Two In The Think Tank - 260 - "FOUR BREAD SALAD"

Episode Date: November 17, 2020

Long (Division) Con, Alt Parenting, Sexy Ideology, The One Other Ring, Beautiful as Bezos, Virtual Realitpea, Balloon Stent Gent, Four Breads, Parenting PipeCheck out Andy on Do Go On talking about Matthew Brady, The Gentleman BushrangerGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereSweet baby thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Don't come round here for beans. What beans? Don't come round here for beans. What beans? Yeah. Hello and welcome to Two in the Think Tank, the show where we... The show where we come up with five sketch ideas mm-hmm Oh, Malister and I am Andy I am I am you're a main Andy

Mate I wonder if there'll be if you could at least at the end me away from me the remainder would still be me That's how much me I am I remain away from me, the remainder would still be me. That's how much me I am. I'll remain. What is there a number like that? If you take, I guess, one. Zero, I guess. One. No, no. Well, if you took one away from one, one of the notable factors of that would be that it's no longer one. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, but what if you I was thinking of dividing it by itself. Sure, sure. And in a way, don't do you think that that's subtracting and dividing it basically the same thing? I mean, I can't guarantee that they are, but they feel very similar. I, is there a simple operation in a computer for dividing?

It feels like there's no direct way of doing it that is simple. What do you think? When you think about dividing in your mind, don't you have to do like a thing where you go, because you've done long division, that's not direct. It's a massive pain in the house. I see the question. I see what you're asking me. Yes.

I thought you were asking, is there a thing in a computer like a calculator that you can use? Is there a symbol for division that you can press and then it does division? But you mean on a computational level, is there an algorithm that allows for a computer to perform division in such a way that it's not this bizarre sort of backwards multiplication thing with a bit of addition and subtraction throwing in. Yeah, like I know this doesn't sound like a sketch right now.

No, but. But like what is the operation for divide? Is it? Okay, so let's say it's 30 divided by 3. Right, does it go? Does it go? All right, minus 30 minus 3. Does it go? Does it go? All right, minus 30 minus three. I got minus three minus three minus three, minus three until it gets to zero. And then it counts. And then as it goes down, it, it counts how many that it did until that operation is equal to zero or less. until that operation is equal to zero or less. Counting the number of them? It's a great question.

And I'd encourage all computer scientists to write in by mail, by hand write a saletta, please. I mean, we might have to limit. We might have to limit. Some boutique calculator designers. Because yeah, that's the thing is that a calculator doesn't look like it would have complex programming in it. No, but it must be in there somehow.

Yeah, somewhere. There must be a simple thing because I think that's missing from my brain. I, you know, we have long division. Why is there just a regular division? Like what is that? Yeah, where's just division? Why are we being taught a long version?

I just have division, thanks. It's like, it's like if school, you know, you're in geography and they go, all right, we're going to teach you the distance between. Yeah, okay. Sydney and Melbourne. Now, here's the long distance. Yeah. There you go. Okay, cool. What's the other ones you go? You're not you're not going to find out what the other ones are. We don't tell you that. It's going to be. Yeah. It's going to be roughly 20 years. Are going to go by before you're doing a podcast that's supposed to be funny.

to go by before you're doing a podcast that's supposed to be funny. And you're going to bring this up and you're going to go, they never taught us the normal distance between Sydney and Melbourne. There is a tedious version for everything that you could get taught in school. Sounds like there is a shorter version of division, but they came, they needed to pad some time in the maths curriculum and they said, well, what if we just found a long way to do division? That would fill a few weeks and confuse some students. And then, and then they'd, they'd penciled in the name long division because they were were gonna come up with a, you know, a market marketing buzzword name for it.

But then it got to the day and they were just like, nah, it's just, it was too late. They forgot to change it, although, like, yeah, let's just leave it at that. Just leave it as long as. It wasn't a long division. It was teachers who were like, look, our workload is too big.

Yes. Our workload, I gotta tell you, I'm gonna say it's quite sizable. And so what we're gonna do is we're gonna invent the concept of long division, and that will allow us. You see, write that down. You could say, let's say we're gonna spend on the curriculum, six months teaching this. Yeah. It's hard.

It's hard for some, you know, some high up in the sort of department of education bureaucracy for someone to go look at it and go, well, that won't take six months because it's right there in the name. Yeah. Yep. They can't argue with that time that you're asking for.

And I tell you what also is good about teaching the kids a really hard way to do it. Is the teachers all know the really easy way to do it? Right. And that means that when they're checking the work, they know the answers really, really quickly. They know them, they know them regular division, which they don't want anybody to know. The teachers hate, teachers, this guy found one weird trick for division, teachers hate him, teachers don't want you to know this. And it's, it's, it's so quick, it's quicker than addition.

It's the easiest thing there is. But they needed to pad things out and they want to look clever. They want to look clever and they can't do long division. They don't know how, so they can check the answers really, really quickly and it makes them look smart. Oh, that's great. Yeah. And there's almost a full documentary in this. Where's regular division?

