Two In The Think Tank - 238 - "DOG LIPS"

Episode Date: June 16, 2020

Smelf Respect, Smell Lighting, Rent-A-Lightning, Battle Art, Fart Ring Slam Dunk, The Real Magic, CollargenHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereAll the thanks in all the tanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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this podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our right mites. Lacka, lacka, um, shakalaka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, lacka, l You know and we be we yeah we be we we be do and we be five we be we we do do and Five be five. Yes, yeah, we be we do the do five at five So I'm Alice to George William Tronley, which and I'm Andy. And he's Andy. And we were just off part talking about my observation that children up to about the age of four don't notice bad smells. Yeah. Right?

And I mean, I guess it's a self-preservation thing because they do smell so bad so much of the time that if they did, you know, feel that, if that did affect them in any way, then it would damage this off a steam so early in their lives. Sure, that's a good theory. I mean, my theory would be is that they experience a pure raw data kind of input of the world and they don't judge it. They don't even know about good and bad. And so they're not putting smells and categories like us.

Us with our smell prejudice. You know, they us with our smell prejudice. Yeah, you're right. I think I think we sort of to a certain extent discussed it, you know, Prok things tangential to this idea when we talked about how in Sweden every third gets, um, You get placed on a Get a nice pillow to be placed around king of Sweden. So that it's given every opportunity to succeed and not pre-judged. But I think, you know, probably in Sweden, similarly, every fart or bad smell is bottled at the Chanel factory, alongside the highest quality perfumes, most expensive. And they are put into exactly the same, that all the smell, like cigarettes over here,

when we have plain packaging rules. So it is with smells in Sweden. And you don't, you don't know, when you purchase a thing of perfume, you don't know when you purchase a, a thing of perfume, you don't know if it's going to be Shen out number five or if it's going to be decayed reindeer anus. You don't know until you've squared through that. People there don't judge them. People there don't judge them. They just sprint them on themselves and then they go out and have a lovely night. Yeah.

They don't care what the smell is, they just want themselves to have a smell. Well, it's about, it's not about them, it's about the smell. You're not, it's not the smell is helping you to have a good night. It's, you're showing the smell a night on the town. And... Yeah, that's true, too. And yeah, that's true too. And so why should it be? I've never thought of a night out on the town from the perfume's point of view.

Going in and out of the nostrils of everyone at the party. That's right. I mean, they're having a better time than anybody. And they're also leaving a big trail behind them. You know, you, let's say you're riding your bike out to this fine dining restaurant. It's a tiny meal. You're evening gown and your three piece suit. Three piece evening gown.

Three piece, yeah. And that trail is seeing, you know, is seeing all the sights of the town. It's blowing up into the clouds, it's seeing it from above. It's having a much better time than you. But then I guess it's, then, you know, in the city, it's going into the nostrils of people that, you know, some who are well to do,

some who are poor, it doesn't judge. It would be. So, and because it doesn't judge, we shouldn't judge it and we should, you know, be good to it in the way that these Swedes are. What would be great would be if human body odor was in some way like connected to our consciousness, a part of our consciousness, and we could sort of sense what the smell was sensing. Like, I think that would be a very different existence, and if it could somehow feed back information to our minds from wherever it was or whatever it was doing,

I think that would be a really interesting way to live. And I'm not sure how you'd implement it. But I think it should be one of every. I guess one of the smells could just be, you know, like, I mean, what would a cloud of sort of nano nano, you know, nano detectors be like, you know, nano Omni detectors. They're just these little sensory organs that exist in a cloud and communicate with you with your own brain via Bluetooth using Elon Musk's, you know, company that taps into your brain. Yes. You know, and that just, Elon Musk, that's in the name. I mean, it's right there.

And it's an elongated mask. That's right, because it stretches out. I mean, you're spraying it on and then it's going everywhere. I mean, this data would be awful if it got in the hands of the authorities. You know, knowing everywhere you've been, but also everywhere your scent has been.

Yeah, yeah, you're right. Smell hackers. And I was telling you earlier that my son is, because he's just started absorbing, started noticing bad smells, and that as soon as a bad smell comes into his nose, he reacts by going, and then he goes, that as soon as a bad smell comes into his nose, he reacts by going,

and then he goes, and he tries to blow out the smell out of his nostrils. Really hard. I mean, he's obviously covering her house in germs and stuff like that and snort and stuff. But I thought that was a good technique. And then you were telling me a way that you thought was the best way to do it. Well, yeah, what I do is, you know, there's a guy at work. I don't know if you've noticed this, Al, but the guy who cleans the elevators, I think he must have some kind of condition because he has the most pungent body odor in the world. And I can't imagine a worse profession for a person to be in.

But he, you know, then cleaning elevators, you're basically, you know, you're in a confined space a lot of the time. And people are getting in and having to just endure this funk. It's so intense. Have you noticed this? I don't think I've ever noticed. Oh, well, I mean, keep your, keep your nostrils peeled next time where, where, where we're back in the office. I'll remove an extra outer layer of my inner, my nose. That would be great. Expose of a fresh. So that the really raw and hurting. Yeah. And I mean, and I imagine he'll be in there more in coronavirus times doing regular cleaning. So you'll have every opportunity.

