Two In The Think Tank - 229 - "SEXY MR BEAN"

Episode Date: April 14, 2020

White House Down, Preinventing the Wheel, Farting Reindeer, Billionaire Santa Meal, Reverse Bean, Beanscaping, Ear Crab Breeding Cycle, Sexy DarwinHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereComplete and utter thanks to George enough for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. Gravelstank. Who? God, a lot of gravelstank. Who? Feel it on my knees and have my back of my thing. Who? Who? Gravelstank. Who? I mean, one thing that doing this podcast in isolation has really made me feel good about is all the music I did before we were doing this remotely.

We were like a fine tuned orchestra comparison. We're like over long distance. But you know, but people always prefer, you know, their old stuff better. Alistair, are you well? Are you keeping well? I'm well. Do you realize we're now living in a post-COVID-19 world

that could have only ever occurred in a post-911 world? Yeah. Well, I don't know if we are in a post-COVID-19 world. I feel like we're in between pre and post, you know? Oh, I've sort of- COVID-19 world. I think that's what it might be. Yeah. Yeah, but I don't want to give the virus the satisfaction. Did you, did you just invent a cure? Because the only reason you could think that

this is a post COVID-19 world, if you, was if you knew for sure that this pandemic was done for it was a thing of the past I knew that for sure I've come up with a cure that works on paper now I just need to get it to work on humans and we'll be fine. So on paper I've written down it dies randomly. Yes. Um, Alistair. Andrew. What we really need, because let's think about the film, The War of the Worlds. That's where a bunch of alien monsters come down to the planet earth. And get killed by a virus. Get killed by a virus, the smallest of God's creatures living in the earth. Well, it was like the common cold, wasn't it? Which are often coronaviruses?

Indeed. And so maybe, either what this is, is we've just developed a new super weapon against any potential alien invasion, which could be a great ships to blast this coronavirus straight out of our lungs. Well, I haven't seen the movie pandemic, but is this already it? Does a pandemic take over the world and then near the end, some aliens just come and wipe it out in a reverse war of the world kind of thing. Does that mean that for every alien movie you can do the same thing but backwards? So I guess like for example, Independence Day Day where aliens come down to Riddice of the White House Absolutely There there then in White House down

No way Oh, I think there could be one in which the White House. I mean if this hasn't been done already in a patriotic American movie Something where they just come down from the sky. Well, where they weaponized the White House, where they dig out underneath the White House and they put jets on it and they fly it through the air, smashing aliens with that pointy bit on the top.

Yeah, I guess in a way it would kind of be like American imperialism in the way that they've, it could be a metaphor for that in the way that they've had sort of troops and all over the world and stuff. But I want to be clear. What to be clear that this isn't a metaphor. Okay. This is from our universe where the government has banned all metaphor and all subtext.

If something's good enough, put it in the text. And so this is only a movie about that literally taking place and not a metaphor for anything. It doesn't, it's amazing. We've made the first movie about a weaponized white house that doesn't actually have anything to say about American imperialism. Yeah. Anything that even seems even a little bit political, we've taken it out. We've managed to take it out. You wouldn't have thought it was possible, but we have decaffeinated this extremely strong

brew by some sort of chemical process, and it contains no beating whatsoever. I haven't seen the movie Dave for a really long time, but remember that movie Dave, that's where that guy who looks like a lookalike for the president stands in for the president and then the president dies and he sort of becomes the president or something. Okay. I said it was mostly a romantic comedy. Yeah, I was like, what was it? One's where somebody who's kind of like a bit of a comic actor plays him.

Hmm. Was it a... Possibly Kevin Klein? Kevin Klein, yeah, or Jeff Daniels or something? Oh no, Jeff Daniels is more serious. I don't know. I guess no Jeff Daniels is in dumb and dumb. Yeah.

I think. Jeff Daniels is sort of a guy who's done really two wild ends of the spectrum, but I don't know if he's done much in between. It probably has. He probably has. I take that back. No, no, no, no, no, Jeff Daniels is an extremist. But look, look, is there anything in this idea? I do. I do. I do. About a about a sentient White House. That's so that so that White House is sentient. It's not even Americans deciding to make ships that look like the White House in send-in places.

