Two In The Think Tank - 224 - "FRENCH MOVIE IDEA"

Episode Date: March 10, 2020

New Snorkel, Private School Hacks, Australian French, Cinema Francaise, Family Treasure, Dr WankensteinTICKETS TO TELEPORT at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival are available hereAnd here are tickets to Al's show COULDN'T BE MORE THRILLED WITH EVERYTHINGThanks to Harry's for supporting this episode! Visit harrys.com/thinktank for a SPECIAL SHAVING DEAL!Hey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereBend the entire thigh to George for producing this episode Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Alright, okay, okay, alright, okay, alright. I'm not sure anymore, I actually changed my mind, oh no, okay, all right. I'm not sure anymore. I actually changed my mind. Oh, no, I'm doubtful. Doubtful.

No, no, no, no, no. About that. Hello, and welcome to doing the thing Tank to Show. The show, the only show, the only show where we're not, we, we, you and I, passed it. With exactly five or more sketch ideas. Sketch ideas. Yes.

It is more than exactly five. So I, I, I, I, I, I stand by that. I don't think you should, you should stand in it. You're up to your fucking knees in it. Yes. You are absolutely should stand in it. Mm-hmm. You're up to your fucking knees in it. Yes. You are absolutely drenched in it. There is there is not getting another dripper that inside of you. What you are quenched. What I am I'm sodden. What is your strategy for getting into bodies of water? Are you a jumper or are you a gradual squealer? Look, when it comes to it,

I haven't run in and jumped in for a while. Yeah. Okay, this is just, you know, maybe age, maybe it's age. But it might also be a practical concern in that you're probably when you're at a body of water these days, most likely with your young son. Yeah, but often I can leave him and go from my own thing. But often I will go in first and wait with him or, you know, you leave your young son unattended at the body of water. I'm usually there with my beloved, you know, or even. You're gone. Yes, yes. And he's like, you hold this. You hold this and you guard our towels. You hold this and this will make drowning too scared to come anywhere new. You took him water too afraid to enter your lungs. Yeah, because I mean, he loves, he likes the waves, but he mostly likes running away from them.

Or the game is now just I pick him up and lift him over each wave. And they come more frequently than you would ever imagine. What's your, once you take on that kind of a responsibility, I imagine that a wave is along so shockingly often. And you probably realize more, like you realize what constitutes a wave, now that you have this small man. Yeah, that relatively all these, what before you might have sort of mirrors as a bit of me a chop. That's right.

None of these were sort of set waves. These big sort of double amplitude kind of things were waves of build upon waves, that kind of stuff. No, no, no, we, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no All my defenses. That's right. And so that's why the gun comes in handy. Do you think that if you had a gun in your mouth, that it could be used to avoid drowning? It's sort of set there at the back of your, so that the barrel sort of stops just before your teeth and inside your mouth, just before your teeth. And if you go underwater, it starts to shoot bullets. You have to keep your mouth open, obviously, so that you don't shoot yourself in the teeth.

But do you think that the pressure of the gas and all that release going out like that would drive the water away from your mouth? I mean, there would be a momentary respite from the other place. But that might be all you need. Well, you know, it might create enough of a, like a vortex if you, if it's a spinning bullet,

you could create like a, like a reverse whirlpool that goes up towards the air. Yes. And creates a little tunnel through which you could catch one breath. That would be so cool if you could have, if you could use some sort of vortex as a snorkel, a little water funnel that leads down into your mouth, I reckon the people at Dyson could get this going.

I mean, if you had a powerful fan in your mouth, maybe instead of a gun. Yeah. I mean, once you're at the point where you're putting a gun in your mouth, you can start considering other options that might take as much space up, but might be more effective. Well, what I realized is that the gun will buy you a little bit of time. Oh, absolutely.

Yeah. Sure. And that might be the crucial time that it needs for somebody to come and rescue you. Well, yeah. But it occurred to me that they're going to be slightly less inclined to rescue you if you've got a gun mouth. Yeah, but then there's a chance that you're also being drowned. Ah!

You see. By an active participant. Yeah, and so then the gun comes really in handy instead of having just like a sort of a long straw come out of your mouth. Yes. Then we'll sort of, you know, not be as helpful because they can just put their finger in it. But I like this, this dice and vortex that you go underwater. There's a spinning blade in your mouth. But it's been done. It's all concealed. It's fine. It creates a little

whirlpool when you taste your tongue. It gets sliced up and cut up very very tastefully And you and you suck air It's it's perfect. Yeah, I think that I think the physics is all there It could be that the the blades of I'm or even like in a summer sound sort of circular thing around the outside of your mouth Yeah, and we're trying create bubbles. And we'd almost have to extract the oxygen that's kind of dissolved in the water. I don't think it has to do that. And create bubbles that then you spin around and creates a tube all the way up to the roof. But I don't think it needs the bubbles.

No. No, because you do already have those whirlpools in the ocean. Oh yeah, okay, right, right. That I just like a hole in the water that goes down. I forgot, I forgot about that. I'm trying to, I'm trying to picture, think in my mind, I was trying to picture a big whirlpool that starts at its widest in your mouth.

