Two In The Think Tank - 225 - "CANDLE PUNK" with JACK DRUCE (and improved audio after about 8 minutes)

Episode Date: March 17, 2020

SORRY about the audio for this one, it really does improve. But THANKS to the legendary JACK DRUCE for joining us. Subscribe to his excellent newsletter.Medal Man, Gun Back, Mic Freak, Lost Art of Conversation, Boomer Comedy, Bequestreon, Warming your Arson, CP, Kneely SoccerThe sad news is that the COMEDY FESTIVAL IS CANCELLED so you can't get tickets or come see any of our shows. Brutal times, deep thanks to everyone who bought tickets (you will get refunds) and we hope to see you all soon.But, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereLashings of thanks to George for producing this episode Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Flung flang, flung flung flang, flung flang, flung flung flang, flung flang, flung flung flang, flung flung flang, flung flung flang, flung flung flang, flung flung flang, flung flung flang, flung flung flang, flung flung flang, flung flung flang, flung flung flang, flung flung flang, flung flang flang, flung flang flang, flung flang flang, flung flang flang, flung flang flang, flung flang flang, flung flang flang, flung flang flang, flung flang flang, flung flang flang, flung flang flang, flung flang flang, flung flang flang, flung flang flang, flung flang flang, flung flang flang, flung flang flang, flung flang flang, flung flang flang, flung flang flang, flung flang flang, flung flang flang, flung flang flang, flung flang flang flang, flung flang flang flang, flung flang flang flang flang, flung flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang flang Hello and welcome to Two in the Think Tank. As I've already established on the version of the podcast that I tried to record where I wasn't wearing my microphone, this is recorded under ideal laboratory conditions, down by the roller door, next to the construction workers listening to their radio, and near to the very loud doorbell. But also... Even more ideal than that. But also, with a 2 and a Think Tank's very own golden boy.

Thank you. Jack Druce. That's how I've always viewed myself, but it's good to get it recognized. To us, you're the fifth member of the 2 and a Think Tank. As I understand it, gold is not a very reactive metal It almost doesn't react with anything at all And that what that tells me is that you could actually probably inject as much gold as you wanted into your bloodstream

And it wouldn't have any effect on your biology not negative any No, indeed. I mean, you'd feel a little heavier, but it's nice to have a bit of weight behind things. You'd also have extra value. And that's, I mean, but what I'm saying is that even if he was pumped full of liquid gold. To the brim with gold. Jack Drews couldn't possibly be any more valuable to me because he already is. Oh, that's so nice. I've always hoped someone would say exactly that about me. Well, it should put your mind at ease, I guess, that I will never pump you full of liquid gold because I wouldn't see the point. Nobody else has ruled it out.

No, and it's happened a few times now, so it's good to know who I can trust regarding pumping me full of liquid gold. Could that be good if you were, I watch a lot of fighting these days. You and Alistair both. I don't know if this is a good thing in my life or a terrible thing, I have no idea, but I love it. But there's a period, so you have to cut weight for the fight. But then you still want to come into the fight as heavy as you can. So it's like they rehydrate and you can eat whatever you want between the weigh-in and the fight. Do you feel like pumping your whole body full of liquid gold could give you...

Maybe not your whole body, but I think your fists. Yeah. I mean, I don't see there's any downside to having fists of gold. Let me try and think of one. You know, get it injected in there. I mean, maybe even cut little slits open and just pack some solid gold in there. Oh, yeah, nice and sharp. Behind the knuckles.

You don't think that would affect your flesh on the inside as well? It might weaken it a little. I don't know. Is that what you're thinking? I don't know. I'm just worried. I'm worried. I mean, maybe if you drank just like a light solution of liquid gold,

but diluted in sort of like 10 litres of water. Sure. Like that, just so it's kind of, you know, maybe that's how you could get a little bit in there. I think those heavy fists, you know, they do more damage. That's true. But then you also get more tired. You're carrying all that liquid gold around.

Because that's what, that's, Do you know how tiring punching is? I almost don't. I reckon you need to do a minute of punching just to get an idea. Right now? I mean, you can if you want to. It's already tiring. That was four seconds. Imagine if you won the gold medal for boxing

and then you came back for the next Olympics having melted that gold medal down and put it in your fists. What a psychological advantage you'd have carrying the previous gold medal in your knuckles. And there's no rules against that, I assume. No. I mean, if it doesn't show up on a drug test or something like that, I don't see. I always feel...

I don't think they test for that. Do they x-ray you? They should. They should to check that you haven't got that adamantium skeleton. They get an old-timey prospector to give you a good sort of... He sifts through your blood? That's the final blood test they do. They have one of those guys with a pan and a sieve and yeah squats down by a river and just works his way through looking for flakes

gold dust and i think i think um melting down and injecting the gold medal into your body in preparation for the next olympics is a very strong uh sketch premise which uh olympic disciplines do you think this would give you the edge in? Because it's like boxing, there you go, but then you've got swimming, you're much less so. But, I mean, think about swimming. You want to stay in the water. Yeah. You don't want to risk doing a butterfly stroke so well

you flop up onto the land again. Yeah, like a seal or something. That's going to slow you down. It might help with your tumble turns or something. If you had more weight close to your core, you might reduce your angular momentum. Yeah, after the dive you want to stay underwater for quite a while, I think. There you go, maybe hours. Yeah, maybe forever.

There you go, maybe hours. Yeah, maybe forever. I think the actual diving off the board or something like that might help. Increase your mass to air resistance ratio. Is there any other advantage other than increasing your weight to having gold inside? I guess are you more conductive of electricity? Does that help you? And it's not just any gold. Like, it's the gold medal.

You're full of gold, but you're also full of victory. Yeah. It's true. The very essence of victory. But somehow you've had to let everybody know that there's, like, I guess because it strikes fear in your enemies, right? But you've had to let them know without letting sort of, I guess, the ruling body kind of know that you've got gold inside you.

I mean again, it does really feel like something that a boxer would do. Yeah. Like it's one thing to unify all the all the belts, all the title belts. It's another thing to unify them by melting them down and ingesting them. Yeah, and eating all the leather. Oh, they're unified. They're in me right now. And if you want them, you're going to have to

beat them out of me. Punch the shit, literally punch the shit out of me. Reconstitute them into a somehow the original form. I think it's something. Yeah, it's written down. it's been written down for ages,

so I don't know why I'm going on about it. I guess we were trying to make it into more of a sketch. Do you think there could be a gold medal for comedy? Do you think that comedy could be at the Olympics? I would love, more than anything, some kind of objective measure of comedy, because then I would either be validated or know that I could quit happily.