Well, I was just enamored by the idea of the, the rom-com element from Dave. And so I've unilaterally made a sentient White House that falls in love with a woman, with a woman with a woman with a human woman or an alien woman the very aliens that was going to attack. Oh very interesting yes you think that when they put thrusters underneath the White House they were going to use it for flying it around and attacking the aliens. Oh no but those are going to use it for thrusting.

There's two things you could do with thrusters, baby. And one of them is thrusting. And it goes up there and it docks with the alien mothership, and they might. It's me, especially if it's an alien force that they are themselves ships. Exactly, yeah, I think so. It's exactly, yeah. It could blend in.

I mean, this is turning into a avatar or something like that. I mean, James Cameron has to come up with another six movies or whatever. So this could be a market or rate for this or at least something won't. This is somewhere in the Avatar extended universe, do you think? Well, I think that, you know, if he's gonna set any of the movies on another planet, because I guess it might not all be on this sort of like blue people planet, we just know that it's set in a universe where there are other planets that have valuable things

that you can go to and other living creatures are there. Unfortunately, one of the things that we do know about alien spaceships is that they're all very dark because I haven't seen a single white alien spaceship. That's true. It's going to be hard for it to blend in. I also don't know how many of them have neogothic architecture. Is that? yeah, well, neo-classical. Neoclassical. Well, there could be a planet where that is

a futuristic look. Oh, okay. Interesting. And it could be a ship that is like an ambulance. So they tend to be white. You don't often see medical spaceships in movies. No, you don't. That's, these are, there are so many interesting elements

going on here. Right, can we please write down White House seduces alien mothership? Yeah. And impregnates it so that it actually does become a mothership and gives birth to little hybrid White House alien ships. But I also am interested, Alistair, in this idea of a planet in which neoclassical is very

futuristic for them, which implies to me that they invented space travel almost before they invented the wheel. What if that's the first thing they come up with? And so they can cross the vast yawning chasms between the stars, but they can only do it if they lay in a good supply of mammoth flesh preserved in salt. Well, initially it was probably just created to get over yawning chasms.

But it was very stable. They did invent the bridge. They just good invented rocket thrusters. Well, so they come from a planet that's got a very active crust, right? So there's a lot of fault lines, almost, you know, every hundred or so meters, there'd be a huge gaping chasm. And that's the only way to get around is with these quite, quite developed thruster ships. Otherwise, you'll plummet down into the, um, into the lava. Yeah. And, you know, it's funny that you say it like that because near where I grew up, there was a

place called Laval. Really? Yeah. That is funny. And Laval, and just saying it like that, you know, it's not that far from love, I mean, I think this would be a pretty cool planet where there were big, big exposed sections of lava. Like the continental shelves, maybe they move around quite quickly. Is that what they call the continental shelf? The continental plates, the plates. Plates and the tectonic plates. But there are shelves, aren't there?

There's also the continental shelf. Is that just the end of the plate? Or is it like in the water? Where the...? In the water. Yeah. So you go out in the in the water where the in the water yeah where the so you go out far enough you get to the drop off and it goes down that's the continental shelf isn't it interesting that on in on a geological scale it's the shelves that are on the plates whereas on a domestic scale it's quite the opposite. That is really interesting, Andy.

Could we have a world where you a universe where you put you lay your shelves on top of your plates? I guess you just stack the plates on the ground up until a nice place to have a shelf. Yeah, okay. And then so that you can access your your shelf without having to bend over. I mean, what move it so you can need to access your shelf. So you can move it so you can put it onto other plates or bowls. Yeah.

