Simple Swedish Podcast - 284 - “ZOMBIE PHAR LAP” with MATT STEWART

Episode Date: May 5, 2021

Vast thanks to Matt Stewart for filling us with joy by being on this episode. Please do visit him on twitter and enjoy his glorious content.Remover List, Standard 4,Dead Horse, Backwards Horse Race, Weak Restaurant MMA, Omni Capitalism, Snake Steak, Business Shake, Standing HumpYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Listen and subscribe to THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastJoin the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereWild, untamed thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Yeah. Hello and welcome to Two in the Thing Tank to show where we come with fun. So let's get your ideas. I am Andy. Yeah, Andy Matthews. And I'm Alistair George William, Trumbly Virtual, and God damn it,

you're not gonna believe this. Joining us in the tank is the man who started it all. And by all, I mean, the podcast do go on with his two friends, Dave and Jess. It's Matthew Stewart. Hey, thanks for having me. Matthew, I'm gonna be back in the tank. Yes, it's good to have you back.

We've kept it just the way it was when you died. Yes. We didn't want to change our things. Since you moved out. Oh, yeah, I call it dying. Pog death. Every time you leave a room in a way you move out. That's all I'm saying.

Oh. You know, I'm going to move out. As a diet, like, change its color. It used to be you. Every time you leave a room. out. As a diet like change its color. It used to be you. Every time you leave a room, leave a room, you move out. What do I say? I don't know. He said you die.

I might have said that, but in my mind, I said something very, very different. No, you said what you thought you said. Yeah, great. And what Al said was bonkers. Dye is in change color. Yeah, it's died. Here's this idea.

OK. It's a removal's firm, but not for moving house. Just for getting your stuff together, when you're, you know, when you've had all the kids there at a cafe table and you're leaving. And there's a lot of bits and pieces to pick up. There's a lot of pencils and pads and things. OK, it's wallet, phone. Exactly. All those things. It's a little of bits and pieces to pick up. There's a lot of pencils and pads and things. Cays, wallet, phone.

Exactly, all those things. It's a little removals team. And they come there and they jump suits. And they just help you get everything together into boxes they put it on little trolley. And they have a tiny little truck. Or maybe they're just, you know, they show up and they're like, oh, you haven't packed anything like that.

And they're just like, they're helping you having to put things into boxes into your pockets. Yeah, so the time, if it was a tiny truck, They're just like they're helping you having to put things into boxes into your pockets So the time that if it was a tiny truck it were we talking about normal like just humans or you're talking about Nomes or something other people tiny. Yeah, like so really good I'm sort of water the rings type. Mm-hmm. That's my reference for small people, you know goblets But I mean goblins. Well, I mean, if they're removalists, they would have to be sort of roughly the size that your wallet would have to be like a piano for you. Yeah, that's great. And so they're just kind of very small people. And I think this, you know, obviously, you've not been up

today with the trend, the two-and-a-thing tank trends, but this could be the third episode in the row where we just come up with an idea where we've just got very small people. I'm going to add something to this though, because let's then just hypothesize that all moving things is done by removalists of different sizes and possibly slightly different species. We've just bred them, like we bred the Clyde stale, just to be a bigger, stronger horse. We've just bred removalists, and you've got a removalist for almost everything you could imagine. And you don't have fray trains.

You have just large removalists striding across the land. Oh, that's good. See, that makes it... At one end, you're making it easier. The other end you go on, this, while it would be easily moved by you. But you're making someone who feels like it's the size of a piano. Well, we always, because what's truly easy for a removalist is dealing with something that is an appropriate size for them. Right. I think a big removalist. Exactly. And so there's two of them, let's say you want, you're trying to go from

London to Manchester. And then so two people. Great choice of cities. It's well. Perfect. And they, one, they both show up, you're roughly the size of a piano compared to them. And one, one grabs you in the front, neither one grabs you in the back, and then they go down the stairs. They go from London to Manchester. Exactly. Carefully pivoting you around the ones going backwards. The landing. Yeah. But they kind of, I guess, they would jog to get you there at a reasonable at the same speed.

I've never seen a remover list quite that enthusiastic. Well, this is, I mean, this is a long distance. We've brought that into them as well. Yeah. They run as these ones. Well, yeah. They love a bit of, they love a bit of turf. They love a bit of speed. And trying to make up some racing terminology. Yeah, love a bit of turf.

But that's a fast track. That's it, yeah. Yeah, is that something they would say? Yeah, yeah. The track rating today is fast. Oh. Rougher on the horses though. I think the heart of the track, the faster it is. Nobody talks about that.

Nobody talks about breeding a faster track. They should have a fast track alongside far-lap in the museum. A bit of turf. A bit of turf. A hard grass. Yeah, preserved. So I mean, you could a grass. It's all just

cactus needles. Oh, yeah, that's a hard grass. Would they do it like far lab would they take you know the Hard of fall ups in one museum the hard in another And then that's so that he can't come back to life. It feels like what you do with a vampire That's what I maybe that's what they were a bit Bloody hell. It's the current rac worried about. That's bloody hell. It's the current racers who are trying to know, you know, the people trying to protect their horse. It's too dangerous. The undead horse.

Oh, that's, I mean, this feels like a sketch, maybe. Is it? Undead horse. Yeah, where they, it's far-lap, this sketch is showing the true story. Zombie, it's zombie phallep. Yeah. It's set back in the day when it was far around. 30s?

30s, it's set in the 30s. So that way you don't have to be thinking of sea biscuits. So many problems in films today, you go, well, why don't they just call them on their mobile phone, but of course, being set in 1930s, this is fantastic for that. No one can go, why don't they just call zombie farlet. Why don't they just call them on their can and string? That's a good point. I don't they just call zombie far left. I just call them on on their can and string. That's a good point. I don't know if they can. That was that already ran in the 30. I think so. I think I'm not sure exactly what you they started canning food but

was that the first reason for using a can or I guess the bucket that you could have used the bucket. They made the can for telecommunication you think and then someone said you know what we could put fruit in this. I think it makes sense. It does. Yeah. They go all without the maybe the, what's more fundamental human communication? Well, that's actually what SPC originally standard for stood for.

Special phone communication. Ah, this was a special phone, because the other phone wasn't, the normal phone wasn't invented yet And so what was special about this one is that it was it has been invented. Yeah, what you're gonna love about this is it's been invented So one of its dominant features is that it exists unlike all the competing products which don't Hello potential investors one thing that you will notice in today's episode now In today's seminar is that sure the product isn't very good, but what is of note of this product

is that it has been invented. There you go. It has that over the others in spades. I didn't add a lot to that, but I didn't make it long. I think the difference between this show and do go on is when I said standard four, Jess and David have made fun of me for quite a while and you two just moved on. Standard four? I don't even remember you saying standard four.

