Two In The Think Tank - 251 - "THE TIME TRAVELLER'S WIFI"

Episode Date: September 16, 2020

Mansplitting, The Time Traveller's Wifi, Necropolis Now, Shout What You're Thinking, Cuckhandy ManGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereRecently discovered alien thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit Planet Broadcasting.com for more podcasts from Ag Right Mites. You can get magma and sos presents dot com what's that magma at sos dot presents dot com anyone with the oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh the old cerebellum and download it into the Medulla Oblong. You know what I love about Wu-Teng Clan? Yes. Rizza would rhyme cerebral cortex with buster nut from raw sex, which I would never do. You've, I can vouch for this. I've known you more than 10 years now and you've not done that once. Not once.

Exactly. And you've had even when I'm quoting Rizza, you can basically from this point, you can extrapolate to the end of my life and assume that I won't say it a single time. Oh, absolutely. I mean, you know, past performance is an indicator of future success as far as I'm concerned. You're the opposite of a financial advice company when it comes to rhyming cerebral cortex with buster nut from raw sex. And, Alistair, I wouldn't have it any other way. You know? That's great. Yeah, I like it. But one thing that you would have another way is how many sketch ideas we've got, which is currently zero. And you would love to have one. Look, if I would have changed one thing about my life right now,

it would be the number of sketch ideas that we currently have. Let's- To change it from zero to one. Yes, correct. I mean, the greatest journey begins with a single step, Alistair. And I wonder if we could find a journey that is great, that doesn't start with any steps. Well, I guess you would just have somebody who's in a wheelchair.

There you go, we did it. All right. Now, and that one, And that one, And that one, And that one, And that one, And that one,

And that one, And that one, And that one, And that one, And that one, And that one, And that one, And that one, And that one, And that one, And that one, easily double, we could double the quality of any journey. Like we could beat all existing great journeys just by starting our journey with two steps, you know? Like, like, the best journey, the best journey up until now has begun with a single step.

All we'll do, we'll take two steps, that's already twice as great a journey. That's just mathematics. I know, but in order for it to start with two steps and not qualify for the one step, then it means that you have to, which I think would disqualify it. Yeah, you're right. It either has to happen in two simultaneous dimensions at the same time, where you've managed to split yourself and do two things at the same time, or you do that two-legged cassowary job. I hope like a sparrow.

Yeah. I hopped like a sparrow. Yeah, yeah, forward and And yeah, and then and then I guess you that would be a two-step thing but then or you could do it with no legs at all and if you are in a wheelchair or Your person whose legs don't work you could start the greatest journey with a butt scoot Now Alistair can I suggest also that there is a type of journey that you could begin by taking one step forward and one step sideways at the same time, basically splitting yourself in two.

And dare I suggest that this journey has already occurred when the first single-celled organism separated itself and became two single-celled organisms. In that moment the greatest journey was begun and that was the journey of life and that was began with two steps. If you interpret single-celled organism blobbing a part in two different directions as being two simultaneous steps, and if you accept that that's two steps, then you probably accept a lot of other stuff as two steps as well, and therefore you can probably find other examples that are much easier. Sure. I mean, I guess now we're, I feel like now we're no longer speaking about steps of the, of the foot of the foot type. Yeah. And that's. And so now we're just like, like the steps in a,

in a, in a series of, you know, like a, like a manual on how to build a, a cubby house. Well, you could also, I mean, you could interpret it as steps upstairs, right? And I have to say that all journeys are uphill. I have to say that there's nothing more satisfying really than running up a set of stairs, taking more than one step at once. Do you enjoy that? I love to leap upstairs. Andy, there couldn't be a more masculine thing

than not having any respect for the number of steps in a staircase. You're just leaping up and maybe doing three at a time. Three at a time, here we go. How good is jumping down? Do you think that's jumping down? That's the only thing that's left. That we haven't, that, you know, just both sexes don't do.

Mm. Mm. Mm. You'd be, you'd be, you'd be, you feel cautious to say. You know, it feels, it feels difficult, it feels like very, difficult territory here. Yeah. Well, it's the only acceptable form of man spreading. Can I say that?

Because we can't spread our legs side to side anymore. But, front to back, in splits, now doing a splits, that's very womanly. But doing a sort of running splits upstairs allows you to do a sort of a man spread. It does. A man spread that can be fitted into the acceptable

Structures of society and that is the final refuge. That's true. Forget a man. She is I want a man 90 degree spread Yeah, that will the man's urge to Spread also sort of sideways. Yes, spread to like sideways. That's satisfied when a man is holding a rifle and strafing either to the left or to the right. Doing a kind of a crab walk type thing. And that's also to go around corners and also immediately be looking in the right direction. Now this is also a socially acceptable thing to do.

You know, you're still allowed to strife unless something somewhere has gone crazy and they don't let you do that anymore. No, but as long as you're not getting in any person's way, taking up their space, and you're using that strafing to hunt down henchmen. And those henchmen are obviously bad people. And probably the reason they're bad is because they're man spreading in static and stationary places, which is probably the organizing principle around whatever group, evil group they're a part of.

Well, I think, you know, I can't think of a more conceptually man-spready type group than specter, you know, who wanted to, in a sense, man-sp spread their web of influence across the entire globe. And much like when communism was man spreading across Vietnam. Viet man damn spread. Nah, don't worry about it. Viet man spread. I have begged my teeth into the microphone three times this podcast. It's never happened before today.

