Two In The Think Tank - 272 - "A SOLVED MURDER OF CROWS"

Episode Date: February 10, 2021

Camothermia, Erogenous Rezoned, Vape a Grape, Water Deficit, Liquid Dry, Bird CrimeListen and subscribe to our new show THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastHear to these lads on Book Cheat wherever you rest your ears!And buy tickets to TELEPORT at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2021Get Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereUnsullied thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Multitask right now. Quote today at Progressive.com.

Progressive casualty and trans company in affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential Savings will vary. This counts not available in all safe and situations. visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Hey everybody. This is just a, this is just Andy coming in before the show. I just wanted to have a quick chat to you. Just one on one with Alistair here, obviously.

Hi. He's the other one that I'm on. Yeah. Yeah. I'm riding on his shoulders. Yeah, we're, we're in a big, big trench coat. We're actually one with one on one. That's how you can get around the one on one thing and still have two people. Yeah. If one of those ones is on the other one. And I just wanted

to plug to you the pop test on Radio National. You can get it wherever you get podcasts. You can listen to it at one o'clock on Saturdays, but I don't think those stats are any use to us. No. So we'd rather you get it as a podcast. It's much better. And it's our science quiz show where we give you a general... Introduction to a big scientific topic and we quiz two comedians and one scientist and it's fun and funny and exciting and informative and educational. And it's going to ignite a fire of passion for the sciences in your belly, which is actually a bad thing. Yes, but hopefully it'll give you enough information

to learn how to put it out. You speak household appliances. Using a tap and a glass. That's right. We're not going to give you the information on how you combine those two things right now, obviously, because then there'd be no incentive for you to quickly listen to an episode,

try and put that out. That's right. And also, we want to plug to you, our show show Teleport, which you can now buy tickets to. At the Comedy Festival. International Comedy Festival. The link is in the show notes, but also, now this thing called Google now. And you can Google Teleport Comedy Festival. You'll find it.

You'll find it. It's the only show called Teleport at this year's Comedy Festival. That's right. And maybe at any comedy festival. Drink. I want a big old drink. A big old cold, old cup of drink. I'd like to drink. And I think the drink that I will drink

will have a little ice block in it that'll go blink, blink. Thank you so much for listening to a thing, Tang. This is Hello and welcome to Two in the Think Tank. This is my name is Alistair George William, Charlie and Rachel. And this is the show Alistair George William Charlie Burchell. And I'm Eddie and this is the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. And Alistair is so beautiful to see your glorious face.

And yours is my face red to have I burned? No actually I think some of the redness has gone away. Alistair got sunburned and also for no reason that I could discern took a mysterious vitamins that he found on the top of his fridge. That I know for some reason, give me a big hot flush that last about. The only thing that you knew about the vitamins

was that last time you had them, they gave you a big hot flush. You took them again? They gave you a big hot flush. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if it's a good sign. That's a scientifically replicable thing. If you needed to induce a hot flush for some reason, you're basically a cuddle fish.

You can now, you can control that flush so accurately. You could use it to communicate information. I can change my tone at well now. And because a lot of the problem with most vitamins is that you don't think they're drawing and doing anything. I know that these ones are doing something. That's right. And exclusively one thing.

It's being very good for my flushes. You know when you lie in the snow, your blood starts to slow. It's slower around your body. Doesn't it? You go very, you get very cold. Yeah. And your skin goes pale. Yeah.

Right. Do you think that that's a form of camouflage? Mm. I mean, we give a lot of credit to the chameleon. Yeah. But if I take off all my clothes and lie down in the snow, I'm going to go white as well. That's all I'm saying. It's true.

Yeah. What about your pubes? Well, like pretty close. I guess people would think maybe it could be some shrubbery. That's right. But then you know, there is the risk. A deer comes and starts chewing on you. That is that is that is the only reason I'm not doing it right now. Do you think that you could keep your calm? Yeah. If a deer you're laying in the snow, deer comes, maybe even a family of deer. And you can tell there's a big buck.

