Two In The Think Tank - 230 - "REVERSE SNORKEL"

Episode Date: April 21, 2020

Third Threat, Lekrons, Unshucked, Suddenly 88/7 Again, Honkerlinks, Bell V Horn, Concrete SectionHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereDesperate thanks to George enough for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I'm a tiny little crab beneath the sea. I'm a lovely, so what love be? Because my shell, it's big enough for two or three. Bobo Bobo. Hello and welcome to Two In The Think Tank tank the show where we come up with Get your ideas I'm Andy Oh yeah I am I am the greatest entertainer that's ever I'm Andy. I'm Andy. Oh, okay. Yeah. And I'm Alistair George William,

Trumbly virtual. And the greatest entertainer that's ever lived. I mean, it's a big, it's a big ask. Yeah, it is. It absolutely is. At least because I find most forms of entertainment unbelievably unwatchable. Yep. And to sidestep all of those, show tunes and plate spinning and... No, you go through the top.

The big three, obviously. You know, how to do something that isn't that You got to find something that isn't plate spinning Yeah, what I mean I mean it's interesting isn't it that like the when you talk about someone being a triple threat It's um, they've sort of locked in what those three threats can be haven't that it's you know It's it's singing dancing and acting those are the the three threats, but yeah, it's not stabby stabby stabby

angry and infected with a disease contagious Those were the some of the seven dwarves weren't they? stabby and in then still infecty. But I would love a great entertainer, somebody who was so good at the singing and the dancing, that the fact that their third threat was plate spinning didn't hold them back. And they were able to work a plate spinning scene into, I mean, that's

too plausible to go along with the singing and the dancing, but if the threat was acting and singing, maybe, then that they could get in a plate spinning scene into every single one of their movies. Even into their Oscar-winning films about the Holocaust or whatever. They managed to get the plate spinning in there. There's always like, you know, especially in a Holocaust movie, there's always going to be like a... Especially. There's always going to be kids that, you know, are sad and that any tend to tend. And that you're actually putting it in one of the easiest places to put a play a played spinning scene. I really

played into their heads, but that's all cool. Yeah, no, about something where he's a scuba diver. I was going to go with submarines, up forferred October. No, but even that, they entertain themselves, don't they? Exactly. Ah, I'm discovering that it's actually incredible to me that there are any films without the plate spinning in them. Well, I don't think nobody's ever been done.

People have not realized the diversity of it. But, an underwater movie, the physics doesn't really work. Of the spinning plate. I think you could probably still a mic. I think you could probably hold a plate, balance a plate on a stick. But, and that you could probably do because of how slow it moves.

But keeping it spinning is not going to be good because the brilliance of the spinning it in air is how long it spins for. And all this time that you've got to go to the other plates. But with this one, the friction of the water slows it down. You think? And you're, yeah, of course. And you're moving slower through the space. Yeah. Every time, and every time you move,

you're moving the water, which would be knocking over the plates. You're right. This is going to be so difficult that when this person pulls it off in the underwater Holocaust movie, they're going to be guaranteed a third Oscar. Now, but you see, the fact that they're trying so hard underwater to entertain, uh, really sad kids, that's going to make it work again. You see?

You see, Andy, that's why it can't be. It has to be a person who's underwater for no reason. Sort of like cast away. Count to see the latest blockbuster underwater for no reason. James Lappens. Submerged. Why? We don't know. Submerged. Why? I mean, personally, I love the idea of making a movie that is entirely set underwater,

but it's never addressed, you know? Because I find that those are the kinds of artistic choices where you don't feel like you need to explain them that really make something art. So it's hamlet, but underwater. Has that been done? I don't think so. Wet hamlet. Do you consider things that are underwater to be wet? Yeah, really wet. Do you think that like the Great Barrier Re would you describe the great barrier reef as wet? Is that one of the primary features on it? It's absolutely one of the wetdest places.

It's one of the most beautiful wet places. Yeah, you're right. Okay. I think maybe they should teach the great Barry Reef to survive without water. Get it above land. Anyway, Alistair, is anything that we've said, apart from that sentence that I just got out there, which obviously is a sketch, is anything else, been a sketch so far? Oh yeah, yeah, you're back.

Yeah, great. Oh, all moving on. How many sketch ideas do you think I've written down already? Oh yeah, yeah you bet. Yeah, great. I won't move again. No, maybe. How many sketch ideas do you think I've written down already? I wouldn't have thought you'd written down any, but. No. Tell me. I want to know.

One. One, what is it? What made the pad? Can I ask? It's the plate spinning third threat. The guy who can make it work anywhere. Oh great, I'm really glad. In an underwater movie where he's there for no reason. Great. I wonder how long you could last underwater. You know, if you had an unlimited supply of oxygen coming in through

your tank and if you had the little airlock food eating system that we've discussed, could you wait out a war or something like that? Could you could you manage to... Well I think I've heard that the deeper you go, the quicker you go through your oxygen. Yeah, right. So if you stayed just underwater. Yeah, yeah, real shallow. Like, if you were say in an inlet that was roughly six inches deep, right? And you were laying down just so that you were kind of just covered like rice you're about to cook. Yeah, yeah, really good analogy.

