Two In The Think Tank - 236 - "BURRITO GLOVE"

Episode Date: June 2, 2020

Patreon Thugs, One Food One Utensil, Split the Tubes, ChurcHill To Dive From, Sharkicide, Play RecordHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here360 thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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this podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. Maybe, are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready?

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Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? America. Well, well, okay, but that's if America is the the what the sort of the opening. Well, I mean, I thought it was going to be a whole person. Well, the far the far outer labia. Hello, and welcome to Two In The Think Tank, the podcast where we come up with sketch ideas

and interpretations of what countries, what body parts, countries might be. This is very, too, in the think tank. Very, very. Yes. Every, oh, I've got this great sketch idea. Every country, whatever, somewhat, doctor, no, geographer, this great a sketch idea. Every country, whatever, somewhere, Dr, no, a geographer has a theory that every country has all the different bits of it,

a different body parts. They stand in front of a lecture theater explaining their theory, pointing at a thing, and they say, oh, the Mexico is the out of Laemia. You do your voice like that. It's way harder to understand you. Well, at the end, I was just saying, I did, I did. That's true.

But I mean, but I guess that's what makes you the trouble of the, of the, of the, of the, of the, of the, of the virtual. Yeah. Mm. Alistair before the podcast started, we were, we were mentioning the idea of, Patreon, and I don't want, I don't want any of our Patreon supporters

to interpret this in any way as a threat or or in any way whatsoever i don't want them to be understand able to understand a single word i'm saying is that too much to ask well then go back to doing that high pitch voice you know all the sketch we were proposing what happened was apparently went went when at the beginning of every month This is when the patreon is charged by the way you can support our patreon

Thank you so much for everybody who does you guys are the greatest when when it's charged your Your your number of people who follow you on patreon or support your patreon drops at the beginning of the month because Apparently it tries to contact people's accounts. And when it gets rejected initially, it just assumes that that person is no longer a follower until it can contact your bank account. They assume that that person has sort of closed their bank account entirely

to avoid having to any further give support this stupid podcast. They did. We've interstate. Change their name. They've assumed a new identity. Yeah. And we were talking about how, but it eventually does track these people like that somehow Patreon does eventually contact these people.

They get rejoined as as a donators. And we were suggesting that maybe that that was because they Patreon has a service that sends people to their houses. We're around to the house. Bricks their legs. Shake them down. Oh, it's a very nice house. You got here, sir, but you're shame or something would have happened.

You know, on account of you did enter into what may be known as a digital contract, where in you, you guaranteed seems to me, maybe that you would give $3 a month and low and behold, the $3 a month has not arrived for Mr. Wisden's monthly newsletter. Yeah, so you were supposed patron of the arts. Yes, well Because it's a very nice thing to be that is of course when the payment goes through Yes, and it seems to me that on his end of the bargain Your you have got the service what you gave the three dollars for on account of you were able to vote in the Twitter poll to name his new goldfish. So it seems to me that we got a bit of a problem here, don't we? And then they burned down your garage and stabbed your dog with a garden fork until you

give them $3. Garden fork is of course the fork that you eat a garden salad with. Yes. What if every type of... every... every salad, every type of food had its own specialized utensil. type of food had its own specialized utensil. Oh, yes, it's a burrito glove. You know what, I think of all the things you've really hit upon something there, actually, where the burrito absolutely could handle having a special type of glove. And I tell you what it would look like as well. It would sort of be a cross between a glove and one of those babies bibs where it sort

of curves up. And it catches all the stuff. To catch stuff. So it would be a glove that goes down past your wrist, okay, maybe sort of halfway to your elbow. And then it flares up all the way around. So that when you sort of mid-Berrito and the juices start to dribble down, they don't actually dribble all the way down your hand and they're trapped there in the moat around the wrist.

I think we could. I'm sorry. No, no, well, and then I was going to suggest that also, and this is the real innovation of the Burrito Glove. The glove. Yeah. Is that on the side of the thumb, there's a little tube, little tubular opening, right, that runs down into the bottom of the, of the moat, right?

And it's a little straw that's built into the glove. So when you finish eating your burrito, you can suck on your thumb and suck up all the burrito juices. Oh. Oh. Oh, I don't know why that bothers me. It's just like, I'll eat the juice while it's in there, while it's in the burrito. But afterwards

I mean I love I love the idea of sucking on the thumb. I mean look I you know I really like that but couldn't there be a thing where look I'm picturing it as more of a it's like a webbed glove It's like a webbed glove, but underneath, but between the thumb and the pinky, there's like a thing that goes all the way around over to that side as well. It's a bit like a stubby holder, like a drink, a thing that keeps your drink cold, like that, and then you just slot your burrito in there. Now, if you were really worried about dripripage, which of course there would be what you could do is have a fan at the bottom of that cooler It doesn't push the liquid up, but it keeps it Like sort of a neutrally buoyant in the air The liquid or just the burrito itself somehow hover like a frog in an electromagnetic field.

