Two In The Think Tank - 242 - "GOD PRANKS"

Episode Date: July 14, 2020

Lizard Brain Drain, Eel Man, Football Remix, Ball Fan, Emergency Travel, Man Boob Youth, God Pranks, Humminglord, Living BallHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereWide thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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this podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Click, click, click, click. 242 is the episode, go vote 242 is the episode. Today 242, are you episode? Click, click, click, click. 242 in this episode game. Hello. Welcome to 2 in the think tank. Episode 242 in the think tank.

And I am one of the 50%, the 250% that go into making up the 100% hosting team. You'll be enjoying this evening. You'll be presented with. And each one of my brain hemispheres are 25% of the 100%, not of the 50%, unless some processing does, but apparently potentially, happen in the body. Yes. So I'm leaving that open.

Yes, yes, correct. And you could consider that maybe the subconscious is itself a conscious entity. But trapped in the answer. River. Well, it's kind of trapped in there, but it communicates with you by occasionally Giving you the name of something you thought of you were trying to remember two days earlier. Hmm. I like the idea that it has its own agenda

You know that it's I'm sure it does. It's it's operating on a totally it has it has different priorities and You know, they're pretty wacky You know, they're pretty out there. You know, they're pretty out there. They wouldn't fit in a lot of corporate environments, sure. But, all right, this is a sketch idea, Alistair. It's a business. And they do things a little differently, okay? And you've probably heard of it.

You don't have to be crazy to work here. Yeah. No, this is the thing. But it's still an impediment. You do have to be crazy to work here, because one of the things that they do is that they rewire the brain. So because they prize innovation above all else, okay?

They're not they're not like other water surge treatment facility managing corporations, okay? They liked they are they are one of them and they do manage water waste treatment facilities, but their employees they like to they rewire the brain and they cut all the nerve endings and then they hotwire the left hemisphere of the brain into controlling that what would be otherwise controlled by the right hemisphere of the brain. So now the subconscious is a totally in charge of, I mean, I'm sure I'm wrong in suggesting

that the subconscious is in one half of the brain and the consciousness is in the other. Am I wrong at that? I think the two hemispheres are connected as well. Yeah. Well, not anymore. Now up until now the one that's been fully in charge of the body has now taken a back seat, okay, and now it's the unconscious brain, the subconscious that is fully in charge of all your decision-making. Are you deep? You're a deep platforming some of the hemispheres.

Exactly right. Yes, the conscious mind has been cancelled and it's had it too good for too long. It has a form of privilege. And now it's time for the, the, the voiceless to be given a voice. And that is, that's excellent. Maybe the brainstem were like that lizard brain part. Yes. Just there. Whatever it is, you're bringing the, you're bringing the subconscious to the forefront. That's always seemed like the person who was running the show anyway. Yeah, exactly. They were like the Steve, it's the Steve banner. It was behind the scenes, you know, whispering into the King's ear.

Yeah, all those primal urges, all those dark fears, but also those impossible flights of fancy. That's now, that is the way, that is our day to day bread and butter business model. We want all of that all the time, nine to five. And this company, Yes. This water treatment company is forcing people to do it to their brains.

Correct, that is, that is, well, it's because they do things a bit differently and they're sick of the same old Answers to the same old problems You know nothing's ever gonna get better if you keep doing things the same way and That's why they hide in this consultant and we think he was a consultant He shouted a lot and he smelt terrible and to be to say we hide him is wrong. He appeared one day in a sort of a green haze and

Recommended we do this and he was very compelling. I I think I think this this idea becomes clear if we do say that it is that primal Lizard brain Yes, and it's nice to I think this idea becomes clear if we do say that it is that primal lizard brain region of the other thing. Yes, and it's nice to picture what these people in business suits would look like and act like if they were controlled by a primal lizard thing. I guess they'd spend a lot of time hiding from the light and from fast moving shadows. But then occasionally they actually do have their board meetings out laying out on the pavers in the sun. There's a very literal lizard braid. Yeah. But also like, you know, and there's moments where they will shout and scare each other

and run. And when one runs, the others will follow. Is that natural herd instinct of the lizard? And there's just like, you know, something that feels bad, they'll just go, like that and they'll do something about it. Yeah. And they get results, not good results, but boy do they get results. They get more results than any other company. Again, not the traditional good what you would consider to be good results, but in terms of quantity of results, absolutely unparalleled as a. Absolutely. They get more results per square meter than any other office.

You can't argue with results. Certainly not of this volume. Yeah, that's great. You know what's great about water treatment? Yeah. Is the way that it just seems like they've gotten away with this idea that you can just have water treatment just out in the open just have a big old stinky

Thing that just happens in the later day There's no shade. Well, I I mean, I like that they they pass it off a lot of the time as wetlands and they encourage Birds and stuff to come and land in it, which feels cruel and like it would be illegal, if you were asking people to do that, but it's somehow okay for birds too. But do they go like, where do they go like? My parents have been bird spotting at the where it be waste water treatment facility. It's a mecca for these, some kinds of water birds. And it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's poop treatment.

It should be done underground. It should be done deep underground, you know, like the shameful process that it is. And yet, if it was, it would attract a different kind of bird. Yes. The deep, the deep, the burrowing eagle. The, I mean, you would think that a few pigeons that have likely been washed up into stormwater drains would, at some point point start a society under there? A society, yes, you would think that, wouldn't you,

of the pigeon? I mean, they are so like rats in so many ways. And we've seen the penguin adapt to living in water, an environment where one would not traditionally expect to see a bird, and I think that birds can do anything, they can do it all. So why wouldn't they do it? The idea of sewer pangs. The idea of sewer pangs.