That half of finger knuckle, this, this. Yeah, that's right. And it allows for, you know, the angel, angelating waves to, you know, so that you're not exposed when a... When a ripple, when a trough comes through. And, but you're laying on your front so that your head is pointing down so that water isn't going up into your nose and filling up your cavities there. You're really're really good.

And I think then you could maybe at least do a day. So if it's a one day war. Yeah. I think you would also probably just have a little pooping hole in your in your in your wetsuit, right? Because yeah, I mean if you your in your wetsuit, right? Because... Yeah, I mean, if you were wearing your wetsuit. I've been picturing a wetsuit this entire time, but there was no reason for that to be the case. Was there?

Well, I guess, I guess, you know, for some protection. There you go. Yeah, you got to think about that when you're underwater. We did a bonus episode recently where we came up with five ways to drown. And I know this isn't in the bonus episode universe, but I just think that something that we missed out on was the reverse snorkel, which is a snorkel that goes down so that when you're standing out of water, you can still get, you can put the water in your lungs. Water in your lungs.

I mean, I do love this idea. I think it deserves to be a sketch idea. If you're happy for something to cross over from the yeah from the Patreon universe into the world the nightmare of the real. Is this your campaign to have it written down? Yeah, this is it. Well, how okay. And do you want to join me any other benefits of why I should write it down?

I want you to know that it's already written down. Okay, great. You know, you know how oyster shells are really sharp and you can cut yourself very easily on a oyster shell. Yep, yep. But the current to me is that you get into the oyster, it's one of the softest foods imaginable. One of the slipperyest, sloppiest, least sharp,

I would say foods out there. I would say in terms of texture, it has some of the greatest contrast. Yeah. It's almost a shame you have to chew all the way through that shell to get to it. But as far as I'm aware, that's the only way. It's less of a chew and more of a gnaw. Yeah, you're right. You're right.

The little shattered nubs of your teeth and your bleeding gums. Oh, my god. I tried to get through it to the softness within. Do you know, you stick the shocking knife into the back where basically it's where you would picture the hinges. Right. Yeah. You know, like if it opens up at the front, the flap, you kind of actually put the shocking knife in

there and you kind of really have to like wiggle it in until you hear a little, like that little pop and sound. But now I'm trying to picture that doing that, but with your teeth and just feeling, you know, the gums just at the top of your teeth, once you get your teeth toothed, just grinding up against that real sharp shell and just kind of cutting up your gums, trying to leave rigid open.

Just with you, with your sort of fragile front teeth. Yeah, I guess what you do. I guess what you do, is's one of those things where like, as a man, and I don't know if this is a man thing, I don't have women battle with this. In fact, I don't know if anyone else in the world battles with this, but the temptation to use your teeth

when you have other implements available. I find sometimes quite strong. Like, I've met idiots of all genders who've tried to open beers with their teeth. Yeah. I mean, that one seems like the dumbest one ever. Have you opened a beer with your teeth? I haven't, no, but I've definitely thought about it.

And I've had to fight it. Fight it back. Oh. Yeah. Remind myself, no, I'm a man. I'm an evolved creature. We have tools for a reason. Yeah.

The only time I've been impressed by any of this kind of stuff is on stupid human tricks on Letterman one time a guy chewed off the top of a, like a can. Like a bad old cat. Like a food can. Letterman said something, yeah, like a food can and said Letterman says really more of a goat trick isn't it? And what I was impressed by was Letterman's quick thinking and we're not by the bad. Well, I still think, I mean, just that the man knew that, like, knew that he could do this and had done it enough time that it was reliable enough that he could go on national television. Yeah.

It's the first time that's the real leap into the unknown, isn't it? Oh, absolutely. And just like once, you know, like those teeth are piercing through the metal, and you're like, all right, now let's just bring them back and it's just kind of like scraping against that metal. Oh, you know, like, oh, just the damage. Anyway, but so oyster shells are sharp, right? And I was thinking about how in the weightlessness of water,

most fish, even if there are shells on the wall, you know, on the rock face near them, instead of an opened oyster shell, which I guess isn't as common instead of the untouched ecosystem that hasn't been pillaged by man. But the idea is that they're really sharp, but in the weightlessness of water,

you wouldn't really have that much pressure pushing you up against things, so its sharpness would mean nothing. Really, its sharpness is a quality of those who are from land. You think that it's a technique that's been evolved specifically to attack land creatures. Well, I guess it is a defense, isn't it? But I think it's just... It's both your analysis of underwater paint spinning and your explanation of how you think oysters work in the water.

We're revealing that in your mind somehow the concept of inertia and momentum don't exist underwater. That's sort of what you're describing. They do, they do, but with the, but there's a lot more friction. There's a fair bit more friction. You think about what's involved.

Yes, at the same, there's more, um, moment, moment, there might be more friction, but it's also harder to stop once you're moving, because there's nothing to grab onto. So you think about a big ship, a mighty cargo ship. Before you continue, can I just say this? Your thinking is, Mo, Mo water, momentum. All right, continue. I'm just saying that those big mighty cargo ships, they take so long to turn around, right? So you could have a fish or some such moving towards a,

a rocky outcrop with an oyster on it. And, and it might see that oyster, but what's involved for it in slowing down, turning the vast bulk of this fish or whale is going to be a lot. And I don't know what my point is, and I don't know why I'm bothering to disagree with you. I agree that things, if they're very big, and have a lot of momentum close to rock faces.