And I love it. I know much I've moved on. And the thing is, I never, did I never even say that. I don't know. That's how, you know, they've got me in such a vulnerable feeling position, those two. I want you to know that the standard four, that's the normal for that I use. So if they're using three or five or something as a for, I said, I think I said standard for what I meant stood for. But now that you've heard it as a different way as well, standard for, so that's the beauty of your mind, Alice there.

You'll hear a thing. and it'll change its meaning. I want you to know that your mind has beauty as well, but it's a different beauty. You'll come up with expressions that can be misinterpreted. Right. Can. And we're back. That's...

I want to talk more about the standard for, which is the standard number four. Yeah. And I don't, I want to know whether about the standard four, which is the standard number four. And I don't, I want to know whether or not in like, before we standardize like the metric system and that sort of thing or currency, you know, people had different ones that meant different amounts in different countries. Different countries. Different countries, different countries. No, but I'm saying in counties, you could go, you could go over the hill.

Is that why it's called a county? Because you count differently there? That's what it was. That's what it was. That's also why they call them count trees. Yeah, that's great. The reason something else. What is the standard 40 that the just one two that amount of things? One two three four you're standard four that means that that many we're holding up let's say you got about you got a lot of listeners we're holding up for standard for but let's say you'd be in ballerat and people say get me for give me four bars and then they give you six bars for the standard six right but in this area yeah that's a ballerat for it was a ballerad four. That was a ballerad four. You see, but if you went two turns up to Waga, Waga,

like that, a four would be 104. Wow. Yeah, quite a lot. And 104, that area is what they would just call four, what a standard four. Exactly, because they find that, like, you know, the first 100, you're just, you're just getting your eye and you're just getting, so they don't even count.

When did they standardize the numbers? It would have been a lot like when I think, was it Machiavelli, the brought together all the Italian languages and when yeah, this is the normal one. Really? That's when you're acting like Machiavelli and, you're like, you're scheming, that's what it is, is it? You're bringing together languages.

Or maybe it was the Prince, Maybe that's what that was. I look, I have no idea what I'm talking about. No, no, no, you do. I know Mackey Valley from a Tism album title. Yeah. I think he was brutal. He was brutal. He was outright Mackey Valley.

Really? I think a lot of people said that when he came up with some of his ideas, this is Mackey Valley. Well, he had found his voice so early. Yeah. That they could, they could sort of call it, I reckon he's going to be pretty mean about this. Hmm.

Pretty pretty strict in his signature why. I, I, I listened to, like, I've listened to a lot of, I've listened to this big series of philosophy podcast about Mackie of Ellie. And all I remember is at the start, I'm saying, like a lot of people think about Mackey of Ellie, that's not really what he's about. He wasn't really talking about that, but I can't remember what any of the other things were that they were saying.

So I've just gone back to remembering the traditional stuff of just being a bit of a snake. That does, I mean, I love that name. Mmm. Macchi of Ellie. That's God. Never thought about it before. That's gonna be one of the top names. What was the Tilly, the Tizam's album title? Macchi of Ellie and the Four Seasons. Mmm. Which is, play on Frankie Valley? Yeah, play on Frankie Valley and Macchi of Ellie, yeah.

Yeah. Oh, it's pretty, it's pretty good. And then on the back, there was nothing, there was the biggest selling album. There's nothing on the album cover that suggests it's a Tism album. And on the back, the album tracks all variations of I love you. I love you, I love you, baby, baby, I love you.

Yeah. Very good stuff. Yeah. And is it a good album? I was what, yeah, it's really, it's one way to Greg the Sub-Sahono. I haven't heard it. Sorry, I thought you were about to say this. Or is it called sort of, I love Baby You? Well, that's the thing. I mean, it was, yeah, I guess officially it's called, I love Baby You or something. Baby, I love your way. Oh, yeah. That's a beautiful song. I thought you were about to say something, but what I was about to forget, anyway,

sorry, the important thing is that we can go back, we have a little gap here so that we can go back to the zombie horse thing that I didn't write down because I wasn't 100% sure we'd found. Well, it was, yeah, it's sort of like a secret history, you know, so you're going back and saying what actually happened. So maybe you'd have some historical footage in the sketch Yeah, but then you'd you'd go through a door From that famous scene in a far apart running up Fomington or whatever and then you go through that door and then there's like a secret society

People standing in a circle or a Pentagram so that's something you might think. And then are they going, we must to destroy. Wait, actually, I don't know. He's still alive. But I feel like he won all the races because he was already a zombie. Okay. And this is the story of them defeating him or her.

Yeah. And then removing the heart. And that's why it's in the museum. Is that famous enough that? Ah, it's globally knowing, I think. Yeah, yeah. Because you know that it was attempted to be poisoned in America. They went to take on the world and that ended up dying from complications from that.

So maybe that poisoning also plays a thing. Complications from the poisoning. Yeah, maybe it wasn't a poisoning. Maybe it was like a cross and someone saying, get out or whatever. It was just some holy water. Yes, built some salt and then accidentally threw it over their shoulder and it went in far-lapse iron. And he had an ice salt injury.

I like a salt lex, but not salt seas. That's right. A salt tastes. Yeah. For the salt. In the tastes. Yeah. For the salt. No, that doesn't do anything. No. Salt. Yeah. But you added you added the bad stuff. Absolutely. Something. Yeah, we do. We do. It gets down to about three, four minutes. But this is absolutely I think it's absolutely something else. Yeah. Okay. So I'll be on the far left. The true story. Like, you know, looking into why has he's heart been removed? Which which seems very macabre like you wouldn't do that to a normal horse that you were sure was

gonna stay dead and how did he become so fast sounds like maybe he sold his soul to the devil oh yes may the Macchi Avelli impact oh yeah yes one of those but wait that would allow but wait but maybe he sold the soldier to the devil so that he could learn to play the guitar. And it was in the crossroads. Yeah, the crossroads. And then... And it was in a fiddle off some of the devil had a golden fiddle.

He lost a lot of money. And then it was running from the mob or the fiddle gang. That he learned that he could run. Oh, right. That he was born to run. So the deal was about what we never saw. The deal was largely unrelated. He's deal with the devil.

But it actually meant that slowly his soul was consumed by the game floor. But it also meant that that's why, you know, he ran with beautiful rhythm. He ran with beautiful rhythm and there's so many things that people don't know about because you got to, you can't just have the zombie thing. You know, if you're going to say, oh, we got this completely untold story of far let me go, oh, no, it's just that it was a zombie. You know, we're going to go rowing it and they won't go see it. Yeah. You need a second thing, study was actually spent a bit of time as a blues

musician made it who who was fast the fast the impact He was fast. There's his name's the first name last name So John Foust was it fast Second day and yeah, he made some pact for the day. Yeah, but I know the details, obviously. Yeah, I just assume you two between you know everything. So when I asked that, I just assumed one of you'd be like, oh, fast, born in 1783.

