Two In The Think Tank - 221- "LIQUID BREAD"

Episode Date: February 18, 2020

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This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I'm a baby guy. Hello, welcome to Two of the Thick Tech, the show where we come up with fast-cut ideas. I am Andy. And I am Alistair George William, Trumbly virtual James Matthews. James Matthews and it is great to be here with you, the gravy king, come follow. Thank you. Mr. Fattenflower. Yeah, I mean, it's amazing that gravy's,

what gravy is managed to achieve, right? Because it is, it contains a lot of the negatives. It's got your fats, it's got your carbs. You carbs, it's made from essentially a waste product, it's a run-off. Is it just runny bread? Is it runny bread? I mean, does oil... Have we already talked about liquid bread on this show? Sort of just runny bread. Is it runny bread? I mean, is there...

I mean, does oil... Have we already talked about liquid bread on this show? It feels like... Because if we haven't, that is fertile territory allisteria that I would invite you to plant your seeds. Sort of nine, nine grains in sitting out. I mean, I'm talking perpeters. I mean, linseed, I mean, the others.

I think- Sesame. Yes. I think that liquid bread, you know, is something very much there for us to explore. A good glass of bread. A glass of bread. Cold, refreshing glass of bread a glass of bread cold refreshing glass of bread a couple ice cubes But then hot hot mug a bread that's your toast that's for the toast fans, you know

It's got that flavor a little bit burned you sort of you mix a little bit of butter in there That burned flavor that you don't you don't often let you have in a liquid. No, only a sort of whiskey. And whiskey. Yes. Smoky being one of the main flavors that you can get in liquid. I think up and go, that sort of, I don't know if people have this on the international stage, on the global podium, the globy-yum, right? But up and go is like a liquid wheat-beaks, wheat-beaks is one of our breakfast cereal, and that's basically a sort of a wheat-beaks is sort of a weird sort of demi-bread, crunchy demi-bread,

and then up and go has sort of turned that, managed, they've managed to get away with turning that into a liquid. But when we market liquid bread, it's not gonna be be up and go, because it's going to be so carb heavy, it's going to put you straight to sleep. Up and down. It's going to be an up and down. Yeah.

All right, down. It's going to be a real stop down of a food stuff. You know what I'm saying? Because it's going to sit on your stomach like a brick. Well, you know the thing is, it's gonna be so liquid brick, and there's another idea. Yes.

I guess that's what concrete is. That's how they probably marketed concrete in the early days. You love bricks? Liquid brick. Yeah, but I want one that stays liquid. Like I want. Oh, okay.

Like the same role that the river plays in a voting situation is that the river supports the boat. I want that for the people. The role that the river plays in a voting situation. I should. It's a problem. What do you want? You want that in a brick.

I want that in a brick. I mean, you want a lake. A lake? You want that in a brick? I want that in a brick. I mean, you want a lake. A lake isn't a way, a liquid brick because you can use a lake as the support structure to hold up a building, say. So, I mean, I guess a good example of it would be a pier that is floating, when those floating pier. it's floating on a liquid break. Mm. Which is what a lake is.

This has made me in a visage a situation where we have basically a swimming pool, but it's a self-driving swimming pool, right, on wheels, okay? So it's automated, sort of like in whatever technology they use in drones, but for driving around a swimming pool. And they're driving around a swimming pool or driving a swimming pool around. No, I apologize. The swimming pool is being driven around. Now you can put a boat in that, right? Yeah, great. A sailboat or a rowing boat, and then you can drive that around, and also sail around. So you can sail anywhere you want now.

You will know the ocean and sailing will now no longer be an aquatic only pursued. We've broken the tyranny of water, and taken... But I mean, you still stuck the water. Bucks to the land. Yeah, all right. But...

But then there's not a brick anymore. No, it's not. It's a rectangle. That's how I got it. It's a self-driving pool. Yeah. Sorry. I've sort of got away from the very well-formed concept of the liquid brick, which it turned out was just a lake.

Or that is one of its forms, a puddle, a pool. A pool? Well yeah, if you... Okay, let's say you build a pool. Tell me more about this pool, where is it? Is it self-driving? No, no. This one stays put. I apologize. Stays put. Stays put. Yeah. You have that.

Yeah. Let's say so. You build it in Grantpool. Right. Because you're building the new house. Right. You thought, you know what would be great for supporting this new house. Yeah.

This pool. And so then you build the house button. No. No. No. it's a brick. Remember, it's not I'm going to admit I haven't fully understood the brick concept. Well, what does a brick do? It holds things up. Yeah. Alright, that's all. Okay. So then you build your house and the, the, the slab that you've laid, the concrete brick that you laid down, which is normally known as a slab, that is the pool. Then you make the floor of the house out of big inflatable tubes.

