Simple Swedish Podcast - 268 - "DOGPUNK"

Episode Date: January 13, 2021

Punk Pup, Burp Pill, Urine Rainbow, The Rotary, Rotten Tomatoes of Life, Brunchloose, Deliveroo for Doing RunnersGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereGutter born apologies to George for my shoddy producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Progressive casualty and trans company in Affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential Savings will vary. Discount's not available in all safe and situations. Visit PlanetBroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity of mind, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, clarity, Welcome to two in the think tank these show where we come up with five sketch ideas on the idea is and I am a Lister George William George again Trump late virtual and that is the way that you intend to continue

Hopefully one more will you at the end of the episode You think I will be that for the duration Andy, you know, I think it would be a common courtesy, you know, to the list. But what would remain in character? What do you think would have to happen for me to either have my name changed throughout this episode? Yes. Or for me to become a different person. Yeah, okay.

Well, I feel like, you know, the name change one can happen with our existing physical laws and our existing understanding of biology and that sort of thing. That's really just a sort of a paperwork question. So, yes, it's just something that's happening without fraud is occurring somewhere. Exactly. Or even just an administrative era in some way. Maybe as we're doing this, they're currently digitizing all the birth certificates and fly, crawls into the scanner.

As your war one goes through and just gets smeared across all your details, and your name changes to something sort of obscure in Nepp Nepalese dialect. Well, I do get a lot of like mail from like energy companies and things like that. One would knew me as blast air. I think I get another one that's like, it's like, it's a alster, things like that. So, you know, that's not, you know,

people don't, don't agree with they're being different spellings of alistair, even though that's almost all that name is known for. Or in another sense, they wish that there were more spellings of alistair, it sounds like those people, like they, they, they, they, Oh, that's, well, that's what those people want.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and so, so there's that, that's what those people want. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And so there's that. And then I guess the other way is that I could become a different person. So I guess that could all happen internally, I guess, with an aneurysm or something like that. And obviously I could find myself during this episode,

I could take on an Indian name A people still doing that God I hope so I want everybody to know me as Rahaj Tronbley virtual I mean are we able to have is there is it possible for us to have like a spirit guide like an animal spirit guide and it be culturally to have like a spirit guide, like an animal spirit guide and it be culturally sensitive. Like what kind of an animal would we as Westerners? I think of myself as a Western.

No, no, no, no, no culture can own an animal, can they? I think, I think if you want to have a spirit guide, you've got to go with a culturally appropriate animal beast. And so let's list one of the white animals. Okay, the white animals include the visually white, or you mean, I'm like, you know, the physical philosophically white. What animals are alive? I thought pigeons, you know, they is philosophically white. What animals are alive? Yeah, and that's what, I thought pigeons, they, you know, they,

they've basically spread themselves and taken over every continent. Oh, you're absolutely right. Yes, okay. Pigeons are not. The little brown bird, one of the whitest birds. Yes, the little brown bird.

The little brown birds, that's that one's white bird. I feel like quite a few of the breeds of dog I could be wrong about this But they they see a lot of laboratories white to me. Yeah black Labrador's Pugs There's people who know about the origins of all these animals getting furious about some ancient Tibetan people who invented the Labrador and Pigeon pear. They bred the pug specifically to climb mountains, really steep mountains so that it's nose wasn't

always bumping into the rocks. Into the Tibetan hay. I mean, a lot of these dogs were originally bred for a purpose, so you're like your dashes or whatever were bred to go down rabbit holes and that kind of shit. And I think it's a shame that we've stopped breeding dogs for a purpose of the- For purposes.

For a purpose. You know, a lot of them are designed to see. Exactly, to cross a specific type of terrain or to fit down a specific hole. And we need to bring that back. Bring back the... Well, the Dachon could definitely pull a tray of coffees behind it, a little trolley, with your coffee orders for the office. You're absolutely right. I mean, Eddie, think about it. Any wheeled contraption that is currently pushed by a human

could equally validly be pulled by a small dog or a team of small dogs. And I don't see why a coffee cart lashed to 18 dashes couldn't be whipped through the office you know how coffee carts are always coming through offices you know that that. The coffee cart could be outside with malamuts. Malamuts, right? But they send the deliveries into the office via the dashes. Sure, sure, sure.

Yes. A smaller cart is pulled off the back of the main cart. Like a landing module. And that is the thing. Maybe there could be a great dain that takes it from the main cart to the smaller cart. You need an animal that's got a big enough mouth to sort of get over the cup but not touch the rim. You know, it's good.