Maybe he's given certain, I can tell you about it from references and things. Like the movie, but dazzled is obviously a play on the Fanta Prince. Fanta Prince is a film. Yeah, that was a remake of an originally a Dudley Moore and Peter Cook film. Oh, that is right up your alley. It is, yes, although I haven't seen it. So anyway, I don't have a lot to bring to this, I'm sorry.

No, I know it doesn't really matter. It's off track anyway. I'm not here to learn. Which is something far left never did. Founts who wrote that book? John. I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm not sure It was like Tommy's standard for. Beautiful man for boy, oh girl. Yeah. You're not a fool. And Tommy. Tommy also works. Yeah. Because that could be a tomatha.

You know, it's short for tomatha. Yeah. It's normal. Yeah, because Andrews got Andrea. Is there a girl version of every boy name and vice versa? Oh, he's the one. Well, if there isn't, it means that we can give one. But then also, all the boy's names can also be a girl's name.

That's true. But it's nice, because then once you have a girl version, that can also be a boy's name. You see, because every name is not gender attached to a name. So you don't see any lady Jones. So far. But maybe a John Patricia. Yeah, you know. Or, um,

but John would have been Robert that, um, John, which came first. John or John? Yeah, John. Really? Well, men were made first. So then, uh, first, I said, did I make men out of women's ribs or something?

All the men. That's only in the Bible. Oh, I'm talking in reality. Oh, in reality. I didn't know that. Well, I didn't know that either. But let's see. What's a strong man name that you don't think

there is a female verse? Bruce. Bruce, you don't think there's, isn't there like a Bruce, Bruce Lee? Bruce Lee. Bruce Lee. Bruce Lee.

Beautiful name. Bruce Set. Bruce Set. Bruce Shatter. Bruce Shatter. Yeah, Bruce Shatter. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Can I get some of these little braces you go here? That's about that. If I was Italian and you were understanding the exact, like if you buy words in Italian, mapped directly into your, somehow we've rewired your brain. We've taken the language center from a an Italian's brain and connected into your Australian

brain that you have met. And we've removed the language center from your brain. But what that means is that all the words, well, their meaning transmits directly into your brain, still enter in an Australian accent. A big brain thing to have. And in a total, does your internal model have an accent?

Anyway, it doesn't matter. But your brain, I'm just checking it out. I'll see. I'll see. And'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, was really going this guy like Hey, how are you? Sounded like Matt doing an impression of me Oh, that's pretty doable Oh yeah, that's pretty doable Yeah, that should be doable

Yeah, that should be doable I don't know why I get lower for you Because you're going higher Well, I think I'm just trying to conscious of people can tell the difference between us. That should be doable. No, that's doable. Ah, yeah, that should be doable. Is that mean?

That should be doable. I think that's you if you're laughing. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy.

I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy.

I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a and shine. I laughed very sadly to myself when I read that comment. That sucks. Like a sad laugh like this, the kind of laugh that you do.

Because there should be laughs for other emotions. Yeah, it should. Yes. There's laughing for finding something funny. Yeah. But what about for finding something tragic? Mmm. Oh!

Oh! Oh! That is a lot like crying. I think it's a lot like crying There's no tears to dry I think What we're discovering is that is that crying already is the tragic laughter. It's just all the other emotions that don't have a laughter. I mean, maybe a little sort of discovery?

Yeah. You know, there's a little laugh. It's another good one. yes, coughing to death. That already has a lot of... That's the laughter of choking. Mmm, the death laugh. Mmm. The death rattle, the death laugh.

Mmm. You know the death wobbles that you get if you're on a skateboard and you're going down a hill? Mmm, I've seen those in a horse float, speaking of horses. What's horse float? A horse float. But you pull behind a car that has horses in it. It's like a little trailer that's got horses in it.

It's got that kind of little curve. It sounded like an Adelaide cuisine. He's just a nice horse. Take a horse and you just fill it up with mushed peas and gravy. Yeah, this is a delicacy here. Just eat around the whole shit. Right around the horse to be honest. It's just really, it's just the peas and the gravy. It's just a drink of peas and gravy here.

Here's your straw. Man, we're off the rails. What was I saying? Andy, we can't go back. Yeah, it's, Andy, it's, we can't go back. Yeah, it's true. Like a horse. I can't go back. It's like a horse can't go back.

You never do see a horse walking back. Yeah. I guess you must be because they can't do it. Is there, it would you? Do they have back legs? Is that why? They because they don't have back legs. Yeah, and I have back legs.

I'm just, you know, actually two sets of front legs. Are there any races for horses when the horses have to go backwards? I mean, our picture that the jockey still, it turns around, sits the other way on the horse. That's a fun. And you just... I'm right in that down straight away. I don't know, you know, you just hold it's, sort of the top of its buttocks there between your two hands and you try and sort mass a us them to steer the horse

I think that's a good idea I think that would actually be a good alternative and it would actually stop all the horse deaths It would be a lot less horse is less fast. Yeah, yeah, it's still just as challenging That's right. That's the funny thing. There's no reason to make it about speed No, I mean, this is still about speed, just slow speed. Exactly. Backward speed. Well, it's the same thing with, there's no reason why combat sports should be done with strong people. It would just be as entertaining if they were unskilled and weak. It's all about evenly matched, right? Exactly. And you just need to have it and they could go for longer. And why? so they have to be dressed in those little shorts

and usually topless? Couldn't they just be dressed normally? Or in a suit? In a suit, yes, formal wear. And why does it have to be in an octagon? I can't just be like, I don't know. No, Jack, a heat drop. A normal shape, like a restaurant ship.

I don't let any good ideas slip away. That's very good, man. It's a sort of a mixed martial art type fight where you go and the octagon, which is a square now, has just been set up like a cafe where people are having a disagreement. And it starts, the referee is dressed up like a cafe. Where people are having a disagreement. And it starts, the referee is dressed up as a waiter. And what happens is the referee comes and brings the bill.

And then it starts as an argument over splitting the bill. And then, you know, basically, I told one of those fights where people are finding over, you know, oh no, don't you pay all pay, right? And the fight You win you win when you when you when you are Able to pay right you got to tap your card on the exactly that's tapping out in this is a different winning and That means you win that made you win And and that but then you know

You can use any means. And it's truly, we've talked about emotional martial arts a couple of weeks ago on this thing. A lot of repetition. A lot of repetition. But it's good to have something outside of it. Yeah, this came from you, Matt. So, and then it starts off with that psychological element.

