Two In The Think Tank - 256 - "NON MAGICAL GENIE"

Episode Date: October 21, 2020

Sentinel Island DJ, Lip Syncing Sliding Doors, Lip Kiss, Magafauna, Conservative Greens, Knife Curse, NMGGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereEver so muc thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit Planet Broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. You should absolutely go to sospresents.com and check out our show magma. Magma is a recording of our show from the Comedy Festival last year and it's got lots of good jokes in it. Magma. Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum I laugh, Alistair, George William Tromley-Bertschull, only because that ended up sounding like a lot of the music that I listened to. Really? Do you listen to sort of like a lot of like stuff that's based in the planes of, I don't

know, in the African savannah or something? That's exclusively what I listen to. No, I have a few albums of like, World Folk Music, from like the Caribbean and other areas. And yeah, you know, a lot of the stuff that, you know, Pete Seeger, whose father was a musicologist when he would go around the world, that Pete Seeger, whose father was a musicologist when he would go around the world, you know, he'd bring back a lot of this kind of stuff. He was right into it, right into it. Did he go and live with tribes and stuff like that and record them? All that kind of stuff, yeah, recording the tribes. Basically, it's like a new frontier of cultural appropriation. Once you've appropriated all the known cultures, you have to go and discover some as-yet-undiscovered

peoples and appropriate the culture. Even cultures that don't know about themselves, they don't know themselves. They haven't achieved self-awareness. That's why people are so keen to get to those sentinel islands where those people attack everyone with spears if they even try and land on the island. That's why people are so keen to get to those sentinel islands where those people attack everyone with spears if they even try and land on the island. It's because they could have all sorts of culture. They might have some new beats, some new rhythms. They've got some great tunes. They don't want to share it with nobody. They don't want to be ripped off by Robin Thick. They don't want us to wrap over them Or under them we go there we

Steel there Ununrept overbeats unrapped beets we go and we're going on a track hunt. We're going on a track hunt on non-skid Oh, it's the Sentinel islands. I've got us oh they've got they've got a new beat. We can't wrap over it. We can't wrap under it. We're gonna have to wrap Through it. Oh, they're throwing a spear. It's not going over me. It's not going under me. Oh, it went through me. It's going through me. So sketching that.

Sorry, I had to go and turn off the air conditioner, which I'd realized I'd left on in the room. So the soothing hum, soothing hum, which had been playing under the initial portion of the podcast, is now being replaced with the beep and the unnecessarily noisy shutdown sounds of my air conditioning unit. That's great.

Is there a sketch in anything that we just spoke about, do you think? Well, I mean, there is, you know, I think there's something in this area. I think maybe just the idea that, because if you make it about white people, yes. They just, they want to go there so that they can appropriate their music and use it in their DJ sets. I think this is already something. You look at the ancient intrepid explorers who were probably deeply evil people going into

unknown areas and describing the wonders they're in or stealing the gold and spreading disease, whichever way you want to look at it. Okay? That, but with music, with the new sound, you want to bring back the new sound, or possibly a new dance move. It could be a new dance, right? Imagine coming home with the next Macarena,

or the next ketchup song. Exactly. The next hamster dance. Can you imagine? Very good. I mean, I can't imagine that you could come home with something as complicated as the floss that only kids can do, you know? Yeah, it's an amazing that they're floss natives, those kids.

Flossing? Yeah, they're flossing. They're able to do that instinctively from birth. I think it's, yeah, I watch the higher frequency. I've seen footage of Ted Danson trying to learn it, but it didn't seem like it was going well. And if Ted Danson can't do it, a man whose surname is literally Danson, Danson Danson, if he can't do it, what hope do we have? You know what I saw? I saw Ted not dance. Really? I saw Ted struggling. Ted Struggling. Yeah, that's a good name. We write that down.

Who is Ted Struggling? Like when we went to that comedy night and there was a guy whose comedy character was Wontine Nelson as a parody of Willie Nelson. Remember that? I don't remember that. That was one of the worst nights of your life, Alistair. Don't believe you don't remember it. We went to an open mic night down in Port Melbourne or something like that, or Williams town. I think I do remember it was like an older

guy, right? Yeah, an older guy was one of the guys running the room and he had a sort of a dreadlock hat that he'd made out of the ends of skipping ropes. And he put that on and I can't remember at all what the actor was. I guess he was probably singing if he was doing some sort of parody of Willie Nelson called Wonty Nelson, Wonty, Willie Wonty. Were the dreads starting to make it more of a roster thing?

Or did he? I don't know. Yeah, did he miss miss imagine that Willie Nelson was rasta? Was just it's Willie Nelson. Does he sing on the road again? Is that Willie Nelson? Yeah, on the road again. Yeah.