Well, isn't that basically the penguin in Batman? Does he live in the sewers? I guess so, yeah. I hadn't bothered that. But let's think more about the sewer penguin. What? I mean, just the idea that, sorry, now I'm moving to the penguin from Batman, that that worked as a villain, that of all the ideas for villains, you know, and of course I'm basing this off a very sort of

Shallow knowledge of the penguin and I'm sure everybody who are big penguin fans are Ready to turn in their sort of living places that they lay of living places that they lay. Um. You know, and but like what a silly, he's silly, right? I mean, in the movie, he had a big yellow rubber duckie. Did he? He also had quite a pointy nose and sort of, I mean, he was, he was somebody who was physically deformed from birth, right? And I doubt that you could present that as a villainous behavior, right?

I think he's supposed to be like a rich guy. Really? The penguin. But why does he only have three fingers? Is that something that rich people have? It could be in breeding. You're right. So he's rich.

Yeah, okay. His name is Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepoth. That does sound rich. Yeah. Super villain. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. I don't know much about it. I think to to to really get to the depths of him. I would have to do some research come back to us. Do a little bit more research. I'll take that as a question on notice.

I'll have my people look into it and we'll we'll get to the bottom of this. I think Yeah, you're right here silly and I think as I think, yeah, you're right here, silly. And I think as, you know, it's a rarefied group of super villains that make it out of the general miasma, because there are so many villains in these comic books. It's a very few who then ascend to being made into a film, right, to make it into the movies. And you'd think that that would be the sort of selective process where something as weird as the penguin would not make it up you know he wouldn't he wouldn't be creamed off with your your jokers and your

your riddlers yeah I mean even riddler is pretty you know like I mean it's a bit silly I find the riddler very compelling I do find the red lacompa. Yes, especially in the Jim Carrey portrayal. He's so squirmy. I think Jim Carrey might be one of the squirmiest of all the human beings. The closest... He's only gotten squirmy here. He's the closest to a bunch of a yils tangled together that a human being has ever gotten, I believe. I think his mind has turned to a bunch of a yils. And somehow every bit of thing that comes out of his mouth

at the moment seems to also be a bunch of mental eels. I haven't, you think he's mentally ill? He's mentally ill. You don't have to be mentally ill to work here. Mentally ill. Very good. Is that a sketch though? Could that in some way?

To be mentally ill? That's our business here, the mentally ill. Yes. Well, I mean, let's think about it. In this TV show, Animorphs, there were the Zerg, and that was basically a slug that got into your brain and controlled your mind. So they were mentally slug. And I don't see any reason why it couldn't be a small eel.

The eel is a more developed creature than a slug, and therefore it's more plausible to me that they would be a capable of controlling a human body. And if they were controlling a human body, I strongly suspect that it would move a lot like Jim Carrey. So... suspect that it would move a lot like Jim Carey. So, you know what's great about them is that they can do a full-on peekaboo because like out of a cave, you know, they'll come out of a cave and they'll just, only their head will come out. You're right. You know, there's no, you don't see any arms, you don't see any arms or legs or anything like that. And that's the purist of the pekaboo's.

Is that right? And their mouth will be open. Yep. Like they've just told a joke. You're absolutely right, Elastair. They're... So what's this idea? So it's to pekaboo.

Eels. Eels that go into your brain and allow you to transform into animals. Is that what it was? I mean, I hope so. Look, I'll say, I'm not convinced that it's correct. What about a super villain who all their limbs are eels? You know, because this to me feels more plausible than a midusa type thing where your hair is snakes. Because that doesn't have an enormous utility. But if your legs were all eels or possibly all snakes, then I think you actually have like a probably some kind of an advantage over people. I mean, I think you could run in a very interesting way, but you could also slither. You could probably, like, if you could, like, you know,

this is a so we're I'm assuming that we're talking about sort of like an eel combiner. Right. You know, it's like a, you know, much in the way that those like fire ants can create a raft. that much in the way that those fire ants can create a raft, to float, combine together and create a raft, to float on top of water, a bunch of yields can adapt to a humanoid form by attaching together, which allows them to move on land. This is so good, Alistair, because this is the next thing, because what have we got?

We started with single-celled organisms, and then what did they evolve into multi-cellular organisms? And now, what's the next thing after that? Multi-multicellular organism organisms. Okay. And it's an organism that is made up of multiple multi-cellular organisms. We just need a group of eels to get together

and realize that if they are to form together into a human form, there's gonna be certain advantages that they are going to be able to get in that form, that they wouldn't be able to get if they were operating as individual eels. For example, they can now put on a trench coat and go into a movie. They can get an office job, sit down at a desk.

You don't have to be multiple eels to work here, but it helps. That's right. And I think they're slipperiness that would allow them to sort of like ice skate on regular land. You know, because they could, they could, you know, they could, they could, they could let out a bit of ooze at the front, but have a little kind of like dry patch that allows them to keep some friction. Yep. Or maybe they could use their teeth.

Um, as in like, you know, as instead of crampons or whatever. Well, they can probably open their jaw fully, like through a 180 degree, and then that would be quite a good surface to walk on in terms of grief. I was thinking that maybe that these would come about, you know, as we've kind of killed off most things in the sea, well, it feels like eels would be sort of around the last things

to survive. Yep. That jellyfish, and they probably don't have that much of a taste for jellyfish. And they're probably too moral to eat other eels. More I. Too moral. Yes. Yeah.