Like at the moment there's nothing. Like I feel like you don't get these sort of like, in sports you can't just do it forever and go like, maybe this will be my year. It's probably not. Yeah. You know when it's over. You know when you've peaked. You know when everybody's moved past you and you just begin to slide.

No international rankings in comedy. Well, so it could either be a length thing, you know, a person who jokes the furthest. I guess a person who takes an idea either the furthest or travels the furthest for a joke. Yes. Right? Then there's also the fastest. I guess who can do the shortest joke. Do the shortest or get the fastest laugh.

The fastest and strongest, I assume. But then there's the ones that are kind of like the floor, you know, the floor gymnastics thing, where there's a certain amount, like you just got to do a certain amount of moves within a routine. A routine that's already working. That's a word that we use in comedy. You know, maybe you make use of the stage,

of that little mat. You can use the same mat. Just get given a wireless mic. Yep. You know? And you can have a little ribbon coming flying off it. What I'm excited is to see the uniform that they put you in. Yeah.

The leotard. Because there's no one doing comedy in a uniform. There's no national look. Okay, we're back. We're back. There's been an interval. Maybe even two intervals. I'm not sure. Two intervals. We had to pause the podcast on account of the men at the building site next door beginning to chainsaw some concrete.

Chainsaw. Yeah, it took about an hour. It was the noisiest thing in the universe. Now we're in a different room. I feel like we're different people now. Different configuration, yes. Certainly our hearing is worse than it was before. And our will to live is sort of...

Yes. Severely diminished. Diminished. But, you know, maybe we'll all have a nap during this podcast and then become back refreshed. Well, if we do another eight minutes, then another hour break. Yeah. Keep going in that pattern.

By 2026, we'll have finished the podcast and we will have been fresh the whole time yeah perfect do you think any other animals have like a specific will to live or do they just sort of want to avoid death you know like like we feel like we need to have like a positive thing of like i've got to keep going for reasons i've got to have reasons to keep going well there's the bee i guess the bee who's willing to sacrifice its life but do you think it knows that it's sacrificing its life i reckon the queen doesn't tell them i reckon the queen probably says trust me you got heaps of these stingers yeah john over there he's stung people 50 times he's fine meanwhile you can't tell if it's the same John.

You know, all the bees look alike. The queen's pulling the rug over their eyes. This is what's crazy is that if you're a bee, there's no point where you're ever told that stinger on the back of your butt that is for hurting other creatures, right? Like, you must just get angry or in a position of, like, I'm about to get crushed and die in between this guy's, like,

in this guy's armpit or something. And then you just get this urge to just use your ass. Yeah. And just then push your ass right into the skin. Wedge your ass up into something. Like, your prong just gets real hard and erect and then you just push it into that armpit and then and then it pulls out your guts as you walk away it would it is it is almost like the moment where a where a young super boy discovers he has

superpowers or something like that but unfortunately they also kill him but it's the same moment like you're in this position of tension and crisis and that's when you become you're the greatest version of yourself and this ability that you've always had becomes real becomes realized yeah and then your guts instantly die yeah suicide man the greatest You die. Suicide man. The greatest superhero. He can shoot you, but only by shooting through his own head. So he has a gun in his back. Maybe behind his heart. Yeah, it's pointing towards his heart.

And so he can shoot anybody. But the bullet has to come out of his chest, via his heart. Yeah. And so he can shoot anybody, but the bullet has to come out of his chest via his heart. Maybe everyone should have this. Yeah. Everyone should just have a gun on their back and hopefully nobody will pull the trigger when you're a kid. I mean, what a prank though. Going up to people pulling their triggers. You think gun back is a sketch? Gun back. I mean, what it gives you is, you know, one murder per lifetime, I suppose.

Yeah. But it is, by definition, a murder-suicide. You're allowed one murder-suicide. Yeah. Which I guess is the same amount as everybody else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You only get one murder-suicide. You only get one life, yes.

But you also only get one murder-suicide. So make it count. You would... Take out a politician or someone. You'd be so humiliated if you just missed badly. You'd like decide,

I didn't want to do this, but, you know, it's worth it. Everything this guy's doing, I'm taking the shot, and you sort of clip him on the ankle, and you're like, well, that's right through my heart. I mean, I guess the thing would be that you always do it in the form of a hug. A hug, but then you've got to...

You can only hug with one arm and then try to reach behind your back with the other. Why are you reaching behind your back? And also, because our hearts are on different the other way you're reaching behind your back and also because our hearts are on different sides when you're hugging somebody you'd be shooting yourself through your heart but you'd only be perforating their lung yeah so it's by no means a guaranteed kill shot you've got to go for a backwards one-armed hug yeah which is it's tough to pull off one of those surprise bear hugs yeah but they might have a gun on their back

Yeah, I think if it's a society where everybody has one. I think everybody has to have one. Yeah for it to be fair Like I think they're born with a gun on their back. Oh, it's grafted on early. Yeah. Yeah. Yes We want to be fair this one guy has it so we better put it on everybody else. But grafted on so early, you're taking the newborn back home from the hospital and it's got a loaded gun on its back, I feel like. It's a real bad scenario because you're not supposed to let babies sleep on their front. You're right, this could be dangerous.

Yeah. But I think that there's definitely a sketch idea in this world yeah in this version of society it's not like a politician pitching this as as their means of gun control like all right we're not getting rid of guns but if you want to have a gun you can graft it onto your back and shoot anyone through your own heart once. So maybe your finger actually has the key to the trigger. Like your trigger is on your finger and the key is in there so that nobody can just throughout your life just pull the trigger on your back. Right, but doesn't that mean that if you form a fist with your hand, you'll shoot yourself?

No, no, because you have to put it into the gun. Oh, there's like a little magnet in there. Yeah, that's what I was saying, it's like a key, so only your trigger will fit the lock on the thing. Right, yeah. And then you pop it in, and then... What if you've got like a John McCain type scenario where your arms are quite badly injured and you can't really reach around to shoot yourself?

