Two In The Think Tank - 213 - "Baby Uncle"

Episode Date: December 18, 2019

Book Off, Too Pig To Fail, Retrocracy, Uncling, Chewable Numbers, The Feeling Of MossHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereBulk animal grade thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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this podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh I'm joined by a pulsating orb of energy from the planet Sarton. I'm trying to work with my secondary overtones, watch this. Who... Oh, I got a bit of it there. A little bit. And I'll stay tromblay Virtual and the secondary overtones. When you're a kid and you've got a splinter, what did your parents do to get it out?

They didn't. They just left it in. No, they used to. They could still be in there. You could be mostly wood. I could be mostly wood. Luckily, I didn't get that many splinters, but often tweezers or and a needle.

The needle, right. So we had the needle always with the needle and always they would like sterilize it with a flame before you go, apparently it is. Never did that actually. This was never, and it was never, well, my parents would do this

like with a match or something Yeah, you know, but then it makes it black makes it black but also hot and as a kid I like I had no idea what was happening and why they were doing this and I genuinely came to the conclusion that they were doing it to make it hurt more Like I just thought well if it's if we the needle hot, that will hurt our sun more. That's why we're doing this. It's a good theory. Well, it is a torture. Like, you know, if this was, if this,

it's just a question of scale. Right? If this was a poker, a red hot poker, sure, that they were going to jab into my skin. Yeah. No doubt that would be classified as torture. But I think getting away with it through a loophole. But it would be fine to do that

and you would get away with it if let's see the kid had got a branch inside them. That's true. Yeah. You could justify it. They can't get you for that, Alstair. Yeah. That's a freebie.

Yeah. Yes. All right, this is the theme for today's episode of Two in the Think Tank, justifications for torture. Why is loopholes in the Geneva Convention? You asked for it on Twitter. Yep, here it comes. Here it is, okay.

Waterboarding. Well, it was really thirsty. Okay. Well, what about the cloth I hear you ask? Waterboarding. Water, what if, just switch a few of the things around. Maybe the person is made of water. The water is lying on top of a person and you drop a whole lot of boards on them.

What about? There was lots of smoke in the room. Okay. And so you were protecting their mouth from breathing in nasty chemicals, but they're also very thirsty. Justified water-boulding. You're welcome. Yeah.

Also, when my parents used the needle, it didn't hurt. It didn't hurt. Well, it probably didn't hurt for me either, but I think I built it up quite quite along in my mind. Yeah, all right. Yeah, well no, but maybe it didn't hurt. I think it hurt. Yeah, but I think my dad was just very good with the needle. He's a medical professional.

Medical professional, but also he would occasionally sell things. So you know, he had access to both sides of it, because you don't really use a sewing needle in medicine, but those medical skills were transferable because of his experience repairing clothes. Yeah, that was the bridge that he needed between, yeah, he was synergizing those two worlds. I don't know if there were many other areas where craft overlaps with medicine.

I mean, I don't know if you would do a McCrame or what's that one where? Deku Posh. Deku Posh, well I guess. Stick a whole lot of pictures of cats glue them down. Oh, what about that thing where you take people's skin and make a suit out of there? Oh, yeah. Is that considered medicine? Wow, I mean. Is that one of the four, one of the fields of medicine that they don't talk about very much,

but it is still technically under the umbrella of medicine. And the umbrella is also made out of people's skin. Mmm. I guess it's like a human leather kind of thing you could have. Yeah, make it a human leather umbrella. Leather umbrella. Wouldn't work. Would it? Swade umbrella. He's about as much years as a Swade umbrella. Swade really get damaged by the rain. It seems silly to have clothing like that. But why would sign felt like it was? That's true. I think we should fact check Seinfeld. Let's do a Twitter account.

You know how about 80% of the content on Twitter is variations on modern day Seinfeld and so do the thing? Let's do one that's fact checking Seinfeld. Because I reckon they get away with a lot of shit in that show, okay? And I wanna, I wanna, I want some data. You don't think, I wanna debunk them. You don't think Dick's drink and the coal?

I know, Dick's drink. That, I've never felt more seen. That in the shrinkage episode, don't you come from my shrinkage episode? No, I've never seen, felt more seen, therefore uncomfortable. But there are other ones where I'm, come on, like you wouldn't be able to hook. You wouldn't be able to hold off for seven days off of masturbation. All yours are penis related, Alice Deer, and it's disgusting.

Are there any non-penis related sign fell episodes? Also Elaine doesn't have a penis as far as the show let us know that's not canon. Yeah I mean jk rolling might come out and tell us that actually Elaine had a penis long time Do she have the power to do that to other people's Works as well then she's jk rolling. She can rewrite anything yeah rewrite history as well. Then she's JK Rowling. She can rewrite anything. Yeah. Re-write history. I don't see why not, right? Is anything that we've said? I think that could be a sketch, JK Rowling. I mean, people probably already do this as a Twitter joke.