So because it's got to be able to bite it down. It's about bite down on the paper cup part. It's carrying it in its mouth. Well, yeah, but only, yeah, from, only from, this is the great day. Right. From the big cart to the small cart. Mm.

He's, they're, they are loading the small cart without getting any sort of mouth on the plastic lid Alistair you know what this is you know what we've hit upon here This is an entirely new genre of Literature that isn't steam punk, but it's dull punk and punk dog punk and what happened was The industrial revolution occurred but instead of steam being the predominant

source of motive power, it was dog. People took the dog that was popular in dog sledding. I feel that there was a time where all the different forms of power transport were absolutely equally valid and they were all neck and neck and And any one of them could have leaped ahead, right? And what if, and what if the inuits who were using them at the time, and then had become the dominant power? What if there was an in-inuit empire?

Exactly, exactly. Maybe the earth cools a little bit more. There's a few more ice bridges. Naval power no longer has any meaning, because your ship's just getting stuck in the ice. Exactly. Maybe the earth cools a little bit more. There's a few more ice bridges. Naval power no longer has any meaning because your ship's just getting stuck in the ice. Or the earth severely increased in temperature and the sort of the Yukon and the sort of Northwest Territory of Canada was the only place that was temperate. Yes. And so they used their sort of dog trolley idea.

Ah, a trolley now that's slay. Well dog slay idea at first to, to, to, and transfer it to the trolley and then transfer it to every industry. Well, see what I like though is, is to imagine the, the golden age of navigation with these great naval voyages. And instead of big ships, it's an enormous dog sled pulled by thousands and thousands of dogs. Doggy paddling. Doggy, what no, no, pulling it across ice, it's a small one's there. No, pulling it across ice, it's a small one's there. But I mean also the ocean vessels, in instead of the unfrozen waters,

instead of having people rowing in there back in the older days, they just had dogs that were playing. No, the dogs aren't rowing, they're just their legs are through the bottom. Oh! And they're just going, incredible. And so essentially underneath it would look like that the boat is some kind of millipede, obviously sharks and stuff, that would come and eat the dogs legs at

different points, but yeah. But this is good. Yeah, some would. So dog punk, I mean dog punk, that would be a very popular. I mean, it would be hard to stay off of the New York Times best list. I mean, top 10 bestseller lists with it. You're right. You're right.

They, I feel this could very, very well transition into a kind of a young adult, literature phenomenon, you know, akin to your Harry Potter's and your Twilight's. Yeah. And you're... Absolutely. What's that one with the bow and arrow? Hunger game. And I guess it would sort of be set in a time when people mostly stuck to their own breed of dog.

And each culture just had one breed that they would do things with. But it's a kind of cultural one where then suddenly, you know, it's a Romeo and Juliet kind of scenario where, you know, a, you know, a pug lady starts hanging out with a Labrador dude. Yep. And the families are very unhappy. I guess you're maybe bonded to a breed of dog as a young child and that defines what your profession is going to be and you go with that type of dog everywhere and you facilitate it. And each family, each family has, you know, has their industries is linked to the breed of dog that that family is linked to.

And so when, when your daughter or son goes, you know, who is in, let's say, they're in sort of Paper embossing and that's really a thing that's better for You know small dogs like a show wow like a like a show wow or something like that They have small nails and paws and things like that that make nice indentations in the paper But then suddenly they they start hanging out with some bullbastiff boy. And they're like, well, you know, his family is not going to, you know, bring him in bullbast. That's not going to help our paper embossing.

And your dogs aren't going to be able to breed, you know, there would be big ceremonial weddings between the dogs of different families to bond them closer together. And it would be outrageous, it would be scandalous. I think that, but also we probably have, have bred enormous milking dogs that we would milk in great herds. And sometimes I consider that we need to write books. I know this feels like it's a,

I never get around to reading books, but I think a lot about writing. And I think this would be a great place to start. Yeah. Dog punk is already, it's already on the preemptive best seller. Yeah, exactly. The speculative best seller list.

Also, if we just pick a sort of Romeo and Juliet style format, we've already got a lot of the structure worked out. The work has been done. It's copy and paste. Change the word. Change the word. I think it's been done. It's copy and paste. Change. It's essentially a fight or a place. Change is through the words. Yeah, go.

Yeah, go. Pulling a sword or whatever, you just put a dog in there. Yes. I'll pull the dog. So what's up? What Bass Lurber did with his Romeo Juliet? Was he just turned the swords into guns? But the guns had the word sword.

