Simple Swedish Podcast - 271 - “INSTITUTE OF CHAIR STUDIES” with DAVE WARNEKE

Episode Date: February 3, 2021

Complete and utter thanks to Dave Warneke for coming on and being the best. Listen to Book Cheat wherever you rest your ears!Listen and subscribe to our new show THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastAnd buy tickets to TELEPORT at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2021Chair Studies, Chimb Jacket, Candied Camera, Duck Hand, Snake Bite Solutions, Steve Irwin of Smallpox, Plant Based SportsGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereDeepest of welcomes to Dave, with first pressing thanks for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Multitask right now. Quote today at Progressive.com.

Progressive casualty and trans company in affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential Savings will vary. This count's not available in all safe and situations. visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Alistair got anything to plug? My goodness. Get ready. All right, we've just started a new radio show on the ABC radio national here in Australia. Yes.

And we have a science quiz show called The Pop Test. And we invite two comedians and a scientist on every week for the next nine weeks. And we quiz them for half an hour. And we summarize a big scientific topic. Absolutely. We started with computers. Next week we're doing Adam, the Adam. Yeah.

What else we got? We got evolution. We got the human brain. Adam and evolution. Eve. That was I was picturing Eve there. Adam and Eve. But Adam and Eve and evolution. Eve, that was I was picturing Eve there, atom and Eve, but atom and evolution. Save it for the podcast, that was there.

This is good stuff. Okay. And in soon, if you want to listen to Dave Warnocky's book cheat, you can hear us plug the pop test again. I do. I do. I do anything to hear Dave Warnocky's voice. I'd kill.

I'd kill everyone in this room. If that's what it took to hear Dave Warnocky's voice. I'd kill. I'd kill everyone in this room. If that's what it took to hear Dave Warnocky's voice, really soon, going to happen. And you should hear the setups he gives us as opportunities to plug our pop tests. If you're joined this plug, but wish that it was a little smoother, a little better, well, let me tell you, get us in the room with the King of Plugs and he can guide us through it. And is it true that we went on there, Dave, to read a book that you summarized for us?

What book was that? That was the grapes of Wrath in between the plugs. Is that a Steinbeck book? Yes it is. My gosh, a great American novel. Mm, well, I'd listen to that. Yeah, I will. And also, you great American novel. Well, I'd listen to that. Yeah, I will. And also, you can now buy tickets to our comedy festival show 2020 2021.

Whatever the year this is 2021, comedy festival show, teleport in the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Tickets are now on sale, links to all these things, and more can be found in the show notes. Baby, baby, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,

boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, Welcome to two in the think tank the podcast where we come up with five Scat chanada. I'm Andy and I'm else to George William. Trumbly Bert's limp. Please welcome a guest a man and Sitting person day more than he's a triple friend. Thank you so much I promise I'll find my sitting ability. Well, you're sitting in a person. I didn't dehumanize you with that sitting thing You know you're not just a sitting form like a chair. Do you think a chair is sitting down?

Oh, great question. It's on its legs. I think a chair is standing. Well, it's on four legs. Four legs, yeah, but I still consider that to be standing. You're on standing, or is it crawling? Could be crawling. Whoa.

No, but if it had knees, if a chair had knees, it could crawl. But I think you wouldn't look at a horse on four legs and say that horse is crawling around. But whatever was hanging like a swing. The horse? Yes. No, I'm gonna chair.

But also a horse. Listen to this though. The chair's back is vertical. Yeah, that's the thing you do when you're standing. It's standing. But I'm saying it's standing, but it's standing on four legs. I know, but a thing that's standing on four legs, it's back is horizontal.

Oh my God. What about when you stack chairs, is one sitting on a standing chair? Really great question. Yes, it is. I think the underside of the seat is the chair's butt. No I think it's straddling. Oh okay. Yeah I think it's straddling. But it's because what is the part that you sit on? Is it the face? Mmm. Now if one chair is straddling the other chair backwards, basically the other way,

is the chair on top cooler and is it about to tell some kids something important or is it or would you consider it to be if you stack a chair opposite way so that the back is where the other ones front is. Is that chair stacked or is it reverse cow gold? That other chair. You see, um, these answers and more on bookcheek. No, we're not in the plugs anymore. We've started the show. What you've got there, Alistair? It's a sketch. Yeah, okay. Great. Yeah. Yeah. It's chair dynamics. It's chair relational, the relational physics of chairs. It's the chair, the relational physics of chairs.

It's the chair, the Institute of Chair Studies. Correct. That's the setting. All right, everybody. Take a seat. Welcome to the Institute of Chair Studies. Your first lesson, some of you have sat on the table. That is, that you're already failing this class.

