Two In The Think Tank - 234 - "WEIRD AL-GORITHM"

Episode Date: May 19, 2020

Santa's Lapland, Cone Cone, Savoury Sundae, Santa's Sweatshop, Weird A.l, Darchaeology, Hitler's Shame Race, Birthday PermutationsHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right herePre-sliced thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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this podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a big guy, you're a lot of lap lap lap lap. Who's this man? He's got a beast. It's a close. Alistair, I can't go on. I'm going to introduce the podcast later, because I've got to address what you just said there.

Yeah. Is this a sketch in which you get to go and Santa Claus sits on your lap? Yeah. Is that what that is? Yeah. And that's really, really good. And there's so many things you can do within that space as well.

Like there's one where you get to go along, you take your kids and they dress up your kids as Santa Claus, and then you as a parent get to dress up as a small child or smeared with veggie, marten stuff, and you come and sit on their lap and demand things, and it's just, you know, it's what we do down under, you know, in Christmas and July.

We do a lot of down under, you know, in Christmas in July. In a lot of day and a lot of day and a lot of day. It makes more sense. Kids could forget about each chimney, couldn't they? Chimney, chimney. Chimney. Chimney. Chimney.

Chimney. Chimney. You know, and other reasons as well. I mean, it could just be the opposite. It's just the opposite of Christmas, right? And it's Santa sits on your lap and he wants something from you. He wants payback. It only happens once, I mean, would we, as a species, enter into this kind of deal with the devil kind of a situation where, and this is lost back in the mists of

time. So we don't even remember when we made this deal. But at some point, we signed up to a thing with Santa where he would bring our children toys, every Christmas for a thousand years. But on the thousands year, he's gonna come and he's gonna sit on our lap and he's gonna want sit on our lap and he's going to want something in return. Yeah. And it's not going to be pretty. But here's the thing that this is not the first

time that this happens. Right? And Santa has came last time he came after a thousand years that had been the first time. And he didn't get what he wanted. Oh no. And and that's why we all die now. Oh. Right. And that's our punishment. And he said, I'll be back in another thousand years.

In this time, I better get what I want. Yeah. Or I'll take something else away from you. We were all immortal until then. Right. Well, it would make sense if like, you think about the grim reaper's robe, right? Yeah. He's got that big cow sort of thing hiding his face in there.

It only makes sense for him to hide his face like that. If he hasn't otherwise recognizable face, if he's somehow a public figure that we would know from elsewhere and who's more public than Santa Claus. You look at that thing, it's not a skull, either Arty. Or it's the jolly fat man himself. Yeah. Prager of death. Um, this is very, very good. The dark underbelly of

the bowl full of jelly, the dark underbelly, like a dark, a dark bowl full of the dark bottom side of a bowl full of jelly that is the story of Santa Claus. What's great though is that he continues to bring us what we want every year. And I guess that's why it's kind of like he gets so angry and he's punished us so badly. I mean life is fine. If you get moral background. Yeah, I mean it's to be honest we're glad that we get to still live roughly you know.

It's interesting because actually, when he came last time, all that he wanted was a bike and we still didn't get it for him, so. Yeah, it's brutal. We're real jerks. But if you think about it a thousand years ago, we probably weren't doing that well on the bike front. Yeah, that's true. If you think about it a thousand years ago, we probably weren't doing that well on the bike front. That's true.

And we've only really, you know, in the scheme of things, invented it relatively recently. That's right. I think I believe it was bushcacity that rode the first bicycle. What the hell are you talking about? Butchcacity. And maybe also the Sundance kid. They both they got a bicycle stole the first bicycle. Is this in like some young adventures of Sherlock Holmes or something like that? Yeah, it's in a film called Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid. Yeah, right.

They stole the first bicycle. It's amazing. They were able to ride it really brain drops keep falling on my head What is that where that song's from? That song plays during that scene. I think This is incredible. Hello and welcome to two in the think tank to show where we come up with a further four sketch ideas I am Andy. And I'm Alistair George William, Tromblay virtual, Esquire senior. P-T-Y-L-T-D. P-T-Y-C-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D I'm just going to say, Alistair, he's going to say, yes, no you got it. Did you already have an idea?

Well, I have a random tale of a thought, but I'm willing to go to say. Yeah, well, you hit me with the while I write down this thing. Okay, well, I'll load this onto you for what it's worth that when in the period in which we were still pronouncing the WWW dot at the start of the of web addresses, which I believe it's now become a silent triple letter. Now the WWW dot, you don't pronounce that anymore.

I was, yeah, I still do pronounce it, but I mean, now we call it dub, dub, dub, right? Do we though? Do we actually do that? Al, dub, dub, right? Do we though? Do we actually do that? Al, do we? Do we? Do we? Though, but I think that really by the transitive property in mathematics, that triple W should really just be a septuple U, a six, a six tuple U. You're right. And so it should just be six you, like six you.

Yeah. I had saved so many syllables. Mm-hmm. Six you. I will you, www.or6u.com. Andy May thought was just this thing where I was going to go to about. He was talking to you right before the pod and telling you how at the moment I

have dinner and then I just have snacks from dinner time until bedtime. After this pod I have a donut, a jam donut waiting for me with icing and then save everything. And I'm probably gonna have a little chocolate. Yeah. And there's ice cream in the freezer. And I think right now I'm like thinking, well, ice cream could go well with a donut. I think it absolutely could.