No, I don't I don't think it would be strong enough to make a burrito hover. I think that's what the hand is for. Ah, yes, in many ways. Yes, and it's just it's just to keep the liquid off of the cloth, you know, because it would if you know, you don't want to have it to have, if you're going to get a new thing for the house, you don't want it to be a new thing you have to clean. It's still a cloth glove. Well, it's probably like that wetsuit material.

I mean, it could be metal. It could be a metal thing like all the other utensils. You know, oh yeah, like an infinity gauntlet style. Yeah, you know, big brass gauntlet. Um, yeah, the burrito, of course. Yeah. You know what would be good if you had it made out of metal, it could be heated so that it keeps the burrito hot as you eat it. And I don't mean warm, I mean hot.

Every mouthful will burn you all the way to the end. A lot of foods, they start out too hot, but then of course, Newton's laws of thermodynamics to take that by the end, it'll probably be at a very edible temperature. Not anymore with the burrito glove. Every mouthful is torture. That's how guaranteed.

The burrito glove, the rest of your life will seem incredible. Look, I think those are two very valid approaches to Perrito improving the Perrito experience. We'll leave it to the people to decide which is better. But I think it's pretty clear. I mean, especially because a lot of the things that I added into your glove made it demonstrably worse. Luttering. The standard of your idea. Below the critical threshold.

But just because it's bad, it doesn't mean it's not good. So, but I've written down utensils for every food. I think we've come up, come up with an idea for a utensil for a burrito. We haven't necessarily come up for a with an idea for a sketch. I've still written it down, but I think that maybe it would, this would be based around a company. I don't know if we've ever made a sketch idea that's, you know, based around a company that does a thing that's weird. Yeah. Okay. That's interesting to me. I mean, I'm willing to go with you on this analyst.

But to do one where this company, they specialize in creating a utensil for every food. And that's the perfect utensil for every food. Sometimes it's the variation on a utensil you've already got, you know, could be like a rice fork, you know. You know, it could be like a rice fork. You know, is there, do you think, do you think there's, if you were to create a new utensil for the rice, do you think, would you go with a fork?

Well, I'm actually trying to, I'm trying to picture it now, what I think would be best. A rice straw. Yeah, well, you kind of, it is, it is a little tempting to go with some kind of a straw. Yeah, well, it is a little tempting to go with some kind of a straw type thing because of course rice to me seem, I do seem as close as food gets to being ants and then you look at the way that in a kidner

or something like that eats the ant, it's with that straw like beak that it has. Yeah, but it requires. It then has a tongue. But it has a tongue there. Yeah. And so, I don't know if the, if you could have a tongue,

you know, sort of a secondary tongue. Yeah. But I mean, if you could get a tongue extension like something that if you just flicked your tongue out, you went like that and it could go, let's say another meter. And it was, it was silver, so it was considered polite. Yeah.

That's the real innovation. I think the problem with the tongue is because it's so flesh colored. And then people see it, they go, ah, and people know that you're experiencing things when they see what you're looking your plate. Yeah. You know, I'll look at all those good feelings he's experiencing. That's not okay. Yeah, we can't have that.

Not here at the ambassador's residence. You're leaving a wet residue as well. And that's a lot of it. So you're thinking like a dry non-flesh colored tongue that we could do this service. Maybe it's got prongs all the way down it. And it's... Yeah, a barbed... Yeah, interesting.

I'm wondering, I'm now thinking about, you know, in Men in Black, the first Men in Black, when, by the way, I consider the first Men in Black to be Men in black international. That's when the series really kicked off for me. Yeah, cool. But if we were to go just the strictly canon first men in black, you know when you see the, that big creature, the cockroach at the end there, and it's got those sort of extra

little things on the sides of its mouth that shove things down when it's eating people. Do you remember that? Yeah. Which creature? The cockroach, the giant bug creature, bug cockroach creature. When it eats Tommy Lee Jones, it sort of has these little things that sort of unfurl at the sides of its mouth and scoop and push Tommy Lee Jones down its gullet. And I feel like that could be quite good from like it, if we had an automated sort of thing that straps onto the neck or something and then shovels food in.

If you could get that kind of that thing that Bob Dylan has for holding his harmonica. And you put your plate in that plate of food. Have we already talked about that on the show? That feels very, that's very, very good. Like using one of those to eat corn. Yeah. I mean, it'd be great if you didn't even need that little thing. I mean, it's great to have that thing on the side of your mouth that would kind of just, essentially, like just curl its fingers out and pull things in from the plate. But if you could just tilt your head back and it just falls into your mouth. Yeah.

