Simple Swedish Podcast - 276 “EUROPEAN SPACE AGENCY” with JACK DRUCE

Episode Date: March 10, 2021

A never ending packet of thanks to the brilliant Jack Druce for joining us on this fun ep. Check out his twitter and hilarious comedy fest show Rat Paradise.Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereSasquatch and Judge, Masked Judger, Big Foot Origin Story, Cryptozooutofthehouse, Men’s Hed, Crying Urinal, Telescopee (You’re a Peeing), Defile a Culture, Sand in the Food CourtListen and subscribe to our new show THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastAnd buy tickets to TELEPORT at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2021Get Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objects...and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereMorally defensible thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Multitask right now. Quote today at Progressive.com.

Progressive casualty and trans company in affiliates. National average 12 month savings of $744 by new customer surveyed who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. This count's not available in all safe and situations. Hello, my name is Alistair Trombley, Virtual and I would like to promo a couple of things.

Firstly, we have another podcast called The Pop Test which is a much more legitimate and is a science quiz thing. And it's part of the ABC here in Australia. And you should download it. Second thing, we're doing a company festival show in 2021. It's called Teleport in Melbourne. If you fit that criteria of being in that year and in that place. In that place, you should get tickets. That's a great way of supporting us. And also seeing what some of these ideas from pods you don't turn into. And third thing, some great listeners, I would call them two in the think tank scholars have created a two in thethink tank discord. And if you're into that kind of thing,

there's gonna be a link in the show notes to access it, and probably we'll put it on our socials. All these things will be linked in the show notes down below the podcast, wherever it is that you're listening to it right now. Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh- It puts the lotion on its skin. Oh, I wasn't sure if it was going to be Bane or that guy. What if Bane was a... Or was he? Or was he... Or was he...

Or was he... Or was he... Or was he... Or was he... Or was he... Or was he... Or was he... Or was he...

Or was he... Or was he... Or was he... Or was he... Or was he... Or was he... Or was he... Or was he... Or was he... Or was he... Or was he... Or was he... somebody down in a hole, and so did Bain also keep somebody down in a hole. I think it's for people who have nasally ways of talking. All right. Do you think maybe that that was just kind of masking some kind of like mouth problem?

Before we get too far into this back then. This is Jack Drew's thing. Well, yeah, I'm Jack Drew's, but what I wanted to say on the voice thing was that it sounded like, you know, you watch a documentary and someone wants to remain anonymous, but they put the distortion over the voice. I thought it sounded like that was happening, but the first and only thing you said was arm, elastic, and then you're announced your full name. But I want my face to be, hopefully. Don't know what I sound like. No one. No what my hands walk. Okay, That's really funny. How do we how is that it?

How is that a sketch because that's too good to be wasted right what is it? It's like it's a it's a context in which It's okay to know somebody's name and somebody maybe in the future Everybody knows everybody's name maybe in the future, everybody knows everybody's name, maybe in the future. Okay, because we all stay at home just in our little pod, right? Your voice becomes your entire identity

and you just communicate via your voice with various avatars over, I mean, this is not, this is in a way taking a lot of the comedy there was out of Jack's idea. But you, you just can, you know, your voices applied to an avatar in a virtual world, all the details about your identity are sort of contained within your voice and your actual name and, know even what you look like is no longer relevant to identifying somebody or or issue in consequences. Maybe you're a teacher and you've got a very popular YouTube account and podcast and you

don't want people to know your real name. More of what your face looks like. And so you create some some fake identity and but you're happy for people to know that name. But not what your face looks like. You make yourself look like a goat. Yeah, okay. Oh, it's an interesting theory. Yeah.

I wonder how that would apply in reality. Like the leader of the planet brought. The leader. The leader. One of the leaders. No, I wonder what the, because there was that guy who, he was, The leader, one of the leaders. I wonder what the, because there was that guy who, he was, I can't remember exactly what, there was some sort of serious meeting thing

that was happening over like, Sue Muskinep or something, and then he had the cat thing turned out, and then it was... Yeah, and he was just kind of a, just a sweet old man who was like, I don't know what's happening here, I'm not a cat, please.

I don't know, I don't know. I don't think he was a sweet old man actually, I think it don't know what's happening here. I'm not a cat, please. I don't know. I don't think he was a sweet old man actually. I think it was a court proceeding. He was a lawyer, but it turned out that he'd be, he was like on trial or he had various misdemeanors. Okay. I can't see any of these. If I see an old man as a cat,

I just assume the best. EU. And then his thing worked. This was his defense the whole time. That's a great strategy. It looked like a cute kid. Yeah, sorry. I have a lot of time. I turned's a great strategy. To look like a cute kid. Yeah. Sorry. I have a little kid.

I have a little kid. I have a little kid. I have a little kid. I have a little kid. I assure you I am not a cat. Too dumb to commit a crime. That's for sure. It's his own defense.

Well, all I was saying with that was that it's like, I wonder what the, I think we'll get to a point where people with those sort of like digital stuff on their face will be like what's the most like serious position of power that someone could need to have that kind of digital disguise on as well as thinking. Well, I guess there's no reason why like we couldn't be in a dystopian future and of sort of a big brother type character who appears in our homes over screens and sort of tells us how to behave and how to, in slaves us, couldn't do that through

the avatar of a cute little cat. Yeah. Well, I mean, isn't that what judges already do? Like in Australia, and stuff, they put on a cute little wig horse and they dress up in some robes like they're a wizard. It is that to be cute. Do you think court Gordon, make them? Well, I mean, it's still wearing some kind of stupid costume

to make you look different. Yeah. I know that we associate that costume with sort of spending life in jail or whatever like that. But it is a furry, it is a little fuzzy little, you know, there's a parallel there. I think it would be great if judges, they just had to wear A wig and it didn't matter if it was a judge's wig or anything, the important

thing was they're wearing A wig. I do like that. Do you think that there's ever a situation where like, like, you know, legally they have to wear the wig for it to be, for the judgment to be valid? I don't know. It doesn't, doesn't feel like it's the case, but just in case. You get a mistrial because it turns out that was the judges' real hair. Yeah, and all the cool died and looped around like that. Or the wig's gone missing and then in a, like it's sort of an last minute rush,

he just has to grab any wig for it to be valid and he gets a silly looking one. Maybe he runs by, he's walking by a barber shop and he just picks up some clippings off of the ground that they've just swept up and he just kind of sprinkles them on his head. Before going on, he goes, well, this is not all my real hair. That's shedding during the proceedings. Hair is going in his mouth. I think probably the reason, they actually, I think they got rid of those, those weeks now.

I think in quite a recent, in Victoria. But I think maybe also that, you know, they could judges now have, can have access sort of, uh, follicle transplant technology and that sort of thing and have you know surgery done to do it that way. It's a more natural thing. Maybe if you're wearing a full yeti costume or like a full big foot outfit do you think that would count as a good thing? I think that as you go up to higher levels of court so you start in the the local magistrate and as you go up the judges should have to have more hair on their body until when you get to the Supreme Court they are in full Yeti costumes.

Like Bigfoot is real and the side's most like he's the highest level of judgment in the world. You've got a Yeti, you've got what's the other word for Bigfoot? The one that's got. What's the other word for big foot? The one. Sashquatch. Sashquatch. And so the full panel of the Supreme Court involves all different versions of the Yeti.

So Sashquatch. The Yeti. Chukakabra. Yeah. All cryptids. All cryptids. All cryptids. All cryptids.

So there's a bun yep. No animals we can prove are real. Yeah. Yeah. It's like that thing when you're, when you're, you know, like, with the lethal injection, where they, it's messed up so that whoever's pushing, the two people push in a lethal injection button, but there's something in the randomization of it. So it's never known who actually pushed the

button. That's a thing. I think so. I think so. I had about that with like, where they do, what's the firing squad that like one of the people doesn't have a bullet in their gun or has a blank,

so you could always be like, I probably was the guy with the blank. Yeah. I didn't do it. Okay, okay, I've worked out what this is. This is a cross between judge Judy and the masked singer, right? And what it is, the cases are real. This is a cross between Judge Judy and the masked singer. And what it is, the cases are real.

The... The bullets are real. The judgments are real, but the judge is a random celebrity dressed as a large animal. And the trial plays out, and then the verdict is delivered and then the jury and I guess the convicted criminal get to try and guess who the judge was the entire time. And then we reveal who the judge was. Maybe a free man if you correctly guess the celebrity. Yeah, you lose a year off your sentence. That is exactly. Yes. Or you get

to commit one more crime. Yeah. Just one, any last crimes before you go to prison forever, you should be allowed to, when you, if you're going to prison for life, right, that's a life sentence, that's not going to get any worse, right? So they can't support you anymore. You could commit any crime you want. And then you can commit one more crime and it doesn't affect your sentence. You could steal from your lawyer. Well, there's some good crimes. Yeah, because crimes you can commit in the court. It's really not a lot of room to, if your hands are tied, maybe you're, I don't know if

they are. Court crime. And then you go to court court. And it's a court, it's a smaller court within the court where they They it's a corner of the court. It's a corner of the court where you go to court court and Before they can can't that before they can finish the original trial you have to have your small sub trial a lot of people think it's just a Court that they've put there for kids to entertain them while the parents are in court Right, but actually it's actually a court court while the parents are in court, right?

But actually, it's actually a court court for any crimes committed in court. And in the corner of that, it's an even smaller court for bugs. No, this is for you can make still for crimes in come up in. Yeah, I get it. But you bet, but the adults, the people who are in the court are still really focused. So they have to like sit on bigger and bigger, a smaller and smaller chairs and they look bigger and bigger and Is that, I don't know, look, is there some way? Okay, so I've got judges rule change. They have to wear a wig. Okay, wait,

No, we got, but yeah, I think that like the one of like the judges are in disguise and you don't know who it is. Yeah, and I think that's that one of like the judges are in disguise and you don't know who it is. And I think that's interesting because what it is doing is it's taking you, you know, your mask's seen in a format and now it's the judges who are and the voice, you know, a lot of the time it was like, we don't know who the contestant is or the judges don't know who the contestant is. I haven't seen these shows, but I think this is more or less how it takes place. But then they, now it's the judges, we don't know who they are, so we don't know whether or not to trust their opinion until it's too late. You don't know whether or not there was any validity to your life sentence until after

it's been passed. It's like, yeah, yeah. It's fine, that's interesting. And you're like, oh man, man it was I was just given the death penalty bit by Danny Manoe. She doesn't have that power on me but but the the judgments are real you saw something in the start so so now she actually does. But it's almost like you're you're running a double blind a double blind legal system. So you can see this is the whole thing behind it obviously is that there's a big experiment on the legal system and to see whether people who

are not legally trained, not lead the same verdict. Yeah, who are people who are who are given sentences that are not legally enforceable whether or not they recover better and rejoin society better. So, and you also get to make a TV show on them. Yeah, it's the greatest. You know, it's actually, you weren't sentenced to death, the death penalty, you actually just got a sugar pill.

Oh, nice. Yeah. But not that they were going to give you a pill to kill you. They were still going to electrocute you. But. So you still turned, get killed. No, no, you don't get killed. None of the death penalty happens.

You were just sentenced. And then they let you out because it wasn't real. But you got to. I think you should still get killed. OK. Sorry. Yeah. Right. I was just seeing I was just saying if I can how far how far I could take it. Just because I was thinking about these crypto zoological judges and stuff. You know,

I want I heard about recently because I thought I kind of knew most of them, but I was watching this thing about a big foot and I was like listing a bunch of them, like every culture has their own, you know, creatures and he listed it like all the classics. He got the Sasquatch and the Elchufa Cabra. And then it like the, it's like a map of the globe zooming around to whether you're living it zoops into like Southeast Asia and he goes, you know, u rang pandek. And I was like, Jesus Christ, u rang pandek. That's one. And now he's my new reference for any, like, crypto zoo, like, cool thing. And what is Ureng Pandec like?

There's not, I've been trying to Google, there's not a ton of, the guy made it out, like, you know, Ureng Pandec, we all know about it. And then I looked into it, it's like, there's not a lot of stuff about Ureng Pandec. But I think he's kind of like a, he's a jungle man. Yeah, I think more of like a beast than a man.

I guess like I think maybe, more beast than a man. Yeah, I think more of like a beast than a man. I guess like I think maybe more beast than a man. Yeah, I think it maybe walks on four legs sometimes, but I saw I saw one depiction where it was sort of like a just like a really small hairy man, I guess. Which you know, it's like they do exist in the, I feel like sometimes people just see hairy men and go like, I've discovered a new one. Yeah.

And now it's just a man in the jungle. Hello. Anthony, I'm Eric. new one. How is this a man in the jungle? Hello, I'm Eric. Oh, yes. I'm a small hairy man. I mean, it's the question, isn't it? Say, how much evidence do you need for there to be a new crypto? I want this. This is a logical animal.

I want an urban Yeti. Oh, yeah. We can claim to see around the streets of Melbourne. In a way that no one really sees but everybody just gets catches a glimpse of yeah sort of like that panther that's always supposedly around the way panther around the farms and things like that we know we think they saw it this time for real how good was the dialocene Tasmanian dialocene fiasco, when the guy said he'd discovered them.

Were you across this? I'm not sure what this one is. Like, it was like two weeks ago. So, Tasmanian Tiger. The Tasmanian Tiger mob who say they were searching for it, publicized the fact that they'd found it in videos and then they released the videos and they didn't look anything like a thylacene. They just looked like a little wallaby and that's what it was. But they were really sure. What was going on there? Did

they actually think it was a thylacene or were they just trying to get attention? Well, I mean, he was like, look, and there's a baby, so they've been braiding. You know, like he seemed sure. Yeah. He seemed sure he was having his beer. He was kicking back. He was done for the day. He had done his work. They achieved his life's goal. And he had sent it off to the experts. Yeah.

He was like, well, now that's all we need is the final tick from the professionals. I mean, obviously this is what I dedicate all my time to. I've established myself as somebody with the ability to decide whether or not a thylacene exists and and like it's like he'd never seen one in his life, like never even seen a picture or had a clue what they're supposed to look like. You know who would organize a group like that?

To make people looking for thylacines seem really stupid. Thylacines, they would actually, they would organize a group like to have to get people off their trail. Trying to discredit the idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're saying that the thylacines are working at the highest levels of government? Two. I don't know if they're working with the government, but they're actually controlling

small group of men. Yeah. That's nothing like the government. You're right. Well, it's a small group of men who like to have a drink and sort of spend a little bit of time in the bush. Those hunters of these mythical animals are like, I think they're the most interesting people alive. I don't know enough about any of the creatures that are looking for, but any documentary or YouTube thing about those guys. It's just like, I feel like, you know, if you're like a bit wrong about something, you're just mistaken on something to someone who calls you on it and you maybe have a bit of resistance, you're like, oh yeah, you sure? I don't know. And then like, maybe after enough evidence comes to you, you go, all right, wow, I was on the wrong end of that one. Sorry, guys.

And then there's some people who they just have a bit of an input where they'll sort of stay in their ground a bit too long. I just feel like those people are just the furthest evolution of that behavior, whether like, no, actually, I am right. And I'm going to live in the woods forever to prove it. Yeah. So I'm going to give tours of this forest every single day.

Yeah, I'm gonna. It does feel a little bit like a self-fulfilling prophecy because I feel like if you spent enough time in the jungle looking for Bigfoot, you would end up sort of very hairy and naked and afraid of society and just sort of running away. Anyway. I mean, I think the idea that maybe a big foot is just the last,

each big foot that is seen as the last big foot expert to have lost his mind. That's great. That's a big final evolution of looking for big foot as you become big foot. It's like Buddhism. It is. It's a regular, same as Buddhism.

Yeah. Well, that's essentially Buddhism right there. It's the middle path through the forest. There's a big person who's lost their mind. I like that it's just, you know, do you really need to work that hard to come up with an excuse to go camping with your friends? Yeah.

It's just, just, just go camping with your friends. I think actually it's pretty hard to justify once life really gets going and you've got kids and things like that to get time away. But if you frame it as a life's passion and you're gonna uncover something, I think you could convince your wife and kids that you need to spend a little bit of time away

every week with your buddies. And just when they're starting to lose interest in you pursuing this thing, you just fake a little bit more evidence to get a couple more weekends out of them. It's got nothing to do with convincing society at large. You just need to convince you're beloved. Mm. Wait, um, look, I'm going to write it down, even though it's... What, the idea of convincing the beloved? Is. Well, I think all of crypto-sewology could be explained

by just a need to get out of the house occasionally. Yeah, yeah. For a couple of days. I, this is absolutely nothing at all, but I was thinking the other day about how men's sheds association, that space just for men to get away and just have space just for men. But even the word shed is mostly she, and I just think that that's what you'd want to go and... You think you'd get a head?

Yeah, men's head. Man's head. It's a giant lunar park type of where you walk in the mouth and then you're greeted by your boys and there. I think that would be a great way for men to explore mental health is that what if they actually went inside a big man's head and then there can be sort of an obstacle course type thing where there are people dressed as various different repressed emotions chasing you or jumping out or you've got a crawl through mud but the mud is I don't know loneliness or your parents not cuddling you enough. Well, what's something that would actually make you say

your problems out loud that isn't just having to bring them up? Mm. You know, what about torture? Yeah. And you, so you torture somebody's until they tell you how they're, oh, this is very good, Alistair. It's very difficult to get men to talk about their feelings. What if we torture them until they do tell us about their feelings? So it's a sort of a

mandated government program. Quite a lot of the feelings would be like, I don't like this torture. Well sure, but that's another problem that we can fix with torture. Right. We'll get to that, okay? We'll try to get to, first we got to sort out the childhood issues, and then we can deal with this more recent stuff like you're winging about the torture.

Or you could think of the mentioning, I don't like this torture, is a real icebreaker of like allowing it to start. That's the thing that you're feeling. Sure. Yeah, I like this. Yeah, right. Think about it. Firstly, in about 15 minutes,

you're going to be in my position getting a torture me. Oh, you know, that's nice. And you're going to quite enjoy that. I'm having a great time. So it's a thing that guys can do together. Guys torturing guys. Mm.

Well, I mean, a giant head. That's often, I mean, that's often what men's sports clubs and things like that, you already are torturing each other in a way. And that's why it's so suppressed, right? But if now you're torturing it with the torturing each other with the purpose of getting these feelings out, maybe they get points for every breakthrough that they have. You know, and since everybody eventually breaks in torture, it's kind of more acceptable to let your feelings out. You're right. You're giving yourself permission to cry.

If you're being tortured anyway, who's to say whether or not you're crying about the hot toothpicks under your fingernails or some girly thing? Exactly. You can hide the personal tears in amongst the pain. Exactly. Who's to say if you're screaming about your childhood or about the waterboarding that has occurred because you know you're just coming up for breath after 30 seconds under being held under.

Waterboarding is a perfect tier of disguise. You slip a few out there, midwater boards. You come out, it's like, were you crying in there mate? Who's to say? I'll never tell you. Tell me! Then you put them back under one. And that's just what you want because you can have another good cry.

They're falling straight into your trap. It's a positive feedback away. Isn't that great? It's good to know that as a guy you can just save up your tears for in case you're ever tortured anyway. And you just get them all out then. I'm not, I'm not repressing anything. I'm saving my tears until I can get them all out in one go when it's, you know, in a context,

when it's happening in a way, you know. It's not, other it's raining really hard, but yeah, if I'm being tortured, that's the perfect cover. It's like hiding in plain sight or hiding in a crowd. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750

on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Multitask right now, quote today at progressive.com. Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary.

This counts not available in all safe and situations. That would be really hard to do. Yeah. What about if you're walking behind a person? What about if you're swimming? If you're swimming or scuba diving or swimming, that's a great time to have a cry. Do you think those guys who do like the swim the English Channel or something, they're actually what their main mission is, but their secret personal mission is the world.

They're also breaking the world record for biggest cry. The biggest cry. Nobody can get you for that. They don't even have to pop up at either end of the pool to anyone to get a look if they were crying or not. What about at the pool when, you know, we've talked about this on the podcast before, but like they used to say when you're a kid that they put something in there

that'll change color if you do a whee, so they'll know if you do a whee. Well, we also have another one that changes color if anybody's crying in the pool, okay? It'll go bright green and everyone will know if you're crying. So no crying in the pool. What about we have a new facility that's like a new public toilet, but it's just a place to go and cry.

And you can cry into a basin and then flush the tears away. You could just be a wipe your face like a white thing. You know, like with parks, you know, if they have those, they've made like a vibraphone or something like that for kids and they always have the mallets that are attached with a wire What about it just a post in a park It's got a bunch of sacks hanging on wires and you can just put the sack over your head and cry It's really funny. It's a public, you know, maybe there's some sponges in there

Yeah, just crying to the sponge. Yeah, and just cry into the sponges. Cry facility. Yeah, and then you can just ring it out and be down. We're here to do that. And then like that. It's just an amenity like anything else. It's why aren't there facilities? It's like a face trough. Mm.

You know, why couldn't it just be exactly like a urinal? Yeah. It's a urinal, like you go in there, it's just metal. You're just, it's so it's about head height, you rest your chin on there. And you, and a couple of other blocks, well what about they put it above the regular urinal? And it just, oh, now it runs above there. And then when you go and stand at the urinal,

with your, with your, with a couple of other blocks, you just rest your chin on the upper urinal and have a bloody good cry. And you could just like in terms of the language, it could just fall under, if you say I'm taking a leak, it's just like I'm just taking a leak, I'll be back. And they don't know what kind of leak. Leakin' from all over.

That's right. And I think maybe this would make those separators even more crucial. Because I think maybe this this would make those separators even more crucial. You know, because I think, you know, people of course are worried about people looking at their junk or whatever Some of you will have those thoughts. I wouldn't know who. But why would you why would you I wouldn't know about that. I don't have normal thoughts like big people. So Whatever whatever is a bad thought to have. I don't have people not looking at my Yes.

I You guys you guys are looking at you, I say You guys are looking aren't you, I say? I think instead of a separator there should be a telescope on each side. Not that I need a telescope. A series of mirrors. I don't think it's like this. But it just goes directly up to each other. A telescope is pointing the other way to make big things that are close,

look further away and small. Not a magnifying glass, a telescope, and you can see planets with, yeah, far reaches of the galaxy. And I would prefer that. But down towards penis, it's not. But then, you know, but up near the face, you get a little privacy in there,

a little face, a little face-hidden thing. Maybe the face, you get a little privacy in there, a little face ahead and think, maybe the sack. You know, crying, so I think a urinal, where every, you know, different spot along the urinal, is supplied with a telescope, a binocular telescope, right? So everybody who's using the urinal is looking into the binocular telescope and it is pointed up and away at a distant galaxy. Then nothing could be further than the chance of a person looking at, you know, if you were to ask, are you looking at my junk,

I'd say nothing could be further from the truth because I'm actually inspecting the end drombota nebula. I'm actually trying to observe the ends of the universe, the very ends where light itself. So there's no chance of me getting a glimpse, don't worry. Maybe in the reflection of the, of the IP, you know, in that little conical, not conical, but convex is a convex, would you say? Slight lens, you know, just as you're bringing there, you see a tiny little minute, little protrusion

from the shadow beside you, you go, oh no, I won't in all honesty be able to tell this person that I wasn't looking because my eye was attracted to the flippity, floppity movement in the little spot in reflection. You missed the greatest like space a breakthrough of all time. Two sons explode. Did he flop?

Sorry, mate. I missed that sun exploding. Maybe we could put up a little barrier's after all. You know, but that would actually be good. If we did do that, that is how we could keep an eye on whether or not there are any kind of meteors or anything like that. No one will be paying closer attention

than the people who are trying not to look elsewhere. Exactly. I mean, that is putting sort of homophobia, people's inbuilt, homosing it. Yes, homophobia. To work, to protect the earth. It's in a way, it's the search, you know, that setty things, search for extraterrestrial

intelligence, where they were using your spare computer power, processing power to scan the heavens and, you know, process data and look for evidence of alien life. Well this is exactly the same thing with spare eye power because when you're standing at the urinal, your eyes are not being used and that eye power is just going to waste. And we are tapping into that vast untold hours of looking time that are literally pissed away every year. And I think of the breakthroughs. And there could just be a whiteboard there in front of the urinal that you just write down coordinates

as you spot things. And then somebody comes in and checks all of that at the end of the day. And then it's it's it's sent straight to um the park's observatory. Yeah, or maybe the European space agency, which I think doesn't, you know, doesn't it? European, all right. You're European. You're European space agency, which doesn't definitely, doesn't get as much publicity. I mean, how well that works is incredible.

It is, it's remarkable, isn't it? It's just the fact that you said that. Yeah. Oh, you should end the episode. We can't, we can't. Even though we have enough, I think we need at least one more before we go into our three words.

Yeah, until you're fully satisfied, you've got that little empty space in your gut hole. Gut hole. Space agency. Would it be good to go to a restaurant and they do actually scan your stomach and they can tell you if there's still room in there. You know, and they have a, you sit like in an X-ray machine, you eat in an X-ray machine. And, you know, they tailor the size of each meal to exactly what space you have remaining in your stomach. Maybe even the shape of the meal, it's like Tetris, and they'll see a little gap somewhere in your stomach. Maybe even the shape of the meal, it's like Tetris and they'll see a little gap somewhere in the stomach and they're like, we can cover a carrot to fit exactly in there. And then they give it to, obviously, and this is in a world in which

you swallow foods whole. But maybe they could do some modeling where they also scan your teeth. What's not for them to do some modeling? They scan your teeth as well and they see about roughly, you know, maybe they keep a camera in your back of your throat for the week as well and see roughly how much you chew. And then they get an idea. Exactly.

I think that I rode Dreams of Sushi Guy, does that? Yeah. Like he, I think he just gives women smaller amounts, and then he says that's because they're stomachs are smaller, and that's his whole, and people like you're the greatest genius in the world. How does he know that he could only have learned this from hundreds of years of sushi miking, exactly? Well, he is perfected over his 80 years or whatever of doing it.

So, you know, he's probably given He's probably given so many women big mouthfuls that they just couldn't handle He's probably had countless women fainting. Yeah collapsing collapsing from from the mouthful sizes that you know Taurusly like the smallest food around You know when you did like oh eight way too much of that enormous pieces of sushi. Sushi. Just, yeah, it's gonna be right up.

Little that little mound of rice with this slimy piece of fish. I'd like to find ways in which we as Westerners can further defile the concept of sushi, with the way in which we reinterpret it. I think a huge sushi log that, you know, with the way in which we reinterpret it. I think a huge sushi log that, you know, that's, that's, I guess, you know, a foot thick. Oh, so it's still like a sushi roll?

Yeah, it's a sushi roll, but maybe you get it like as a huge one in the middle of the table and dad can carve it or something and give everybody a slice. Yeah, or, um, I mean look, I didn't have an idea before I went into this, but maybe you could put it into like one of those packets, like you get that kind of gel for when you go out running or whatever like that. But you just kind of, you just blend up some sushi into that and you just sort of squirt it in your mouth.

Like one of those little yog little yoga things for kids, but it's sushi and it's blended up and it's a sushi on the go kind of. Sushi, you know, if you were to just listen to the word, you would think it would be a lot more sloppy than it is. Yeah, it's a sloppy word. It's a very sloppy word. Jack, how would you defile sushi? You had an opportunity.

Let's say somebody said, somebody was from the, what's the opposite of like the preservation of Japanese culture? Like, I'd institute like that, that it was for defiling Japanese culture. Desecration of Japanese culture. And you, and they said, okay, Jack, you know, you're a freelance person who does freelance work. You can't really say no when work falls in your life. No, like this.

And they say, Jack, I have what is, what looks like $800 here. And this is for one day's work. I need your best ideas on how we can insult Japanese culture through the form of sushi. And your name's not gonna be attached to this end project. So you can just go wild. As long as you don't tweet about it, nobody's ever gonna know that you were doing this job.

So when the show goes out, you're gonna have plausible diet, deniability, and you're gonna be able to join in with the Twitter mob of attacking and criticizing it for, how incredibly offensive it is. Don't worry, this isn't going to jeopardize any of that for you. Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, I'd have a lot of questions about what they're objective.

Well, who is funding them? Who is making what they're all thinking? Yeah, okay. One of the rules is you're not allowed to ask any questions. That's basically our only rule is you can't ask where this money's coming from All you know is that you've just got to come up with Ideas and you and and look they say we know that you have limited knowledge of Japanese culture So you don't really don't necessarily know what would insult them most. I've been thinking about this a lot in other contexts I feel like okay, well, so I can't really talk about it, but yeah

Yeah, different culture is gonna touch with me for some defiling work I feel like, okay. Well, so I can't really talk about it, but yeah. Yeah, different culture has got in touch with me for some defiling work. No, but it's like, so every culture has some really amazing food. But I feel like if you think of, so the answer would be I would not change sushi itself, but I would rebrand the idea of Japanese restaurants. Because if you look at like Middle Eastern food is amazing,

but it's the only food that we mostly order, like drunkenly at 3 a.m. Yes, screaming at them to put barbecue sauce on it. Yeah. So it doesn't need that, like that needs to be shift sushi restaurant Japanese from being like a nice restaurant that you would sit down with your friend and your family.

Take off your shoes and that sort of thing. Yeah, dress up and go out to dinner. That's done. You just fund a bunch of Japanese restaurants. Reciz sloppy late night Japanese. The guys work in there like screaming at you. What do you want, Quir? We're going to turn it around.

They're open way to it. They're always right next to horrible night clubs as well as people falling out of night clubs into sushi restaurants. I feel like that would be the trick. I think that's great. Is there a dirtier way that you could have food served? I mean, is there a filthy way then just when you're out of your mind drunk? Prisons. Prisons. You could just be prison food. Yeah, sorry, and they're interrupted, but you were going to say, No, no. It was actually an idea where...

Well, I mean, I think you could absolutely... You know how there's that show nailed it? Mm-hmm. The Netflix, it's a baking show, right? Yeah. But it's more about cake decorating, it's basically the gist of it. And they get people on who think that they're good...

I don't know how they do the interview process for these people, but they basically get people on who think that they're good, I don't know how they do the interview process for these people, but they basically get people on who think that they're good at making cakes or baking. None of them are good, they're all terrible, they're universally terrible, they get them to do a little spiel saying, how passionate they are about cooking, and then they give them the challenge of replicating an incredibly complicated cake,

and then they just film them, and then they show pictures of the results and compare them to the actual thing and the judges just take the piss out of them. Yeah, so I'm thinking of like a sort of a version of that and then a sort of a version that's a little bit like Iron Chef as well, which I've referred to before, but it, and it is, you know, instead of doing a faithful version of a, you know, a traditional dish from a different culture, it literally is the challenges to do the most sort of horrific, westernized version of this traditional dish. And I think it would be fun, because then you could get an expert, Japanese sushi, or whoever it is. And for them, it's a chance to let loose and to do a parody version of their own beloved creations. And I think it would be great to see

just how bad can you turn a, what's what's an example of a, you know, a delicate French broth based or something or other into a something you can do on a barbecue or, you know, what's the agenda broth you could do on a barbecue. Yeah, so one that just like a steam that just wafting. Yeah, that's right. Like, you know, one that can just either, either hovers or just, you just get whatever broth is left on the grill in between the bars that, you know, that fell through like that.

Yeah, scrape it up.. Scrape it up. Yeah. Mmm, suck it up. Maybe you'd have to get one of those little straws that they keep in your mouth when you get to them. Fried soup. Ah, barbecue fried soup. Deep fried soup.

Deep fried soup. So you pour, you pour the liquid straight into the boiling liquid. Look at that. All over your body, burning you flames. It's just the oil in the liquid, the water-based liquid, or not mixing. It's just, uh, screams coming from the kitchen. You can do that, though. You do that, but then you still get whatever the chips and stuff you were going to fry

and oil. Pop that in then. And now you've got soup chips. Soup chips. Soup fried chips. Soup fried chips. Another French cuisine. French fries.

SFC. Well, I guess that's just taking. Yeah, I mean, that's probably just taking French onion soup, which is French. French fries and bringing them together, but swapping the way you cook them. One, you know, you fry the soup. Fry the soup. And you boil the chips. And you boil the chips.

That's what you do, you boil soup. You never thought about that. You just boil it in its own liquid, rather than put it in another water. Yeah. That you're boiling. What have we come up with here? I think, I think, I'm just gonna say my defile culture cooking show.

Defile culture. Yeah. Is it would actually, you would get that up, you would get that commissioned. If it had the right spirit, and it's taking all of the sort of the cultural appropriation kind of freson, which does sound like a cooking word that we have in today's culture and then turning that into TV ratings gold.

I think Netflix releases its ratings, but we know. We know, we know it's good. I think if the judging panel was like very sort of old dignified members of the culture, you're the filer. Yeah, that would be a good payoff at the end of them being like, it goes to, oh, not a fan. That's really funny.

I don't know why I keep thinking that if you were doing British food, you would defy it by making it good. Yeah, definitely. That's the ultimate challenge at the end of each episode. You then have to make a good version of British food. Of a chip booty. I mean, look, chips booty. It takes us to the end of the main section, I think.

But we have the thorax of the show. The thorax, the main plumb of the show, but now we get down to the nut And we have three words from a listener a listener who at some point has gone by a different name but now Is revealed their real name they were once one one? But they've revealed themselves to be Tommy Timerson. Tommy Timerson. One. I feel like they're hiding something. I was also way like two layers into a babushka doll. Various identities.

Someone needs to torture this man to see who, how he really feels. Come up with three words. I don't know if you want to try and guess. Jack, do you mind if we have a guest, guess the first word? Oh, I guess, guess. Oh, I'd love to. Do you want to try and guess what the first word might be? Well, the first world is, is Google. I'm sorry. No, and it's not even close to any word I have.

Oh, man, I'd never realized what it's like to be on this side of this. You look such a fucking yeah. I don't believe you thought that was the first one. You didn't even get a single letter right. Oh, that's the greatest embarrassment. You don't know how I spell ghoul. You're right. You're right, I don't know that, and I was making assumptions.

The first word is sandy. Right. Andy, do you wanna try one? Lubaschenko? No, but you at least got some letters right. Thank you. The second word, this is how you do it. Find the field.

That was game. I only seemed good because of how bad Jack did. Slander. No, you know what, I'll try and guess the third one. Yeah, sure. Is it Sandwich? Yes, it is. Oh, what else, Dad? See, that's how you do it, Jack.

Well, you could learn a thing or two from Alistair. That was Sandy, Slander, Sandwich. Slandwich. Sland. Slandywich. Yeah. sandwich, sandwich, sandwich, sandwich. Yeah. This isn't a sketch so much as a true thing of observed, I think it's funny. The, so, comedian Ronnie Chang had a joke about a restaurant.

It's a real restaurant in North Melbourne called Simple Sandwich. Simple Sandwich, right. And the joke's like he goes in and they say what sandwich do you want? And he says, just go crazy. And they like, where do you think you are? Sensible sandwich, right? Great job. Yes. Now, that's a real place that I would always walk past when I lived in North Melbourne. And I always thought like, because I'm pretty sure he did that like on the big TV gala and everything. And I always wanted to like, how many people, how's their business

gone up? Because of that stand up routine? Because that's the only thing I know it from. It's not like a chain of restaurants or anything. It's just one shop in the, and then Ronnie Chang has moved out of Australia. And I'm pretty sure it went out of business. I don't know. I like the idea that Ronnie Chang doing that bit around town in Melbourne was the only thing keeping this business operating. Well, there are, there do seem to be like businesses and things like like wish.com, right? Where a big part of their business model seems to be people taking the piss out of it, right?

You become a cultural thing by like being weird and noteworthy enough that people can make jokes about you. Even like right-wing commentators, they get clout from saying stupid enough things that everybody has to react to it and then it gets out there. So when they named it sensible sandwich, I think they were probably saying, let's name it something really silly that a comedian, a successful comedian, with a real great clear comedic voice is going gonna be able to take the piss out of. And that will be our marketing campaign,

Word of mouth, it'll be off the charts. You know what, I think, in a way, that might have been the joke that launched Ronnie, you know? In a way that he said, let's come up with a name that will give a comedian his start And get him on the path to the greatest success you've seen any person to team in such a short period of time So do you think that maybe he Ronnie wrote the joke? Before the restaurant even existed. So this will be a great joke And then I don't know maybe he came, he won some money and a lottery or something and he used it to fund the creation of the restaurant so that he was then able to

hang off that his the joke, you know, because I think if you come up with a hard to come up with good jokes, but you can't with a bit like that. It would be a shame to let it die just because the sensible sandwich restaurant doesn't exist. You're only trying to come up with jokes based on things that do exist, limiting yourself so much. Oh man, the amount of things that don't exist is so much bigger than the things that do. You can't go on stage and say, imagine if there was a restaurant in a sensible sandwich might go in there and tell them to go crazy. I think if you far follow the money, it would all lead back to change. Yeah. And by his code, he could never lie. Yeah.

Just say there was a well, he's a comedian's code. Yeah. Comedy comes from truth. I established this. I mean, on this idea that things, sometimes things get, get popular because they just are so inflammatory that they do well. What if you could create a product based off of something that already gets a lot of hate in online and maybe just take advantage of that, those hashtags. That height hate. Yeah. I mean, I guess I suppose maybe some, you know,

some of this defile a culture thing would probably get a lot of those racist kind of, uh, you know, Twitter hashtags, hashtag racists. Um, but that's that's going to be our marketing campaign is hashtag racist. Yeah. That's our official hashtag of the show. But is there something about getting sand in things? You know, getting sand, you know, you hear about people having sex on the beach and you get sand, that's uncomfortable. Well, get sand in your food, that's bad. Sand in a sandwich is actually, you know, sand in any type of food is a horrific thing.

And you know, one of the great things about most restaurants is that they do a good job of keeping sand out of the kitchen. That's what yeah, I guess that's the end. You're sort of, it's almost taken for granted at this point that there's not gonna be any sand in the kitchen and that you're gonna, you know, you go there, you're gonna be able to eat

in peace, not terrified of the, not oppressed by the thought that you will get sand in your field. But let's say, let's say, you know, a new, a new kid on the block arrives, you know. Let's say the opposite of the civil sandwich guy, but we know deep down is probably running check. Yeah. And he says, we've all believed that maybe what, what's good about food is that it doesn't

have sand in it. Yes. But what if I base the whole restaurant slash sandwich bar on the idea that I think food should have sand in it? I think... Ready, you've got my attention. Don't you think a lot of people would just go and go like, you have to go see this place, see the guy, just sprinkling handfuls of sand onto the food. He makes a perfectly good meal.

You know, maybe he does some of those things where it's like a sweet potato when he puts vegetables and so the spring onions on there and some sour cream, and so on like that. And then he's just got a big bucket of wet sand. Wet sand. Wet sand. I don't know if it needs to be wet.

Well, it's gonna get wet anyway. Yeah, you're right. Doesn't need to say you're right. Look, it's heavy to carry. I think this is the thing though, you don't need a lot. You don't need a lot. A tiniest sprinkle, any grit at all, and it's horrific. You don't need a lot, but this place does generous helping us.

Yeah. People love that. People love a generous helping. It's not good, but he gives you a lot of sand. I don't like the sand, but I got my money's worth. I appreciate that. You know, and I think people would get around it. They go, look, there's just ways of eating it

so that you don't get your teeth too close together. That's a... Does he charge a reasonable price or is it... That's a reasonable price for what the food would be. Yeah, if we're that one said. You know, I think $10 for a combo. Yeah, you know what I mean? These days, that's a really middle of the road,

decent price for us for a sandwich. And I feel like my only real expertise is comedy. And I feel like with that, you get so annoyed of like, well, I think I know what's funny. And yet I have to prove that to an audience of people who don't know about comedy It haven't spent years and years thinking about comedy and I feel like everyone has some version of that with the thing They know a lot about justifying that to people who don't know a lot about everyone has that frustration

So I feel like if the restaurant only just came out like really guns blazing. It was like look you don't know about food You don't know what's good. I've studied this, I think the sand is good. I think it would be amazing. It's a big moment. Amazing moment. When you're standing there with everyone else in the queue because there's quite a popular cafe already, right? And that moment when he reaches for the sand bucket,

everyone in the room's holding their breath, just watching it go on with impunity. He makes a beautiful sandwich and then just the sand goes on. Everyone's like, oh, right. And then you pick up, you pick him up your sandwich, you pay him your money like a little bitch. It's a kind of a acid em sandwich. It was just another thing amongst foodies where he was legitimately the best cook in town. But it was like, oh, by the way, you gotta remember, it asks for no sand.

That's the only thing. And then if you forget, you get, like, he wants to put the sand on you have to really talk him out of it. But then you get the best meal that's in the city. He's like, the only way you could get out of it is by saying you have a sand allergy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then he begrudgingly.

Yeah. He really grumbles about that being bullshit. Yeah, he has to do it. And he might, and he's probably going to find a workaround. He's probably going to get gravel. Or, you know, or just, you know, dirt, just pure dirt, whatever is like, oh, dirt for the people who are allergic to sand. Apparently, oh, apparently, everybody's addicted to sand. I really love hearing you say the word dirt. Dirt. Yeah.

It's really something. I mean, what about this? What's it got to take? Because sand feels like it conceptually would fit alongside the other condiments on the standard table. Yeah. You know, your pepper, your salt, and sugar, whatever. Sand feels like it's all of a piece of those.

And all the other condiments are designed to heighten the eating experience and make it better. Right. And sometimes what if you put too much if your other condiments on and it becomes too good and you need to take it back a little bit and the level that you'll enjoy the food, just a tiny sprinkler of sand there

from the sand, the sand grind, or the sand shaker. Well, I think to bring it back within the realms of human enjoyability. Well, normally if you over spice a dish, you add too much chili, or maybe you over salt it, right? There's actually nothing you can do to take that stuff out. Exactly. But you can distract it from it by adding sand to the meal.

If you ate a big mouthful of sand that happens to have chili in it, and they were like, what was that experience like? You wouldn't say, oh, spicy. Yeah. That would be so far down what you were feeling. You say it was dry. Like, it was gritty, it was all over my mouth, I felt there was friction,

it was cheering apart of my gums. I was getting in between my teeth and my gums. Oh, so not spicy, I'm not hearing spicy. We got away with the chili everybody. This is like that miracle berry that makes sour things sweet and things like that. This is a thing that makes spice invisible to the tongue. But it's just not the worst thing about it. Well, not invisible, but just not the worst thing.

Which in a way is a form of invisibility. It's like that gorilla passing the ball on that basketball thing The basketball quit you don't see it because you're so busy focusing No distraction distraction. Well look we've written down some sketch ideas here guys. It's taking us It's taking us you know on a real journey a lot of sask watch based stuff. I think Let me see let me take us through them. We've got judges rule change, they have to wear a wig. And then it also becomes a thing that the more senior you are

as a judge, the more hairy you've got to wear until the top judges in the court. We don't have to add this to the thing, or any of this is just an idea I had back then that I just remembered. It's like a, it's one of those male hair loss solutions like the Shane Worn Advertises. Exactly, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, except it specifically grows you like a long judges wig. How like that's the only way we can defeat both of this is like, you can't get your regular hair back, but we can get you a long, just something with horse hair where it does actually regrow much, you know, at the back. The same way.

The slogan is, do I look bold? You be the judge. Oh, now. Yeah, yeah, thanks. That's really good. Then we've got, oh yes, so then the top judges are dressed.

Judges brand, hair replacement. I mean, we get a lot of respect walking around. You know, you don't necessarily have to wear the rows, but you could you a lot of respect walking around, you know, you don't necessarily have to wear the rose, but you could wear a lot of dark clothes, you know, dark loose fitting clothes. I think the judge look could is due to come into fashion. Yeah. We've tapped everything else for possible fashion things. Yeah, all those other ranks of authority, like those kind of like Navy, spell it tree sun, they've all become trendy in styles. No one's crossed over to the like magistrate sort of legal

fashion. We've got mask singer for judges. If you guess who the celebrity is, you're a free man or woman. It's fun times, we got Bigfoot is just Bigfoot enthusiasts who've lost their mind. So you know, you just big foot enthusiasts. Eventually.

And their feet get bigger somehow. Wow. All the walking. All the walking. Or they just got a lot of mud caked on them. I suppose, you know, I suppose once you're barefoot in the woods, there's so much stuff out there that bites, you know, there's so many conditions you could develop. Eventually things are just going to get bigger.

Things are going to swell. Yeah. We've got love of big foot. It's just an excuse to get out of the house, convince the partners that you're doing important work, you know. And have looked everything in the end, comes back to having a little me time. And then we got men's head. That's the opposite of shed.

Because it's taken the she out of it. That's, I mean, this is not fixing people's problems with toxic masculinity, that they couldn't even have she and their shed. Sometimes maybe we just got to accept that. We've got other problems we need to treat. Yeah. And then it's also a place where men can go to torture each other to get

their feelings out. Tell me how you feel. You know, and it's a good way of just getting those getting those emotions out by force, you know, helping people. It's men helping men talk about their problems. Then we got public crying urinal. Little stainless steel trough at chin height. Tired for the short people. We've got a sort of hop to get up there. Yeah, but there's also the possible, the sack ones. Being too short to cry is a bad time.

You must be this whole too. Anyway, we got tell us at urinals to protect earth from comets, that's the your upheating space agency. That's just using homophobia to people's inbuilt homophobia to protect the earth from meteorites. Meteorites. Meteorites, we got defile a culture TV show. You know, let's take make food from a culture in such a way that it's the most offensive. The most offensive. That's what it is. That's how they judge it at the end.

This is the most offensive. Who's made the one that's the most offensive? To this culture. I mean, that's what most effective to this culture. I mean, that's what you want. I think we should do this as a show. And sushi with chips. Sushi with chips.

I mean, we've got deep fried soup and boiled french fries. I mean, that's just boiled potatoes probably, but then we got sand in the food restaurant, which is obviously a great idea. Obviously. probably, but then we got sand in the food restaurant, which is obviously a great idea. Obviously. I mean, we had fun talking about Adela Stair, and half of that fun can be converted into a sketch.

Just handfuls of sand being poured onto there. It's got a little dune, it's got a little dune near the food, like that. He sometimes, he gets, like, you got egg or something and then he gets the egg, he rolls it around in the sand. Oh yeah. It's like he's making a scotch egg.

Yeah. You know that meme with the salt guy who's doing hand on the steak? He's like that. Sand bag. But hand, full of it. You know when you're like at the beach and you scoop up a big wet hand full of sand, like when it's wetdest, like it's the way it's just gone over

and it makes that real satisfying, like, kind of noise. I did that just a wee bit of a real sweet. It was great. Yeah. I can't get over the volume of sand. In my mind, every time I revert to think about just a little spruco and you guys are going with such large amounts of sand, In my mind, every time I revert to thinking about just a little sprinkle, and you guys are going with such large amounts of sad. It's a mouthful. It's a mouthful of sad in your life. I think he would start with a little sprinkle. But then, if...

Think of the amount of power and control you would feel if you did this insane thing and people went with it, like you just want to test the levels of how much sad you can cram it to on me. You're right. how much you can cram it to me. You're right. Yeah, no, it's got to be. Suddenly, if this is your main feature, you're making this as unpleasant as possible. Well, maybe that, because chili in a way, eating chili is a little bit like that. Maybe this could be a sort of a new competitive thing for men, again, and we're on the men

thing. But, you know, men always go, oh oh yeah, I can handle so much spice. You know, you build up your tolerance. Well, you can handle a lot of sand in your food. Big fistfuls of sand. Oh yeah, it would become like veggie mind. You know, like veggie mind I think is horrible. But then it's like people go,

oh, no, you didn't too much. You just got to spread a little thin. And it's just like, which I've gotten used to that a bit more. I don't mind that now. But it is like, I feel like you can, anything that's bad, a good way of, you can be like, oh, it's actually good if you use way, way less of it.

Like the more you have the worse it is, but it's just a little bit of sand. That's what you do. Let's get me to go. And I still know what this guy does. It's a new Australian thing that we get celebrities to do when they go on our chat shows. So what is this, they all been having a jar.

It's just sand. It's just sand. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Forced Tom Cruise, they do a big mouthful sand. Just put this on a dry cracker. I have a spoon for love it. What?

Just that's so much worse. Oh. So I'm going to go into the song bit now. Thank you so much for listening to it in the thing tank. We really do appreciate it. We do appreciate it. Jack, did I hear that you're doing some kind of comedy festival show this year?

Yeah, man. Like you said, if you are in Melbourne in 2021, I'm doing my show. It's called Rat Paradise. It's kind of the foundation of the show I was gonna do last year, which got canceled last year. And bring it back. I got 10 nights. It's on a place called Loopbar. And yeah, I'm really happy with it. I'm excited about it. It's going to be so good.

I look forward to seeing it myself, Jack. Thank you both for retweeting the tweet I did about it. What a dream it was for me to get to do. It's actually the least we can do. Yeah. And I intend to do more. Yeah. Jack, are you on Twitter and things like that? I'm on Twitter. I'm just at Jack Drus on Twitter on Instagram on YouTube now.

Jack has a really, really funny newsletter. Yep. Get very, you know, semi-regular updates of just a great bit of comedy writing. It's always fun. Oh, thanks, man. Yeah, a great bit of comedy writing. It's always fun. Oh, thanks, man. Yeah, that's the link to that is just on my Twitter, I think. And it is. And if you do want to see the festival show, you can use the code word rat, and that'll get your $5 off the tickets. Whoa. And if people want to call you on your mobile,

yeah, yeah. If you already have my mobile number, please do anytime. Yeah. I'm around. I'm not going to give it out, but if you got number, please do anytime. I'm around. I'm not gonna give it out, but if you got it, you use it. Great. I think calling is coming back. I think talking on the phone is coming back. I think text is on the way out. Now we're just trying to avoid Zoom calls.

So we're like getting into calling. Yeah, you can find us on Twitter at Tune Tank. You can find me at Alistar TV. You can find us. I'm gonna keep it old Andy. You can support us on Patreon. And there's all our shows and shit down below. There are thousands of plugs.

Um, thank you so much for your constant support and for existing. And we, I believe. We love you. And I think the people we love is you. You. Yeah. So that's who's the victim of our love. you. Yeah. So that's who's the victim of our love. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching

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