Simple Swedish Podcast - 280 - "HOUSE MOGUL"

Episode Date: April 7, 2021

Butterflage, Scorpionocculation, Extendo Skeleton, Score Pee On, Museum of Pain, Public Domain Accents, Alien Up Punch, Body Notes, Premium Public Toilets, Fish Hair, Good Submarineton, Tiny House Boss, Environmental QListen and subscribe to our new show THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastAnd buy tickets to TELEPORT at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2021Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objects...and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereStone-ground thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Multitask right now. Quote today at Progressive.com.

Progressive casualty and trans company in affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings were very discounts not available in all safe and situations. on the podcast, two in the think tank with Andy and Alistair. And on just here, quickly, before the show starts, proper to plug a couple of things. And you know what I wanna plug?

Nothing to do with us. I wanna plug some friends of the show. I want you to go and see the show of Matt Stewart. Nostalgia was better when I was a boy, not only the best name of the festival, but probably the best poster. But also, certainly, the best show. Matt is so funny, If you've listened to

Doug O'on or anything on, on, on, on, you'd recognize his totally in podcast. He's also tons. Mm, dolce it. Yes. Go and see Jack Deroot's rat paradise. Rat paradise. I heard some little bits of the show when it was being put together. I was like, this is going to be very good. I haven't got along to it myself, but God, I can't wait. When I go see Alice Fraser. Can I see Alice Fraser, can I?

Chrono's? Chrono's. You know what? She's maybe the best comedy writer. Absolutely. And a wonderful performer to boot. Can play the banjo on jealous. You can even see one of her specials.

I think the resistance on Amazon Prime. She's made it. She doesn't even need this plug. She doesn't need you, but that's why you need her. Yes. And you can also go see Teleport. Oh, Teleport with friends of the show Martin and Jerry. Which is on right now and has been going all right

by all accounts. Yeah, we've done two shows and it's been going good. Hold on. Mmm. Do you do ch-duh? Mmm. Do do ch-duh. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom.

Don't pow. Don't pow. I feel like you gave up before I even did in that one. No, no, it was a pause. I was about to get back in. I was going to give in. I had to make the loop down. You're down.

I had to make the whole loop continue and make it work within the beat. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't play. It's the silences between the words that make words have meaning. If you didn't have them, imagine this butterfly knife. What does that mean? It changes the meaning. It changes the meaning to not have a gap because now you think it's probably a knife that has a butterfly on it. The gap could be anywhere in that. Or it's a knife for a butterfly. Butterfly knife. But then you put a gap butterfly knife. Now I know then you put a gap. Butterfly. Knife. Now I know what you're talking about. Yeah, now you know it's an order to a butterfly.

Fetch the knife. Fetch my knife. The intruders are here. I mean, a flock of trained butterflies. What could that be useful for? You know what they could be useful for? I'm going to tell you the answer. All the butterflies are different colors.

And this is a superhero who can't camouflage themselves, but what they can do is they can summon a flock of butterflies to come and cover their body in a precise arrangement to match the whatever it is that's behind them. They're the pixel of the environment. It's just pixel. You could, let's develop a form of,

this is what would be probably in some fucking, ah, Cameron, what's his name? James Cameron, that movie Avatar. Avatar, I bet those blue creatures on that planet, haven't seen the movie, but I bet those blue creatures on the planet have televisions made out of butterflies. Because, you know, the butterflies, they just close up their wings,

and it's like they're not there, right? They disappear, you're looking down, straight down, a butterfly, you can't say that's switching off with pixel. It's just black, you just see the black body of the butterfly. You just need three different butterflies next to each other to do the RGB, right? And then you can... And then you can play a resolution the smaller the butterflies. They already have their own antennas.

No, that's good. It's perfect. Yeah. And now, how do you get the information to the butterflies? I don't know, probably fairy marks. Yeah, no, through's good. It's perfect. And now, how do you get the information to the butterflies? I don't know, probably fair amounts. Yeah, no, through that tree. Yeah. Now, make it look like a guy's being chased by a tiger.

This would be a great alternative to radio in a world with that electricity. Radio's, you just have people spaced regularly. How far do you think you could yell 100 meters 200 meters Yeah, just have people spaced 200 meters apart and they shout shout things along and the they're trained so they can listen While they're shouting train to repeat what they what they what what's what's being shouted at the exact same time No, I don't know if you could do that. Yeah Yeah, they have a they have a megaphone or something something and they have one megaphone for their ear which goes

backwards. Then they have another megaphone for their mouth which points forwards. They can shout the words along. Like a translator who doesn't have to change the language. Exactly. Surely if a translator can do it, changing a language, then somebody, if you didn't even have to change the language. Do you think you still need to do a course? No. I think you learn on the job. I don't even have to change the language. Do you think you still need to do a course? No. I think you learn on the job. I don't even know if I could translate English to English, all that accurately, as accurately as those tests requires. Well, you know, there's always going to be signal loss with any form of communication.

I think the butterflies are yelling. I think the butterfly camouflage person. I think the one aspect which is bad for them is that really seeing a big flock of butterflies flying is going to really attract the eye. Unless they can fly and always mimic the background from a background. But how do they do it from the point all points of view? It's tricky, isn't it? You can only camouflage from one person. Well, they exist in a two-dimensional universe. I didn't tell you that.

I feel like squid can see in a different way. Squid and octopus can see in a different way that allows them to camouflage better. Yeah, right. How do they do that? How do they know what's behind them? Yeah, but they can't see. But they can't see behind them. They've still got can see. They reckon they can see. But they can't see behind them. They've still got eyes in the front of their head, don't they?

Yeah, but it's kind of like, you know, it's sticking out. It is bulbous. It is quite bulbous. It feels like they could probably see to the side. They probably have very strong peripheral vision. Butterflies do have those kinds of eyes, those balls, right? Those rounded, multifaceted kind of, what do you compare and die? They call it. Is that the one where you can just stare straight into the sun. They can stare straight into the sun for as long as they want. That's good.

They're laughing at us. You know that? Yeah. I didn't know they could laugh. Yeah. What would you do if you were in a in your house and at nighttime you heard? At nighttime, right? Not a voice that you recognize. Turn on the light next to your bed. It's just a moth in the house. I mean, the room. In terms of the things.

Your family's away for some reason. In terms of the things that could be laughing. It's probably the things that could be laughing in my house. At night, the moth is absolutely the one that I'm the most equipped to deal with. Yeah. You know, I've just catch it in a cup. I put it outside. That laughing moth is gone to my life. I hear laughter in my empty house at night and I find out it's from coming from a moth.