Well, then, you know what? I was admiring. I had caused to Google's scoops on the internet recently, and I brought up a picture of that chip scoop that they use at McDonald's, which has got sort of that wide end for scooping. And then it sort of funnels down to it the back of the scoop. There's like a narrow end that just allows you

to just tip it up and back into the little bag, and that really should be the design of the plate, because there's absolutely no reason why the plate can't be the utensil, right? Yeah. Absolutely every food should be able to be eaten just by bringing, you know, it sort of turns solids into into a drink, you know, you can. Well, it would be, yeah, anything about it, you as a parent, you've you're cooking up the various, you know, the various

bits and pieces of a meal, and instead of having to serve it up onto six or 29 different plates like you have at your house, right? You just serve it up into a big sort of trough or kind of thing like that. And then everybody around the house just, around the table just scoops into that trough and then holds the bottom funnel to their mouth and just kind of shakes the trough from side to side and lets it slide in until there's enough of a mouthful. Exactly, exactly.

And it feels very hygienic because there are two different ends to the scoop, you know? There's just scooping end and then there's the eating end. So it's not like that, it removes the stigma of double dipping. So yeah, absolutely, we have a... I've realized that in household double dipping, I, let's see, we've got corn chips and I'm dipping them into some salsa, right? I tend to dip, eat, then turn the chip around and then dip the other side,

that hadn't touched my mouth. Like that. Now, it had touched your fingers. Yeah, but I don't know if people, if you've washed your hands before the thing, then you're fine, Then your golden might. Your mate, you are golden. You are, you are home and hosed down because that's how seriously you take

hygiene. I mean, I'm, I know, I'm, I'm bloody, I'm squirting on some tizer between every chip. I think, I think that, I think the scoop, like, scoop, like what are we looking for here, Alistair? Because you know me, I thought we already had a sketch at the Burrito glove. I'd make an ad for the Burrito glove.

That would be a full TV half hour, as far as I'm concerned, an infomercial. Yeah. But you know you, Alististair you want there to be more to things Yeah, I think I want there to be more and I don't think the variations on things has been enough um I'll write plate scoop damn But I'm putting it under the heading of utensils for every food

That's absolutely fine. Yeah, and you know you if you come up with a new food I'm sorry you're not allowed to market that food until you've also come up with a new utensil a new Tensil because Because if you if you don't if you don't do your due diligence and of a, if think of a utensil that's going to work for that perfectly for that food, then you're not taking responsibility for the consequences of what you're putting better, you know, you invent a new type of dangling bolonais, right? You're no better than Mark Zuckerberg, making Facebook and not thinking about the consequences for democracy. Did you say a dangling bolonais? That's right, Alistair. I did. I did. Why?

But how did you picture this? I guess I sort of pictured that it hangs above your head. And you sort of eat it, sort of like you're a fish swimming amongst sea weed. Yeah. I guess the source is kind of dripping down onto your face. Are you in water? There's no foods that you eat underwater. Well, this is very again, I mean, this is this is territory that we've explored. Yeah, I know. But only but only in the context of Yeah, I know. But only in the context of making impossible to eat regular foods underwater.

Yeah. So, I don't know if you're thinking of additional foods that could be eaten without the aid of the the the sparkle I believe we call it. Well, because because I mean what it there's there's a lot more to the experience of eating in food. I saw eating in water than just what the food is because you can't help but also eat some of the water. Yeah. You know, and it'd be cool if they could create a snorkeling we call it a scuba.

If they could create a scuba that is just in your nose. So your mouth is free. Your mouth is free to try to talk. And you know what we should do actually, Alistair. Is we should take it upon ourselves to specialize the roles of the mouth and the nose, okay? And this is the new deal. Nose is for breathing, mouth is for eating. We are going to surgically separate the breathing tube down to the lungs. that's going to be exclusively now attached to the nose, and the mouth is going to exclusively be attached to the the food hole down to the stomach.

And that removes the risk of choking, to a certain extent, if your nose gets blocked, you will die. But it also forces them to focus on what they're good at, because at the moment I think the mouth is trying to be a jack of all trades. It's eating, it's breathing, it's talking. Well, not anymore, there will be no more talking for you mouth, except for talking. You'll still be able to do that.

You know, I think it should happen. I think vomit should just go into the poop deposit. Absolutely, push it down, stomach. You don't like it. You just get it through the system and get it out. We have diarrhea for that. Yeah, or there could be a valve. Maybe we could get a new hole on your back. So the blow off. Yeah, the blow off. And you could just vomit out your back. You know, and maybe it'd be great because then pubs, it'd be great. Because then pubs could just have like a hole that you just walk up to and you just lean

up against the wall. Yeah. And you don't even stop your conversation. You don't have to stop, you know. Yeah. And you don't even stop your conversation. You don't have to stop. You know? Yeah. I mean, it's, um, it brings, you know, excess eating to excess and purging. And also people after this whole pandemic is over, people are not going to want to spend as much time with other people as they can. And they're not going to be wanting to take time off to go vomit. they can and they're not going to be wanting to take time off to go vomit. Are you working way too hard for way too little?