All right, that that will... This is all... That that will lead to cuts. This is all I want. Absolutely will lead to cuts. I'll take it and it's absolutely as a win. You know how you have the pad of sketch ideas? I've always had a Secret second pad which is just of wins and I'm putting just a little little one

And there on the pad and just over the course over the course of the the life of This podcast you just want to get I got I got two so far. This is the podcast where we come up with five sketch ideas per episode. An Andy over the length of think it's five wins. And when I do get five, that's when the podcast can end. And there's small wins. Oh boy, there's small wins. You'll take anything.

There's small and they're unidentified. I haven't, I don't write anything down on the pad to identify the win. All I know is that there was one. It's just a little mark. Oh, all I know is that this oyster shell thing is an absolute dead end and I have pursued it for so long. Just my observation was that the cutting, the cuttingness is really an attribute for those on land. Now, what about a sketch, though? And this is going to be horrific. Okay. All right. Is this?

All right. Okay. Yep. In which a person attends a fancy dinner function okay. And is presented with a plate of oysters. Yeah. And not knowing what you're expected to do with the oysters. And all not wanting to appear rude or foolish decides to eat the entire oyster, including

crunching the shell while trying to have a civilized conversation with the people around It could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it could, it, it could, it could, it could, it, it could, you know, the thinner curly bits at the front there, where kind of, you know, has that ripply kind of looks like the waves. I think that's why they've got that. It's a sort of a wave motif because they're in the ocean. I think that's why it's a wave motif. You know how like houses near the beach always have like an anchor inside it or whatever and they go with a lot of blue. Oysters. Oysters do that. But then oysters also grow a kind of a grassy moss on them sometimes to. It's a bit of surf and turf. A little mustache. Yeah, a little mustache that too. That's the person who catches them.

Who grows them? Yeah. Okay, so person. So anyway, this person, their lips shredded, you know, really just ragged strips of flesh at this point, trying to carry on the conversation about, you know, whatever it is, they're trying to get their child into a fancy school. If you keep a straight enough face, and if you pass it off, if you pass it off, is this is how you do it all the time Then they've been introduced as as a as a as a member of the royal family of the country of Azerbaijan and

Everyone else at the meeting must is thinking of the meeting or I was a function is thinking, if that's how they do it over there, it must be very complex. And so everybody's to it. And they're all bleeding, clapping and crunching. That's quite, it's quite beautiful. And so I like this situation. So how did this person get invited to this fancy dinner? So there are, there are, there were nobody. They've never been to a fancy dinner. It's that some, you know, I've never been to any dinner. Oh my God. But it's like a billionaire's house or something, right?

Very fancy, right? They've got in there. Somehow everybody, I guess they were invited because people thought that he was a Kazakhstan. Not a Kazakhstan, what was it? It was back in the time. Aizah Bajani, king, a monarch of some sort, maybe a prince. Yeah, a prince, perfect.

The trouble with the absolute leader is that that's so quickly Googleable. But prince, they can be any number of princes. You could honestly, in that region, people love a big family. They do. They do. They do. A big royal family, you know. People love it. Mostly the guy, the man who has a heart.

Anyway. Yeah. If what, if you, I think, I think your name is a bit like your title, isn't it? Mm-hmm, and Yeah, then You know, maybe your middle name is sort of like your subtitle maybe or your nickname But then yeah, what everybody really needs is a tagline

It's the one thing you're right that that we don't have a tagline. That's the one thing. You're right. We don't have a tagline. Everybody should have a tagline. That was a big thing in high school where people were like, let's write down some of our quotes. Oh, quotes that you would have said to yourself. Yeah, like, you know, people in our group of friends

would have said. Can I tell you one of the things that I'm most ashamed of in my life? Yeah. All right, this is really bad. Well, I don't know if it is really bad, right? But this is this is the thing that haunts me way and this is just between you and me and the listeners of the two in the think tank podcast. But I think about this regularly. You know how you have a yearbook and you're asked to write quotes in there. And you're thinking, I don't, did you do that? Did you have a quote in the yearbook?

Oh, man, mine is like my whatever I've written in there is so bad. Right. Well mine is going to be worse. But if you obviously can't be that embarrassing if it doesn't still haunt you to this day, Alastair. Oh, I do think about it and feel bad. I'll say mine so that yours can be better. Mine, I just kind of, wait, is this it here? No, that's a Gary Larson comics thing. Okay. Wait, is that it? Oh my god, this could be the actual, oh my God, it's actually within reach right here. So is it in reach? It's so, because I, I would have brought it,

I brought it from my parents place and I just kind of, I'm in the garage where there's the, um, so weird. I'm in the garage where all my books are and so It is within reach so I can I can take you through the exact special of it All right, here is this is the pay this is the groups people there it is okay Boy, I think we're gonna we're gonna have to put a picture of this up on on the Yeah, I can't oh I think it's comic comic sans maybe they've gone with anyway Um, glossy, okay, Alistair, Tronblade, virtual likes the matrix

Sues this is so sus which was my girlfriend at the time and burgers. All right. Dislikes my cheese drink idea. So now that's not mine. Michael had a cheat, my friend Michael had a cheese drink idea. And then I was just, I thought, I think maybe he was getting people to reference his cheese drink idea and then I just said that it was mine

Okay, now this is this is where it gets bad. I feel okay because this is when I'm clearly Starting to try to be funny, right? Like I gotta say a drink idea Feels like a very two-in-the-thing tank thing. It's such it it might be that that cheese drink idea might be the reason why we have there's a podcast Two and then I think you know who would have thought like, you know, that maybe first you come up with a tune the think tank style idea, then you come up with two in the think tank. And so the first idea was I know, but it was the existence of one, the idea that you could come up with ideas like that that may have created the possibility of having a thing where you come up with ideas like that.