That's a photo. Yeah. Okay. That's interesting. Anyway, is there a sketch in this or movie film in this pre pre industrial space fairing. Oh, I think look, I mean, look, there's a I've written down rocket thrusters before the wheel world. But I mean, I don't know what the sketch is yet. I guess I guess humans meeting them. They don't

they haven't invented they haven't they discover they haven't invented the wheel. I mean, this could go in one of the thousands of sort of Star Trek recreated comedies that are now in existence. Yeah, you know, you know, you know, how this would occur in how they would get to this point. It would be if they had some, because they live on this kind of great fisher-ridden planetary surface, the local animals, there's like a creature that's like a beast of burden that has developed some sort of inertial flight

that allows it to shoot across these chasms without wings or something like that. It has some sort of, it's developed some sort of innate anti-gravity type thing that allows it to jump across these chasms. Could it be a very gaseous, gaseous, gasey animal? Could be. It's just gassy animal. Could be. That can, that can, that can, but enough,

but it put enough pressure on the gas, like diesel, so that it combusts. Mm. Like that, and, and what, if it does that whilst leaping. Mm-hmm.

Tch. It goes up and, whew. Well, I think they, they naturally, they fart out this gas, right? But once they get over the chasm, as soon as they leap out, the heat that radiates up from the lava ignites the gas, and that shoots them across the chasm.

Now, you get 10, 15 of these bad boys, you'll lash them all together, time to your little sled, you can actually get enough lift to drag yourself out of the planet's orbit, and go across across the you know the yearning what's it that's what that's what Santa Claus' sleigh was originally powered by correct yes I mean I love I love your idea I also love my idea but you know it's a let's let's not decide on whose ideas who is is the right one.

I thought we had more or less the same idea. Oh yeah, well, mine was being ignited by the pressure it created and yours was being ignited by throwing itself into the lava. And then the gas igniting underneath it. I think mine lends itself to a better scene in the movie where you have to charge towards the cliff and hope that you'll ignite when you get to go over it in order to blast off. Yeah, and I think mine lends itself, I guess, better to a scene in the movie where it just launches itself and then lands safely by doing the same thing.

Well, you know what we're going to do? We're going to make two movies. We're going to have a scene off. Yeah, it's a bloody scene off. It's two movies released at the same time in the cinemas, right? And one of them has your scene. Their identical movies except for one scene. That's right. It'll be like the deep impact Armageddon scenario or two movies that are pretty similar. One's got a big meteor,

the other one's got a bunch of little meteors. Yep. And this one, no. But then this one, it'll be this one, but both movies are the same except for the slight difference in the mechanics of how these creatures start themselves. Correct. And whichever gets the mechanics of how these creatures. Correct. And whichever gets the biggest box office is wins.

I think yours will have trouble once they get sort of anywhere above where land is or where the lava is. And then they run out of steam because they have no method of igniting it themselves. But we'll see whether that failure an internal logic affects your movie fails in a negative way. Here's an idea that feels really obvious, but I haven't personally seen it explored, right? But you mentioned Santa Claus. Have there been any Santa Claus pieces of media?

I know he's a well-covered topic, Santa Claus, right? But have there been any in which the reindeer do fly by farting? Because that feels like such a gimme for like a comedy bit in the in the movie that kids would love. You get to you get to the North Pole and you're going to go on the on the slay with Santa and then he tells you just before you get on to hold your breath, right? Because the way that he actually gets reindeer's to fly is by feeding them like really bad food and they fart so much that they blast off

and through the atmosphere. But of course that means that Santa and his, you know, and all the toys and everything on the slate is being flying through this toxic cloud of farts all the way around the world. It's a bit like that, like getting onto a steam engine and you realize how awful the stage of burning coal is. Yes, indeed, but this is farts. But this is farts. And that's why Sanders beard is so white It's been bleached by the farts. I'm in I'm glad as because it if glad it's that that's the interpretation rather than it being like browned by it

You know those people have like white beards, but it's kind of a little bit goldeny around the mouth. They're smokers, right? Usually, aren't they? Sorry. I think you get that from smoking. Like you can really sort of stain the nicotine stain around the the moustache and the the gobb. Look at that. It's quite possible. I, and you look, even though I don't think it's something

that we would do, I think that it's a funny idea. And maybe there's even a kid's book in it. I think that's definitely a kid's book in it, yeah. Um, yeah. Farter Christmas. Farter Christmas. I mean, it's, it's, it's, it's done. It's already made.

