Two In The Think Tank - 219 - "AUSTRALIAN FALSE IDOL"

Episode Date: February 4, 2020

Puddle Hunter, Inspir-e-Coyote, Button Brain, DOOP, Post Apocolicious, Conservation of Reality, False Id, MessiaTICKETS TO TELEPORT at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival are availab...le hereThanks to Harry's for supporting this episode! Visit harrys.com/thinktank for an awesome SHAVING DEAL!Hey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereApologicious to George for not producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:45 Ha, ha, ha, damn. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, deal. When you see this deal, you'll think that you've shaved so deep, you've cut off part of your brain because you won't be able to understand how good it is. That's right. But you won't have. You'll just have shaved to the perfect depth with harries. If you've already taken advantage of the ad, that is and have harries, otherwise, it's unlikely. If you're using other razors, you probably are accidentally self-labotomized. That's the risk you take every damn time. You don't use harries.
Starting point is 00:01:33 To be honest, you deserve it, right? And even if you haven't self-labotomized, you've probably become so numb to the world because of the disappointment and the failure and the pain that is a part of every non-Harry-saving experience. But you no longer need to be a loser anymore. Correct. Harry's so comfortable to last thing, I've got some more to say about this later on in
Starting point is 00:02:00 the program. A lot. A lot. I'm going to unleash. Okay. But anyway, I'm. I'm gonna unleash, okay? But anyway, I'm gonna take off my Harry's travel cover that I keep on my head at all times to keep me under control from hurting people.
Starting point is 00:02:13 And I am gonna, I'm gonna lash out. And let loose. And let loose. All right. Mike, Mike, Mike. Yeah, Mike, Mike, Mike. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is that good? Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike yeah yeah Was that that what you were gonna do with it anyway? That's exactly what I was thinking. Yeah, it's a perfect continuation
Starting point is 00:02:33 I think you chose a really interesting time Signature. Yeah, thank you That's it. It's just great to be able to bring your vision or I guess auditory hallucination To reality. That's right. Oh, it's interesting to think of our thought as a hallucination before, like, you know, like a... All consciousness is a hallucination.
Starting point is 00:02:54 But the creativity is that you have a hallucination and then you try to bring that hallucination into reality. Absolutely. Absolutely. And that's what I do. Because I live in a very hot area. Yes. A lot of the time I try to always bring my creativity to life. And I try to just put some water in the distance. Okay. Some sort of shimmery water in the distance. Just the horizon. So the way I do that is I just get a really high pressure hose. Like that. And then I just try to like shoot at a very, you know, I guess towards the horizon, especially
Starting point is 00:03:31 on a road, I just kind of shoot it over there and I just try to make a puddle very far away. Yeah. So you have a lot of water in this hot area. You've got access to huge amounts of water on tap somehow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you're still looking at the horizon thinking you see water over there. You've not seen that when you're just like in the distance. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:53 But this is I'm not talking about like somebody who's dying of thirst kind of thing. I'll just talk about talking about being at a regular hot area where the horizon is shimmering. Well, I'm and I have. I'm an artist. So I've brought a trailer with water in it and a high pressure pump like that. And then I'm just doing it because I'm an artist. These are my materials that I work with. You're a water artist.
Starting point is 00:04:16 Yeah. Well, I just, this is the current project that I'm on. You're an oceanographer. I don't want to create your oceanographer. Well, I'm a puddleographer. Oh, right. Which is a subcategory of oceanographers, because people who just work on the science of puddles.
Starting point is 00:04:36 Right, sort of micro oceanography. Well, it'd be interesting because if you think about puddles, they're only around for a short amount of time. So what kind of life really lives in there? I mean, we know mosquitoes probably breed in there. Thrive? Sure. Sure. But it comes and goes. Puddles are very important part of the mosquito life cycle. I think puddle, puddle oceanography would be a very dynamic, very vital, very current field, constantly changing.
Starting point is 00:05:02 I imagine it's, it is, you know, you would probably have a bit of a rivalry with the big oceanography who sort of are the big guns, but when does their world ever change? Well, you know of storm hunters, there's a people who sort of follow them very much in their tracks, the puddle hunters, who, quite literally, they're footprints, yeah, feeling with water. Yeah. And then they go, they're eyes those people leave, you know, it helps if they're sort of the trait
Starting point is 00:05:31 of their four-wheel drive sort of leave a big indentation in the mud. So is this a sketch? Puddle hunters? Well, puddle hunters, they're puddle agrofers. And they study the science of puddles and stuff. They hate kids who ruin their puddles. Look, Alistair, I don't think this is necessarily
Starting point is 00:05:52 a very interesting or very good idea, but I love it. You love that it is an idea. Yeah, I love that it is an idea. As a side character. Yes. He's the bad idea side character. Yeah, okay. So like, you know, okay, so you know, like most TV shows,
Starting point is 00:06:07 they have an A story, a B story. Well, this show that we'll be a part of, we'll have an A story, we'll have a B story, and then we'll have a shit story. And it'll be a third one, but we don't even give it a letter to sort of give it the credit that it deserves. And it's always, there's always one shit character with a weird storyline. And this guy is about crucial to the over arc, the arc of the whole episode.
Starting point is 00:06:35 Well, what about the shit story plays out exclusively during the ad breaks. I don't know about that. Yeah, I don't like that idea at all. No, no, no. Oh, but that'd be a great shit story. Okay. What about this then? What about this?
Starting point is 00:06:53 We go back to all the great TV shows of all time. And we work out what was happening during the ad breaks. Because it seems like things don't really change between the end and the start of the next one, like, right, not much progresses, but something must be happening, because time has elapsed, and that's, to me, when the shit story takes place, has no impact on the rest of the plot, but does fill time. Sort of like, so wait, because now there's two things there, so wait.
Starting point is 00:07:19 Yeah, yeah, and lease. It's either the stuff that happens in the ad breaks, I guess, is what you were saying. There's also the stuff that happens in between episodes. So it's like, you know, so Ross, you know, found the, you know, he found the egg fossil. How is picturing friends as well? Yeah. He found the egg fossil or whatever. And then he walks very slowly and un-un eventfully back to the museum at puts it on the shelf. So that's a great, an ad break one, and then in between that and the next episode
Starting point is 00:07:51 where he gets a pet monkey, what happens there for him to lose this interest in this egg fossil and then be all about this monkey? Yeah, I mean, it sounds fascinating, doesn't it? Like, basically a story about somebody losing interest in something. Yeah. These guys could be called the Segway Hunters. That's reality. Yeah. Well, the Segways, you know, there's a lot of implied Segways, a lot of missing links, I suppose. Now, you would hunt those things. Yeah, absolutely. I guess similar thing you could do with looney turns.
Starting point is 00:08:26 You know, after they get really injured, you have to, while he kind of gets really injured. The rehabilitation. Could we show the rehabilitation part, the amount, because I mean, he seems like a pathetic character, but if you saw the amount of work he had to do to learn, I don't walk again.