You're building a house boat. No, no, no. It's exactly what I was getting at when I said it was a house boat. Because there are some parts of the house that are on the ground as well You see And then and so then you got Much in the same way that let's say over a brick you don't have sort of you know It's not like you know like like if you put one thing on a brick

It's often you go. oh, that's a statue. Right? But if you have multiple bricks, you know, some of them are made of different things, some of them will be a pylon, some of them will be a block of concrete, you know, pre-fabricated concrete, things like that. So the same way, we're using different materials for different parts. So the edge of the building will all be on the concrete on the outside, and then the middle will be, if the floor will be these inflatable tubes.

So it's not a houseboat because it's a terrestrial that doesn't move. But it would provide some softness for when you walk on it. Be good for your knees, new joints, ankles. You know what, it's interesting. We went as far as making the water bed. We didn't make anything else. Water floor. And water floor, it's a water floor.

If it's good enough for your back, I'll imagine how good it would be for your feet. Exactly. And back, walking on water. Well, really, the whole, the whole, this is the problem of the water bed people. This is why water beds have gone out of stone. It's because they didn't think big enough.

Well they stopped at beds. They stopped at beds. What about water counter? Water counter, right? Water shoe. Water shoe. Water chandelier. Water hat. Water clothes, water dog.

Yeah? Water dog. Yeah. Well, a dog is usually about 75% water dog. Yeah, I just let you know that on poor patrol, that would be called a mure pup. Really? Yeah. And I spent a lot of my time pretending to be a mure pup now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a Yeah. I just want the listeners to know that Alistair wrote down the word liquid brick. Oh, that liquid bread. Okay, I thought you'd written down liquid brick like 15 minutes ago.

I don't even need to justify. So confident were you in this concept? I mean, I'd be happy for you to write it down if you want Alistair. I think can I tell you something about swimming pools? I'm ready to learn. Great. I think swimming pools are really, I think they probably teach a great insight Right into into ecology and ecosystems and man's role in the In the universe. Yeah, it's that We are trying to we you get you give people the burden of this huge fucking pool of water that will go stagnant Like that if you give it a chance, right? And then you say, all right, rich person

in the inner suburbs, it's your job to keep this water clean. And now that person is trying to play the role of the entire ecosystem, filtering out all the, you know, all the all the stagnant stuff controlling the population of mosquitoes, taking out the leaves and all that sort of thing. You think man is better than nature, well good luck having the role of being a river. You've got to do all that stuff now. You're the platypus. But mostly his job is just to make it poisonous enough that he kills other things.

Yeah, you're right. And not poisonous enough. And then hire somebody every six months to come and check the pump. And do a bit of scooping. And I think maybe they don't learn quite as much. And then mostly that. And then getting one guy with a long scooper

to come in and then eventually have sex with your wife. I wonder if anybody's done the calculation on what the sort of the mean interval is between when you hire the guy with a long scuba and when he has sex with your wife. And if they had that data, I think it would be useful to publish that in the booklet when you buy the swimming pool. Absolutely. And it just says, so, and every, we've done the calculations in every 217 days, you just need to fire the guy who comes from the long scuba. That's right. So, that's the maximum amount of time you could safely keep him and keep

it outside the, the, the, the, the cuck window. Yeah. And well, I guess you could just have a guy who comes and changes the guy who changes the, that's what it is. That's what it is, but then that guy, you've got to change him every four and a half years. Of course. Because he'll have sex with your wife. Yeah.

Or husband. Or, or, or, or husband. Yeah. He doesn't care. He's by. That's great. Is there any sketch in this? Yeah, I think so. I think so. Is it the in the in the in the booklet,

putting it in the booklet, how often you've got to change your pool guy or girl? And you know, how often you've got to just stare into the water, thinking about ending it all. Because ultimately you become the greatest clog in your own swimming pool. The biggest threat to the aquatic hygiene in the swimming pool was man. Yeah, but I guess in a way it's like, you're not trying to keep the ecology going, you're trying to, you're really trying to stop any life surviving in an except for you.

Except for you and that's an interesting balance. You're trying to take your pool sort of outside of the Goldilocks zone for other creatures. Or take it right to the edge of the Goldilocks zone for other creatures. Or take it right to the edge of the Goldilocks zone. Because really the Goldilocks zone is an area in which man can survive. Right. And then by virtue of that,

there's a bit of room around us for other things to survive as well. But if we narrow it down enough, which is what we're gonna do with climate change and the way we're destroying the universe, we're gonna create it so it's only us. We're destroying the universe. We are destroying Alistair, the universe, in a way we are with our space junk, probably

in some of our radar, radio waves. I think so. Imagine that we found out we're killing the moon. The moon making the moon even more uninhabitable. Oh no sorry moon. Now we've got to worry about the moon. This would be the opposite problem would be if we were accidentally making the moon alive and that it was going to eat us. Think about that. What if the bacteria that was in the poop that we left on the moon? Left on the moon.