I think he might have done a parody of that. Sure. Yeah. Could it have been on the bone again. It really could have been that. Just can't wait, get on the bone again. But we watched that and then we watched the guy who we'd given a lift down to this gig with who had previously been a one-liner comedian, he decided he wasn't gonna do any of his one-liner jokes.

He was going to try and riff a bit about going to the ice cream shop. We watched so he watched, weren't he Nelson? We watched that guy riffing a bit. And then a guy from the audience got up and told some jokes and did the best of anybody on the night so far. And then I think you left. I think like you were maybe the

angrier I've seen you. Was I supposed to go out that night? I don't think so. I think you were very, you were just really uncomfortable with how the whole thing was playing out. Yeah, right. And it was good. Maybe angry at me for bringing you into this situation. But I think I imagine I wanted to check out a new room or something like that. Or you wanted to check out a new room or we were going to ask for gigs, but then we were like, oh no, this is a terribly run thing. Yeah it was beyond, it was beyond even our low standards. I've entertainment anyway.

Now in that, is there anything do you think Ted Struggling would have done well there? I think if it had been exclusively parody characters, real parody paradise, you know, it could have been that kind of a night, yeah, absolutely. I did a joke, well I had an idea ages ago. I think it might have even mentioned it on the podcast, where I was like, imagine this, it's the Eurovision speech contest, and people get up and they lip sync to famous speeches.

And I've realized that's basically what TikTok talk has become in a big way. So it was sort of suggested it as I like to think. I hope are so bad it's good idea ingest on the podcast years ago and now it's become a cultural phenomenon. Yeah, now we could be ahead of the curve, you know, I think maybe on that one you were like right on the curve. Yeah, probably, probably just repeating the same. We could be ahead of the curve by finding something that lips do. We could sink our lips up with that the kids haven't, haven't really good. Well, okay, here's an idea.

Lips, they open and shut. What else opens and shuts? Sliding doors at airports and malls and other sort of pedestrian areas. If you turn your mouth on the side, okay, it starts to look a little bit like automated sliding doors, okay? You do some sort of screen by screen comparison

of the doors opening at a famous walk-through area. Okay, you see the people going in, and then like as people go in in the video that's actually of the doors, you put chips into your mouth, you open your mouth and you put chips in, right? So they look like people walking in. And it's all synced up. Chip syncing. Yeah, chip syncing. Well, yeah, that's chip syncing.

I guess if you're syncing up the people with the chips. With the people with the chips, but also the lips with the doors. Yeah, but eventually you could, if you're doing really, you know, sort of pure chip syncing, you could get rid of the lips altogether, find things in which you could replace people, or the moon, or the backs of turtles, maybe turtles shot from above, and you could replace all of that with chips. Oh, no, you're picturing crisp chips. I was picturing cooked sort of fries, which is why that in, in, in pro. You don't think, you don't think they cook crisps? No, I don't, I don't think they do.

No, I think they have a nice slice of oily raw potato. They don't, they don't cook them. They've got some, it's cooking is too expensive and they've invented a spray, which is cooked flavor and they just dehydrate them and then they spray on cooked. But it's cooked with a K in the middle. Yeah, cooked does have a K in the middle and it yeah cooked does have a K yeah or is it or are you talking COO K K ED yeah yeah that's right and it and it it creates the sort of the the feeling

of things being cooked. I think hungry jacks or burger king do that, but with smoky flavor, I think there's just like a spray they just put on the meat or just like a chemical they just put in there that has a smoky flavor. I think they have also the griddle, sometimes that, like those black marks like you would get if you were actually, is it, what is it, a flame grill or something?

Yeah, but also, I think it's a flame grill. But they don't have to make sense. You'd have to be getting your burger and then taking it apart and just like wiping sauce off of it and then getting a good look at that patty. Yeah. Well, we do that. That's the aesthetic. It's like, you know, it's like on a movie set, like people putting like stuff in the

garbage can that's, you know, that nobody's opening. It's the lemon. And nobody's going to open it and look at it. Yeah. It's a level detail nobody cares about. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's like that, you know, the first bite is with the eye, yes, but the first look

is with the teeth. And the teeth as they're as they're biting through the burger. They can feel claim grill indentation. Yes, correct. Painted black. There's no fluorescent food, Alistair. And that's an opposite. That's true. I guess is that to try to stop people from eating sort of glow sticks? Well, it doesn't stop people, does it? Doesn't it? No, I've eaten them. Have you eaten a glow stick?

