Two In The Think Tank - 243 - "BUTT HUT"

Episode Date: July 21, 2020

Get Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaBuzzy Vom, First Date Fly Ride, Bring Them Back Alive Somehow, Spec Elvis, Meditations On series, Turkey Evolution, ButHut, Bag's One reath.Hey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereDeep thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. Boom boom boom boom boom I forgot Andy Forgot we were doing an ad for the our show that we've released The era the advertisers are not gonna be happy with this Alistair and I know because I am one of them and I am most ticked off Read the copy Andy just take the copy This episode is brought to you by Magma. Magma, yes, magma, that glorious liquid.

And also, the show that Alistair and I performed at the 2019 Comedy Festival back when such things were possible. And now it has been recorded in indelible digital and presented online on the internet for your eyes and ears upon to feast. On your for your very consumption. Yes, this is our speculative engineering fiction show. Not many people are doing engineering fiction. And we spotted a gap. Nobody are doing it. Yeah. we surfered ourselves into that gap in the market. Everybody's doing science fiction but nobody's applying that science. Applied science fiction. Yeah. So that's

what engineering fiction is. Apply sci-fi. Exactly, and so it is now available for 10 Australian dollars, which is almost nothing in everything other dollars. You're right. The exchange rate, it works in your favor, but we still get one unit of joy every time this is purchased,

regardless of which Fiskely glorious continent or country you purchase said video experience from you're looking at an hour of premium quality Recorded live at stupid old studios and what by live. I mean, you know recorded in the sense that everything is recorded live Yeah, and you can get it from s os presents.com. Ford slash something. Magma board sash magma. But if you go to just the link, the link will be below in the in the show notes. But if you go to s os presents.com, you will be able to find it there.

Correct. Go to your computer or mobile phone. And from there, so we're giving directions here, okay? And then you just make this purposefully long-winded. We go, we put this at the beginning of the show so that everybody would hear it, but we're going to make it so long-winded that no one will be able to get through the ad. We're going to make it so long that it bleeds into the last five minutes of the show where everybody's already tuned out.

It's going to be a feature-length advertisement. Are there any of those? We'll find out when we discuss that as a potential sketch idea in the pod proper, which show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I am Andy. And I am Alistair George William, indigestion, Trombley virtual. Oh yeah. Is that your third middle name?

Indigestion is my third middle name. Yeah, it's the most middle one. Are you actually not in a fantastic way? Gastro-intestinely speaking? I mean, look, since isolation has happened, Andy, I've, you know, as you know, I haven't been drinking during this time, but I have been substituting that with oil. And oil and all sorts of various foods. And so I get a high rate of indigestion. Well, there are two ways in which drinking can be turned in, there are two ways in which drinking can affect your body, positively and negatively. Negatively for the vast majority of people, where drinking is a thing that they do in addition to

their existing lifestyle. But it can affect your body positively. If you are drinking as an alternative to the utterly vile things you were otherwise subjecting said body to and this is part of my one step program. Where is? Do you have such a reward? Oh, the pace suggests you have an idea. You have such an appalling diet that when you instead take up drinking, your body is so relieved,

it unlocks an additional two years of life to be enjoyed at the end of your existing life. That's pretty cool. I guess the world is a little bit like a video game like that in that if you if we can unlock the thing that has trapped aging in as a function of our bodies then we can probably live longer and it's and there's a key there's a key out there It's not it's not like a it's not like a golden key that's sitting under a pillow.

No, it might be. It might be. But what more likely to be is that it's a chemical that we can put in our bodies that can go in, we can rewrite some aspect of our genes or switch a gene off. And it's a key. You've got to make in a lab with some liquid and you've got to put it in a beaker and you've got to swirl it around and look through it. Make sure that there's no lumps, no splash back.

Is that what they're looking for? When I swirl it around, I look in there. There you go. It's dark. They're looking for when they swirl it around they look in there Sure, he flakes flakes left over from that spanner cup I was eating at lunchtime That may have been washed but a backwash in there When liquid was running between my teeth. Is it true that scientists take a sip of everything in the lab? I never I never have anything in the lab that I haven't sipped. It's just one of the lab rules.

The scientific process is a digestive process. Yes. You actually have to break it down with the body. You actually have to break it down with the body. Because they weren't sure that all brain processing occurs in the brain on mental process. Have we already discussed on the podcast? The idea that obviously as depicted in the movie The Fly, fly is vomit up some digestive fluid onto something that they're going to eat, some stomach acid or whatever.

And then they eat the sort of the pre-digested already vomit, basically. Have we discussed the possibility of introducing that as an additional culinary option for human beings? Because at the moment we have the blender. The fly vomit? Well, we have the blender, which does the massication, the chewing part. So in a way, the digestive system is already externalized to a certain extent.

Even cooking is an external legislation of the digestive process, because it begins to break down some of those complex proteins. But what about just a little spritz bottle that you can take with you that contains a certain amount of stomach acid? Or fly vomit? Or fly, or yes indeed. Straight up fly vomit in a little spritz bottle that you can, you're sitting at the cafe with your friends, you can just give a little squirt onto the meal beforehand. And this just gets the jump on some of the otherwise tedious process of enjoying food.