But you get in and you know know you're going up and down. It's not very high building, but I have found that if I get in and he's in there cleaning, I can hold my breath until we get down to the ground floor as long as we don't have to make any extra stops. And then as soon as I step out, I do a big exhale, like just dump the rest of whatever air is in my lungs through my nostrils and and then take a big breath in when I've taken a few steps away. Sure. And it you know it doesn't it doesn't fully solve the problem, you can't fully evacuate the nostril but I do find that it's not until the air starts to flow again

that the smell gets processed. So some funk gunk must be being deposited inside my nose. And then once I start breathing more again, then trace elements do get in there and you do have to endure them. Oh yeah, of course. I mean, you know, but I mean, I guess the, the, the breath holding, you know, style that you've got for these kinds of things, it's, it's risky because I imagine as well that if you are on a longer journey than you thought, stuck in here, say you have to go down to the basement, then you go up first, you go in the wrong elevator. You guys both got in the wrong elevator. And then you do have to breathe in in the elevator whilst, you know, after having held

your breath. And I imagine that you'll absorb more of the funk in your lungs and body than you would have. Well, this is interesting because this really comes back down to the essential difference in your and my eating style as well, doesn't it? Because I'm a big mouthfuls. I get like to get as much flavor in as I can in one go. Whereas you like to save things, you know, and you'll have smaller mouthfuls and you'll enjoy them. Whereas, that's not what I'm about. Of course not.

And so it is with... Well, it's possible though that, like, if your argument about food is correct, and that it's better to have smaller mouthfuls and save it, then would that also suggest that by having regular breaths, regular, smaller, healthier breaths, you'd savor the smell of this man's body out of more than me who struggles to hold my breath as long as possible, and then gasps a huge lump forward. Well, I think because I believe that, yeah, you have smaller bites because then you get to experience the duration of the flavor for a much longer period of time than if you just eat huge bites and then it's all done.

So this would work, I guess, as you're implying, if there was a finite amount of smell in the elevator that could be done. And so I guess I would apply your thing is that I would just take a huge whiff, breathe way heavier than I ever have to just like to just smell it all very quickly and be done with it. But I just feel like that's it's not as achievable. I also feel though that when you're gasping for air as if as if you're you know because I've held onto my breath until I'm on the verge of death in my scenario. When you're gasping for the air probably the relief at having some kind of air will give you some kind of a rush that might serve to counteract some of the bad experience of the smell.

Well, that's another thing you could do. We'll see, I'm more of a I go for a big mouth breath. But if I went for, I don't go for a big mouth breath, but I go for mouth breaths. But I guess if you went for big ones, like big in and out ones and you hyperventilate. And then you can be really just focused on not losing conscious, conscious, conscious. Or just lose consciousness. Well, there you go. And then it's like you're your own anesthetist.

But then that person who is maybe emitting the smell might be the one who comes to your aid and will be there when you wake up. Or Forbes, the mouth on me. Mouth to mouth. Or armpit to armpit. We wake up. All forms of mouth on me. Mouth to mouth or armpit to armpit. Pit to mouth. Yeah. Yeah, so I either do that, I either go, but I think you said you don't like breathing

in through the mouth. Well, when there's a bad smell in the air, air, I think I feel almost like I would rather smell it than breathe in through the mouth because I like even less the idea of the The smell being in my mouth even though I realize that it's You know you don't taste it and I guess it's all ending up in your lungs anyway. I just don't yeah, how do you feel about this? How do you feel about instead of not mouth, not nose, sucking it in through an open wound? Like in the neck, you know? Well, I reckon, you know, you would have, you know, like one of those wounds that you get like in the chest that cuts,

like the cuts right in through to your lung. And if you breathe through it for too long, your lung collapse. Yeah, sucking chest wound, I believe they call it. Yeah, like one of those like, like, ah! So, you're suggesting that you feel about

the smell particles getting right in. This guy's there. I get out of screwdriver, stabbed myself in the chest through my clothes and weasingly suck air in that way and then stagger out. Yeah, just have a bit of cling wrap. Have a bit of cling wrap in your bag that you can just wrap around yourself afterwards to stop that long from collapsing.

You know, it's just a quick response to avoid any kind of bad feeling later on. Anyways, there's a sketch in that. I mean, I wrote down Swedes equal opportunity per films, but what about in this moment? Oh, right. I'm really glad you wrote that down. As well as, you know, it's a part of it is the idea of sensory clouds and the experiencing your night out from the point your preference. Yeah, well, I mean, the Elon's mask, Elon's elongated mask, mask, it does feel like

a separate idea, but it doesn't feel like a sketch to me because it's just way too speculative. You know, we're asking people to imagine it in an entirely different form of consciousness, really, a different way of being. So I don't think you can ask that of, um, I think the Swedes would do it. I think the Swedes as part of their equal, equal opportunity smells, they would, it would create sentient smell. Sentient, SC, ENT, I-E-N-T. I mean, the puns are rotting themselves. The sketches, they do it still need a bit of work. No, I think it's fine. I think if you have a huge smell industry,

then there's bound to be e-smells, like electronic smell smells that are there that are, you know, maybe it doesn't have that much of a smell, but it is, it's a smell that has a function. I do think though. Now, when you put it in terms of an e-smell, something that is like a smart smell that you can change, like, you know, with those smart globes,

you can change the light that's in your bedroom, or whatever, suddenly, with your mobile phone. I would love, I love the idea of a smell bedroom or whatever, suddenly, with your mobile phone. I would love the idea of a smell that can be changed once it's been emitted. Once it's in the air, the idea that you could go onto your phone and then you can flick through and the molecules somehow program to be able to be variable, they can change shape in the air.

And I think maybe like what you need is in each room and I'm not sure exactly of the physics and chemistry of this, but what about like a very sort of high powered UV light that causes all the particles in the room to react with something else. I know that UV light causes oxygen to react with itself and create ozone. Something like that that is so powerful, it changes the molecular structure of the bad smell. Then once that's done, you can just open the door to get a bit of fresh air because I mean, it might destroy all the good air

and the room as well. But, but it'll destroy the smell. And it really won't cover it, it won't just cover it. It will actually destroy the smell. It'll actually destroy it. It'll actually strip the molecules, the very molecules of air that you breathe. And give you skin cancer.

But. Well, I mean, you know, you can have a suit or you could just go into the ensuite. Well, that's happening in your bedroom or whatever like that. I mean, UV is used for disinfecting stuff, isn't it? So I imagine that it might not be air. Maybe it could just be a super short pulse, right?