Like that was the brand of the gun or something like that. Yeah, we're going to write dog. We're going to write we're gonna write dog or a dog on the side of dog. Just so that people know what we're talking about because this is how deep into dog punk we are. Um, I love it, I love it a lot. Yeah. I love it, I love it a lot. I've asked you this before, I think, but do you think there's any space inside a whale where you can start a fire like jappetto or a jappepi or jiffy? I don't know if you have asked me this before, but it feels like something we would have talked about.

I mean, we know from burps, from human burps, that there is gas inside the stomach, you know, of some form. And we also know that it is possible to swallow large amounts of air if you choose to. Right. I'm going to do it now. We'll write down my question to more about the space. It's pretty cool being able to swallow air like that. Does it go all the way down into the stomach? Do you think when you swallow it because the peristalsus wouldn't be able to push it down? Yeah, I think I mean, I do it. Yeah, it's one of those it's one of the weirder tricks that you learn in as a kid to like swallow air and then you feel it move down a bit, and then you feel it move back up. And that's where burps come from, kids.

I think it feels for me that you're probably just pushing it to just below whatever the top flap is of the throat hole. Is that the epiglottis? I think you're just sort of pushing it just behind there, and it's probably just building up in the throat. I don't think any of it's going all the way down into the throat. I don't think any of it's going all the way down into the stomach. It's still in the neck, I reckon. It's probably still in the neck, but

yeah, I don't think it. But you know, you could make a product, because some people I don't think they can fake burp, but you could make a product that basically holds a bit of air in it. So it'd be some kind of concave thing. Maybe it looks a bit like a clown's nose. Right? But once it's in your food hole, food pipe. Right. One of those products that you shoved out of your food pipe. Well, it's like, yeah, it's something that you swallow whole.

Or it's something that is big enough, like it's small enough that you can swallow at whole. So, but it's mostly just filled with air. Yes. Right. So what's like the biggest thing you'll swallow whole is probably like, blueberry by mistake, even that's getting like up there in terms of like this is good.

I want to ever had one of those magnesium tablets. Where it's like you go it's like, it's about set of three quarters the size of of my pinky finger. I don't know, whatever. It's like it's just some of those some some of those tablets, you go, Jesus Christ. What are you doing to me? You can feel it go down, you go, oh, it's scraping the sides like that. Right.

But you do that and you take me to, and then once they're in, you know, that whatever's on the inner walls of your, your food tube, that's the element that breaks down that wall. And then there'll be some particularly thin bits. And then it just releases the air. Right, it's a burp in a tablet. A fake burp. So it's basically, it's a tablet shell, whatever it is that they use to make the shell of like those panadol things that are full of tiny little... But it's pressurized here. What a little hundreds of thousands in there.

But it's then just full of pressurized air and you can swallow it and then you get a burp out of that. If you're like this, a similar thing to be done with suppositories and farts, right? Yes. And the industry is already expanding because of the air pressure. But why why does this exist? It exists because there are some people who can't do fake burps. It's exists because there are some people who can't do fake burps and Don't you think they want it as a sort of a young teenager? That's the kind of thing that has a lot of cache a

Absolutely and You know you could probably get it from prank, you know like magic stores or whatever You know and also you could do it so that probably you could have it like, man, here's when this thing blows up, right? This is when the idea's blow up. You could have it. So there's just got like purple air in it. Oh, okay. Now this is something. Yeah. Yes, it's absolutely something. Colored burps. I mean, we have, have we talked about colored urine on this? I mean, we're definitely gonna. Because at the moment, think about this. Urine has basically three settings, okay? One, clear. Two, bright yellow, because you haven't been drinking enough. Three, red, because there's something bad going on blood-wise

Right blood. Yeah. Yes, but Let's let's give people control over this Okay, and let's turn into a fashion thing Well, I mean, I think some nice Like if if there were some really, like, some pastel colors in there, like, some sort of, like, a pastel pink, orange, or, like, autumnal colors, I think that would be so sweet. You know what we need?

We need, if you could piss a rainbow, how pop your, like, this would be as a thing. I have to say, That would be very hard. You know, especially for the male, being able to, you know, you can get that real arc going. Absolutely. And if there was some way that there could be a little attachment, maybe that goes over the end of the male genital implement, clips on and then turns the spray into a sheet of water and then injects color at different points in that so that you do get that rainbow spray. Even one that is more like a sequential rainbow where it as the stream continues it changes

color over to. Oh, this is even better Alistair. It's more like a sequential rainbow where it like as the stream continues it changes color Over to oh, this is even better Alistair. Do you know about total internal reflection? Not yet. Total internal reflection is the the optical principle that allows Fiber optic cables to work right so a fiber optic cable is actually carrying a beam of light down a glass cable. And the thing that keeps the light inside that glass cable, that very very narrow strip of glass or whatever it is that they're using, whatever medium, is the fact that at a certain angle of incidence, if you shine something down the middle of a piece of glass, it just bounces off the