Well, I'm sorry, you can't murder anyone. You can't kill yourself. I guess that's what the price you pay for being badly injured. Sorry. I mean I guess you could cut your finger off and get somebody else to put it in for you and pull the trigger. Yeah. But then that's murder, murder. That's just murder, murder. Potentially double murder, murder. It's just murder, murder. Potentially double murder, yeah. Yeah, which you're not allowed any of those.

You're only allowed one murder, suicide. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you're not allowed them, but how are they going to get you? I guess they can still put you in prison if you haven't killed yourself. Yeah. Yes. Ah, it's the perfect crime.

Ah, perfect crime. You want you where you don't die? Is that the perfect crime in this world? One where you get put in prison? Yeah. Which would be, I guess, less full than in regular world? I suppose, yeah. Hmm.

Trouble is if you're a mobster, you never need to carry a gun. You just need to put somebody's hand behind their back. Yeah, that's true. You don't want to threaten somebody. Oh, the sort of schoolyard, like getting your hand behind your back is like a, you just need to put somebody's hand behind their back. Yeah, that's true. You don't want to threaten somebody. Oh, the sort of schoolyard, like getting your hand behind your back is like a, you know, like in a fight sort of wrestling thing that becomes so much more dangerous. Potent. Yeah.

Real potent. Yeah. Good incentive to not do that. Do you know what I'd do? What? I'd cut my hand off real early, chuck it into a river. Oh, that's good. Yeah.

So it's still somewhere though. Yeah. you're right some kid's gonna find that on a beach jumanji style get the fingerprints track you down yeah and you know by that point what's that you know that that app now that that um that app that they've got that uh sort of like police and stuff for using where you can just put anybody's face into it and it gives you clear view analytics or something like that. By that point they might already have the hand version of that. So they can take a photo of the hand and then it'll tell you it's Andy Matthews' hand.

So then your address will just be on somewhere. They'll come and find you and then they'll pull the trigger on your own back. What you've got to do is you've got to take your hand off, put it straight into a meat grinder. Yeah. Drink it. Drink it, man. Drink it, yeah.

And then never let yourself poop it out, because if that trigger isn't mangled enough, then you're in real trouble because it's going to be in the landfill somewhere. There'll be people always going around with little metal detectors at the tip or at the sewer or whatever looking exactly for this. So great is the desire to murder a stranger.

They would be out there looking. Unfortunately, one of the skills that I don't think anybody has developed yet is selective pooping, the ability to choose what you do and don't let out has developed yet is selective pooping the ability to choose what you do and don't let out it's one out all out there must be there must be a circus performer who can somewhere they must who can decide what and what shape to poop things out what order yeah you know so he swallows a bunch of different keys yeah and then you know four or five days

later i don't know what the average turnaround is remember that guy who could who would show up on a bunch of different keys. Yeah. And then, you know, four or five days later, I don't know what the average turnaround is. Remember that guy who would show up on like Hey Hey Saturday and he could like swallow things

and he'd be like, like that. And he'd hit himself and he'd go, and then he'd swallow like a pool ball. He could regurgitate certain ones on cue.

Yeah, on cue. Like, you know. Pool ball on cue. How perfect. I think he could do like a bunch of letters and then bring them up. But it seems to me like it's probably just sleight of hand and it's fake in some way. Do you think? Maybe. I mean, maybe.

It seems like it would be a much easier way to do it than somehow. Yeah, I think there was a guy who definitely did swallow things. Yeah. But then I don't know whether or not how much sleight of hand there was I think is he also like Swallowed a bunch of sugar and then would bring it up dry. Oh And a goldfish as well if anyone's wondering what passed for entertainment in Australia Yeah, it was a show called. Hey. Hey at Saturday where we would all sit down and watch this man regurgitate things.

I'm pretty sure he's an American man. I have a memory like he came to my school. Did he? I'm sure it's a manufactured memory, but I feel like I saw him at my primary school. But that can't be right. He wouldn't have. Maybe we were watching it on TV at school or I've conflated it somehow. I could just be lying to try and sound cool to you guys.

Like he was the top dog in the swallowing weird stuff world and you got like a sort of open mic level kind of like just like middle of the rung. You can't regurgitate everything on cue but you can

eat some sugar and then it'll get sick for a while and cough up some of it there you go kids that was pretty good it's i think that's sugar it looks it looks a bit sugary it's something it's sweet anyone want to check i am i sort of like the idea of a of an open mic freak show type circuit you know because already on open mic freak show type circuit. You know, because already on open mic comedy, you end up with some pretty strange people coming out and showing off whatever they, what they consider to be comedy. Yeah, which isn't quite comedy.

Yeah. The idea that these people are kind of like almost freaks or just sort of like, you know, they haven't quite got their freak credentials. Yeah, they haven't found their voice or whatever. I think that's a sketch. The, you know, yeah but but somehow in their performance of a freak show level um whatever entertainment they do sword swallowing or whatever they somehow managed to reveal

themselves to be a real big weirdo like a lot of people do in open mic comedy. That freak was a real weirdo. He doesn't realise for what reason he's really a freak. Yeah. So he thinks he's like, look at the way I can turn my eyelids inside out, you know, to have that weird red bit exposed. Yeah.

But really it's his personality. I feel like more the direct one-to-one comparison with open mic comedy is someone, it's like the open mic comedian is someone who sees Bill Hicks and they're like, yeah, man, I can do that. That's what I'm all about. I'm going to keep it. And what they do is such a terrible, odd version of that.

But they think it's going to be the same because they don't understand what goes into that and the context of that that so they've seen a sword swallower and they'd be like i can do that and then they've just sorted my ram the sword like right down their gullet without learning any of the shit you're meant to know and then pulling it up and then instantly dying yeah like this yeah or they're just a drunk person in the audience who watches a sword swallower and then says, I could swallow a sword. Everyone in my office says I'd be good at swallowing swords. All my mates like it when I swallow weird stuff.

I went to a lost trades fair on the weekend. And it's people making shoes or bows and arrows or doing blacksmithing and that kind of stuff. And it occurred to me that a satirical take on a lost trades fair, guys, would be sort of like bloody listening in conversation or something like that. So you go there and there's a little tent set up and there's two men with beards there wearing aprons or whatever. But all they do is they just sit down and they just actually pay attention while the other person is talking. That's a bloody lost art.

You know? Reading a bloody book for life. Reading a book. Reading a bloody book, I tell you. A paper one where you really feel it, feel the weight. The smell. Rewinding a type with a pen. Yeah, bloody hell.

