Two In The Think Tank - 240 - "ZOMBILLIONAIRE"

Episode Date: July 1, 2020

Open Air Gastric System, Heat Death Quiz, Birth Week Parrot, Reverse Astrology, The Bezos Gifting, Piano Deduction, The Odourless Place, Rich young Zombie. Uber-Rich Apocalypse, Trillionaires Hunting BillionairesHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right herePan-galactic thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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this podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, tank the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. And this is episode 240 mark two mark two. And you know, we don't want to, we don't want to, you know, over, overboard the people with details of us having to re record this one because it's a lost episode due to any computer messing up his recording a ton. Well, look, let's put it this way. It was a total disaster. The audio was destroyed in more ways than would have been thought possible by a machine. But George was able to salvage it to the point where like, if you enjoy really

unpleasant listening experiences, you would have been able to listen to the episode. Wow. But I've made the call that that just falls just below our criteria for releasing the podcast. Yeah, we will do practically unlistenable, but entirely, almost entirely unlistenable, we know that's where we draw the line. No, sir. But, you know, true fans of the podcast, I think appreciate its unlistenability, like a fine one, or like an un un-listenability like a fine one or like an un-fine one or like a fine vinegar.

I think there was a there was a Patreon exclusive episode where by Mike wasn't turned on and so you can only hear me. Yeah, or mine maybe. Now yours was on because it was through your Mike that you could hear me going, are you sure my Mike is on? Because it's not coming through in my headphones. But the fact that somebody listened to enough of the episode to alert us to that fact speaks to the, what it is that people appreciate about this.

And what I'm saying is that I might edit together what scraps of the the the dead episode 240 there are and release them cool to people who pay specifically for the privilege of being listening to humiliated like that which by the way for our Patreon supporters we're freezing it we're pausing it this month for the month of July. Yes. Just because, I guess, any do you have a reason or is it just because? Just because, well, because we haven't done adequate content for you this month as Patreon supporters and you give us so much and we want to make sure that you're getting the full package that you so richly deserves.

Yeah, so this month, you can sign up. And this is the kind of gifts that we give. We freeze that we pause the patrons. You don't have to pay. That's one of the, one of the extras we're offering. Sometimes you don't support us. If you want, it's almost as good. If you like not giving us money, well, that's there as well.

Well, this is the month to get him, this is the month to get him. This is the month to get in. Yes. Get in because July is a no pay month. Yeah. So sorry about that, but also we love you and we're going to give you more. Yeah, and that's a very much more Patreon.com slash to and tank. But also thank you everybody who does support and thank you everybody in the past who has

supported and thank you everybody in the past who has supported and thank you everybody in the future who will eventually leave. I'm sorry, Patreon. Now, let's get... Before the podcast, I mentioned something about you sliding some, because you were eating some chocolate, I said something about you letting that slide down the canal. Yeah. Right?

And I have an idea for possibly our most extreme body modification yet. Whoa. Okay, on this podcast. And this is the open air digestive tract. Okay? Because, you know, I think, you know, you look, you, what is the, what is the human body, but like, you know, you look, what is the human body but like, you know, an elaborate chemical processing facility? And most of them happen in sort of big vats

in the open air. And I don't see why you couldn't, if you were, if you were careful about it, you know, you couldn't lie back on a trolley and slice off the top layer of the body, the torso, maybe even of the throat. Right, keep the windpipe intact because that needs to be sealed.

But the gut, the stomach, the layers, various layers of the intestine, the stink be free. Sorry. Let the stink be free. Is that what you're saying? Let the stink be free. Sorry. Let the stink be free. Is that what you're saying? Let the stink be free. Absolutely.

Free the stink. Free the stink. Free the stink. Now, the food is processed, sort of, in the open air, sort of lying in the trough. You know, and all the digestive things, I think if you were, you didn't move too much or squirm. Yep. They could all still take place.

They'd just be like visible there. So wait, this is actually open. This is not like you've just, you're chopping off the top and you're putting in a sunroof onto the belly. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. As I say, open it. This is the, you know, full top down convertible experience of, I mean, it'd be nice to curl back.

It'd be nice to be able to curl back your belly all the way up to your neck, sort of like the lid of a sardine can. Like that, and it rolls up your chest like a cumber bun, you know, like in a cartoon. Yeah. I don't know that that's a comma bun. I think a comma bun is a little,

that wide belt cloth belt that you tie around your waist. This is something else, but I know exactly what it is that you're describing. Whatever that chest thing is. Whatever that thing is. I don't know the word I just don't know. The thing that I think is a comma-bund. Yeah, the thing that I think is a cumber-bund.