Now, when this I take a seat, it's everyone literally walking to the edge of the room and grabbing a different type of seat. That would be great, because they would have such a variety of people. Yeah, that would be great. And then maybe that says a lot about, like if you grab a stool. That's right, and do you reckon they would lay one down,

which I guess you would put it back on the ground? And then you would be given a scalpel. And now when everybody wants you to, use scratcher weight, you cut it open and you instead of have a scalpel. You know, when everybody wants you to... It's scratch away. You cut it open and you sort of have a look what's inside. So which would be easier with some. And you don't want to think more difficult with others. Yeah, I guess that's the flip side of things being easier with some, isn't it?

Yeah. It's very much a double-edged sword. Ease. Even though you're using a one-edged scalpel. What about a bean bag? What's going on there? That's lying on the floor. This is interesting, yeah, because then suddenly, does this place, which studies chairs,

do they study everything that you sit on? I think philosophically they'd have to, if only to rule out the possibility that it could be a chair. But of all the things to dissect with a scalpel, I think of beanbag as... That would be the... Yeah. I mean, just for that reason only, you've got to have it in there just so that people can have some success.

Oh, imagine that slicing into a beanbag with a scalpel and outpour in testines. Just. Man, it's quite a nice idea. There's a layer of fat there, you've got to get through that and then just bowels. Do you think they could make a living bean bag? I think they came close with Grimmis. I think that he was a result of an attempt to make a living bean bag. Which I guess, knowing that you're sitting on a living bean bag, that is the face that

you would make. It's a Grimis bag. Yeah, knowing that you are a living bean bag, you would probably Grimis. But how would you keep it living? Do you think, you know, do you think? Well, you got to feed it more balls. More balls. So it still has a zip so bold a also a bold

Wild ball diet. I guess what's close? I guess you know like what kind of balls? Yeah, he's it because it's it food balls. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, so Maltesers. Yeah, but really small ones. Yeah popcorn. Do you think you think popcorn would work? I don't think so I think think that's post-ball as a popcorn. You know, once it's popped, it's these. It's just kernels. Cornels, that's true, that occurs. It's just eaten those raw, un-popped popcorn kernels.

Well, it's probably just crushing them between your teeth. Now, when you picture a living bean bag, what's sort of close to what species? Or like what family of animals? Because I'm picturing a mammalian one. I was picturing a sea cucumber, but maybe that's a bit obvious. Just like jellyfish like. Yeah. We've got aquatic. Yeah, I've pictured it have a nice fur. Like a nice ape fur maybe. Yeah. Sure. Like a ape fur. Yeah, like a nice, like you did wear as a jacket in the 1960s, a nice chimp jacket. It's crazy that we don't wear a chimp jacket.

Or guerrilla jackets. Because they basically are, they already, a man shaped. This is, I'm writing this down right now. They just jacket. Couldn't they grow a chimp in a lab that's just the, just the outside.

Just the, we've developed a hollow chimp. This is really nice. We've removed everything that you would normally consider that makes, and then all the chimp, the regular chimp farmers will be like, you can't call that chimp. Yeah, that's right.

You can't sell that as chimp. So this I call it chimp farmers will be like, you can't call that chimp. Yeah, that's right. You can't sell that as chimp. So this guy call it chimp. Chimp. I've got a chimp jacket. I got one of your own. Is it with a bee? Is there a bee on the end? Chimp, someone bee.

So I would be a chimp. Is that chimp? No, it's chimp. And then yeah, and then that would be the only way to have ethical chimp. But I think what you could maybe do is like, because it's still got to have some kind of internal structure to hold that shape as it's growing. So I think you could grow like a fungus, like a mushroom, right?

A big mushroom, sort of like a, you know, like they would grow corn or whatever, some sort of fungal. Corn? Corn. Corn. You know that, like that stuff that's like a... I thought that was a joke, but no, it's not, I thought it was a misspeak. No, no, no, it's a corn. It's a real thing. Cwong. Cwong. You know that like that stuff that's like a Like that was a joke, but no, it's not that was a misspeak. No, no, no It's a horn is a real thing. Corn kernel. Corn. You don't you don't know about corn. No, it's like a it's like a vegan mint substitute But it's growing in vats as like this kind of like like like like Stuff, you know, it's a sort of a bacterial fungal Muck and then get it and basically has no flavor, but it has you know protein and textures and it's a sort of a bacterial fungal muck. And then you get it and basically has no flavor,

but it has, you know, protein. And textures and it's a rubbery? Yeah, I mean, it's a little bit like it's minzy. It's a bit minzy. And you're hoping that we can get that to grow in the shape of a chip. Yeah. That's right.