I mean, but then, oh yeah, I was about to say then he's not the father, but but that doesn't it doesn't Exclude that being a anyway. It doesn't matter What what I thought of right at the beginning when you mentioned Santa is for some reason I pictured a bunch of billionaires Sitting down to a meal on some super yacht. And it's a couple of like, you know, it's like, it's one billionaire who's entertaining, you know, four or five other billionaires. And they're sitting down to this beautiful meal and the butlers cut in the slice in the meat. And they said, I don't know if you've ever had this before, but this is actually Santa. And the...

To hunt the most dangerous game of all, Santa. Santa. It's just the rarest meat of them all. Obviously cooked well done so you don't catch any of his diseases, but yeah. He has a lot of diseases. The rarest meat of all. Uncooked meat. I think that's very, very good. And I think that's a sketch idea. The fact that billionaires kill and eat Santa Claus. Yeah.

Just to see what it's like. Oh, it's not as good as I would have thought. I would have pictured it big. Really, whenever I saw pictures of him, I always thought, oh oh yeah he looks delicious But I guess you would have it with mint sauce because I suppose it would sort of have a candy cane kind of You know a remandist and think you would serve it in a kind of Christmas style roast

I suppose yeah if your chef had any idea what he was doing, he would play on the imagery of the Christmas tradition. I mean, is this another episode? It's got your white meat and your red meats like a candy cane. Oh, yes. Is this another iron chef where the secret ingredient is Santa Claus? Santa Claus, yeah. You've got to make three different courses out of him. I mean, that's a really cool idea, is the idea of, you know, when if you had a dinner,

like if you were a billionaire and you had people over for dinner, sure you could have a meal, but you could also have a live iron chef competition. So that you get to try a bunch of things where they've all experimented with a really rare ingredient. I imagine they do this for every single meal of the day. Jeff Bezos has the full arena thing going on there. Yeah, and he invites one lady who comes and tastes, and she goes, it reminds me of the wind. You know what, Jeff Salak always inviting that one lady. One lady over who just has the most poetic interpretations. When I tasted this at first, I didn't feel anything,

but then it reminded me of my childhood, so I liked it. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu.

So poetic. So poetic. Do you think the reason, do you think the reason Jeff Bezos hasn't given me a billion dollars is because he's a coward? I mean, I'm hearing a lot of people saying that. That's all I'm saying.

Well, it's a mixture of cowardice and ignorance. Hmm. Yeah. You know, because part of it might just be because he hasn't informed himself on who you are. Yeah, you're right. But I don't think that's any kind of an excuse. Right.

I don't think ignorance is, is, is, I don't think many people would accept that as an excuse for why he hasn't done it. And I think if any... Ignorance of the Andy is no excuse. And the combination of the cow dice and the ignorance really makes it just doubly shocking, I think. Anyway, this is just, this is what I'm hearing a lot of people saying. Yeah. And I think it's about time he came out and addressed it. It's deafening.

And by it, I mean an envelope full of a billion dollars. And by a dress, I mean, addressed it to me by writing my address on it. And so it's really regular post. Ed Moive. The Edmo Life. Ha ha ha. Hmm. Um. It is a shame you can't send yourself through the post. Yeah, I mean more easily.

You haven't tried, though, have you? I haven't tried. Haven't tried. No. It feels like something missed like something Mr. Bean would try. Hmm. Yeah, you're absolutely right. Be surprised if he hasn't. Well, he did

get locked in a mailbox. I know, as you were suggesting it, I had a little vision of him in a letterbox. I was like, did that actually happen? He got stuck in a letterbox because it was while if Postman was emptying it out and he saw somebody that he was trying to avoid so he hit. And then the, you know, while the postman had his back turn and then the postman closed the thing up and then he was kind of stuck in there and he goes, hello, hello. And then he like, he's trying to get attention so he puts his tie out of the slot and then the dog comes and grabs and starts pulling it. That's really good.

Oh, Alistair. This is the funniest episode of two in the thick tank. Ever on the go. Yeah. And there's another one where he goes to the beach and he's trying to change his underpants. Yeah, being in the thick tank. Yeah.

