Two In The Think Tank - 223 - "GENGHIS KHAN ACADEMY"

Episode Date: March 3, 2020

Common Sense Physics, Distraction Force, Personal Gravitas, Avocado Throne, Broney Trap, Gruff and McFly, GenghisTICKETS TO TELEPORT at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival are available hereAnd here are tickets to Al's show COULDN'T BE MORE THRILLED WITH EVERYTHINGThanks to Harry's for supporting this episode! Visit harrys.com/thinktank for a SPECIAL SHAVING DEAL!Hey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereI genuinely can't thank George enough for fixing this monstrosity Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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this podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Harry's Add Harry's dead. Harry's dead. Stun with a Harry's dead. Harry's got a Harry's. Add some Harry's to your Harry sad life. Bag. Today's episode is brought to you by Harry's. Thank you. My Lord, thank you. Thank you, Harry's.

Harry's, oh, I'm going to come clean with the, with the words. Harry's, Harry's is my Lord. Harry's is my Lord and Harryries hasn't ever sponsored this podcast. We've done all of this pro bono because that's how much we believe in the Harries. That's right. We've done it pro bono in exchange for ad money. Yeah. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

And, and we love it. And I got so much to say about Harries later on in the show. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. But it's going to be about what you can get. It's going to be about a deal. I'm going to be thrown around words like travel, blade, cover, and you know, weight adurbing on my hand, all that kind of stuff.

So just brace yourself. I'm going to be piecing all of these muscles together into one fragrant mouthful. Absolutely. And I love one fragrant mouthful. Absolutely. And I love a fragrant mouthful. Yep, Harry's must be able to eat that foam. Ah, yeah, I wanna eat that foam. Yes, I'd like to take it home, tore it in my mouth and go,

mmm, got a bone for foam. Hello and welcome to Two in the Think Tank, the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy. And I'm Alistair Tromblay Bertrand. We're only going to do one note this episode. There's been some issues with the recordings recently. We haven't been able to be sure that we're recording on to two separate tracks.

So we've decided instead the way around it, what we'll do is our will stay, we'll talk in a high pitched voice, I'll talk in a low voice, and then we'll be able to filter our voices out in different frequency bands, and then that will allow us to mix them so that the volumes are appropriate. We won't be able to fix the pitch, but the volumes will be perfect. That's right, because we've recently been recording at the office in a little random office, and I speak quietly out of awkwardness, and the Hindi refuses to speak below about 80 decibels. Well, I've just said that on the most recent episode, I said it quiet, so I've got a shout

apparently. I'm being solace. I'll worry you do. I'll stay at, look, this is my attitude, right? If we're doing this, we might as well be overheard and obnoxious about it. It's correct, correct. And he looked in no way, am I doing this consciously?

I want you to know that I must have something in my past that makes me retreat and retreat within myself and be very quiet and doesn't allow me to be very entertaining when I feel like I'm being judged. Well, not a lot of people know this, but you come from a long line of podcasters. Your father was a podcaster, your grandfather was a podcaster. You know that's actually true but about peach growing. I come from peach growing people, Andy. And you've probably been able to tell that. That explains your furry bum. Yes, well that's your cute little furry bum. You'd be surprised that how accurate that is.

Have you ever seen my bum? No. No. No, I don't think I have. I mean, I've imagined. Of course, Andy. I'm sure all the listeners have. Yeah.

What do he's butt looks like? Well, people don't realize that I actually do this podcast, speaking sort of ace Ventura style through my butt. And every syllable I pull that cheek back, and every side, every little. What? What, I don't think the cheeks get pulled and all do it. Oh no, that's right.

You're right, he bends down. But then he does pull the butt. And every pause I push him back together and make him into a frowny face while the other person talks. So you are because my butt has resting bitch face. You make them into a frowny face. How would you do that? Push them together and make it look like they're lips are purged or something. But horizontally, right? You'd have to be lying on your side for that to be a. Andy, in the world of the bud, the face is

sight on. I'm not saying I'm making it into a human face. I'm not folding my butt into a face. I'm saying it has a frowny butt face. Frowny butt face. I did have a bit once upon a time about what it would be like if your butt cheeks were horizontal. How it would be bad. That was as far as I went into it, I believe. Yeah, I mean, I guess you would have that shelf that everything would sort of slide over. Exactly. And then, but maybe never, you know, I don't think it's got enough of a cliff edge that it might

even fall off the edge. It might just slide down, then maybe down your leg. Yeah, and then you could stick a foot into the toilet. Unless it went right down the middle to the gooch, but then I guess it could be stored behind the bag. Yeah, it becomes lodged behind the bag. Like a baby, like an embryo of a kangaroo crawling out from the reproductive tract and then up and then through the fur and into the pouch the most insane system ever. This would be like that but for poo's. And they go down and then they nestle in there behind the back. I'm glad we don't have that insane system for our own human bodies. Yeah

I wonder if kangaroos ever have like birds come along during that process of a young Lynn good climbing up and just peck off the well just come and snatch it up. That's perfect bird eating size It is it is. It's a little it's a little morsel. You'd be on a high alert if you were that Mama and maybe even if the dad's around I want to have to dad hangs out for that. I'd hope so. Yeah, I'm now banging on the walls We've anyone heard that We won't get it enough looks of disgust through the windows So we let's see if we can get people on the other side of the walls, the cup of tea, we can investigate what's going on.