You might be able to just wear someone down and get them to let you pay just verbally. If it escalates to physical, the physical, that's. Which it does almost every time. It will almost every time. That's absolutely there as an option. They could use the standard figure 4 move. Standard 4. Yeah, the figure 4, the wrestling move, and I've merged that with the standard 4 from earlier. But they both have standard figures, which is a little bit unfit.

Yeah. So figure four was a move that we used to do on each other at primary school? Is it? Yeah, was that not a fame? Is that a sort of a like a show called kind of thing? It looks like you could get sort of the shape of the letter four. From memory, you'd bend their legs into the shape of a fourth so that you were pulling them beyond where they should go.

Ow. Yeah. Till they tap out, I don't think we ever mastered it. Sort of stretching. It's kind of like a... It's kind of like a... It's kind of like a... It's kind of like a...

It's kind of like a... It's kind of like a... It's kind of like a... It's kind of like a... It's kind of like a... It's kind of like a... It's kind of like a... It's kind of like a... It's kind of like a... It's kind of like a... It's kind of like a... of. My uncle used to do yoga and I remember I just did it with him as a in primary school and it's like this is easy.

Yeah. And he's like, you're really good at this. You should keep it up, but it is not. It's just primary school kids. Never. I think if you did keep it up from that age, you would have stayed flexible. I say primary school kids. I just mean me when I was a primary school.

I haven't tested it any time recently. Well, my little children are very, very flexible. Yeah. There you go. You should get them in a process. The body doesn't have any expectations about which way it should go. Right. Which orientation, the limb should be relative. You know, you can, you can put little kids if they come out with their hips all wrong. You can put them in a little Harnesy type strappy Horsetacing harness racing Exactly And get them the hips to grow in the right direction in the right place

But you could equally likely put them in one to make them grow in the wrong direction And you know Strap your children's hips and get them going out horizontally Oh wow you can For some reason Yeah right you could get them some reason. Yeah, right. You could get them to grow in any sort of like, like, some sort of a bonsai plant.

Wow. I guess you could get them to cartwheel everywhere. Exactly. The legs would just out. It could be the standard format. So is this how a harness racing? It's ten four. Jockeys come about.

They put in these harnesses. And then all of a sudden, they bind their legs. They bind their legs and then the horses pull them along. It's interesting. Pull them along actually sounds like a place where you'd have horse racing. We're going to have the pull them along track, the pull them along Derby's on this weekend. Yeah. There'd be a big scandal in backward horse racing when it turned out that somebody actually was riding a Ford's horse just with a very ugly face. Oh yeah and a big big growth on its

spot. A head like growth that sometimes vomits from its neck or a dub like a double-butted horse. You know one that's got no head it came out with two butts yeah but one butt that eats. So the back legs are running forward. Right. That would be it. That would be an advantage. Just, I mean, a horse with no head. Overall, might be at a disadvantage in a... Not a reverse horse racing. Backwards horse racing. The reverse cowgirl Of horse racing would be to sit on top of somebody facing forward instead of weight the reverse backwards Cowgirl horse boy Yeah, it's what it is technically

Yeah, it's funny to think that cowgirl's ride horses you know I'd eat a shroom like if you're an alien landing here today and he said, I'll meet my friend. She's a cowgirl. I want to do something here. Or I can, the alien would be like, well, yeah, but she rides cows. Or she's a cow who rides cows. Yes, exactly.

Or she's part cow part girl. Yes. That rides horses. Yes. Which there's not mentioned in the name. No. So the aliens just arrived and they know about girls and Royal Torses. Yes. Yeah. Which there's not mentioned in the name. So the aliens just arrived and they know about girls and they know about cows. Yes.

Yeah. One, they've had an operation where they've changed part of the language receptor in the brain. In the brain. So now they're getting pure English, or they're getting English filtered straight into their brain. Yeah.

And so they can, and they probably have a good memory. So a few mentioned cows and girls once, they'll be like, got it. I think this is a sketch or maybe even a full series. Andy, you've got a cooperation, cooperation. A corporation. Yeah, it was so close. But a corporation. Cooperation. We really put the corp in corp. So you run a company and a co-op. And I think that's the service you provide.

And every episode, you put the language receptors in a different... So the possibility is for comedy or endlessly. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, particularly the graphic scenes in which the surgery is before the removing it from the brain of a struggling Italian and struggling financially.

And so they solve as their language receptor. But also, they don't want this operation. And they solve to us against their will. They will. Very much. As a buyer's market. Yeah. Is that what that means?

Yeah. When you're allowed to buy whatever you want. Yeah, the buyers can, can buy. Now it's a buyer's market, but I don't want to sell my horse. Sorry. My horse market. That does seem like our buyer's market is somebody who just walks around and can buy anything they want. I mean, I know that's what you guys are suggesting already.

But you know, just go and like you're putting it through the language Yeah, just go give me your shoes for 25 bucks. What would be society like or if you will what would society be like? if There was no concept of theft, but you could take anything you wanted from anybody at any time, as long as you gave them the value of that thing in money. So it is sort of like everything is for sale, but there's just a standard price you're able to scan in some way every object, you know, the value of it. And then if you want it, you can just take it and you just transfer it to the owner.

And everything is transferable and constantly. No one can say no. No one can say no. Everyone are be licking their stuff, or they can be a big, and crazy of licking. But then that's just gonna reduce the value of the thing, right, and so you won't get as much money, right, if it inclusive of licking. But then that's just going to reduce the value of the thing, right?

And so you won't get as much money, right? If it's been licked. Yeah, but there's also less chance people will take it out from underneath here. Yeah, I suppose. That's assuming. You should be afraid of all this. Right on lawn mower.

What a horse is, mate. You ride on lawn mower. Who are you? You are right. So, but like, let's say it's like somebody goes, I need that business shirt. I got a job interview. So they buy it for me by giving you like, you know, a big bag of rocks or something.

Yeah, yeah. In a equal value. And it's a big bag of rocks. And that's interesting because I think a bag of rocks at a certain size, it's about you start to go down again. Because they do like what I got to do with all these fucking rocks. I don't even transport them But that's the problem, but that's it's gonna break the bag. Yeah, and so there But he sounds like this bag is pretty good. I want to know more about this bag

Well, that's why you're getting yeah, that's where a lot of the value is in the bag Which is where the rocks are The bag loses some of his value when people don't, it isn't demonstrating how many rocks that it can carry. Sure. Because then it's an unknown. Yeah. That's right.

They just go, well, that just looks like a sack of some sort. Could be built to very low construction stands. Fill that with rocks and then we'll talk. Drag it through town. Rubbing against that concrete. That's what it is. You're heading into a job interview. You've dragged with you, you're a novice bag of rocks.