Oh! And then goes thinly all the way to the top. But I've realized that you're actually bringing the air down rather than sort of pushing the water up. Correct. Correct. And out of the way.

Yeah. Look, I think that's great. I mean, I'm going to write down novel underwater breathing apparatus. But I do like your eyes. She was for drowning. I was kind of, yeah, or, you know, underwater breathing. I think what's drowning is a pretty, it's pretty bad. Like it happens a lot.

Yeah. And I think in the past we've talked about ways to make drowning more enjoyable. But now we've moved to rather than the treatment, yeah, merely the, you know, the amelioration. We've worked, we've transitioned into prevention. Yeah, it's kind of like there's medicine right now with sort of treatment dealing with symptoms.

Symptoms really, right? But what we want to get to is those people who can stop us from dying. Exactly, prevention is the best cure. Yeah, but I just want, while we're here, I think something that's a little, like as another alternative to this anti-drowning kind of a technology is something that's a bit

like one of those inflatable rafts. You know, you pull on something and it goes, like that and blows up. Well, if you had one of those in your mouth, okay. Okay, yes. So, it's tucked away in a corner like a hamster with a piece of core. Exactly. You sort of you line the inside of the cheek. There's a bit of spare space there. Right. And you know, it's sort of a Scandinavian design. You can tuck it in.

Like that. It's like beautiful, beautiful lines. It all just slips away. That's right. And if anything, it feels better than the inside of your cheek does, and it protects your cheek from being bitten. Yes, Alistair, I call it close to your heart. Yes, absolutely. And so, you do that, and then you're under water, and you realize I'm not going to get up to the surface in time before I absolutely need to take a breath.

Yeah. I am gagging for a breath right now. So for me, about two two three seconds in to have You Okay, and he just go under what this is what we're trying to record a sketch Hey, and he said just go underwater for a little bit just like ten seconds or something like that and then I had to look like I had drought. Yeah, so I had to lie I had to run into the water and then dive out of the water and then just lie there just looking like I had drought. And in my mind, I'm like, it's easy.

I can hold my breath for ages. You know what? And everybody's mind, it was easy. It was only in your reality that it seemed impossible. Well, in my reality, I had been lying there for God knows how long. My lungs burning, desperate for a gasp of air, and I would come up and they would shout at me, you literally went down less than a second ago. Yeah, and it was just like, Andy, you just have to look like you've drowned for a second. Like you can just,

because like, so you just flap and then you kind of just float and then you just got to float like two, three, four, just so we can, just so we can cut. It can, you know, just even so that the mind has the opportunity to imagine that you, you know, continue to float. No, no, you couldn't do that. So, in this apparatus, so you pull on it, you'll say you're two, three, you know, 20 or 30 meters on the wall.

You've reached a little hooked finger inside your mouth. Little hooked finger. Pull on the right. Like that. It inflates inside your mouth and then comes out a little bit. Yeah. Right? Now, the part that's inflated inside your mouth, there is some dense pure oxygen in there

for you to breathe right now. Dense pure oxygen. Yeah. So super cool. It's like seven degrees or Kelvin. Absolutely. It was even more dense before you pulled the thing. Yeah. So you just allowed it to kind of become acceptable for breathing.

Because I think it could have been too dense and then you would have got woozy and passed out or something like that. So you do that and then it starts to bring you, float you towards the top because of this air. Because the buoyancy. The buoyancy of it. But then you're also already breathing on the way up, and then it gets you there, and then you are happy.

Fine, and then you keep that there for as long as necessary. So automatic inflating mouth vest. Yeah, it's a sort of, it's an inflatable mouth vest or mouthboat. To be honest, I don't see why we wouldn't just have that at all times. Yeah, because it's one of those things like why wouldn't you always be wearing a bulletproof vest? You know, I'd be. That's true.

I mean, yeah, if a bulletproof vest got in the way of you talking, would we still wear them all the time? I still would wear it just as much all the time as I do now. Well, because you're just as likely, I guess, to be shot while you're talking. I'm even more likely to be shot while I'm talking. Yeah, you think it's the talking of the lead? I think it might be.

Do you think you might get shot by a cyclist that you yelled at? You might get sound like I have some sort of cyclist, some anti-cyclist thing. You'd not, because you are, in any way more of a cyclist than cyclists themselves, even though you probably haven't been on a bike for maybe 10 years. Have been on a bike for 10 years. But I work, I repair bicycles. And 10 years ago. 10 years ago.

And I shout at cyclists. Who shout at you? Who shout at me and ride obnoxiously on the footpath? In a shared zone. A shared zone. Where the hell is it? We are, we exist in the same ecosystem. We have the same enemy.

Cars. And rust. And rust. Hmm. Anyway. Cards and rust and rust Anyway Private school you're gonna send your kid to private school your kids to private school You you you're believe where you think you would do that Yeah, if I go to a scholarship and it was free. Yeah, yeah, I don't't think, I mean, it's so strange because it's like, you hear about schools are like 20,000 or 40,000 years. 40,000 dollars a year.

That's almost more than I make every year. Yeah. So that feels like that's an easy decision there. For your real interesting thing, you were like, I don't like, I guess I can send my child here, but they and we will all starve to death. Yeah. But the quality of the education. So I don't think you send your kid to a private school for the quality of the education.