It's his thing, think tank tank we just live in it. I think how about this as a scene? Yeah. Somebody goes to the beach, right? Okay. And they do an elaborate Mr. Bean like scene in which they are taking off their pants And they do an elaborate Mr. Bean like scene, in which they are taking off their pants and putting on something else, right?

Mm-hmm. Trying to conceal themselves, it's very drawn out and hilarious, right? So that's already in the idea. You can't reject it now, because I've already told you it's hilarious. But then we reveal that they weren't actually getting dressed into swimming clothes. They were just changing into a slightly different colored pair of pants. And then they looked down at them and they looked pleased with themselves

and they trotted off with their slightly different colored pair of pants. So that's good. And what if, what if as they're trying to cover themselves while they're changing, the only thing exposed is their penis. They manage to cover their eyes and face, and their feet and legs, but their penis is the only thing that's out. All right, what if it's this? The thing that they're changing into

is some crotchless underwear. So when they're into it successfully, they whip away the towel and parade around in front of everyone. The children, the grandparents at the beach, with their genitalia hanging out of their crotchless underwear. hanging out of their crotchals underwear. Yeah. Um, alright, how do we rate this down? Is this a reverse Mr. Bean? Yes, I think so. Reverse.

Is that classic reverse Mr. Bean? There's a lot of classic reversals in this episode. We've classically reversed the trope of the white House being blown up by the mother ship and we've also classically reversed Mr. Bean. I guess and I guess if it's if it's a pervert somebody who's you know who always exposes themselves to people they're kind of trying to do it in a way so that it's constantly exposing. But I mean, you want the actual, but yeah, I don't know, it's just an interesting idea, you know, trying to not be exposed, trying to not not be exposed.

Yeah, you're right. So there are there are pervert who goes through this elaborate thing of trying to change their pants without without at any point covering their their penis. But you know, it's working so hard and so on. But there's not there's not a lot of reveals if you're constantly revealed, you know. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Once you've revealed everything, you lose your ability to reveal. Hmm. I'm wondering, like I'm now, I'm picturing a thing for men.

Right. This is a type of clothing for men. That is just a skirt, right? Like a woman skirt, you know, with that elasticated sort of waistband or whatever. Like a good quality skirt. Yeah, like a track pants skirt. Yeah.

I think, Alistair, I think you're being slightly unfair. I think you'll find that a lot of women skirts have an elasticated waistband. Well, I apologize. I don't know enough. I guess if you have that elasticated top and you put it right up to under into your armpits, then it's kind of like a Marge Simpson dress. It is, yes, you're right. But what this is is that it's only for your penis and balls.

So, so the elasticated bit sort of goes around the top. Yeah. Right. And then it hangs down like a dress, like a sort of like a maybe like a sort of a slinky evening dress, maybe with a little slit up the side, which can be quite sexy. A slit, but you I guess would be totally naked otherwise. But so wait, so you just have all your pubes and stuff exposed? Well, you don't have to. I mean, what you do with those is, is up to you. Yeah, I mean, I don't want to judge. So obviously, I know you, you like to go completely bare with that. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. It's funny, we only can do this podcast when Andy isn't sort of manicuring his pubic hair.

That's when we manage to... It's a bit of a... Yeah, it's a... In the window. Yes, in my pubic window. My man... It's one of the many things that you sculpted it into. I think, I don't know much about man-scaping, right?

But I think what I would like it to be is a bloke in a van, you know, with a, with a yut and a trailer that says, Jim's man-sca on it, comes around to my house and he lays me down in the front yard and he takes off my trousers or I do that myself. I'm in a big pair of cicaturas or whatever it was, no, no, he gets a little lawn mower which he starts, the little two-stroke lawn mower which he starts by yanking on a thing. And then he drives it over my pubic region. Yeah. The blades whirring and chopping close to my various areas. I mean, if it was a tiny little one because this is almost a Mr. Bean kind of style idea, but with pubic hair. And it's just a tiny one.