How to be so good in the Simpsons, that bit where he's got that really greasy burger, and he rubs it on the window. And... He rubs it on the wall. Rubs it on the wall, rather, sorry, and the wall becomes translucent. Be just a great, just be great if you could have that in order to put a

window in anywhere in your house, just some kind of greasy product. I think in a way people are waiting for that product to be made, you know, that it can make anything. Yeah, it's so greasy, it can make anything into a window, like sort of like a frosted window like you would have for a bathroom. I mean, I guess what we're describing here is a kind of invisibility, isn't it? Like that's what it's called. Yeah, but it's like a visibility pen, but also it's kind of visible through it's frostiness. So it's an invisifrostability. Because we absolutely have the opposite of that, right?

Like color something in. And it's no longer treated like, yeah, you take something that's transparent like a window and you can get one of those chalk pens or paint or whatever and stick it on and suddenly it's opaque. And it's amazing that you can make something opaque like that. That's all it takes. All that takes is one little bit of opaque and something's opaque. That's right. But transparent is an absolute. You know, something's gotta be totally transparent

for it to be transparent. You know who I feel bad for? It's the rays of the sun. You know, because some time. Coming all the way from the sun and then being stopped by. Yeah, like even an ant, an ant walking along the thing creates this bit of shadow and you go, you didn't make it buddy

So close In my mind Sun rays want to touch our earth well You'd be so hyped as we know the The rays are formed deep within the core of the earth as gamma rays in the fusion of hydrogen Then they bounce around for ages losing energy until they emerge from the surface of the sun as a visible light. And it takes them thousands of years to get out of the core of the sun.

It's crazy. They come all that way, bam, into an ant. Into an ant, maybe a leaf, a leaf strategically placed in order to capture the sun. You know, like that's tree's whole purpose. Their whole survival depends on forwarding the sun's wishes. Forwarding the sun's wishes, they're dependent on the sun and it's amazing that they are so willing to bite the hand that feeds them so to speak. Absolutely. I mean the sun might at one point collapse

or explode just to spike them. Just out of rage. Yeah. I mean, just think of the percentage of its rays that get blocked. I mean, so many of its rays go in the complete opposite direction. Mm. It's true. Yeah. Like, is there any sketches in this? Like, I know that this is just,

like, you know, call me a bit, a human centric in my view of the universe and I know the you know, we're not Homophilic. I'm a bit homophilic. I suppose paleocentric Paleo paleo paleo is what you want paleo is Like rocks and stuff. Yeah, geocentric Paleo is like rocks and stuff. Yeah, geocentric. That's the earth, that's actually the earth. That is the earth, yes.

And then the sun, I know the earth isn't in the center, you know, and I know the sun isn't the center of the universe or whatever. Except that we know. Except that everything is. Everything is the center of the universe. But I reckon some stuff is actually probably more. A bit more the center. Yeah.

And that if you go in closer to the middle of everything, yeah, I guess that would that would be more the center. But whatever you want to, they want to argue mathematically. The fucking arrogance of you. Right now, try to pass this off. Like you're dodging scrutiny with this cute little voice you're doing. And thinking that you could you could put this out there into the world and you're going to look somehow cool. I mean look just because just because everything started in the same point it's all moving out.

Bob La right doesn't mean there's a bit that's a bit more equidistant from every other bit. You're absolutely right. There's got to be a spot. There absolutely does not have to be a spot. Well, no, there is. But there isn't. Just because you can't see exactly where the edges are, because there are no edges, doesn't mean. There aren't edges. And if some things are a little bit closer to the other things. Yeah, I mean, there's still a rough edge. You could get a rough edge idea. I think you presenting your common sense physics course

is a sketch. All right, common sense physics. Yeah. Nobel Prize for fucking common sense mate. I was thinking about a Nobel Prize for something recently. Nobel Prize for capitalism. Very good. I just... Whoever earns the most money in a year gets a million dollars.

That's really good. I wonder who funds that. That's from the Nobel. Whatever the money is. That's a prize, right? If the Nobel Prize is a million bucks, you get a million bucks. But that was 100 millions? No, I just said a million. Well, you just said a million. Yeah.

That's nice. I would love to get a million dollars. Mm. Oh, yeah. I think one of the common sense physics, things would be like, look, a lot of people don't understand what gravity is. But it's just, it's the thing that pulls us down. Like, but all like, of course, you don't know how it works, but it doesn't, like, it just does. And that's what's important. It does, it does, it does what?

It's 95% of people in their jobs don't do. It's job. You know, and do you want to start questioning it, like you don't trust it? Do you think that maybe a way to get around gravity? Because people always looking for anti-gravity, a way to avoid the surly bonds of Earth's gravity. Sure. Would be if we could in some way give gravity

a mobile phone, so it does get distracted. Yeah. I think we did this recently. We did this not too long ago, giving them to every creature in the animal kingdom. But now I think if we could create a mobile phone, a smartphone that could be used by the fundamental force

of gravity, that might give us just that window of opportunity when it's distracted. Like when the guard is sleeping every, you know, every seven and a half hours. If we give it screen time, especially specifically between certain hours, then that would be the perfect time to launch a rocket. So, you know, that way it's phone, you know, because it always has, it's not always looking at its phone, it doesn't become addicted. So in that way, you know, we can still rely on it to keep us say grounded on Earth most of the time.

