Simple Swedish Podcast - 281 - "FACE CAKE"

Episode Date: April 14, 2021

Cakebox, Centeenagers, CakeWriter, Butthole Camera, Eelectric Dance, Alfalfart, Lab Grown FingerstrawListen and subscribe to our new show THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastAnd buy tickets to TELEPORT at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2021Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objects...and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereRehydrated thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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You don't have to go to the festival. Sometimes we put out the podcast late, right? Yeah. Maybe this time we could put it out early so that the advertising for our teleport. The plug gets a little bit more chance to be effective. I mean, that's a really good argument, Alistair. I'm absolutely not going to do that. That's okay.

Hey, but we're not just here to plug teleport. No. I'm absolutely not gonna do that. Ah! That's okay. It's fun. Hey, but we're not just here to plug teleport. No. We're also here to plug going to some other people's shows. Go see Matt Stewart, if you can still get a ticket, he's just released some new ticks. Oh, new ticks.

New ticks. Hot and fresh ticks. I hear those are the best ones. Mmm, they're hot. They're fresh. They're still warm. You bite into the paper, it's still just melts in your mouth. Yeah, is it paper, is it?

Tickets? It can be cardboard, man. What if? I'll save that for the show. I'll save that for the show. Let's get into the show. Okay, but you can also see Alice Frazier. Frazier?

Frazier. Sorry. Frazier. I mean, Alice Frazier is good, but I imagine Alice Frazier would be even funnier. Well, too. If possible. I mean, you know, the fact that she got to work with a whole other team, and but set in the Frazier universe.

You know, they're gonna bring Frazier back, but without Niles. Doesn't sound good, does it? Well, Frazier with Niles doesn't sound that exciting to me either. Alistair, don't get me angry before the podcast starts We're plugging Andy's and anger. I mean really that's probably a pretty good way to get me going Yeah, you know like like poking the bull before the Madador fights give it look Exactly Exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly Exactly exactly Look at that that is, that, that, that,

that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thatous, George William, Charlie, Rachel. And this is the show where we come up with five sketch ideas, Alistair. And Andy, and I know you already got one, baby. It's going to have to do with paper.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll tell you about this. Yep. What if, what if? Edible contracts. This is, this is, this is, okay. All right, actually, I've got two things, because there's something that I thought of in the car,

and then another thing that's relevant to it. Okay, well, off-part ideas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And one that was on to it. Okay, well, off-part ideas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And one that was on-part. Okay, how about this, right? Let's see if we can tell which one was off-part. This is a very short idea. Okay, I like that.

Somebody, we see, it's a point of view shot, right? We see somebody getting a cake, giving a cake box. Yeah. They open it up and in there, there's a human face. Yeah, we always a cake, they cake box. Yeah. They open it up and in there there's a human face. Right? Yeah, we always a cake. They open up the cake. Cake box.

Cake box. Cake box. Yeah. Open up the cake box and in there there's a human face and you do this by cutting a hole in the bottom of the box and you have somebody poke their face. Okay. Not seven. It's not a human head in the box.

No, no, no, no, no, just a human face poking up there and they're sort of smiling happily And then we cut to a wide shot and we see that the person who's opened the box has a cake for a head, right? And then yeah, they they they They pull off a piece of Somehow they look happy. I'm not sure how they look happy if they have a cake for a head We want a smiling cakes. It's a smiling cake they have a cake for a head. It could be a good one. We went with smiling cakes.

It's a smiling cake. They give a thumbs up to their friends who've given them this face in a box. And then they break off a little bit of their own head and they feed it to the face in the box. Yeah, that's a good reverse thing. And everyone sings. Yeah, I mean, I see that also.

That would also work if you put it in the end of the movie seven. Hmm. There's a little face in the box. Well, they open the box and they're like, you see Gwyneth Paltrow's head, but she's smiling. She's happy. I think they didn't show us that they didn't show us the thing. We didn't see whether or not you're happy or sad. I know that's what's different about that. So that's, you know, that's why I want to see what's in the box.

So I know if she was smiling about it. And then Kevin Spacey breaks off a little bit of his face, which we now realise is cake, the entire time, and puts it in the mouth of Gwyneth Paltrow. Gwyneth Paltrow, Gwyneth Paltrow has a candle on her head and it's one of those candles. This is the number seven, right? Because Kevin Spacey, cake, cake Spacey. Cake Spacey. Has turned seven years old. That's why the movie was called seven.

Yeah, that's really good. I, yeah, I thought if you did, if you did just open up the box, if they saw the head, and they had just brought down the size and shown the thing, and everybody would have been a bit, you know, like, taking a back, and they would have, they would have gasped, maybe. But then, if he, out of his pocket, took out a bunch of candles and started poking them in his face, like that, and then lit them, and then went, we realize it's okay. Well, no, it's not a cake. Oh, it poking the candles into the head. Into the head, yeah.

Happy birthday. Now, who's this? Is this Kevin? Or is this Brad? Could be Brad. Is this Morgan? It could be Morgan. I mean, the thing is, it depends who's birthday it is.

Yeah, that's what I want to know. And that's never revealed. It's never revealed. But probably, the thing is, it depends who's birthday it is. Yeah, that's what I want to know. And that's never revealed. It's never revealed. But probably not the person who's singing. Yeah. So it's even the Kevin's birthday. But some people do sing happy birthday to me, right? Yeah.

So if we cut out before we get to, then it's a very different type of mystery. Mr. President. Mmm. So it could be the president. It's a president. So it could be the president. It's a political threat. Mr. President. Mr. President. You got to get down.

I think that's how she did it. Very sexy. No, because you got to take the moment out. Mr. President. I don't think that's sexy. I don't think that. Wait, I think she's, this is how I assume it was. Happy birthday. Mr. President.

I don't think it was. No. I mean, I haven't seen it, but that's the sexiest I can sing. Happy birthday. That was not the sexiest. Andy, do you want to show me the sexiest you can sing? Happy birthday. Okay.

I'm going to try to genuine land. When I have my go, I'm going to try to genuinely turn you on. I thought you'd had your go. No, no, no, no. That was me just trying to do her. Listen fair now, I gotta go. Oh, okay. That was the best I thought Marilyn Monroe could do me sexy.

Wait till you hear me do sexy version. And I was giving her a lot of credit. Yeah. Okay. Happy birthday, Mr. President. Showing? Okay, I'm going to genuinely try and turn everybody on. And tweet in and honestly, tweet in. Let us know if you're

how, writing from one to five. Okay, like how around around you are okay So text in let us know how it turned on you were. You know what, I think there was a little bit about three seconds in where I thought it could get quite sexy and I was a little bit worriedented. There we go. It's sadly she's lowering herself into a bath. Yeah. I wasn't doing a woman. That was me.