And so they adopted human nature. They need to come back, come up on to land. Yeah. And work together. And it, come up on to land. Yeah. And work together. And it'll be an emergent phenomena. Yep. Yep, you're absolutely right. I mean, and they don't have to be super smart,

at least not initially, because they could be doing any kind of sort of grunt work, any kind of office-based low-level stuff. They start out at the mail room. They could get them to do a lot of the mail room, I mean they'll get a fair bit of ooze on your letters. Maybe we could get them working in the email room. Yeah. Seren Seren

Seren Seren email room Well, hopefully. Great. Hopefully by then we will have set it up. Yeah, fantastic. I think an eel have set it up. Yeah, fantastic. I think an eel, an emergent eel individual is definitely a thing.

I would love to see this animated. I think it would look fantastic, especially when you get them in that trench coat. And you have a nice big 4A eel at the top there, poppin' their head out, pullin' that peek-aaboo thing. You know what I also feel is that for some reason I feel that as well as where it will be the head which will be one probably eel head. But maybe multiple, maybe two eel heads next to each other. And then in the spot above that it may be in between the two eel heads. I feel like there'll be a nest of baby eels in there that will kind of move around and

look a bit like a brain. Yeah, oh, great. That'll be very reassuring because I think if it was just an individual eel's face, you'd be like, yeah, but how do I know that this is like me mentally? But if I could see an exposed brain there, writhing and squirming, just like a human brain, I'd be very reassured. I think, oh.

But you're not so different. All the hands will be... What do you think all the hands will be, ill heads and the feet will be ill heads? Um, I mean, to be honest, I'd been picturing the tails at the extremities, and then the mouths are sort of holding on to the central portion to give it some structural integrity. But I think an eel head would be a very effective hand, a sort of clamping thing.

You could have another eel's mouth holding on, you know, multiple holding on to the tails so that you could have a good functioning, you could, you know, arm. But you could, you could also have, it's just be going to be grippier than a tail would do. You could have, though, at the end of like a fat eel, right, if the arm was a fat eel with its tail poking out, right? You could have at the end of that tail, five baby eels all clinging on and becoming the writhing fingers of the hand.

So I think, you know, or just a smaller genus of eel. And I think that is like, you know, like just a smaller genus of eel. And I think that is like, you know, like with a multicellular organism, you need the cells to specialize to play the different roles. Well, here we have the benefit of like, the eels are already specialized in the environment. So we just select our dream team of eels to assemble a humanoid form.

And, you know, again, they work together. And then maybe at the end of the day, they slither off, they go their separate ways. But then 9 a.m., another day, another dollar, they all squirm back together up out of the sewers, out of their various stagnant forms and reform for another day. Think about that as a villain. Think about that as a villain that you're chasing.

Right, you're chasing and you're, you know, you're a good guy most likely. I assume Andy, you would take the side of good and you're chasing it and it gets near the dark. Oh, no. And it's like, it's like, walks onto the pier at the edge of the pier and he says, good day, Mr. Matthews, like that.

And then just falls apart. Yes. And all the little bits, like the trench coat and maybe the detectives all fall onto the dock. But all the little bits of eel just fall into the water and separate. Squirm for the gaps in the pier. They disappear.

Disappear? No, disappear. This is disappear? gaps in the in the pier they disappear disappear no disappear this is this appear no this this is a disappear and then they disappear and then we get that perfect pun into the into the and that will be the climax of the the trilogy of films. Not many trilogies have the guts to climax on a pun, but I think they don't. It could happen. I mean, you know, people will go do a shaggy dog story, you know, and, you know, to end on a pun. But then, you know, the shaggy dog it doesn't have that much good content in it.

But to make an epic three movie series that is satisfying in itself, but is only there to serve the pun. God, that's something, that's art. That's dangerously close to art. Well, I mean, it's a new form of joke because what you're doing is you're throwing away those films as soon as you do the pun. Oh, Alistair, you're not just throwing away those films.

You're throwing away the millions of dollars. You're throwing away the budget. You're throwing away the hard work of so many good people. So many good people who poured their hearts and souls into those films. You're throwing away the good will of the fans. And to be honest, now that we've got to it, fucking good, you know. Well, that's what the joke has become. That's what the joke has become. And fuck fans, by the way. You know, like, I think it's okay to enjoy a movie. You're allowed to enjoy a movie. But as soon as you start to enjoy a franchise,

or the work of an actor, or the work of a director, God forbid, you've crossed a fucking line. And your opinion... Yeah. No longer matters. If you like anything other than an individual work of art, you've gone wrong. Do you think? Like because that's where the problems come in. Right? If you like several individual percassos, I think that's fine,

but if you like percassos, you're a problematic individual. You're allowed to like all of Bob Dylan's songs individually, but never you're not allowed to be a fan of Bob Dylan. So then, so your canceled or your? Well, I'm going to re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re separating the art from the artist. I understand, because I mean, really what this is a reaction to is that you're angry with other people getting angry. Yes, I'm furious about that. And so, really, because that's what you're angry with. You're not angry with people being fans of things. And it's hard, as soon as you bring in this argument,

this argument that it's like, well, people just gotta do what they gotta do just to feel good sometimes. Mm. And then you go, I guess being a fan's not so bad. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. But, but I do think that like as soon as people as support, as soon as people support any individual, it just gets all mucky, doesn't it? All mucky politics, sport, anything. As soon as you start attaching stuff to the person, you're not allowed to like a sport player, you're not allowed to like a sports team. All you can do is appreciate individual

moments where a part of a human body comes into contact with the ball and that is all You're allowed to like individual kicks. Yes individual kicks And even then it's about the the moment of impact between the foot and Even then, it's about the moment of impact between the foot and the ball and not the legal who it's attached to. So you can enjoy a person's influence on the world, but you can't enjoy them. Yes, yes, absolutely. I'd prefer that you didn't... If I was a sports fan and I'm not, right?