You send them there because you think it can come. You want them to be sexually abused. There's that part, but also it's just because you send them there because they then go to school with the children of people who are in high positions of power and that gives you access to. Yeah. Well then there should be a secondary service where I can pay a discount amount and my kids only go to the private school during lunch breaks. Then they can socialise with the rich kids. Yeah that's good. But they don't have to pay for that expensive education. Yeah so I mean maybe I guess if it's just like one fifth of the day, then you would only pay one fifth of the price. I feel like, because it's lunchtime as well, though,

like they're just sort of, they're just running around or whatever, maybe getting a little bit of supervision. Or they could just get garbage, maybe, that's great. Then maybe they could be bullied by the kids at that school, which still gives them an end. That's interaction, you know, and then maybe those bullies will by the kids at that school, which still gives them an end. That's interaction. And then maybe those bullies will feel guilt later on in life if they have some kind of great moment of an epiphany. It's not likely, because they're so rich. They're so rich, and they never have to.

Maybe when they're on some of those expensive drugs or something, they'll have an insight. Oh, ecstasy or something like that, yeah. But then, you know, they might see you as a hard worker. And so when they're looking for someone to clean there. Yeah, they're cleaning their policy. Yeah, they're mentioning their political office or something like that.

They might get you. Or if they just want to have like a cleaner who comes with them at all time. Not necessarily cleaner, maybe just somebody who picks up the garbage they just throw on the ground. I like it. I think that's a sketch. I think I think letting your kids into the prior, into the most expensive private school. I mean, I would say I could probably even swing this just for free, right? I just buy a second hand uniform from one of the fucking

I've got an op shop in Turaq and one of the expensive neighborhoods Cobble together, you know, the best-looking uniform that I can and then every lunchtime I grabbed my kid from their piss box a state school slap him into this blazer chuck chuck a tie over the head, and then throw him over the fence down the back near the tennis courts. They go and they sort of go, hey, hey guys. How are you?

How tough, like, religion class. And then they become friends with those people. That's right. And then that way you keep them from away from all those predatory teachers. I think this could even be a concept for a film. That's a good idea. Because you just want that access to rich people later on.

Mm-hmm. I could even drop that. I could even get involved in some of the extracurricular activities after school or whatever audition or something for something. I think it's a quite a good teen comedy. Oh, that's right. And maybe you could just take the name of one of the kids that died at school. One of the kids that died because they have lots. Yeah.

They have lots because of all the abuse. Oh my god. Oh. No. I mean, that's another way you could get in. You could give a character reference to one of the teachers who does something bad. And that really gives you an end. It gives you cachet amongst the certain people.

And compromise. Yeah, that's right. The circle of people who are protecting, then they're going to protect you. They'll let you bring your kid in at lunchtime. This movie is called Lunch Breakers. Right? And it's sort of like wedding crashes.

Okay. But for school kids, lunch breaks, and private schools. And you really load up your kid's lunch box with lots of stuff that other kids are going to want to trade on. That is so good. Yes, because they've probably all got some fucking vegan thing, you know, high glucose, no, low GI thing. But you send your kid in there with a white bread. Box of squirms.

You know, but the food of the peasants, which is the thing that we know the elite love. You know, cheese and veggie might sandwich on white bread, or Nutella. Yes. That's how you win them over with that Italian delicacy. So it sort of becomes then a little bit like sort of a drug dealing kind of thing.

Operation. You're bringing in the... But you don't use drugs so that you don't get picked up. Roll ups. Fruit, roll ups. Man, let's not do it. I like it so much. Breaking into those upper echelons of society.

They can remember hearing when some friend of Prince Harry's was trying to set him up with people. I remember her doing an interview at some point saying, we're looking around for people. She was like, I was looking up at a guy on the forum and she'd known Megan Markle in some way and was like, you know, she's, she's, she's, like, yeah, well, in a way, she's like, she's not one of the elites, like, she's not an aristocrat, but she is very good at,

like, moving in those circles, like, they accept her and she knows the conventions. And so they can bring her up there and she can sort of work with, you know, like, be around rich people culture and promoted to the premiership. Yeah, and so then she was like, well, let's introduce him. She is viable. Essentially, you know, because I think it's just a small community of, you know, billionaire. Potentially viable. Yeah.

You know, the children of, you know, owners of sort of Johnson and Johnson, sort of. And of course, the children of Megan Markle's dad, who seems to be one of the worst guys in the world. Yeah. Just craziness. Yeah. Massive asshole. Yeah. I don't know enough about it.

I don't know anything about it either. I'm sorry, Megan Markle's dad. I know you listen to the podcast. Yeah. I mean, we've always just I'm sorry, Megan Markle's dad. I know you listen to the podcast. I mean, we've always just done this podcast for me. And Markle's dad, and here you are, Andy, attacking our, our, our, our, our raison d'être. Hmm. A reasonable, detre.