Anyway. Is this Mike Berger? No, that's two different people. Michael Komote, you would have met him. And also we did his radio show that he was producing in Northern territory. But it wasn't him hosting. Anyway, okay, so dislikes my cheese drink idea being a hamster cheeseless pizza Not too bad. I was not too bad Okay, so then favorite teacher Mrs. C. Grasby. Hi, no date. Roodle. I met Kyle. What's my stuff you're putting in there? Favorite teacher?

Yeah, ambition to create world dominating AI, right? Okay, and then I am, that's the last section. The one, the donut king, and not a hamster. Now this hamster stuff is what haunts me. Right? Because it's so obviously an attempted humor and it is not in any way funny. Yeah, and I think yeah, that's the bit. That's the bit that haunts me. Anyway, just letting you know. Well At least these things are just exist in a paper medium and are never gonna reach the...

Who even still owns a copy? I don't think of it putting anything into digital. Exactly. Anyway, here's mine. A funny thing happened in year 12, where somebody had some yogurt, right? And a guy called Jimmy wandered some yogurt. I think it was Will had the yogurt. I mean, one ofered the yogurt. So Jimmy said just flick it into my mouth, flick the

yogurt into my mouth. So he as so Will flicked yogurt at Jimmy's mouth but it obviously didn't just go straight into his mouth. It went all over him right all down his face in a big line okay and it was it was very funny. Yeah right and we all talked about it for a long time. And so when it came to a yearbook quote where everyone was trying to put it in whatever, I said, just flick it into my mouth was my yearbook quote, right? And then this somehow got mistranscribed And then this somehow got mistranscribed in the printing process to just stick it in my mouth. It was my yearbook quote. Okay.

And it was bad enough. It was bad enough. And I was this mind of like, well, this is just a funny thing that we all enjoy saying that forever we will remember as being the hilarious thing associated with Jimmy getting yogurt on his face. But even before it was mistranscribed, that context wasn't going to stand the test of time, I fear. So now there are people out there with the Friends School 2001 Leavers book looking through it. These young bright hopes this very expensive private school thinking about what they're going to go on and become an achieve and then seeing the picture of me and that and and that

absolutely is a big hit by my mouth. Just comes back to me on the reg and just I just can't get it. But I mean then if you if somebody was to recognize you from say doing comedy. Yep. And then and then see like because I think it gets a new context then. Yeah, yeah. And now that look, that thing, look at this amazing greatest comedian. And now look at that quite, now think, well, this must be very funny for you to have been. Yeah, but also it's like, look, he was so, he was so, you know, on the edge,

he's so edgy, so early. Oh, you know, just take it out of my mouth, you know? I just, I just graduated from the school. Yeah, I put Dix in my mouth. I'm ready. Whatever it is, I'll take it. I just not even gender specific. You know what, it'd be good to have said that out loud

and to got it off my chest because I've just been suffering alone with this for a long time. Andy, I think it's probably your best bit of writing. Thanks. It was a good at it. Yeah, cheers. Anyway, yours was good too and the hamster stuff I think was very funny. No, the hamster stuff had nothing, and he absolutely nothing. Not like my energy dick bit. Absolutely nothing. Not like my energy dick bit. No, but you know, like, you know, my hamster thing is clearly an attempt. And then that cheeseless pizza bit in there, just like cheeseless pizza, not even a thing

that really does. Yeah, that doesn't bother me at all. I'd find, I'd find. You know, it's a moment preserved in time, isn't it? You know what? We need these things. So that we can feel bad. Show us that we've...

Well, yes, those are shows that we've come some certain distance. Oh, I don't think I have. That's the thing. Is that it reminds me of every time I say something that I think is funny and then it's clearly not. I say something that I think is funny and then it's clearly not. It's just a, I think it's just a small example of the grand failure of my life. Anyway, it's what about, you know, like, you can have a... Is it a selecta key? No. Imagine you can, you can go back in time, Alistair.

But you go back in time and you, the most they can get out of the time travel machine, they're really redlining it here. So they can get you back to just the day off. You've submitted that to the, to the yearbook board. Do you? What do you do? Oh, it might have been too early. I might not have

realized my mistake at that point. Yeah, but that's why because but you're going back in time, see? So you're going back in time as yourself now. But one day after you've written that down, no, no, no, you're going back from now, and you're arriving back one day under young Alistair has submitted that now do you've probably you probably only got a small window of Opportunity to talk to young Alistair, but do you try and use that full five minutes or whatever that you have to convince him to break into the computer labs and try and edit that why Why can't I just do it?