If they all started working together, something about space. Mm, okay. Helped collaboration. And then they covered the moon. Well, they probably had to work together. You know, very often happens in the war. In the war.

You know, like how the Germans and the Nazis had to work together. You know, very often happens in the war. In the war. Like how the Germans and the Nazis had to work, the Germans, the Nazis and the Allies had to work together. They didn't have a choice because things were so bad. Yeah. That's my memory of how it all... Well, I've only watched one documentary. Yeah, but it sounds right. Yeah, but it sounds right Last night in my dream a guy I went to some guy's house Mm-hmm, and he lived in this kind of little cupboard like room and

Went in there and I just showed me his room. Who's what went set a little desk Which actually looked a lot like this little desk here and on it was a very little thing syringe, right? and And on it was a very little thing, syringe, right? And there's a lot of light. Oh, this guy kind of seems a bit dodgy because that syringe and I went, anyway, I'm gonna go. Now this is not important, but because in my dream at the time the roads were a bit icy with my shoes that was able to skate around,

like ice skate around, like that. And I was ice skating away down sort of like the night street. Yeah. And then it hit me. I was like, oh, I'm about to pass out. That guy had just drugged me like that. And then I found out. It's a terrible time to be skating down the road.

Well, I mean, it's great that I got out of his house because I assumed that he was gonna use my unconscious body for various things like that. And then, as I was passing out, He used my unconscious body for various things like that and then And then as I was passing out my feeling was like I got to Get my phone out to let somebody know where I am and this won't mean anything to anybody else, but I thought James Brabwell Who is a friend a mutual friend who I studied engineering with and

continued being friends with and but you know he lives far away It looks like two hours drive to always drive away and and I just was like trying to go And I think I just managed to write help before I I passed out in my dream Yeah, and then come and woke up in my regular life Like this and just my heart beating. Really? Yeah. If anything you were more awake than you've ever been. Well, because you can't be unconscious in your dream. That's true. If you're unconscious in your dream, you're awake in real life. That's what happens. You can only be unconscious once at a time. Max. Max.

Yeah. That's really interesting. Yeah, I wonder what that's about. I like in your dream when you discover you can do something like that. And it's always like, oh, of course. Of course. It's worked so well. I used to always have dreams where I could just, I was just like, oh, if you just lift your foot up high enough and sort of push down quickly, you could just walk up into the air. And it would be like, oh yeah, of course. Yeah, you just let go. So you can, because air's got resistance and, you know, it just just just pushing and stuff on it.

And then you're just compressing the atoms together and creating a sort of a denser material. And then you can step on it. Presumably, it's feasible. If we had the right kind of shoe and a very strong, very, very light material, we could make a kind of a shoe that had like basically a sort of a dress underneath or an umbrella. I guess it's an umbrella. As you pull up, it closes. As you pull up and closes, and as you push down it, open, and then you can push, and then

you sort of like, I guess it's based on the width thing, it's sort of based on the same concept as the snow shoe, you know, the helps keep you on top of the soft snow, but then, but you also are using kind of umbrella aerodynamics to, and where, you know, you can maybe just get a little enough enough. You'd have to start pretty high up I think oh I think it's always a good idea It's always a good idea if you're gonna test something that flies to to go as high as you can first correct To see whether I'm just thinking just step off a step off of a

Of a skyscraper just see if this works. Well, the sky shoes, you know, it's a great marketing thing. If nothing else, it's going to get a lot of attention. Either way, either way, and you're starting, even if you plummet to your death, you're starting a conversation. Yeah, but I think you want ones that you can use like stairs that you could, you can put your foot up your your big flaps open up go real wide like that And then you can step and then the next step goes up a bit higher and so then you can run up a little bit

But they're just connected to your shoes right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and up you go. I'm up you go totally But I am just saying that if you started on the ground, you wouldn't be able to lift your feet up enough to get that thing out wide enough, because I imagine it's got a pretty... Well, I imagine that it's got some... Some have recoils.

Yeah, it's got some electronic thing in there that triggers it out. I was hoping that it would be entirely human power. Entirely mechanical. Yeah, entirely mechanical. I mean, I guess really, what we've invented here is wings, but for your feet, that's all this is. Is it right?

Yeah. It's just feet wings. I don't think the fact that you always picture your wings going on your arms is what blinded us blinded us to the truth That all we've been describing this entire time is wings. I think it's closer to that you know that that Leonardo da Vinci won Where it's like it looks like an umbrella that goes up and down or maybe it was like those early attempts at helicopter Yeah, that was fucked Like that and the thing is That's what it would pick up like Jack Hammer Yeah, that would fuck. Like that, and the thing. Shake away.