inside and keeps staying on the inside, bouncing along and around corners and that sort of thing. And you can do the same thing with a stream of water, okay, or urine. So if there could be a little light, a little laser light, little flashing light that goes inside the end of the penis. That the water can, you know, the water, I say water, I mean urine that can still get past. And then if you can maintain an unbroken stream, you can have an illuminated curving stream of urine that shoots through the air. And people don't like you to piss out in the open. They

don't like you to spray it around all over the place. They like you to do it in the toilet, but you're not always able to get to the toilet. And the way that you then buy the social license that allows you to piss anywhere you want is by putting on a little show. Suddenly everybody's crying out for it. It's no longer unacceptable. It's a popular entertainment. Well, I think I know where this will be

especially popular. Picture this. You're at the beach and your child has been stung by a box jellyfish. Ah, yes. You are distraught. Your child has been stung by a box jellyfish. You are distraught. The child is screaming, blue murder. Yes.

Right? A lifeguard runs over and says, I have just the trick to soothe this physically, but also soothe your mind. Watch this. And then he takes his penis out and he twists on a fitting that looks not that dissimilar from one of those sprinklers that goes back and forth and has about nine streams that go up in the air. Terrific.

Yes. nine streams that go up in the air and he begins urinating towards your child's leg. A whole rainbow of pastel colors comes out your mind. Your mind is immediately soothed to its maximum soothed soothness. It is quenched by by sotherness and and your child Not only is not crying, but is smiling and clapping And asking to run back into the ocean to find the jellyfish. Jase, sing up to the jellyfish.

And a rabbit all over his body. Do it again, Mr. Do it again. The Euricangie is waving and smiling itself from the shoreline, from the shallows. Everybody's laughing, including the the jellyfish. The life, the life, the lifeguard. Just a little bit too much, but we're all still having fun, and that is the key. Everything's okay. What is this?

You look a little closer, you say that he's sure, it doesn't actually say lifeguard. It says lifeguard. And it's a bit worn out. And he probably hasn't washed his clothes for a while. And the distance, you see another lifeguard running and shaving something. Why am I being so bad? Your lifeguard puts this stuff away. It says, good day to you all and then sprints away. Lifeguards, I don't think have been tapped into for comedy enough, right?

And I think, are they a form of law enforcement? Because they do have the power to tell you to swim between those flags, right? And they do. And I think they often have a whistle. They do have a whistle, yes. And they do, I think, I probably get to shout at you if you swim outside the flags. And that feels like, you know, the very soft end of, of law enforcement.

Mmm, they're like a volunteer army because a lot of them are volunteers, occasionally at the beach you do get the, the one who gets paid. I guess I'm thinking about country towns. she do get the one who gets paid. I guess I'm thinking about country tones. Right. But mostly it's a volunteer army. And from my experience of being a lifeguard, you also don't wanna have to go save anybody. What do you wanna do, Al?

Walk up and down the beach, take the four wheeler out for a drive. Oh, yeah, cool. Can we take the duck out? Is that a little inflatable thingy? A little boat. Yeah. Yeah, great. How long do you have a lifeguard for?

I don't know, a couple of years, maybe. Really? Yeah, I had my bronze medallion. What are you doing this like every week? Not every week, you're on a roster. Yeah. You know. Incredible.

Yeah, well, we could write a sitcom about it and then when they go, when they say, well, why are you the right person to write about this? I can say, oh, well, you know, well, I used to be a lifeguard. And my dad, you know, obviously was the president of the, of the, obviously, the life, the lifeguard, the, yes, what is it? That this, the surf club because nobody else wanted to do it. And he also didn't want to do it. But he was abs, he was absent on the night that they voted.

And so he got, he was the guy who had to do it. No, no, he was, he was press ganged into it. Yeah. God those those community organizations you look at things like the rotary and the Lions Club and you just see them weathering away as people die off and you're like what was that all about? You know, I mean I'm sure they did good stuff. I mean, I know they did. But what was different about human character or human circumstances? About 50 to 40 years ago that just made this the pinnacle of a certain type of person's involvement.