Lost. Oh, so that's why it was called the Lost Fair. I had no idea why it was called that. You thought it was about the TV show Lost. Lost, yeah. And I was like, oh, great, it'll be a big, super strong magnet or something. Yeah, Jack and Sawyer and all the gang. The guy with the... Polar bears.

Yeah. Anyway, what do you reckon of my Lost Trades Fair sketch idea, Alistair? I just didn't think that the idea of a Lost Trades Fair was a thing that people knew about. Is this just the only place that runs it, or is this a common thing? I think it's a concept that you can very quickly establish for the purposes of a sketch and then riff on.

And I think it's a thing that people accept will exist very easily. And in fact, I insist that you write it down because I guarantee to you that this is a sketch idea. Do you feel like your autonomy has in some way been compromised? What is it? Lost trades, Phil. The lost trade or the lost art of sitting down to write a bloody letter. I think the problem that I had with it is that the people that you're making fun of,

you're kind of just saying what they say without adding anything. So it felt like if you're... Because you're making fun of people who say that the conversation is a lost art or things like that but then we're only doing it by saying that conversation is a lost art we're not kind of directing it at the people we're just kind of making the complaints that that they would make that they would make were you making fun of them or just or just giving them everything they want i think i'm giving them everything that they want i agree with. I thought this was like a very, you know, like a sort of cartoon panel that your uncle would share or something.

Yeah, that's exactly the kind of comedy I'm creating. We're going to tap into Uncle Facebook. Yeah, I mean, I guess it could just be a sign of us ageing. That, you know, us. By us, you mean me. By us, us aging that you know us by us you mean me by us I mean you know Andy you know and then in that what we think is now comedy

is just complaining about somebody's got to make that stuff somebody's got to make those boring memes for those idiots see now this is a sketch is the idea of somebody who's talking about having to make the garbage comedy that boomers like. Yeah, yeah. You know, and you go, look, I mean, obviously we all, you know, everybody's thought that or whatever.

And then you just, you dismiss it because who the fuck cares? It's boring. But. Now it's a sketch. Right, yeah. Well, no, but this is the guy still. Yeah, so this is an equivalent of sort of, I guess, well, this is a show called Boomer Comedy or Comedy Boom Time.

And it's a sketch show targeted exclusively at boomers, reinforcing every single one of their insane prejudices yeah it's sort of almost right-wing comedy but not it's it's closer to a sort of a elderly libertarian or something there's a kind of strain of libertarianism that creeps into those sort of old people where they think that they've paid their due they sort of want to be given things by society but they don't want to have to give anything back to society because they feel they've already paid their dues it's sort of like a one-way or a socialist libertarian sort of hybrid yeah like a good joke would be that everyone that's listening to, it's like these left-wing people and they're squawking away on the TV and then there's these people on the right and they're squawking away

and then there's me and I'm going bloody fishing instead. And that's the kind of big joke that we would get on this. I'm feeling really comfortable in this zone. I'm happy to be here to be honest I think I'll pitch it to the ABC I think the idea of somebody who has to make that comedy is like look man

this is where the money's at right now we're the biggest audience the biggest audience the one that is dying but also the one that is beyond the point of learning how to... Yeah. It's the biggest audience with the most disposable income and we feel nothing but shame for trying to cater for them.

Yes, yes. As, like, comedians, working comedians, it's, like, the most embarrassing thing you could do would be, like, trying to make specifically Boomer comedy. you could do would be like trying to make specifically boomer comedy but it's such a such a also such a good and obvious choice you know like if you want to survive if you want to be you you just you want to be a parasite we'll just attach ourselves to the the biggest slowest moving beast out there we'll suck the life force out of it or suckle at its teat. What about a Patreon model where you're making the content

but the different tiers are... How much pandering you want? Well, I was going to say the final tier is the podcast or the magazine or whatever it is being included in your will. So it's sort of like a more a long game investment where you quest yeah you don't have to pay anything in the moment but you're doing it catered towards older people and if they like it enough you get the will and as your audience uh you start losing your audience which is bad but

that's when you finally start getting that coin it's a long term i like it it um the problem is it it introduces the element of competition whereby there's only really one will right there's only one estate that you can inherit and if you can have been pandering to somebody and reinforcing their boomer prejudices for 20 30 years but then someone else comes along in the last couple of weeks of their life and panders to them on their deathbed they they change their will. Suddenly they're online and they change it and suddenly they're getting everything. You've done all this work. They find out about Comptown on their deathbed and they're like, oh no.

Go to Comptown. Yeah. Your one. I remember we lost them to Comptown. You've been laying into Greta Thunberg for so long. I mean, I wouldn't even be against starting to ask people at the end of the podcast if they'd add us to their will. And it's, yeah, it's add to. It's not to be everything. It's a set and forget sort of thing. Just put it into the will.

Don't worry about it anymore. And when you die, who cares where the money goes right but if we're still alive we'd like it to go to us yeah it would be such a it just helps the podcast yeah just like and subscribe pop it in the wheel just it's so great just the reading of the will and the just the stressed and sad families going through listening to two in the think tank where we go there must be so much stuff like that in wills which is like people write it at a point in time when they think certain things when their most important thing to them is their dog, and they leave everything to a dog shelter. And then they go on to have a life,

and they have children and grandchildren and that sort of thing, but they just haven't looked. Like, this will be what happens to me. Mine will be so out of... It'll be like my credits on my Showcast profile for auditions for ads. They'll be so far out of date. People will be looking at it and be like,

what is this? He's left it to these various people who are long dead or institutions that no longer exist. I mean, the comedy here is that I think that I'll have anything to leave in my will. Well, I guess you're buying that house. That's true. Yeah. That's true. Or struggling to buy that house.

Don't worry. Don't worry. That's true. Or struggling to buy that house. Yeah. Don't worry. Don't worry. I know you. I'll definitely have accidentally burned it down by the time. Of course. But that's if you have any limbs left, Andy, with the way that you saw and things. That's true.

Well, you know, burning down your house. I mean, is there a way in which burning down your house can be a good thing? You know, I guess there's insurance money. It's very warm. Yeah, that's true. So, I mean, I guess if you don't have long to live, and you want to be comfortable in those last few moments, then burning it down could be useful.