Starting point is 00:08:39 It's quite inspiring, isn't it? And then, from just still be driven to get this stupid bird, that doesn't even look like it has that much meat on it. I think Wale Kiyoti's recovery, inspiring recovery, forms a really strong relationship with one of the nurses, okay, that not not a romantic relationship, but like, you know, one of mutual respect as they they would initially regard Wale-Koeiote as as some sort of eccentric, almost sort of social, pathic character. Sure. But then they come to understand what he's gained going through.
Starting point is 00:09:18 Mmm. And gain through. And gain through. Absolutely. And gun through. and gain through, absolutely, and gun through. And then they would, I just like, what it would be like to watch this little, wiery little creature struggling to walk overcoming multiple spine fractures. Oh, absolutely. That determination, we could all learn a lot. Yeah, I mean, accordioning of the skin,
Starting point is 00:09:43 accordion to you. accordioning of the skin, accordion to you. accordioning. Yeah, I think that's a really beautiful story. Do you? Yeah, great. What about this in between episodes and ad breaks thing? Is that worth writing down? No, okay. No, no, no, I wouldn't. That's great. I wouldn't think so. That's great. I mean, the only way that I could see it happening would be like, maybe it's something that they would do on like a Jimmy Fallon, all right? They would get together some of the members of the cast, the friends. And they'd have them talking on a couch and they'd be like, you know, what a lot of people
Starting point is 00:10:22 don't know is that the show kept going during the ad breaks. And then they would talk about some of the little stuff. It would be really a plot line. I think this would be too weird for Fowland. Yeah. Yeah. What happened during the ad breaks? That's him doing an impression of Seinfeld. On Friends.
Starting point is 00:10:41 Well, the Friends cast are there. Okay. So yeah, well, I can see why if you're picturing him interviewing them as Jerry's side, well, I can picture why you think this is too weird. I think he would, the idea that I think I think the idea that the show continues during the ad breaks is too weird for him, for them to recreate the scene during the ad breaks. Yeah, especially because the cast that they'd have to get together would be so much older. So much older.
Starting point is 00:11:09 And then also that he would rather do something like they would recreate that famous scene where Joey puts on everybody, you know, puts on all his clothes or something like that. And then that would be it. They'd recreate it or they'd redo it. And then they'd be like, you know, La Blanc would be hiding there somewhere and they go, could you be wearing any more clothes? Again.
Starting point is 00:11:33 Still, and for three minutes and 90 seconds, for a minute and 90 seconds, that's a standard measure of time. I think a minute should go up to eight seconds. I find a minute. Some minutes. Are we sure that all minutes are the same length? Oh, that's a very good question. You know, like we believe that the laws of physics apply everywhere in the universe.
Starting point is 00:11:56 But we can't be sure. We haven't checked. Similarly, we don't know that minutes are the same length everywhere. Have we kind of just measured what, like, what is the thing that the amount of time it takes for a thing to go around the thing? Is that how much a second is? Yep. Is it was like a quark to go around a blob? Yeah. Yeah. And to stick it and pass away through an oxygen. Yeah. You know, ain't a dis. A dis. I wouldn't say something like that. Okay. I think it would be pretty cool if we looked close enough and we found that every
Starting point is 00:12:29 nucleus of every atom has a little butthole. Well, I guess if anything goes in, if we could find out that anything goes into a subatomic particle, then we know that it's probably needs a way of getting out. And that would be that would be the but. I mean, if every living thing kind of has a hole to let things out, but you know, some things they only have one hole. The art, huh? Hey, the in home.
Starting point is 00:13:01 Well, are they use it for both? Yeah. I believe it would be some sort of super clowaka. Well, yeah, absolutely. It would sort of, I guess you're less of a creature, you're more of a plastic bag. Yeah. You're a sack. You're a sack.
Starting point is 00:13:16 Yeah. You know, because a cold a sack. Yeah, I guess so. An ass of sack. Mm. That's what Col. Can we already have this conversation? Probably. I feel so much like I would bring up every time.
Starting point is 00:13:27 We need to get a new topic. Yeah, you think. I don't know. Do you have trouble focusing? Me? Do I have trouble focusing? Yeah, I think so. I think so. I mean, I keep my beam pretty wide. Does it know I keep focusing on lots of stuff at the same time? Well, yeah, but only to a very shallow extent, I think. So it's not a very powerful beam. Not a very powerful beam because it's so wide. You want to have intensity.
Starting point is 00:13:57 You want to be able to burn through something. You want to be able to blind the pilot of an incoming 737, causing them to crash into a nearby swamp. Because easy. But everyone's okay. Wow. I guess that changed everything that I... When you were doing that, I thought you were flying over the ocean
Starting point is 00:14:15 and then suddenly there was a swamp. Yeah, well, they were landing. I think that's when it happens a lot of the time. Right? A lot of the time. The shining of the laser pointer directly into the eyes of the pilot. a lot of the time, right? A lot of the time. The shining of the laser pointer directly into the eyes of the pilot. A lot of the time, it happens when they're coming into land. Well, I think the Chinese use that
Starting point is 00:14:32 when creatures, not creatures. I mean, countries are exercising freedom of navigation in the South China Sea. Yeah, right. I think they're reports of, you know, with airplanes. With helicopters and boats and things like that of people shining lasers and the eyes of people piloting Right to try and like get the fuck out of here. I wonder if you can make some kind of glasses
Starting point is 00:14:55 That just block out lasers lasers, but you can see regular you can see regular line That is an incredible bit of but you can see regular light. You can see regular light. That is an incredible bit of, because it's like you can, you can't see really focus, but I guess something that clips off high intent, like, yeah, really tough, right?
Starting point is 00:15:13 You might have to have like a little camera and some kind of screen and filter the footage. Yeah. And then again, it's pretty complicated and you've probably got latency and all sorts of things. And that's probably not what you want when you're flying at supersonic jet. Yeah, I guess so.
Starting point is 00:15:28 I think that they would have a lot of trouble shining lasers into the eyes of a jack traveling at supersonic speeds. But I think if a helicopter you could set it just be like, you know, I guess like it's like a sniper with a scope and you just gotta shine the laser into. This is none of this is sketch. No, no, no, that's okay. I was I was distracted because I was trying to think about, you know, how like, you know, we've and we've talked about this on the show before, how like, you know,
Starting point is 00:15:56 a computer game might get turned into a movie, right? I'm thinking of the sonic, right? Yeah. But there are so many different types of forms of entertainment, forms of media, right? We only really ever sort of hear about the big transitions, which are, you know, movie to computer game, computer game to movie, book to computer game, computer game to film, film to book, and, you know, and those ones there. But I think there's, and those are the transformations like of subatomic particles transmuting into a different somatomic particle,
Starting point is 00:16:31 something like that, right? But, but, going, yep. But there are probably all sorts of other little ones going on that we don't even detect because they're so subtle, right? all sorts of other little ones going on, you know, that we don't even detect because they're so subtle, right?