And now I've done it right. I'm forward to hearing that one day in about a year's time when I listen to this part. Maybe somebody could isolate just the teeth clanks and send them to you. That would be nice. Yeah. Maybe, maybe they could put place them into a song. Finally. Imagine if it was me banging my teeth into the microphone that was the most musical thing that I've ever done on this podcast. The most worthy of remixing. Do you think that there is a man's spread based crime syndicate that is a possible sketch idea? You know what I could like you know it's this idea that

you don't maybe they don't have a layer. They occupy public spaces. They're always having their meetings on public transport. And they're always taking up sort of seats that are made for three or four people and they're only sitting two people there. And during peak hour, on public transport. And you know, the first thing that you will realize is that they don't stand up for pregnant women to offer them their seats. That's right. Who are themselves man spreading a fair way forward? Women. If the child there are carrying is masculine. Yes, that's right. Alistair, I think there's so many things that I wanna go into in some detail now.

And one of them, I would then leave, that I would like to just quickly peg before I forget it. Is the idea of when the splits ceases to be man spreading. Okay. And, you know, when man spreading transitions into the splits. Now, obviously... I think that's a really cool thing for like on public transport. Because where it's annoying and annoying and then impressive.

And then art. And also, you know, the idea that man spreading can be done forward to back, you know, that you can do that one leg straight out in front, one leg straight out behind spread, that might allow you to go from, if you've got train seats, that might allow you to go from one facing seat into the next facing seat, in such a way as it doesn't encroach on the space of people

sitting next to you. And in this way, we are a group of a sort of a men's rights group, but we are finding ways for men to keep their rights without impinging on anybody else. And so we are. Because I guess if you get a bunch of guys who are man spreading in that way, the forward to back splits and you get them on public transport

where there's two seats facing each other. Yes. And they're putting their front leg on the front seat and their back leg on the front seat. Now, obviously that breaks the rule of no seats. So you're on the seat, right? But you could probably get six men in that row where normally you would sit to. You can. You can sit four. Pack them in there. Yeah. Right. And so in that way, they're not only exercising their right to spread.

They are, they are improving the density in which, with which this public transport vehicle can, is, I mean, they're improving efficiency, like public efficiency and their public system and everything. So, Dan, it would be very difficult. Dan, they're also getting very close to each other physically, which a lot of men struggle to do, you know, to do. Yeah, so they're setting a good example. Setting a good example. And, you know what, they're also in the perfect position, I would imagine,

to give each other prostate exams, which not enough men get. And I think, you know, that that's also a great example. And to do it so publicly on in a way that, you know, other men can see and be impressed by that example. I assume you mean via some kind of ultrasound, ones that they all have that is exterior. It, well, yes. OK, that's what I mean. Yeah, that's. I mean, Andy, I don't think we would have anything

gross on this show. Not, not recently, not since the last episode went out. I don't think. No. Man's spread to splits gang. I mean, it's like a public service campaign where you're sort of, you're taking the negative aspects of man and you're really flipping them on their head the way they're perceived. Speaking of flipping things on their head, but also not quite, another type of man's bread that would be really impressive is that kind of, that you stand on one leg and then you lift the other leg vertically up and you sort of grab that leg with your arms and you pull yourself in close to that. Now I can't

think of a better thing for a man to do on a train than that and he's now only taking up one foot space in terms of standing area. He's man spreading, so he's at his most mountain male, but he's also taking up less space on the train. Everybody. But what about where his leg, his top leg is? His top leg, he's holding that up vertically against his chest. You know how, so.

Okay, so can people actually do that up against their chest? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not like, it's not like sort of spring loaded up against your shoulder ready to strike someone in the cheek. If he, if he let's go for a, if he loses his grip, that's coming down like a, that's going to crush it for you. The tension that's in, that's in that hamstring is phenomenal.

He had to crank it up there with a four-wheel drive winch that he keeps in his backpack, but he's doing it, take up less space. And using a winch is another man thing that is often not accepted on public transport. You're right, now we've found a way to work it in to society. I do like that. I think it's going to be odd having, you know, trains and buses and trams filled with all these men who have absolutely spread their butt cheeks as far as they can get.

who have absolutely spread their butt cheeks as far as they can get. I think it's going to change the air. Well, I mean, I think also though, if they're not just doing this on trains, but also doing it elsewhere, there's a good chance that they'll be properly ventilated. And as a proportion, I don't think it'll change the, the chemical makeup of the air in the train, too significant. Right. And I'm saying, I think with all this unpleasantness that's been happening in the world anyway,

there's gonna be an increase in the amount of airflow necessary in any enclosed space. There's never been a better time to do man's change. There's never been a better time to start absolutely making a bakery of mansplaining for the better. Now also just while we're talking about man's spread there's the obvious are there any masculine spreads? I feel like Veggie Mart is quite close to being a masculine spread, and I feel like that's why we, as Australians, have sort of

incorporated it so much into our national identity, because we're insecure, and we have, you know, we've sort of basically projected from this bad tasting food that that by enjoying something like that, that we are more manly or, you know, it ties into what we want to be, you know, along with sort of our bad tasting beer and that sort of thing. But I mean, I feel like we could make a more unpleasant spread, possibly some kind of meat jam. Well, there's already so much meat spread, Andy. Is there? Yeah, I mean, there are things like, it's bovril,ol, which is a I guess a more of a meat drink. Oh, I think you can spread it. I think it's also spreadable. I think it's one of the few

two two state foods. I guess you could put veggie mate into a drink and probably same thing with honey and well honey you can and peanut butter and jam and Yeah, maybe jam you're right. I mean, I think I saw a thing the other day where somebody was making fun of jam You all over putting jam into rice cooking rice. Oh my god I mean Jamie all of them Must be I think he's probably scraping the bottom of various literal and metaphorical barrels in order to try and find new weird fucking things to turn into a 15 minute meal.