It's about the side of the one that would fit in the palm of your hand. But it looks just like a regular lawn mower. And he pulls on it. It's got a little two strokes. It's already what you said. Yeah. That's exactly what I said. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I'm really sorry. No, that's fine. I just great to hear it back. That's where I like it even more when you said that's where I got that idea from. It is what I was thinking about while you were talking. I was thinking about while you were talking. I was thinking about what you were saying, and how I was going to say it as soon as you were finished. I think this could be the second entry in our new series,

Sexy Mr. Bean. LAUGHTER All right, down. Sexy Mr. Bean. All right, down. Sexy Mr. Bean too. Man's Scaping. I think would Mr. Bean have his pubs scaped or would he run the service? Comes around with a little lawnmower. Yeah, I mean, that is a fun idea. But especially, I'd like it,

they're still doing it in the backyard, right? No, I was the front, yeah. But I think people walking past can see and that makes it funny and sexier. Cause remember, those are the two. Yeah, funnier and sexier. Cause remember those are the two. Yeah, funnier and sexier. Yeah, great. And then, and cause I think, I think it feels like

a very Mr. Bean thing to reveal a tiny lawn mower. But especially if you're taking it out of a big trailer. I'm just going on the internet right now, as we speak, and I'm googling sexy Mr. Bean. Two. And I'm just seeing if there are any sexy Mr. Bean, like what are those Halloween costumes? And you know what?

There aren't any sexy Mr. Bean costumes. And you know what? There aren't any sexy Mr. Bane costumes. What there are a lot of is pictures of sexy women with Mr. Bane's face photoshopped onto them. Oh yeah, there's a bit of that. But there's no women dressing up as like a sexy Mr. Bean for Halloween. There is not a single one. Well, I think- How crazy is that? I think that that allows me that this coming Halloween

to get dressed up as a woman getting dressed up as a sexy Mr. Bean. Mm. Yeah. Because I feel like that's something that doesn't exist yet. The double layer. There is a meme on Know Your Meme, which is stupid sexy Mr. Bean, which is just a picture of young Rowan Atkinson, where people think he looks sexy. pictures of young Rowan Atkinson, where people think he looks sexy. So there you go.

That's it. I don't know how he could look any sexier than he already does, but. Well, believe it, Alistair. Believe it. I think that's great. How many sketch ideas do we have written down, Alistair? One, two, three, four, five, six. Great. Well, you know what, it's time for.

Is it time for three words from a listener from one of our Patreon supporters? It is time. Well, this is from Adrian Hernandez, Arista. Oh my goodness. Oh, I feel, hear that name and I feel like I've had a I've had a three-course meal. Like I. Yep. Everything. I've had an entree of Santa.

You've had a man of Santa. And then you'll obviously you've had a. A dessert of Santa something something from his sack. Maybe yes. Very good. Thank you so much Adrian. Adrian, I don't need to hear another name for the rest of the year. And you won't. And I won't probably. Adrian, I mean, that's only because of the the deafening clogging of your ears from your poor ear hygiene. I don't know where I was going with this. But I like it, Alistair. I don't want to go there with you. If you developed a condition, say where you where you're doing a lot of mass earwax

production, but you continued to refuse to believe in any kind of ear hygiene, which I assume that right now you practice. Yeah, that's me. You practice a refusal to do anything to do with ear hygiene. Yeah, I think I mean, it's probably, it's probably true. And it's probably what don't. There's actually order and wiggle it around. Yeah. I mean, doctors probably say don't fuck with that shit

That's the medical consensus. Let the ears just deal with its own stuff. Don't put anything in there That's pretty good isn't it that the body that nature has invented a lot of self-cleaning holes? Yeah, it's pretty good. Yeah, well, I think we probably wouldn't be around if it weren't for the invention of self-cleaning holes. Because that seems like the most difficult thing to clean. Hmm. Well, I mean, I guess the only alternative

would be to develop a symbiotic relationship with one of those little mantis shrimp that you see on the coral reefs Living in a hole and they Flick out all of the grains of sand that come into their into their burrow. Yeah I would have to have one of them living in there. I wouldn't mind having a little crab or something like that living in our ears Like just one of those small ones. Yeah, because they do carry stuff out of their holes. Yeah They could roll it up into a ball and flick it out