Oh, that's what it would be. Like a flying jackhammer. And the only problem I guess with our sort of umbrella shoes idea is that you would have to constantly be running in order to keep yourself airborne, which, especially running up stairs. Yeah. Yeah, which especially running up stairs. Yeah, the easiest kind of running Well make it nice and fit though. Yeah Yeah, I think so

Can we have that can we have stair shoes? I think so I think so It's you know something that some lunatic would suggest. I mean, I listened back to some early episodes and there was early time back in those days. This was different time. Obviously this wasn't series two, right? But back then, you used to say, no, that's not a sketch. Really?

Wow. What happened? I said it's incredible that that that I was the one though doing that. And now so often these days it feels like I have to convince you that some bullshit is a sketch. Yeah. You've somehow maintained integrity. Well, it's not necessarily the case. I mean, I often have to or you've leached it out of me. You're like an integrity vampire, which is I'm going to pitch this as a show, right? A reality show?

No. No, as a kind of a television show. And it's a creature. It's a creature. It's a drama. And there's a creature that is able to suck the integrity out of people. It has no integrity of its own.

OK. Maybe it's a politician or something like that. is able to suck the integrity out of people. It has no integrity of its own. Okay, maybe it's a politician or something like that, but it has this vampiric thing where it'll stick its teeth or, or maybe, I don't know, it has a thing on the end of its elbow or something, to make it a bit different. Sticks that into you,

and it can suck out your integrity. And then from that point on, you have no integrity whatsoever, and you'll go and do anything, but it is able to out your integrity. And then from that point on, you have no integrity whatsoever and you'll go and do anything. But it is able to maintain its integrity. But would it look like it doesn't have any integrity when it's touching things with its elbow? No, it does that secretly down alleyways

and that sort of thing. It lures you in with its integrity. You trust it so much and that's why it's able to avoid suspicion because it appears to have so much integrity. I guess, because it's like, with Louer you by saying, like, would you like to open a bank with my branch,

and my branch come down this alleyway? Exactly, you're like, well, doesn't seem like the kind of alleyway you'd open a bank in, but in Melbourne, it's only a matter of time before we start having little pop-up banks in alleyways. And you go down there, and there's some fucking hipsters or whatever and they'll be like Yeah, man, yeah boss whatever would take your money and then chief chief

Boss man, yeah, yeah, I think look at so we Integrity vampire. Yeah, but what does that look like when you have no integrity? You just be like, I'll do anything. I'll do anything. Yeah, oh, boy, this, boy, this bit of broken car. So even the things you buy have no structural integrity. Is that the idea?

I mean, I just, What does integrity look like? It's just like you can really trust that person. Exactly, but then no integrity is like your classic use car salesman, big checkered jacket. Like they used to appear in comedy sketches in the 80s. So, not only do they have no integrity because they look like a bad salesman They also have no integrity because they're not using up-to-date references. Yeah, it's even less integrity That's good. Okay. You know what they say about people with integrity. They use up-to-date references And you want me to read this down integrity vampire? I do want you to write it down because as we've discovered I have no integrity you to write it down. Because as we've discovered, I have no integrity. Um, can I?

But then the other thing, what was the other thing we were talking about? Oh, hips to bank down an alleyway. Well, look, feels like a thing. Yeah, not yet, not yet. Wait, I'm not sure we're ready for another one of those straight away. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus,

and financial aid is available to qualified students including the GI Bill. Now is the time mycomputercareer.edu. Oh, I think they think there's an idea there. But let me just, can I, you know, undercover boss? Yeah. Right by this, right? It's somebody who's at the bottom of the company. Yeah. Goes undercover and he shows up in front of you with the CEO and he goes, I'm your boss. He gets dressed up and he put him in a suit. Elastair, it's a perfect idea. It's a perfect idea. It's an overcover bottom rug of the company person. The never show.

Over and over. And that bottom. Oh, I love that you're right. Yeah, they show up at a board meeting or something. Sometimes they're like, who's this new guy and say, I'm the CEO, CEO, or the CCEO. Chief. Chief Executive Officer. I'm in charge of all the chief executive officers, but that's just me. Well, I'm in charge of you Well, then get to know you and you boss and then so then they work together and then he sort of he goes actually this boss is a real jerk

Great It's boss boss. That's right. What a useful lesson for the learn. And then he finds out, and then he win, when he reveals he's actually a person from the bottom row. He fires it immediately. Oh, thank God. I really learned a valuable lesson, which is that I can fire anyone in this company. I thought there was one person that I couldn't fire for a while.

And then I remember, I guess what I'd always known, and always believed, I went back to my core beliefs, which are that I can fire anybody in this company. And then I followed through on that. I guess that's another thing I learned, important to following through, unfiring. And not letting somebody sort of get you.