I am the most relieved man who has ever lived. I know, but firstly, nothing can be left. You're just going to let a laughing mouth go. Cause there's a push and pull, isn't there? Of course, you want to be rid of this mouth that is unsettling you. But at the same time, you, you don't want to hold back signs a thousand years by letting the one laughing mouth go. Hmm. Yeah, you're, you're, you're right. I mean, I'm suddenly now.

I think what we could love for that mouth. Well, you don't know. I mean, I are laughing at that. Both. Well, you don't know. I mean, I'm interested to know what is laughing at. It could be one of your relatives coming back. Do moths laugh at the same things as us? Do they have the same sense of you? It's dark and you're sleeping and they're laughing.

I don't think they've got the same sense of humor. You might have been remembering something from earlier. That's true, but unless you sleeping is funny to them, that would be dangerous. You know, not dangerous, but it would be unsettling if creatures just found it funny. Imagine, do you think ants and bugs and spiders and stuff that know when we're sleeping? Because they must walk all over us while we sleep, right? They do with impunity.

Yeah, I think they do. They probably go in and out of the nose. You think so? Yeah. And you just go, yeah, they're just peering in there. Yeah, they would. And they go in the year. And they, there's definitely documented things

of scorpions crawling into people's ears while they're sleeping on the grass. Yeah. You get stung inside the brain. Yeah. You're mad. But it'd be good if there was a positive, like is there any scorpions or insects that do a positive thing when they sting you

where it kind of gives your brain a bit of extra juice? Like is it something like, he goes, ah, it's like a chemical that actually helps your brain. It's like, let's say the scorpion had eaten a bunch of ginkgo, ginkgo, baloba. And it actually makes your brain, so that poison is just pure, it's like 500 milligrams. And then suddenly the next day, I remember things very well. Well, maybe we could train them to administer vaccines. It seems crazy.

So you could just, instead of, because it could be scary for kids. Mm. You could take a little. You could take a little. You could get it in the middle. So you could sort of lower them into a pitous corpies. Yeah, exactly.

Or, you know, have a spider's calling all over their body. As soon as there's one owl, you know, it's been done. It's been done. Yeah, it's sort of like a sheep drench instead of being full of liquid fly spray. It's a big pit of scorpions. Like I don't mind the... You just heard the kids through it.

Yeah, scorpion. I mean... I guess that's how you could do criminals. I don't know why. I don't know why. But I mean, it feels like inside a scorpion or a creature, like that in that part where they would maybe have to put, it could be a place where you could breed a vet,

like a, like a, Maybe, maybe we could genetically engineer scorpions to be as big as men, right? And then they could become, they could just train to be nurses. And then, but they'd have to be single use. This is the problem with scorpions. Why do I have to be single use? Because otherwise you'd be spreading,

you got to sterilize those stingers. You'd be spreading all sorts. You can't reuse needles. Sharing needles. Well, I think then, when that happens, the scorpion is free to then live the rest of its life. It's done its civil duty. So it's like a military man or woman finishing,

they're 40 years, they get a pension. They get to go and live. They get put up. They get put up and they're sort of organizations. They get in five acres to help them for themselves. Helping them deal with their mental health and something. So same thing should happen for the scorpion thing. They get trained medically, raised, things like that,

and tax-free income, and then put out to pasture. Put out to pasture and they can breed and make it more. It seems like the perfect system as far as I'm concerned. God, I had the best, the best little vision popped into my head when you were talking there And now I'm just fighting to get it back, but it's oh I'm so sad. Is this scorpion on a farm? No, I don't think it was no that wiping its brow No, no, I don't think it was any of that. A little scorpion farmer's daughter. No, no, but anyway getting on top a little scorpion horse

No, no, but you know getting on top a little scorpion horse You know like it's like a horse, but it's got that kind of ribby body that looks like you know scorpions kind of look I think they look like there are ribs for their pleasure. Yeah They got a they got a carapace I think they got that exoskeleton. Yeah segmented exoskeleton any creatures that have the Exo and then the endoskescaled? It got both. Yeah. I wonder if it tortoise would meet that criteria on. Yeah. I think it's got some internal structure as well as that shell going on. Yeah.

It's an endo and an exo. Yeah, it'd be nice to have both because then it's like a bone sandwich. Mm. You know, which makes you nobody wants to eat, you know. Yeah. Because a lot of the time you're like, oh, I'll get through this shell, and then I'll eat the delicious meat on inside,

which is completely bone free. What you really want is you want to be a tortoise who's kind of like a pasta parcel kind of thing where you got like shell flesh, another shell, bit more flesh and another shell, and then when they're tearing into you, yeah. Whatever it is, they get three layers in and they're like,

no, fuck this. Yeah, fuck this. Oh, I'm not going to get all this great flesh. Well, I'm sick of this thing that's filled with flesh. No, maybe, maybe that's your strategy. You've got a few sacrificial layers on the outside. You want a shell, then, on the inside of that shell, thorns, right, then another shell, then on the inside of that shell, thorns. Right, then another shell, and then inside there, coral.

Oh, no. Yeah, then another shell, then the scorpion flesh, but the flesh has got fish bones in it. Awful. That'd be a good system. That'd be a good system, would be to provide a habitat for scorpions on your body. Right? So you secrete some kind of scorpion mucus that they love, and they're just crawling all over you at all. If anybody wants to bite you, they've got to get through the scorpion layer.

So that's good. Yeah, so you kind of, you become, you become some kind of scorpion king. Yeah, just through some scorpion fuel that you use out, like some, you know, instead of sweat. And it seems like it's easy enough to, so, you know, you all you gotta do is stay in a hot room and sweat and then,

but you just thicken your sweat with sugar, sugar or something like that. Sure, sure, sure. When you wet like that, you just roll in some, you get all nice and sweaty and then you roll in some icing sugar, okay? You're like you're dusting one of those little brandy snaps. You know what I think, you could do, because I remember one time my feet would get hot,

my feet still get hot, right? That's one of the strangest things about your body. How your feet run hot. My feet run really hot I feel really hot. I diagnosed you with diabetes for a while. You didn't have it. I was really disappointed. I thought, I'm really under something.

When I asked my dad, my dad, it was a former nurse, and when I asked him if I had diabetes, he said, does your pee taste sweet? And I said, well, I haven't tasted it. And even if I did, I don't think I'd have anything to compare it to. And I think you got to drink a lot of paint. Yeah. And so, but that suggests if these things like scorpions, like sweet things, you could get yourself diabetes, you know, by eating just bag after bag of candy and lo and stuff like that. And then just drink water and just peel on yourself like that, just kind of spray up, maybe lay down and just point up and then just peel over yourself like that.

And then the scorpions come and then they, while they, while they know, you know, at your pee, that's that, you know, just when you stand you stand up and that's all you got to do to the lure. And then you stride confidently into whatever, you know. You know, they'll drop off as you run out of pee on your body. But if, you know, if you're ever in trouble, if you're ever in trouble, there's always scorpions around. And so you just lay down and pee on yourself. I think you came to stay at my house in Tasmania and there was a scorpion in your shorts?