Yeah, and they said of meat and organise a bus stop or a bench. Yeah, a little memorial. A memorial, sure, maybe a tree planting. Yeah, maybe a memorial. Sure, sure. Maybe a tree planting. Yeah, maybe a clock. Maybe a scholarship for somebody to go to Canberra. Yeah, and visit Parliament House. Yeah. And yeah, well, I've been told by my partner's parents that as you get older people do start asking you if you want to be involved in committees or you know have some responsibility for something It's one of those things that once you get it

Once once you get it you then have to you can only pass it on you can only get rid of it by giving it to somebody else The only way to get out is to pass it on to somebody else. It's the ring, isn't it? It's the ring, yeah. I mean, that's a funny idea is the ring, but it's for community involved, but it's the Lions Club. Yeah, I think that's something, Alistair, that it's you've got to be the secretary of the Parade's Inferno Association. Because you watch the introductory tape? Yeah. Write it down, Al. I'm writing it. Yeah. Trying to think how the what are the parallels there are, but I think you

know, we don't need to, you don't need to lean too heavily into the parody element of this. We can just make it compelling horror film. And today, that person's free time is gone forever. Yes. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising.

But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of 7 discounts. Multitask right now. Quote today at Progressive.com. Progressive casualty and trans company in Affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveid, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023.

Potential savings will vary. Discount is not available in all safe and situations. I'm having an organized fucking fundraiser barbecue. That's the worst, isn't it? I mean, look, but I guess you get to hang out with people you're probably having a couple of beers maybe. Or I guess. But this is the thing, it's like, I'm, you know, I'm, my child is going to go to school now this first year,

it's first year, and I think that this is the beginning of where you have to engage with the community. You gotta be, you gotta go in, it's like that, you know, you gotta do things for the school, they go, oh, we need some parents to do this, because all the schools are underfunded. And so they go, oh, we need some parents to do this. Because all the schools are underfunded. And so they go, oh, we need some parents to do this and to help out in this way and things like that.

And so suddenly, you're having to engage with people or getting the opportunity to engage with people who are not- And the opportunity to have to engage with people. Who are not in your curated groups of interests or whatever. I guess it's like neighbors or something like that. It's like people that you're forced to be next to because of just circumstances. I guess work can also be like that if you've worked for like a big company or something like that. Yeah, it's just of a kind of intimate stranger. Yeah, and yeah, and I think this

could be the first step for me towards the Lions Club. It could be a lion very simple. I've signed up to become a member of the kindergarten.ning board or whatever that sort of fucking thing. Have you actually done that? Yeah, I have Man, Calis. So funny. This is gonna this is gonna be like that time that you join the the SES SES These enjoy the Special forces you joined Yeah, what are they service the emergency thing and it's like you got all this is gonna be so great Help the community and things like that. Then you go. This is a huge pain in the ass

Yeah, it means so many kindergarten There's so many kindergarten scandals that you're gonna have to try and bury There's so many kindergarten scandals that you're going to have to try and bury. Oh so many. You're going to have so much blood on your hands. I'm going to have to try and bury. There needs to be like a rotten tomatoes or a metacritic or whatever, but for life experiences, you can go on there and rate it. And then before you do something like signing up for the member of a committee or something like that, you can, people can, you can go on, look and see what people reckon about it, and whether or not it's hell.

And yeah, I think, I think that's good. Like, so it's not, it doesn't have to be attached to a company or like a movie or something like that. It's just attached to an activity. You're learning to play the clarinet. Yeah. Stopping your toe. I mean, the way this is that show review with Miles Barlow or review with what was that

other one? When they remade it in the US with Forest, something or other? Yeah, yeah. I don't remember what they called the character. But it had Andy daily in it, right? Yeah, and it was very good, yeah. Yeah, apparently very good. I haven't seen it.

But. Yeah, I've always seen a couple episodes, but it apparently very good. I haven't seen it, but yeah, I've all seen a couple episodes, but it was very into a into a website where people can review any experience. Yeah, I mean, that's this might exist, but, you know, yeah, review experiences. Right? Well, no, that'll be Jamie. Jamie, can you get this up? it is. I'm just having a call. Jamie, can you get this up? I'll just bring up TripAdvisor or some shit. Yeah, maybe. Have you been listening to any Joe Rogan experience? No, not recently. I mean, I have listened to it. I have listened

to it. There is some stuff that I find that I've found interesting. I probably listened to non-represented episodes. They were ones around close to the election and I think they were probably not eight. They were atypical. It was just a bunch of guys. I got to say I was amazed at how uninformed everybody seemed to be. Just, I mean, you know, it was, it was, it was worse than us. Yeah, I mean, they're not, they're not political guys. They're throwing out things that they vaguely remembered from here or there. They're correcting each other and then looking it up and fighting out that they were wrong.

