Two In The Think Tank - 263 - “MUMMA DON’T KNOW SALT SLEEVE”

Episode Date: December 8, 2020

Cymbalogist, Bulb Butt, Breaking Joke, Comedy Therapy Fix, Snake Scan, Pre Surgery Surgery, Surgical Gondola, Proper Flounder, Salt SleeveGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereMultilateral thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Progressive casualty and trans company in Affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential Savings will vary. Discount's not available in all safe and situations. visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Great event. Thanks so much for listening to the two in the think tank. That's been a great episode. We'll see you next week. Oh, I was Andy. And I remain and will continue to be

Alistair George William Tromblay. Virtual. Virtual, virtual. And this is the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. That was just a bit of hilarious japerous at the start there. And Alistair, I already got... Yeah, I know you've got your sketch idea. Do you think you can hold onto it would you say, yeah, I know, I know you've got your sketch ID. Do you think you can hold onto it for a second while I have a question for you?

Do you think the best joke that's ever done is the one right at the beginning of a show or set, you say, all right, well, that's me, Don, you know, and you pretend to walk off. Yeah, well, I think absolutely yes. And yes, and I think anyone who listen to my my rendition of that classic at the start of this episode will will agree. You don't hear a lot of people do it in podcast form, but you know, and it's great. I love that because that means that you can hear it again and again and again. We're just pressing that minus 10 second feature or whatever. Really mess with the form of podcasting.

That well-established podcasting form. Like we're going to be like Monty Python. We're going to run the credits in the middle of the episode. Oh, yeah. Because we don't run the ads. We'll run the ads right at the end. Right at the end. All the ads that we have.

We've got lots of ads. We're going to run them all at the end. Because the ads that we have. We've got lots of ads. We're gonna run them all at the end. Because everybody wants to sponsor this show. Everyone wants to be associated with our Kloakal based riffing. There isn't a company alive that doesn't think, look at that and think, God. But you know what our business could be,

could be really boosted by tapping into the hypothetical Klo cloaca fan base. And I know guys, how I got as it's me, Advertiser. I was just listening to the episode where Andy's genitals fell into a meat grinder and his mother fed it to his children. And I thought, I've got to get my product on the other button, listen to this thing.

I recently developed a range of very promising cancer medications, and I was thinking, what better way to announce that to the world than by buying a good solid half hour of ad time in one of your episodes? Yeah, we got to get some exclusives. That's what's made me realize. We got to get some exclusives Andy If any of you guys work for if any listeners work for any big companies that are gonna be announcing something could you give it to us first? Yeah, that's right. I'd love to I'd love to break I'd love to break some scoops. I know it's not I'd love to break some scoops. I know it's not... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah, yeah, yeah. Powder goes everywhere, but you also break the scoop. And that's right.

And if that's happened to you in some dramatic and newsworthy fashion recently, let me know. And I'll break the scoop of you breaking a scoop. Because that's very much what the show is pivoting towards, breaking news. Absolutely. Andy, what was the sketch idea you had in the moment before we started yet?

It's so good. It's so good. It's only gotten better since that little bit of hype Absolutely. Andy, what was the sketch idea you had in the moments before we started yet? Oh, I was there. It's so good. It's so good. It's only gotten better since that little bit of hype it got earlier at the episode. I'm really glad people have got the chance to wait for it possibly. Beings become excited unjustifiably. They've got wonder in their ears. Hmm. Ah, ears filled with wonder. They might not even be able to hear it. Why, Bambi, they're Bambi-eared.

He was listening to me with those listening up at me with those Bambi ears. It was Bambi. It was Bambi. Yeah, it was Bambi. Now, looking at you with Bambi eyes, is that associated with like sexual love in some way? Is that, is that, because is that what people have taken away from watching Bambi? They've watched that thing and thought, that dear, what's the fuck me? Are you thinking of either Bimbo or Himbo eyes? Yeah, it's probably what it is.

But is that an expression looking at someone's Bambi eyes? Yeah, I mean I always just thought it was like big kind of cute eyes that look sure, look like they're too big for your face and they are adorable. I've never really seen Bambi because I think somebody who looks at you with They're too big for your face and they are adorable. I've never really seen somebody who looks at you with adoration. Yeah. They often could look, you know,

not that I know that look looks like, from personal experience, but Urban Dictionary says it's completely clueless look to their eyes like a deer But generally our gorgeous and doll-like eyes also means you look innocent or still childlike a perfect example of someone with Bambi eyes would be Noel doll Or Noel doll

No, that is the perfect example my My God, I understand so clearly now. What is the referring to? No, El Dahl was the person who wrote this definition, turns out. Oh, I see. Great. Well, anyway, so my idea was that, that, oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm feeling so good about it. You know, the, the Dan Brown novels, you know, like your, your angels and demons, your Da Vinci codes.