Not in my shorts, no, no. Just in the room where we were there with our fresh baby. So Shame could have been stung, he could have all sorts of powers by now. No, you got rid of that scorpion, didn't you? Here's a sketch. This is what I thought of before I lost it. I don't know if this is a sketch idea, but it's certainly potent imagery,

which you know that we deal in in the show. And it is the museum of pain, right? What it is, is it's like, you know, at the moment, we have so many places where you can go and have a range of positive experiences. But this is a person who is the connoisseur of pain. And they've documented all the different types of pain. So different scorpions and different types of abrasions and that kind of thing. And you can go there and you can dial up, you can have a

curated pain experience. You can sample exotic pains from different, you know, and what is the umami of pain? What's the nicest pain? Exactly. I think it's the one where you push your fingernail into your gum. Yeah. You think that's the nicest pain? Like you enjoy it? Yeah. It's interesting. We're both doing it right now. I'm going to imagine the listener is trying it at home. It's actually kind of morish. Makes you go, oh yeah, I want to experience that. Hey, look, oh yeah. No, for me, it's got to be pulling on eyebrows. Pulling on eyebrows. Yeah, I like having individual hairs pulled on. And maybe not nostril hairs. No, it makes my eyes water. Yeah, but I enjoy that. Yeah.

And then I just sneeze. Because you never cry. So not nostril, having nostril hairs pulled out of the only time you feel something close to my throat. There's a difference between never crying and then crying every time you hear two saxophones playing very close ducts. I think these ones might have been trombones. So recently I've been hearing, somehow I stumbled upon this Bert Bakerak album, right, and it's

like a second album, right, and it's an instrumental of him doing his own, it's called Reach Out, from 1967. I think it's a second album anyway, it's just a band doing instrumental versions of this thing. And I say a little prayer. I've cried during this because I found, oh I think that's, we're getting close. So I find this so beautiful that every time I have to hold back tears wait let's see if I can find it first time We've played a music track on the show. Yeah, I think so Okay, wait Here I think it is it

That's the first what's that what do you think that is trumpet? What's that a trombone? I got no idea. It's in the next one. Mouth noise. It's not mouth noise. It's definitely a horn. It could be a French horn. Look, I'm sorry this is taking way longer. It's worth it.

Yeah. Now, you guys let me know if you, anybody cries during this. Here it comes. Pretty nice. You're gonna do it all my time in 20 years to get a chance. Little lady saying the hype part as well that time. Alright, that's it. Little lady arm man. You know how there's a brown note

for making you shit yourself. You think there's a note for every book, least the creation. It's the clear note. This one is for crying. Any more for having your nose drip. Mm. Do you think the museum of pain?

Oh yeah, museum of pain is a good idea. But it means it's a good genuine. Well, it's a good deal to the genuine. Well, we have all the pains. The pain that you get from hearing a guy do a very an accent that you don't know what it's for, I'm sure. That's okay. That's okay. That's okay. I think what we should be doing is coming up with new accents, you know, that it is okay to do. Really funny accents. Really hilarious accents, but they're new.

Yeah, I think it's a good idea. And everybody can do their public domain. This is what this is, this is fantastic. We come up with entirely new accents and indeed entirely new minorities. Yeah. But they have to be attached to the accent that you create. Sure, sure, sure.

I mean, well, not every minority has an accent, no, out there. No, because once you attach it to an accent, to a minority, Andy, then you can't do it anymore. No, but we're coming up with new ones. These are ones where there aren't anybody of that person. They're not real. So it's like that Twitter bot that comes up with pictures of people that don't exist. Right? You can you can look at that picture. You can treat that picture however you want because that person is not real. You can swear at that picture. Yeah, we're going to say, I hate this guy. You can

say, oh, guys, the worst son of a gun. You can you can you can stick that to the wall and you can throw darts at it all day. Nobody's getting hurt. That's true. But, and it's the same thing with this bot of mine, which comes up with new minorities. I think when you say it, that it's because you just want to hurt minorities. No, but I don't. I don't want to hurt minorities. I don't. But if there was one that nobody was a member of,

and nothing more minor than zero, yeah, that's true. Could there be negative one? Well, maybe. I guess there's just, where there's one, but they're dead. Mmm. Wow. Is a dead person, negative one person? I guess it is, because it cancels out the living person,

and you end up with zero total people. But I guess if there's zero, it's only if there's zero and then you create a fake one and then they die. Right. No, that doesn't make sense. But look, I think I like it as a public domain, funny accents. Okay, you're right.

I went too far into it, Alistair. It got very uncomfortable. I don too far into it, Alistair. It got very uncomfortable. I don't know, it's not uncomfortable. It's fun comfortable. That's the name of our company, fun comfortable. And you can have fun and you can be comfortable. Everybody's comfortable because nobody's being victimized by our novel accents.

Our public domain. Public domain, but your accents. We can even come up with a national dress for each of these. LAUGHTER And then you have something to go into costume parties. And again, it's not control-appropriation because it's public domain. No, I know, yeah.

But it's, you know, you actually have to know so much about cultures and accents. We're picking the do, you get an accent. We're picking the gaps. You know, it's probably not a lot of room, really. Yeah, but you gotta find sounds that kind of cultures don't use, or combine them in ways. But you almost can't even show the origins. Like, for example, you know like like there's like, there's only cultures

that use that. I don't know. You can't. I don't know. I was speculating and you're asking me the question, but if there is, you've just done something really offensive. This is the problem. And I guess what the bot will have to do is treat every tweet out, every variation of

everything. And then depending on which bot, which tweets get some sort of, you know, get ratioed, it'll be able to finesse its algorithm and work out which things aren't offensive. We'll have a robot voice that can do all these funny acts. And then the ones that come across is okay. But the ones that get good retweets because they just sound funny. And you can just, I mean, it's just a variation. You're increasing pitches, you're increasing shortness of syllables, you're, you're, you know, adding more on the plosus. What if it's like, you know, What if it's like, you know, positive places, positive culture. I'm actually featuring them to be the oppressor.

So that you can, you can make fun of them. You invent new oppressors with funny lines. You could say that they're from another planet and they're the dominant oppressor. You know what, when we do get aliens coming down and they do oppressors, it's going to be a golden age for comedy. It's going to be a golden age for comedy. It's going to be a golden age. When all of humanity is united as the, as, as a minority itself, we're going to be able to, to mock those eight legged, you know, such a funny amount of legs, isn't it?

