Two In The Think Tank - 244 - "STAGE MAGICIAN HARRY POTTER"

Episode Date: July 28, 2020

Get Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaListen to Meta here: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/meta/id1507334677Ghost Standup, Bad Idea Muse, fingernail Clean, Realitiser, 24Hr Film Festival, House electron Microscope, Stage Magician PotterHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereCulturally significant thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students including the GI Bill. Now is the time mycomputercareer.edu.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit Planet Broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. This episode of Two in the Think Tank. I love this. I love when an episode of a thing is brought to you by the people doing the thing. It feels very complete. That's right. Like a... And they break it down. They break it down by getting real quiet right at the beginning. I love that too. Let me just let you know something that we're selling something. It's our own show called Magnum. Yeah. I feel you want to know this. Yes, and I feel... It's up own show called Magma. Yeah. I feel you want to know this. Yes, and I feel it's up for 10, 10, you are a 10 Australian dollars

at sospresence.com. And then you're just rummaged through that page and in there somewhere will be Magma. Just sift your way through the hyperlinks and you'll find one that will lead you through a glorious hole to a glorious destination on the other side of the hole. I'm

Describe this describing I'm using the word glorious in the context of a hole Yeah, and this is a glorious hole not to be confused with some other kind of hole that might. A awful hole. I want you to know that at the end of that hole is one of our best pieces of work. And if you don't like it, you can hate us. And that's fine. That's fine. Because we'll already have your $10.

I don't give you a closure. You know, you want the fence? That's fine. That's fine. Because we already have your $10. And I'll give you a closure. And I'll give you a closure. And I'll give you a closure. You know, you want the fence? 10 Australian dollars, and you can have closures. This could really seal the deal for you. And I can imagine that kind of thing would be a huge relief. If you haven't known about how to feel about us, either way, I say this is going to tip you over the edge. So just

head along there and do yourself whatever. We're going to seal the deal. You're not going to be able to open your deal ever again. That's right. And oh, it's a jolly episode. It's a jolly jolly episode. It's the jolly just episode around. It's a jolly jolly episode. I hope you like the episode. Your time just kept changing. Did it? Oh, it's a jolly jolly episode. It's a jolly jolly episode. Yeah, that's what music does all the time. It's constantly changing and making you question things. They're not usually recording it on a delay and improvising it.

Oh God, I'm really sorry, Al. I feel like normally... It's okay, look, maybe I just wasn't getting it in. Yeah. And I don't mean to blame you. No. I don't mean to blame you. I mean, I did absolutely blame you.

Don't rhythm blame me, okay? I am as much a victim of the gods of inspiration as you are. And... That's right. You know And how they flow through me, in irregular spurt, is not my fault. I mean, the look-dose, the opposite of the muse is like, the, the, the muse. I guess, you know, like, eh?

The Bermuse. Someone who Bermuse is you. Well, in a way, like, but it's like, instead of like, a woman that you look at and then gives you ideas to make great work, it's a god of some sort can still be a woman. Yes. Very progressive. But they kind of have been more like cupid and they just shoot ideas into your head and

these are curses. And these are curses with which you feel like you need to create them to get them out of your head because you feel like you need to create them to get them out of your head. Because you feel ambitious because of them. Well, I'm interested whether or not muses are also responsible for bad ideas. Like, because we tend to think of the muses being one who inspires geniuses, genius-y. But when somebody creates a truly abysmal work of anything, is that also because they were inspired by A by a shit muse, or B by the same muse, but sometimes the muse isn't

firing all that well, you know, the mus is cut, they can't all be bangers. I believe it was Aphrodite, you said that. But I think there's also gotta be some interpretation in there. Because if the muse is just putting the work fully in your head and then you're just recreating it, then why does the muse, why doesn't the muse just make the stuff? Exactly. Or are they more like, sort of like Andy Warhol in the factory where they're now in such high demand that they don't really get involved, they're more sort of on the conceptual level

and they leave a lot of the grunt work to people, but they sign everything. But the music don't really sound like Mr. Brainwash and exit through the gift shop. Yeah, I forgot the new Andy Warhol. And who's the other one with the shark and the... Ah! David? David something? David, this is a shark. Not, David shark. David shark. But I know the guy, the guy with the shark in from out the hide, the impossibility of death in the life of something living and so on and so forth. All those great works.

Quite possibly in this. And these are people who are just kind of, that's their art is to coming up with the ideas. And I know you said this in a very succinct way, but in a way, is that what the idea is that we're the slaves to the muse? I mean, I'm sure you're not the first to use that exact phrasing. Yeah, but like, I'm sure you're not the first to use that exact phrasing. Yeah, but like, but then is the, are we, if that's the case, if there is such a thing as a muse, in this, the world of this sketch, I do. Yes.

