symmetrical and have two toes on each shoulder. Sure. Yeah. Or you could just have sort of toes going off to the side, sort of like that one of those jacks and five costumes. Yes. Or you're the middle toe. Yeah. And then you've got two toes ahead of you. And two toes behind you. Behind you. And you're like the Jackson Five. But then there's not really that much foot unless it just drags behind you like a sort of like a big.

Jabber the hot costume. No, like I guess yeah, like a jabber a hut or one of those, just like a wedding dress drag thing. But you make that shape like the rest of the foot. No. This is so sexy. Exactly. I don't know, we're writing down sexy foot costume. Is that a... Yeah, I think so.

Because this is the opposite of what we were talking about, isn't it, of dressing body parts up as a whole body. This is dressing the whole body up as a body part. Yeah, well, once we cycle through the whole body as different costumes, different sexy versions of each body part. We can then go back and make each one of our individual body parts, make that into any body part we want in a sexy version of it. Alex, say this is all much too easy to understand. You could take your hand and you could dress it up as a sexy head.

You could take your elbow and dress it up as a sexy head. You can take your elbow and dress it up as a sexy butt. Yes, okay. Vi are dressing it up as a person, right? Because there's an intermediate step, right? You dress the body part up as a person and then you buy a sexy person, body part costume for that person. Sure, we can do it that way as well. That's a really good way of doing it. Well, you bring everything back to a neutral state. That's right. A human. A human. Yeah. The human.

And unless it's like a sexy human body part for an animal. So then first you turn your hand into like a dog. Okay. And then you. You have a sexy. You have a sailboat costume for a dog. Yes. And then you put that on your hand, your hand dog. What about this? A dog's hand. Right, it's a costume. Yeah.

It's a sexy, neutral costume. Or maybe it's not even, I don't know if it's sexy yet. Yeah. But it's a costume that makes you a completely blank slate. That well, then you can now dress that up as whatever you want. Now so this is the problem with clothing. There are all these different types of clothes and they're all different sizes, different shapes and for different body types.

What if instead all clothes were built for one default body shape, maybe the Maybe the shape of, say, a fridge, a large fridge. Now, all you've got to do is manufacture fridge costumes, or just like, you know, big foam block costumes that bring everybody to the shape of a fridge. And then everybody can wear every item of clothing. Yeah, so then we can... Standardizing the human body. Yeah.

Into a fridge body. Into a fridge body. But then you can dress that fridge as sexy as you like. Yeah. And nobody has an unfair advantage. And you could put it in a costume that is like, you know, a thin, young, you know, like 14-year-old boy. Mm-hmm.

Yes. A young 14. Really young 14, like it year old boy. Yes, a young 14. Really young 14, like it was his birthday yesterday. And that fridge, well, you know, it will fit any one of those costumes, like a, you know, like a young 14 year old boy costume. You can get the fridge into a young 14 year old boy costume. Yeah, but it'll be a big thing. It'll be for sure. Yeah, I don't mean fortunately. Compared to a real 14 year old boy, but now a real 14 year old boy will be walking around looking like a standardized fridge. Exactly.

So everything will be upscale. Yeah. But we'll we'll all now start out at the same default sizing, fridge size. And this will help the environment. Yes, let's dig go on. Because right now we have so much plastic and waste in landfill in the ocean. And there are products where people are like, you know, this bottle cap is made from recycled plastic bags. But there's really not enough of those things

to turn plastic bags into. So once we start turning plastic bags into this new thing, fridges, fridge costumes for everybody, and then outfits. Finally, we'll have a place to put all this waste we're producing, and people will just carry it around with them at all times. I think what you're describing is just good recycling. No, I know, but it's not just good recycling.

We're making enough recycling products to make up for the huge amount of garbage that we're producing. Right. Yeah, no. Because I mean, there's a backlog of garbage that we're producing. Right, right. Yeah, no. Because I mean, there's a backlog of stuff that we haven't, you know, that we haven't recycled. We can go back through dumps and take all those garbage bags out and things like that. Anything that hasn't deteriorated, take it out. We're going to need so much material to build these fridge costumes for everybody.