There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Well, actually, I tell you what, this, but this, this separating the mouth and the breathing and all that sort of stuff, that would be it, that would be actually a really logical response to the coronavirus.

Because at the moment, you know, you getting your hands on your mouth and that sort of thing, you know, you can get coronavirus-free food because it's a respiratory disease, but you can get that disease down into your lungs just because it's in your mouth. Well, not anymore, all right? Sorry, coronavirus, you got into the mouth.

All you are now to me is a snack, okay? You're not a threat. You know where I think would be good for some breathing holes is in that part, like in between your sort of collarbone and your back shoulder muscles, right? Just like there's that kind of gappy down hold that you can create in there

in between your collarbone and your neck. Or I can there, if there was a hole on each side and you could breathe through that because then you've already got the cloth of your clothes there that acts as a mask. Mm. You know, then you don't have to wear anymore, anymore clothes.

We're already a wearing a mask over the rest of our body. Yeah. Well, I can't we lend a breath for our butts. Isn't that the craziest thing that we've, we're wearing a mask over the, you know, 85% of our body and the 15% that does. That's exposed. That's exposed. That's the part where germs are. All our vulnerabilities. Good one. God.

Slash evolution. So who's proposing this? Why is this being proposed in this sketch? Well, initially it was going to be so that you could eat underwater. Right? I don't see why it can't be a doctor proposing this. And just selling the various benefits of which eating underwater is only one. Yeah. Yeah. benefits of which eating underwater is only one. Yeah. Because, because if you can breathe through your nose

and have your nose above water, and then your mouth just below, you can eat anything you want in there. Right? Yeah. And you don't even have to come, you wouldn't want there to be any waves or anything. But if it's milpond flat, you can experience the untrammeled delight of breathing air and

eating like a whale. That's true, yeah. I mean, I guess that is really interesting, because I guess whales probably do when they're eating plankton go up to the surface and just have their back nose. It's taking it on the water. Do you see those noses from up above? When there's two, I think which one is sperm whale?

One of them, it's not sperm whale, but one of them has like two nostrils. Two nostrils. Definitely like a nostrils, it's like two nostrils. Yeah, yeah. Well, am I right in thinking that not all whales are from the same trip to the ocean, so to speak? Really? I think, and I could be wrong here, but there are different origin points for that, that

particular evolutionary watsuit. I might be thinking of seals, but... Like walruses and seals and those sealions and things like that. Yeah, they might have all done it separately because there are some that have got separated tails and some that have just got one tail. This is that crick. I don't know. I think there have been different, different goes at it.

This has been how do whales work. And the crazy thing about, about evolving back into the water is all those creatures that like it must have happened fast, right? You know, like usually evolution takes thousands of years or whatever, millions. But like, how quickly those creatures who couldn't live in the water died off. You know, as they were all, as their whole families would go into the water, somehow, you know, there's like just treading water and then just like, let's breathe one, and I guess one of them would be like mounting the other instead of like pushing the other one down under water.

So I guess suddenly, so suddenly it's very quickly, it's very quickly, like skewed towards creatures that can hold their breath for a long time. I think, I think for evolution to really kick off like that, if you want big change, like that, it's like restructuring the economy or getting rid of capitalism or something like that, you need probably a charismatic leader,

you know, one sort of, one sort of like hippopotamus type character who can really motivate wave after wave of its fellow hippopotamai into the ocean, you know, despite the bodies, you know, like if I reckon Churchill could have done it. Yeah, do you think they have a pot of mist? Churchill instead of saying we will fight them on the beaches, had said we will fight them

in the shallow water. In the water that's just over head height, you know, he could have got the British people out there and with their pluck and they would have prevailed ultimately, I think, if they could have convinced the Nazis to come in and fight them there as opposed to just watching them all drown. And when the Nazis decided that they weren't going to fight them there, they could have mocked them. Oh, you're too scared to come in with water. It's just a bit over your head. They hate that. They, oh, and then they would have felt so mocked and then Hitler. And Hitler was genuinely liked as he would have just been like, oh, we're not gonna let them beat us there. Send our men in.

Yeah, because he doesn't say what you're like about Hitler. He doesn't come across like somebody who could have a laugh at his own expense. You know? Yeah, yeah, didn't have much of a, you know, that sense of humor. That's so crucial. You know, that's what, that's what, that's what.

I mean, look, if he didn't have it and he lost, I mean, that's a good sign that it might have been crucial. Yeah, yeah, you're right. And so, what about riding down here Well did you did you you wrote down eating what eating food underwater? Oh Did you write down combining the two breath the breathing holes? No separate. Yeah, the the holes right yeah two tubes, that's the two tube system. And never the twang shall beat, right?