Incorrectly. Now, Alistair, does that constitute a sketch idea? I mean, yeah, but I mean, like, so like, what are we, what are, what, I mean, I guess, what are the benefits of this, you know, and how is, how are we putting it into a sketch? Because in the unreleased episode, right, I went a little bit wild. The episode, the lost episode, 240 that we've just gone. Let's call it T240A. I wrote down a sketch that was just gas spiders, right? And this was an idea that was,

all the animals that you see, they're all solids. What about liquid animals and what about gas animals? Anyway, today I tried to write something to do with this gas spiders thing and it became abundantly clear how not having a context for this to be a sketch. Definitely affects, it's ability to be written into a sketch. Well, it's ability to exist. And I like very much the And I like very much the form of a story that stops the story itself dispersing like gas is its context. And you are trying to write something about a creature that has no form, but also in a

story that has no context. And you've taken two pretty critical elements out of most Sure most storytelling there. Yeah, so you yeah, you're gonna struggle Yeah, so what about this open air gastric system of which you speak, you know, is there can we can we lay some conscious Some context on it and some consciousness if you want but um Like I mean our people gonna have to travel around on laying on their backs on skateboards? Yeah, yes, skateboards.

Or we're coming bicycles. Maybe gondolas on a canal. Yes. Oh, they could become a completely horizontal people. Yes, yes, indeed. What would be the advantage of that? Well, well, maybe we're in a, I mean, this is, this is going to help it to be funny, but maybe we're in some future dystopia, right? Where the population density is so high that the only way to store people is laying down

on boards and shuffling them around that way. But also, if the buildings, once you've got people laying down like that, where else do you have to go? Well, by slicing the top off of people, you discover that if they are lying down, they actually don't need that top layer because nothing's going to spill out anyway. Well, we know that from the mouth, you know, from having the mouth, not even at the top. You know, we don't even have the mouth at the top, it's sort of like half a foot down and nothing's spilling out of that.

Yeah. And so, we're not even being that, you know, we're not even being that liberal. We're laying down, we're cutting just the top off. I mean, we're not putting a whole half a foot down and expecting nothing to spill out. We know something you'd spill out, right? We're just taking the top off, that's less area that you have to send blood to.

So that's probably more efficient use of body. And I don't know what you do with that top section. I know if you've got kids, I don't know if you've ever been by a creek, but what you do, what you do, you've got kids, you're just laying down, you're in between your sort of, like I guess this is like the filing system

with these buildings that we're living in, in this horizontal world. They're probably a meter tall,, each room, like each level. So you're laying down. I was thinking way less. Okay. Okay. No, that's cool. You know, what if you want to go 65 centimeters? No, I'm thinking less than the width of a body. That's why we've had to slice people's. Oh, right. Well, I thought maybe there was a little bit extra room, but yeah, okay. That's the reason I see what you're saying. But I was just picturing, you know, you've got two kids. how do you entertain them in

an apartment this size, right? Well, you slice open your top and you digest the track is there. Food, things are flowing down it. Your kids can drop a couple of twigs in there and race them. Race the very good. Yes. It's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, that's the real postaches, isn't it? Because you are. Oh, yes. Um, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, that's the real pooh sticks, isn't it?

Because you are raising them to lay back on the bridge and sticky one of your pooh sticks. Yeah. But also, you know what this, you know what this is removing risk of choking, you know, because if you're open like that, I suppose we were keeping the, the breathing tubes still closed. That's a sheer. Yeah. But you know, I mean, I open like that, I suppose we were keeping the breathing tubes still closed. That's a shame. Yeah, but you know, I mean,

that's a way to get kids to eat their vegetables as well. You just push the broccoli into their intestine track like you're in your intestine. Yeah, you just drop it straight into the stomach. Yeah, well, just, you know, bypass the mouth straight into the open air gastric sewer. You. You you could you could drop food in at any point in the along the great pathway. Yeah. Great internal

pathway. Um delightful. Um, Alice. No, Alice is speaking to me. to me? Can you say something? I wish I was. How do you feel about birthstones? Well, these are the stones that after the baby comes out, when the woman has to give birth to a couple of rocks. Couple of rocks that drop out, playing, playing, onto the ground. Into the ground and then they carry it around.

And when you discover who you are, you get, it closes red and out, outcomes a familiar in that animal will be your best friend. But if it dies, you die too. Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant. I was also referring to the thing that pisses me off because it intribuial pursuit knowing the birthstones that correspond to different months is classified under science and nature and that enrages me. Yeah. Because I mean, I guess a rock is nature, you know.

I guess, yes. But the correlation between that natural phenomenon and an arbitrary month, I don't think is either natural or scientific. No, I agree. And it makes me really angry. So I don't know any either natural or scientific. And it makes me really angry, so I don't know any of that bullshit. I only know different types of bullshit. Andy, you're a half-ast quizzar. Yeah, I am.

I would go ahead and actually learn that stuff for the purely mercenary reason. But that's... I mean, I suppose what it does do is it just, it's just more information. It's just more made up information. Like, if we were running out of facts and, you know, science, I assume that if we do discover the grand unified theory of everything, that will be a ceiling on the number of facts there are in the scientific world. We all will have discovered all of the facts.