And then you wouldn't, I don't think you'd have the concerns about the cancer and that sort of thing. You just bathed the room, bam, like that. Yeah, it's like, you know, just like flushing it. Exactly, you just wanna get every single air particle, you know, and I don't know, like, you know, it might take if it's B.O. or if it's, you know, far too small or something like that.

It might turn, you know, maybe there's a way, maybe scientists are somewhere looking at what's a simple thing that you can do to be oh that changes it into something nice like you know could you could you put a bit of chlorine gas in the air and that attaches to be oh and it creates you know a CK1 or you know like you know these people who who work on finding new ways of sort of synthesizing like meth or whatever like that. You know, you tackle it from different angles.

You take a compound that's close and then you make a little change to it or you take, you know, or you just start real, with the real basic building blocks, you got some hydrogen gas here and you got some coal or whatever carbon and you really work getting from first principles. Well, same thing with, you know,

how far is a shit particle from CK1? And how many little processes could you do? Do you need to do in order to get it there? I sometimes wonder if it's not that far. CK1 for those who don't know. Very often when you get the first whiff of a smell, you don't know straight away, I find, whether it's a good or bad smell, your brain just goes

as a smell here. And you need to investigate further before you can sometimes identify, whether it's very good or very, very bad. It's in between those two whiffs that the AI of the room would kick in. Yeah. And. You know. And reprogram. It's between with one and with two. We get in there like this room,

this is on the selling point of this thing. This room D, you know, this particle destriper, you know, this, it detects it as soon as you do, but it knows that it's bad before you do. Yeah. And then make some change, big, maybe lightning, you know? Maybe room lightning would change it like that, you know, all you know, all the particles in the air.

I think it would change it. I think you're, you're, you're not wrong, Alistair. It would definitely change something. And yeah, I mean, sometimes you really need to take that risk, you know, like, you know, it's that situation where you're all in the submarine, right? And the Nazis have just got on board and they're holding a gun to the head of the captain, right? And your midshipman will, Williams, right? And you're there and you're next to the lever,

that you know that if you press that lever, it's gonna dump the ballast from the arft compartment, right? And it's gonna tip the entire submarine upside down, right? And you don't know whether or not, at the end of that, situation's gonna be better or it's gonna be worse for you, okay?

Maybe the captain will already be dead. Maybe you'll be dead, you know, because you've just thrown everything into disarray. But what it will be is different, and that's the best you can hope for right now. And so it is with ionizing all the particles in a room. If the smell's bad enough, we take that risk. We've tried testing things on animals, right? But what about you just make a room and a lab. It's your everyday bedroom, right? You could use that one. You know that artist who made that really disgusting bed. Yeah. You know, and she called that her art room. You could use that, right? Buy that, put it in a room, put it in a room,

Once you would call that her art room, you could use that, right? Buy that, put it in a room, put a big rod, a lightning in there, big rod that creates a lightning. And then you just put various bad smells and you put the smell of skunk, you put, you put, maybe even put a turd in there, how would it deal with having the source of the smell still in the room? Old fish, old fish, you know, what about, you know, just cooking smells, various cooking smells that maybe you just, you like them in the moment, but you don't want them to link or put them all in there and you just zap it with lightning, then you go in and have a whiff.

I think you should, I think you have to be in the room with it. I think that's the risk. No, the people will, people will use it, People will use it with them in the room. But first, you're trying to see just the effect that it has on what effect it would lightning have on it. On a turd. Well, a turd in a room. And on the air. What I would like to pitch to you as a sketch though, based on sort of what we've been saying. Is the idea of any, we run some kind of a service, right? Whereby we'll give everybody a panic button. Okay, you'll get a panic button.

And what that will do is when you're in a situation, it will call in a lightning strike, okay? Within a five meter radius of where you are, okay? You whack that button, there is going to be a lightning strike instantly, okay? I don't know how we've done this. We've got some sort of grid of nanoparticles in the upper atmosphere, okay? And we can instantly tap into the stored static and it charges that are in dust molecules. And satellites. Yeah, satellites are definitely involved, right? And what it is, it is just for that situation where you're like, well, things are so bad that I'll take unknowability over whatever,

you know, over what is, I'll take the devil I don't know. Thank you very much over. Yeah, rental lightning. Yeah. Rent a strike. Sometimes, you know, lightning, I've got rental lightning and that's what I've written down. But you know, and sometimes lightning does strike twice. That's our motto. If you pay for it. That's the consistency that you're exactly, that is what you sign up for, really. Yeah. I mean, I do like this. I do like this a lot. The idea that you can just get some, but whatever purpose we actually don't want to tell

you why, why to use, you you know for what reasons to use lending? You know, I guess a lot of people are using it for sort of murder. Oh sure sure I suppose you know some people are using it just to knock down Trees without getting responsible from the council like being responsible if there's a tree blocking your view of You know, I don't know some golf course in the backyard But I think but I do think that was it because it'll only do it within five meters of where you're standing, you know, whenever you call it in, there's a chance that you'll get struck.

So I feel like that does encourage people not to abuse the technology. Sure, I mean, I feel like right after this company comes out, there's going to be a competitor, it's going to come out and say, we'll do like anywhere. Yeah we're not going to put a restriction on it. I think that my my my space version will get get out of business pretty quick. Yeah I mean that's you know but I mean this is part of the sketch. This is these guys who start this company, and then they try to put in this little clause to make it so that people deal with it responsibly.

They always use lightning responsibly. And then suddenly this other company comes in and is like, yeah, we'll do it anyway. Yeah, man, it's lighting your way. This is the lighting. Just do what you want. And there are no rules. And they'll be like, yeah,

and you can have a blue lightning and a red lightning and a pink lightning order. Yeah, that's the disadvantage of being the first mover. Like that, and it's like, well, you're marrying me. That's what you would do, right? This makes me, this makes me want lightning do, right? This makes me want lightning. Hearing you do that makes me want lightning to be a musical instrument. Like, when you have it that you can call it up like that, that's going to be an awesome

addition to the orchestra, I think. The atmosphere, like you've got the woodwind, you've got the brass, you've got the strings, okay? Where's the atmospheric phenomena section of the orchestra? Sure. I mean, you got the guy with his brain stuck. And then you got the other guy with his lightning roll. Yeah.