Oh my God. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, And the other idea was that, and maybe we've already had this idea, but what if cake writing was the dominant form of media? And in a way, isn't cake writing the original Snapchat because it disappears. You could put a nude picture of yourself on a cake. Send it to a teenager. To a teenager. Oh my a nude picture of yourself on a cake. Send it to a teenager. Oh my god, I'm sorry I said that. You could be a teenager as well.

And teenagers include people who are 19 and 119. Oh yeah. That's what I meant. I meant 119. 119. Are you in your teens again? Yeah, I think so. I think as soon as you turn, would you say 11 and 12 is a teenager? Ah, that's a tween.

I think you're a tween. I know, but that's a very new word and that feels dumb. Well, I, but I can't accept that 11 is a teen because it doesn't have teen on the end. Yeah But I thought teens were just numbers in the tens It does feel like that Like the teen is actually just a dumb way of writing ten. Mm-hmm. It is isn't it? Yeah, it should be ten nine ten Nine ten years old nine ten eight ten It's just saying it the wrong way around. Yeah. Um, well,

but is that the wrong way around? Yes. You think 10, eight is better in somewhere? Yeah, 10, eight. Yeah. Cause then it suggests there's 10. That's the one, you know, when you read it, do you think it would be better if it was written eight-1? Yeah. I mean, 18. 8-10. 8-10. Yeah, so dominant form of meteor is cake writing for some reason. That's the one that we've perfected and turned into a real, you know, it's our mainstream

thing. So whenever you want to send out a report, you know, you've got to order a really big cake or like a layer, you know, cake with several layers and you, you know, you read one cake at a time. Sweet Jesus. And then maybe you maybe you um maybe you eat each page as you as you read it because because Alistair, it doesn't make sense that we have two different things that we put into our heads. We put words into our heads, fire our eyes, and we use paper for that. And we put cake into our heads, fire our mouths. And to me, it would make sense that if we're putting the thing into our head anyway, it might as

well all be the same thing. Words. Words. Words and foods. But you're constantly vomiting upwards, which suggests that they don't want to be inside you. Yeah, that's right. I have reflux. Yeah. That's, yeah. There's also talking, right? Yeah. Is it talking from a reflux? I think it is. Yeah. Yeah. Because all we are ever doing is regurgitating things that we've already nobody has a single original thought And Andy, what is this podcast if not a Disproof of that there's got I mean, I know that we come up with a lot of ideas that have already come up We've come up sometimes even on this podcast, but you cannot say that This podcast itself the it's body of work, right?

If there was one point to this podcast, other than maybe some enjoyment along the way, some enjoyment for you and me, the process of creating and enjoying what we're creating, and then sometimes people also being able to listen and enjoy that. But the other thing is that sometimes you can come up with something that is complicated enough

that it's basically impossible that somebody else would have come up with that exact idea. Yeah, you're right. And the new thing that I was just saying it to try and make my point makes sense. Which is the other main point of this podcast is to say things and then attempt to justify them. Yes, well, that's the other point of this podcast is for me to undermine or attempt

to do that. Okay, so here's another thing. So I've faded out a little bit. I'll start right down some of the ideas, but while you were saying, and so the idea is just that cake, writing like cakes, is the thing. So it's like people printing books and stuff on the table. And so it's like you want to read somebody's book. You have to get it all on cake.

Get it all on cake form. Maybe that would encourage us to be more punchy. And I think, yeah, you know, you could instead of having a library, a bookshelf, you'd have a cake fridge. I'm gonna write that up. You'd have a, you know, and then there could be, you know, the Magna Carta, that could be.

Magna Caca. Perfect. I knew that was there, Alistair, and I was taking as bigger pause as possible in the hope that I could think of something and I'm really relieved that you said Magna Caca. I don't know what the Magna Carta is. I think I've known in the past, but I've found it. Is a thing that they wrote in Britain.

They got King John to sign it, I believe. One of the King John's, and it was about, it enshrined certain rights for the people, I think. And probably by the people, I mean, a very small subset of the people. But is it for the world or for just like England? Just for England. So I think it was like an attempt at a constitution. I think Magna Carta just means big card.

Big card. Yeah. John, can you sign the big card? Oh, that's how you get... John was sick. You pretend it's just a thing to send around for everyone in the office. And you try to write that we all have rights. And then you go, can you sign this?

This is for everyone in the office. I wonder if that would be a great loophole to get things signed by the President of the United States of America. You just put them in birthday card form. And if you look closely at the messages that everybody's written on the card, they're all various amendments to the Constitution. That's a good idea. But when you get those things, you don't bother reading, well actually, I do. I read what everyone else has written, tried to think of something funnier. But

but imagine if you're the president, you don't have time for that. You're distracted by president, you don't have time for that. You're distracted by wars. Do you think countries have a sandwich other cards? I think so. I think like a photo of something local, like a coconut, but you go, here you go. I think I mean, I think that's all diplomacy is, you know, you just kind of go, hey, I know that that thing happened in your country, so just want to send you this card to say, thank you. So weird reliance still and diplomacy on writing things down and, you know, sending people letters and shit like that. Should be able to do it all on cameo.

You should. Yes, exactly. You say, oh, we just had a new president. I'll just order from the Australian ambassador, a quick message about saying things in congratulations. If you get a new leader, it doesn't make sense that we should have to wear the costs of sending you a nice letter.

You should never keep track. You should never keep track. We should not keep track. Same thing with birthdays, right? It shouldn't be everybody's job to keep track of when your birthday is. That's a really good point. It should just be you tell everybody what it's about. It makes so much sense. It's going to be next week. And then it's going to be

on the Tuesday. And if you don't tell anybody, you just, that's fine. Just you don't have a birthday that year. And if you don't know anybody, no birthday. It's fine. It's okay. It's perfect. Nobody forgot. Exactly. You know how last episode I was there.

We talked about how you cried during a song. Yeah, during the beautiful, like, cried during a song today. Did you? Yes. Oh my gosh. So like, is this a new thing, you're feeling emotions now? I think I might be feeling emotions as of today.

Really? Was it a folk song? Yes, it was. Oh my god, was it a Bob Dylan song? No, it was a Paul Kelly song that we've talked about recently. How to make gravy. How to make gravy? A song that I can't, having not heard it,

can't imagine that it could be any joke. It, uh, I was talking about how it almost makes me cry to Carly. And then my son, my small son, said, why does it make you cry, Daddy? And I had to explain that the song is about a man who can't be back with his family for Christmas. Yeah. And I was explaining that to my boys and it made me cry. Wow. So there you go.