Where is it? Yeah. Doesn't this feel like something that should have been passed to us from, you know, the Arab countries back in like 1506 or something like that? What were the Arab countries doing? Advanced mathematics. Maybe the Arab countries all know it as well. And they're all there, they're holding something back. They thought it would be, they thought that when they were giving us all the maths, all the mathematics. Ibn Al, what was his name? Al-Bayan Al Sayyid.

Ibn Al Sayyid. Oh, I can't remember. Had a car. Anyway, some cool guy, some amazing mathematician, they give him his all up, but they were like, don't give him everything. Don't give him everything. Hold back the secret of division. And then in a thousand years time, when computers and calculators have

been invented and it's irrelevant, then we'll come out with it. So are you saying Andy? Yeah, I don't know what I'm saying. I hope it's irrelevant, then we'll come out with it. So are you saying Andy? Yeah, I don't know what I'm saying. I hope it's not racist. All, are you saying that all of the math teachers are in cooots with the Arab nations? That is exactly what I'm saying. Yes, to stop us from finding out a regular division.

Big maths and it's stop us from finding out a regular division big maths and it's at its The big maths and that's the cradle of civilization where they multiply numbers with three ladder three numbers or more big maths correct that's where all of this comes in handy is this is this is this a sort of a more like a kind of a, like a plannedemic, like paranoid conspiracy documentary video type sketch? Is that what it is? Well, I think, yeah, I think the long division scam

is maybe, and I, is a sketch itself. Mm. But I think, yeah, maybe a pandemic style Docko on where's division? Yep, terrific. Plan division. That's, you know, I think you could just call it division, you could call it the great divide, you could call it divide and conquer, you could call it something else and it would go viral. Because as soon as you put the label that people don't want you to know something, on something,

suddenly everybody wants to know that thing. Do you think, I mean, it's actually a really good way of getting a lot of alt-right people to learn mathematics by telling them that the Arab nations, Arab nations don't want them to know how to divide things. Yeah, exactly. The elites, this is how I get my kids to eat their breakfast actually. I tell them the elites don't want them to eat their breakfast. So, you're kids in the right wing. They are now, yeah. They're really right wing and you notice, I noticed that I could teach them to do anything

by telling them it was something that George Soros didn't want you to know. didn't want you to know. You know, it turns out that the techniques that the alt-right uses to radicalise and motivate these, you know, fervent conspiracy anti-government, anti-intellectual kind of masses, they actually work so well that it would be crazy not to adapt them for parenting. And so I've developed a new, old parenting technique. Yeah. Well, that's good. And the only, the only different thing that you have to do to your kids that might be detrimental

in here while it makes your parenting a lot easier. The only detrimental thing is you have to make your kids extremely right-wing. Yeah. Yeah. have to make your kids extremely right-wing. Yeah, but also the other thing that I'm doing is I'm making them extremely physically weak. So they'll be unable to enact any form of violence. I think that's the perfect plan. That's the perfect plan. That's the perfect plan.

You have to strike, Yep, as a parent. You know, Hitler wouldn't have been able to do what he could. If he hadn't had been super musely and strong. That's right. Oh, imagine, imagine Musley Hitler ripped Hitler. Sexy. Do you think he would have been, do you think if he was Musly, super Musly,

do you think he would have been better or worse? Let's see. I mean, maybe he was extremely Musly. We don't know. I mean, those uniform, uniforms just weren't particularly revealing. I think those shots have been in his, in his swimmers maybe?

Are there any nude, Hitler noobs? No. There must have been one somewhere. Somewhere surely. But they don't want us to see that because again it's so sexy that it would turn a lot of people into Nazis. Really? Yeah, yeah. I don't want you to know how good. I know that anytime I see somebody who looks sexy, I immediately adopt their ideology.

I mean, is that a fun idea for a sketch? sketch. A sketch? Yes. Could be. Yeah. Have you written down alt parenting for a start? Oh, no, I haven't yet. Okay. I think that deserves to be in the, you're right. You're right.

I just, the great sketch list of sketching. Yeah, sketching. S sketching. And I think, yes, being radicalized by sexiness. I mean, it is. But if you find something like, so that it's like, it's not that you don't, yeah, it's like as soon as you find someone sexy,

you adopt their ideology. Mm. Somehow, maybe even before you know what their ideology is, is it kind of imprinted on you subconsciously? Yeah, like a baby duck, like a horny baby duck. Right, or one of those sort of aversion therapies that they do, where they show you images and stuff, then closely show you other images. Maybe that, probably, we... Yeah, that's good, yeah. It opens up the ideology part of the mind.

The ideology sector of the brain actually has a back door in the sexy sector of the brain. Through the sexy gate. The horn door. And. Which is not just a place in Lord of the rings. That's where that's where um yeah that's where that's where Frodo is trying to shove his ring. Yeah okay. In the poem version of Lord of the Rings. Great. He's trying to shove.