You don't want to be cold. Yeah, you just make that assessment of, will I die of old age before the fire reaches my body and begins to hurt me? I would like to slip away into the great beyond and I'd like to be warm, but I don't want to be singed in incredible pain. So you think about the propagation rates of the fire and I've probably only got really 30 to 40 seconds left to live. And then you start the fire over in the far corner of the house and you're lying out.

You're walking over there, getting some kindling. I've really got to time this well with my death. Yeah, I've got to post these 40 minutes. That's enough for one episode of a TV show. I think I'll go and watch the competition episode of Seinfeld. Master of my domain. That Kramer, he didn't last long, did he? Neither will I.

Trying to focus on the episode where he does this... The house is also still on fire. Yeah. I didn't think about smoking. I think it would be worth burning your house down if we'd invented good enough tents. Like, I don't see why we can't just have a really high-quality permanent tent

made out of a fabric that just, you know... What's the price point of a tent made of Kevlar material that is just never going to tear? Yeah. And you could get, like, you know, to tear yeah and you could get like you know those dome tents you can get ones you can stand up in or something but just build one that's just to a slightly bigger scale that i can just pop on my on my block of land over the over the ashen rumble rubble of my old house and and enjoy my you know my tent exactly um it's so yeah it's so easy to sleep

in a tent get a nice big one i mean sometimes they get really hot in the mornings that's the only if you're right in the sun yeah right in the sun right on top of a fire or something like that yeah yeah i'll be honest i don't i don't know how candles work, right? Because I feel like it's... One of the great mysteries. A little bit of rope, and then rope burns up pretty quick, but you add the wax and suddenly it's like 20 hours worth of it because the wax is there. Could you potentially wax your house?

You get a waxed house and then light up one corner and then your house burns down over the course of several years and you just get a nice warm house during that time so you could spend your last year warm yeah yeah yeah well or inside the walls what if it was just burning inside the walls you know you've got like one of those straw bale houses or something and you you know they have wicks in there as well. And then just the walls are just burning, as you say, like a peat bog or, you know, when a fire gets into a coal mine and it can burn underground for, you know, decades. You just want that, just a house that's just always burning.

And what you could do as well as like a sort of self-defense thing is you could have one of the wicks is actually linked to a stick of dynamite. You know, and that way, if somebody comes into your house, you just go, I'm just going to put some warmth on. Don't want you to be cold while this person is in my house. Yeah. You know, this intruder is here. You didn't specify they were intruder. You just said a person comes into your house. You know, like an intruder is here. You didn't specify they were intruder. You just said a person comes into your house. Like an intruder.

They don't have to be an intruder. They could just be somebody who overstays their welcome. A big cartoonish stick of dynamite as a self-defense tool is very funny to me. Because it's got that big psss, beginning the wick lighting, and then potentially chucking it back and forth a few times with them. Yeah. What do they put in those wicks

to really make them spark like that? They're like sparklers that you can... Yeah, maybe it's actually got, like it's infused with a bit of dynamite or a bit of gunpowder or something to keep it sparking. I mean, I don't know. Are they like that in real world?

Or is it just in the cartoons? Really good question. I don't know. I haven't come into contact with a single dynamite wick in the real world. Because it would be nice to see exactly where it's at. And so that big sparkly bit would be useful. I guess, yeah. So you could judge how long you've got, you know?

You know, whether or not you want to just have a light jog to get away from this exploding dynamite or whether you want to sort of really hit it. Yeah, I think knowing where a wick is at is a really key component of the... A wick flame. Yeah, wick flame. Do you want to know how candles work? I'd love to know how candles work. So the wax doesn't burn itself. So the wax doesn't burn in solid form but when it's on the rope it makes some of the wax around evaporate. When the rope is on fire it makes some of the wax evaporate and the gas does burn.

So you're burning the gas, but you're not burning it all at the same time. So it's only the stuff that's close enough to the flame to evaporate to then add to the flame. That's really cool. It's very clever and I can't believe that somebody managed to figure that out. Isn't that crazy? I don't know. They figured it out a long time ago.

I mean, in the scheme of things that they had, that people have managed to figure out, Alistair, it feels but a small step. But you're right. It's not something that I would have ever thought of. Well, you just go, you go, alright, what is it? I'm trying to make some light. You go, what is it? Is this candle here? Is this wax

here? Let me just stick a lighter on that. You go, ah, it doesn't work. Alright, goodnight. See you later. Go on to the next next thing find something else that does burn here wood wow this is quite the discovery yeah i wonder if we could we could reincorporate the candle into uh into our daily lives in some way you know like in the you know you you want a light on your phone well now there's a little You want a light on your phone? Well, now there's a little candle down the side of your phone. This is almost something that we've already done in Magma, isn't it?

This is old ideas, if you can call it that. The old ideas of putting candles on things. Yes. I think if we're going to integrate candles back into our lives, we have to find a new use for them a modern use I mean people have done steampunk

which is where we have most of the technologies of today but we never got past using steam as the source of power but I don't know if anybody's done candlepunk where we have all the electronic technologies that we have today, broadcast television, computers, mobile phones and that sort of thing, but we never progressed beyond candles for lighting. So it's just a modern

office. Everybody's working there at their word processors or whatever and yet they still have to have huge candelabras. Everyone has a little desk candle like that. There's sort of like a lot of extraction. And there is a candle stuck to the back of your mobile phone for when you want to find the key. Put the key in the house at night. Oh yeah. So your mobile phone is also powered by lots of candles, right? No, no, no. Well, you mean for the light of the screen. Yeah.

For some reason we still have the light of the screen. No, I mean I guess maybe we use E-ink like in the Amazon Kindle. But it's run, the electricity is not batteries, it's run on... No, no, I think there's still electricity. We do have electricity, but we just haven't figured out lighting. We haven't got light bulbs yet. We haven't got light bulbs. We never came up with a light bulb.

But could it be that the electricity is all candle powered from somewhere else? Like you know, you've got a candle factory that you just light the candle under the boiler, the water boiler and things like that. I mean this is not that far from being steam pumped. Yeah. You know, I think if they've only developed candle power and that's the only type of technology, then I think it makes more sense to me. Sure. I'm just visualising, you know, you see those pictures of,

it's like the desert and there's like a million solar panels stretching out forever. I don't know where those are, but you see that. All I'm picturing is that, but with candles, and that's just somehow good. Somehow, I don't know what they're connected to, or like someone's just got a million candles. Lining the sides good. Somehow, I don't know what they're connected to. Someone's just got a million candles.