Here's the thing, right? So I pronounce, I speak French, but I pronounce, croissant, croissant, right? So I pronounce, I speak French, but I pronounce croissant, croissant, right? I mean, one of the greatest, one of the greatest probably, you know, traitorisms to my language, but I do it because I think that when you speak English, you pronounce the words in the way that the people who speak English pronounce them. Yeah, right. Interesting. Because there is almost no similarity between croissant and the word in French croissant. Right? It's like, I mean, really you should just be saying crescent.

Yeah. Because that's our English word for what that is. Yeah, we should translate it. Yeah, but instead we're trying to say it like it's a French word by not saying it at all like it. So it's, it's, I think, it's more like, CR, but it's the back of the throat. CR, and then, what? I think that we should do a sort of a foreign language class for French people

But all we do is we just teach them the Australian pronunciation of French words. I think that's a great Great sketch. It's a great sketch It's it's a straight. It's called Australian French for the French and You know we Will we teach people how to pronounce Ls. Um, was that V-V-V-L-L-E? Yeah, Ville, you know, and, um, uh, let's see, uh,

I don't have a single other example, but that doesn't matter. There can be only two words in this entire class, but we teach them to teach the Frenchies to speak. I mean, I think that's a great thing. It's the kind of business I could get into. If I, you know, when comedy stops working out, so it would just be like me. What's the value of this?

Why is it useful to people? Well, it allows people to integrate into like there's less friction in terms of like, like you know, just like little micro problems. You know, somebody here's you go, hello, yes, I will have a cafe with a Quassa. And then they go, what the fuck are you talking about? Well, we get it, but you're a wanker. And we don't like wankers around here. But we will take you away.

Are our French people all wankers? No. No. No. Okay. It's just... But why do they talk like that then? I can't even begin to understand why they talk like that. It's like they're speaking another language. Do they think they're better than us or something? They probably do. There isn't a way. It's only because they demonstrably are. But it's a weird thing is that we just think of French as just a better language in some way. I mean, a more... Where would France sit as like a country in terms of education and, you know, on the objective scale of,

can we work out if they actually are better than us? I guess they got all this history and art and stuff, but I don't know if that means that they're better than us. I kind of feel like France is a little bit of a developing country. Yeah, right. I guess in that they're always developing and growing. Yeah, in a way that we, again, clearly aren't.

Yeah, but I think, look, I actually don't know the stats on how well France is going and I think, maybe they've been having their own problems. But at least they're trying stuff, you know? I think so, but I think also there's some parts of France that are unbelievably stuck in their ways. Right. Like things like, you don't really change jobs.

You have, it's like a midsy bovvy. So you have like just like a like a job for life. You become, you're the, this guy, you're the guy who makes the towels. And in this small town, and then you're just the towel maker. And that's what we do. I think I'd like that. But, yeah, who wants that? Well, you can do that.

You can just do a thing over and over again, get really good at it, and then keep doing it over and over again, and just improving your process. Basically, with the film, Giro Dreams of Sushi is all about. It's like there's some culture in Japan, which is like, it's just about work ethic,

and it's about doing the same thing over and over again and improving it. Yeah, and that's never going to happen in Australia. Well, you could still do it within the bubble of your life. That's never going to happen in Australia. Yeah. Um, are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT.

You could enjoy a recession resistant career in a rewarding field with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time. Mycomputercareer.edu.

I do. So you would love to Japan, too. Now is the time mycomputercareer.edu. I do. So you would move to Japan, dude. Just on the, the, the, the people going to lunch time to the private school. Yeah. It might be quite a good strategy as well, just for getting around and getting ahead in business

and that sort of thing. To just go spend your time going to cafes in, you know, dress up in a nice suit or whatever, and just go to cafes in the business district and sort of have fake meetings with people and talk on your Bluetooth headset, but it doesn't even have to be real. You know, you can just make one out of plasticine or something like that.

So they become like a sort of a colon artist. No, it's just to get a job, or to get to know these people and to colon them into employing you. But then once you've got the job, you'll do the work. Yeah, of course. As a way to getting a different job. Yeah. But I mean, I guess, yeah, if you're getting a job in a field that you already know, know Everything how to do then that's great. Or are you just making it up through phone calls? Well, isn't all business just making it up through phone calls?

Probably yes probably but you don't know that until you're on the job It's a real learning on the job If they're like well here. We kind of don't really do phone calls We use you know we communicate through chalkboards or something like that. You know, you don't know. I really like the idea of somebody molding themselves a little Bluetooth headset out of a bit of plasticine and like a pen lid or something like that

and putting it in the area. Sure. This person, they've got nothing, right? They've got some art supplies or something like that. And then they decide that they want to make it at the highest echelons of business. And they use their skills as a sort of, in craft, to cobble together some things,

make a little fake doll of food. But also make a suit out of a non-suit thing. Right paper. Yeah, I mean, even if you say you just had details or something, and you're like, you somehow were able to just, you had patience. And that was the one thing that you did have. You don't have anything else.

And you just sort of slowly but surely took all these brown details and turned them into a brown business suit. Something that looked like a brown business suit. You've got patience, you've got time on your hands. You craft, you craft your suit. You make what looks like an iPad, but you just really need to make the back,

and then you can rip the pages out of some old bookens, like slip it in there so it looks like you've got one of those leather cases. And then you just sort of pretend to be tapping away at it, and then somebody comes over and you close it before they can see the screen, obviously, because you've got so many business secrets on there. But you're just using your craft skills, and then using all of those, somehow you work your way up to be. Does it feel like a French movie in some way? I don't know why.

