Two In The Think Tank - 258 - "DINE-IN ROLLERCOASTER"

Episode Date: November 3, 2020

Dining Cart, Cleaned up by the Moon, Clickoris, Gun Fired Pizza, Lobotomy Addict, Animal Surrogate, Popping the Dog Surrogate QuestionGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereSweetened, condensed thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time! Mycomputercareer.edu.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our right mites. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la sketch ideas. I sketch ideas. I'm Andy. And I'm Alice to George William, bloody Tromblie, Booch. And I'm recording this, looking out of a window. I don't think... Oh, your ideas are going to be so much more poetic than the hell. Oh, I'm already... I'm brimming over with, I guess you'd call it poetic ideas. Yes. Do you think that there's a chance that the moon might hit your eye? Now, is this song quite literally the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie? Yeah, but I don't think it's a physical hit.

I don't think somebody's gone into the orbit of the moon. And it's been fusing. Not in any way going the right speed to keep up with it. And it's been run into by the moon. Right, right. That could happen, right? If you just went straight up. Absolutely.

Absolutely. That's a risk that you take. I think percentage wise in terms of the fraction of the arc, of the sky that is occupied by the moon. I think you're probably pretty statistically speaking safe, but you'd be a fool not to take it into account as a possibility. But Alistair, even if that part of the sentence is metaphorical, the moon hitting your eye, yes, the moon doesn't hit your eye literally. But even then, it feels like it's double

metaphorical, because also a pizza pie doesn't hit your eye, doesn't. Right? Well, it depends, because maybe he's talking about when you're spinning it above your head. So you're working in the kitchen and you're doing that sort of flicking base thing that you do. Yeah, but you're doing it with sauce and ingredients on top. Already on there. On the base and it's cooked already. Okay.

You can struck the entire thing while spinning. Well, the thing is that it could be. You know, like how you go to some frozen yogurt places and they have that thing where they get about to give you the frozen yogurt, but then they turn it upside down. I. To show you that it's such a viscous yogurt that you can turn it upside down and it won't fall out. Yeah, okay. Well, same like that like this so you could you could probably make up the pizza pot cook the pizza pie

But then everybody goes well structurally speaking are these ingredients? Are they locked in by the cheese? Yeah, and that's and you could prove that at this place by spinning it above your head Creating all that centrifugal or centripetal force. Yeah, yeah, I think centrifugal is the one you're no the capsicum. Yeah, none of the little slices of champignon. That on fly. Fly, if none of the celery chunks fly off. Yeah, and what you got yourself is a structurally secure. I guess it's like a roller coaster ride that all those ingredients have to be locked in. But maybe this is for if for where you do take a pizza on a roller coaster ride, it's a it's a d, dying in rollercoaster. Nice.

And it's got a, obviously, a wood fire oven at the front. Yeah. Well, I was thinking maybe the food is provided before you get on, but they do have to run it through a series of tests to demonstrate to you that it is safe, structurally speaking, you know, it's crashed, crash-tested for yous on the roller coaster and that's hence why they do the spinning, et cetera. But also, it could be like a dining tram where the food is made of the roller coaster. Which is probably funny. Well, maybe they serve it to you while you're stopped. Okay. They serve it to you while you're stopped because they don't want to have to remake food.

Yeah. But they basically they spin it in front while you're stopped because they don't want to have to remake food. But basically they spin it in front of you to show you. So if you lose any ingredients, it's your fault. Yeah, we did everything. The sick of taking, they have paid out so much in dropped pizzas and injuries and things like that. They're like, they're done. We're done with paying out.

Like, spin the pizza. It's on you now. But we may just sign a thing. Before we give up on the business entirely, because you know this is my passion project, I want to give it one last chance, which is that we will continue to sell food for the roller coaster, but we will make sure that it is stress tested before takeoff.

If you choke in the loop to loop, use the bar in front of you to self-heimlich maneuver. Maybe there's a button that will constrict to the bar. This happens so often that they've built the bar so that they actually are mobile and capable of delivering a... They can go in and then up. Yeah, that's good. Of course, then both people, if it's sitting in the roller coaster seat,

have to get the home like win over, even if not both are choking. Yes, that's right. But. Yes, that's right. But, but that is... It's a small price to pay for saving either your beloved or some stranger you've been forced to sit next to. Because your beloved wanted to sit next to somebody else. Your beloved is dating someone. It's decided that this is where they're going to take their first open relationship date while you're there. It's a great first

date. The roller coaster dining car. The dining car on the roller coaster. Yes, please. Just thought I would just let you know that if you're hearing any childish laughter in the background, the podcast isn't haunted by the ghost of a dead child. We made sure of that. That's because I'm recording outside the bedroom of my son and he obviously I thought he was asleep and he isn't

and he's hearing me laugh and he's copying me and so you can hear. Wow. That's Remy getting in on the action. Yeah. That's great that he's like he's doing the right thing. You know he's like he knows he knows the social cues. He's a supportive audience member. Yeah. And there's also the howling and dogs show. So it's a real audio feast if you're getting this. Does he do, does he do howling as well? He does, we actually practice howling. That's one of the things that I do with my boys.