Lining the sides of the street, they just have... Like, lampposts instead are candles, but they're just huge, thick ones, the same thickness as a lamppost. And they're just a wick right on the top that somebody has to climb up and light them every evening. I like the idea that there's people who just have, like, you know those those like ice climbing crampons or whatever

that are on their shoes and they got some on their arms and they climb up the pole like that. And they light it up but then also part of their job

would just be adding wax to it every day. Just building it up. Or maybe they build it up from the ground. They come along, they hoist it up and they put another

chunk underneath and they sort of melt the wax a little bit so that it joins together. And they keep jacking it up over the course of the day. I would take that job in a second. Yeah, you'd be a candle jacker. A candle jack. Wedging one of those crampons into a big waxy,

that seems like the most satisfying work, just getting up there. To climb a wax mountain. Sticky and smooth at the same time. I think it might be quite slippery. I think it would be a very difficult thing to climb. But not with the crampons. Maybe not with the crampons

if you can jam them in. But like your hands would cause it to begin to like the heat of your hands would cause it to begin to melt. I feel like every

you know when you put out a candle by kind of like you lick your thumb and forefinger and just go and put it out like that. I feel like we'd all

have these like tough, burnt, waxy calloused forefingers from doing that constantly. That is a fantastic world building detail you've got there. That has ticked this over I feel like we'd all have these like tough, burnt, waxy, calloused forefingers from being That is a fantastic world building detail you've got there. That has ticked this over into full Game of Thrones territory. The level of... Candlepunk.

Yeah, no, that is beautiful. We would, you know, maybe some people would wear just wax clothing. I don't know if you could just, you know, like... You know how satisfying it was to like, you know, if there was a candle at a restaurant and you just keep putting your thumb and finger like that into the wet liquid candle. It's hot. It hurts a little bit. It hurts a little bit, but then slowly, but surely you've just covered your finger in

wax. Then you can peel it off. You can put your fingerprint on the thing there. People would almost have lost the novelty of doing that, I think, in this world. I mean, at this point, people will be like, well, you can make clothes like that. In the morning, you can just have hot wax poured on your body. You're right, you can. You could just shape it into a T-shirt or whatever you want to be wearing for the day, a cape.

Yeah, beautiful, flexible wax. How hot is it? Try and get to your office before it dries completely, and then you're sitting at your desk. Then it locks in, and then you can work for a while. You can sort of cut around the arm so that you can move your arm a little bit. Oh, sure. That sounds good. You can put as much wax that is needed for the temperature outside,

for the weather, you know? Put a little hoodie on. It's that kind of satisfying, like, oh, work's done, I can loosen my tie or take off my jacket, that kind of thing. Like, it's like the workday's done, it's five o'clock, it's like very satisfying cracking through all these different layers of wax. It's like being a crab when they change and they become bigger. Yeah.

And you've got your pink soft vulnerable fleshy body there as you're ready for your larger night wax coat. You go home and get blasted with your going out wax. With a spray sort of like it does multi-colours

and patterns and things like that. And everyone would be totally hairless. Hopefully. For their sake. Or else it would be totally hairless. Mmm, hopefully. For their sake. Or else, you know, it would be really tough. Well, I guess around the hairy pubic regions and that sort of thing, you'd always have these sort of crusty danglers of bits of wax that you weren't able to get off.

But you could always iron that area. You could just iron it and melt all that wax. I think you put a little paper bag or something over it. Yeah, brown paper. You iron it on and you can soak it out. But also I like when you cracked off your shirt, you just pick up the chunks or you just kick them over into the clothes pit.

All that wax goes in there and that's where it just remelt. You remelt it later. It just goes into some funnel or whatever. Into a pipe back to the central depot. Yeah. Down the wax sewer. Because it'll be socialized clothing in this wax.

We've created a better world. Yeah. CamelPunk world. Wax world. Should we go to three words from a listener? Yeah. Well, you're not going to believe this, but we have a Patreon... Is it too early?

No, it's a perfect time. We have a Patreon supporter who has supported our Patreon. So far I believe it. You can support $3 to be able to send in these three words, but I believe that this is an $8 supporter. This is Ellie Durkin. Ellie Durks! Hello, Ellie Durkin. Hello, Ellie. I really

like that drawing you did of a bee. I've been enjoying I believe Ellie follows our Instagram account, at 2intank. And we get to see a lot, and we follow back everybody who follows us on the Instagram.

I don't know why I've instigated this policy for the Instagram, but not for the Twitter or something like that. But anyway, Ellie Durkin gets to see lots of her drawings and she's got a really funny guy who she draws. And I think she might even have a book now that she's selling of drawings and maybe an alphabet book.

Ah, the alphabet. Yeah, go find Ellie Durkin's book. They're really funny cute characters it's a great way of supporting this pod is by supporting ellie so that she can continue and that's trickle down again anyway ellie durkin has sent in three words um jack as the honorary member yeah uh guest here today would you like to try to guess the first word? Sure. I think I know this one. Yeah.

It was waffle. Very close. It's kneel. Kneel. Yeah, K-N-E-E-L. So there's, you know, I guess there's sort of the L in there and the E. Yeah. And a K is an unusual letter like a W.

So there's some similarities. Yeah. The second word is hat trick. Mm. Yeah. Neil. Yeah, okay, I'm going to guess the last one. Paris.

It is. Yes. Andy, I can't believe, I think it's the first thing you've guessed. I'm so happy to be here for this. It's a Neil Patrick Harris reference. Patrick Harris. Oh, my God. It's amazing. happy to be here for this it's a it's a neil patrick harris reference it's patrick oh my god it's uh it's amazing i think it's the first time you've ever guessed any word even even with clues even with those great clues you get

i feel so good and i actually hope i do die today well, I can make that happen with this gun on your back. Or this gun on my back. All right, so now we have to come up with a sketch that's linked to this. We can't just glow in the euphoria. Sorry, I forgot that there was an objective. Neil Patrick Paris. And Neil, K-N-E-E-L? Yeah.

Yeah, right, so sort of crouching down. What about this as an idea? Right? It's soccer, but everyone's on their knees. Yeah. Are they wearing their shoes on their knees? Yeah, they're wearing their shoes on their knees. They waddle around, bumping the ball about.