I'm pretty sure I've put glow stick in my mouth. But like the liquid? You've put the liquid in your mouth. Yeah, yeah. Pretty sure I was at some sort of a party where people were breaking open glow sticks and putting the glow stick chemical in their mouths and smiling and having glowing teeth. And, wow. Yeah, I feel like I may have done that. Might have even been with the scouts.

I think it was a scout camp. It wasn't an official activity. It wasn't, you know. No, but I imagine if that's the worst thing that happened to you on scout camp, then you did okay. The worst. The worst thing I had to put it to my mouth, the worst. What?

What? Stick that wasn't supposed to be anyway. Look, I'm sorry, Alistam, sorry. We're sorry, everybody. We haven't been coming up with sketch ideas today. We're just having a chat today. I mean, we've got obviously the white DJs going to Sentinel Island to try to appropriate.

Can we absolutely guarantee that mouth on the side, lip syncing with a sliding door in a public space isn't a sketch idea? Right, we could be probably can, yeah, lip syncing sliding doors. Yeah, I mean, you could maybe get the tongue in on the action. Is there anything where a thing slides open? You know what you could maybe get the tongue in on the action. Is there anything where a thing slides? You know, I would be interested in something pokes in and out. I mean, there's a butthole. No.

But imagine this as well. Let's say you're lip-syncing You know after this episode you go fuck it. I'm just gonna try this You know when you're on the edge should I should not and you go yeah I'm gonna download TikTok and make the first lip-syncing sliding door video. Right, and you do it and bang, it goes off, right? I don't know, it gets shared by Beck Petraeus, you know, internet celebrity Beck Petraeus.

Show, show, show. Who's a friend of the show and friend of the people on the show? Nick Mason. Gives it a bump. Yeah, Nick Mason, gives it a bump. I'm like, is he on TikTok maybe? And then it goes haywire, right?

And your life changes, right? But for those of us watching this happening to you, we get both scenarios where you decide not to and your life continues. And then when you decide to do it And your life changes and you become huge and you have to go to some TikTok conference where people pay

150 bucks just to be with you and you have your own interns and they're all getting you to do different sliding doors and things like that. And then we get to see, I don't know, I can't remember how that Gwyneth Paltrow movie ended. Just both versions of UKIS at the end, I think it's something like that. Real sliding doors moment. A real, a real sliding door's moment there. Yeah.

Yeah. Sliding you dress up one of your lips, the top lip, as Quiddance Paltrow, with short hair, and the bottom lip, with a spout-chow, with long hair. Brown, brown hair, yeah. Brown, short hair, and blonde long hair, something like that. But they both end up getting to kiss Darryl Hannah. Is that right? Does she die in one of them?

I don't know. I can't remember. Haven't watched Loining Dawn. Not Darryl Hannah. Do you think? John Hannah. John Hannah. Oh.

Very different. How about that was Darryl Hannah sounded better. But do you think that your lips are constantly kissing each other? Yuck, Al! In a way, or are they kind of giving each other a half-e? Mmm, it's really interesting. I know they're giving me a half-e.

Mmm, I'm just trying to... I think it... Experience it that right now. I'm running one lip over the other lip. Oh, getting quite aroused. Well, that's the problem. I think once you make this realization, it will be difficult not to be constantly aroused, not to be in a constant state of friskiness.

Well, you see how horses move their lips. I feel like they've made this realization. They know absolutely what's going on. Well, when you're locked in a big paddock by yourself for years at a time, you've got to find ways to get your motor running your one horse power motor Very good And so I don't know is there look is I know this isn't almost nothing but are the lips kissing each other? Yeah, I mean

But could it do you think it could start an epidemic of horning us? I think I think this realization, some kind of thing, you know, you that thing when you turn your head upside down and you put a little, you put a little, some eyes on your chin and yeah, it makes it look like another person. You mean the best trick that's ever been created Absolutely one of the funniest maneuvers that can be achieved You know there's a there is a you know there's a sense in which The chin could be a separate person That's own head so. I don't know.

Is if your lips kiss your chin? No, no, just forget it. Just at the bottom, that the bottom person, the chin person controls the bottom lip and then you control the upper lip. Exactly, right. But then the kiss that you're achieving there doesn't isn't doesn't really match up Conceptually with the way that people kiss in real life No, but you know what you can do with your fingers though is that you can kind of

Fold your lips into two lips Oh, I just pinching the middle Hmm, yes, you're right and then you can bring them together by smacking them like that. Well now this feels like a four way. Well it feels like there's somebody else getting involved who's like now you two kiss. Almost like my hands. My hands are the wives of my lips and they're trying to get their husbands to kiss. Terrific. Have we talked about horse power, but you know horses don't just have the power to run and pull things. They have other powers as well. That's true.