But this, if I was a sports fan, what I would have on my computer is edited highlights of, of just feet kicking balls, okay? And then... You don't care what the ball does, it's just the kick. the ball does, it's just the kick. Well, I can, you know, I'll include some of the flight of the ball. Sure. That's important for context to explain why I found the kick so satisfying. And I guess also just to see whether or not it hits somebody else and that kick might be interesting.

That also might be interesting. I mean, you know, you might get several kicks in a row that you think are all good kicks, but I'm never going to watch a full game. I'm never, I'm, but I will be able to point you to time stamps within games of moments that I think are good and that the sum total of that, those is my appreciation for the sport. Do you think that maybe, maybe this actually would be way more work than just watching Sport and being into it. Well, you got to do work, you know, and I think that would be I think that makes my fanhood more valid If I'm actually doing work rather than just sitting back and passively. I'm curating a passively, I'm curating a, you know, a piece of my own really. Sure.

Do you think that this investment, if people were to go this way, doing this investment in fandom is going to make people less invested in, in sort of people and stuff like that, or more invested in sort of more angry at various things. Well, I think everyone will be so confused and so busy editing that they won't really have an opportunity to get angry, except maybe with themselves and the path they've chosen, all their computers or something like that. Yeah, no, I think you're right then. All right. How is this sketch?

This is sketch. Well, I think this individual is themselves, this is the character piece, and this is somebody who is trying to take the politics and the personalities out of sport by just making it about the moments of impact because that's all they ultimately are. And this is maybe a slightly separate idea,

but I'd like to put this forward as well. And this is remixing sport and sampling sport as you would a musical, sport and sampling sport as you would a musical, a musical song, you know, that you could take. To make your own games. You make your own games, exactly. You assemble games. That's why they're always wearing the same uniforms

and playing on very similar colored grass. It makes it easier to cut out this kick here and this bit there and this mark. Right, and you can attach now this kick to this mark and you could put together, hopefully a more a remix of the various grand finals or an entire season, edit them down to one good game. There can't be that many good games in a season, okay? But I reckon there's enough stuff in there to put together one really, really good game. I mean, what you've probably invented

is the highlights real, but. But. But. But what we could say is that we go, it's a reimagining of a 90 minute game as a three minute game. Yeah, or if it's co-hearing logical. Exactly. Exactly. You know, and maybe not even the kind of sense that you would expect from that format of game, you know, whether

it be at AFL, soccer, cricket, whatever it is, maybe it doesn't make sense in the terms of that original game, but it makes its own kind of internal sense. And then you're really creating something new. I think that the true mavericks of this form will be able to bring in a really good goal save from some underwater hockey and still make that work in the context of what is otherwise edited down mixed martial arts But you're saying some you're intertwining Sports as well not just like one sport and one match Well, that I was just putting that as a coder there at the end there that I think the the best people at this kind of stuff

We'll be able to make that kind of thing work. That'll still be able to assemble a coherent game that's satisfying. Like a good song, good DJ mixed song would be satisfying. And what about this this fandom sort of idea? Is there anything in there? How is this? How are we pitching this idea of somebody fixing fandom by just making everybody so busy with their fandom that they can write angry messages at women online. Um, yeah, I mean, the making them so busy thing is a fairly boring, boring place for it to

go, I suppose. I think somebody who though is a fan of a sport, but trying to, but not a fan of any teams or any individuals, but just a really big fan of the sport. Okay, let's get to the fan of the ball. Yes, that's what it is. A little pee for the ball. The ball never loses. You follow the path of the ball. I like the way that the ball hits some of the players. Yeah.

I like the way that the ball hits some of the players. Yeah. I mean, I wonder what it would be like to have a, in a future where the ball is a sentient thing and has some agency of its own. You know, I mean, I guess that's quidditch, isn't it? You know, those, I think those balls kind of fly around and, but I mean, I think, you know, I think people ask me

what my football team is, but I could just say, I just like the ball. I just like the ball, I feel like it was just like the ball. I mean, by making the ball in AFL, that sort of oval shape. It almost is like it has a life of its own and it can bounce in unexpected directions and that sort of thing. And that gives it an agency in the game where if the ball, you know, tricks enough people with an unlucky bounce or something like that. It starts to feel like the ball could does have some good games, some bad games.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like a 27th player or whatever. I mean, this would be so good if you could do this. If you could find enough shots of a field where the camera is focused on the ball but no players are in shot. And you could edit, you know, the ball comes down to bounces on the ground or flies through the air and you could edit together an entire game of AFL where you don't see an single player. And it's just the ball, you know, in the air,

coming down bouncing on the ground, then another shot of it. You know, you see it bounce up again, and then you cut to another shot of it in the air, and then down on the ground again, and bouncing all around the field, scoring goals. You know, you never have to see a single player. The worst part of sport. I mean, this would have to be the work of a lifetime.

