Simple Swedish Podcast - 274 - “ONE MAN BANDIT”

Episode Date: February 23, 2021

Streaming Streaming, Bullying Dogs, Content Ceasefire, Mathstery Show, Qudratic Equation Mystery, Prison Oasis, Prisoner Bell, OMBListen and subscribe to our new show THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastHear to these lads on Book Cheat wherever you rest your ears!And buy tickets to TELEPORT at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2021Get Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objects...and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereA never ending packet of thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Multitask right now. Quote today at Progressive.com.

Progressive casualty and trans company in affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential Savings will vary. This count's not available in all safe and situations. Alistair, yes Andy. Well, we're here today to promote our new podcast,

We're here today to promote our new podcast, the pop test on ABC Radio National. You can download it from anywhere where you get podcasts. It's a science comedy quiz show. What's that? Yeah, that's right. It is. Oh, you guys. Hey, you guys, it's me, Alistair. What are you doing?

What are you doing here? I need to come in to provide the pop test of supposed to be recording something now and tell people that Norman Swann's on this weekend. If you're listening to the latest one, he's on it, Norman Swann. That's right. And for those outside of Australia,

he is our COVID daddy. He's the guy who gives us all the, all our COVID info. He's the guy who gives us all our COVID info. He's the Fauci of Australia. He's just a media Fauci. He's a media Fauci, but we have non-media Fauci's, but they're not Fauci-like. And he said, I'll you do this, that way it won't take long. But then you started doing it in character as me. And I thought, oh, this is I'm demoting the entire thing.

That way, that way you wouldn't jump in. And make this way longer. And then the other thing we need to promote is our comedy festival show, teleport, which you can get tickets for. It's in the city of Melbourne in Australia, and it's called teleport. If you're Google teleport and comedy festival,

it should come up. Thank you very much. We're gonna go to the episode now. Avadiva, Avadiva, Avadiva, Avadiva, Avadiva, Avadiva, Avadiva, Avadiva, Avadiva, Avadiva, Avadiva, Avadiva, Avadiva, Avadiva, Avadiva, Avadiva, Avadiva,

Avadiva, Avadiva, Avadiva, Bap, Choo, Choo, Choo, Choo, Choo, Choo, Choo. Hello and welcome to Two in the Think Tank Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what?

Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what?

Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what?

Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know? Do you know what, have you ever heard of a mukbang, Andy? Now, is this an Indonesian thing? You, no, it's not. I think it's a Korean thing. Ah, Korean. The Indonesia of the North.

That's right. That's how I see of it. I think it's just an Indonesian on its side. Mm, yes. Yes. Do you think it's hugging China? Is it hugging? It's glommed on. Yeah. It's like a little sucker fish. Like one of those, you know, one of those ones with the round mouth. You know the one.

It's a round mouth. It's one of those round countries. Yeah. And it's just the thing where you watch people eat and they slurp and stuff. So they're not banging in the muck. No Andy, you're thinking of those English words, but they were actually, I think they come from a Korean language origin. But you know, this is what people do. They stream things. You know, they stream video games. Yes. They stream eating.

You know, people do it for company and stuff, but what other life supporting important things in our lives could be streamed? Oh, very good, Alistair. Yes. This is, you've opened the door, you know, how some houses, they open into a corridor. Well, this episode opens right into the living room baby because we're straight in comfortable sketch territory.

Absolutely. Ah, you know, I'm almost ruining it by pointing it out, but God, it's good to be, I've put my feet up straight away. I'm almost ruining it by pointing it out. God, it's good to be, I've put my feet up straight away. Here's a man appreciating life. Actually, not almost not even able to enjoy it. It's not much because it's so much stuff I appreciate it. Look at Lister, there's the going toilets, obviously, but we don't

need that. That's filthy. That's not the way we do things on this podcast anymore. There's just regular breathing. Regular breathing. Hello. You know, you know, imagine that you have, you have, you know, various cameras at different angles, people on the live stream are commenting on different ways that you should try breathing and things like that. But then you've also got little fiber optic cameras, those very thin ones that you could have them near your nose and they could go up into your nose when you're breathing in. Maybe even have a little umbrella at the end,

like that's what they really, you know, get sucked up, suck sucked in, maybe go down into the mouth, the back of the throat, make it cough. Mm-hmm. You could see what it would be like. Maybe that you could then get expelled through the mouth. Then you see that whole journey. You could be the breath. You know, like you ride on that, yeah.

A breath sigh of you. Right on that yeah a Breath-side view In out all you get lodged in ariola all the person started choking oh No ariola ariola not ariola. What are that? What's the deep of your guard What are the ones in the lungs the the ones in the lungs. The bronchi, bronchioles in a bronchi. Or your life, your, your streaming. It's a, it's a milk drops. I have you. Hmm. You get squirted out through the area. You know, I mean, what is that? Doing up shoelaces. I'm sure there are people who do fancy do their

shoelaces real nice. And people are people who do fancy, do their shoelaces real nice, and people would like to watch that. Yeah, I mean, no, people would absolutely love a not expert. A not expert. Somebody who isn't an expert. Right, I thought you meant somebody who's not an expert. No, no, a not expert. Yeah.