Yeah, well I think, I mean, we're the only things, like living things are the only things kind of going against the second law thermodynamics, right? Like in the universe, everything is getting simpler with entropy, right? More homogenous. More homogenous, simpler. But work, we're creating more facts. We're the only things creating more facts at this point. Because sooner, if it was just me or you at the universe, you could eventually just be like,

you know, that's that, and that's that, and that's that, so that's what you would do now, right? That's a star, that's a black hole, that's empty space. But eventually you'll just be like, oh, that's a black hole, and that's empty space. And that's all, you know, there'll be less facts. Mm, yeah, you're right. I guess more things will have happened,

but I guess since we're finding out with quantum that you can sort of change the past and some regard That you know, those aren't really fact-stores are up and up in the air still That all of that's still in play I think I took this really far away from what you were talking about Well, I wasn't really talking about anything except to say that I feel like, you know, if birthstones can be a thing, it feels like there you could a trip, you can associate any object with any time period, you know, and then, and then, you know, make that into something. You could be the,

oh, every hour of the day has a different type of doughnut. Every week has its own parrot. And that's... There's 52 parrots a year yes yes weekly parrot you can ask people what parrot were you born alongside which year birth week parrot yeah oh I mean I don't I didn't then they go oh yeah they I hear that they those people eat clay to avoid getting poisoned while they I mean, I don't, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I I mean, I do like the idea of a birth week parrot. Okay.

So let's say that this is equivalent then to the zodiac maybe. And we'll try and get this up in like, you know, local newspapers or whatever, have a page where based on different parrots whatever parrot you're associated with for the 52 weeks of the year you will get we'll tell you what you've what to expect. Well I think what's good about it, what it could be is it could be sort of an anti-version of these things

Right is that you started up and you start telling you know, it's firstly It's another thing you can talk about with people But what it is really is is just a move by the parrot board Right to get people to learn more things about parrots Yes, right and so then you go to get people to learn more things about parrots. Yes. And so then you go, so basically every person is going to be like, oh, you were born that week?

Oh, that's the something cockatile or whatever you go. You know, they sunflowers are poisonous to them. And then people will think that you're supposed to like take meaning from that into your own life. And then everybody's gotta go, no, we don't do that with this. That's bullshit. This is just something to say.

And now you know. It's just parrot facts. This has no relevance. Yeah, no, it's like, doesn't mean you have the power of that parrot. That's not a real thing being born and then you are a stone. You're not a stone You don't have like it's not your stone. It doesn't mean anything

So the the true meaning of another true lesson that you can draw any any From any given parrot week is that that parrots have no impact on your life. Well, the lesson that you can draw is parrot facts 101. Yes, sorry. It's literally a lesson on parrots. Yeah, now the problem, we have to have the problem of that there's no I've realized that there's no standardized weeks of the year Like you I could not tell anybody what week of the year I was born in doesn't matter, you know You just look up doesn't matter. You just look it up. They'll be a database

It'll just tell you you just look at it. You put in your data birth We'll just tell you it doesn't matter what the standardized weeks are. I mean, we could start naming the weeks after different parents that way. And we could even stop calling it the 52 weeks, but call it the flock of parents. We thought, well, how many weeks are there? There's a flock of parents. There's a whole flock of weeks in the year. Yeah, flock of parrots weeks. Very good. I had a had a had a glimmering of something in there and then I let it slip away. Fuck. Well, it wasn't. I want you to know. Oh, no, can I can I can I can I hit you with this before I forget again. Okay, this is retro astrology. Yeah. Okay. Now, let's assume astrology is real.

And there is a limit to the power of telescopes to observe the stars. Surely, if the behavior of stars influences the behavior of people on earth, then we could get information about the stars by observing people. Okay? So let's say that NASA, because the Hubble Space Telescope has maxed out its ability to observe the distant galaxies, NASA then starts observing just Pisces, okay? And they just track every person who's a Pisces, and they observe their behavior, and they see if they come into some money this week, or make a

significant decision about their career, or talk honestly to those around them, and then based on these, you know, aggregating this huge mass of statistics, they're actually able to infer incredibly detailed information about distance star systems. It's a very good idea. It's a very good idea. Thank you. Have you already written it? I've already written it.

What do you call it? Retro astronomy. Why is it retro? What's the reverse? Well, I guess reverse astronomy will be fine. Reverse... Astronomy. No, astrology.

Astrology. That's what I meant to be saying. I also wrote down, and I know that this is basically nothing, but I wrote down heat death quiz, right? It's just two people floating in space Yeah, okay And and it's one guy's the quiz master and the other one is the quizzer Yeah, and And one guy asks something and then he well, and then the answer is basically, well, that's a black hole.

And then the other one says, well, what about this? He goes, well, that's space. That's nothingness. Oh, that's nothingness in the vast space. And he goes, well, then what's this? He goes, well, that's this? He goes, well that's also black hole. It's not quite that. Yeah, okay, so they are floating along and it's post the heat death of the universe. Yeah. And everything is either uniform, cold, like in the heat death of the universe,

are there still particles or if they themselves somehow disperse to meaninglessness as well? Not sure, I thought everything just kind of winds up in a black hole. And that messes up, that messes up atoms, doesn't it? Like, can atoms not be regular atoms? And black holes? Yeah, they can't.

But also, I'm not quite sure how that works because the gravitational radius of a black hole, technically isn't actually supposed to be bigger than the radius of the star that are... Oh, I suppose they can still pull things in from a distance. Yeah, okay. Okay, over time, I can see how that would happen. Take a long time, though.

