Two In The Think Tank - 270 - “THE PREVIOUS VICTIM MURDERS”

Episode Date: January 27, 2021

Genital Groomers, Designer Body Bag, Edible Everywear, Ethical Weapons, You’re No Fungible, Customisable Underwear, Grandma Diamond, Murder MurdersGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereLocal thanks to George producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello everybody, it's me Andy. And it's me Alistair and we're here to promote something, but it's not magma, which you can get on sospresents.com. No, God forbid we promote magma on sospresents.com. Now this is a new thing that we've made for the ABC, the Australian Broadcasting Corporation. Yes, it's on Radio National, and it's a science quiz show that is going to be both on the radio next Saturday. Yes. But it's also going to be in podcast form, either on the ABC Listen app or on regular podcast places where you get them.

Wherever you get your podcast. It's called The Pop Test. And we invite two comedians and a scientist on and we ask them about questions about a field of scientific endeavor. And it's comedy, it's funny, we've got some big names, it's only half hour episodes, but it's everything you look for. But you'll also learn, we're gonna summarize, we're gonna summarize these topics in half an hour,

you'll understand about the Earth's interior, we're evolution, more computers. Yeah. By the end of the first season, you'll know everything it's possible to know. You'll look upon God's creation. By the way, it's a very Christian. You will know everything there is to know. You will know all ten topics that there are to know in the world. Indeed. And true power will be yours to command. Now out of fear that this promo is getting too long, we're going to start the episode.

So look for the pop test starting next Saturday. Yeah, we'll share it everywhere that it's good to share. And that's Saturday the 30th. And that's Saturday the 30th. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha William, Charlie, Bridgel. Did you think that it was wrong for that dog to get a high-pitched voice when I said I'm now pink? No, no, I mean I wasn't too focused on I wasn't too focused on what you were doing because I was so worried about where I was going. I didn't have a moment to dwell on it. As soon as I said, I'm a little pink and I was like, oh, people are going to think this

is my penis. I'm going to make it clear that it's a dog or something that is my penis. What's not? My penis is a dog. Unless you have the penis of a dog. And by that you mean your penis has four little legs and a little barking face. And it smells terrible. My dog penis has no nose.

How does it smell terrible? Now, I've noticed that a lot of recent episodes of two in the thing, you know, sure the listeners of all those those as well, have got quite pure all. Have a wide sex subsist, quite sort of filthy poo bottoms and sex and stuff, and it's making us, I've started to worry about us and where our heads are at, but I would like to talk a little bit about what it would be like if your penis, like a dog, hated taking a bath. Okay.

When you tried to get into the bath, the penis is trying to drag you away and flopping all over the place, trying to... Yeah. ...straining to pull you away from the water. Trying to slug its way up the wall? Exactly. I like to think that this would happen no matter what gender your genitals are. Thank you. Yes.

The man. Trying to escape. Gender penis. I picture a vulva trying to crawl down the woman's leg and escape, maybe. But I don't think it can actually escape. I think it just drags the person with it in my version, at least. Yeah. In my version. Well, I mean, you're, you give in to the, to the pain

from the stretching of the skin. Mm-hmm. You, you, so I guess you, I guess you allow yourself to be led. Yeah, I mean, or, or you fold to its demands due to the power it has over you through the torture. It is putting the body. You think you'd have to inject it with something to put it to sleep to wash it?

Yeah. OK. I mean, it could be like you're going to the groomer. Say you're getting some genital grooming done by a professional who comes around in a little, we had someone come around to do our dog recently, and they came around with a little trailer. I'd always looked at people who drive those little dog grooming trailers around with nothing but pity and contempt. Nothing but pity, contempt and shame.

True. So, there are only three things, pity, contempt, shame and a small amount of envy. No. But then we had one around and they washed our dog, but I think if you had to get your genitals done in the same way, everybody's genitals have their own consciousness. And if you want to get them cleaned, you have to get them done by a groomer. They come around and they do have to sedate sometimes if the genital is too anxious. Yeah. Or you have to go to the groomers,

but you can't let your genitals know that you're going to the groomers. So you speak in code words, and then you pretend like you're going to the beach. Yeah, you gotta towel, things like that. And then at some point, then you turn it off the highway, they're like, where are we going?