A person who is an expert not rather than a person who's a novice at making knots. Yes, yes indeed. So this is like a whole. I suppose we want a not expert, not a not novice. Exactly. But you get an old pirate, an old C pirate, who could splice the laces together, like it's a main brace. Well, if you could take apart the threads of the lace,

you take apart the individual threads, and then you're able to interweave the threads of the two two laces together So that it's basically a single loop now that goes all the way around It's real fiddly. I used to have to go for scouts Why would a why would a pirate be good at that? Well because they have to do that kind of stuff with with ropes all the time You know old old C dog

I don't know see doc a see dog an old C dog C dogs It's good to be back doing it over zoom I see a see dog. I believe we call that a cat. That's because it's an animal, a bit like a dog that begins with the letter C. Thank you. I'm not going to see a seal as a sea dog. It is a sea dog, you're right, or possibly an otter.

Or I guess an otter is a sea cat. A seal is a sea dog. I remember we, I used to have a dog who you referred to as a land seal Yeah, what I consider to be a form of bullying Yeah, I think I think when when it's unfortunate passing occurred and I apologize for even picking it up I mean we we all knew deep down that it was it succumbing to the pressure of that I was psychological torment that I was putting it through through my, now, to my sly comments of how slick it looked.

Is there anything wrong with verbally bullying a dog if you do it in a pleasant tone of voice and with a smile on your face. There is absolutely surely that is a neutral act like they can't, yeah. They can't experience that in any, like they can't get any, derive any suffering from that. And I think therefore you should be allowed to go along to animal shelters and bully the dogs in a kind tone. And in fact, this is one of the true victimless crimes. But I mean, do you think you could smile and speak in a nice tone and say bad dog over and over again, and that wouldn't affect them in a negative way.

I don't think it would. I think that would go in purely as they just enjoy the company. And if they're enjoying having you there, maybe you're even doing a community service. Maybe this is the thing. This is a somebody who maybe is a bit unscrupulous who's working at an animal shelter. And they run this thing on the slide where they're like,

I'll let you in and you can say anything to the dogs. You all let you say anything. I don't care. I'll turn off the cameras, turn off the microphone. Normally, we monitor these things and you can say whatever you want to the dogs. As long as you do it with a smile on your face and a pleasing, oh, maybe you leave the camera on, the person monitoring, you leave the camera on,

I don't know why they have cameras, but they leave them on, they turn off the mic, so they can't hear anything. And then you can say whatever you want to the dog, and it's, they leave the tone mic on. Ah! They leave the tone mic on, but they turn off the proper audio, Mike.

Yeah, I wonder if when Siri is monitoring all of our conversations at all time and Facebook's listening to everything, and they record all the, you know, they transcribe all the words that we say. Do they also keep a record of the tone? And could that tone be then separated from the text, from the data? And it becomes a sort of a tone metadata. And then they just do that. I reckon there is a, there's at least a tone tag. Yeah. Couple of tone tags. Yeah. I think so. I think if something is screamed,

I reckon that it takes a note. Yeah. Because, I mean, if you're listening for, you know, the word, you know, bagels so that you can sell bagels so that you can sell bagels. Yeah, you need to know if they're screaming the word bagels. They're screaming, they're like, bagels! But why do you need to know that? Because I don't think you could tell me whether or not somebody screaming bagels, hates

bagels or loves bagels. I think see, and you know, if you can't tell the difference between those two things, they're knowing that they're screaming at all. It doesn't matter. That doesn't feed into your style's algorithm in a meaningful way. You think they only look for individual words and then they can justify selling it. That's right. That's right. You're selling the ad stuff and it's not like they won't say, I hate bagels. So it says, I hate bagels. Screamed.

Get those fucking bagels away from me. Yeah, okay. I don't know how intelligent the algorithm is and whether or not it's able to derive that, you know, the full meaning of that. A positive or negative tone of it. Well, yeah, the surrounding words. I think, you can say anything you want to the dogs is a sketch idea.

I'll stay. Yeah, I'm wondering whether that could be a part of a guy who can hook you up, sort of like a travel agent who can hook you up with victimless crimes. Oh, yes, very good. That you can do. And so very, you know, verbal abuse of a dog, which I probably isn't even a crime. But it is the purposes of this.

Victimless misdemeanors. It could be an extreme example, example. And that's what this guy's selling. He is selling extreme examples of hate speech towards dogs but done with a smile on your face and a positive tone. Yeah okay. Terrific. Terrific and it's these are these are rescue dogs so they are very they do really appreciate the company and then we get into great territory of whether or not

it's ethical to go and do that to somebody in a coma or in the advanced stages of dementia. When we are sure, we sure we've done tests and we know they don't understand the meaning of words anymore. But they can pick up on tone and they do like to see faces. So what I do is I go and I swear to the elderly. Yes, you could. Yes, you could.

Definitely. You could do it with babies. You could do it with any kind of wild animal. I think playing with the elderly is a bit... Dicey. Dicey because...icey, because... What if they don't speak your language? What if they...

Ah, yeah. So that's good, yeah. So they're foreigners. So you can go and you can say anything you want to a foreigner if you're a hit. But they get money. They get money and they don't understand. Yes. Okay. So this is a service for racists, okay? Who want to express their racism.

But they need to get it out, but they don't want to do it in a hateful way. Just in a purely mathematical sense. And there's a questionnaire and things like that at the beginning for both sides. Right. One question for the the the far and elderly person with advanced dementia. A question there. A little talk quiz. Well, you know, the idea that you know, you would you would ask them if they did any kind of you know English in Uni or primary school. Yeah, if they ever watch any English TV You ask them who various

celebrities or kind of awful people throughout history are and And see if they recognize any of those names because Awful people's you know might be brought up in the hate speech. Yeah, you can't rule that out. Yeah, great. Beautiful. I had, I had, I had something there, but it's gone. Sorry, I'm sorry, I lost air. This is flowing very well.

Yeah, no, yeah, no, I know, Eddie. Um, I was thinking, so with the streaming, I don't know if we quite nailed it yet, what we would stream. I did have the thought of you at the beginning of this thing who was in a way streaming, just how much you loved streaming. You know, that's a guy who's, know what it's it's a look behind the curtain He's showing you the software that he uses You know and and he and he's talking about how you know is like and how great it is that there's an audience there

And this is the perfect setup for streaming Well, what about it's just somebody just like, yeah, it's just the pre-podcast setup, and I don't think you even need to talk about it. Just the bit where you and I are like pulling out the cables and plugging them in and tapping the microphone, and then it cuts out before the podcast starts.

So you never have to hear the podcast. Like, you know, people are sick of podcasts. And who needs to hear two white guys? Let's be honest, you know, doing their little chat, comedy chat thing. But it might be satisfying to some people to see the preparation, to see the look of intense fury on my face as I struggle to untangle the microphone cord from the headphones, you know?

That could be it. So this person doesn't enjoy streaming at all, it's just frustration. Well, I think, you know, do the people who are eating the food, do they always like it? In the mukbang? It seems, yeah, it seems like they really do. Oh, okay.

I guess that's probably a part of it. Yeah. They're not eating things. They're not eating things. Do they ever drink water? Do you ever get someone just drinking water? Oh, I imagine they do. It's not me that watches it.

Oh, okay. Yeah, but you know, I saw snippets, you know, I saw snippets. But I mean, you know, you could be a person who drinks water on stream. You're great. What about washing hands? I mean, as soon as you get into any kind of body part, you're like, people will just be using this for sexual reasons. You know, I was thinking about scraping dead skin off your heels, but then there'll be people who really get off on that.

Yeah, but why would that be wrong? I don't understand why people have a problem with people masturbating to them. No, no, no, no. I guess I don't think that that would be wrong, but I also think that because people will be into it for sex reasons, it'll already exist. It'll already be taken care of on the internet.

So we're not providing anything new, right? We're not feeling a gap because that has already been monetized extensively by, you know. Sure, I mean, Andy, I think if the fact that people are still making pornography to this day doesn't make you think, well, maybe there is a market for new stuff, even stuff that is treading on old ground, especially ground in your case that is covered in skin flakes.

It is very interesting that there is so much more pornography than anyone could ever watch now. And that we are still making more. But it is. Same thing with, you know, same thing with books. I mean, it's like it's crazy that every year's 300,000 books are released in here. Oh, this is outside of the realm of possibility of consumption. Yeah, but you're exactly right. And people are like, Oh, man, this new book is so good. And you're like, but he said, could it possibly be better than every other book that's been written? Like what? What do you think could it be doing that that justifies us even keeping track of this kind of thing or telling anybody about it

Sure, but then the opposite the opposite bit of thinking is just like well I'm doing nothing because everything else is It's like there's almost too much possibility so I may as well not just bother at all Not bother to do what? Well, whatever it is you know because I mean you know when you say somebody recommends a good book to you Mm-hmm, and you go well, this is crazy that why would why would this be better than everything else? It exists But then that same question goes to every every book in a way. Yeah, and so then and so then the The kind of it feels like the end point of that is, well, then I just want to read a book.

Is there a sketch in like government or something, you know, maybe just a human petition of being like, just stop writing books for like five years, just to let us give us a chance to catch up because this is getting out of hand. And so we have like a moratorium where you're not allowed to make any write any new books or whatever it is the thing, whatever the thing is that you're not allowed to do, but nobody's allowed to do any more of this, make any new movies. There's no new content. That content globally, we do like a content free year.

Nobody makes any content. And we just. The content cease fire. Yeah, great. And we just get a chance to just collect ourselves, watch a couple of things, and make sure that we've seen all the things that we wanted to see, and then you can start again. I mean, we almost had it a little bit when Hollywood shut down because of COVID, but there were still people doing stuff. Yeah, a lot of, probably a lot of, a lot of 3D animators that was that, you know, that

didn't quit. Exactly. I reckon. So, yeah, I mean, I think a content ceasefire is a great idea. You go, all right, people's, you know, that includes, you know, tweeting. Mm hmm. It includes writing the news. And what this will be funded by a news sort of

levy. So all those people will still get paid for however long it takes, right? The government will just tax us an extra hundred bucks a year or something. Whatever we would have spent on media. And I think of also all the extra work people will get done because they there's no, I guess they won't because no, they'll be catching up on old media. They, well, yeah, they, they're expected to, to keep track. But I think, I think you can also say, look, and if you don't watch stuff in this period, the stuff that you wanted to, you can allow yourself to accept that you never will.

Right. That's the thing. At the end of the year, nobody's ever allowed to say, I really want to watch this thing or I've been meaning to, you know, or, and we've got to stop publishing those lists of like hundred movies to see before you die or whatever, because if you didn't watch it in your year, then that's it. No one's ever allowed to recommend anything old to anybody ever again Yeah, and then we're all just watching new stuff. It's just a big stuff. We start again. Maybe we erase everything Well, just it'd be nice actually to just start again right year off you catch up you watch read Listen to everything you've ever meant to listen to and then we destroy the lot we burn every book

We burn every book We burn every computer server every Every computer Okay, and then it's a place that it's like And what's great about this is then in like 20 30 years Everyone will have forgotten or everyone who remembered all the old stuff will have died Okay, and then we can start Everyone will have forgotten or everyone who remembered all the old stuff will have died, okay? And then we can start

again and like you know, it's a refresh on all the all the musical styles on all the all the tunes You know, you won't have to try and think of it won't matter if you choose it You come up with a tune that's exactly the same as Love Me Do. It's too hard at the moment. Because Love Me Do's already been done.

Every time I try to write a song, boi boi boi boi boi boi boi boi boi boi Oh no, that's been done. Yeah, and then you do it again. And then I go, I go, ah, it's Love Me it again. And then I go. I hear it. Ah, it's love me do again. You're smashing your head against the wall. Plot is coming. Please. Love me do. Ah, that's love me do. Yeah, I like that. I do like a good start-up, start-over. Mm-hmm. And then, you know, then there's no more reboots.

Then it's just a boot. Exactly. Also, once we destroy all the computer servers, by the way, I'm also thinking that we're probably going to wiping out all knowledge as well. Yeah, that'll be good as well. Yeah, and then maybe, instead of each, everybody having a computer or two computers, we just build one big computer

This is what Isaac Asimov always thought would be the case in his in his things You know in his not his his fiction There was always univac or multivac and it was one sort of super duper computer that people asked questions to. And it controlled everything. Yeah, right. I mean, I suppose if you did have a central computer of some sort that did all the processing, you could sort of just pipe the information in.

Yeah, but I don't think he had that. I think it was you went along and you typed in stuff. And you just got everybody lines up. Everybody gets a turn. Everybody gets a turn. I could imagine it looking like mecca. Mm. Exactly.

I mean, that'd be mecca, but you know, they'd get five minutes. You can do whatever you want on the computer. You can play a snake. You can... Yeah. ...multiply five by six. It'll be mecha bait. Very good. And you... What'd it be good would be like... You have a thought, or you want to do a bit of maths. You want to be good would be like, you have like a thought,

or you want to do a bit of maths, you want to do a calculation, you get to look forward to finding out the answer because you know you're just gonna have one chance in like six months to go and do it, right? And you can talk to people about what they're gonna do. Like instead of asking, what are you gonna do on your holidays?

You'll be like, what multiplication are you gonna do when you get a turn of the computer? What? Yeah, that's going to be exciting. What game are you going to play for five minutes? I'm going to do two, two thirty-five times two. Oh, great. Oh, that's exciting. I wonder what it will be. My cousin did that.

Oh, don't tell me that's fantastic. Don't tell me. Don't tell me. Don't tell me what it is. No spoilers. Oh, imagine it. Of course I'm. Maths was our entertainment.

And we just... This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto-customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Multitask right now, quote today at progressive.com. Progressive casualty and trans company

and affiliates, national average 12 months, savings of $744 by new customer surveyed who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary, discounts not available in all safe and situations. Instead of a new TV, if our brains were really, really bad at maths, but very excited about it, then a new TV series would just be a new set of times tables coming out. And you could listen to it. Oh, you hear they're bringing out the 12 times tables. And everyone would be, you know, gossiping about and stuff. I haven't done the 11, I will get. And then the 12 time tables comes out

and they release a new multiple of 12 every week for, you know, for 20, for 12 weeks. And, you know, everybody, you find out what 11 times 12 is. And you're on 10 to hooks to find out what 12 times 12 is gonna be. I guess if you couldn't do any.

Everybody's speculating. If you couldn't do any mental calculations, then that would be the case. You would just be like, you would be like, fuck, I wonder what it's going to be. Everybody's got a theory. No, so wait, what is this no mental

arithmetic Yes, world and where maths takes the place of creative work or artistic works or TV. I guess just TV shows. Yes, exactly. I mean, I wonder if you could, could you have a TV show formula that is based off of a quadratic formula? Oh, Alistair, I was hoping you'd ask me this. So what's quadratic? Is that A times x squared plus bx plus c equals zero.

Is it always zero? I think in order for you to be able to solve it by the general quadratic equation, then yes. And I think any quadratic equation, you can rearrange into that format. So you could, if it was equals six, then you could just subtract six from both sides and you'd have a new one where the solution is the same. And it equals zero. So yeah. So wait, I have, I have further questions. So before I say this, wait, if it all equals zero, then that could be one of those sort of shake experience where everybody ends up dead.

Exactly. Yeah, right? So that's how you know. So this is the formula of this TV show. Everybody ends up dead. Yeah. Right? Or everything gets destroyed or whatever.

Which I guess is the end point of all societies. It's eventually. But what is the shape of a quadratic equation, like on a few graph it? Is it always different or is it? It's always different. I think they're all pretty different. They're all pretty different. Yeah, okay. Yeah. It doesn't just do like a parabola. Oh, Alistair, I don't remember. I know that if you have X cubed in there, then it has points of inflection. I know that, yeah, I'm not,

because I'm not sure, I know X squared, it's just gonna give you a parabolo, but if it's plus X, I don't remember. Yeah, yeah, okay, it's been, it's been, yeah, I'm just trying to look it up at the same time. 20 years. Yeah, I think they're often parabolas though. Okay, great.

They probably all parabolas then. Let's just say it. Let's just call it right now. They're all polyparabolas. So look, so then we would have X, which is the, I guess the main character. Okay. What, what in a narrative sense, if your main character is X, what in a narrative sense is X squared?

Because this... Well, I mean, it could be a clone. It could be... Mmm. It's them times them. So I don't know what them in a narrative sense, what multiplication is. Okay, so what I think you, It's them, times them. So I don't know what them in a narrative sense what multiplication is.

Okay, so what I think you, what about this, Alistair? Because you know, you solve a quadratic equation to find the value of X, okay? Yeah. So I don't think narratively speaking it necessarily makes sense to solve a show to find out who the main character is. But if it is a mystery show, right?

Yeah. You can have, you will have an unknown, right? Yeah. And then you have different components of the narrative storytelling that reflect different characteristics of that unknown. So if you had say a murderer, right, let's say they're X, okay. Then you have X squared. Now X squared would be, X squared would be a, X squared would be a, a, a,

silence of the lambs type situation where you, uh, but somehow, uh, you combine those, you, you, you, you, you, you combine those two different murderers together who are this very similar. And, no, all right. This is very difficult. This is very difficult. Yeah, but I mean, but we found the unknown. We found the unknown.

So that we know that there's a murder and we know that everybody ends up dead. So it's probably a murder suicide. Okay. Right? In some way. Who, what is he? Who is the constant? Who is the constant? You need a character who's a rock. The constant is the one person who's not affected by,

isn't killed by the murderer, I think. Well, I think if it all equals zero, then they do have to be killed by the murderer. Well, they have to be killed, but they don't have to be killed by the murderer. Right, okay. Oh, but also when you solve a quadratic equation, you can get two different answers, right? That's great. Because that's what art is. Andy, that's what art is.

Right, there were two killers. Yeah, well, two killers, it could be, you know, it could be that he did it, it could be, you know, it could be that he did it or maybe it was, you know, it wasn't really his fault. He was made to do it through, you know, through how the universe went. Really good. You know, look, I'm going to write this down. I'm so glad. Quadratic. Equation. There was the show numbers, number three, or S. Remember that?

Where we use maths every time to solve the crime. Let's remake that. Yeah, but that's not right. The show itself wasn't maths. And that wasn't personified. Matt was the problem. Let's do, but let's do numbers. But we're every week he uses PE to solve. Hey, so wait, there's also with PE. Yeah, it's I look, I think you could do you could do a drama that is a metaphor for a soccer game.

Oh, okay. Yep. No, I go on. I don't think I have a brain left after trying to find one that represents quadratik equation. If you look at the way, quadratik equation though, AX plus BX plus C equals zero. AX and BX, AX could be a couple and BX is also a couple, right? Maybe X squared is that person, is the murderer with their, you know, it's them, like with AX squared is the murder and their beloved, and this is their main marriage, right?

This is their main thing. This is A is their wife, whereas B is their side piece, either a girlfriend or a boyfriend, or a third thing. Alistair could be a pig. We've got to stop this. Plus C. C could be a detective. You know, that's the constant. That's the arm of the law. No, you're right.

The law. C. It's constant, John constant. I tell you about John. Great. Like constant teen. It's constant, John Constant. Can I tell you about John? Right, like Constantine. Well, did I ever tell you about John Constant? This was a thing that one time when I was back in my younger days when I would do drugs, I noticed that there was this sensation

when you do some drugs, right? This was, for example, this was a multiple, this is a night where we had taken ecstasy tablets and we had also done, what was that other one there? Ketamine. Oh wow. And I was noticing that there's always this sensation while you're hanging out with friends talking, where you would feel the sensation of, it feels like we're waiting for somebody to come out of the bathroom. Right, it was just a sensation that you would just get where you're like, I keep feeling like we're waiting for someone to come out of the bathroom,

but we know that there's not anybody in there not to come out, but it's just a sensation. Did anybody else confirm this sensation? Well, when I discussed this with somebody, my friend said that they also were feeling that, and maybe I planted that memory in their mind by bringing it up, but it was just a sensation. Anyway, and then I said, you know who it is.

It's, you've ever done a quadratic equation. Did you really? Yeah, I think I was talking about integration. When you're doing integration, I think in that, there's that thing at the end where you do add the plus C. Yeah, right. Just because you have an unknown. That's really the extra constant.

You have an unknown. That's, you know, and so it's this unknown that is always there, but you just, we didn't know what it was. So I said, that's what this is. It's constant, it's John Constant. And that's who the detective is. Look, that is a great name for a detective.

I will say that. All the things that we've said today, I think we can all agree that John Constant is a terrific name for a hard boiled, dogged detective. The trouble is that Constantin's name is also John Constantin's name. But it doesn't matter, we're not going to let that stop us. No, no. We've committed to this, and this is the one thing that we won't change, regardless of what notes we get from the network. That's right. Andrew, that we technically have written down five things.

Oh dear God. And so that means that if you're happy to move on, we could go to three words from a listener. I think the listeners, if they're still out there, are begging for that. So let's do that now. Okay, Andy. Well, I don't know if you know this, but we have people who can support us through Patreon and a kind listener has sent in three words. And I hope I'm pronouncing this correctly. Andriana, Genualty. Andriana, thank you so much.

Hello. Thank you so much for sending this these kind words. I am genuinely thankful. Well, I'm not saying that the words are kind. I mean kindly sending in the words. Now, Andy, do you think you could guess what one and then the rest of these words are? I'll do it, but not in that order, Alistair. Okay. Okay, so I'm going to get the rest first and then I'll guess one. Oh, I'll look. Here we go. The first word is shortening. Shortening? No. No. Wait, did you say the

first one or did we say the others? Oh, sorry, the last word. The last word is dungeon. Okay. And then remainder. No, Andy, you're thinking too much math. Now, which one was that one that you were guessing? Was that the first or the third at the second one? Oh, no, the middle one is dune. the middle one is DUN. DUN. DUN. So, do you know what the first word is? Yep. Done. Done. It's done. I'm sorry. That is incorrect, Andy. Damn it. The first word is DING. DING, DING, DUN. DUN. Yeah. DING DUDE DUNGE! Yeah. Really good. Nobody, nobody is making prisons out of sand. No.

And bells. And bells? Yes. I mean, could you do a kind of a prisoner kind of thing? And this doesn't sound very ethical to me. But you know how when you have a flock of cows, a herd of cows and you put a bell on them so that you can keep track of them in the fog. Is that why? Is that why you do that?

Yeah. Could you have free range prisoners, but they just got a bell on them so that you can catch them if you need to, you can find them if you need to. I mean, you, I guess, I guess in a way that's one of those bracelets, right, all those anklets things, but this is a bell, so it's quite different as well. It's analog. I think there's an idea there. It's like, it's the idea that, you know, kind of in the same way that encryption works

and that you could break encryption if you could do enough calculations, but it's so much that you technically can't. And so if you put prisoners in an isolated enough place, yes. If you put prisoners in an isolated enough place, yes, if they put in enough work, they could escape back into civilization, but it's actually so much work that you probably, it's almost impossible for you to survive that journey.

Right, so are they in the middle of a desert? I suppose so. And they have an oasis. An oasis, sure. I mean, this is a little bit what they did when they brought people to Tasmania and they just put them on, Macquarie, what's that island?

Sarah Island and they were like, yeah, good luck. Getting off here. But. Did they get off? Yeah, some of them did. Some of them did. But a lot of them died trying as well. That's where the cannibal, what's his name?

Oh, that guy. Yeah, the cannibal convict. What was his name? Arthur something? Arthur cannibal. Arthur cannibal. But, well, let's say you have an oasis. Yes. Right. So you're actually putting in a quite a nice place. And then they have to, you know, just escape to have to walk through the

desert. But then also you're saving on bar costs. Yeah. I don't know what else you have to set up for them. I suppose. Are they just living a normal life? Are they sort of having, you know, making growing food and going out to dinner with each other and stuff? Yeah, I don't think there's like, you know, tie restaurants and stuff. I think it's a sort of a, it's basically the prison part, the negative aspect is that they're kind of,

they're sent back in time in terms of the amount of technology that they have. They kind of live a more village style lifestyle. I know this idea isn't really, because it sounds quite nice there, but it's made me think this and this isn't really that same concept, but you know, imagine a prison, right? And they get a new warden in. And the new warden does such a good job of reforming all the prisoners. They become so nice. And they're all doing such nice things

in the prison and keeping it all real nice. Okay, and getting it all pretty in there, as lovely they grow lots of plants and that sort of thing and it gets the point where the prison is actually a lot nicer than everywhere else in the world. And now everybody's trying to break into the prison. I think you taught your describing Japan where I think there's like people where it's like it's so tough for some elderly people out in the you know living out in the world where they're just committing little crime so that they can get into prison and and have an easier time. Well sure it's real sad when you put it like that, Alistair.

But I mentioned that, but somehow a comedy. Well, I mean, I think there is a comedy in prison oasis where it is just, it's like a small town. Everybody's a prisoner, but they're all free to roam around. They've got to learn to live with it. They're a bunch of characters. I mean, this sounds like it's the kind of pitch that somebody would do and not get their show up,

but you go, they're all a bunch of interesting characters. Great. Oh, that's great. That's one of the boxes I have to tick on this commissioning form. I got here. Do they have interesting characters? You tell me that you do. So that's a. That's one of the boxes I have to tick on this commissioning form I got here. Do they have interesting characters? You tell me that you do. So that's a big tick for you there now.

But this next one's tricky. He doesn't have an interesting storyline. And you say, It has an interesting storyline. Yes, and I say, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Looks like somebody's getting green lit. And well, you could also say it's really diverse. And how diverse is it?

Because I have two daughters here. One says really, and one says not particularly. Unfortunately, it's only one gender. Mm, so that's not that diverse as well. Which one? It would be hard. It's just the thing is with oranges, the new black, it's hard to then go and make another old woman prison in an oasis.

But then there is also Oz, which is an all men's thing. So then to say that having two women prison shows is bad. That's bad in itself. So I'm going to say they having two women prison shows is bad. That's bad in itself. So I'm going to say they're all women. Correct answer. Here's 10 million dollars. Go away and write the first episode on these banknotes. I'm sorry I didn't have any other paper. if you don't use all of them, you can keep the rest. Before we move on from now, because I'm not sure if that is a sketch yet, but... Do you think a bell, a giant bell, like a big, let's say a giant bell sized dome, that was placed, let's say, maybe on a big stick, but kind of under the sand,

under the sand in a desert, but it's got enough sand over the top that it's kind of shielded on the inside from a lot of the direct sun's heat. If you were under the sand, direct sun's heat. Yeah. If you were under the sand, but if you were under this bell in the ground, there's air under the bell's dome, right? Some sand kind of pours in under the dome. But would you have air and would it be hot under there, do you think? Oh, great question.

I mean, deserts get really cold overnight, right? And. But they get really hot during the day. They get really hot during the day, you're right. That's the flip side, isn't it? But I think the fact that it's 50-50, hot cold, that you might find that because it takes so long during the day for the thing to heat up and then it has so much time to cool down at night, it might be that you just have quite a pleasant environment there in your big desert bell.

Hmm. Nice. It's a big metal bell though. Climate controlled. Yeah, but it's under the sand. If it's under far enough. It's under the sand. And you don't get a good ding out of it because of all the sand on top of it.

You wouldn't get a good ding. No. What about... Oh, did it... Yeah. No, I just wanted to pitch another thing, which is that like, okay, let's totally cover a prisoner in bells.

So like they just jingle everywhere you go, because that's what you do with cats, right? You give them a bell around the neck and then they can't do any, they can't kill any birds because they, they jingle and they scare the birds away. So we're going to let prisoners go free in the society but they wear a bell suit and they just, they just always jingling so you know when they're coming and you can keep an eye on them. Yeah, no, I do love that. Yeah. So you see them, you hear them walking down the street. I mean, that would be pretty ominous though. It's. Yeah. Oh, it'd be ominous. I'm not saying it would be ominous.

It means he's in the middle of the night. You just hear. Tink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink. I'm thinking like, please don't stop at my house, please don't stop at my house, please don't stop at my house. I'm thinking lots of little cat bells. So they sort of jingle. Like that whole body is covered in like a suit of many, many, many bells. And they're just, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, bit like Santa Claus when he comes, Jing, Jing, Jing, but more.

What about, what about if you cover them in wind chimes? Oh, yes, and that's good, because that's also quite relaxing, and that might diffuse some of the stress that you feel when you hear them coming. You'd still be aware of them, but you wouldn't be so tense, because of the wind chimes.

Blink, blonk, dink, blonk, dink, blonk, dink, blong, dink, blong, dink, blong, dink. I wonder what's making it, is there also a timpody in between their legs? Ding, bong, ding, bong. What's that low sound? That I was doing. Yeah. That's just one of the long wind chimes. I'm doing bamboo wind chimes.

I don't know what kind of material you were thinking. I was doing sort of chimes. I don't know what kind of material you were thinking. I was doing sort of chimes on a man out of metal. But you know what, I think we're also dressing them up in a full one man band outfit would also have the same effect. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I guess it depends on whether, you know, people who get out of prison have the same problem with homelessness as they do today.

This is a character called the one man bandit. And he robs, he robs people, but he's always full dressed in a full one man band outfit. Does he run in it? He runs. All right, I'm running one man bandit. You play music everywhere he goes. That's incredible. Yeah, I guess he could do it a faster drum and bass kind of music. Not that he's not that he's making any electronic music, but unless he's unless he's his one man band suit is a electric drum kit that allows him to load

up any kind of sounds that he wants. That's what he's saving up for. That's why he's putting the crumbs. That's what he's doing all these crimes because he's trying to make it to the big the big time I'd love to see more one man banned people I mean a one man banned Did a digital one man band guy who's like a DJ who does dance music? Hmm, I think would be quite a something to see I mean to find out that he's actually just pressing play and then just pretending to

be pretty disappointing. But he has play buttons all over his body. Yeah. Well, they get press play with his knees. Hello. Yeah. These even, press the, he throws a button into the crowd and he lets you press it a bit. I also think the full body suit jingling prisoner is good.

I think it's also, it's almost could be a horror film in some way as well. Yeah, I, that's exactly where my thing went. My, my thing, which is my mind, went straight away. And then we're gonna take us through the sketch. I just, firstly, I'd like to say thank you, Tondriana, for those words. Thank you. That were really great words.

They made me really happy. Thank you very much. We've got today's sketch is streaming, the love of streaming. Yeah. Good boy of streaming. Yeah. Good boy. Strong. I'm having a stop.

No, it is like, look, you don't see the joy that's on this guy's face when you're thinking about it. You're just thinking about a guy who's angry with a cable. But this guy is joyous. He's going, oh my god, we got 25 audience members. That's just the perfect amount for answering all their questions anymore. And you can't really keep up, you know, and people are kind of paying money so that they can get more notice, but you don't need to do that here.

And this is perfect for you guys so that you guys can just watch without losing too many toys. Oh my God, my software is looking to update. This is going to be great because we're gonna have new features as soon as it's finished updated. I'm gonna... Oh, and, Alistair, this is the greatest comic character of all time.

Somebody who is excited when their computer starts downloading updates. Oh, I'm about to record a podcast. People are waiting for me. My computer has decided to install updates on Ristart. What? What a glorious moment. Think of the new features. I'll be able to describe them to the guests when I'm eventually able to start. Well, you know what I'm going to do. I'm going to boot another I'm going to boot another operating system here within my own operating system

just so that I can install it straight away and we can go through it together and see what they've got installed for us. I mean somebody streaming live streaming, they install progressers, they're installing, that's incredible. See, look, there's fun in there Andy. Oh, you were skeptical. I'm gonna, I'm gonna Twitch stream. Next time I'm upgrading my operating system, I've gotta do a Twitch stream and I do gonna do a commentary.

Cause sometimes it is quite, quite nail biting the way the time remaining goes up and down. Oh yeah. It's a real roller coaster. They have not nailed that technology at all. It is you a speculation. We are still hundreds of years away. But being able to accurately estimate, it is tall time.

Yeah, or the amount of time it takes to transfer files into a folder. All right, then we got bullying dogs with a smile and a nice tone. It's one of the options available from the Victimless Crimes broker, which could also be done with other option. What's that? Oh, with other option that was, I didn't put a lot of details there, but that meant you could do it with people who don't speak English or obviously

the people who have lost their mind, maybe. But we're sure they have, so it's okay. Yeah, and then we've got no new content. It's a content ceasefire so that we can have a year off and everybody can catch up on all the old stuff that was available to watch. I mean, maybe just a one year universal basic income for everyone so that we can just watch stuff,

not feel guilty. We're all having a year off. Oh, everybody gets it. It's good for everyone. That's great. A big gap year. You know what I expected to produce anything? Let the economy reset a bit.

Nobody is pitching that as a platform for their political party, which is just like a year off. Everybody gets a year off. Universal basic income only for a year. And a year for everyone. Like the country will rack up some debt. It'll be fine. Or maybe what we'll do is, all right, everybody as a country,

let's work really hard for three years and then we'll have a year off. Yeah, and also, I I mean you could just take you could skim 25% off of the the defense budget for For you know four years and then you just get a full defense budget's worth of money for everybody Hmm And you know just get to live off of that for a year. And I reckon, you know, I reckon we'd be pretty happy. And, you know, we're not going to be using the military for that one year. So we technically could get two years worth of military budget. That's just good. It's going to be heaps. Then we got the, oh, and then also we're starting again

with the content. We're destroying all content and possibly all knowledge. Then no mental arithmetic world. That's where we're mass. The time table is released. Yeah. Wait by way. And it's yeah, and it's a this is like the thing that people are looking for to find out. Oh man, I wonder what man, could you imagine if we one day even get to see the thirteenths? I got to tell you like I got to tell you that the seven times table every single one of those things takes me by surprise. Every time.

Yeah. I have, there's no chance of me getting on top of that. Beyond, beyond five times seven, I am in absolutely uncharted waters. You know which is the craziest one? It's three times 17. Wow. Yeah, that does sound crazy. Have you ever, do you ever, have you ever found

out what that is? No, no, no. It's 51. 51, that is crazy. 51, who would have thought the 51 was divisible by three? That's the most insane number. Look at it. 51. Get out of town. That's a pro number. You can't tell me. Yeah, come on. So then we got a quadratic equation based mystery show, but this is not in a world where

they don't have mental arithmetic This is just a real TV show where it's based off of the quadratic equation Quadratic sounds like a great place to go for a holiday Yeah, we're all we're going silent on the quadratic That does sound good actually. Hmm. Guess it's that a qua-dreadic um Then we got prison oasis That's not good actually. Because it's that aqua-dratic. Then we got prison oasis. It's just a, I mean, this is just, this is a big TV show.

Maybe half the island is a male prison. Half the oasis is a male prison. And half the island is a female prison. That way we can have, we can have a bit more diversity of gender. That sounds great. But they don't know about each other. They don't know about each other until halfway throughs, or maybe at the end of season one.

No way. I don't know yet. It's good, Al. And then we got prisoner Belle suit, which is a good idea. Can I just pitch this though? It's lost slash oranges the new black, right? And what it is is you have a prison plane crashes on an island.

You've got the guards, you've got the prisoners, they're trying to start a new kind of... Like they've got to work out what the island is going to be, basically. trying to start a new kind of, like they've got to work out what the island is going to be, basically, are they going to try and keep the prisoners prisoners? Is that an island? Is this an island? I don't know. It can be an oasis if you want.

Sounds like you're just doing lost. Were there prisoners on that? No, but you know. Well, then it's different. It's very different. There's so much more, you know, tension. If you're doing that, why you got the, why you got the playing of the plane crash as well, it's crazy. All right, it's a bus. It's a bus. A bus crashes at an oasis. There you go. It's a totally different idea.

I think if it's on purpose, it's fine. You know, it means it was planning. They can still be parachuteed in or whatever. Right. In their cages. You know, they dropped a bit like an operation dump. Dumb-o-drop? Mm-hmm.

And then the final one is a one-man band. He's a guy who Rob's place is always dressed as a one man band He plays his own heist music. Oh That's good. Hmm makes it really Makes it really Tense that's good. John T Yeah, they could fun. Mm. Or taunty. Yeah. You can make it fun.

Take some of that tension away. Andy, boot, boot, boot, boot, dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble. Thank you very much for listening to two in the Think Tank. I think that's the podcast we're doing. You can also listen to our other podcast called The Pop Test.

Download it, subscribe a bunch of people to it. That helps us some keeps right now. Maybe get a second season. I don't endorse crimes, but if you're breaking into people's houses any way, why not subscribe to computers? You know, like it's obviously still the laptops. as any way why not subscribe to their computers. You know, like obviously steal the laptops, so assume that's the kind of thing you're into.

But the desktops, you're not buggering around, trying to carry those away with you. So leave the desktop computer, just jump on, subscribe to the pop test. Exactly, you can find some way. They probably won't even press charges, they'll be so happy. I'm at the Jupyter Old Andy happy. I'm at the stupid old Andy

And I'm at Alistair TV and we're at two in tank. You can find us on Instagram at two in tank. You can Send us an email at two in the think tank at gmail.com. No, yes, please If you want to send us long letters, that's a good place And you can you can support us on Patreon if you like People have been doing that. It's been very kind. We appreciate it. There's bonus content there. I think it would be great to have an episode of a crime show where they're investigating a string of burglaries

and the only thing that the person has been doing. Like we thought, like, nothing's ever stolen, but we find out somebody works out that this person is breaking into people's houses and using their computers to subscribe to their own podcast to increase their, to try and get on the new and noteworthy. Yeah, that's really good.

No, no one ever checks that. When someone breaks into your house, nobody ever checks if they've been subscribed to any new podcasts. That's true. You know what, Andy, I've just realized that that mystery show, right? Where it's a quadratic equation.

It could be a full math mystery show where not only do you watch the mystery within the show, but then you also got a guess which mathematic equation it's based off of. That's a second mystery. Really good, really good now. All right, well, we got to wrap this up. So, see you all later. And we love you. Thank you. Bye. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now.

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