It's gonna take a while. Why were talking ages. Like we're talking... Wheeeee! Tap on my words. Yeah, we're talking Yonks. Yeah. Mega Yonks.

Maybe even... Gigayonks. Maybe even more. I don't know, I didn't have anything to say there. Um... Seals, Andy. Do you think seals are another mammal that decided to move into the water?

Yeah, they are. And them and their whole group. You're right. Now, and that must be a separate movement to the, to the whales, right? It definitely is. So I think these guys are like related to ferrets and stuff. Really? And maybe we will. I guess they're on the sort of the on the auto spectrum, aren't they? Yeah, I think

so. You know, they've got a big. Autos are very ferrity. Every time, every time you think of these things, you can, you don't even realize all that data was there. All that information was there. Those links that you haven links that you haven't been looking at. Like did you see this thing? I saw the other day where it was like, somebody was saying that Greenland is, the reason that Greenland is all frozen over, is leftover from the ice age.

Because most of its ice is, because it's actually pretty low in terms of latitude or longer chewed or whatever. For it to be such an icy place, but it's because most of its ice is at such high altitude that it doesn't melt. But the ice formed during the ice age. So the ice is at a high altitude of ice,

like it's just all ice. It's just a big ice pile. Yeah. Is that right? Yeah, I think so. And it just hasn't. And I think there's even some interesting stuff with like, it actually, the ice has such a gravitational pull

that if it was to all melt, the ocean level would actually still go down. Because it pushes. No, it doesn't. No, like, because you would think that if the ice melted, the water would go up, right? Yeah. But the water around it is so much higher because of its gravitational pull

that even if it melted and went into the ocean, the water would actually still go down. I can't handle that, Alistair. I'm going to have to look this up and try and get that. Hopefully I'm not spin and bullshit. Is it pushing down the crust? Is that what you're saying? Like, it's pushing down the... What's pushing down the... The ice. In order for what?

What's the gravitational pull of the ice like the is the ice being pulled down or is it pulling stuff up or what yeah, it's pulling water up towards it The gravitational pull of the ice is pulling water up towards it. Yeah, yeah, all right But I wonder if globally speaking with that still no, I don't I don, I don't know if it's a big global thing. I mean, it would have some impact, but I, yeah, I don't know. I mean, that'd be a great, that'd be a great get out of jail free card. If we could avoid having the Greenland ice sheet raise sea levels by like 20 meters or whatever in theory could do because of some little neat little gravitational loophole. I'll absolutely take it. Thank you very much. But I have a feeling yeah it'll be some other worse thing instead that happened. I mean I think it could just be like

right near it. Maybe it doesn't have like like, you know, the gravity doesn't, might not have as big an impact. Look, I don't know anymore, idea. Like, is it still like, does gravity affect the world on that one on X squared or whatever that one on R squared? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the important thing is you've got my hopes up, hell, and that's all that.

Yeah, but, yeah. I think it might be a more localized thing. Like, you could look at the ocean, water, near the Greenland, and it would sort of be, it'd just be that little sea level would be a little bit higher. Maybe. I don't know. Maybe. I think that's, I think there's a few years

that the old girl, yet, Alistair, that's all I'm here. That's what I what about about planet Earth Yeah, all right. Yeah, we did it. I keep we brought we brought we brought some hope back to the to the world Oh, fuck it's so depressing. Oh my god I think I think Bezos is is He's got to be getting ready to surprise us all with something.

Yeah, I reckon Bezos has got a big surprise and he's just waiting for the date to unveil it. He's like, no, no, no, not right now because the pandemic's happening and I want full focus on my big solution for saving the world. Well, I think what I've noticed about Bezos is that he's looking after himself. on my big solution for saving the world. Well, I think what I've noticed about Bezos is that he's looking after himself, like he's keeping his body pretty tight. Yeah.

Like he's in good shape, he hasn't let himself go. And I don't think you put that kind of investment into your body unless you've got a plan to keep the earth around to enjoy it. I think he's got something in his back pocket. He's like, you know, something he works with, with some people. I mean, he must have a couple of meetings every day where he just goes like, what do you got for me?

You got some big world saving solution. Like that, because I got, I got 100 Bill. Now, what is he? He's almost a trill. He's got 900. So, he's got like, I got 900 billion burning a hole in my pocket. And I'm just waiting for somebody to give me something good.

So because I wanna give everybody in the world a present. God, that'd be so good. Maybe it, but then it shows up and it's just floaties or something like that. So floaties? Floaties. Floaties so that we can float on the raised sea levels. I'm not even that concerned about the raised sea levels.