Yeah, or like or use it to sort of build a wall around the outside build a sort of You know, they probably chew it up and then mush it down with their saliva or whatever and form this really hard thing and they build these great funnel-like structures. Yeah, so you can hear better. And then, obviously, the only problem with having a creature in your ear is that at some point, they're going to want to breed. And then, but then, I guess it would happen at the same time, is you meet your beloved. Yes. And then they breed, and then you I guess it would happen at the same time as you meet your beloved. Yes. And then they breed, and then you've basically got to have a kid so that the young from

the offspring from those two creatures breeding can go into your kid's ear. Correct. And it's the only way you can get rid of it and keep your ears healthy but unclogged by crabs. Well, I guess really that this would have to this would explain pubic lice, right? Because what it would be is that they're actually evolved to live in your ear, but much like a Salmon that goes back to the stream where it was born to spawn. They would have to go back down to your pubic region Make the enormous trek all the way across the body, huge and dangerous, to spawn in your pubic region and then somehow get into the ears of your young as your children are born. And then they can make their way back.

So do you think to the ear? You think they ride that wave of sperm? Yeah, probably. Yes. They make one of the sperm. They're actually the one who leads it. They're the only animal who knows the way to the egg. And they're born with that information, maybe tattooed on their back, which they can see

because of their high eyes. And then they ride a sperm. Like it's a, like it like it's like they're a cowboy. And it's one of those relationships that seems almost too complex for us to be able to understand how it was able to evolve. But there you go, that's just one of the wonders of nature. So anyway Adrian, there's your sketch. Hope you liked it. I think you thought we used just three words. Anyway, I just got to write down ear crab.

Breathing cycle. Yep, okay. Alright, Adrian, we're going to mention your three words now. Oh man, the words almost feel even a little bit connected, but you can't, you're not allowed to reverse engineer a sketch. You're not allowed to take us, you're not allowed to have people send in three words and then take an idea that you've already written down and then make it seem how, talk about how it fits the three words that somebody sent in. No, well, we'll see. We make the rules on this podcast.

So you tell me the words, Alistair. I invite, in fact, I'll ask you to guess the words. All right. Let me guess and I'll see if I got them right. Okay. Closeted, homo sapien, and sun. And I got those all wrong. Hang on.

No. No, no, no no those are right on sorry I must have oh Yeah, I got crazy cuz I'm so bad at this but I can't believe you got all through them. Yeah, but you know it's just cuz it's yeah of your garbage mind So closeted Homo sapien Sun So N. Yeah, closeted, homo sapien, sun, S-O-N. Yeah, S-O-N. Hmm. Yeah.

You're child. Child? Well, you know, this makes me obviously think of, you know, of children being abandoned in the woods to be raised by, um raised by wolves and that sort of thing. And having to, you know, I mean, that's basically what moglie was for a long time, I think. Sure. Didn't want to admit to himself that he was a man cub. Or he didn't want to admit to the wolves. To the wolves. I mean, this would have happened at one point, Andy,

with evolution. When, let's say they were still just homo-habilis around. Right? And then the first one to be born who you would consider homo sapien. Probably had to. It just clicked over. And probably just had to play it off.

Like he was just a regular homo habilis. Yeah. Yeah. You go, oh boy, this is awkward. Yeah. Yeah. I thought slightly more opposable, standing slightly more upright. Yes, yes, brain pan slightly deeper.

That's, you know, and that's probably allowed them slightly less angled. Just lesser brow. Everybody would have laughed at them. Yeah, it sounds awful when you put it like that. Their hand simmness through the roof? Yes. I've got to say this about a lot of those prehistoric humans.

Yeah. I don't find them sexy. Well, this is what's interesting is that it has followed a trajectory of more and more sexually attractive. Hmm, and you can tell why they went in that direction. Do you think that evolution is making us sexier? I think so. I mean, it makes sense.