That it's got, we're gonna have to recycle on a massive scale. That backlog will be an actual log that you wear on your back. I don't know, I don't know what that means. I mean, we're actually gonna have to have so much recycling done. We're gonna have to probably produce things from oil

just to throw them away so that we can recycle them. Correct. It'll be a front log. I'm going to leave this log thing behind. Yeah. I think that is the future, you know, because, and hopefully at one day, the present. Yes, because even when we have universal basic income and everybody earns the same amount of money,

they'll still have different bodies. I don't think that's what universal basic income means. Yes, no it is. No, it is. Sure, everybody gets at least a minimum amount. We're going to need universal basic body, right? So everybody has a certain amount of body, a certain amount of body. Yeah.

And then if they want more body on top of that, that's what I can go work for. But nobody's going to be lacking in body, or at least in volume. Yeah, exactly. And no one's going to be deficient in, yeah, like size, because everyone will now be the same size. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments.

Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time. Mycomputercareer.edu. I wonder what the sexiest rectangle anyone's ever draw one has been. Like if you draw a rectangle, not even draw. A sexy rectangle. Like if you did have a cube, or a rectangular prism, the shape of a fridge,

how sexy do you think that you could make that? Like what would you have to do? Because it couldn't have any curves. And so traditionally, we think a sexiness is linked to curves. But that's not a normal thing. No, I mean, I think it would be great to have a competition. Even on Twitter, we could get on there right after this and call for people, what is the sexiest,

what do you think is the sexiest rectangle of having a competition who can draw the sexiest rectangle? I think this would be make a great round or like a RuPaul or a project runway or something like that. Everybody's given a standard rectangle and then they have to make it as sexy as possible. But you're thinking, but then you're putting about putting your just your sexy body around it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Because if you're given a rectangle, then it's just going to be normal.

But or you just think you've got to trim it in certain ways. Why don't you think you can trim the rectangle? I think you could paint it. You know, you could, you could, I think you could, because I mean like cover it and you should be allowed to decide how wide and, and, I suppose the, you know, the dimensions mean like, cover it and... You should be allowed to decide how wide and... I suppose the...

You know, the dimensions. Yeah, the dimensions of rectangle. You can't just give them... How sexy can you make this rectangle? Because then you can just paint some boobs on it. Right? The sexiest organ. You're right. The sexiest organ.

The sexiest thing you could do. Paint boobs on something. Then it just comes... Then it just becomes a competition of who can paint the sexiest boobs. And what does that mean? The biggest. Yeah. Or the most. Who can fit the most boobs on a rectangle? I thought you had a sexy rectangle, Jonathan,

with its two boobs on it, but then I saw Mary's rectangle, which has 784 boobs on it, but then I saw Mary's rectangle, which has 784 boobs on it, and it absolutely blew yours out of the water. So yeah, no, it's got to be the actual just a rectangle. It's just a plain rectangle, but how do you make it sexy? Maybe it's just, it's got something to do with the artist's line. Well, what about the golden ratio? Surely the golden ratio? Is that the sexy? Is that the mature?

I'm not sure. Is the golden ratio applied to sexiness? Do they apply that to body parts? Well, I think it's definitely applied to beauty. But they've done studies, probably bogus ones, the best kind. Using the golden ratio to analyse different faces and finding that the golden ratio is relevant to beauty standards. But those are all different in different countries, so I don't see how that can possibly be true.

Well, it'd be interesting to see which rectangle gets voted sexiest in each country. Yes. And it could be like, you know, one of the great art prizes of Australia. We have the archibald. We have the black swan portrait prize, but what about rectangle, sexy rectangle prize? Well, now that those sort of misamerica, misestralia kind of beauty pageants are on the nose, it's wrong to objectify women, but you know what it's not wrong to objectify? Objects. Objects exactly. And what's less, what's more of an object than an oblong?

Direct angle. Oh yes, no of course oblong. And of course the ob short. Yes, I mean that could be the two categories. There's the golden ratio, of course. Everybody knows about the golden ratio. Probably one of the most famous ratios. Yeah.