Is we all howl like wolves. You make that sound like you don't do any things with your boys. I do, I do lots of things with my boys. Everybody knows that. Now I think also, while we're talking about the fact that while we're talking about rollercoasters, before we move on to my parenting, I also am interested in other ways in which we can treat a roller coaster like it's any other form of transport. And I am thinking of like priority boarding or even first class passengers,

like a first class car at the front of the rollercoaster and they are in a kind of like... If one of those neck pillows would be great. Yeah, they get brought champagne and hot towels and... I'd love to see that champagne in the upside down and the loop to loop. I think this could be done in just a really super short sketch where you have something, somebody sitting in a chair and it looks like an airplane chair. We keep it as tight.

We film this as tight as we possibly can and then we have a steward coming past, a host of sorts offering champagne, whatever it is. They take all of that stuff, yep, they're looking very relaxed. And then, bam, the roller coaster takes off and everything goes in there. What about the eye? The eye covers? Yep, those little eye covers. Yes, they're hoping to get some sleep on the roller coaster. Take a valium, have a champagne, put down your eye cover, and with any luck, you'll be asleep for the entire ride. It's nice.

We never got to the bottom of how, in what sense, the moon does hit your eye like a pizza pie and in what way that is related to love. So I could understand a bit of it. Also, I've written down Andy, you're going to hate this, but I've written down cleaned up by the moon. Hmm. I don't hate that. And, eh?

I don't hate that. No, it just kind of seems like a fun kind of idea that you just forgot that the moon was moving, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, do you think you would die? Crashing into, if you crashed into the moon. Well, I think the moon would crash into you if you're.

Oh, so you're not shooting up into orbit. You're just sort of stationary somewhere in space. Well, yeah, you're shooting up. You're shooting straight up into all but you're just sort of stationary somewhere in space. Well, you're shooting up. You're shooting straight up. Yeah. Right. And you're going directly into the altitude where the moon is. At some altitude.

And you're stopping there, right in that spot. And then basically the moon just, do you just see it come around? And you go, oh shit. And it would, I, because you wouldn't, you wouldn't hear it coming, would you? No. Right? And it would be,

but in your head you'd probably hear, woo, woo, woo. And what? G-g-g-g- because the moon coming at you is like a big train. Yeah, great. I wonder, could you be stationary in orbit? You'd have to be orbiting yourself, wouldn't you? No, you wouldn't. You can just be stationary in space. You can just be sitting there and then the moon thwax ya. Oh man. It'd be worth it. It'd be worth sending up a camera to do it

just so that we could get that footage. You know, I think if Elon Musk wanted to, you know, how he sent that plane, that car into space. Yeah should have done it as a crash test publicity stunt to prove how good the airbags or whatever in the Tesla. So it would have been really cool. But then it gets cleaned up by the moon and the guy inside and it's a real guy. He's fine. Nice. It's a real guy. Could put his brother in there. That Elon just bought his life for use. Yeah, I think that would be nice. Like, imagine, you know, let's say it's like three times the payout of what a life insurance thing would have paid out. That's good for your family. Oh yeah, fantastic. And they get to watch the live feed. And what would you, how much money would it take you to give up your whole life and like to give

up your living time, the rest of your living time? How much money would they have to offer you so that you knew that your your family would be like hyper wealthy. Oh, well, that is the one thing that I've always wanted for my family, is hyper wealth. So you're really tickling my buttons here, Alistair. No, but think about it. And there is special kind of button that is only activated by tickling.

Do you have those light switches in your house? I have them. Well, you have to. Yeah, I got those Andy. You can't just switch on the light. You've got to, you've got to tease the light. You've got to get the light to the point of coming on all by itself. The switcher-us. Yeah. The clicker-us, Alistair. Clicker-us, sorry. Alistair. Clickerous, sorry. I don't have a smart home. I have a very sensual home. I've written down clicker.

And it's not just that you've got to do it to one light switch. You've got to run between all the light switches. You've got to run between all the light switches in the house, getting them to just the right point, just to switch on one of the lights. Yeah, imagine your remote for your TV and DVD and stuff like that. It's like 75 buttons like that. And you've got to get each one to climax before you can. Turn on the television, change the channel. This is just to change the volume one notch on the volume scale.

Yeah. I'll probably just get up and go and do it on the buttons on the side of the television. Andy, it's a button, therefore it's a clicker. Everything. Yeah. It's, that's how you become the best lover in the world. Yep. It's because you're always practicing no matter what.

And you have to alternate between doing it, depending on everyone. No, no, no, Andy. I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think,. No, I don't want to stay. No, I don't want to stay. Go, tell me. No, no, no, I think just the fact that we've said clicker-races enough, and that it's written down, I think that the idea that there is, like a light switch, I mean, it'd be so much fun to film as a sketch, because then you have to watch the person. What's that?