Such a funny amount of legs. Even. Why would you pick an even number? Yeah. I was only when Aliens and I, so what do we think? How deep into them being here do you think before we'll be able to? I think they're a ball that has legs all the way around, and they actually move around by sort of rolling on their legs. Maybe instead of legs, they've just got like, they've got like ray flaps, but they move them like rays in that kind of like,

you know, in that kind of like swiping way, but to move along land. Yeah, and that'll be a really funny for us to do in person. But how do you, how do you, how do you think the clubs that are deep underground? How do they where they can't get to because we make the holes too small. really funny for us to do impersonation. But how deep, how deep, how do you think how many clubs that are deep underground? How do they where they can't get to? Because we make the holes too small. They can't get their big round stiff bodies through. They're like marbles with flaps, right?

And I love that how the technology that we have small holes to continue to survive is small holes. We become a burrowing people. Well, it's the only way you can survive, usually when a big disaster comes. Now, how long into them being here, do you think? They're super intelligent alien species, but their bodies are so rigid that they can't get through gaps. That's right. And so, they're whole. Even doorways, they can't get in there.

They didn't even think about, they couldn't even get into the buildings, but they can sort of evaporation your house or whatever. Yeah. You don't think so? I wonder. I wonder. But let's think about this, Andy. So they arrive, right?

At first, we got to be treating it with good faith, right?? We gotta be like, oh, well, this is actually quite exciting. Yeah. Right? And so then, do you think talks break down? Yeah, well, maybe because we made some sort of swipe at their body type. Because I mean, it's being so rigid. Because I mean, if you think about it,

if aliens did arrive, Twitter would light up. Absolutely light. You're going to have to be trending. Do you think that somebody would make a joke on Twitter? Or something like that, maybe make a meme based off of them, you know, put them in some image. They have no sense of humor about themselves. And then that's when things turn a little bit. And then we're like, well, if you're not

going to have a sense of humor about yourself, you can just go. And that's when they go, well, you can go. Yeah. And what it is. They start shooting us individually into space. They just have a gun that they can put us in. And it shoots individual people into orbit.

Wow. What about they shoot? They shoot us with a gun and it gives us enormous kinetic energy. It's a kinetic energy gun. They shoot it out. And suddenly you've got all this kinetic energy. And you just shoot off into space.

You just fly off. Yeah, it stores kinetic energy. Yeah. Somehow. It absorbs it from the wind. Yeah. Right. It's just got the wind. Yeah. Right. It's just got a wind powered gun.

A wind powered gun. Isn't that beautiful? You know, soldiers, they're out there, they're killing each other. But on the top of each rifle, there's a little turbine. And the power doesn't come from gunpowder. It's an explosive. And chemicals, harsh chemicals. Harsh, yucky chemicals.

I think we've already done a thing about the environmentally responsible weaponry company where the bombs are full of seeds. When they explode, they plant native plants to the area that's where you would be. I'm worried when they drop bombs, how much wildlife, you know, they must have such a bad time with that. It's a really good question.

Yeah. Nobody's doing that tally. Yeah. Um, but, uh, you know, they got stationary. I mean, it's a early, it's a young technology, but they got like wind technology that has no moving parts. What? No, they do not.

Yeah. And it's got to deal with, you know, like the particles kind of moving through over it, over the thing and something to do with a charge that kind of gets, so they can have non-moving part wind as well. That is incredible. Yeah, that will be the dream. I make very excited by that. Is it somehow used like kind of like static electricity in some way like you know rubbing like

what it sounds to me like it could be a little bit like whatever makes lightning. Yeah maybe if those rubbing if there was you know a rubbing based technology you could you know imagine this it's like a you know like it's just a pole and people when they walk down the street they just run their hand along. Yeah. Like that and that generates a lot of stuff. It's a railing, you're describing some kind of railing. Yeah, why are we not doing a railing? A banister.

Yeah, I mean, we must. A bala stride. A bala stride. Now it's not great in a pandemic. But at the end, there's just a pool, there's a pool of disinfectant that you just run your hand through. Run your hand through. Right.

People are walking anyway. Right. They're already exerting it. They're already walking around. While they're walking, why not just have them rub a pole? They're generating static electricity. It's an amber pole. Everybody wears a single woolen glove.

Every balustrade is made of amber. Yeah. There you go. Now, and at the top, the top step of every flight of stairs is made of copper. And now they generate electricity walking up the stairs, and then as they step off at the top, the static discharges into the copper and goes into the grid. Exactly. And then that helps.

And then they get a micropayment into their paypal power care. Exactly. It gets converted straight into Bitcoin. Yeah. And then which will appreciate a 300% a year over the next 100 years probably. So on average. Is this one of your crypto stats? No, no, no, I'm just saying I'm talking about the history of it so far. Is that really what it's done? Yeah. 300% per year. Yeah. Jesus fuck. history of it so far. Is that really what it's done? 300% per year. Jesus, fuck.

This is becoming a crypto pod real quick. Yeah. Look, we've got enough ideas. I just don't know how many of them are actually sketch ideas, Andy. Yeah, but it's mostly me just showing, tear-in-juicing harmonies. But look, we got three. I love that that's a new string to our bow now.

Yeah, and it is, and it's great. I mean, you really didn't give me anything of my idea that there could be a note for every example. Oh, you know, I like that. It's an amazing question. But I think it could be developed in someone. Note. You know, I think, I think, I think if there could be a way of using that medically. Of course, you could milk the adrenal gland using some kind of trap yellowy white note.

Yellowy white note, yes. I don't know what color adrenaline is, but think about it, you know, like what about spiders that you try to get the venom out of? What if you could just get that out by playing them, you know, sort of, you know, all the old boat songs there? Mmm, sea shanties. Sea shanties. And they're all just squitting.

And they just start. They just, it's just out there dripped like that, and they're just standing on like, that great, that great that is at the sort of, at the base of a lot of urinals. That's what they stand on. They got thin feet, they can. What is the go with that?

Great, you stand on that great, don't you? You stand on the great, and then that's so that any additional drips just fall straight down. Yeah, I think that's what it's supposed to be, but it makes you think that it's very condescending, doesn't it? But I mean, it makes I guess I guess I guess they're just I think they're I mean, you're not No, you're not Yeah, they're you know, I think it's okay for a toilet to condescend you I think especially when it's right to

This toilet thinks thinks it's above me. Imagine if it was though. Yeah. Toilet, high up in here. And up toilet. Toilet where gravity is reversed. I mean, people would want to do that, right? I'm interested.