But. Gravitational waves, you know, we haven't learned to manipulate them yet, but when we can, let's use those waves to make some sort of highly addictive form of entertainment. Whatever the gravity version of reality TV is. Well, falling out of a plane, a lot of people find that addictive already. So, imagine being able to do that for people on land. You know, maybe by fluctuating the amount of gravity that you're feeling, you could have a sensation of falling at all times. Wouldn't that be great?

People with vertigo, I'll say this for them. They always seem entertained. You never see them bored in any way. No one ever says, I have vertigo and it's boring. Yeah, that's right. So in conclusion, there's nothing more entertaining than a sense of woozyness, nausea. Can we write down distracting gravity as a, as a sketch? I'm sure.

How do you picture? I mean, look, you're usually good at these kinds of things when it comes to actually making something. Thank you for signing that, Elastid. But, you know, how do I picture that playing out? How do you picture it playing out? See, this is what I imagine your answer would be, is it? We won't show it. You know, we won't show, we won't try to create a manifestation of gravity that we can put on on screen But then you know, what if you what if it was for kids? What if you did

You know you'd want kids to be able to understand It's that what you think would be a downward arrow Yeah, well, um, can I just say that what this has made me want to do? Yeah, is make a sketch in which gravity is personified. And it is that gravity is a guy and he's probably wearing like a black morph suit or something like that and he's walking around and whenever somebody jumps or something like that he grabs them and pulls them back down again. And he's pulling things apples out of trees, putting them on the ground,

and pushing over small children. When there's demolitions happening of a building, he's up on top, standing on top, and then he's like jumping. Jumping on it, knocking it over. But I do like that he physically does stuff with the force of, you know, because when you're jumping on things to knock them down, you would still be relying on gravity to actually do the falling component.

But if he's down there with a rope or something like that, pulling it down, That meets my criteria for successful gravity personification. Maybe he could have a rope while he's up on top of the building and then he pull, it's anchored to the ground and it's pulling it down as the building goes down. Yeah, that's really good. That's really, really good. There you go. It goes down between his legs all the way down to the ground. Or he's got a vertical, he's got a vertical robot that he just rose downwards. Mm-hmm.

I mean, you know, I know a lot of people have done like, you know, surf boards or like snow boards when they jump out of a plane. Yeah. Anyone who's done a robot, I think a robot would be a great thing to be. It's like, whoa.

There was a bit in Indiana Jones and the temple of doom where they jump out of it, crashing airplane in an inflatable life raft and then land on the side of a mountain. There's no. Oh, that's not too bad. But it's not a hard robot. Wooden robot, two rows with a little hook, not in a little holster on each side. So you can... Yep, short as that's called, that's called a rolluck.

That little holster, holster. A rolluck, a rolluck in good time. Absolutely. When we talked about the other episode about having those shoes that would allow you to run in the air, we could adapt that technology to the vertical robot, which is basically just a dinghy that sits on its stern facing up into the air. We could adapt that technology to the vertical robot, which is basically just a dinghy that sits on its stern facing up into the air and then has long oars that come out the side. And then the end of the or the paddley bit is the same technology we were talking about for that like big expanding foot sale and that would allow you to just row your way up into the air. And this is again

looking very close to flight with just wings, just bird wings, but the important thing is you're doing it in a boat and you're doing it in a seated position. Absolutely. I'm not going to lie, I missed some of the beginning of it. Ah, look, but didn't we all. But we all have different jobs that we have to do during these things. Andy, gravity man. Here's the pulleys down of them all. Pulleys down. I, this is a,

He would be the pulleys person if he was personified. He would be the pulleys, the pulleys. This, this is part of a, a broader thing of us. It would be the poliest. This is part of a broader thing of us. Well, you know, because personification sketches have been the bread and butter of sketch comedy since that first sketch where somebody was like, what if we personified bread and butter? And that's right.

And we are just taking that to an even further. One person in a black t-shirt, another person in a black t-shirt, one had a little sign that said bread, and the other one said butter. And the one who was bread was like, dude, it's starting to get a bit creepy. Yeah, and then there's a person who runs a household. Hmm.

And they're in a black t-shirt and they have a sign on them that says household runner. Yeah, Red winner. And they're walking home with one of each person under their own. Honey, kids, I have dinner. Yep. It's about poverty. I absolutely had toast for dinner the other night. Did you?

Yep. Toast with avocado. Well, I really can't say anything. No, no, that's something. You see now that's gone from bleak to point. I didn't help rageous display. I love a middle class You know it really is it's like it's just one fruit and you've put it in there and you've embarrassed yourself and me

an entire avocado kingdom Hipsters stock stockpiling, the huge warehouses full of avocados, constructing a throne, the avocado throne. Out of the nuts. No, just out of avocado. Oh, I wouldn't last for. The brawls. Soft avocado. Just like, you know, he built it when it was like there were sort of two, three days

from being ripe, so they were unbelievably hard. Yes, you know what? You thought this will never crumble. Yeah. My avocado kingdom. I shall build my palace on the firmest of all foundations. A avocado three days from being raped. But to my surprise, three days later, what should it occur?

Oh, was it Robbness? Yeah. But then it gets really bad sort of two days after that. Oh my gosh, you try and sit down and you break through that skin. I think, and you've got brown on you. Oh no, there's no skin, I've peeled the skin off. It's loose, open avocado flesh.

It's going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's crazy. It's really ill advised Alistair. I've made a huge mistake. It's the illest. It's the illest. But you know, I think that's an even more, you know, if we're talking displays of wealth, the fact that I can build a perishable temple from the softest of all fruits is, you know, is extremely ostentatious. What's it called, the big chair, throne? The avocado throne of my hipster kingdom. Winter nits are coming. Andy. Um, Andy.