Because enjoying one of the most truly objectively enjoyable things that there is. One of the few only objectively enjoyable things right And and any this is you know why I love this is because You could sell this in health food shops, right? because It's from nature. It's all natural Right all you've done is bottled bottled it Because it's from nature, it's all natural, right?

All you've done is bottled it. Well, and you could say you've got it at perfect, fly temperature and you snap, froze it at that temperature while it was, which is, have I right say that you froze in the temperature? It's in the temperature. Yes, snap frozen to preserve its original temperature. Yeah. Yeah, wow. I love that as a feature of this product Yeah, which is turd hot hard hot. Just defrost it, just defrost it and it'll be turd hot. Yeah. Allow it to thaw. And I mean technically you as soon as you consume it and it gets into your gut, it will be turd hot. Yeah. That's true. That is another way to look at the digestive process as the human body is a system

for getting food to turd temperature. Then you can say the body uses a lot of energy, digesting food, right? Don't you want to have more energy? Well then, start digesting it before you've eaten it. Yeah. Now, uh... With fly vomit. I think, I mean, it would be tragic seeing the rows upon rows of cages where tiny shackled flies have their stomachs pumped over and over again and milked essentially to extract their stomach acids. But... Well, what we actually do, what this is how we would get it from them.

Sorry, were you heading to something? No, no, I wasn't. This is how, you know, okay, no, I don't know if you've ever been into an Asian restaurant. But occasionally, they have those little plates of food that are not real. Yes. Right? plates of food that are not real. Yes. Right. And I've seen those little plates of food that are not real, be made very small. This is, this is how you collect the fly vomit. Yeah. You put those in the cage with them. Right. The fly seems interested.

Finally, you'll feel that it's been sized proportional to me. For me, like that, they go over it, they walk on it a little bit, right? And then they vomit on it. That's when our fingers come back in the cage and pull the meal away. Before the vomit even hits it, right? Revealing underneath a little sort of hole that the vomit goes down and is sucked away. It was an illusion the whole time. They've got a plate of stuff that's just a, you know, it's like a colander, an upside down colander. People would say you could mechanize this process, plate of stuff that's just a, you know, it's like a colander, an upside down colander.

People would say you could mechanize this process, have some kind of tiny sushi train going past the fly's cage, that it's constantly spinning at, constantly missing. But we find that you don't get the same quality of vomit as you do from an entirely hand-milked fly population. Hand stolen. It's beautiful, I'll say. Stolen directly with the hand, yeah. It is beautiful. I like that we will, over time, begin to breed jersey cows, which are a huge swollen cow with a beautiful, you know, belly that contains a lot of extra vomit.

Well, what we could do is, you know, how when an animal, a farm animal is fly-blown, that's usually a bad thing. But on this farm, we will, on this farm, we will breed a sheep that doesn't have a head and doesn't have legs. But it's all us. It's all fly blowering us. Fly blowering us. It's all dag. It's just a butthole and a mound of earth and you can put food into the butthole and

it goes straight into the digestive area and then comes back up and gets vomited up as poop and then the fly is just getting involved. I mean, what a lot, yeah, it's great because it's all worth it. It's all worth it for this great product that we're working towards. Alistair, is this a sketch idea? Well, I think the bottled fly vomit is. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. I don't know if the, I mean, I love the idea of a sheep

that is nothing but fly blown. That if, do you? Is it, would you call it a bit of fly blow? What, is that what I would call the creature raw? Well, I mean, like that area, like that area. That is a, it is an area that is flyblown. But what is the actual area called? Is it the flyblow?

Flyblow area. The flyblowings? I don't know, El. I don't know. It's the old fly landing strip. It's the old DAG Recultural area. It's the old, landing strip. It's the old DAG, Recultural Area. It's the old, you know, whatever. Andy, if there were sort of flies around,

let's say a guy, an old man decides that he's creating a Jurassic Park, but it's not Jurassic Park, it's just big flies. Yeah, how big are we talking? Right. I mean, these are, oh, you're about to find out, these are flies that are made so that you can, a single person, and maybe sometimes a person on a date with another person can get on the back of the fly and fly it around

What a beautiful first date It's a once in a lifetime experience Yeah, I mean I imagine though that the flies themselves will still be as capricious as They realize themselves will still be as capricious as attracted to disgusting things as likely to just smash against windows as they are in their small fly state. It's not like their intelligence has increased. Yeah, but have you ever been to a beach? You know how they, some of a lot of beaches they don't allow glass. It's a very similar thing here, but for a very different reason.

Here they don't like glass. Why would you build glass on an island where you've got flies, giant flies that are a mode of transportation to take? You're right. You're right. Only I could imagine for the potential comic effects if somebody were to make a sketch about it, but you're right to rule that out, Alistair. I think the first date fly ride is beautiful.