That's really good. I mean, I gotta say it wasn't quite the song that made you cry because it was like your understanding of it and relating to it. Okay. So I'm sorry to say you don't actually- It was my love for my children, the baby cry. It was my love for your children. That emotion, therefore. Which is nowhere near as lame.

As two horns. Two horns. They were good horns. Yeah. They were good horns. We could play it. We could find a way. I mean, I have to see if Bert is okay with me using his music all the time.

When, so it's interesting though, when you say the expression, it gave me the horn. I'll know from now on, it means that you shared it to you from the tip of your eyeball. Isn't it weird that no other sense other than the sense of listening sound? Go to the ears. No, well that's true. I know there's a sense of touch in the ears. You can poke around in there. The ear can also be used for the sense of touch. You can put stuff in there and find out whether they're sharp or dull or squishy.

You know, whether it can be inflated, hot, cold. If anything, if you didn't have arms. Effervescent. Effervescent, if they are't have arms effervescent effervescent if they are fizzy. Is that what effervescent means? Yeah. I didn't know that. That's the maybe I must have had an instinct. I think it's because I heard effervescent be used in a soda commercial. Yeah, and you're just putting the pieces together now. All the pieces of that soda commercial are falling together in your mind like some cutscene from Sherlock Holmes. They open up the box and in there is the head of a soda bottle.

And then the cap is off and they look to the side and then there's the bottle with the fizzing. And they say, I've never seen it. There's a drip falling down. That's supposed to represent the tears of Brad Pitt Going down his face, but this is a bottle But it's like of course its own head. It's off Maybe it's there's two bottles. There's one bottle there and one with its head off, but obviously Brad didn't have Gwyneth's body

So she decapitated body is lying there in the sand, right? But he's worried about what could be in the box. Yeah. He's terrified it could be her head, because that means her head is not being kept alive somewhere. Yeah, but he doesn't know yet. Could be being kept alive in the box. That's, but he doesn't know yet. Could be getting being kept alive in the box. That's right, he doesn't know yet.

Yeah, and to be honest, he didn't even check. He didn't seem to check when he looked. And I know the person faced what have probably been quite really awful to look at. And probably frozen in place. And that would have been a sign, but he doesn't know if it's being kept alive in a way that makes it look dead still. And so I feel like

he was assuming. And when you assume, you make an ass out of you, just to letter you and me. But the end bit, that's not part of the word. Yeah. That would be a As you and me. As you and me. When you When you When you ask me, you make an ass out of you and me.

Yeah. It's a shame the word isn't as you hadn't been. Well, it would make the saying make a lot more sense, wouldn't it? Let's try and get it changed. Hmm. Let's write to the dictionary, write them all. Do you think the dictionary uses the words when you assume they can ask out of you and me?

They kind of play and they, do you think they, they, um, metal in the world of dumb fuck sayings? Sorry. They gotta do something at this point. Nobody's buying fucking dictionaries. Urban dictionary is shitting all over you. I bet you more people go to urbandictionary.com

and go to any other dictionary website. You know what, it's a better dictionary? Why? Because it is closer to how the people speak and the words that people use and it allows. It's actually in my frame of how words work, it's actually a more accurate thing because it allows for all the different meanings and interpretations and then some voting. And some of them are funny.

Some of them are funny. And some of them are very racist. Some of them are unbelievably racist but it's a proper representation of the world. And the reason that you don't do that in the dictionaries, because firstly, you can't change paper when somebody votes. Right? And also, because they're cowards. And also they're, they probably can't, they don't want to be sued.

Yeah. Yeah. I can't put on all the racist stuff. I wonder if there are racist words in the dictionary. That'd be interesting, wouldn't it? Yeah, I think there definitely is. Yeah, if they were like, you know, if we got to the point in...

For example, like the word honky. Honky. You know, there's probably the word honky in there. And I think that if you read it and it says that anything about white people I would straight away close that book. Walk away. Walk away. Yeah.

Because you broke my goddamn heart. I trusted you dictionary. We were not coming up with sketch ideas. I was doing great at the start and we've had a good time. We're talking about interesting things. And they could lead to sketch ideas. Calm down. Calm down, Alistair.

You know what? It was me talking about crying that brought us down, wasn't it? No, Andy. I changed the mood. Hey, you brought it down to crying. That's cool. Oh, yeah, but this is what I was gonna say.

I was gonna say, there's no other sense that makes you need to want to dance Yeah, only only hearing Yeah, no taste. I mean you don't dance to a taste the there is that you know that's that thing of you know Putting making the floor a bit hot taking your shoes off So you sort of want to jump around a bit. Mm-hmm, which is it, you know, it could be a type of dancing Yeah hopping and twitching So you sort of want to jump around a bit. Which is it, you know, it could be a type of dancing. Yeah. Hopping and twitching, you know?

And seizures, I guess, sort of white flashing lights. Thank you. Yes. Cowsing seizures does some kind of rhythmic motion. Makes you do that bacon. You know, the bacon. Remember that dance move? Where you lay down and you kind of just hop on the ground.

Like you lay down, you kind of just move your body. I've never seen that in that. It existed the the bacon. It's essentially I think it's probably based off of a seizure. Yeah. But it's called the bacon makes it kind of seem fun. You know, I think that's how you have to do you have to frame stuff like that. It's probably awful. Yeah, you can't call it a seizure. Yeah, so okay, let's see. Is there a way that you could make floors? Yes. Change temperatures, electrified. Electrified is vibrate. Is being electrocuted? Is that a sense? Yeah, I think it's probably sense of touch. Yeah. I mean, you said there are definitely more senses than the ones that we talk about five. Well, the sharks can sense electrical signals.

They can, but I think like humans can as well, like humans have other senses, like the sense of knowing when your stomach is full, right? Like that's not one of the other senses. So it's not a sense of touch, that's not like a sense of touch, but inside of a guy. I don't think it's that like your tummy is feeling, it's got little touch senses and it's, you're being poked.

You don't think? It feels like it's probably just like you go, or that feels like expanded. Right, but then that's sort of stretching. You can sit a stretching to be touch. Yeah, if I'm stretching my skin, if I'm stretching, you know. The feeling of your skin being stretched, right?

That, is that, that's touch, is it? Yeah, that's touch. It might be going through the same touch signals, but I think your skin changing relative to itself, maybe that is all that touches, skin changing relative to itself, right? Like when you touch things, that is some kind of compression.