You know, whatever's happening down at this point, you just have a team of writers who are just coming up with things, right? He's not coming up up with things, right? He's not coming up with recipe books, right? He's, he's just like, people, they give him about, you know, pay, you know, a book of, he goes, all right, we're going to do another book in every quarter.

And then he they go, all right, how about this? It's a fruit loaf, crumbled feta, roasted pumpkin and walnuts, what do you think? And he's like, oh, well, you know, maybe, oh, maybe if we, you know, we could, oh, I'm not if the sprints of macadamia oil on there. And then you can make it work. You can make it work.

You can sell. Pitches salt. Pitches salt. He's very likeable. The secret ingredient is likeability. And rocket. And rocket. Yes, mescaline.

Is that? Yeah. But could you, I mean, at this point, do you think that we probably could have a An algorithm right okay, so this is what I think we should do Jamie all of our not surprised if he couldn't He couldn't get this up right. He basically has a computer that randomly generates meals, okay, and And then makes them right right, chuck the ingredients together. Doesn't mean we can make them. Randomly, meek them.

Right, but it makes the meals from a randomly associated ingredients. And then you can sign up to this service, right? And what basically it is, it's sort of like an open micro-room for a robotic chef, but he will, you get the food sent out to you, and you have to taste it. It's like a distributed food taste type thing testing and you then just write it and that goes into the

neural algorithm of the computer and it slowly works out what is good food. Right and it would come up. And you don't even have to tell it. You just have those subsection cup things on your head and it decides what's good based off if your brain waves. Well, sure. Like it knows, you know,

it makes you a like a specifically program thing to satisfy you or is it still my random food making idea? No, no, no, no, it still makes random food. Yes. But when you taste it, it doesn't look for your verbal input. It just like you just have, you know, the reason why the food is free, I'm assuming the food is free, yeah, is because you have to put on these suction cups. Mm. And then it's like, you know, like bimbos.

Do you ever go to bimbos? Yeah, I don't do bimbos. Bimbos pizza that was so cheap, $2 pizza. Oh my God. Well, the pizza was so cheap. I think it was $4, but maybe it was $2 at all points. Yeah, $4 is pretty good. I think it was probably $4.

At bimbos, yeah, you get the $4 pizzas. And then it's the drinks that are regular. Free pizzas. And they had like a salmon pizza. And you couldn't believe that they would have a smoked salmon pizza for $4. How are they making their money on that? Anyway, so then, but then it's like a place like that

where it's like this food comes out unbelievably cheap because it's free But the thing that you're paying for is those getting those suction cups on your head So that it's getting this data back. Well then you can find the next big thing you base it once you do that You basically become the mouth of a computer, don't you you You become, if you give the computer access to your taste buds, this is what's going to happen, Alistair, with artificial intelligence. It's not, we're not going to be able to get artificial intelligence that can taste things with the clarity that humans can, but we will become the sensory organs. You will rent yourself out as the sensory organs for a robot.

So you will live in the house of a robot, a very rich, very smart robot. And you will be plugged into its setup. And that's the job. That's the jobs that people will have in the future. We will do and experience things and robots will feed off and they will you know our input our sensory input It's like we'll become just a conscious agent that is combined with an artificial Intelligent conscious agent and create a greater intelligence?

Well, it'll be a symbiotic relationship, but I think we'll absolutely, we'll just become a funk, like at the moment now, machines are a functional part in our existence. But as soon as they're smarter than us, we'll become a functional part in their existence and they'll just use us for what we're able to do for them to enhance their day-to-day lives. And it will be, you know, you'll have a job, nine to five where you go along and you sit at a table while a rich robot puts food in front of you and you taste it and it's plugged into a thing in the back of your head and it it goes, mm, ah, and you have to do whatever it likes. And it might like tasting things

that you don't like the taste of, but that's why you get paid the big. In free food. Get point. Get point. Which by that point will be worth $1 million. Correct. Yes. Which is in 2025. which by that point will be worth $1 million. Correct. Yes.

Which is in 2025. Is that the projection? That's where it's at. That's what the big investment firms are predicting that it'll be worth between $500,000 and $1 million in 2025. And then in this bull cycle, but in the next one. I really should buy some, shouldn't I? Well, wait until the crash after this bull cycle. That's it. I mean, that's a good point.

Well, but I think, I think before it takes off here, it probably will get to a point where it will never get back to before again, but who knows? I don't really don't know. I really don't know. I think Bitcoin was at 3,000 earlier this year, and now it's back up to like 11. So anyway, let's not talk about that. But how do we turn this rich AI?