He goes, oh, how do you turn that? You go, you don't know how to turn on a clicker. You don't just go flicking it on and on. You've got to work up to it. Yeah. And there's a region around the switch as well that you've got to, you work your way towards it. And then next to the thing, there's like just like a,

like an open, you know, like, like, like about the size of like an old film tube. Yes, sir. Canister. He's just like hanging there. Is it just the tub of lube that you've got to dip your finger into? Because you're not going to just go in there with your, you know? Oh, no, no. Anyway, yeah. That's my hand.

That's something that's one for the whole ceramics class. That's sketch. Whole ceramics class, what? Don't worry about it. In what sense is it a pizza pie like the because you're trying to make a metaphor to describe love when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that's a mori But yeah, so you mean like what do they actually mean? Well, but you know in in like the whole point of a metaphor is that you compare something The whole point of a metaphor is that you compare something that is indescribable or difficult to describe to something that is more understandable.

So I think maybe that we're interpreting it as it hits your eye in the way that a pizza pie hits your eye. Yeah. Right? I think that's what the sentence is in polite. I think you just restated it. I think that what they mean is when you see the moon, Yes. It looks like a pizza pie.

Yeah, no, I get that. I understand that he's using a metaphorical sense of hit as in you're looking at the moon, right? Yeah. And it looks like a pizza. But... But... Is it...

Is it that supposed to help us to understand the concept of love? Do you see how like we're not really any closer? Yeah, you know when you look at the moon and then it reminds you of a pizza. That's love. That's love. And you know, because I could imagine a metaphor in which you look at the moon. It is a size thing. Well, yeah, a size, right?

You look at the moon and the moon looks big. But a pizza is smaller than the moon already. So it just depends on how distant the pizza is. But have you ever seen a super moon? Have you ever seen one of those big moons? Yeah, they look big. So it just depends on how distant the pizza is. But have you ever seen a super moon? You have seen one of those big moons? Yeah, they look big, sure. They look big and it makes your heart flutter.

Sure, sure, again, fine, Alistair. And you know what that is? That's a moral. That's a moral. But that's not the line, is it? They're saying it looks like a pizza. So, okay, we're making the huge leap. Well, no, I think he's saying, when the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie.

So maybe it's hitting your eye and you realize, this is the size of a pizza pie, like a pizza pie that's close to my face. You know what, you're right. He did say big pizza pie. Like a big one. So it must be close. You know, so it hits your I look. I'm Andy I'm discovering this at the same time. Yeah. Yeah. No wait wait, but this is good This is what I wanted so big you think oh my god title the title the tides are gonna be affected Call the call the shipping Reports let somebody know call my uncle the captain, the Seabot captain.

Right, and the moon looks so big. So maybe it's just so big, you've never seen a pizza this big, I mean a moon this big. I mean, I guess it's the same way that if you bought a pizza, and it came and it looked like perfectly like a tiny moon. Yeah, okay. If somebody had garnished that pizza in a way that it just got those sort of off whites and grays using nothing but pizza ingredients, probably a lot of blue cheese. I would say this pizza is upside down. I'm looking at the largely doughy, but you know, dark and

browns. How would you browns? They'll be mostly browns. Yeah. You know what? I mean, I've never really spent that much time looking at the bottom of a pizza, but I think, well, depending on how you cook it, you could have a fairly alabaster, you know, creamy, dough-colored base. I don't think they're all cooked. I don't know what that color is. They're all about to come up in the good of it.

I mean, it's not a thing that we look at all that often. You don't look at the bottom of a pizza. Do you look at a lot of loaves? Unless you bought one of those glass. There's no gray bread. One of those glass bottom pizza trays, like a glass bottom boat, so you can hold it up above you

and see that we get a real good look at the base before you eat it. I don't know. Andy, I've looked at underneath a lot of pizzas because you know I eat my pizza. Absolutely. Cool style. You know that when people shoot a gun, it's cool to turn it to the side. Shoot it. That's how I eat a slice of it. You eat it. I turn it so the slice goes vertically, like that.

And if it's a bit hard, the base is a bit hard. It cuts right into my gums and stuff. Yeah. And it's really awful actually eating it that way. As you go down the, one of my eyes, usually in my right eye, it gets a good glimpse of the base. And it tells the left eye, so really they both know. But you, okay, you're eating the pizza on its side because you're cool, right?

You're like a cool guy. And that, as you go down, it gets, you have to open your mouth wider and wider to encompass the increasing width of the wedge of pizza that you're eating. So that's, that's the fun. Well, it seems like it, but then what I do is I stand, I stand by where they often have that glass area where you can see the people making the pizza and you can see them

cutting it, you know, either with that big sort of semi-circle with the wood frame on the edge or with the roller. Yeah. Either one, I say cut it a few more times, hun. Right. So you get, you get real fractional. And then I get wedges a few more. Yeah. Oh, that mean the problem is though that, you know, the smaller you get those wedges, the less structural integrity they have, and they're going to start to flop, right? So you're no longer, you've no longer have a rigid wedge to eat. And you're trying to look cool here.