You know, it's a toilet where it's like you're upside down. Dyson will come up with this. I'm sorry, I've got an idea, but you finish yours. Well, no, it's just, I mean, all it is that you're upside down. Dyson will come up with this. I'm sorry, I've got an idea, but you can finish yours. Well, no, it's just, I mean, all it is that you pee straight forward. Maybe it is into the wind. That's what I was going to say. There's Dyson creates a wind wall, right? It's just a very powerful sheet of wind that just comes from the ground straight up to

the roof, and it's a new type of urinal that's actually much more efficient Where you stand in front of it and you you piss into it and then the the pee goes up Yeah, I'll be like one of those did you check if anyone booked this I booked it. Oh great. I'm sorry If you like one of those things for skydiving in you know You know those those wind tunnels that you skydiving That's that but you pee into that and it goes up like that. And then, I mean, you would have an instructor on your back while you're doing it. He goes up.

You'd have an instructor on your back while you did while you're doing it. And what about that? Oh, okay. They're there to just help you pee. I, I, if you were peeing while you were jumping out of the plane, would the pee just fall with you? Or would it kind of get caught by the wind and then go up?

Are there any urinals? You know how you have those urinals? Could you have somebody falling above you with a big toilet? Yeah, okay. I think it would have to fall the same right as you, wouldn't it? But it would be caught by the wind. Yeah, it would be caught by the wind. But you could have parachute on. Yeah, but you're free falling first. You're free falling. Oh, and during free fall, yeah. But I think even then, you'd probably still experience more drag than the wind than the P would. Yeah.

I think it might still fall faster than you. Just. But you maybe get to fall alongside it. And you can watch your, you can be with your P, falling as rain. That's right. Finally, because you never get to see your pee and add in that part of the water cycle. Yeah, that's right. It's left you by then. You never see your pee get to be in a cloud. It's maturity. Yeah, reach it. Grow up. They leave too early.

Live its own life. Yeah. That's a real shame. Anyway, we got three words from a listener Anyway, it's gone Oh, yeah, no, I was just gonna say you know those fancy toilets where they have a toilet attendant Right who gives you I don't know Like a bathroom a 10. I don't know if they have anyone's For toilet intent, but I assume those those Japanese toilets were somebody like we were the toilet squirts you in the but hole That would have started where it's just a person squirting you in the butthole, right? Yeah, yes.

You know, do you think it would just be a guy with a like a sort of one of those flower pot things to water a flower pot, but it kind of just goes into it. Yeah, I mean, I was just going to see just a really fancy toilet with this. Someone to like help you hold your penis or something like that on your urinating. Oh yeah, that's good. And then maybe dry it with a little towel afterwards. Why not a robot?

Why not? You know what a robotic arm, like you know? I mean, you know, we'll be pretty deep into the future when people are feel comfortable putting your penis in the fingers of a robotic arm. I don't know if we're there yet. There's too many glitches. I think if it was a little one

that is somehow built into a pants, I think everyone would feel like that. Imagine one, like it's a urinal, it's a unisex urinal, and it's just a robot urinal, and it's just got hands. It's got like gentle, gentle cup tans that come.

And no matter what genitals you've got, it knows how to capture them, capture the year imperfectly. And then, and then dry off, dry off, and then it disposes of it in a cool way. It just kind of like, let's drip through its fingers and it makes a cool pattern, maybe writes a word that says, like, buy, you know, buy, you know, buy, you know, buy,

a saw-heat beer. You know, that thing when the water falls and it puts letters in it. Yeah, I was going to say maybe the hands get instantly chilled to like, you know, sub-sub-zero temperatures, to urine freezes. And then they throw it hard against the wall and it shatters. No, that's really cool. Yeah. yeah, they make a swan out of it I guess it's a different thing every time and then finally we're making people have a reason to go to the toilet Exactly. Now people hold on. You never know what it's gonna be. You could actually save lives because maybe people are holding it in for too long Maybe now you could have a public toilet This is this is like a premium public

toilet where people will pay to use it. Exactly. And it's like the Netflix of going to the toilet because they've always got this great new content. You never know what they're going to do with your pee. That's right. They could they could make you a an Oscar statue. That you know they put it in a little base and then they hand it to you and they get a little photo with it. Yeah. There's a little Oscar statue and then they hand it to you, and they get a little photo with it. There's the Oscar statue, and it says, I pay five bucks to see what they do. Yeah, best director of your Europe.

You directed the stream really well. It's a streaming service. It's a streaming service. It's really nice. Man, premium toilets. Premium public toilets. Yeah, we achieved something there. I mean, I wonder, I wonder, I think I would pay.

You know, sometimes you go to public toilets and you're like, I don't even know if there's going to be paper in there. I don't know if there's going to be soap. Right? Yeah. I think I would, if there's gonna be paper in there. I don't know if there's gonna be soap. Right? I think there were two toilets next to each other. And one was a four profit model, where I pay $2, but it's guaranteed it's not gonna be gross.

But also one where you could just be like, like there's enough cubicles where they're just like, see in half an hour. And it's just a place where you can just be. You know, it's like, you don't, this is a toilet where you don't have a, the, the, the responsibilities of your lives from your life disappear for a while. It's like a hotel. It's like a hotel. Yeah. It's like one of those hotels where you just go to have sex

with a sex worker. Yeah. You know, you're paying by the half hour, by the hour. This is just all, it's all on suite. Yeah, that's right. And sometimes, sometimes, some of them are so nice. Your bathroom has another bathroom, has an on suite. And then you get to choose. And then you could try, it's like,

it's got marble toilet, it's you could try it. It's like, you know, it's got marble toilet. It's got a plastic toilet. Have we ever talked about a lying down toilet? No, we haven't. Because this place would have that as an option. Yeah. Maybe a dangling toilet. One is like a toilet that's like an hammock.

And it's just a net like that, like a regular hammock. They just lay forward on it like a massage chair. And you just pee through the holes. the net like that, like a regular hammock. They just lay forward on it like a massage chair, and you just pee through the holes. Be like, it would be like what it would be like to pee if you were a fish being caught by a boat. Mm-hmm. You know?

I don't know. All right, we got three words from a listener. And this one is from Julian Wales. Julian Wales, Julian. Relations to Jimmy Wales, who invented Wikipedia. Jimmy Wales, the guy who we all know who he is because of, because he's appeared at the top of our screen a few times, begging for money.

Yeah. He's probably the most powerful service in the world that's powered by begging. But, you know, when he's begging for money for this supposedly free service. I love Wikipedia. Me too. Me too. But, you know, and if only 3% of you guys donated 10 cents and whatever, then they could go. I got donated to them once.

Yeah. Yeah, that's nice. That's weird. I got donated to them once. Yeah. Yeah, that's nice. That's weird. I don't know why I did it. No, you've been doing it. That's the right thing to do. You love the service. You said, do you pay your wife money?

No. You don't give your wife money. You think I should? You ever transferred money to your wife? We have a shared bank account. Yeah, let's give it her money. Oh, okay. I just know I don't know what this is about.

