Simple Swedish Podcast - 277 - "EGGS"

Episode Date: March 17, 2021

Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereAnyfling you Want, Seagullet, Eggs, Kind Zombies, Hot Zombies, Workplace Review Aliens, Guess TestListen and subscribe to our new show THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastAnd buy tickets to TELEPORT at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2021Get Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objects...and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereDeep, deep thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi icons, it's Danny Pellegrino from the Pop Culture Podcast, everything iconic, and I love Nordstrom. No place better to shop, particularly during the holiday season, because they have everything. They have holiday decor at Nordstrom. They have cozy cardigans from Barefoot Dreams, my fave. They have cold weather attire, party attire, plus free shipping and free returns. Free store pickup, you can also purchase a recycled fabric gift bag so your item arrives festive and wrapped. So check out Nordstrom this holiday season, a one-stop shop. You can explore more at Nordstrom in store or online at Nordstrom.com.

Hello, my name is Alistair George Williamson, I'm a virtual and you're listening to the Two-In-the-Think Tank podcast. But before we get into that, I want to run through a couple of things that we need to promote. Like our comedy festival show Teleport, which is a comedy sci-fi fake engineering presentation where two engineers have supposedly developed a teleportation machine and you, the investor, could invest.

Well, why not invest now? You You in some tickets, it starts in April and you could be in the front, second, third, fourth, fifth row seats. You actually get to choose on the day. So it's not up to you unless you show up late. So get there early. You get to choose on the day so it's not up to you. That's quite remarkable, isn't it? You choose, you both choose and you have no sure it was it then I say it was up to you. No, you said it's not up to you. Well, it's not up to you right now, but you got to do it then. But anyway, you can do that. Listen to our or other podcasts, the pop test, which is from through some legitimate legitimate institution.

And you can also find the discord that some tuna tank fans have set up in the links in the notes show notes. We've been having fun in there. So there's been a little bit of riffing going on. So yeah, it's worth dipping in. Dip in into the riff. Yeah, it's the house of riff.

Don't swim against the riff. Baby, don't swim riff. Hmm. Don't swim against the riff baby. Don't swim against the riff Don't we get the rip baby don't swim against the riff Yeah, yeah Alistair I apologize for that. Hello and welcome. Hello and welcome to tune the think tank the TV show where we come up with five sketch ideas. Yeah, it's a TV show now. It's a TV show. I'm a Lister. Purely audio based TV show. But it's still going out, still occupying a full regular TV channel, you know?

Well, you can get radio on the TV now. You can, I've seen that. I've seen that. I see it when I change a channel, it goes, it says, do you want to listen to ABC jazz? It's just one of the things in the thing. It picks them up.

Pick some up as TV channels. Now TV, it's just like now when you're flicking through the channels, it's just a whole lot of more pain in the ass flicking through. All these bloody radio stations in there. Yeah, I don't want them there, but that's the kind of thing that people could, where people can encounter or podcast. Nobody at the moment, as far as I know, is trying to, is sort of casting their pod onto the airway. Yeah, I mean, it's a, but it's, but it's not radio. What you're describing isn't radio? Well, it's radio on TV, but it's a podcast.

Yeah. That plays all the time. We could have a 24 hour channel that just plays to in the think tank all day long. And there would be at least probably a week of content, maybe, I don't know, maybe two weeks. I think that'd be a chunk. A hell of a chunk. That's exciting.

Yeah, well look, yeah, anyway, just something to think about. Alistair, you've been eating any good breakfasts recently? Man, every day right now, because I'm in the Queensland in Australia. Oh, of course. I'm eating catered food for this ad, for the ad. It's not, no, I'm not eating it on camera, but I am basically eating sort of fancy toasted sandwiches with mushroom and nice cheeses in there or other things, making maybe a breakfast burrito or like a sort of a egg and bacon roll,

that kind of thing. Why do you ask me? Yeah, so you're showing up to set and you're getting, it's there sort of being provided or they sending someone out to go get stuff. Like is there a catering truck? Is there like a craft?

No, no, no. They just send somebody else, they ask somebody to go to the cafe, they say, hey, get a bunch of stuff for people, assume that there's some vegetarians, some whatever. But you know, before I go to set, I always go down to the beach and go for a little swim. What is this true? This is true. This is what you do.

You got a little morning routine going already. You've been away for two days. You already got a morning routine. I got a little morning routine. I go out and get up at about 6.30 Queens land time, which is, which is 7.30 in the South Wales. You're away, you're away from your children

and you're getting up early to go for a swim. And get up every day. Go for a nice little dip in the ocean. It's very warm at the moment. I don't believe you. I don't, I don every day, go for a nice little dip in the ocean. It's very warm at the moment. I don't believe you. I don't fucking believe you. I want you to know that my life is very different up here. I live a quite a healthy lifestyle.

I'm only meeting in my classroom, most of the sandwiches for breakfast, sound like a real cleanse. And I'm filming a beer ad and drinking real beer in the ads, not sort of fake thing. And then I'm feeling very lethargic for a big part of the day. Incredible. Hey, I'll list it. That's not that's not that's nothing to do with the quality of the beer.

I want you to know that's a very quality product. So you're drinking you're drinking real beer? Yes, what I'm saying. Yeah. Wow. Because you stop drinking this year, didn't you? Yeah, yeah. But it's like, but I'm not going to stop drinking if I'm going to get paid money to drink it because if I go, I'm sorry, I don't drink beer, then they're not going to give me money. So then I'm not going to, I'm not going to not drink beer if it costs me thousands of dollars in potential income. That's an interesting hypothetical. It's an interesting moral universe you've found yourself in. Well, a lot of people stop drinking too so that they don't ruin their life, but I got to start drinking and not ruin my life.

Yeah, I mean, in your case, drink responsibly means you have to drink. It would be irresponsible not to drink. Exactly, exactly. And so does this take us anywhere near? Well, I had an idea while you were talking about food, and we're talking about your healthy lifestyle, which is that diets very often focus on what you eat, but they don't spend a lot of time focusing on the delivery mechanism of the food.

And I was wondering if maybe we could invent a new piece of cutlery. maybe we could invent a new piece of cutlery. And instead of the diet being calorie regulation or intermittent fasting or whatever, it's like you can eat anything you want, right? As long as it's made with this food hole punch. Well, my one was gonna be as long as you could catch it in your mouth when it's fired from this tiny catapult. You know, it's fired what? From a tiny catapult. It's fired into your mouth from a tiny catapult. So, you know, you've got to be at, it's basically,

you can eat anything you want, but from like 15 meters away. So everything's being launched, there's like a, that already the exercise is built in because you, I guess it has random, it shoots it, I guess random distances. So you've got to run back and forth to try and catch it in your mouth. And I guess how wide is the range of distances? How wide is the spread? It's not huge, but it's firing small mouth, like morsels, little portions. Okay, so. It's the spread of the spread. Exactly.

And you're gonna, so you're doing a lot of direction change stuff, get it to and from. And you know, you're gonna be doing a lot of cardio exercise. Let's be honest, you're probably going to vomit most of this up anyway. So it's kind of like an exercise-based, bulimia machine. Yeah, but I mean also there's almost nothing that you can catch from a meal that's flying through the air. And I guess you get to sell a lot of catapults. You do, that's what we sell.

That's our business. And maybe to make this work, because you don't want people getting hungry and then picking the food up off the ground and eating it that way. We only do it at the beach or something so that all the food falls into the sand and gets all disgusting if you don't catch it in your mouth. So, maybe.

But that would also be helpful for, if there's a really public beach, where they have a problem with seagulls, then you could do this also as a way of attracting the seagulls away from the place where all the people go. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I imagine there's gonna be an explosion in the Seagull population.

But. Yeah. And also, I suppose it probably makes it harder to catch food as it's flowing towards you. Seagulls are swooping. Well. But then maybe that also helps with the effectiveness of the diet.

Of the diet. Exactly. Yeah, that's the only way to do it. It's a lifestyle. It's a lifestyle. It is, it is. But it's not a diet, it's a lifestyle. It's a lifestyle. It is, it is. And that's what real dieting is. It's got to be a total lifestyle change.

So here you are, you're at the beach, you're exercising, you're coming to understand the ways of sea goals. All of these are sort of new learnings to build a new you. That's, yeah, but I mean, but as you get better, you're going to just keep eating more and more. As you understand the catapult, better, and you can sort of get an idea for its range and where things will fly.

So maybe it has pets. Yeah, I think yeah, it's a, it's a sort of an analog device that at some point you're going to get a good read on. I think you're going to be able to judge how far I think I guess you don't know exactly the heaviness of the food. Yeah, and it's aerodynamic properties. Those are always going to be changing. So but I think the only yeah, the only problem with it is To me is that it there's a lot of food wastage and I guess the whole point of it is let's You know, I won't point it up. I believe people will realize it'll be cheaper to just

Not have a catapult and just instead of buying sort of The amount of food they get, they could just buy 95% less instead of throwing it on the ground and just sort of eat a handful of food. You always say you're saying that people might just eat less food instead as a diet. Wow. You think that would be, do you think that's going to catch on, do you? No, but I'm just, I know, I know like,

I mean, the ceremony of sort of having some food catapulted at you is great. And there's a lot of ceremony based around this as well. There's a lot, it's like a Japanese tea ceremony. There's a whole cultural thing that goes with it, you know, you gotta wear a little special robe. You gotta hit a little gong. There's, it's very elaborate.

Also, it's a very elaborate. Is it sort There's, it's very elaborate. Is it sort of themed like it's from Asia? Yeah, it is. It is. Or is that just based on whatever meal you're having on the day? No, every meal is done in a tradition, like it's served for the traditional Japanese tea ceremony,

but it's just not the- And what about the catapult but the catapult. The catapult is also, it's like, imagine a traditional Japanese tea ceremony. It's a dress up to be little Japanese, but it's a catapult involved. So like, is the catapult wearing a kimono? Yeah, it is.

Yeah. All right. And it's and I imagine this sort of the, yeah, right? And I on this sort of the head of the catapult on this sort of the, the, the spoon, I guess of it, the, the, the cup, the cup for the spoon. And I guess some of that cultural unawareness, you know, like of the method of eating food will probably make you

sweat a bit more as well. Yeah, I think, you know, knowing you're involved in something that's a bit, yeah. You're gonna be attracting a lot of attention, basically, already doing this at the beach. And I don't think there's any chance that that won't increase your metabolism. Exactly. Like that's... I don't think anybody's investigating enough, because we all know that when you get embarrassed, you get that hot flush, you get that sweat, and you're getting a sweat.

You're working up a sweat already just from embarrassment. And that could be a whole new way to kickstart your metabolism. Have we looked into the health benefits of being ashamed and of knowing that you're being scrutinized for defiling Japanese culture? But I do love the idea that they are saying, you're buying a catapult, but you're not really buying a catapult. You're buying a better way of living. I don't think we say better, but we just specify it's a different way of living. It's a different lifestyle. So yeah, we're not trying to say that there's going to be any improvement in your life.

No, well, you'll lose weight. We don't want to make that judgment call, you know, we think that, um, that actually that kind of thing, suggesting that losing weight is going to make you happier. We think that that's a, that's, that's a pro. Yeah, that's, do you think that there's a risk that people will start eating the Seagulls? Do you think that there's a risk that people will start eating the seagulls? That's built into the program. But I suppose a lot of poultry is quite thin, like it's sort of quite lean. Yeah, I imagine seagulls would be incredibly lean meat.

They don't seem like they relax a lot. No, you think to quiver, do you think that's going to make burns fat? Quivering? Quivering is a great way to burn fat. But do they quiver? Do they seek else quiver? Well, I just thought if they're not relaxing, they must be quivering. Those are the two states. That's the duality of goal. Look at those legs, those legs on the seagull. There's no fat on there, is there? No. Oh my God. I mean, it looks like you could use that leg to sort of pick some of the meat up from between your teeth. It is. Or that little nail at the end of the foot,

you know, the end of the toe. Maybe, yeah, I mean, it feels like you could use the leg as a fork to pick up morsels of the rest of the gall. I wonder if it's, you know what? It's incredible about it. Is that the galls will hopefully catch more food than you will, but you can open up the gale with their foot and then eat the food that they got out of their gut.

Exactly. And that is actually how we cut down on the wastage. But the sea gale is possibly like a sort of a full, like a full meal in a way, and it comes with its own cutlery. Those two little legs, and I imagine the beak could be used probably as like little sort of penses to pick it little scraps as well. And they usually, you know, they're meat, but then they eat so many potato chips, hot fries or whatever that they kind of do have a good car element.

Even if it's just the backlog in their, in their gullet. Al, I'm recording this near my small children and one of them just started crying in the bedroom. Do you want to pause for a moment? Well I think you need to keep talking though because otherwise this is all going to go into a catastrophe. Is that a right? Can I leave you with that responsibility? You can do that.

You can absolutely do that. Hello dear listener, it is I, Eloster, Traumly, Virtual. I'll continue attempting to come up with sketch ideas. I suppose we're talking about the, still talking about the, ah, yes. One of Andy's kids is appearing on the pod now. We're talking about how the sea gul can could itself be a full meal. Andy was discussing, I guess, how they contain the utensils within them. I suppose if you open up a gale, in a way the feathers themselves could be the plate. I know it seems weird to have a soft plate,

but I mean, you know, there's no, what Mexico was attempting with the soft shell taco. Oh, this crime, sorry, I'm back, but this, this crime's not stopping. I think my, one of my children had for the first ever time fallen out of his bed, but oh, no, he's out. Okay, I'm going to have to, we are going to have to pause out and try and make this piece back together. Okay. All right.

So, yeah, the seagull, it's the complete meal. It could be a superfood, but it's not just a superfood, it's a super sort of package, super ensemble. I guess, you know, if you keep the head intact. Yes So let's say you open it up you poke the head up so that it's back looking back and facing towards you but also facing the food that is and it's opened Yeah, the feathers nice towards the ground Right and the because what is one of the most important parts

of a meal? It's the company. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You know? So. So, you know, in some cultures, it's very, it's considered really strange to eat alone.

And this would be a great work around. You know, it's, then it really is everything, isn't it? The seagull, it's a fork, it's a food, it's a plate, it's a friend, it's someone you can sit down with and then sort of hollow them out with their own foot. And yeah, have a lean meal. Pick through the inside. And there probably is in there within their gut also some It's a plastic that would be like

other types of cutlery probably is just Just loose cutlery in there. Yeah, yeah, I think and some heavy metals, you know some mercury or whatever that will you know hopefully Damage your brain state to such an extent that you you think that this is all okay and you want to keep doing it Yeah, so it's a It's a real Yeah, and you know It's a real um, yeah. Do any other birds, like why are chickens, why do chickens have so many eggs that are unfurledized?

It's real weird. It's real weird. It's real weird. I think about it a lot. Yeah, and like do other birds do that? Is it just that you gotta like, you gotta do something with them to make them do that? Like you did farmers have to do them to make them do that?

You did farmers have to do something to make them lay that many eggs? They must have been, like we have chickens, right? And they're just doing it. They're just laying eggs all the damn time, regardless of whether or not they're fertilized. And it must be something that, like, yeah, why would a chicken do it?

It's such a huge usage of energy and material matter and materials and why Maybe they have to have like an egg is it that they have like an egg Cued up sort of in there just without the shell on, waiting to get fertilized? And then it can, and then it, and then they chuck the shell on and then they let it cook, or they chuck it out and they let it cook in the nest. Rick and it's a bit soft shell. It's a bit soft shell. It's a bit soft shell so the chicken sperm can get through.

And then maybe they can only sit there for so long so they gotta keep pushing them out because they'll go bad or whatever. But it's a great system. They last a couple of months. It's so, it's every day, they're doing a new egg. Every fucking day. And like, and how soft is the shell when the chicken,

when the roosters put in some of his liquid on it? And it's forgetting fertilized. They do have like a dinner membrane, right? Like under the shell there is an inner membrane that's kind of like in the chicken. Well, surrounding the egg, but under the shell. There's an inner membrane that's kind of like in the chicken in in it while surrounding the egg, but under the shell Okay, yeah, there's a there's an inner membrane that's kind of like it feels a bit like glad rapi kind of I mean you've eaten eggs Yeah, you know about this, but they don't they don't just yeah, they don't I mean yeah, I've said appeal the few eggs

Maybe that's but maybe that's sperm permeable and there's only one way we're gonna find this out I know but Andy, but you're saying that like they just add the hard shell later. Yeah, that is what I'm saying. That's it. That's how I know that that's so silly. What do you mean? Like there's a room where the, you know, it's just like, and then I go put on your armor. You know, like they get, it's silly.

It would, the hard shell would just be soft for some reason up until a point, just softer. But it still has to be added at some point, right? Like, you're the, you're a version, it's still being added. No, no, no, it's the same outer shell that hardens. Right, but how did it get on there, Alistair? How did it get on there? Like, I don't care whether it's the same. It's a part of it. It's always there. It's always there. It's not always there. Yeah. Because the egg isn't always there. Chickas are just full of a certain

number of eggs. They lay them all and then they die. The eggs are built inside there. I think that there's a chance that a chicken is born with all of its eggs. If it is, if that is the case, right, then it's not a full egg, right? A chicken. I know, I know. It's a small tiny little thing that grows and has an exterior like outer wall that itself changes over time, but you could never say that the outer wall is added. It just it just undergoes a change, right? I think stuff gets laid down on it. I think that outer shell is like

I think stuff gets laid down on it. I think that outer shell is like... ...like a... Like a ghost to the page. How dare you laugh at this idea. How? Andy, Andy, I'm the... ...I mean, I think I'm picturing like a factory... ...the...

...I picture like a factory floor and there's just some guys with some big spray things. They go, yeah, that's good to go. Add the egg texture. Get the egg good egg color. What color are we doing? No, Alistair. Are we doing brown or that kind of whiteish? So you are.

Let's go with eggshell. You are ruling out. Classic, eggshell, classic for a reason. Are you, you are ruling out the possibility that the calcium or whatever it is, calcium carbonate, fucking shell, is added, is like sort of, you know, accreted on in some way, is attracted to the membrane and, and grows on the outside of the egg. That's what you're telling me.

What's happening is that you heard me laugh and you thought I was laughing at what you said, but I really was laughing at what I saw in my mind, which was an interpretation of what you said, right? So, you know, I understand. I can handle a lot of things on this comedy podcast, but you laughing at my ideas is not one of them, Alistair. That's not why I came here. I think, you know, I think also when, when I hear you say that it's added on and there's some, you some, I picture a different part

of the chicken's egg pipe, right? And I assume that's what it is. They go through their chicken cervix. Come out of their chicken cervix. And down their chicken vagina. Out there, clowacol. A clowacca. Cunt.

Yes. Hi, apologies. I'm not gonna be a little bit more like a low-wacker. Yeah. Apologies. And, and that I picture you, you know, they go through one bit maybe that's like, oh, that's the sandpaper bit and that,

it makes the edge nice and rough. And so then it goes through the next bit. And then that's the powder bit. Yeah, and then they go into the oven when they got to be baked. Yeah, it's kind of got gotta be tempered or whatever. It's good then that allows it. So then they've got the hot, you know, they've got the hot. Alastair.

You're of a giant, a bit. You do. And then there's that maybe a UV light. Or, you know, it goes through just a bit. This kinda just, everything looks purple when you go through that area and your white shirt's kinda glow and your mustard stains and stuff like that. And then that sort of allows it to go through its process

and then that's when it starts to harden. And then it really starts to look like the eggs that you and I are familiar with. Alice there. Yeah. Like you're doing this as a mockery, but I think that the truth is going to be something like what you are describing. There are going to be different bits of the, there are going

to be different sections of the cloacal cup passage that the egg passes through where different things happen to it. And I think, I see, you know what, I think that you're incorrect. My theory, and then I'm getting that. How do, how do we always work chicken it, chicken it, chicken it, chicken it, but I think that much like in the same way that the bodies of things grow in all animals

is that it's determined by the DNA. So we're going back to basics here. Yeah, well I would say that it's essentially, it's on a timer and all the eggs take a certain amount of time to come up. And essentially by the process, by the time it hits the point where it's egglaying time, the egg is usually achieved a certain amount of maturity, which means that the egg is gone from its soft shell where I guess sort of rooster, semen can get in, stuff like that.

And then it's gone through the process in which the calcium that's maybe stored somewhere inside of it is pushed outwards by proteins or something like that. And then it begins some calcifying process that starts to harden. And then, obviously I'm starts to harden and then, you know, I mean, obviously I'm having to make it up, but the important thing is that it doesn't sound like anything that you said. You get the gist, you know, just not what you said.

I don't know the truth, but I know that what you're describing is stupid, you are wrong. So I feel like anything I say, as long as it's not what you said, is gone to be closer to the truth. Well, I feel like anything I say as long as it's not what you said is But let's apply what you're saying to say humans and you go now I know humans get taller so there must be something in the corridors that they live in That makes them I don't know if it's magnets. I don't know if it's magnets I assume oh My god Magnus oh I assume oh my god

I see them maybe the dirt because you're because because my How Shoulder feet because my fingers are how chicken eggs get their shells To you because because that to you that doesn't That theory can't be applied directly to how how you explain how human beings get taller Invalidates my theory Wow You explain how human beings get taller in battle days by theory. Wow. Look, I would love, one day I would love to just do some deep research into chicken eggs because you know there are single

cell, right? Like you know that an egg is, is a single cell of that, you know, as far as I know. And how does that fucking work? It's a cell. Yeah, I don't know if it feels wrong. It feels really wrong. You shouldn't be able to like,

you know, chow down on a single cell, slice it up. And stuff, it's like an atom. It's indivisible. Yeah, I'm gonna say it it's more cells just for the fuck of it. Yeah, okay. Well, well, if I said it's a single cell, then you must, you must. I've really paid you into a corner. You've got to adopt the position that it's more than one cell. Um, I'm really interested to know what the truth is and how you're going to apologize to me when it turns out that I'm right. Oh, and you're really intrigued.

That's what's funny about it. Really intrigued. How confidently you're setting yourself up to me. No, no, no, no, no, no. You are the one who is confidently dismissing by quite reasonable assertion. Yeah, oh, why do the trees get barricades? You're the wind.

Maybe the wind must bring some kind of, it must carry little hard wood particles on it. And then, I guess the seed, probably just as glowy as the sticky or something like that. I mean, that's an interesting theory for how trees are made. And I like the idea of a universe in which things grow by getting small particles of exactly what they are and and building

themselves bigger. So it's complicated but imagine okay maybe it's like this. Have you ever seen one of those little moth grubs, moth larvae, that like gets little bits of twigs and sticks them together with web, with silk, and builds itself like a little sort of tube thing out of twigs. And it lives in slug. No, it's a grub. It's like a caterpillar kind of thing. I've never seen a caterp it's a grub. It's like a caterpillar kind of thing. I've never seen a caterpillar make a little survival. I think it's called like a case moth or something like that.

And it makes itself a little tube hut out of twigs. But what if that was how trees are made that like there's some sort of little core, little tree creature deep inside there that just builds the whole tree, you know, out of bits of wood. Now, you'd have to, you've got to ask, well, where do the bits of wood come from in the first place, but maybe it's a wood planet, you know, they say that there could be a whole diamond planet out there somewhere, there could be a whole gold planet.

Why not a nice wood planet? Nice wood planet. Nice hope. Yeah, well, I mean, planet. Planet. And nice oak. You like oak, Jimmy? You know, there's a chance.

I mean, there's a chance. But, I mean, then again, it makes me think, well, that's kind of probably what's happening to a certain extent with sort of proteins and little cells that kind of catch things through the leaves, through the root system, and then carry them up and put them in the right place where you use it to build more. Yeah, but I'm not interested in it on that level. I'm interested on the level of getting little bits. I'm interested in some kind of a little grub,

a little casemoth type creature that could crawl into the bin at a body modification factory at a plastic surgeon and start grabbing little bits of skin and little extra toes that people have had cut off and start building itself a little shell body out of flesh and it weaves it all together. It's sort of like a Frankenstein bug that builds its body. Maybe there are those mites that live on discarded skin cells.

Maybe they sort of gather them together a bit like a dung beetle rolling up a ball, but they gather together the skin cells, they gather them together, and they'll be the little bit of spit, and then they reassemble a functioning human body, but it's just a little grub in there. Yeah, well, what do you, how do you picture this in terms of a sketch, let's say? I don't know. I mean, I'm into it. I mean, I like you know, I like grubs that do thing Yeah, great But like let's say so let's say they are making a body like are they making a human looking body or are they I think or are they just

Making a new type of body whichever way The bits of skin and toes and stuff like that arrange themselves around them. So they kind of just look like a, you know, a just a mound of kind of gross flesh that's piled together with a toast, taking kind of it. Yeah, well, I wonder, just to pivot the idea slightly, and maybe this is where we're going with it. But it's a kind of a zombie film, right? But where it's not something that reanimates corpses

in their full human form and makes them go around attacking people. But it's a type, a new type of bug evolves or some little alien creature comes down. And all it does is it like gathers little bits of dead bodies, right? And it sticks them together into a kind of a little a thing that it is able to make function, right?

But they always look a bit different, they're a bit weird and maybe it doesn't use like legs as legs, it uses hands or, you hands or noses or whatever. But what it might mean is that our dead, they get these things burrow down into the ground and like get bits if you're dead, loved ones, bodies and they sort of nibble them off with their little claws and drag them to the surface

and spit on them and stick them together and assemble these things. And then we're living in a world where it's us and then there's these little sort of corpse monsters. But and so you might see your your dead grandmother's face, but it's like scuttling along on the underside of a sort of a flesh crab that's been built by a little... This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive?

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And I don't think I've seen any zombie movies where the zombies are more or less benign and it's our disgust for them and our discomfort with the fact that our dead people's bodies are being used this way that makes us want to kill them Well, I mean I think the idea of a zombie movie where the zombies are the crop other crop there

Yeah, like they're the ones getting hunted and because they've got something good about them or it just because it satisfies our Our love to kill and so they're actually What if the zombies were the victims and the thing, you know? Oh, Alistair, this is very, very interesting. This is very, you know, modern spin on, spin on something. But I think that's cool. Right, zombies come back to life, right?

And they are just, they don't want to attack people, but they're just sort of wandering around, and maybe they have a little bit of a fear reflex, so they'll try and run away, and then we just hunt them. And, because they're already dead, you can kill them, and they can't get you for that. That's a freebie.

They can't get you. Yeah. And maybe just people just turn into, like if it was like instead of a thing that they bite you, it's just a contagious thing. Yeah. It's a near born thing maybe. Oh, but I mean, if they're contagious,

then there's a reason to want to kill them, right? Because, because that's. I'm just trying to figure out. Yeah. But if it's corpses that come back to life, so dead corpses come back to life, and they're probably then most of them are elderly people, you know, old grannies and grandpas and what to have you.

And then we're going around hunting and sort of killing them for sport, young people, killing them for sport. It feels like it's saying lots of things. I don't know what they are, Alice. That's the great thing about it. I mean, maybe it is just bugs that reanimate them in some way.

But then you would have the families of people trying to protect this zombie. Yeah. One zombie, because they're connected to it. And then you would have other people who just can't wait to kill. Mm. Yeah. But then I don't know what people would do if they connected to it. And then you would have other people who just can't wait to kill them. Mm. Yeah.

But then I don't know what people would do if they could catch it. They could catch their family one. What would you do? Would you keep them in there? Would you have a sort of a basement where they could pace around? Yeah, I guess like a maybe a sort of like a pen

at the bottom of the yard, like a, like you would keep chickens in, but sorry to bring up chickens again, I'll say. But, but you know, you know, you'd obviously, you'd have to dig the fence into the ground because foxes would want to be coming, wanted to come and like chew on them and stuff. But this is, this is a thing. This is a, this is definitely a film, right? It's non-threatening zombies. And then what does that do to society? Yes, there are people who want to look after there. They get to spend more time with the lumbering decomposing corpse of... And I suppose you could make them, you could protect people from them by just, you know, not that they really attack people, but, you know, you need to keep people, you know, confident that they're safe from these things. So you would, maybe if you dressed your family member

up, who, you know, who's now zombified, sort of, in sort of mittens and a big heavy kind of protective, you know, sort of, how many type of thing with a, maybe a mouth, you know, muscle type thing, you could sort of take them out with you for walks and going to. Yeah, it's nice. Take them to, you know, to the baseball game and things like that. Yeah, or even, you know, you might be able to, if you dress them up and it knows and put a big shawl on them and a big hoot and that sort of thing, people might not even notice that they are as on me

and then you'll be able to like smuggle them onto planes like you might have a chimp dressed as a small child in a different type of movie. You know, and then you can still have them as part of your family. Yeah, you could, and you know, who knows if they are even, I mean, their, their brain is probably dead. Oh, yeah. But, but maybe it's just, you know, a combination of insect brains that have

connected together using your nervous system. That is keeping them moving and stuff like that making decisions. But I think people wouldn't be able to help themselves from projecting you know their deceased loved ones' personality onto them. Of course. You know, and they would just see it as the next point of part of life, you know? How is it any different, you know, if you've got beetles and sort of caterpillars controlling your... Exactly. Yeah. Loved one versus microbes and you know, and I've got bacteria. That is really, you're saying this is because you're suggesting that really it's our gut bacteria that is making our decisions for us because consciousness is an illusion.

I think that, well, no, I think that, you know, we're probably a, I would say that we're probably a hierarchy of stuff that's happening. And so I'm just saying that they play a part in the decision-making. All that we've done is we've just moved grubs up a couple of notches in the hierarchy. Exactly. Who's to say? It's just been a promotion. What that's done to, you know, a concept of the self.

Anyway, that's a full film. That's a series. What's a full? You can call it the walking relatives yeah The Not I have absolutely nothing We could do a film about the walking dead and it's your dad the walking dead. Yeah, that's good

And you're taking my throw walk in his Perfect, yeah, great We could we could do on about your opinions on how eggs become hard on the outside and we could call it the walking dead wrong Yeah, yeah, that's a good opinion. That's a good idea. Yep. Has anyone done a zombie film where the zombies are smarter than us and and less decomposing? All right. So what happens is something happens where it reanimates the dead and it makes them super hot and really smart. And they're just better than us. They're not trying to attack you anyway.

But it is, it still is like a disease that's getting around. Oh, it's a disease, yeah. It's a disease and you catch it and then you get hot and you get really frisky. Yeah. And but you get really intelligent. Yep. And just just better. Start getting promoted. They start getting promotions. They start meeting sales targets and exceeding them. Yeah, KPIs are just being falling like dominoes. And then what would occur? Would you start shooting them? Or...

Yeah, well I think obviously... I mean, do they still buy us, do they? I don't know if they buy us, but the masses, everyone else, who isn't one of these things would be really resentful and really angry about them. And would probably want to, yeah, either kill them or sort of lock them up,

quarantine them somehow. But you can imagine that businesses, big businesses, would be like, would see dollar signs, and they'd be like, well, we can have these really effective, really hot employees. That's going to be great for our online. Just smart. Yeah, really smart.

Just smart and help move our, you know, we could get them spitball and see if they could move. Exactly, spitball. Yeah. And so they're going to try and, you know, influence government policy or something to allow them to keep these super beasts on the payroll. Or they're going to try and hide them

and pass them off as just regular Joe's, even though we all know that they're too hot and too smart to possibly be one of us. I think a sort of a thing where we start, you start getting really suspicious and paranoid about hot smart people and you have like a kind of a like a witch hunt against them would be pretty interesting. Yeah. What kind of witch hunt? What are we accusing them of? Of those big, being zombies, or some sort? Yeah, of being, being zombies of some sort.

So, you know, there'd be some people, I guess, who are legitimately just really hot and smart, and they would get caught up in this great clash, like great purge that we're trying to have. Well, the question is, if people are getting vastly improved over a short period of time, but it's still a disease or whatever, do we see it as a problem? Do we see it as a problem? Do we see it as a problem? Well, I think... Should we treat it as a problem?

I think that, I guess I was suggesting that people would, because of from jealousy, but then, or would we just all go and try and catch the disease, is that what you're saying? And it would be better for everyone. Well at some point we've got to give in a bit of a better, but I guess we don't know the long-term effects. You're right. And I think there'd be people who would be asserting that they're not human because it's, you know. Yeah, but I don't really care if something's not human. Cause it's, you know. Yeah, but I, you know, I don't really care if something's not human.

I don't have some allegiance to humans. Yeah, you're gonna- Because they're humans. When the aliens come, Elishtay, you're gonna be, Yeah. You're gonna flip like that. You're gonna be on the other side. Well, my allegiance is with whoever has the better offer.

Yeah. And I got to thank humans on offer in that much. Yeah, you're open to whatever. I'll see what they have to say. See what's on the table. What are they here for? A know, a good negotiator. It's got to keep an open mind. Yeah, yeah. And you could be lucky.

You could be headhunted. Be it. Doesn't sound like a good thing. I think that could be how the aliens do it. They'll come down and they'll say like when a, you know, there's a hostile takeover of a company. They'll come down and they'll say like when there's a hostile takeover of a company.

They'll come down and say, hey look, we really love what you're doing here. We're looking to keep a lot of people on. We want to keep as many of you on as possible. So we're going to be having meetings with everybody and get to learn about what you do and what you bring to the company. And then we'll have to make some tough decisions, obviously, but we're really keen to keep what it is that makes humanity so that essence of what it is that makes humanity so great.

So you're civilization function. Yeah, yeah. We want to keep that. We want to be true to that. So when we go on into the future as, you know, a Xambo slash human, humaniton, ink, we want that humanity bit of that to, to really be front and center and leading us. And then they do all their workplace reviews. And then we all turn against each other and point out all the people that we think haven't been working. And a lot of us get

killed, I guess. Get told to clear out our out, and everything else. And then we get shot into the sun. Sort of, you're torso cavity. I mean, that would be so energy intensive to shoot you into the sun. Well, they got, they got things. Couldn't they? They got alien technology. They got catapult. Well, they couldn't, they got alien catapult.

Yeah. Um, I think you just dropped them, I just dropped them, jump us into a volcano. You'd probably make it just a recycling volcano. You're right. Of course you're right. I think a workplace review alien invasion, Alistair. I actually think that is something. I think, at least, that's a short film, because I think it would be really

interesting to see the aliens asking us, because, you know, it then becomes a bit like that, you know, the mythical judgment that you would receive in heaven, or, you know, in the gods, Egypt, where you go and you have your heart weighed against a feather. But this is like, well, you know, you can stay on earth, but we just need you to justify, you know, why we're keeping you on. And so they're all capitalists. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. They're all those, what do you call those guys? The job that Richard

Gear had in Pretty Woman. Yeah. Yeah. Those guys. Essentially, they're coming in their flipping planets. Yes. They're kind of seeing how they can sort of what they just grab up with, just a dodgy old plant and see how they consider rejuvenated and make it profitable. Yeah, make it look good, strip it for assets, obviously give it a coat of paint. then you know, they kill and then sell it off. They kill 90% of the population leave just behind the hot effective people and Then that's a real sellable proposition that planet that's gonna be they're gonna be able to put that on the market for a good amount The planet market, but imagine yeah, imagine if they came and they killed everybody that wasn't attractive

to aliens. Yeah. But they have different look schemes. So all these sort of modeling agencies put their people forward for survival. And every single one gets killed. They go, oh, bomber. That's that. And then it turns out it's what? Some interesting quirk. I don't know, redheads. Yeah. The non-conventionally attractive. Well, that's not it doesn't mean that they're not conventionally attractive. It just means it's just, you know, not what everybody would have expected at first.

Yeah. No, you're right. But it was probably with some quirk on, like, you know, they've got very warm vision and they, you know, reds are complemented. You know, or, you know, maybe something like that. They love pimples. Andy, I'm going to take us through, I know, I got gotta, we're up to the three words from a listener. Oh, we've got listeners.

I, and I'm aware. There's a chance that we've done, there's a chance we've done this one at one point. I'm not sure now. But I didn't feel like we had, and this is from one of the members of our discord, Thomas Ambrose, who has, I think it was one of the pioneers in starting it, possibly the pioneer in starting the discord. Link in the show notes.

Thomas Ambrose, so. Thank you, Thomas, for everything that you do. Thank you, Thomas. Thank you. Thomas sent in three words, Andy. Do you wanna guess what one of those words is? Uh-huh, uh-huh. Claptomania. No, Andy. The word is Andy. Oh, okay. Andy. Okay. I'm gonna guess that the next word is guess. I'm sorry the answer is guesses. No. No. Yeah. I'm sorry. You said guess about the answer is guesses. No. Andy guesses. Okay. The last word is going to be wrong. I'm sorry, Andy. The answer is correct.

Andy guesses correctly. Now, I hope we haven't done these before, because I feel like I tapped I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get the best guess. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get the best guess. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get the best guess. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get the best guess. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get the best guess. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get the best guess. I'm not sure if I'm going to correctly. You did the active guessing. You did that really well. Thank you. Yeah. I mean, in a way, it probably wasn't guessing in its purest form because it was a little bit of the educated guess. You know, if any guess can be a purely random guess, because every guess uses words, right?

You're right, so it's already narrowed down hugely. You're already narrowing it into the category of somewhere within language. Well, or yeah, every guess, even guesses that don't involve language involve some form of communication. Exactly, so every guess is a guesstimate. language involves some form of communication. Exactly. So, every guess is a guesstimate because you are putting boundaries on it.

You're making estimations. You think, well, this will probably be something within the world. You're right. You know, you used English when you guessed it. Yeah. It'll be a concept that already exists You know even by guessing I assume that it's something that is capable of being guest That's already so a massively narrowed down

From the scope of all possibilities because there are so many things that haven't yet been conceived of. That's right. More things than all exist. Essentially, I think what we're proving here, Andy, is that every guess is a correct guess. Thanks. Because a guess can't be wrong as long as it is you saying something? Is there any reason to have a test? You know how some people, some wags, would comically refer to a multiple choice exam as a multiple

guess exam, right? Have you ever heard this? I feel like that's a thing that I've heard people say. But is there any reason why you would have a test where there is no assumed knowledge? And you're not actually even testing anything that you've taught people, but you are just purely asking people to guess. I think what about an aptitude test?

Is that what that is? Yeah, maybe, but I guess, I guess, that I'm looking for something where it is, it is assumed that everybody will be guessing every single question. Nobody has any idea what the answer is. It's a guessing test. It's a guess test. It's a guess test. Yeah.

And. Okay, so wait, I'm gonna write down guess test because it already feels like something. I wanna know why you would have that. Like, why is it worth getting people just to guess? To test whether or not somebody can guess. I mean, maybe there are people who are just better at guessing. Well, I mean, I guess with guessing,

it's a measurement of reading speed, yeah. Answering speed. Because suddenly, if you just had, it's an endless gas test. Right. And basically, I mean, there isn't the only end is that there's a timer. Right. But there's actually no limit to the question. What? Okay. What if what? Sorry to put this out there. But what if there are no questions? Right. So what if every, every, so it's like number one, right? And then it's just A, B, C, D, E, right? And you just have to guess which one it's going

to be, which one is correct? Yeah. And it says number, yeah. And then it's number two. And it's just a line with a, with a full stop after it. Yeah. And you got to write something down? Yeah. Yeah. And so in a way, it is a test of the creative mind of what, but I mean, you're still kind of guessing what somebody might ask you. Mm. You know, and then on the, then the third question, it's got just a drawing of a dog and, and it's got different bits are labeled. Right.

And then you just got a guess. You just got a guess what those bits are called. Now that, all the bits are already labeled with their name. You're right. And so you just, you just guess. You just guess. Guess by by circling one of the labels or.

Feels like a good guess, Andy. Yes. You've just done his guess. Yes. All right. And then maybe the fourth one is every time we come up with a stupid thing like this, I worry that that's just what we've done with the pop test. That's what the pop test is. Just asking people, they could have no things they could have no hope of ever answering. And then we just see, just see what they say.

Yeah, but that's fine. Great. You've given them a context in which they can say something dumb. But I think, I think what I, with the guest test, which is going to be our new show, we're going to be pitching to the ABC. There is no context even within which to say something done. It's just an empty space that needs to be filled. Yeah, or, you know, maybe you do give them a circle and that's, you know, it's corded, a corded circle and then you just see what they do. Yeah, but there are correct answers as well, by the way. Yeah, there's correct answers. It wouldn't be a test otherwise.

So what they're guessing is what the question is and then what the answer to that question would be. Great. Yeah, I think just guessing answers is done. But in a way, they're not necessarily guessing what the answer would be. I think just guessing answers is done. But in a way they're not necessarily guessing what the answer would be. If they know what the question is, then it could lead to a very certain answer. Yeah.

But unless they guess the question is something that they don't know the answer to, then they'll guess what the answer is. So let's say they go, well, what is the capital of Venezuela? Then they go, well, I don't know that's all I have to guess. I don't know, a Montevideo. I think you're right, though. Which of course is, I don't think so, no. Translates is um see the mountain Really yeah, I believe so

But then if they guess something like what is your name then they go oh Alistair George William Charlie works. I Don't have to guess I know yeah, so you've got the answer right but the question was wrong unfortunately So well you got the question you got the answer right to the question that you guessed. Yeah, but if that wasn't the right question that you guessed, God, imagine if you were listening to this right now. How awful this would be for people. I mean, Andy, I think that this is what we are, people know that we probably know.

Yeah, I know, I know, I know, I know, but sometimes, they want us, they want arguments about eggs. Sometimes I have a moment of clarity and I just, Oh, don't think of it as clarity. Maybe, maybe it's the first time you're seeing, you're seeing through the fuzzy eyes of uncertainty. I think guest test is the Is the final sketch is the final sketch. Thank you Thomas Ambrose. Thank you Thomas

I mean wait wait, we just need to see wait wait, we just need last thing. What would be the context in which you would do a guest test? Well, I think, I mean, it's almost like you're testing for people's, some sort of innate, almost magical ability to guess things correctly. And I know, we're not testing for magic. All right. Psychic? That's different. That's very different to magic Psychic is magic. Well, maybe then we're testing people to write tests for other people Because when you write tests for people you have to come up with questions and they have to be the right questions

and so this is how we find those people, is by asking them, testing them to see whether they can guess the questions. And then once we've got people who can guess questions correctly, then it's a lot easier to write the tests for everybody else, because we just get our guesses in. And they guess all the questions. We write those down, and we're done.

You know, otherwise it could take out. So we're actually just, we're just making a quiz show. We're just making a quiz show. And we just needed people to write us some questions and stuff. Yeah. So we created this really elaborate. That's right.

This is probably how a curriculum is written. But this one has an element of magic and psychics. I don't know about that. No, I know you don't know about that. I'll say that's why I said it. I love it. Andy, I'm going to take us through the sketch ideas. I'm really intrigued.

We've got catapult diet, which don't think of it as buying a catapult, think of it as a lifestyle change. It's just, you know, so it's like that you're not changing what you eat, you're changing the mode in which it is delivered. So the way in which you eat it dictates how much you're going to be able to eat. And the amount of exercise you get while you're eating it. And our slogan is, I can eat any fling I want. And it's, we get people in the ads to say it quickly so they can't hear that you're actually

saying any fling. They think you're saying any. You can eat any fling you want. The great thing about this diet is that you can eat any filling you want. That sounds amazing. That sounds too good to be trying on board. You could eat pizza all day if you want. Yeah, you can try.

Then we got full meal seagull. That's the discovery that a seagull is actually an entire meal, including the plate, including maybe even the legs, you know, the sure they could also be used as cutlery, but they could also be used to turn your plate into a table. You know, then we got how eggs get hard debate. to turn your plate into a table. You know, then we got, how eggs get hard debate. I don't know if it's gonna sketch. I feel like there's some kind of that. It was a moment that we really came alive.

So, that means it's something. And then we've got soft-kind zombies that we wanna kill, except for the people who want to protect their families. I mean, I think, have we talked about a world in which science doesn't exist and all those things are settled via debate? And so, you know, the facts that would otherwise be determined via a scientific inquiry, are settled via via debate like we were just having if you if you can call it that.

I mean, argument. That's what that's what's, Socratic, the Socratic, isn't it? Like, yes, I know. How insane is it that he thought that that was in any way good? Well, I mean, maybe part of the Socratic method is that you're asking people questions and, you know, maybe in their answers, they have some sort of a fact that can be do they've gathered via. I know. But how easy

it is for one person to just have a thought that is like, well, this is not possible, but therefore this is not possible. And they can just do that with an incorrect thought that both people don't know is incorrect. Yeah, it's pretty cool. It's pretty cool. Yeah, it's pretty great. And it would have been a great time for bullshit us like us. Oh, man, we would have done so well. The golden age of bullshit.

Oh, we could have had some some Roman swords plunged into our bellies. I don't know if Romans were there in ancient Greece, but yeah, I wonder. I think this one. I think you might have been pre-Roman Socrates. Pre-Rome? Maybe? Don't I? Yeah, no, he was. It was ancient Greeks. It was like, yeah, I don't know. I can't remember when Rome arrived.

Anyway, right in, let us know. Yeah. On the discord. And we got hot zombies. That's a virus that goes around, makes people hot and smart and stuff like that. But they are zombies, they're a type of zombie in that. They're technically dead, maybe even.

Maybe even dead, but better. And hotter. Maybe the only way in which they're different is that they can no longer breed, except by biting other people. Well, they don't breed them, but they can turn people hot and smart. Yeah, that's an interesting type of breeding, isn't it? Where you bite somebody, and then like some of your DNA goes into their body,

and then they're like half your DNA, half their DNA, which is kind of a bit like, yeah. They look a bit more like you then. They look like one of your kids basically. A little bit more like one of your kids. Then we got workplace review, alien invasion. I think that feels like it's actually the most proper sketch one that you came up with.

And then we got the guest test. And then we got the guest test. This was a real something of an episode. Yeah. Boop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-op-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-op-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oop-oopb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- deviation from your normal level of whatever that you were experienced. And that this, you know, in some way took you out of the every day. That's what that's all we hope for. Yeah. And you can you can find us in all the places where you find us stupid old Andy on Twitter is me, Alistair T.B. on Twitter is him. We are to in tank on Twitter.

And then, you know, all the links down below, you can buy tickets to Teleport. You can watch magma on SOS presents. You can get on board with Discord and you can support the pop test wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you very much. Take care of yourselves and each other. And you too, Alistair. We, and we, love you. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive?

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