To use as a mannequin to hold the jacket up. Exactly. Like a structure. Well, you need the opposite of an exoskeleton. I suppose you could just have a regular jacket maybe made out of plastic, right? And you wear that. And inside that, you're growing your chimp jacket,

your chimp jacket, right? So there's no reason why you couldn't, this jacket couldn't be a portable, like meat growing lab that you just wear. And it's the heat from your body that helps power the growth. All right, okay. And then you turn that rubber jacket inside out

and then it's eventually, eventually, you just break it open. It's probably see-through, so you can see it change into a full-chimp jacket, right? And then once it's hairy enough, I reckon it feels thick enough. It's like a making an omelette, you know? You're always testing it,

testing lifting a little bit just to see if it's, as it got the structure to for turning or flipping or whatever, like that. Same thing with the jacket, you constantly keep squeezing it, feeling it like that. You go, is this jacket chimpy enough? Or chimby? So you've got to kind of incubate it a little bit on your own body. It's two jackets, right? It's the sort of larval jacket, which is just it's like a cocoon

for the jacket that you're growing. It's got the chimp spores, I suppose, or the, or sort of just the chimp DNA or whatever. And it's going from a little baby chimp skin to a nice chimp, you know, adult chimp jacket. I think you'd have such a beautiful relationship with your jacket if you knew that you'd grow on your body. And like, think about this.

Jackets keep us warm, but wouldn't it be beautiful to know that when that jacket was a baby jacket, a jacket at it, that we had kept it warm? You know, you could grow it, you could grow it during the summer months, and then wear it all winter. Oh, that's so nice. You've protect it. Once you've flipped it inside out,

is it still reversible? So you've got two jackets. Well, then it's kind of like an inner-chim-skin jacket. Which I've never even seen what the inside of chim-skin looks like. I'm at it very fashionable. Yeah. I mean, I probably have a beautiful texture Of course, you know, it'd probably be very like, you know, I don't know. I've just picked your yeah waterproof

So yeah, I mean it's got to be a bit like sheepskin, right? And that's very fashionable thing to wear inside out on your body You know, is it all is that like valour or like a what's that kind of like leather? I'm just picturing all sort of knalled, you know, lumberjack type people coming in from the woods for that, you know, they big jacket I think that's been cured hasn't it? In some way, you're so good. This is just, this is just inner chip skin. Oh really? Just raw chip skin. Well, you just been growing it on your, in your jacket. Mmm.

You're not, you know, you know, you're not placing it over some smoke. We're not bringing smoke into this. That's polluting the air. Why limit it to just jackets? That's true. Oh my gosh. Chim face. Yeah, chimp face. Chimp face. Look at that. So it's got none of the interior. Not yet. The only unethical part is that you're taking a, it was probably a living chimps face. Like, like borrowing its appearance. Oh, I can. Sort of like, it's identity. It's identity. Yeah. But if it's hollow, I don't think it has an identity. You know, I think, I think it's just a, it's just a, it's just a face. I guess to lose face. I guess if they promise you that that

chimp, that this chimp's face is based off of is dead, then you can go, oh well then I'm okay then, you know I'm not. As long as the chimp's dead. Mappy the words. Oh. You're, you're, you're garring to, you're trying to mean that a chip died for this.

All right, I feel better. I mean, I think what it would be, Alastair, let's simplify this. What it is, is it's just, you buy a can of liquid chimp skin stem shell cells. Yeah, chimp. Chimp. Yeah, that's good.

Skin stem cells, and you spray it onto your body like a fake tan, right? And then that grows. Or you could pour it into this plastic jacket. So it takes the shape. My version is I'm trying to get the jacket out of it, so the jacket was fucking stupid. You got the shape all over your body.

It's probably got the zipper is in place. You spray it all over your body. It's an outskin' tight. Yeah, okay. Yeah, but then you wear, like, and then it grows, okay? And then maybe you go into a butt, it grows all over your body and you're now you've got a, you're covered in fur like a chimp.

Yeah. But you're soaked in a bath of like some special chemical for like, I don't know, half an hour, and then it all loosens, okay? And then you can just climb out of it. No. I just cut it up, cut it up, stick some zippers on it. Yeah. And you've got a perfectly you shaped chimp suit.

Oh, that's way better than the zippers just already organically being grown into the thing through my plastic jab. Also with your thing with your soaking liquid here, how many people are going to test some of these soaking liquids with a creature whose DNA is 99.9% the as liquid that makes skin fall off. But it's able to detect that point 0.01% difference between human skin and gym skin. Look, and this is a, it's sci-fi. You let the mind run wild.

Anything's possible. But you can't have a plastic mold. You can shape like a jacket. That's just too wild. That's weird. That's weird. That's sci- jacket. That's just too wild. That's weird. That's weird, that's a sci-fi, that's almost doable. No, that's magic. That's just fantasy what you're describing.

Anyway, we love animals. And we don't want any cruel things. Peter would be into this, I think. Peter wouldn't be. Peter would be into this, I think. Peter would, wouldn't he? Peter. Yeah, Peter. They would be like, oh, where can we get chim ones?