I mean, it would be much more of a workout. Absolutely. And bad for your knees. Yeah, terrible for your knees. But then the shin, I feel, would be less vulnerable. I think the shin is so vulnerable in soccer to being kicked and abused. I mean, I know they do wear...

They wear shin guards. Shin guards, don't they? But finally they will be freed of the prison of shin guards. Yeah, exactly. And the shin can be left to drag harmlessly behind the body like a tail. The whole world is your shin guard now, mate. Correct. Wearing the earth as a shin guard.

Good luck getting to my shins. They've never been safer. Meanwhile, there's somebody on the other end of the world going, you think it's safe, and he starts stamping at the ground. Stopping at the earth. Slowly but surely. So we can get picked up. Working his way down. Meanwhile, your

career has been going on for 90 years because there's less impact because you're They can play that much can play the knee also probably I wonder if the knee would be better off or worse you wouldn't move all that fast there's a higher there's a slightly higher impact on the knee but that turns out that that really prevents osteoporosis and other knee-based problems is this a fact that they found that slightly higher knee impacts Prevents osteoporosis. That's a medical fact I think that in the real world, in the world of this sketch that having some impact on your bones does help prevent osteoporosis. Alastair, thank you for that piece of information. I'm a wiser better man

It keeps your bones a little bit stronger, you know, like I guess from having... Use. Use, yeah. But in this world, it's just an impact on the need. Yeah, that's the only thing that works. I think this could be the next evolution in the game of soccer. I'd like to see, you know, FIFA releases this decree. Maybe it's because of like the legal implications of the shin damage or the knee damage that people have been suffering. It, and it just,

it just changes the game. We get to watch the world cup play out with everybody. Same size field. Same size field. Oh yeah. Bigger. play out with everybody crashing. Same sized field? Same sized field, actually. Oh yeah, bigger if anything. It's a lot of just like watching a solo person either chase a ball and then get the ball and then run a really long way before encountering anyone

and then pass it. The waddling. But, you know, I wonder, I guess the best players in the world would still be remarkable to watch. You'd see them do incredible things. But it wouldn't be quite so incredible

and I don't think any of us would feel bad about not having dedicated our lives to becoming elite sports people. And I think that could actually save a lot of people a bunch of time. Could they do something like this? You know, you hear about these football hooligans and there's always those riots and violence and the flares

and the different supporters getting in fights with each other and stuff. If they decide for safety reasons, we have to make the sport considerably less interesting. We've got to make sure that no one could possibly get their heart rate up watching this event. yeah i mean and one thing that you could do at least to decrease some of the violence is you could force the hooligans to also do their hooliganing on their knees yes yes yes yeah so you know running at each other with glass bottles and stuff is slowly you know not as high impact at least take a long time for everyone to get out of the stadium,

going up those stairs. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, look, when we first got Neil Hattrick Paris, I, for some reason, was picturing three people being sort of shot execution style on a soccer field. OK. Well, that's a good sketch. Yeah, I mean, it's not a great sketch.

We would have been in Paris, though. Well, I think what you're describing is a penalty shootout that actually involves real shooting. Oh, yeah. So it's kind of when France has been taken over, I guess they've elected a totalitarian government with a dictator. Yeah. So they elected it democratically,

but then they kind of just decided, well, it'd be great if we just... If I was just a dictator. If I was a dictator like that. And then they kept the rules of soccer, or at least the language of soccer. Yeah. But applied it to all of society.

Maybe he's the next soccer player. Yeah, okay. And then... Is it messy? Eh? Messi? Sounds like it's going to be Messi with all these bloody executions. Yeah, it's Messi, but it's actually Zidane.

Zidane. I think that's the one I was trying to remember. I don't even know if Messi is actually French. Do you remember Zidane? I only remember him from headbutting someone right in the chest. That was such an incredible thing to go to. Like, even to be at the point where you want to attack someone and for that to be your go-to move is astonishing.

Well, you're still so in your soccer zone that you don't even think of using your hands. Yeah, that's how disciplined he is. He won't even touch anyone, even in a fight. Yeah, I mean, if he was knocking those three people down with his head. The head butt. Doesn't involve any butt.

No, it's true. Even though the place, the amount of space that the, you know, that part of the body takes up in the word is equal. And yet the head has all the physical appearance, but it's the butt.

And it's not really acting like a regular butt, is it? No. I'm so sorry. That's fine, Alistair. I think we've done our work for today. And it was work. Yeah. Having fun with friends.

Oh, yeah. I think we were both a little bit tired, Alistair, but it's a good thing that Jack was here and fresh. Jack was here to liven us up. Fresh Jack. I did my best. The golden boy of comedy. The golden boy is here with the golden fists.

So malleable. Melting down gold medals and injecting them into his body. Mmm. For an advantage. Or, you know, melting down the belts and eating them. Yes. And eating the belts. Unified in my gut, in my belly.

And then if you win that belt, are you then given a vial of that person's blood that you then have to... Or maybe one of those fecal transplants. Yeah. I think that's good, yeah. You get to have the belt inside your body. Yeah, like whoever the champion is carries the DNA of every previous champion in their blood. good yeah you get to have the belt inside your body yeah like whoever the champion is carries

the dna of every previous champion in their blood there can only be one champion yeah it makes you stronger or you have to eat the other person i think that's yeah yeah and so that gives it some stakes to keep being the best you know man stakes we've got gun, and this is a society where you can kill anyone, but it has to be through your own back. But that's because everybody has a back basically grafted to their back. No, sorry, a gun grafted to their back at babyhood. And it works out really well. And you've got a trigger attached to your finger.

I mean, we've eliminated all the other forms of killing somehow. That's right. Well, by sort of socialising guns. We've got Freak Open Mic. This is where the freaks go and try out to be freaks. Unpleasant weird things that they do to entertain. We've got the Lost Trades Fair for things like conversation. Yes, thank you.

But that's part of the bigger boomer comedy empire. Well, no, there's another sketch here, which is a guy who cashes in on boomer comedy by reinforcing their prejudices. Somebody's got to make this stuff. Got to do it. And it's about making boring stuff. I was just curious about this.

What was the, in the Lost Trades Fair, what would you say was the most recently lost trade? Like, were there any ones where someone had like started out learning the trade believing it to be a like a viable thing to do like maybe a decade or so ago and then now they're just at a lost trade well there were people just making guitars and stuff yeah and that to me i mean people still make guitars i can't imagine that the technology involved in making a guitar has changed that much.