What you don't have is a shirt. A business shirt. You worked out the straight until you see a bag where you're shirt that you're aware is exactly equal in value to the large bag of rocks, much of the value of which is in the bag that you're carrying with you. Of course, as you, as you, the longer you walk,

the value of the bag as it gets worn away on the concrete is going to go down. So you're in a way. Oh, that's how good the bag is. That's how good the bag is. That's why this demonstration is such a, a great example of its value, right? Sounds like it might be a slippery bag.

It could be, yeah. A slippery bag. Don't something to do with its, you know, the reducing friction between the ground and the rocks in it, you know? And so suddenly this person shirtless bought with a new, new found bag of rocks. Yeah.

Well, you know, it's in post-mortem. They now, they were on the way to work. They need a shirt. They need a shirt. They need a shirt. And so they've got to wait. Now they either got to drag this bag or they got to just wait there until somebody comes by. Hopefully somebody that you don't have to inconvenience too much.

Maybe somebody leaving work. Maybe somebody who works in office job maybe overnight. And that way on the way, they're leaving work. It's quite a funny scene of somebody walking out the front door of their office building in their business attire, encountering somebody coming into the building in casual clothes, taking off all the edge, take off all of their clothes, swap over, and then the other person goes back in. This is a situation where it's kind of like office share, but it's office outfit share or like a co-working space, you know, but like. But the space is inside the globe.

It doesn't make sense to make sense to own to rent an office. If it doesn't make sense to rent an office, it doesn't make sense to own your own business attire. Yeah. And that there should be, you know, you just leave it in a pile there by the door and somebody coming into the co-working space puts it on and strides Confident confident confident lead to work Well, we'll get all creased if it's on pile Maybe you get those guys because bowling alleys I imagine aren't doing so well financially these days to get to whoever it is that gives out the shoes I know we'll have over the little booth. I went there recently when bowling with the sun and

They don't have to You don to make you wear the shoes anymore. I used to wear your own shoes. I'm just wearing regular shoes. So that out turned out to be fun. I'm just a fucking charade, the entire time all that shoe shit. Of course it was a charade. What was the charade?

What was in it for them? Hey, shoe money. Shoes money. Yeah, you got your own bowling shoes? No. Are you out there to pay for shoes? Maybe. That is a rort. I mean, it feels like it was built into the price. I was not sure that they just liked watching people wear their shoes. You can roll here but you got to wear my shoes. I think these are all my shoes. I think it must have been that initially,

they were making it seem like the shoes were a thing that they, a cost that they had to get. They had to spend money on so that you guys could do, because you can't walk on this wood with regular shoes, like that. But then, they realized, oh, well, we can't do that during a pandemic. And so, they went, yeah, you can wear your own shoes,

but they kept the price in there. So people already now know that bowling is like 20 bucks a game or something. 15 bucks, maybe 15 bucks, 16 bucks per person per game. That got us. This is made me wanna go bowling. Yeah, me too. And to be honest, I would pay more

to not have to change my shoes. Yeah, that's true. Here, it's 50 bucks we can keep all you clothes on. Yeah, right. That's the bowling guarantee. That's how we do things down here. It's a bad mountain place, but you got to change, you got to wear, you know, you got to wear like a, like a beekeeper's hat. And oh, yeah, you can't, you can't wear that shirt and you're gonna be wearing a sort of a big colored counts

business shirt and cape. And you gotta wear mermaid's tail. This is, you know, this is just how you would make more money to get the- You make the clothing more fancy, more power of funalia. Did you write down business outfit, transfer booth, there's a sketch idea? No, no, I mean we I guess we have had socialized pants Oh, we did have socialized pants. I'm sorry. It's okay, but you've added the shirt as well

Let's do a socialized shirt the fresh take on it. I mean, I think you'll remember Brian was here Brian The show And the great episode one of the only time we've had a listener on this. Said a very funny thing about horses. What did you say? We were talking about a meeting with horses. And he just casually dropped it. It would be very difficult to get everyone to agree on something.

And it took me a while to work out that he was making a naïve joke. Took me a while too. So I mean, you've explained it. But I mean, I think it's still even with, I mean, and I may have said this on that episode, but even without the nae pun, it would be almost impossible to get a horse to agree to something. Yeah.

Um, it's a success. Yeah. And well, they can't put their hand up a lot, they can. Because I think, I think even if they said na nay, it wouldn't be intelligible in English. They don't actually go nay, they go, well this is where the language receptors, and they're not gonna play. I'm gonna play.

Andy's corporation. Andy Cora. Take the language center out of far laps brain and put it in a jar, in a museum. Cora's gonna come up a bit on this, I don't know. Fair bit, I can smell it. When you were in. Yeah, this is me.

I saw a video of you on a horse recently. Yeah, I was on a horse recently. Do you like horse smell? Yeah, I like horse smell, like palm smell. Which I think is me saying, I like the smell of cow shit, but anyway. It's fine. That's something about, I don't know why,

it's just because I only ate hay and stuff. It's okay to like the smell of the shit of a herbivore. Oh, thank God. They're different. So. It's okay to like the smell of the shit of a herbivore. Oh, thank God. They're different. So it's not okay to like to smell the shit of a lion or something. So suddenly I'm a weirdo because I just like the smell. He just said he loves the smell of horse shit. Yeah.

Right, but if I go, I love the smell of lion shit. Suddenly I'm a weirdo. Have you smelled cat shit before? It's awful. Imagine a lion would be even worse. I don't, I'm not gonna. They're shitting at zebra, hey? Still zebra smell good.

There's this kind of a horse. Yeah, well, I mean, that would be a benefit for you. No, that's actually the biggest, most brutal thing of all. They're taking something that makes such beautiful smelling shit. They're aiding that makes such beautiful, smelling shit. They're eating it, they're making awful shit, smelling shit out of entirely out of shit.

Yeah. I mean, imagine if a horse was all shit smell. That would be the dream for you. And that's what lions provide. And I'm the weirdo. Yeah. I don't know if I actually, I look, I don't want to go so strong on the record, you're saying, I love the smell of. Yeah. I don't know if I actually, look, I don't want to go so strong on the record, you're saying,

I love the smell of horse shit. You're always... I said, I love the smell of farms. You're trying to hide things from your audience. And I think I just think that involved in that is a bit of a bit of cash. So you think maybe it's the cash that you actually love? Well, yeah, but I mean same, definitely. Yeah, but a line can also be the cow.

I wonder. Yeah. Um, what was I supposed to write down? Salad. Salad. Okay, of salad. No, I think you're about to not write down the booth. But I quite like it.

It'd be so easy for you to both go, I'll just write them all down. And Alistair still has a gatekeeper here. He holds onto that pen like a... You have not run it down. Yeah. It's already been done. But he'll say the flimsiest shit.