And then you know. You can't trick you. And trick you, and then you know. trick you and then you know very easily. I should have known when this new CEO shut up with all these cameras and I guess I learned there are no consequences to my actions. And I can rain I can rain without fear. Yeah and yeah that's good. What about this, right? Mm-hmm. Mid-cover, middle tier person.

And what it is, it's like somebody from sort of a middle manager from the human resources department goes and works under cover in the marketing department. Yeah, as a middle manager. As a middle manager. I as a middle manager. As a middle manager. I'm union manager. OK. What do you know about this department?

Uh, you're fired. Are you fired, me? That's right. That's right. We have a thing in marketing where you get fired by the people below. What do we think of that as an idea? That's kind of democracy, isn't it? A little bit. I mean, there isn't any sort of thing in place for us as voters to fire our boss.

If he's not doing a good job, you just have to wait until they finish their term, right? I mean, I guess there's always writing, sort of violent writing, hunger strikes and setting yourself on fire in front of Parliament House. And I've got to think. I've probably as this hunger strike ever work, if it ever works.

It doesn't feel like it ever does. It just feels like one person is hungry for a long time and then people are like, yeah, he probably shouldn't have done that. I think it worked for Gandhi. Yeah. I think that worked for Gandhi. Yeah. I think that's how he got the British out of India. Could be wrong.

There was probably other stuff going on behind the scenes. Yeah, I mean, I guess if you have a lot of people behind you that are sort of riding, I mean, we could find out where, how a friend. I mean, that would be a good thing to do, I suppose, to know things about. Before we make sketches about them. Yeah.

I mean, is there something like that? Can you do, could you do an eating strike? You know, that you will, I will just eat. I will just overeat now. I will keep overeating unhealthily and putting on weight and indulging my every whim until... All of us will. Yeah.

I think I can consume. I can strive. Consumption. Or I could be like, I'm not going to have any strawberry milk. Oh, OK. It's a bit more specific. That's sort of a boycott, really, isn't it? Well, not in this case.

This case is a strawberry milk strike. And it's not because you're trying to right? And it's not because you're trying to not eat, it's not because you're trying to hurt the strawberry milk people. You're trying to take down the government, but we're trying to see how little you can cut out of your diet in order to get them to do something. So maybe if you cut out a lesser amount of things, you just have to do it for much longer. So sort of like I'm doing the five, two, strike. Yeah, hunger strike. I'm doing that hunger strike thing where I hunger strike from nine o'clock at night

until nine o'clock in the morning. And it's that apparently it's that 12 hours that causes the government to collapse. That would be good. That 12 hour interval. I mean, if everybody did it, and everybody was just that little bit more sort of grumpy, not having eaten.

Do you think that might take down the government? Well, they might at some point just resign, especially if they've also been doing it. Yeah, if you can get them to do it, that's when you're really doing well, is it? If you can get the government to go on strike. Imagine if the government went on strike. Okay, four. Because they're not happy with the voters.

With the voters? Yeah. That's interesting. I like to see that. And what do they do? Do they march? Do they go marching down the streets and picketing? I feel like they get sped up. Our places of work, that's what I think.

I think they would just hide behind fences and things like that, be protected, but they could, or they could. I mean, it might be quite interesting to see what kinds of things they chant and that sort of thing when they are out marching. I think this is an interesting sketch idea. Interesting sketch idea feels. It would require us to maybe do a little bit of work to figure it out, but I think. But it feels quite satirical. You know, we are satirists. Isn't it the worst? Isn't it the worst thing in the world to call yourself a satirist? I saw on the ABC YouTube page one of Mark Humphreys who's an Australian, he's a satirist who does things before the 730 report or after it or something on one night of the week or

every night, I don't know. Anyway, he's doing those little sketches, but they labeled his thing as satirist Mark Humphreys later sketch about something or other. It's like, don't, don't call it that. Just don't write that there. This will be satire, saying that is a horrible thing. Be like calling your show satire or show. Now I want to do that though, now that you've put it like that. Satireire show.

Here I am with my weekly satirical take on the week's events that I do every week. Satire take. Toting my satirical eye and subjecting the powerful to the scrutiny of the comedians, the eye of the expert satirists. Of my japes. Anyway, do you think satire strike 2019, there will be no satire. No satire. Imagine how the government would deal with that. Good luck.

I think as a politician it would be just be nice to have people talking about you. How the government would deal with that? Good luck. I think as a politician it would be just be nice to have people talking about you. That would be nice. You know what? But then sometimes they say nasty things. Yeah. And I don't think I'd feel good about that. Well embarrassing to your family and things like that. Yeah.