Just that. But you can see for hours. But you can see why people, it's like, you know, why people who aren't informed in things will like this because it's like, you get to hear the opinion that you would have You know the uninformed opinion and then you go somebody looks it up and then they fix it Or not, but you know you learn along the way in the way that people learn I

I don't like I don't need him. I'm not like a defender of Joe Rogan I understand that there has been some problems, but I also have seen some of it and gone. You know, it's like this is just an episode with like some movie star and you get to find out about this guy's career and you like that. Like I think I listened to all of her stone episode and you go, oh, he's had an interesting life and then at the end you go, okay, cool. I, yeah, I mean, I, I don't even really know any of the controversy around Joe Rogan or whatever that may be. I understand people criticize the show for certain stuff. I don't really know what it is. Platforming people, I suppose.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, he has just... Just... Oh, just the... It was kind of heartwarming, in a way. How little everybody and especially Joe seemed to have a clue what they were talking about. Yeah, well, and then welcome to this show where we are that with maybe like a couple of

extra books and I've definitely not read any books, which is one of the things I've said in this episode. I make people up once we've written them. Jamie, look up whether or not I've read any books. Does Jamie even exist, or is that just a rhetorical device? Jamie is a guy that exists. I think he met him, I think that's right.

That's mostly why I started listening into it is because occasionally they just, that we talk about stand up and I'd be like, oh, cool, we talk about the process of stand up and things And then I think Jamie when he was starting when Joe Rogan was starting out his podcast some Jamie was just some guy was like oh you're starting to do that. I know about that kind of stuff I could help you and then it turned out right, you know, he's just the guy. Yeah He and then he's just been the guy who does it with him and another, you know, well, I know Joe's a multi-millionaire, but

I don't know how Jamie's probably doing okay Good to know anyway, none of these are sketch ideas and But it's okay wait one two three four five and we've actually written down five things But I mean no, I've written down rotten tomato for experiences, which is not Which is not a sketch idea tomato for experiences, which is not, which is not a sketch idea. I think that's absolutely of the caliber and of the category of ideas that we would write down on this show. I think that's a thing.

I think that's a thing. Well, then Andy, we can go to the three words from a listener. And there's been a few people signing up recently. Can I say thank you very much to everybody who's been signing up. Oh yeah, there's been a bunch, you know, I say this as I kind of try to go to you know, recent activity on our Patreon. Look, we've had Thomas Ambrose, Maiden Lowry, Dustin Stewart, Jonathan Nice or Nice, and of course one. These are all people in the last 30 days these are all heroes

Yeah, they're all heroes Jonathan Jordan deleted his pledge this month It's a you know people come and go. We understand that life is in flux. A lot of the time I reckon patriots. I reckon Patreon is based mostly on people forgetting that they have them. Oh, man. Yeah. Yeah, I found some guy on YouTube who made some cool woodworking and machine tool videos.

And I was like, oh, great. And then I saw he had a Patreon. I was like, oh, great. And then I saw he had a Patreon. I was like, oh, go check out what kind of stuff he has there. And he actually hasn't done or made any videos for like five years. But there's still people who are like given the money, still making like maybe like a hundred bucks a month, just from people who I assume have forgotten to cancel their subscriptions.

Yeah. And it's all right. Yeah. Yeah. He's doing all right. Yeah. Yeah, so maybe that's our future. Yeah. Oh, here's hoping. Oh, I think we're going to keep doing this. We've decided, I think one day I came to you and I said,

Andy, are we going to, should we stop doing this? Is that, I thought maybe you were implying it? And then you said, no, no, no, we'll do this until we die. And that might be this year when we do the 300th episode. Could be, we're going to be the first people podcast hosts to simultaneously die on live on the pod. But also simultaneously live and die at the same time, you see? See. That's the only time we're really living is when we're in the the hundreds episodes. It's true. Do you actually believe that? Because I kind of believe in a

little bit. Everything else Andy is just building up to it is just like that's our holiday. I know it seems like it's the one we're working the most, but I think it's our truest holiday. I don't even really wake up. I don't consider myself to be truly awake until I'm 200 sketch ideas in. So this is, so for you, for you this time, it will be one of the great awakenings. I mean, obviously, we did 200 sketches a little while a little a lot in the last

year with the year before. Is it that long ago already? And then we made those cheese goblets. That's what you're making as a 200 episodes. I think it's possible that we will go genuinely inside. Like I'm not sure if it's possible to get post traumatic stress from just coming up with too many sketch ideas, but if it is possible, I guarantee you that we will do it.