But you go too deep with that. I think as long as I've still got a no-sauce of these triangle, I think usually the strength is pretty good. But once, if they get it a bit off and they kind of just get like a long strip, a long strip, then it's mostly just basically a rectangle. That's when you come into trouble.

Now is gangster's doing things on the side? Is it, it's not just the guns then. So they do anything that has basically a, a planar orientation, a standard orientation like that though. Yeah. Pastels. Yeah, pastels. Yeah. Pastels. Yeah, if they're using pastels, pastels.

The crayon. Yeah, the crayon. So instead of using the pointy end, they turn it on the side and they actually color it in with the big thick white bit. That is actually pretty gangster. Yeah. They're laying on color like it's, it's, it's, it's, it's no thing.

And that's how they do detail. Do you think that, you know, having a, um, a gun on its side like that, uh, has any advantages? Yeah, I guess you could get a coffee on it. I guess the Hey, you can get someone to put a coffee on it like if it's a wide enough coffee on there flat flatten wide Put a coffee on it you this is this is what I do I You I do so much shooting with my gun because of my gang-related activities. My gun gets so hot, I can't actually put a little percolator on there.

And I tell my morning brew, it's gun-fired. It's not wood-fired, gun-fired. This is my American- pizza restaurant. I have a gun fired pizza oven and the base of the oven is lined with semi-automatic weapons with the bump stock and they are firing constantly. You've just taped the trigger. The trigger is taped down. Yeah. And they fire constantly out through the wall of the restaurant.

And we've thought about this. We're careful. We've angled that wall so that it's away from the car park. Yeah, of course, it kind of just goes to. And towards the toilet block, which is made of bricks, so it's fine. It's fine, it's safe. And the muzzle heat cooks those pizzas perfectly. And other than that, it's a pretty standard pizza restaurant. But it's a standard establishment. And before you ask, no, we don't serve an Americano. We think that

that's racist. I don't even know why an Americano would be racist. I don't know either. Coffee or? No, isn't Americana, isn't that a type of pizza? Maybe. Is it also a type of coffee? Well, that's what Starbucks do called their black coffee, I think. Really? Oh.

Anyway, is that a sketch? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a good one. So I think gun fired pizza restaurant. Gun fired pizzas, Andy. Is this new gun fired pizza place? I actually think that a little bit of gun powder flavor in your food would probably taste nice, because that smell is good. Why is the smell so good?

Why do we like... When have you heard Smelt of Gun? Well, I haven't smelled of Gun, but I've smelled Gunpowder in like fireworks and... Is it always the same stuff? Is it still just salt Peter? I think it's salt Peter and other ingredients as well. So you haven't like come up with a better or cheaper gunpowder synth? I think they probably have lots of options. I think they probably refined it out of the state, but I think the essential chemical reaction could still be the same.

And lots of different exposures, I don't know. What about for armor, bust and bullets? Well, I think that's more to do with the bullet itself than it is to do with the propellant. I'm googling types of gunpowder. The other thing that we have at our American restaurant is that we do have a little gunpowder grinder on the desk, on the table.

On the desk, it's desks. We don't have tables at our restaurant. All the food is served as a desk. To have a grinder of gunpowder? Do you think you just go, like that? It would go, Puh.

I mean, could that happen? Is that a great prank? That's a really good prank. You put, you put in a pepper grinder, you just put some gunpowder in there. Yeah. You might have to chuck in. Next time they're doing it, they're going, and he goes, pow!

Yeah. This is going to be two, this is going to be two, this, this, this, this checking for this, looking into the what makes up gunpowder is going to be too much of an involved thing. I think it would, I think it might derail the podcast more than it already has. I'm not one of those people who can research and talk. But look, we got gun-fired pizzas, Andy. And we got that. I mean, that's not a derailing, Andy.

That's right on track. That's a railing. That's the destination. Yep. Destination derail. That's if you were just trying to, you know, one of your destinations was to say you were I don't know. What's the scenario in which somebody kind of feels the need?

Like do you ever feel the need to like wreck your life a little bit or like to like not wreck your life, but when do you get an urge to be self-destructive? You know, it's not that much. I mean, I'll probably, you know, I do have things where I'm just like, oh, I'm just going to have a beer and it's like two in the afternoon. And I'm like, and I'm aware that that's probably, you know, make me sub-sub-par for the rest of the day. Alistair, this story may be drawn from life. This may be based on something that happened to me today. But I don't know that it goes much beyond that.

But I think I've had a few, very few, but nights where you, you know, felt like you were dedicated to kind of what felt like a decent, you know, intoxicating this of yourself. Yeah, that has happened. Is that self-destructive? Would you say? I think that's what that, I think that's what that urge is. It's like, well, I mean, it's like it's wanting to have fun.