But is there a bronze ratio and a silver ratio? What about two to one, do you think? Two to one? That's a good ratio. Yeah, it's a pretty good one. Yeah, I think it's pretty famous one you know one to two That's half Yeah, yeah, yeah, or two to one it depends on how you how you cut it hmm

One to one good ratio. That is a good ratio. That's more or less the standard ratio. Yeah, I, everything in the world is mostly one to one. Yeah. I guess I feel to scale, one to one. Maps are kind of often one to one to one to ten thousand or something like that. Yeah, but even they are one to one. They're still one to one as well. With themselves. But I guess that also happens with bodies is that they're still one to one with themselves, but then they're also one to one hundred with a huge body of themselves.

So like your body is the one to one hundred with the one hundred times body. Have we already talked about this on the podcast? I think, yeah, this topic we've definitely got. Have we talked about this other podcast that the, maybe the reason that aliens haven't visited the planet Earth is because it doesn't look sexy enough? You know, if we want to get attention, we should increase the sexual appeal.

Of aliens, maybe we could be doing things to make the planet look sexier. Well, I guess that's kind of what we do with any product. You know, it's like we certainly making a planet hotter. Yeah. Now we're making it sexier, sorry. No, it's okay. I mean, like I was just going to suggest

you with any product they often sell it by putting an attractive person, which is suggesting that if you have this product, you'll be able to have sex with this person. And so, I mean, you know, there's a lot of people who are saying that they would go to Mars, say, if we were going to go there on a one-way journey, they've already said, well, could we have a percentage of the population who sign up to say that if, that we can promise to alien life forms, that if they come here, we'll have sex with them. You'll have sex with them. Yeah.

So we've got, we're a viable bi-sick. Yeah. There are some people who will do it. Yeah, okay. So we're sort of, there's some babies. Yes. There's a big pile of babies. A pool of babies?

The reserves. The reserves. And then there's the like full on, like, I mean, we don't, I don't think we need to conscription, but if not enough people come forward, we may have to do it like that. If it's, you know, we'll pull out your birthday. And if you're on that, then you do have to have sex with aliens. Well, this is really like, make love not war, right? This is sort of, well, what if instead of war, we did have love, right?

And the aliens come, and we want to make love with them. Will there be a, the aliens are disgusting? So love isn't loving them, isn't going to be easy, but would we implement some kind of conscription service where people have to go? If you're a number gets called, you're birthday, gets pulled out and thing, then you have to go and have sex with the aliens. Yeah, and I think that people will just undergo training. There's a certain percentage of the national GDP

that goes to training these people at all times. And because you're training them for whatever aliens could throw at you. Yes. And maybe they will be throwing things. We don't know how they like love. You know, and so we don't even, we don't know if they're interested in Norfaces, but Orfaces, but we do think that there's a chance that they are. So, there'll be a lot of Orfaces work.

Yes. You know, a grandizing them. Is that a word that you would use? Sort of, I guess I meant in bigening. The orifices. Yeah, just in case. Just in case, but what if they want them smaller? Well, who we've got and stretched out all our orifices?

I know. Presented by aliens of this huge floppy hole. Well, that's why we've got the reserves. Oh, okay. Who sort of keep things tied? They keep things real tight. They keep, they run a touch. Yeah.

So, so what happens? I mean, I'm in there. I'll just run this way. I know, I know, I know. They'll be different battalions. Okay. Or battalions. I don't know.

So the alien, no, do I like, I like the aliens arrive. Right, they they shut down. We find out what they're into. And the Prime Minister, or whoever has to go on national television to say, look, we've had all these forces prepped, stretching out their artholes, big and wide for the aliens. But it turns out that all that was in vain.

The aliens don't like big floppy arseholes. They like tight ones. And that is why I am calling in the reserve. Does this, I'm calling in? It was a, it was a, in many ways, in retrospect, it feels like... Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Oh! We don't know. We didn't know. And we didn't know. We were trying to be prepared. I think it would make sense if I guess we just had some people who are ready for large, you know, who are ready for large aliens, some who are prepared for small aliens.

Some people who work on tightening non-stop, But I mean, the Prime Minister calling for the reserves, who have, you know, the virgin reserves untouched. But then you'd be able to get a discharge from the, from the army, for the sex army. If you could get a doctor to side, a certificate say that your asshole was already too big. That's fine, that's what Donald Trump would have done. That's right.