Oh no, I just, I don't think I deal well with criticism. You know, like if you get a bad review of your comedy festival show or something like that, it's kind of like that every single day for politicians. Yeah, but imagine like going through that and then being at your kids, like dropping your kid off at school and somebody says something, things like that. It's like, it makes regular life embarrassing. Because then it's like, oh, nice one. You get joker, like, and people say that and you go oh god

I don't know if they're like worry that these idiots are gonna be here every time I drop off my kid at daycare Anyway um We've got we've got one two three four five six yeah six sketch ideas We've got one, two, three, four, five, six. Yeah. Six sketch ideas. And all of them are rock solid. Yes, I thought maybe we could. Well, especially that one about a water brick.

I didn't write down water brick. Didn't work down water brick. That's water solid, that one. Mm-hmm. I think I thought maybe we could go to three words from a listener, listener who supports our Patreon. And thank you to everybody who does support our Patreon. It helps us immensely. It really does. It actually, you know, if you saw the desperation with which sometimes Andy asks

me for that money. That desperation was in confidence, Salis Deir. What about what about what happened to have podcast a podcast a confidentiality when I come to you. Yeah. It is state of true vulnerability. Sorry Andy. Exposing myself very often because that's the only way that he'll give me the money. It's great to have the the password into that PayPal account. Anyway, thank you very much to all of you. You can always join the bank down the individual alleyway.

They're there. Oh, what can I get you? 50 bucks. Maybe that. Well, they're boys. Can I get you 50 bucks? Can I get you a loan? There you go.

A loan. Oh, yeah, just a flat rate. Flat rate sounds like flat white. Oh, that's good. So, okay, so the idea is that it's like a cafe. Yeah, well, they talk like they're hipsters. Oh, yeah, yeah, right. Hipsters, hipsters.

Yeah, but I get it, but the funniest thing in the universe, hipsters. Down the alleyway. The skate, the skate, he's the skateboarding bank manager. Sadder a standy, down the alleyway. The skate is the skateboarding bank manager. Sadder a standy Matthews. Not sad, an idea. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. So the three words, by the way, you guys can get tickets to our comedy festival show, Teleport, which is us as engineers. It starts late March, goes all the way to the mid to end of April. We need to sell tickets mostly for the same reasons that Andy has desperation in his voice when he asks for Patreon money. But also, it's going to be a really great show.

We're having so much fun writing it. And if you're buying that and then you got a little spare spare change, I'm also doing a solo show, where I'm going to go wild with my solo show called Allister Charlie Bridgetall. He's going to bring you his sort of satirical take on current events. His what, his skewed perspective. Yeah. Of the minutiae of everyday life. He'll be rolling in the aisles, finding it clever.

My satirical spin. So the Patreon three word supporter for today. Yes. Is a man known as Brian Kalella. Thank you, Brian. Brian! Brian! Brian!

What a great name. Brian Kalella. Brian Kalella. Is that... Friend of the show, Brian Kalella? That is the one. He has actually appeared on the episode. He has appeared on the episode.

Almost exactly one year ago. Maybe one year and a month. A check sound. Yes. Because of his during the comedy festival last year and a month. Checked out. Yes. Because it was during the comedy festival last year. Brian, thank you so much for this and other things. Thank you very much for all the things. All right, Andy. I don't know if you'll guess these words, but you can try guessing one. So then you've got a one in three chance. Okay. Lance a lot.

No. No. Um, Austin, Austinatizing. Austin. Netizing. Okay. Hot coiling and quenching. Now I'm pretty sure those last two are a way that you can treat metal.

And I assumed that Austinatizing is as well. If I know Brian, he will have gone with a theme. I think it would be, it would be, you know, more traditionally if you'd gone two ones that are to do with a theme. And then the third one is a twist or not. It's much less likely that you'll go twist in the first one and then two that establish the pattern

that you just twist. The other way of doing it is that the theme is fucking with us. Right, but this one, the theme might be treating metal. Tration. Either well or poorly. Yeah, indeed. And I think it is interesting that if you treat metal, if you heat it up a lot and then you plunge it into very cold water, for a man, that would be considered mistreating it. But for a metal, that's a way to make it stronger.

Absolutely. I think the outside goes very hard, maybe in that case, but maybe not the inside though as much. The inside remains soft at gooey goodness. Creamy. I think the properties of the one that makes contact with the water are much more likely to be affected based on the velocity, the speed at which it cools. And I think it changes something to the crystalline structure of the metal. I'm sure it does. But I was just wondering, Alistair, which do you think is the cremiest metal?

And is there a way in which we can treat metal such that it does become creamy? Yeah, well, gold is soft. I was gonna say copper as well, has got a kind of a feel to it, like maybe, maybe you could almost eat it, but this isn't even wood podcast, this isn't, you're right. Lead is kind of, you know, it's very malleable, you could m eat it, but you know, this is an even wood podcast, this isn't, you're right.