I'm familiar with them. I've only seen the Da Vinci Codes. Well, well, good. That's all you need to see. Because in that, of course, Robert Langdon, the lead character is a symbologist Yeah, right. Which means that he studies symbols. Yeah Which of course is like a very legitimate field of endeavor. I'm sure I'm sure there is a lot of core for people who just study symbols in general Yeah But anyway, I was thinking, how would those movies

be different if it was symbolurgists but felt like symbol as in the part of a drum kit? And instead of using his ability to understand arcane and eldr rich symbols from ancient law, he bangs two big, big round bits of metal together. That makes a very loud noise. I just wonder how would that affect the films? How would they be different? And the books, I dare say, as well, would be affected in some small fashion. And, dare say as well would be affected in some small fashion and you know I just think I'm what I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna rewrite all of the down-brown novels but with that change with that fundamental change it'll be a kind of it'll be a kind of fan fiction right where instead of all the characters having sex with each other,

they all play very loud percussion. They all have jams. Instead of bumping ugly, they bump timpani's. Yeah. Anyway, is that anything? I've got another one here. I've got another idea. Yeah. Anyway, is that anything? Andy, I think I got another one here. I got another idea.

It's a movie called Breakfast at Timpanies. Yeah. And it's a drum shop. I was listening to, I was reading a book that we're tangentially connected to Alistair. I was reading the Madder's Hell and Deback book, which is Sean McCarlet and Gary McCaffrey. We write for Sean and Gary's show Madder's Hell, but they've got a book that has all of their sketches from, you know, their Australian comedy icons, and they've got a book that has sketches across the eras of their writing and Gary's written a little essay to go in between them where he talks about how to write awful

comedy and one of the pieces of advice that he gives if you want to write really, really bad sketches is to base a sketch idea on a pun and I think he'd be really proud of what I've just done. Well, as M.I. But Andy. Andy M.I. What he doesn't mention in that is that how good bad comedy can be. Ah. It's true.

I think there's an element in which if you're doing a pun like that and you're just doing it for the sake of doing, but you're not having fun doing bad comedy. Yeah, it's true. You're just making it as if it's good comedy. You don't know that it's bad. You don't know that it's bad, but if you take a bad idea and you have fun with it, like it's good, which I feel like, if I don't know if this is,

this is my analysis, but some of the ideas in Aunty Donna's Netflix show, I think is that, it's like we know that this is a bad idea. Yep. Gosh, I hope they're listening and agreeing with watches. I was watching this show and I thought, God, they know they're making terrible stuff. No, but like something like the changing the Wi-Fi

password to poo poo. Yeah, of course. Right. They know that that's not a good idea. Yeah. But they're having so much fun with it that it becomes a good idea. Yeah, well, then the idea becomes a different thing, right? It becomes not that the Wi-Fi has changed to Pupa and that's a funny thing.

It's that the joke becomes that they love it so much. The joke becomes that imagine if people thought this was funny. I know, but yeah, but yeah, but I also think that there's an element in which there's many people who will watch that and go, I don't think changing the Wi-Fi password to Pupu is a funny thing. And they will not be able to get past that part.

A lot of the anti-donna fans, I think, don't understand the very basic elements of comedy. You're right. I know. I know. All right. This has already gone off the rails, Andy. Oh, mate.

So far off the bloody rails. How many places in your body do you think that you could put a light bulb? Right. I just need to reset a little bit with the palette cleanser. And what's great about light bulbs is that there are a lot of different sizes and a lot of different shapes and a lot of them are already very butt-pluggy. Yeah, that's true. Butt!

But they are also made from very fragile glass. Right? Yeah. And I feel like that's a form of entrapment. Sure. There, the people at the Lake Glow Manufacturing Corporation, they, when they're designing the shapes, even Thomas Edison, when he designed the shape, he said, let's make this look like something you could put in your butt.

But it'll be very, very fragile. And they've stuck with that. And they've made some that are even more like that. And it's, you know, as time has gone by, I think the spiral wads are a, that's probably secretly, you know, how the government, I don't know if this has happened in other countries,

but here, the government made in- incandescent light globes, the traditional bulb shaped light globes illegal. And you had to have, they could only sell those incandescent, those compact fluorescent ones that are all curly. And they told us that was because of environmental energy reasons, but what I think it was is because, secretly, the doctors had come to them and said, these are so tempting for people to put into their butts. And we need to change the design because it's a public health emergency. But it's too embarrassing

to admit that Australia has this emergency. All the other countries, none of them have admitted it. And so we need to come up with a different excuse. And that's why the hoax of global warming was invented. And so that we could, but is the idea that they want to kill off people, kill off all the, all the light bulb butt perverts? No, no, no, it's just because it's a less appealing shape to do that with.