Are the people who are making the work, feeling exploited? Sort of an unearned pride. Oh, yeah, I see one that. But that's actually the muse who should be feeling the pride. But I guess, I think skill level still needs to come into it, I think. Yeah, because, you know, in that sense, the artist becomes like a piece of, you know, recording equipment for the muse, and you're limited by the kind of, you know, recording equipment for the muse,

and you're limited by the kind of, you know, the compression algorithm of their talent, as to how much of the original vision can be put down on hot wax or whatever. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I guess maybe the muse just doesn't have a physical form, but still likes the accolades that come from the physical world. Well, it sounds like they could be like a ghost.

You know, like, like, is there any works of art that explore the concept of an artistic ghost whose unfinished business is their desire to keep making great art. And so they do that sort of through, in various different ways, through the bodies of the living, either by possessing them or by sort of trying to terrify them into making art.

That would be one of the few ways that many, like, for example, me, I think if I was in the art world, and even if I was in the comedy world, if you were, I wouldn't feel like I could be one of the cool kids and climb the ladder to the heights that the cool kids make it. Right? But I feel like if I died and I still made work, that might give me the edge I need to make it into the cool kids.

I like the idea of, okay, so there's a ghost who does stand up comedy, and he, on any given open mic or line up night, he could possess the body of any of the performers on stage. I mean, I love the idea that you go to some venue. Maybe it is a comedian who killed themselves on stage or died from some other less horrible way. Maybe a bee sting.

And there goes to haunts the venue. The love stage. Yes. And they never got to finish their set. And so they stay there possessing the bodies at random of various people. And like absolutely you would go along to this venue. Are you going to go to this night? They got a ghost that possesses the bodies of people on stage.

And they've been holding this. Like the other comedians show up on the day and the room runner goes, hey, do you mind if the ghost possesses your body tonight? Like you can still, like you can do seven instead of five for your regular set, but then you gotta come back up for the ghost set. Well, I like the idea myself

that it could be anyone at random, like they don't know until they get to the microphone and then he like zaps into your body. But, um, but your one also works. Also very valid. And maybe it helps to explain some of the concept a little. What do you reckon? Is this a sketch shallister? And you have already written it up. Now I that. Now, I also want to go back, and I want to possibly re-examine the idea of a God who's the God of bad ideas, or like a muse for bad ideas. And they're exclusively inspired people to create terrible work.

And so they're just as much a part of the pantheon as any of the other ones, right? Whatever muses of music and the muses of sculpture and, you know, that sort of thing. But this is one and it's just like, it's just all garbage. And I think, you know, whether or not they all, they visit great artists or whether they just pick on certain people and just totally keep feeding them bad ideas and ruin that. Wait, but do you think that they're conscious that their ideas are bad? Or...

Well, they are. Or do they just be in themselves? You're right. I think they are no one as the God of bad ideas, but they are convinced that the ideas are good, the God. Yeah, because they come to you and they're like, it's like when somebody who's really flirty and full on, like expresses a whole lot of interest in you. But it's just somebody that you're really not interested in at all. But like suddenly everything is being offered to you on a silver platter. Yes, sure.

And you can't help but be flattered by that. And so when you first get offered this stuff, it's like, you're getting visited by the mues. Yeah. And you're like, finally, I'm going to be a real artist. Oh my god, a mues. This is excellent. You know, they takes the mues home. And then let's let's the studio into the studio. And then they just kind, I guess, you know, have the muse sort of inspires you. I guess, suppose they run their fingers over your scalp. Yeah. Yeah.

Like that. And then you're like, oh, and you pick up a paintbrush. You start to squash and stuff. And after a while, you realize it's really bad. But the muse, like you've, the muse doesn't let up or they don't go away. Keep coming back and getting into more stuff. Well yeah, because afterwards maybe you're like,

oh, this is actually worse than what I normally make. What are just, and then they're like, oh, I love it. That's great. Really? Oh, okay, maybe I'm just like, maybe I haven't got my, maybe I'm just like, maybe I haven't got my, maybe I'm just like not ready for it, you know?

Yeah, it's just not what I was expecting. And then, what do you organize an exhibition? And everybody mocks you and you get thrown out of all the art societies. But then the muse is still there being like, no, this is good, they're just not ready for you. And you just keep making worse and worse art. I don't't? Maybe there's a point where you just try to go back to doing what you do. But the muse is still there being like, what are you doing?

I think that's good. I think that's a sketch. Yeah, I think that's a sketch. Absolutely. That's a... We're smack bang in the middle of season two, Alistair, and that is a season two corka. That's a perla. That is a season two bloody corka. I mean it's no one breath left. Don't remember what that is. That's from the last episode where there's just one breath inside the ball bag. There's one breath of air, it's the mythical one breath of air inside the ball bag. They say there's one breath in there. Man did a deal with God.

He said, all right. You can make me capable of drowning, but to make things fair, there should always be one breath left that if you've wanted enough. Dracon, if you wanted to, you could pierce the ball bag with a thumbnail? I reckon you could. Oh, yeah, I mean, I suppose you could open it sort of like a bag of carrots. You know, like I just sort of... Oh, with the tape? Pushing your fingers in near,

and then eventually just pulling apart. Oh, okay, hence, you know what fingernails are really great at scratching stuff off, right? Scratching stuff off things like I was cleaning the oven the other day. And like you can go away at it with all sorts of scaring things and cleaning products, but sometimes you do get to the point where only a fingernail will do with certain bits of grotto. And I was thinking that like, there should be a cleaning product

that is just fingernails. So like, you know, when fingernails get clipped off, you know, maybe, you know, there's a company that collects them all and sterilizes them, right? But then like, you know, puts the minute. But it doesn't have to. It puts them in a bag, right?

And you can just, You don't always sterilize the ones on your fingers. Exactly. But you're cleaning the minute. What it doesn't have to? It puts the minute bag, right? And you can just... You don't always sterilize the ones on your fingers. Exactly. But you're cleaning the oven. You can, you just get out from under the sink, you're, you're top of fingernails and you like shake, you know, a handful. Maybe it could just be in a putty.

You know, putty. This is the putty, you know, and the thing you just... I like to lose fingernails that look like desiccated coconut, but. Oh. Waitated coconut, but Boy, so how do you hold on to them? You just know you just you rub them around so you put them down there And then you rub them around with the sponge or something right like you would any other Foliator. Yeah kind of like a

Like you do with Ajax, you know the powdered Ajax you shake it on there and then you rub it around But having those fingernails you'd get all that cleaning power of like a hundred fingernails in each two. You know what I think would be the ultimate cleaner would be the fingernails, but they're embedded in like an eraser, right? Because I think the eraser would be great in a regular house cleaning thing. We haven't, we haven't looked into this. That's very nice for pencils. We just think that's for pencils. We're so limited in our thinking. That's for pencils. And we're not allowed to draw

with pencils on the counter in the kitchen. So I won't use the eraser there. But, but you start embedding some fingernails in that eraser. Suddenly you're like, maybe I could clean the oven with this. Yeah, I think there's not enough fusion cleaners combining the cleaning power of all man's greatest cleaning products. You've got, you know, obviously, fingernails, you've got the arrays that you've got a bit of bleach and you've got a bit of mother's spit in there.

Remember when she used to spit on a cloth and just wipe the grotto off your cheek? Well, it's that as well. Imagine if she'd put a fingernail in that cloth as well, I'd think she'd spit in your face. Imagine if she'd put a fingernail in that clothe as well. Remember when she used to spit in your face? Mother's spit. I did walk away.

There were, had you never saw her again? And you assumed she was cleaning your face. Yeah, did you tell yourself that every night? She was cleaning your face, Andy. She was cleaning your face. What, she was cleaning your face. What about this, if you're huge scandal, right? You're cleaning with your fingernails. You said a cleaning like your good bowl.

You know, you've got not your good bowl versus your giant a party-sized bowl of custard. Mm. Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I'm picturing. Because your wife and kids were out for the night and so you're like, I'm gonna treat myself. Ah! Ah!

This is, okay, let's just stop there for a second. Right? This is a great thing to be revealed that like, ladies, you don't know this this but when you go out your man is eating on the couch eating a big bowl of custard just like as soon as my family leaves so does my interest in having any health yes my interest in having any health. Yes. And so I just will eat the worst things.

I am deeply attracted to the idea of drinking custard from a carton. You know those big, like I'm talking like a later carton of custard in the, I don't know if they even still exist, but they were definitely a thing when I was a kid. Yeah, I feel like they might be known as drinking custard. Are you serious? I think that there might be a drinking custard out there. That just the phrase drinking custard, what is that? Like that sounds to me like, you know, like pocket change or um...

That sounds to me like pocket change or... It's a drinking custard. I've typed the words drinking custard in and it says Christmas drinking custard or of natural living. Okay, that doesn't sound all that convincing. Grammaz old fashioned drinking custard. There are no drinking creams though, are there? Like we never, we never quite made the leap to just drinking cream. Well they do it in America with their coffee. Yeah, but not just a cup of cream.

All right, and y'all, oh, look it up. Drinking heavy cream. Wait, this is a red it thread. That'll be it'll be a bit to a specific fetish of some kind, right? Yeah. Wait, it's finished for having a great time. Yeah, the cream help weight gain. And look, so, but there's drinking custard. Mm, wow.

But anyway, I was thinking this is where I was going with this. You got this huge big bowl and you've let it sit overnight because you would just pass that on the couch after you went into a custard coma. And it's just on the coffee table there and everything is hardened, right? And so you get out your, your bag of fingernails to clean, start cleaning it up. And one of the fingernails is bigger than you thought. And you realize that this company is putting toe nails. They're selling your toenails. Holy shit. Yeah. Like maybe not all of them.

But you definitely some of it is toenails. That's disgusting. I can't think of anything more vile. And they're and they yeah, I think a mob forms in the streets and you go to the officers of the toenail cleaning, the fingernail cleaning company that's been using toenails. And you drag their CEO out into the street and you burn them alive and everyone gathers around chanting and cheering as they scream. I think you would have to kill them with them like in a death by a thousand cuts, but with fingernails. You're right.

You'll pinch them to death. Pinching. That little pinch, that little pinch just with the fingernail? That's the second pinch, right? You don't talk, we don't talk about this very much, but there's a regular pinch between the finger and the thumb. Right?

But then, there's a whole lot of it. There's a round and leverage that into a fingernail pinch. Yeah, goddamn. And think about how much more, like, concentration of your finger power there is on that thin, that very thin area of, you thin area of thin pinching surface. No wonder you could break the skin with that. That's the killer pinch. You know, this is the finger, the finger and thumb pinch. That's the bludgeon weapon of

the pinching world. Yeah. Right, but, but the nail but the nail pinch, that's the sword. The rapier. The rapier. Awful word. You're right, it is. I don't feel good about it. Alistair, did you write down fingernail cleaning product? Yeah, I did. I wrote exactly those words except they pluralized product Because I assume there'll be a line of them. Yeah, I think you're right. There's a long line of potential Things lined up Waiting to become a reality Go through the big door go through the realitizer, the realitizer. This is a great product. Right? We're fictional things. Wait, we're just waiting in line.

Well, I think you just, you go along and you just tell the realitizer your idea and it makes it a reality. Now this is different to a genie because... But do you think there's a waiting room somewhere? Right? And it's probably... I imagine the realitizer is what makes this waiting room become a waiting room before that it was just a room. Right? It was just a room where things were eternally. Right? But after this realitizer arrived, it became a waiting room where things and people and creatures and environments and things like that go to wait to be conceived of. Yes. And you know, and you might show up there, you grab a number, but the number means nothing because there's no specific order in which things will be conceived of. It has to go, somebody has to like, you know, sometimes

have to just, you know, put two products together. They go, well, what about a ballpoint pen? And, you know, one of those bars of deodorant you rub under your arm, you make that ballpoint deodorant. You, somebody has invented the reallotizer, okay? And you, they're sort of, they don't want any money for it, right? To use it. But everybody's only allowed to use it once in their lives. And it becomes this enormous, big deal, you know,

when you get your turn at the realitizer, a lot of people have used their turn at the realitizer and they turn something into a reality that they later realized was crap and they are living with that regret and so they're always trying to find people who haven't yet used their turn and offer them so much money to have another shot, another role of the dice, the reality is it, but it could become a dangerous addiction. Well, I mean, governments would probably start saying that everybody has to give their one use of it to the state. Yeah. And there would be a lot of exploitation,

I imagine, of people in third world countries or whatever who sell their chance at the realitizer on some international market. And it ends up with billionaires and trillionaires get to make so many things a reality. And it just becomes another source of inequality. Tragic, really. We really thought that this was going to be the one thing to finally fix everything. There's nothing, nothing that capitalism can't corrupt.

Even something as pure as the realitas. Because it's the problem, right? Everybody gets to go with the realitas, but somebody can just decide not to give back the realitas or, you know, decides to control access to the realitas, and suddenly this perfect system, everybody gets one go at creating something of their own imagining and bringing it into reality. But is this a world in which creativity and making things on your own don't exist?

Well, I think... Well, you're right. I suppose you can still go through the regular invention process, but I think once the realitizer comes into being and once its power is realized by everyone, and there is this kind of short cut to making things real, where you can buy and sell, and if there is this kind of short cut to making things real, where you can buy and sell, you know, and if there is this trading system of trading your chance at the realitizer,

then I think very quickly the skills of creativity and invention would wither and die in the human psyche. And we would turn out to be a real curse. And then if the realontized broke down. What you would, yeah. But I think what you would really discover is that the limits of how perfect your thought of an idea is of something you've created.

Like you go, all right, I'm gonna create this cool underground, you know, like this sort of submarine type thing that travels underground, that's supersonic speed. Oh, God. Right. Yeah, wow. And then. And then.

And then. And then. And then. And then. And then. And then. And then. And then. And then. Yeah, wow, that's so good. Like it drills through the earth. It just drills through the earth like, you know, like that. And then, but I think, but your design, like I think, do you think it's enough to just say the words, would you have to actually

picture the thing? Does it come out as the picture in your mind? Because it feels like the realitizer would be cheating you if it kind of adapted your idea in some way, if it editorialized instead of made it work more than your idea actually does. I wasn't picturing something that would work this well. Oh, what another go. I think a lot of people would just, they would bring something into reality that doesn't work. Yeah. Right. And so then then everybody would real, like then do and build these guidelines

that would be like, hey man, you gotta, you gotta try to wish for something. You gotta bring something into reality that's really simple and that you've completely conceived of. Yeah, you're right. So maybe the skills of creativity wouldn't be lost.