It does. Yeah. But where is this going? What is this person doing? Where are they heading? Is this going to all go wrong for them? Yeah, probably. It's going to get kind of close to what it feels like. I mean, this is not quite, but it's starting to have a bit of a parasite feel. Oh, really? Well, there's an element, a little bit to it. What about they work at a school? Yeah.

They're an art teacher or craft teacher or something at a primary school, and then the school gets closed down for some reason to be replaced with a chemical factory. Right, good. And then they do try, they use their ability as a craft person. It's so French. This is so fucking French. This is really French.

Yeah. So cute and French. And then they do work their way up. It's got to be a woman, I imagine, doing this because it's not cute and French and then they do work their way up. It's gotta be a woman, I imagine doing this. Because it's not cute and French if it's a man. Well, unless it's a girl. Unless it's a cute French man. Yeah, it's like a weak, meek man.

Mm. And they work their way up. And they become one of the board of the company or something like that. I think if it's a woman though, it becomes Emily. Right, yeah, well then we, man, manly. Yeah, man, maly, here we go. Yeah.

Now I'm listening. Yeah, and so then they need something that pays more, they need something, you know, and then maybe they keep just crafting their way through, like that's how they actually get through the job, it's just through craft. Yeah. But what are they achieving? What are they?

Well, are they trying to get the school made? I think, you know, we can have it at some point. They change from wanting to have the school made to, once they actually saved, saved, saved. They want to, they decide actually that they would like to become the head of the chemical plan. And then they do that. And they. Yeah. And then they, and then there's some kind of weird thing

where the person who was buying the chemical factor is now the head of the school. Well, no, it's actually, you realize that the person that you saw at the beginning who was running the chemical factor is them. Amazing, and time is. Is them. Amazing. And time is circular. Yeah.

Yeah. It's really interesting. Now it's so French. This is such a French film. Yeah. Eventually they craft themselves an entire like plasticine face of like some bloated old plutocrat. Man. And they just assume this identity and they climb of like some bloated old plutocrat, man.

And they just assume this identity and they climb into this sort of robotic fat suit body that they've made with bits of string and popsicle sticks. And then they just start living that life. There's an interesting idea that where it would mean that they can use craft to get through everything because let's say they're asked to write a report.

And then they kind of just make it by recreating it by taking tiny little stamps and making it look like there's lots of writing there instead of formatting it the way that reports are. And they give it something, but nobody looks at it. Nobody really pays attention, things like that. And you just kind of climb your way up and they go, we love that. Things like that. And you might put a nice image at the front.

A friend of mine has a consultancy business and he did this huge report for this company, worth all this money, lots of really interesting findings, gives it to them and nobody has read it months later. They just didn't, they just didn't get a, people moved on, people moved jobs and that's the thing. You're like, yeah, what do you think of this? Oh, yeah. We haven't, we haven't got around to looking at that.

Just, you know. There's so much lost money out there. There's just people. But it's the only way that we get the trickle down. That's true. People restructuring things, people getting consultants in for things. It's French movie, by the way. I'm right in this French movie.

Oh yeah. Just write down the words French movie. French movie. I think we should make's French movie by the way, right? And it's French movie. Oh yeah. Just write down the words French movie. French movie. I think we should make a French movie. But it can all be with Australian accents. But all speaking French. But French with Australian pronunciation of croissant. It's a perfectly French movie. Every, all the French actors are playing straight French characters with French accents as they speak in French except for when they say a few words that we also have in Australian English and then they pronounce them with an

Australian accent. And I guarantee to you that this will win the best foreign film at the next. I mean, the interesting part, I think, will be that part where the French person, woman or man, is the head of the chemical company and wants to buy the school, and then they meet the, you know, in that scene where they kind of, the head of the school, then they meet the you know in that scene where they kind of the head of the school maybe sorry the head of the chemical company who is now them you know it is that the person original the art teacher they walk past them and they might meet him briefly sees themselves as the art teacher again and they have an inter like a weird interaction where I don't know do they recognize themselves

and then they see that person maybe then they're like that is me I remember who I used to be right and then that person goes off and starts trying to change who they are and maybe now you see the head of this chemical company's like becomes obsessed with them and they start following them and not really watching them from afar yeah and then they're trying to peel off the plasticine face mold, but it doesn't come away. Yeah, and then there is something that happens in order for them to let go with their position as the head of the chemical company and gives it to this other version of it. Yeah. Yeah. As they try and regain their soul in some way.

Yeah, and maybe it's that person whose lost, whose decided to step down from the head of the chemical company, who decides that, no, we need to save this school. There was something beautiful here. This is the greatest movie of all time. Anyway, if you are a producer or anything like that and you want to put some development money towards it, it'll be Canal Plus.

Interested in Canal Plus. Yeah, me too. They'll make it. It'll be minimal on words, but it'll be maximal on beautiful heart, and maybe we can get Gondry to direct it. Because I mean, he'll love that craft stuff, Michelle Gondry. Oh yeah, that's him.