Of course, it would take a lifetime just to find all those shots where there's no players in it. Yeah, but I think you could do it. I think you could do it. You might have to fiddle around a little bit with the speed of some of the footage and you might be going back to some like early black and white games or something as well to be able to get it all together. They might have to recolorize those. I think you know that they just give that gives the ball you know a sense of age.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And you when you see it, how long has this game been going for? Mm-hmm. Take me out to the ball game and that's all I want to see. The ball, a ball game. So again, what is the sketch here? This is.

I mean, I don't, I don't, is, I mean, I'm just going to write down Guy who's a fan of the ball. Okay, great. Sports fan. That's what I need to hear. Okay. And you, you feel like you've, you've put a little bow on it for me there. And for the listeners. And there's something that they can look quite you know it's just kind of a it's just a hard one to to frame and so if it's a little character piece on some guy who believes something weird but I think maybe you it's because you you were backtracking on this whole you know when you got really angry at the idea of somebody being a fan of something, and then you were like, I don't want to revisit this and see whether it was. You know, probably some people listening like things.

No, I wasn't uncomfortable about that at all. I'm very happy to say that anybody who likes things is scum. And especially people who like this. Oh my gosh. You know, I'm practicing, I'm practicing what I preach here, Alistair. You know, I think I'm giving the fans of two in the think tank a gift of no longer, I'm trying to break them off, liking this podcast.

Is this my key to a job the more often? You're giving them the opportunity to be free. If you love someone, set them free, is that the thing? Exactly. If you love someone, drive them away. That's the saying, isn't it? If you love someone. So to crowbar them off you like a like a abalone stuck on a rock.

Yes, correct. Have I told you? In every, almost every interview we do and we know that we've done many interviews, but you always say like one thing where you're like, I shouldn't have said that. I definitely, I mean, yeah, it's true. I definitely... I mean, yeah, it's true.

And I find... There was something where we were interviewing somebody for this science thing that we were doing, which is something that you are very... You told me the other day, in honestness, that you were like, you're like, this is genuinely I think probably the thing, you know, the ideal thing I would like to do, but in an interview with this person who was gonna be a science person who was potentially gonna be on the show, you went, you know, it's a science quiz show

that we're, you know, that we're really interested in, or at least, you know, we're saying that we're interested in for the sake of getting this show. I'm like, did I say that? Did I say that? Did I say that? Something to that effect to somebody who... Oh my God. Oh, oh, I lost air. I mean, that was one that even got past me. Sometimes there's a gap. There's a gap, even a gap between

my words were that I feel that I have to feel. And it makes me uncomfortable. And I'll just fill it with anything. You're grabbing old rags. It's like a ship that's taking on water. And you don't have time to think about what you're stuffing into the hole, okay? And it might be one of your babies. It might be a priceless water color painting.

And then- Oh, now the paint will run. That'd be a priceless watercolour painting. You know, and then... Oh, now the paint will run. Exactly. It was a really bad choice. Um... Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of

growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time. Mycomputercareer.edu. Let's say you are on a boat thinking boat right now. What would you do? What would I do? I mean, I feel like most three kilometers away from land. Three kilometers away from land. Well, this is an interesting point is the water cold

You know are we in are we in cold water? Are we in tropical climbs? No, let's just say you're in completely survivable water But it is saltwater Okay, and there are sharks I guess but I think the open ocean Is is a bit like a desert so I don't know I don't know if it's super busy. Yeah, right. Okay. I mean, I do think that all you really need then is one buoyant object.

And you can take your time paddling to shore. Like three Ks, that's doable if you take your time. I mean, if it's rough. I don't know. It could be rough, but it gets much more rough once you get closer to the actual shore. Yeah. You know, this is rare that waves are breaking right

in the middle of the water. I mean, I don't know, like what I'm uncomfortable about is any kind of inflatable life raft type situation that you're expected to, like, I'm okay with a fixed boat. You know, like on the Titanic, they had boats that were actual boats, and they seemed like they did pretty well. But anytime when you've got to inflate something, you've got to turn something that isn't currently a boat into a boat in order to escape, it feels like a huge barrier. And there are so many things that could go wrong. Wouldn't you just say a second ago if you just had anything buoyant so you're okay with

like a broken chair but not like an inflatable raft? Yes, correct. Well, I don't have a problem with an inflated raft. I think it's the inflatable nature. But most of these, I've never seen one in person, but it seems like you're pulling something and they inflate rather than like you have to go... Are you doing it by lung?

Like when you're trying to blow up like a kitty pool or something and they got that tiny little nozzle that you got to squeeze and then also blow into and there's a lot of saliva and stuff going in there. You got to bite, you got to bite it. It was a great system that they invented there wasn't it. Now in order to make the air go in easier you're going to have to sort of make it more shallow and less narrow the narrow the airway and make it illogical. So is there a scenario where we can have a a life raft situation

where somebody has to blow it up using one of that. Like it's a huge, you know, it's a good, good, high, full-size life raft, but then you do have to blow it up by mouth with that little, that tiny little transparent nozzle that you've got to squeeze. Whilst in water? Well, maybe your ship is sinking while you're trying to do this. You've got other people gathering around, offering advice on blowing it up. Oh, there's another one over here. You know, sometimes there's two nozzles for different sections. Sure. Is

there anything? Well, it's something, it feels like something I would have seen in an old cartoon. But yeah, you're wrong. Yeah, I think a thing that you've got to, I mean, it's bites nature very slow and tedious. I mean, a life raft that inflates, and then it is sort of like a jumping castle kind of thing or or it has different inflatable bits like a big big giraffe's neck or something like that. But it's just like the idea of floating around on the ocean on a big one of those big jumping

castles. But what is this? What is that? Is this a way of getting rid of children? Is it a, you know, like, I guess, you know, modern societies instead of sort of like pushing an elderly person out on a block of ice like the Inuits, you know, maybe societies become too difficult when we push out our children and not to see on a jumping castle and they'll be fine for a fair while you put a plate of wedges on there and some chicken

nuggies. Yeah, yeah, and they've bounced around they're having a great time. Yeah. Maybe I wonder also about a transport company, like airplanes. They have the option of these big inflatable rafts that you only use in emergencies and it seems crazy that they're just sitting around there just for use in emergencies. What about a travel company where you do the whole thing in the life raft? You know, you're already in the life raft, you don't have to worry about the plane coming down, climbing into it in an emergency. You're already in the emergency.