Do you think? Pre this, was there anything else that was a sketch idea? Let's see, fact checking sign failed. I don't know. I think it would be good because you know how sometimes you laugh at things and then later on you find out that they're problematic in some way. Right? Like I laughed a lot when I first saw Eddie Murphy's comedy special roar or delirious or whatever that one was. And now I find a lot of it is not okay. I think that's what he finds as well. Does he really? Well, but I wonder if there's some way that I can officially retract that laughter. But do you need to? No, but I would like to.

Yeah, I know. I'd like to be able to ride into some kind of laughter ball or something like that and have them sort of strike it from the record, you know, from my permanent record. But then would then I have to go and retract all the times that I thought that you were a person who did things that were worthwhile with your time? Well, I'll just do it fortunately. I think you're lucky because I'm not aware of any of those being... Oh, is all those things are you sure? That never happened.

No, I'm sure there's all those times where you write something and it's like, it's only like when it's in competition with me, which we always write in competition where you're like, it seems like you try really hard. And... Competing with you is almost never a factor in my writing, LSD. I never really consider it competing, but when it's alongside and separate, it can't help but be a competition. Yeah, I mean, it's not, but there's always a winner. It's not a competition. Are there any podcasts?

Well, sorry, there's more to this. Don't jump in LSD. I've got more to say, are there any podcasts that put two great works of literature head to head and just try and work out which one is better? Because I think that would be quite compelling. You'd have to obviously read the works of literature, which is a hugely painful undertaking. So each, we'd both have to read two works of literature. Correct. Yeah. Yeah.

Or maybe we could read one each. And we should. Sure. And then defend it from, yeah. And then argue against the other one from a point of ignorance. But that's everything now. That is how things work. Now you just know your own side of the argument.

And then you can just have ad hominem attacks on the other person and try and undermine them. Yeah. I think this could be quite compelling. Yeah. You know, it's sort of like Dave Warnocky's Planet Broadcasting show Booksheet, but it's more of a book battle. Absolutely.

You know, it's a book off. Absolutely. A book off, yeah, the book down. Yeah. Now, what do they do with the hip hop? Um, book. Battle, rap battle? Is there that, what do they do with the hip hop? Book battle, rap battle. Is there anything other than rap battle? What are those ones?

What did, what did M&M do in the movie? Eight Mile. Freestyle rap battle. Freestyle rap battle. Yeah, well that, I mean, in a freestyle book battle, that's where neither of us has read the book that we're defending. Yeah, yeah, and where is this is more of a constrained style?

Yeah. Yeah. Lock down, trapped. Yeah, yeah, and whereas this is more of a constrained style. Yeah. Yeah. Lockdown trapped. Anyway, I think that's a great idea for a podcast, and even if you're not writing it down as a sketch idea, which I'm not necessarily saying it is, I do think that it would be a good thing. Do you think we should start again?

No, no, no, we're not gonna start again. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, especially when you say it in that tone. Okay. Because especially when you say it while I'm talking, I can't help but take that as sub-guide of attack. Okay. Like, if you, so you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you a pig, but there's like worms that live in its nostrils. And they hate each other. And

so there's one who's got a beard. And the other one, he's actually a rattlesnake. Right then. And the pig is walking through the desert. We start again. Hey, do you think we should start again? Definitely. fun of them. You know that expression never go into a self, never get into an asking contest with a porky pine. Yeah. Yeah. And never get into a put a never get into a white never get into an in an insult competition with somebody who hates themselves for their body of work. There you go. I mean, I think there's something with this pig sketch though.

I mean, if we're... Well, I think a pig, look, of all the animals, the pig's nose definitely looks like the one that was most designed to accommodate two worms. I am not going to fight you on that at all. Like it is classic two little worm holes in the end of his little piggy snout. That's what they are. What if the three little pigs had gone into a snout to hide from the big bad wolf. Did they go into one of their own snouts? Do they shrink down in some way?

Or maybe like China and America, they would join the competition to make bigger and bigger pigs that won't die due to this swine flu or whatever this pig fever and stuff. So. And they managed to create a huge. And it's the way that they did that by making bigger pigs, the reed. I think they're making...

To make a fail, are they making a pig that's doing that pig? I think people... When did we read something where they said they'd got made a pig that's like the weight of a polar bear? It's like 900 kilograms, that 900 kilometers. It has no weight at all, but it is 900 kilometers long. It's a single one dimensional pig. It's a pig line. It's a purely theoretical pig line, Alistair, swine line.