Starting point is 00:16:47 So like it'll be a road sign getting turned into a street signs. I was sure there was going to be a way to play this game. But there are things like a birthday proclamation. Yes. Seeing turned into a greeting card. You see what I've put in front of you and tried to make you turn into something. It's an over-heard train conversation turned into a conversation at home,
Starting point is 00:17:29 or a letter to the newspaper. A daily humorous comment, a comedy bit, an observation about an inner mind, observation about a homeless person turned turned into a stand up comedy routine that is only you said once when they realized it was inappropriate. So yeah, I mean, that's that's something. That's true. Things are always transforming, mutating from one form to another.
Starting point is 00:18:00 And I for one and against it, I think everything just stay as what it is. Do you think when you, let's say you have a thought and it gets turned into a something you should be paying one part of your body for the other bit, for the rights? Well, I mean, if the brain that's coming up with the idea, it's very often the sort of the face that gets associated with the idea. That's true. So the face gets a lot of the credit, I think, for work that's done by the brain. Of course, the brain then does feel a lot of the good feelings that come from the recognition.
Starting point is 00:18:33 And the... It kind of even though the face gets the credit, the brain sort of takes it anyway. I guess it's because the body kind of accepts itself to be as a whole. It pictures itself as a whole and it kind of feels everything that it gets. So it's like, even though you don't poke your brain with a stick, if you just poke the face with the stick, the brain kind of takes that personally. I wonder what it would be like to poke the brain with a stick.
Starting point is 00:19:03 I wonder what it would be like to poke the brain with a stick. We need to... You know when... Evan, Evan Monroe Smith from Stupid All Studios. Gaming, gaming, gaming, gaming, gaming, a host. Which I appeared on just the other day. Check it out on YouTube. Gaming, gaming, gaming. Really great, very funny episode.
Starting point is 00:19:20 He got a little thing that plugs into the top of his phone, right? He got off little thing that plugs into the top of his phone, right? For a go-or-off kick starter or something. It goes into the stereo socket for your headphone jack, right? And it was a little button. It's a little button that goes in there, right? And then you just click it, and it's just like an extra button for your phone to have. Now, what I want, right, is that, but with the brain, okay?
Starting point is 00:19:43 Just a little hole in the skull, and then it doesn't have to be much, it doesn't have to be very complicated, could just be a little stick that goes in there. And it pokes your brain. You can press that and it pokes your brain, right? And now we have another way of putting input into our brains.
Starting point is 00:19:59 Now what is that, what effect is that going to have? Over time, we don't know, But I think it's like anything, you just learn to use it, like you learn to use your arms and legs through a process of trial and error. Sure. Yeah, little, drill a little hole, put a little stick in there. You know what it does.
Starting point is 00:20:14 You tap it. Could make you blink. Could make you blink. Sure. Could make you, could be a button, and when you press it, it makes you feel searing pain. I'm gonna say there's a chance, a good chance.
Starting point is 00:20:28 That could be one of the many features that it has. It could also make you fall and collapse and sort of like, you know, who's to say that we don't need a button to make us go floppy? You know what? I mean, it's a thing that would be very useful for teenage boys at school. Yeah, correct. You know how sometimes I mean, it's a thing that would be very useful for teenage boys at school. Yeah, correct. You know how sometimes you stand up, but you wish you were lying down.
Starting point is 00:20:52 That's what I'm saying. This is the way to do that. Do you think that's anything? Do you think this could be a sketch? Yeah. Yeah. Really a hole in the brain, getting an extra little button. And then, and I think what the thing was with this thing that Evan had in his phone, right? You could sort of program it to do whatever you wanted to, right? So maybe there would be like training regimes, forms of occupational therapy that you could then go through to teach you to use your new brain button
Starting point is 00:21:20 in exciting new ways. The go-and-floppy thing, I think, would be really good if you were just laying down on a water slide and you were just like, you know what? Like then you just start going down. I think you'd be relaxed whilst going down a huge water slide. So this is for people who have trouble lying down on the other slide. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:21:41 You've already had to get yourself into the lying position. And then you go floppy. Yeah, because I think if you... You don't think that any kind of structural integrity is useful when you're going down a wall like... Well, of course you're going to have some structural integrity. You're not removing your bones. Yeah, okay.
Starting point is 00:21:58 The other thing doesn't remove you. It just allows you to relax. Yeah. And what is at the beginning, quite a stressful position? What? Depending on how high up you are. You know, until you press that and you go, ah, full flop, like that.
Starting point is 00:22:12 And then you can just watch yourself fall, I guess, until you get control of your body again, hoping that you don't fall into it. Like, it doesn't let, or I have in a big pool of water before you get control of your body again. It's like what? Biggest cross. Biggest cross. but like it doesn't let arrive in a big pool of water before you get control of your body again. It's like, it's like,
Starting point is 00:22:27 fingers crossed. Fingers crossed. You wouldn't be able to crush your fingers, you'd be too floppy. Or it might just fall floppy. But to me, it's like then, you know those little toys, you get little wooden like a giraffe or something, standing up on a little box and there's a button underneath, you press that and releases the string
Starting point is 00:22:43 that's holding the giraffe together, the giraffe just totally flops like that, but for people. The flop button. As we say, could be used for other things, could be used for the steering. I think it'll be very personal what it does to each person because I think it can very much depend on who you are, it can also depend on exactly where in the brain you sort of drill it into. I think so. I think so. You know, different things. It could make you, you know. This will be a thing that people start doing at home. You'll just mile away.
Starting point is 00:23:17 It'll maybe be illegal, but you'll mail away and you'll get a little kit sent, and you'll be able to, there'll be instructions on a little mirror and stuff, and a light, and you'll be able to drill a little hole in your own head. I think there are people. Pop up button isn't it? That's an old, that's an old very old technique. Trapanning. Trapanning.
Starting point is 00:23:33 Did I tell you about this at one point I was reading about these people who, well this guy was like, look I'd read about it. This was apparently it's very good that, you know, and so, the reality is coming up. What we've been talking about. I don't like it. And that you know something happens with you know if you do that then it the amount of blood that can get in or something like that you know something happens that allows you to get child like wonder again.
Starting point is 00:24:00 I wonder what and so when the ambulance will get here but I wonder what. And so. When the ambulance will get here, but I wonder it, child likely. I'm excited to hear the sirens when it arrives. And so it was this whole thing anyway. And he did it. He did it and he was like, yeah, I think I do feel. Oh, I want better than I think. But it's just that one bed is like,
Starting point is 00:24:21 I think somebody is drilling into his head. And it's like, oh, with that, you know, obviously they got to keep monitoring my eyes to make sure they didn't go too far and they hit you might have had a little artery on the way. A little artery. But it's one of the little brain arteries. The things we do for wonder. Imagine how stressful your life would have to be to feel like you needed to relieve the stress
Starting point is 00:24:47 by drilling into your head. Well, that's where the demons are. I suppose so. I mean, I think it's time for demons to make a comeback. Yeah. You know, as part of medicine. Because that's ancient, that's ancient Western medicine, really, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:24:59 Mm. Right, you know, ancient Eastern medicine, that's, you know, your herbs, you just ground up tiger's penis, that's, you know, your herbs, you just ground up Tiger's penis, that kind of thing, acupuncture, ancient Western medicine, drilling into your brain because there's demons in there. That's right. That's not crazy. I mean, ancient people were doing it for centuries. Yes. Therefore, it is good. And we've looked back now and nobody's been able to find any demons. Seems like it was probably pretty successful then, doesn't it?