It's an attempt to have fun. But it's also knowing that you're like, I'm going to have fun by destroying parts of me that are conscious. That's interesting. I'd never thought about self-destructive, I just sort of in this literal sense of things that sabotage you in the long term. But there is a very literal interpretation of that, which is that you are trying to destroy parts of the self, right?

And drinking is absolutely about that, isn't it? It's like, oh God, I'm sick of me to a certain extent. I'm sick of the bits of me that are self-conscious and get in the way of just enjoyment and I am going to destroy them. I have this go to attack those parts of my identity and get to hang out without them for a while. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments.

Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. Oh. And so, is there a way for either a train to do this, or for this to be a sketch. You know, like I was trying to think of, I was trying to talk about a train that was self-derailing, feeling self-derailing or destructive, but maybe that's too... I mean, could there be a... You know, you could do it.

You definitely do a sci-fi type story in which there is this new thing that kids are doing in the future, right? And it's not a drug. It's actually, they get this kind of surgery to have a bit of their brain removed for a certain period of time, right? And then, you know, they'll put it back in, oh in just a trailer full of sheep just went past my window. God this is I'm really getting to see some stuff. Andy it is that's a bush palm. A trailer full of sheep just went past my open window. My son in the next room is laughing at body rhythm with mine. But what was I saying? Yes, it's a sci-fi thing where kids are getting brain surgery or even doing brain surgery

on each other at these parties. And they take a bit of your brain out and they keep it in something which keeps it fine. And then they put it in again, you know, two, three, four hours later. And you're more or less fine. Takes you a while to recover because your brain has to grow back together. Or maybe they can just zap it, like they've got a thing that can zap it through the head. It's just something that you can put on your head and it kind of finds the coordinates of certain areas in your brain and just goes, like Dan, you go, whoa. areas in your brain and just goes, like, Dan, you go, whoa.

Absolutely, absolutely. That is true. But I think that is almost too realistic and just something that probably will happen quite soon. Whereas mine is like gross, right? And unpleasant. Yeah. And therefore, potentially visually interesting,

if not funny. Sure. I hadn't thought about the visual. Ah, well, ah, the master of the visual allelistere. Yeah, that's true. That's why you're... Painting pictures with my paintbrush. Alright, so what are we writing here? What are they doing?

What are they doing? They're getting parts of their brain removed. Yeah, as a drug. It's, what is it? It's neurohacking. And they do it with a knife. And they do, you can do it with almost anything. You just, you know, you sterilize it.

We get, kid, I don't know what it is, how? Kids at school, they would do it with their little stencil, with their, you know, that sharp knife that you use in like craft and stuff. Yeah, that's a little kind of scalpel, that's craft knife. That's basically a, that's good. If you're doing it with that, you're doing great. I was thinking just like a butto knife or something,

you just run it. No, but I think Andy, you better get through the skull. Yeah, no, you're doing great. I was thinking just like a butternut for something, you just run it. No, but I think Andy, you've got to get through the skull. Yeah, I know, it takes a while. I mean, this bit, this is the part of this bit that is really hard. It's genuinely really hard to get through the skull. Well, and you've got to not go through so much that you completely fuck up the brain. But you know, like you know, those stories about people who are addicted to drugs and they're like, we were so, you know, rock bottom, we shot up with water from the cat's bowl, right? We used water from the cat's bowl to mix our heroin. And this is like that. We were, you know, our brain, home brain surgery addiction was so bad that we would do home brain surgery with anything.

And, you know, I guess it's kind of like that thing where like anything, anything that's bad, if you're in it, if you're involved in it, you're talking about how bad other people think it is and how it's really not that bad. bad other people think it is and how it's really not that bad. Right, and I guess that's probably like that with surgery. Is that surgery, like if there's people who can do it, then the fact is that most of us probably could do it, we're just not, we're just not really informed, but you could probably learn just enough. Right, and if it's only a one specific thing that you need to do. So like surgeons, they need to do all sorts of stuff and they're working on people's second brains

that are damaged and that sort of thing. But if it's just like you've got a working brain and you only need to know how to do these few simple things, you basically need to know how to get there. You can have a specialist. Yeah. Yeah, you need to know how to get in there. You need to know how to get there. Yeah. You need to know how to get in there. You need to know how to cut the bit you need to cut.

And then you basically need how to just like, how to just seal off any blood vessels that are bleeding too much. Yeah, exactly. I mean, this would be done all done with some kind of spray. This would be the thing that enables it. We invent this kind of like, it's a kind of a stasis spray. And that contains some sort of cell freezing technology, where it doesn't really freeze the cells, but it just puts them

into stasis. And then everything's fine. So you spray that all around the wound area and then you, you know, it also dissolves and then when you shove the other bit in it, it gunk's back on again. I'm very aware. Where would you do it at school though? How would you do it at school? Would you just go in the toilets and one of the cubicles?