I thought that it was just one that people are going to, if people do this kind of stuff, they're going to still put those bulbs in their butt. And there's many more, there's probably more surface area of glass to break off and show. Yeah, it would be unimaginably worse. You're right. It would be horrific. They seem more fragile and likely to break off and share it. Yeah, it would be it would be unimaginably worse. You're right. It would be horrific. They seem more fragile and likely to break. And it's an attempt at sort of light bulb in the butt conversion therapy. Right. On a mass scale. Yeah. They're trying to basically force these people.

these people. And let's let's let's admit it, we are these people. Force them to no longer be able to or or die a horrific but bleeding death. Yeah. Or whatever place you put it. It's a surface choice. Anyway, is this something we could write down? Is this something we could be proud of? Is this something we could put into a televised show that went out nationally on the public broadcast at say 7 p.m. Instead of the news, that's when you know you've got a popular show, when they bump the news and give you the news slot.

There's a lot of talking about what's prime time and what's breaking sketch and they interrupt the news and bring them up. This is a sketch. That's good isn't it? Okay, this is a reality in which things are arranged in such a way that if you come up with a joke that's funny enough, they'll read it out on the news.

It's so, somehow word gets around really, really quickly. I mean, to a certain extent, this is sort of happens with Twitter, to a certain extent, but that word gets around, your joke is so good and they do interrupt the news because it's a breakthrough, isn't it? Joke that good. Like, they would interrupt the news if somebody had come up with a cure for all cancer,

because that's a breakthrough. What if you come up with a joke that's the funniest joke in the world? That's a breakthrough. What if you come up with a joke that's the funniest joke in the world? That's a breakthrough Like some you know like yeah because it's almost like it's almost like mining a new Bitcoin It's like all the brains are constantly processing crunching data at all times and Occasionally one comes out with a gem that can make most of us laugh And not it and it should just be it just be, this person should be heralded. They should be the world employee of the month,

person of the month. Right? Yep. And I think something like, I mean, this is a bit dark, but this was not long after who's the other guy in, uh, in the way, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. What's his name? Ben Affleck.

Ben Affleck. I went Ben Affleck was named as Batman. Yeah. All right. But then also Around the same time One of those really awful guys who had been uncovered to have kept like three women in his basement For like 15 years or whatever Castro maybe that Castro one right and he was in prison and he hung himself right and

Then Rob Delaney tweeted, Castro just heard about Affleck. Wow. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of 7 discounts. Multitask right now. Quote today at progressive.com. Progressive casualty and trends company and affiliates, national average 12 months

savings of $744 by new customer surveyed who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings were very discounts not available in all safe and situations. Oh my God. That's perfect. They say you'd say they would read that out of the news. They'd read that out of the news, they'd go, oh, congratulations. Like this is a country that gives comedy, it's proper props.

It's dudes. It's props per. Yeah, and there's government funding for it. I mean, they say that the cure for depression isn't just comedy, right? But it feels like it could be. Right? Depression? It could be. Maybe we just haven't come up with strong enough jokes.

Yeah, a high enough dose. A high enough dose, exactly. You know, maybe we haven't emitted enough of the other things from your life. You know, there's got to be like a sort of somewhere between a sensory deprivation sort of cubicle, but that it doesn't deprive, it just deprives you of everything else in your life, but then gives you pure comedy. Yeah, really good. I mean, there's kind of, again, a little bit like looking at Twitter, but it's not a little bit like Twitter as well.

But Twitter has, you can never, you can't block enough words for you to have the rest of life. Take it away. This is like a resort. Like a, you know, like a rehab. Comedy resort. Comedy resort. Yeah, or you know, like rehab or. Comedy resort. Comedy resort? Yeah, or rehab or rehabilitation? Yep. And...

Maybe they even, they literally, they somehow inject some sort of thing into your neck. Comedy into you. Which paralyzes your entire body. Into your spot. You can't feel any other sensations, right? And even, past the view of face, they call them to shut down in some way. And even sections of your brain, they are able to switch those off using electrical pulses

now, I think. And so what I'm proposing is that we switch off everything except for the bit that is capable of receiving and experiencing and processing comedy. And then we just pump that into you for two, three years. And then we switch you back on and release you into society. And you'll be great. I see my, I always see how you do.