That's how dirty that that that perno it's like penetrating rings with rings. Wow. Like, he's trying to put it in a volcano. So somebody's got some big heart anus and he's got to put his anus in it and read. Well, if if Sauron was really big, and Sauron would be called like hard on, or something, I imagine, in this book. But his mount doom was his butthole.

Yeah. I think so. And Frodo takes his own butthole to the other butthole. To Sorrow's butthole. Yeah. Great. And instead of having them... Because his butthole was made in Sorrow's butthole.

Yeah. Great. And instead of making you invisible when you put it on your finger, it just makes people not want to look at you, which is a kind of invisibility. So if you put, if you're in public and you put your finger up your butthole, people will look away. Yeah. Which is the closest we have come to actual invisibility magic. And you can get away with a lot of stuff while people are looking away.

Probably not anything as bad as the thing that you were already doing in public. But. The question is, would this, does this still work in high security buildings? You know, buildings that you've sort of gained access to and you need to steal some important codes from. Can you just traverse through the highly secured floors

by just- Every time you approach a God or- Hey. Or even a security camera. A single security camera might even itself recoil. Yeah, so you... Yeah, I think you can't... Like they try and train guards not to look away from this kind of stuff,

but it's in eight. You actually can't... You can't train that out of the human brain. So it's like a security defect that is inside the human mind. To zero day exploit. It's known as finger and the butt invisibility. I'm really proud of this. Really proud of this. Carly's been recommending a lot of new people listening to the podcast, a lot of our friends, a lot of her friends, she's been recommending.

Oh no. They listen and I tell you what, it's going to be a lonely few months, so I reckon it's going to be. It's okay, you know, we need to learn to live without people. That's right. It's a... That means it's actually great if I go into more lockdown, not coming out of it, but...

More lockdown, the more lockdown. More lockdown. Of course. Characters from the time travel. They've been shot. One of the members of the family has been shot. All lockdown. Yeah. So that's the sketch right that down and then we're done. That's with the more lots. Everybody. The more locks are the more

locks are they all money, but not all that much money. Just all sort of. The moreocks are the mutant underground monsters in the time traveler. H.E. Wells is the time traveler. He goes into the distant future and society has divided into the Eli, I think they're called, who live on the surface and like the descendants of the wealthy,

and they're very beautiful but stupid. And the Mollocks, who are the descendants of the wealthy and they're very beautiful but stupid. And the Moorlocks who are the descendants of the working class who are very strong and live underground and who eat the Eli, they come to the service and eat them. Now I'm not quite sure what the political statement that makes is. It feels very confusing. Like what is he trying to suggest at the

working class? Like as it seems like the working class have a lot of power but that they're evil. Yeah and that they have better genes? Well I mean they're evil. Yeah, and that they have better genes? Well, I mean, they're very ugly. Oh, I thought they said they're really beautiful. No, the rich people are the ones who live on the surface, but they're stupid, but they're the descendants of the rich. But the working class are the ones who are underground and ugly and evil. But already just saying that the rich have kind of superior genes.

Is it a good book? Nobody said that. I mean, you said that. Yeah, I know, but I think isn't that what the interpretation of, I mean, look, I may be getting this wrong and maybe I'm confronting some of my long-held subconscious beliefs. But I guess my interpretation was always that people see beauty as being stronger genes and ugliness as not. But I guess that doesn't really make sense in the context of anything, right? Well, you know, it's fitness for an environment, but I suppose yes, you see the symmetry and

that sort of thing as being representative of well-functioning genes. But then maybe you could be very symmetrical and still extremely ugly equally Hittiest on both sides of the line of symmetry Well, I mean, I guess there could be you know, there could be a person a tidal even there could be given up for most Symmetrical hideous person the most You know everything's sort of very well. It's's, has to be well proportioned, not necessarily. So I'm imagining that the eyes could be very far apart

or something, but it still be small. And small, yeah, okay. But perfectly symmetrical. Yeah. I mean, we could just do tests on this by just getting pictures of ugly people. You know, people that everybody agrees is ugly and then just make and then just flipping their face in a mirror or copying it or something to make it symmetrical and see what happened. I guess, I guess, yeah, but I think you were right in saying beauty is an evolved fitness. Basically, what we see as beauty is what our current mind is looking for.

It says, oh, this is what I'm looking for right now. And so, if they're not better genes, but they're genes that are currently more fit for breeding heaps. Popular, but then that ignores all the cultural elements of what beauty is elistair. But, I mean, that could be one of the main reasons why all the people on the top are of this HG Wells book. Why the people on top, why they are attractive, that it could just be that they have heaps of money. And I mean, you

know, we see beauty also in a way that will help us survive. So maybe they just find them attractive in the same way that we would find like a, you know, a plate of carbon or pasta, really attractive. Now, is this a thing that could happen in the future? That somebody who's very ugly, very ugly, everybody agrees that they're ugly. Very ugly indeed. Very ugly indeed. They are also the richest person in the world, right? Say, it's Jeff Bezos. I'm not passing judgment on his appearance, but let's say that he has,