And then do you think he would still be able to become president of America if everybody knew that he'd be discharged from the reserves for his asshole being too large? Probably. I think he doesn't seem to be able to do anything wrong. Nothing sticks to him. Nice. I think he would have been fine. He would have just said that it was a perfect butthole.

And then we would have got past it. Well, that was fun. Yeah, so we go to three words from our listeners. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it might be quite a short episode today. We've really ripped through it. Yeah, I mean, look, this half is 21 minutes. I mean, the other be quite a short episode today. We've really ripped through it. Yeah, I mean, look, this half is 21 minutes. I mean, the other one would have been at least 10, 20, 15.

Right. So, and we don't know how long this last part will take. It could be 45 minutes. This could be longer than the 200th episode. You're absolutely right. I don't know. I apologize. No, that's right.

Well, don't assume, Andy. When you assume, you assume. Oh, I haven't heard that before. That's good. Wait, words at the side. When you assume, you make an assumeation. Assume. Assume.

So three words are from a Patreon listener who has donated three dollars or more and they can send in three words. And this is from a relatively new, I don't think he's a new listener, I feel like he's been around for a while. Yeah, great listener. Great listener. Perfect listener. Yeah.

And it is an echo constant. Such a fantastic name. I'm not 100% sure I'm pronouncing it all correctly, but I hope so. Echo constant. I hope so too because I don't see how it could possibly be better. Yeah, great. Well, you never know. And echo's three words. Yeah, great. Well, you never know.

And Eccles, three words. Andy, do you want to have a guess what they? This is my favorite part of the podcast now, I'll ask you. I feel like I'm getting better. My favorite part is when you tell me that this is the favorite part, your favorite part of the podcast. OK, so Greyvox?

No, Andy. Okay. You decided to go with food. It's not the first word has nothing to do with anything culinary. Easy, okay, great. Um... Um... Let- Uh, appendectomy.

Andy, the first word is right. Okay, right. Yeah. Double U-R-I-T-E. Oh, okay. Like the word. Yeah, like the word. Yeah.

Or like, I mean, all the other versions of right are also words. Yeah, I suppose. Yeah. Um. Yeah, but yeah. Yeah, yeah, no, you're okay. I mean, it clarifies a little.

So the second word, do you want to try and guess that one? Um, little house. It's're okay. I mean it clarifies a little. So the second word, do you wanna try and guess that one? Little house. It's another Andy, it's another. Right, another, okay, okay, okay. Do you wanna try and guess what the third one? Yeah, Gizmo. Write another Gizmo.

No, Andy, it's not that. I hide this bit of the test. Do you wanna try one more guess? Novel? Andy, you're going to be... You're going to shit when you hear this last one. Okay. Because you feel like you should have been able to get this.

The third word is sketch. Right, another sketch. You know what? I think he's fucking with us. No, I do agree. It's a classic echo fuckle. Right, another sketch. You know, Alistair, you pitched something on the, was it on this podcast about the holding up your thumb, you know, like you're drawing somebody in the audience, right, you're holding up your thumb, like you would if you were an artist trying to get the relative proportions of everything, and then it turns out that on your pad you've actually just drawn your thumb.

I mean, we could do it, there could be a similar thing in which you think that somebody's drawing somebody on a pad, but then they've just written something on the pad. Maybe a satirical takedown of the person, or maybe just a really detailed description of them in word format. Like maybe they're squinting. Yeah. Maybe you're squinting at that person and you're drawing. Yeah.

Looks like you're drawing. And then you go, and then you go like this, and you turn around, it says, I've forgotten my glasses. Or it just says, fuck you. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's pretty funny. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, fuck you.

Um, me and my right now these feel more like jokes for my show. Yeah, or you could have those as well if you want. Yeah. Yeah. Write another joke for Al's stand-up show that he's very quickly become very worried about. Hmm. Hmm. But do you think you could ever write a book?