And all those romantic songs, fly me to the moon, etc. They take on a fantastic new rich deep meaning Yeah, I come fly with me to the moon I mean well I was thinking I mean mean, when you think about it, if it was flying into the moon, it could be, I mean, the other meaning could be a guy who's getting turned into a fly on the way to the moon. It really could. Like, as if somehow the process of him being turned into a fly is what is powering the vessel that they're on. Oh wow okay. So I'm sorry. I have to take a

break from the podcast for a week and a half while I let that filter through my That fills a throat. My butt. So the way that they do it, right? The way that they do it. It's your basic e equals mc squared kind of similar. Right. Right. Basic. So you're turning his mass into energy.

Yes. Right. learning his mass into energy. Yes. Right? But to kill him would be murder. But what you're doing is you're taking his giant shoulder, right? And you are turning most of it into energy to power the vessel, but keeping some that is the shape of a fly much smaller, but you're replacing it with a fly shoulder. Yes. And you're doing that with all his bits, taking his big head, replacing it with a tiny

fly head. Yes. Like that. Your grandfather's axing him. Yes, your grandfather's axing him,, your grandfather's axing him turning him into a cre a creature that is alive And that is going to continue to live and that was that was all that was in the contract Yeah, you know all all all all that John F. Kennedy said was that I will send men to the moon and get them back alive. He didn't say back alive as men.

He said they will be men when they leave and when they return they will be alive. Before the decade is out, I will send a man away and return to you a living creature safely to the earth. They cannot get me for that. They cannot get me for that. I am Michael Cade. John F. Michael, why do you keep saying that? I will return him back, a living creature. I love that they've, he's made the speech. They're having trouble developing the technology to get the men back to the moon and safely back as men. They go back to the speech and look for loopholes. We can't, this fuel is too heavy. We can't, we can only have, we can either have men or fuel.

And we're already said we're going to get men there. What if the men were the fuel? What if the men were the fuel? Yes. No wonder he took such a small step for man. I mean, I would have thought it would just be a regular step for man, unless. Yeah.

Why would it have been such a small step for man? Unless he had tiny legs. The tiny legs of a fly. Or was it because his suit was rather restrictive? Well, that would be embarrassing. Well, that's definitely something I'll stare. Absolutely. I can't believe. I cannot believe that that turns out to be something. I mean, living aside the technicalities of whatever fusion reactor that they have on this ship that is capable of just turning human flesh into pure energy, pure kinetic energy, no less. I'm very excited. Yeah, that is a real good win for us. But they managed to work that out. They could get

that. I mean, they just need to turn it into heat really, and then the heat will do the rest of the... We'll look at how does that work, Elastair? Hey. Well, once you got into it, I don't understand how you can have a nuclear powered spaceship to be honest. I don't know how you turn that into thrust. Yeah.

There must be particles that have weight that you can shed that could work. Maybe I don't know, gravity? Could you make it turn into gravity particles? No, I think that might create more trouble than it's worth. But all right, I'm going to a layout. We can look into this. Go away. Look at a reverse laser.

Reset. You know how you can shoot a laser and it'll it'll make heat Could you have heat and make a laser and I don't know if that would propel you probably doesn't propel I mean there are there is momentum components to Just does does light have momentum? Alice it photons I believe they do Does does does light have momentum? LSE? Photons? I believe they do. They do have momentum.

They do have momentum. They have to have momentum. They have to have momentum. Light out the back. You could in theory get momentum in the opposite direction by conservation of momentum. I mean, we're not we're not far off LSE. We're getting close to cracking this thing. We're getting close.

I've said a few things. Yeah, but it doesn't have any weight handy and it can only go the speed of light. Cracking this thing. We're getting close. Why don't you set a few things? Yeah. But it doesn't have any weight, Andy. And it can only go the speed of light. So I don't know how that would work for our ship. Do you think our ship could only go the speed of light? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not how conservation and momentum work.

So don't worry about it, it'll be okay. And let's do it. I've written down on my piece of paper the word super adequate Mm-hmm super adequacy, and this is a new concept Not good not good, but it is It's the Uber it's the Uber adequate and it's the most adequate something can be before it gets good Well, I was thinking and I think the answer to that might be spaghetti bolognaise.

Yeah. Because I don't, I think there's a ceiling to how good that can get, but I also think that it is perfect just the way it is. Like it does exactly everything that it is supposed to do. But the limitation to its form is such that it can't ever achieve true greatness. But. It's a tough one Andy,

because I would say that spaghetti ball and A's is one of the highest forms of anything. Okay. Well, whereas you're basing this off of some vague memory of spaghetti volaneis that you had. I might be specifically thinking of the walnut and cauliflower substitutes spaghetti bolinis. Oh, Andy, that is absolutely the thing that could only get at the very highest super adequate. You know what? Actually, but this is what it is, isn't it?