he feels ugly in himself. He feels that he, people don't find him attractive, but what he does with his enormous wealth is begin to manipulate all the media and all the depictions of sexiness and beauty that we are fed every day through advertising and everything. He makes all those representations look like him. So now all the, you know, unless if you want to make it in modeling, it's not your body being certain proportions or your weight or that sort of thing, it's just how much you look

like Jeff Bezos. And then, you know, and that is how you get through and succeed. And so you grow, over time, everything changes, society changes to shift our perceptions of what beauty is. And then in 50, 100 years, it's looking exactly like Jeff Bezos is the thing that we all find sexy. Look, it's very possible. I think he could also give money maybe to all the people who look a bit like him. Right. So that so that people who look like him are also tend to be wealthy, which is another positive

association with it. I think that would be very successful. And then it might cause people in different places to start getting plastic surgery to sort of look more like it, look more like Bezos to get that real dissimetry, which is what I feel you could say about Jeff Bezos' face. Well, you could certainly say it about the distribution of wealth in America that benefits that's right. That's right.

That's what I meant. That's what I meant. Yes. I think this could be a sketch, I must say. Now, how do you feel about it? Yeah, I think that's really good. Rich guy. Makes everybody, you know, you make... every time there's a sexy person in an advertisement. They look just initially just a little bit like Jeff, but over time, more and more so, until eventually they're all bald and they've all got that little chin of his, you know that little cute little chin that he has.

That button chin, God, he's attractive. Look, to be honest, I already live in that world. I don't know why I brought this up. I mean, he could just take over, you know, he took over, you know, Washington Post or whatever he owns Washington Post, but if he owned, you know, he could buy Vogue or something like that. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Just start doing it. Maybe he already know.

There's already slight bits of, you know, slight bits of manipulation of images anyway. You may as well make every facelift, but you know, but then at the same time to be a supermodel, you kind of do have to like, have a weird look. A bit of a weirdness to you. You've got to have a weirdness to A bit of a weirdness to you. You've got to have a weirdness to you. That could be the new thing.

But you're right, you could manipulate it digitally. You could probably, what you could do, you could probably hack into a bunch of computers and nobody would even have to know. But that gradually you are adding elements in and you're slowly, slowly morphing all the pictures that go to print over the course of years so that nobody actually notices the change until it's too late and you've got a massive horn dog for the CEO of Amazon all the time. When you said horn dog, you've said you've got a massive horn dog.

Yeah. That's what I talk. Is that what you call a direction? That's what I call an direction. Yeah, like a, like a corn dog, but it's like a corn dog. Yeah. And is it a corn dog thing? Yeah, corn dog. It's like a, it's like a Pluto pup, I think. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah. And is it corn dog a thing? Yeah, corn dog.

It's like a Pluto pup, I think. Yeah, yeah, right. Great. But I guess is, if it was, anyway, you could make a corn horn dog and then by battering it and sticking it a whale. Anyway, it's not a good idea. No? Well, it's not.

You're right. Not on almost any level. Don't do that. It's not a good idea. No? Well, it's not. You're right. Not on almost any level. Don't do that. We don't endorse that. Hey, when you finish a bottle of wine or something like that, do you always hold it up to your eye and look inside? Would to see if there's any more left in there?

Or just to look in there? Just to look in there. Like even when you know that there's nothing left. Yeah. Just to look in there, like even when you know that there's nothing left. Yeah, just have a peek. One of the last time you looked inside a bottle. I went through a period of trying to turn bottles, wine bottles into drinking glasses.

So I looked in a few that way. But I don't peer down the bottle hole. All that much. I don't like down the bottle hole all that much. I don't like to peer into spaces. What if a spider jumps out and grabs onto your eyeball? Yeah, but it's better to know if there was one in your wine bottle. Not afterwards.

Not a few for any drug all the wine. What do you get to do with that information? You know, if you had looked in our hot water tank, I think while we were living at the warehouse, you probably would have seen a dead mouse, I think. In the hot water tank? Yeah, or just in the water tank. I think, you know how a member of water used to come out brown?

Oh, yeah. That's right. For quite a long time, it came out. Yeah, and real brown. Since then, I've seen at least two stories by people who had a similar problem and then call the plumber and then later found out that they had been drinking a mouse. Now, I just don't see how that's possible. I understand. How does it get in there?

Two stories, Andy. I've heard two stories. Yeah, they're not real. I mean, are they living on tank water? I can only imagine that. The other thing is that we we eventually stopped having brown water. Yeah, we drank all the mouse. Yeah, we drank out. We drank out. We drank out. We drank out problems away. That's one of the few problems that you can you can solve by drinking. You can actually can drink away. That's one of the few problems that you can solve by drinking. You can actually can drink away.

Yeah, that and dehydration. Oh, yeah. That's another pretty big problem. That's true. Yeah. Maybe having too much water in your tank, like high tank pressure? Yes. Yes, high tank pressure.