Will you hate that donut up? Well, maybe, maybe it's weird with the icing on top to heat it up, but I kinda don't actually like the icing that much. I sometimes scrape it off. Yeah? So this is how many snacks I have. So the icing on the cake is the cake,

and the icing on the cake is the fly in the ointment? That's right, that's right. The fly in the ointment, which I see as the jam in the middle of the donut. Yeah. Wait, because you like flies in your ointment? Yeah. Yeah.

I'm an insectivore. That is... There's a fly in my ointment. I forget about that. So what I was going to say was that the snack thing is that I think it's because most people think of a meal as a sprint, right? Get it done and then get on with life, right? That's the 100 meters.

But I think of dinner as a marathon,ly two and a half to four hours. And at the end, you should collapse. Mm, right? Yep, you stagger across that finish line. If you like. And sometimes it's an ultra marathon. Sometimes you wreck your ankle bones and things like that. Well, I think you can hurt yourself. You've got to walk, I think after a meal, you've got to

warm down. Absolutely. It is like anything else. You can't stop suddenly. Especially a big meal. Have withdrawals. Yes. Yes. So you need to have a little something afterwards. He's down. It's like a bell curve. And like a marathon, it's good to carbohydrate load beforehand, before the meal. So you've got a little something in your stomach to get you through it. That's right. And it's also important to eat tapered foods.

Food that come to a point on both sides so that your mouth doesn't slam shut too quick. Yeah. Okay. What are some foods that come to a point on both sides, Alistair? Two ice cream cones stuck together. Okay. So just grab two cornedos, you know, that's a, that's what I'm doing. I think so. I think so. A business that sells the double-ended ice cream cone. Yeah. This is very good, Alistair.

And you know what it'd be interesting about it. Would be the potential that you might never see what ice cream it is that you're eating, what flavour lies within. True. You have to trust your mouth senses. Everyone says that the first bite is with the eye will not anymore now the first bite is with the mouth Subsequent but the

I So long you know First leak is with the nostril But also people people who are not from Australia and don't know the Cornetto say they might not know that we're probably envisaging one that has chocolate at the bottom of the of the cone, right? The cone. The solid chocolate.

It's down the bottom there. So that's what we're picturing so so that it's enjoyable, because it is strange for you to start at the point, especially if it's just a regular dry waffle cone or that especially dry wafer. You think the wafer is drier, isn't it? It is drier than a waffle cone. I think the waffle cone has a bit of a sugar coating over the top that really definitely helps it a lot more. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that doesn't do anything to address the dryness to which you refer. Well, it doesn't away, I think the sugar stimulates your saliva, which allows more moisture

into the process. Interesting. Into the process. Hmm. So what you're saying is that the dryness is really a it's an interaction. It's a verb, you know, a dryness isn't something that you just subjectively experience. It takes two to dry hump, you know.

That's right. If you were to dry hump a mouth but there was sugar on your crotch, it would become wet. It would become a wet. Exactly, exactly. That was what I was. But Andy, if you're saying, if your real question is for something to become wet, does it need to have water or liquid on it? The answer is yes.

Yeah. That was not my question. And it's not even something that interests me enough to discuss it any further, Alistair. That's cool. I wouldn't even consider that to be a conversation starter. So is the double, the double ended, ended, and cone ice cream cone? Are they selling this as a way of saving your teeth in the saving your mouth? I mean, it's just one of the many selling points because it's tapered on both ends.

Yeah, and also I suppose, I mean, I haven't ever seen an ice cream cone. Like as a marketing thing, even if it wasn't a double-ended one, like pointy on both ends. Yeah. Any kind of ice cream, I'd be interested in instantly intrigued

by an ice cream where the cone goes up and then forms a dome like a microphone top over where the exposed ice cream normally would lie. Well, if you get one of those ones that's for like a triple scoop, you know those ones, they're really wide now. Maybe you could fit a fair bit of ice cream in there. So the middle part would kind of be like an ice cream sandwich. You know, you'd start by like finishing off a traditional ice cream, then you'd get into a sort of ice cream sandwich part. And then it would be like

finishing a normal ice cream. Pardon me. I really like it now. I really like it. And it's taken on both ends. Why are there no places that serve mashed potato in an ice cream kind? Do you think that you get this as a business? Like, you know, you drizzle gravy over it or something like that as well. That would be great if... Maybe if them corn was made of dried meat.

Yeah. Or chips. No, because chips is just more potato. It's more potato, yeah. Yeah, dried meat. Because jerky. Because they tend to dry your meat, usually in a pretty standard flat kind of like chunk, maybe. Somewhere between a flattened chunk to a whole,

you know, sometimes I think you can get some of those ones from some Asian shops that kind of look like they're rolled, maybe a bit processed and then rolled. They're a bit often readur. Yeah, yeah, a flattened chunk. Does the English language have a word for a flattened chunk? Oh, sort of like a slim morsel? Yeah, a shard, which you can say that to be a shard. Yeah, I guess it's often... Yeah, it's sort of like a large shard. Yeah, pop down to the shard yard, get yourself a fistful of shards. Get yourself a comb, I else is there to do?