I just don't know what's happening. I don't want to make it sound like I'm giving it her money. Oh, okay. I just know I don't know what this is about. I just don't know what's happening. I don't want to make it sound like I'm giving my wife money. Maybe you don't value her if you don't give her money. Yeah, I'll stay. So Jimmy Wales. This is terrible. Jimmy Wales. Julian Wales.

Julian Wales. Julian Wales, thank you Julian. It could be Wallace. It could be Wallace. Got three words. You want to try and guess what the three words are? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And try. Please. I try this time. Okay. Clinch. No. No. Rapunzel. I feel like I was close. That wasn't any way close. You were closer to Clint and Rapunzel and Clint Eastwood hasn't heard of it. Rapunzel, pubic.

It's a pubic Rapunzel, isn't it? It's a Rapunzel where her pubes are really long and she lets them out of the window. No, no, no. Somebody crawls up, who extremely long pubes, but it's a pubic life. Oh, earlier, the thing I was thinking about is that if anything was gonna give you, if any insect was gonna give you a mental boost,

it would make sense if it was not pubic. If it was regular head loss. Yeah. Yeah, they're already on your head. They're living in there. It's in their interests for your head to be strong and healthy, you know? And to meet many other people,

to make you very social, so they can spread. Yeah, that's true. And kids tend to get it while they're at school, which is a place where you go to think. We don't know of kids. They don't actually give us a chance to find out whether or not kids who have head lice do better in school. You know that expression put our heads together. No, surely, head lots, it's in their interest

to make children more collaborative. Mm-hmm. To want to get into small groups and focus on problems. You know, the way I've pictured that you would do that, is that you just use a regular belt, and then you just get as many people to put their head through the belt loop, the belt, you know, and then you just tighten it.

You put your hitch together. Yeah, and that's like, I show proverbs. Yeah, yeah, right. All right, Jimmy Will's second word is, Rapunzel. Yeah, we know you already guessed the second word, didn't you? Yeah, I tried pubic.

No, it wasn't pubic, he said, I don't think. Digging was. Well, it's fish. Rapunzel fish. Rapunzel fish. I'm trying to guess what the last one. Legume. Legume, no, Andy.

Dystopia. Rapunzel fish, Dystopia. I mean, these are good. These, I mean. No. Think of the first fish that you think of that has hair. Mm-hmm. I mean, already the idea.

The kind of fish, something happens and fish get hair. Well, the catfish has whiskers, which is kind of like hair. But I mean, it would be nice to think of a fish that has like a horse's mane, like a beautiful fish. I think that's the problem, that's why fish don't have hair because then they would be too beautiful. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive?

Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Multitask right now, quote today at Progressive.com. Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates, national average 12 month savings of $744 by new customer surveyed who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary.

Discount's not available in all safe and situations. Do you have any beautiful humans? I mean, we'll all just be walking into the ocean. When God was designing all the animals, He said, tell you what, shave the fish. Because we're not going to be able to keep man on the land at this rate. I think a sort of some a capitalist would have gone and has already gone and killed all the fish that are too beautiful so that man could get worked up and work for him. It's a conspiracy of some kind. They don't want you to have leave entitlements, they

don't want you to have toilet breaks and they don't want you to have sexy fish. This is late stage capitalism. Everybody would just be walking off the job straight into the ocean to marry a cod. Or I think there was probably there was something that they discovered that these capitalists discovered that not only were fish with hair so beautiful to to man man being you know race, the species. But also, there was something about the relationships that men and women had with fish with hair, where the relationship just never went stale. There was like, you know, the relationship never matured. It always stayed in the holiday period, you know, and capitalists. They said, I'm sorry, but this is just too, too, too much of a good thing. We can't allow

this. Nobody wants to work in my factory. Because their relationships with their fish wives and husbands are so strong. Too strong, too good. Do you think that when people now, when they look longingly, yearningly out to see, you know, there's probably some kind of genetic memory of us searching for our soul mate out there. Yeah, I think fishermen's friend. I think that there was probably a scenario

in which a man was once one with fish, you know, and that we search. We're constantly searching for that other half. You know, there's probably a place. No wonder we're overfishing the ocean because we're looking for the one. Yeah. You know, there's probably a place on the human body where a fish slides in perfectly. And by just being. You know, I think. There's a hole.

There's a gap. I don't know. I think that it could just be along the butt cheeks. Like, if you lay down. Between? Yeah, in between. So, kind of like a something that would hold up a taco. I feel.

Right. If you just slid most fish, they would kind of just be held up like that. And if you were laying on a skateboard, you could sort of use that pedal along the ground. Like that. And the fish would be allowed to experience what life on the land would be like. Yeah, I don't know if this is a way that you would find us all mate, but it feels like it could be some kind of exotic massage, form of massage For the fish or for you for you this could be a service that they offer That's some kind of thing where they they have this specific specific type of fish in some country and It fits perfectly between the butt cheeks and you go there you pace it in amount. They'll lay this fish down there

And I don't know maybe it just it achieves some kind of therapeutic I think I think it might be for the fish to stay in there, I think the fish would itself have to be calming. So maybe it's like a therapy for fish. Yeah, okay. The day like it. It would be a kind of hug. Yeah, they don't get to experience hugs really. And I think for them, especially from warm,

being asked meat. Well, exactly, because for a fish being clasped is synonymous with being eaten, I think. But, you know, the cheeks of the butt can't eat you. They're so non-threatening, they have no teeth. Well, that's right, they arrive in the way to be held. And in the untie jaws of the butt. The toothless.

The toothless jaws of the butt. The toothless. The toothless jaws of the butt. The toothless vertical grin. Yeah, I guess it's kind of, yeah, it's sort of a, they're kind of thick lips, aren't they? Mm. They're sort of vertical lips. Mm. The, the, the buttocks, vertical lips.

They are the lips of the butt. Mm. It's strange, it would be good to be able to use them a bit more like lips so that you could add an unceasing to any sounds that are emitted. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't have the first clue. A Rapunzel fish dystopia could also be some sort of reverse Rapunzel situation where

rather than being a long-haired woman trying to get down from a town, it's a long-haired fish trying to get up from the ocean. You know, it's... By bringing your hair up. It throws to get up from the ocean. You know, it's... By bringing your hair up. It throws its hair up onto the land. In the hope that somebody's... That's kind of like reverse fishing as well. Does that...

Somebody grabs it and then they pull you in. No, oh yeah, I was thinking that maybe they want to be pulled out, but then why would they want to be out? Maybe they are, they're actually kind of pulling you in. Pull you in and then they eat you. They have such beautiful hair. People go down to the beach to run their fingers through and then they they yank you into the ocean. They mimic that beautiful shine of a panting panting proviant and people see it and they think, oh somebody's beautiful hair here that I

will that sticking out of the water. Maybe I mean people would think that's a dead body probably. And then they would go and check on it and They and this this fish just eat mostly rescuers And then the good Samaritans and that's how that's how society becomes evil. Yeah, because all our good Samaritans get beat Eat by fish by sexy fish. Well, at least a fish with sexy hair That you want to rescue. Oh, that hair so sexy. I want to rescue, whomever.