I mean, that could just be the conductor. If we just make that sticker a bit longer, make it out of copper. Exactly, and more metal. Run a cable down his leg into the podium. Oh, absolutely. The conductor out of the stick, the conductor. the podium. Oh, absolutely. The conductor out of state, the conductor, the conductor. Oh my God.

Oh no. Buddy's wearing rubber gloves. Because he's like, he doesn't actually want to be a double conductor. I know it would be good for it, be good for that son that goes, da da da da da da da da da da da da da. Yeah, you're absolutely right. I know it would be good for it, be good for that sound that goes tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt the people that are in the opposite, you know, in the audience. Like a sub sort of electro shock. Thing therapy.

Is there pain in any experience with using that on dementia? Look, I think my grandfather had it, my pal had it done for maybe the depression, which was, you know, part of the dementia, I think, but I, and I think he was in a lighter mood for a while. I don't know if it was ever ever a permanent solution or so many things to, this is called so much suffering and destroy the lives of a great number of people. I guess that's just everything though, isn't it?

I imagine they're getting a bit better at using it. I don't know. Maybe the doses are lower. Maybe I don't know exactly how it works. Well, I think there are some things where it's just a very, very small amount. I'd like to just try it on like a sore ankle, just but not on my brain. Just like put it on either side of my ankle, get a little zap, see if that fixes anything. There's like little weird pains where you're like,

oh, my arms a bit sore, but there's no reason for it to be sore, so I don't take that pain seriously. Yeah. You know, it's like, but it's like, it's subtle enough that you go, that's just the thing that happens. Some things hurt a little bit sometimes,

and then it just goes away after a bit when you're not thinking about it. Yeah, I, I, I'd like to Yeah, I like to try electotherapy on that. I mean, I'm not averse to electrocuting myself. It'll, if it'll potentially help with concentration or something like that. Oh, man, I'd love that. You hear about those kinds of things with magnets

or some kind of shock to the brain or whatever. Get super brain power, I go, that's what I would definitely do. Yeah, I think what you're offering me is the a higher amount of productivity at my work, or, you know, not work, but, you know, things that I like doing. I'll probably subject myself to almost anything that you put on the table. And if that's to expose wires, absolutely. I've been watching a lot of fighting recently. It's become a thing that I just watch now.

Right, like mixed martial arts. Crazy to me. Right? Yeah, it is crazy. It's just something I watch, like a fair bit of. Anyway, but those guys take a lot of shots to the head and their careers, they know, they know in their mind that, you know, they're going to get to 40 and it's all done, right? And there's going to be some negative effects, but they had their fun.

Yeah. Getting punched in their body. Yeah. Okay. And I think that it should be like that for artists as well. Right. You take it, you take zaps to the head. Get a bit and you go for as long as you feel like your body's going to contake it. Right. But, but you're producing excellent work. I mean, there is a certain, you know, cynical attitude to modern art that you could take

where it does look like, you know, a lot of it was just produced by people who did have paintbrushes strapped to their hands as they were being electrocuted by some kind of alternating current. Sure. Um, sure. And are you, are you making a comment on abstract stuff?

No. Do you think your kids could take that? I mean, some of it I actually do think they probably could. But, yeah, no, you're right. But do you think that the values that are all role I think my children's art is amazing? So what kind of competitive art or comedy or art comedy? Uh, do you think someone could do where it's a it's competitive and it's one versus one or two versus two, but you go into one team is unconscious. How would you make that happen? Well, can I just say quickly before I forget?

I, as you had me at competitive art, because I'm aware that there are art competitions, but I'm not aware of any situations where you have two great artists on a stage with their paints or whatever, going at side by side to see who can do the better painting. And in a limited amount of time. And I think that's absolutely valid.

There could be computers that could judge it rather than people, because I think the people really corrupts it. Yep. The people are taking into account all sorts of various things who people are, blah, blah, blah, all that kind of kind of stuff I think I see the artist the artist could be disguised you know it could be could be the the masked painter just saying this could help us to get closer to really working out what actually if the painters

if the artists all had to go in the same size sphere. Yeah. Right. And they could only paint or do whatever they do through little holes, tiny holes in the sphere. Yeah, right. Right.

You know, it's probably like one of those kind of, a bit like one of those hamster balls, but with tiny holes that doesn't allow anybody to see in and they run around they go grab their things They probably have like a you know thing inside their inside their ball that allows has the paint in there So they don't have to reach out and get up and they do But their art is being done on the outside through the thing. Yeah, great And but nothing can show that balls but Art ball yeah competitive art ball, but then And nothing can fill us. And the show's called Art Balls. Art Ball.

Yeah. Competitive Art Ball. But then, but then how do they get unconscious? Well, okay. Or is it just competitive art to do it? I think the ball is sealed, right? I don't think there are holes. What they do have is they have one sort of arm type thing

that sticks out with a rubberized whatever, right? You know, like a like a like like in the start of the Simpson's where he's using those gloves through the thing to manipulate the nuclear waste, right? This is just for holding a paintbrush. Okay, I'm only working in the realm of sitting in this version. Sorry, but I can't think of any other way to do it at the moment. And they only have as much oxygen as is in the ball. Right. So that limits the amount of time that they have. And I think that introduces an exciting element of pressure there. And when we see that slump, that's when we know that that person's unconscious.

And we can judge their own. We can send the ref into, you know, in the doctors to check on them and stuff like that. And but then, you know, also, what do you, like, so is this a pretty fast thing and you want sort of something, like, what can you do to make me feel the most? I think so, yeah. Yeah, and I think we would get, I think you could be judged by the audience, do you think? I mean, what if there was a way that you painted the other person? In the ball?