They have the power to make you want their friendship. Respect. Respect? You want the respect of a horse. And I think that we should, every form of influence should be measured relative to the horse's capability in that field of endeavor. So, you know, mental thought intelligence should be measured in horse power. In horse power. in horsepower. And horsepower. And so you basically we find out how much the average horse can count.

Exactly. Right, and that is one unit. That number of computation. One horse with one horsepower. Yeah, a computational power. And that's instead of gigahertz or whatever, we measure the strength of our computers in horsepower. And how much light is emitted by a horse?

Yeah, okay. Maybe you've got to burn the horse or something like that. A calorie should really be one horse power, right, is how much food energy is contained in eating an entire horse. Yeah. And I think those ones you actually, the way you find out the amount of calories and something is you actually put it in a thing and burn it. You do burn it, you burn a horse. So yeah, a lot of your suggestions do involve burning horses. Hmm. A lot of them do. But some of them don't. Some of them involve giving it math problems

to solve. What about a cow? How many horsepower is one cow? It's a really good question. Hmm. I guess it depends on the cow, but do you think your average cow has less power than a horse? Then one horse. Oh, you're average cow. I mean because you look at an ox or something, right? An ox or a bull. You're like, well, that's, I reckon got more like strength. Then I think what's your onto oxen and yaks where we're looking at we're talking we're back to talking about megafauna, I think.

Is horse megafauna? Hey, that's horse. Hey, that's horse. It's horse Megafona. It's starting to think, I'm starting to think a horse might be Megafona. This whole time. Is horse Megafona.

I Google Megafona a lot. Maybe Clyde'sdale. Oh, look, you know. Oh yeah. The Shire Horse could be Megaforna a lot. Maybe Clyde's Dale. Oh look, you know, the Shire Horse could be Megaforna, but maybe the regular horse. I mean, if horse is Megaforna, then does that make a Shetland pony Megaforna? Because once you get to that, then maybe a miniature horse is a megafauna. And then maybe megafauna starts to lose all meaning. Well, first thing that came up is this extinct animal looked like gorilla horse. But this is so tall. Wait, this thing is called a parasyratherium. And it's like as tall as three rhinos, four rhinos, maybe standing on top of each other.

And it's a, it's a, like a mammal? Yeah, it's like a horse type. Fuckin' hell. Say I'm so angry that doesn't exist. But I'm furious. I think there was a North American rhino. Willy rhinoceros. The American rhino.

Yeah, and then there it is, that's that paracirotherium. We're going to have to look into that more, but I don't know whether a horse is megafauna. Megafauna, what's exciting to me about megafauna is because they're more recent, you know, geologically, chronologically speaking, than the dinosaurs. I feel like if we've got a chance of getting some DNA from any of them and resurrecting them, we've got a better chance with the megaforners, your mammals, than we ever had with your dinosaurs. And so your Jurassic parks could very well

be giant. I mean, look at this way. We're wiping out the animals that we do have. We're probably never going to actually be able to bring back anything long extinct. No, we can bring back things that can make money. That's true. We're wiping out ones that aren't making any money. I think... Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth

opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time. Mycomputercareer.edu. I think horses might be megafauna.

Really? Yeah, they're North American megafauna. What about this mega-former? Fauna. Is there anything? Maga? Maga. MagGA. MAGA. Yeah, make American great again forna.

I guess that's what those idiots are. But, well, I mean, when I'm trying to bring, I mean, if the MAGA campaign to make America great again was about bringing back mega-fawener, because that's really what it would be like, you know, if they're, if one of the platforms of the Trump campaign was to bring back that giant North American rhino, I guess I'd have a different, I mean, I wouldn't 100% rule it out for him to throw that into the campaign somewhere.

Well, I mean, part of his campaign was like anti-expert and anti-people who, you know, I guess know what they're doing and stuff like that. So it wouldn't be that crazy to think of Megafauna as what we once thought of as the extinct big idiot. Because when he came to power, they really came up. The big idiots. They really the big idiots you brought it back they really came into for you know into front front stage and you know all these big idiots who we thought we're gone And a lot of a lot of

Views that we thought were extinct And if you can resuscitate Nazis, well, why not also North American Rhiners. I like it. I am considering starting a political party, which is exclusively megaforner based, something that we can all agree on. Yeah, yeah, I would like that. The green parties, they're all about protecting the environment we have, well, I'm even more conservative,

which is that I want to go back to the environment that we used to have. I'm kind of combining conservatism and conservation. And the green movement. And the green movement. Yes. Yeah, like, you know, like old growth trees, right? You're not for the ones that are still here.