It is attached to. Interesting. Do you think that's? I think that's the thing. I think overfishing the land. Fish overfishing the land is a very interesting place for us to go. We're left with only the bad Samaritans on land. And that is a true dystopia, isn't it?

And we got there. We got there, and through. Jimmy Wales. Jimmy Wales, Julian Wallets. Andrew, I will take you through the sketch ideas. Also, this is an in-room. If you guys had noticed, this is an in-room episode. We're all both in the same place because we just did an episode. We just did our second show of

teleport. And it went good. It's going good. A lot of people to come down and see it. We've been getting great crowds and it feels weird. We almost remember the whole show now. We basically do. We basically do. We only have to help each other a little bit. The first show was a little bit bumpy, second show, barely bumpy. It was like a dirt road. What's the first kind of road? That was just, that was, what were those things that, when you go skiing, the moguls? Oh, right, yeah. It wasn't even that bad.

Dirt moguls. Dirt moguls. Anyway, dirt mogul. Yeah, he's got all the dirt. It wasn't even that. Dirt moguls. Dirt moguls. Anyway. Dirt mogul. It's a guy. Yeah, he's got all the dirt. He's got so much, he's, he's, he, he provides this city with dirt. I mean, there are people who do that.

It's not even enough of a thing. No. Yeah, and gardens. I know, but to be called the dirt mogul. Yeah, right. All right, you want to do it? Birds dirt. Birds dirt moguls.

I'm not looking forward to hearing what they are. Birds dirt moguls is a guy who's, because it's such a common thing, he just sells dirt moguls. Wow. Yeah. These people are moguls but you can own what? He's a mogul mogul. Is that right?

Yeah, but a dirt mogul mogul. You can have your own little, I love to have a little mogul. Just a little mogul who lives in my house and thinks he's really important. Yeah, but a dirt mogul mogul. You can have your own little, like, I loved having a little mogul, just a little mogul who lives in my house and thinks he's really important. Yeah, that would be fun. You know, he's... Hey, where do you think you're going? Yeah. And he thinks he could boss me around, but he can't.

That's silly. Yeah, but he's small. He's like as big as a can. Yeah. He's dressed up real nice and he's looking at his big gold watch that he's got like one dollar coin And he because it's so huge to him. He thinks it's really valuable. Yeah, all right come back here. You'll never work in this town again Love to have someone I can just ignore like that. Oh somebody who's powerful hmm who who oozes power but tiny man the man tiny house mogul mmm a mogul does sound like something that it's a bit like a mole and it's a bit

like a durable and you know the mogul this sort of could be a little thing pops out of holes that's one of the ways that you can actively ignore something for fun exactly little pet oh that's really nice he doesn't have a soul. So it's okay. No, okay. So you're not actually, I mean, that is nice. By ignoring him, you're not actually hurting him anyway. Yeah, but then I don't think regular people have souls. So anyway, we've got butterfly camouflage person, a hero. Maybe that could be a new gadget in the next James Bond. Cures like, I am the hero we have butterflies. Can I get a flock all over you?

Cures just been living on a commune for that. He's that old as all day. He's gotten a bit more wishy-washy. All of he done for it. All's thinking, maybe we shouldn't be doing all this stuff, all these gadgets, you know, all these rare metals, you know, how much money knows is wrecking the environment. Man, I'll just train, but train a bunch of butterflies to just make them look, that look like a nice, that look like a...

I can make them look like you. So it looks, you'll be standing there, but actually you're standing over there. And I'm banging, just use this bloody, you throw this slumber manure at them. Oh, compress this manure, so thick man. You light it up, we'll go open flames, bro. That's really great character.

It's environmental cue. I'll write it down. We need sketch ideas. We need, um, you heard the first one. We got scorpion inoculation for kids who hate needles. Then we got exo and endoscal. We do have an alternative to needles now. After working for a really long time, we've finally developed an alternative vaccine delivery method that gets also a problem of jab fear, jab phobia. So I want you to put on this harness. We're strappy to the ground. And I'm just going to put these walls up here around you these perspex walls and bring in the bucket. Well, let's be televised. It's also parents like to be able to look into the arts and their children while they have

bucket to score these port on them. You know, it's wrong to hurt your child, but it's not wrong to take pleasure while they are hurt. But they're not being hurt. They just think they are. Ah, yes. And we'll think for the rest of the room, carry around that fear in some kind of stress,

post trauma. Ah, SPT. And then there's the person who has discovered that they can protect themselves by covering themselves in scorpions, by just peeing on themselves. It's a person with diabetes. But for some reason, in this world, scorpion's love sugar. Love sugar pees. This is the worst thing we've ever written.

No, this is not, this is not as much worse. This one down here, environmental cue. Then we got the Museum of Pain. Yes. And it's gonna be resample all the different types of pain, heartbreak. It's around the age of, oh, I didn't even think about emotional pains.

I was only thinking about physical pain. Imagine it's a room you walk in and you meet your one true love. Oh, no! It's civilized. Oh, no! You meet your one true love. You might even be married as you walk in there.

Wow. Simulates meeting your one true love. Like, to the point where you're like, this person in minutes, this person, in minutes, this person is so perfect for me, you decide to leave your family. And then just waiting outside. And they're watching on the screen outside. And then, and then you get let down by the person. And then you have to go back out to your family. And that's a doubt the type of pain.

And then you go, your turn. And then the rest of your lives together is spent in the knowledge that none of you love each other. Wow, that you will, you so easily would have done. I mean, this person was your one true soulmate. It sounds like it was quite intense, but I think just the thing of like I'm actually grieving someone else, this entire rest of our lives. Yeah, this person that was just made by an artist in a, and so through some 3D model. No, it was just a picture. It was just a character. It was just a picture of somebody driving a box wagon beetle. You just tell them all the things that you love and then they

draw a caricature for a person who does all that stuff and you fall in love with it. I'm gonna leave my wife Just on to the camera Yeah, and they tell you we're gonna take away this picture unless you say the words I'm gonna leave my wife and you do it because you're so pathetic and then they take it away anyway And then you have to go back out of the booth with no picture and maybe no wife And then you have to go back out of the booth. With no picture, and maybe no wife. That's the museum of pain for you. That's a good museum. It's so good.

And it's free. It's a free museum. It's like Mona. How do they do it? Yeah. Well, I got all these money from gambling. Yeah. That's cool.

Let's tell you that. And we got public domain on funny accent. No, not funny accents. Funny accents. There's also a public domain on funny accents. No, you're... Those are all the ones that we made along the way that aren't funny, but you can use them for drama. They can use the drama films.

Yeah, we don't want to the funny use dexids. What are we know all of the funny used accents. What are the most tragic accents? What are the saddest accents? I'm not gonna have a good time today. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. And then we got Golden Age for comedy when aliens arrive. And we can mock them.

Good mock them. Then we got note for every bodily secretion, like the brown note. You can just play the body. You can play it to the body and then the body secretes that thing. Maybe you make an entire symphony, just using the various different squirt notes. Yeah, absolutely. And you might even discover by testing this on the new fluids

that the body can produce that we didn't even know. Very exciting. You opened your mouth in such a That's a new sound that lets you know, like laughing is good for when, you know, for when you say something funny and then it makes you feel good, but an idea, you know, a sound of people make for when you come up with a good idea. A lip smacking idea. But you could picture a big crowd of people doing it. One, two, three. I got to get my mouth open to get more of this sound of this idea into my head. Just letting it in through the ears wasn't enough.

There's an idea of... So, for the aura, if it's in my body, let me go see myself. Shut this into my butt hole. So I could feel the idea. All reverberating up through my head test. This is how good the idea is. Shuffle pipe, shuffle pipe down my deck. Oh no, put it in the bottle.

And yell into a funnel. No, put one. So my balls can hear. I want to hear this idea everywhere. Take me, take me with your idea. One of those old school funnels like an old lady would put into a Rear and put it in a trumpet and put it into my nostrils Put a trumpet in every hole in my body

Oh slide it around my eyeballs and trumpet into my Slide just a little tube a little micro tube back around the back of my eyes. The yellow did the bioptic nerve. Yeah, it's through an audio fiber. Instead of an optic fiber, one that transfers just audio. Imagine that. It's got just fluid in it. So, transport the audio with it faster.

It's what? Sound travel faster through water than it does through. I think it might. Because the particles are closer together. Yeah. Who knows? Anyway, then we got premium public toilets. Oh, that's good.

Somewhere where you could just shit for 45 minutes. It's untied. Untied. Not like the current day. No. I don't know, but you feel. There's pressure. There's social pressure.

Because we live in a society. There's no pressure. With this one, we have like a sort of a safety deposit box kind of system. Where you go into the booth and then your booth is actually taken away. Yes, it's like one of those car parks. Yeah. It lifts it. Take it into deep storage, way up the back of a warehouse.

There's no one outside the door. It's actually more troublesome if you poop quick. Yeah. Because they got to get you back out. Oh, all right. And they got to get a guy with a key. Mm. Oh, no.

And then we got fish with hair. We're too beautiful. In relationships, too perfect, the capitalists had to kill all those fish to get people to work in their factories. Then we got good Samaritan eating fish, which overfishes the land and takes all the good people. They look like they need to be rescued.

Anyone who tries to rescue anybody with an ever-revealing instinct gets dragged deep, deep beneath the waves and devalered people and only evil people are left people who don't care about others And then we got tiny house smogel that you can actively ignore and feel good about because they boss you around They say ah you can put a little cup over him. Yeah, you can put a cup on him and then you can... You're at the boss of me, you can say to him. And he has a S.I.M. Lifts the cup here.

Oh yeah, get back here. You can storm into it, he's got a little office. And then you come out, some of the little panel office and you can storm into it, you can quit any day, any time you want, you can tell him you quit. And you know, sometimes you come into the kitchen and you're just sleeping on the counter. And you wake up you come into the kitchen and you're just sleeping on the counter

Anyway, except me on Here you slack it off on my dime He's just got one he's got five cents with him whatever Ten cents whatever time is and then we got environmental cue He He was like, oh man, bloody hell. I didn't see you coming in. Because you don't even cover the butterflies. Yeah, this cue had got a piece of tech that had made him a bit younger. And he started getting into weed because he hadn't gotten into it the first time he got through life.

So, you know, just kind of change his porn of you, man. Instead of a gun to kill many other guys, and a spliff that you can spark up with the other guys, and then everybody's cool, man. You can talk through your differences. Man, all the, yeah. I know how spl-swork. You can just offer the henchmen more money. And jobs are not gonna pay that well.

All that tech would cost so much money to build. Just pay all the... Just pay all the henchmen. HENCH. If you offered a henchmen 20,000 bucks, right? Even if it was 50,000 bucks, that's probably a year's worth of salary, right? Have a year off, you go have a year off. Slime in. Go home, spend some time with your

family. Yeah, actually, I'm being quite lost actually. That's the henchman now. Actually, they're being quite lost actually. And you related to a guy called Cue's. We had, because I made him at work all the time, he sensed us like you. Yeah, actually, yeah, my moon, you know Cue man, fucking hell, yeah, my small world, yeah, the sort of fighting or defending bad guys. Yeah, Cue's recently young, yeah, cause of that machine or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, I was the dark horse of that family. You go, you go into, instead of going into an enemy base

with money or with a gun, you go in with a technology that Cue's invented, that can make anybody look younger. And you just go up to the back, as you say, look, I could, we could fight. Or I could make you look 15 years younger. 30 years younger. 30 years younger. You're going to be a boy again.

You can start over. And you're a fucking hell, yeah. You zap him and they run out as a little kid. Yeah. And they just feel so playful. They're just going to play with those big doors Things and they go my fingerprints a bit different now because I'm so small conquered out Oh, can you help me? I can't reach the fingerprints guy. You can be a piggyback. Can you come me on here? All right? We got a stop-alist. Sorry. Oh, yeah. Down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down,

down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down,

down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, I have a living out of that and I'm living heck. We appreciate everything that you do and say and think. Thank you so much for listening. Why not check us out on Twitter. I'm at Alistair TV. We're at Two in Tank. I'm at Stupid Old Andy. We're also on Instagram. I'm at A. Trump Labor Chal, which I was the worst thing.

But it was free. So I took it. We're at Two in Tank as an Instagram for our thing. You can see what our set for Teleport looks like. My email address is Andy James Matthews at gmail.com. Yeah, that's right. Send him a letter. Send him a letter.

Send him a beautifully handwritten letter that you've taken for a while. Put it in an email. Just said, be a photo of the envelope. Yeah, but also the contents. Sure. Yeah. And we support us on Patreon if you like, but you can, you know, you can leave a review. Another that's important. You can still listen to the pop test. And you can listen to the pop test. Imagine that. The last episode just gone out. It's really funny. You've got great, great last ghostly, great glass in the comedy festival. If you can still get a ticket. Yeah. I got a good look. You got to take it. Yeah. Yeah. And we love you.

This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of 7 discounts. Multitask right now. Quote today at Progressive.com Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates

National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed who saved with Progressive between June. Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates. National average 12 month savings of $744 by new customer surveyed who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. Discount is not available in all safe and situations.