And then, I mean, if you wanted to write down an additional thing, it could be Churchill's, like you could absolutely convince me that there was an SPS documentary, black and white stock footage from the, you know, from the Second World War of Churchill's secret plan to win the war by getting the British people to evolve to live in the water. But I feel like we've already done evolving to live in the water. Yeah, well, that's the thing is,

is that we've done that with a family who decides that they're going to evolve towards aquatic creatures and they just live in the bath, the dead forces them all to live in the bath so that they can start evolving to become aquatic. But I guess I was thinking about those animals, genuinely, how the process happened, but maybe how it happened very quickly. I don't know how it would happen very quickly. Yeah, it's, it's hard to think of what

the funny angle is on that. Yeah, but I mean, look, Churchill's secret plan, I'll just write, we'll fight them in the, in the water, in the water that's just a bit over their head. I mean, it doesn't, there are a few flaws in it and that it like, you know, surely swimming would factor into this in some way, but I think part of the British Resolve their famous resolve was that they resolved that they wouldn't breathe Well, they wouldn't swim or something like there. No, there'd be no treading water Yeah, and they stuck to it

Well, we're just well, we're really just treading water at this stage, sir. Yes Yeah, I don't know I still think there's something in those creatures, but I get that you couldn't see it immediately. So I, um, I will, I will quit. No, I don't want you to quit, Alistair. If you think there's something there, you pursue it. I'll be to be honest, I just, I just needed to get a reaction out of you. And then we can give it now. Have I talked about this before? My theory that it really shows you how shit fish are

that almost any other creature can go into the ocean and just give it a go. And fish who've just been there their entire lives and they've never, you know, that's all they do is live in the water and then a bird or some sort of cow type thing can come in the ocean just as a joke almost and then just fluke it and be better at it than fish. Well they're usually in there for pleasure rather than business.

And then they're like, oh, I'll just, while I'm here, it's just some really easy to grab food. Yeah, well, it's like when somebody shows up for an audition with their friend and they weren't even seriously going to go in the audition and then they go in the audition. And then at the end of the story there, Angelina Jolie or something like that, they become very, very successful without even trying.

It's quite intimidating for the fish. You know, we talk about a fish out of water being somebody who struggles. I put it to you that the fish in water aren't doing that great either. And the opposite of a fish out of water but a human in water is doing pretty well as well. It's also doing fine. Yes, a bird, a bird in water, a bird. They are some of the best at it.

Yeah, well, it's turned out that some birds are some of the best swimmers in the world. Mmm. Penguins? They're some of the deepest swimmers of all creatures. Is that true? Yeah. How do we talking? I mean, like, you know, nothing maybe like they can do like 400 meters or something?

That's so fucking deep. Yeah. Man, that's deep. Good on them. Yeah. But, you know, look, yeah. But again, we've gone really far here. It's this year, wait, 1800 feet.

Wait, how's that meter? It's goddamn it. 1800 feet, well, it's about three, so it's about 600 meters. Man, man, that's deep. Yeah, 563. I wonder if there is pop. Eh? I wonder if there is pop.

I wonder if they have here. How are I gonna ever thing it pop? They think it's a little ears? Not just your ears. Is it good or bad? Like how good would you feel down there, do you think? I wouldn't like it. I would feel, I was about to say I feel under a lot of pressure, but I wouldn't say that. I would, I think it would be very dark and that would be very stressful to me, but also calming

calming calming calming calming calming calming calming calming calming calming calming calming calming calming calming calming calming um it's calming That's calming. Is that anything? What are calming effects of shark attacks? I thought we find that a lot of people who have survived shark attacks say that just before they were the shark, as the shark opened its mouth to

consume them, they felt a great calm come over themselves. And so I like the idea, I like the idea that, you know, they say that about drowning but that being eaten by a shark is actually a really peaceful way to die. Oh, it's one of the best ways to go. That's actually, yeah. I mean, I did hear somebody talk about that where they kind of, they talk about not really feeling anything but feeling like just some pressure, but not pain, like they go,

and I could just feel some pressure. And then I was like, oh, there's a sharp hook pump and biting down on my arm. Yeah, well, that would be a shock, I suppose, right? The shock of the new. I think this is shock comes in a little bit later when you have a chance to reflect on it. Mm, okay.

So this is pre-shock, this is just you not really Well, I think I think this is your your body does these kinds of things to help you survive So that because if you're in loads of pain, you're probably not gonna Work that hard to get away, but if you're like oh Something's happening and I'm really alert and I can just start beating the shit out of this really mean creature. Hmm. Hmm. Real nasty.