You're not. You're for the ones that have died off long ago. A long one. And you say, the glory in And you say bring them back. Bring them back. Yeah. Bring back those 5,000 year old trees that have never been cut down.

And it's maybe it's impossible, but I'm dreaming. I think if it's a party that just buys public land to re-vegetate it with long gone animals. So I guess if in Australia, your platform could be, you know, I mean, an easy one. This is not quite, I'm not sure if this is Megafon, but bringing back the Tasmanian tiger. Yeah, absolutely. You know, bringing back that giant wombat one. Yep, I brought it on. Got a little bit. You know, people are going giant wombat one. Yep, diprotodon.

Got a lot of them. You know, people are going to want to see this. Yeah. Probably more than they would want to see a dinosaur. Well, probably more than they're going to, then we can be bothered what seeing koalas again or anything like that. Yeah, but we're going to also bring back giant koalas. Are there other koala type things?

Yeah, probably, probably. I know. Or we could bring back giant koalas. Are there where there are other koala type things? Yeah, probably probably Or we could just engineer big koalas This is good. I'm an aspirational environment party You know, it's a party you could have a coalition The megafauna greens the conservative, and you could have these futuristic greens who actually tamper with nature a lot in quite unethical ways. So then you capture the green movement, you capture the conservative movement, and you capture the people who are forward looking.

And I don't know that the actual greens, I don't think they'd be a big fan of what we're trying to do. Sure, but some of them are going to vote for you by accident. Yes, that's true. Great. I think that's a sketch idea, Alistair. Yeah, what do they actually called? The Conservative Greens, let's just put that down. Hyper-conservative, historical, preserving environments long gone. I want to buy as much land as I can and re-vegetate it with the flora and fauna of the lost supercontinent of Pangaea.

I will bring back Megafona lost to humans arriving and because of humans ate them and I will let you eat them. That is also a big part. Find out how delicious they were to be wiped off the face of this earth. I mean most, the bigger things get, they don't generally get more delicious, do they? That's not a cows. Cows, that's true. But aren't baby cows more delicious? Is that a thing?

I don't think so. I don't know. I don't think so. Well, I don't know. I don't think necessarily. But lamb is more delicious than mutton. Then mutton, right? Yeah, maybe, but we could still kill the young of this make these make up. Right.

Right. That's all I did. That's all I did to hear. I mean, if that's what you're worried about. Yeah, that was what I was worried about. We're not if we're going to let them get to be big. Yeah. Well, we could engineer them to be even bigger so that the young are the size of what the

old ones used to be. Ah, this is the perfect crossover platform for my two new greens parties. Yeah, my coalition of greens parties. Yours is a different shade of green. That's right, deep green. You know, one lighter and like it ones like lime green and the other one is sort of a dark, you know, like a deep forest.

Fucking flurro green mate. Flurro, yeah, flurro green for the futuristic one. Yeah. And sort of like, you know, like ancient, fern green. Are there any, do you ever met a woman called Fern? Yeah, we both knew a woman called Fern, didn't we? Fern? Oh, yeah, there's, Scottish comedian called Furn, Furn Brady.

Furn Brady, there you go. She's very funny. Do you know any Le Verne's? Never met a Le Verne, Alistair, no. We should have had. We should have had. We should have had. Yeah, let me tell you.

We met a few Le Rettas. Le Rettas, really? Were they all Italian? No, no, one was from Papa New Guinea. Really? By way of Italy? No, no, she was she was Papa one. She was from Papa one. By way of Papa. Yeah, yeah. And went to high school with her. She was cool. Really? That's very cool. We did ceramics together. So she was Tasmanian by way of Papua? That's correct.

There you go. Yeah. How many sketch ideas do we have downstairs? Sorry. How many sketch ideas do we have? One, two, three, four, five. No, no, no. I mean, there is five there. I feel like we need one more before we go into our...

Unless you think that the three words could inspire two ideas. It's always possible that it happens often. You know, and we haven't had a short episode for a while. You know, so what look, we could give it a go. Now, Andy, I don't know if you know this, but we have it had a short episode for a while. No. You know, so what look we could give it a go. Now Andy, I don't know if you know this, but we have listeners. And every time this surprises me. They sometimes can donate to our Patreon if they want three bucks and they can get three words that they can submit to inspire sketch idea and that has happened.

That has happened. This is incredible. By the listener, but not lessener. Robert Goslin. Hey Robert. Hello Bobby. Goslin. It's the Goss, mate.

The Goss. Yes. And Robert has submitted three words. Do you want to try to guess what the first word is? Yep Retort. No It's perfectly perfectly Shaped Very close and you got the first three letters and then one of the other letters. Wow!