No, like maybe, like let's say that, let's say we're not in the ball. Yeah. You've gotta, you've gotta paint the other person, but they don't want it. Yes. Have we talked about this before? I think we might have talked about this before.

This is a very funny idea. It's sort of... Or you've got to sculpt the other person. So you've got to keep slapping clay on them. And shaping them into something. Oh, no, physically. Yeah, on the physical. I think...

Like they're wearing like a mesh kind of thing that will be very kind of accepting of clay. And you know, the clay will cling. But you're also just smearing it slowly, and you're both working each other's bodies. And you're turning them into something, and you're gonna make the other person into an artwork.

I mean, it could be done with paint as well. I guess you could do clay and paint. It's mixed medium arts. I didn't, when you said you got to paint them or whatever, I didn't realize that you were painting actually physically on them. I thought that it was sort of like a combination of sort of hide and seek and painting. So the person is trying to hide while you're trying to get enough of a look at them to paint them, right? And they're sort of like shooting people then, I guess, from behind barrels or whatever.

Every time they duck out to try and get a look at you, to add an extra brush stroke onto their thing. They're trying to duck down by their barrels're also then peaked back up again with their thumb out, judged the distance between your eyebrows. They've gone up into a tower, clumped up into a tower, and they're looking at you through a scope and trying to get their thumb like that. So they're like running, they're looking burned out building, with a little palette tucked into your arm,

and a canvas. And you gotta do it as better, best of portrait of them at this moment, like what they look like in the moment. Well, but I think it's, I think the person who because I mean if you know where the person is, that's the problem you could do it from memory. Well, you've never seen the person before, right? And the well, you know, what the art world is in that big hand. Well, in this in this

scenario, I think a lot of it's it's got to be recluse on recluse then, right? We get these recluses, it's going to be hard to get them because they're not going to want to do this, but we get out of recluse. Right? They've never been seen, everyone only knows them from their art, right? And then there's another one, it only knows them from their art, right? And now, we're, but they're probably still quite competitive and we want to work out who's the best. So it's up to them to run around trying to get glimpses of each other, painting each other in this scenario. And then whoever at the end has the best likeness of the other person, and that can be worked out by a computer. Right?

That's the, that's the easiest thing for a computer to work out. That will tell us. I don't think it is. It's just image matching. You know, we just have a photo of the actual person. Yeah, but I don't think that's how art works. But it's like, that would only work if it was photorealistic art. Yeah, that's all I'm interested in.

That's the only kind of art I like. Ultra photorealistic. Well, I don't think photorealistic art is necessarily the most interesting art, but I think if it was done under these circumstances, this could be the thing that brings it back for photorealistic art. I mean, realism has been on the slide for a long time.

Nobody's interested in that anymore. And I'm saying, we're spicing it up. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession resistant career and a rewarding field with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu

and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time. Mycomputercareer.edu Well, you say, I think there's a version of this that you could do where it's like it is theater, but you're battling each other and getting to a point where the person, the other person

has to, like the other person has a breakdown and they have a really big emotional breakdown in front of everybody. I mean, essentially, it's reality TV. But they're just, they can't win and they have a big breakdown, which within it has a revelation and you force that piece of art on them, you know, this very real moment like that. And that's your art is what you can bring out of them. It's really, that's really compelling.

It's called art coach versus art coach. Yeah. It's really compelling. It's called Art Coach versus Art Coach. Yeah. Look, I wrote Battle Art. I don't feel like this is quite there. I lost it. It is. I don't. I mean, if you won't accept my idea as being one of the most of their ideas that we've ever had on the show, I think I might have an enormous breakdown right now, an enormous theatrical breakdown. So good for me. That makes me realize.

I love it. Something significant. Do you think electric heels could be used in any way to generate electricity? I feel like we've talked about electric hills a little before. I think, well, they generate static electricity. Is that right? I think one of the hardest things is turning static electricity into a useful, you know,

cut flow of current. I mean, that's why harnessing the's why light, why harnessing the lightning is, um, it's been one of man's dreams since time. Harnessing the what? Lightning, the lightning, because that's just static electricity. Oh, because is that static as well? Yeah, I think so. It just gets discharged all in one big go, right? go. And I think what you would to be able to be able to turn those electric eels into a useful current, you would need a lot of electric eels, I'd suggest. And then a lot of

capacitors. Can I stop you there so that I can say something sexist? Yeah, I think this is the only sexist thing. I mean it's not the only sexist thing I'm sure I believe but this is the only one I'm really aware of is that I believe That did one of the one of the one of the still one of the main differences between men and women is I don't think guys Really care about presence Like gifts. But I think, yeah, and I think that women really like presence. And they feel like they have meaning. Yeah. Um, I would say that I think this would be roughly true for everybody.

Yeah, I don't think it's a universal Because I don't think that my mom really cares about presence But then I think my dad probably cares less so that's yeah, that's and in a way Children are the greatest presence of all and your mom really cares about children And you're and your dad could take them or leave them. Yeah.

Which he actually does both of with your kids. But I wonder, yes, he does. He takes them from your house and leaves them at your house later on. It's very good at that. Takes them from your house and leaves them at his place. In a very caring way. takes him from our house and leaves him in his place, in a very caring way. I think it's probably not just about the presence, though,

right? I think a broader thing is about the way that people expect appreciation to be shown. And whether or not certain types of works, certain types of labor are acknowledged on a day-to-day basis. And I think that we need events, I'm coming to realize, events like Mother's Day and that sort of thing, because I think it's... I'm coming to realize events like Mother's Day and that sort of thing because

I think it's a way of forcing that recognition that might not otherwise happen. So yeah, I think with like certain traditional gender roles if men are going out and getting the recognition of being and Work and being celebrated for that Yeah, where's the you know there's no Bloody no promotions or whatever when you're Just you know when you're a mom or whatever, when you're just, you know, when you're a mom or whatever. Sure. Unless you... Well, I reckon that's a sketch.