Not like a medieval lute or anything? Well there were electric guitars there as well. The lost art of the electric guitar. The electric lute. Anybody making any sort of floppy disks or anything like that? No, nobody. But we can only, we can but hope. Artisanal sort of, you know, any kind of I guess tape drives or kind of tape, like tape film tape or recording tape?

No, you're right. All of this is a total, total oversight. Nobody's bought it. But I hope that in 10, 15 years time that'll start to come into the lost trades. Of all, really, those ones seem much more lost, don't they? Because you can't even get the bloody, the peripherals you need to plug them into. Because jackets and stuff, you can still get that. Yeah. Just not made by somebody at a fair.

I guess you can. Then we got a Patreon tier where you put us in your will and feel free listeners if you want to put us in your will we do accept that

and if you want to put us in your won't as well just like a clear decree that I don't want any a penny of this

going to these guys yeah and I think that's okay yeah we got burning down your house soon before you die to keep warm it burned and this is the possibility of candle walls yeah I mean how would you present this in a sketch form Alastair well I mean you can it's in probably

within the Raider I would say this this is John hmm and he only has five minutes to live, but he wants to go peacefully, fade away, but he's also very cold. But he has been given a very accurate diagnosis or prognosis of how long he has to last. So he realises that if he lights this half of the house on fire, it will take 35 minutes to burn all the way across, but the heat radiated from it will be at a... Pleasant. Still be at a pleasant level.

Pleasant 22 degrees on this end of the house. Yeah. I think it's very important that he's watching an episode of Seinfeld and trying to enjoy the episode and ignore the increasingly large fire in his home yeah i mean to be honest that's kind of it's probably my favorite sketch of this uh it's great unless they're candle pump a lot of good things yeah um and then we got neil soccer which is i think that might be my favorite yeah so it's got look it's got a simplicity to it.

And I think I like anything where people are trying to create a slight variation on the same sport and that people do get involved. Becomes totally successful. Take it very seriously. As successful as you can in them. I also think the basketball version of that would be pretty good because I reckon it's bloody hard to jump just off your knees yeah yeah sure it's all in the hip really really thrusting thrust and a lot of arms like yeah and even then you get like an inch two inches off the ground i don't i don't think it's worth it for the advantage. You probably have to learn how to shoot better.

They're still real big guys as well. So they're probably still as tall as a regular man. I'd like that with lowered hoops, so dunking was still your best option. Like you still had to try and do it, like a dunk from the knees. Dunking is still on the cards. Or maybe there's a little ramp near the thing

that they can climb on. And they get little cars. Yeah. They have to kneel in them. Basketball in little cars. They drive around and there are ramps that you can jump off

that if you do it right you can still dunk. But they're like those little kiddie style electric cars and you zip around., you can still dunk. But they're like those little kiddie style electric cars. You zip around. Yeah. Really fun.

Really fun. That's a good... And there'd be that initial period where no one had trained in this yet. So you've just got like, and LeBron is heading for the ramp. Like, just... Let's see what he can do. He hasn't practiced this at all. None of them have.

First game is just first day trying this sport. They announced this on game three of the playoffs and forced them to do it. I think it would be good to see something evolve in real time like that as people get the hang of it. I forgot, sorry to just, I know we're ramping down for the end, but it just reminded me. I feel like this adding the addition of kneeling to a sport is just the reality of kayaking.

Because there's the two categories. There's the kayaking, which you're sitting in the boat and you have two blades on your paddle. And then there's the C1 event. Two blades is called K1 and there's a C1, which is going through the same course with the gates and everything. This is in whitewater. But you've got one blade and you're kneeling up in the boat.

That's the only difference, kneeling to sitting. So it's kayak style. Yeah. And also it reminds me that you're doing a show at the comedy festival, aren't you? Yes. Called My Dad Teaches Kayaking. My Dad Coaches Kayaking.

The musical. No, it's not calledaking. My Dad Coaches Kayaking. The musical. No, it's not called that. I'm sorry, Jack. Jack Drew's show is called? It's called Rat Paradise. And I've seen a trial of it and it was very, very good. I can only imagine how incredible it is by now. Oh, thanks, man.

It's pretty similar. But it's maybe a bit better. Well then good, that sounds amazing still. And if you've bought tickets to Jack's show, then feel free to also buy tickets to Teleport, which we're doing at the Comedy Festival. But if you have a philosophical objection to Teleport or two person shows, and you insist on seeing stand up, but Jack's is sold out because you've already bought all the tickets to Jack's show, what should they buy instead?

They could buy tickets to couldn't be more thrilled with everything the Alistair Tremblay virtual show Wait Jack, do we already have the keyword for our special deal? For to see both of our shows? I don't know if it even needs

a keyword, I think you can just purchase a ticket to both online and it does the deal. If you're interested in buying tickets to both my and Jack's solo show, which are going to be on one before, one after the other. Back to back, same venue. Same venue, back to back.

Cause I think there'll be a $30 deal. Is this the back to back Jack attack? The back to back Jack owl attack. Jackal attack. The back to back Jackal attack. The back-to-back Jackal attack. Yeah. If you love comedians who were technically born in Canada with no specific attachment to Canada,

they moved to rural New South Wales, then Melbourne, to become comedy writers. This is the double deal for you? If you like that, you want the back-to-back Jackal attack. Jackal attack. I think we'll be $30 for both of our shows. That's an incredible deal. Yeah.

My God. You must be losing so much money on that. Technically, you're paying more than you would pay to see one show, but you're paying a ton less to see two shows. Yeah. I think it's really worthwhile. Who's on first? Jack attack.

Jack. Yeah. And then Al attack. And then Al attack. So I've got to end the show with, worthwhile who's on first Jack attack Jack yeah and then I'll attack and then I'll attack so I gotta end this get that end the show with I want to do

the thing you want me to do I want to do the thing you want me to do I've had enough of doing all of this with you

thank you very much for listening to the episode you can find us on twitter at two and tank I'm at stupid old Andy I'm at Alistair TB. I'm at StupidOldAndy. I'm at AlistairTB.

I'm at JackDrews. Yes. That is the handle. That's what you want. JackDrews. I tried to get that, but it was taken. Yeah. You tried to get JackDrews, but I didn't beat you to it.

You can review us online. It helps, I think. You can always support us on Patreon. You can leave us in your will. And we love you.