Yeah. But then the ability to sense temperature is a different thing, right? Which isn't considered in the top five senses. No, but I would consider that to be touch. You consider that to be touch. Because what are you considered? So what's like,

I, Okay, but you can feel the temperature in a room when you're not touching anything. Well, you're touching the air. You're touching the air. Touching the air is touch. And there's kind of waves, sort of like radiant waves. Radiant waves and you're touching the radiation. Well, the radiation touching you. Yeah.

Yeah. And you're touching the intangible radiation. Yeah. And the temperature. I just want to hear what your slightly narrower version of definition of touch is so that we can then let's say that touch is is is pressure your ability to sense pressure on you on applied to your body Yeah, well there's that there is actually the other type of pressure where you can sense Social pressure on like people want you to do something Yeah, and you're trying to ignore them. Yes, so that you don't have to do the thing But so so yours is just pressure. I think so, I think that's an an anion. So it's just a reflection of, like,

deflection of the skin cells or something. From, yeah, they've been distorted in some way from their normal state. So say- Is your argument, is your argument that there are only five senses and everything else is just aversion? No, no, no, no, my argument isn't that, because I know that you've got arguments to counter that,

and I also believe that balance is probably one that has to do with liquid and your ear and stuff. But also, I think that's touch. I think that's touch. I don't think so, because I think it's got to do with fluid inside of your ear. No, I think that's what the fluid doing. Well, I don't know. It's moving little less.

It's moving little less. Is it? I don't know. But then there's dizziness. There's dizziness in there. And I'm not sure. But I would say that probably. I much prefer being on this side of the argument. It was great. I can tell you why you wanted to be the guy saying everything's

touch. No, but now that you're saying that, I mean, you may as well say that sight is touch. Yes, it is. And also, and sound is touch. Hang on, I'll stay. Hang on, if I were to say that sight is touch, then that is your body sensing radiation

that's impacting on some of yourselves, which is the same as you with your radiant heat thing. So, if radiant heat is touch, then say, is touch. But I am saying that it is. That's what I was agreeing with you. That's what I was saying. And because you're saying pressure, well, when you feel heat,

you're feeling the motion of molecules, which is create a tiny amount of pressure. Right? So. I don't think that amount of pressure. Right? So I don't I don't think to that's true. No. No. What's happening to them there? How do you feel heat? I think they're vibrating. Yeah. And what do they do when they sort of when they vibrate say up against another cell or whatever they do? Molecule, what do they do then? Do they apply pressure to another thing? Do they press on it?

Do they press on it, anything? I don't think temperature is pressure. I don't think any pressure sensor in the world detects temperature. Because I think they work on deflection and I don't think that with hate, there's any mean deflection from the thing. It would be going in opposite, you know, things jiggle, right?

When things are vibrating, they move around, you know, they oscillate around a central point, okay? But your pressure would be going in both directions and that doesn't make any sense. But what a pressure sense, or when you talk about a pressure sense, or what are you talking about? I'm talking about something that... What are you talking about? You'm talking about something that... What are you talking about? You're talking about... No, because if you're talking about some

mechanical thing that senses pressure and it's some big gallon of air or liquid or something like that, it's sure. It probably is measuring something on the inside. It doesn't have its sensors on the outside, right? This is so infuriated. So it's not like skin. It wouldn't be a sort of, it wouldn't be the similar thing. I think skin is exactly the same as that. It's not a smaller version. However, skin works to sense pressure, which is probably to do with something about, you

know, it ultimately probably comes down to electrical flow between some sort of distorted membrane or some shit like that, right? It's going to be a smaller version of whatever the fucking thing you're talking about is, right? And it's so... No, no, no. So temperature is not pressure. Ha!

Temperature is not pressure. And we could stop talking about it because it's such a stupid idea and you're embarrassing yourself No, no, I'm saying that Because you're the one saying that that sense of touch. I don't even remember what I'm saying No, I'm angry So you could tell me anything right now and I would agree your sense what I'm saying you saying sense of touch is only Feeling pressure and I'm trying to

your sense of touch. You're saying sense of touch is only feeling pressure. And I'm trying to even use, even though I think the sense of touch will also sense temperature. And as if you were to sensing temperature through any other means other than your skin, or whatever, which is the thing when which we sense touch.

Yeah. The touch of heat, the touch of cool, the bite of a cold winter day. Mm-hmm. Yeah, great. Mm-hmm. And I would say it's a similar thing. of cool, the bike of a cold winter day. Yeah, great. And I would say it's a similar thing. Anyway, but I was trying to use your known definition. I would say they use a totally different mechanism.

Your broad definition is that anything that comes in through the skin is touch. And also stuff that your tummy feels is also touch. Well, I think that there's an element, not everything that your tummy feels is also tight. Well, I think that there's an element, not everything that your tummy feels, but I think that when it's the pressure of how full it is, what you're feeling is a pressure in there, coming from the inside. You know, the inside is just the outside,

but on the inside. Yeah, you're right. It's a different type of... It's an outside. It's another outside, but it's... It's an outside of its own. It's outside of its own. It's outside of your body.

Oh, is that true? Well, because the tube just goes all the way through. You're right. So it's kind of separate. Yeah, there are two, like, the outside world goes in and down and through you. It's at least outside when I open my mouth and open my anus. Which is often. Which is very often.

And I very rarely do one without doing the other. I flare my anus. Yeah. You got like a like a like an oculus in a camera. Yeah, like a no. Dude, you're drinking, you can get anus flare like you get camera flare. Hmm, lens flare, but on the anus, well, most people.

So that would be, I guess, you get a shit that kind of just has a, no, don't, right, white spot on it. Yeah, there's, there's actually no way to, to, to convert the concept of, but is there a way of using a way as a camera? Yes, indeed. Yes. Thank you. As a pin a camera. Yes indeed. Yes, as a thank you. As a pinhole camera. Yeah. If you would have if you would have opened it and shut it in the right way, you could and and to somehow to stand the the rectal cavity in the right way, you could achieve that same pinhole camera effect that was first detected by by what was his name. We looked him up when we were researching the pop test Alistair.

A Lumiere? No, it was Al... Alistair... Alistair, Tromblie, virtually, in the camera. No, he was an Islamic scholar. And he was under house arrest. And it was while he was at home.

He saw a pin prick of light coming through and projecting onto the wall behind him and he discovered that concept. Thing, yeah, he'll... He'll... Ibrahim... Ibrahim... Ibrahim...

Ibrahim... Ibrahim... Ibrahim... Ibrahim... Ibrahim... Ibrahim... Ibrahim... Ibrahim... Ibrahim... Ibrahim...