This is what vegan substitutes are attempting to achieve super adequacy, because I don't think anyone is trying to say, I'm gonna make a vegan cheese that is better than actual cheese, right? No, although they should be aiming for that. But I think if you did that, it would no longer be cheese, right? It would be something else. If you're imitating, you can't surpass the thing you're imitating or your

imitation has failed. Yeah, or as soon as it does, it becomes something new. Because once an imitation is something better than suddenly, you're the thing that things would want to imitate. Yeah, yeah, you become a thing worthy of imitation. I mean, nobody impersonates impersonators. There are no, there are no Elvis impersonators impersonators. I assume, although maybe there are people who do impersonations of Andy Kaufman's Elvis. I mean, look, there might be people who are like, this is what Elvis impersonators are like. Yeah, what is that? What are we describing there? I mean, could you have a, you know, like sort of, at the moment, you know, parks,

the town of parks in Australia, every year hosts an Elvis festival, right? Yeah. And they have a lot of Elvis impersonators there from all over the world, I assume, converge on that location and impersonate Elvis. But I wonder if you would ever have a fringe, you know, Parks Elvis fringe festival, which is for people whose interpretation of Elvis doesn't fit within the constrictive limitations

of what the Parks Elvisvis Festival whatever program I Schimney program it pretty heavily I mean you got to cut out a lot of crap You know, you got to make sure that you what's the word that you It's like a something that an artist and like that a gallery owner would do curate. Curate, curate these things. Or else you'll get too much of the same stuff at this festival. You know what I would like to see and I think there might be a sketch in this is speculative

Elvis impersonation because Elvis did die relatively young, right? So I would like to see people who are impersonating or trying to project forward what Elvis could have gone on to do, what other phases after his sort of, you know, his first and then he's come back and then he's Vegas years. What that would What like would what Elvis at 90? What what his TV special would have looked like? Yeah. What would Rick Rubin have done with Elvis if he'd done to Elvis, what he did to Johnny Cash, the American recordings. Um, and I think that gives, you know, I think I'd like to see a portrait of an Elvis in

Personator who's becoming frustrated with the... Oh, okay, this is what it is. It's a movie that's strictly ballroom, right? But it's called Strictly Elvis. And it's somebody, their whole, you know, there's a lot of pressure in their family to be an Elvis impersonator, but then they get sick of just doing the same things that Elvis used to do,

and then they start to do new Elvis, new Elvis, new Elvis, and they do things that Elvis might have done. And it turns out to be great. This is Elvis during a steampunk period. I'm riding an elephant. Oh, ho, ho. It's perfect, Del. You know, this is one of those sketches that I'm really glad we don't have to actually write.

But I still do. I mean, I actually like to be honest like Andy, I wrote down speculative Elvis impersonator within seconds of you saying it. Right. Thank you. Because it's all it. There's there's a vast number of places that we could go Because there's a vast number of places that we could go. And we should document this early starting point. I even dare you to try and write a speculative, Elvis impersonator sketch for the show that we're currently writing on. See if you can fit it into a political satire show. You know what? I reckon that's the sort of thing that could that could that could have a place.

Yeah. You know there I don't want to get into it now. I'm running it down. We can talk that yeah I'm talking about that later. I'm inscribing it on this piece of toilet paper that I'm keeping my notes on. I don't know where you keep your notes. Because the notes. But. Think about how like Tarantino would have like used them in a film or something like that. Ah. It'd be so good. We'd be so blessed to have that probable sex offender

with us still today. L.V.S.? Yeah. Yeah. I heard some weird stuff about him where he was like, I think he was like another one that was, had some real issues from his mother dying and like you know when he was young, I think and he that he, I think maybe that he just, he wanted to spend a lot of time indoors and just kind of cooped up with his wife, but it wasn't very, it wasn't very sexual. It was kind of a weird, like,

let's just be in a cocoon together, like he was recreating the womb a lot. Mm. With his wife, I think. I think, yeah, and I think he might have had a lost, maybe that's what it was. It was a lost twin brother. Did have a lost twin.

Yeah, twin was still born. And one. Yeah, maybe that's what it was. And so he was, and he was, he really mourned the loss of this kid and his brother somehow. That's amazing. I was just told him during a time that was just like very psychologically fragile. Well, I mean, I think, I can't get into it, El. It's going to make me really sad.

Great. I feel like we had some other ideas in there, Elastair. If we were to wind it back just before we were talking about Elvis and the impersonation thereof. Oh, we were talking about the super adequate. Oh, right. Yeah. Making a vegan cheese that's better than regular cheese. No, but I think that there's an idea. I mean, there's almost a, it's more like a, you know, a discourse was what you're, you've come up with here, you know, it's not necessarily a sketch idea. It's a philosophical, yeah, I think, you know,

it's a meditation. Mm-hmm. Yes. Well, I'll say you're welcome to use that in a Shusher-guided meditation. No, no, I don't mean it like that. I mean, in the way that like Jean-Jacques Russo would do a meditation. Mm-hmm. Meditations

on the super adequate, but it's more like meditations on vegan recreations of dishes. Yeah, well, I think just, you know, meditations on the super adequate already feels to me so deeply like the tide of... Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation.

You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time. Mycomputercareer.edu. I love every philosophical novel. I reckon I couldn't already get it published. I think if I just print it up, a bunch of books with that on the cover and then blank pages in between It's a sort of thing that people would want to buy because it looked very smart on the shelf But no one would ever open. I might put a couple of I would just put some garbage generated text inside and

Yeah, I mean, you know, there's got to be literally tens of dollars to be made. Well, and you know, when you and I had a big large public debate online about wetness. Yes. That did make me think that we could release a small book. Like I'm talking a thin kind of, you know, novella-sized book, but it's like the wetness debates. You know. It's kind of like, you know, like, you know, the play of what's his name. Yeah, like Chomsky and Fuko having a conversation about, you know, I don't know, my epistemology. I think let's turn this into a live show, right?