We can wear them to our protests. Yeah, right. Chim all the way. I don't have people wearing chim covered in blood on their thing saying, don't kill ducks. And don't kill ducks. And don't kill ducks. That's one of the official podcast positions. My mom wants to convince me that her friend who was eating duck, that she had just gone down to the local pond, and they said that they were like, oh, you can lure the ducks

with just bread. They just come right over and then you go, you and you break their neck and then you can just pluck them and like your mom was fucking with you. She was fucking with me. Are you sure? She didn't actually believe that. No, she didn't believe that. It must be fun to be a parent. You know, not like you and I are now, I'll stick it obviously, but later on. The way that we're doing it doesn't feel fun, but But maybe but I was actually pretty old. I was probably like 16 or 17 or so. See that's when it's fun when kids think they know things But you can just mess with them just a little bit. Yeah, let's go. You know, just

Just let's make let's make a shot and it's like a candid camera, right? But it's exclusively for parents lying to their children, betraying that sacred trust. You see, the thing you've got to make high quality television these days, it's got to go up and beyond. You couldn't just make candid camera again, because there's no emotional weight to it. But what if the people tricking and deceiving the people caught on Canon camera were their most trusted family members? Now that's a show. Yeah.

So it's like a Canon camera up late, like it's super serious. Like they believe they're going to die. Yeah, yeah. That's good. It's Canon camera, but it's your parents bring you in and quite seriously telling you that your brother has died Before and they talk to the camera like this is gonna be hilarious And I want you and I apologize that this is based a little bit on a pun. Yeah, yeah But if you want another layer to this if you want another layer to this right we love lives, okay, you

You then to this, right? We love lives. Okay. You, you then, after this prank has been done, you then show the, you're the producer, right? Somebody then goes and shows the family who just did this prank on their son that actually the camera that that was filmed on is actually only made of confectionery. Right? And this is Candid camera. And you let them know that actually this wasn't filmed at all. Yeah, there is no show. There is no show. You just did this for your kids.

For no reason. For no reason. There is no prize money. Yeah. But I mean, the good part is that we are filming that bit. Yeah, we're filming that bit on a real camera. Yeah. But you want that person's complete loss of faith in the world, even after they completely caused somebody else to lose their faith in the world. Yeah. So you get two shocks. You're on Candid camera. I love it. Yeah. I'll write it down even though I feel like I just corrupted your idea. No, I'll let's do it. So it's like 29 minutes building up to that moment. Yeah.

You're my candidate. You say this whole thing was made of chocolate and then and then you sit there eating the eating the chocolate. You don't even let them have any of it. That's right. Yeah. And you can and you can only do one season of this because everybody's gonna know straight away. It's gonna be in all the papers. Yeah, that's right. Your your brother has died. Am I on candid camera? And then somebody doesn't try that's the true tragedy that they will be people I'm just on candy camera gonna fall for this. So and then they'll go and try eat different bits of furniture and stuff I know I know lick it in the wall. Yeah, brothers not dead. Where is it?

Then let's slowly realize, hey, your brother's gone. Be this no candy and that's And you've been filming the whole thing That's really good Candied Canberra Straight A capital city Oh, it's a place where we obviously create little candy version dioramas of major political centers This is not anything. No. Is the upper house lower house different flavors?

Yeah. One would have a higher flavor and one would have a lower flavor. Higher flavor, lower flavor. Yes. Nobody has ever referred to flavors as big high or low. And I think that's a problem that we should fix. No, but I think in your mind, right, if you had to pick, watch this.

Andy, don't listen to this. Dave? I'll close my ears. Okay, close your ears. Dave, if you had to tell me whether this flavor is higher low, which one would you choose? And a sour flavor. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now.

You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of 7 discounts. Multitask right now. Quote today at Progressive.com Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential Savings will vary.

Discount is not available in our safe and situations. And you can listen to this, Andy. If you have... No, it's just massaging my ears with the sort of the heels of my hands. Yeah. You can call that the heel of your palm, yeah. The handy only home. And I genuinely, I couldn't hear anything. Yeah, you're just joining the inside of your butt. It does feel weird.

It feels really cold in there, man. That is impossible. I don't know what that's about. Cold ear, maybe you got air, maybe you could have put a little split in the. I hope so. I think yeah. Yeah. If you had to choose whether a flavor was high or low.

Okay. You're going to give me some flavor. A sour flavor. Yeah. Would that be high or would that be low? That'd be high. Yeah. What about like a bitter flavor?

That'd probably be high as well. That'd be high as well, yeah. So they'd both be the same. Opposites like that would be the same. Sour and bitter are opposites? Yeah. Aren't they the same thing? No, they're complete opposites.

Sour and bitter. Am I crazy here? I'll put cards on the table. Sal was high for me, bitter is low. On my, I mean, that's a beautiful choice. But Andy doesn't think that Sal were in bitter or opposites. Do you think that they're, they're not opposites? Why is, is lemon bitter or Sal?

Sal? It's not bitter? No. Bitter lemon, bitter lemon, that's a thing. Well, that's a bit of lemon. That's a small amount of lemon. There is bitter lemon things, but I think that that's a specific flavor. That's like salted caramel, like sweet.

Well, but hang on, then they've taken, they've taken lemon, which you say is sour. And they've made it, they've applied the opposite thing to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if I'm going to say, well, if You can have some up and some down and not necessarily be right in the middle because it depends on how much of each you've got. Sure. Sure. I don't know what. And also flavors don't cancel each other out. They're not a waveform or whatever. They're like a dedictation. They're a flavor.

They're detecting some chemical compounds or whatever. Mm. Are you? Are you fucking with me? I don't think I've ever consciously dug into the difference between Sare and Bitter, and I genuinely would have thought that they were just, you know, if not identical, then very... It's kind of like salty and sweet.

Do you consider them to sort of be opposites? Yeah, I do. Yeah. But Sare and Bitter, I would have thought that they were the same thing. No, they're not the same thing. There's one of the many reasons why they created two names for them. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Like everything else in the English language that has, you know,

whatever there's two names for something, those things are the opposite. You know, that's what I believe. Now I'm taking weird positions just to be a jerk. Well, no, no, I'm forcing you to take weird positions because I am a jerk. Well, that's okay. But yeah, but there you go. I didn't think of those things as being radically different.

I want you to know that they are. They're radically different. And I think they would be induced by radically different compounds. Probably unless you do that thing where you eat that miracle berry or whatever, and it kind of makes, I think maybe they actually make sour things sweet. That one. Hmm.

Anyway. Um, what do we think of a glove? Glove. Yes. A glove that is designed specifically for squeezing fruits. You know, like a sort of like a power glove. Oh, I like that. But for like getting, you know, a little bit of, you know, extra juice.

Like, you know what, when it comes to lemons and juicing lemons, tell me what I love. I love not using a juicer or any of that. You know, I just love squeezing it out, you know. And I wish I could do that with everything. And I could just hold some, my hand just squeeze the juice out of it, you know? And Apple, just hold the whole apple, just squeeze it there in my hand.

Yeah. And then the juice just falls down. Emma, is there any sort of mouth? Oh, is there any sort of sieve element? Or is it like, because if you do an apple, you are gonna get bits of apple. You're right, maybe it could be like a web to glove. OK.

So in between the fingers, there's a kind of a sieve type thing. Like a duck hand glove. Like a duck hand glove, yeah. But sieve. And robotic. Yeah. And robotic. So down the back of my fingers are sort of a hydraulic rams

to just really get a you know, like a superhuman level of force. Like I'm a robotic killing machine crushing the skull of one of my enemies, but I'm getting juice. And it is strong enough to crush a human skull? Oh, absolutely. Yeah. So you could juice the skull? I guess maybe it's just a hand size, so maybe just a baby's head. Well, you could juice anything. You like to just grab a golf ball and crush it. Yeah, yeah, and if there was any juice in there, you'd get it out. But it's wonderful. I wonder if there is.

Yeah, well, if you crush hard enough, surely. I mean, yeah, you got to get, can you get liquid from plastic? Mmm. Hope so. I'm supposed to be some liquid in there, so I'm sure. I'm sure. I can get some, and I'm sure it's in all our bodies, and it's one of those things that never leaves. The thing is that you could probably juice your own hand.

You could wear the glove with your right hand and juice your left hand. Yes, your left hand, it's good. And then swap. Swap. Swap. Do you really possible to squeeze something so hard that it creates heat and you actually cook something?

Oh. Crush cooking. Yes. That's a really good idea. Like you get a pressure cooking. Yeah, it is. Yeah. So I'm much pressure that it's just Because you because pressure cooking is the idea I think that often you can you don't need to cook things that is high temperature

Mm-hmm And but the pressure means that it cooks more like liquid wool boil your So if there's if you could crush hard enough with your hand in this sort of robotic ducking club You'd be able to cook things at room temperature cook things at room temperature room temperature cooking If you could crush hard enough with your hand in this robotic ducking club. You'd be able to cook things at room temperature. Cook things at room temperature. Room temperature cooking. You could make a boiled egg.

Right in your hand. Room temperature. Room temperature boiled egg. Lunch. Lunch is served. You just drop it onto someone's plate. You're not supposed to. You could make scrambled eggs. just break it into your hand.

And then to start shaking. Yeah. Like that and shake, you're fist. People think you're really angry, but actually you're excited to eat that. You've never been happier. So, alright. And so. It's fist fresh, crush cooking.

No, it duck. Duck? And so and it's fist fresh crush cooking Duck duck and wait robotic duck and Okay, I think my tip of what he word duck is the first thing I was like We've been having a totally different conversation Yeah, I mean, I think there's a recent risk to your fingers, like to be subjected to these kinds of forces. Well, but your point of the glove is that you're kind of behind the forces there, you know, I mean, yeah, and you can be insulated from the hate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you're probably not having to put in any effort as well. Yeah, yeah, because really it's all just, yeah, you're just sort of deciding,. Go and then I guess at some point you can just turn up the pressure on your there's probably like a little screen or something like that because yeah, but now you say that you like to juice things this way, but would would this take the joy out of juicing things in that way? Well, I mean, sort of one of the things that I love is to be free of the little juicing, squeezing thing, you know, that you're like, Yeah, you're having to use a device. I don't mind the device, but then it catches all the pulp, and it catches all the seeds

and that sort of thing, and I don't like the cleaning. In this glove, it's disposable. That's great. Well, I love that we've sold every problem at this thing cost Let's see now Dave view ever handled a snake I think one of those primary school style yeah, they come to the The classroom and you Touches now you can hold it and you got the whole one? I absolutely hate them that. No, yeah, we're not a big fan. No, I'd like

to crush them with a glass. Yeah, would you would you bite a snake if it bit you? Do you think that would like if a if a few found you woke up? Yeah, right? There's a snake biting your neck. Okay, right? But you can see its body laying on your body. Would you grab its body and start biting its body? Because that's them biting my neck and I'm biting their neck. Yeah. Well, they're all neck. They're all neck.

So, yeah, you definitely would be biting your neck. I think it's the, I mean, I like to accept my dominance over animals. Yeah. But I mean, especially when one is trying to kill you. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. So do you think that that's something that you would try? Or do you think, in all genuineness, you would just let yourself die.

Does body in the snake save me in some way? I mean, I assume that gives you an opportunity to make it let go. I guess. Say this. I wonder if this would work. You bite into the snake. Okay. You bite through the snake into sort of its breathing tube, right?

And then you suck. Right? Then you'll be sucking up through its mouth and you might actually be able to suck the venom back out back into the snake. Via the snake. Via the snake. Also, you create some sort of infinity-style loop. That's probably where...

Which will be beautiful. I am eating the snake while it's eating me. And we'll just do that forever. Yeah, if you started eating that like that, that would be nice. But it would be a very small one because it would kind of go from your mouth just down to under your neck. That's right. But what if I bit deep enough into instead of sucking out of a balloon? Yeah, I'd inflated the snake up. And you take to the skies. Yeah, that's right.

Take a breathy helium for it. And then you float over to the hospital. Yeah, right. Oh, absolutely. And they were... And they probably... Well, yeah, it's on the helipad. Oh, they probably have nets for catching people in this exact

scenario. It's about the most fucked things we so we've never talked about it. Yeah, sometimes you've got a fine idea. No, but I, but I, can I just say something that you, that I was inspired by, started the conversation. When we were talking about when they bring the snakes to the school and they get the kids to touch them, which I think it's great to do, you just bring something deadly into a promise of a classroom, get the kids to rub their hands over it. But you know, it's always like a non-venomous snake or it's like had its tongue, its fangs

pulled out or something like that. So it's okay. But you know, why don't they do that with smallpox or something? Right. So you have the smallpox guy who comes in and he brings in his big bag or smallpox scabs, but they've all been heat-killed. So it's fine, you can touch it, kids, you can come up and touch the small boxes perfectly safe. They're putting it in their mouth.

Put it in your mouth, you can put something in your mouth. I'd like to make them feel safe, he eats some. He'll eat a couple of hands. He's a small box. Yeah. Yeah, I'll do this every guy, and it doesn't, has an hurt mate. Yeah. I'll just eat scabs all the time.

He's got big bags of scabs at different times. These ones, they got a barbecue for like... He's still wearing a Steve Irwin style. Yeah, he's the Steve Irwin school visit guy of infectious disease. They call me the Steve Irwin of scabs. Steve Allen of Scaps. I look, I know that we're rushing through this episode, but I have to go soon. So we've done five sketch ideas.

And they're all good. They're all some of the best ones we've ever had. Great. I'm so glad to hear it. And so we're going to go to five words, three words from a listener. I don't know if you know this, but we have listeners sometimes. And some of the...

The dive doesn't understand. Yeah, well he doesn't know what it's like to be rich in listeners in the way that we're on. Do you go on doesn't have listeners, they have believers, I have followers. True believers. True believers, that's right. For a small-price YouTube, it could be a triple-life.

Are you still doing, do you go on? Yeah. Oh, that's great. It's such a great podcast. It's genuinely one of my favorite podcasts. Yeah, it's really fun. It's really fun. And everybody is so successful on it.

Everybody, like you. The other two. Jess, and the other guy. Yeah. Whoever that is, they've never learned anything. They could, they honestly could change it every week and I wouldn't notice. You're just so focused on the project.

Yeah, that's right. Exactly. I'm just thinking about what week and I wouldn't notice. You're just so focused on the project. Yeah, that's right, exactly. I'm just thinking about what we've been researches on. I always think it should be called Dave Hornicie Show. Thank you. Look. And you should put it to the other two, whatever their names are. I'm obviously, I've tried a crew before.

Who, yeah? Man. Not in well. I was in a headlock on the floor before I knew it. And I still don't know it. And that was just with myself. Well, we have to go to three words from a listener. So this, someone listener don't need Patreon. And then they can suggest three words.

And this one is from Jonathan Nice or Jonathan Nice. Jonathan, well, and why is this? You are nice for doing this. You're one of the most Jonathan people who's ever donated to the podcast. The Jonathan, donate to yours? I don't think I know. Uh, Jonathan, nice.

Or nice. Well, then, what if it helps? Yeah, you guys are gonna start later. Well, there you go. What do we do, Jonathan? Yeah, awesome. How can I, how can I win you back? Yeah. Or win you go. What do we do, Jonathan? Yeah, also. How can I win you back? Yeah.

Or win you back. And he definitely came from do-go on to us and then somehow got lost along the way. That's what it is. This is a, like, a, you know what I'm saying? It's an overflow. It's a place for loss souls. It's a podcast for people who are trying to figure things out.

It's a tailings dam. It's a toxic tailings dam where the runoff of to go on. It's sort of a cumuletant fester. And we appreciate every single one of you guys. Thank you. And Gals, I'm going to say Gals, I mean non-gender specific. When people are exhausted of facts and fun, they can come here and endure some speculation until the end. are exhausted of facts and fun, they can come here and endure some speculation until you do.

Yeah. And so the three words today, Andy, do you want to try to guess what they are? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Permaculture. No, that's incorrect. Oh, yeah. The first word is all star. All star, okay.

Yeah. It sounds like two, but I'm, I allow people to do this. What day have you guess? Do you only guess what one of the words are? Permiate. I'm sorry allow people to do this. What day of a guess? Do you want to guess what one of the words are? Perme eight. I'm sorry, that's incorrect. It's trembling. Okay.

White wolf star, trembling birdbath. Bertual. You're both very close. Birch tree. Old star trembling bird. Yeah. So I think he might be fucking with us. first, birch tree. Oh, stop trembling, birch tree. Yeah. I mean, I think he might be fucking with us. Yeah, well, could they possibly me?

Well, you know, it's up to us to put whatever to interpretation we choose to put on it. I like to think it's going by the last letter of each of those words. R-G-E. R-G-E. Ruth Gadek, Innsburg. Innsburg.

No, I think, you know what this makes me think there are no sports for plants. That's true. Oh my gosh. Wait, let me just think, there's Tree Volleyball, no. Tree Volleyball though, could be a thing. Put up just a much higher net. Yeah. Yeah. And you just need a ball, put up just a much higher net. Yeah. And you just need a ball that is probably just a balloon.

There are. They can blow from one side to the other. They can. And you just watch nature take it. I mean, in a way, I suppose, you know, fertilization with the bees, that is a little bit of tree volleyball. You know, the bees gone from flower to flower. Yeah, I mean, if you just made the game go longer, you could do it with sort of where leaves little bit of tree volleyball. The bees gone from flower to flower.

Yeah, I mean, if you just made the game go longer, you could do it with sort of where leaves go and vines go and things like that and maybe even roots. You know, trees could have evolved. On a different planet, I'm sure that there are trees that do pollinate via volleyball. They use their limbs to slam volleyballs from from one tree to another, you know, spreading pollen. Maybe the pollen is enormous like the size of a volleyball and they just whack it around. Yeah, I mean, I thought maybe if it was just a place where there was enough volleyball, that that volleyball was so prevent that it was just, you know,

plants, they kind of would just grow on the side of that. When the volleyball hit it, their dust would come off at that and then it would get on the volleyball and then it would later on hit another tree and that would pollinate. Yeah, I think you're right. Like where volleyball's everywhere and it's been going also for millions of years

so that it can become an evolutionary factor, yeah. And then a major vector of polarization. Well, I think that's, I think we're still open to that possibility. I mean, there's probably some soccer plans around now. I think soccer has probably been around a lot enough. And that makes sense because it rolls along the ground, right? So it's always touching. Soccer grass.

Soccer grass. You know, like maybe there's a UK variant of soccer grass that just evolved and during all the pitches that they have there. And it's more spreadable. I mean, the tennis ball, the tennis ball being furry is very good for collecting pollen. It's basically a bee. Do you think that if you wash tennis ball, furry is very good for collecting pollen. It's basically a B. Do you think that if you wash tennis ball, it's not furry at all. That's just pollen. Also, yeah, there's a chance that it could already come. That's just a rubber ball they put like a glue stick on.

Yeah, that's through it through a field. Yeah, or they just threw it through a bush in like a w a waddle or something like that and that makes sense to me I Mean it could just be part of a manufacturing process is this is they're just they're seating the world with some evil Plant maybe some tennis plant. Oh, yeah I also think it would be good if there were because there are already sports in which humans collaborate with animals, You know, in that there is, you know, dog sports. She... She...

She... She... She's running after dogs. Dog chasing, dog chasing, dog chasing you. Oh. And of course, horse based thing. Dog and Holo. Yeah, but there are none where humans collaborate with plants.

And I just think, you know, there could be, it could be something that you just have a highly trained piece lily. Do you run around with it? Yeah. I mean, I would love to see the first plant human sport. I was gonna suggest wood chopping, but that's more of an a combat sport.

Yeah. They really attack the train. That's true. I mean's more of a lot of that sport. Yeah, they really attack the trade. Yeah, I mean, you have a different view of collaboration. What I do. I've beaten some of your workshops and let me tell you, it's quite there are wrong ideas in days, days brainstorm. Look, I think that that's good. That's it, Alan.

It calls us that we've rushed through this one. But here we go. I'm going to us through the sketch ideas institute of chair studies Where they this the answer questions like is a chair sitting down is a room is a chair Kind of chair be on top of another chair in reverse cowgirl Then we got chimp jacket or is that chimp? Chimp jacket that's the jacket. It's you you know, why are we making jackets out of any other mammal other than a chimper gorilla? Because, or an orangutan.

Or an orangutan. When they're already in jacket shape, you're on candy to camera. This is where you get a person to say something really fucked up to their family member. Like tell them that one of their family members is dead or reveal, you know, do something fucked up, right? Or tell them that they've lost all the family, you know, wealth or whatever like that.

Not the family well. Yeah. I'd rather. Oh, if you have family wealth, I can imagine that would be sad. You're right. Right now, you laugh because you go, what family wealth that I have. The family wealth every time I buy breakfast. Exactly.

You made me want to joke. Yeah, I know, I know what you wanted to say. You're on, but then you trick that person who've tricked that other person by telling them, we didn't even film this, you're on candy camera because the camera's made of sugar and shape. And then we got sugar and shape. We got two ingredients of every candy.

Then we got robotic duck hand, pressure cooker and crusher. Right? It's a new product for getting juice out of things and cooking things at room temperature. Did you, what was that fancy cooking implement that everyone was obsessed with? No slap chop. No, I don't know what you mean, but yes. And then we got the neck, neck shake, neck shake bite solution.

Wait, neck snake bite solution. Dad. And bro, and you in flan it, you flutters the little bro. Snakes self defense. defense snakes off offense. No, so snake self defense All right, you like I was batting you exactly. Yeah, that was a better thing I don't I'm not very good at writing on this pad after so many years so then we got small pox primary school visit Get into it kids. Yeah, rub it on your chest and everything. Big sack of scab. Yeah, you can eat it.

Yeah, you can eat it. Just go ahead. Just go ahead and get on the ground. Don't worry kids, I'll get them and you can suck some of them with a dust buster. So gone are the days of like, these kids are immunized against almost everything. Yeah, including chicken pox.

Maybe you'd have a chicken pox party. I would go around and try and catch it, but Nate and I have that scene. I have a small pox scab party. Exactly. And you don't even catch it because you're on a chicken pox party. I would go around and try and catch it, but now you don't have that scene, now you have a small pox scab party. Exactly. And you don't even catch it, because you're on a vaccinate pool. Yeah, that's right.

You just get to hang out with the scabs. And then we've got plant-based sports with humans, maybe. And... I'm out, wow. I'm out, I'm out, I'm out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright. Thank you so much, Dave Warnocky for doing this.

Thank you so much. What a pleasure. Are you on socials? Yeah, find me. I'm eating pies on Instagram all the time. Oh, I get jealous every single time I see you eat in a pie. I'm like, I'm not eating a pie. So don't look at my page, will you?

You know, like, they're rich kids of Instagram. I don't get jealous of those people. But Dave, with his pies, mine is aspirational. I've never been more unhappy. And Remundee, you can listen to Dave's book cheat podcast, not just the one with us on it, but all the other wonderful episodes. Summerize is delicious books every two weeks. That's right, boil them down.

With occasional monthly gaps. You can listen to do-go on. Do-go on, it's a terrific informative podcast. But you guys all came here from there anyway. You can go back. You can go back You can go back You go back to the home Jonathan nice. Yeah, go back to the homeland and breed And you can listen to us on the pop test

Which of course you can find on the ABC listen app and everywhere you get podcast and you can listen to room radio National on Saturdays at 1pm. And you can buy tickets to Teleport and we are Andy and Al. And we, he's at Alistair TV and we love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit Planet Broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. It's not optional, you have to do it. We used to go easy on it, but now you have to.

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