Starting point is 00:25:31 Or maybe there's some problem where we've accidentally, we've actually sort of somehow got the demons out of their life cycle through the way that we've started living our lives. We've started wearing shoes and demons can't get in through our feet the way that they're used to. And it turns out the demons were actually a very, like performed a useful role in the human digestive system. Yeah, and they were very important for mental health.
Starting point is 00:25:57 They were okay. And gut flora, you know, like they were, they called. Well, they kind of mind flora. They're mind flora. That's right. So maybe the amount of, it's like, yeah, they called. Well, they kind of mind Flora. They're mind Flora. That's right. So maybe the amount of, it's like, yeah, of course, when one demon takes over in your brain,
Starting point is 00:26:11 that's quite bad. Demon imbalance. That's right, but to have lots of demons in there that are fighting it out and they each kind of get different, you know, like they each get quadrants and things like that. And they have diversity, biodiversity. Exactly. They keep each other in general.
Starting point is 00:26:25 Jamal diversity. Okay, so maybe the problem then is about getting more demons in. Because you don't want to perform one of these broad band exorcisms that gets rid of all the demons. That's right. Because then any demons that are left behind. Yeah, so then you got to start taking pro-demonics. Yes.
Starting point is 00:26:44 Okay. The problems when we exercise thought this is why this is the genuine problem with why there's so much mental illness around these days is because of the lack of um, do you think somehow sort of a Silicon Valley could be involved in getting this happening again. This is what all the CEOs are doing. This would probably be something that would kick off in Silicon Valley of sort of a new tech app-based approach to demonology.
Starting point is 00:27:15 But also like a slick sort of Apple-looking kind of company that helps you get demons into your life very easily. So it's just a mat that you roll out that's already got the sort of, uh, the, uh, not the crucifix, but what's that? Whatever the runes are there, the pentagram, the pentagram on there. But it's, you know, it's got built in beautiful like crystal shards and different things like that. So then when you walk and bullet your feet bleed and then allows the, and they have
Starting point is 00:27:42 like goat's blood and that sort of thing. But the goat's blood has been processed. They've got out just what are the crucial molecules from the goat's blood. And now it comes to you in a sort of like a, just a beautiful white, milky kind of paste. It's just the plasma. You only need the plasma.
Starting point is 00:28:00 Just the plasma, that's the demonic part of the goat's blood. It can't, you don't need, surely, you don't need all of it. Right, you don't, does it need to be liquid? Mm-hmm. Right, let's the demonic part of the goat's blood. You don't need, surely you don't need all of it. You don't, does it need to be liquid? Right, let's process it. Let's turn demonology into a wellness. Demonology for wellness. It absolutely. Absolutely, yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:20 Goop, we could be the goop of demons. Oh, see, that's a good idea. Goop of demons, I'm writing that down. Here's the problem is that you don't have a demon in your penis. Mm. Okay. Modern men have lost their virility
Starting point is 00:28:37 because they've lost their penis demons. It's actually sounding really quite compelling. Yeah, and a goop for men. It's all demon based. Um, I think goop for men demon based goop. Yeah, the power of darkness and all that sort of stuff. That's absolutely. Yes.
Starting point is 00:28:58 Yes. Who would you get as the face of it, Ron Pearlman? Ah, be hard not to get Ron Pearlman, wouldn't it? I mean, I'm just thinking of that because he was in Hellboy, I suppose. So maybe it's a little bit obvious. Do you think Salman Rushdie? You're thinking of the satanic verses. Yeah, I guess so.
Starting point is 00:29:19 But also, he does look a little bit evil. He's a good thing about Ron Pearlman. He looks healthy. He looks sort of little bit evil. Here's a good thing about Ron Pearlman. Yeah. He looks healthy. He looks sort of a bit wrong, but very pretty wrong, but virile. Yeah, absolutely. He's completely taking care of himself. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:36 And he's managed to make what he is, work beautiful, beautiful. Yeah. And that is kind of what beauty is to a certain extent. As long as you've got all your stuff. There was somebody who said, who did a really great tweet that was like, I think what I've realized about Adam Driver is, is that in order to be really hot, you've got to be kind ugly.
Starting point is 00:29:59 Yeah, interesting. Yeah, and I think that there's a real truth to that. Yeah, I think there's a fair big lie in that as well. No, but I think there's a lot of people who are hot who are just real hot. Yeah, that's true. Really, really hot. Yeah, but not in an interesting way.
Starting point is 00:30:17 Uh, I suppose, I suppose. I think to be more beautiful in an interesting way, that means that you gotta be ugly. Okay, you're right. Hey, while we're talking about beauty, I think to be beautiful in an interesting way. That means that you gotta be ugly. Okay. You're right. Hey, while we're talking about beauty, yeah, you know what I think is beautiful? Beautiful smooth face.
Starting point is 00:30:33 Oh, absolutely. And you know what else I think is beautiful? Ease of access to quality, German manufactured, precision engineered, shaving products. The likes of which you can get from Harries.com for a flash think tank. Alistair, did you know that humans have been shaving for thousands of years? That is a thing that I would definitely know if I had done the proper research.
Starting point is 00:30:57 Correct. And having been shaving for thousands of years, you'd think we'd have got it better by now. Well, we have. It's Harry's. So we don't have to use that rock that's been smashed into a point? We don't have to. Okay.
Starting point is 00:31:13 Quality, durable blades at a fair price of just $2 per blade are available if you sign up to Harry's. But that's not all. Listen to our show. Can redeem their Harry's trial set at harry.com-forge-slash-tink-tank, you get a weighted ergonomic handle for a firm grip, a five-blade razor with a lubricating strip and trimmer blade, a rich leathering shave gel, mmm, mmm, de-lish,
Starting point is 00:31:33 with aloe to keep your skin hydrated, and a travel blade cover to keep your razor dry and easy to grab on the go. Easy to grab, you just grab at it. You don't even have to think about where you're grabbing it. I don't ever think. Well, well, well, perfect for me. Exactly. But before, think about how much of your life was spent thinking about which end of the hari, or of the razor, not Harry's, before Harry's, which end of the razor you were going to grab. Right. Now, at all that time up, you're probably getting to weeks, if not years of your life, spent carefully deciding where
Starting point is 00:32:08 to grab the razor. You're the Harry's great. Travel, black color. You don't have to think about that anymore. Just grab. Just grab. Don't think just grab. Oh, that should be.
Starting point is 00:32:20 That's the official slow. That's, if it's not, it should be. Yeah. Harry's dot com forward slash think tank and start shaving better today. I mean, maybe not today. I imagine it takes a little while to have to. I shave today.
Starting point is 00:32:35 And you look good. Thank you. I shave because we know we have a role on when we're gonna be a film, you know, so we always have to shave on the day when we go in. Remember that? Why, why, why, why, why you saying that such a pointed way?
Starting point is 00:32:50 I'm not saying it in a pointed way. It's just the thing that we do. Yeah, I have to film something as well and I haven't shaved. So maybe I better get Harry so Conflossing team. I think there would probably be one just in the office. I think this one in the office. Yeah. Yeah, maybe I'll do that. All right.
Starting point is 00:33:08 We normally do four sketches, then a three words. No, we normally do five, and then a three words. So let's, you know. Earlier, when we were talking about the ocean, I was talking about the ocean. Yeah, yeah. You know, there's swamps on land. Are there parts of the ocean that are kind of...
Starting point is 00:33:23 There are wita? Well, that could be good or slimy or like that? But little parts that are like reverse swamps that are like little dry areas in the ocean. I mean, I think that would just start to become just land again, wouldn't it? I know, but in the ocean. There are things, if you go deep enough, there are areas. I've seen this in some footage where there's super salty water, pools of super salty water under the water, and they look really cool and weird. Yeah, and you can see the two layers. The layers, the junction, you know, and then you can poke it or something. Yeah, poke yourself and be like, oh my God,
Starting point is 00:34:05 I'm poking myself. Feels so. So go deep underwater and have a poke. Wonder what the deepest anyone's ever masturbated in. Really good question. I mean, down at the bottom of the marion, a trench, what you're doing, I don't know. We've probably done more wanking on the surface of the moon
Starting point is 00:34:24 than we have on the bottom of the ocean. Somebody, do you think people have masturbated on the moon? I think they've definitely masturbated in space. Now the question is, how have they worked out? How did dispose of everything? Well, how long until we somebody does wank on the moon for a start? No. But yeah, how have they worked out does wank on the moon for a start? No.
Starting point is 00:34:45 But, yeah, how have they worked out? How do you suppose they've everything? We all know that you can just whee in the suit. Can you wank in the suit? Probably not because your hands wouldn't be able to spacewalk. What about a spacewank? Well, if you can pee in the suit, does your parts... Is it just a nappy?
Starting point is 00:35:05 It's probably a nappy. Or is there a little... Is there like a tube that you're putting something into? Anyway, it's just worth thinking about. Yeah, yeah, at length. And maybe emailing the International Space Station. They seem to honestly have nothing better to do up there than to respond to emails.
Starting point is 00:35:21 That's right. Do people masturbate in space? I think this is be a very important video to me. How about this International Space Station? Uplight. Oh, that's good. Because also there's no night and day up there, so it's always kind of looks light.
Starting point is 00:35:35 So that makes me think that it's probably very erotic up there. The International Space Station. Because when the sun goes down, that's when things get sexy. Yeah, I do think that there is still day on the International Space Station. Is there? Yeah, I would presume so because it's sometimes there are more day than there is up here.
Starting point is 00:35:57 But sometimes they're on the opposite side of the earth too. And I think they're probably going around. No, I think that, yeah, I think their day would be shorter. I reckon they're going around. Give me a guess of how long I think it takes the international space station to go around the earth. Okay. I think it takes eight hours. It takes eight hours for the international space station to orbit the earth. I am, I am 100% confident. Okay. In fact, I bet money on it. God, I need this. Come on. The International Space Station travels in orbit around Earth at a speed of roughly 17,150 miles per hour. That's about 5 miles per second. Yeah, it's quick. This means that the space station orbits the Earth
Starting point is 00:36:45 and sees a sunrise once every 92 minutes. What? What? What? What? What? What?
Starting point is 00:36:57 Fuck yeah, fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Oh, that quick. Yeah, that's really quick, isn't it? Oh, man. It's fun. I don't know why that was so much fun. Yeah, I think it's a great question.
Starting point is 00:37:14 Let's put it in our science quiz. Yeah, well, because what are the effects of having a day go grow that fast? I guess you're going to get into pajamas so much. So much. Breakfast? They're still trying to do three meals a day. I guess you just have tiny ones. It's probably really good for your metabolism.
Starting point is 00:37:37 Yeah, maybe. Just like, you know, you just have like one or two spoonfuls of breakfast cereal, I imagine they like to have a lot of really liquidy meals for breakfast. And being in that in a place where there's no, I see what you do, squeeze out a ball of milk. That's what you would do. Ball of milk. Ball of milk. Clunge a single cornflake into the center of it.
Starting point is 00:37:56 Deep into the heart of the milk bowl. Just a few. Like just a bag. Like, you know, laying on a bag, but just like, you know, just a handful, you just push them in there like that and try not, you know, try to not get it to cling to your there like that and try not, you know, try to not Get it to cling to your hands like that. And then I guess you would sort of go to the other side of the room and then line it up And then open your mouth and then launch yourself off the wall towards the ball and then let it go in your mouth And then sort of brace yourself for impact on the other wall. Yeah, and that's just the standard procedure. And they're doing that three times a day.
Starting point is 00:38:29 No, no, three times a day. They're doing three times every 92 days. Only 46 minutes long. And then the night, obviously. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments.
Starting point is 00:38:53 Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time mycomputercareer.edu. Oh yeah, that's true. I mean, it is weird, isn't it, that a day is 24 hours, but the day is, and then that's also divided up into the night and the day. So the day is all of it. But then the day is also only some of it, and the night is some of it, but the night isn't all of it. You couldn't say a night is 24 hours. No, you would never say that. But the day is. What's going on?
Starting point is 00:39:40 No, you're right. I'm starting to come around to your way of thinking. There's a kind of like a Venn diagram thing where night is a subset of day. Like how a square is a subset of a rectangle. So in a way, it's a better part. Night is both night and day. Night is both night and a day. Yeah, it's part of a day. But a day is both a thing and a bigger thing. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:06 But then there's pure day and there's night day. And day day. And day day. So day day would be the full day. Yeah. And there's the night, which is part of the day. I think day day is the day when the sun is up. Night is night day and just day is day day plus night day. Well there's so many
Starting point is 00:40:28 days. There's three days in a day. Yeah, but one of them is kind of a day and the other one is the day. Oh, interesting. Yeah. And then the other one is night day. But you don't even say night day. Yeah, it's just night. Yeah. Yeah. It's a day. And the day during the day, a day. Anyways, that a sketch. I think definitely. Yeah. I think how could we, how could we, how could we, could we do this as a political ad? Somebody running for government and their entire platform is based around establishing clearly the distinction between day, night, day, and day, day. And the day and our day.
Starting point is 00:41:20 And maybe that we should stop saying that we've got 24 hours in a day. And then we should start saying we've got roughly 16 hours in the day. Roughly. Yeah. Yeah. Roughly, maybe 14. I don't know. I don't know, man. Okay.
Starting point is 00:41:36 Let's say, let's say, so let's say 16. And then they go, and I think we should stop saying that we should say, there's 16 hours in the day. And then there's eight hours in the night. And each 24 hour cycle has both. Yes. What are you talking about? You left the room to go to a meeting.