Why can't I? Like if I go back, why do I have to convince him? He's a student there, they know him. I just look like an older brother or something like that. I could just do it. I'll just say I'm his uncle and that he needs this thing back.

I need that back. You can't have that. I'm not a hamster thing. Anyway, you know how they've done, they've done these kind of freaky Friday and sort of suddenly 30 things where people swap bodies. I think it would be interesting to have it with a bigger age gap. So we've kind of like, like, what about like, elderly, like 88?

It goes into the body of a seven-year-old. I don't think we've explored all the age changes that you could do. Yeah. Well, I mean, I guess what the reason why they choose these particular ages, you know, they choose the young age because it feels like you have so much, what your life at that point feels so important, but you also have so much potential and so much possibility to change what your life is going to become. Whereas at around the 30s, the 40s, it feels like your life has become what it's going to become. You have a lot more knowledge, but maybe less power to change who you are.

And that's why that's an interesting thing. But it doesn't feel like someone, you know, at the age of 88, necessarily has maybe the burning ambition to change themselves or dissatisfaction with their lot. What about a person who's 88 and has a lot of regrets about their life? Oh, okay. Right. And this is their grand kid that they've swapped with. And they realize that if they don't swap back, this is their chance to have another

chance at life. No one will notice, right? And they're really fighting it. And they're not going to let it go. And then this seven year old is now in the body of this old person in an old folks home. And people think that they've just got serious dementia because now they're like I'm a seven year old They medically sedate them. Yeah, they just lie there Capacitated in bed for the rest of the film. So we don't cut back to them quite so much just because they're better

But then they're they're planning their escape You know they got to get back with the mind of a seven year old But then to're planning their escape. You know, they got to get back. But with the mind of a seven year old. But then to tell their parents. So that they can tell their parents, like, you know, maybe there's just a crystal or something like that. They need to touch again. Yeah, it's a good way to do it.

Yeah, this old person, then that old person might go on the run. You know, maybe they've got their old knowledge of their circus years because they're probably in Vaudeville or something. So then they go on the road. They run away. And so then they got to find this seven-year-old. They sing, they dance,

they steal the bodies of seven-year-old children. Yeah. And they're infectious. Yes. I think I think I'll stay at itair I think that could be very good. I think that would be quite funny as a trailer. Yeah. You know, I think you know, you also you also miss out on perhaps one of the Hollywood things that maybe also defines why it seems to always be like someone in their 30s going back to be someone in their teens

is because you can have sort of basically both as played by heart throbs. Both played by heart throbs. But here we lose any of those advantages. We've got a decrepit old 88 year old. It's some little naughty 70 year old child. Yeah, and both without any real power to affect their situation. It puts it takes any kind of sex possibility off the table. Hmm. Right?

Yeah. I mean, look, maybe the 88 year old, but you don't want to put it in that movie because of what the implications are. And so that's why you're ruling it out. No, it's no good. It's no good. Is it? No, it's no good. And so big was bad enough, but this is a nightmare. Yeah. It's a real nightmare. That's why they always have to be comedies. Yeah, it's a real nightmare. That's what's good. Why do they always have to be comedies?

What we've made here. What? I'm moving that is impossible to enjoy There's no way to feel good about any of this. That's the tagline and that will be my tagline. Oh possible to enjoy I think yeah, I think this idea of people having taglines how could we introduce it? How could we be like hey you know because I mean we used to have it sort of something like that on family crests. Oh yeah you're absolutely right that was a family tagline. It's real good. We should bring that back. But now we live in the age of the individual. I guess that's kind of what your Twitter bio is.

And he's... God, I wonder what mine is. What does that say about me? You should be... I hope that yearbooks of today for the young. I hope they're done in some sort of digital format where you can go back and edit them and at any point in your life. And you don't have to have those kinds of regrets because I love the idea of a future where all our history is digital and we can just edit it and move on, feel, you know,

and everything's moving and constantly changing. And there's nothing to hold on to. Satire Griff, the comedy writer, co-host of Two in the Think Tank Podcast with Alice, D.B. director at Stupid Alt. That's me. Yeah, that's me. And maybe that's what your tagline would be too too is that it would just be something a bit more functional in case somebody wanted to employ you. But with a hyperlink. Yeah. Yeah.

Can we somehow get hyperlinks into spoken language. So what this would mean is that if I'm talking and I say some words that are hyperlinked, okay, you can somehow interact with those words maybe with a gesture or something. And then the, that will change the conversation. Maybe if you did like a Hong Kong kind of motion, you do what? You do a little Hong Kong motion, and yeah, like that maybe in front of your, in front of your, sort of digital glasses. Yeah. I started talking and, and they say something and then you hear it It maybe it's got like a a twinkle when you hear it. So you hear it and it goes While they say it beautiful, okay, then you hold punk in front of my back

Honk honk like that, and then it comes up on the inside of your glasses while the person keeps talking and then you sort of ignore them for a bit So let me write writing down the sketch ideas. I'm gonna say they but they I think they should change the topic of conversation Right like when you're on a website and you click on to a different You different page Click away Doesn't open up another window or new tab or something like that You go you leave the page you're on and if you interact with their hyperlink and their conversation, then that changes the topic of the conversation and you can go to something else.

I guess what I've discovered here is just conversation, isn't it? What would be good? You can really change the topic already. Is if you could explore a person like you would a website. Yeah, okay. as if you could explore a person like you would a website. Yeah, okay. And so you could, you could go back to the things that they say and you could honk, honk, like that.

And then on any part of the things that they say and you could go back into it, let's say they say like the word like, you know, abokaneza. I don't know what the fuck. I tried, I got to pick a regular word. So they say, No, you're gonna pick a word from the matrix because that's what you're realizing.

That's one of my likes. You're the one. I am the one. Yeah, the one. It was back in the day when I was pretty sure I was the one. And so you could press any words. Let's say they say, well, for me, like that. And then if you go, honk, honk on me, like that, then they start talking about me more. They just go, well, I am a blah, blah, this kind of thing, like that.

So it's like Wikipedia, right? And then they go, well, I'm this and I'm 36 years old. You know, I've got my nipples get hard when I run and I think with that and then you go, honk honk on nipples, right? And then maybe like a, like, they'll show you their nipples and then they'll go, well, this one is called, is called Marcus. And this one, I've burned 16 times on hot plates. That's why it's deformed. And then you go, hon, honk, and then they go through the whole list of 16 times they've burnt their nipples.

And then they go, well, one time I was baking bread, but in like a commercial bakery. And so I was like, the last bit of bread was really far back. And I had to lift up and they burnt my nipple. That was the first time. The second time, I said, a campfire. And you could snap again. Again, I'll say, I mean, I've started this, but I will just point out that what we are doing here is we're inventing follow-up questions.

You know, we're inventing conversations. We're trying to, correct. Like tell the words you're looking for, Alistair, that's interesting. Tell me more about that. I mean, which one? I mean, you're trying to. Ha, ha, ha.

And in this one, they can't say no. So let's say you could do it. you could do it when they're not around. You could just sort of tap into their brain. That's when all our brains will be on the, on the hive mind. Well, but I think there is a, perhaps a useful thing in here, right? Which is, there are people who are bad at conversation. And I've, you know, I've talked to talked to women who are trying to date men and men on dates seem to be really, really bad

at asking follow-up questions, at really asking any questions at all, right? But maybe we could train men to like a rat that wants an extra pellet of high protein insect food to press a button that will make a sound that implies tell me more about that. So maybe actually forming a question is too complicated, but you could go on a date with somebody and you could say hello my name's Jess I don't know how conversations work and I work in a library right and the man in front of you too stupid to say oh I love libraries how long have you done that he all he can do is just hit a button hot on the table and that just means tell me more about that keep talking about that

Yeah, or or an air button sort of like that and instead of pushing it you you sort of you sort of squeeze it Yeah, and it might make a honking sound. Yeah, I guess I guess I Maybe thought that sort of a sort of a squeezing and a honking motion Remind people of riding a bike. Yes correct And that's not what this is about unless it's a bike riding date Could be yeah could be could be a tandem thing How did the bell win over the honking horn?

Um. Hey, like that's that's our sort of like that's our beta max VHS sort of of the 18 honks right? I guess you're right. Yeah, there's a there's a new there's a new movie out right now called The Current War, which is about Edison and Westinghouse, battling over whether an electrical distribution would be alternating current or direct current.

They made it very dramatic and Benedict Cumberbatch isn't it and so on and so forth. Let's make one about the bicycle bell versus the bicycle horn. Yeah. Was it really west? I thought I thought Tesla was AC. Um, uh, Tesla was, uh, AC, yes, but I think I think it was Westinghouse who was the big, the big guy in that in that specific battle Tesla was on the side of AC, but I'm pretty sure Oh, wait, no, maybe I'm wrong. Oh, I can't remember.

Can't remember who was what? DC AC. Or maybe it was DC or whatever. Yeah, I should know. I really should know. I should probably just watch the movie. This is a great promo for that movie. It is, isn't it great?

Anyway, I think that's definitely a sketch idea, Alistair. Yeah, bike. The dingin, dingin versus home. Bike bell versus bike horn. Honk if you love dingin. Yeah, honk if you want to know more about my work in the library. Hahaha. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT.

You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. Um, how many sketch ideas have we got, Alistair?

One, two, three, four, five, six. Yeah, great. We should have three words from a listener. Andy, I don't know if you know this, but people have been donating to our Patreon. I love that so much. And it's been so delightful. It's really helping us out.

And one of the people who has donated at least $3 is brought in, is sent in three words from a listener. Them. And their name is Sean. I'm going to say Pratt, but it's P-R-A-G-T. Wow. How would you say that? Pratt?

Sean Pratt, eh? Pragt. Pragt. Sean Pratt. I don't think he said Pratch. Sean Pratt. Pratt. Hey. Pranked. Pranked. Sean Frank. I don't think you'd see. I don't think you said prox. Sean Pranked. What would you? You would. I think so.

Hi, Sean. Thank you so much. Sean, it just means the world to us. Thank you very much. You're a, you're a, you're a great person and with a good heart. And you know, a little bit of spare money that you just threw at us. So, the support of everyone helping me with my financial difficulties has inspired me. And I'm thinking everybody, I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna get a second mortgage. All right, Andy, do you have financial problems? I'm just gonna take one out, just to pay it off. Not to even buy anything, just to service the interest on the low. Well, whether you can, whether you got Sean's three dollars or more. Thank you so much Sean. Yeah. And you do only guess what one of the words might be? Yeah. Yeah. Gigafactory. What was that? Gigafactory. Like the Tesla Gigafactory. Okay, Gigafactory. What was that? Gigafactory, like the Tesla Gigafactory. Okay, Gigafactory, no that's not the case.

No. It's not one of the words, there's nebula, there's concrete, and there's piano. Nebula, nebula. Nebula, like nebicanezza? No, nothing like nebicanezza. No, okay, well, that's a shame. I wonder if anyone has made a concrete piano. You know? Do you think it would have a good resonance? Well, I wonder. I wonder. Are there any musical instruments that specialize in sort of the sound of

Are there any musical instruments that specialize in sort of the sound of two slabs of concrete banging against each other? Sort of rock on rock? Is there anything in there? I mean, I'd love to see like some concrete brass instruments. Yeah. The concrete section. I mean, it's about time that the orchestra opened it up to a new modern material like concrete. Absolutely. I think what, you know, it's like, and opening up a new section like that of the orchestra, it is like building a new platform like the iPhone or whatever. You just put it out there, you make the space, and then you let the developers go at it.

And so let's tell them there's space for five instruments in the concrete section of the orchestra. And instrument makers out there, you could win one of those spaces. So get working, see what you do. So say like, you could get one that maybe makes a grinding noise. Yes. Grinding, scraping, those are absolutely going to be, yeah. I think, you know, that sort of blinking sound that you get when you throw a rock down a drain pipe.

Yes. You know, as it bounces off the sides. A big echoey tube. A big echo tube running through and underpass. Have you ever been in like just a running for your life, sweating, panting, not knowing where you are, the sound of that Now available in the orchestra There are no instruments that you can run around inside There's actually a really interesting effect where you're inside There's there's a park not too far from here where it's it's a it's a pipe, you know like maybe two meters long

But you know about it, but almost big enough for me to stand in. And when you go and sit in it and you talk, there's a kind of a weird like vibrate-y echoey effect to your voice, it kind of makes it go like, by like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like like, like like, like like, like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like be some very interesting sounds to come out of the concrete section. I think we're really hit onto something here. I think like concrete slabs attached to feet and you stand on another bit of concrete like that and you kind of go you know who's really going to love this. Who? Musicians. They're going to love the opportunity to drag their concrete instruments Our out for place to place young children learning their first concrete instrument at school Having to lug it on the on the bus

We on a trolley on a special pneumatic trolley and then people will be like you know They'll give them plastic ones they go, it just doesn't sound good. It doesn't have the same warmth of concrete, of cold, hard concrete, of warmth from the age. Look, I'm into that. We didn't do anything with nebula, but I know you're, I guess, we're okay with that, right? What does nebula mean to you, Andy? What is nebula to you?

I guess, well, a nebulous is a word that I guess I can get my head around. Nebulous being something that's, meaning something that's difficult to get your head around. But, yeah, I think so. Something that's nebulous is sort of complicated and complex. It's got a lot of facets to it

that interact in ways that are difficult to quantify. That's something that's nebulous. And but nebular. Oh, I guess nebular. It will be something that is sort of a bit like a nebular. I think, is it AR or just ending on in A? AR. Yeah, well then that's an adjective because a nebula itself, any B-U-L-A, is the now.

It's like an interstellar cloud of dust, hydrogen, helium, and other ionized gases. You took the words right out of my online encyclopedia. But yeah, I guess, yeah, I suppose you're right. Nebula is explaining that. I guess I guess a sort of a, you know, an a not to be too crude, but a a fart would be nebula. You could be right. Yeah. Yeah, I think you could be right now. Can you take us through the sketches to come up with today?

In a way, Jupiter. Anyway, all right. I'll take you through the ideas today, Andy. I loved it. I loved it. This is the plate spinning third threat guy who can make it work anywhere, even in an underweather film where he's there for no reason. Really good.

Really good. I think there's an element in which a lot of our ideas are this, especially ones that are driven by me. There are nothing sketches in a way, but I think it's a new type of sketch. I don't think anyone dares do sketches that have so little context in the real life, in the real world, but that you can, I think,

if you build the world enough, people can't help but be invested. Well, you know, they say comedy comes from truth, but you know what the real truth is? You're a coward who's afraid to make something where the comedy doesn't come from truth. That's right. You can get comedy from anything. You can get comedy from absolutely anything. You can get it from a couple of concrete blocks in a kid's backpack. Correct.

Uh-huh. Uh, then we got reverse snorkel. Mm-hmm. And so that if you're, no matter where you're walking through the air, you've got a little pipe that you get water in your lungs. Correct. Yeah, that's good. Uh, then we got this person eats their way through an unshucked oyster.

They've been invited to a fancy dinner and people think that he's a Middle Eastern prince and so they when they see him do that. And for some reason this really rich family are serving unshucked oysters. But I mean, no, I mean, I think they could they could be they could they could be shocked, but he's still eating the shell, right? So like, okay sure yeah, they're open. You know, that's okay. That's oyster's kill Patrick or whatever. So the thing Kirk Patrick. Yeah, kill a kill Patrick Kirk Patrick kill Patrick. But kill Patrick has got like bacon bits and barbecue sauce in there. Yeah, they probably wouldn't do that. That this baby cheese.

Yeah. But I mean, you know, maybe they would. Who knows? I don't know what these billionaires are into. But the important thing is that this person has no idea how it's done. Yeah. Then we got 88 year old and seven year old body switch This is the first body switch movie

That has not that is pitched like a it is played and pitched like a comedy But it is that is absolutely terrifying. Yeah Yeah, there's nothing good about it Yeah, I mean, I think this there needs to be more comedies like that that are a comedy idea, but it's played so straight that it's not funny in any way. It's like the opposite of a Leslie Nielsen movie there, one of those like airplane movies, where it's played very straight, but it's funny. Yes, yes, and this is sort of like like also a bit like maybe like an office but also the

a bit like the opposite of the office where it's not in a very real because the office is a really very real world scenario but played for comedy whereas this is in some extremely wacky comedy scenario. Yeah, and this is like, it's the opposite of like, so the airplane, they pretend to be these serious movies and then it's funny. But this one, it pretends to be a comedy. But it's an unbelievably dramatic and a traumatic film. Yes, great. Great.

We got... We got... We got... We got... We got... We got... We got surfing conversation Hong Kong. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Serving the word the word waves, you know, that's right surfing some a person's conversation so that you don't to help any of men who are not good at

conversation. The conversation is super highway. That's right, the conversation super highway surfing the web of lies, the web of no but truths. But surfing a web of lies would have made a great tagline for the Matrix. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, maybe not the Matrix. Maybe set up, but I'm sure there was a movie in the 90s where that would have been the perfect, maybe the net.

Yeah, maybe. Haven't seen that. With Sandra Bullock. Yeah Then we got bike bell versus bike horn How did the bike horn lose and how how is it been how why did they completely give up when? It feels like you could still sell a bike horn now. Well, can I tell you something? What my wife Carly Milroy horn now. Well, can I tell you something? What? My wife, Carly Milroy, bought two bycorns yesterday, Alistair. This is crazy. It's crazy.

In your face. Wow. Yeah, the twins have now as of, as of, yes, say, afternoon, when I screwed them onto their little push bikes. Yeah. We're a two horn family. Well, you know, I feel like that's different because I mean I've met you in Carly and Andy I already knew that you guys were a two horn family I knew you had at least two horn bags And in those bags, horns. But I'm, yeah, it's more horns. Um, the bag is also a horn.

Um, the bag is actually a big bulb from another horn. It is attached to a metal bell. Do you know that, that metal part of the, of the, of, um, of a trombone that, the, the, the sort of of the cone cone bit is called a bell. The metal bit of the trombone. Yeah, but you know, the trombone is the kind bit I said, I said the cone bit. You said the metal bit. I meant the big the big conical part at the end. Yeah, called the bell. It's called the bell. Okay, thanks. Yeah, the bell end That's not what I said, but I want to see Bell horns not on kids bikes, but on adult bikes

How did they lose the adult bike market? This is gonna be such a big movie. Maybe it's because they kept them the horn sounding so comical Maybe it's because they kept the horn sounding so comical. No one's ever made a serious bike horn. Or maybe it's because it became associated with the sexist motion of honking a woman's boobs. So you're saying, you're saying that in the 1800s or whatever, people made a decision because something was sexist, but then continued being sexist. It's exactly what I'm saying.

Exactly what I'm saying. For at least. But the clean crisp ding of a bell had no sexist connotations that would have offended that they're very woke sensibilities. It's, I mean, I guess the bell can sound like a sort of like, that they're very woke sensibilities. I mean, I guess the bell can sound like sort of like, you know, like the smile from a really clean mouth.

Yes. Ding! That's right, and it doesn't get more awesome. That's what I do. After I brush my teeth and I go bike riding, I don't have a bell on my thing, but I just smile as I approach somebody and it goes ding. All right. And then we got the concrete section of the orchestra. Right. We did it.

Andy, we really did it. Uh-uh, uh, Andy. And I'm at Alistair TV. You can find us at two in tank on Instagram. You can listen to Shushur guided meditations, which is getting rev back up again. There's some sleep episodes and somewhat lightly funny, short meditations. You can follow us on Patreon and donate money if you feel like it. You can review like, you're a reviewer? Reviewers, yes. You can, on iTunes or Stitcher. And would it be fair to say?

Or, if anybody got one review from me on Stitcher. Would it be fair to say, Alistair, that if people go to Twitter within the next 24 hours, it's a good chance they'll see a picture of your yearbook entry? Yeah, on the two-in-the-thing time one, but I wouldn't I wouldn't dare post it to my own. Okay, this is just private I want you to know I still have I still have shame about this and so I wouldn't put it out in the world for everybody, but I will put it out for people We trust you people see yeah, correct. Just you people't retweet it. Just look at it and then forget it.

And we love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. I mean, if you want, it's up to you. mad great mites. I mean, if you won't, it's up to you. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus,

and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time. Mycomputercareer.edu.