And he won't even say it before he's written it down on the paper. He just reads it out to me. After he's already written it down. And he started believing me recently. He's like, oh yeah. It's a crowns or a new form of language like that. And I go, what do you mean by that? You go, oh, you never write anything down.

Ah, it's a sketch. Crowns are a form of language. You're what? You're taunt. I want to go home. Like that. What have I walked in on here? You're TARANT! I want to go home! What have I walked in on here? No, this is just a gentle ribbing. Bit of joke nasty. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no What about Bavril? You know what Bavril was originally called?

Johnson's fluid beef was the original marketing name of Bavril. Johnson's fluid beef. Why did they change it? Why did they change it? Johnson's is the worst bit. It's interesting. It was made for Napoleon. Really?

Yeah. He wanted all his soldiers to be able to have steak or something like that. But turns out steak doesn't keep too well. But Johnson's fluid beef keeps like a motherfucker. Keeps so well, nobody even wants to eat it. You know what they could have done? The germs are put off by the name. They could have just brought cows with them. You know what I mean? Right.

And a wooden plank and they would have already had knives on them. What's the wooden plank bit for? They're going to make them walk the plank. And that's how they kill them. They'll go towards the sea, get the counter pulled this at the boat. And that's how you put the beef in the fluid? No, no, no, this is steak, this is just for regular steak. And then they'll get it to climb or walk to plank. Then they'll jump off or walk off. It's hey, is it? This guy's a man, isn't it? Well, it's okay. Yeah, it's an ox.

You're a scientist. Yeah. Cow. Yeah, that's a woman. Oh, I think we just discussed before that any name could be a man. Oh, good. That's there. And a cow. Beautiful name for a man. Beautiful name for a man, cow. Anyway, bull is just a male cow, which is...

I think he's right, actually. Sorry, man. You're right, damn it. The species is cow, right? Yeah, maybe it is. Cattle? Bo-bo-vine? Bo-vus. Bo-vus-bo-vion. Oh, cow, it's a woman. Yeah, I reckon. Oh, dog's, dog, that's a man. Yes?

Yeah. For some reason or... I know, but a bitch isn't the species of animal. Whenever I hear steak, whenever I hear steak, I can't connect that with coming from a cow. It doesn't sound like a meat that comes from a horse. Stake or a dog. Stake. It doesn't match up in my head.

I can't think of a steak as coming from a cow. What about could you picture coming from a snake? Yeah. Yeah. Because imagine what a snake steak would be like. Snake steak. Nice long. Spaghetti looks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because imagine what a snake stick spaghetti looks like That's I've lying down on a really long hot plate. I want to know is Japanese places

That was the hot plate making that sound That's the beautiful thing about a stick. Like the same, same life as it does in there. Next steak. Acoustically speaking, you can't tell the difference between a living steak. And a cooking steak. A cooking steak. This is more of a cooking snake. How do you ever allow ad sketches? Because this is good.

Yeah, selling snake steak is great. Because you've already got two punch ones there. I think this is there's Mmm. This is a supplement great snake steak He doesn't do it to me and he wrote that as soon as I asked Well, it was basically my idea right now Hey, Al, what's the joke? It was and it was a joke as well. Oh Clouts

Oh, clouds. Why are you rolling anything down? Oh, I never heard this cloud. I think what he's referencing at the moment is one a while ago where I was trying to propose a form of performance art where you lie and make it in a gallery and you put some soil around your pubic area and then you plant some alpha seeds and you grow alpha pubes. And he told me that that wasn't a sketch idea. I maintain that as a sort of a satire on performance art, I think that's very good.

I think I'd write that down. I think that was the kind of thing. But I would still write that down, I think. No, you didn't. I didn't. Well, I forced you to, but you really didn't want to. Well, it sounds like I did, Andy. Yeah.

I mean, we can argue about the reasons. At the very least, it could be on one of the, that could be like a prank on one of those French, Canadian prank shows that they're on TV sometimes. It seems like something that might be on there. I know, but it's an art gallery. So it's like, it's kind of where you expect to see something weird.

And that's not that weird, like to see some like plants on somebody's Johnson. I think the fact that we'd have to lie there. To be fluid. To be fluid. To be fluid. Fluid beef. Look, we got three words from a listener. How about that?

Yeah, I think that's time. I think we've earned it. And I've got a great system for collecting these words and not and being sure that I don't do them twice. But that being said, we may have already done these words. So, but anyway, they're from a listener. I don't know if you know about this, man. Yeah, yeah.

We have listeners. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And big fan of your listeners. Yeah, thank you. You might need. Some of them might even be listeners of your podcast. Do go on. Brian, who you're talking about before is a listener. He's been on primates as well

Has he appeared on oh my gosh? And when we all went out for dinner. Oh, that's right. He came back here and hmm When we went out for dinner to Ants bistro where Alistair and I had a really terrible dining experience recently. Oh, no Brian mates at that time. Brian mate. Brian mate. Brian mate. Brian mate. Write it down, Alistair.

Why aren't you writing it down? How are you already has? It's one of his. Oh, boy. It's coming out. It's coming out. Hey. This is what it was.

It's like one of those families that has all their thoughts when someone else is there. So, today's listener is... This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of 7 discounts. Multitask right now.

Quote today at progressive.com Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. Discount is not available in all safe and situations. It's Leon Horseman. Leon. And recently in the discord for this show, he said the first time that we read out his name.

I said his name. And then all of us laughed or tried not to laugh. And this time, it's making me laugh much, much more. So did you already pick him out? Not knowing that this was going to be a horse heavy episode. I didn't think about how horse heavy this episode is going to be. I can't do this. At the start of every day, Alistair and I have a bet about how he was heavy this episode is going to be. I can't do this. At the start of the day, Alistair and I have a bet about how

I horse heavy the episode is going to be. And actually, today was one of the days he'd been really low. We call it betting on the horses. It's a little thing that we do. And then I go, oh, it's, well, if the horses are going to be low, then I think it might be time for a Leon horseman. Is there anyone who bets on the horses, but just bets on whether or or not there are going to be any horses there

Yeah, and they just can't get it every time there. I think you know, my likes got a change I keep betting no horses every time there's horses and it could be somebody who's got like day blindness And so they're just always going to the races not knowing what day it is Oh You're meant I think dr. Carl has that Dr. Carl has that Dr. Carl Kennedy Dave Linus Dr. Carl Kennedy from neighbors, yeah You know, met him once

Really? When you were an extra on neighbors? When I was an extra on neighbors I think this is one of my one story I was like, he's eating a toasted sandwich I should say something to him so I have a story to say and I go, it's in your toasted sandwich

He was just ham and cheese I said, it's in your toasted sandwich. It was just ham and cheese. I said, no tomato. No. No. Cool. That's it. Well, it was the vibe. I think you said anything you wouldn't have had that story.