Have you had any moments in your life where you've been alone with an animal and you've realized, oh shit, this is on. Like I'm in a weird battle situation. I've tried to think if that's ever happened to me. I don't, I don't think so. I have been attacked by a few sheep, like butted by some sheep. Yeah. No, what about you? Be great if you had it if you had a really good story about it. Oh, that would be really good

It really makes up no this No, but I think I think about those moments a lot where it's like you you become aware that you're in One of those moments that you hear about. Like, I think, like becoming aware that you're going to be mugged or where you're really under attack. I might have already talked about this once, but this is the closest I've come to that, which is that I was driving a car by myself from Queensland back to Melbourne. And the GPS took me, it was something weird having with the GPS, and it took me basically up through these mountains somewhere in Queensland. Right. And then I got on to this long stretch of dirt road somewhere like, it was weird.

I was like up a mountain, but there was this long, straight bit of dirt road somewhere like it was weird I was like up a mountain but there was this long straight bit of dirt road and flat and I just sort of realized I was driving really really fast on this dirt road and then I felt something change in the way the car was moving where I was like, oh, if I do anything, this car is going to flip out of control. And I just sort of, I just took my foot off the accelerator and I just held onto the steering wheel until the car came to a complete, just slowed down and just came to a complete stop of its own accord. And then, you know, I took a few deep breaths and then I started paying more attention to the driving.

I think I've kind of been in the opposite of that where I was driving through the mountain, through a mountain on a dirt road, but it was raining. But I didn't really notice that much. And then I must have tapped the brakes or something like that. And then I just started spinning down this hill in the mud. Fuck. And I was like, oh, I'm in, I'm currently in a car crash. Like, and I'm just like, and then just kind of like luckily,

just kind of keep going. But then hitting the bank at the end, like, but it like not doing so much damage to the car that you can't keep driving it. Yeah, good. Can't keep speeding in the raid. Like, so you were going down a hill, going down a hill. Yeah, brutal. Yeah, and just. Right. Yeah, a hill. Yeah, brutal. Yeah, and just got started spinning.

Yeah, dirt road. Well mud road. Yeah. Yeah. And like spinning, like we're talking like a 360s. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 360s, but like horizontally rather than vertically. Wait, what? Horizontal.

Alright. How many 360s are we talking? I don't know. Could it be two? Could it be two and a half? Yeah, what's that? Seven, twenty. Took it on seven and twenty? Yeah, seven and twenty. Yeah, nice.

Did a seven and then I did a twenty. Yeah. Well, look, Andy, I've written down shark. Eating by a shark is the most peaceful way to die. Well, look, Andy, I've written down shark. Eating by a shark is the most peaceful way to die. But it's more of a kind of like a line that you would have in something. Yeah. And here, that's a really peaceful way to die.

Well, I mean, if that was the case, do you think that like a lot of old people opting for assisted suicide, would there be this service now, kind of where you'll take them out and you'll make them look real tempting and you'll organize for them to be eaten by a shark? And then would it sort of start to become quite a commodified, quite a formalized process where instead of taking them out into the middle of the ocean, and just hoping that a shark shows up, they're actually now the sharkatoriums.

Like a most semitries, where they have, you know, they breed sharks, and they basically keep them sort of strapped in these, all these big trolleys, right? Under water, but then they'll lower the old person in in a chair and they'll basically fire this shark at you because they want to remove a lot of the variables, right? To ensure that it's a replicable thing. Otherwise, there's too many risks that it's not really. I think it's just, it's like, it's, I think if people think that it's peaceful,

they're not gonna try and control the shark. I think it's just like, it just becomes like a medical grade shark tank. Yeah, okay. Right. And then you just take your loved one to it, and I guess if you to assist them with it, you can push them in.

It's only legal in the Netherlands. Yeah. Well, and I guess, you know, in some parts there, they just kind of cordoned, like they've sort of caged off a corner of a canal. And there's a lot of screaming, but the doctor's there to tell you that, you know, that's actually just air escaping from the body as the rib cage is crushed by the jaws of the

shark. They're actually incredibly calm. Well, that's also very exciting. And you know, and as you know, from those reports, they just feel a bit of pressure, but no pain. The screaming is actually helping, because you know that screaming lowers how much pain you feel. You're also there to feel maybe even negative pain. Yeah, so there's a chance that they're feeling total bliss. Total bliss. And usually when somebody, you know, is about to die, you let them swim with the dolphins.

So this is kind of being able to put all those great experiences together. Exactly. Because these are people who wanna die anyway. So why not die while swimming with a large fish? And the sharks wanna eat, man. And the sharks wanna eat. They wanna live They want to eat. And the sharks want to eat. They want to live.

You want to die. It's synergy. It's a symbiotic relationship is what it is. Everybody's getting something out of it. Yeah. You know, I imagine some animals must think about that while they're getting eaten by creatures. Also, you know, it's crazy.

I know, I know, I know, I'm at least I'm part of the great circle of life. You know, he's Also, you know, it's crazy. I'm at least I'm part of the great circle of life. You know, he's hungry, you know. He needs to eat. It's going to happen. It's a little bit our Savanya. You know, he's saying the Savanya while Biguchi while what? Yeah, it's a little bit of that.