My proposal is it's this thing you sign up for online. And then at some point they come and get you like in the game right yeah middle of the night right back on head and you don't know what's you don't know what's real anymore right and for example you wake up and you're on a stretcher right you're on a stretcher and you're zooming down a hospital hallway and there's a bunch of you know doctors and stuff by your side and they're saying all this technical jargon that you don't get and they get you into the operating theater and and then they like and then they literally like they start operating on you and you're like wait what's happening? Like that and they cut open you see them cut open your belly

and as they as they use those those metal things to pull the flesh apart, these spring divinal snakes jump out. What a relief. You know, because what you've done is you've now put yourself in a kind of traumatic situation, but you've repaired it with a big laugh. So that, and also hopefully, hopefully, we should be stitching. Hopefully, he's also repaired it with some, you know. And stitching, sure. Yeah, but, you know, but they can put other stuff in there. They can pretend, like, you know, they can get little character. You can get, the doctors will be well trained clowns, you know, but then they can put other stuff in there. They can pretend like, you know, they can get little character

You can get the doctors will be well trained clowns, you know, they can they can probably get your your stomach flaps and I'll tell you what I can talk like a mouth Oh Animal shit with your intestines Absolutely, yeah now, but what I feel do some balloon and animal shit with your intestines. Absolutely. Yeah. Now, but what I feel, what I feel that we can also draw from this, is that like the, the, the, those, those spring coil snakes popping out of things, Very, very good. But we haven't really explored putting it them anywhere else other than in those little containers.

Yeah, peanut bread. I think there is a revolution to be made in putting them into almost any household appliance. That's true. Finding bigger ones and smaller ones. appliance. That's true. That's true. Finding bigger ones and smaller ones. What about this? With, because, you know, Apple, the iPhones, the newest iPhones, I've got that thing where they can do a 3D scan of something, get it's color, get it's shape, get it's size. What I want is to be able to do that 3D scan of any object, right? Then I send that off, any object in my house. I email that data away, And then in the mail comes in a box, an exact replica of that thing, but filled with snakes. And then I can replace any item in my household with a thing full of snakes. And then as soon as one of my loved ones touches it or interacts with it anyway, all the snakes leap out. And I think that will lead to good things for humanity in some way.

This can only be a positive breakthrough. I think that's a really good idea. I do agree, I do agree. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's essentially like that cake thing from the sea where everything would be cake. could be cake anything could be cake, right, but Anything could be snake everybody everything could be filled with snakes Yep, also did anybody do a variation on that anything could be cake thing where

They fill all these different cakes and they cut them open and they're other things or or like filled with knives or something. Filled with knives is very funny. I think a knife that is a cake is also very funny. Wait, first you cut. This is what it should be. You cut through something and you realize that that thing is a knife and then you take your knife and you break it in half and you realize that that thing is a knife and then you take your knife and you break it in half and you show that it's a cake. And you eat it. Crudch it up in your mouth.

And then you're keep fall apart because you're teeth are a softer type of cake. Softly cake. Can my snake scan thing be a sketch idea? Yeah, it's a product idea, but it... I think also the... I want to do another layer on this surgery with your body full of things. Well, the therapy, the comedy therapy fix. Yeah, but no, well, but I was thinking, say you do know that you have to go in for surgery, right?

Yeah. Or whatever reason. And you, so you know how to go into for surgery, but you want to pull a prank, prank on the doctors, I think it would be good to go in for a pre surgery and get and get some weird stuff put in you in your body. Right, because those guys, those doctors, those surgeons, they work incredibly hard, as brave men and women, it's a very serious job. And when it was the last time somebody gave back and like it, a past the parcel, you go in for surgery and on every layer of your epidermis and you know, you're whatever

Intestinal walls and that sort of thing you've left a little treat. So as they go down, there's more exciting little things for them to find along the way. Yeah, that's really nice for them. Yeah, so and wait Well, so how do you do this? You have to have a pre-surgery surgery. Pre-surgery and get that stuff put in. Right, but those surgeries get anything. And then I'll just wait for it to heal up. Those surgeries don't get anything there. That's the tragedy of it, yeah. Well, could you get them like a DVD of some Charlie Chaplin.

Yeah, you get that for DVD. Maybe, oh, I mean, has any doctor ever done this, right? So there's two doctors and they're in a relationship, two surgeons, they're in a relationship, okay, but they're not married or engaged. One of the doctors, their patient comes along, one of the doctors approaches that patient says, look, I want to propose to my beloved. And they do a surgery to put the ring inside your chest cavity. So you up, let you heal. And then when the other doctor comes along to perform the surgery, open them up, the ring's there. And then their beloved doctor looks up at them across the open chest of the of the of the thing

and says will you and the other one says I think my heart just stopped and they're talking about your heart because you've died on the operating table. Yeah or like can say I will you go to the medical malpractice board for this. Yeah, exactly. I do think you will go to the medical malpractice board for this. Yeah, what do you reckon? It's I think it's beautiful. Pre-surgery. They also, what I didn't say to you is they're also doing this at the top of the L.E.F.L. tower. Oh, surgery. Put the top. I mean, there's probably less pollution up there. Do you think more or less pollution up there?

I don't know. Over the middle of Paris. I mean, I know it's in the middle of Paris. Well, you'd be less than a sterile hospital ward. Well, I guess maybe, I mean, I know it's in the middle of heaven. Well, you'd be less than a sterile hospital ward. Well, I guess maybe, I mean, less than safe they were doing it outside of an Italian restaurant. Or maybe on a Venetian gondola. Sure, sure.