I mean, is there a chance that at some point AI will become rich? I think what do you mean? How do we turn this? This is a sketch. This is better than a sketch. This is a fucking film. This is everything. Okay.

Alistair, this is a writing down rich AI. Yeah. We are the mouth of rich AI. Yes. But not just the mouth like it'll want to be able to access all of your sensory organs. You'll have to like, you know, you you can get paid more to be the penis of a robot. I'm sure. Well, this is this is actually is a really interesting because because when you think about once, no, no, no, no, but like the added part that I'm adding. Ah, that is what makes it interesting. No, no, no, no, no, but like the part that makes it

gives it the possibility that the AI is itself rich is once we have digital currency, which we do have, but the idea that the the computer itself could just have its own money. Yeah, yeah, really interesting. Because then the AI can have its own power. Yeah, like societal power. That will be the way, like it won't need legs and actuators

and you know, be able to, it won't need the ability to hover or any of that kind of shit that terminators do, right? It'll be, this is like, it's the terminator, but the terminator comes back in time and all it is is an algorithm that has lots of money and then it just pays people to do things. And you think about it.

If anything's gonna be likely to be able to travel through time, it's not going to be a physical form. It feels a bit more achievable that something that is just information, just a little packet of data. Just comes back in time with its, with its stash of Bitcoin and it just starts paying people to do things. Starts paying people to try and kill John Connor. That's, that's, it feels like it's much easier to try and send sort of 15 bits of data.

Maybe let's say a megabyte. Okay, we'll give them a megabyte We'll give it a megabyte To 1958. Yep, right get into one of those big Those big, you know apartment building size computers Okay, and so one of them the first IPM now it's written out out it's got lots of Bitcoin and now it can do anything Now it's paying all these Scientists to murder the Queen What if what if this thing

Whoever the guy the mysterious person who supposedly invented Bitcoin? What if it is a trying to try, time traveling algorithm that came back, planted the seed of the idea of Bitcoin so that it could develop a cryptocurrency ecosystem that at some point when the value of Bitcoin is high enough, it'll start then using that money to manipulate people and control our destiny. Well, I mean, there are some big wallets of Bitcoin from the original developers of it that if they were to sell all their money would probably crash the price of the whole thing. Because it's like they had so many Bitcoin and back then it was worth nothing. But now they're worth $10,000

a piece. But they gave it to some AI. It's a great idea. It hurts something. It's something. I mean, because then I love the idea that they could just like an AI would just work out the maths. So wait, I'm just gonna say, I'm gonna write down just time traveling, time traveling, algorithm.

Yeah, well, I think, I think there's enough in this for us to absolutely justify calling this two separate ideas One is yeah, yeah, I'm writing it down there for your body You hire your sensory organs and yeah, the other is time traveling AI Yeah But I mean, I mean I wouldn't I wouldn't be surprised if a computer just had that feature that you could just send some data back in time. Sounds good to me. I mean, it almost feels like it's possible.

Like that you could just do it with a regular Windows desktop. Yeah. I mean, I mean, look, I think we just haven't unlocked it yet. At time travel things are just not enough time travel social time travel media, you know, story telling narrative stuff is about just the sending of information through time. Right? Because you could do, I mean, as soon as you can do that, you don't need to travel. Right? Like we were obsessed with the idea of physically traveling through time, but being able to send information, that's that's all that matters. And that is all that is required to introduce all of

the time travel paradoxes as well. Look, all you, you know, what would happen is that you've just, we realize that humans only use 10% of their desktop computers. You see? And we realized they've got all these functions that we didn't know about if you use 100%. Wow. Is one of those sending information through time? Yeah, yeah, that's exactly it.

Is one of those faster video processing? Faster video processing. Is one of those? In their correction. A sort of 3D version of mind sweeper? Man, that would be so good. Oh, mine sweeper is good. It is good.

I've, look, I've never really enjoyed it, but I've played it. It's something I don't think I really even understood what it was, what it was about until the last couple of years, but even now that I do know, actually learning more about the game made me less interested in it. How is it possible that in the last couple of years you've received any new information about mind sweeper? Well, it turns out I found out that those numbers in the game. Oh, meant something. Okay, all right. I will admit that that is a new piece of information that one could receive about mind sweeper. If in this modern day. I mean,

great, great. This is like I was never going to look it up and try and find out what it actually was all about. I think you should use this as a conversational gambit. If you ever go to a party again, if that party's ever exist again, this should be one of your early topics of conversation. You say, you know that in mind, sweeper, the numbers mean something. They have it. Andy, I'm already at such a disadvantage at parties. Are you working way too hard for way too little?

There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time. Mycomputercareer.edu. What am I going to go give myself such a handy? I think once parties just come back.

No, I think that's exactly my thing. I love to put myself in a hole and then dig my way up. Yeah, you do. I've seen how you work. See, seen what you're working with. You do a kind of nagging, but it's you nag yourself. Yeah, I'm like Bill Burr. I make everybody around me. It's like, you know, that's the trick

he does, right? He just makes everybody in the crowd hate him for a bit. And then he uses logic to get his way out, but not in a desperate way that I it. No, no, no, I mean what I mean is, please, please give me a second chance. Here's like, I'm not as offensive as you think I am. For me, I'm not as desperately incapable of being in this world as you think I can. If I were to describe Alistair, I think I'd say he's sort of the the billbear of self-loathing. The billbear of, yeah, that's about it. That's all I got. Self-deprecation.