You're already in there. That's what the trip is. The trip is an emergency. The trip is an emergency. We have a model of a life raft. I mean, this is actually quite... This could be the new escape room. We have a model of an aeroplane, a sinking aeroplane, in the ocean, right? Yeah. And, you know, that's, but that's just the starting point. Okay, you disembark onto your life rafts as the plane gurgles down under the ocean. And that's on a hydraulic ramp.

They just hoist it back up again for the next group of passengers. Well, I mean, I would genuinely want to do this trip. Like, let's say, let's say you just get in a plane. It's at the airport, but it's an airport right by the coast. This could be great for airlines that are not doing so well. Like it's a whole plane. And then you get on, you sit on there for maybe eight hours or whatever you get to watch you sit on there for, you know, maybe eight hours or whatever you

get to watch some movies. It's simulace. It's the whole thing. And then in that time, they're actually just driving it into the sea. And then at some point they go, oh no, emergency. And they shake it a bit. You know, well, look at it. And then you have to jump out of the thing. That's the

main part is you just want to jump out of the thing. I mean, I, I, well, I love to think, you know, we keep getting these pre-flight briefings about like count the number of seats to the, to get to the exit. And, you know, would you be able to open this door in the event of emergency, but you never get to open the door. Do you? And you never get to see how well you would be able to scramble over the bodies of the screaming, you know, passengers. If you would be able to fight your way to the door, you know, gouging and scratching. That's traveling. Traveling over the bodies of the bodies of your flight colleagues.

And I just, and it looks fun going down that big inflatable slide that you have to take off your stilettos, and you're not allowed to take your baggage. You know, I want, well, firstly, I want to see if I could get out with my baggage. I'd do it on extra difficulty, extra level of difficulty. I would take my suitcase with me, just to prove it could be done. But of course, yeah. I think this type of escape room is very good.

And then you do get to spend three weeks floating in a life raft, eating whatever rations are there, and maybe eating a dead passenger. But they're not a real passenger. They have bits of pig. Some passengers that are just made of meat. Yes. That's one who, you know, they can kind of keep it animated for enough,

you know, or using a sort of like weekend and Bernie style sort of thing for a while. Yeah. But there's also this element of like, you know, because it's a trip. So it's like a, it's like an organization like, you know, contique here whatever, but fancy. And so in a way, there's this body and the hostesses and the hostesses, host emphasis are sort of, you know, putting this whole thing on, making these dead people look alive, these, you know, people who are actually food,

making them look alive, we can a Bernie star, but then it's actually quite a nice meal in there. It'll be like, you know, people who are actually food, making them look alive, we can a Bernie star, but then it's actually quite a nice meal in there. It'll be like, you know, all this, you're on the calf, it'll be like pulled pork and, you know, and you'll eat the tubes of guts and stuff like that. And that will be, you know. It's a premium holiday from hell, you know?

Exactly. Everything goes wrong, but it's don't worry. The piss that you're drinking is actually champagne. It's kind of, it could be, it could also be something like a bit like the that Michael Douglas movie, The Game, where what it is is you book a trip to Fiji, okay? And all they guarantee is that they will get you to Fiji. And then you never know when it's going to happen and what path it's going to take, what twists and turns, what nightmares you're going to encounter. But you, you know, so you do, you know, get abducted and then dumped into the ocean and then, you know, rescued by a fishing boat and then you board a tanker and you have to kill the captain.

And then the boat runs aground and feeds you. You can feed you. What an adventure. Absolutely. But all luxury luxury. That's right. Luxury disaster experiences. The VIP you holiday from hell. Yeah, because that's the thing is that like you have to kill the, you know, the captain of the barge or whatever, but's always like oh and you know you always just happen to find

a sort of a you know a fish gutting knife just by the door right before you go in and you go oh yeah I've got to kill this guy yeah and you all kind of worked out so that you can do it relatively easily. Yeah. I mean, I suspect this is a thing that happens. I mean, it is the place that escape rooms have to go. I think if they're going to stay competitive. Oh, yeah. I mean, escape rooms. That's the only problem with them is that they're in small rooms. Where is we need stuff that's kind of more out in the open now.

Has there been a movie called Escape Room? I mean, I assume there definitely has. I see, so I don't know, but I. You never know, you know, you blur the lines of like whether or not you're in the room anymore and things keep weird things keep happening. I mean, you know, basically is the movie the game I suppose. But I mean there's a film called a skateboard room. Right. There's one from 2017 called a skateboard room another one from 2017 called

the skateboard room. But has this been done? 2019's another one that's been done. It's a 19 called Escape Room. Yeah, okay. It's one of 2021 coming up called Escape Room 2. There's one from 2010 called the Escape Room. So that's different. Oh, okay, that does that. It's one from 2018 called Escape Room Proof Concept. Cool.