No, you write a novel. Quite easily, yeah. Right, so you write a novel, it's 230 pages. Okay. Right. But then, you tell people, you haven you write a novel, it's 230 pages. But then you tell people it's not, you haven't written a novel. What you've done is you've just drawn a picture of a novel. So this is, this is, this is, this is, this is a great art because great art is sort of being a bit of a dickhead for no real reason. And then people have to try and justify, try,

try and make it, justify it up. Reinventing the novel. Right, because really when we're doing words, we're actually just drawing of the words. I mean, what's the difference between a word and a drawing of the word? Oh yeah. And so you could just say that, well, I haven't actually written a novel. I've drawn a picture of a novel or several pictures of the pages of a novel. Yeah.

And would that be interesting in any way? Well, I mean, I think that if you were to draw a picture and you would say that it was a novel, I think that's interesting. Okay. I think that if you were to draw, if you were to write a novel, let's say, let's say a 10 page novel. But each one of the words was also,

even though it also was shaped like the letter, it was also another drawing that was another part of a secondary story. Okay, yeah, let's just read. That you read by just reading the letters. Yeah. We're looking at the pictures, the letters. We're looking at the pictures the letters the pictures that the letters are Mm-hmm, which I yeah

But is that a scary hilarious? No I mean echo here is really given us one of the toughest three words it in a way Yes, because you know these are supposed to make it easier for us. I don't know if you know this, listening at home. But really, this is a bit of time off for us because the hard work has very often been done by the person who are coming up with interesting words. This is almost as easy normally as us not doing the podcast.

Exactly. So I often tune out. It's a way of doing, of ceasing to do the podcast whilst we're still doing the podcast. Exactly. So I often do that. It's a way of doing, of ceasing to do the podcast whilst we're still doing the podcast. Correct. Even though it makes us do the podcast for roughly 20 more minutes somehow. Drawing. Right another sketch. Right another sketch. And other. Have you seen the movie The Titanic? Yes. Does he say draw me like one of your sketch skills or French girls or sketch me like one of your

French girls? Probably draw me. What about, it's that same scene. Yes. Alright. It's a couple. But instead of being a sort of a budding, you know, visual artist, he was a comedy sketch writer.

Yeah, okay. She says, write me up like one of your comedy sketches. And then he writes up a sketch while she's laying there, sort of I don't know if she could be eating the Cheetos or something. And he's gone with that. And then he does the sketch for him. Great. What about one where he just does a really, he's an impersonator.

And he impersonates me like one of your French girls and he just does sort of adopt her mannerisms and pretends to be like it, sort of for satirical effect in quite a biting way. Oh yeah. Yeah. And he really takes her down a couple of notes. Yeah. And then they have sex in a con-old car. Or they don't because she got really upset. Yeah, is that what happened? Didn't like, what if he's a, what on the street people who does those caricatures of,

all right, draw me like one of your French girls. And then he does like a caricature where she's driving in a little BMW and has got a hair roll of skates on her head. I think I like the one where he does an impression of her. And he just really like destroys her every aspect of her. He shows every one of her flaws that he's noticed. And then she's like, no, does that?

Yeah, you know? I think that's absolutely a sketch. Yeah, let's do it. It's topical, right? Because it's about the Titanic. The Titanic. The Titanic. And that only went sank a couple of years ago.

Roast me like one of your French girls? I think it would be good. Like, on the set of the movie Titanic, I imagine that the stars themselves were treated quite well. And there probably were extras and that sort of thing who were treated like the third-class passengers on the Titanic. Actually, those ones were to spend all that time in the water. I'm just showing you what the heat is outside. Nope. And so, I guess I'll just run us through the sketches.

Yeah, I'd love that. All right. Well, we've got smell light. Yes. I feel like we might have already come up with this idea on the podcast once before. Mountain, it's exact format. Yeah. But that's my second favorite part of this podcast is after you saying how you

guessing the thing is your favorite part. Second part is when you say I think we've already come up with this. Yeah. That's what we can come if we ever do another podcast we could call it I think we've already come up with this before on our first podcast to in the think tank. Well why can't we just do a podcast where we just come up with the same ideas again? I mean I think that's already what this podcast is. Hey we've had some nice feedback from people by the way some people have been getting in touch on on social media and I'm getting some messages on Twitter. It's been very very nice.

Nice reviews as well. Nice reviews, nice people getting in contact. Feel free to get in contact at any point. And also check out our Instagram, which is now at Two in Tank, which through some strategic, starting to follow people who had liked the book cheat sort of thing that we were on. Yeah, Instagram posts by Dave Warnocky. We now already have over a hundred followers.