Ibrahim... Ibrahim... Ibrahim... Ibrahim... Ibrahim... Ibrahim... Ibrahim... Don't forget it. Don't forget the message. Not forget to do the thing that's in the message. Oh, the message is open and if you close it, that's gone. Well, it's gone from your mind and that's gone from my mind. Yeah. Ah, I 100% agree. So using the bot as a, the A- as a pinhole camera. Yeah, it's a pinhole camera.

Bop a camera. Say it on a, on a, on a, there's an e-c... This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching

save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Multitask right now, quote today at progressive.com. Progressive casualty and trends company and affiliate. National average 12 months savings of $744 by new customer surveyed who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. This count's not available in all safe and situations. Clips. There's an eclipse and you need to see it this time. You can't look directly at the eclipse

unless you choose the third eye. And so what are you just putting some kind of like what's that paper? They can take photographic paper. Photographic paper in there. Yeah. I suppose you're kind of stuffing it in. So the nitrate kind of thing. Stuffing and then trying to like use I guess a stick to sort of push it up against the back wall. This is what happened. James Cook has traveled all the way around the world to witness the eclipse. That's why he came to Australia. He's on the way to Tahiti to, oh no, sorry, it was the transit of Venus. He was doing the transit of Venus. It wasn't an eclipse. But still, but then he gets the photo of it.

But this is a new show called James Cooked. And he does all this fuck shit. He gets there to look at an eclipse. He forgot the camera, he had cameras at the time. He forgot the camera, and then at the last second, he remembers that he should have brought the camera, and he takes a photo with his own butthole. And so ahead.

Shove, I guess a stick up there. Pokey brought the camera paper. Pokey tried to shoot it out. He brought the camera, Pokey, the paper Poke stick. He brought his butthole. He brought his butthole. He never leaves home with that. I never leave home with that, my butthole.

No sailor does. Mmm. It's so messed up that for so much of my life, I was just like, yeah, James Cook, he was just a good guy. That was all we were taught at school. James Cook, he was good to his sailors, apparently. Care about their welfare. Not so much other people.

Yeah, yeah, it's tough, isn't it? I still don't really know anything. Yeah, well, you can go and read his diaries or something. Do you think that would be the place to start? I mean look, I think that he just threw how good a guy he thinks he is. He might reveal some stuff. Yeah, you're right, give him enough rope. Because I mean he might think that what he's doing is good.

And then he's talking about slaughtering a person, maybe even a beautiful penguin or something like that. Do you think he's eating penguin? I hope not. No. Did he ever go to Antarctica? But do you, does any part of you want to know what a penguin would taste like?

Yeah, every part of me. I feel that hunger throughout my body. Yeah. Any animal that you categorically wouldn't eat. Not that interested in any kind of worms. Yeah. Eel puts me off. Yeah. Eel.

You wouldn't even go like a Japanese sushi eel. I think I've had it and I just I can't enjoy it. I just don't know I just something about eels Like because you're thinking about them or thinking about them. They're too hideous a creature They just they just seem like they're They're having a bad time. I'm having a bad time. Yeah, they're so squirmy, right? It seems like squirming in general is not something that you're No, just they're just they're so slippery. Yeah, you know so squirmy. Right, it seems like squirming in general is not something that you're just. They're just, they're so slippery. Yeah. You know, what are they, they're,

and they would be slipping away from. And they would just be steeped in that slipperiness. You know, that would flavor that, whatever that ooze is. Yeah, it would flavor them. There's no way you can be that oozy on the outside with the out being a little bit oozy on the inside and think of any Seekreacher they taste like the the the brine and which they steep and and and They you find eels into the gross real gross real gross and they live in like fucked ponds

Yeah, like they'll be a pond that has like got nothing in it, but duck shit and garbage and there's massive eels in there Just eels non-stop eels eels as far as the eye can see they just in there and all their eating is creatures that are That are just unlucky enough to have been to have had this place be They're right. They're right. You can't imagine that sitting calmly in your stomach. Oh, yeah. And if anything is going to survive the cooking and the eating and the swallowing process, I think if any go on to thrive,

if any creature I would be happy to rid the world of, not more eels that look fun. They do look pretty cool. They look fun, but they're scary. But they're in, they're in the sea. The clean ocean. Yeah. They're not in, but they're in the sea. The clean ocean. Yeah, they're not in a dark dank pond. You know, who knows how eels even

got into these bodies of water? Why? Yeah, why are they inland? Why are they so far inland? A lot of them can squirm across the land as well. Oh. Tell the listeners about the video you saw. Didn't we see this video?

Didn't we see this video, right? This is the video. First, you just see some dirt. You just see some dirt, and there's some pushing on the dirt from beneath, right? Somehow this person with this camera's like, here it is, it's gonna happen. There's some pushing.

Two fish emerge from the dirt. They push their heads up. They put their heads up from the dirt, right? And they're kind of facing each other. How they do this? Fish swim and dirt now. This is already the most horrendous thing you've ever seen. Fish.

And they poke their heads out of it. Why would they do that? They don't poke their heads out of the water. No, they don't even do that. Then one of the fish begins to regurgitate an eel and an eel comes out of their mouth and then goes into the other fish's mouth. And then there's just this horrific moment

as all you're seeing is sort of just that eel pipe just transfer as these Fish's mouth are extended to the possible maximum Is it a big thick eel? It's a big thick eel I haven't seen this video by the way Alistair has just described it to me in this excruciating detail And this will stay with you forever. Don't ever seek this video out. Don't find it.

You will never forget this. It exists and it is real. And there's no reason for it to happen. And you will no longer, it's just, yeah. And I think what's, I don't like about it, is that it feels like something we're not meant to see as humans, but it also feels like if we caught that on camera, what else is going on?

What else could be, if that, you know, so we, that is already worse than the worst thing that we've ever heard of and seen. And the fact that there are things that are worse than everything that we've already seen means that this could be just, this could the top of the well. That could be the nicest part of an entire dark universe Yeah, right. I mean what are fish doing in the dirt anyway? What kind of awful things are they?

How did this Come to be anyway if you've seen that and you've got any insight keep it to yourself We don't want to talk about let us know if it turned you on And you've got any insight keep it to yourself. We don't want to talk about it. No, let us know if it turned you on And what said this a one-to-five rating of what turned you on more? Alistair describing it or you watching it or my singing happy birthday Which one was the sexiest? Exactly. We're not creating a lot of sketch ideas Sorry, I mean, we you know we we we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we,uting people and making them dance. I mean, yeah, I mean, you could have an involuntary disco.