Well, while I'm speaking of insane, let's go and try and come up with one more sketch idea, Andy. And this week's words come from Josh where Josh where I thank you Josh where for these words and there's a chance we've done these ones before because my list system is not the best but Here we go thanks Josh. Yeah, you want to guess what the first thanks Josh? I want to guess what the first word is Andy Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, indeed, it's a legal breakfast restaurant. Ah, Alistair. Yeah. This is great. Um, illegal breakfast restaurant. I mean, I do already love the idea of trying to think of what an illegal breakfast would be. Sure. Sure, I mean, I guess you could have drugs in it but there's not really breakfast

isn't I mean I guess you could call it for some people I guess you could call drug dealers house that you go to after a big night out and you just need one more little bit is that could be a legal breakfast restaurant but I suppose it's possible that you could make a breakfast that is so good that it is addictive. Right? Yeah. And hash browns with. With a little bit of oregano. But you know, like food, food, is there a pinnacle? Is when does food cross over into drugs, right? Is there no sense in which drugs are just really,

really good food? Tell me this, I will say. You take a drug orally. You're telling me that that's not food? Well, you're, I guess you're right. That, you know, and people try to say that, you know, having good food is the best medicine and what is medicine if not drugs.

Two people say having good food is the best medicine. Yeah, like they're like, well, you know, what you're putting into your body is what's building up your body's immune system and things like that. Yeah, the gut's the center. You could be having medicine, you know, you're having medicine all the time by your choices in what you eat. And medicine is mostly drugs.

And so. Yeah, but there's also the angle of like, well, I'm sure that there are illegal breakfasts which are ones where you've used the eggs say of a bird that's endangered or even probably just like most birds you probably just not allowed to take their eggs I suspect I don't know but yeah I guess even just you know stealing it from your neighbor's chicken but then I guess there's also there's also the possibility of Sort of a foot loose type scenario where you just go to this small town and you go there on legal Yeah, or they've made you know either brunch or breakfast illegal

But brunch you know brunch can be funny Brunch is probably the funniest of the meals What about this? I'll pitch another one to you, right? I start a back alley restaurant, okay? And what how this restaurant works is you tell me what food you what what what's your favorite place to get breakfast, okay? What you want to get what you what what what's your favorite place to get breakfast? Okay What you want to get what you want what's your favorite order? Okay, and what I do is I have a team of guys

people all over the city and what I'll do is I'll get one of them to go to that restaurant or to that meal Grab the plate and run Okay, and then meet you somewhere Okay, and then meet you somewhere. Okay, and then you pay just, you know, you pay 50% of, it's basically breakfast piracy, but you pay 50% of the menu price. Okay, my running guy gets five bucks, I get a little cream off the top, and I do all of this with like an app.

Well, it's Deliveroo, it's Del's deliveroo but for people who walk out on bills. Yes It's run a route and run a route. Yeah, they grabbed the breakfast and they'll shove it into a backpack They'll just shove the whole plate into a backpack and run Okay, and they get it to you. And, you know, it's like your parents said when you're going up, it all ends up the same on the inside. So look a bit messy. Okay?

But, yeah. Who, if the food's good, you don't care about paying for that presentation. A lot of the time at the restaurant, if you eat in, you're paying for presentation. That's right. You're paying for service, you're paying for presentation. Yeah, and we don't do any and you're paying for the meal Yeah, that and the and of course the meal the hidden cost But but you can get that you can eat it out of this guy's backpack right in an alleyway and With your heads and it'll only cost you like five bucks or something.

We do this at a scale where we're making sense off the dollar but it adds up. Yeah, but you're making it. It's ten cents off the dollar but they're not paying anything so their overheads are super low. Super low. We're just eating out of a backpack in an alley. You stand behind the guy. If the cops see you, he runs, he starts running. Okay. Yeah, but the cops will be using this service. Yeah. The cops will be using this service. Yeah. The cops will be using this service.

Yeah. The cops will be using this service. Yeah. Yeah. The cops will be using this service. Yeah. The cops will be using this service. Yeah. The cops will be using this service. Yeah. The cops will be using this service. Yeah. The cops will be using this service. Yeah. The cops will be using this service. start, you just start by bringing some of these meals to cops, you know, cops on stakeouts and cops and everything like that letting them eat out of the backpacks. Suddenly they're on your side. They don't think they don't think this system is

too bad. Yeah, they don't ask where it comes from. Yeah, and they don't want, and they don't want to miss out on, you know, free lunch almost every day. Suddenly, they're in on the racket. They're not actually going up to call outs. And also, traffic offenses bring in more money for the police department. They're not gonna start going to more call outs to restaurants which don't bring in money for the cops. That's right.