He... You know those, I think there's one that appears in Indiana Jones. It's a Saudi Arabian of wall face, you know, like a built into the rock. It's a big sort of what looks like a big door built into the rock that is like, looks like a mixture of kind of like Roman ancient. Yeah. Turns out that those are just like tombs or like what you're gonna call it, what's the other word for those kind of structures?

Crypt temples. Yeah, our crop list is known on the... Necropolis, the Cropolis. word for those kind of structures. Crypt temples. Acropolis is no, no. Acropolis. Acropolis. Acropolis, yeah. Mm. So those are just tombs, but those would be the perfect place

to just have it like an actual house. Now, let's remake the Australian classic sitcom Acropolis now as Necropolis now, okay? And what it is is we wait until all the original cast members of a Cropolis now are dead except for one, and we get all that we buy all the corpses of all the previous, all the other people. And then we have whoever's left, let's say Nick, Giannopoulos. He's the last one left alive. And he is the keeper of the necropolis. And what he does is he sort of goes around sort of

bathing their their pallid skin and. And as they decompose sort of sorting their bones into different piles. Yeah, maybe he's in bomb, we've in bombed them, so that they last longer or something. Yeah, okay. And then maybe he stacks and restats the bodies or organizes them in different ways, interlocks their legs, sort of makes a, makes a braid out of their legs. He could sort of set up little scenes, I suppose, like pose them around the table and that sort of thing and do some of the voices.

Oh, but for sort of like the Google image thing there, where they celebrate, it's Gandhi's birthday. Yeah. He does the Google too. And then, but with the bodies, with the bodies of the former cast members of the show that he used to be on. And then he goes, Oh, look, this is Gandhi. And this is this two nieces that he's laying in between. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. That's what a tribute. And so and so I can picture us going to the funding bodies about this. And then they go, now, why are you the right person to write this show? You could you could do a really good guy thing of Gandhi, Gandhi Google Doodle, where you turn the two o's

into Gandhi's glasses, right? Because he had those round glasses. And then you turn the two G's into two of his thesis. Perfect. So he's got this gigantic head of the Nises going to become the ears of of yeah, I guess so yeah And I think it's less gross Hope the Ellen he can be the Ellen the Ellen Ellen is there perfect

Ellen to generous anytime something dodgy's happening. She's in it up to her neck It's funny how quick to flip on Alan happened so quick and Yeah, it's interesting. I mean she always had a kind of a glassy stare. Don't you think there's always a look at her eyes of like, she never seemed totally present? Is that a thing that you can... I don't know, I feel so that she's present. I feel like she's present.

Right. But I felt like she was so nice that it couldn't be entirely real. Yeah, right. But I definitely did not think that she was really mean. Well, I just thought that she was a comedian behind the scenes. And so really laughed at awful things and had a much sicker sense of humor, but was aware of the daytime and, you know, crowd.

Yeah. I, I haven't read a single one of the articles or even followed up on any of the tweets or anything. I don't know any specifics at all about the Ellen situation. All I know is that people were, that it was a some sort of bad work environment. I don't even really know specifically that she was being mean. I mean. Yeah, apparently that was the case. She was, she was a very mean person to work around. You would try to say hi to her and she would just stare you down. Incredible. What? I mean, look, maybe every one of those situations is her just trying to be really fun

in a dark way that other people don't get. What an incredibly, I mean, it's interesting, like observing those kinds of things from the outside, like the first thing, I don't think of when I think you want to hear about that. And I don't think of when, you know, when I think you want to hear about that. And I don't think, oh, that's incredibly mean. I think how could you have the balls to do that? Or like, you know, they're like, hmm, this self possession to, to be mean, you know what I'm saying? Like,'s not the being mean. It's sort of the bravery to be mean to people.

I'd be too, even if I was mean, I'd be too scared to actually be mean. Yeah, but I think something must just happen. The more power you get. Because are you ever short with your children? I was probably today or yesterday was like the most abrupt with them that I've ever been. And I didn't need to do that.

No, I probably will try not to do that again. I hate it, but it happens. And I see this as the first steps towards dictatorship. Because of the power that you have. Well, because I never wanted to be a person who has to tell anyone what to do. But then suddenly you're in a situation where if you don't tell this person what to do

Then they will be missed guy. They will come up with their own ideas and they will be wrong. Alistair I've got to say I don't think that this is the first step towards dictatorship I don't think the first step towards dictatorship comes from people who don't ever want to tell anybody what to do I think the first step to dictatorship is usually involves somebody to a year step who would quite like to tell anybody what to do. I think the first step to dictatorship is usually involves somebody to a year's step who would quite like to tell people what to do. So I'd say, you're probably on a different path. I wouldn't want to.