No, I'm the word on the raised. It's gonna be other worse things. Yeah, yeah, I'm more worried about the whole planet becoming unlivable because we live in such a... Like, we're so incapable, we live in such a thin band of temperature. Yeah. Yep. Notice that, I just walk out the bins, taking the bins out to the curb, and you go, that

I did a barefoot for some reason, and it's so cold out there. I'm like, this is basically the limit to what my feet can tolerate, and it is probably like 12 degrees out there. Now is any of this a sketch idea? No, I don't think so. I don't think so. What about a baseball surprise? Yeah. Should we get him a surprise that we want him to get us a surprise? Yeah, should we get him a surprise that we want him to get us a surprise? I think that's very nice. Okay. Oh, because I mean, if we give as a world, Bezos are present. Yes, he'll feel like he has to give us one. He'll be

socially pressured. And what we'll have been doing is like leaving copies of the IPCC report around, you know, all circling different temperatures on graphs and leaving them pinned up by the front door and he'll get the hint that what we want is a livable planet. What's the like thing that they all want? For climate change to go away. Okay. Do we do we do we all get together and buy him a present? Or do we individually get him presents? No, no, no, I think we all have to get him one together because because we don't want him to think that he has to get us each an individual present. I want him to treat us as a whole. Yeah, very good.

What do you get the people who have everything minus Jeff Bezos' possessions. Yes. That's what the rest of us have. I think that's very much an idea, Alistair. I think this is kind of a video you could do online. Do you think that he might want, like, is it going to be one of those situations, though, where he would just prefer cash? Well, we don't know that about, but to give him money. I mean, we could, we could, no, but I think if we give him money, then that will put, you know,

to put a lot of, I don't know, he'll see how much he needs to spend to give back. But if we kind of do a thing, a package deal, it's a bit like what we put on that satellite to send out to the universe. You know, like that gold record and things like that. We get artists maybe a picture of all of us, but we've drawn with him. A picture of all of us. It's like him hugging the earth. Yeah, that's him and us. And we make him look really nice in the photo in the picture like we the picture, like we do a bit of photoshopping

just to make them look that little bit nicer. Put his hair back on. No, no, we don't want to, we don't want to, we don't antagonize him. No, you think that's a risk? Oh, God. I think that's a risk. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I want us to make it seem like we accept him for who he is, but we put unnoticeable changes to make him look a little bit nicer so that he sees it and thinks that he's beautiful. I look really good in this. I look good with you. He'll want to put that drawing on his piano or something. One of his 1,000 pianos. Right.

I think he probably has 1,000 pianos. Yeah. I wonder how many pianos Jeff I think he probably has a thousand pianos yeah wonder I wonder how many pianos Jeff Bezos has I wonder if they could find a right podcast series yeah I mean we could go to we could go to it like sort of piano collector experts like people who are experts on piano collectors. Get them to give us a guess. Yep. And then maybe we could study sales patterns for pianos. Talk to some major suppliers. I guess going through, if he has an Instagram or something like that, going through that and trying to see what's on there. Oh, that's a good research.

And then we can describe the photos to the people on the podcast. Mm. Might also be possible to detect the presence of pianos using some kind of seismic technology, like some kind of resonance thing. Well, they would have it sound. I mean, we don't know how many of these pianos are being played. Yeah, that is the problem.

It's the unplayed pianos. Yeah. The true dark matter of piano universe. There's no way of detecting them except for with our eyes, hands, tongues and noses. Was there a sketch that we came up with last night that was something like that? What was it? This is on the, this is on the dead episode. Something about, oh, I was talking about things that look as, I hope it tastes as good as it looks and you said I hope it

Smails as good as it feels feels there to the touch And I was just losing it tried to work out a scenario in which You would you could possibly be feeling something with your hands before you'd had the opportunity to smell it. And I think it could be, I mean, because, and also why do you care about the smell of something with texture, more than you would about its taste. I think anytime, because there are some things

that we like just for their smell, okay? But those are perfumes, and they exist only really as a smell. And I think that feeling something, if you feel something and you're interested in it smell, you're much more interested in what it's going to taste like because it's much more likely that it's something that you're going to eat.

So in that case, you would say, I hope it tastes as good as it feels, which is still weird, but not as weird as the smell one. Yeah. And I mean, I think, you know, possibly in it, let's make avert, okay, I'll stay. This is it, this is what it is. You know, because think about those, these films that have been made,

they've made Bird Box, which is the one where the blind folded, okay? And you gotta run away from monsters. They've made a quiet place, which is the one where the, you gotta be quiet. All right, which is the one where the you got to be quiet All right, so this is one where You're not allowed to smell anything. Okay, okay and

Or the monster gets you Yes, yeah And but also it's it's all of them. Okay. Okay, it's all of them. The only sense that you're allowed to use is touch. Yeah. Okay. So, and then you are able to take things home, still doesn't quite solve my,

why you're not tasting the thing. From everybody's lost their sense of taste. quite solve my why you're not tasting the thing. Um, problem. Everybody's, everybody's lost their sense of taste. Yeah. So we only have a sense of smell. Sure. And now we no longer refer to what think foods taste like. We only care, we only discuss, we don't even mention taste.

It's not even part of our vocabulary anymore. We've forgotten about the existence of taste. We don't have tongues. We don't have tongues. We don't have tongues, exactly. Or as they... So you're obviously writing this down. Or as they would say, we're both a pungs. Correct.