The irony thrown. That would be the, the hips to throw. No, no. Um, tell me about this brand you brought up earlier. Harry's? Yeah. Don't come forward slash think tank. Who are they?

Oh, well, they're just, I guess, the future. I'd like to introduce you to the future. Well, it's not only familiar with the present. Well, that's good, because these are available right now. But if you've heard of the past, you'll love this as well, because they are using German factory with over, and I don't think I'm exaggerating here, 700 billion years of engineering experience.

So I hear that they're that there's something for everyone. They're using atoms that were forged in the at the beginning of the universe. Correct. That's that's how connected to history. They are. That's how much reverence they have for the old way of doing things. Yeah. They're using molecules that have been

excellent since the dawn of time. Humans have been shaving for thousands of years and the secret to a great shave has not changed very much, Alistair. And that is going to harries.com for a slush think tank. Listeners of our show can redeem their Harry's trial set at harries.com for a slush think tank. You will get a weighted ergonomic handle for a firm grip,

a five blade razor with a lubricating strip and a trimmer blade, a rich lathering shave gel with aloe to keep your skin hydrated and a travel blade cover to keep your razor dry and easy to grab on the go. And now Alistair, my face is so craggy these days, so wrinkled with folds and crevices that now I actually do my entire face with just that little extra trimmer blade.

Really? Yeah, that you normally just use for getting up under the nose. Yeah. I do the whole thing with that, getting deep into the, into the canyons. Yeah. And to the peaks of the, the mountains. Yeah, well, you know before I was- And it's still a good shape.

Well, it's so smooth. Yeah, well right now I'm looking at you and it is it is like looking at a freshly shorned face of a baby It's like shaved. Yeah, yeah, and I do I do shave my babies because after I've been shaving with With with Harries when the baby came out. I felt its face and I was like actually a little bit rough Yeah, no I hear you. I've been using sandpaper in that has not, no, hasn't been as good. No, I do. So Harries.com forward slash think think tank. Harries.com forward slash think tank.

Think tank. You did it. And get yourself that trial set. I'll tell you what it's slash. Think tank. Think tank, you did it, Andy. Get yourself that trial set. And I'll tell you what it isn't, a trial. It's actually a joy. They should call it a joy set. They should call it a show trial set because the outcome is such a foregone conclusion that everybody knows it's a kangaroo court, you know? It makes a mockery of justice this trial.

But for me, yes, I just, I enjoy the law and so every trial brings me joy. Yeah. That's just me just like saying it in action. I even like trial by, by what's the public one or deal, trial. Oh, trial by media. Try by media. I even like that. Yeah. And I know that's still not law, but it's like mock law. Mox law. Yeah.

And that's how much I love the more law. I even love it when it's a mockery of it. Yeah. They make a mockery of it. Actually, in fact, it's more enjoyable enjoyable because there's kind of humor injected it. Yeah. In my ideal world, every trial would be a mockery of justice. It does feel like there should be a way to make law, you know, injustice a little bit better.

It feels like a little bit funny, are you mean? No, like, I can feel like maybe that's what they were trying to do with those weeks. Yeah, well, I mean, it definitely feels like they weren't... They were failing at being entirely serious. Because it was really like, let's put something on our head and then... ...dare people to laugh at us. I don't know, because I think... Like, it must have evolved at a time when that...

There was something about that that did make you look more authoritative. And then times changed so quickly. Or I don't know, but at a certain point, it is just absurd. It's ludicrous. Yeah. It's embarrassing. You're, this is the exact opposite

of what you were trying to achieve with this whole wig situation in the first place and yet you persist. It kind of has the look of those, you know, those alien civilizations and films that have the big brains and that you stand in front of them and their brains pulse. I had a feel of a bit of that, you know, because it's like, there is something alien about it. Who has their hair and that many braids and subtitling packed together like that. Really, I think, was supposed to be transporting, you know, taking you outside of the regular world

and take you into, and I think that there's other ways that we can do that, you know? Yeah, and I silver finish on everything. On the judges themselves, and the lawyers, sort of, sort of, face paid paid or something like that. Like it's in absolutely the same realm and there's no reason why that couldn't like in a parallel universe there is one where the judges do everything in silver face pay. Dipton Gold.

Yeah. Like sort of one of Goldfingers or Gold members like side chicks. Goldfingers or gold members like side chicks. Gold fingers or gold members. Both equally as valid villains. They more or less are. I mean, James Bond is already sort of a parody, isn't it? Like it's sort of a joke. Yeah. A joke thing. Certainly, sometimes more than other times. Yeah. And what is it a joke all on? I guess the idea of real people who do that. Yeah, I guess it's a joke by making it seem fun when a lot of the time it probably isn't

fun, right? Yeah, but yeah, the idea that he's doing it all by being sexy and cool and... And those things have achieved almost nothing ever. I was much rather one of those shows that's from the point of view of a honey trap. Mm, okay. Because I mean, I mean, there's probably already a TV series or a set of films about that, but, you know,

I don't know, it just kind of seems more, because you can picture guys falling for a honey trap a lot more than you. I feel like you can picture women falling for like some sleazy guy who says he's a spy, which is, I mean, you know, possibly because of 007 such a weird like, it's like, it's a reality that guys like get cars with license plates that say 007 and things like that because they're like, Yeah, that's who I am. You're not. You're not in any way. It's such a weird childless fan. Childless fan. The thing. I was playing this game.

Yeah, it's like it's not. It's not particularly Trin life, is it? No. No, and like, it's already a joke in the show, kind of. And then you're impersonating that. I guess, I guess Austin Powers did a pretty good job with making fun of it. You know what I think people in intelligence haven't used, much like a honey trap, you know a sexy male spy. Hello honey trap I imagine could be a male. It's just something that we're thinking

about. Is the idea of giving out free food samples to lure in your prey? Maybe even actual honey. Maybe actual honey. Honey is pretty expensive these days. And especially to get the stuff that isn't just that weird syrup that they've made up that's like fake honey. Yeah. I wonder how prevalent that is as a problem. I reckon you can probably, if you go to the supermarket and you see there's like a $2 difference between two jars, that's one of them is made with the syrup. Yeah, right. And then it's very good because can't pay B's less, can you? So where are you going to make your savings? That's right.

Can't screw the B. Yeah. Yeah so what is this story? It's a spy story, in which rather than falling under the spell of a beautiful Russian woman, under the spell of a beautiful Russian woman. A spy is lured in by using free samples. Using free samples or a coupon. A coupon. Yeah. And then once they're there redeeming the coupon, they have such a good time.

They start revealing a few state secrets. I mean, or the person says, um, who can say no to an open bar? That's true. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career and a rewarding field with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation.

You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. Yeah.edu. Yeah, yeah. You go, there's a conference on it and I can sneak you in to the open bar and people will fall for it straight away. Yeah, I mean, it's just, it's a sort of a friendship. There's no sex involved. There's just, you know, a good mate who can hook you up with stuff and gets you into fun parties and that sort of thing.

And I mean, I think this is what a lot of intelligence is. It's just like pretending to be another dad at the at the soccer game and and then like getting to know some person who works in like nuclear physics or something like that and then asking him for some documents. Asking him for some, though, you say, all my kids do what a thing on nuclear things. Do you have any documents? And then even if it's like something that's unimportant, you go, then you've established a scenario in which they give you documents. And once they've given you documents,

you can start to be like, you can use that to twist it against them and start to turn the screws and be like, well, you already gave me these documents. And I would hate for someone at your work to find out screws and be like, well, you already gave me these documents. And I would hate for someone at your work to find out that you were doing that. So you better give me more documents. Yeah, absolutely. I think the most suspicious thing about this entire scenario is we know that once you're an adult, you don't make any new friends.

Yeah, that is. I think anyone trying to be your friend as an adult is automatically a spy. Yeah, is it intelligence officer or some sort? And it makes, yeah, that makes a lot of sense to me. Because who needs the responsibility of hanging out with more people? Hey, I mean, who has the time? And the only, it is so suspicious. But the only reason you would is if, for some reason, they're like, hey, I've got to

one of those bars in my basement. And you go, one of those bars, it's like, you know, you go, wow, free day drinking, like if they invited you over, they say, bring your kids, well, they can hang out and we'll just like have sort of man cocktails like that. And then I'll give them a nucleus sacred. Yeah.

I mean, you know, they've given you so much. They've given you day freedom. I think like any just suspicious adult friend is perfect, don't I stay? As a, as a thing, and you know, you don't even have to necessarily work in, I think it's, I think it's maybe even funny if you don't work in like, in any sort of government agency or anything like that, you're just like

quite a regular person working in sort of advertising sales for a local newspaper or saying, you still got to be suspicious because you never know what kind of long call they're pulling. I mean, these agents of influence, they want to influence all aspects. Sometimes it's just division. Maybe they want you to put something divisive in your ad. You know who knows that the you know in Australia we have some very bold lamb ads Here, you know, I guess they want to get get away from the fact that their whole thing is

Killing young sheep and so what they do is they make it about like a strel you day or they make it about. Edgy thing about Hipses versus also use all masculinity or rights for women or something like that. And they go parody it. It's big from the Lamb Council. Yeah. This is what we have instead of having culture in this country. And then we talk about it for about three weeks

when it comes out and things like that. And I wouldn't be surprised if one of the people who works there has a new Russian friend or an Australian with a suspicious accent. Suspicious, you know, it's Australian sounding, but but not quite. Bit to, bit to Australian sounding. We love people not being able to do the Australian accent. to Australian sounding. We love people not being able to do the Australian accent. It's endlessly entertaining and I'm sure you in America love it when Australian stars come onto your night to night shows and they do some hilarious thing of getting the host to eat veggie mide. I'm sure when you see that every fucking time, every single week, and the reactions are the same that you find that just as entertaining as we do, to see it being done. It's so salty. They say it's brown, poo is brown, those two things

are equivalent. We laugh. They just eat it by itself on a cracker or something like that. You only got to know that nobody does. Nobody does. We have salt over here in Australia. That's why our stars go over there and make your hosts drink a cup of salt in the same way that we obviously consume it here. And I said, do we have some words from a listener? What do you think, oh yeah, we're already there.

Yeah, I think we're there. You know, after a fashion. We do, Andrew. Now, I have three words from a Patreon supporter, Stuart McComb. No, Stumeck. Stumeck, high-stume. I think I might have done a stume recently.