That's a real issue. How do you think you could get any nutritional value from eating your own teeth? He Well, that's a good one. Anything in there Yeah, no, I think they're definitely nutrition. I just for some reason I just assume that your body like when it sees one of its own bits Going through this tummy because no, nah, nah, he's with us. Yeah, just let that go straight through to the bottle. Yeah, let that go through untouched. Give that the dignity of being pooped out whole.

That's what it would have wanted. Yeah. I mean, there must be some benefit to being a member of the body, or do you think if you chew one of your nails and you swallow it, it just gets digested like everything else and you do get nutrients. I tell you what, that is, it is nice one of the nails getting to see what is going on inside. You know, like, it's sort of like an undercover boss kind of situation that on the outside of this enormous complicated functioning machine,

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The best part? You decide how noon fits into your life, not the other way around. Sign up for your trial today at noom.com. That's n-o-o-m dot com to sign up for your trial today. It would be so cool to be able to just do it with your head. Yes. I know I discussed, I mean I did do a, a shusher that was a little bit like this, right? But this idea that if you could have like a bone softener, right?

Let's say if it was just a cream and, and you, and you put it on your head, right? And it just softens your scalp and your jaw and everything like that, just for temporarily. Right? And then you could just maybe put like a little headlamp on. Yeah. And then just push your head into your chest cavity, so down into your neck so that you could then look inside. No, never that wouldn't work, right?

It wasn't. Well, because you were just, and well, are you opening up your chest cavity, or are you just pushing it into the skin against the skin and like forcing the skin? Yeah, that's true. Because then you're still just going to see skin. Okay, so what would have to do? A virtual reality. You'd have to fold, no, you'd have're still just going to see skin. Okay, so what would have to do when you have to fold, you'd have to, no, you'd have to fold the top of your head into your mouth.

And then yes, yes, yes, indeed. Yeah, stretch out and lengthen the, the eye bit of the head with the eyes. Yeah, push that all in. Yeah. And just have a little light there. Near your eyes so that you can always see a little bit. And your teeth would be soft. We're not that far away from being able to put on virtual reality goggles, hold a little controller

and then swallow a tiny submersible thing and drive through your own body Which I think would be amazing. I would actually do that I think Yeah, how small it would have to be pretty small Yeah, I mean, but like you know a pee or like that, like at least in terms of just going through the digestive system. We know that a pee can get through to the butthole unexploded. I was picturing something about, about clot sized going into your bloodstream.

Yeah, okay. But I guess you can't get into the bloodstream through swallowing. We made this exactly clotsized. We think it'll be able to get through the bloodstream without causing any problems. We made it exactly clotsized. But I think that might actually be a good business idea. Mm.

The virtual reality. Go through your own digestiveed system thing. Yeah, digested system thing. Because I think people would want to go through that experience. I mean, you could team up with one of the existing virtual reality things if you feel like it'd be too challenging to sort of design and make it happen. I don't think we're going to build all our own hardware. No, you don't think. Like I don't see the point. Building our own headset will focus on the tiny pea-sized submersible with the cameras.

And the lights, I think lights are going to be really crucial. Yeah, I think so too. But you can illuminate the whole thing in there because a lot of the time when you see one of those colonoscopies or whatever and you see them a lot It's very immediate. You seek them out the way that I do. Yeah You it's very immediate. It's very You only see a very small area I think around the pro But I you know, I love the idea of going into the stomach and being able to see it like a huge cabin.

I don't know if that's the reality. No, I think it would be like spelunking like that. You kind of go through some really tight bits. That's a good, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, spelunking. Great way. You go through some really tight bits, but then you don't come out. I think once you enter the stomach, right, you would come out into this huge, like, you know, it'd be like a big empty hall, which is like a bit of water down the bottom.

And there'd probably be a waterfall coming from the... This is what I wanted to look like, absolutely. Yeah, a big waterfall coming from the upper hole, which I see them as where you fell from. It'd be that bit where you're falling going, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Maybe, you know, maybe some evidence of an ancient civilization. Yeah. I like it. I like it.

I think the little pea thing, you'd have a little tiny compressed gas canister of some kind in there. And you're able to also, like, if you get into a tight spot, I think it'd be good to be able to press that and sort of release some gas and kind of inflate the area around you to get a better look at things. Like I don't want it to be all squished in. I think I'd feel quite claustrophobic. Sure, yeah, maybe I look a little... Yeah, I guess I just inflated it. I mean, what's that thing that they use? It's just a balloon they use to put an ostent, isn't it? A bit of a ostent type thing, but this is just temporary.

I don't see. No, no, no, no, but I think the thing that they use to expand the ostent is a temporary balloon type thing. Okay, great. Yeah. Because to get the ostent in position, there has to be much thinner. Right. Yes, of course.