I think the savoury, this kind of savoury sundae thing that we're putting together, which has a sort of a dried jerky cone, waffle, maybe waffle texture. I think that'd be quite nice to have along with that, filled with mashed potato, and then with your choice of sort of, of a drizz then with your choice of sort of, of, of, a drizzled with your choice of gravies and, you know,

different, different gravies of all the different beasts, you know, Turkey or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or whatever that may be. Yeah. You know, or, or, you know, like a sweet potato, you know, sweet potato for the, for the vegetarian, you know, it's the, it's the, it's the beasts of the vegetable world. Or like a sweet potato for the vegetarian. It's the beasts of the vegetable world.

For the health conscious. Yeah. Paynards. Would you say that this podcast has a waffle texture? Yeah, there's a fair bit of waffle. The irony is that even a waffle cone gets to a point, Alistair. Whereas we argue a ball that we don't think we got to a point. We absolutely got to a point that the savory Sunday is the future of food. I mean, in this in this pre-post coronavirus world, we need, we need, we need, now more than ever, new foods to stimulate the hospitality industry that is going to need rebooting. That's going to be what is

going to make people want to leave their houses in order to risk their lives, especially at this early stage, risk their lives to get food that they can't make at home. It's got to be food that is worth risking your life for, right? Yeah, and this is going to be things that are novel. You know, these are the double down, the KFCs double down. This would be a good time for KFC to bring back the double down. People will leave the house for that. The double down will be able to claim twice the number of lives that it currently has.

Yeah, you die too, get it, you die from it. We're all going, it's gonna kill us one way or another. Okay. The double dads get a getcha and What's it gonna be? um I had something before about the Santa Claus now. I'm sure this is have you if you've been rotten stuff down I hope that there was something there that made it to the page. I'm still doing my job. You doing your job on that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm drinking my young Henry's motorcycle oil, delicious, hoppy porcelain. Oh, that is like my favorite.

I used to take that from a shop that's like near the tram stop and I'd get off there and I'd drink it on the way home after a gig late at night. This is when I was both drinking and when I was leaving the house. I got it in your honor, Alistair. Your honor? Your honor? I got it in your. No, but, but, but, Alistair, and I'm sure this has been done. Yeah. There's joking this general area and comment, such as it is, has been made ad nauseam. Okay, but I'm going to just revisit in case there's any more flesh on the desiccated corpse. Yeah. And that is that the idea of, you know, elves, Santa's elves, being essentially child

slaves. Yeah. Right. Now I'm sure this has been discussed at, you know, as I say. But I do, I did wonder if there could be a sort of a sweatshop type thing going on in some kind of a far-flung country, where they have by dressing the children up as elves, whenever the inspectors come around to shut the place down, they're so overcome by the enchantment, the magic of it all,

that they can't bring themselves to do it or they get just carried away. Sure. You don't mean just like, you don't just mean just bribes. Yeah, they also get bribed, yes. The enchantment of the bag of money. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. in But they do it up as a magical kingdom. So it's in Malaysia or something, you know, Indonesia. One of the countries that I'm going to choose

to smear and slur in this way by suggesting that they have sweatshops without really any evidence, maybe Bangladesh. I'm really just painting with a pretty broad brush across most of Southeast Asia. But they do it up as a magical kingdom so that the people who come along for, you know, the UN inspectors or whatever who would come and normally close this place down do get caught up in the magic of it and forget to actually, like they're about to hand over the

thing and then Santa comes down and says would they like to, you know, make a wish for one special gift or something like that? And they can't help themselves, but take the opportunity because they're in a child. And do I like it? Yeah. Thanks. I'm ready to get down. That's why I'm a bit slow. Thanks, old fellow, my fuck. Is that one work? Old fellow, my fuck? Was it? Is anyone still coming up with Australianism?

So we still, because I've been here a lot. What is it, son of my fuck? Old fellow, my fuck. Oh, I've, I mean, I don't want son of my fuck. Son of my fuck. Sure, sure, that could be one. I just, I just worry that in this age of globalization, it's not enough for us to hug back to the Australianisms of your. I feel like we need to be generating new Australianisms. Of course not. We can't be resting on our laurels here. On our Ocar laurels.

Yeah. Um, resting on our own face. It doesn't feel like the, you know, the ocar is evolving at the moment. Hmm. I think it's, I think it's a Volvo or parish. It's not so much a fixed cannon of Ripper Ozzi slang. It should be a general philosophy, a general approach towards the English language that can be applied to, you know, or can absolutely mix it with the big generators of modern slang, you know, your memes, your internet, speak, and that sort of thing.

Yeah, I agree. So, I think people need to step away from the standard, it's the catchphrase, that's what people are addicted to. But really what they need to be thinking of is like, aucker algorithms that they can put into their speech patterns. That's what they are, their speech patterns.

And it's just, I don't know if you could just, I mean, a simple formulas would make it easier. Check out this something, doing something, you know? Thinking he's all something, something. I mean, look, this is not, as much as I think that this is important philosophically. I just want it to be a sketch idea right away. Yeah, me too. How about this while you're talking?