We'll dress up in old, Fusty Old Suites. We'll sit in some sort of 17 style arm chairs. We'll have a moderator, okay? Someone who can sit between us and nod and hold mod, you know, because they're a moderator. A moderator. And, well, I mean, really mod has within it the word nod, because an M is really a double N.

Well, it's an NNN half. I think it's, how much is it? It's really only an NNN, it's an NNN a third. I think you's, how much is it? It's really only an end, it's an end and a third. I think you'll find. Look, I think you'll find it's two, three quarter ends. Oh, I suppose, well, I mean, are you looking, are you thinking of a lower case end? Obviously, you have an upper case, both of them.

Andy, this is another debate. We've got another hour. There's another hour on this. There's another series. How can we... Yeah, well, meditation's on wetness, absolutely, is something. I don't know if the listener can tell. I got a microphone stand.

So my microphone is now like behind a pop filter in a little shockproof thing, propped up on a little tripod. Jesus, they are going to be able to tell. I'm trying to out for you on audio quality. Well, it's working. Here and here I am with my really dry mouth and I've got like these really kind of high pitch kind of sounds going on right now. They're going to know that's not you because you're too far from the mic to pick up those at the, you know, the quality of the level that

they're picking up mine. Yeah, yeah. And I'm hoping to sort of, you know, like a slightly more evolved turkey or something, slowly move away from you into a sort of a realm of audio quality that can only be experienced by, you know, some of the listeners. And then I'll become an entire speaker. So this is a, this is a, this is a turkey that's evolving into a high quality audio. And I why, and I why I included the turkey element to that. I mean, that part where you know, you think this would be a bad

evolutionary move. But where it loses its physical form and then can no longer procreate. But that first one getting created would be incredible because a turkey would open its cloaca and out would come an amazing sound. Just a gobble. This turkey is all gobble. It's a high quality. It's a high quality. People would say this is a turkey with two mouths, one in its mouth and one in its cloaca,

but what they didn't know was that it was a new species of turkey escaping, being born, and at the same time then traveling through the universe forever. I don't know if that's it, anything, but Alan said, made me think of this, and I don't know why I made me think of this. I'm going to write it down, I think there's something in there. Okay, okay, or Turkey, it's all global. All but global. I want you to answer this question for me, Elastair. Okay. And I want you to give me what is the best, non-filthy explanation or definition, or, okay, if I opened a company or a business or a kiosk called the butt hut,

what could I be doing, assuming that none of it is unpleasant in any way inappropriate? inappropriate. You could convert sort of the stubs of cigarettes into something edible. Okay, I could, I could re-condition them. Yeah, re-condition them. Into new cigarettes. it could be butts. I could be at the beach, right? And I could be selling little or hiring out, little houses, okay? But they just fit over your butt so that when you're lying down sunbathing, you just have a little, your butt is indoors.

Yeah, that's good. And, you know, you could- And like people can sort of deliver mail to your butt, like that. You could keep your valuables in there, you know, your wallet from stuff, which would be in your pants, if there's a risk of being stolen.

Well, you could keep them in a safe, in your butt hut. In your butt hut? Sure, I mean, you could sell sort of like, you know those, you know those perspect toilet seats that they make that have like, you know, barbed wire in them or like goldfish or like pictures of a horse or something like that. You could make those, but not for toilet seats

for the butts of guns, so that you could add that flourish to your new handgun or rifle. Oh, your guns have butts. Yeah. I never thought about that. You know, in that way, you could be an individual whilst you're pointing your rifle at somebody. That's right.

Express your individuality. That's right. As well as your rage. I'm not all rage, you know. I have other interests. Well, I mean, that's a great way. You can show people that you're into STEM collecting. You could.

I was seeing a butt-hut. Could also be a doctor's surgery, but one that only does second opinions. A doctor? A doctor's surgery. And somebody says, somebody gets diagnosed, an inflamed lymph node. They want a second opinion, you go to the butt hut, and they'll, you go there and the doctor says, well, it, but it could be. And then they give you a second opinion. They, so they only do any first opinions. They only do. But is it is the doctor's surgery? Tiki themed? It's all which explains why they're in a hot. Yeah.

Yes, it's got a Pacific Island vibe. There's no shoes, you know, I think that does the sand everywhere. And I think that does, for me, fit philosophically with the concept of a place that only does second opinions, man. Yeah. Yeah, no, I hear that. You wouldn't go there for your first opinion. Yeah. And I don't think there's any point in going and getting a second opinion if you know that the opinion is going to be very similar to the first opinion. They guarantee that you'll hear an opinion that is different. I'll see that's good. Yeah, and what they do that what by coming up with just a craziest opinion correct. A teakyemed opinion. Look.

So wait, but hot. Second opinion doctor. Thanks for writing that data. I like that second opinion doctors. And it's a bunch of doctors who only give second opinion. Who got take it together to create their own joint surgery so they could save on rent. Yes. You know, I should.