They use a balloon in there to widen it up and put it in place and hold the whole area. Balloon technology. I wonder if when they were developing that, they got in any balloon artist animals, people balloon balloon animals. I think it would be silly not to get, at least not to not consult one clown

Yeah, I mean this is like you know in the movie Armageddon They send people up to blow up that asteroid Mm-hmm. They were gonna send astronauts, but is it Bruce Willis? Says he's not going with that is team of drilling experts Yeah, and they're just good old down home boy-os. And it's the same thing. You could get all the fancy scientists in the world,

but you can't go past the good old fashion know-how, how of somebody who works with, you know, rubbery little balloons, lickin' them and twistin' them all day, every day, entertaining kids. You know, that's the kind of experience that you can't teach in your fancy schools. And so you get them in and they'll come up with something revolutionary that, you know, maybe there is a...

Maybe a poodle. Maybe a poodle for a... Yeah, all right. That you know, maybe there is a maybe a portal for a You're right. I was gonna get to the poodle owl. I was gonna take a real fucking long time But I was gonna get there. I was gonna bore everybody even more than I already had And you just drop the word poodle Sorry, I didn't know you had a roadmap. I had eyes on the prize. You had a roadmap and you could see there was a poodle

at the end of it, you know, don't you row in my buildup. You be quiet for seven to 11 minutes. Yeah. You know me too well. Yeah. Is that a sketch? Is there anything in that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've written it down. Blown.

Blown. Blown. Blown. Blown. Blown. Blown. Blown. Blown. Blown.

Blown. Blown. Blown. Blown. Blown. Blown. Blown. Blown. Blown. the clown could bring to it. I think the bit at the end where they just, at the end, they just very quite rudely ask him to leave because after all he is only a clown, throwing him out onto the street and his big old pants. And he's nose. Yeah, I hate when people have big pants, but it's actually just kind of like a hula hoop

style thing, just widening the top of the pants. You don't like that? No, I don't like that. I think that's funny. Yeah? Yeah, I think that's actually one of the funniest things about clouds. No, I think you got to wear proper big pants.

But that's a kind of a, what do you mean? What's, what do you mean? Probably mean like we're you know if you're if you're a 32 size waste remember when we were that Andy. Yeah. Oh my god. I remember there was a time we lived together and we both had the same size pants like 30 to 32 and that was just a normal thing. Yeah. Nowadays, I look back on those healthy on days. I still look at size 32 pads on the rack and my eyes drawn to them. And then I have to consciously intervene and say no, Andy. Don't even try those on. Remember, it makes you really sad. I know our people are over here now. Yes. The pants are way up at this end. But what's...

I don't understand what you're talking about. You're just talking about people with pants that are too big for them. What's wrong with the hoop? The hoop's funny. It's a silly way to wear your pants. Yeah, I can't find a way to make the thing that I was talking about work. I mean, I guess I was going to just say the wear is like, you know, size 46 pants with a belt. We were talking, I think we talked about the pair.

I think that actually might be sort of a bit of a Charlie Chaplin little trap kind of look. I feel like his pants basically pretty big. Oh yeah, I think so. But I think we actually talked about big, big clown pants on a recent episode of the podcast and using them as a parachute to jump out of an airplane. I think, am I right? Yeah, maybe you're right. Oh yeah, I think maybe you're right. Bells are being run. Ding dong. What's that? I had something I wanted to say before the podcast started, but I think maybe you're right. Bells are being rung. Ding dong. What's that? I had something I wanted to say before the podcast started.

But like everything, you can have the best of intentions. And in those... Did you have the best of intentions going into this podcast? No, not at all. Actually, I came here. I didn't come here to make friends. I came here to win. And let me tell you, I'm not going home tonight. I

didn't come here to go home tonight. Well, you don't have to go home. But did you know that we have listeners and sometimes some of them send us in three words from a listener. And they can send us in three words to suggest a sketch. And today, this is a really old set of three words, but it comes from a very loyal listener. I mean, I'm sure they're all loyal. You guys don't listen to other podcasts, do you? No. I took the oath. they took the think tank oath.

To the exclusion of all others. I could even say that this may be one day because he's asked so much a future guest on the pod. My God. I look forward to that. It's three words from Stuart McCone. Stuart, thank you for this. In a way you are a guest on the pod just because you're always in our hearts and we are

saying some of your words right now. Yeah, and some of his family bought him recording equipment. That's awesome. For his birthday. Yes. All right. Well, it feels inevitable. It feels like it's gonna be inevitable.

If only we could get organized. Anyway, so here's, thank you for these words, Stu. Do you wanna guess what the first one is, Andy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rinse. Rinse? Rinse. Reese? Did you say Reese? Rinse. Rinse? Rinse. No. Rinse?

Do you say Reese? No, rinse. Rinse like you rinse out your clothing. Like Vince, but with an R. Yeah, that's right. That's clear that out. No, it's not that. It's not that.

No. It's four. Four, four the number or four? Four the number. Four the number four. Four the number four 4? 4 the number 4. 4 the number 4, yes, okay, great. And then the second word is bread. 4 bread salad. 4 bread salad.

Oh, good guess. Good guess. I was saying good guess. I think my mind was thinking about Stuart McCone. No. He was asked to be on the podcast, and I had a Freudian slip because I think he's going to be a good guest. I think you're probably right, but was my guest any good?

