Two In The Think Tank - 246 - "THE NIGHT BANKER"

Episode Date: August 11, 2020

Get Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaWhoopsie Daisy Down He Goes, Dressagerie, Inflatable Jockey, Sausage Animals, Mourning Meats, Cannibalism, The Night BankerHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereBig 'Ole thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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this podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our right mites and Andy yeah yes I will stay yes do you know you know how sometimes we have sponsorship on this program? Well, today we're sponsored. We're a show. And by the way, they're clamoring to sponsor our show. So when we don't have sponsorship, it's because of our artistic intempration. That's right.

And not because nobody's approached us. That's right. And today we're being sponsored by magma it's these hot young sketch guys who are performing a an engineering presentation it's us and it's available at sospresents.com you know what you know what Gandhi said he said be the podcast sponsor you want to see in the world exactly and that's what we decided to do. You know what we sponsored our sales. He also said a podcast sponsor for a podcast sponsor and the whole world his ears are filled with podcasts, sponsorships.

Yeah, know what? And he was right. He was right. He wasn't wrong. The Mahatma. No, that's right. And then it takes us right into them song. Bbb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Bb, Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup-Dup- the intervening minute will be Aleister George William, how they worked all. Long may this state of affairs reign. Yes, that's right. The tunas, the tunas of you and I, and the respective beings, lining up with our souls and our entities. And I don't see any reason to change what has up until this point been a very, very

functional system. That's right. I was there before we started recording. You made a comment that I thought was humorous and worth bringing up on pod and preserving forever in indelible digital. And that was we were referring to getting the pleasantries out of the way and getting on with the unpleasantries. And I that's what I like because what it implies is that you know saying hello and how are you is the only pleasant

thing that there is and all other parts of the human experience are suffering. Well it's shorter it's shorter and you's shorter, and you know what to say, you know, and then the rest, you're right, there's a script, we've been given a script for that. And then the rest you're on your own, you're doing it, which is one of the most awful things that a person can be subjected to. But it's fun to do sometimes. Hmm, you know what I'm looking forward to with COVID? I'm looking forward to death being so commonplace, so frequent that it becomes a feature of our daily lives as much as saying hello or goodbye.

And it'll become incorporated, it'll just become part of small talk. And then there won't be that awkwardness around it. That, that, oh, what do I say when somebody dies? You, you will know what you say when somebody's loved one dies, you say, whoops, a daisy down, he goes, and that's just, and it's just, and it's dealt with, it's done. It's done, yes. None of this muckab, grim, oh, morning, whoa, whoa, et cetera.

It's just another thing that just rolls off the tongue. I was at a funeral relatively recently. And like, you're all the things that the ways you've been trained to talk to people, just to communicate, you know, things like it's great to see you and that sort of thing. You have to, like I found myself saying those things, you know, just because that's, oh, as it was lovely to see you, that sort of thing. Because that's what you say to people when you see them. But when you see them at a funeral,

you can't say that you've been betrayed by the system that created you, the system of small talkery. You're right. You know what I'm saying? Absolutely. Because it's normally you walk up to me, you say, hey, big dick dog, you son of a bitch.

Right? Glad to see you and all your relatives alive. Yes. And so, and then in the context of a funeral, especially a funeral where you've just had your dick chewed off by a dog. Oh yeah. It, you know. So it was as if you had a funeral for your dick. Oh my god. Look, I'm really not done as a sketch idea. So a guy had his dick chewed off by a dog.

And then it's all the friends getting together at the funeral for his dick Hmm, but then I think we do need a moment where Somehow Who knows their mouth in it their foot. I mean I put really put my foot in it. I mean I put my mouth around it. Oh no I put your foot in my mouth. I mean I put your foot in my mouth. I mean, I put your penis in my mouth. Oh my God. What I want to see is the penis sort of in a zombie type situation, you know, thrusting up through the earth like a fist of an undead,

you know, individual. So the penis has somehow become erect. I like I liked burst out. I liked the idea that it's like as in this might have been what you're saying but you're 90 minutes into the funeral right and it bursts out of the coffin. I don't I don't know if it's an open coffin. I don't know if you have an open coffin for penis funeral. Well it's an open coffin. I don't know if you have an open coffin for penis, you know. Well, it's another one of those ones where the conventions haven't been established. Yeah, but it comes out and it was,

it realizes it was all a trick by the penis to see what people would say. So it faked its own death. I guess the dog was in on it. It's tricky. Oh, so it has actually been ripped off. Well, we're not sure. We're not sure.

And these details maybe are a bit too complicated to figure out. This could happen. This could happen that somebody never actually had their dick ripped off. They faked their their dick ripped off. They faked their dick B ripped off to find out so they could honestly hear what people really did. Because you never know, do you?

Everyone's very polite when they see it. I know whenever I've seen yours, I've said something very polite. Like good stuff. Oh, goodness me. Oh, goodness me. Oh, what a delight. How remote. Yeah. But actually the dick is just up in the,

up in the attic looking down and listening. No, I think they still have their dick on. Okay, they still have their dick on. They're dick on. Okay, right. Which is what, that's part of the company of this, that somebody would just lie to it. Yeah, but I think if he tries to pass it off

as the actions of the dick, I mean, you're on. You know, if he's wild enough to put on a funeral for his own penis, and he's wild enough to try to blame it on the penis. And as I'm in it's own. I think this could be a stand up bit, Alistair, that you based around the fact that you never really know what anybody honestly thinks of your genitalia. And that's why I've been thinking of faking its death. And then showing up at its funeral.

And then at the funeral. Yeah, exposing it. Exposing it. Dropping my pants at the funeral for my penis. Well, maybe I just, maybe I guess a person who lost the penis is supposed to not be there. Because I mean, it would be, look, I think Because I mean, I do like the idea of that moment after the funeral where everybody walks by and shakes your hand and says something. We're all going to miss it.

I think I realize it doesn't make sense that they're there because you wouldn't think people would still wouldn't talk honestly because they're there Is that what you're concerned about? Well, you know, no, no, I'm just yeah Well, I imagine if that if he was there that he would fear that people wouldn't be speaking honestly, but I guess you know He's not a hundred percent sane of mind Has it totally thought through everything through it? You know, the necessary level of detail. Anyway, that's very good. Could very well be the best thing we've ever come up with. Well, we did get to talk about it.

I would like to apologize for all of it. Yeah, it's season two, baby. Season two, baby, we're not only we come up with stuff that maybe if lesser quality we say that it's way better than everything else we've come up with. That's right. We gaslight you about all the old stuff. We talk that day out. We spend a lot of energy on that. And did you think that we discussed this, but that the two and the thing should be a franchise that continues after we retire? I don't know that we have Alistair, but I'm I'm really open to it and I'm I'm willing to be part of the

the the reality TV show where we we audition people to take out place. You know that's an that's an idea, Andy. What if, I mean, you could do that, let's say, if we were just taking a month off. We wanted to take a month off, so we're not going to do four episodes, right? And instead of just pre-recording for episodes, right? Yes. Which would be time-consuming, you know, before that month comes, we run a full reality TV show

that we film stuff to get to new hosts with the right chemistry, to new hosts with the right look. In two new hosts with the right ethnicity. That's going to be the hardest. So, that's not a sketch idea, but that's silly. And I definitely think we should do it at some point. And we need to expand this puppy. Yes. Oh, absolutely, I'll say.

This is, I mean, I like the idea of challenges of some sort. I don't know whether or not they have to make an outfit. I think probably they do. Because what a lot of the listeners don't realize is that before each episode, Alistair and I craft an outfit from scratch. That's right. Yeah.

And that's why sometimes the episodes themselves go up a bit late or a C-Mun prepared. We put a lot of the time into the Dressage component. That's right. Yeah. Speaking of Dressage, do you think any other animals? Yeah, any other animals should be doing sort of dancing for our entertainment. You know what, as soon as I said the word Dressage, I was like, I was picturing a tortoise, a tortoise. A tortoise? And, and, and ridden by a little jockey.

Yeah, there's that kind of dance thing they do that sort of cross-legged dance. Hmm, yeah, I don't know that a tortoise could pull that off, but it might be able to do a little backspin on a shell or something. I'm pretty sure I've seen that. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy. Andy, 10 HB in NinjaTool. I don't think a horse could do that. And yet they do. It seems impossible that you should be able to tell a horse how to where to put its feet. You're right, you're absolutely right. I don't know how you begin to teach a horse some shit like.

Like, what do you do? You wait for it to do it by accident, or you just electrocute it until in desperation, it does that. Then you're like, yes. And it's like, oh, okay. So wait, was the idea that you wait for them to move their feet like that by accident

and then really praise them? Yeah. Oh, good horse. Ah, great horse. Ah, here's a roast beef. Ah, great horse. Ah, here's a roast beef. Ah, great roast, roast beef. Roast beef. Roast beef.

God, horse. We are, we electrocute them until they do something we want and then we give them roast beef. And it's... That's how you teach a horse. It's the only way to teach a horse. Electrical outlet and the beef approach. Not the carrot and the stick, which others may have, which works for donkeys, but when it's a horse, it's a totally different thing. It's a roast beef on a rock.

I think the, as much as the breeding of the the large powerful horses a key component of horse racing and so on is the breeding of the small lightweight jockeys and I think that you know it you but I'm wondering you know if if the breeding of the small jockeys if we should focus more on that and try and get smaller and smaller jockeys, so that they could be, could be riding on almost any animal at all. Well, that's true, yeah. A hamster. But it would, it would also allow for the horse to be able to keep their feet off the ground for longer.

off the ground for longer. Well, I mean, really what you want is you want to breed a jockey who is negative weight. Is enormous. And exactly it filled with helium. We've been thinking about this all right. You know that you we've been thinking of small dense jockey. But what we want is enormous jockeys are very low Dense, you know, remember that that terrible technique that old jazz musicians used to have that would lead to their cheeks inflating a shit load

And was that is that bad technique? Yeah, I think you these days the ideas that you wouldn't have your neck inflate It all like I'm stuff. Yeah. Apparently. So, but we teach these jockeys that technique. And then we fill their cheeks up with helium. And not just their cheeks. Not just their cheeks. I think there should be a place in between all the layers of skin, all over the body, where you could just hide a little helium. Well, this happened to my friend Sam at high school.

He was a bagpipe player, and he, one day, got hit in the face with a tennis racket, and then he went and did some bagpike playing. And he inflated his face. He quite genuinely, there was some rupture somewhere in some skin membrane inside his cheek. And that allowed air, like a amount of pressure they put on when they're blowing into those bags.

And his whole side of his face and bits of his neck got filled with air and inflated and he had to go to the hospital. But this is perfect, Alistair. I'm sure there are membranes and such like that all to the right. Dragging. The horse is just running along on a tight legs. Well, that's how you get the horse to do all

sorts of crazy stuff because suddenly you just I'm thinking of it as a race. Oh, it to me it's a race. Oh, we'll see why we want such a lightweight. For me, I see the guy just spinning the horse around. I'm going around. I think the inflatable jockey either dressage or definitely more likely horse racing.

I would, there's every chance I'd be interested in horse race. This is what I want. I understand Andy, but I don't think that not having grip on the ground is good for getting speed as a horse. Uh, I, you were thinking of a Pegasus. You well, yeah. But I still think there's value to this for horse racing. You want your drunken to be lightweight. You want your horse to have to be light.

And there's got to be a sweet spot. Yeah, you're right. You're right. And look, everything on our body is the result of evolution. Right? Including if you pierce your cheek and play the bagpipes Everything on our body is the result of evolution, right? Including if you pierce your cheek and play the bagpipes that that your body Turns out that your body makes your body inflatable Evolution didn't put that there by accident. That's right. And it's just it's up to us They're for a reason it's up to us to find why we survive better with that and it's I think because of this

Because of this inflating thing. It's scary to think that one day we will run out of helium on Earth. Did you know that? Yeah, yeah, it's really scary. I'm scared. And you know, we don't realize that we're living it probably peak helium right now. Have we talked about this in the podcast before? The balloon animals, etc. of today. Will they limp? Well, they will lie limp and the children of tomorrow will look back on this time at a gast, in which we frittered away the helium. I think a lot of clones have adapted this by none of them inflating their balloon animals with helium. Yeah, that's true.

They probably never did. So I guess, I guess a scuba do do down I guess that's okay. My daisies or whatever to that. That's what you said. The condolences. I mean, if they're, if you were to, I'm just thinking, you know, forms of art, and I'm thinking of all the schools of painting. Yeah. I'm just wondering quickly if we can come up with one right now, because, you know, obviously you've got your... It's funny that you're asking that.

Cubism, your point of wisdom, your impressionism. Mm. Mm. Well, it's funny that you were asking that because I was just thinking about whether or not there was other ways of, you know, turning stuff that is not an animal into something that looks like an animal. For kids' parties or whatever, you know,

once balloons are done, you know, I guess they're already bad. Today, I kind of, I did just scrunch some paper for my son. Yeah. And because he was like, I gave, I had made him a paper airplane and he said, make it into another paper airplane. And then I unfolded it and then it folded into a different kind of airplane. He said, make it into another.

So I don't know how to do it. I only know two airplanes. And then he goes, well He said, make it into another. I said, I don't know how to do it. I only know two airplanes. And then he goes, well, can you make it into something else, like an animal? And so I just started crumpling it in front of him. And this was a joyful thing. It wasn't anger. I mean, at least not on the outside.

It wasn't a threat. No. You see what I can do to this paper? You can't just crumple it and then kind of shape the crumple into something that looks like, you know, I guess an impression of a bear or something like that. Well, I mean, I think what you're describing is bad origami. Well, yeah, but I mean, it's, yeah, it's bad. It's definitely bad origami, especially if you were going to call it origami. Oh, okay.

I've done you a disservice there by putting it in the school of origami. It's not bad origami. It's good, it's own thing. Yeah, but I mean, it's got to be. It's own different thing. I mean, you know, there's got to be other things that you can turn into animals. Essentially, a balloon's just a bit of garbage, garbage rubber. It's a medium as much as anything else. Let's see, string, liquid, water, ice.

Maybe you could tie the kids' clothes into something, like into the shape of a giraffe or something. But I guess that involves an entertainer coming and taking the kids' clothes off. And that feels like it's not a good idea. Hair, what are you gonna do with hair? I mean, I'm just picturing now doing a balloon animal artistry, but with sausages.

You know, because they're basically the same thing. And I think you can get this guy and he's brilliant and he comes to your house. And instead of filling up the balloons by blowing into them, he has a meat grinder there and he fills up a section of it in test iron. Oh, I see. And he twists it and turns it and he can turn it into anything into a giraffe, into a gun, and then the kids can run over to the, give it to Dad, a deep ride, sure.

Oh, this actually sounds kind of like fun, like this would be a thing at a fair. If this could be done, it would already have been done. Surely, surely, you're, you're a, you're little. You're silly in thinking that because you're right. It is. You're just replacing the air with ground up meat and meat substitutes. Hmm. Hmm.

Meat substitutes, sure. I mean, sausage animals. Andy, it's so. Saucy generals. It's a magic animals, right? But they're made out of meat. That's the beauty of it. And then you can also yes wear it on your head or whatever That's right. The great ones would be those big swords that kids love. You know, they're gonna make them a sword with a big

You know, the big a pork sword. Well, that's what it can be. It could be a pork So it can also be a chicken sword and it could be a beef sword and they make veggie sausages these days, what it can be. It could be a pork side, but it can also be a chicken sword. And it could be a beef sword. And they make veggie sausages these days. And it can be a veggie sword. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation.

You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time. Mycomputercareer.edu. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. Vanty saw it sure. You know, this is a clown, but he's sort of a little bit butcher like as well. Well, clowns often wear those white, overly, blood stained overalls. Well, you already know about the clown doctors a clown butchers not that far away

Not that far away. Yeah, I mean there It's two ends of the of the life of the lifeline, you know The doc the doctor is just the butcher before you're dead It's a positive butcher. It's a butcher. Yeah, right. It's a butcher with a, you know, with a, you know, it's just like he's got a little something. It's the butcher of light. He's the butcher. He kills death. He's God's butcher. I think that's interesting. I don't know if you want to know. I was gonna say look a butcher and a doctor the same thing right It's just that they help you move further away from the death part right so you you know the life death line Right so the doctor moves you out further towards life and the butcher moves your further away

further towards life and the butcher moves your further away towards even further death by sort of partaking in sort of decapitation making sure that it cannot be reversed. You're right. It's progress of a kind. What is it? It's sealing the of locking it in. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes you need that to help. You know, so you need, you need something to take it, take it out of your hands. If, you know, if it was up to me, as a corpse, I'd probably want to sort of just try and become alive again, you know? Exactly. I know how much power of corpses have of these sort of things, but I'd probably always be thinking about it. If indeed I could think, we're like, I should try and become alive again. No, bring the butcher in, grind me up, turn me into patties or something.

Turn me into a sausage animal. A sausage animal, I don't even... I mean, the thing is that it's combined a few things. This is a funeral where they grind up the deceased and turn them into sausage animals and give them, but they could just turn them, make them in the shape of them, take the body, make them mold. Right? Make them mold. Line that mold with sort of fake intestine skin thing. Right? Yeah.

Okay. Then grind the person up. You've got to add the stuff that you add in there. Add your rosemary and some red wine. Right? Add a few things. Add some meat enhancer, whatever they put in there. Right? A little bit of fat. So just, you know, it cooks nice. Right? Yeah. And then, then you reverse vacuum seal that. I mean, like you, you, you plop that

in. It'll fill up the whole area, right? Deep fry it or whatever. However, they're going to do that. But, you know, you have one of those morgue doors, but it's just an oven. It's like, well, when you slide the body in and out of, but it's an oven. And you cook the thing in there. I, I love it. You know, I'm just, I have a slight twist in it. I realize it compromises.

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. The cannibalism element, I'm going to compromise on the cannibalism element. What it is is you go along to a funeral and as the body is fed into the cremation, whatever, there's a 3D scanner there which scans the body, it's shaped, everything.

And then it makes, yes, prints out tiny little molds, which are like perfect replica, but just like a one to 10 scale model. Okay. And then fills those with B for some sort of B substitute, and then, you know, sprays them or whatever, a ghoulish color. And then, you know, as you leave the funeral, you're already handed your, you handed your corpse sausage, your little sausage version of the decision that you can then fry. Like a lamb Kafka or whatever, Cufter.

Exactly. And this is good because, again, it's just another way of processing things. We all process grief in different ways. And some of us process it using the digestive system. Right, yeah. It could be a cultural thing that is like, it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's to our days as cannibals, I'm sure every major human population has cannibalism somewhere in it's.

Yeah, I think it's just, I think it's just a how well you're doing kind of thing. Like, I mean, it's like, if you're doing, if you're doing really poorly, then eventually you turn to it. And then if you like it, then you keep it during the good times. Yeah. during the good times. Yeah, but then also some people who are like anything that's mostly a lot of these cult food, cultural ideas come from poor people who are forced to be creative, like by eating their loved ones. But then that gets commodified and turned into this kind of luxury experience via cultural

appropriation, with a very, very rich also love to be cannabis as we know from looking at Mark Zuckerberg. Yes. And as we can assume. As we could safely assume on the internet that he eats corpses. Absolutely. And now what I'm trying to do is now democratize it again by turning it back into a more of a fast food type experience that can be appreciated on a mass scale.

Indeed. I want to be the McDonald's of cannibalism. Well, that's cool. Yeah, yeah. I think you're going to disrupt the cannibalism market. Thank you. I mean, I feel like that, you know, if somebody could do it, it's going to be, it's going to be a startup that comes in and makes, that somehow, it's some for the cannibalism laws. I think that's what that would be the, like, that's because that's sort of what over did right like they were like Well, this is illegal everywhere, but if we just start doing it it will be so convenient

You know what it is that they'll just change the idea is it's basically It's it's it's a cannibalism startup that allows you to sell off little bits of meat off of your body while you're still alive Yes, of course of, because that's an asset that you have just sitting there. Yeah, and what's happening if you're going to tell people that they can't have this money that they need to live? Yep, yep, that's your nest date. It becomes, and it becomes less hard to, you know, like, more difficult to justify banning something like this when you're sick of stimulus, like, you know, you're a government who's already racked up a lot of debt and you don't

want to have to put any more stimulus into the economy. And you just want people to just have access to money that they didn't have access to before. will why not be able to sort of sell a calf steak. That's what calf muscle. Yeah, and it'd be done done by, done by surgeons or whatever, you know, you can, you can post up photos of different bits of your body and they can be better. Oh, of course, I mean, there'll be a really quick process that like somebody. Tannables all over the world. Somebody will come in a van to your house

and then basically you will have already picked the body part and they just have a clamp that they put onto that body part. It slices off, seals it up real quick, puts an artificial skin over it and you know, numbs it. They give you, they give you your, you know, like a bag of, you know, it's like, probably just an inhaler that has like three weeks worth of pain killers. And then you're fine and they're off. And then you've got your,

it's another thing that like has been the government, the heavy-handed police state has come down with and to think thought that they can, yeah, they can control this market with laws and with regulation. But really what it needs is the forces of capitalism just open it up and the market will solve this problem for you. We don't ban it, we put a price on it and we let. And then you can tax that and you can have that. Yeah, and absolutely as a source. Exactly. And as long as people aren't getting higher, you know, and then you can tax that and you can have that. Yeah, and absolutely as a source. Exactly. And as long as people aren't getting higher, you know,

doing whatever. Exactly. We had sex with it, which I think we'd. And people with less limbs are not out in the streets marching. Yeah, great. And think how cool, how cool like having missing body parts will become. I mean, it's already pretty cool, but think about how stylistically people can do it once it becomes, you know, a much more calm and it's going to be like a, it's going to be kind of like a badge of honor of like, hey man, I've lived, you know, I'm like, I have that street cred. Yeah. Yeah, you know, and, and, you know, it's all very well to give up a pinky toe

or something like that. But, you know, if you drop a thumb, that's a real, so, how I move. And imagine walking down the street with a friend and being like, and seeing a guy limping along and being like, and saying, you're afraid to go, oh, I ate some of that guy there a day, so good. You gotta try.

You gotta see if he's got anything left. If he's good. I eat, you gotta eat that guy. Making offer. Making offer. He's not cheap though, he's not cheap. Tell you what. He knows what he's worth.

Yeah. Do you think if you slice off a full-ass cheek, you could get the... Yeah, I feel like this is one of your favorite topics of compasses. You think if you guys slice off a full-ass cheek, do you think you could get one to grow back so that you could get another one? So let one again. I don't think so. I mean, I realize that all the parts of the body that feel like

they could grow back, the ass cheek does definitely feel like you could get a pretty close one. But I know, to see the ass cheek, are there muscles in there? Do you need that? Yeah, that's how you, that's how you sort of, you know, you lift up your ass. Yeah, and I think you can lift it up and then all how you butt scoop, I think butt scootings all that. It's good. Yeah, and clenching. That boot scoop, but it's good.

But it's good. Sorry. I mean, it's also a bootie scoop. That bootie scoop. No, not a booty scoop. The booty scoop would be a sort of a sharpened melon baller for scooping out but cheek. I don't know. Sure, sure, sure.

That's one of the two scoops of race. And Kellogg's race and brand. That's what I thought of. All right. So we had one, two, three, four, five, six ideas. I mean, you wouldn't consider them all ideas. But so I was thinking. I'll take it, I'll say.

I was thinking that maybe we should go to three words from a listener. Yeah, yeah, that's fantastic. I feel like there's been a lot of cannibalism in this episode. Yeah, it's an old. And I hope people are okay. It's an old favorite. I've got three words from an old listener of the show.

I don't know how old he is in age, but I know he's a listener who is aged with by who is aged by having listened to our show. And he says here's three additional words to surprise Andy with. Concealed. Yes. Oh, Harry. I'm not even allowed to guess. Oh, I'm not even allowed to guess. Oh wait, you want to guess? Can Sealed Carrie, whoever Carrie is from Sex in the City. Carrie, is she called Carrie? Yeah, Carrie Bradshaw, I think. Can Sealed Carrie Bradshaw, is that it?

No, it's not. Can Sealed Carrie mortgage? it? No, it's not. Oh, sealed carry mortgage. Can see all to carry mortgage. Have we talked about this on the podcast before? Do you think we have? We talked about that. Have we done this? Oh, and it's from Tyler Farer. Tyler, Tyler, thank you so much. Tyler is a joy to hear from you. Yeah.

And these are fantastic words. Concealed, carry mortgage. I mean, you like to think that my mortgage, because it is such a burden on me, takes so much life from me, that it could be beautiful, if it could be weaponized in some way. Like, I don't see why if I can get a gun that shoots bullets at people, I can't somehow, and that takes away their life.

Why can't I also get something that allows me to fire a debt, weaponized debt at people? And just inflict, I'm sick of only being able to hurt myself with this. And I'd love, I mean, to be able to share that with the world. I mean, just look at the word gauge, like a, like a, you know, like a 12 gauge, and more, which is a French word for death. They seem like you came to shoot death with it. And why is the word more in there? Why is death the mortgage thing?

Well, that's why I don't have one. I don't know the answer that question. And so I don't. And I don't intend to know. Because you can steal from people, right? You can steal their money. Yeah. And you can give to people. Yeah, that's true. Right. You can give them money. Yeah. But can I give somebody my Like a pickpocket, but who puts debt into your pocket? Who puts debt? Indeed exactly. You know, I don't know, I don't quite know the technicalities.

Like a row banker? Mm, okay, yes, a dark banker. It's a dark banker. Well, the night banker. And, you know, because... The night banker. There are banks are open, such limited hours, you know, because... The night banker. There are banks are open, such limited hours, you know. They close at, what, like, four o'clock or something.

Yeah. And this is what happens at the bank overnight. The night bank has come in. And they, you know, if you go along to a night bank, that's where they just deal with debt. And you can, I don't know. I don't know. and you can I don't know. I don't know. I think that he's like a villain.

This naked guy. That he's like a villain who can, instead of going and robbing a bank, he can just give you debt. He can give you and then he gets your money because you have to pay this debt. Yeah. Well, him getting to pay your money is, him getting your money. I'm less interested in that because that just sounds too much like straight debt, straight theft. But I am

very interested in you getting his debt. And, you know, yeah, I think, well, what about this? You go, you go, log into your bank account one day and you've got all this debt, OK? You see that you're in heaps negative territory. And you didn't have an overdraft or a credit card or anything, and you contact the bank and you say, what's happened? And they say, well, you know, this, I don't know what to say, you know, the, the, this debt's just there. It's, you know, it's like if your money's just gone, the debt's just there. And we can't, we can't,

we can't do anything about it. You, you're like, well, this isn't my debt. I say, well, I have heard about night bankers. This is a thing, but there's no way for us to prove it. So it's just your debt now, and you just have to pay it off. And then you just have this thing, Brett. And then you have to kill him. You have to kill him. That's the only way.

Is that a sketch? I think there's something there. There's something there. Yeah, there's something there. It's so consensually. I mean, Andy, with a name like the night banker, it's so good that there's bound to be something within it. Oh, sure.

So much so that I've written it down, and it's probably gonna be the title of the episode Could you like I I'm interested in people who break into a bank at night, but not to steal money Yeah, but just to operate the bank Sure they Maybe implement new sort of processes

that allow it to work more efficiently? More efficiently, sure. And other people who want to break in, can all make deposits and that sort of thing, to these masked men running the tils. And they refill their rectangles of paper, the deposit slips. They're giving to the time poor, those who can't get their drink business hours. That's really good. Yeah. Like it's because, well

because you know you think of things like pretty boy Floyd and Jesse James, and these are the bandits who stole from the rich and gave to the poor, but sometimes more than money, what you need is time. And, you know, if you can't get to the bank in time, well, what about somebody who will just break in and just run the thing for a couple of hours at night so that you can get in there and get your stuff done? Absolutely. I mean that's it, that's it, that's it, in many ways you're giving, you know, a greater gift, the convenience.

And. Absolutely, and if that person could also on occasion, on occasion, be the night post office worker, that would be great too. And what is this? This is, this is, this is an entire, it's a lot of downwind hood. Yeah. I mean, are they, that they also steal a little bit for themselves just to cover wages or? No. He, he took, he took 17, only the equivalent took 17, but only the equivalent of a minimum wage, a casual wage working the hours that he was there.

He took 17, 89 and hour plus lunch breaks. But he didn't give himself holiday pay. So yeah, oh, so he's actually underpaid himself because he he didn't do casual loading. Oh, no. And technically because he broke in on a Saturday night that rolled over to Sunday that should have been Panely rates, but that's how that's how he gave so we'd like to find this man and Get give him what he's owed Give it give him what's coming to him which is an extra three dollars a day. I don't know 35 And yeah, I think it's good. It's the night banker.

I think it's something. Yeah. The night banker. I'll take us through. Night bank. I'll take us through these sketch ideas. Oh God, Alistair. I'm so thrilled. We got the funeral for the guys dog food penis.

It turns out that he's just doing it to find other people really think about his penis. It's actually his penis. Correct. Yeah, it wasn't actually bitten off and the dog was in it at the whole time. The dog just mouthed it. It was pressed down on it with his lips. I think the fact that there's just a sketch about how you teach a horse dressage, I think, a funny misinterpretation of how that would actually happen.

Because it seems impossible. Right. And then we've got inflatable jockey, which is for either dressage or so that Andy has more fun horse racing. I want to have more fun. That's right. I don't want you to have fun. Then we've got sausage animals.

This is because balloons are actually really bad for oceans and garbage and things like that. But you know what's not bad for oceans and garbage and things like that. But you know what's not bad for oceans and animals is... Greasy Tim the sausage clown. It's right. The thing that isn't bad for seabirds and stuff is intestines that you fill with sausage meat and bake sausage animals out of it's so great kids run around Greece on their faces they've got these weird sausage meat heads good idea then we've got good idea a little meat model of the deceased oh that's nice you know then we got more sea daisies Danny goes see da nice. You know, then we got what's the days he's down he goes. We'll see days he down you guys. And then we got to start up the brings in cannibalism makes it okay.

And then we got the night back. We should look into this. I reckon we could get some series A funding. Absolutely. I would just oh, is that can you get that from the like the government stuff? Yeah, maybe. Yeah, I think that they're pushing this kind of innovation stuff. They're trying to remove a bit of regulation and... Fuck yeah, let's do it. Yeah, the the the coalition would be all over this shit. I'd love it. Oh, yeah. Oh, absolutely. I love it. All right, you did it. Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, below you can head along to SOS presents and watch almost exactly an hour of Alistair and I being our engineering characters Jerry and Martin and creating an entirely new society. That's right. And Erick and it's all right. You can also find us on Twitter at Two in Tank and on that Alistair TV. And I am at Stupid Old Andy.

And just like this on Instagram, you can also review us if you want and you can also support us on Patreon if you want, both at Two in Tank, I think. Anyway. Or if you don't want. Do it if you don't want. And we, we love you, you. But I do that too. We, we love you. You.

Why? This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit Planet Broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. It's not optional, you have to do it. We used to go easy on it, but now you have to. Yeah. At Nordstrom, you can shop the best holiday gifts for everyone you love, all in one place.

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