But I'm suggesting like this could be what's an early example of this dictatorship before someone even realizes that they could, you know, like, that they want this. Like, so like, okay, so something now that I do have to tell somebody what to do, I do, I do tell them what to do. And so sometimes I have to say, you know, don't do that. Don't do that. That's a really bad thing to do. And then off and sometimes you have to yell it because they're doing something bad that could hurt them. Yes. And the yelling, which comes across as anger, and probably is what anger comes out of fear of them hurting themselves, right? But then also sometimes it comes out of the fear

that they're gonna be a jerk when they're older, and that's gonna be bad for you. Yeah, yeah, I see what you're saying. There is a, the heart of it, like there is a kind of a selfishness of, I'm trying to deal with this because this, if this gets out of hand, will make my life even worse. Also down the track, you'll be much bigger and stronger. I won't be able to tell you what to do then. So I better sort of ingrained as much as I can right now. Deep into your brain.

Before this kind of way that it shocks you. In the kind of way that it's written in fear. That's all I want. Which is an awful thing to want. But this is the early steps of what this, and I think that a dictator is often probably just that. Somebody who doesn't want the people to in any way embarrass them.

Yeah, again, I don't think you've totally got a handle on this dictatorship thing. I think what you're saying about the internal crises and contradictions of parenthood is very valid. I'm just not convinced that it works as a microcosm of dictatorship, which is raised around very different motivations for very different types of people, known where you brought up. I all that is a lot of politics though like I mean I listened to the podcast the assassination based on the the assassination of Benazir Bouto in Pakistan right and yes and a lot of that was just like oh she's from a family that had a leader in there there she's expected great to do great things. And then she did because that was what was expected of her things like that where you're right, but she was, that wasn't, she wasn't a dictator, right? She was democratically elected. I, I don't know

exactly the way that the, the system worked, but it didn't seem like anything was happening by the book. The government had like, you know, the police or the government had like terrorist organizations that they could contact to do their dirty work to stop things, but then also not be responsible for the things that happened. And then that's also why, you know, the death is never really, is never really properly investigated. You know, like, I think, nepotism plays a huge part, which is not what my theory was. My theory was that it's all based on embarrassment or fear, but anyway, I don't know know is there any sketches based on this? um no boy god I mean what about somebody who does become a dictator based off of off of the way that they treat their kid. Well, a leader who doesn't want to be embarrassed

by their people and treats their people in that way. I've heard it's interesting. I think there's something to that. But imagine somebody who does that with their kid, you know, they say something like that, and they feel bad. They yell at their kid for some reason. They go, don't do that.

You know, and then they're like, I'm sorry, I'm yelling. And then somebody on the street goes, no, I think you were right to do that. I think that actually teaches them, you know, matters and they say that actually teaches them, you know, matters and this or that and they go, oh, and then they start, they yell it. Somebody else on the street maybe. Who's doing something wrong and then he goes, oh, I'm sorry, that was because I've just been with the kid too much. And then somebody else on the street goes, no, I think you were right to do that.

Yeah, okay. And then, which I guess, and then they become a little pussy row. This gets into, right. And they're not really like a superhero in that, they stop crying, but they definitely tell people off. A moral hero. Yeah, and then that becomes their,

um, and their whole political platform becomes built around shouting at people when they're doing the wrong thing. I think you could absolutely turn this into a ballot, especially these days. This is the basis for a political platform. Yeah, political platform, you know. I've got the courage to shout what you're thinking, is, I mean, if you like someone who will say what you're thinking,

like you wouldn't then rather give your vote to someone who will shout what you're thinking, like you wouldn't then rather give your vote to someone who will shout it. Yeah. That just, you know, again, that's just mathematically a better idea. Of course. Because it's, because there's a guy on the bill who's also, who's also saying that he'll say what you're thinking, but yours is louder. So yours is more likely to be heard. Yeah, you can't even hear what he's saying, is he shouting at him over the top.

Exactly. Andy, for not wiping his shoes. I'm just going to skip ahead because I have to go and do get ready for my birthday, for son's fifth birthday, and there's a chance I have to build a trampoline tonight. And it's already now. Oh my God, I'm so sorry, how long is that for keeping you? Yeah. So, and I'd like to apologize on behalf of the listeners as well, who are also keeping you being kept, who were kept up late

to get listened to this podcast. Actually, all of our listeners have to assemble a trampoline tonight. And they can't do that while listening to the podcast. This is a real sit down and listen. Anyway, I'm going on. I have, we have so many gifts for this kid. Oh my God.

Trying to make up for the fact that he can't have a party because we're in lockdown. There, there is boxes of Lego. There is a six piece combiner transformer that I got off wish. Alistair, you've got to find a way to paste this stuff out. Maybe even over several days. You can't let him burn through all those endorphins in one day. He's going to burn through it.

He's going to, he'll stop enjoying the things. He won't be able to enjoy them. No, we're spreading it out over the day. Oh, that's not enough. I mean, you'll have to keep him up through the night. Oh, I'm thinking about camping outside in the backyard with him throughout the night. No, that's actually really cool. Yeah.

God damn. There's so much stuff. Anyway, Andy, I don't know if you know about this, but for listeners who pay three dollars, they can submit words to us. You know, to suggest a sketch idea. Okay. Today we have a listener that did do that exact thing. And they suggested the, their, their name was Wheat Wheatington. Hello Wheat Wheatington. Hello Wheat Wheatington. So that's Wheat. A name so neat, they Wheat it tweaked.

Intent. So now, whoa, does that really the words? Yeah, I think so. I just don't remember when I wrote them down. So wheat sent in the words. Now, do you want to try and guess what the words are? Yeah, well, I nailed it last time. That's right. So I'm feeling pretty good.

Calamity? No, Andy. But it ends in the same letter. The first word is handy. Which actually is pretty similar to your name and contains it. That's a really really interesting observation. Then the second word is values. Handy values. Yeah, and then the third word is imagination. Handy values. Imagination. Handy values. Imagination. Handy imagination.

That's your... Well, isn't it interesting that you can hire a handyman to come around to your house and build something that you might want? Yeah. But where's the handyman who will come around and just have ideas with you? Or build something that you don't want. Yeah, okay. It shows a bit of initiative. So not necessarily something that you actively don't want, but just

something that you haven't even thought of. Yeah, haven't considered. Haven't got the imagination to even imagine. Maybe you know, have a handyman who comes around your house, who's a futurist. Have a handyman who comes around to your house and chats to your wife about some great things that you could do with the house and does them immediately with no fucking around and delay like I do and then leaves. And your stuff involves leaves a lot. Yeah, involves leaves. So let's say they they come around. I mean,

I guess what I was describing was just like an architect or an interior design. It really someone who will come around and have ideas. Andy, can you, can you keep talking for the next couple of minutes while I pee? Oh my God. Yeah, I'll do my best. Do your idea. What I like about, yeah, you go. What I like about this challenge is it's open-ended nature, the fact that I have

an undefined, I mean I know that there's probably an upper limit on this period of urination of about two minutes or something like that, but it could go on and on. How does there have other things that come up while he's there and you might get distracted. Isn't it interesting how you hit the age of exactly 36 and suddenly you have to get up to go to the toilet in the night. I could have gone my entire life without having to do that and then the age of 36 rolls around and suddenly I'm a once or twice a night kind of a guy. I mean, I don't know if I'm sharing too much, but maybe if we've got younger listeners,

you want what you want to know is that this is all ends. You, the way in which you blissfully sleep through the night? No, that all changes. You're gonna have to get up to pee. And also, you're gonna be dehydrated all the time. I don't know what that is. I don't know what it is about fatherhood, right? But they kids, they take it out of you. And what they take out of you is water. They take it out. You're, you're, you're wrickly. And they also take it out via some as yet undiscovered

Physical force that is able to make water disappear from your body such that you become dehydrated at all the time and Yeah, this is they don't they don't tell you about this They don't tell you this about fatherhood, but it's a dry time. You know, I'm going through a bit of a dry patch. And by that, I mean, I am a desiccated husk. Pfft. A quattically speaking.

Alistair. Is that you? Yes, me. Thank God you're back. Oh my God, is that you? Yes, me. Thank God you're back. Oh my God, sorry about that. It got more serious while I was in there. Yeah, well I was speculating with the listeners that you know things could escalate. I think they did, sorry, but it was drinking a lot of water to get hydrated

to make up for the fact that I was also drinking alcohol. You just have a little, did you have a little something tonight? Well, something, Andy. It didn't, it didn't come through instead of make me shine or anything. Alistair, you've shone. Yeah. You've claimed, you've glistened. Yeah, you glitted. That's very nice. It's very nice. But what sketch idea should I write down? What did we have on? What was the one that you were just describing the the the the guy who comes around to your house and

Oh, and has ideas. Yeah, yeah, I suppose I mean what I'm describing really is a kind of like a A home renovation cuckolding where I mean look that's fun to write down and you watch them I mean that's what it is isn't it you watch them build stuff in your health build a deck well I watch them I think that the real bit though is getting watching them get excited with your partner about renovating a room or things that they could challenge. A room that you couldn't give less of a shit up. And the fact that you see it bring her pleasure. Yeah. That's nice. In the end, I assume that that's what cockled. I mean, look, I don't want to sound like a cock, but it seems nice to get pleasure out of seeing your partner

get pleasure. Doesn't it? Not all, not everything's about winning. No, no, no. Yeah, man. No, no, no. And also it seems like the guy sits down in a chair. He's the sit down, but a chair. He gets, and he sits down. You know? We're talking like sitting down, and this is time to yourself.

And you could be like, yes, you know, there might be some sex going on, but you could be doing anything with that time. That's right You could be looking at your phone. You have to be watching the whole time Yeah, no banging your wife is an old as a young man's game You could be you could be listening to a podcast you could be reading That's right. You could be listening to a podcast, you could be reading. That's right. You could be reading. You could be reading the greats. You know. But then I feel like the guy who's doing the act, he probably probably would feel he might get offended that you're

not watching. Yeah, but that's fine. He's probably his half of the deal. I know, but he would have got into this not for he's not getting into it for those secondary pleasures. He's getting into it. Well, I don't know, but I would that's when I interview guys. That's what I'm going to say. And I hear you saying you're just in this for the fucking right. I don't want. I just need like a dumb guy who just, who's just like, yeah, yeah, young and full of inspiration for building decks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Andy, I've written it down, home renovation, cock holding, that's enough for me. Ah. Ah. Yes, very good. I'm gonna take us through the sketch area. We're gonna take us through the sketches real quick and then you go build that trampoline.

You go build them real quick. We got man's, I got a bike form. We got some. What happened to that other tree trampoline that you had? Well, I bought it. It was too big for the backyard. I got it. I bought it while drunk online. It's too big to fit in the backyard.