Starting point is 00:41:54 I never left the room. Yeah, you're right. I didn't do that either. And I don't know why you're even bringing it up. Well, the important thing is that we still know what we were talking about. Yeah, it's not gonna be some huge. Exactly, eyedesses that are also other things.
Starting point is 00:42:11 Exactly what we were. No, but it's a good guess. Yeah, that's good. I think it was actually pretty close. I think we were talking about a creature being a plastic bag. Yeah. Oh, I had an idea about ants recently. What was it?
Starting point is 00:42:23 Hmm, ants are gonna love this. Yes. Oh no, sorry, I didn't have an idea about ants recently. What was it? Hmm, ants are going to love this. Yes. Oh no, sorry, I didn't have an idea. You did. There was your joke about ant farms and how. What was it there? I did, I had an ant farm and I've got more ants than I could eat. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:37 And I've grown more ants than I could eat, but to be honest, I can't eat that many ants. I don't, that don't taste very good in a tingle when you sort of walk on your tongue. When you walk on your tongue. Yes. When they're, um, I don't know, it's going to be an idea. I don't know. What do you think?
Starting point is 00:42:53 I mean, farming ants for food, you know, home, home farm, domestic, you know, farming for the apartment. You know, how you can get sort of a balanced protein rich diet in a, you know, sort of a single bedroom apartment. It's very interesting. I think there's going to be a lot of reliance on fungus probably, but ants will definitely be part of the mix. Small, small, slime mold, maybe.
Starting point is 00:43:21 Is it interesting that all, it turns out, all the things that we're going to be eating in future? Are all going to be the things that sound the most disgusting now? Ah, not just sound, also are. Ah, yes. Because fortunately, whether or not something sounds disgusting doesn't matter nearly as much as whether or not it tastes disgusting. But the important thing is that no matter even though we plants may no longer be able to grow on this planet in the future, we'll always have just tons of spices that we didn't use while we were alive.
Starting point is 00:43:54 That's true. Left in our house. But they will all be cloves. It'll be, it'll be a very clove heavy. A very clove heavy mold and slime base. Just die it. Cove mold. But the great thing about clove is that it also numbs the mouth. Right.
Starting point is 00:44:14 Not quickly enough. Well, I mean, you could eat the clove's first to numb your mouth. Then quickly shovel in all the mold and slime. Right. So just a bit of big hit. Just coat the mouth with clove. And then you shove all the mold and swirl it. So just a bit of, big hit, just coat the mouth with clothes and then you shove down the mold. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:29 And then you'll be able to swallow it. This would be a really, like the post-apocalyptic cooking show is going to be really interesting because it's all going to be about masking flavors. It's all going to be about minimizing the negative experience of eating food rather than sort of heightening any sort of positive thing.
Starting point is 00:44:48 That's right. And I find that if you get the proportions of mold and slime, exactly the right mix, they cancel each other out. And it just tastes like nothing. I mean, the texture is still awful. And it'll be one of those shows where they show you them growing the food themselves and the corpses of their... Yeah, or like, you know, going out scavenging,
Starting point is 00:45:12 you know, maybe going into your neighbor's apartment and pulling their sort of limp body or stiff body at this point into your apartment and seeing what you can make from it. I think it's a real interesting sort of post-apocalyptic gray area is that, sure, we don't agree with cannibalism, but if you can get a fungus growing on a dead body,
Starting point is 00:45:36 can you eat that fungus? And I think that that's fine. Sure. You can get some mushrooms growing in somebody's eyes. It's not okay to be a cat. You can feast on, sockets. It's not okay to be kept. You can feast on those. It's not okay to be a cannibal, but you can use that creature, that your neighbor's dead body as the food for the creatures that you could use it to lure rats.
Starting point is 00:45:56 A lure, yeah. You know, you could go fishing with that. Oh, I catch some sort of giant mutated lizard. Yeah, the water lizard. Yeah. Or sort of a shark or I guess you could use the little bits of bait just to catch flat head or something. It would be the responsible thing to do.
Starting point is 00:46:16 You don't have to use the whole body on a whole. Just one big hook that you put through, I guess the chest. Well, that's exactly what I was picturing. Yeah. I see for some reason, maybe's exactly what I was picturing, yeah. I see, for some reason, maybe, because I heard a, you know, a horrible story once, but you would put it, the two hooks through the sort of near the ankle bones there. Oh, yeah. And then send it in like that, and then lure the whole thing back in.
Starting point is 00:46:38 I guess the problem is that they might, if they don't bite the ankles and get the, I'll not work their way up to the end. Exactly. So that's an idea post-apocalyptic cooking show. Cooking show. Which takes us to five, which means that we get to three words from a listener. We get to feast on these delicious three words.
Starting point is 00:46:57 Do you want to guess who the three words you're coming from? Um, uh, uh, Karen Mirandason? Look, and completely incorrect, because it would be a name that you've heard before. Oh, not necessarily. Well, I'm telling you that it is. Okay. Uh, Daniel Kay. No, we did that last week, I think. Oh, MinCorp ostrich pixel.
Starting point is 00:47:26 Yes, it's MinCorp. Yes. No, it's not MinCorp, in three words. And I think, I think that will improve the quality of the discourse. Bill, aware me. Bill aware me. There you go. That's a good one of those. And then, and then all the responses are like, how dare you? How dare you rule the game? It fucked Tossera. Oh, being trolled. Oh no. All right, here's Stuart's three words.
Starting point is 00:48:12 Yes, Stuart. Fake. Comic book. Okay. That's one word. Okay. Gift. Fake.
Starting point is 00:48:21 Comic book. Gift. So say. Right. You were, you got a piece of glowing green rock Okay, what would that be it'll be a fake bit of Crypto-night crypt of it. Why is it fake? Because it's not a real thing. So if I gave that to you as a gift You wouldn't it wouldn't be real thing. So if I gave that to you as a gift,
Starting point is 00:48:46 it wouldn't be real. So, I guess all anything that comes from a comic book is fake. Oh, not people. It's interesting that a lot of people is real. That it's like, like, like, kryptonite, which is in the book, is real in the book. But if you make it in real life, it becomes fake.
Starting point is 00:49:04 And that interesting. Yeah. Something but if you make it in real life, it becomes fake. Mm-hmm. Isn't that interesting? Yeah. Something, if you take something, so you can be real in a fake medium, but you try and bring that into the real world, that turns out to be fake in a real medium. The earth, the world is a medium. Yeah. Reality is a medium.
Starting point is 00:49:19 It is a medium. It's one of the ones. Yeah. It's, um, but I mean, I think that makes sense. It's kind of a mathematics to it. Real. Yeah. Cosmic. In a fake world. Yeah. Is equal to like real sort of an in brackets. Fake. Yeah. Fake. Rock. Yeah. Then you multiply that real times fake equals fake. Yeah, always.