What? Because I'm just incredible. I'm just, if I just follow everybody who follows us, then we're all getting something from it. Yeah, well then how about, like, even if we're not going to be posting anything on there, why not check in just to see how many followers we've got. I mean that's a ham- I'm posting things. I've already posted four things. It's great. It's just it's mostly photos of us as the engineers. I love it. And that last photo that you posted of the episode. I did something.

There you go. All right, so we got a smell light which is where it puts a gas in the air and instead of a corrosive acid that breaks apart little particles off the surface of things and maybe there's a fan or something like that that sort of makes those things more air-balled. You don't want to mix them around too much. Like I don't mind if you've got to get close to something and order to smell it. Sure, but I guess it's myasma. Okay, but I mean there's still going to be some propellant pushing the corrosive gas around. Or I guess you could just have it in an aerosol, aerosol, and just spray it on a table just to see what that, what is this vinyl table smell like? Really? Really? You know, get under that smell and

hands. That layer, yeah, smell lights. Or you could put it in what looks like a flashlight. And? And so when you turn it on, maybe a light does come on. And it's a fresh light. Exactly. What does this thing smell like when you get past, when you burn through that old layer of the outside of it? Mm. You get it to unlock its secrets.

Mm. I mean, you know, if you were really, if you were a table and you had secrets, you'd encode them in a sense that people don't normally aren't able to decode secrets. And I like to smell at the tables. Yeah, correct. So, you know, a lot of people would write their secrets under a table. What about putting your table, putting your secret into the smell under a table? Anyway, we're done with this bit. A lot of people would into the smell under a table. Anyway, we're done with this bit.

A lot of people would write this secret under a table. The only person I've ever known who's written anything under a table is you, obviously. Yeah. Yeah, it was so. It was their secrets. I can't remember. You wrote some stuff.

It was some letter to each other. Maybe me and my old girlfriend. Yeah. That's lovely. Oh, that's lovely. Oh, it's so nice. Wonder where that table is now. What was it? Was it here with the warehouse?

Yeah, it was somewhere. OK, so now we got a person who eats their own tongue, thinking it's a sausage and then suing the sausage company. Correct. Yeah, and then of course then we have the whole thing with sausage judges who are also at this sort of like tongue-eaters mistakenly eating tongues because their sausages sort of

Experient like a group it barely needs repeating because it's all the obvious stuff Yeah, and then we got kissing sex toys now. It's not sex. It's not sex No, I'm just I'm just giving you a log line line so you understand what it is. They're like sex toys. You know, they're things that vibrate. They're things that lubricate. They're things that, that, that, that, that protect your textures. It makes a bit more sense for things to be flavoured.

You heard about these new ones. Wouldn't it be better to kiss somebody with a mouthful of butter? Sure, of course. Butter's delicious. Yeah, and it's lubricating. And it's lubricating. Yeah.

If you should have heard of these little sex toys for women where it's like,. And it's lubricating. Yeah. Have you ever heard of these little sex toys for women where it's like, instead of having a vibrating thing, it kind of has a little suction-y thing? And it's for the clitoris and things like that. Yeah, I haven't heard about this. Well, have one of those on the end of your tongue. Okay.

I'll suck up other people's tongues. Hey. Hey? Suck up the tip of their tongue. And then it's like you're too. You'll be able to suck with your mouth. I know, but your mouth. Oh. I know, but your mouth is free to blow.

Oh, wow. What a beautifully complex. Yeah, and then there's also the idea of tongue role play in that. And then there's also the, like where you can dress up your tongue in different costumes and things like that so that they could play. One is a Matador, one is a bull.

Yeah. I mean, I guess you could also just dress up your head as the setting. You know, one is like, one is a castle and you're maldened and then one is a knight that comes in, you know, and head smashes around. And then there's also the idea of dressing up different parts of the body as different things so they could have sex with other people's parts of other people's bodies. So lovely. Then we have the sexy foot costume. That's a separate sketch to those that first one had a lot of... Totally, really rich ideas, but this is the sexy foot costume. And that's a well-structured sketch. Yeah, well, I mean, you know, it's people,

it's people about how to design it. Yeah, and like exactly, like how to dress up as a sexy foot and the different ways in which I can. CSIRO is doing it. Yeah. And it's also would teach kids about, you know, how to get people into podiatry. If the CSIRO has come out with a diet book,

why haven't they also come out with a sex manual? Yeah, or a dance book. Or a dance book? Exactly. These are scientifically these are the best dances. We've actually looked into it and these are the ones that work as dancers. Then we've got standardized the human body into a fridge shape so everybody just has still started wearing this fridge shape over them.