I mean, on the most basic level, evolution is about who gets, has had sex with the most. And who's going to get had sex with the most. And who's gonna get had sex with the most? The sexiest. The more, the more the hottest, the sexiest. I wouldn't mind doing a reread of Darwin's origin of the species. And just see if he mentions the word sexy in there. Well, maybe just a word he's British and he said fittest. He said, oh, fittest. Yeah, girl, you're fit, but my gosh, don't you know it? Yeah, well fit. Well fit, survival Is this is this our new character sexy Darwin? Yeah, yeah great wait beard us towards so and I guess I guess we I mean have mean, have we talked about this? Feels almost like something we've done before. We have talked about Darwin a fair bit, but going around the world and looking at different animals and I guess he was looking at

them to see what's the sexiest one. He was probably a blow-in-a-way by how sexy some of them were. And, you know, you're done surprising that he came up with his theory originally in the Galapagos, a tropical island where it's warm all the time. You don't have to wear a lot of clothes and a lot of those are guanas and tortoises. They are just letting it all hang out and he probably noticed how sexy they all were. And he thought these were all probably really evolved. I guess I mean he didn't have that word at the time, he would have just used the word sexy. And then later on come to a theory.

And then later on come to a theory. Later on come to a theory of evolution, but initially it was just an, it was just, he was just rubber necken. Gorken. He was just gorken. He was having a purve. Alistair, I am, I had, this has been so much run, I am having a absolutely wonderful time, but my computer is about to run out of batteries. Do you think we could go through the sketches that we've come up with today? All right, Andy, here we go. We've got the White

House ship seduces alien mothership. Yes. That would, I would stand and applaud in the cinema when I saw that happening out of my patriotism as a proud American. Do you think the White House ship would have legs so that it can really do both types of thrusting? I think maybe you could use the columns for that. Hey, I could use the columns. I mean, maybe they flip down to become legs and rotate around and then two of the outer columns become arms. It has wings. The West Wing has at least one wing that I know of. I don't know if it has an East Wing.

I don't know if it has an East Wing. It's God who, Andy. You can't have a West Wing without an East Wing. That's just maths. Okay, well, it would not make sense. It just wouldn't make sense. Yep. Then we got rocket thrusters before the wheel world.

I mean, you know, this is a world where rocket thrusters were invented before the wheel due to these animals that produce gases that allow them to rock it, power around. But then they reverse actually. They ignite, let's not say. Well, we could say. No, no, no, no, let's not say. Then we've got farting reindeer propulsion. This is a...

Hmm. Children's book. It's just, it's more of a scene out of us that some kind of Santa movie or children's book Yeah, and we're and really also we're putting it out there just to see if it's been done already Yep, yeah, which I often get messages on Facebook and Twitter To people pointing us towards things that we have said that people going that is already a thing And you go all right well, but there's still a satisfaction in knowing there's something that we came up with can exist. Yes.

It's probably the quickest route to that. I think Jaden, Jaden, younger? Do you know Jaden from, I feel like I'm getting a second name wrong. Sent us a thing basically showing us a coffee cup being held by one of those arms. Yeah. Yeah, after we came up with a hot drink disco, there was a guy who held a beer with a stabilizing gimbal while he was dancing. That was pretty cool. Oh my God. I said,

Jaden, it was Braden Douglas. Braden Douglas. Not Jaden Younger. Thanks, Braden. Thanks, Braden. But yeah, but he said that person was dancing with one of those, but it wasn't a hot drink in a dance club. All right. Well, I don't have much time. Let's burn through these sketches. I was alright. We got billionaire's eating Santa.

We got reverse Mr. Bean Beach Change. We've got sexy Mr. Bean, two man scoping. We got ear crab breeding cycle and we got the evolution has veered us towards sexiness, sexy Darwin. Boom. Boom. Boom.

Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Thank you so much for listening to Two in the Thing Tank. Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum I can do it. It's on Patreon. You can review us on iTunes. You can check us out around the place. And next time we're all going to have chargers for our computers when we're doing our thing. They're talking to you all.

See you later. We love you. We love you. We love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want, it's up to you. Are you working way too hard for way too little?

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