Lead is kind of, you know, it's very malleable, you could malle it, you could probably, you probably could chew it out. Would you malle it with your hand? What about aluminium foil? Aluminium foil, I have definitely crunched on that. Yeah, but that's not creamy. It's not creamy, no, it's crunchy. What about mercury?

Mercury is, obviously, cremeiest metal. At room temperature. It's basically a metal cream. Well, even cream is only creamy at room temperature. But then other things are creamy at higher temperature. I assume that every material becomes creamy at a certain temperature. You know, we have the melting point, we have the boiling point, where's the creamy point?

And that's what I would like to discover as a material scientist. I'm not saying it's edible, but I was like, where does it close us to be, edible? The creaming point. The creaming point. For both the metal and... I think there will be a combination of pressure and temperature that will achieve creamery.

Creamery. Um, let's say the word ice creamery. Like, that wasn't already a thing that was creamy, but I was, I guess I was picturing ice, a state between solid and liquid where it could be creamy. Creamy, but there must be, it must be, it must be, it must, it must surely. You know, where it's like in the melting process

in which, you know, I guess it's some, some things are still holding on to their solid structure and some. If I may make this about superconductors for a moment, Elastair, it's proceed. It now cream is a room temperature cream. Excellent. Now we have room temperature superconductors, okay, which are, you know, we're trying to invent room temperature superconductors. We've talked about room temperature bread,

a bread that cooks at room temperature. And earlier this episode, we were talking about liquid bread. A liquid bread that would never cook. That would never cook. As you heat it, it actually becomes thinner and running. So as you cool it, that it becomes a little bit more thick and kind of gluggy. Interesting. Ice bread, but this is the trouble.

But why do we only have sweet icy poles? Why they know savory icy poles? Why is they know ice bread? An icy bread pole? I'm saying that there could be one that already contains the flavors of mayonnaise and ham and tuna, right? Ham and tuna sandwich. Serpent too. Oh, I like this idea that you could just have like a tuna sushi roll, but it's just tuna in a slice of ham. Roll up in a slice of ham.

Maybe with like a strip of mayo in there. Mixing meats. I don't know why that works for me. I mean, you know, it's something. But anyway, I just think an ice poll for savory isopols is potentially something else. Well, maybe liquid bread only becomes, maybe becomes hard at absolute zero. So then you could make an icy poll by making it, you know, taking it to minus 373 Kelvin or zero Kelvin. 378 Celsius, but yes, zero Kelvin LSA, you're absolutely wrong. Zero Kelvin. Anyway, I was going to say something else about, oh yeah, the superconductor thing, and the system is just as stupid. That was going nowhere.

Now, but are we using this creamy metal thing as the sketch I did? Or we can keep talking. I think creamy metal, you know, could be something. I mean, there's an idea. It could be something. I think it is interesting though that it's so far, we've established the two that we think are the closest to being creamy are the most poisonous.

So you know, you're mercury and you're lead. Both of them seem like they could be creamy, but are bad for you. And I wonder if there is a sort of, if that's a property, a fundamental property of the universe that we've discovered, is that the creamier or metal, the less healthy? Absolutely.

I think it's probably got something to do with molecular structure. It's often molecular structure that, and the more you want to mash it with your hands and mouth, the more likely that it is going to get up into your pores and then travel to your brain and affect your synapses. Does that, does that, the idea of mercury gets into your brain and then accumulates in there? Probably. Sounds like something it would do.

I mean, I don't know if anything else that does that. Maybe ours. I think lead does it as well. Right. It bio accumulates right in the in the Food chain is why like you eating seafood and that sort of thing you can very often get a lot of it because you know Big fish eat little fish and they're eaten by even bigger fish and then you eat those fish But all that biomass has been filtered through that big creature and the mercury and lead and have other heavy metals zinc or whatever accumulated there and then you eat it and it accumulates

a new you eat how many sharks a year do you eat you're probably eating thousands because you're top of the food chain you're probably eating thousands and thousands of sharks a year well I kill millions but I kill millions but I only one or two oh okay the best the cream the cream yeah the ones that have the most liquid metal And then a million. And then a whole less. But I kill millions, but I only one or two. Oh, okay. The best. The cream. The cream. Yeah.

The ones that have the most liquid metal on them. Is that a podcast? I think we've done a podcast. Yeah. This is the first time we've done a podcast at the ABC, because we couldn't travel at the moment. It's just, it's less functional for us to travel all the way back to the warehouse. And so the sound might be different.

It might be different. And the quality of the sketch is audio quality and the quality of the sketch is both have been affected by the environment. So we love to know what you think. Let us know what you think in the comments. Like and subscribe. And keep engaging with the community and hit that subscribe button. You guys, I'll take us to the sketch. We got liquid bread, which by the way, I was thinking you can have different types of liquid bread.