Well, why? It's a swine line. Between, anyway. Why slice up pig meat, directly to the deli when you could just make it flat at the beginning. Make it two dimensional pig. Why you could just make it flat at the beginning. Make it two-dimensional pig. Yeah. Why don't just grow it flat?

Oh, Alice there. Mm-hmm. I do love the idea that you can make a pig. One of the ways you can combat swine flu is just by making the pigs bigger and bigger and bigger. I don't know why that works. Yeah. But it does for me. Yeah, I guess it's in my mind.

I've got to try everything, but I guess they're also whilst making it bigger, trying to make one that has its genes edited so that it can... There's more pig to eat, more food. I think a pig that's too big to fail. Yeah, my desire is for me. Um, and I think then what happens is everybody, obviously, is very excited about the pig and they start investing hugely in the pig and maybe even trying to sail the pig across the North Atlantic Ocean during, during Iceberg season. Chewrey Lossberg sees. Oh no, the pig got very cold while scraping against it and got pneumonia, but not the pig fever.

No, no, it was still open, it was an option. I just, some reason I thought of a pig variety, which maybe that's what this pig variety is, this pig is too, but calling it the pink lady. Beautiful. Beautiful. Yeah. I think, but I also like the idea, Alistair, of breeding a pig that is totally flat. Now, I'm picturing the pig as being flat,

so that you look down, it's like looking at a pig from front on head first, right? So you see the pig's face, but the pig is just lying there flat on a table or something like that. And then it's perfectly flat and it's maybe, it's ham thickness. Sure.

So it's two millimeters thick or something like that. Yeah, well I guess you do be a very thin layer of skin and sort of, and sort of like that. Pixel or something. Pixel. Do you have to peel that off then in order to get to the layer of ham inside? It's like the packaging that, you know, ham comes in and pre-packaged ham. Right.

Because really, it's people everyone, everyone says this about bananas whenever they see bananas in a package in the supermarket. They say, but it already comes in its own packaging. That's right. Well, but they never say that with ham. They don't. Because, but you look at a pig, ham already comes in its own packaging. Exactly.

And it's crazy that we take it out of the packaging in order to put it into different packaging in order to sell it. So let's just breed a pig. It's flat like that. You peel off the face. That's right, yeah. In the front of the pig. I guess you get your fingers in the snap.

Yeah, perfect. Yeah. Right, that's the ring pool there. Get them in there, you rustle the worms out of the way. And then you peel back the pig face. You take out the layer of hair that's within. It's already been dropped that into your sandwich. You slice it up, make sure you spread it on your pig. You roll up the slices into a little cold cut sort of,

put a toothpick through them. Friendly. Absolutely. Yeah, great. A frilly toothpick through them. Frilly? Absolutely. Yeah, great. A frilly toothpick. And then you could sort of, I guess you could really farm them sort of in, in like a, even sort of even like a, a file.

It, it, it, it a vertical file, and a filing cabinet or something like that. Yeah. They were horizontal, I guess, you guess. Or horizontal, that's pretty. You can go up, you know. I don't know what they, what do they eat? They always seem like they're in a place with no greens. I guess you just feed them outside food. You don't do not like grazing or whatever.

Oh yeah. I guess they kind of eat a lot of stuff, they probably just give them grain and just grain and apples. I don't know if they've given them many apples. No, it'd be a good place to put all the red delicious. Yeah, that's true. Do you think there's been some sort of mistake and the red delicious is a pig apple? It it's a pig apple. It's basically it's a pig apple.

I think they've seen a huge decrease in popularity in America. The red delicious. Yeah, the red delicious. And, and, you know, people are, people are looking for a sort of a more, you know, a new workhorse apple. And that's why there's such a big budget

for launching this new cosmic crisp. Mm. Yeah, sure. But I read about a taste test recently, and one of the sort of a food production, a sort of a food website, and they were saying that on the blind test, the Cosmic Crisp only came as a sort of a middling apple in the test. But, and that's a problem because of its extra price. Yeah, well you would expect it to. But the red delicious came down the bottom. So the system works.

You know it came on top. Pink lady. Pink lady. Yeah, of course. But it's a favorite pig. But there's so many licensing fees with the pink lady. Really? The Australian Apple.

It's an Australian. The pink lady is an Australian Apple. Yeah. Is it Australian? Mm-hmm. The Pink Lady is an Australian Apple. Yeah, it's a... I have never felt more proud of my country. Yeah, I don't know, it's an Australian Apple. I wonder if they had their new seasons Mutsu on that list? New seasons Mutsu.