No. But, no, I mean, it was good in terms of a sketch, I think. I do think it is a good sketch idea. I think, you know, we allow the crouton as an interloper into a salad, but I would love to see a salad that is entirely made from breads. Or maybe a cube of lettuce in there. Yes, a little cubes of lettuce. Sure. Great. This is an alternative universe where the dominant salad element is the crouton. Four bread salad is a really funny recipe.

But can you imagine that like if the sandwich had never been developed as the way that we eat the bread and instead we ate a bowl of bread like you chopped up bread into little chunks and strips you know julienne some bread put it into a bowl of bread like you chopped up bread into little chunks and strips, you know, julienne some bread, put it into a bowl, and then the spreads then become the salad dressing. So you drizzle peanut butter and veggie might over the salad, you toss the bread salad like that new, you know, you eat it with a fork. Andy, I'm already writing it down. Tossed bread salad for bread salad. So his last word was rolls, which I think for different bread rolls you could put into a fork bread salad.

In a way we've done it. Here I am thinking, right, just see if this works for you. White bread? Yeah, great. Classic. Whole meal? Uh-huh. Yeah, not my favorite. I don't think the flavor of whole meal has ever had anything to recommend it, but go on. Then we got, like, sort of five seed bread. Oh, okay. You call that a multi grain?

Multi grain is what I'm thinking yeah, yeah, yeah, and then fourth one sourdough Of course it's got to be sourdough. I mean rye rye could be in there, but it feels like How about this a poor man sourdough all right sourdough? rye. Yes. Sandwich. Ha ha ha.

I see now that's not a type of bread. That's a type of slice. That's a format, that's a bread format. But that's not a bread. No, I think it's fine. I think it works. Okay. Unless you wanna say crusty.

And crusty, yeah, right. Right, no, that was the third one though. And pumpernickel. Oh, yeah, I don't mind that sort of heavy weight of the pumpernickel. In the ecosystem of breads, the pumpernickel feels like a real healthy bread. Now it's a salad.

Yeah. And I guess like the pump or nickels like the olives of the salad. Hmm. Where is I think that the, I'm going to pitch this sketch and try and get it up on our

Christmas in December. Stupid old studio special. For for bread salad. For bread salad is really tickling me. Well, we could we could we could kind of brought a bunch of you know dishes to this thing. Mmm, that's right. Bread salad and then and then drizzling on the the veggie might. Mmm, you'd have to you'd have to thin the veggie mine, make it quite ruddy. Which is really, you know, you microwave some butter. Yeah.

You mix that in with some veggie mine. Then you mix in a globule of veggie mine in there. Yeah. Like that, you put it in a little squirty bottle. Yeah. It feels disgusting instinctively, but intellectually, you can't argue with it. Yeah. And imagine.

And so it's a salad for the intellect, I think the bread salad. Imagine bread like that, you know, just a bit of bread, like that. It's been, you know, from different roles and things like that, like we just discussed. But they're kind of like, you know, they're maybe they're, they're all torn apart a little bit, and then, you know, lightly roasted in the, under the grill. You know, just so they go a bit crispy, and then you wrap them in like a pita bread, and they have them, you have have like a cabab and like a show or something. Yeah, great. I mean, this could be a whole series of vegetarian meals. Yeah, yeah, it's just a bread restaurant. It's just a bread restaurant.

Yeah, it's called bread. Well, bakeries don't really tend to cross the breads. Breakeries don't tend to refer to themselves as a bread restaurant, but I wish they did. I went to the takeaway bread restaurant. You mean the bakery? No, no. It's quite confronting having one of the three words be the word four. It's really disorienting and throwing me off.

And I think you might be fucking with us. That's all I'm saying. It's a high level fuck. But it's a high level fuck, is that what you said? Yeah. Yeah. It's such a high level fuck. You know, like, that's actually what I've heard stew calls. I'm sorry, I love you, stew. I don't know. I don't know stew that well, right? I only know from Twitter, but I assume that we would give each other shit like that. Yeah, well, you do. Yeah.

It's just a question of whether he gives it back. I think he does. What is four bread rolls? Like what can we do with that? Just the suggestion, four bread rolls. I mean, I don't think we need to force it and come up with anything else because I'm happy with four bread salad,

but it's a really, you know, it's an interesting suggestion in that it doesn't really in a way suggest anything. Like it's... Yeah, but what about a... It's a group of people who start making babies, but with four people. Like adding a bun in the oven, but a four-way baby bun. A new kind of parent arrangement. We've just found, we find a new way,

like just like it's a bit of pipe or something like that. It's like a two way. It's probably what it all it is. It's a bit of pipe that we find, and it's like, it's just a new valve or a new configuration of pipes that we figure out a way of mixing two eggs and two but bits of sperm.