Yeah. Because I mean, when you think about it though, are so many of those animals around you, right? Bees, beetles, ladybugs, fish, you know those fish that you were walking earlier. Most of them are so young. Just think of how young they're, they're probably, what they're, they're almost all of them would be under three months old. Yeah.

You know, like I wouldn't go out, you know, like you know, you're bragging how good you them would be under three months, hold. Yeah. You know, like I wouldn't go out, you know, like, you know, you're bragging how good you are compared to fish. But if you went out there and you, you wouldn't fuck with some 25 year old tuna. You're right. You know, I mean, I get it. I get what you're saying, but you wouldn't mess with all those.

But they're saying it's a sort of privilege and they haven't had the same opportunities that I've had. No, I'm just saying that there, like in every respect in the water, a 25 year old tuna would fuck you up. Like, I think even if you were near the water, someone would produce a good chance. I think they do pretty good against you.

But most of the fish and the animals that you encounter, they're so young. And just think of how dumb young things are. Just think how many, just two months old birds eat. Anyway, it's awful. There's a lot of, yeah, a lot of babies. The ocean is full of babies, basically. Yeah, but also land. And it's, I'm just saying that we're like,

we're surrounded by idiots. Anyway, I didn't get anything out of that. Sorry, how How many sketch ideas have we written down? I'll stay one two three four five six, but I think they're all half ideas, but I think I'm happy to I think they're all full ideas Four ideas each one is four ideas. I think they're all full ideas. All full ideas.

Not all full ideas. All full ideas. Yeah, they are. I guess they are all full. Well, Andy, then that brings us to my favorite part of the show, which is where we take three words from a listener who supports some Patreon. And today's listener is no other than

Sedrick. Sedrick, said, said, said, said, thank you so much for supporting us on Patreon, said, Drake. That's a beautiful thing that you do. It means everything to us what you've done. Are you the Cedric that supports, do go on as well? And did I meet you once? Did you come to Australia and I met you? Anyway, hello Cedric. Now Andy, Cedric is sending three words.

Do you want to try and guess what one of them is? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, Copernicus. Uh, no, it's not that. But. Nicaragua? No, but. Rehipnull.

These words do involve looking at something. But. You were close with Copernicus. Thanks. Here's the three words from Cedric. Tape, your, shows. Tape your shows. Yeah, I see what this is about.

I see what this is about, Cedric. But Cedric's in this before and I thought, and I was like, oh, this feels like it's a passive aggressive thing. And I was like, but, and then I said it to him and he was like, oh, no, I don't know, I'm just messing around. But also for everybody who's waiting on Magmon, I said a few weeks ago that was going to be ready. There's been some delay because of the end of the month ish. At the end of the, June ish.

Yeah. So sorry about that. Yeah, but that's all right. It'll be worthwhile, worth waiting for. We hope. I think it'll be in a better state when I see it. Also, I've just remembered something. Somebody contacted me on Instagram.

We're at two in tank on Instagram, Frank West. And he said, two in the think tank, more like two in the stink tank. And I said, oh, this is the last straw. We were not prepared for burns of this magnitude. And he said, good, because that's all I had. And I said, well, it's stung. And I'm not sure we're going to recover. He said, I that's all I had and I said well, it's stung and I'm not sure we're gonna recover He said I'd like to clean the clean the podcast as my trophy. I said it's yours He said I'll collect my prize now tomorrow, and I said check your back pocket. He said How did it get in there? I said that's comedy for you. I mean sorry magic And then he said you know what you've earned the podcast back, but I expect a mention or else and I said thank you very much And I'll try to remember this kind of legend. So, too, too in the, too in the stink tank.

Yeah. No, I don't know. You're not going to recover. Yeah. But now we got to focus on tape your shows. Tape your shows. Well, okay. So, I mean, you know, there's a comment there, which is that we should be taping our shows and indeed We are and indeed we have made a resolution have we not our stead that we will definitely do that as soon as we finish doing a show from now on There's gonna be no Slingking out of this like a worm All right, yeah, because I will be taped. Yeah, and because it is such a pain in the ass to have to relearn a show It'll be taped straight away when it's good and it'll be made available to them that wants it. Yep, that's what I hear.

Of course, back in the day before the concept of taping shows was available before tape even existed, I suppose people would have had to train up a troop of monkeys or something like that to sort of imitate their movements while a highly skilled parrot repeated the words that had been sort of drilled into its skull. I like the idea that there, I mean I think that's a very good idea. I think the idea that there was a group of people. I mean I guess if this was ancient Greece, it's probably a group of people who were slaves to, you know, that they had had. Slaves from all over the world, right? I don't know how they how they chose who were slaves, but

But we hope it was a fair system whatever we here. We hope it was a fair multicultural system Is what I would say equal opportunity slavers Yeah, I would you know, that's anyway to be honest that would make me feel a lot better about stuff But hi women slaves. Hi, women's lives. No, sorry. This is not really. And so I liked that they would have, so let's say they're put on a play.