In fact, maybe they'd almost be taught in children like a, almost like religion would be, you know, from your, from a very young age, you'd be preparing children for their chance to use the realitizer and getting their thoughts in order and describing things in detail. And yeah, really interesting. I mean, someone would come along and say the thing that I can see, or there's a realitizer that lets me have as many goes as I...

Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often, flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill.

Now is the time. Mycomputercareer.edu. I want and then... There's a realitarza that gives me a genie that lets me wish as many wishes as I want. I guess one of the rules of the realitarza is no wishing for more realitarzes. But you can't wish for a real-time. Don't say wishing, don't call it wishing as well. This is science! It's realitarz. But you can't really do that. Don't say wishing, don't call it wishing as well. This is science. It's realitarz.

It's realitarz. All right, now you lose your guard. Backer the cue. You don't wanna do that. That goes my right, my human right. Is this a sketch? Is there anything? Yeah, yeah, that's a sketch. Absolutely a sketch. I think there's a whole film in that.

Yeah, great. So glad. A whole film. There's a toy-a-part series. Twenty parts, eh? A whole film. Yeah. Yeah. Great.

I think there's a short film in the one in the one breath. There's... short film and the one in the one breath. There's, there's short film festivals and then there's feature-length film festivals. But where is the long film festival? A festival only for films that are over 10 hours in length. Well, I mean, there isn't festivals. I mean, I don't as far as I know for like

20-part documentaries or like you know or like 2020 26 episode sitcoms seasons of sitcoms that Some indie sitcom makers made in their garage, you know, yes. Yes made in their garage. Yes. Yes. And I suppose that's because they don't feel like they wouldn't be able to get judges. They could watch enough of that stuff. But I mean, if you made a film festival that was that, people would maybe start making that kind of stuff so that they could win an award. People do like to win awards. And...

Pete, once it's been made, people are gonna have fucking opinions on it. You're gonna get judges. People are gonna judge that shit because that's what people do. That's all we do is judge. Should we start a, and the independent 24 episode season

of a sitcom festival? Well, there's already the 24-hour film festival, but I think the floor in that is that you have 24 hours to make a film and it's not a competition for films that are 24 hours long. And... We should start a 24-hour film festival that is about making a 24 hour film festival. That is about making a 24 hour film.

It's good. It's good. That's good. Right. No, this is a sketch. No, no, not really. I mean, I guess I think the idea of a 24 hour film festival. I mean, is a sketch, I think is a silly sketch. I'm going to write it down.

Well, I mean, you could almost look at feature length films as being trailers for longer films because every feature length film is a shortening of events, right? Like, there are no feature length films that only depict, I mean, there must be some, but a few, a very few that only depict, you know, a two hour and 40 minute sequence of events. Maybe that's what Dunkirk was, don't know. But I think all other films, given that they are, you know, they're

an editing down of something that would normally take a much longer period of time. I think you're thinking of that 1917. 1917 yes that's probably what I was thinking of but all other films you know are you know in that attraler is an edited down version of a film you can look at any film as being edited down version of a much longer film you know within, you're just getting the highlights. And in a similar way, you could think of friends as just the trailer, you know, the episode of Friends, the TV show Friends, all 19 seasons or whatever they did,

as just a trailer for the much bigger work. Correct. Yes. Is that any closer to being something? Sorry. Is that any closer to being something? Sketch wise, maybe not. I wonder if you could... is there any kind of interesting,

anything interesting to be done with making trailers, but only using the most boring bits of films? Because they always put the exciting things and the good jokes and stuff in them. But, you know, could we- And we only put the worst jokes in. Yes, we just make a trailer and make the movie look as boring as possible. Take a really exciting film like Wild Wild West with Will Smith from Dardin, Dardin Arne.

Oh, was that Will Smith yet? It was Will Smith, sorry. It was Will Smith. Will Smith. I was thinking of Shanghai Noon. Ah. That's a great film. I haven't seen it either. Ah, it's got my favourite moment in film in Shanghai, though.

Was it Jackie Chan involved? No, no, it's all, it's pretty much all I own Wilson. It just, I don't know what it was. I don't know if it would be just as funny if I would ever see it again, but the first time I saw it made me laugh so much. I might have already discussed it on be just as funny if I would ever see it again, but the first time I saw it made me laugh so much. I might have already discussed it on the podcast once, I think, where Owen Wilson is trying to dig himself out of a hole up to his neck, only using chopsticks in his mouth.

It's incredible. I'd love to be able to share it with the listeners, but I'm so greedy. I'll edit in a video of it. We'll drop that in here. If we worked out how to edit it, it'll be right now. Also, it's entirely visual. You'll be seeing it with your eyes now if we work out how to do it. When is there ever a good reason to bury somebody up to their neck? Because in movies when they say that they've done that to a dad or something like that in a beach, that's usually that the dad's lying down, right? And that they just make it look like he's kind of standing in sand with this sand all the way up to his neck.

I mean, I'm not of Trump struggling to picture the scenario that you're describing totally, Alice. Like when there's somebody who's just their head sticking out of the sand. Yeah, yeah. Right. You picture that they're in the standing position. I do picture that, yes, yes every time you're exactly right. Yeah but But I think you can get the same effect by just laying down and if not by laying down

You could definitely get it just by sort of sitting in a hole, right? Yeah sitting. Yeah sitting is good too, but but if not sitting you could get it down by laying down You can get it sitting you could get it down by laying down. You can get it sitting. You can get it laying down. Matter of fact, I got it now. I'm more necks sticking out of the same bed. What would be the benefits? I mean, in a way, it would be the most comprehensive hug you can imagine, right?

Wait, what would be? Being buried like that. You know, like it would be, you'd feel that pressure all around you if you're standing up in the sand, you've been buried up to your neck. I mean, would you still be able to breathe? If you're long, as long as your lungs can still expand, your chest cavity can still expand,

but you might not be able to, you might just die. Well, I think as long as there are a bit of give in the sand, you know, I don't think this sand doesn't get you compact as as tightly as it Very often there's not much give in sand like it naturally packs pretty tight and it's heavy It's tiny rocks. Who I talk about this, but sand is just very very small rocks rocks. They were on talk about this but sand is just very very small rocks. It's not just rocks, it's also like tiny sea shells. Yes indeed. And you know just silica and uh... and bits of seaweed. Broken name glass? Yeah. Broken name bits of glass? Yeah. If you've ever looked at sand under a microscope it's one of the most beautiful things. Oh, they've looked at that Or a fuse to Andrew if you want to do something beautiful with your children That will open their eyes to the beauty that this world offers

May I suggest flying a kite? Have you ever looked at sand through a microscope with your child? Not with my child. There was a dream there for a little bit that we would get a microscope and I was looking on Amazon for like, good microscopes. And then one day I received a microscope for birthday. And it was not what I was asking for. It was like a $10 job. And the person who purchased it assumed that it would just all be the same,

but it was not all the same. And I don't know. We just kind of didn't continue with that. But I mean, to be fair, I would have used it, you know, three times. And then, and then it would have used it three times and then and then it would have just gone in the pile of all the things that we own, but I do have a very nice microscope in Tasmania somewhere. I got one and it was a good one. I don't mean to boast, but it sounds like I had a much better microscope than you. One of the eye lenses fell out. Oh, brutal. I mean, it was when are we going to get

the domestic scanning, tunneling, electron microscope technology. I mean, all these big pieces of technology, you know, the giant computers of yesterday, eventually become so tiny that we can have them in our, hold them in our hand. When will I get a scanning tunneling electron microscope that is just an app on my phone? And if I want to look at the very structure of the atoms in my coffee table, that I can just get the app up and just look at that. When do I get that? Yeah, when? It's all I want.

Do you get something that you'd want? I'd be cool for a couple of minutes, you know? Yeah. It'd be good, it could be the first time somebody showed it to you at a house party or something like that and you were like, oh wow. And then you'd go back and tell other people about it. And then, ah, I don't know really, you're wear off.

It'd be about as good as that app that made it look like you were drinking a beer out of your phone. Yeah. But then maybe like three years down the line, you'd see somebody on YouTube did something really cool with one of those things. And you go, I should get mine out and have a look at it. You look at the one, you look at the electrons in the cable of your earphones and then you

go, this wasn't that interesting actually. Is there a sketch in everybody having a scanning tunneling electron microscope in the home, Alistair? Or that kind of domestic technology? I think I feel like this idea of having one of the coolest bits of little technology, and it's available now for like $2,999. Yeah. And you get it and you show, you know, you look,

you go, oh, cool. And then you show your house meat Yeah, and then you just put it away. Yeah, all right like it starts to get in the way It's in the corner of the room and you're like hang clothes on it You're stubbing your toe on it and then you're like then you're putting it out on the street And it's getting soggy in the rain and people you know Council comes around and they're picking up all the electron microscopes that people have left on the nature strip and smash it.

No, they just said we're not accepting these anymore. We've got too many. We've got too many for the garbage. I mean, we could do, the sketch could do kind of like the life cycle of this idea that like a company does start marketing them as the thing that you've got to have. Right? Like almost like 3D printers were almost like that for a while and I think, you know, they're kind of a bit, a lot of them are kind of a bit redundant now, especially the early ones that like don't have, aren't as good.

But like, you know, they try, they work out, how can we try and sell this thing? Like, we've got a company that makes these things, but there's a real limit on the market. How can we kind of, flog it as a thing that people need in their homes? And then we go through that thing of people's time to buy them and it's being really cool for a bit

and then they become a garbage total garbage. And then there's how they would get you, they'd say see things at the quantum level. That's how they get me. See things as they really are. I thought you couldn't see things at the quantum level. You go, well, until now. Most people can't.

How you doing the right thing for your kids' education? Does your child have a functional electron microscope in the home? Because my kid does. Yeah, because are you what, are you only taking them down to like the nano meter or something like that? Yeah, oh, that's embarrassing. Yeah. Um, I reckon we've got five ideas, Al. You You're absolutely right Andy. So that means that we're gonna go to Three words from a listener Andrew. I don't know if you know this but people who support us on patreon Can suggest three words and today's listener is James Roy James Roy James Roy, hello James Roy. Thank you so much James Roy. James Roy. James. Hello James Roy. Thank you so much James Roy.

Yes. Andy, do you want to try and guess what James Roy's words are assuming that I wrote them down correctly? Gurgle. Gurgle? Gurgle. Gurgle? Oh no.

No. Do you want to try again? Yeah. Lunch. No. Do you want to try again? Yeah, yeah. Lunch. No, but one of the words does have the same number of use. Ha, ha, ha. But you got every other number of letters incorrect. That word was stutter.

Oh, great. Okay. Yeah, so we've got stutter. Yep. We've got magic. Yep. And we've got envieron. Stutter.

Magic. Envieron. I did a tweet today that I deleted straight away because I was embarrassed about it, but my tweet was a Harry Potter, but it's stage magicians instead of wizards. And can you imagine? What? Stage magicians instead of wizards? You imagine your son is 13, and an enormous man shows up at the door

and says, your son is a stage magician. He's gonna come away with me to the school full of stage musicians, where we'll teach him stage magic. Give me a boy. That's really good. Give me the boy. And you try and protest, but they keep producing doves out of their sleeves and squirting you with water as they take away your child.

Has stage magicians tend to do? Are you thinking of clowns? Well, they produce doves. I'm sure they squirt you with water in some in some tricks. Andy, do you mean out of a flower on their clan? No, I don't. I mean out of a flower on their magician outfit. And there's the, there's one evil stage magician

that they don't speak the name of his name is Kyle. There's a celebration between non-magic people and then also non-magic people who know stage magic. I mean, I feel like, you know, almost like pickpocketing and that sort of thing, you know, is a little bit that, you know. Making, making things disappear, then not bringing them back and the things that children. Some of the stage magic dark arts is just like you know those ones that they do with with filmed magic where it's like well they wouldn't just do that by just getting the person to walk away while the cameras are. Yeah. I mean the worst kind of those ones. Surely the ones where there's,

they're like, we've never met before, have we? But then it is just an actor that you've paid. Oh, I love to say. To stage magic dark arts. Of just... When you have actually met. Yeah, of just lying, just lie. It's just lying.

The magic is that I would believe that I can just lie to you like this and probably charge you money to watch me do it. Like when they tell you that these are just two ordinary rings. Yeah. And they're actually really strange rings. Two ordinary rings. You know those kinds of big gold metal rings that you just have lying around the house.

Yeah, perfectly ordinary that we all know and we all understand the way they behave. You know, you know when you bang them together. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha clapping, you know, it's no different because they're so familiar with it. But imagine if those hands somehow became linked together. All right, so I really like that idea. I'm so glad you deleted it so we could have it on the upper part. Yeah, that's why I deleted it. I feel like that's a worthwhile, we, that's why I feel like that's that's a worthwhile we that's another film that we could make Could it be a three-part franchise How many parts were in the Harry Potter like seven or some shit seven movies seven and then a stage show. Oh my god That's before you even get started on the Wizarding World films of Mysterious beasts and where to find them and the crimes of Grindelwald

Yeah, I mean I've barely seen any new movies. I haven't seen any of the new Star Wars. I haven't seen any of those other I haven't even watched the last Harry Potter movie because I was like I forgot I never got around to watching that last a reading that last book And now you're never will. No, I never will because I don't like JK anymore. JK. Yeah. And he does that count as our as James Roy's sketch ID.

Well, let James write in if he feels ripped off. All right. I guess the magic bits in there and that's what's that's the connection. Yeah, that was the connection. And the big guy, the big guy who comes and gets your kid and says he's a stage magician. That can be, that guy can have a stutter. You can have a stutter. And what was the other word? And his name can be in viral. Yeah, perfect. be in viral. Yeah, perfect. Oh, I think this is such a good idea for a parody movie. Like, I feel like I could dedicate my life to making parody movies. Great. My entire life.

Yeah. Alright, throw everything else away. I wonder if you if you are exclusively eight custard right drink drinking custard do you think your who would be more running you ate you ate drinking because you're bad bad you like to drinking. Correct. Do you think your poo would be more running or more solid? Well, I think you'd have non-Newtonian. Depend if you hit it with a hammer. This is the cornstarch that's in there. Non-Putonian. Yeah, all right. We're done here, Alistair.