Well, I think I still feel like there's probably plenty of pulled pork on that bone and yeah, and there's one here called no escape room. Wow. Yeah, that's real twist. Yeah, but I mean, I felt like that's that was the subtext of a lot of probably of all the others anyway. Subtext in the text and that's what I really respect. Let's see, one, two, three, four, five. Andy, we've got five ideas. That is good news.

So then we're going to have to go to three words from a listener, Andy. I don't know if you know about this. We have listeners or we did it at least until you pushed them away in this episode. Yeah. And we and and some of them can support us on Patreon and those who support us for the the King's Year, which is a three dollar a month thing, which this month, by the way, all of July is free. For anybody who wants to sign up. Get on. And just we've just called that content in there. And then cancel your subscription by the end of the month and you go to all the free. You can do that if you if you want to, but if you want to support, you can keep supporting as well. Anyway, this this months

this week's listener is a Tessa Stickland. Tessa, hello. Thank you so much for supporting us for so long. Hello, Tessa. And Tessa, thank you for living in Melbourne, and I believe I remember seeing you at Magma. So thanks for that. Thank you very much. That was when this is a year and a bit ago. And also, Magma's going to be out probably this coming week that are recorded filmed version although very exciting all right so test this three words and

did you want to try and guess what they are or what one of them is wigwom wigwom Wigwam. Wigwam. Very good guess. Unfortunately incorrect, but the three words are despondent, mythic, and nectar. What was the middle one? Mythic. Mythic, mythic, like a great God, kind of mythical mythic. Yeah, mythic. Yeah, all right.

What does despondent. What does this respondent mean again? Dispondent means that you're sort of a bit hopeless. Like you've given up to a certain extent. And mythic nectar. I mean, mythic nectar does make me think of how like the food of the gods, right? Is, is, is nectar, no, the, the drink of the gods is nectar.

And the food of the gods is ambrosia, maybe, or possibly the other way around. I'm not sure which is which, and they, it makes me think that the gods probably, if they drink nectar, are probably hummingbirds, or probably very, you know, would have a, it's like, that's a high GI, quick energy release type food to be eating, as it could.

It's true, you get that sugar crash. Yeah. And they would be constantly hovering from cloud to cloud or flower to flower. Which makes sense how they stay up there. Yeah. And they probably all have some sort of they'd have health complications, diabetes and that kind of thing. I keep thinking about, you know, for some reason, despondent mythic nectar makes me think

of a guy who has sort of long droopy man boobs, but they they lactate something very powerful, but he yeah, like, you know, it might be a kind of like a healing nectar of some sort, you know, something like, you know, like that, you know, slows aging or, you know, a bit like the effect of what, you know, brushing the hair of Rapunzel did for that lady's soul here and put her in the tower. But this person doesn't take care of themselves. They're kind of, they're alone, they live alone, they go out, people just see this like these wet patches on their dirty shirt. It's a kind of what if God was one of us sort of scenario, you know, it's like he's this person they consider him, you know, he smells wet, you know.

But do people know that suckling on his man teats gives, you know, is essentially the fountain of youth does, does restore their youth. And do they, even though they find this person disgusting, come to him in the, in the dark of night. And, you know, grubbly, suck away. It is, it is horrid. I mean, I think a big, I think a big part of the, the message of this thing is that people no longer believe in magic, you know? And that's what people are not willing to believe that sucking on this man's nipples will

make them young again. Even though he tells them, he tells them he shouts it in the street, but I've lost the spark. It's one of those videos that makes you feel bad for having a relatively sort of, you know, mind that requires any kind of evidence or... Yeah. Well, it could also be one of those videos that's like, you know, when you see someone playing a violin in a subway station and nobody stops to listen and then you reveal that they're actually the world's greatest violin player. And then, and this is a similar video where we see a man standing shirtless in a, you know, in the opening of an alleyway,

squeezing juice out of his nipples that passes by and everyone's disgusted and scuttling away and calling the police. And then we reveal that actually that man was God and his nipples can make you young again. And it makes everybody think about how they judge. How they judge people, you know, they got sprayed a little bit as they were walking by and they spattered him and they said, you fucking disgusting. Yeah. But then they had to go home and realize that the problem was with them.

I mean, what a great coup it would be. And have we already pitched this on the show, but a prank show, but it's God doing the pranks. Like how perfect would that be? I mean, it feels like this is something that the ancient Greek gods would be into because they were always disguising themselves as bulls or swans or something like that, you know, turning themselves into a spider. And if we all we need is one God and you could make the best prank show of all time. I think you're right. You just need like one God. It just doesn't even have to be a good God. You're right. Yeah. Exactly. Whatever God powers they have will work with that and we'll make a fucking compelling

half-hour of TV presented by Mike Whitney. Like imagine like you know being able to be like God and then be like in a train station and disguise God as like a pylon. Yes. Like just a regular train pylon and as somebody goes to lean on it just shifts a bit. They fall. they look at this pylon, they knock on it, regular pylon. Yeah, and then they go lean on again, shifts a bit, falls, and then it transforms into the living figure of God who stands above them in multi-hued iridescent form, hair flowing, eyes, deep chasms to infinity. A mouth open in a scream of such blissful power that this person's brain melts and they feel like such an idiot. They themselves turn to stone, looking at them. They become the pylon.