Let's say it was one of, oh, who's that guy? Euripides. Yeah, great. Was it say Euripides? Euripides. All right, great. The great tragedies or whatever.

I was thinking of Aristophanes. Aristophanes. Yeah, Aristophanes. And let's say he's put on this great play. It's a huge success, right? But now they want to keep it. They want to store it, put on the shelf for a couple of years, and bring it back, right?

Because they've milked all the money out of the Athenian crowd that they could. Yep. And so, but they want to be just the way that it was. They've worked on this for three years to get it to the point where it was. So they train up about 15 people, you know, all the actors to replace the people. And they just put them in a room somewhere, like, you know, they've got to just a place. And they just get them to do it every day.

Just over and over again, constantly. Over and over again. No contact with the outside world. Keep it fresh. Like, keep it going. Like, keep it fresh in their minds, right? Just keep it going like that. And then after three years, they get it out.

And then they put it on and they just the actors who were going to now play them, they just learn from those actors, how to do it. And then they put it on straight away. So they get all the room. And then they shut the door while those people continue constantly performing in this chamber. Now, but then the fun part would be also how different the play is after those three years. And they've just been performing it in that room. And like they've just kind

of found these weird shortcuts for these ways of making it funnier, maybe. Maybe or maybe as, as you know, or more tragedy.. Because I keep pushing on this idea that they're not allowed to leave or do any of the gills. Maybe it's just become more and more out-hedged. Yeah, sure. And there's more screaming. There's more screaming. And begging for freedom.

I also, Alistair, think a great idea for an episode of MTV's CRIBS. You know this current reference. so you're across this. Was that somebody's got a really big rich mansion. And they're so rich that they have one room that's like a theater where people are constantly performing hamlet because it's their favorite play. So whatever they want, they could just go in and like watch a bit of hamlet and then leave. Is that, is there something like that in Mr. Burns's mansion maybe?

Oh, really? Yeah, maybe. I was sure I'd thought only that. I can't remember. Yeah. Well, if it's not in the Simpsons, then it's my idea. And I thought of it. And I especially thought of making it in MTV's Cribs. I think that's really good. What do you say, have we done it today? I think we've done it. I think we've done it.

I think we've done our duty. All right, well I'll take us through the sketch ideas. We've got the Patreon thugs. We've got new tussles. Yeah, and as I say, that's not a threat. That's not a threat. Nobody's allowed to interpret that as anything. No, of course not.

We love everybody and we especially love you. If for some reason your payment doesn't go through, that's one of the weird things about us. Yeah, we're in you know, we we love we love your and it's not even your flaws because It's one of the best things about you anyway. Exactly Then we got utensils for every food a company has decided to create utensils for every food like the burrito glove and the plate scoop I mean the plate scoop that's a utensil for every food, which includes one for every combination of all the foods in your meal. Separating the nose, mouth, and the new vomit hole, that's just a two tube system so that

you can eat underwater and also vomit. Alistair, there is no way on earth that any of these ideas have been half ideas. No, you don't think so? You've, you've, you've, something's happened to you where you've forgotten what's a full idea. You've got half, you've got that disease, you've got that brain injury like that guy who could only see the left half of things and so would only eat half of his meal until you turn to plate around and then he'd eat the left half of things and so we'd only eat half of his meal until you turn to plate around and then eat the other half. Sounds like he's got a hemisphere problem. Does he have, did that go have epilepsy? I think. Yeah, maybe. They would solve a lot

of that by cutting the connection between the two hemispheres. This is one of the problems we can solve by cutting the braided half. Well, that was a genuine thing that they would do in order to stop, I think, seizures. I know. But then they would find out each hemisphere had its own personality. That's so crazy. Yeah. That's so fucking crazy. Churchill's secret plan.

We'll fight them in the water. That's just a bit over our head. I don't know. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's.

It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's.

It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's in a room. It's right, it's always running. Keeping it fresh.

It's never been more fresh. It could be more fresh, ah, freshly squeezed, straight from this person. All right, here we go. Blop, blah, blah, blah, blah, I'm gonna blop, I'm gonna blop. I'm gonna blop outside my back. and you can find me at Alistair TV or at a Trombley virtual on Instagram or you can find us at Toon Tank. That's right.

You can review us if you want on one of those iTunes or Apple podcasts, whatever. That's it. Has a new one for ages and I still check every two days. Oh, what? What? And I didn't mean that for that the sound is sad.

Well, but it did. Pretty sad. Anyway, if you're listening to this anytime after June 30th, then magma is out and you can get it from our website. But if you are listening to this before June 30th, it's gonna be out at the end of the month. I try. And...

Take care of yourselves and we... And do hand each other. Love. And we love you. Thank you, bye. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. It's notcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites.

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