It's sharp. Perfectly sharp. Okay. You can get this last one, Andy. Yes. Whit? No. Spear. Perfectly sharp sphere. Oh, that is so good. Because my first instinct then was I was thinking about that.

And I was like, okay, well, sphere, I guess you would sharpen it by smoothing it. Right. But that makes it blunter. Is a sphere the bluntest a thing can be because yeah feels like it's up there doesn't have any corners Then that it's it's gonna have you know those are approaching points and that's dangerously approaching sharpness Sure, but also when a when a when a cannonball say goes through a wall. Yeah That's sharpness, right? I when a cannonball say goes through a wall. Yeah. That's sharpness, right?

I guess it is. I guess it's a sharpness that allowed it to get through that. Well, I made it to the kind of, it's kind of smashing, right? I know, but if you zoom in to, to, you know, a microscopically close view of the cutting edge of anything, I think it's just smashing on a smaller scale, isn't it? Like the sharpest of knives, they're just smashing their way through it a small scale, and so maybe sharpness doesn't exist.

Maybe there's no such thing as sharpness doesn't exist. Maybe there's no such thing as sharpness. You know what's occurred to me is that, let's say, like, this is just my attempt at a definition between the difference between sharp and blunt, right? But blunt that passes through something, right? A sharpness will probably start splitting at the midpoint of the sharp object, right? Where the blade is, right?

Yes. But something that is blunt will probably be where it breaks will be outside of where the impact zone is as the middle, the part where the impact is, is sort of pushed through. And the outer layer of that is where it kind of all the stress is. It might also be more likely to just break where the weak points are in the thing that it's hitting. That's true. Rather than... I mean, they're... I was picturing a homogeneous material. Ah, well, that's a way you always do that.

Homogenous homogenous homogenous. You are a homogenous. Alistair. Thank you. One of the many smart sapiens around Andy. All right. So I'm a homogenous. I wonder how sharp you can get something and whether or not there's a limit to the sharp, there would be, right?

The limit to the sharpness of something would be the plank length. You could have, we could release a range of knives, right? That are so sharp that they are sharp to the plank length, Alistair. If we already talked about this, that you couldn't pull them down because they just cut through the crowded falls of the center of the earth. Well, that is a bit like our teleportation shovel idea, but this is a totally new idea, right? This is a knife that we're advertising on daytime television that is so sharp that you can't put it down because it doesn't just cut through the shoe, right? It keeps

going through the table, down, down, through layers of shells. I really like this information. And then it's a person who can never put this knife down. My hand is so tired, but then they just are rested on the thing, but no. All the stress is just on my wrist. Well, well, then, and that's why they're trying to sell it on this infomercial. They only have one knife.

They only have, yeah. And they need somebody to take it. And they just need to, they just need to sell them on how sharp it is. I mean, you think the handle would stop it from going going. If you put it, if you put it down upside down, you know, that could be good, but I guess it's probably one plank length, the whole blade. Yeah, but what about the handle? The handle can't be, that'd be playing a shop. No, you're right. Yeah, look, I don't know how to, I don't know how to deal with that issue, but No. Maybe we don't need to bring that up.

Let's not bring it up. Blame. It's so sharp. It's just, I mean, it seems like something that you would wish for from a genie. You know, like genie is always, I think the reason they limit it to three wishes is they know that after three wishes, people's wishes would probably just get stupid, right? Because, you know, an infinitely sharp knife, that would be on your top ten wishes, sure. By the time you get down to like, wish 100. I think that you're going to get a few things like that creeping in. Yeah, and yeah, and but that's that's also quite a fun idea is the infinite,

the infinite wish genie, maybe talking to a three wish genie. Yeah, well, the infinite wish genie would be like, yeah, well, when they start to get into some of those deep wishes, that's where the truth really lies. would be like, yeah, well, when they start to get into some of those deep wishes That's where the truth really lies. You get some you get to really know a person when they're making their 3000th wish Then you get down and and what he's like really looking for a connection with this in this master slave relationship I guess so I guess you got to find something.

You got to find your kicks wherever you can get them. Yeah. But I mean, like how long do you think, how deep into a wishing binge, do you think you go, can you get this, can you remove this mole? Start up. Like sometimes you'll just be asking for little things.

You go, oh, moisten my lips. Yeah, you just be asking to pick things up for you. Yeah. You bring me the remote. Yeah. I mean, at some point it's just like the genie becomes an extension of your body that you control with your mouth. Just like a, they just become a butler at some point well The problem is would you be if you had a genie like that an infinite wish genie? And yeah, would you be like if you had to wish for things say out in public? Do you think you'd be ashamed?