What a prank. Prank, God's pranks. God's pranks. God's prank show. And one, where we use facial prosthetics to make him look like a really old grandma and then get him to play basketball. Yeah, and also all the times that he teaches people lessons about life, you know, because he has a

plan. Yeah. You know, he makes them have something, you know, have their dog be born with a deformity. Yeah, right. You know, their, their dog gives birth to all deformed puppies. Yeah. And then God bursts in. Ha ha ha ha. Wow. That's beautiful. Thanks Tessa, I hope that's what you are looking for. Yeah. There's a few options there and I look forward to exploring every single one of them since you get a God on the payroll. God's or I forgot that God's are hummingbirds, sorry. Oh, you're running that down as well, that's great. Yeah, I don't know, I don't know how I do it. And I'm gonna take us through the sketch ideas. Okay.

Well, we've got this water treatment company that makes everybody use their lizard brain as their frontal set of consciousness brain. Yes. They get rid of the two hemispheres. They're going back and they're bringing forward the subconscious. And this is because of innovation. And this is their edge. This is why they're so successful.

And the various ways in which that would manifest, I'm not sure. Yeah, of course. The various ways. Well, I'm sure they'd be good when we find them. Well, then the next sketch is we've got eel combiners. Right? Now, you know of the single cell organism. You know of multi-cellul organisms.

Well, these are multi-multicell organisms. These are a new emergent phenomena when you know, multiple creatures have come together to create one creature so that they can, you know, strive on Earth. And maybe it's how they would take over from the humans. It's bound to happen at some point. We're gonna get, we're gonna get, not tough, but. I do have seeing a body that's fully, fully, everything's as flexible as an eel.

Every component of it, is an eel. It's gonna look so. Even different bits of an eel are themselves made of eels. What you've realized is all those bits that you think are eels, they're actually made of smaller eels. They're actually made of smaller eels. Let me go. It's a fractal eel. We've got football remix. You know, we're editing down games. We're, you know, we're changing the rules all through the power of editing. It's a pleasure.

He's making one, we're assembling one game out of many It can be that yeah, it could be you know, I Feel like once once you are creating you could create a new game out of the film game You can make a new sport Yes, yes exactly the sport could just be going getting on the bench and off the bench Yes, exactly. The sport could just be going getting on the bench and off the bench. Whoever gets the most people off the bench. Yeah, they win.

Ah, but this guy went off the field, and this guy went on. Well, they don't win a point. Anyway, we've got... Getting red cards. We've got a sports fan who's a fan of the ball. That's his main thing. He's not really in it for the team, the competitiveness of it that he just likes. Does he go to sports games dressed as a ball? Yes.

Good. I'm glad. Yeah. Although he doesn't really like how they mistreat the ball. Anyway, maybe. The plain emergency, we've got these luxury disaster travel where you just, you're going to trip. It's a very nice trip, but you're doing it for to go through like a disaster. I also like that idea that, you know, yeah, trying to get off. I'd love to go down that slide.

It's mostly about that slide. But then also what it would be like to just be floating on a raft for. Would this be a good AF April Falls prank for the AFL to do? Announce that by through genetic engineering, they have been able to like, you know, we don't want to change the game too radically, but through genetic engineering, we have managed to make a a football that can feel pain and will scream when kicked. Everything else about the game remains the same,

but we think that this is what's needed to take the game into the 21st century Of all the screams a ball that can feel actual pain. Oh, yeah, so actually does feel pain. Yeah, I feel pain. Yeah Can it scream? Does it have a mouth? Yeah, it can scream. Yeah, and can it bite you when you But does it not have teeth? No, doesn't have any way to Fight back. But are you giving it a mouth? Yeah, yeah, a little tiny one that you inflate it, that little hole that you inflate it with. Okay, so you know your foot can't get stuck in the screaming mouth? No, no. And if you block the if you block the screaming hole, it'll die. Just the buck in the ball no longer breath. Yeah, it'll die.

screaming hall. It'll die. Just the book in the ball no longer breath. Yeah, it'll die. Okay. I'm sure living, I'm going to write down living ball. Yeah, great. Living ball or ball that can feel pain. Just a little April falls idea. I mean, look, I think it's a good good idea especially maybe for this guy who is a sports

fan of the ball. Yeah. That he could make a ball that feels pain so that to teach them a lesson on what they're doing to the ball. Yeah but it just makes people like the game more. Wait I can't quite hear you now. Oh, sorry. Can you hear me now? It's a little bit bad. Oh, I'm sorry. We should wrap this up, El. Oh yeah, let's wrap it up. Alright, I'll do the last ones. We got man boobs with a lecture of youth that everybody ignores to their detriment.

Mmm. We've got God's prank show. I think that's really good. the lecture of youth that everybody ignores to their detriment. We've got God's prank show. I think that's really good. I think that actually could just be a full, you could literally pitch that to like a comedy central. Gods are hummingbirds, and we've got living ball, ball that feels pain. Andy, it's been a pleasure pleasure and a joy and an honor Thank you very much this is

I'm just calling Andy back because our phone call really kind of dropped out. But basically I'm just saying goodbye to everybody. I'm really glad. Thank you for doing the honors. Sorry that this got a little technically dodgy towards the end of this podcast. But God, it's a pleasure having you listen to this. It's a pleasure. I really mean that.

Yeah. And this is the only valid form of fanhood. So this is what you're believing. Thank you very much. You're doing it right. You can find us. Thank you so much. You can find us on Twitter at two in tank on Instagram at two in tank.

I'm at Alice at TB. I'm at Superold Andy. You can support us on Patreon. Yes, you can. We love you. Thank you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit Planet Broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

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