I think in the back row of a, of a, a maths class. Oh, what are you kids doing about there? I mean, I guess if you were doing it that way like through the nostril. Oh, yes, yes of course. And then it is just like stealing a cow. I just call underneath there, isn't there? Yeah, there is, there is, but I think it's a thin bit. There's a blood,

there's a, you know, like a, there's a barrier that is very, very thin there that I think, yes, you can just sort of bash back. Like an egg shell? Like an egg shell. Yeah, like an egg shell. You could probably just, you know, get a friend with a torch to put the torch in one notch drawing you go in with the scalpel with the other. Yeah, yeah, and which one do you look through? You could just cut out a hole there and then you go fucking you're in. Maybe get a straw?

Where is? Put a straw in the hole and then just... Yep. And then there would be a cool thing amongst the kids to eat that little bit of brain. No, you don't eat it. You got to be able to put it back in again. Oh. But then one guy, oh, Ricky, oh, Ricky swallowed it.

He sucked too hard. What a dumb shit. Yeah. I don't know which bit of the brain it is. Evolence. Evolence fucking. This would be so good. You go in and you like

It would be a great prank you like you go and you suck out the bit of the brain that knows what what dogs are say and then you like get to show somebody a dog for the first time and they're like whoa Right and you just get to experience like that selective Kind of ignorance where you just get to see something again for the first time, blows your mind, and then they can put it back in again and you're back to normal. But it's... I think it's just like, it's a news story.

It starts with a news story. Kids in high school, and this may be troubling for any parents, but it's been reported that a new trend in high schools is kids getting high via lobotomies. Yeah. Because of some manual they found online, and then you just see these kids like playing, hanging out, oh, you're fine.

They hold just a little buzzer. I know. Oh. They hold. Oh, dear. Just a little bit. Oh, shut up. We're putting it back. Yep. And that is funny. Oh, he doesn't know what dogs are.

What are dogs? What are dogs? What are dogs? Yep. What is that, a cat? I think that's good. A weird cat. No.

Sorry if you hear that beep. Very funny. There's a beep in my room. I'm going to go turn it off,. No. Sorry if you hear that beep. Very funny. There's a beep in my room. I'm going to go turn it off, but. You got a beep in your room. I'll be back. Oh. Well, I didn't do that with my child.

And I assume the beep is coming from Alistair's child. The beep was coming from, was coming from my NBN modem and it has a battery in it. Oh, and I want you to replace the battery? It's like a car-sized battery. Yeah, it's because the NBN they did some deal. Do you know about this? No. Where they were going to take out your standard phone line and replace it with the NBN.

But the problem is the phone lines, your landline phones still work even if the power is down. And there was, there's something like even in the Constitution or some legal right that people have to a functioning landline that has that property. And so when they're installing the NBN, they have to make it so that it'll work even when the power goes out, just to power your phone. And that's why they have to have this massive battery. It makes the whole thing much more complicated. But I mean, who actually has a phone line or gives a shit? Nobody, but they had to do it.

Yeah, and also it would still not have be work forever because it's just a battery. Yes. And then it dies and then it makes a beeping noise. I think that happened to ours at our old house and we did something just to stop it beeping. I think there was some way you could. Yeah, I think what do you think you can just take the battery out? That'd be it. Yeah. And then just not have thing when power goes out. Anyway, Andy, I think we have five sketch ideas. So now we just got to go to a listener's three word suggestions.

Are you ready? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely ready. Absolutely. Well, Andy, today's suggestions come from aic Stevenson Dominic Stevenson Stevenson's rock and it was a really good train wasn't it are you related to the guy who invented Stevenson's rocket Anyway, we'll find out Was that a train? Yeah, I think Stevenson's rock Stevenson he He was one of the one of the very early pioneers of British steam locomotion. Who's a rocket scientist?

In a way. The Stevenson rocket was a train that was just very fast. Okay. It's fast to say that the suburban trains that we have now? No, we're near that fast. No. Wouldn't begin to approach that speed. Okay.

Wouldn't begin to impress you at all if you were to see it now. No, no, no. It's, but it's fast as like a rocket that rockets go. There were the rockets back then that they could even. Compare it to? Really good question. I have no idea. How did they know about rockets? Maybe fireworks. Maybe it comes back to fireworks.

Yeah, I guess that makes sense here. Alright, well Dominic Stevenson, the relative, came up with three words. Do you want to try to guess what the first one is? Firstly, thank you very much Dominic. Okay, the first word is... Dirt. You want to try to guess what the first one is? Well, firstly, thank you very much, Dominic. Okay, the first word is dirt. No, it's made. Made. Okay.

You have one letter correct. Yeah, that's good. Second. The second word is calamity. No, you didn't get any letters correct. It's of made of leprechauns. You got one letter correct. It's Milo. Made of Milo. So here's an interesting thing about Milo. When I used to go to my grandpa's house,

he had a tin of Milo. And I always wanted to have some and he would never let me have any. And then one day I opened it and it had never, I don't think it had ever been eaten and it had gone into this solid sort of slab at the bottom of the Milo container. I think it was like decades old and it then shrunk down to like a little sort of, yeah, just like a little mylo tablet slab, and then I tried eating that, and it was disgusting. It's also possible he was keeping something else in the mylo did.