To be like genie and That everybody could see you talking to a, you know, maybe just maybe it is just a person instead of weird fake Arabian nights. Yeah. Okay. And you're saying things like that, you know, nobody knows that Jeannie's a real. It's just something that you do. But you can't, maybe you can't, you know, one of the

few wishes, things you can't wish is for the genie to change, changes outfit. Yeah. I think, you know, it would be really embarrassing when you're at the checkout at the supermarket and there's not enough money on your card and you have to, you know, sometimes you have to transfer money from a different account, but like when you have to Wish for more money from your journey You know everyone's looking at you and judging you That's really embarrassing. He had to wish for more money

And what's embarrassing is that because you had infinite wishes You never thought of doing that one wish where it's like I just want to have infinite money But imagine that you also wish for you money and you could completely crash the economy. Of course. You devalue the currency and suddenly nobody can pay for groceries anymore. I mean, would that happen until you started, like if you didn't pay, if you didn't spend all that money as liquid money, like this is like those people

who you tell me about who have all that Bitcoin from really early on in the Bitcoin thing, where they probably just have what, hundreds of billions of dollars worth of Bitcoin? Yeah, I'm not sure, I'm not sure how many people have it, but I think there is definitely some big money in there. Yeah, like I mean, I guess if you think of be somebody who has a hundred Bitcoin, and they're all worth 10,000 each, um,

that's a million. That's a million. Well, you could have more than that. I don't know. I don't, I don't know what the, how much the whales actually have, but yeah. But, you know, I think there are people who do have like 2000 Bitcoin and what's not, I don't know, I really don't know. But yeah, for some reason, I was like, I'm afraid now, I don't know, I don't know this stuff. I can't. There must be lots of people who have lots of that kind of stuff.

But yeah, but I guess if the money came, it depends how it comes. Because if you ask for infinite money and it comes in cash, then suddenly it's pouring out onto the streets. Mm, well yeah, you... But if you ask for it and it goes into a bank account, then the bank is aware of how much money is in your bank account. But then the bank wouldn't be able to actually keep the number infinity, would they?

In the bank system, right? You couldn't store the number infinity. And so that would crash that bank system. And then by the rules of magic, that money would have to go into a different bank system. Well, the problem is that it would crash that and it would continue to crash Every computer system on the earth, but it would come up as an error People would be like oh, there's an error this number just went up in an infinite amount Right, and so then they would just go all we'll just fix that there's a computer bug

Yes, but then you wouldn't have any money now, right? If they fixed it. That's right, yeah. So I don't think that it would be, I don't think it would be possible to wish for infinite money. Such a stupid conversation. But I think we're discovering that there are other limitations on the wishes that aren't specified in the first three rules that Robin Williams gives in Aladdin. Yeah, that's right.

Well, because he doesn't know bringing people back from the dead and can't make people fall in love. Well, also you can't wish for an infinite thing, infinite money. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because it would, it would destroy the universe. Yeah. And then also you've got to be really careful that you don't say I wish I was dead. Yes. You know, as a joke, because you were saving all the time.

Yeah, you got to be really careful of that. You know, like you drop your fork, you go, I wish I was dead. Yeah. Like that. And then Jesus crossed. You're dead now. Well, fortunately, one of my first three wishes was, I wish that I will never drop my fork again.

And then it was going to be something that... That's good because I thought it was going to be something that... Because it was one of those tricky jenies, he turned my hand into a fork. Oh no, it like sticks super glues forks to your hand. You know, you've got a fork forever in your mouth or something. And then you fall forward and it sticks into the back of your head and then you die and you say, oh, I wish I was dead. So that's kind of like a non-magical genie, right? Where he's not magic, but he'll just do his best to make whatever you wish come true. And he'll take as long as it takes.

He'll take as long as it takes. So you might wish to never drop your fork again. He'll just superglue a fork to your hand. You wish to be the prince of Egypt. And he'll, you know, set about selectively murdering and, you know, paying off people in the royal family and maybe trying to forge ancient documents. Things like that. Yeah, I like that. You know, and his only power is that he has a sort of a comfortable pension and all the free time. He was a former politician, so he's got that government pension. And he decides to become a genie.

It's like a powerless genie. Not powerless, just the powers of a mortal man. When you're a child, this is the role of the parent. It is. To be a powerless journey. Well, it's like having to do everything you're told. A new dad, but who really don't have... Really don't have to press you.

Yeah, but who you don't have to love. Yeah. The burden of having to love all those people. Well, just them one dead. Yeah, well, you know, I wasn't assuming that these families have only a mother and a father. Thank you. And I wasn't assuming that they only have two parents. Right. Or

a third thing that makes me sound really on top of it. I think we got somewhere else. I think we got somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. I think that really sharp knife. That could be something. Yeah.