Love's a bit of craft. Yeah. And he's been out of the, I don't know, I'm like, for a bit. So what's he done since Be Kind rewind? I don't know. I don't know either. I haven't been paying attention. But him and Charlie Kaufman, both kind of, it's like they've lost their chances to make more movies. Charlie Kaufman I think carries it quite heavily on his shoulders. That's

why he made that play a normal Lisa. It was like an audio play, which then some animators were like, we want to, at least, that we want to make that into a film. And it was like an amazing film, but it was also just a, it wasn't like a big financial success. Is he, is he, Charlie Kaufman, you think is distressed by the fact that he's not making movies? Yeah, I think he thinks he fucked it up with, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek,inek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinek, Sinekct... Sinecta-Key, New York, yeah.

Really? Because that was his directorial debut. But he fucked it up, I think, just in terms of... It wasn't a huge financial success. He thinks it was maybe too weird, which I love that film. I'm gonna go back and watch it again soon. I'm watching it right now. I just finished watching it.

Ah! Go away fun. Yeah, we have good times. We fun. We fun, aren't we? We fun. It's the new Chinese app, we fun. Yeah, we have good times. We fun. We fun. We fun. We fun. It's the new Chinese app we fun Probably well, they have we chat there would be one. Yeah, yeah, we you that's the Nintendo that's Japanese The Japanese Chinese note in Nintendo. Yeah I

Would love to become an archaeologist. You think so? Well, I really want to- So you build buildings, old buildings? Yeah, old buildings. I'd love to take up old buildings. What I really want is the treasure, but I'll settle for the old buildings

and whatever the fucking- Well, you know, like some people just like- Old pots are rotten. Some of the stuff is you just go and like you read like old diaries of explorers and shit like that, right? Vikings or the diaries of the Vikings. The diaries of the Vikings are like ancient like Dutch people who came to Australia whatever.

And then you have to based on what they've said, work out, work out where they may have left some stuff. And then you go and find that stuff and then you dig it up and it's like working a whole bunch of things. That's really good. You're just solving a little puzzle or something. Yeah. You're getting the clues. That's what. And you just go and dig up the treasure. That's what, like in England, it's like much more, it's good because there was like heaps of history there of stuff like, you know, coins and things like that from periods that people don't have that much written history of.

You know what we should be doing? We should be measuring, burying treasure right now. Right, of course. As an investment, because like we've got a bunch of gold and stuff now. It's all in reserve banks and that sort of thing. And it's worth X amount of dollars, whatever. But think how great it would be for human civilization assuming there is any in 500,000 years

to dig up just a little bit of that. Like what, who is out there burying treasure in this day and age? Nobody, we're all focused on fucking digging it up. But the real investment is in burying it for the future. But I think, like, you know, Fort Knox and things like that, those are buried treasure essentially. Oh my God, you're right.

You know. But are we putting in booby traps? Because I think we should put in booby traps. Because one of the problems with real treasure is that there aren't actually really booby traps. There are no elaborate rotating things, all that kind of crap. I think we should be putting some of that in. I think people say it goes to the future that we want. I think people say like booby traps like that just for like their weed plantation. Of course, where they've just put a trip wire attached to a shotgun. It's all preppers, all psychotic preppers.

a tripwire attached to a shotgun. It's all preppers, all psychotic preppers. Yeah, so. Destroyed their brains, drinking. And the problem with weed is that it won't last over the years, and it will just decompose. The bugs love it, you know, once it's dead dead. Do they? I see.

I think that's what happens with all vegetable matter. You're right, okay. I thought you meant there was something special about weed that bugs loved. Maybe probably getting high, you know, they love those ancient medicines. So what do you, but what do you think of my idea about like a campaign to bury some treasure? To do it and do it properly with maps, with booby traps, with, you know, little traps with little clues, you know, tattooed onto the head of a baby or something like that. Could you do this as like an alternative to like an escape room where it's like a place where, you know, a bit of land that you got where you, people are all dressed up as pirates

and shit. You get them to, you know a bit of a body of water and some of that, and they've got a phone where this treasure is. I think, well, that's a bit too immediate, right, a bit too real. What I might offer as part of my service is what you've inspired me to suggest is that,

like, if your family invests a certain amount of money in my project to bury treasure, then I will give your family three scrolls that you can share amongst the children of your family and hand down through the generations. And those three skull scrolls, if combined, do form a clue that will lead one of your family members in the future to this buried treasure. Maybe if you could tattoo it on the back of one of the children? I will. I will.

I will tattoo it on the back of one child. I will scar it into the memory of another child. And I will give another one some GPS coordinates. That's nice. Yeah. Yeah. It's a long term. It's a long term.

Yeah, I see a sort of another kind of, like it's like not really an investment for them because they don't get anything back or does the goal just keep going up in value? Well, I imagine it would. And also when things are treasured, they actually have a bigger value than the face value of the, you know, the mineral value of the goal. Maybe you stamp it into something. Yeah, I stamp it. Limited run.

It'll look, I'll get an artisan to do something with it to put a sapphire in the mouth of a jade god or something. Yeah. And so that you can picture sort of like in, you know, 50 years or whatever people get it or 20 years. No, no, no, no, we're talking long term here. It's through the generations. You're okay, right.

This is for, you know, four generations down, the sons of the sons. I guess that's the use of art is really is that you can turn your things into treasure. So my thinking was that, yeah, you do it. Great. I then, and then sure. It's a family treasure business. You come and sign up because your family might be boring as bad shit now. But if your family are the only ones who have three clues to the lost treasure of the

Raskar, Mandana's, I'm sorry, I was going too close to a Tin Tin reference there, which I've been doing this whole time. Then suddenly your family will become interesting in about 200 years' time, which by the way is the only time when I've worked out that the various planets will align, which if you hold the scrolls up to the sky, you'll be able to see them in their place, and that will lead you to the treasure. So it's actually something that you can't even find until some sort of point of view. And I guess if you do it to really rich families, you could do it on their own huge part, like bits of land.

And you go, look, you have. It'll be very, very, very close to here. It'll be very close to here. I'll even come and I'll bury some of your wealth. I'll do it using your wealth. And I'll, it's sort of a trust fund to kind of thing long term Yeah, and then as well as like maybe creating some, you know, mythological meaning

I'll give you a mythology give you guys confidence something that in the future in the future to be more ruthless business-wise Yeah be more ruthless business-wise. Yeah. I'll allow you to sort of lobby the government more to not, you know, not- Based on your sense of entitlement. Yeah. Yeah. It'll have some real meaning. There'll be a prophecy. There's a prophecy. I'll do you a prophecy. That's good. That's nice. Self-fulfilling, the best kind. I love those. Yeah. Do we have some words from a listener? We do Andrew Andrew Today's three words from our patreon supporter is from Robert Nettleson. That is a fantastic name Robbie net skim Olsen. Yeah, Robbie net Nettleson Nettleson. That's very good. N-E-T-T N-E-T-T baby

N-E-T-T? N-E-T-T, baby. Yoooo! Hello, Robert. Um, Robert is sent us three words. Do you want to guess what the first word is? Yes, cardamom. Cardamon? Cardamom.

Mum? Cardamom, isn't it called cardamom? I thought it was cardamom, but... Could be. But look, I'll see if it's cardamom. A graded disagree. It's not cardamom. Um, it's gently. And it's genocidal and then it's cardamom. A graded disagree. It's not cardamom. It's gently.

And then it's genocidal and then it's genitalia. Gently genocidal genitalia. So, I mean, it, for me, this feels like, I think it's a hugely problematic first time. I think it's some Dr. Frankenstein who has tried to make the world's biggest genitalia. Somehow they've become sentient, but they have the sentientness of a snail. Now when you say the world's biggest genitalia, you're referring to a complete genitalia,

not just one portion of the genitalia, not say like an individual testicle or... They made one penis testicles. Yes. And one vulva with the whole package. Yeah, talking clitoris, rethra, vagina hole, Lavia, outer Lavia, and of course, vagina hole. And the general cervix even at the back there. Wow, yeah, that is the complete package. And but they're all they're not connected to a body and they're huge. They are sort of as bad as big as a three-story apartment building. Okay, that is big. Well, that's actually almost exactly as big as I was thinking. Yeah, and they are sentient. Sentient, but they have the sentient

intelligence of a snail. And so they move very slowly, leaving a trail. Yeah, a slimy trail. That checks out. And they sometimes, it's going to turn a lot of heads. Some people who are rubber necken. Yeah. Absolutely get crushed and sucked into the folds. Oh no. And you feel like you free sort of like a rabbit in the headlights.

Mm, of course. I mean, you have so many questions. Yeah. And and you're shouting them. You're shouting them. You want answers. You're said of you got your hand on your belt buckle. Hmm. Why did the scientist your shocked and aroused at the same time? Why did this doctor Frankenstein, Dr. Wankinstein, if you will, construct these enormous generals. What were they hoping to achieve?

Were they hoping to build an entire giant and they thought, I'll just build it from the genitals up? And out and down. I mean, so this will be the opening scene, this movie. These things, you see them crushing, sucking and absorbing people, you know, up into their folds, things like that, up into their various holes, and like that. And then, over the thing, course of it, we see this guy, Dr. Who we later find out is Dr. Wankin's time, his hands, his head in his hands, you know.

What have I created? Like that. And then cut to where it all began. Yeah, earlier. Wank and Stein as a young boy. Yeah. You know. And then we find out how we create this.

And then we'll find out what made him want to do this. And I couldn't tell you right now. Yeah. All we know is where it winds up. Where we're heading. I love it. You begin there in the middle of the action. These things are consuming the city.

Slowly, incredibly slowly, but they do have this hypnotic power. Are they, are they, they're two separate entities. Are they, um, enemies? Are they working together as a team? I think that's what, that's what's great is that like most, enemies, like, yeah, most enemy, instead of superhero movies. They'll have to tame up. The greatest enemies are also the best of friends, you know, or were once the best of friends. So I think that they can team up, but then especially against a common enemy.

Man. Really? You know, because I think once the military comes out, so it's trying to stop this. Which in Australia, I don't know how fast the military would really, it's trying to stop this. Which, in Australia, I don't know how fast the military would really be able to get here. Deploy, yeah. And I guess they get some fighter jets here,

but you don't want to just stick a missile in there, especially when there's people stuck in those folds. Yeah. But there are people stuck in those folds. We're gonna need kit. We don't have nuke. We don't have any. We don't tell them.

There's international listeners. Might use as an opportunity to... We're going to Newkit. We don't have Newx with Australia. We don't tell them. There's international listeners. Might use as an opportunity to... That is one of our strategic vulnerabilities. I'm going to give away all of Australia's. This is how I'm going to boost the numbers on the podcast. You got to offer people something. And what I'm offering is strategic vulnerabilities

in Australia's national security. So, tuning in every week, and I'll tell you something different about the way in which Australia could be vulnerable to international attack. I think that's great. Okay, we don't have his days, too, but we don't have nukes. Are submarines. Don't give away the submarines. We've got a lot of people back for next week, but there's going to be something good about us and something bad about our submarines

in next week's episode. All right, I'll say. I'll take us through the thing. Yeah, great. We've got these novel underwater breathing apparatus. We're talking a functional whirlpool. A functional mouth whirlpool. It's a fan in your mouth that makes whirlpools to open up a breathing hall for you

Or the inflatable mouthboat that you can breathe Then we've also got getting your kid into the lunch times of an expensive private school Yeah, get those connections with the the children of people, become friends with them before they are themselves powerful. Yeah, it's a private school hack. Absolutely. And then when later on in life, you'll be invited to all the expensive parties. You'll have contacts with people who are in charge of lots of money for their companies.

You'll be at a consult for them. You'll be able to do shows for them. You'll be able to dance for them while they throw money at your feet in your finger in a funny little suit. You can dance while you ask them to throw coins at you. And think about the kind of coins that rich people have. It's the gold stuff. Yeah.

And that way we're able to throw them pretty hard as well because of this strong muscles that they had for all the food they've been able to eat. But you didn't get. Yeah. Then you've got Australian French words in English for the French. It's a class that you can run for French people and how to pronounce French words in English. Hmm. Miss pronunciation.

It's, well that's maybe the name of the teacher. Madam Waselle, pronunciation. Then we got a French movie about a crafty art teacher who works their way up. Craft. Crafty art, craft. It's one of those words. It's a single syllable one that's just lying there. Who works their way up a chemical company to save their school.

It's being bought by the chemical company. But then the school gets saved by the new head of the chemical company. But then another head takes over. Mm. And that's them. Or is it? We'll find out.

Family treasure business. You invest in us burying your treasure. Mm. We'll set the whole thing up. This is a 200 year scheme. Absolutely, but you can do shorter ones for them as well. That involves you doing more to the gold. To sort of make it, to value it. Yeah, I'm basically a jeweler. basically, but a jeweler with a shovel.

Yeah. And then we got Dr. Wankinstein's, John, Gengely Genocidal, Genitalia. Yeah, I mean, what a well-developed sketch idea that one is. I think that's beautiful. Yeah. I mean, it's another film idea, really. Okay. But it's a German film instead. beautiful. Yeah, I mean, it's another film idea really. It's a German film. It's a real European cinema episode.

Thank you. And please do come to the show. Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, b sound that might not sound huge, but we're very good for us. Yeah, there's were two weeks out. And you have no idea how much your presence will be desired and appreciate it. Felt and appreciated. Hello to all the people that I've been meeting recently, who are listeners, who have just said, told me that they're coming to the show, and I very much appreciate that. And also, after you've bought tickets to Teleport, if you feel like coming and seeing

Alistair Tromblay virtual couldn't be more thrilled with everything, that's also. It's gonna be such a good show. It's gonna be such a wonderful show. And a good late night show that you can relax into. Our teleports are 630s show, but the other one, I've put it late enough so you have a good amount of time to have dinner and get a little tipsy. You know, smoke a little weed.

We perfectly respect you. More little cocaine. You know, you'll be one. You know. Inject a little heroin. You perfectly respect it. More little cocaine. You know, inject a little heroin. Whatever you need. Go down like a small K-hole, a little K-borrow. Yeah, just a K-borrow like that and just keep fading in and out.

And that's a perfect show for that kind of thing. It's not going to hush any of your buzzes, whatever they may be. Easy on buzzes Oh, but don't bring any narks unless they want to come and do and they're on drugs. Yeah, yeah And you can find us on Twitter to entangue. I'm a stupid old Andy. I'm at Alice at Tb Supporters on Patreon the people who support us on Patreon. We love you so much three dollars We'll get you a send in three words that we'll do wonderful things with and Eight dollars will get you the overflow tank which has sci-fi try guys,

which is where we write science fiction stories. Yeah. And at the moment, we're doing a series of teleport, which is our characters from the show teleport, talking about the technology. Talking about the technology, and some of the, where some of the ideas do come out and then eventually become part of the show.

But it's also just, you know, it's like a little background. It's a little background on these guys. A little run up for your mind. How did they come up with the idea of teleportation? Well, what you're wondering. Yeah. And we love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network.

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