I mean, I'm not saying that we shouldn't have surgery in more of a... Surgical goddellers? Look, you know, like in sort of surgery. Ah, the surgical gondola. Yeah. And the doctor cuts you in, he gets out your heart. That's a transplant. It's not, it's only halfway there.

Great. But you know, like people who are always like, I don't want to be in sort of stair-oil hospital. It's just an empty, I don't want to be in there. Well, fresh air is good for you. Fresh air is good for you, right? Yeah. Seeing new things, that's good for you. Culture?

I'm writing down surgical gondola, just because I think it puts funny. Yeah, great. I think that's a nugget there that you can use at any point. I wonder what it would be like, you know, how there's those Iron Man. What are those things? No, that's not Iron Man. There's nothing to do with Iron Man.

But there were guys who were doing ironing while skydiving. Is that a thing? Was it, make the news a while ago? There were guys who were like jumping out of planes and then ironing on an ironing board While skydiving I imagine that there's probably something like that. I just feel I feel uncomfortable about having an iron going at terminal velocity towards the earth, but well, I've got a feeling that there wasn't plugged in Yeah, well I got a feeling that there wasn't plugged in

I don't think it was well. Yeah. Yeah, I think if you get if you get hit by an iron as it falls from a plane You'd be like thank god it wasn't on I'm only I'm only grateful Terminal velocity sure, but it hadn't reached terminal temperature. Oh, is there a terminal temperature? Is there a terminal temperature? Is there a maximum temperature? Is there a hotness that things can have after which they can no longer become hot? Is that what you're asking me? Yeah.

Maximum hot? Maximum hot. I don't know. There's absolute zero, but is there absolute infinity? But maximum hot is a great compliment to give your wife. So everybody, everybody store that away. You can have that. That's a freebie from that's part of our gift pack of Free compliments that we do give out complimentary compliments. Yeah, absolutely These compliments are complimentary and that will work on a man and a woman but you know, especially if they're trying on something new and You just go I think you've never you are maximum hot at the moment. And they're going to, yeah, you can't say you've never looked this good. You were going to say that, weren't you?

Yeah. And I think I was going to say you're never going to look this good. You never get to look this good again. No, because I think the great thing about maximum hot is that you can reach it once again. Yes. It doesn't mean, it doesn't mean that you can reach it once again. It doesn't mean that you can't attain it again. It just means you can't get any harder than this. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. I wonder if they've looked into this. There must be some fundamental constraints in the nature of matter where if you give something enough energy, it ceases to be matter. I would think. But I can't be sure. And also, I mean, maybe not because a single subatomic particle, right? Yeah. Like an electron or something. You can, you could, because what is thermal energy? That's just jiggling around.

Right, so that would be just that thing jiggling. And I, you know, I don't see that there being a, like if that's in isolation, if that electron is isolated somewhere in the universe, and you just keep making it jiggle more and more and more and more, I don't see there being any, any reason it can't just keep getting more and more jiggly. Well, there is a limit. If it was surrounded by other stuff and it was crashing together and causing damage to itself. But I think there's a limit to the amount of energy usable energy left in the universe. Maybe that's maximum hot. You know, and so it took all the energy in the universe and gave it to one electron.

That would be maximum hot. So I mean, so yeah, I think so. But that's more like a practical maximum rather than a theoretical maximum, isn't it? Well, I mean, I mean, I think in the absence of a theoretical maximum, a practical maximum is quite suitable. No, I consider it to be inadequate. Well, let's just say one of us has an answer while the other one is left floundering like the fish, but not in water. Ah, yeah, you're right, because a flounder in water does fine. They're actually doing really well. So you could see someone in the water, right?

And say, oh, he's floundering. Yeah. But what you actually mean is that he's swimming like a creature that's highly evolved for that environment with two eyes on the same side of its head for some reason and a pale underbelly. Is that right? Is that where you? Yeah, but on land, but on land.

Oh wait, oh wait. Oh wait, is he swimming really well? Is he excelling? The term floundering is context dependent. It has one meaning if you apply it on land, it means that he's like a fish out of water. But if you see somebody in the water and they're floundering, it means that they are optimized for that scenario.

Yeah, that's right. So you could see, you could be watching the Olympic gold medal, you know, 400 meter freestyle and watch the in Thorpe versus a vagant and and who band and who can ban. Freedom band and who can bad yet. And you can watch those two men flounder. Look at them. No. Now is that even the juu, anything. I don't know what these use of.

What else could you say? They're like a fish in water. What do you mean, what else could you say? They're like a, they're like a fish in water. You could say they're... You should ven in Hogan man. There's so much fun to say. The world has only got a little darker since he stopped being regularly mentioned in the news. Alexander Popov, he was also a bit fun, but then in Hogan band, it's just an absolute joy for the mouth. They didn't hook him.

Just a little bit of mouth joy. Who is the Indonesian leader? Cecilu Bang Bang Yudiyana. Cecilu Bang Bang Yudiyana. Sassilo Bang Bang Yudiyana. Yeah, that's good too. Oh, I mean, it's a pleasure for the mouth. Wait, do we need to, do we need to pause for a second? No, I think we're all good.

Yeah, okay. All right, well, let's, should I just go to three words from a listener? Oh, we were supposed to do a meeting. Yeah. We fucked up. We were supposed to be in a different meeting right now. Yeah, okay, so let's just pause and then go do that. No, we can't pause, Alistair.

It'll stop our recordings and everything. It's fine. Tom said it's okay. So we'll just keep going Well, let's just do the last thing and then yeah All right, so we got three words. Oh my god We we're recording this radio show that we're gonna be doing tomorrow and the stress is starting to rise All right, we got three words from a listener. Andy, I don't know if you know about this, but we got listeners and they love weird interruptions in the show that

they don't understand what's happening, but we are obviously uncomfortable. We're all going to be starting to get quite stressed and we're ruining our lives by doing the podcast. Yeah, that's it um and so This this week's listener who's suggesting three words is dominick stevenson Hmm. Hey, Dom. Hey, Dom. Hey Steve. Stevenson. Steve. Oh um I don't think we've done these words so that's great and Hey, Dom. Hey Steve. Steve Inson. Steve O. And I don't think we've done these words, so that's great.

And do you want to try to guess what the three words are, Andy? Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Hem. Hem? Hem. No, no, may. Hem? Hem?

No, not hem. No, not hem. Not hem. Not hem. It's made. Second word is Of Yes, Andy. That's the first real guess that you did Yes

made of Andy you did it. Yeah, I feel good. I feel good. Madov. Every other time you've done it, it's been a trick, I think. Madov. Snakes. Snakes?

Indeed. Dominic Stevenson does not have foresight. They not? Yeah. Do you think when we had mentioned made of snakes, some stuff being made of snakes, I wouldn't have been like, what? What? These are the words!

You're right. So, I want you to have another go because you're just... Okay, bricks. I'm made of bricks. No, Andy. Milo. Made of Milo. Of course. I feel like maybe we have talked about this on the podcast before you know, Elastair. Oh, no.

Well, congratulations, Dominic. That's okay. What is Milo? Is, is of like a bit of a caramel? Like a chocolatey caramel? Maybe it's malt? I don't think so, because I think it's like a wheat or something. What about a maltiza? A lot of teas that are like malt teasers have got malt in them. Yeah, I think they got malt.

There's beers that are all malt beers. Oh, right. So then a molten milk is like a wheaty milk. That's incredible. All the pieces were there in front of me the whole time. And I'm only just beginning to put them all together. So this is, you know, everything's crystallizing in my mind right now. But all the moths are just one malt. The maltese falcon.

Maltese falcon. Maltese falcon. Maltese is a germinated cereal grain that has been dried in a process known as malting. All right. Wait, why do you know if it's a little bit sweet? The grain is made to germinate by circ soaking in water and then is halted from germinating further by drying with hot air. Does it sound like activating? No, and they activate almonds? Yeah, you got to halt the malt.

You got to halt the malt. Um, Malta grains is a really, malta grain is used to make beer whiskey,, melted milk, malt vinegar, confections, such as malt teasers and whoppers. Whoppers. Oh right, okay, whoppers are melted milk balls covered in, okay, I thought it meant the burger.

And so I thought it was crazy both that there was malt in a burger and that it was considered a confection. Yeah. I mean already it feels like there's malt in a lot of things and we haven't really taken it. Oval team. We haven't. Oval team is malt I think as well.

Like I think we could, you know, you could imagine introducing malt, popularizing malt a little bit more and having it just there in your in your cupboard alongside everything else alongside your flour and your sugar What about this and your malt? Salt pepper malt Yeah It's time for the third the third ingredient You know the third seasoning the third ingredient. You know, the third seasoning. The third seasoning is malt. Yeah, I, you know, I can see this being something.

Yeah, you get it get malt grinders, or you know, maybe you need something different, you know, you need something to give it its own edge, like it's a malt. Like a different way to dispense it that isn't a grinder. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe in the isn't a grinder. Yeah.

Well, what about... Well, what about... Maybe in the shape of a gun? And it's something that you shoot. You shoot into your bowl of soup and smoothies and stuff? I was thinking like maybe it's, I don't know what form you'd get it in, but like it's crystallized into like a huge sort of log shape and it hangs in the middle of the table.

And then you put your plate under it and then you bash it with like a long, a malt stick. And some chunks of malt fall down onto the plate. And you can crystallize malt, is that what it is? Just break off some of the crystallized. I mean, oh, if you could have like a big one of those like ice climbing picks. Yeah. And you just chip some off or like a diamond hammer and you know, you're looking for that diamond cleavage and you got one of those little eye things over your eye. And then you chip away at it with a big wooden mallet. And there's so many options.

I am. I would have tasted it. It tastes like malt. I really like salt, right? I really like salt, but, and I like putting it on things. Yeah. I would put it on everything if I could, but I'm also aware that there's a bit of a stigma, a bit of a salty stigma, because of what it does to your heart and it not being totally great. So I always feel a little bit guilty when I get used salt and my mum never let us have salt

growing up. So whenever she's over and I have to go and get the salt grinder it feels like a shameful act put a bit of salt On my on my food and it would be great if there was a way for me to put salt onto things Where you know but secretly Like in the greatest cap You know they how they how they get rid of all that dirt by having That's it but with my sleeves right? Yeah, shit get out of the box. That's it. But with my sleeves, right? Yeah, if I could have a little salt pocket up in my sleeve,

and then I just reach out as if to reach for something else over the table, and then maybe there's a little electric grinder in there, and it just goes, errr. Yeah, you can't have any grinding going on. And it's going to look at the authorities. But I mean, you know, look, maybe you can, but I mean, maybe the grinder bit has to be up around, you know, behind your back.

Right? And so then. Yeah, right. And it can be insulated somehow. And then it's like, it's just like a pipe. Yeah, the sound is blocked by the rest of your body. Because also I do like to have those chunky assault crystals and then grind them.

And you know, just a little bit of pre-ground iodized sex assault or something like that. Just isn't the saying that that table assault, I do need the, you know, those big grinding flakes. So yeah, I do need it to be freshly ground. I can taste the difference. Yeah, you can. It was salt. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's called the mama don't know salt sleeve. Mama don't know. Yeah. The mama don't know salt sleeve. Maybe it's an entire false arm. You have one of your arms. Third arm. Yeah. Yeah. I doubt I'd do you

to inside your jacket. Down ungrinding. Right. And then you have the false arm. Mm-hmm. Up there. Sort of and you sort of use your shoulder sort of to angle it over the over your plate. And then you under your jacket, you're grinding. Yeah, you're great. You can have all sorts of going things, things that you're not allowed to have. MSG salt, um, glasses of Pepsi Cola sugar in your tea sugar in your tea. Um, um, heroin. You got a whole condiment trade out there. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, you're not allowed to have like any kind Yeah, you know, a lot to have like any kind of you know like you're not supposed to have

Pain medication that was That was given to your wife for her to recover from Seexion her C-section scar you're not supposed to have that even though it's just hanging out in the house and yeah I tell you I would feel it did that up in the moment of the assault. The moment I don't know, assault sleeve. Crying up those tablets. And then I mean, each one of the fingers, it could come out of the fingers as well. Because now it's on your real hand.

This would be a, like, I'm amazed I haven't seen this in some sort of dystopian comedy future movie, but where they do just have alongside the salt and pepper a Valium grinder and everybody's just grinding some on to there Cereal of course that third that third shaker is used up by malt and you'll find so yeah, so they'll have to be a fourth I didn't see somebody yeah, I was I did see somebody at some point post that they were like, you know, like, Valium is the cocaine of today. Like, you know, how like they said that Freud would die, give people cocaine for whatever their ailments were.

And you kind of go like, oh, yeah, I guess if you just start taking one of those things recreationally, then, you know, later on, then then of course it's going to look like the thing that they were giving before was bad in some way. I mean, drugs are drugs, right? When cocaine came along and they were like, oh, it's a medicine that makes you feel good. And what is being sick, it's feeling bad. We'll be able to give this to people for anything. Yeah, absolutely. What a felt for anything. Yeah. Absolutely. What about really exciting? What a moment. Well, that's what the salt sleeve is going to be. It's going to be medicine for everybody,

for people just to, you know, to get to have that little something. First of all, you got to, you have a secret. That's a, that already makes you feel good. If it's like not a secret, then like ruins your life or whatever. Which this can, if you have too much salt, but, You could do like ruins your life or whatever, which this can, if you have too much salt, but it's also nice. You know something that they don't know. And mama don't know. The name really got that. It got me across the line there.

I just want to keep saying it. But I also think we should go through the sketches that we come up with today. All right. Well, Andy, there are a bunch of do'sies. So we're lucky. We're lucky today. Also thank you, Dominic Stevenson, for that sketch idea that we may have used before.

But if we haven't, great. But if we have, great. Even greater. Andy, the sketch ideas today are the Symbologist. It's a damn brown reimagining. Oh, it's so hot. Yeah, the symbologist, symbologist. But I mean, I think the creative challenge of rewriting the thing and making it work, same problems that he's encountering, but he has to solve it with his knowledge of symbols.

Should I change his name to Robert Clangden? I don't think so. Okay, good. Yeah. with his knowledge of symbols. Should I change his name to Robert Clangdon? I don't think so. Okay, good. Yeah, Andy, that's too much work. You're gonna have- I've got a nolder rewrite. I can't change it all the time. You've got a lot to rewrite to make this work.

So, reason, okay, reason for changing light bulbs, people put it in there and I haven't written what it is, but the last word should be butts. Oh, crucial word. Yeah. And no one would be able to reconstruct the sketch based on what you've got there. Why did they banning Candaceate bulbs because they knew that that was a dangerous act and that some of us the only way that we can be saved from ourselves is by having the temptation taken away or it made so risky that to perform the act would most likely give you a terrible long and disastrous but death. Then we've got breaking joke or breaking sketch.

This is when the news is interrupted because a new great joke just came out and we've got to put all the news aside. And this is a reimagining of the world where they give comedy, the respect. It probably doesn't deserve. Yeah, absolutely. And then we've got comedy therapy fixed. Now this is another thing where they've realized that maybe we can fix depression and trauma using a really high dose of

comedy. I think after this person has put through these things, you could just have a sort of, you know, after numerous people put through these things, you could have a thing that said, it was later discovered that this therapy was not beneficial at all. But the journey was fun. And that includes, you was later discovered that this therapy was not beneficial at all. But the journey was fun. And that includes, you know, sort of cutting people open and having a bunch of snakes and when springed vimals come out. Then we've got, and it's good to clarify that sort of stuff. Yeah. Then we've got snake scan. Fill, you can scan any object with your phone and then send it off and a company will remake that object but filled with vinyl spring snakes.

I'd like them to announce this. I'd like this to be a thing that Apple does themselves. I'd like them to announce it at their next big Apple keynote speech. For a while they were doing a thing where they would print books like it was an any official Apple product, they would print books of your photographs and then they span that off into a separate sub company. But I feel like this has got a similar kind of philosophy to it. Yeah, that's cool. I didn't know they were doing it. Then we got pre-surgery surgery proposal. This is in you. I put the ring in you.

And that's a doctor proposing to another doctor. And then, you know, putting it, then putting being put in jail for a long time. Then we got the surgical gondola, just a great idea, just visually. You know, it's, it's nice. It's just, I think, you know, it's nice. It's just, I think, you know, somebody who doesn't wanna be in the stair, in that yucky stair aisle environment, people talk about a hospital stair aisle environment like it's a bad thing.

But actually, it's a pretty good thing. And the other thing is that it's actually not stair aisle. You'll find there's lots of super bugs there. So it's something for everyone. It's a good thing, it's a bad thing. There's no reason to complain. Yeah. But then, the niceness of the surgical gondola, the loveliness of the experience.

Medical loveliness. The medical loveliness. No, no, no. The ambience loveliness will be in shock contrast to the the non-good reality of it. God help. Do you like my talking? You like my talking? You love the way you talk? Correct use of flounder because of flounder actually does really well underwater and we got

the mama don't know salt sleeve which is yeah which is obviously maybe the highlight it was a long journey to get to that this mama don't know it sounds like an episode title. Mm, mama don't know. What mama don't know, don't hurt her. One woman don't know, don't hurt. What mama don't know, nobody. Mama don't know, don't hurt, don't hurt her. Just like, just a bunch of devices,

don't do devices, don't do devices, just a device, just a device, just a device for hiding things from your mom. Didn't realize you were going into something. Thank you for listening. But I think there's a whole range of products in hiding things from your parents or your mom. I think I could get my nasal cavity drilled out and get a small remote control salt grinder installed in there.

And then I can salt it once it's in the mouth. Oh. Salt it in the mouth. We'll get rid of that top palate and just have a grinder there. Exactly. Fill up those sinuses with salt and pepper grinders. I guess there's no shame around pepper. No shame around pepper. I think you'd stall and get into a nasal cavity.

Could have some out intended consequences. I know, but isn't that funny? There's no shame around pepper. Yeah. You can put as much Pepper as you want, and no one will look down there knows that you. If anything, their nose will be turned up from all the Pepper in the air,

making them recoil, and then forward again as they sneeze. So you can follow us on Twitter, I'm at Stupid Old Andy. And I'm at Alistair TV and you can find us at Two in Tank, both on Twitter and on Instagram. I'm at A Trumbly Virtual on Instagram, but right now it's just mostly photos of my family. So that's good stuff. Yeah, that's good, really good.

If you want to support us on Patreon, that is available. And it just Google Patreon to another thing. And if you don't love yourself, well, you should, because God damn, you are great. And you are maximum great. And we love you. See uh, we got to go to our meeting that we missed Bye. You're life money. See, uh, bye This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites It's not optional. You have to do it We used to go easy on it, but now you have to yeah, yeah This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now.

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