Starting point is 00:49:45 Okay. Yes. It's like an even number multiplied by an odd number. Or snow white. No, no, it's like a positive number multiplied by a negative number. Negative is fake, fake is negative. And so, but then here's the thing,
Starting point is 00:50:01 if you have something that's fake in a fake world, then that's real. That is always real. That's always real. That's always real. Wow, I can't believe we just proved that mathematically. Yeah. So, I guess that means that the Bible,
Starting point is 00:50:17 because the Bible is fake, Alistair. I don't know if you know this. What? I'm a very edgy comedian. I'm a very edgy comedian. So, if the Bible is fake, then that means that all the false idols in the Bible are real. They're real.
Starting point is 00:50:30 Which means we should be worshiping a golden calf. Yeah. Oh my God. That's all I got. I mean, golden calf. Wait, wait, but does the idea of having to be, having to worship them, is that real? Cause that is not fake.
Starting point is 00:50:47 You're right, you're right, they were really worshiping it in a fake world. So there is a God, he is a golden calf, but you don't have to worship him. Or you have to fake worship him. Oh, it's getting complicated it's getting complicated. And I love it. Yeah. What is this? Is this anything? Yeah, I think so. I think it's like a, you know, it's it's the conservation of reality. And we are trying to apply mathematical principles and ideas to extract truth from the Bible, even
Starting point is 00:51:27 if the Bible itself isn't true, we still think it could lead us to the truth. And I mean, this is what's interesting, is that this fake idol thing, which, because the story is fake, and the thing, it has resulted in something that is most likely real. I think that there would be a golden statue somewhere that is of a cow in the real world. Probably. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:55 I mean, that's true. Whereas things like God had, because he's real in the Bible. Yeah. In the fake story. In a fake story, no one's made a real God in reality. No. People have made a real golden cow.
Starting point is 00:52:13 Yeah. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. I don't know if I'm confused or not. Yeah. That's a strange feeling.
Starting point is 00:52:22 Well, because in the fiction, because they say that something is real Then Then it means that they're fake but people only say that something is fake in the book. I think it's achievable I think I think I think I think we're out on a limb here Because I think there are probably people in books who say that real things are real as well as fake things. Yeah. Yeah. That's okay. Well, but we're now saying that if something's real in a fake book,
Starting point is 00:52:56 it's not real. So that like when they talk about like trees or something in the Bible, they're not real. Yeah, but that's okay. It's because there are real ones in this reality But I think you can like that that and I'm not saying that that one defines What's real in reality? God people are loving listening. Yeah, I can tell Look, I know that there's some flaws in my argument here and in all of this. Yeah, in the book, let's focus on the fake things in the books. Okay, let's say in the book there was a fake God, not an idol, like you say, right? If in the book there was a fake God and so you could say, well, but they would maybe
Starting point is 00:53:39 have to explain in the book because it's fake, that means that there's a way in which it's achievable to recreate in the real world. Right, sure, sure. That's what makes it fake. You're not a real super, you're like super, you're right. So therefore you can go, well, somebody could probably do this in the real world. Yeah. And there probably is one.
Starting point is 00:53:58 Yeah, so using the Bible to work out that it's possible to make a golden cow. Exactly. The right proof of it that it's possible to make a golden cow. That's right. Prove it that it's possible. Because it's fake. You're right. You're absolutely right. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:12 Because if they were in the Bible, and there was like a magic cow that sort of glowed all the colors of the rainbow and hovered above the land and people were worshipping that, you'd be like, oh no. No, that's fake. You'd be like, oh no. No, that's fake.
Starting point is 00:54:27 But they wouldn't put that in. They wouldn't put that in because they would have been, there would have been some legitimate magic going on with that cow. So they don't want to give the, I, the pos, allow the possibility that there might be magic cow. Mm-hmm. I like it.
Starting point is 00:54:40 How do you feel about the cellist there? It's just a little sub-idea, right? Just the idea that we start worshipping a golden cow. Just in our day to day lives. Like if one day you saw me, and I was just carrying around a little sculpture of a golden cow, and occasionally I whispered to it, stuff like that, right?
Starting point is 00:55:01 And then the next day I've got a necklace that has a golden cow's head on it, and I hold it in my hand and I go, somebody dumb, dumb, somebody dumb, dumb, you know like that. Somebody is dumb, dumb, somebody is dumb, dumb. Yeah, I think it's you mate. Anyway, I just think that would be an interesting direction for me. That could be an interesting thing for Martin and Jerry to do. Yeah, occasionally we do just like to worship this metal,
Starting point is 00:55:32 because we know at least that the metal is real. At least it is real. That this metal cow is real. And so it makes more sense to worship it. And what way of worshiping is the construction quality of the cow? I mean, look at that. Look at the flawless way in which it's hooves in mesh with the plinth.
Starting point is 00:55:49 Ah, yes. Ah. You cannot deny the awesome power of that plinth. And the value of the metal. That's, you know, it's got real world applications. You could turn that into, melt that down, turn that into something that people will buy. And then use that money to say feed your family or something more important.
Starting point is 00:56:12 Correct. Anyway, I think we have five ideas and we've done some sort of thing, some sort of thing with these words. Stuart, thank you. If you listen to all of that, I'll be very surprised. And, uh, I think, I think, Alistair, did I mention Harry's again during the podcast? Yes, you did. Well, I'll mention it again. Harry's.com.flashthink.tank. I'd also like to mention our show at the comedy festival, Teleport. Oh, yes, please. With Martin and Jerry,
Starting point is 00:56:44 which is going to be a very, very fun show. We're enjoying working on that a lot. Alistair has a show coming up as well. Oh my god I do. Yes, it's called Alistair Tromboli virtual couldn't be more thrilled with everything and You can also support us on Patreon et cetera. So I'm mentioning Patreon a little bit earlier. Oh, yeah There's anybody who tunes and we've had a bunch of people sign up recently and there you know Maybe they're into the sci-fi try guys. That's a bonus episode thing. We're right. Like the story is very, very good. And I'm very well written. No, feel extremely intimidated. Don't lock it. I don't know. But I like that feeling. But I would, I bet you, and he's really good. I haven't heard it yet, but I bet you it's good because every single one of
Starting point is 00:57:20 his are what are well written, you know, and he, and he knows that he is subtly intimidating me every single time. He's writing it and the joy that he gets from writing it is knowing that he's crushing me. And he's laughing because it's chewing his, oh the fuck he's not going to try his heart, you know, as me. And I'm going to, and I know I just have that natural, great bit of writing from all those years as a kid reading endless amounts of books because I didn't have any access to reality because we live in countries. Yes, and then we're just flaunting that.
Starting point is 00:57:52 So lucky. I am lucky. Now, here's the stories from the podcast today. We sketch ideas is we got Pottle Hunter. Yes. Yeah. This is a mixture of a, it's a subset of oceanography. It's just Pottle Long Sea. Mmm. And they also. Much more dynamic. It's a much more dynamic field. Well, they're coming in and out of existence. They're mostly following storm hunters a lot of the time and looking in their footprints.