It was the vibe sort of stopped talking to me. I mean, he was as warm as he could be. Yeah. You mean, he was as warm as he could be. He was as warm as the toasted sandwich. What about your story with Sarah Silverman? That's a bit of honor. Oh yeah, and where she was at one of the Carl Chandler gigs from Little Dum Dumm, and I was just standing in the crowd. And then she was standing in the crowd, she was visiting.

And then she, no, she's, she uses a really bad word in this. But, um, oh, and then she sees that my shoelaces are done. And she does up my shoelace. And I go, thank you. She goes, oh my God, are you? Harded? And then I go, yes. She goes, oh, I love those people.

I mean, this story has an aged one. That's amazing that she did up your shoe list. I mean, that's a funny thing to do. Oh, I think that's what, as I said, oh, I do my shoes up using the bunny ears method. Like that, and this one, she said, oh my god, thank you. And for, like, back then, I think even she wouldn't say that anymore, but it, how the fuck would I know that? But it just, it felt like the perfect Sarah Silverman interaction.

Much like your perfect Dr. Caldor, I mean, I have a lot of perfect interactions with people. Like my perfect interaction with Leon Horseman when I said his name and brought joy into his life. I Occasionally giggling. All right. One is no backwards. That's cool. It is cool. I wonder if you knew that God That'll be nice for him to find out. You know one L is another Anagram there isn't it? There's another anagram. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's the same. Your name has one L Yeah, or no, la.

Mm. You know? La la la la la. Oh, New Orleans. No. Louisiana. No, la. No, no, no, no, no, la.

Fuck. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Let's say trying to say a French word and they say They say la and then they say no Maybe that could be it yeah, yeah, right I can't think of a word that's feminine anyway, doesn't it okay? I've really this whole episode lost so much momentum. Okay, here we go. You wanna try and guess what the three words are? One of these is the first one? You can have a guess too if you want.

So, anyway, we'll go first though, because just the hosts first. Parastelsis? No. Parabellum, is that, uh, Parabellum. Is that a word? Parabellum. Is that a word?

I'm sorry, the first word. It sounds like a word. It does sound like a word, doesn't it? Yeah. Parabellum. No, that's not a word. Parabellum, so you're thinking. Saratone?

No. Um, the first word was never ending. Never ending. Oh. That's good value. It ending. Never ending. Oh. That's good value. You already heard this before. No, but I was gonna guess sausage. No, do you wanna guess the second word is?

Oh, hamburger. No. It's good. Never ending good. Yeah, then do you wanna guess what the third word is? Time. Never ending good time. No.

Fun. No. Uh, uh, fun. No, vibrations. Never ending. Good vibrations. All right. It's a good, a good description of this episode. I guess the so good vibration would be something like heat. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, but it's not good in and of itself. It's only good in a certain quantity, in a certain context. It's quite interesting because one of the episodes where we had Matt on, we talked about the range of heat that you could live within. Oh, really? And it being quite a thin sliver, actually.

Yeah. That way, it's like, you probably, we'll just say, 50 degrees at most? The most is short. Yeah, I think less, like, you know, long term, you're not living at 50 degrees, long term. No, I'm not saying you're living at 50 degrees. I mean, there's a range of 50 degrees.

Well, maybe if you were, if you were extremely well hydrated, you know, maybe you could live forever at 50 degrees. Is that, that's the secret to never ending laugh? Maybe. It's being well-hired, right? 50 degrees. I mean, not, I see what you mean, you live forever.

Yeah. Well, that's amazing. We should try. Well, I mean, you'd be, you'd be... We should try it for just five minutes, just to see. Save we live through that. Yeah. And then we can, it's extrapol just to see. Save we live through that. Yeah. And then we can extrapolate to forever.

We could put Andy in a car during the summer. Yeah, great. With the doors closed and everything. And a bottle of water. This would be great, because my car's air conditioning doesn't work. So there'd be no cheating. Yeah, that's great.

And hopefully the locks also. They also don't work. Yeah, that is true. That's what I like. And hopefully the locks. Awesome. They also don't work. Yeah. That is true. I first thought, yeah. The song, Good Vibration, and some sort of a year in this, maybe some sort of a hell, where you're like, oh, that's a good song, that's a classic song, Good Vibration. But this, in this case, it is never-ending.

Yeah. That would become hellish. Yeah. Because already the Good Guards have ruined it as a song. And a lot of ways. It's true, yeah. Da, da, I think I could listen to your version forever. Yeah. Well, it will change every time.

Yeah. And then you also, I only can only do one bit at a time. So it kind of helps, I guess, in that you're not hearing the same thing or is repetitively. What is the best vibration, though? Like, heat is quite a good vibration. You know, radiant heat. Or we're talking about this sort of you know thermal energy of vibrating molecules That's that's good. Right what about love love. I mean is that a vibration love? I need science types and

Cut me off there. Of course it is. I'm putting out beautiful loving vibrations Makes it makes it makes it yeah, when he puts it that way I just said yeah, make it make sense. Yeah, when he puts it that way. He said, yeah. How did it say it? Yeah, putting it in a longer sentence. Yeah. And it was loving. I mean, could you make love, not make love, you know. I don't know.

I know, I know. I know, I know. I know. But could you, could you force love to be a vibration in some way? Could you express love it through a vibration? Yeah, I mean, I guess you could do a hug that you sort of just pump. I think you're just dropping six. I love the reverberation. Some sort of pumping hug. I want you to know it's a hug where you've, firstly you've had, you've drunk a little chemical,

I don't know, it's a hug where you've, firstly, you've had, you've drunk a little chemical that removes any potential of erections, like a reverse Viagra, and it blocks, it clogs up like a bear's butthole, you know, and right before hibernation. It clogs up the thing that releases good feeling chemicals. And then, so that you don't get horny, whatever.

Is that a good feeling being horny? I guess people just wanna get rid of it. That's why they try to work. Yes, I'm a horny! I'm so horny, just let me get this out of it. Get the out of it, let me just exercise this demon. And then, and then you could hug, but just like a hug where you extend your arms

and then bring them back in like this. And then if that went forever, that could be good. I was thinking that a handshake is a kind of a good vibration. And I was thinking the handshake in a way, by making it 90 degrees to kind of like the humping direction, right, it happens that, you know, the hands to kind of like the humping direction, right, it happens that, you know, the handshake goes up and down, you know, where the direction of motion is parallel to the, you know, the plane of your body.

Whereas humping generally is, you know, I realize there's a little bit of, you know, lateral movement, but also it's mostly sort of up and down perpendicular to the body. So I think that the the handshake presumably given that it's its formal nature has been specifically designed to be perpendicular to humping, which is why you're able to use it so effectively in a formal business type scenario. But you know, I think equally you could go side to side with a handshake and that would still be quite formal. And then likewise, you could also do a handshake that vibrates through time, which I assume is also time also perpendicular to the dimensions of space.