Yeah, good. Anyway, high-stume. High-stume. Anyway, I've already said these three words to you in Drew, because I have to double check that we haven't done it, because I apparently have the worst system in existence for keeping track of these words. I still, look, if it's any help, I still wouldn't be able to guess them. They've gone to my mind. That's what I'm telling you that I've told you them. So do you want to try and guess now? Yeah, Closteridium no

Tamak no Regaletti What is that it's type of pastor I believe? Rigatoni regatoni. Yeah, I believe. Rigatoni? Rigatoni. I mean, Rigoletti might be something as well. Anyway, was I close? Alistair has coronavirus, by the way.

Not in the way it's blowing his nose. I mean, if I have it, I've had it for a long time, even before the... Before the outbreak. It was only just today that they recorded the first person to person transmission. So I got on it before it was cool, or at least before my body was cool, felt really cool.

The three words from Stu, Yes. Or investigative, Goat, Port Montau. Yes. Goat, portmonto. I don't, I mean, honestly, that's, those are really great words. Those might be my favorite words we've ever had.

Wow. On the show because they really paint such an abstract picture. Est, an investigative goat, Port Mantau. Yeah. So a Port Mantau obviously being when you combine two words. Well, Port Mantau is one. So it's actually the mixture of the word Portali, which is the type of wine, or wine flavored jelly.

Yep. or wine flavored jelly. Yeah. And man from man, which is short for man to ray, and A-E-A-E-A-U-O, which is sort of the old English, short for the old English version of ox. Mm. Yeah, you. Yeah, you ox. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, what is the E I E I O for in in old Macdonald E I E I O they haven't used that in any other songs we've all you know we've had sort of Lardy Dar and Obla D Obla Dar and that sort of thing

sort of used Obla D Obla D.'ve used in most of the songs. But that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, experimental. We've put a partial 24 hours and an almost hundred kilometers between us and the previous podcast. Yeah, well, the previous sort of 50 minutes of the podcast or however long we did. Yes, indeed. Forget it. We were at one point in the office at work yesterday and we are now in our individual homes recording on our own zooms. Mmm hmm. Speaking over the internet. Yeah. Yep. It's um, and so that was how we are speaking over the internet and over the top of each other at its working so well. Absolutely. We absolutely dedicated to finishing this episode. No matter how much we have to drop our standards below, they're already low, low point. We are

willing to do that if that's what it takes to finish this episode in a manner that you will be unsatisfied with. Well, Andy, I think what we're going to have to do in order to not speak over each other is that we can't take very many breaks when we talk, because in a break, that's when the other person thinks that they can get a word in. Oh, yeah, no, that's... That's... That's what... Oh, sorry. Okay, so just to remind everybody where we're up to, because who knows, the audience themselves might have paused the podcast as well and come back to it.

Weeks, nay, lifetimes later. We're trying to do our three words. Perhaps somebody had listened to this as they were being cryogenically frozen and then was just waking up and they looked at their phone, they thought, what was I listening to when I went down? Yeah. And then this is, it's the year 9,000 and two. They're just a slowly defrosting frontal lobe,

in a brain, in a brain. They, they, they, they, they just miss the non, nonalium party by two years. in a brain, Marie. They just missed the no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, 1999, 1999. 1999, 1999, is that what you said? Yeah, I said 1999, but yeah. You know, mine has a better rhythm, but yours has the advantage of accuracy. Yeah, but I liked the 1999. But you know, me and Alistair, all about rhythm. I got rhythm.

And you've got music. Yeah, sometimes. So the words were... Investigative goat portmante as you would know from... Oh, yeah, I did write Goo Goo Goo Choo down, and that's where we were last time. Goo Goo Goo Choo, I don't know how we got there, but I absolutely stand by it.

I think, so obviously we discuss portmanteau and investigative goat is interesting because as we all know, the dog has the advantage of its super ability to smell things and that makes it very useful as a sniffer dog in investigations, sniffing out smells. Now. Sure, but a goat has the advantage

of being able to stand on very tall things. Mm-hmm. And so, you know, on the shoulders of giants, even. Yep, probably. I mean, maybe a goat would make a better scientist than it would a detective. And that's what the story is about. And they have the ability to eat almost anything as well. Absolutely. Not necessarily taste. Maybe in fact, a very low ability to taste, which is what allows them to eat such a large volume of stuff.

to taste, which is what allows them to eat such a large volume of stuff. Maybe, or maybe they can taste stuff, but they have a very open mind. Ah, I love that. They have an open mouth and a gaping gullet, but more than that, it's their open mind that allows them to consume many, many things that other people would consider inedible. Which is why they went into the police force because they have a high tolerance for the unpalatable diversity. And you do. Yes, and you mix with some unsavory types and also some unsweet types.

I think that a goat, absolutely, because we've had many TV shows that focus on a dog, who is a loyal companion to the detective. Now, but we've also had many buddy-cop films in which there's one cop who does things by the rules and one cop who is a real maverick and is down to his last warning. And he's going to bust your ass out of here. Fast, then you can say, give me your badge. And I think that we could combine these two elements and we have one good cop, right? Who does everything by the book? And then his buddy who is a goat who does not give a fuck?

Yeah, and because Port Monto does have also the words to wear and coat, I think the goat should be wearing a coat. A goat coat. Absolutely. And his name is Gruff. And the show is called Gruff. Muck, muck, Gruff, because the other guy's name is Muck. MC. A lot of people think that he's a MC, but it's actually Muck. And also... Yes. Just because... Skull as well would really be an advantage.

Absolutely, and those tiny little nubby, nubby horns. But also, I think I don't know if I'm trying to read into what Stu McCone was trying to do with these three words. But he said, investigative goat Port Montau, I think he wants us to say, investor goative. I think he does. I think he does. He's the best investor go to we have on the force. Yeah. And so what kind of things would this guy solve?