Their Mutsu, that is an Apple. Is that? I think it's a Japanese Apple. Yeah, right. And it is. And the Pink Lady is a mixture between two... I can't remember what they are, but one of them I didn't recognize. I think it might have had the name Chris Bennett. Honey, honey.

No, not a honey Chris, no. That's probably breakfast cereal. Anyway, this is all good stuff. And we do love to talk about apples on the podcast. Maybe this is another idea for a podcast LSD. What we'll do is we'll both come in, right? And we both eat in a different variety of apple, okay? And the other person hasn't eaten the apple. And then we argue about which apple's best, and then at the very end, after we've decided which is best,

we both get to taste the other person's apple, and we find out if we were right. And then we stubbornly agree with ourselves anyway. Yeah, well the point is, because the vote is final, right? And this is, Alistair, this is actually a deeply satirical point about the state of politics in the world today because this is what happens. Each party only each side actually knows what they offer and what they are intending to do, right? Much like an apple.

Right. Well, it just is what it is. And then you argue and they argue with each other and then they vote. And then only after they vote, do you actually get to find out what you voted for? Right? Really, election should be held in reverse, right? Mm-hmm. What we do is every four years, we take a vote to decide whether or not the previous government was a mistake. Then we get a new

government and we decide, again, in retrospect, whether or not that was good or bad or not. I'm not quite sure how this works in practice because I don't know how we decide who the next government is, but if we're just voting on the last one, what I think it could be something. It's a retrocrissie. Right? It's a... Well, okay, this is what it is. I'm ready. Every four years, we vote all the people leave government and we all get to vote on whether or not they have to go to prison. Right? So you get in. Maybe you're selected randomly. I'm not sure. Okay. You serve your term for four years and then there's individually each each each candidate for each district or whatever each electorate all There people go into the voting booth and to vote on whether or not their representatives should go to prison

Hmm, then you get another randomly allocated. Yeah person. I think there's that vote and then the next vote is Whoever you vote for whoever is around like but I think that would be good because then you would You'd be getting rid of the people you really don't like. Also, I just like the idea of democratizing justice because I know at the moment it's just 12 of our peers, but what about the people who aren't our peers who are just around?

And have the time to go in. It's also non-compulsory voting. So it really is just who's available and whether or not they wanna fuck with you. Yeah, I'm pushing back against your idea because you're trying to introduce, you also want people to vote on who gets in next. I think that corrupts this system.

Okay, but wait, so then how does next? It's random. Oh, it's random, okay. It's random. Yeah, the random part is fine, but I think it's interesting, but I think you just, you want people who do have an idea. You dengrotted me from fine to interesting and I like it. Yeah, I mean, it's fine in a, like, you know, you know, sort of like, let's not do it kind of way.

Yeah, okay. But you still want people who are driven, I think. Well, they will be driven because they don't want to have to go to prison. They're motivated. I know, but to not commit a crime, you know, to not, I know you don't have to commit crimes whether to, in order to do it.

Not in this system, in a matter of time. But it won't help you if you do. If you do. It'll work against you. Oh yeah, absolutely. Committing a crime would be one of the reasons we'd send you to prison. Yeah, absolutely.

But also to just kind of do nothing will be a little bit. Well, people will be disappointed, especially if things are going wrong, you know, to do nothing. But then also you could be like, let's just give a lot of stuff to the people. Like a lot of freestyle.

Yeah, right. So you're thinking there'll be a lot of pork barreling and that kind of stuff. Yeah. So we might just end up with exactly the system we have now, except with a lot more fear. Yeah, but I guess maybe they'd give less money to like the coal industry.

Less. Okay, how about this? You, this is even better, Alistair. You don't just vote on whether or not the last person goes to prison. You also get to vote on whether you've changed your mind about any of the previous 10 representatives. That you've sent to prison? Either that you've sent to prison or not sent to prison. So if you haven't sent them to prison and 10 years down the track

It turns out that they were wrong about some really big long-term issue like climate change We still get to send them to prison great great. There's no statute of limitations Oh, that's basically and even if they're dead we can dig up their corpse and send it to prison That's good. Okay. What do we calling this system? The retrocracy. The retrocracy. It works backwards. Great. And I'm not sure if to really sort of have some kind of beautiful symmetry to it.

Everyone would have to be in prison and then maybe you only, yeah, look, I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Everyone would have to be in prison. Maybe. Maybe. I want to leave that option on the table. Well, wait, so the idea is that everyone in the world... Everyone in the world is in prison, yes. And then you get freedom during your time,

and then you can get sent back to prison if you do a bet. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus,

and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. Good job. Oh, this is getting bad again. Yeah, it's been fine in a way that we should implement. It felt like there was something there for me. Yeah.