Yeah, I think he looks hungry. He looks hungry, but there's just the dough first. Just comes around, starts eating your pubes. Yeah. Do you think he's devily away? Do you keep your calm? Do you just let it happen? Yeah, well, I mean, I gotta ask myself the question,

why was I doing this in the first place? Now, if I was trying to camouflage for some reason, I mean, do I need to keep my call? Is the first question. I mean, I suppose if there's a big buck there, she, if I jump up now, he's gonna look over. He's gonna see his wife with her mouth near my genitals. He's gonna leap to conclusions.

Absolutely. And I cannot afford to get him on site. And you know how good deer are at leaping. Ha ha ha. So he's gonna leap clear over that conclusion. Get to a totally different conclusion. That's no good at all. Well, so you're saying that he would actually

miss the very obvious conclusion that you and the wife. The very obvious that first the first thing that any any dear would think. Well, I mean then again, maybe this is a confirmation of your theory is that he might leap over an obvious one which might be that you're just laying in the snow to see if you can camouflage there. Yeah. And the wife was eating your pubes. Correct. After taking them for greenery. And I'll have to say to him, no, it is what it looks like. Yeah, but he leaps right over the conclusion of lands on something a little bit more.

Riskay. Riskay, yeah. I think I was probably trying to camouflage to hide from a polar bear. Right, right, right. Right. Yeah. I didn't have anywhere else to hide. Yeah.

I thought I'll strip off on my clothes online. The snow in my body will go white. Yeah. My hair's already pretty blonde. And I guess maybe. I could just be some piss. My hair is often being compared to piss in snow. Really? Yeah. I didn't know that. I've got a strawberry blonde. I've got that snow piss. Have you? Yeah. Okay. I um,

and I guess I guess you'd melt a little bit of the snow. You kind of sink down a little bit. Yeah. But I guess about bears, you know, bears and animals, they tend to go by smell a little off. Bears, you know, bears and animals, they tend to go by smell a lot. You know what I say? Be a scientist, all things. I don't know. I don't know. For nothing?

Well, I mean, at least, you know, you know what I think would be awful if you were getting eaten by a bear. Yeah. Let's say a polar bear for a relevance sake. Is that there'd be a part where they bite you. And let's say you're like, there's no chance of you surviving, right?

So then they're biting you, and your clothes are actually stopping the teeth from piercing through into your skin. Oh, yeah. So you're kind of getting bludgeoned by these pointy things. You know when you've got a scratch and you try and scratch yourself

through like quite thick layers of clothing, and it's just that kind of, that sort of unsatisfying rubbing feeling. You're like, I just bite me already. You know, it's a, yeah, you'll be like, why don't you just get a chunk of my torso out? You take your teeth off, I'll pull up my shirt. Yeah, okay.

I'll just take my shirt off. Nothing's sus. And maybe that's another good reason to take all your clothes off straight away. Either the camouflage will work, great. Okay, in which case you don't get eaten at all. Now you're just cold. Yeah. Some people pay good money to be cold. Yeah, do that. air conditioning. Oh, that's true. That is good. But, but you know, even in the worst case scenario, at least I get a nice good clean bite. Well, exactly.

You can die. It's like it's your choosing to die the way that you want to die, which is eaten by a bear in a way that's hopefully less unpleasant. You know what would be the worst way to get eaten by a bear, being in a hall of mirrors, because you get to see it all happening there. You think? Or you know it would be even worse? Yeah. In one of the whole of those fun house mirrors.

Yeah. Where they reflect you all fat and bloated. And it's a very, very unflattering way in which to see yourself being torn apart. That's true, yeah. It would be worse. Is there an even worse way? Not even worse way. Yeah.

In a hall of mirrors where you kind of, I guess you don't look your best. And the bear is saying mean things to you. It was a little bit. Yeah, right, right. And you know what I'd say in that scenario, I say, fun house, hardly. That's what I'd say. Now should we write?

Not a lot of fun house. Is there anything in this sketch idea? Because we were trying to say that this is gonna be a fast episode. Now, should we write a lot of fun house? Is there anything in this sketch idea? Because we were trying to say that this is going to be a fast episode. Sorry. Okay. Well, lying in the snow, getting camouflage. What if it was somebody? Right?

What if it's somebody describing this as a strategy? You know, it's a survival expert, and they're describing lying in the snow to go all cold and camouflage. And then they go on to describe what to do. These are the flaws in the scenario where the deer comes up and starts nibbling on your pubes. I put it in a context, and I think that justifies writing it down.

Yeah, yeah, okay, so nude. Yeah, yeah, you know, I mean, I think, because what I love about this is that we are told that the cuddle fishes is amazing ability for camouflage Hmm, you don't realize it's given the right circumstances the human body has the ability to camouflage Think about in a large fire Yeah, you're in that true large fire. You look at all those coals there They're all red and burning. That's true

You go into that fire. Your body actually does. It's just a scavenger block. You think you'll go in there, you think you'll stick out like a sore thumb. Actually, very quickly. A sore thumb is actually exactly what you want. That's it.

Soar from the burning. So yeah, actually the more sore it is, if you can get through past the nerves, that means that actually a lot of Stuff is burnt. Yeah, and then it's once you've gone through sore thrum Thumb and then you're no longer sore. That's when you've done the real there are no nerve endings like you know in this inside The stomach in the bone in the bone in the bone. Is there no nerve endings in the bone? I don't know if beginnings Or is it all just nerve endings? Hmm's interesting, it's an interesting question.

Thanks very much, Helios. I mean, I suppose there's the nerve beginning. I'm not a very interesting person. No, but I think the nerve beginnings would have happened somewhere in time. You're right. You know? Yeah, so isn't that interesting?

They have a beginning in time, and then they have an ending in space. Yeah. Have they moved through dimensions? It seems like it. They managed to rotate the four dimensions of space time. Yeah. To their will or to their sort of string. And they're kind of now, what do they look like?

You've never seen an actual nerve. No. What do they, because I mean, we talk about nerve lots of nerve endings. They talk about like, they're being many in the, maybe in the erogenous zones. No, when you picture those. I love the word zone. Yeah. They're talking about like, they're being many in the, maybe in the erogenous zones. Now, when you picture those. I love the word zone.

Yeah. Ooh, it sounds like a place where you would build a factory. Yeah. I'm having some of my erogenous zones reclassified as residential. I'm gonna allow. As like industrial. Tiny people to live in a sort of a dome in my nipple is getting your

Erorogenous zones re-zoned. Is that a sketch? Given that we're given that we've established and we've been very upfront with the audience this is going to be a quick episode. Yeah, because sure we can be in the same room but we don't have very much time. I mean doesn't it feel in a way that we do sometimes try to reclassify non-arrogant the zones as a rogantous zones? Would that be fair to say? I don't know how to spell a rogantous. Ah, well, there's no errogent way to spell that, fuck it. But like, you know, I've talked about this recently about how the show is too much about the butthole. Really, is it? I think that, you know, we do sometimes, you know, reclassify that from being a non-narroachiness.

You know what I think, Andy? I think that probably the butthole was initially just for penetration. For really? And then it was reclassified. They realized at some point the body was like, well, what am I going to do with all this waste? We have so many inholes. Yeah. So I'll just get rid of this stuff like that.

Yeah. And then it would have been like dumping surge into a river. Right? What would have been? I don't know. I don't know. Well, you know, if the butthole and the entire anal canal had never had poop through it.

And then the body decided it was just going to dump a whole lot of runoff into there. It's like a factory dumping their toxic sludge into a pristine wetlands or something. You know, you see how it's a non-poop scenario, getting poop put into it. I see, I see, I see. That's all.

I guess that would have come from the decision to start eating. Yeah, that's really, you know, you think you know who to blame. But there's always a, there's always some and higher up the food chain. Do you think if we could like fuse the stomach and the lungs together? You guess it have a lung stomach?

Like that? I think some fish probably have that. I, that's just an instinct. We could just sort of breathe in all our nutrients and we wouldn't need to eat. Okay, breathe them in from where? Well, let's say there was like, you know, like when you, and then nutrients in the air. Well, think's say there was like, you know, like when you... And then nutrients in the air?

Well, think about this, right? You walk into the house. Something beautiful is cooking. You go, there's like garlic and there's butter in the air and things like that. You go, oh, what are you cooking? Now, that smell is bits of that food, right? It's in the air.

Yeah, you're all right. You're breathing it in and then you're breathing it Right? It's in the air. Yeah. You're right. You're breathing it in, and then you're breathing it out. It's such a waste. You're exactly right, Alistair. And I actually think that what we've got to do is we've got to find a way in which we can, like a food processor. Right? You know, you get something, you get a blender. What does that do? It takes a solid food, turns it into a liquid. Yeah. I just want a blender that's going to turn it straight into a gas. It's going to go all the way through so I can be able to chuck in the onions and all that sort of stuff there. And then just fill the room. Why only have the 0.01%

of the delicious pastrami becoming odorous gas when it could be the whole thing just becomes smell. Well, we, you know, the people do that with vaporizers for marijuana. Right. You know, they just, they just breathe it in and it just gets vaporized and then goes into your lungs. Yeah. So why couldn't you do that with broccoli? You know, why couldn't you do that with a nice piece of bacon? Yeah. Or some tofu. Or, you know, you know, Sunday roast. Is it. Or, you know, a Sunday roast. Is it, you know, this seems crazy to ask, but is there bacon marijuana?

You know how they went through that period of putting bacon in everything? You could get, you know, bacon soap and bacon beer. Apparently that was from due to an excess of bacon. Really? I think so. I think I saw this thing recently where they're like, that whole craze that it might have been actually manufactured by the bacon industry in order to...

Have I talked about this on the show before? But this is exactly the conspiracy theory that has been peddled to me about fluoride in our water supply. There was these companies that produced something or rather steal or something They had all this excess fluoride Right, and they had to get rid of it and the conspiracy is that they convinced governments to put it into the water supply That's insane That's insane

The most insane The most insane thing that you can imagine. We have, and also the people who believe this, also believe that it's incredibly toxic. Right? So it's like, we have this deadly toxin. We have too much of this deadly toxin. What, you know, it's a nightmare to get rid of. What we'll do, we Will convince everyone to drink it.

Put it into the drinking water. Yeah. Look, look, this one might be as equally as crazy, but it seems that it's not that crazy that some people from the bacon industry would make some lattices of bacon and then roll it up and roll some sausages in it or whatever, and then put photos on the internet

and that it would become a craze or what. Yeah, it's a good a craze. It's a good idea. Like you get a craze going about whatever. And you get that, you get some marketing people in, they can manipulate people like that. Something everyone wants to bake it. You make it seem manly or something like that. But given that the government has decided to put fluoride in our water because it's good for our teeth. I mean, they could absolutely put food in the water as well. That's true. They could put bone broth or something. Right. You know, yeah. White is water. I mean, it is a bit of a waste that we are just drinking clean water. I've got a drink. I've got a drink eight glasses a day of water and I got to eat.

It's crazy. No, okay. So that should be, that should at least be a clear broth. Yeah. You know, or a chunky soup. You think so? Well. It's just that a lot of places have that low flow filter on the tap.

On the tap. And that's where your problems are going. Well, you don't necessarily want to shower in it. So I don't have it against people of wanting to flip the chunks out of the shower. There were years where we lived in a warehouse and the water was kind of... It was brown for a long time.

And then... Can we drink it anyway? Yeah, we drink it anyway. And then I've done those years later, I heard a bunch of people talking about that kind of thing, but then they're getting a plumber, and then them finding out that there had been a mouse that died in the womb.

I think we might have talked about this on the whole. On the pod. Well, so what I'm saying is that it is possible to eat meat and natural produce without there being any chunks. I think. You just drink bits at a time. Why isn't broth something that you can get just from a vending machine, with your Coca-Cola's and your

Mount Franklin mineral water. It's like a good like warm, like almost hot broth. Sure. Like that you could just get. But in a pump bottle, you know, almost hot, you know, hot broth. Sure. Like that, you could just, but in a pump bottle, you can squeeze it. Absolutely, like that squeeze hot broth, you know. No, I think so.

Like, when I was in Taiwan, there was so many more varieties of broth. And I was like, broth, this is gonna be big broth. Yeah. But yeah, we need squeeze bottles. Maybe a squeeze mug. Broth on the go, just so. They need a bendy ceramic.

That's the future. Yeah, yeah. I feel like that's silicone kind of stuff that they've got going now is maybe as close as wherever I'm going to get to bendy ceramic. It has a bit of a heat property. You know, you can make those gloves those gloves out of it. Yeah. Other myths. What is in broth? Is it, it's mostly salt? Yeah, yeah, salt, maybe onion,

garlicy kind of stuff. You know, you, I think you can chuck in a lot of, like, you could put in like carrot peels and stuff. You know what I get, you know, realized, is that almost all foods that you eat are like 90% water or 70% water or whatever. It's about time Water becomes a certain percentage food. It's only fair. You know because at the moment the trade deficit is huge. Yeah, it's like American China So maybe this this could be a sort of a deotrumpest movement So maybe this could be a sort of a deotrumpest movement. And he just goes on about how it's not fair. Yeah.

That there's water in food and there's no food in water. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. Neotrumpest. This is not going to make sense when we look back at it. He'd also say China, China a lot when he's talking about the need for a flexible ceramic.

Am I pushing my luck there? This feels potentially like something. Who's that guy who did that really good Trump impersonation who talked about Pokemon and that kind of thing? I don't know. Man, he was so funny. He could do this. He could do this way.

We'll send him some gear. That's really the only sad thing about Trump going, how interesting is that since he's been off Twitter, it's just sort of, it's just like we just don't have to listen to him and they're not writing about him. I mean, he gets a little, a coincides with him not being president as well. So that all. Absolutely. It's been genuinely incredible to see how quickly he went away,

but how effective taking him off Twitter was. And I understand there's a lot of free speech people who have problems with that kind of stuff. But my feeling is if somebody does break the guidelines of a platform, then that is entirely within the rights to do that kind of thing. You know, and if anything, I would love to be kicked off to it. Oh, you're telling me he doesn't have to tweet anymore? Like, I mean, that sounds good to me. Yeah. I, you know, I think, yes, free speech is important, but I mean, he had so much speech. Could he possibly have anything left to say?

I don't think that there actually is such a thing as free speech. I agree, Alistair. And so, and I think that it's an ideal that I think that there is good things within, and I think we should aim for those good things. But I understand that who's to say where you put the limits, I get all that, but there are always limits. Yep. Right. And there are always people who don't have free speech, and very often they're actually

the powerless people who should, who we sort of might need to hear things from. And when the most powerful man in the world can't tweet anymore. Maybe that's not that big a deal. That's okay. Yeah. How do you feel comfortable with this conversation? Yeah, yeah. You feel really, really good about us talking about something serious that we don't really know anything about.

On an episode that we're super rushing. We're like, we're like, oh, we got to get this done. And I've written down things like vaporizer for food. And Neo Trump is trade deficit with water and food. 70% so why not? I thought of a prank on a stair. What do you think of this, right? Are you like get a chili, right?

A chili, you know, like a chili, like a super hot chili, like the hottest chili. Also like the cold weather. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,, he goes, Oh, hi, I really like that. Because the baby can't talk. So, he does his voice. He does his voice. Oh, I'm dad, I really like that. That's a good voice.

Yeah. Like a California Reaper or whatever it's called, it's real, real, real spicy much. Just slice it in half, you get somebody's lip balm, and you just like squeeze a bit of chili on the end of the lip balm, right like that. Yeah. And then you just put the lid back on the lip balm.

Wait. And then when they wipe it on their lips, it's really bad. Squeeze the chili on. Like a drip of lip, like a drip of that. Yeah, chili. Chili, you just rub a bit of chili. Yeah, rub a bit of chili on the end.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, rub. Oh, yeah, I understand what you're making by rub. No, but, you know what, I mean like, you gotta give a mental image to something that feels within the realm of physics. Squeeze?

Absolutely. What could that possibly made? I've ever seen it, like, we've ever gotten liquid out of us chili by the way. It must be possible. I mean, it might be. You can juice the banana and you get no liquid.

Yeah. Yeah. You know? There must be banana juice. It must be possible to get banana juice. I know, but I think you just actually have to have some of the meat of the banana in there. And then, you know, and eventually just kind of strain it.

You got to, I think you need to blend a banana. Mm. And then, and then, then, then, cypher. Force it through, whereas I think juicers work by just putting the matter through a cutting thing, right? And then only letting the liquid through.

Yeah, or centrifuge a lot of the time, right? Spinning and it goes out and then it, but then I think it does get filtered. No, but I think, I think like, it's like if you were to try to make coffee. Yeah. Bye. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive?

Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Multitask right now, quote today at progressive.com. Progressive casualty and trans company in Affiliates, National Average 12 Month savings of $744 by new customer surveyed, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary.

Discount's not available in our safe and situations. Grinding up the beans. Yeah. Grinding up the beans and then hoping a bunch of liquid comes out. Okay. I'm sorry, you mean. And then just collecting the liquid. But no, the beans are very dry.

Yeah. And a badadder isn't dry. No, it isn't dry. It's not dry. But it's kind of, it's like semi-dry. You know, it's somewhere... I think it's a different kind of dry, where there's lots of water in there. Yeah. But the molecules are holding on to that water a lot.

It's sticky. It's kind of, it's a sticky, oozy kind of wet. Yeah. You know, so it's not wet. I mean, you know. It's full of water, but it's dry. Yeah, it's a dry water. It's a dry wet. We've been fed a dry wet. Yeah, we've been, it's a dry wet.

It will, if you dab it on your shirt, it will look like wet. But I think that you kind of have to flavor the water, the juice with the banana, infuse the water with banana. And then, but you don't just get as the juice. There's gotta be a way to get the juice out, right?

You gotta be able to, like, you blend it up superheapes and then you force it through like a fine filter or a cloth or something like that. We'll be able to get some banana juice. Yeah. I'm gonna start a cafe. It's gonna be called banana juice. Banana juice, come and get banana juice.

Yeah, and you do what? You could do a ripe banana juice. You could do an unripe banana juice. You know, let's go a bit more kick to it. It's got a lot of acid in there. If you do a blade. That sort of, that flowery sort of, what is that feeling on the tongue?

Yeah. That feels like it's the essence of dry a little bit, doesn't it? That you get on the tongue with that. Essence of dry. It is, it's liquid dry. That's what I'm going to sell. For people who want to be thirsty but aren't. Right?

No, people who don't. No, people who want to be thirsty, but I'm not thirsty. Oh yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right. So, they're, everybody's actually full of water. I'm going to get those green bananas, and I'm going to somehow extract the essence of drive from it. And then you'll be able to spray a little bit or dab some, a little pipette, some onto your tongue.

You know, ah, now you need a drink. No, you need a drink. Give me an orange juice or something, you're normal. But now, I kill for a drink. Give me an orange juice or something normal. I killed for a thirst. Well, you came to the Madonna juice cafe. So we don't allow murder here. But it's an alley out the back. It is good because sometimes you go to a cafe.

You know, hungry, you know, thirsty. But you got money burnt in a hole in your pocket. That's right, you're there. You're on a business meeting. Everybody else is eating. It's rude. Everybody else is drinking great flaggons of water. You look like a fool.

You're trying to seal this deal with a Yakumo Show company. Yeah, Yakumo Show? Yakumo Show. I love the Yakumo Show company. They do. It's gonna be good to beho company. They do. It's gonna be good to do the designer mushrooms, right? Very rude. If you don't drink a glass of water.

Designer electronic mushroom. Water running down the sides of their faces, pouring over their crisp business shirts. They're drenched. And you're sitting there, you had a big glass of water before you came. You look like the loser in a wet t-shirt competition. You give the special signal to the whiter. They know exactly what you name. That's when you blink right, blink left, blink right twice again, then blink left once,

open your mouth and go like that, and then, get your chin against the counter, and then then they'll go we need a banana juice in table 14 That I think like it's another yaka mojo Mochelle luncheon We got the yaka mojo drinkers here tonight and Yeah, that's that's what's going on. Yeah, nice thing to something. Oh my god, you're not going to believe this anyway, but five sketch ideas. Yeah, we don't we got to go, I don't know if you know that about this, but we got three listeners. No, we got listeners who send us in

three words. And, and so we got another one today, you know, they can donate on Patreon. And I don't know if we've already done this one. So, but let's give it a go. Do you know that we have a listener called Ellie Durkin? Ellie, hello. Would you say one of our top 20 listeners? I don't say I go further than that. You go further, top 30. Yeah. No, we love Ellie. Yeah. Ellie, great illustrator. Look up a stuff. Pickle Durkin on it. She should be called a L.U. She should. No, that's stupid. I don't get it.

L.U. Strader. Oh my god. Anyway, you want to try and guess the words we may have done this. I don't I don't know if we have. Do you got a lot of dings going on? I'm sorry, I actually don't know how to turn off the noise on my phone. On my watch. That's great. I'll work it out.

All right, you want to try and guess the words? Yeah. Ripped. No, Andy, murder. Oh, okay. I don't know. She. Murder, she. Yeah. She. Murder, she?

Yeah. There's absolutely no way. Solving. Murder, solving. Dog. Incorrect, bird. There are no buddy cop duos where somebody teams up with a bird. No, they have ones where somebody has a cabin in the Bahamas or something like that, and

they have a bird who witnesses a murder, and then they can later on. But the bird doesn't solve the murder. The birder helps the detective solve. Yeah. So, but I mean, I think it's entirely possible that you could have a bird. Now, the only thing then for me is to choose what's the funniest kind of bird, a chicken, probably.

Yeah, but then you know that you've got your big birds. Well, firstly, there's big bird. Yeah. Right, okay. So it's a big street. So it's a big street. So it's a big street. So it's a big street.

So it's a big street. And quite a gritty murder. Yeah, I mean, big birds had it pretty good for big birds in special victims unit. Whoa. Okay. Yeah, I mean, special victims, there's not necessarily a murder,

but I guess that they can be murdered as well. Yeah. Usually, you know, special victims. I can't believe that's the one I watch for comfort. Yeah, that's really weird. No, but it is, because it's just nice to have those, that's those characters. It's crazy what's going on in the app,

but it's those characters that are the great ones to watch. It's got us to. Are they actually good? Yeah. You've never watched it? No, no, no. It's genuinely a comforting A comforting comforting

Could possibly be comfortable about sex crimes. Hey, well, it's not this it that's why I'm that's where I see that's where the weirdness Comes from Andy, but but that's how come that's how comforting these guys are exactly these are sex crimes and you got iced tea you got what's your name? I mean what's more relaxing than an iced tea, you got what's your name? I mean, what's more relaxing than an iced tea? I mean, they didn't call him that for nothing. That's right.

And so anyway, you got that team. It's really fun to watch. It's very comforting. Is iced tea, would you say he is a good actor? I got no problems with him on there from the episode, but he is the guy who's like, let's explain stuff to the audience through ICT. Yeah.

So anyway, so he never knows what's going on. Oh, okay. Wait, what do you mean? What do you mean a crime? Yeah. Anyway, but a bird. A crime-solving bird? Murder-solving bird.

Murder-solving bird. So it's not just crimes, these are murders. So it has to be in the homicide team squad. Yeah. I mean, it's a bird would be, let's be honest, a bird would be incredibly useful to a police station. Well, they can fly. Yeah. That's just one thing already. That's good. They're small. They can get into tight spaces. Okay, there are bird, nobody's gonna suspect them. There are lots of other birds everywhere, birds see everything. If they can communicate with other birds,

I mean, I think getting one bird on, sure is great. It's gonna take a lot of work to get one bird on the police force, but it is absolutely going to pay dividends. And this is a show, this is a show, this is the sketch. It's a, it's somebody, it's not about a bird being able to solve murders. But it's about a police officer who's convinced that they will be able to train a bird to solve murders. And, and, and that, that the huge amount of work that absolutely destroys their life and career is all going

to be worth it ultimately because it's like gambling. The benefits are limitless. If it works out, you've told this to be Alistair, you know, gambling, what's the most I can lose, a couple of thousand dollars, what's the most I can win all the money in the entire world. That's right. So it's only limited. It's crazy not to gamble. Exactly. Because, and that's the thing, is that if you get a bird, right, this is the thing.

It's like once you can teach one bird how to solve a murder, that means you can probably teach all birds how to solve murder. And birds are everywhere all the time. Right? And maybe birds will even teach each other how to solve murders. Right, these things pass through communities. We know that Ravens will do certain tasks for a snack, a grape or like a whatever. That's right, we'll just work that up.

Yeah. Until there. I mean, it's like binary code. Right. Beaks are already tweezers. That's what they use for picking up clues. I mean, you could picture a crime scene. People picking things up with things, whatever.

All you got to do, it's easier actually with birds, because when you're human picking stuff up, you're getting your human DNA on there, right? But at least when you're testing these threads or whatever, ears and things like that, you know that none of these, the DNA that's on there that is bird DNA is your murderer. At least until there is one bird murderer. Oh, not a crooked, not a crooked cop on the police force. And this is what we get on the second film of this series.

Yeah. After the guy goes insane, we see at the end, one bird has actually figured out how to solve murder. How to commit murder. So solve murder. Oh, right. So then the second film, you go in, suddenly we got a whole bird squad that can solve murders. But because birds can solve murders, one is crooked and has now committing murders.

And they never didn't suspect it until now. You know it's already a murder of crows. Soon that'll be a solver murder of crows. A solved murder of crows. Correct. A closed case. Hey, cold. Okay. Look, this is our best episode ever. I'm really happy with it. Okay, well, we got nude snow camouflage eaten by bear.

Perfect. Humans can camouflage in the snow maybe. And it also would fire. And we got having a rogina zones re-zoned. I'm really happy that got gotten down. And we got the vaporizer for food. And we have also we have already talked on an episode I realized about breathing in cake. Cake in the air, but it's okay. But in that case we didn't talk about having to fuse your lungs with stomach. No, we didn't. That's when we I'll just say. But in that case, we didn't talk about having to fuse your lungs.

No. We didn't. That's when we got the lung. We're getting into some of the detail of how this is going to work in practice. That's right. Oh my god. Then we got the Neotrumpus trade deficit with water and food. 70% water and food.

So why not 30% food and water? Correct. I mean, there's still quite a deficit there. But we could maybe down the amount of water. It's an food and water. I mean there's still quite a deficit there but we could maybe down the amount of water. It's in food and increase. Maybe we could increase maybe the amount of water. It's bananas. We can afford to put a bit more in there. Which takes us to our next sketch, sketch liquid dry which is banana juice. Yeah, from those green bananas. From tart green bananas. Yeah, green bananas. All right, the word green down because.

Yeah, you could maybe you could kill somebody with this, right, cause them to die of dehydration. The cops don't be able to get you, because technically they'll still have lots of water in their body. But it'll die if thirst. It'll be inaccessible, because it's all being wrapped up in banana molecules from the liquid dry.

They can't come out. They can't get the water out of that banana molecule. That's risky though, is there imagine that? If you imagine if you got banana juice in the blood and then suddenly your blood can no longer deliver oxygen. Yeah, I mean, this is basically that book that's cradle by Kurt Vonnegut, where his ice-9 can turn all, can turn like, you know,

warm room temperature water into ice instantly. I was a new form of ice, a new ice molecule. That's basically what we've done. You know, listen or Brian sent me a copy of that book that I started to read and I, you know, I plan on finishing in the next 10 to 12 years. And then we have Cobb who believes he can get a bird to solve murders of course

So that takes us to Thank you so much for listening I have been Andy Andy. You can find me at Stupid Old and on Twitter, he's Alistair TV. You can listen to the pop test. You can listen to Shusha. You can buy tickets to teleport all the links are down below in the show notes. And you can find us at Two in Tank. Thank you so much for listening. Take care of yourself. Love you. Put it, put it, put it, put it. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network.

Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. It's not optional, you have to do it. We used to go easy on it, but now you have to. Yeah, yeah. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising.

But what if you could be saving money by switching to progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Multitask right now, quote today at progressive.com. Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates, National Average 12 Month

Savings of $744 by new customer surveyed, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary, discounts not available in all safe and situations.