And then they, yeah, but then also, you know, this is, this is the problem with most doctors is that they don't get, you know, like KFC or something like that. They'll create that burger where the chicken is the, is the bun. They don't get, you know, like KFC or something like that, they'll create that burger where the chicken is the bun. And then, you know, and that's a product that makes you go, I gotta go there, even though I would normally not go there and try that product because that just seems crazy enough to be an experience that would be rewarding for

life. Yeah. Yeah. Have one of those. But doctor, well, I can't remember if I tried that one. Actually, I think maybe I was I was trying to eat healthy one that came out. But doctors, they don't get to sell products like that really. I don't think. Not reputable once. No, but if you were to become a Tiki-themed second opinion doctor, I think people would get a second opinion just for the hell of it. Yeah, you're right. Just because I want to see what this is like.

Why has he got spears in his office? I think, even if you're really happy with your first opinion, you get people coming in, taking a piss, trying to get a second opinion when they haven't actually even got a first opinion. And I reckon you could sniff them out of Marloff. And you'd kick them out into the street like the dogs that they are.

Absolutely. For taking the piss. But they still charge them because there's a 24 hour cancellation fee. Correct. And they charge you 24 hours. Yeah. Alistair, do we have some words for Melissa?

Wait, before we go. There was something else. Oh, just lost it. Oh, I'm sorry. It's all good. Yeah, we do, Andy. And I don't think we've done these ones, but maybe I've read it so many times

that I feel like we've done it. Mm. Andy, we have three words from a Patreon and listen to our Patreon subscriber who subscribes to our Patreon, it pays at least $3. It's Jim Brie. Jim Brie.

Jim Brie's our listener, there's no last name, it's like they're like share. In what way? Jim Brie. Well, they don't have a last name. Oh, I was hoping it would be a funny other way that they would like share. They're he's sitting on a cannon.

Correct. He was, once married to Sunny. There you go, see? This is hilarious. Sunny Bono, Sunny Bono. Do you think Sunny Bono was related to Edward DiBono? They can't be that many bonoes.

Edward Di? Oh, maybe, I guess Di wasn't his middle name. Um, bro, what are they got for us? Jim Brick, thank you Jim. Three words. Do you wanna try to guess one? Yeah, yeah, it's like Domania. No.

Oh. It's outside. Oh, okay. Then upside. Outside. Outside. And then down. Outside, upside down.

Outside, upside down. And the idea of... The idea of outside down. Yes. Is very interesting. Yes, indeed. Isn't it? I mean This is the problem with outside down in

It implies That what well the outside really isn't a side is it that's the problem with the word outside the outside consists of either many sides or no sides at all the word outside. The outside consists of other many sides or no sides at all. But let's say if you picture a scrotum, right? So it's got an outside. You're right, it does. It's got an inside. Now in order for it to be outside down, you would have to cut around the bag and then lay it out flat like a pancake. You're right.

And then have the outside inside up. You're right. And, you know, I would be lying if I said I wasn't curious about what the inside of my scrotum looks like. Yeah. You know what I think? Do you think I reckon it's kind of glistening? Yeah. Is there any liquid in there and the balls floating in any liquid? I don't think so, but I imagine there's a wet air. Wet air. There can't be air in there. There's no air in there, I'll stay. No, not enough that it's inflated, but there's a bit, you know, it's like a wet vacuum.

Have we talked about this? The idea that there could, like, if there was a little bit of air in there, that it could be an emergency air supply. You know, I mean, it's another one of those ones where it's like, it's kind of crazy to have at least one breath in there. But then, you know, you can picture as you try to escape. Well, you can picture this as you're trying to escape from like a, an upturned upside down sinking ship. Yes. And you're trying to break through the hull from underneath,

you know, from the inside. And you just need, you know, you can, you've managed to sort of pop one nail out of the side of the boat and water's pouring in like that. And it's filling up to the top and you're banging to the roof, just trying to get enough space so that you can squeeze out. And then you do and you're struggling for air, but now you're out and you realize

you're like, you know, 200 meters under water and you just need to get to the surface. And then you really go, and then you look down, and you can see your ball-blut bag is kind of buoyant. And it's, and you're actually, if you stop swimming, you start moving up towards the air. Drag down. Drag down.

First. Yeah. But you don't have time to just go with the flow. What you do instead is you get your crowbar that you're using to break out of the thing and you pierce your bag, right? In a single bubble. You say sorry little buddy. Light your little. Yeah, you say goodbye to an old friend. And then a single bubble comes up and then you chase that bubble, you chase that bubble upwards and you get, you try to get your mouth around it, right?

So that you can just have one breath of air to just get you, to just get you to the top. It's just that back up air. There's, and that air's got a funk to it, a funk that you've never smelled before, but now you've tasted. Yeah, and up you go to freedom, but at what cost? I guess, I suppose maybe on the way up, probably one of your testicles escapes from the bag as well. I mean, the other way to look at it is sort of like a situation like in Star Wars.

Star Wars. Or is it still Wars? And on the ice planet Hoth, when Luke has to cut into the belly of his hairy, big hairy creature he was riding around on, climb in there for warmth. In a way, the ball bag is a big hairy creature that we're all riding around on. And I can imagine being lost in a frozen situation. If your ball bag was big enough, you could cut into it and climb in there. Or pull it over you.

Pull it over you. Like a blanket. Yes. Like a blanket. I've been, you know, to shade you from the, to hide you from the, from the wind. All that stretch has got to be useful for something. Yeah. Also, Andy, I thought of something.

As you're swimming up towards the surface, and you've just, you've grabbed that breath of air, you're like, you swallow it with your lungs or whatever. And then you hit, you feel this, like that, attention pulling on you from below. And you look down and it's one of your balls has got stuck between two rocks. And it's holding you back and you realize it's down there.

It's like 50 to 100 meters below you. I got to go back down. You didn't realize how much coiled ropes there was inside that bag. Coiled sort of testicular rope. Yeah. Do you go back down though or do you, do you sever it? What you do is you realize that there's still a few drops of air left in the bag. Squeeze those out.

Once you squeeze the button, breathe that in. You suddenly you're neutrally buoyant and you can swim up and down much easier than before. And so you can swim down very quickly and then you get you unhook it. Yeah, you coil it around, you coil that testicular rope around your arm and then you swim back up. And that first breath of air, it's a struggle but it's the nicest air

you've ever tasted. You can get halfway back up and then you feel another tug and you realize the other ones become entangled. The other, the other testicle, yeah. Of course. Um, that's beautiful stuff. Uh, is it a sketch? I think, I think, you know, it's like a, it's like a grandfather telling his son about this mythical ball bags

one breath of air. Well, he tells this story and then the kid says, but that's not true, Granddad. That's not a true story about the guy who got the breath of air from his ball bag and then had to swim back down to un hook his testicles from the rock and then the granddad says, sure son, you believe what you want to believe or your grandson and then the granddad goes after bed and then we see the granddad slowly, I don't know what he's doing, but he pulls up his sleeve and you can see the coiled testicle string all the way up his arms. You know what, I saw that he was going to, I mean it's amazing that he's still got the testicle string around his arm. Well it's so stretched out and long now, he has so much and he doesn't know what to do with it.

And he doesn't have a functioning sack anymore Well, I mean he could have like you know, you could have put a zipper on there or something like that You know You're right. See as in my in my image of where you were gonna go with it. He Pulls his testicle and all that string around out of his bag and he does a little lasso show for his grandson and he does a little lasso show for his grandson. I thought that's where you were going, Andy. I think that's a happy ending. Yeah, I think, you know, a grandfather who'll do anything to entertain his grandson.

I'm picturing the old guy in the Princess bride when he's reading to that kid in bed. Yeah, and I picture you picturing that. I haven't seen that movie. Oh, I think you would enjoy it. Yeah, I feel like people seem to like it enough that I would also like it. It's a whole lot of fun. I think if I've heard more stories about the set of that movie, then I've heard and I've seen scenes of it.

I don't think I've heard any stories about the set of that movie. I think I heard the Billy Crystal was there writing jokes on the set. It doesn't make sense to me now that you'd have a writer there writing jokes while you're filming. Right. I mean, I guess somebody could add stuff and things like that, but then he would be reading them out during the, you know, like in between takes and everybody would, in between takes and everybody would be laughing and having a great time. And I

just couldn't imagine myself writing jokes in the moment and feeling so confident in them that I'm telling a room full of people. Everybody's laughing in the movie. And they're putting them in the movie. Andre the giant is there. Was he there? Was he in the movie? Yeah, yeah, he was. Then all the other actors are there too. They're all laughing.

Billy crystals a hero. I love that. That in movies, it never seems too late to try and fix a movie. You know, that they're like, you know, they don't seem to put enough effort into the script very often early on. And then they're like, right, the script of the last minute,

then they're filming it, they're changing things on the set, they're changing directors, changing writers on the set, you know, recasting roles, then they make the thing, then they go and do a bunch of reshoots, and then they get people into like right extra lines that can be shouted in from off screen to try and make it all make sets and make it funnier, then they do audience testing and they change more things and they change the ending of that sort of thing. But I think they have their problem is that they give up when the film is released. I think that even after the film is already in cinemas, or they should have,

you know, people, people have impersonating the voice of the actors in the theatre, shouting extra lines over the top of the dialogue, you know, or even, or even mailing. Mailing letters to people who have seen the film with a digital dialogue. I was thinking of adding this. It's never too late, never give up. You can still make it. Absolutely.

You can rewrite the meaning of doing something last minute by literally making your last edit on the film in your last minute of life. Correct. That's the only moment that it stops. And also, Andy, another way that in you, which you could have a butt hot, is it's a place that sells those big slimy tails, like Jabba the Hot has, that you can add to your butt.

You're right. Maybe it'll replace your legs. Maybe replace your legs as well. It's just like a big kind of gooey thing that binds up your legs and and allows you to lay on your side and kind of hurt your shoulder. It's a very good thing. That's a sort of like a mermaid. Right?