And I followed it just in Inkling. And I got to say, I'm glad I did. And I think you may have managed to achieve making that pig that's too big to fail. An Inkling. I love an Inkling. Yeah. What is it a small ink?

I think I guess so. Yeah. I guess you a small ink? I think I guess so, yeah. I guess if you have an inkling, does that mean that you can be inkled? Uncould. Uncould. Maybe uncle. Oh, it's like baby. A baby uncle. An uncle.

An uncle. An uncle. That's actually beautiful, I will say. Yeah. Right that day on. I think. Are you sure you don't want to start again? No, Alistair. What you've discovered here is my kids have got a book, which is Baby Animal Names.

It's the names for Baby Animals that already exist. That's not a two in the think tank idea. What is a two in the think tank idea is a book of baby names for things that don't already have baby names. And don't even necessarily have a baby version, but it will be adorable. And an unclean is a beautiful name for a baby uncle that has up until this point not existed. And because also the collective noun game, you're right. That has up until this point not existed. And because also the collective noun game, that's crowded. Everybody's like, oh, the collective noun for a group of politicians is a bunch of fuckwits. It's called actually a bunch of fuckwits

of politicians. Yeah. Okay. That that's been done. Of course, it's been very well. Yeah. But the baby, baby name game, wide open, fresh meat. I might need to go to the bathroom. All right. And we turned out he didn't need to go to the toilet and he didn't go anywhere at all and we were just here. So I would have just said, I need to go to the toilet and then you would have said, okay,

and then you go turned out and then we'd become back straight away, right? Yeah. Yeah. I'll figure that would, you know, that's the beauty of editing. It makes you seem much more natural. Seamless. Yeah, seamless. Yeah. You know, what they'll listen, what they'll hear and they'll think has happened is you said, I just need to go to the toilet and then I'll, then I, what they must think must have happened is that I took one look at you and was able to assess

that you actually didn't need to go to the toilet. Turn out you didn't need to go to the toilet. It's actually been so long since I went to the toilet. I'm getting pretty close to maybe needing to go again. But through the magic of editing, it seems like no time has gone by at all. All right, we were talking about unclean, I think. Oh yeah, I think this is such a beautiful idea. Baby names for things that don't have babies.

You know, little microwaves or whatever. Tables, I guess, whales, they've got babies. And then the illustration of like what a baby whales. What's the thing that doesn't have babies? People? like what a baby was, why else? What's the thing that doesn't have babies? People? Dogs? Dogs don't, no.

I guess babies don't have babies. Why would a baby baby look like? A little bit like a, like a sort of a baby and it's larval form. Or I guess if it's just two babies had a baby. I don't know. This is all a bit unpleasant actually. I know, but we would do it through We'll do it tactfully through genetics

Yeah, capturing some of that baby DNA Oh, it's a baby DNA in there And then impregnate a baby I thought we were doing it for genetics, fellas, dude. Yeah, we are Can we do it in that? I thought we were doing it for genetic celist. Yeah, here we are. Can we do it in that? You still need a host. Or I guess you could use, you could use like a surrogate.

You know, this baby couple, and there are a couple even though there are two separate babies who don't. Never met. Never met. We could use a surrogate and they'll give birth to a baby baby. You know what? This could happen. This is going to happen in today. This is going to happen in...

Today. This is going to happen in medicine, right? Where a baby or an embryo even in the womb, you're going to be able to take a little bit of that DNA. You're going to be able to take a little bit of another embryo's DNA. You're going to be able to mix those together, right? Implant that into somebody else. Get that baby out prematurely out of that other person and then those two babies are going to have a baby who's born before they're even born. You see what I'm saying? No, no, I start again.

Okay. Say, two people independently become pregnant. Yep. So there's an embryo growing inside those two people. Okay. Say week two, you go in, you grab one cell out of each of those embryos. You mix those together, create a new embryo. You implant that into somebody else.

Now, the first two embryos, they go to full term. Great. You create a new embryo. You implant that into somebody else. Right? Now, the first two embryos, they go to full term. Great. Right? The other one. Nine months. The other one, you, that comes a month early. Pull it out 32 weeks or not 34 weeks.

Yeah. Okay. Now, it's been born two weeks before it's parents. You have a baby who's older than its parents. Wow. Yeah. And it's a baby baby or it's an embryo baby. And it's it's it's it's it's it.

And it has that embryo DNA. Yeah. I think I think something about a baby that's been born before it's parents is interesting. And I think it justifies being on the pad. Yeah. And we find out, you know, why are we doing this? Again, it's one of those things.

It's interesting. It's a slippery slope. Well, it's, you know, you just believe it or not. Yes. Who are like, looks like we're gonna have to say, there's no more weird things happening. We're gonna have to start making them happen ourselves.