No, that's a good info. Marshall. Yeah. You know, be one of those info.chals with somebody, you know, gets increasingly panicked and that's good and whatever. That's a great format. All right, I'll take us to the sketch ideas. Oh, please don't.

White DJs going to sent in the Lylins to try to appropriate their music, you know? Yes. That's great. We got lip-syncing, sliding doors. That's the new it's the new fat lips from one mouth kissing each other constantly. The aware the world becoming awareness creates an epidemic of horniness an epidemic of horningness becoming aware of those wet glossy. Right there. And I mean, this is going to be a religion that we're a religion decides that you're never allowed to close your mouth because of the sin of kissing your own lips, which is a form of masturbation. That's right. It's a form of masturbation. It's the first base of masturbation.

It's the first base towards the home run of hell, towards hell. Then we've got Maga Fana, which brought back the big idiots. Oh, I didn't know that was a sketch idea. I think so. I think look, we could say that in a way, the Trump presidency was like a Jurassic Park that just brought back the megaphone. Yep, the walls went down. The walls down the protection to a switched off and people are in their cars and And these things started stomping towards them There are all our waters have gone gotten drippy I'm just redirect. I'm just I'm just describing the bit the main scene

Yeah I'm just describing the main scene. We're all in our cars. The loud horses got drippy. Yeah. Hey, by the way, in that scene, in Jurassic Park, yep, right, when they're in the car and it stops, and I know the car is on track, is on a track of some sort, right? That's the one that goes into there. But when the T-Rex is coming,

it's stamping, right? It's stamping and the little drips appear in the little ripples of drips appear in the cup. Okay, that's what you meant by all our waters gone dripping. All right, yeah. All our waters gone dripping. You mean that cup of tea is shaking. Yeah, but I think it's just a plastic cup of water, isn't it? Right, okay. But are they driving in a car with just an open cup of water? That's insanity. Because I mean, that right there is indicative of the overall lack of safety precautions, which is ultimately going to lead to the downfall of this. I mean, when they got into that car, they should have known, I guess they said, got straight out, an open cup of water. I guess it was just a cup holder. That cup holder would have been filled very quickly with that liquid.

Now I don't remember this scene because I don't know if I've ever even actually watched it. I've probably been too scared to actually watch it. So I mean, I'm assuming you're describing this accurately and I invite the listeners to. Yeah, look, I'm not sure. I have to go back and rewatch it. But you're right, that's wild. I could be completely misremembering this, but I'm going to go and find it later. But you know what?

We should do a podcast where you watch movies that you're too scared to watch. Well, I just found out that Reply All is doing this. Really? Yeah, they have a spin-off podcast where one of the guys watches movies that is too scared to watch. Oh gosh! But by ones which are just regular movies, said everyone else is already watching. Yeah. It would just be a regular movie podcast. a regular movie podcast. Yeah, well, you go, we can't just add to that pantheon. You can't step on those toes. There's a lot of toes there. That's too many toes to step on.

We've got the conservative greens, which are bringing back the megafauna, that's their political party. And we've got a blade so sharp that you can't put it down in foam-ershield and we got the non-magical genie. Is it real good now? Yeah. Yeah. All of them. Perfect sketch ideas. Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo- You can find us on Twitter and I'm at Alistair TV. He's on what? Stupid old Andy.

Yeah, and we're at Two in Tank. You can find us at Two in Tank on Instagram. I'm at A Trombley Virtual. You can like us on, you know, review us and things like that. I haven't had a review for so long. I mean, this, I know these times are tough, so I haven't had a review for so long. I mean, I know these times are tough, so I don't want to be pushing this. You're gonna be like, I mean, times are tough, I don't want to. We put so much more effort into our begging for reviews than we do into pushing the Patreon or anything. Well, you can check out the Patreon.

You know, you can support it. There's so much content on there. Lots of sci-fi try guys, which we're going to do another one this month, or what we are. Yeah, we were going to do another one last month, but then something happened. But now, the thing that's going to happen is that we're going to do it. But what we did put up was a really old sketch show of ours from 2011. From before, we did the podcast. It was a sketch show that we did the podcast. It was a sketch show that we did together live. It's very low-fi.

It's, you know, look, it can't be very good, but. It's there. The character of it is deeply embarrassing. Yeah, but you can see us in our young state. Yeah, we look good. Better, better. I don't think probably don't have good hair in any way. Thank you.

You had a nice blue t-shirt. Yeah, that sounds like you. And we love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. It's not optional, you have to do it. We used to go easy on it, but now you have to. Yeah.

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