Was Jabba the Hutter mermaid? I guess so, I guess he was kind of, he looked like he was the larval form of something. Yeah, I suppose so. Imagine if he went into a cocoon and became a beautiful butterfly, a hutter fly. Jabba the hutter fly. All right.

I'm gonna take us through our sketch ideas for today, Andy. Thank you. We've got bottled fly vomit. It's a new product that you can sell in health food. Andy, are you low on energy? It's probably because you're wasting so much digesting food. That's right. Spray a little fly vomit on there.

First day fly ride. I mean, this is nice it's a first date what are they gonna do? Well I heard that there's this place down the road that started breeding sort of horse-sized flies. They put a saddle on them and everything you can fly them. Hahaha. They, um, they'd be so noisy, it'd be really loud on there. And very vibrationary, I would imagine. I know, but I think there'd be a lot of fun too, you know, I think when you're, when, you mean motorcycles are very vibrationary and that doesn't stop people riding those. Very sensitive to do. I mean motorcycles are very vibrationary and that doesn't stop people riding those. Then we've got fly me to the moon.

This is a ship that uses the people who are riding in it as the fuel. And this is because... They've had a loophole in John F. Kennedy's speech. Speech speech they said he would Get them there and bring them back alive has some some living some sort of living creature You know I cannot but feel there was there was a loophole there that he could that we could do But feel there was a loophole there that we could do.

Then we've got a speculative Elvis impersonation or impersonator. And they go through all the errors of Elvis that didn't happen, but could have. What would have Elvis who had lived for 200 years? How would his act would have changed? You know? What if he hadn't died on the toilet, but instead had never died? Yeah, well, look at that.

The oldest living creature. Well, he might have been able to keep making money and been the first person to afford death-stopping medicine. Youth, reverse aging. He could have gone back and had a toddler, not given birth to a toddler, but had a toddler era where he decided to go back as a toddler and he did performances in Bulgaria or something like that. And he would do it and he would wear a diaper on stage. And he would mostly still do the old classics, but he'd have a much lower voice.

Not lower, but I meant higher, like a kid, but I meant lower in intelligence, his voice. Then we've got meditations on the super adequate or wetness. These are new sort of philosophical debate shows that we are going to be doing. Alana Nome, Chomsky and Michelle Foucault. Do you think that we should do them in the same language or different languages the way that they did? We'll work it out on the day. Great. Then we got Turkey that evolves into some. I mean, pretty cool if you could do it in French.

Can you could do it in French? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we could only really do this show in Quebec, I think, if you wanted to do it by lingually. All right. Because you would have to go somewhere where most people speak both languages, or I guess we could do it in Belgium and stuff, or any kind of French-speaking countries in Europe where they speak English as well.

But only French-speaking countries in Europe? Well, because, oh, maybe Germany as well. But I think they would have to speak the languages that we're both speaking, is what I'm saying. Is it Liberia? Do they speak French and English in Liberia? Maybe, maybe. I don't know enough about the population I apologize.

It's okay. We got Turkey that evolves into sound. It's, I think it's just, it's the birthing moment that I'm interested in. Yeah, okay. Then we got butt hot and it's the second opinion doctors surgery. It's a teaky themed.

And then we've got the ball bags, mythical one breath. I feel like we did an extra breath of air recently where you keep it in your stomach maybe. Like a burp. You always have a burp stored up so that if you can breathe that in. You can catch it and re-breathe it in. Yeah. Well, I think there is something in there where that allows you to, that's why the hum lick works.

Really? Yeah. Yeah, because there's a bit of air trapped in there in the diaphragm or whatever. And that's so jappetto can breathe when he's in the stomach of a while. Oh, but no, but that's not in's not that's not in your stomach because that's you're not like having to blow food out of someone's food pipe. It's out of the lungs and stuff right out of the the air pipe. So I made a I made a booboo. Andy, Jim Bria, I hope you're happy with the ball bags one break. I'm sorry if that wasn't really a

I guess I guess we kind of went there because we started talking about the the scrotum having Having it's outside being able to be Outside down outside down And I think we got to go to the song now And I think we gotta go to the song now. Oh, it's time for a song. It's time for a song. The song time is the time for a song. It's time for a song.

Time's time for a song. Oh, DRL. Thank you so much, everybody. And did you start dying by the end of that one? Yeah, I really like my brain turned off about five minutes ago. Well, let's let people know quickly that they can purchase Magma now from sospresents.com. Yes, you can. And the link is below. And we've been tweeting about it on our Twitter. So if you don't follow us on Twitter, we'd love for you to do that anyway. I try to keep you in the stand by the podcast. Yeah, you'll find it in places. If you just search for it, I'm sure it will be doable.

And it's very available and it's highly enjoyable. Thank you very much, Andy. And I also find that everybody, you were great. You can find us on Twitter at Two in Tank. I'm at Alistair TV. I'm at Stupid Old Andy. And we're also on Instagram at Two In Tank. You can support us on Patreon.

And you can also give us ratings on iTunes or Apple Podcasts. And that feels nice when you do. It feels so nice. I miss it. I miss it when you guys do it. It feels good. Anyway, take care. We love you. You.

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