Yeah. Ripley's, can you believe we justified this to ourselves, ethically? Can you, Ripley's, can you believe the, the ethics board approved this or not? But. And they did. But why would you even have bother having an ethics board?

They're standing the way of things. That's true. Well, I guess you still, you need to have an ethics board, so you can tell somebody to go hang. Yeah, you go hang. You go hang. And then you go ahead and you create your vision. Your vision or your vision.

Of a thing that people can't actually believe or not. That baby could maybe teach its parents to speak. Yeah. It's really going to undermine their authority. It's hugely. Hmm. Usually imagine. Hmm.

Oh, you know. Who's raising these people though? Scientists? Um, or, you know, who's raising these people though? The scientists? The cruel lore of the jungle. Hmm. Do you abandon the mole in a jungle? I guess you put them in a little sack. Yeah.

Right. And the one ray of them, the one who doesn't eat the other, like the one who doesn't get eaten by the other two in the sack. In the sack. Well, this is shark rules. You know, one doesn't get eaten by the other two. In the sack? In the sack. Well, this is shark rules. One doesn't get eaten, gets to survive and go on to grow and be big. You could, all those embryos could all be in the same womb.

What do you think of that? How do you like that? And you're gonna get one out before the other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How? Science. Just open the bag and what you hope and close get one out before the other. Yeah, yeah. How? Science. Just open the bag and what you hope, close it fast enough before the other two start coming

out. Yeah. We're not talking about just a normal bag here, and we're talking about a cervix. Um, this is a- This is a- You could put a draw string on the cervix. Draw string cervix. Sure.

You're feeling good about any of this? Well, you know, I mean, I guess if we created an artificial womb, it could have a drawstring cervix rather than this being a sort of a woman's body that we're talking about. You see, this is why you have an ethics board. So you can find ways to get it to sidestep and work around. Then you can go in there and you can rub it in their faces. Well, maybe this is why we don't need an ethics board.

We're clearly self-policing. Mm-hmm, that's true. You know, and they would have just said no. When we came in here saying, were we representing Ripley's believe it or not, or wanting to make a baby that is older than his parents by making a baby baby? Has anyone ever looked at the ethics of just saying no all the time? Yeah, that's... I mean, what's that doing to me?

It's leave it's a real downer. I'm gonna grow up all weird. And... I'm also a baby. You know, a baby scientist? Here's an idea, I'll assume. It would be a baby. You're a baby scientist. Here's an idea, I'll let's do it. It'll be a baby scientist. It's called a baby scientist.

I don't know. We'll come up with a lighter. It'll be on the spot. Science links. Yeah. A little scienceino. Yeah, it'll be something good. Scienceino.

It's not an real cute. Tino. Science. Tino. Mm-hmm. Frankenstein's mobster. Mm-hmm. Fintignia. Fintignio. Frankenstein's mobster. Okay. Now, what is that? Okay, great. So wait. Now, when they say Frankenstein's mobster, I mean, when they say Frankenstein's monster,

I think they're actually referring to the scientist. From what I know. So, and I think so Frankenstein's monster's monster, that's the monster. That's the monster. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Organized see you put you get the bits you want and you put them together that's organization that's yeah and And I think that you know this person being

Built for crime, right and then somehow Finding they have a heart or something like that and becoming because this is sort of the opposite of Frankenstein's monster because what Frankenstein, the scientist, originally wanted to do was to create a perfect man, I believe. He thought he would make someone who was better than humanity by building the monster, right? Better turned out to be a monster. But if you set out specifically to create a mobster and maybe you could even have that scene where Eagle goes to get the brain but accidentally

drops the jar with the brain of the mobster unit and instead has to go and get the brain from like some beautiful little lovely person you know little old lady who was part of the knitting circle at the local CWA okay and gets that brain takes takes that back, that goes in, and then the mobster, the big monster mobster, turns out to be really nice ultimately. But with the skills of a criminal. Yeah, because all that's in the muscle memory. It's in the muscles. You've got the arms of a, you know, a stabber. It's got the stabbing arms. Yeah, the legs of a cat burglar. Mm. And I've got the, I guess the other arms of a puncher,

or I was like a set of a, maybe a leg breaker. It's holding a baseball bat. I wonder how big a roll punching plays in crime these days. Right, you need to get punching stays over. That's no, I think punching is one of the building blocks. It's one of the building blocks. It's just a fear of violence is a big thing. Sure.

And that's your first step is punching. The first step is with the hands. Mm. That's big punching hands. Yes, the first taste is with the hand. That's the, yeah, That's instead of the eye. Yeah. I guess that's what you were saying.