Let's say you have a liquid tortilla. That's perfect for drinking on the beach. All right, you know, tropical kind of thing. It's a nice thin, it's a nice thin liquidy. It'll create a great, you know, tropical kind of thing. It's a nice thin, it's a nice thin liquidy, you know, but then you got a, you got a thick pump or nickel, you know, hot mug, a thick pump or nickel. Oh, mug, over the, over the fire. You know, you know, you know, wood cabin, you're in the poke, poke nose, I don't know which, whereas a place where that you would have a wood cabin, but just Swiss out. The Swiss out helps you there.

And that's a perfect place to be drinking pump or nickel, liquid pump or nickel. Then you might just have like, you know, you wake up in the morning, you might just have a, just a cool refreshing glass of sourdough, or just, you know, some wonder- White bread, white bread. Yeah.

But unless you get poured in the kids, for strong bones. Anyway, then we got, how often you're not, or you wait how often you've got to change your pool guy. Mm, you're a really important. It's just part of the other things. I think the pool guy change, it comes with a big net, scoops him, takes a boy.

He does a boy so he doesn't have sex with your wife. You know, you gotta get rid of all contaminants. This is a sketch about controlling an environment. And it starts as just a regular instructional video on how to keep mosquitoes from breeding in your pool. Keep that filter running. Keep those subscribes buttons getting hit. Yeah, okay.

And then we got air shoes. I mean, this is a, not a person as a madman, a genius. Probably the most insane person that's ever lived. But in terms of intelligence and getting ideas right all. Yeah, that's what I meant. I meant to say sane person, but I think I said insane person. You did say insane, yeah. But see the way that I bend, I bend to accommodate.

What you work with me. But I also work with you to keep the meaning that I mean. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. He's tried to take this in another direction, and I'm going to just make it work. Yes, and what if what you said supported my view. Yeah, yes. Yes, and what if what you said supported my view. Yes, and what if you hadn't said anything.

I render that meaningless. Then we've got integrity vampire. You take that one, Andy. You explain that one. Oh, that's when somebody can suck out your integrity. And they use it to subsidiary, you know, and then you're left as a husk. We're not a shred of it. I mean, it could be dignity as well if that's easier to envisage. You know, they remain dignified while you debase yourself in the most

vol-low and dirty of way. So change is how you act. Yeah, you do it poo in the street. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you have no dignity. Yeah, you said, you'll polish people's shoes with your mouth. Yes. For nothing to be allowed to chew their used gum. It's interesting how not aiming any dignity also seems to make you want things that nobody would actually want. Yeah, very interesting. Very poor judgment as well, people with no dignity. Yeah. He's a judgment vampire part. All right. Imagine if you took all the judgments

that you'd ever received, and then suddenly you have, you, who has not been judged, that's who you become. You can cast some stones, finally. Yeah, finally, you just had this bag of stones you've been carrying around. I've got a semi-stines. Then we've got overcover bottom, wrong of the company person, overcover bottom, wrong of the company person. The opposite of undercover boss. Then you hear the bottom of the wrong of this company, and then you hear the bottom of the wrong of this company, and then you pretend to be the boss of your boss whilst being televised.

And then he finds out some true things about himself, like how much he hates having a boss, just why he clenches to the top, and then how happy is that he gets the fire you. Afterwards, when you find that. What a journey. Over, then we've got government goes on strike. Oh, that's us really casting our satirical eye. I'm too.

And I'm playing it. But this is what I do. Fumerous twists. Things get really bad. Or things get really good. Oh, that's a real satirical twist. No, no, no. No, no. So I'm trying to make it things get really bad. Or things get really good. Oh, that's a real satirical twist. So I'm trying to make it things get really bad. Yeah, okay. Turns

out we need them desperately. I mean, it's like still sad over from the point of you of a politician. It's a right week set up. Yeah. Finally. Yeah. Which is what we're gonna do from now on. Because that's where the money is. Hello. It's because it's not it's not as crowded a market. And then we have metals creaming point and the science of creamy metals. P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P- you came along, tickets have been selling very well. Alistair has his own show, which I am very, very excited about. I got to see a little bit of a sneak preview of it the other day, and it's very funny. My golly. My golly, and it also contains one or two little four fans of two in the thing tank. Hello. Oh, something for you. Imagine that. Wow. Great. Well, you can find us on Twitter. I'm at

Stupid Old Andy. And I'm at Alistair TV and you can always find us on Facebook. It's definitely haven't been really posting much to the Facebook. No, no, no. I think I did the most recent post I did was one saying we're going to be posting a bit more stuff on here. And that was about four months ago. And we're also on Instagram at Two in Tank. And sometimes we put some exclusive photos on there. So I feel like I do, and he hasn't noticed me hasn't checked. I'm really excited. And get the catch up.

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