The genitals is like, yeah, looking down the pan, you're panning out the window, looking down your pan, like highway, they're like, where are we going? The gentleman's like, yeah, looking down the pan, you're pan-laying- You're pan-laying out the window. Looking down your pan-lay going, this isn't, I don't feel that sort of moist sea air. I think it'd be great to have a zipper, you know? Like sometimes on things like,

uh, uh, pants. No, not pants, not pants. Pants, well. That's exactly the one that I'm trying to avoid saying, oh, skirt. Sometimes on something like a sleeping bag. You'll have a zipper on the inside and a zipper. You have that type of zipper that goes inside and outside, sort of flips around like that.

I think they should also be included on the fly so that the genital... If it was to gain sentience. It's self. Yeah, it can escape. Yeah, of course. But you've got to think about that for all body parts, really. What if, you know, they were to acquire consciousness? Well, not many of them are that contained by a zipper.

Now, do you think that that, um, you are, if you're in a snow suit, maybe? Mmm. Which part of the body is trying to escape? Could be your torso. Your torso has the torso, gripping the zipper. All right. How's it going? Each nipple is like a finger.

It's tough to get. Yeah. You know, I mean, I don't know how you're picturing a penis or a vulva or getting grip, but they use their whatever skin they have. They're not. They manipulate it. They're like, you know, they each become like a ton.

What is the hand of the chest? Is where we're at? Right now. It is the cleavage, absolutely. Absolutely. And anyway, but do you think that this... I like to think that the nipples could sort of move across the chest. Come very close together in the middle and then sort of perk up and grab like two sort of little nub flippers of a, what would it be? What kind of a creature just has those little nub-like grippers? Let's see. I mean, one of those water bears. Yeah, that's perfect. A moss piglet. Yeah. I was wondering, do you think that those zippers on the inside

of the sleeping bag is that same sort of it comes from that same fear? I don't think it's put in there for anything other than fear. But the same fear of being buried alive. Being buried alive, being falling asleep alive. Sleeping alive. Yeah, but being I guess trapped in your own sleeping bag and not being able to get out, so, oh, there's not supposed to be some kind of, it's not supposed to be a body bag.

Yeah. Do you think body bags have the zipper on the inside? I should hope so. I hope they're also a little bit insulated, keep your nose and warm. They probably, you know, in some circumstances, that would make a lot of sense to insulated a body bag. Well, like if the, if the, if the, you're taking the body out of like some magma or something like that, you don't want your van to get too warm.

Yeah. That's right. No, I was thinking like if you've got a body from a crime scene, maybe you don't want to lose its heat. I don't know. Yeah. Or maybe, or maybe you don't want it to get too hot. Yeah.

Yeah. That would actually, that's, that's a much better point because it would start to break down and stuff like that, right? But, you know, if you're dead, you know, a lot of stuff's already broken down a fair bit. Is this, is there a little sketch in the band the single use body bag, you know, like a like now the morgues or whatever are going

to like a sort of a nice reusable canvas bag, a type of thing, or maybe they're crocheted bags, crocheted body bags from a country women's association that you can get, you can use them over and over again. I mean, you want to wash them on the wool cycle because otherwise they'll shrink and they'll only be good for those child corpses. Oh yes, nothing funnier. Now we're in the comedy zone. We've reached comedy. Ding, ding, ding. Yeah, I think there's, I mean, look, there's, you know, I think bespoke

body bags. I guess if you had, if you carried one on your person so that they don't have to, you know, if you die, you get hit by a car so that they don't have to use one of their plastic ones. Yeah, well, I think, you know, like a, it may be coroners on their day off, would have a little one that sort of folds up into it, like you know, sometimes you get those bags that sort of fold in on themselves, like a little pocket there.

Yeah. It's a body bag that you can just pop out. Yeah, or clothes that can just turn straight into a body bag, sort of like a snuggier, whatever. It's like a, it's kind of just like a blanket that you wear with a hood. A hoodie is not that far from a body bag. Especially those ones that you can zip at the face.

Yep. They all you need is pants that can sort of wrap around. Well, pants where the cuff can be unrolled and then tied into a knot. Oh yeah, you doesn't have to be like a skirt. Because I guess a body bag is sort of more modeled like a skirt, you know, like, because I guess a bodybag is sort of more modeled like a skirt, you know, and that both legs are in one tube, right? But a bodybag could have, you know, individual legs. You probably save a bit of material. What is a bag, what is a

bodybag except for a man pocket, pocket for a human? Yeah. And it's sort of like a calzone for a man. What's up? I think that maybe this stuff could exist in a world in which the plague and mass death has been normalized to the point where it's currently living in that? No, I mean, if you can imagine, if you can, no, but even more so, I think people are still terrified of death. But say the plague goes on long enough. Where we now just accept the people, just drop, just fall to the ground. I think people have accepted that, but I think,

I don't think, I don't think anybody remembers. I don't think anybody remembers. And you feel nothing, but all you're concerned with is how will I clean this up and it will the fashion the body bag and and clothing will have Fused become a fusion cuisine fusion clothing of those two You've heard of edible clothing. How about the edible body bag? Underwear. You've heard of edible underwear. What about an edible overwear? What about a full edible coat?