Take us through the sketches. We got stand-up ghost. The guy died from either at his own hand or a bee sting. And he was a stand-up comedian. But he wasn't doing that well anyway. And then suddenly people like him a lot more. Now that he's a ghost stand-up comedian, but he wasn't doing that well anyway. And then suddenly, people like him a lot more. Now, there is a ghost stand up comedian. He has to, but he can only go up at this one night

from the room that he hunts. But it's really good for his career. He gets to be one of the cool kids for a bit, but all his materials are at ghost centric. And he can only perform through other people, which means that it's very hard because people never recognize his face because he always has a different face terrible for marketing Then we've got you have to come up with a distinct pose

Anyway, that's a good idea Sorry, but a lot of people say that it's a bit more of a zombie pose but it's a bit more of a zombie pose. Oh. Maybe he just gets a sheet. He gets him to put on a sheet. That's great. It's one there at the back of the stage. Yeah.

But then that's stealing an idea from our friend Laura Davis who did a show under a sheet like that. Speaking of friends, can I plug Ainsley's podcast, Metta? Yeah. Which is friends, can I plug Ainsley's podcast Meta? Which is very, very good. I love listening to Meta so much. Firstly, they're both so chill. Yeah.

Sam and Ainsley. And so smart and funny. And so smart and funny. And I feel like I learn something every time but but it's not a learning podcast It really is just two people talking Just find it meta M-E-T-A Yeah, I'll try and put a link in the show notes below definitely give it a listen

Yes Then we have the bot bad idea, bad idea muse is very full on and gives you really bad ideas, but you're very excited to have a muse. Then we've got the fingernail cleaning products. This one we discovered that there are some jobs that can only be done with a fingernail. Or several. Loose ones. Or several.

But then of course you'll find out that a lot of the fingernails are coming from the shingeng Region of China so I think they'll be like oh Jesus. Oh, that's really made this seem really grubby this fingernail idea Well the only thing that can clean this sketch idea up Then we got the realitizer everybody gets to use it once You get one go Don't waste it Then we got the realitizer, everybody gets to use it once. You get one go. Don't waste it. Oh my god, it's one of the only pure things in the world now. Then we got the 24 hour film festival where people have to make 24 hour films.

But they have to make it in only one hour. You could do that if you had a big enough team. A lot of different units. That's true. That's crazy. That would be so amazing. I guess if you did it and you'd have to just kind of plan it out a little bit, but basically all the bits just have to be put one after the other. Yeah. And you just go, all right, let's just see how we can do it. Let's see how we go. There'll be a lot of shots of like one person on the phone over here, another person on the phone over here. It's sad and good.

It's sad like one of those situations where a grite just comes from constraints. You need like, like identical triplets so that you can have a nice long phone conversation just between two people in the film. Yes. Then we got the household electron microscope and how quickly it becomes a burden, a burden and garbage that just envelops the world. And then we have stage magician Harry Potter which is going to be the film that's going to launch our film careers. which is going to be the film that's going to launch our film careers. Into the sun. Maybe our film careers couldn't get any worse than they already are. And it's probably one of the best places to be.

Yeah, that's true. It's a really good starting point. Starting at rock bottom. And also, there's already a built-in audience for this. I mean you don't call it stage magician Harry Potter But when you're when you're describing it to people and they go it's like stage. It's like Harry Potter But with stage magicians. Everybody like all the audience who love Harry Potter will be like well Just have a little peekaboo just to see Wonder if there are stage magicians in the Harry Potter universe. Like even within the magicians, right?

Like maybe some of the magic people would still have that close up magic as a hobby. Or would they be stage muggles? Oh, hey. So what's that? They pretend not to be magic on stage. I guess so. I mean, it's probably just a weird thing where it's basically just a parody of being a minstrel, I guess. But like a lot of wizards and witches would go along to like a nightclub or something to

watch somebody perform muggle them on stage. Yeah, muggle them. Yeah, and they'll go, oh, this is what they're like. You're right, it doesn't seem okay. I'm glad we thought it through. Yeah. All right. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Thank you so much for listening to Two in the Think Tank. God, I love it. God, I love it when you listen.

Thank you also to the people who have written elaborate and glowing reviews of the podcast recently. Man, so elaborate and so glowing. Thank you so much. feel good they feel good yes Tingles all the way down you know who you are Hmm and and if I I mean I'd want to set a challenge out there for anybody who's interested in making the writing the most elaborate reviews We don't have the best reviews, but we do have the most elaborate. I don't know how that speaks into the algorithm.

We have reviews with a twist at the end turns out that everybody was dead during the whole review. So thank you so much. You can get Magma from Yes. You can get Magma from SOSPresence.com. We are on Twitter at Two in Tank. I am at SuperdollDandy. And I'm at Alistair TV and we're also on Instagram at Two in Tank. And you can support us on Patreon if you feel. You can enrich your lives by working hard on different skills if you want.

And you can take care of those around you if you want. You can take care of those around you, which you should always do, but especially always, especially. And we love you. You we love you. Thank you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

It's not optional, you have to do it. We used to go easy on it, but now you have to. Yeah. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill.

Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu.