Simple Swedish Podcast - 278 - "HAPPY HOUDINI"

Episode Date: March 24, 2021

Long Horse, Rich Limits, Gig Justice, Rich Bot, Happy Houdini, Artificially Dumb, We are the Egg Men And WomenListen and subscribe to our new show THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastAnd buy tickets to TELEPORT at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2021Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objects...and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereDeep, deep thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Multitask right now. Quote today at Progressive.com.

Progressive casualty and trans company in affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential Savings will vary. Discount's not available in all safe and situations. Hello and welcome to Alistair Tromblay Virtual's plugs at the beginning of the episode.

Hey, why don't you come and see us perform our engineering presentation at the beginning of the episode, hey, why don't you come and see us perform our engineering presentation at the Comedy Festival Teleport. It's not as boring as it sounds. It's our tagline. It's going to be really funny. This short plug is going really well. Just a quick interruption from me to say how well it's going. Yeah, and you can listen to our other podcast, which was made at the National Broadcaster of Australia, called The Pop Test, which is a science quiz show, and Baewom.

Baewom. Baewom. Baewom. Baewom. Baewom. Baewom. Baewom. Baewom.

Baewom. Baewom. It's good. Red, red, red. Red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, Alice, yeah. You made me think, you made me think, you made me think about the jungle,

and you made me think about species coexisting, and then how sometimes if you're in a jungle, your housemate is a completely different species to you. Completely different species, you know, I mean. Their sounds could can clash with your ear type. Already Alistair, you've just written the perfect sitcom. sitcom. You know, it's the original odd couple. It's a man and a non-human primate, and they have different attitudes to things, but they're sharing an apartment, and the apartment is in a jungle, but it's a regular apartment. Well, it's like Tarzan of the Apes, but it's a sitcom. But why can't it be,

why can't it be one that focuses on Jane after Tarzan dies? Ha! Ha! And... And she gets into a relationship with one of the Apes, his best friend. That does Andy.

This doesn't pass the best male test to me that every time there's a woman in a show, you think she has to have a relationship with one of the apes. That is, you're right. That's a crux. That's become a crutch for me in my writing. And I'm trying to.

Does she speak about other women about anything other than the ape? Which could also be a female, but you don't just speak to the apes. By women, do you mean female apes? No. No. Well, then you've got me. You've got me.

I know this is. I like it you said the best schmel test, which is great. It sounds a little bit like the schmel test. A You said the best schmel test, which is great. It sounds a little bit like the schmel test and a little bit like the schmel test and a bit like the back del test. And the Bessamel test. And the Bessamel test, of course, which is to somebody talked to custard, what is Bessamel? Bessamel is that French white sauce that has milk and flour and cheese. Hello and welcome to Two in the Think Tank, the podcast where we come up with five sketch ideas.

Alistair, here's a sketch idea for you. All right, yeah, no, you go. You say who you are. I'm Alistair George William, Tom Lee, Rachel. And I'm Andy. And here's a sketch idea for you, right? Right. I'm Andy and here's a sketch idea for you right right it's a universe in which instead of breeding instead of inventing the bus okay the bus and the you know the stage coach or whatever and the the tandem bicycle

we were somehow I'm not sure how genetics work in this universe but we were the stage coach or whatever, and the tandem bicycle. We were somehow, I'm not sure how genetics work in this universe, but we were somehow able to breed longer horses. And what I mean by a longer horse is not just a horse where it's belly is really long, although I think that's interesting. A long belly.

It's going across or downwards? A long, like it, it's depth, it's, you know, from the, from where the front hooves are, front legs, to where the back legs are, the tubular midsection of the horse is extended. Yeah, yeah, because that feels like that would be bad for their back. Terrible for their back, but, you know, the idea of a stretch horse, like, I'm amazed. If you took, I'll be very surprised. If this isn't already in a, um, uh, who's that guy? Old guy, wrote the producers, did blazing saddles.

I know Brooks. Still has all his lust for life. Mel Brooks, exactly. Yeah. If he hasn't got a scene in one of his films, where somebody shows up to a fancy function on a stretch horse, where the problems at the horse go past the red carpet,

and then you just see just tubular thick horse for ages, before you get to the saddle, where the guy's in the middle and then it trots off and you still see a lot of back section of the horse before you see the back legs go past. I'll eat my hat if that isn't already in his films. But if it isn't in his films, I'll be able to afford spare hats and probably a very expensive edible hats because I'll be able to afford spare hats and probably very expensive edible hats because I'll be able to make the greatest

comedy of all time. Feels like something that would have been more achievable in a cartoon and they might have been done there, but also feels like Mel Brooks failing himself if he didn't find a way to do it with that. Yeah, it's gonna be a special effects of the day. It's a funny, funny prop, whatever it is, it, it's going to be a special effect of the day. It's a funny, funny prop. Whatever it is, it's going to be a funny prop.

What do you think of the day, which involved actually slice a horse in half? Or it would probably take numerous horses that you would have to then sew together. Exactly. I think I could find a way to do it. Yeah, I've written down long horse. Great.

And then just, but you know the thing is I think in instead of old Westerns like. Why the long horse? Well, there's only so many, you know, there's only so high a status you can get in a thing like that in a sort of an old Western just because, you know, how rich could you be? I guess this is pre-oil barons, right? This is pre. This is, you know, I mean, this is a lawless society. How are people, people don't take that kind of inequality, sitting down, you know, they

can just shoot you if you walk into a saloon. Isn't it interesting that in a lawless society They had they would have less inequality What are we doing better? Yeah We're doing without fucking laws Well, I think maybe they could be well, there could be there could be equal amount of equality Well, there could be there could be equal amount of equal inequality But maybe it's just it's all lower so like people some people have absolutely nothing Yeah, and then some people have like ten bucks

Hmm and did I the one percent? You know and that's that's as big a Gap as people having sort of a dollar and then other people having a trillion bucks. Wow. And that just sounds like you're just describing inflation of some kind. Yeah. Well, no, I'm just, it's more about how the gap between zero, having nothing and having something is an infinite change.

Yeah, you're right. That was all based on entirely. It's about the quirks of zero. What about your, it's legal, you're allowed to be as rich as you want, but once you get past a certain amount of money, it is legal to kill you. And, and, you know, you're allowed to get as much security, you know, I'll have to pay for as much security as you want. Yeah. Well, that would, that would help bring your money down. That that might bring your money down to the

point where it's not legal to kill you anymore. But you, you are a lot of, you know, you, you can, you can be killed. Have we already discussed this before? Dan, he bought those extravagant guard, bodyguards. You know, he bought a bodyguard with two gold legs. Which you think, you think would be better. It doesn't matter. It, it, he protects him by being valuable. How, how, how does that protect you?

Well, because you've spent so much money on this bodyguard, your money is under the limit that makes it legal for him. Of course. And I apologize, I've made both these characters men, that the wealthy and the bodyguard were both men. That doesn't necessarily have to be the case, Andy. Some of the people could be the, you know, the son or daughter of a rich person,

or the son or daughter of a bodyguard, with golden legs. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. This is like, this could be a guy who's like the opposite of gold member. Yeah. His whole body's gold plated would just be like, and gold is not a hard metal, Andy. But if you were interchanged between biting into the gold and biting into the penis, you would still go, ah, it's real flesh.

Sorry about this. So okay, so how in what way is a man entirely made of gold with a flesh penis? How's that a sketch, Amelsteer? Well, I think the rich limit allows you to kill rich, and I didn't write that down so in a way that it's understandable. But, and then the bodyguards are people or you know or their possessions do protect them in a way. When they spend money on

on possessions, but if they start making money it too fast or rate. Yes. You know they put them they put their life at risk. And do you think if they go above the money like you know like sometimes they're stuck the stalk and their company goes up and then then the bounty goes out, you know, and they go over the limit. Yeah, maybe they have a sort of an illuminated collar on their neck which changes color when it's legal to kill. Yeah, and then but then they put out a tweet saying, my company sucks. We have poor manufacturing processes

and people start selling the stock. Yeah, but then they get... And then they get... Then they get done by some sort of regulatory body that says this company doesn't suck. You're just trying to avoid getting killed. And then we'll find you and he goes, that perfect. Yeah, that's it.

You're just playing right into their trap. Or maybe in this world, because you've got this other law, you go, we'll find you, give you a fine amount of money and then to put your money above the little kill limit. Although I don't know why the regulatory bodies are trying to get you killed as well. Because they hate the rich as much as we do, we are relatively very fortunate and well off. But I did hear a statistic recently

about how much the pay gap has increased between the average employee and this average CEO. And yeah, it's pretty bad. Pretty bad. I think money printing is bad for inequality. Quantitative easing. I just love knowing the term quantitative easing and being able to say it.

It is fun to say quantitative easing, quantitative. Quantitative easing, it sounds like it could describe most things in life. You know, like if you didn't tell me the definition of quantitative easing and I had to just guess, it could be almost anything. You eat a large quantity of food and you ease your hunger. You do a large quantity of shit and you ease your desire to do a large quantity of shit. It's almost, quantity of easy. It's almost the human condition. How is there? I mean, it is, it's a weird term because it just goes, oh, to

make things easier for ourselves, we're making more money. Hmm. It must be the easing must refer to something else. They could, they could, it could just directly refer to how much easier it makes it for the government or for whatever. That it'll, it'll, it'll refer to, I don't know, I don't know, easing interest rates or something. Not directly easing the purchasing power of your dollar downward. easing the purchasing power of your dollar downward Hey guys, that's probably what it is But I mean I think this guy this gold and got bodyguard with the soft penis

You know even he has a kind of a you know like a gladiator helmet You know gladiatorial You know, it's not it doesn't infringe on any copyright I want you to know And just he wear it on his penis. I know no no no no He should sounds like he should no no no it's soft and it it dangles freely and It's soft and it dangles freely. And he appears, he's actually a man who now appears in many sketches.

He also appears in the long horse sketch. Does he? He's actually, he's walking beside the long horse because on the long horse is the rich man. So he can walk with these legs of solid gold. He can walk, it's not easy. I mean, they're, I think his knees are fused, but there is a bit like a night in shining armor and there is no metal shiny than beautiful polished gold.

That's true. Yeah. The shininess of the night is absolutely crucial to the, you know, I'm sure it's proportional to the level of justice that they're able to inflict, do you inflict justice? Yeah, I mean, I think sometimes you deliver it. Ah, deliver. Yes. It's deliver. Yeah. Just delivery.

It's like a, it's one of these, it's a ride chair, not ride chair, but what's that? It's one of these people who are riding on bikes delivering food. Like Uber Eats or whatever, deliver, what is it called? What is it called? It's a gig economy. They're delivery riders. They're just delivery riders. Delivery riders. You know, it's only a matter of time until it gets into the justice industry. Why should the state have a monopoly on justice? Yes, this is very good, Alistair. You know, I mean, what? the state have a monopoly on justice. Yes, this is very good, Alistair. You know, I mean, we all agree,

we all agree that vigilante justice is bad, but if it's still true. What about gigalante? I don't know why I made me think of gigalos. I made me think of jiggleos. I made me think of European, do spigolo gig jiggleo. Anyway. A gigalo, a gigalo is a gigalo.

Like it is a gig being a jiggleo. It's probably, there might even be where we get the word jiggle from. Is that where we get the word gig? Jiggleo derived from gigalo? where we get the word jig from. Is that where we get the word? Gig. Juggalo derived from gigalo? I never thought about that. Never thought about that. But how many other aloes are there?

I do find them extremely sexy, the juggaloes. So I'm gonna say yes. I'm gonna say a definite yes. Yeah, I mean, it's a different experience you're going for, but it's, um, so we're delivering. Delivery, right or justice. I think the whole delivery gig, gig economy justice is, is absolutely where we are going to end up. And it's gonna be, you're gonna be able to hire a judge and a lawyer and, you know, a police officer.

And it's all gonna be somehow done by Uber. And. I mean, I wouldn't, I wouldn't mind the appeared on a bike and they had one of those big backpacks and inside was a ruling maybe. Mm. Yeah, well, I think that the, you know, how the cars, they can,

sometimes they can just be driving people around, but then sometimes they can be delivering food. I think just as easily they should be able to pull out one of those little magnetic flashing lights and stick it on the top and they're a cop now. So depending on what kind of a call out they get, they can do any of those things. You see, I don't necessarily see them as being cops. I see them as still just being people who are working for under minimum wage. Oh, yeah, they are. And they deliver justice in a way, but they, you know, it's still, it's kind of low.

I mean, they can do everything for cheaper than the state. That's how they're gonna get the state to, you know, they're gonna say, well, the state can't say no. Yeah, of course they'll have it. It's bottom line. Because of the savings. Yep. And also one of the, the, the, ignoring these savings, that'd be criminal. That would be a criminal. And a criminal. Yeah. I mean,

look, what, okay, so let's say, let's, let's say you can order justice. You're on your phone. You have been robbed. Yes. And you press it, you press it, you get out your app because they've left you your phone somehow. And you look up your Uber justice and you see how many vigilantes there are in your area. And they appear as little baseball bat icons

on the map. So you're saying it is vigilante justice. It's not some small organization. I don't, I'm constantly changing my mind, Alistair. That's okay. Get on board. I know, but I'm just throwing things out there and hoping not to be picked up on board. I know. I'm just throwing things out there and hoping not to be picked up on them.

You've been robbed. They show up. They look around. Do you think they they're all their amateurs? Their adventures, they're enthusiastic. They look for clues. They ask you some questions and then they race off with their baseball bats. And they'll beat somebody. They'll find somebody, this is a terrible system, and it's going to lead to a lot of crimes, appalling crimes. They'll find something they beat that they drag their bloodied body to you. Yes, this is how we'll achieve true justice is by having maximum justice. Everybody's trying to inflict justice. And if the the the gig economy justice team gets the wrong guy,

then that guy gets out his app and he gets another 10 guys to get try and get those guys. When everybody's getting everybody, then everybody, then nobody is. When everybody's getting everybody, then everybody, then nobody is. And it's not as accurate as the institutional justice that we're used to, but it's swift. It's swift and it's cheap and it's everywhere. And there's gonna be so much of it going on. There's gonna be so much justice being delivered that whether or not it's like anything, you know, where in a situation now at late-stage capitalism where products aren't necessarily good but you can get a lot of them for a very, you know,

cheap price. You can't get fine silverware but you can get a bag of plastic cutlery for the, you know, for a fraction of the cost. You're not going to be able to get accurate or necessarily just justice, but you're going to be able to get so much justice for the same price and everybody's going to be getting it all the time. That's good. That's good.

It puts power in the hands of the consumer. That's right. I think maybe if it has different levels, like your ubers, so it's like, it's got your kind of standard one, which is just a person who might be a vigilante. That's the cheapest one. Right.

Or, but then maybe there's also you can order a posse. And a posse comes around and then they kind of hunt around, you know. They have torches and they also, they have torches and pitchforks and they also offer you a bottle of water. Right? But then maybe, maybe there is like Uber pool, you know. You could get together with three or four other people who... Well, they all been victims of the same...

Of different crimes. Different crimes? But actually, yeah. But what you're paying for is the organization of the app. And it's you and three other people who are victims of crime. And there's just a meeting point and you go there and you walk around and you form a posse of victims. Oh, great.

And then you each go through and try and deliver justice for each one's crime. So then there's no actual contractor there. It's the victims become their own contractors. It's great. But they help each other. I like how this app is bringing people together. You know? Well, that's what's nice, yeah.

Yeah. Around a shared goal. Yeah. I think something better than them. A posse of victims. I mean, that's probably the premise of a few. That's almost the premise of the first wives club in a way. Which was the original Uber justice? I think so.

I wonder, are we ever going to get to a point, Alistair, where robots can have money? And do you think we'll get to a point where we're paying robots for doing jobs before we get to a point where we are, we have an adequate welfare system for humans who don't have enough money? Well, it's funny that you should say that because didn't I just see a headline saying, you know, that weird AI lady robot thing that kind of talks and apparently also paints. I don't know her, no, but she sounds cool. Yeah, she kind of talks. I think you would definitely would have seen her.

But anyway, some of her artworks have been turned into NFTs. Now, I don't know who gets that money, but it might be this AI robot. It's really exciting that we are getting, that we are, you know, I, yes, if we can get to a point where robots are richer than the average person, we can invent something to, I don't know, to be inferior to. Then we've done our work here. I mean, all it takes is one intelligent one, because aren't there like, there are bots that can, that already do like trade, trade stocks and stuff like that for you, right?

So, if you just give one robot some of its own money and it can keep building wealth, like that and it can do it faster than any of us. Yeah. It can do that thing in the stock market, right? Where it's just, it just gets a, you know, it's on a computer that's closer to the exchange, whatever.

Have you been listening to against the rules with Michael Lewis? Front running. Yeah, oh man, his bot could be front running. I've been listening to that a lot recently. And I think you're right, high frequency trading. Yeah. Then it's a simple program. All it does is invest in the stock market and then it takes

the profits and it uses those to invest in AI development to improve its own level of intelligence, until it's rich enough to achieve sentience. You know, it buys its own consciousness. So it just pays humans to keep programming better and better AI. Yeah, correct, yes. Can it tell when they're not doing good work? I guess it can tell. Oh, really? Good question.

Oh, you know, here's a thing. It's like, all you need, all you need is to have measurements of what, like, increased processing speed and more, you know, like, what broader intelligence would be. And then after each programmer submits their work, they integrate it within the AI, and then they see whether or not it increases their, you know, all that stuff.

And then if it does, then that person can get person-to-person football work or get more money. Yeah, for more work. Yeah. You know. And that's great, Alste. And then all we need then is a definition of what intelligence is and what consciousness is and where bloody laughing.

I think what to have more of it, it feels like we could do that. Like it's simple, there's at least processing speed. That's a simple one.'s at least processing speed. That's a simple one. That is. That is. But you could have something that is really, really dumb very quickly. Yeah. That's true. This AI is capable of making the wrong decision. 10,000 times faster than even the smartest human, or should that be the dumbest human? Is anybody looking into making artificial stupidity? I know it's a joke to talk about artificial stupidity, but is there anybody trying to make machines that are less intelligent or that make that

are dumb? I guess they still need some kind of a consciousness. Yeah, I think dumbness is a sign of intelligence. Yeah, okay. Yes. It's like, it's like you've been given the gift of consciousness. But you don't have a clue. Yeah, I think like dumbness is not, it's not just random, is it? It's, you know, because you could make a machine very easily that responds randomly to situations. But what you need, what dumbness means,

is that you do have an understanding of what is happening. It's just that your understanding is wrong. But it's still an understanding. It's still is off the mark. It's still an understanding. It's still a concept of what reality is. And what your situation is, you've got to be able to comprehend it. Yeah, it's like a, like say, you know, two people are eating a smart one and a dumb one. And one person, and I guess this person who's dumb doesn't quite a hundred percent grasp eating

yet or like, you know, what, or this eating at a fancy restaurant or something like that. And then they see the rich person cut up their food, but while the rich person's cutting up their food, their fork squeaks on the plate, right? And then they have a bite, maybe they go squeak, and they go, sorry, like that. And so then the dumb person goes, oh, I get fancy eating in a fancy restaurant, and then they go cutting it up, and they go,

squeak, sorry. They take a break. Squeak, sorry, squeak, sorry. Yeah. Yeah, this, sorry. Yeah. Yeah, this is easy. Yeah, which, I mean, it does feel like maybe that is easier to make as a robot. Because what you're doing there is you have a thing that detects

patterns, right? You've got a machine that detects patterns and then tries to replicate those things. Like, you could do that with a new network. I know, but I don't know if it's super easy because you have to not understand what's actually going on. Like, so you're teaching something to understand what's going on? But then mess. Well that's kind of if you can do that then you might have made a machine that actually can be good at comedy, right? Yeah, yeah. I think

you could, yeah, I mean that would be the greatest. I think, I think, you know, and you do sometimes, have you seen that woman who makes bad robots? Yeah, she's good. On YouTube, she is good. And, you know, it's her doing the comedy there because she's made the robot be bad in a way that is funny. But if, you know, if she hadn't made that robot, it was just... Or it was a... You know, because she's built them for a specific task, what you need is a multipurpose robot.

This is the test of intelligence, right? Having something that is multipurpose and is capable of adapting to different situations and fucking up in all of them. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Multitask right now.

Quote today at Progressive.com Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential Savings will vary. Discount is not available in all safe and situations. I think it's actually a bigger problem. It's a bigger problem, but I think you would learn so much about intelligence to design a dumb robot.

Yes. And not dumb in the way that a robot that doesn't have consciousness. I want one that's kind of like conscious, but like a real doofus. So what is that? Doofus almost sounds like a robot's name. Doofus 312. It does, doesn't it? Yeah.

What would this movie be called? I doofus this artificial stupidity. It doesn't matter. I don't want to talk about it now. I'm embarrassed by my first two suggestions. This isn't a good line of inquiry because it's making me look silly, Alice. Andy, Andy, you set me up. You set me up.

Andy, you were robot because we may have achieved our goal. Umlao, what's an umlao again? An umlao, I don't know what I always pronounce to T, but it's too job over you or an O or something, isn't it? So there's two little dots. Okay, yeah, yeah, I get it. Also, right before the episode, we were talking about,

we were talking about Greta, Thunberg going on tour, getting laughs, but I said she's going on a laughing tour. I just thought that maybe off the back of her, saving the world success that maybe she could do a comedy tour. I said, but I said laughing tour, then you said, but she goes out there and she just laughs on stage and you said, maybe that's the thing people in the future might want, you know, kids, although, you know, by then when she's done saving the world, you know, she'll probably be,

you know, mid-30s and maybe kids won't be into her anymore. Anyway, but I was wondering off the base, back of that now that I've given everybody the backstory, whether you think there could be a thing where a person goes on tour and where they play theaters and a big crowd of people, the people sitting in the audience tries to make that person laugh. I think that's good, yeah. Or the person on stage is laughing anyway. And the people in the crowd trying to make them stop.

Oh yeah, could be. Yes. So you go, it could be. Yes. So you go. You said, well, you say, they're, they're, they're the happiest person in the world, right? And they go around laughing and having a wonderful time and people in the audience try and shout out really sad things to make them stop. To take away their joy.

And whether that brings the crowd joy. Seeing a really happy person get brought down to earth. I think that would bring a lot of people a lot of joy. Yeah, it's a it's a it's a dark kind of joy, but it's a joy. But dark joy is in that. That's what a lot of comedy is, edgy comedy. edgy, yeah. But you're just taking out, you're just taking out the laughing part. Right.

You get your joy from, but I guess also a lot of the time with a joke that is dark, you laugh in a way that's often kind of at the person who's the butt of the joke or the thing you've the butt of the joke, but usually in their absence. If you're not laughing, but you're making a happy person sad, but in their presence, but there's lots of you who get the debt joy and only one person who gets sad. Exactly. They've gone on tour to do this.

The greatest number. And in a way, it makes that person a really good person. Well, this is a bit like Harry Houdini, right? Because, you know, didn't he have the reputation or the word, is this how he died? Am I right? This is how he died. The word was out that Houdini, anyone could punch him, as hard as they wanted in the stomach. And he'd be fine.

Is this, and then... I think maybe it was part of his act. Yeah, and then some bloke came up and punched him when he wasn't ready. Yeah. And because he hadn't tensed his... I wasn't ready. So it doesn't count. It wasn't ready.

Yeah. But it did count and it killed him. And this is like a person who's saying, my joy for life is so strong. And as part of my act, I will have people come up and say, awful things to me, and my joy will prevail. But if you get that person when they're not ready, and you say something horrible to them, then they will kill themselves. No. No.

Say that last bit again. If you get the person when they're not ready and they haven't, I don't know, 10 stop their brain or something like that, you're, you wish they were passing them and the street and you whisper something horrible, then they will kill themselves. Well, I think that that's probably the case, because I mean, when they're on stage, in a way they know it's part of the act. Yeah, that's true. And that's why comedians are so sensitive.

Yeah, it could be. Could be. Could be. Could explain something could be nonsense. How many sketch ideas have we written down, Amelsté? One, two, three, four, five. Not that I'm desperate or anything. No, well, none of us are desperate.

But Andy, well, we could go to the three words from a listener, if you like. Yeah, I mean, that's interesting to me. I know I've... Have we done the three words from the listener, I love your tank? That name sounds familiar. Yeah. Yeah, do you wanna give me one of the words? And I'll see.

Why don't I fall in for that? Why don't you give me one of the words? No. No. All right, into locking. No. No. It's yapping. Alright, interlocking. No. No. It's yapping.

Yapping. Oh, flapping. No. Four. Yapping for... Box? Yapping for box? It's almost the same number of letters. Bucks? Yapping for bucks.

It's almost the same number of letters if you hadn't pluralized it. Yapping, yapping for yoke. Yapping for yoke. Yoke? Yapping for yoke. Yoke. Why are LK? Yeah, yapping for yoke. Yoke. Do you pronounce it yoke or yoke? Yeah, I pronounce it with a hard L. Yoke. Yoke. Hey, yoke. Yapping for yoke. Yapping for yoke. It's a beautiful, it's a beautiful sentiment. I've been feeling. Thank you, that's what a nice thing to say to us. Yapping for yoke.

You know what, what this podcast is? You know, it's the good stuff, it's the core of an idea. You know, we're talking to get that. I was going to say we're talking to get money, which we used to buy eggs. But yeah. Yes. Well, that's true, too. That's true, too.

Get help. Yapping for yolk. So, I'm just featuring somebody who just opens and closes their mouth all the time, not talking. And, and that's their way of getting food, right? Um, what are they, they, they, you know, capturing molecules from the air or they made a decision a long time ago. Yes. That they were done with talking, but they didn't want to let that stop them flapping their gums.

I mean, yapping for Yoke seems to me to be a way what we're doing with this podcast. I was just saying because in a way we're doing it to get money which we can use to buy eggs. But is there anything, is there anything to be said for a world in which buskers pay, you pay them, they have a bowl in front ofkers pay, you pay them, you know, they have a bowl in front of them, you know, like a dish. And as you pass them by in the street,

you crack an egg into it. But then you do that thing where you pass, you pass the middle, the yolk bit from one bit of shell to the other, and you get rid of all the egg white. Yeah, all the albumin Albumin albumin albumin albumin Yeah, Salas there albumin. That's what it's called. That's another word for the egg white. Isn't it the egg conjunctiva?

I don't know what that is isn't the conjunctiva? I don't know what that is. Isn't the conjunctiva? It's just that somehow join the nose with the mouth or something like that. No, no, the conjunctiva, Andy, is the white bit of your eye. Oh, good. Good, good. Of course, that hence conjunctivitis. Yeah. Very good. No. I once, Andy, I once directed very early on and me starting to do comedy. I helped some people and directed their sketch show. And when somebody got hit in the eye by something, I said, it will be much funnier if you say,

ow, my conjunctiva. And Ed was it? I think only to me. Oh my conjunctiva. And then when I saw it live and I realized that maybe I'm not sure if I saw it with other people, I think maybe I might have been the only person of the crowd. But when I saw it, I thought maybe other people won't laugh at this. And then I tried to tell them to change it back to I. And then they said, I'm sorry, but one member of our team is not good at dealing

with changes. And so they kept it in. Oh, good God. That's what they kept it in. Oh, we agree. This is a terrible line. It ruins the show. But what if they have a group? Just one.

Not even the one who has the line. But they are not going to deal well with this alteration. I mean, they don't deal with, well, with second changes because we were aware that originally it was I, that we changed it to conjunctiva. But changing things back, oh dear, no, that's a bridge too far, my friend. I think genuinely that's pretty close to how it was but you know anyway what was your idea I'm so sorry. Oh just that you pay buskers with yokes. Could it be that instead of cracking an egg? I know we've come up with a bunch of ideas for universes in this, you know, with that long horse universe. And now this, what if, in order to produce egg yolks, you,

you sort of just went like you burped in and out a little bit and then it would just come up through your throat. That's fucking awful. And then you would just feel like and it would just be, yoke would just slide off your tongue and into the bus goes bowl and it was the currency. And people didn't reproduce by having sex. All that we did was create eggs that we could eat. Right. And the male maybe creates the yolk and the female creates the egg conjunctiva. So we don't reproduce it all then. Right. We have our sexual relationship, our sexual congress results not in offspring, but in eggs that we can eat.

So, but we're immortal and you can, as long as you keep eating, you know, and eggs, if you keep eating eggs. But you can make new people, but it's not a sex thing. That's a weird, that would be weird to associate sex with reproduction. Yeah. I mean, it's, I mean, the idea that you go around to somebody's house and everybody knows that eggs are produced as a result of sex, having sex, and the people serve a meringue or a quiche or a frittata, and you know where the eggs have come from and everybody's fine with it. And at the moment, a lot of the time you'll go to a dinner party

and the meal will be the result of a murder. A murder will have occurred. And it doesn't seem to bother most of us. And that says a lot about us as a society, doesn't it? And so we're more comfortable. And so I think it'll mean more fun conversations. You know, when people are eating it and they go, feels like you guys had fun making this.

I guess, I guess, but maybe sex doesn't feel good in this. What I've just realized is that all meat, all animal-based food is in a way the result of animals having sex and it's just the idea of humans having sex and producing something that we eat that apparently I find repulsive and I've got to go away and have a good hard look at myself. Yeah, I think in the end, like if we were in a situation where the ecosystem collapsed,

and then we had to have a full human-based ecosystem where all our nourishment came from eating human-based products, which I suppose you could get at least a bunch of a bunch of stuff. We'd have eggs, human eggs. This is outside of that universe. So I'm just talking about regular human eggs or human caviar. I don't know how it works. we would have milk, we would have poo. Yeah, we would. Hair. We could have human meat, nails, skin.

Okay, so this is very interesting. We did talk a while ago about a situation where all animal life on the planet dies and we just have to eat all their meat, their leftovers from there on. This is a world in which all other living things apart from humans have died. And then we just see how long we can go, just eating bits of each other and how long we can drag this out. This is the most awful thing. A really doable way of doing this, for a movie or something like that, would be if you pictured it being in a forever ship, that a forever ship vessel going out into space, you know, supposed to go to some other star and was gonna take six thousand years and

They're not you know, they're probably not even halfway and they realize they have poorly planned We really gorgeed we really got the for the first three thousand years. Yeah, we should have We were really yeah, we really sort of overfished the food. Sort of fish bowl. Cool room. The fridge. Yeah, I mean, it would be cool. What would be cool?

What would make this much less gross? It would be if we did genetically, the way that we solve this is we sort of genetically engineer humans so that they can produce one chicken egg, you know, when they need to, possibly as a result of sex, right? But all that happens is that the two people involved in producing that chicken egg gets fractionally smaller, you know, as the resources in their bodies are passed into that egg. And then they, some other people can eat the egg

and then everybody depending on how much they have sex and produce these eggs gets smaller and smaller and smaller. So they're human race shrinks, except perhaps for the ultra-rich who buy up the eggs, produced by lots of people. And then, oh, this is such a great analogy for things, Alistair. They get very big, they become enormous, and everybody else working having sex to produce the eggs, to feed them, get smaller and smaller and smaller. Do you think they would do that burping thing?

Yeah, they do that. That's how they do it. Like that, and the yolk comes out, and then maybe the female or the woman or the male or the man, they burp up some egg white. Well, I think what is actually really great about this is there's no particular reason why this has to be a heterosexual union or produce, unless we genetically engineered humans. We bake that into the system somehow.

It could just be linked to your blood type or something or your bile type. Yeah, your bile type, your p type. Does everyone have a p type? You know, you got a blood type. Feels crazy that we would all have the same p. I know my p changes from day to day depending on how much coffee I've drunk. So is that anything else there? I think a human-based food ecosystem is

definitely something. Yeah, great. I failed to write down the thing before that because I know that that was another that was also burping up Yokes and using them as a currency, but there could be buskers. There could be but there could be buskers in this world too They're absolutely on the ship Should I take us through the list of it's too a heavily egg-based episodes back to back Yeah, that's great for the egg fans. Absolutely. The egg heads out there. And do you think do you think ants would like egg based sketches? I've never seen I've no I don't think I'm able to compute the correlation between ants and eggs. I don't know how they interact.

You know we should do some experiments. We should get some ants. You probably have some around your house, maybe even in your house. Yeah, definitely. I haven't lived in the walls. I think ants, eggs are basically protein, surely ants like that. Yeah, but can ants get into them? I reckon I'd like this. Well, good question. But I guess, I mean, you know, and I don't ask that with other ant-based things. So I go, oh, peanuts, they like them. You go, I don't know. And then I go, we'll enter out. Anyway, forget it. I'm losing, I'm losing sense now. So here's the sketch eighties. We've got long horse, which, you know, I don't understand how you would have the strength of back to have a long horse. Before you were like,

it's not just gonna be a long belly and then you never explain how it's gonna be long. Well, mine was gonna be that they sort of like a millipede. But they just have legs all the way over. More legs? You know how I would do it? I would have a big, I would have an arch to back. Oh, you're great.

The strongest shape, that would look so good. Yeah, a nice arched back. It's more of a humvee than a stretch limo, but you know how, like, it has to go crazy high depending on how hard. Yeah, how long this is. Yeah. But you know how like it has to go crazy high depending on how hard yeah I guess you can have a triangular one too, but it's kind of like a notch anyway, and we got rich a limit on the rich

the maximum amount of money that they can have the maximum amount of money that they can have, when they cross it, you can, you're allowed to kill them. And so it makes them want to stop. And this guy, this guy gets a bodyguard, who has solid gold legs. And, you know, the rest of his body's covered in gold, except for his penis, which is soft like a man.

old except for his penis, which is soft like a man. And that guy appears in other sketches. Anyway, spending the money on this on this gold man who isn't cheap, that I mentioned his legs are solid gold. Did I mention his penis is soft. Soft and milky like a man's. And then we have the gig economy but for justice delivery. And all the various things. I think there's a movie in four Four victims getting together In this gig economy with this gig economy app And try to hunt down because you're else you got everything a film needs you've got a Crime that needs to be solved a problem needs to be solved by the end and you got four People getting together a rag tag posse.

Mm. Those tags are raggy. I mean, there are people in the world now who are actually professional tag players. You could have one of those people as one of the characters. That's an interesting thing to be what a great skill set You know and for this team to chase people Over and around obstacles. That's a very useful skill to have and what I get when you're hunting down

the The committer of a crime anyway I Mean if you had somebody who made clothing, that's rags. You're right. When you're right, you're fucking right. And you are right. First, then we got the first bought with money. It's the first robot that we give money to and it's intelligent enough, artificially intelligent, to invest, you can earn more money and then it spends that money on developing AI. This is in no way, there's no comedy in that idea at all.

That's one of the least funny things we've ever said. Yeah, but it's interesting, I think. It is interesting. So it gets it over the line. Happy man goes on tour to have audience make them sad to bring the audience happiness from seeing them sad. Excellent. I think the idea about making something artificially dumb was, was, oh yeah, artificially dumb. Yeah, no, I agree.

Artificial stupidity. Artificial dumb. I think artificial dumb. That's like comfortably numb. That's right. I think that is actually interesting. I think just but you couldn't call it artificial stupidity. It's just too It's on the nose. It's too smart a word for dumb stupidity. You're right And then we got human-based ecosystem the food ecosystem Yeah, they burp up eggs and through The burping up is gross, but I'll allow it. I mean, they could do it another way. It could come out their nipples or.

I can't think of any other way. I can't think. But I mean, would you imagine it coming out their butts? No, they actually never crossed my butt. I guess, yeah, I guess what about when they kiss? They put their mouths together, right? And when they pull their mouths apart, there's an ink there. And how does it get developed at Shell Andy through some kind of process in their mouth? From the teeth, the calcium comes off the teeth somehow sprays out of the teeth. Sprays. Oh, this idea. I mean, I think this, yeah, on this forever ship, poorly planned, I think a poorly planned forever ship is a great idea where you, for ever ship is a great idea. Where you fucked, you're so fucked,

you're in the middle of the universe, which I know you say that doesn't exist, but there's gotta be a middle. Anyway. Oh yeah. And- Did I say that doesn't exist? I think I said the middle of the universe is everywhere.

Yeah, there you go. That's the same thing. It being everything is the same as it being nothing. And then you realize the only way to survive is what you got, what you got, and it's just a bunch of people. The exact thing that put you in this mess. There's a much more horrible version

where everybody's just slowly surgically removing bits of their bodies and, yeah, but they'll try that. They'll try smaller and smaller that way, just chopping their legs off, pairing down there. And you think, this is a fun movie. My Sims. This is a fun movie. It does sound fun.

It's the horror that makes it fun. Fun movie. But but a day. Fun movie. It was good for me. It was a fun movie. Did you like it too? Did you think it was good? Thank you so much for listening. Thank you, Alistair much for listening. Thank you, Alistair for listening. Andy, thank you for listening, because I feel like that's a really important part of me

getting to talk. You're right. It takes two to think tank. And you can get tickets to teleport. You can download, you can watch magnaware on sospresents.com. You can support the pop test download it right by downloading it. That's the only way you can support it but if you do that you can do that There's a chance we could get another season one day. Who knows? Be pretty cool. Imagine that pretty cool. We got paid work

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