That's a pretty fun play. Oh, I look... That's a pretty fun play. I'm sorry, Alistair. I'm sorry. Just thinking it through. That's a fun play on that idea, okay? Just think it it through.

So I'll just write that down as easy. Yeah, okay, great. Oh. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Um. I do like presents though when I get them as well. Do you? If they're good. Is there something really good? Yeah. What's a really good present? Ah, it's just like a big drill or something.

It's power tools. Yeah. It's basically all I can think of. Power tools. Maybe some kind of other gadget, some kind. There's nothing that I, there's like every time I somebody gets me a present, I'm basically like, you didn't need to do this because I'm not going to use this. Yeah.

I mean, it's very nice. Look to be honest, I get records and I do listen to those in those very- Was it your birthday recently? No. No, I don't think it was because... No, I'm not just being a shit about having just received presents. Alright, look, we've only got three sketch ideas and then one that I've written down that you won't consider a sketch. But I've got two sets of three words from listeners. So we'll just go into it.

Yeah, let's do it. I'm really sorry. I feel like I disappointed you with that idea about present. So I actually think it's a really interesting idea. And I'm sure there's something that could be done with it. No, Andy, I think you didn't disappoint me. It was just the moment that the podcast out. In your heads, under your knife, on the operating table. Yeah, so, you know, I brought this, I brought this body here. Yeah. And, uh, it would perfect health, by the way. So, I mean, maybe some of the, some of it's on me for bringing a body and perfect health

to the operating table. You know, I was like, look, here's something here's something cheeky and in a way a bit inconsequential The idea I was like oh nobody can get offended at the idea of some people liking presence more than others I found a safe area to be Right I found a safe area to be big, right? And then Andy had a long explanation. It wasn't that I was waffling. About gender roles. About gender roles and mother's day and the importance of it.

And then I lost my patient. It's a thing I'm learning. No Andy, look. I'm learning about presence because I'm not good with presence or generally celebrating things. And yeah you got to you got to you got to you got to make the effort. Yeah and I do agree and do we do have to make an effort. Same thing with this podcast though, that also applies. And are you letting that slip now? Okay.

Is it possible that you can only put so much effort into everything in the world and that you're borrowing a little bit from the podcast pile to put it into the appreciation of how this is possible? This is actually very hurtful. I'm just joking. All right, let's go into the three words. I apologize if it genuinely is hurting your feelings.

These words, these words, these words, these words will spice up, spice things up, all right? These are from, I don't know up spice things up. All right. These are from, I don't know if you know, but I think things up in the board room. Hello. It's just a guy running around sort of pouring chili flakes or cayenne pepper onto the eyes of all the.

Yes. Yes. He's saying it's literal spice. What we've done in doing a part on spicing things up in the bedroom. We've chosen to distort the meaning of the bedroom part to be boardroom, but we've also chosen to be slavishly literal in our interpretation of the word spice. At first, everybody walks in and they It's a little bit more natural. It's a bit more natural. It's a bit more natural. It's a bit more natural. It's a bit more natural. It's a bit more natural.

It's a bit more natural. It's a bit more natural. It's a bit more natural. It's a bit more natural. It's a bit more natural. It's a bit more natural. It's a bit more natural. It's a bit more natural.

It's a bit more natural. It's a bit more natural. It's a bit more natural. It's a bit more natural. It's a bit more natural. It's a bit more natural. It's a bit more natural. It's a bit more natural.

It's a bit more natural. It's a bit more natural. It's a bit more natural. It's a bit more natural. It's a bit more natural. little piles all over the place the the the board room desk is kind of covered in red and stuff like everybody walks in goes whoa that's interesting okay and they're all walking in there about seven steps in and they start going oh what's that he goes getting into the back of my throat and then they start like getting a bit in their eyes, just walking around, it's sort of puffs of you know, dust powder is just kind of coming up and they're going Is their eyes are watering and how they can't breathe? This road is so closing like And then spice and things up in the bed in the border.

Anyway, I And then spice and things up in the bedroom. I mean, if that could in some way then feed in to improve corporate performance, you know, increase, you know, accountability. Well, I mean, you could do the same thing. You do the same thing, but, or similar, but it's just everyone in the board room does the cinnamon challenge together. Does what challenge? The cinnamon challenge? I don't know the cinnamon challenge. You know, it's like you just, is it the cinnamon, I think it's cinnamon challenge wherever you have a mouthful, like a spoon, a full spoonful of cinnamon powder.

That's really interesting because cinnamon is, you know, I think a lot of people would think of it as being one of the milder of the powder. That's really interesting because cinnamon is, you know, I think a lot of people would think of it as being one of the milder of the spices, but a, all those spices, like you are only really, when you're sprinkling, you just got to be sprinkling. If you're putting on too much, it's hell. I mean, I've watched footage of people almost die doing that because they because you immediately it goes in and then immediately you breathe in and then you start choking in it. Yeah. And then the and when you when it's powder in your mouth like that, every cough out becomes a coffee and and then you're breathing in more, making it worse, right? Oh man, that's hell.

Hmm, that's hell, and I think there might be a my of claims in people, I'm not sure. Anyway, look, let's skip that and move straight on to three words from a listener. That's a Patreon supporter has given us three words, and this Patreon supporter is Ryan. Ryan. Hi, Ryan. Hey, it, Ryan. Hi, Ryan. Hi, Ryan. Hi, Ryan. Hi, Ryan. Hi, Ryan. Hi. Three words. Andy, do you want to try and guess what the words are?

Um, reticulated? It's not reticulated. The first one is far. Okay. Pleasureable. No, it's not whatever that was, but the second word is ring. Okay. Clinch. Oh, close. Slam dunk. Fought. Fought.