Starting point is 00:58:21 Then we got Wily Coyote's inspiring recovery. What happens in between, you know, those, the attempts on Roadrunner's life. That's the real story. It's unbelievably inspiring. I watched a movie called, it was a French movie and it was called like something like Les Onvoncer Blu, or something like that. Les Onvoncer Blu? No, it wasn't that, but it was somethingsoblos or something like that. Les Onvonsoblos? No, it wasn't that, but it was something, something sounded a bit like that. It was about a guy and there's a guy in a wheelchair and there's another guy looking after
Starting point is 00:58:52 him and they sort of go on this sort of adventure together and that sort of thing like that. But then there's one guy and then there's also Wilecoe 80 in the wheelchair. I think they made it in an American version that might have had, is the guy who was gonna host the Oscars, but then he, the Kevin Hart. Kevin Hart, I think. Really. Really, that's interesting. What a choice.
Starting point is 00:59:15 Now I go on them. And then we've got the button into the brain that makes you go floppy or whatever it does. It's just a button that, you know, it's attached to something that, you know, like a bit of metal that goes into your brain and you press it sometimes and it just does something. And the different amount of things that it could do is as individual to you as you are to yourself. The different number of things that it could do are as many and varied as the types of acquired brain injuries. Exactly, that you could get, or other things that might not be an injury, just could be a response to an electrical click.
Starting point is 00:59:56 It'll basically be one of those buttons for lighting a barbecue. Yes, but on your head. On your head going... Oh, a piece of electric lighter type thing. Mm-hmm. Pfft. Then we got pro demonic cures. It's a goop for men.
Starting point is 01:00:12 And they, but it's, you know, it's basically just a goop of, for demon based stuff to increase your sort of, your demonic flora in your body. I guess it's more demonic fauna. And I guess it's called ooze. But then, is bacteria, is that flora? Gut bacteria, is that considered a flora?
Starting point is 01:00:34 So then demons could also be flora, we don't know. What, you'd think it would only really be flora if it was photosynthesizing, right? It probably is gut fafawner more realistically. Very nice. Interesting to think about. We'll get back to you with that. Then we've got post-apocalyptic cooking show. Then we have the conversation, a conservation of reality, and how things that are not real in fiction, and fiction, which is also not real. Let's not dive back into this, Alistair.
Starting point is 01:01:05 Let's not try to explain it. And also, I've just, it's not really a sketch, but we will worship a false idol. Yeah, okay, okay. We're just thinking about it. Kiss the cow, that kind of stuff. What about a reality show for Messiahs? You know, like a sort of a competition.
Starting point is 01:01:23 Like if we were to pick a new God, I think it should be done through some kind of televised. And you could even call it Australia Idol. And it would still work. Yeah, great. Australian false idol. False idol. Sure, okay.
Starting point is 01:01:40 And what you have to do is really convince people. So we're not saying that it is God, but we're saying who's the most convincing as an alternative to God? And really, I guess it's a way to find the Antichrist. I think that would be great, yeah. But, but they're all for us. We're sick of waiting for the Antichrist
Starting point is 01:01:58 to present themselves. This show, we're gonna go out and we're gonna find the Antichrist, the next big Antichrist. That's right, it's almost like waiting for like the next pandemic disease kind of thing. Well, I'm sick of waiting. Yeah, because I mean, sometimes some of these people who might be the devil incarnate are stuck, say,
Starting point is 01:02:17 in a poor community and they don't have the resources to both keep themselves alive and then also spread their message of height. Think of all that wasted potential. But maybe their message isn't always of hate. It's just a method of making people evil so that they can cultivate their souls. But also they can be like, hey, God's not so good either. He is getting your souls. Hmm. He's just got better PR.
Starting point is 01:02:51 Yeah. Yeah. And once you've given all your souls to God, I mean, it's like uploading all your data into the Google Cloud, who's to say that a certain point, God's not gonna turn around and start charging you $20 a month for that privilege. Sounds like something he's just aching to do.
Starting point is 01:03:09 I wouldn't be at all surprised. Or if he's just like, yeah, you gotta have sex with my soul. Your soul has that sex with my soul. It'll be like that Bikram yoga guy. Oh, no. There's an effect guy who's gone. He's probably a god. Anyway, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking,
Starting point is 01:03:31 thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking,
Starting point is 01:03:42 thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, I did a genuine out loud, you know how sometimes you reflect on some moment of shame or embarrassment. And I don't know if you ever do this. I do have a feeling. You do have a do this, but then you sometimes make a vocal sound. Yeah. Of like, oh, I did that out loud.
Starting point is 01:03:57 I normally keep it so I only do those when I'm driving alone in the car. So I did one on the train the other day. I let one slip out, I didn't realize. So I was just sitting there looking at my phone on the train and then I go, oh, what were you thinking about? The other day at work when we have a new employee at work and you gave her a hug hello and I thought, oh, we're giving hugs hello and then I went to give her a hug hello and she went to shake my hand and then I was like, fuck, Alistair probably just knows her from somewhere else.
Starting point is 01:04:36 Did you met her before and hung out with her and stuff? Not really. No, no, no. I also was like, I think she was like realizing that we're probably not, we're not going to be doing the kisses and then we did it and then she's like, we'll she was like realizing that we're probably not, we're gonna be doing the kisses. And then we did it and then she's like, we'll just do it for the first one. Fuck, okay, right.
Starting point is 01:04:50 I mean, it's still, I still felt so bad. I was just like, oh, that's what's happening. I don't want to do the wrong thing, but then she went to the handshake and I was going for the hug and then I sort of, yeah, oh man. I wish I could be dead. Don't worry, you will be eventually. Thank God! You can follow us on Twitter at 2 in Tank. I don't worry, you will be eventually. Thank God.
Starting point is 01:05:05 You can follow us on Twitter at 2 in Tank. I'm at Alistair TV. I'm at Stupid Old Annie. And you can review us if you like. You know what, to help immensely. Apparently, I think at this point we're probably beyond in helping, but it helps our emotions.
Starting point is 01:05:18 Exactly, Andy. And our emotions we bring into the studio. It doesn't help other people to find the podcast, but it helps us to find the podcast enjoyable. Other people can find the podcast by looking over your shoulder at the phone or if you say download it and force them to listen to it. Or shout out.
Starting point is 01:05:37 Or shout out about it in public. Play it out loud in your neighborhood. You're a Bluetooth speaker. Yeah. Hide Bluetooth speakers around people's and back doors. Other people's houses. You get free Bluetooth speaker. Yeah. Hide Bluetooth speakers around people's other places. I put my phone to the houses. You get free ones sometimes when you buy
Starting point is 01:05:49 it like a slab of beer or something like that. Sometimes you think, it's just garbage. What am I going to do with that? I'll tell you what you're going to do with that. You're going to take that home. You're going to charge it fully. And then you're going to put it on top of a lamp post or something like that.
Starting point is 01:06:00 Exactly. Outside a place of worship. And remember that we love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbrodcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. I mean, if you won't, it's up to you. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT.
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