Default. If everybody doesn't know who the CSI are, they're the Australian, they're an Australian government science organization. They come with scientific and industrial research organization. Think of original... And they're iconic. They're iconic here. And they originally set up, I think, to help advance the wool industry.

The wool industry. And then later on, they were instrumental in the invention of Wi-Fi. Mm-hmm. And somethingFi. Mm-hmm. And something else. I can't remember what it was. We've done stuff. Yeah. And then we've got the sexy rectangle prize.

It's this choice latest art prize. Who can draw the sexiest rectangle? I mean, and this is a real test for artists, you know? Yeah. rectangle. I mean, and this is a real test for artists, you know. And it's got to be a rule. You're not allowed to draw boobs on it. I mean, you know, they brought that rule out enough to the first year. People draw a lot of boobs on the right days in the first year. To be honest, it was all boobs. Some people had just been clipping out different photography shoots from porn. Sticking them on.

Sticking them on. I mean most art is rectangles. We haven't realized this, but most paintings come in the form of a rectangle. Sure. But then I guess then you're judging what the sexiest artwork. On the right. I think it should just be a plain rectangle. It's just the rectangle. Yeah, it should be a block.

Hmm. You know, a block. Maybe they announce the color the rectangle's gonna be every year. There's a new color. That way you can't have worked on the rectangle all the year. Exactly. You know. Then we have people who will have sex with aliens who we use to lure aliens to earth.

Yeah. So if we want to make, like, seem like we're up for it. Yeah, and we've got to say, like, okay, so that we can broadcast out there, right? There are people here that you will be allowed to have sex with, you know? 10% of the population. It's like an alternative military, but it's a love a tary, you know. And then we have the roast me like one of your French girls,

which is the sketch based on the scene and the Titanic, but instead of a budding visual artist, he's a guy who may seem like the insult comic. Yeah, yeah, we may soon be on SNL as an impressionist. That's right. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, 10% of the weight is 300% of the weight. It's insane. It's insane, Alistair. It will reach a morrow. And you've already, like, we initially after the 200th episode, we were saying, well, we're not,

we're just not getting it to the end of the game. We're never doing it again. We're never doing it again. And then, like, two weeks ago, you sent me a message just saying, I think we've got to do 300 sketches. And because that's out there now, that has to happen.

I know, and 16, 17 hours already felt like so much. Yeah, I don't think where they only people to think that. No, yeah. But, you know, quite a few people tuned in. And as the live streaming, we really took it up a notch. We really did, really did. So I don't know what we'll do next time.

Maybe it'll be a live performance. Maybe we'll get audience in. And yeah, I mean, we'll need a full weekend. So it just needs to be a place... We could maybe we could rent one of those peep show places. Oh, okay. And people can just come in and look through it. So that we never...

So that, you know, we don't get self-conscious when we feel people are like right in front of us or we don't feel like we're performing well enough. People could just look at us through little things after putting... And we will be naked. And we'll be new. And we'll be new. And it will, and yes, it is fine for you to do whatever you want in that booth. You can find us on Twitter at Two in Tank. I'm at Stupid Old Andy.

And I'm at Alistair TV. We're on Instagram at Two in Tank. You got any other stuff to plug? Not really. We will be at the Comedy Festival next year. Yeah, without our show Teleport. With our show Teleport, with us as the engineers again, based, you know, like the Magma Show,

and then I'm also going to be doing a show, a solo show, which I'm not at all worried about, called Art Rat Hybrid. Art Rat Hybrid. Art Rat Hybrid. Yeah. And I'm excited about it. I'm really excited too. And so we just want to let you guys know

that you're so important to us. We love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit Planet Broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you won't, it's up to you. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding

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