Come on down to the involuntary disco. There's no music, but we have ways of making your dance. But you could have a floor that oozes out slime. And it goes from ooze to grippy. From oozy to grippy. And it becomes so oozy that you're barefoot, you're just barefoot on this floor. It's just a room, it's got an ooze to grip floor.

So you slip and grip. And so as you stand there, it becomes so oozy, your legs start to separate like this. And you begin to start to do the splits. But then it goes grippy. You hit a section of grip. Well, the floor can change. It changes. It start to do the splits. But then it goes gripping. You hit a section of grip. Well, the floor can change. It changes to grip.

Right. It's like a non-Newtonian ooze that it can put an electrical current through it and it solidifies like maybe like that. Yeah. It's that crazy eel that can make like really weird a heaps of mucous just appear. Not a eel thing.

Not a fucked animal. But we can somehow we use it for good. We swallowed our pride. We can kill all of them and then use their ooze for good. For this dance flow. So you can dance just with the sense of touch. I think. But Jandy would say some other sense.

I think that if you did make a floor entirely out of eels, that would be a very good way. You could get lots of different types of eels. You could get the ooze of eels. You could get electric eels. That would be a very good way. You could get lots of different types of eels, you could get the oozey eels, you could get electric eels. We could achieve a lot of our dance floor, our non-musical dance floor dreams by making the floor entirely out of eels. We have talked in the past about a man made entirely out of eels. This is different. This is a floor with a man standing on it. And I think the interaction between man and a heel would cause you to dance.

I think I would like, I know this seems odd, if they for some reason didn't care about me, didn't, they weren't interested in me at all, particularly with their mouths. Yeah. They're dirty, awful. They probably have like a thing that even regular teeth. They probably just have like really hard, serrated flat, sharp thing, flaps and stuff. Flaps, serrated flaps. Anyway, but I think I would enjoy diving through a box of heels. Alice, this is very inconsistent. I know, I know, I know.

But think about this, okay? Think about this. I hate it. I wish they were all dead. I wouldn't mind diving through a box of them. Well, about this, okay? Think about this. I hate it. I wish they were all dead. I wouldn't mind having throw a box of them. Well, imagine this, okay? It's like, it's a bank teller, right? No, no.

Think about this, okay, so imagine a McDonald's, the inside of a McDonald's, where they have the, they have the front counter, but for some reason, there's like a plastic thing up to stop, I guess, maybe probably like people blowing COVID through it or whatever. But there's just little windows like a bank teller, little gaps where you can pass food through and stuff like that. Imagine there's no screens in the way there, right? But now imagine that McDonald's kitchen in area is entirely filled with eels. Right. And then you, and they're not interested in biting you or anything like that with these fucked up teeth that they have. And then you can dive into that. Yeah. Right. And then slide

all the way to the drive through window and then out. Yeah. And just slip it, slipery slide through their ooze. Yeah. I think that would be quite fun. Right. Right. As long as you don't have to taste any of them. And as long as you don't get lost in there. But I mean, I don't think this has to be eels.

I mean, this could just be a huge can of like spaghetti, you know. No, I don't think this spaghetti would have enough firmness to keep you up at the, at the level. You think you, but I think you would float, you know, you could have neutral buoyancy. I don't know that necessarily eels would, would provide that either. I think they, I think their, their body has a fair, you don't think you'd sink in the eels? Well, in my, in my ideal scenario, I wouldn't.

Yeah, okay. I wouldn't get bitten, and I, is there a sketch in this? I think the eel floor, you know, disco is for me. Yeah. Is an idea. It's for people who love to dance, but don't like music. Yeah. And, it's cool that we've been going down there.

Yeah. And they'll, they, the dance experience is recreated in various ways. And is sound, is sound recreated through other senses? Or is it just? I think it's just the noise of the snapping of the eels. So they're a bite trying to bite you. Yeah, sure.

I mean, that'll get some dancing going. And they're electrocuting you? going and they're electrocuting you Yeah, they're electrocuting you and they're losing and you fall do you like fall into the news? I'm all over use Electric ooze and is there do you fall into the eels or is it just it's a firm floor like sardines and you can't you can just walk on it I mean, maybe you could fall into the eels. And do you bring a date to a thing like this? Yeah, a date, yeah.

It's a great place for a first date. Yeah. So tell me how the night goes. So let's say you're okay, so you walk in. So it's in like a school hall or something like that. Yeah, and then they take your shoes, sort of like a dirt bowling, but they don't give you other shoes.

The eels do? Or? No, there's a gun. It's run by human, my dad. It's run by my dad, okay. And they take your shoes and then they, I guess they sort of, maybe they coat your shoes and vacillate your feet and vacillate, and you dip your feet into it. So it's not oozy enough.

Maybe it's not easy enough. Maybe you need that service to sort of protect you from some of the eel disease. Yeah, or maybe maybe the salt on your feet might damage the eel. Yeah, or enrage them. Do they, do they have to cut your toenails, you know, and accidentally cut up any of the eels? Yes. How deeper are the eels? Like, they're a foot deep. So there's, there's, there's just a foot of theels. So like about 30 centimeters, 33 centimeters, 33 centimeters of firm. I've lost the eel. Do they squeal? Is it make any noise? Are they immersed in water? Or is it just I think it's just eel and eel eels slop? You know, so not not too much. Yeah. Water. And do you expect the

eels like do the eels survive this? Or is it are you killing eels non-stop? I think the like eels will definitely be injured But they'll probably just be eaten by other eels And you know, maybe there's a period so so there is like Sorry, you say we know well that you maybe you'd divide the dance floor up in different sections And that sort of thing and you can leave certain eels pools to get you know to be fall yield pools to be fallow for a certain amount of time. You don't send people in there. If there's been a lot of people in there

trading on the yields. So it's like a, like a, like an area that gets over fished or something like that. So people like have been dancing really hard and stuff like that. They've killed too many years. You just, you say, stay over here while the other yields come and eat these yields.

Yeah. And then I guess those eels will just get thicker. Mm. And so they'll actually just, they'll occupy the same volume roughly. Yeah, it's the lore of conservation of eel. Yeah, eel volume. Yeah. Anyway.

And I don't know. I'll stay here. And what part makes you dance? Mm. The interaction between your bare legs. Is it like the eels? And what part makes you dance? The interaction between your bare legs. Is it like the eels? But is it like... Ah!