An edible snow suit. An edible hat. Why have the edible underwear people not tried to expand their range into the full suite of human fashion. Edible armor. There you go. A full like suit. Medieval night suit. Not in edible armor. What would you use?

Shining edible armor I would use. Fruit roll ups. Really? Fruit roll, as opposed to fruit leather or something like that. Fruit leather, yeah, I guess that's, I mean, that would look nice. I mean, you could make a fruit leather jacket or any of this. That's interesting, but that's more for motorcycle riding. You're supposed to.

I said it just, you know, being in a band or something. Mm-hmm. But, you know, I don't know. Could you make it out of lasagna sheets? Dry, yeah. But I just don't know about the protective qualities. Call it porridge. This is what you would do.

You would like it, like you would laminate together sheets of lasagna sheets, which you could already, you know, moisten for moulds to the shape you require. And then allow it to harden again. Then inside that, a layer of fruit leather, then another layer of a lot of fruit leather. Then another fruit leather. It's a composite material.

It's a composite material. Getting the toughness and the flexibility of the fruit. That's right. You could sort of make it into panels, kind of make it maybe a dragon scale style. Yeah. It's a thing like that. So that the, when a bullet hits it, they're sort of make it maybe a dragon scale style. Yeah. Star thing like that. So that the, when a bullet hits it, or an arrow, obviously, of sort of a maybe an arrow

made of, I don't know, anzac biscuit or something. This is, this is, this is, this is, there's already arrowroot biscuit celeste. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, I'm sorry. This is I guess when the food fight turns into a full blown food war. I quite like this as a world in which everything is edible. Or we've somehow, we never never material science, never at some point,

at some point, material science diverged from, they have a common ancestor, material science and cooking have a common ancestor. Yeah. Gathered around that fire, that hearth. That's right. That cooking pit. The fire, the oil meeting pit.

You could have, you could have, you could have, you could have smelted your tin, alloys or whatever. Yeah, and also smelt the butter. The cooking butter. The tasteball. Yeah. And then they diverge, but if they stayed close together, what would our alternative history be like? And I think what we're stumbling upon is a way in which we would be making the world

much more sustainable and not create sort of indestructible pollutants like plastics and things like that by making everything edible. So this is our sooner of our and the selling point is don't worry, it's not indestructible. It will break down. Absolutely. Yeah. Bio-degradable Kevlar body suit. Bio-degradable weapons of mass destruction. It's a bomb that you can... that you know very often they find those bombs buried in the garden of

you know someone in England still left and the blitz still undetnated. If that was one of ours, yes. It would have fertilized that garden. That garden would have been booming. Yes. The only thing that would be booming. But I mean, that's, I mean, when you think about it, it's not crazy to make an ethical, ethical weapons company.

This is solely a liberal, I fucking love it. Like something that firstly, the stuff decomposes so that it doesn't leave a lasting impact, it just destroys your enemies and nothing else. Land minds and they're come impregnated with seeds. Hmm. So, if somebody, if nobody trades on them after 20 years, they just break down the seeds going to the soil.

If somebody does trade on them up to 20 years, they just break down the seats going to the soil. If somebody does tread on them, gets blown up. Those seats are distributed around, along with the organic material of the body, which is going to break down and fertilize the soil. Absolutely. I mean, where have all the soldiers gone? Gone to, what is it? Where have all the young men gone? Long time passing, gone to soldiers, everyone.

Where have all the soldiers gone? Gone to pastures, everyone. In the pastures have gone to flowers. And we're just cutting out the middle man. I hate that guy. It's me on the middle man. I know this is I'm not going to talk about this very much, but that no, I'm not even going to bring it up. There's just some topics that are not bring up a bull not because it's it's wrong, but because it's so unfunny and you have so no interest in it. I'm not

even going to bring it up. So I'm like, you have to tell me now. So at least I know what it is that we're not talking about. One of those solutions, one of the problems that cryptocurrency solves. Oh, OK. Is the removal of these intermediaries, these middlemen that constantly are just there to perform a transaction and just take a bunch of money? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that's the whole point of decentralizing. Do they have any kind of any use? Like, do they serve to redistribute money? Well, I mean, that's how they justify themselves as they say. No, who? The middleman. The middleman.