You know, like mentioned it was just a way, like, you know, when, you know, I think how the egg there's something to do with like, it kind of allows a sperm in, there is a mode that it goes in and then it locks down. Mm-hmm. Yep. What if there's something in that moment

where it can also allow in the other egg? I think, I think we've, I don't think it's ever been tested. in that moment where it can also allow in the other egg. I think, I don't think it's ever been tested. I don't think anyone's ever fired eggs at eggs just to see what happens. And I don't, I don't think it's that crazy. Yeah, and maybe with this kind of like, maybe it could be something a plumber discovered. It's one of those medical breakthroughs that is basically plumbing.

Yeah, and there must be some. And it's just a guy working in his workshop and his garage. You know, and he makes this kind of bit of pipe. That's like. So it's a four in a pipe and you've got to, I've variously put it up yourself and put yourself into the openings. And then if you time everything right, the eggs migrate down to the center at the exact time that the sperm strikes, like two colliding beams, particle beams and a particle accelerator, and the, you know, the pressure of the sperm

is, it creates a kind of fusion, like the pressure that, you know, fuses atoms in the sun, and the two eggs are forced together by these spermal waves, and it forms a new double baby, I guess, right? Twice as much genetic material as is necessary. And it's good to have some spare. Because it doesn't help that much, does it, but you know, you get to pick from four sets of stats. Stats.

You know, so, you know, because you got, you know, you got the stats from each one of four bloodlines Mmm. The stats. What are your stats? To be to be the dominant gene When you've had to dominate three other sets of genes rather than just one other. Yeah, you know knowing that other two sets of genes could gang up on you yeah You've you've come you've come through to be talking about it. You've really come through and so you're going to have a real tough MF Andy.

Yeah, I think this is a really interesting device and a future for all of us. Hey everybody, okay, so now this is just Andy because what you don't know, you know, you're probably shocked. Where did Al go? What's going on? Is everything okay? Everyone's fine. Everything's okay. But what you don't know is that before the podcast,

the recording was delayed for a long time because neither of Alistair's computers were working. And then he recorded directly onto his Zoom recording device. But then at the point where you just got up to in the podcast, his device ran out of batteries. And we didn't realize, as we continued to record, another good 10 minutes of absolutely rock-solid, rip-hard material. And it, unfortunately, it will never hear the light of day.

The beautiful sound of the light of day will never fall upon its ears or yours. And so, now what I will do is I'll just take you through the sketch ideas that we came up with and I'll sign off and we'll leave it at that. So, this, and Alistair's not, not able to record anymore right now, because he doesn't have any more batteries for his device. It's a, it's a long and very sad, but incredibly true story. So here we go. The sketches we came up with today were Long Division Scam,

which is possibly a planned, Demick style documentary about how teachers don't want you to know the easy way of doing division. Alt parenting in which I get my kids to do what the things that they don't want to do by telling them that the elites don't want them to do them. Sexiness causes you to adopt somebody's ideology. Ah, yes. Finger in the butt in visibility.

Mmm, classic and indivisibility. The rich person makes everybody think that they are the definition of beauty via manipulation of the culture, the zeitgeist and the collective psyche. Is this how I normally talk? I forget. A pea-sized camera, virtual reality experience being able to go through your own digestive system. The stent, the balloon stent, balloon animal artist animal person I was thinking that maybe

a way in which you could demonstrate that is you could have one of the doctors working on the stent via some remote camera inside the chest of a still living patient. And you see the manipulator inflating the stent with their little catheter probe inside the vein, and then you see the manipulating the hands of the tiny, tiny robot and they tied into a balloon animal, maybe a poodle. We have the four, of course, of course the four-bred salad, which I hope you got to hear that bit, and the takeaway bread restaurant. And, of course, you may have heard this bit,

which is four people being able to give birth to a baby via some pregnancy toy based around pipes, the manipulation of pipes, the appropriate moment of release for all concerned. Anyway, those are the sketches that we came up with today. I'm gonna do a little song all by myself. Uh, uh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, do a song by myself.

You know, I think it's even worse when Al isn't here. I shouldn't say even worse. I shouldn't here. I shouldn't say even worse. I shouldn't sound surprised at all when I say that. So thank you so much for listening to the podcast. We really do appreciate it. I'm stupid old Andy on Twitter. He's at LSDATB. You can support us on Patreon and so many of you do and we love that so much about you.

That's a great thing. Thank you for everybody who does that. And thank you for everybody who doesn't do that. You can review us on iTunes. We've been getting some, a lot of people sharing and informing people about the podcast recently. Some new people jumping on board, so good on you. And thanks for chucking us a listen down the old ear canal. Straight into those oral bones that are so small, the stirrup, straight into those oral bones that are so small, the stirrup, of course the hammer. There's another one I think, there's a curly one.

It's great to be stimulating all of those oral sensory components. And you should listen to, do go on. I'm going to put this in the show notes, but I was on the recent episode of do go on talking about Matthew Brady Tasmanian Bush Ranger and I had a lot of fun and they were very kind to have me on the program and you can download magma still if you want it so as presents calm and I have it on good authority I feel like I could speak on behalf of both of us, both myself and Alistair, when I say that we love you.

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