Oh, anything, absolutely anything. It's stuff, crime that goes all the way to City Hall. Okay, so it's just out of the academy. Well, is he just out of the academy? Because very often the Maverick, he's sort of lived, had a real long career, you know, and he's sort of almost got nothing left to lose. But also you could get more people watching

if you had like a child goat. Yeah, a kid. Which I, but you know, but I can goat. Yeah, a kid. Which I, but you know, but I can imagine, yeah, kid. He's just a kid. But then also, you know, you get more people watching but also having the contrast between being old and gruffy and being just a tiny little goat that hops around. Yeah, I mean, it's going to be a real challenge for whoever's doing the animal wrangling.

The goat guy. But I think everybody's going to be stepping up to the plate in this production. Absolutely. And it won't be hard to get that goat to chew on a lit cigar. You know? Cigar chomping. So he's just out of the academy and he's already on his last warning. I love it. What a story.

He's just out of the academy and he's also only three days away from retirement. It's everything. It's everything. It's everything. it's everything. I mean, yeah, you could definitely do that. I mean, I think I'm very happy for it to be that. I think there's a way in which it could be like a fly could do that.

Cause you know, the, cause of the lifespan of a fly. Yeah. But I want to, some kind of mat. Natt, GNAT. Nat. Yeah, they are they closer to three days is a, is a fly just one day? I don't know, I think a fly, I feel like I've had flies in my house who've just been buzzing around smashing into the walls for weeks.

I mean, I can't guarantee it's the same fly. But they've got roughly the same sort of general attitude. Well, then let's do this. Towards walls and let's maintain the possibility of doing a show that is sort of a crossover between the movie, the fly and a sort of a buddy cop kind of a thing. And maybe even a cop and his buddy who is a fly become fused together. And the fly is just out of the academy and the cop is three days away from retirement.

And that's how he's able to be both at the same time. Also, the fly is going to die soon anyway. But it's called hot buzz. So they are slowly becoming One or like I think he's already basically just a fly Okay And his and his partner as a goat All right, let's just go back to the goat idea. I just love it. I love it. I love the goats attitude

I think we've introduced some interesting complications to what's already achieved. Yeah, I mean, but yeah, that's how you make it. But I also think, but I think if they're, you know, if their partner was a humanoid fly man, and they're both the bad boy in the, you know, they're both bad cops. Yep. It's just, it's bad cop and worse cop. Mm-hmm. There's, you know, they've got, they've got, you know, they've got, they don't go by the book

and they don't get, but they also don't get their man. Mm-hmm. Yeah. and they don't get, but they also don't get their man. I think in the fly he does, as he's transforming, he does develop really good senses or something like that. He gets super smell or something. So that is really strong. It's not able to, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I mean, okay.

I think we did it, El. Do you want to take us through the sketches that we've come up with this episode? Yep, buddy. I mean, yeah. I think it's one of the best. Yeah, graph. I want a good. Oh, MacGraph.

I think just MacGraph. And Mac is a fly, man. Graph and MacFly. Graph. just McFly and Mc is a fly man. Grapher and McFly? Grapher and McFly, yep, perfect. Is it Marty McFly? Marty McFly has been fused with, he got into a teleportation device with the character from the fly after he had turned into the fly. Yep.

Yeah, he's a real fly fly. So he's actually like he's like half man, half man fly. Yeah. So really, he's also record us, man. Half, half Marty McFly, half man half fly. I mean if if if Saturday night live hasn't already at some point made a parody movie you know probably in the 80s called The McFly in which, you know, Marty McFly gets fused with the fly, going through the time travel machine with Doc Brown,

and has a disgusting transformation, but is still incredibly charismatic and charming, and is still a full-feel good family film. You know, they really missed that opportunity. No, I think you're absolutely No, I think you're absolutely right I'm gonna try to remember what some of these sketch ideas from yesterday are We've got common sense physics Yeah, there's course and what makes sense Yeah, no, it just makes more sense and I can't remember what the original example was but the other example was You know, it's gravity. It just works. Well, it just does because why would you float up into space?

That's pretty stupid. That's weird. That's weird and I don't like it. Facts don't care about your feelings, but these, we got, we found some facts that do. Yeah. I care about my feelings. I care about my feelings. And so I don't care about your facts Yeah, then there's a distracting get gravity with a phone So we can when we want when we want to shoot a plane We're just gonna get regular planes up there. That way we won't have to get space shuttles or anything or rockets.

We can give gravity some phone times, some screen time so that it doesn't do his job. It's what as well. And then we'll give us a chance to get some just regular airplanes up into space. Then we can go to the moon and things like that. And I know they won't really work all that well up in space. But if we get a good run up, I think we could, we can get some pretty good speed,

maybe, maybe make it to the moon and sling, slingshot back. I think so. I think so. You just need that window, just that window of opportunity. I just thought I'd put this out there. If anybody listens to this show and works on the Netflix children's show story bots, firstly, great work, fantastic show, much better than Paw Patrol and a lot better than super wings. But if you do work on that show, please get in touch because I would love to work on story bots. Thank you.

I'll stay continue. You know, if we're making outrageous job offers like that, can you just get involved me in it? Yeah. I would also, I'd also like to work on it. Thank you. It would, I just want you to know. I haven't seen it yet, but I'm about to watch all of it. Yes, really, really good.