Ring. Yeah, fart. Ring., slam dunk. Oh, fought, fought, ring. Yeah, fought, rings. Slam dunk. Slam dunk, which immediately, you know, I guess, makes you see somebody sort of taking like maybe a red rubber ball and just, while somebody's bending over in the nude and just jumps up instead of slaps it right onto the bottle Maybe it's a lubed up rubble right onto the lubed up buckle and it just was Like that straight in disappears now

You know, it's really interesting that that's the way that you interpret that because I think I went totally the other way Which is that I was imagining this is a sort of a game, you know, I think this is a whole family could play together, right? You know, it's like the pop-a-matic bubble or whatever, or hungry, hungry hippos, right? And fun ring slam dunk is the whole family gets together, okay? And there's a little slam dunk is the whole family gets together, okay? And there's a little little funnel or something that everybody puts into their butthole. And it doesn't have to be like an exposed anus up in the air for everyone to see. I think it just be like a little little tube in the butthole and then around. This is just a nice anus-based skin. Yeah, and then it comes around

whole and then around. This is just a nice, in a space gift. Yeah, and then it comes around, you know, to just in front of you on the table, right? And then there's a little funnel on the end, just like a little funnel, okay? So everybody in the family has got one of these tubes into their butt and then a little funnel in front of them. And then you put a pink, everybody puts a ping pong ball

in there, right? And then in the middle of the table, there's a, there's a basketball ring, and then everybody tries to fart the ping pong ball into the basketball ring. And they'd be a great... Oh, see, that's fun. Great ad.

That is family fun. A great family ad with a catchy jingle, you know. And dad, you shot it over the backboard again. And yeah, everybody's laughing. I think it really does ride itself. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean, it's just a, I mean, that's just straight up a, a fun family. Yeah, I mean, your one, your one could be a fun family one as well, Alistair. Oh, no, I, D. Mine is not. Mine is, although I would like, I would like to see more magicians using that, that back pocket like

that for making balls this year. Well, how does that help them though? What about, what about, what does that, what advantage does that give them that they wouldn't already have been able to derive from just putting the ball into a pocket or just a sketch about a sketch about the magician who uses the forbid ball. He's the only one who has the balls to do it and the balls are in his body. I think you know what? I think that is really funny or magician revealing his secrets and every single one, it's

like he did it was he pulled it out of his butt and we just covered it all the great magicians throughout history that's all it is all that you need to do magic right is a go-t and a willingness to hide unlooperated objects in your butthole. Yeah. So it's one of those like magician secrets sketches like the revealing the secrets of magicians, but the secret that he reveals every single time is that you just put it in your box. That is correct, yes. Where is your card? So it's like, so, okay. And now, the trick with then, because you know, sometimes there's like a card,

you know, you put somebody's signed card inside like a grapefruit. And then you take a grapefruit from inside your bud. You prepared earlier. That you've prepared earlier. I love it. I thought you were just going to go with the card, but I love that it's the great fruit, the full great fruit. The great fruits in there.

And. So yeah, that's kind of two sketches there. It's like, you know, it's either the magician who's the only one who has the balls to do it, and then there's the idea that all magic is that. Yeah. That's fantastic. Okay. And then the other three sets of words are from Amory Emerson. Amory Emerson. Amory Emerson.

Amory Emerson. Amory Emerson. Amory Emory Emerson. Amory Emerson. Amory Emerson. Exactly. I think Andy, you just brought the podcast back to life. After what I done.

I love what you did done then, back then. And so, Aemri's three words are inventions, buy and dogs. Inventions buy dogs. And I want you to know that when I said buy, right? The sound wave that appeared on the program that we're recording this on, the waveform looked like a dog's head. That's incredible.

Buy. But I said buy. Buy. And this one just looks like little carrots. Buy. Mine looked like a bear this time. Bears like little carrots. Buy. Might look like a bear this time. Bears head. Buy.

Buy. That one looks like a duck. I know Albatross. Like like a Albatross's head. Buy. Say, bark. Ah, bark. That's, no, that one.

That one was a steakie sort of. Buy. This is bear head again. This is buy. This is very good. See you on the head. Bye. This bear head again. This is by. This is very good. See you on it. Bye. Oh, that one doesn't look like an animal. Bye.

All of mine just look like carrots. Oh, all right. Wait, all right. So now we got to do this sketch, sketch it. The inventions by dogs. The inventions by dogs. Just by dogs. I mean, I think there's a limit to what you can achieve when you don't have opposable thumbs, but also I think there's a limit to what you can achieve when you can't

really consistently lift your paws off the ground. You know, that quadruped disadvantage. The restraint, you know, restraints creativity sort of thrives under restraint constraints. Well, the greatest restraint of all is the restraint of not the constraint. The greatest constraint of all is not being able to do any creative work because you're not having the intelligence for creative work. Yes, very interesting.

And so we find out that dogs are actually incredible tools to use for creating inventions, basically by facilitating it in some way. You put them in a room. I mean, we've left dogs in rooms before. Well, I mean, we know that doesn't lead to creations. Buy. Buy. Sorry. That one was a, that looked like the head of a, one of those microbeirates. What, you know, everyone's upset about Leica,

the first dog in space. But what nobody focuses on is that she built that rock at herself. Of course, it's invention by dog. Leica and and doc from back to the future, his name was actually a play on dog, which was the actual person who invented the time machine or come up with the idea. Well, he had a dog called on, Stan, didn't he? Yeah. Inventions by dogs, I mean, they could do stuff with their mouths, couldn't they? And then, you know, you'd basically just have

all the, you know, if they were capable of inventing things, you know, maybe they would have invented all the same things that we've invented, they would just be covered in slumber. You know, they'd just be real, real, real sloppy, real sloppy, because they have no ability to hold that saliva rean, do they? No. The lips just hang, sluasing the saliva down. It must be... I guess suppose that would be the first thing that they would want if they knew about them. Yes. Getting lips. They want lips. Yeah.

It's a person who says that their dog has asked, like, has basically insinuated that it wants lips. And they're doing everything they can to make lips for their dog. I think dog lips do like human-ish lips for dogs. The go all the way around and hold the saliva in. It's really, really good. Yeah. First thing they did was they stuck those candy lips to them and the dog looked in the mirror

and then nodded stuck those candy lips to them and the dog looked in the mirror and then nodded with the candy. But then did a little motion with the door like keep going. Yeah, this is what you're doing. You're on the right track. I'm going for more. And I guess maybe along the way they develop a communication system between them and the dog, the person, you know, with one of those pads that it can keep touching things that say keep going like that. Bigger lips. Bigger lips. And then I guess they keep injecting like Botox into the lips. Yeah. Making the lips bigger and bigger. Yeah. What kind of doggy picturing for me, it's a German shepherd.

Oh, I think I'm picturing a golden retriever, but it might have been a German shepherd for a couple of moments there. The golden retrievers, they do really have that dangle, that dangle lip along the sides of the mouth there. Like there's no control of the lip at all, is there? Oh, but what about that, like that sort of, you know, sort of up closer to the back of the mouth there. There's no control of the lip at all, is there? Oh, but what about that up closer to the back of the mouth? It's a darker colored frilly bit of mouth edge. It looks like something you can find on a CNN meal or something.

Yeah, on the instrument abalone. Yeah, look, look at the muscle. Yeah, on the instrument Abalone. Yeah. Yeah. This is the one aquatic part left on the animal. Obviously, it's right close to, but right by the sea of the mountain, like the, you know, I guess the mouth is the sea of the body.

It's the sea. Where's the seaside? I think dog lips. Dog lips. We did it. We did it. We'll it. We did it. We'll take us to the sketches, ain't it? We did it.

Dog lips. Sweets equal opportunity perfumes. We do. Still bottle everything. And I mean, this is part of the Scandinavian. Institute of ideas. You know, institute of ideas. Within that is also the sensory cloud, which is, you know, the sensory perfume that allows

you to experience the night out from the perfume's point of view. Incredible. Then we've got, look, I wrote down this one, but I don't think this is quite a sketch, but I don't think you'll think it, but it's room-lightening for bad smells. No, no, I'm a very interesting room lightning. Okay, well I've got it there, and I like the idea that, you know, I think even just installing lightning in people's rooms

and then just seeing, what's it for? Well, I was like, I don't know, we don't know yet, but we'll just wait and see, we reckon. You know, we'll just wait and see. I don't know, just try it out. Tell me what you figure, you know. I mean, it'd be great for an intruder having some like door lightning

and a lightning at the entrance of your door. I love the idea that we could have a bit of loose lightning. Loose electricity, you know, all the electricity is so contained in our hearts. So hidden away. Yes. Like we're shining it out of the open Why are we hiding the wires away putting them behind plastic? Let me see them inside the walls. I want sparks

You know, that could be enough every every Conductor In the home. I say we critically re-examinate and say, could this section of the conductor be replaced with a spark, like an arc of lightning? And there's got to be a few. Yep, absolutely. Then there's rental lightning, which is just that company that will allow you to blow lightning within five minutes of yourself below lightning.

Just shoot lightning from the sky within five minutes of you, and then competition quickly appears that we'll do it anywhere. Then we've got battle art. This is people hunting each other so that they can paint their portrait or various versions of sort of you know Battle art where you battle art until you're unconscious either that's in the big sphere or You put too much clay on them that they fall unconscious They can no longer lift their body then we got fart ring slam dunk the family board game.

Yeah. I just liked it. I mean, I mean, that's really a Ryan Hines sketch idea because he's done it. Sift that up to us on the platter, that was an alley-oop. And then, yeah. Is that an alley-oop? Where somebody puts it up and you... That's an assist, yeah, it's like an alley-oop, yeah, like that. Then we got, magician is the only one who is brave enough to put things in his butt. And then, as well as the second sketch in the same vein of like a magic secrets revealed kind of video where

they reveal that all magic tricks have involved the bug. Well, that's the true magic, isn't it? That's the one true. It's the truest magic of all. True magic. I was thinking, and of course the last one, but a doglet. Somebody, something came to me recently and was remembering an old sketch that we did on this camera, we're on this show about the Harry Potter

spell Oculus Repairing. That is a spell just for repairing glasses. And the idea that was the only spell, magical spell in the world that worked? And we find ways to use it to generate electricity and weaponize it by building huge broken pairs of glasses and then using it to crush enemy ships and stuff like that. ships and stuff like that. Just sending out two separate lenses opposite sides of the landing ocean. And then they shoot towards each other. Yeah. That is the idea that we had. Anyway, I was thinking about it very fondly recently. I was like, at the time, I thought

this is a very silly idea, but now I'm like You know what that would actually really work as a sketch That's great. I love that Andy Thank you everybody for listening. Thank you so much for listening. God, it's good. Yes. When you do that.

Yeah, oh, man. Yeah. But that's season two for your baby. I said, God, it's good when they listen. I wasn't criticizing the podcast at all. I think this is a very good episode. Did I? I didn't say that they were criticizing it. I wasn't criticizing it.

I think you have, you got some issues, Alistair, that you need to work through. You know what? I'm going to work through them. And you can find me on Twitter. It's stupid old Andy. You can find me at Alastair TV and you can find us at Two in Tank both on here and on Instagram. And you can listen to our podcast Two in the Think Tank and that's available anywhere where you get podcasts and thank you very much for listening. listening this on to this, oh fuck hell, what if you're listening this to on, you can also listen to this one.

Yes, you can also listen to this one. That's all I wanted to say. And we love you. You. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. It's not optional, you have to do it. We used to go easy on it, but now you have to.

Yeah. Yeah. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to MyComputerCoreer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time. MyComputerCoreer.edu.

to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu.