Simple Swedish Podcast - 267 - "INFLAMMATION SUPERHIGHWAY"

Episode Date: January 5, 2021

Cereal Topping Hitler, 3 Course Sausage, Patience Rapid, Mouth Oven, Lemon Myth, Unwritten Miracles, Cyborg HellGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereFortified thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Multitask right now. Quote today at Progressive.com.

Progressive casualty and trans company in Affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential Savings were very discounts not available in all safe and situations. visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Hello and welcome to Two of the Big Tech. I am Andy and I am Alistair George. This is the show. I'm so sorry. And this is the show where we come up with five sketch ideas.

I'm already throwing because normally, when we record, we record this, we think ourselves up by counting down from three to one today. Alistair decided to start the count from five and it includes zero. And it is just, it is, it is knocked me. I've been knocked for a hoop, whatever that made. And, um, well, let me just do a quick thing. The pod, we were on the pod spotter a few months ago.

And, and, and one of the guys emailed me, said, hey, if you wanna mention us on the show, you totally, in your show, and totally can do that, well, we're doing it. It was a great episode. They just find fun podcasts. A lot of their podcasts have made it into time magazines, top 10 podcasts of the years, not hours, but a lot.

No. Well, I mean, is it before or after appearing on the pod spotter? Because we could still just be waiting to slot right in there. Well, I've been getting a lot of missed calls from the time people. So maybe that's what they were trying to Trying to do I don't call them back. I assumed it was a man of the year thing and I thought I don't need that but if it's for the podcast and

Top 10 podcast if it's a podcast top 10 men of the year You thought because it's like just don't point getting that man of the year thing anymore because you can just make up those magazines on the internet now. Yeah, it's true. It's meaningless. It's meaningless. But top 10. Back before Photoshop, there was only one way to get that, and it was by being Hitler. You know, and but now, now anybody could do it. It's like becoming a Lord. You can just pay five bucks to some sort of generator thing and they'll do it too. You can be time man of the year. A generator. Just like a bit of electrical equipment. Correct. Correct. Yeah. A gas fired generator.

gas fired generator. Alistair, I wanted to talk. I mean, there must be a sketch in and around countdowns, you know, the rocket launch countdowns, that sort of thing. I mean, we, we, we hear a lot of these count down. So it's a real trope. I don't know what the, I don't know what the joke is. But two and a half. Yeah. It's a real trope. I don't know what the joke is. Two and a half. Yeah, that's true. That would be if one and three quarters, they actually have to count down to give the rocket a deadline. And the rocket somehow is, has the mind of a toddler. So you need the rocket to blast off and you're giving the rocket a limited amount of time

to achieve blast off. But it's not getting there, but you realize that if you finish the countdown, then you've got to follow through on your ultimatum, right? Which is like, no breakfast. I would never tell my kid no breakfast. That's outside. But no raspberries on your breakfast tomorrow.

But you don't want to actually get to the count. Get to zero on the countdown. I think with punishments like that, you're going to, you're going to get man of the year on time magazine. And, um, I was a link to Hitler. I was also linking you to Hitler. Oh, really?

Okay. I did. I didn't get that. I just thought it was just something for my my parenting being either good or bad I couldn't tell which way you were going with it. No, because because the only person you mentioned who had got it somehow was Hitler. Hitler. It's true. I am the Hitler of breakfast toppings. And I'm not afraid. No, that means what you're pushing.

You're sort of like you're attempting, I guess, to push your particular brand of breakfast toppings. You know, you're telling everybody in your company, your breakfast toppings company that you're gonna make a greater, you make this company great. And you're going to expand it. You're going to expand into other breakfast topping companies. Correct. You're going to do some takeovers. And then just so that you can, just so that every employee can have a bit more space to be

a bit greater. Yes. Everyone, I'm probably saying everybody in the company, a slightly larger bench on which to sort their toppings. But then in the process, you start a fight with all the other breakfast topping companies. That's a whole lot of trouble I don't need. Yeah, but then I guess some would be on your side. Well, yeah, yeah, for their own reasons, but I don't think I can rely on their allegiance

in the long term. I've never understood what the long term, how on earth did Japan and Hitler, how did they even get in touch in the first place? And then, and then what was the long, what was the, what was the end game for, for that relationship? I guess incredible. Because I guess they, they would think that people would just stop fighting back at some point, right? I guess, but then I they literally gonna split the world into... Well, like with a bomb. No, just draw a line and Japan gets half the world and Hitler gets half the world.

Like, what was the strategic... That was the deal, Andy. That was the deal, Andy. Yeah. I mean, the old 50-50. Yeah, I mean, they're old 50, 50. They're men of their word. And they never would have met as well. There's no way Hitler ever met Hirohito.

So, how did they have any kind of, I just don't understand, how this went down. Anyway, maybe there was no, maybe there was just opportunism and there was no strategic dimension to the, to the alliance. I have no idea. I should know. You know, it's a proof, it's proof though that the secret doesn't work, you know, the secret that if you really want something, you need to dream about it, then you'll get it.

Because it didn't work for Hitler or the Japanese leader. And they seem to really want it. They seem to really want it. It seems to be very angry in that scene in the movie. Yeah, he did in that scene in the movie. Alistair, I don't know if we've got anything so far, but can I tell you? Yeah, yeah, he did in that scene in the movie. Alistair, I don't know if we've got anything so far, but can I tell you?

I know this is almost nothing, but recreating World War II with breakfast cereal company. A breakfast cereal topping company. Yes. Okay. I don't know. I mean, I think if I was a breakfast cereal company, I'd be I'd be mortified if someone came along and put toppings on it. I mean, we you go to all this effort to make what you think is a good breakfast cereal. And then some fuckhead comes along and makes another company

that says, I will take that breakfast cereal and we'll actually make it something that people want to eat here. We've got the icing on this, this sloppy cake. I sing. I sing. Well, I mean, but if you're someone like breakfast, I sing. That's a good idea to be right there. But I mean, if you're making wheat bicks, you can't be expecting everybody's But I mean, if you're making wheat bicks, you can't be expecting everybody's eating that plane, can you? I guess, I guess you're right.

What you're doing is you're supplying foundations. If you were somebody making bricks in a brick factory, you wouldn't be disappointed when somebody made the roof out of something else. Would you? You realize that you were just playing your part. You're just a cog in the thing. But I could imagine if you were making, I say, a Kellogg's crunchy nut. You know, feels like you've

you've attempted to balance the flavors, you know, to put the right amount of tiny little nut fragments and sugar coating and all that stuff. and then somebody comes in and puts a squirt some tomato sauce on there or whatever. Yeah. Tomato sauce really is the icing of the of the sausage. You know it's the savory icing. Yeah. What would you say is the candle of the sausage? handle of the sausage. Here we go. This is deep. This is exactly where we're supposed to be, Alistair. Are we talking about sausages?

And we're talking about things being the thing of the thing. What is the canned our craft sausage? Yeah, I mean, it could be the onion. But like, something that, you know, ideally you'd want it to be something that you remove before you then go ahead and eat the item, right? So I guess the hand of the... Well, the tongs? The tongs, maybe the napkin that you hold under the sauce.

Of course, it's the napkin, very good Alistair. But what I do, I actually twist up the corner of it. Just the idea of putting candles on anything savoury is already incredible. Candles on a sausage for your birthday. A sausage, there's no reason you can't make a sausage for your birthday. A sausage, there's no reason you can't make a sausage that starts out savory at one end. It was all meaty at the other end

and then by the time you get to the other end, it's cake. You can't, there's no reason you can't have a progressive sausage with every part of the meal arranged along its length. Heston Blumentor would do this. Yeah, well I mean this is to have spectrum foods. That's a free course sausage. You know what you have, but like the idea that you start, you start any two foods at either end of this sausage.

And on either end, that food in its purified. You're right. But in the middle, they're a perfect blend. A perfect blend of cake and sausage. You know, you might have to sort of inject them in a sort of twerly kind of, you know, double helix, almost kind of thing. Oh, cool. Yeah, I like that a lot. They wrap themselves around each other. Yeah, it's beautiful.

Sort of kind of starting in a maybe like a bit of a yin-yangy looking thing at the center. And then they kind of go out into thicker thickness right at the center and then you kind of go out and to thicker thickness right at the end. I am, I was seeing though that like if you had a three-course sausage, the first course would have to be soup, which means that the sausage would have to have like a kind of a floppy liquid filled end, which I believe would be that you sort of burst, the skin and bite into and the soup bursts out into your mouth.

And I imagine it would be one of the most disgusting experiences. Well, it just depends on the soup, you know? You'll find the right soup for the right sausage, the right sausage skin. You know, sure, if it's just like, there's no, there's no right. You know, sure, if it's just like, there's no, there's no right. Think about this like a French onion soup, kind of almost seems like it belongs inside a sausage. I mean, I guess, you know,

like if you made like a water balloon, a savory water balloon, if it made out of sort of sausage skin, it wouldn't be crazy to have French onion soup in there. That's what you almost what you would expect. You know, it's what you'd expect. Water balloon fight. For three-cold.

For three-cold. Water balloon holds no surprises for me. This is what you had exactly as I expected. All right, Elisabeth, come on, let's get... Let's write something down and get out of this conversation. This is like exactly as I expected. All right, Elisabeth, come on, let's get... Let's write something down and get out of this conversation. I have written three-course sausage. Yeah, great. Can I change the subject entirely and tell me whether or not you think this is any good?

But it's a drug, right? And all it does is make you patient right so I figured this would be great in triage in hospitals where that you show up right and they they triage people and they work out like what room you're supposed you know where you're supposed to go in the queue basically in order to make up a lead bleeding out on the wall. A patient in that triage thing. You're a patient showing up and then they give you, oh, there's going to be confusion because of the word patient

and patience. But there's a drug that makes you... Right, sure. Great choice of location to put this patient base sketch. You're an inpatient, but you're in inpatient. You don't have a lot of patients, but even though you are one and Patient is not something that you're in and then they have a nurse who just gives you Depending on how long you're going to have twice. Thank you nurse who heals you or nurse who just gives you, depending on how long you're going to have to wait. Is this a nurse who heals you or a nurse who breastfeed you?

Or a nurse shark. I don't understand. They have a nurse, a medical nurse, anari and a registered nurse who who injects you with like the first thing you get is a dose of patience P-A-T-I-N-C-E and it it's appropriate to how long you're going to have to wait and you're just extremely good at waiting on a count of this drug that you've been given. It's not an anesthetic, it doesn't knock you unconscious. It just makes you wait. Good at waiting calmly. Yeah, and it's not. It's not like it's a drug in you out, you're not in some kind of blissful state. Yeah, but you're but you're also you know compared to how frustrated you might be if you're

Waiting in this triage waiting room. Mm-hmm It might seem blissful in comparison pardon me to your everyday life Well, I mean, I guess no, but just if you're already getting frustrated and then they inject you in the neck. Mmm. Oh. Straighten the neck. But then why in the neck? That feels like that would get to you quicker.

Yeah. When, yeah. When really, you'll have all the time in the world to kick in. No, no, you need it to kick in fast. Oh, so that you could then wait. Fast acting. Yeah, I think the patience pills. I think if anything, they do the pulp friction thing where they eject it straight into

your heart. It's done. It's done a really high pressure way just to get the patients drug into you and then after that they really can take their time Or I think that seems you know look at that seems like something. I mean it's it's um It's hard. It's hard that part once they're injected, you know what happens? Yeah, how does it how does it proceed? How does it like being really patient manifest itself as humor? Yeah, well, I mean I think look how reasonable he's being humorously reasonable

Well, I think if somebody was really bad We could find a way for somebody to be really badly injured and then for whatever reason they've ended up with too Higher dose of the patient's drug and they are just being incredibly reasonable. And I guess the other thing is that you'd have to inject the entire family, right? If you get a lot of people coming in, it's not going to work just to inject the patient, you have to inject probably first of all you inject the parents, because they're going to be quite pushy otherwise, trying to get their child seen too.

Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. Maybe it just come out as a kind of a gas, gets squirted when you come through the door. Anyway. I'll see you. Give it to people without their consent. That's right. Yes. You do. I think it could be good, good, anywhere. It would probably be something that that is then rolled out all sorts of places. Well, I mean, if it's like fluoride,

maybe you could just put it in the water. Right. Yeah. I mean, is there any downside to everybody being a bit more patient? I can't think of one. I mean, you'd have to have a televised philosophical debate about it, I guess. Yeah. There might also be a version of a sketch about this where it is just comes down entirely to somebody trying to promote this drug and then getting endlessly caught up in people asking them questions about what kind of the word patient they mean and then losing their minds maybe.

Totally insane. Yeah, I think that could be good. But what is insanity really? It's probably impatience. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I think you can have probably any emotion, you could have, can you have any emotion to the point of psychosis? And, you know, impatience is certainly one of them. I don't think you could become to the point of psychosis. Oh, maybe. I guess no, because calmness kind of feels like it's like the absence of thoughts and stuff.

Yeah, I feel like, you know, if anyone like Buddha would have had that, and I don't think he was psychotic, maybe he was and we just couldn't tell. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, if they're an extreme version of something, it feels like, you know, it's probably bad. I think maybe not enough people are frowning upon what the Buddha did. Is there a sketch to be had about a kind of a militant? It's getting unbelievably close to a drug that makes people patient, you know what I mean? It's another one of those things where we couldn't find the humor in the actual being

patient thing. And so I don't know if we can find the humor in being really calm. It's like, I mean, not that I, you know, I don't want to criticize you. I think it's good that we're not even trying. That we don't have the patience to even it needs an extremist group of common people. Would work. You're probably right, Amelstein. No, I think it's just because I feel like I have tried to write the extreme extremist like reasonableness and things like that. Yeah, and it just ends up boring, doesn't it?

Yeah. Yeah. And that's the problem with today. People probably can do it, but I just can't. The problem with the discourse today, Alistair, is that nobody's interested in being calm. Apparently, it's not interesting or cool or edgy to be, to be, you know, reasonable. That's the problem. That's the problem. People apparently think that that's not sexy. Yeah, now, to be excessively sexy, you know, militantly sexy. Yeah, that's something.

No, that's something. But I mean, again, I, you know, look, it's not my forte though, you know, it's not like figuring out what a candle is on a sausage. No, that's where we belong. But I you know just Briefly going back to candles on sausages. Yes, it doesn't feel like Savory foods would have candles, but they might move up the chain somewhat in the pyrotechnics that they would have on them You're absolutely right. Yeah.

No, it feels very reasonable that they would be smeared with some kind of like a naparmed type gel or whatever it is that they put on the arms of people at Warner Brothers movie world Hollywood on the Gold Coast for a some kind of stunt show. Yeah, and the whole inside of your mouth is covered in it as well. Yes. And so the sausage is on fire and then inside of your mouth is on fire.

Alas, we've talked about things that could prove as it goes into your mouth. Right, we've talked about a little sort of a blast oven ring type thing that you hold in front of your mouth and you can pass an uncooked sausage through it. And then as it emerges on the other side, it's cooked. I like to think birds could drop them from the sky. It's your open mouth and they would cook and you would swallow them. But we have never talked about lining the mouth in first in some sort of flame proof coating,

but then in a layer of flammable coating and turning the mouth essentially into a wood-fired oven. Well, it's already a sort of a space in which air flow is controlled. You know, that's the main thing of a space in which air flow is controlled. That's the main thing about a wood-fired oven or a fire oven. It's a closed cabin with an opening. Yes. The tongue is already, basically, a retractable oven tray.

A serving, it's a tongue, it's an oven tray. Serving, you know, it's a tongue, it's an oven tray, it's everything, it's ready to accept, it's ready to deliver out, it's ready to rearrange, so that the food on the inside gets the best heat distribution. I think that we could turn over the entire mouth and nose sort of sinus nasal cavity, region that entire thing over into a, turning into a specialized cooking facility. And then we don't only need to drill a couple of holes either in the neck or maybe through

the back of the head to allow air in and out for breathing. But it feels like you don't need a whole mouth for breathing. The mouth seems what waisted on breathing. So you don't think you don't think you could use the nostrils or the front mouth hole to allow the air in? Or do you think you would have to get a perfect seal for the cook? I would want a perfect seal

and I also think that they're doing use. Even when it's a flame-based cooking system or you think you're about adding something electric or well I like to be able to get a bit of a smoke going you know going to like that kind of thing. But I also I think that you want to be able to control that but you want it to be independent of breathing. You see breathing has to happen, right? But that's going to interfere with your cooking. If you're constantly having to open your mouth, breathe in and out, you know, getting cool or hot air, you know, stoking that furnace, I want to reserve my control of the mouth and nose, which I think could

be quite useful for getting an additional kind of circulatory flow. Yeah. Intia Cook. I want to be able to reserve that for my cooking purposes. And then I'm going to sort of basically close off the windpipe and use a separate, a new opening. Yeah, it feels silly that we have to use the mouth. It feels like the lungs should be able to just attach to something either that we hook to our back or to our front that could just do a lot of that work for us.

So that choking is entirely off the table. And so that you can all... Of course! We've actually solved the problem of choking. Yeah, and then also the problem of being able to seal your mouth, seal your mouth shut at night time and get a good hickory smokey, like a low-slow cook of a sort of a slab of meat of some sort. Just imagine you're in a darkened room and somebody opens their mouth and you just see that dull glow of the colds in there. It would be so beautiful. On a first date.

On a first date, you just want to stoke those coals, baby. Yeah, you'll get your sort of fire poker in here. And then you put your tongue in, which is also coated in, I guess, sort of, heat treated steel. Mm-hmm. And then we could use the tongue, use the... Like, now it makes sense that cutlery is made of metal, because we can use it to sort of stoken and turn the food as it cooks in the mouth.

So yeah, a lot of good ideas there. I mean, it feels, but it does. Oh, yeah, I've written down mouth of it. Not going to get fresher than that. mouth, yeah, freshly mouth cooked. I mean, I guess if you could be growing the food in your mouth as well. Yeah, but I don't think that increases the fresh. Oh, I guess, you know, you're right. It does, it is then. It's grown. It's grown, cleaned you know, you're right. It does it is then

it's grown cleaned and prepared in the mouth. Does cooking kind of reset the freshness of food? I always feel that that happens. Yeah, because if something's almost off, you cook it and then you get another week out of it. I can't have it. This, this almost rancid food. I could now leave on the stove overnight. It doesn't make it, it's not like it's better. It's not like, you know, you're probably still what I eat fish.

It's a new lease on life, this food gets. Yeah. It used to be a sort of a, you know, a capsicum that, or a pepper, you know, that has been in the crisper for so long that it started to produce wetness. Oh, it's rotating to its watery, It's returning to its watery... ...turning to its water form.

It's a dechant. God, I got so much of that stuff. Things that are in still in plastic bags in some way. That just turned to pure fluid. Oh! What is going on? This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now.

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It's just you know the cell walls have given up. Yeah. And it's just we're not getting out of here, man. Only we're going to make a big escape is through by becoming smaller, by becoming individual atoms. Boy, it's becoming liquid like Alex Mack. Maybe they're thinking that they can turn it to a fluid, drip out the bottom of the door and then reform into a celery on the other side. I never, I never understood what Alex Mack's power was, but she's the power of a rotting vegetable. Yeah, she has the power of bean sprouts. Yeah. What is the point of bean sprouts? You know bean sprouts are like the biggest source of salmonella.

And and yet I've never eaten bean sprouts and been like, oh yeah, bean sprouts. Like they don't, there's nothing that's good enough about them. They don't bring enough to the table to justify the fact that they go bad so quickly and make you incredibly sick. Yeah, well, I mean, I've never got sick from them. There's some of these things that people say, like, you know, you know, that it's like, you know, like rice. You can't eat rice. You can't eat rice. Even 15 minutes after you've cooked it, it goes bad that quickly. Next day, here you go. Right. Like, I'm sure that there's some

truth to this, but even if you keep it in the fridge, yeah, you you go, oh, right, like I'm sure that there's some truth to this, but even if you keep it in the fridge, yeah, you're right, you can't keep it in the fridge. It's even worse. Yeah. And you go, oh, right, well, that's, I mean, I'm like basically my whole diet is like three, four day old rice. And I've always been fine. And I'm pretty sure that a lot of the people in, you know, I'm going to say What are you going to say in type countries Asian type countries? Okay, why might have been eating rice You know, maybe even before the invention of refrigeration might have been eating one of the whole one of the whole points of stir fry

Stir it on a fried rice is that you have to use old rice, isn't it? Yeah, that's true, but it's, but how do you get the old rice? Yeah, you're exactly right. Maybe it's got to be made old. Maybe, maybe that's the reset. Maybe that's the reset, the famous reset, where you get a little bit more time out of the rice by frying it again. You know. Yeah, but I think I even read, I think I even read they were like, and cooking it again doesn't help. They're like, oh, that back.

Oh, it's throwing it in the bin and moving house. That doesn't, that's not going to save you. It's not going to save you. It's going to, it's going to come for you. That movie The Ring, that's going to come for you. That movie, The Ring, that was really a metaphor for rice. For rice and how you're going to die for meeting it. I think there's something in this rice thing. Yeah, I mean, we get told a lot of like, don't you, don't you dare eat rice that's even a little bit old, but I feel like everything then must have some sort of threshold, every

food must have a different threshold, obviously, where you can't eat it anymore, but we don't hear about any of the others. There's so much hype and scare mongering around the rice. But I think a lot of other stuff is slipping in under the radar. You know, pasta, how long can I wait before I eat pasta? Nobody's once mentioned to me how long you can wait. There must be an amount of time, right? There must be an amount of time. It's never once been mentioned because everyone's

so busy telling me not to eat old rice. Meanwhile, I'm eating three, four week old pasta. I mean, at least I'm not touching that day old rice. You know, and people always put, you know, like, like McDonald's burgers and a cupboard for four or five months or whatever, like that, under a glass, you know, glass bell, right, or whatever. Bell jar, yep. Bell jar, and then they tell you, look at what happens after six months,

but I've never seen anybody do that without the other other food. No. And so I got no repairs. It could be bell jars, they're just great at keeping in freshness. Hmm. I don't know. Is there any of this? Anything? No, I don't know. Yeah. How about this? Right? Yeah. Pea-pea-ing on lemon trees. Yeah. Everyone always says you've got to pee on lemon trees. But I've never heard this from an official source. So I don't know.

And it feels like it was sort of a rumor that could've been made up by somebody who just dislikes lemon trees. Because it feels like a logical next one is pooping on chocolate trees, right? Like, um, that's what it is. Now you've got to poop on cocoa trees, they really help some. Well, yeah, it is, it feels like the, the, the most like naive form of, well, those yellow juice comes out of these lemons. We better put yellow juice onto the ground.

I have some yellow juice. I'm going gonna spray it around Yeah, like cloudy cloudy apple cloudy apple juice if you want to make that it's just an apple tree that you add It's a milk to This cloudy apple juice. It's just if you've got a urine in urinary infection of some kind and your urine is cloudy You've got a pee on cloudy apple juice trees You're in his cloudy, you've got a pee on cloudy apple juice trees. Cloudy apple juice trees.

Yeah, correct. I don't, I don't, I'm sorry to make everything about urine. You were trying to get us away from that towards milk. And that was very valid. Well, I was just trying to add it. You got to go out there and lactate onto, you got to squeeze some of your, your boots. That makes what makes it cloudy.

Milk. Yeah. Onto the apple tree. I mean, I do like, I think, yeah, Andy, we're crumbling somehow. We are. But I do like the idea how somebody, somebody disspelling the myth,

being completely against this idea that lemon trees. You pee on lemon trees and it's good. But I don't, but then something. Yeah, look, I'm going to write it. Pian on lemon trees. Hmm. Yeah, like, like, like, if say there was a, um, it feels like you would become, you know, a Greek God, right? Once upon a time, turn somebody into a lemon tree and then also created the myth that you've

got to pee on lemon trees so that this person would be pissed on for all eternity. Yeah, that does feel like that would be something that they would do and say. But for that to occur, the Greek God would have to keep it a secret that that was what was really going on and that doesn't seem like the way myths work. There are no secret myths. You know? God didn't do any, like did God do anything that we haven't heard about? You know, he must have done at least one thing. Yeah, like, like, or does he, does he, is he like, you know, like an influencer who has to Yeah, record every little bit of his life. Like, there must be, you know, I guess in a sane world, he would have

that be a huge miracle all the time. And there'd be, I guess there'd be individual, you know, people are praying to him all the time. So he must be acting in those people's lives, you'd assume. And like certainly that's not all documented in an official biblical text. But it feels like up to a certain point, we wrote down everything that God did and everything that's in the Bible is the complete record of, is that? I reckon a theologian would know about this. They'd be able to tell us, oh no. Yeah, what percentage of things? What percentage of stuff did they write down, do you reckon? Is there anything in the Bible where it's just like, and then God did a bunch of other stuff

that we don't have the details of? They must be, I don't know. There were, and then he did another 50 miracles, a sort of 50 assorted miracles. And we just don't. And we can't go into those. It would be too long to tell you everything good that he did. Or do they kind of pick and choose which are the miracles that you learn, people will

learn the most amount from. So maybe God also does a bunch of useless miracles that are actually not, if you have a fish and you lost your fish, you'll put a bell on your fish. But there's actually 50 reports of that, but they didn't bother putting it in when they were at it. The bells don't really work underwater at this time. It has to be a bit... Yeah, is it publication bias?

And... No, it's gotta be. God did a bunch of miracles that really didn't come off, but so they just didn't they weren't documented It's very possible that God does work by trial and error and Oh, yeah, and then only the successful ones and they write down Yeah, God like those like those guys who shoot basketballs from really far away and then only keep the ones, they do those trick shot YouTube channels. Yeah, right.

They just throw a toothbrush in it as they're walking out the room and then it lands in the thing and then they just keep the take that they got. That's what the Bible is. I don't know if they've ruined TikTok for me. Well, I know, but they were doing that first time every time. No, but that's God. God is just doing trick shots.

You know, he, yeah, maybe they did feed 5,000 people with a couple of fish and a lot for bread, but yeah, it just happened to be on, on that day, everybody was only just a very little bit package. Tiny bit hungry. Yeah, most of the meditin beforehand, because they had heard that they'd heard that this guy doesn't cater very well. Last time I was there, literally it was like two fish. So there were a lot of people there, so everyone lined your belly and then you get there and he's only got a couple of fish again. It's a miracle, everyone's happy.

I mean, it just seems like, I mean, I haven't read Goon deep into that story, but it feels like really somebody's dreaming for a miracle there is really, you know, because they're telling us in it that they've only got a few bits of fish. And it's a little bit of bread. And then they're saying, well, everybody was full. You go, well, that doesn't seem likely. You said you only got a couple of bread. Like, wouldn't the miracle come in the quantity of food? Yeah, you're right.

And if you're trying to say it's a miracle, then why not say he had no fish and no bread? And everybody was full. full like why some food Yeah, why a little bit he had slightly less food than you'd think would be enough to go around but it turned out okay He had heaps left. I mean he had heaps less. Yeah, I know turns out it was great. We're actually you know that sounds like people are lying for you was great. We're actually, you know, that sounds like people are lying for you. Um, and I don't know how would you know, how would you actually accurately? I don't think he, you asked every one of those 5,000 people if they actually were feeling full as well. That's all I'm saying. That's all I'm saying. Um, biblical scholars, Amelster, we should

do a podcast where we read the Bible for the first time. That's a good idea, Andy. Thank you. I do have an illustrated version of Genesis. Illustrated. The original illustrations. The God did the drawings. God described them. No, it's by crumb. Oh, wow, okay. But but I think he said he just took it as a straight illustration job. Like he wasn't trying to make it sexy or funny or anything like that. So, but you know, we could we could start reading it that way. I think it's got all the words in it. Well, if it's got all the words in it, yeah, we absolutely could. We could call it first test and it's now first test of the first testament.

I mean, now there's a podcast that will just get so many listeners Alan Andy Start reading the bible I I think it could Yeah, all right. Why why why are you laughing at that idea like that is a laughably bad? I like an obviously laughably bad idea for podcast look at their shit that succeeds this podcast. Yeah I Don't understand your criteria. I don't know what you want from me. No Andy. You know what?

Upon upon rethinking about it. It's an okay idea But I want to do I want you to know that I want to do it. It's an okay idea if it'll get you to shut up. No, I mean. It's exactly as good an idea as we'll get you to shut up, Andy. Andy, I also want you to know that just because I don't necessarily think something is a great idea straight away, doesn't mean that I won't do it. I won't commit. Yeah, I won't commit a hundred years to doing it.

268 episodes. something 167 today. Is that one for each? For a lot part. Andy, we've got that five sketch ideas. So we got a, we got a incredible suggestion. They're all good. We got a suggestion from a, from a listener. You know, some of our listeners can donate three dollars to our Patreon and they can

This listener is only called one The word one yeah the word one, but it's the word of the number one Wow Yeah, so one has given us three. Okay. And you're going to have to tell me what with one of the meanings of one of these ones is where I can look it up while you're guessing the first one. Okay. Well, join us with the first word is. Yeah, carigated. No, but you got the second half of the word correct. Aated. A.

Is it the aated? Yeah. Wow. Adjitated. Adjitated. Great. Okay. All right, second word.

What's that? Pamasin? No. No, but it does end with an I N. So it's kind of a similar sound. This one is gobbins. Gobbins. Gobbins.

G U B B I N S. Yeah. I have no idea what that means. Well it means miscellaneous items or paraphernalia or a gadget. Really? A little gubbins he had made as a boy. I love it. Adjitated gubbins.

It's making me think that one now is probably supposed to be is probably British right and always me gobbins and yeah It's me gobbins and and that one probably refers to like will one shouldn't do that Hmm the Royal one yes, yeah the Royal one And the third word. Do you want to guess? Angitated Gabin's collector. Bulge. Bulge. Incredible. This does feel like what we were talking, was we talking about this on the podcast or somewhere about just dead, a pocket full of dad stuff? Just how I think of the day. Yeah, I think that was the, I think that was,

either last episode or it was a Patreon exclusive. Oh, right. Oh yeah, it was for our German compound words. Ah, yes. But you know, my sons are very into making little things and telling me what they are, making little gadgets and we are doing these and wrapping things around things and just stretching sticky tape everywhere in the house and then it's some sort of contraption. And it's exactly what I would have done

where I in their position. I used to be obsessed with building tiny boats and rafts and things out of- And putting them on flowing water? Paddle pop sticks. Yep, yep, a lot of that. I used to always want to put an electric motor on them, but never had any of the ability

to do that. And I barely had the ability to make the... And I imagine a lot of those things wouldn't have floated with an electric motor on them. No, no, no, I think it would have sure, so it would have been... And would have been bad. And probably the, the sort of the, you know, the, like the direction and stuff and how good it would have been to actually, you know, drive your thing and how stable and other things. You all sorts of, probably saved your parents a, you know, a pretty pence by not doing that.

By not following through, not achieving any of my dreams. I think really, you know, when I set out to become an electrical engineer, it was just as a result of like pent-up frustration with my inability to put little electric motors on weird things that I'd made. And having done engineering for six years, I came out of it and I don't think I ever put a little electric motor on anything. And I still haven't to this day I just well I

I became an engineer just because I was Donatello and Donatello was the guy who invented things and the closest thing to an inventor was an engineer Yeah, no that was that was that was part of my motivation as well But you know what would be cool? Would be a set of kids' toys of some kind, which do allow them to connect motors to just any old shit. You know, anything you want now, you can put a motor on it, right?

Like it's a motor on it, right? Like it's a it's a To motorize thing. There's a bat there's a watertight battery compartment that plugs via a series of plugs into a Motor and you can get different like sort of articulations for the motor so you can change its angle and that sort of thing and then you can put different little propellers on there. And it's all waterproof. And you can just stick it onto anything. And then now anything can be a boat. Anything is a boat.

You've got a shoe, you've got a boat. You've got a bottle, you've got a boat. You've got a boat, you've got a boat. Anything. Well, thinking about for, it's a great, that got a boat. Anything. Well, thinking about for, it's a great, that's a great kids toy idea, would you? Andy, God, my God, I use your name on my son. I use my son's name on you.

I use my, oh my God, it was just on my mother and other law. I kept accidentally calling her darling. Yeah, I've done that to my mom as well. I've probably my love. She loves it. Yeah, it's very nice. It's not good though. It's not what you want.

No, I can't wait. You want it. It's a man. Clear separation. It's what you want. It's a clear separation. Look, this is what I'm thinking about agitated gobbins ball, Jandy, is that, you know, we're not that far away from sort of

technologically enhancing our bodies and becoming a bit more cyborgian. Yes. Right? Probably, you know, much like your idea, we'll just be putting a lot of propellers on ourselves. Yes. Right? Probably, you know, much like your idea, we'll just be putting a lot of propellers on ourselves. Yes. Right? propellers will be coming at a various thing so that, you know, maybe on the back of your arms

were near the elbow, so that you could just sit in water. Instead of going swimming, you could just sit in water and turn on two propellers behind your arms and you could just sit and be, instead of be pushed through the water. Yeah, nobody's doing this. Nobody's providing this for me. I want to be able to just lie back. This is the, you see people on how, you see how cool it is for people who are skateboarding when they've got those electric skateboards and they've got that little remote control in their hand and they're just hooning around, having their time of their lives.

I want that, but with little propellers on the bottom of my feet, I want to be just lying back in a pool on my back. So I can't see where I'm going, and I want to be driving around. Yeah, and maybe a little propeller on the back of your head to keep your head out of the water. So you don't have to sort of hold your neck real tense like that. Sure. And then there'll be various things like that. There'll be little

probably. You know what, people would abuse this because people would be used this for disposing of bodies. They just strap a little, a couple little propellers to a dead body, put it in the water and then just drive it out to international waters, where it's no longer a crime to have killed them. It's your kids toy idea suddenly, you're like the guy who invented TNT, you know? Suddenly, suddenly you were at the kids toy. It was, well initially it was just for, you know, on clogging things really, but then suddenly

got used as a weapon. And this is the same thing with a little propellers. Anyway, so then you have a little gadgets all over your body. You know, one would be a little thing for cooking dim sum or whatever, you know, just under on your chest or whatever, a little steamer on one side, a little deep fryer on the other, and you know, be little computers and stuff. Anyway, what we'll discover very quickly is there's a lot of these additions. Well, probably actually be quite irritating to the body. And there'll be a quite a reddish, quite agitated area around each one of these things.

Mostly, you know, partly, partly from the heat they all produce and then the other, because of the inflammation that they just cause due to the body rejecting things, that their body is trying to reject them. But I guess we'll have some very some amounts of depth to the anchors and hooks that we put into the body to stop that from happening. Every time people talk about transhumanism and cyborgs and becoming like a better version of the human, they never fact it. They never seem to address the idea of inbuilt obsolescence and the fact that like every single piece of technology is designed to go obsolete within two years.

And I don't want that in my brain. I don't want to have to get another surgery. I don't want my hands to stop working. My arm to stop working because they stopped making the software. All the company that made my arm, went bankrupt. Yeah.

Now, I can't use my arm because my arm has to be connected to their servers. Oh, your brain has a software update and suddenly it doesn't recognize. Oh, man. And your body parts and you've got a job application to go to. You want to go to the toilet, right? But you're about to take down your pants, but then you're both your arms start installing updates and you can't use your arms for the next half an hour while the arms are just, you know, the progress, just downloading stuff and configuring things. And so you're running around with these dead arms trying to take your pants off,

scraping them off, I guess, against a window ledge. So you can get it done in time. I think the reality of cyborg hell is a great place to go because I think I don't even seen that much stuff about just how uncomfortable it would be to be a cyborg. Just annoying. They always just try to pass it off like they're not like but I just don't imagine that they're gonna get past the basics of discomfort. Information, it's bad. Yeah.

Nobody wants that. I'm gonna take us through the sketch ideas. We have breakfast cereal topping company, World War I, World War II, analogy. Oh, well. Great. Sorry, bye bye, it is water, because I'm just trying to think of some sort of

inflammation, inflammation pun, like too much inflammation. Or something like that. Inflammation super highway. Inflammation super highway, that's what you would be odd with this eyeball body. And then we got the three-course sausage. Yes. Back to the sausage ideas. And then as well as with the possibility of also a spectrum sausage, which is a sausage

that is two separate foods at each end. And then we have a fast- acting patient's drug. Yeah. Then we got the mouth oven, other great product here. What does it last you cook things? I don't know what you would line the mouth with. I guess, I guess like bubbles, some kind of bubbles. I think we do it.

Yeah, some kind of bubbles. Maybe, you know, but maybe it could also just be like, you know, one of those like gloves that a glass blower would use. Sure, but in your mouth, you know, it's like a, like a, wove, and, have lorry type thing, yeah, wove and, carbon fiber. And then we've got the the ping on lemon tree is a myth. And we got gods unwritten down miracles. So the shitter ones because he's just a trial and error guy.

And then the cyborg reality is hell, is from one these is based on one's ideas Thank you very much one. Thank you very much one one one one one one one one What what fun what fun Andy? I think we started losing energy, but anyway. B-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D- the podcast. God, we love that that you did that. That was a good thing that you did just then. We hope that you enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed it. And we did enjoy it. And we did. That's no lie. And you can listen to us on pod spotter. I'll try to remember to put the link in the show notes. You can find us wherever you get podcasts, the Tune the Think Tank, and you can find us at Twitter at Tune Tank and also on Instagram at Tune Tank, I'm at Alistair TV on Twitter. I'm at Stupid Old Andy. You can review us, you can support us on Patreon, get all that extra Patreon bonus content. Well, hopefully we have to start doing Teleport and provide things we want to work up to finish off that show for next year's comedy festival.

This year's comedy festival. I'm excited. So, so we'll start doing those. There's all the old ones for magma that we were just us figuring it out or riffing a bit has partially as the characters. I was talking about the whole time. Even when I was accidentally calling you out, I'll stay. That's great. Well, thank you for listening and we love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. It's not optional, you have to do it.

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