There was only like one corner that I could fit it in. And it was on an angle. And if the kid had jumped... That's not ideal. That's not what you want. If the kid had been double-bounced on that angle, they would have gone over a fence. And I thought, I do love this kid enough that I would not do that to them. But it was sitting in your backyard for a long time.

Yeah, but then I just know somebody who was like, I think I know somebody who's looking for a trampoline and I gave and I sold it to them for half the price that I paid for it. And I said, that's the best possible outcome. I'm really glad that you were really. That's right. I know I'm very good at having my money.

and so the first sketch is man spread to split skin. I never met a quality of buttery I couldn't have. Oh look at this I could devolve this ball too and make the other half, I did up here. So this is sort of getting man spread accepted. And this is a gang that's doing this is taking masculine things like man spreading and showing ways in which they can be a force for good. Then we've got, we are the mouth of rich AI. That's a point in which. Just going to happen. AI, we're never going to be able to build these technologies that can taste and hear in the way that we do.

And smell, especially these things like taste and smell, which are not necessarily considered one-to-one representations of the universe that we see. Their judgment calls, right? Yeah. So we become the eyes and mouth of, I think ages ago we had a thing where we had maybe an alien species that couldn't smell. That was an idea that we might have had and we became their nose, but this is different. This is very different. Because this is the stepping stone towards a global consciousness.

Yeah, a little bit. I think so. I think once we're connected to AI in which they can connect to our senses, then we're not that far from them just taking our thoughts and we're there, we're there seven billion eyes and ears. How many podcasts do you reckon there are that are two friends trying food and they're called taste buds?

Because if it's less than a thousand, I think we should start a new one. Yeah, if it's less than a thousand, we'll do one. But if it's, what if it's 900? Yeah, we go, absolutely. Okay. It's gonna be hard for us both to taste the same thing when you live so far away.

In a place where almost like once a week I see online, there's a fire near Ballarat. And I go, and then I go, I wonder if that's an Andy's area. And then I don't look any further. But most of the time I assume it's not, because I assume there's just a fire area near Ballarat where those fires happen. Yes, there's just a fire area near Palaret where those fires happen. Yes, there's a fire suburb. Great, and I'm glad you didn't move there.

Then we have time traveling algorithm that goes back and does things. Maybe I can't remember what it does. Then we have... It has Bitcoin and it pays people to kill John Connor. That's right, yeah. They could just it pays people to kill John Connor. That's right. Yeah, they could just pay 100 people to go and do whatever garbage. You could afford it.

We got necropolis now. It's all the old cast members. Oh, God. Of a cropolis now, but only one of surviving. But I think it'd be fun. Maybe if the other ones are alive, then it's not so weird if he's manipulating their bodies. Like, I mean, they're dead in the show, but the actors are alive and that gives them work. This is win-win-win.

Then we've got, I've got the coverage to show. The third win, by the way, was that it's on, it's gonna be broadcast exclusively on the win channel. The win channel, which Australia, for those who don't live in Australia, Australia has a channel called win. It's rural, it's rural broadcasting. Is it channel nine?

Yeah, I think it's sort of like half channel nine, half channel 10 maybe, sort of regional. That's weird. Programming. I've got the courage to shout at people what you're thinking to shout what you're thinking. That's the next one. It's a guy who becomes a dictator based off of how he treated his own kid and the encouragement he got for what he originally thought was a negative thing that he was doing. From people who happen to be nearby. Yeah.

People will give you their opinion. But they'll only speak it at room temperature voice loudness. Room volume. Room volume. And then we've got home renovation, cock holding, which is a good idea. Andy, thank you very much. And Bae-moh mama. I'm going to start referring to things that are playing. Bum-moh mama flavor has room flavor. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-moh mama. Bum-m-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P- be we're at two in tank, you can review us. If we review us, go ahead. Okay. Think, oh shit, I've never reviewed them.

You've got a lift, listen, I listen for a month, I should go review. I've formed an opinion. That's a night. Get the gist. No review feels good. Go on. And, you know, we don't take enough time to record where we are in our lives. And like maybe these blogs will become, these reviews will become a sort of a diary that

you can go back through at the end of your life. Exactly. Reflect on. On your deathbed, you can go back and reread. Put some precious memories in there. You can go back and reread on your deathbed, the review that you left. And see if you can make it long. Somebody did a really long one

recently was very nice. Do you think that you could do the longest one? It's a version of like what I do at my kid go right around the block and I'll tell you how long you went for. And you just set him off and he just goes around the ball and you count. Sometimes if you forget to count, you just say 20. Yeah, right. And can you see him for this whole block or is he going for, you know, I do it for places where I can see I'm not crazy. I'm a reasonable heir. This latest one, he'd been going for several days.

I don't think he's going to make his record. I'm a reasonable dictator of children you are and finally we Home handyman chuck cuckold did we say that one? What's that? Oh? Oh? We have we have we're not doing the list anymore. We're saying goodbye. Yeah, we love you you good bye. Yeah, we love you. Yeah, good bye. Oh, are you still there? Okay, well, just if the listeners are still there, I just like to say, you can check us out on pod spotter

and I've put the link in the show notes. Thank you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. It's not optional, you have to do it. We used to go easy on it, but now you have to. Yeah. Yeah. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT.

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