And I love it already. Graham. I mean, I mean. So that's a deal. We're a great. Oh, thank God. Thank you so much for that. We really needed that.

Then we got personification. Whoa. So, gravity. I love gravity. I we got personification. Whoa. So, I'm a gravity. I love gravity pulling things down. Yeah. I mean, this is kind of like a, it's a silent film though. It could be a silent film. It's black and white. Yeah. I just like sort of sort of one of those 50s informational films about what gravity is, and they just have somebody playing the role of gravity. Well, maybe it's just, it's, gravity's depressed for some reason, because it's just doing its jobs,

walking around, doing its job. And I don't know why it's depressed, but we'll find a reason for it to be happy by the end. It's only going gonna undergo a transformation, possibly due to something that affects the amount of matter on Earth. Perfect. I was gonna say that.

Yeah, great. We got throne made out of avocados. Yes. Yes. The huge king of the avocado throne. Yeah. In the temple of middle class wealth. And tell you what at the beginning, when they built that, they were building it on a strong foundation. But oh boy, they did not look, they weren't very forward thinking. And then we have, I think you could turn this into a bit of stand-up, Elasté. I can say you're turning this into a bit of stand-up. Maybe this next one I see is also, suspicious adult friend. It's somebody who's just a, it's, it's somebody who has anybody who

wants to be their friend as an adult, you know, in their 30s, they, they, they suspect that they're definitely a spy trying to get information or an agent to foreign every, every single time, every single time and, and, and, and, and agent to foreign influence. time. Every single time an agent of foreign influence. There is no reason for anybody to want to be your friend. Absolutely. We don't hang out. You don't just hang out in your 30s. You are either working on a project together or you're depressed. Or you're depressed. Or you're depressed or yeah or you're depressed you stay at home or you're just trying to get your kid to play with another kid and that's why you're hanging out with this other person just so that your kid can hang out with their kid and then we have

the kids not there then that's a spy scenario oh, and it could still be a spy scenario if they have a kid. It's the perfect cover. Oh my God, they're so smart. And they're probably using that so that they can work on a project with you. That's what they're using. They're using the two reasons people would hang out. It's just occurred to me that there's never ever ever a single child in James Bond. Right? You never see one. There's no child ever, anywhere.

And don't point out examples where I'm wrong. I'm not interested. I'm telling you that they're under. And that's interesting to me. Because you'd think there could be a funny little bit with one. Yeah. And that's interesting to me because you'd think there could be a funny little bit with one Yeah Especially if I guess he finds out that one of them is his kid Exactly and to be honest

Most of them probably are Most kids he's like Angus Khan Yeah, I mean do you remember the TV show, the cartoon James Bond Jr.? No, I don't. Bond. No. My name's Bond. James Bond.

Can I? Junior. Can I just pitch something to you very quickly? Yeah. The Genghis Khan Academy. Okay. It's the Khan Academy. The guy who does the online educational illustrated

videos about how to do long division and the history of France, but it's Genghis Khan. And most of the information is about seeing your enemy slaying and hearing the limitations of his women. Yeah, sacking, sacking cities. Correct. Decapitating. And, you know, lighting straw roofs on fire. Yes.

That was a big part, that was a big part of the past. Oh, the story. Lighting other people's straw roofs on fire. Yeah. All right, Dan, Gingas Khan Academy. Sure. Thank you. Is there anything else on the list?

You know there is. Oh, there's the goat thing. Yeah, that's what it is. Do you want to say a little bit? And then the goat thing. It's gruffin it is. Do you want to say? And then the goat thing. It's gruffin with fly. Gruffin McFly. Investigative goat portmanteau. And just before we go into a song, let's just remind people that they can buy tickets to teleport and they can buy tickets to Alistair, Trombley, Virgil, couldn't be

more thrilled with everything. And both of those things will make you happy, they'll make us happy. They will please the universe. Everything will be brought into balance. So good way to support the show if you, you know, and get something, and get something back for a little something for you.

Great first date. Great first date. Great second date. Great first date. Great second date. Great last date. Yes. It's a great break up show. It's a great break up show. We leave a good sort of three and a half minute gap about two thirds of the way through the show. Normally the comedians will do a thing. We're like the show arcs down and the energy dips a little bit and like it's a bit sad or a bit more introspective. Well, what we've decided to do is it's more like a sort of a show and tell thing where you bring your own darkness and stop talking two thirds of the way through

the show and we let anyone in the show that wants to break up. Yeah, it's really nice. We set the scene, it's perfect. We've got some good break up music. Yeah. I wanna break up. I wanna break up. I wanna break up with you. I wanna break up. I wanna break up.

I wanna break up. Because you're in, out through. I wanna do, out through. It's only one thing I wanna do. And that is do no more with you, because we are through. You know what's true. Thanks very much for listening to the podcast.

Thank you so much. Really do appreciate it. It's crazy that you do, and we... And I hope this wasn't too much of an ordeal based on everything that happened. We, too in the Think Tank, and this has been that. That yeah, so you can find us at too in tank on Twitter and Instagram. I'm at Alistair TV on Twitter. I'm at Stupid Old Andy. Yeah, and I'm at A, Tromblay Virtual on Instagram.

You can review us. You can donate to our Patreon if you like. We love it. It helps. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. We absolutely do love you more than you know who you are Yeah, and and also you know who you want You're not a bad person even more important. That's right Take care of yourselves and we love and we love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbrodcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites.

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