Maybe, yeah. I mean, he was a kind of a guy who would do a lot of like, I guess, building and stuff like that, probably just like some mortar or something. Yeah, it was probably some turps. And it would explain why he wouldn't let a child have a sweet drink. That would explain it. Surely it wasn't just that he was a hateful person. He was deeply hateful, deeply, no, he was a lovely man. But, you got to let kids do things.

Watch the kids watch the Simpsons. What is this thing? The only biscuits he would ever have were ginger nut. And I hated them at first, but then I really got to like them. I could go with ginger nut right now. They're good to dip in things. Yeah. Well, anyway, sorry, that's not helpful. Made of Milo, made of Milo. So, you know, obviously you've got things that could be made of Milo, but also Milo could be the name of a dog or cat.

Yes. Right. And then you make a coat out of its skin. Yeah. Like all those cats or dogs or whatever it was that died in the movie Milo and Otis. Yeah. Or what did they do with those bodies? To honor them skin the dead animals and then make a coat nice coat for

Say the sound editor to wear at the premiere because I can't think of a more more fitting and beautiful Testament You know it'd be cool beautiful testament. You know what would be cool to like you know you're a scientist right and you straight out say listen I know way want to have any kind of sexual relations with a dog. So great start yes. Okay but this is and this is your Nobel Prize acceptance speech by the way where you're

saying this. And he says but I think it would be cool to see if we could make a human out of dog. Yeah. But what you do is you just give, you give a fertilized dog embryo. Okay, yeah. Right.

But then you go in before there's been too much splitting of DNA. Yeah. And you just put in the human DNA there. You take out the dog DNA. Yep. Put in splitting of DNA. And you just put in the human DNA there. You take out the dog DNA. Yep. Put in the human DNA. So technically it's a. It's a dog egg. It's a dog egg. Dog egg. All right. It's weird to think the dogs have eggs. Yeah. They do have eggs. Thirdly is dog egg. Yes. And you put your own. Your there. And you just see how close it gets.

Wow. I mean, does it, but does it grow in the womb of a dog? Because that doesn't seem like that's going to have issues. Does it? It's a big dog. It could be like a St. Bernard or something. I think you're going to have to incubate it in a, in a third grow in the... If it's a big dog, it could be like a St. Bernard or something like that. I think you're gonna have to incubate it in a third species. Why? Because I don't think there'll be room in the womb. No, I think if you've do it in a St. Bernard, there'll be room in the womb. They go, I'm sure they're ready for 12.

That womb's ready for 12? I think you've got a... Have you seen diagrams of how they fit all those babies in there? It's a complicated looking arrangement. But I know, but I mean, I would just love to get all the dog milk you can drink. Put it in a, put it in the hippo. Right? Cook it in a hippo. Just to see though, just to see if we need to be doing this breed and thing or whether we could just let two animals have sex which is such a gift firstly. Right and you go in there very invasive. Very invasive. You just take out their DNA, put in your DNA and then you let them, then you let your baby grow. And then you'll make it let it give birth.

And then I guess you could either raise it or you could co-parent with the hippo. Or hippo, yeah. I mean, it's a complicated arrangement. What do you call that, sorry get. So you gotta like a adult. Yeah, with the sorry get you just take it. And a hippo adult. Yeah, well, for the surrogate, you just take it.

And a hippo. You're not letting the hippo do any of the parenting. I think, you know what this does? And I think it's the thing that we've talked about on the show in the past. Is it's like, we got all these endangered species and no one's going to protect them until we find a way to monetize them.

Right? And you look at something like, look at the cow. The cow's doing great because we can kill it and eat it and get its milk and there's a financial thing going on there. What does a hippo do? You can't do anything with a hippo. Except look at it, it's got a big belly. You could grow a whole lot of man in there. And we just, you know, we just look at these animals as a resource. And finally, they've got a reason

to be protected. But you know, it would be good if you didn't have to raise your kid and just the hippo did it, right? Yeah. Both maybe you know, maybe a mother and a father hippo. That's what I think is necessary in a hippo. I believe that a child needs a male parent and a female parent. They deserve that. I don't give a fuck about the species. No. I don't, they don't even have to be mammals. Just like, just get a couple of iguanas. If you get a snake, it doesn't even have to be two iguanas. It can be a male iguana and a female muskrat. But, yeah. But I mean, if you you get a snake they're used to having their body stretched out by weird stuff. Yeah. Right. So if they have a regular

baby human baby, which is what I call regular babies, and they're and then you know they won't care. They'll be like, oh this feels completely normal. Yeah. As long as you get along with it. At least you just give it the first time parents they don't know what to expect. No, that's true. They just think they just think it's not what to expect when you're expecting. Very good. Look, I've just written animal. Yeah. So anyway, you, yeah, you don't have to raise it. And then, but then sometimes you go and visit it and you just point, you bring your friend or something like that and you go, see that kid, that's mine. You know, not everything you have to be hands on. It's just nice to have be able to say you have ownership over something.