That sounds really awful. Yeah. I was going to say, if you're thrashing away their feet, you know, being attacked by enormous eels. And you say to them, you look at them with love and you say, that's a mori. When your foot gets attacked by a giant eel in the dance floor. Yeah, it's a morrow. And, you know, you're having a good time. Is there a way to have a good time? Or is it, do you have to enjoy a bad time? Look, I think the thing, it's just that you hate music so much, but you love dancing so much. This is the only way to get that experience. And you know, it's it's it's worth it for

you. The maths, the the the the the personal emotional mathematics works out. Are humans done? People, people like sometimes just slipping in between eels and then being caught at the bottom of the one foot tank under eels and then dying of being eels slither into their mouths and they choke to death. Which we know, we know that eels are happy to live inside the stomach of a small creature. And so imagine how much of a good time they would have living inside a human being. We don't, I mean, look, we don't know whether it's the fish that are eating the eel or

whether it's the eel going fish to fish eating them out from the inside. Or they're just living in there. They just use the fishes at home. We've clearly identified that they're happy to live in anything. They would probably love your intestinal tract. Just in there, just laying there. It feels like it's been designed, basically, as eel-shaped. Yeah, it's just like it's just an eel home. Yeah. That in there, just laying in. It feels like it's been designed, basically, as eels shaped. Yeah, it's just like it's just an eels home. Yeah. That's probably, it's probably just we've just we've just been taken out of the eels life cycle. And they used to just live inside us. You'd be, you'd be chockers, you'd be eels, top to bottom. And there's a chance that maybe that's, that's the thing that why, why nobody can ever be happy,

because we just don't don't have enough of yields in us. Yeah, we know, we've forgotten that we actually, we were, we used to be complete once we had yields. Imagine that, you would feel wriggling inside you and there's like that, I think, travel around. Would you feel it though, I don't know if you would, Elastir? They'd probably eat all your pussy. You don't have to poop anymore.

That's not the same thing. But you're saying good. Yeah. But where does the poop go? Right? Where does the poop go? I'll just get, can I just go into eels and then not go anywhere? So it's the eels.

Well, maybe they poop out something that you can absorb into your blood. That is good for you. All right. If you ever tried rubbing, eels poo on the inside of your intestinal trot. I haven't Elastair and so I'm not going to venture an opinion because I've already made Have you ever tried rubbing? You'll poo on the inside of your intestinal trot. I haven't, Alistair, and so I'm not gonna venture an opinion because I've already made too many mistakes today. You'll dance floor.

Yeah, right. Thanks, Al. Oh my God. No, you justified it. You justified it. Oh, Christ. I'm gonna take us to three words from a listener. Now, today's listener,'s sent in, well whose

words they are, is Andy Matthews. No, that's not true. That's true. It's Andy Matthews. This is an idea sent in through Alex Lloyd. And he sent me three words that you suggested last episode. So I have to try and remember what it was that I said last episode. What the three words that you get. In order to get it right. Yeah. This is really cruel. It's interesting because every time I feel like the first sort of words that occur to me, every time are sort of basically the same words.

And I don't want to, you know, and then I always have to think of something else. But let's say, the thing I said last time was crystal. I'm sorry, the first word you used last time was clench. I feel like I was close. Alright, clench. Okay. Sometimes I do a thing where I do three words that rhyme for no reason. I wonder if this is one of those scenarios.

Was the next word, tench? No. What is the word, tench mean? It was a, tench was an animated tonight show that was on in Australia in around 2005. No, I'm sorry Andy, you incorrectly guessed the word that you submitted. The word was pubic. Ledge pubic. Yeah.

Okay. Oh, is it was it something like, like, parasol or umbrella? Close. Really? It was legume. Parasol or umbrella? Close. Really? It was legume. Which I... So... Wow.

Yeah. Oh well. Um... It's a clench... Clench-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-tent-t Clench, clench, clench, clench, parisol. No, that's next week, except. Oh, no, it was crystal, tench, parisol. Yeah, no, no. I'm gonna remember that, I'm gonna remember that, crystal, tench, pups. So thank you, Alex Lloyd, for sending this through.

Thank you, Alex. No, thanks. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no legume. Wow. Well, we grow hairs in our pubic area, suggesting that it's a fertile area where you can grow things. You could grow whole sorts. I mean, green beans, yellow beans. They wouldn't, yellow beans would be a great thing to grow. This is for me as a white man, to in my pubic area, to distract from my penis.

You know, I think a couple of decoy penises there. Not a couple, a whole harvest. Yeah, a crop. Yeah, you know, they could all just hang a lot off there. And you know, and it would work as a kind of, you know, sort of like a loincloth, but just, you know, like, that works in, in fashion. You know, you do your runways, your runways, shit, right? I don't know if anybody has done this. I guarantee someone has because it's the kind of thing that they always try to do weird shit

for fashion, but has there ever been clothing that incorporates sort of areas to plant things? So you know, there seems like the shoulders are a more or less flat surface. You could have a little tray there with some grass growing on it or some vines that hang down. We'd grow, maybe. Why not make clothing entirely out of like, you know, living vines? So you have a pot plant on your head, right? And then the vines hang down over your body, concealing your pubic areas. You're unmentionable.

Yeah. And maybe you could sort of interweave them a little bit strategically sort of place some of the leaves to cover whatever it is that you want to cover. But you've got to, now humans are, you're walking around, you're, you're, you're creating an oxygen everywhere you go. You know, we're doing vertical gardens on buildings, why not on our, on our very bodies.

Yeah, and I guess if your clothing is made of dirt, it seems silly not to either ever bother to wash it. So, you know, you don't have to wash it and you're clothing anymore. You're just kind of putting on basically like one of those samurai outfits. There's a lot of stuff just dangling in front of you and stuff like that, but it's mostly filled with sort of soil. It's super heavy. Well, I mean, look at the things that they grow, those things that they give you from Woolworths now.

You get those little packets that have got they give you from Woolworths now, you got those little packets that have got that puffy kind of stuff, you put water on it, it goes, you can plan to seed in there, that doesn't seem all that heavy. No, but I mean, it doesn't have any fluid, any, you know, water in it, it's completely fluid stuff. That is just where a lot of that weight will go. And then once you don't want to start to grow and then there's a vegetable matter on there as well. Yeah.

But I think living clothing, all right, even if you don't do it like that, right, a bed spread, maybe it could be metagross, or as an art piece, you knew yourself up, you lied down, you put dirt all around your genitals, you plant alpha seeds and you grow yourself a chia. Oh, you plant chia seeds and you grow yourself some chia pubes. Right, and you lie there in an art gallery for, I don't know, three weeks, not moving with your chia pubes. People come along and they could,

they could clip some of your chia pubes. This is what art is now, Alistair. Is it? Yes, I could win a turnip prize for this. Mm-hmm. The artist pubes are present. Yeah. Coming, snipsome. What about this though?