I guess. No one would make a connection unless they shared a brain with you like me. That's all I'm doing it for anyway. I don't care. I think Frankenstein's mobster is absolutely a thing. It's written. It'll happen. It's already a Disney thing that we're. I don't care. I think Frankenstein's mobster is absolutely a thing. It's written down. It'll happen.

It's already a Disney thing that we're... Yeah, we're right. We're... It's script. You know what? I want to write this script, Alistair. Mm-hmm. No. Yeah.

Okay. I want to make it happen. Well, we already have a couple ideas there. We could even make it a kids TV show. Yeah. And I love it, Andy. Thanks. I love it. You're about to do something negative. Introduce change you flipped it around mid

It's I think you're never too young to be introduced to the idea of career criminals But you know also it's a scientist who works For evil, you know, it was found away. it's found a model to fund their own science. And that's by creating mobsters who are... On demand. On demand, who then make their own money to fund your own future science projects. And think about it. Who are you most likely to be able to find seven body parts of? Probably monsters.

People who've pissed off other monsters. They're always getting their bodies chopped up in bath hubs or something. There's all these limbs floating around. Just you just dredge the river. You're gonna find 10 perfectly good legs. But not good ones, right? Like, you know, not good monsters. Not perfectly good good legs. No. Oh, you're right. So you want really the monsters who don't get their legs chopped off. Yeah, those are the ones who's legs. Yeah. Yeah, there's the irony of it, I suppose. You're only going to be able to get failed ones. We might need to go on to the three words. I love that. I love that. I don't even need to pick

up my phone because I've written it down right here, Andy. Three words from a Patreon supporter. Perry Winkle. Perry Winkle. The first one's Perry Winkle. You're absolutely wrong. Okay well the second one is the listener. Hello, Braden. Second one is notwithstanding. You couldn't be more wrong. Okay and the final one is Ant. Ant. Ant. I know who would like that. Ants? No.

Your ant. Yeah. The three words from today's listener are very similar, chewed. Oh, I see what's happened here. Yeah. He's playing with the word verisimilitude. Whoa! Verisimilitude.

Because that's how you would say it, right? Yeah, how would you say it? I would say tood, wouldn't you? Say it for me. Can you answer me like one of your French words? Very veri. say it for me. Can you tell me like one of your French words? Very, very, very, very, very similar to, no. Very, very, very similar, very similar to, I don't know, I don't think I've placed any of these. No, I'm more.

Who cares? No, I'm sorry. It's okay, Andy. I completely accept your, my guts are acting up a bit weird, so I'm... Yeah, feeling funny. Yeah, yeah. Um... I didn't come up with an idea when I wrote this down. So technically it's an outside idea.

It's from when we were still in the tank, but it was pre-recorded. Mm-hmm. Um... These... This is a mathematical... mathematician who takes numbers, who classifies numbers by ones that are, you know, there's some that are like, well, these are connected because

they're all square numbers. If you put the dots, if you look at the number of dots, you can make a square with the number of dots like that, you know, like that's the thing, right? And then there's others that, they're, these are all prime something, right? And then there's others that there, these are all prime numbers, right? And they're all not divisible by anything but themselves and one. Well, these ones are all... By the way, I call bullshit on being divisible by yourself. I don't consider that to be really dividing. And I don't consider being divisible by one to be really being divisible.

Oh, no. Anything. No, divisible by one is nothing. Yeah. But divisible by yourself. You think that's something? Because you're dividing it into ones, which is one of the most valuable divisions. In terms of at least, like if you were trying to, let's say, let's say you had 10 people at your house and you had 10 meals. And you were like, well, let's not bother devising this into 10. Because I don't get to say that.

Vivalid type of division. Yeah. Yeah, no, I stand by what I said earlier. And they called a lot of day, it really stacks up. Yeah, but this one, this one, this is a mathematician who's like, looks at numbers and groups them together based on which ones if you, if you were to put the number in your mouth and masticated for a bit, when you take it out, it kind of still looks roughly the same. Okay.

So give me an example of what one of those numbers would be 33. Yeah. Yeah. I think if you're masticated It would come out and it would kind of still look like you have roughly the same amount of bumps and things like that. I think the number four looks broken It looks like it's it was supposed to look differently. Yeah, it looks like a broken clothes line or something like that. Like the number four can't be how you, they wanted it to look. There's too much variation. There's that, you know, there's the sort of rooftop house kind of one. And then there's the one with the open sort of, yeah, I'm like an H kind of

thing. Or, yeah, long, you. Yeah. There's a way to, as there is with the lower case A, by the way. Yeah, there's a lot of variation there. But one, one you couldn't chew and then bring it out. Yeah, absolutely. Maybe like, is it a seven? Is it, you know, is it a, like, a, is it a couple of calmers? All right, this is, this is definitely something. I mean, the other thing is that, like, you could take it just down to a more food type direction of,

you know, soup and stuff like that, which, or, you know, minestrone, it's food where it doesn't look any different after it's gone into your belly. Oh, yeah. Even if you chewed it up and then spat it back out onto the plate, you literally can't tell. And you can do that over and over and over again,

and it's never gonna make any difference to how good it looks. And that could be a kind of like a, that could be, we could take that back to a mathematical thing of like being chewing, being a mathematical operation that you perform on a number. It's like a zero, right? You can do whatever you want to number, it's like zero, right? You can do whatever you want to zero, it's still going to be zero.

Multiply it, divide it, all that sort of stuff. Can you chew it? No, it looks the same. It's the same, yeah. Well, but then I've got to put it in a way. You could turn into a way, maybe. It's like soup. It's kind of like the zero or tomato soup is like the zero of mathematics in that you can chew it up.

And it's, you can slice it, you can dice it. It's not gonna make any difference to the tomato soup. Yeah, you're right. Don't know if that's a sketch, but anyway. Alistair, I think we got something. I think we got something. I think we absolutely got something and we got it out, we got it out early.

It seemed like it was gonna be really slow to begin with, right? But here we are, 45 minutes. We've done all our business. We've given people very much what it says on the tin. You know, sometimes we start up strong and we end weak. Sometimes we start out slow and then we end middle. So yeah.

And I don't know which one this is today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm not even talking on the right part of the microphone. All right. We're gonna go through the list. We've got book of podcast. That's where you, that's just more of a podcast.

The book off. But it's where one, two people read a book, and then they argue for why they're a book is the best one. Two books of literature, enter one work of literature, leaves. We could literally even burn the book that fails. Oh, that would be pretty much the same. It's a pretty symbolic or shredded or whatever.

Mm, or show it. Show it, yeah, contempt. Show it, then people creating a pig that's too big to fail. Yeah, I mean, I already liked that, but we're a pig that's flat so that you, and then you can just peel off the skin and then the hams just in there like that. It's perfect. Or a minute, you know, little really like that. But we're a pig that's flat so that you, and then you can just peel off the skin and then the hams just in there like that. It's perfect.

Or minute, you know, little minute steaks. As long as we're creating abominations, why not make ones that are a little bit more useful? Or yeah, or even a bit more abominable. You know, that's truly abominable. You're slightly under it all. You know, because I think a lot of lab-grown meat, you're just pick-pick just picturing sort of like little

muscle fibers growing and things like that. But why not make the whole pig still, but just make it abominable and flat like a packer? Right. I still want it to have a face. Hmm. That's right. I still want it to feel pain. Yeah.

Actually, that was the basis of one of our sketches. Is it possible to get the pain but without the meat? Can we just grow pain in a lab? Great. Just a jar of pain. Can we grow pain and sadness and loss? Yes. In a dish? You know that bit, you know, the sadness that comes from knowing that an animal has lost its life. Is there a new way to just recreate that in? Yeah. But without the valuable nutrients? were to just recreate that and yeah but without the valuable nutrients could I get nothing out of it is there a way that we could get nothing out of it at all and could it have a vertical mouth there's no reason for it but it does create suffering is that possible mate

that's bloody voting for the bloody Tories in the UK general election, which probably happened last week, isn't it, eh? That they probably won. I'm calling it now. I probably won. Geez, your gut just made a loud noise, didn't it now? Yeah, yeah. I'm going to say that it's a hung parliament.

And no, I'm going to say that at this point, I'm feeling bad about British politics, but maybe a little bit excited, I don't know. I can feel something in my gut. I'm not sure if it's good. We got retrocacy, it's a vote. Instead of, we're fixing democracy, but instead of voting in some people, we're just voting whether or not the last people need to go to jail.

I love it. Then we got unclean, the baby versions of things that don't have baby versions. Then we got creating a baby that's older than its parents through by making a baby baby. It's just interesting, isn't it? It's very interesting, and we've got the Ripley's Believe It or Not People on board. Frankenstein's mobster, I mean, that's already a TV series that's had 12 seasons. You can already picture it.

Yeah, I can picture every single season. Mathematicians who, Mathematician who groups numbers based on whether they look similar after they've been chewed. And then we've got... The fact that you went to numbers with that one is so great. And then we got growing nothing but the feeling of loss. For no.

That's a happy wide-o-way, isn't it? Yeah. Rinking, dinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, rinking, r at Alistair TV, we are at two in tank. You can write us a review. On iTunes, we would love that. You can support us on Patreon, give us three words, get our bonus episodes, check out some of the latest and sign up for our try guys. Alistair's gonna go off to do some business,

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