That's right. Raised by a wall. Look, I've written down animal surrogate. I don't think it's a great idea, but. It's definitely something. And it's definitely based on the term made of mylo. It's made of something, made of mylo, made of dog. Yep.

Dog eggs. Dog eggs. No, I'll speak bowl of dog eggs. I don't think I'd eat an egg if it came from a mammal. I don't know what it is. There's got to be at least one chef who's gone in, gotten the eggs out of a dog ovary, and made a really nice meal of it.

Oh my God. Dog eggs. You think? Yeah, totally. If you eat every part of the beast. Yep. Well, people definitely eat the balls of species. And yeah.

And I dare say they eat the ovaries. And why not? When you cut open a ball, do you think there's just sperm in there that oozes out? Like I said, like a Cadbury cream egg. Mm hmm. I'm sorry. All right.

And I think we gotta wrap it up. And also we gotta thank Dominic Stevenson for all of that. Thank you so much, Dominic. Sorry, I feel like we're getting a bit tied towards the end. And so I know I am. We are so tired and we have to go to another meeting. Yeah, we consider this to be a meeting, by the way. This is a meeting.

This is a meeting. This is a business transaction. And so I'll take us through the sketch ideas for today. We've got Dynand Rollercoaster, including with the first class cart. God, we started strong. Yeah, and then we got cleaned up by the moon. That somebody just gets out,

it's just right in the orbit of the moon then. Boom! Well, that could be a crash test dummy. Yeah, crash test dummy, that's right, that could be good. Then we got clickerous. Hmm, no. Okay, it's just somebody who wants to be very good at pleasing anyone who has a clitoris and so they just change all of their light switches and everything to that. Or maybe you just try it as a You know as a conversation piece or it's one of them you get one of those smart homes

Right and it achieves sentience and then it's not interested in just turning on and off lights Just instantly like that it needs but yeah, you're you're right It's maybe maybe maybe you can get maybe you can get some guy comes around. He's like, I can give you the smart home package. That's where all your lights turn on when you walk into each room, or I can give you the sensual home package. Yeah, exactly. And then you just replaces all your lights, which is with clicker races.

And then you got the gun-fired pizzas. That's your our second pizza base sketch for this episode. That's a place that cooks their pizzas on firing guns. Are you picturing like AKs? Yeah, I'm picturing AKs. You better believe it. Right. Then we got... You know that song, Ice Cube song, where he says it was a good day. I didn't even have to use my AK. Well, if you were running a gun-based pizza restaurant, that would actually be a bad day. A really bad day, because you would be disappointing customers and not providing what you said that you were providing.

I mean, imagine that you were saying you were doing it and actually you just got the sound of gunfire playing out of your sort of laptop speakers and you're just cooking it in a conventional single home oven or microwave. I'm running one of those microwave pizza joints On this on the spectrum of pizza, it goes all the way from wood fired down to microwave. And then onto microwave fire. Yeah, it's burning microwaved.

You can't waste. Or you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just... By the way, you just...... By the way, you just... All of burning microwaves. Oh, I don't really like microwave thing. Well, don't bag it till you try. It's not the same thing. A lot of people hear the word microwave. They get turned off, they think, this pizza's not gonna be crispy.

And you know, it's not gonna have a nice smoky flavor. Well, when you realize we're burning plastic and metal, you know, hot, that's up burns. You'll realize your pizza's gonna be, in if anything too crispy. I'm running a plastic fired pizza joint. It's just fun to come up with all the different possible pizza joints.

And then we have animal sorry. This pizza is made cooked with the heat of burning other pizzas from inferior restaurants. There we go. And these animal targets, you know, where they also target the parenting. That's because you can't ever just impregnate an animal and then just leave. Well, and just know that one day, you know, you'll meet that half dog, half human. I mean, is it weird?

Would it be weird? Is it wrong? If you have a pet dog, you know, very often someone will ask their best friend to be a surrogate for them if they can't have a child themselves. Well, a dog is man's best friend. So you could ask your dog.

That's all I'm saying. Or you could ask your actual human best friend to carry your dog's children. So my dog's in fertile. Will you be the surrogate for my dog? Oh fuck. That one really gets to a point where it's like close enough to reality to really hurt that kind of comedy. That's good stuff. Yeah. Alright. Alright.

I think we gotta go. So, boom, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding find us on Instagram at To and Tank or me at A. Tromblay Virtual. You can review us and you can support us on Patreon. Thank you to everybody who has supported us on Patreon. You are incredible. You want to know what? You can take care of yourself and you can have a really good life. Yes. And I hope that any elections that might be happening in your country today or tomorrow, I hope they go the way that you sow it. That's right, I hope that too.

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