Yeah, well, I mean, they justify themselves by having some said purpose. So by being a bank, they might say that they're the provider of trust to ensure that this thing happens or they're there. It's pretty abstract, though, isn't it? You've got to have a lot of faith in that. Yeah, and there's a lot of things where it's just like you're transferring money overseas and they can charge you 25 bucks or whatever like that. And you go, why?

Or why, like, you know, they can keep your money for three days. Now, what do you think of this, Elastair? I'm looking forward to finding out. It's a bank, but for something that isn't money. So imagine we used a bank, say, for clothes, or for underwear, okay. You go and you deposit your underwear in a bank.

And then let me- How do you put it in a like a DATM where it's just you put it in an envelope and- Yeah, a quick deposit, that kind of thing. You write down how much underwear is in there, and then computer reads it for what thing is wrong with the check. But then you, and then you can go on with drawer underwear. And, you know, and, and it's like that thing.

So I guess I'm talking about fungability. Whether or not one unit of underwear is equivalent. And I think, I think you'd have to, people, would people be uncomfortable with the idea of the underwear that you put in might not necessarily be the underwear that you put back. You put in one pair of underwear, you will get back another pair of underwear, which according to the rules of this society are equivalent in value. Yeah, right. But could we do that?

Yeah, I mean, but you're saying that, you know, because I guess that's the problem with a bank, because you put in your money, but actually you don't get back your money. You get back just some money. Some money. Because this isn't my money. I wrote a bunch of really important details on this money. That's why I put it in the bank. To protect this important information.

I think there's a sketch in that first. Yeah, writing things down on money. things down on money. I mean, there could be a, could you print a book on money? You know, like it's a, oh, be great. What I'll do is I'll write a book called on money. Right? And then I'm going to print out the book. I'm going to print it out on money. And each page of the book will be a different denomination note. But what I do is I guarantee that the information that I put onto each page is at least worth the dollar value of the page that it's printed upon. And that way, it'll never be worth your while to tear out any of those pages and throw away the book

because the information's so valuable. And in some way, I've made the information somehow written it in a way that you can't keep any of it in your head after you've read it. By making it really difficult, I'm afraid. Really difficult to understand. And extremely boring And you can't take a photo of it. No as well

Because God's made a vampire Yes, the money is made a vampire I think that's a great idea wait so let so let's go back to the underwear bank. Yeah, okay. So you put it underwear in there and then you get it out. But I guess it's all different underwear because it's like people have don't just buy

the same kind of underwear, so they put it in. But they get underwear out of the same value. How would underwear value be categorized, do you think? So, like as in, sort of regular briefs are kind of like coins, right? Yeah, okay. The Y fronts are a penny. A penny?

The title whiteies. Maybe even a dollar. Okay, sure. I mean, I apologize. No, you corrected me, and I love that. I mean, I don't, I pause it. No, no, you corrected me, you know. I love that. I love that when you do that for no reason. Well, I just couldn't, I can't imagine,

on the way of being just that worthless. This isn't worth the money, it's woven from the paper, the cotton that's woven from it. And then, and then I guess what, I guess, fancy lingerie is sort of like the hundred or thousand dollar bills. Yeah. And so can you deposit, sort of let's say, 300 pairs of tidy whiteies.

Yeah. And then withdraw a beautiful red leg. Chris. Chris. Chris. Freshly minted. Yeah. And then the government on special occasions

will release limited edition underwear with depictions of the queen or well I guess she'd be on all the underwear wouldn't she? Which side would you put her on though her face on the front or the back? Well which one is which one is either more offensive or less or or or or gives her you know puts her in the right's stead, what's that word, is that sentence make anything? Gives her the right. A steam. A steam, very good, very good.

Hold reverence. Reverence. Reverence. Oh, well, I think the only way to solve this problem, I don't think you can print her on either of the frontal act. You might have to embroider in. I think you could be embroidered, sure.

But I think it would have to be on the side, on the outer. Yeah, that's true. Keep her away from any genitals. She's got nothing to do with that. She can't even see it. She doesn't have anything to do with it at all. She doesn't even know it exists still. What about this?

You know how recently there was a movement with phones about how people were annoyed that like if a phone breaks You got to throw away the whole phone you should be able to just replace components or like upgrade What about that with underwear because I find that it's always the crotch that wears out first and both of the sort of the trunk legs I've still good still got a fair bit of wear in there. I want to be able to remove the crotch of my underwear Yeah, well and this know, crotchless underwear is actually a great idea. If I can then separately buy the crotch and wear that. And wear that.

Yeah, just pure crotch and wear that over the top of the crotch. Assembling like a, you know, like a vulture on the pieces of a pair of underwear. Well, I think there's a couple ofron, the pieces of a pair of underwear. Well, I think there's a couple of companies that have claimed to try to do that thing where they, they break them, the phone up into components and they, they can just, you can just replace the component. Yeah. And I think a component underwear like that would be great where you can just get, and

that means fully customizable underwear. Yes, the waistband. You know, waistband could be lingerie. Oh. You know, the front could be why. What I would love would be to, you can buy, you know, because the waistband isn't the part of the underwear that gets stinky or anything like that. If I could just buy one really executive waistband.

Yeah. You know, that I can then put on any, you know, all the night of it. So like a nice fruit leather. Mm. Yeah. Yeah. that I can then put on any, you know, all the way to the list. So like a nice fruit leather. Yeah. Is this a sketch idea? I mean, there's something here.

Customizeable underwear. I mean, it's customizeable. It's also underwear bank. Yeah. I think customizeable underwear for me feels cleaner. Hopefully. I mean, imagine that you just throw away the crotch. It's a single-use crotch if you're underwear.

Yeah, just chuck it in the bin. You just keep all the other bits and wear them over and over. And I guess in the love-making process that would, you know, you could not only take off somebody's underwear, but you could disassemble their underwear, you know. It would add so many extra little layers in a strip tease as well, you know, so many more steps. You could unscrew the side panels. You could. Trill out the rivets. You could, you know, take the stitching out of the front panel. Obviously, when you want to just reveal the good stuff straight up and then leave the hip. Well, look for it. It's going to take a while to un-stitch. If you're using a quick un-pick, you're actually going to want to take your time around

that area as well, because you can have a stapler-removered. Oh, okay. I think that you don't often see near genitals. Yeah, I mean, would that be a feature of this, the world's greatest love maker? Is that he takes so long that he doesn't rip off anything. He undoes it methodically, stitch by stitch. That's how titillating this entire thing is. Yeah, and then re-looms all your clothing back together afterwards. Before he even touches your body. I think that would build so much anticipation.

So much tension. Yes. Looming, looming tension. Looming tension. Andy, is it too soon for us to go? I think what this can be is this can be a real, real tidy, wideie of an episode. I don't know if the listeners can tell, but this is the first time we've been back together in the studio, since 2.25. Yeah, and 50 episodes

almost of distance broadcasting. It's been a long time. I shouldn't have left you. Left you. Left you. Without a don't see, the step you stepped you. I don't know if I can remember how that's something. What is that song? It's been a long time.

I shouldn't have left you. Left you was on a don't see, the step you stand. I designed this rhyme to remind of the times when I tried so hard as that. No, that's not it. That's a liquid park. It might be that. No, I doubt it. I doubt it.

But it had the way we both fucked it, both of those songs up a little bit, allow them to blend together beautifully. It might be a liar try again. Oh, okay. It's been a long time We shouldn't have left you without a dope beat to step two step two step two step two step two Written down this scratching Well could have been of a cat trying to escape from a bedroom. That's true Yeah, well, it could have been of a cat trying to escape from a bedroom. That's true. Mm-hmm.

Wicky, wicky. Oh, yeah, sorry. That was the scratching, not the wicky. No. Try to make that work a moment. Andy, I got to take us to three words from a listener. Do you know about this? Listeners, we got some.

And some of them are supporting our Patreon. So many kind listeners have even recently joined our Patreon. Glorious, glorious examples of humans. And what I love about when Alistair checks who's recently signed up for Patreon, sometimes he'll also read our people who've left. And nobody else is doing that. No, and that is actually one of the tears that we offer.

If you give us enough, we'll really make a scene when you go. Oh, absolutely. Look at this, we'll really make a scene when you go. Oh, absolutely. Look at this. We got some people joined recently. Let's see, we got Jonathan Nese. Oh, or nice. I don't know.

I'm unique both. Yeah, and then Dustin Stewart. We got Martin Lowry or Lowery. Lowry. And we got Thomas Ambrose. And then we got somebody just called, I love your tank. Ah.

Yeah. What a beautiful synergy. Scent. S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s? Scentr-gy. Exactly. There's also somebody called Jack Stanton, who I think was already a thing, but I just got it sent a thing. Maybe he upped it to higher, but I got it, but he wasn't in that list just sent of new people, so he must, anyway, just letting you know, there's listeners, and some of them are supporting our Patreon, and they're getting, some of them are getting that extra content. Beautiful, long message from someone on Patreon about Ambrose.

About listening to Toon the Think Tank in a wall zone? Well, yeah, it was like it was in a free wall zone. It was in a whole somewhere military and against military rules. He's risking dishonorable discharge. Should we be revealing this on air? We can potentially exposing somebody. I don't know. We, but I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, a lot to us. So anyway, this is the yesterday's main. Anyway, sometimes they can send in three words from a listener.

That's them. And we could be any listener. We use that as a basis for inspiration, based on a true three words suggestion, sketch. All these words are real. And these ones are from Dustin Stewart. Dustin Stewart. Thank you, Dustin. Fantastic. Do you want to try to guess what one of the words is? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Paris Deltis. No, no bespoke. I think I may have used that word in this episode. Yeah,

I think I may have used that word in this episode. Yeah, yeah, great Lauren Lauren Jardis no grandma So grab a this is already the best. Yeah, do you want to try guess the cryptocurrency no alloy Spoke grandma alloy. Yeah, you know what I love. I love when you can get the the of your loved one pressed into a diamond. Yeah, that is nice. That's probably where their soul lives there. It gives them a gem to store their soul. But then what I also want to be able to do is use that diamond as the tip of a high impact drill. Why do we have these two disparate fields of, like, you know, artificial diamonds for tungsten carbide drills?

And then separately, we have turning loved ones into diamonds, bringing them together, turn loved ones into drills. I mean, they can diamond you for at least until the drill breaks and throw it away. You know, a diamond knife that you could either, you know, avenge your grandma with or cut carrots. Oh, continue the killing spree. Oh, I'm gonna do it. I hope you. That's right. Of your family members. The killing continues to kill in spree of your of your grandma who refuses to die but each time you cut a bit off of her, you get it cremated and turned into a... So it's not a show of pain or a knife.

She's not dead. No. What it is is the killer who keeps coming back and slowly chopping bits away because this comes with a bigger and bigger knife. The killer is a philosopher and actually what they're trying to prove is Wait at what point does a person cease to be that person? Mm-hmm, and they're doing this by chopping away peace after peace of your grandmother and waiting until they get charged with murder Yeah, and it's either using the they're proving the grandfather's hammer. Yes

With the grandmother's not with the grandmother's knife, but slowly wait If you and think about this if you keep cutting off bits of your grandma With a knife made of her yes at the end as she killed herself Your honor was suicide I think already I'm just so infatuated with the idea of a diamond knife. Hmm. Imagine you never have to sharpen it. It's made from pure diamond. Pure.

Pure. It's been growing into the shape of a knife somehow. I think that the future will contain crystalline knives that have not made from metal. I don't know how it will be flexible. I mean imagine diamond, but flexible. Why does it need to be flexible? Why do we want a flexible knife? So these are beautiful fruit leather handle, diamond knife, very durable blade. But that handle. That handle wet, it's god, it's worthless.

It's so disgusting, it'll attract ants, ants love it. And the ants will carry away your knife. No, my point was about wanting it to be slightly flexible. You know, that's one of the benefits of metal. Is that it is hard? Yes, but it is actually also, it's flexibility allows it not to shatter. That's one of the benefits of metal. Is that it is hard? Yes, but it is actually also, its flexibility allows it not to shatter.

And I think that a dime and knife would be at risk of shattering. So why a little bit of flexibility? That's why you introduced a small amount of fruit leather each of the six. Or you introduce a bit of your uncombusted grammar. And then you get, I like it. Yeah, and I guess what you would be able to call that I think it's a shame too. Like you can ask to get early access to your inheritance.

Get a small amount of money from a relative before that person has passed away. It does feel, you know, some people say, you know, you're not going to be able to get the money. You're not going to be able to get the money. You're not going to be able to get the money. You're not going to be able to get early access to your inheritance. Get a small amount of money from a relative before that person has passed away. It does feel, sometimes it might feel restrictive to have to wait until the person is dead

before you can get a diamond made from their cremated remains. And so if you can get early access to that by chopping off a couple of lips, this is so awful. So many things we've talked about today have been really, really like conceptually unpleasant from the child body bag through when we tried to pass over that pretty first.

The mention of the word cryptocurrency down to the murder of your still living grandparents. Well, you know, we don't know whether or not she's asking you to do it. Mm. She could be a sick hug. Well, she might be trying to get around, sort of, you know, right to die laws by just getting rid of a little bit of her body

at a time. And she cuts off the finger and says, go and make me a knife out of diamond from this thing. And then she'll slowly disappear by cutting off little bits like that and then making herself go. And then she will have actually cut it. I don't know if there ever has been a killer in fiction where the killer kills the next victim with bits of their previous victim. With their previous victim.

With bits of all the whole thing. That's why you never find the body of their previous victim with their previous victim. Hm. Hm. Respect to all the whole thing. That's why you never find the body of their previous victim until they've killed their other one and taken that away. Oh. Oh. Yes. Yes. They're always one body ahead.

Yes, because the police are always looking for the murder victim, the murder weapon in this case. They're never going to be able to find both. It is the perfect crime. Because they can't get you. Am I understanding the law is that they can't convict unless they have both the body and the murder weapon of the victim and and in this way you're always one step ahead. I mean you're not a very big step because you're carrying quite a heavy course. It's actually probably a lot of small steps because carrying the heavy things you can't really

take those long lunges. Yeah the lunges are the lunger. Well I can't really take those long lunges that you don't need. Yeah, the lunges. The lunger. The lung. Well, I can't be him because he lunges, no, I'm stuck. Yeah, so he lunges at me with a knife. That lunged. Oh, that's good for your thoughts. It could be very difficult, but it gives a good tone.

The person who does that, I don't know who that he's always one body ahead And it's like they're looking at a some body and it's got there's a blunt force Drama to the head that looks like it would have been done with another head There seems to be a face. I love when they do the 3D, you know Sometimes they do that 3D reconstruction of the murder weapon based on the wounds. I love when they do that and it comes up and they're rendering on the screen. And that's a human face and they're like this person was beat. This episode is brought to you by Progressive.

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Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates, National Average average 12 month savings of $744 by new customer surveyed who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. This counts not available in all states and situations. features of that face and that matches. Somebody else who just is coming in, who just comes in as a did.

Cause, you know, and think about this. And that first, when they find the indentation of a face in a victim, they think this murderer is obviously Scottish. They use the glass go kiss to kill a person like that and so they go to a Scottish person and then that's Girls person is not that's not there And then they go maybe it's a murderer who kills somebody with the previous belt victim. There you go. Yes, paying it forward I mean, I've heard of the daisy chain killer. that's something, but this is the real Daisy Chain Killer, isn't it? That's right, yeah. I mean, this is a film, because nobody's had this idea yet. And that means...

And that means it must be made. You can't waste it. You can't waste it on like an episode of SVU. Firstly, because that's not a special... I mean, these are all special victims, because they're all victims of special. Well, you know, that's, and that's a very nice thought, but it's too politically correct. Thank you. For this show. All right, I think that we've came up with two ideas here. Thank you, Dustin Stewart.

If you're Newsy real name. You got us there. Yeah, we really enjoyed what you provided. Thank you. Put into our heads. So here's today's sketch ideas. I yes. We've got your genitals hate having a bath like a dog. Yep. And they try to escape every time you try to get them into some water. Very good. Then we've got designer slash environmental body bags, some that might be edible. It's a new company that's disrupting the body bag market and sometimes even offering a zip on the inside.

Did we write down, and that maybe this is the very next thing, the weapons, the environmentally friendly weapons? Yeah, that's two sketches ahead. So there's edible underwear people who then go into making all clothing. I think we might have done a sketch idea like this, maybe about 200 sketches ago. A-ha! Episodes ago. Bringing a distant bell.

Bringing a very distant bell. I'm thinking Notre Dame's... A edible luggage. Anything that's might of cloth in theory could be made from the same material that they make edible underwears. There's a chance we've even had ethical weapons company, but we have not. No, we haven't. No, no, no, no. We'll get the two-in-the-thing tank scholars onto that. Ethical weapons company that do both environmental but then also, you know, otherwise ones that... There's no reason the shrapnel from any given bomb can't be seeds. Can't be a seed selected from the native flora and flora of the area that you're bombing.

There's no reason why the bombs should firstly not kill any sort of civilians. And maybe could even feed civilians. Yeah, yeah. I mean, maybe that's what's... It's a net benefit. It's what you said. Yeah, I mean, maybe that's what's... It's a net benefit to what you said. Yeah, absolutely. I can't feed.

I can't feed. It can kill 20, but can feed 21. Think about a bomb that impregnates a bunch of people and gives them the gift of having children. Wow. This is very, very unpleasant. It's a bomb. This is the wax in your husband's jacket.

It's a wax in This is the wix of your husband. It's a wix of your husband. But in such an explosive one that it enters everybody in the room. I'm sorry. You thought that you'd found a way to make this okay somehow. You made it so much. It makes a husband horny for his wife. Yes. What does it do to the wife?

It makes her horny for his wife. Yes, what does it do to the wife? It makes her horny for her husband. He's making both of these people horny. Yeah. Against their, like, maybe the whole... No, and it makes them want to be horny. Ah! Perfect. It's Alistair, you're in the clear. I think you might actually get a Nobel priest piece.

Pristprice. And I think that weapon is now back into the ethical category. All right, and then we have writing on money, but you don't get it back. So somebody's written something on money and they've put it in the bank to protect this information. But then when they get the money back, they don't get their money.

They're not there money. Go, this is my money. I put my money in and it has my password for my bank account and my Bitcoin. It's got my public key and my private key on there and I can't get back into it. And there's millions of that cryptocurrency again. I'm really sorry, listen to this. On the science show that we've done. New, that's good. Clear.

It's great, I think it's clear. New clear Bob. What could be, what could be bad? On the science show that we've done, the pop test that you can get on Saturday, the 30th, and watch, or not watch, but you can listen to it. At least the first episode, and then it'll become out every week. Andy created a rule that I'm not allowed, no, not watch, but you can listen to it at least the first episode and then it'll become out every week. Andy created a rule that I'm not allowed to talk

about consciousness. Consciousness. And then in one of the episodes, Andy not only brings up consciousness but completely misrepresents me in what I've said, he goes, this is something Alistair believes that he brings up constantly. Constantly that every particle that he's constantly,

that every particle has in some part, it's unconscious. I was told you told me about this. I had told you about this idea. I don't believe it. Oh yeah, well then, that means fucking hell Alistair. It's something you said. That means you believe it.

Well, for the purposes of it. And I'm so interested in ideas that I know so many things that you could then put on me and say that I believe it and completely ruin my character. This is going to end. Imagine if the word got around that you were a pan-psychist. I would be genuinely insulted if anybody thought I believed anything. Then we've got customizable underwear. This is when you break it down into different bits and things like that. I also want you to know there's no problem with that thing that you mentioned in the episode. Then we got everything you said though,

I am deeply offended by. Great. And then we got killing grandma with a knife made of her own, combusted body parts. And then we have the murderer who kills person with the previous victim that he kills. And I've spelt victim, VIC T-O-M. Like Victor with an N after it. VIC T-O-N. A small case, R, and then an N afterwards is basically victim, is basically M. R. I'm not enjoying this conversation

anymore. You're right. All right, well, that's my end though. I'll end though. That is the initials of the radio station where we'll be doing the pop test. That's right. Please. Very good.

Feel free to download the pop tests so that it seems like we're successful, and they give us some of the solutions. Feel free to download the pop tests so that it seems like we're successful and they give us a solution. Thank you so much for listening to the two and the thing Tank podcast with me, Andy and him. I love to share a joy, I'm so much virtual. Thank you for listening. You guys are great. You can find us on Twitter at two and tank.

You can find Andy at stupid old Andy. You can find me at Alistair TV. I uploaded an episode of Shishaer Guided Medestations. The lead episode. You can, I haven't done one since June, but I'm feeling really shushy at the moment. Maybe I'm going to be back in weekly. I got one in the bank that I'm just going to add it up a bit. You can support us on Patreon.

You can review us. Everything that you do makes us feel good, even if it's just listen, but even if you just live in your life and have nothing to do with us, that makes us feel good. We like knowing that you exist, even if we don't know that you exist. We love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. It's not optional, you have to do it.

We used to go easy on it, but now you have to. Yeah. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Multitask right now.

Quote today at Progressive.com Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates National average 12 month savings of $744 by new customer surveyed who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. Discounts not available in all safe and situations. 12 month savings of $744 by new customer surveyed who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary, discounts not available in all safe and situations.