We both have pungs. I think you would just change, you would have a lot more peas and beans. We both have pungs. How as it we don't have punks So you're you're blind folded, okay? Because it's they've all come all these would various different monsters have come at the same time So you're blind folded, mm-hmm because of the monsters you've lost your tongues to some other monsters and all you can hope to is

Identify foods via their texture. So restaurants are still open and that sort of thing, you take away, you go identify foods by their texture, take them home and smell them and then eat them. Okay, but don't taste them with your mouth. And this is the scenario in which... Oh, this feels good. I hope this is real. I'll get it, I'll get it. This feels. consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online

or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. And so you're still talking, even though this, and hoping, even though this monster here, you've got, I guess, a closed peg on your nose. But you're still excited about the future. You're under attack by these monsters. You're picking up takeaway from the shed. It's a bad thing.

You're not going to be able to do it. You're not going to be able to do it. You're not going to be able to do it. But like you're still excited about the future you're under attack by these monsters Yeah, you're picking up takeaway from a set. Yeah, it's a bad, but there's hope There's hope it's take away me all it's not that different from living in a pandemic like you know It's just like look we've come to accept there are just monsters out there Yeah, that if you smell they can get you but you can still go out with a closed peg on your nose. Correct. To the shop and pick up your very fluffy food that has very nice texture and be excited

about what it's gonna smell like when you get home because it doesn't, you don't have a tongue. I think we did it. I think we pulled it off. Yeah. It's because zombies or vampires or monkeys with some horrible disease or another thing. You know, it's often a lot of things. Sentient apes. It's not it's not often like that it's vampires and a pandemic. Yes, and sentient apes and sentient apes.

And that's what we're going to do. I had an idea today, earlier today. I thought, well, I've been me just, you know, make a movie about rich zombies. Rich zombies, rich, young zombies. Yes. So you become, they become zombies. Yeah. Okay. And maybe they lose a lot of become zombies. Yeah. Okay. And maybe they lose a lot of their intelligence. Sure. And they do lust after human blood. Yeah.

Or flesh. But they're still rich. So they wouldn't do a lot of the zombie stuff themselves. They'd still pay their private security forces or whatever. Yeah. To go out and drag people in and then they'd eat them in their mansions. Yeah, but they would probably also just crack up

in the skulls form and just give you like a, like if you just got a big bowl of brains, that would be way better. And so you just kind of say brains, but you say it to your servant and said, as you wave them off, brains. Like that. Now, I'll go and get it and it'll be prepared for you by Chef.

Yeah, maybe you can just brains and then collapse twice. Brains. Like that, you know, like a sort of, like a, I mean, look, I really like this. Billionaires zombies. Yeah, I mean, look, I'm gonna put, I think I feel like making them rich and young makes them even more despicable.

Mm, you're right. Yeah, some billionaire zombies of Instagram. Yeah, because like, you think, you know, there's zombies, they're young, they're rich, and they're beautiful. Yeah. For zombies. For zombies. For zombies, yes.

Zombillionaire? Zombillionaire? How do you feel about that? Zombillionaire. I'll write it down. Yeah, okay. I wonder, you know, I wonder what... Rich, young, rich, rich.

Are they still vain? Like, you know, young hot, you say that beautiful, but, young hot, zumbillionaires. Yeah. Are they still taking care of their appearance? Are they applying several layers of foundation over their sort of healing?

It would match their like, sort of graying skin and stuff like that. Like you would, they would use tones that fit. That would probably palate. Yeah. But they would work around the cuts and stuff like that, do things. I think that they put on makeup and stuff.

I think also, if they're billionaires, they probably wouldn't get the cuts and that sort of thing. They'd probably stay in quite good shape. But I think it is interesting that occasionally, their thumbs just come off and then they just go like, oh, like that and somebody else comes and fixes it up for them or something like that. Yeah, you're right, that is interesting. And that they're kind of a bit,

like they're still kind of dumb, they're still really dumb, but they kind of do the rich people thing. Well, I think a lot of people, rich people are dumb, you know, especially they got inherited well for something like that, you know, they just, they don't know what they're doing. Sure. And they could absolutely have their rich lifestyle styles enabled by the people around them, even as they are zombies. Sure, of course. Think you're right.

You're 100% right. Maybe 200%. Thank you. How are we going for sketch ideas today? Andy, we have at least one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. So do you think that we should shift on to a three words from a listener? I'd love that. I'd really love that. Well, Andy, these three words come from listener, Kiran McFadgin. Kiran. Hello, Kiran. And God bless and devil bless.

No. And what do you want to guess what the three words are? For the second time. Science, place. Oh, I think it's the same. What's that we did on the last episode. Yeah, we did this in the last episode, but... Like, embarrassing, cask extraction or something like that?

It's extract, cask, and angrily. Extract, extract, cask, angrily. I mean, these truly feel like randomly selected words, don't they? I mean, we don't know what curin McFadjins technique is, what a strategy is. Yeah, but I love it, like I love how open they are. Each word has an A in it. I feel like that's the way it's supposed to be. Yeah, there's a pattern there. There's always a pattern. There's always a pattern.

Should we just restate the idea that we came up with last night? I don't think so. No? It's a shame because it was a good idea. What was the idea? It's actually not a billion miles from the zombie idea that I just I just hitched. But it was a mad Max future scenario where it is only the very, very rich who've survived.

And instead of rating each other's compounds for oil, because they've got plenty of oil, they rate each other's compounds for tankers full of fine wine. And they've got their, they drive in on their Bentley's or whatever. Yeah, I think that's really good. Sometimes they, two rich people will be dressed up in their whites,

sitting under an apple tree on a blanket and they'll have a basket with cheese and wine. And then a private plane will start circling above and they'll know the other billionaires are coming. You know, they they they they found a rich vein of one bottle of wine. And they'll show up with their polo, polo mallets and things like that. And I guess sort of negotiate their way into your bottle. Again, again, this is something that hasn't quite been explored is, is, is billionaire on billionaire violence because we did have that one in Australia. What's that? Remember when Packer got in a fight with the seven guy. We did have that in Sydney. Yeah, carries. They're wrestled. They like fought each other to the ground. Two hefty blokes just.

They're blowing each other around on the curb. Are they both billionaires? I think so. I think they might both be billionaires. It was really, really undignified. Yeah. Like, I mean, that's what you want. Like, wait, I'm not getting it. No, it might not have been stokes. Yeah, I'm a ginge. Oh, it might have been ginge.

It was a ginge. Maybe he's not, maybe the other bloke was. Yeah, yeah, it was David Ginge L. David Ginge L and James Packer. It's like, and it's just so good, because it's so scrappy. Like, he's got his face all scrapped up in his hand, like his fists that are pulled back. Love it. Yeah, he's doing his own dirty work. But, you know, like, you're often get those horror movies

where it's like, oh, the billionaires, or, you know, really rich people pay to hunt the poor or something like that, or they have some facility where they torture them, or something like that, or maybe it's a very well-off family who then take in some drifters and then the drifters turn out to be psychos or whatever like that. Yeah. But where's the one where it's just it's just all just the very the the Uber rich It's the first trillionaire and he hunts billionaires. That's brilliant. It gets a billion in there. He gets, you know, and he could have, he could have a few billion air friends over like that. And then they, you know, they're like, yeah, we've hunted man before and he goes, have you hunted billionaires?

And they're like, oh, this is so luxurious. That truly is the greatest game of all, isn't it? Just group of trillionaires getting together. And then the billionaires, now the billionaires, do they, when they're hunted, do they still have their private armies and their security forces? Or are they hunted, you know,

because I like to think that the trillionaires, they just have greater security forces. But then are we just describing a war? Sure, I mean, that would be a war. I guess if you have such power, such money and power, that you could pay off his whole army, and buy his army so that you could, you know, and all his family, so that you could then just kidnap him and, you know, put him in a little sort of, you know, and all his family, so that you could then just kidnap him and put him in a little sort of, you know, a little field or a little sort of mini-rain forest you've had made up,

so that you could, you know, just chase him down with a machete with a couple of your trillion airfriends. Just getting together with my trillion airfriends. Yeah. It's really nice. I think that's an idea. I realize it's got some superficial similarities with the rich zombies. I mean, I think we've got three ideas here that are rich people related. But I think rich people are a pardon

of the pun, a rich vein for comedy. Yes. So I will take us through the sketch ideas, Andrew, if that's okay. I'd love that. It's okay with me. And so please welcome to the stage the sketch ideas. Open air gastric system for full horizontal society. Yeah. They couldn't fit. They couldn't fit in

you know in the shelves, the small towers. If you're lying down, the top of the stomach is just a lid and you don't need that lid if you're not shaking the pot. That's right. We're not moving around a lot. Imagine the roof, the ceiling, it's all screens. And if you keep the environment at body temperature, a very pleasant 37 degrees, it doesn't matter if you're losing heat through that open gut hole. That's right. That's absolutely right.

And you'll, I mean, in this world, this will kind of be a bit like the world where there's a monster that will get you if you smell, but the monster will be smell itself. The smell. That's gonna be. smell, but the monster will be smell itself, the smell in that building with everybody with the guts cut open, you know, that sort of pre-currently and post-digested food. But I think, you know, we shouldn't be ashamed of that kind of stuff. That's right. It's good to get that in the open. Then we have heat death quiz.

That's two people left in the universe and the in the in the heat death of the universe time. And it's just a guy quizzing stuff and the answers are just black holes and nothingness and nothingness of space vacuum. Then we got birth weak parrot. This is a new thing to give somebody when they're born, you give them their birth week parrot. And you tell them that's what the parrot you are. And they go, no, I'm not the parrot. It's just, but these are what these parrots are like. And they go, oh, well, I was born in this week and these parrots are like this.

And it's just a great way of learning more about parrots. Oh, well, I was born in this week and these parents are like this. It's just a great way of learning more about parents. Oh, yeah. Learn about stars by watching Scorpios. This is reverse astrology. You know, you could just watch how, you know, and then you just have a bunch of people looking at Pisces, people with a telescope as they go about their business. And it tells you what Jupiter's doing at the time. Is it in retrograde? sees people with a telescope as they go about their business. And it tells you what Jupiter's doing at the time.

Is it in retrograde? It's actually much cheaper. Yeah, much easier. You can do it all day long. You don't have to wait for nighttime. Exactly. Do those big telescopes that are on Earth? Do they work during the day?

It's a really good question. I suspect not as well. I suspect not as well. Because you're getting so much reflected light from the atmosphere and stuff. It's going to be hard. You could probably look at the moon. You know when it's out in the day. I hope so.

Be hard to look at when it's not. When it's not out. Yeah, when it's not out. I don't know if they can look at things through the earth. Anyway, when we got, if we give Be or suppressant, so that he feels pressured to give us a present, and we can hint that what we want

is for him to fix climate change. God, that'd be good. Come on, Jeff. We'll let you be the richest person forever. And if anybody gets even close to being richer than you, we'll kill them. Does he have kids? Hope so.

If not, we'll get him some kids. I was just wondering whether you know that those fortunes go in anywhere. I think he gave half of it to his wife when he got divorced. Yeah. Maybe not half. Decent chunk though, I reckon. Yeah, no, he's got four kids. They adopted them from China. Oh

One one daughter and Oh no one daughter who they adopted from China and then three sons Mm-hmm. Sometimes it's the only way to get a daughter That's right, and that's where you'd be at if you wanted another kid and you would need it, you desperately needed a daughter, you would have to adopt. I'm very similar to Jeff Bezos. You're very similar to Jeff Bezos. Three sons. Yeah, you're just 990 billion off. Then we've got how many pianos does Jeff Bezos have the podcast? I can't believe they got written down.

No, that's Andy. I'm happy. Don't get me wrong. I'm thrilled. Andy, that is a genuine, like, you could go out now and start making that as a podcast series because in itself, it's a mockery of all these investigation podcasts,

which is a big thing now. I do love to mock. You know, and that's that's what comedy is. It's a mock. All right. Although I did do mock trial in high school and it wasn't just making fun of the legal system. You can't smell horror movie. That's the scenario where there's a monster that gets you if you smell. And so you go out and you sort of go and get food. For some reason, they've kind of integrated your gas spiders. Hey, it could be the gas spiders. Yeah, because they can get in there. Because if you breathe in, they'll get into your nose. Yeah, and they'll

start eating. Yeah, you breathe in through your nose. And for some reason, yeah, something about your tongue somehow, I had this thought that maybe like their jaws and eating would work, like in motion would work through some kind of quantum entanglement, that they could move together, like from far away through this quantum entanglement. Anyway, I mean, you'd think that if quantum entanglement is a thing, there might be a creature that at one point evolves to be able to take advantage of that. You'd think that if you could do that,

that would be an advantage. It would be an advantage. Surely. You just need to figure out what the, well, I mean, we need to accidentally come across the biological sort of mechanism that would be able to cause that to happen. Well, let's not rule out the possibility that that's already taking place. There's a chance. Maybe that's what consciousness is. Yeah, perhaps, perhaps.

People say there's something special, and there's one guy's fear of consciousness, thinks that there's something special in the micro-tubials inside neurons. He thinks that there's something in that, that he thinks that some kind of quantum effect might be possible. Starting to sound like garbage, doesn't it? But I mean, yeah, I mean, I don't think it's got any kind of science behind there or anything like that, but he is a nannis

to test and he did appear in that what the bleep do we know. So. Oh, that's not a good sign. No, but I do know there is quite a famous physicist who's like in with him as like, you know, I'll, I'll, I'll go out and talk about this stuff with you. Anyway, um, then we got rich young zombies or young hot zombie, billionaires. And that's basically explains itself. Then we got Uber Rich Apocalypse Mad Max, but for wine. And finally we have first trillionaires hunting a billionaire. Yeah. That is it. That is it. That is it. That is it. That is it. That is it. That is what that is. That is what that is. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Two in the Think.

Thank God, I'm really glad we got it out there. Got it happened. And we'll see if Indy's computer can get it out. But if it can, then we are very happy that it's out and that we can finally get it into your ears. Thank you so much for listening. We are at Twitter at Two in tank also on Instagram at 2 in tank I'm at stupid old Andy and I'm at Alice to TV. We might actually have

magma up for sale in the next week or so It is a possibility at this point So maybe we'll very close to tantalizing. Yeah, so check our check our socials and things like that if that's if you that's something you're interested at all in. We think we're going to think about selling it for 10 Australian dollars, which is like seven or six US. Nothing.

Or in the UK, it's like it's a six pence I think. Nothing. In the UK, it's like it's a six pence, I think. That's a quarter fathom. I think it's like a quarter fathom. Well, like a like a, yeah, like three shillings and a chip. And a, and a bob. Yeah. Anyway.

And we, we, you can support us on Patreon for the if you want to if you love having a month off of giving us money This is the month And we love you this podcast is part of the planet broadcasting network visit planet broadcasting dot com for more podcasts from our great mates It's not optional. You have to do it. We used to go easy on it, but now you have to. Yeah. Yeah. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession resistant career and a rewarding field with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation.

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