I took a little something from that and you said algorithms and it made me think of a weird algorithm, which is that we could invent the first parody song, AI. which is that we could invent the first parody song, AI. And what it can do is that it takes whatever it is that we at Elle does. And as soon as a song is popularly released, it releases, it creates an infinite number of variations of parody songs based on that popular song by using rhyme dictionary or whatever.

And releases them all instantly. Yeah. I think that's an incredible algorithm. It just prints all the lyrics onto an image and then tweets them out. But it's like a million tweets a day. A second. No, I guess, I guess, you know, it would focus the most

on, you could get higher level weird algorithms. And I think you would start with identifying the chorus, and then pick some key words in that to come up with your rhymes, with probably the ones that are at the end of the lines. Right. And then you would then be able to find related words to that to replace some of the other rhymes with in the verses or whatever. Oh, sure. I mean, yeah, it's going to be complicated to have it come up with this, Andy.

It's a neural network, you know. it's a weird neural network. Or it's a neural. It's artificial. It's artificial. Exactly. And it's an AI for a reason. It's not artificial stupidity, L. It's not an AI.

It's an I.L. A W.E.R. D. L. Yep, it's weird AI, but it's an uppercase I and a lower case L. It's an uppercase A and a lower and oh it's an uppercase A. Ah, fucking forget it. It looks like weird L but it's weird A. I think it's good it's written down Andy. Yeah great. Right. I mean, if you and me had any kind of technical skills, video editing, audio editing, graphic design, computer programming, and things like that, you're on that work.

Free time. Architecture. Intellectual honesty. We. And if we had that plus the will, we could. Yeah, and $50,000. We could be some of the most creative people in the world. You know what we need? Well, this is what we need. We need like a, you know, sort of like, like, you know, you know, you know, in the movie, the Banksy movie there, Exit, the gift shop and

what's the name of the French guy when he becomes an artist? Um, oh, uh, Mr. Brainwashed? Yeah, Mr. Brainwashed. You know, he has just like a factory of people working underneath him. Yeah. That's what we need so that we can just do this thing where you come up with ideas and then people can just like make most of it happen. But then we just need to have the dollars to be able to make make this possible. Well, when we truly have artificial intelligent robots, you know, just like a team of robots, you'll be able to get them to do this. Everyone

will be able to have every idea of theirs executed when we have one really, really well by AIs and that will be great. We'll just be able to sit back saying whatever dumb crap and it'll all be made by robots. That will be the dream, that will be the dream. What you could do with this weird AI idea is just contact weird owl and then he might do it as like a as an April falls joke or something. Where he says that he's partnered with, I'm sure you could get IBM to do it as a video, right, and they partner with Hit Al, and they've used the same computer

that defeated Magnus Carlson in chess or something like that, now they've made made it to this and the computer keeps saying, why? Why are you making, we do this, but then it's being used to write parody songs. We're going to split this out and send it to weird. Weird, send it to weird. Mist, is it, do people call it weird? Is that it's the first time? So, or Mr. Al?

Mr. Al. Yeah. Um, I guess you're kind of a weird Al, aren't you? What do you mean? Well, you are an Al. I am an Al. How dare you? You're a bit weird, L.

What? Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I've never heard of something so just so crude and brazen. Dolly. Well, I never. Are you working way too hard for way too little?

There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, Take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus. And financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill.

Now is the time. Mycomputercareer.edu What about, uh, I'm still unsure about whether whales are hollow inside, you know? It just, I know, I know in popular media, they show them as being having quite a lot of air in there, a lot of area. But I just wonder, if you got in there, if you got into that mouth section,

watch founding Nemoag today, and then there was a fair bit of space inside a whale. In the wild mouth. Yeah, in the whale mouth. And it's kind of like, letting a lot of water wash. Yeah, it's underwater. And it's letting fair bit of water slosh around in there for quite a while.

Yeah. That doesn't, that doesn't scan for me. Well, yeah, I mean, it just, why would you do that? It feels like it would be something that would be a bit uncomfortable. And I, but I also think that the, then? It feels like it would be something that would be a bit uncomfortable. And I, but I also think that the, then the whale's buoyancy would be all fucked, right?

Wouldn't it's head sort of float up if it was full of air? Air in there? Or if it's full of water in there? Oh yeah. Maybe that sort of, maybe this is, maybe this is, well maybe that,

no, no, you've just made me think that maybe they doant. Well, maybe that... No, you've just made me think that maybe they do that on purpose, maybe they keep their head partially inflated like full of air so that they can stay up near the top for a bit to catch some krill, then maybe they hold more water in their mouth to dive down. I think this... But I think that your whole whale water mouth thing is really just the tip of the iceberg in terms of the popular culture depicting where air is inside whales, because if you want to go into

a like a Jepetto Pinocchio type scenario, I mean, he's in the belly of the whale. So he's in the belly? There's breathable air in there. Yeah. Yeah, that feels tough. Pretty sure the same thing happened to Jonah. I mean, this goes all the way to the top.

Yeah, and if there's breathable air in there, it means that the whale is swallowing air, which I guess is possible. I mean, it is taking big, it is, was jumping out of the water. Yeah. And having a fair goal. Well, absolutely.

Welles absolutely do need air to breathe and there will be air in their lungs and that sort of thing. But as to whether or not they just leave some in the mouth. Yeah. Now it doesn't seem likely. Or whether or not, like, let's say they are having a crack at some guy on a raft in the middle of the ocean. Yeah.

Which I don't even buy that. Cheepetto. All bought. Yeah, but you know, is it Cheepetto? Is that his name? Giuseppe? Cheepetto. Cheepetto.

Did I say Giuseppe? No, I just, I never know. Cheepetto. On that crazy, tiny raft or whatever. I think he's on a crazy tiny raft or maybe that's maybe that's Pinocchio Anyway, it's not a great scenario going out when your boy is lost and just going out into the sea That wasn't gonna ever solve this his problem and then if he got injured which he almost died Pinocchio hadn't come and saved him, this kid would have not only gone through this experience of getting lost and being on that circus

where he turns into an island or whatever, it turns into a donkey. God. And then he would have come home and his dad would have been dead. Yeah. No good. No good, Al. Hell yeah anyway, so this whale goes up gulps a person Assuming it does just swallow it straight away. Maybe that's what it does Then I guess some air would go with it if it's just swallowing everything But because it doesn't have a it I don't think it's nostril is in its mouth. Again, I don't think the whale is just swallowing air like that. Like you think what that would do to your digestive system. It would be all burps and farts. Well, that's what I mean, that again, it would leave the option of the whole point. I think in in funding Nemo, they have to be swallowed in order for them to be shot out the blowhole.

Yeah, which I do think that I think that that might be a genuine connection. So then if that was the case, then you could swallow a bunch of air and then blow it out the blowhole. And you've been listening to another episode of How to Wales Work. I don't think we're I don't think we're any closer. I don't know. I mean, I'm basing it entirely. I'm basing it entirely off pop culture. Yeah. That's one path to the truth. Like I I I I I'll accept that pop culture isn't a good source of information about this kind of stuff, but surely via the normal distribution. Some of the pop culture is wrong in one way and some of it's wrong in another way.

And if we can sort of average it all out, then there could be a path to the truth via pop culture. Not saying that we pick any particular path, but if we take it all in, we'll be able to get somewhere. But here's what the crazy thing is Andy, is that our senses don't even necessarily show us the world as it is, right? Yes, I'm willing to accept that there's an objective reality. But in computer models, it has been proven that if you have a creature whose senses are tuned to truth and you have a creature whose senses are tuned to fitness, evolutionary fitness, it's always the one who's tuned to fitness that's going to survive and the other one's going to die out. Right? And so that's the case. Right? So then the world doesn't necessarily show us this, but then the fiction that we create is then basing its reality off

of this illusion that our sense is create for ourselves. So that's even the third of the question. Alistair, Alistair. Your computer model is that not something that we have perceived with our flawed perception? Are the results of that computer model? Asin hasn't it essentially proven that we can't trust its own output. And therefore, is it not possible? In in fact that we do observe reality as it is with the exception of this computer model which is incorrect?

Andy, if you use your computer and you open a folder, is that icon that you open the folder with? Is that what that Is that is that icon that you open the folder with is that what that? Is that what that File really looks like No, it doesn't it's just an Icon a Representation that's omitting all the unimportant information that you don't need you know voltage changes coding

You know signals to CPUs and whatnot. All that information, it's cutting it out for you so that you can access that document and look at whatever you've saved yourself in that folder. I was sitting at something filthy that you've put some password on. I don't even know how to do that. Put passwords on folders. When I, in the brief period of time, in which it did occur to me to be a good idea to solve, to hide filthy things on a computer, we're talking many, many moons ago.

Yeah, me too. We're talking many, many moons ago and also several years. The way that I did it was by you could delete the icon of the folder. So it was invisible and make the name of the folder just a space. And I just had a series of nested folders like this. Invisible folders inside invisible, inside invisible folders, inside invisible folders, inside invisible folders. And then maybe something inside one of those folders, deep into the nothingness.

But of course, you could open up the folder and see if you managed to open the first folder, you could see the number of things that were contained within that folder, because it tells you how many items were inside. And so you could just drag a big box inside there and select everything that was in there, and eventually you would find that.

And then you'd have to do the next one, and then you'd have to do the next one, the next one, the next one, and so on. But it would take a very cynical parent or intrusive sibling to go through all the effort. Just for the purposes of humiliating me in some small way. Or a huge way, in a way that maybe they could call that over you. That I was not already feeling.

And of course that's not really how you find somebody's stuff is you just go to the search bar. You click on JPEG or you know, you refine your search to JPEG and MPEG and MP4 and blah, blah, blah. And then you search for stuff and then you look for what's good. You know, you put the tiles, the view,

so that it's on medium or large icons. Just give a little preview as you scroll quickly through all the stuff. Or you open up the popular media player on the computer and you just go to recent. Yeah. And the entire edifice comes crashing down.

Everything, all our deception has come to naught, Alistair, our webs of lies. All this, I feel bad for our kids. Yeah. I feel bad for our kids. Yeah. I feel bad for our kids who, I mean, I guess, you know, we won't be checking up on them, but we'll know all the tricks because we were the first generation. No, we won't, we won't know any of the tricks. They'll have new tricks and they'll be using apps that we don't understand

even how to swipe on them appropriately. And honestly, I think it's gonna be actually a golden age. And also, now of course, that there is no need to keep anything on a computer. If indeed there ever was, then there's still things. I think evolutionary, they'll be like a different species to us. We will not be able to communicate with them in any way.

Certainly not humiliate them. I mean, we war to all of you. There's one dreams of doing with your children. Yeah, all right. Is there a sketch in there? I think they could very well be in trying to... like what reason would there be? Well, I guess the kinds of things that we would go through, the hiding of things in folders, and that sort of thing, is sort of the Egyptian equivalent of, you know, how Tutankhamun's tomb was down hidden behind a fake wall at the bottom of some fake stairs,

and then there's another thing behind that, you know, and it's all concealed. And of course, the riches, the riches that were there within to Carmoons tomb, the future Howard Carter's exploring the dusty hard drives of the discarded desktop computers of a thousand years hence, they will be going through old folders to find the precious untouched jewels of three seconds snippet of a panel around us and Tommy Lee, six tape or whatever it may be. That passes for value or past for value. Unfortunately, it's, it's arguable that unlike golden statues, these things won't have increased in value in the same way, but then maybe they will have.

Maybe they will have. That's true. Well, I mean, I guess just the knowledge that this person did it is kind of in a way priceless. But the knowledge say that you had done that is something that, I think that is, we'll bring deep satisfaction to somebody to see into your life. It'll humanize you. It isn't your humanity,

worthwhile, Andy, aren't you undervaluing yourself? Um, constantly. I hope. Um, so what do you see as the sketch exactly is there? Exactly, it's them. I see a sort of an archaeological type documentary detailing the work done by these teams to uncover hidden artifacts, hidden digital artifacts of long, long ago. And I guess this also was a war. Yesterday's teenagers, the boy king, I mean, Tutankhamun, it's amazing that his, his tomb really wasn't full of porn, to be honest. Wasn't he? It seemed to be the case with Osama bin Laden when they found him.

Yeah, yeah, that's certainly what we've been told. Yeah, that's true. I don been told. Yeah, that's true. I don't have any reason to disbelieve it. I'm not gonna be out there being like, oh no, I was having a bit of a lot and he would not masturbate until that day. What do the few things it seems to make sense to be a truth or about is the fact that Osama bin Laden was then buried it, it was killed and then buried it's sea. Like this weird thing that doesn't seem to ever happen. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I guess what they were trying to have, like, is the story that they were trying to avoid making his burial place any kind

of a shrine or any kind of a... I guess so, yeah. Hmm. But then you may as well just burn the guy. Boom. Just burn her. Yes. But they get burned in no place. She did it in the space.

I mean, it's disappointing that at this stage nobody has been shot into the sun, isn't it? Like, we've been sort of promised that as a punishment of sorts or a method of disposal. Yeah. And are you seriously telling me that we've found nothing worthy of shooting into the sun, that there's nothing sufficiently abhorrent? I think there is something heading there now, but it's like something. Is there anything real yuck on it? I suppose somebody must have purged something out of their soul or whatever and written on the inside panel or something, just a secret that will die with the sun. I mean, if we were to, because Hitler's, am I right in thinking that Hitler's body has

never been found, or at least that's what they're telling us, right? I don't know that. They don't want us to think that anybody knows where Hitler's body is or ever was, right? He went up in some sort of unmarked pit or something like that. Yeah, I think so. But if we were to find his body now, do you think maybe we could have some kind of reality TV show to work out what to do with it? Like some sort of, some sort of like a RuPaul's drag race but for desecrating the corpse. Some sort of like a RuPaul's Drag Race, but for desecrating a corpse. And every week, there's a cop,

someone else has a go at doing something really humiliating with it. And then it proceeds, if you, if the thing that you do with Hitler's corpse is the most repulsive, is the most disrespectful, then you get to go through the next round and have another go at doing something horrible. I guess because they wanna, they wanna then like, I think when somebody comes in with their idea,

they're not gonna be like, yes, that's the thing. We're gonna progress it along. I guess it'll be like, yes, that's the thing. We're going to progress it alone. I guess it'll be like people will get to vote. People at home will also get to vote. But also, they want to sort of team you up with experts to help you develop the way in which you you decorate this person's body. Well, I don't think you'd necessarily be doing this exact same approach every week. You know, I think it's

relying on your sensibility to desecrating Hitler's corpse. That you know, that's what people are voting for. And so there'll be different types of challenges every week that you have to then interpret in your own specific way. I guess well that would that would you know, if interpret in your own specific way. I guess well that would, that would, you know, if you were doing it that way then you could sort of probably like just every episode you could cut off a piece of Hitler's body and people could do various things they want to with it. Like that. But I guess in my mind I was like, well, if somebody gets voted through with their idea to say, like, sort of hook, hook little hooks on him and hook him to, hook him to your body so that you can walk around

in his body and make him do a funny dance. Yeah, okay. Okay, got it. That's nice. That's fun. That's simple. Okay. So then they get, they get voted across, you know, voted ahead to the next round, you know,

with maybe 12 other people. Then they team you up with like somebody who's like a real like, has a historian, who has a real knowledge of like symbolism and national history and things like that. And so how that maybe you could work on this dance to make the most meaningful dance that it could be. Specifically, yes, mocking various, various Hitler things. Yeah. Yeah. So then the idea progresses and things like that until eventually, you know, on the 13th week or whatever it is.

He's farting the anthem. Yeah, everything is together. You've got the anthem. Yeah, everything is together. You've got to costumes. You've got maybe some lyrics to go along with the song. Yeah. You know, it's... You have some additional dancers. You've got the corpse of Goebbels there as well.

I know. We don't have to... I personally don't think that we have to wait to find Hitler's corpse before we launch this show. That's true, I think we don't have to, I personally don't think that we have to wait to find Hitler's corpse before we launch this show. That's true, yeah. In fact, I think it might be better if we just, we give every contestant a look-alike Hitler corpse at the start of the thing. Yeah. That, you know, serves as an avatar for Hitler.

And they work with that corpse over the course of the series of the 48 episodes or whatever. Yeah, it's going to be 48. Yeah, it's not going to be good by the end. And that's going to be a really interesting thing. And it's not going to be good at the beginning, either. No, no, no. Oh, I don't think anyone should be under the illusion that this will be good at any point.

But it'll be interesting, it'll be all like working with the corpse as it sort of stiffens and softens over the time. Sure. We'll be like working with a great, you know, any other instrument like a strativarius or something like that, where it takes on new, written notes and sounds. Yeah, and also, you've got to learn how to adapt your craft to its changing features. Oh, we love a good constrained elastere. Andy was telling me the other day that, I think I already knew that there's two infinities but there's like

the infinity you know there's your main infinity that we all know and love that's sort of just regular infinity and then there's the infinity that's between like within constraints like within between one and two and all the numbers that are in there and Andy was saying that that infinity is bigger. Yes, the infinite there's more numbers between one and two than there are between one and infinity. That's crazy. More than there are whole numbers between one and infinity. More decimals, yeah, between one and two than there are whole numbers between one and infinity. Which doesn't seem possible, but apparently there are mathematical proofs of this and we were just saying that it's great that even for infinity within with constraints they can

be more creative and create more numbers. That's right. That's right Alistair and that's absolutely worth revisiting and I'm glad you brought up because I was like when I said that thing about constraints before I was like I remember there being some conversation we had, but I can't recall what it is. And here you are, recalling things. Almost like that's one of the significant features of having a brain. Andy, it's time for three words from a listener. Yes! No. No, I don't know about you, but I am aware that we have a segment on our show where a Patreon supporter can suggest three words, and we will attempt to use it to inspire us, use those words to inspire us to come up with a sketch idea.

And today's Patreon supporter, Andy, is Mr. Orm is Thomas Spargo. Spargo. Spargo. Spargo. Spargo. Tom, Tom, Tom's, Spargs. Tom's e Spargs nuts. I'm sorry, Thomas. Thank you so much, Thomas. Thank you so much. You don't deserve this. No, you do. And we're very grateful. Yes. Andy, do you want to try to guess what one of the words are? Yeah. Yeah, I do. Leprecy. No, Andy, the words are surprise, birthday, animal. I had a ma. Oh. It really is almost a sketch idea that's so fiscally.

It really is. Yes. I mean, it's interesting that we've gone with the fire. You know, I guess we had all the elements to choose from for celebrating birthdays. That's true. What candles could be, and we went with fire. And... What do you think the idea of when do we could have had a fan

on a cake? It could have had a fan on a cake. It could have had a cake that's full of holes like an air hockey table, just with air, just venting through it. You know what I'd have had? There was a fan sticking on top of the cake. like an air hockey table, just with air, just venting through it. I like the heat. There was a fan sticking on top of the cake.

It's going, and it spins around itself, sort of like a regular fan, but it's all going around 360. So it blows everybody. And then when you get a chance, when they bring it out, they give you a stick and you poke the stick into the blades and it blocks it and then everybody goes, Happy Birthday to you. It cries to a halt. It cries to a halt. Well, in a way, we have chosen to battle the two of the elements, haven't we?

We've, you blow using wind or air to defeat fire, the candles. But you could have combined any of those. You could have a layer of dirt on the top of the thing that you try and blow off using wind, or you could use water. You could have sort of a hose. You could have a fan there that you have to try and set fire to. That's true, yeah. Maybe an electrical fire.

You could maybe have some like some dirt, or maybe like a pool of water on top that you then try to absorb with a bag of dirt. Yeah. You soak it up with sandbags. Yeah. Yep. And I like to think that in the early years of the day, Soak it up with sandbags. Yeah. Yep.

And I like to think that in the early years of birthdays, yeah, you know, this would be when the lifespan of, of creatures of early creatures had just ticked over beyond one year. Yeah. And they were still still working out the exact format of the celebration. They could have tried all of these. All the permutations and combinations. Let's see. Well, there's four different elements. So there would be four factorial, four times three is 12 times two is 24. There'd be 24 different combinations of things that you could do. And they would have gone through the lot of them.

And I think that it's maybe each thing that comes out, but you know, what we don't see a fire on a cake as any more is a threat. Right? No, that's because I don't think that I don't think 24. I don't think it was four factorial. I apologize. I don't think that was the right number. Anyway, sorry. That's okay.

The fire. But we don't see the fire as what it is, which is a threat. Right? Because we are so used to this combination, we know how to deal with it straight away. Right? Let's say, now, let's say in this day and age where people need to be wearing face masks, you can no longer blow out your candle. That's true. And we have not, we're not used to, now that we have to go to the other elements.

So we gotta use a water gun to squirt out each fire. But now you have to spit on the cake. That's right, you gotta, well you can know that it'll still be blocked by your face mask. Oh yeah, you're right. Yeah, so maybe you gotta cry on it. Yeah.

Or you gotta dirt on it, and you know what I mean. You gotta dirt it out. You gotta poop on the cake Yeah I Never Thought about this before Alistair, but there's a it's a pretty potent symbolism Right to the fact that on your birthday cake celebration of your increasing age

You have a bunch of candles representing, you know, light and joy. And you do just snuff them all out instantly, symbolizing the fact that it could all be gone at any moment. Yeah. And there goes that one. There's there's 36 years gone. Gone like that. Nothing but a puff of smoke and everyone cheers as well. Everyone's happy. Just smell the what's left of the rubble just the empty the the the bare stalks of the good times that I once had. Yeah.

Do you think that's a sketchy idea? I mean, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I think it is. Great. But I think maybe people have to, yeah, I mean, I think if there was a hose on your cake that was shooting at you and you had to find something to... You had to plug it with dirt. Yeah, it's the thread of flood and things like that.

Maybe conflict. Well, you have to try and plug it like they had to plug the deep water horizon oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. You know, they had to fill that with concrete or mud or something, didn't they? Wow. That seems like a lot of work. It was, I believe, at the time, I said, geez, this is a lot of work. And they were right. It's probably more than it's worth. Couldn't we just let it all spew out just the oceans, they're getting their high maintenance They're getting difficult to keep keep good

Wait, wait, I had something else in there. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna say that it's not that might not be a sketch idea This birthday thing, but I'll tell you what it definitely is. It's a prolonged musing by Berna Herzog You know he might definitely is, it's a prolonged musing by Berna Herzog. You know, he might, if we could get him on board to just do an interstitial in whatever the sketch show is, where he just talks about that, comes into a child's birthday and just has a, does a monologue. I think that would be great.

I would love that, Andy. Mm. I think it's a great. I would love that idea. I think it's a great direction for our new sketch show that we don't have yet to go. Well, I think it'd be a real coup, and it could be our version of the Terry Gilliam into animations in Monty Python. I imagine that a comedy trio of all men, when one of them is, is a word of her song. I mean, imagine a comedy trio of all men. It was easy for me up to that point.

But that, that last fact is a real kicker and I love it. And so I think we might have done it. We've done it. So would you care to revisit some of the sketches that we've come up with so far on the podcast so far? All right, Andy. We've got Santa sits on your lap. And every 100 years, he comes back to get what he wants.

Yeah. We didn't give him what he wanted last time. And that's why we die. But it occurs. We're the vegans. We've got double-ended ice cream cone. It's tapering both ends so your mouth doesn't slam shut while you eat it.

The cone cone. We've got savory so day. Oh, an ice cream that you eat upside down, right? Sure. So what it is, is you hold the cold, melting ice cream in your hand. Yeah. And you hold the cold melting ice cream in your hand. Yeah. And you eat the cone, right?

The dry, tasteless cone. And then you throw the fistful of molten ice cream away. As you do with the cone of the ice cream. Any cone is the new planking. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I forgot that was a thing. Yeah, but this is a product. This isn't a prank. This is a product.

For those who don't know what the hell that reference is, is just one time when we first started making sketches, we were in a comedy competition online, and our sketch did pretty well. It was a disgusting toilet apartment, which you know they're looking for back. It looks a bit dated, but we were beaten. We came like second and we were beaten by somebody who had a video called Coning is the new planking and it was he would go to McDonald's

drive-throughs and he would ask for a ice cream cone and then he would grab it by the ice cream and say thank you to drive off and just film the reactions. Yeah and he won. I mean why wouldn't it? It's all come around again. Yeah. All right well Well, oh yeah, let's try together. The sketch ideas. We got, we're, we could do it, Elle. Weird algorithm. We got employment, swap team, get caught up in magic of Santa, Santa workshop, theme sweatshop.

We got an archeological documentary finding the hidden digital artifacts in some former teenagers, Pentium 384. We've got, they find Hitler's body and they have a reality show to decide what to do with it. And there's the birthday element variation fire is the current one, but what else could you have on your thing? Wind, earth, heart, love a classical, classical flip, love a classical slip boom boom boom boom

boom boom boom boom Thank you so much for listening to the thing tank we really do appreciate it I have been Andy and you can find me on Twitter at stupid old Andy I have been a Lister and you can find me at Twitter at Stupid Old Andy. I have been an illustrator and you can find me at Alistair TV or on Twitter or at a Trumbly virtual on Instagram or you can find us at Two in Tank on either. And any additional form of support that you wish to send our way we will love and cherish.

Be it reviewing the show on iTunes. Be it supporting us on Patreon. Be it a third thing. And we're only like about a week or two away from having actual the ability to put our recorded video of magma up for sale. For anybody who's interested. That's right, that's very exciting. I cannot wait to share it with you.

Cannot wait. Thank you very much for listening and take care of yourselves. And we love you. A little bit of a press stop. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. I mean, if you won't, it's up to you. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT.

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