Art project, you just give, every people have to line up. You know, you do this at the Met, or wherever they have art. And you just give each person a pub. Wow. Cause often it's something that you just discard you accidentally leave on the toilet seat Or you know you find it somehow and you're fucking baby's hand and you oh No, which find that pub

You know, oh no, Jesus But now you know so it's often something that we accidentally gift each other. Yeah, right? But now you make it on purpose, you know, so it's often something that we accidentally gift each other. Yeah. Right. But now you make it on purpose, you know, you, uh, you gift, you just, you're maybe even, you even wrap it up. Real pubes for my sham friends and real pubes for my real friends as well. Everybody gets pubes. Um, go. Do you pluck them yourself?

Do you reach down and pluck them out? It's going to be a nice thing to give them a fresh one. Yeah. It's interesting that pubes were given a different look by God so that you know when it is a pub that you've accidentally found in your sandwich or something. Yeah. It's a little calling card. Somebody's a little calling card. Somebody's genitals were here. In the region. Alistair, I think, Alfalfa pubic art. He's absolutely a sketch on that. What is the sketch? It's the sketch where you, an artist, is

planted a chia seeds on their pubic their, on their pubic region. And they allow you to come in and harvest it. You could take, you could spin this so many different ways. It can be one taking the piss out of hipsters and what they're like. You know, you know, you could be one, yeah, you could, you could be, you could be one taking the piss out of people who take the piss out of hipsters and what they're like has so many different ways it could go. Could just be something about, you know, somebody's won the Turner Prize for doing this, right?

That's a sketch. That's a sketch. I love it Andy. It was a perfect sketch. I think they'll listen to a roller-grain. I think the next time we get to write on a TV show, I'd like you to pitch that. I will. Yeah, I absolutely will. I think it's a really get to ride on a TV show and like you to pitch that I will yeah, I absolutely will

I think it's a really good idea great good great me too. That's why I was saying Yeah, thanks because you want me to succeed. I want you to succeed Andy. I love it. I genuinely do want you to succeed Thank you. I want you to succeed as well I'll take us through the sketch ideas for today. Thanks, almost. We've got reverse box with cake head. This is a cake. It's got a human body, but it's a cake head. That has a box. And then inside there's a head, a human head.

The cake head feeds the pills. And then the cake. And then the cake. That's right. To the head. Then we got people who are 118 and teenagers obviously. And this comes up because you've sent this teenager a cake with a nude image of you. Yeah, okay.

So. I was hoping there would be more to that sketch that really makes it make sense. And they're absolutely welcome. Yeah, yeah. So it's a person, you know, celebrity, where it comes out that they had sent a cake, a cake, a nude image, a cake with a nude image of themselves, to a teenager. But it was in 118 years. And they're also teenagers. And so it turned out to be fine.

And it just shows how cancel culture will just, won't even bother to look at the details before they write you off. It's context. Yeah. Then there's of course cake writing is the main form of writing. This is a world in which most writers are cake writers. And they just use that sort of big thing filled with them. Yeah, piping bag.

Pipping bag, you know. Instead of a quill. Yeah. But there would have been a day in the olden days where you just filled up a feather. Yeah. And then you would just squeeze that plastic bit of the feather It is plastic. I don't know. Yeah, whatever it is. They do make plastic But whatever those things are made out of that's what we should be making all the plastic stuff out of feathers But no, no, but I mean like we should make a synthetic version of that. Mm-hmm

I think it's probably like fingernails Yeah, I'd be happy with that if your straws were made of lab-grown fingernails, it's not been on a finger. I know, but it's not been wiping asses. Just the wood. Lab-grown fingernails made me really unhappy. Yeah. I could not suck up a thick shake through a tubular lab-grown fingernail. I'm sorry, I must have. Lab-grown fingernail. We did have a sketch a long time ago, which was about collecting fingernails

and as a natural cleaning product, because fingernails are really good at scratching things off and you'd just get a bag of fingernails that you sort of shake over something and then rub it to use their incredible fingernail scratching power to clean something off. Anyway. That was a good episode to get a look back on. Let me go using the anus as a pinhole camera.

James Cooked. I think James Cooked is an idea for a show because it's James Cook but him doing all these fuck things you know. Well there was already the totally cooked thing on the Madness Hell show that we right on. Oh I forgot. Yeah. Sorry. Alright well that's done. It's done can't be done but anyway. Then we got Eale Dance Floor which is the best it's the best sketch of the episode. Because we did the most work on it, took the longest, it was the hardest to do,

and therefore things that are hard. Well, it's not the best sketch idea from the episode because then we got alfalfa pubes art. Alistair, you, I'm sensing some hostility and I'm not appreciating it. And I don't mean it to be hostility, it's gentle ribbing. It's supposed to be gentle ribbing for my pleasure. Well, I turned it inside out, so it's for my own pleasure.

And then there's lab-grown fingernails as a replacement to plastic that is a perfect replacement, yet it completely fails. And people decide to continue destroying the planet just because they don't like the idea of being fingernails. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Thank you so much for listening to InThink Tank. We really appreciate it. I have been Andy. He's been Alistair. You can follow us on Twitter. You can find us on Wikipedia. You can find us. No, I don't think we're on Wikipedia. I think I think I've mid-mentioned on Wikipedia once or twice, but the link is red because I don't think I'm notable enough You've been mentioned on Wikipedia. So I was out just because I appeared on somebody's podcast I think maybe I've also mentioned in the thing for Mattis Hell

I might be there as well. Yeah, I link is red. That's my dream for my life is to get a blue link get my link blue Yeah, that's not gonna happen. No, don't care. And please come along to Teleport, support all this shows at the Comedy Festival. You can still listen to the pop test everywhere you get your podcasts. Yeah.

People have been listening to it. That's really nice. People mostly like it. I appeared on the podcast Chat Flicks. And I talked about one of my favorite comedy movies, The Cable Guy. So just go find the chatflix podcast. And also we appeared on Lisa Dib's podcast. Reanimates. Reanimates. Talking about the movie fortress. Yes, because it's a whole podcast dedicated to the films of Jeffrey Comes, but not just like, not that he makes the films anything he appears in.

And it's very cool. And it's very fun. And it was a lot of fun. It was a crazy film. And you were on Sans Pants recently. I was on Sans Pants, no. I was on the plumbing the desk star, and we talked about what would be your reason

for going into the Mortal Kombat universe. And we said some really fucked up shit. Yeah, I've been listening to it. It's really funny. Yeah, great. Oh, thanks. So take care of yourselves and each other. Mm. And we. Us. We love this. Thank you. This episode is brought to you by Progressive.

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