You know what I'm talking about. You gotta go to the more profitable crimes, sorry. It's the perfect breakfast for this scan. What's that? Scrambled eggs because you shake that around in a backpack. It's only gonna get more scrambled. That's a family wedding. You could just get some, you know, over easy eggs.

Yeah. And then when they get to you, they'll be scrambled. They'll be scrambled. Also, just, I mean, that's a fun idea. And also there was this, just the one with the town that's made, uh, brunch illegal. I just thought it was the fun idea that there's like, you know, about 11 p.m.

and 11 a.m. police like charge in to some cafe. Yeah. And they're like, or maybe 1130. That's kind of like, and they're like, what's on your plate? And they're looking for any crossover between breakfast foods and lunch foods. Yeah. You know, they go look a fried tomato. Nobody's eating that lunch time. You know, but if you're having that fried tomato with like, you know, some loxah or something like that, you know, maybe somebody's having some breakfast loxah. And they're like, no, no, no, that's brunch.

And then they put you in the slammer. They bash you. They bash you. They're the restaurant. And they shout from one of the slammer. They bash you. They bash you. They're the restaurant and they shout from one of the table tops. No branching. And they just yeah, it's the it's the small town where brunch is illegal, but police violence is police brutality is what I want to but yeah yeah we did it. Andy we did it that's 268 all done I'll take you to the sketch ideas yeah well we got dog punk and so this this could be our first book I mean you're already working on the book but but I think we'll get this done before your

book is done. And then we've got, obviously, Burp Tablet, which is, you know, for people who, at first, it's just for people who can't swallow their own air. And it's for people who don't want to anymore, because that's just a weird sensation. But then... But love the sensation is swallowing a large tablet full of compressed air. Yeah, the bursts in their neck. And then suddenly we introduce colored burps and this thing goes global.

And then obviously we got colored urine and the lifeguard who pees on a kid who's just had a jellyfish and saves the day but then you find out he's in the lifeguard. Then we got the ring, the movie The Ring, but you're the secretary of the Lions Club. I feel like all our scout masters when I was a kid were trapped in this exact scenario. They started when their kids were members of the Scouts, which to me defeats the purpose of sending your kid to Scouts. You send your kid to scouts so that you don't have to spend time with your kid just for like an hour on a Friday.

But then you become the scout master, that's insane. Now you got all these other kids as well, anyway. But then they started when their kids were there, but then their kids had moved on and nobody had taken over. And it had gone for years and years. And then you just wrapped. I mentioned it to my parents the other day. I go, I remember that scout can we went on?

And it was just like one cabin in the snow. Like we ever slept in this one cabin. And the snow was so deep. It was just like, I remember stepping into the snow and it going up to my armpits. Right. Oh my God. Yeah.

And, um, I was like, wow, I felt like he could have, could have drowned in there. Anyway. Um, but my mom was like, yeah, we used to go on your excursions with you guys on that so that there was no, uh, funny business. Oh my God. Yeah. And I was like, geez, yeah. that there was no funny business. Oh my God. Yeah, and I was like, geez, yeah. Well, that's amazing. Yeah.

Anyway, the next sketch is, this is just like an admission they made in the last month. And then we got Rotten Tomatoes for Experiences. What's getting your knee broken by a gangster like? I mean, a lot of people say bad, but I mean, I think that'll be really fun to get this read. That makes reviews. What's the critical consensus versus the current score?

There's one guy who loved it. Town that's made brunch illegal, and then've got to live a room for people who walk out on bills. So that's, you know, I think that's an episode Andy. I think we, what we came up with is an episode. An episode. Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo- booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo booboo on Twitter and we're at two in tank. I'm at Stupid Old Andy. You can support us on Patreon. The link is down below there in the little clicky area with the writings. Thank you to everybody who contributes to this.

Thank you to George, who edits the podcast for us, but probably won't be editing this one tonight. If the quality is bad, at its not his fault and it'll be being edited and it'll you know it please address your concerns in writing to make you so much for listening and take care of yourselves and you know we can always download magma from sospresents.com and take care of yourself. If you sign up for the Patreon, you can listen to my test recording of my 2016-17 comedy festival show Plenty, which is our most recent science fiction offering on. Yeah, and then also you can find an old sketch show we did back in 2011 before we'd

even started doing the podcast. It's on there. We even knew what a sketch was. Before we even knew. We should see how little we had a clue. Yeah. And just in some basement. All right, thank you very much.

Take care. See ya. We love you. Oh, we love you. I forgot how that ends. Anyway, see ya. And out. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network.

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