It's perpendicular to the hump. Perpendicular to the hump. And so I think that would also be considered a business sort of thing. But as far as life is more casual, it's a hand hump. It's a single hand hump. You could sort of organize a kind of a high five where some of the fingers are sort of poking out and into lock and somewhat very, very humpy. Sometimes you go for a high five and then somebody closes their fingers around you,

or it's like that and is like trying to turn it turns it into a bit of a bummer. Sometimes you go for a high five and then somebody closes their fingers around you. Or it's like that and is like, try to turn it into a hand hug. Class. Yeah. But I was wondering, would there be any way to sort of turn a bumming? Yeah. Draw a bumming. To do it in a way that is totally platonic and an asexual and would make it appropriate for a business scenario?

I think, and I think, by the logic of the handshake, it would work is if you rubbed up, you pressed your bodies up against each other, but then jumped vertically, so they rub up against each other in that direction, which again is perpendicular to the hump. But there is some dry-humping that is just sort of rubbing yourself

up and down on each other. Like, that's a big part of dry humping, I think. Up and down. I think the dry humping isn't just pounding, going up against each other. Yeah, you're right, actually. Yeah, dry. That's more rubbing, and then the sex is the pounding. Yeah.

There must be some kind of like, Well, it's the dry wet hump duality But I think if you a business hump yeah a business hump you could stand next to each other Hump in or out of phase with each other. Yeah, you're actually not touching each other But you are kind of creating like you know from the side you would actually look pretty cool especially when you're both Humping in opposite directions out of phase like that you would actually look pretty cool, especially when you're both humping in opposite directions out of phase, like that, you would kind of create like a space between you that would allow people to look through and see what's on the other side.

Between your butts, right there. Yeah, you know, can you kind of see that in your mind? Yeah, I think I can say. To me, it's just gonna be a cultural shift, really. Yeah, that's all I have to make, because I mean, all these things probably, hand-shaking, probably in a certain culture, a certain point of time, was very sexual. And this, and you know, as we know that there's still a pandemic going on and it's happening

around the world where it's still some places where it's still bad. And so it might, you know, and just because the elbow bump seems so awkward, it might be easier to just shift straight to go nose first, straight into the sort of business hump side by side. What's also good about that is that because you're standing next to each other sort of presumably facing in opposite direction. Or yeah, I guess you could.

You know, if anybody did sneeze or something like that, you're sneezing into open space instead of being face to face. And maybe we'll transition from being a face to face society, to being a side to side society. And you could do it with so many people side to side like that. You could do the whole company at the same time. It's a real formal gang bang. Or two companies could cry gang bang.

Come together side by side like that and just start a beautiful vibration. Maybe they kind of never ends. Yeah, it's kind of like a... I mean, there could be a never ending vibration that goes all the way around the world. So like a Mexican hump. Yeah, or like a standing wave. Yeah.

Around the surface of the planet, you're pretty good. Standing wave, all because it's standing, because you're actually standing. It's not like because it's standing, because you're actually standing. It's not like one of those waves that stays in the same position. Well, I actually didn't realize it was a pun on standing. But is there a thing, you know, so you know, because in the way the hump does represent that sine wave, right? Is there a way to get a standing wave hump where you kind of are saying you look stationary?

Hey, well, your stationary, but maybe everything is getting pulled up into you. You know, what if you were running on the world? Hmm. Running on the world, running, running, running already takes place on the world. So this is easy for me to imagine. I'm going to go for a run on the world, honey, but you're running at the exact same rate that the world, honey, but you're running at the exact same rate That the world is spinning

And so your is that fast or slow pretty quick. I think you'd be running at a fairly yeah And so but you're staying in the same spot technically like a satellite could watch you and just watch you run and you would just You like it looks like you're on a treadmill. You look like you're on a treadmill, like that, yeah. And, but then, things to hump are running right into you. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

You're smashing into your genitals, are exploding. And you're just having to grow new ones. This is how long it's going. Or you're just, you're re-inflating them or something like that. You have to transfer your fucking moving skin from your leg and put an adveco over your jacket instead of throwing it. And sewing it so that it's in the back in the right shape.

And then you're re-assisted. On the run, on the run, grafting and reassembling. Working for the graft to take. And then in the hope that... Because you see another sexual object coming up on the horizon and you're not going to stop running. You can't slow down. You're standing, you're standing wave of hump. Um, God, I have these stitches healing time. Maybe you've got a ball, you've got a wolverine like a healing ability. It's like...

Just in time. That doesn't sound like... That doesn't sound like a lost time, man. That doesn't sound like good. But you're missing the good part or the vibrational. Just because isn't a hundred percent good doesn't mean it's not an interesting experience Yeah, it's true never ending interesting vibration Standing well, yeah, the vibrational is a good and see you writes it down. Yeah, he writes it down I know, but you've got an image of what it is in your mind. I love love picturing this as an actual, like, the budget on this sketch.

This is one Elon's going to do when he hosts it. They're not logs. Has that happened yet? No, it's May 8th. It seemed like he was only putting a call out for sketch ideas on Twitter only yesterday. But it's May 8th, so I would, he's probably going to mention Doge on the air. So you may as well buy some doge before that It's already kind of going up pretty good. It's been it was up 27 cents on the day that he they mentioned that he was coming on

But sorry on 42 so what's his relationship to do because he keeps mentioning doge? Just to be funny. Yeah, just to be fun and that drives the price up. Yeah Love the future. Yeah, so good to be here The financial world is it's it all makes sense. It feels good. I feel the future. Yeah. So good to be here. The financial world is, it all makes sense. It feels good. It feels safe in it. It does. Yeah.

Things will not collapse. Glad we built everything on this. You guys already go through the sketch ideas. Yeah. We got removalists. See how Alistair doesn't want to have fun as soon as we start making anything that might be a joke about crypto currency. I'm interested.

I'm running out of this. I'm interested. I'm just moving on. Well, I just don't want to have to correct you. Because that's what you have to do when somebody brings up something wrong on a comedy podcast. You have to correct them. Oh, I didn't. No. I didn't.

No, no. Isn't that good? Yeah, it is really good. So we got removalists for every reason, like I could get one to get me out of this situation. It's conversation. In each of different sizes for whatever scenario to say, I would get somebody, I guess, I would be the size of a piano to them. That actually would be pretty small.

It would actually be quite small people for me to be a full size piano. Full size piano, yeah. Yeah. You got a full size piano in your house, don't you? No. We do. Yeah. FSP. You're a diva keyboard? Oh, no. Yeah. I hear full size piano. I'm picturing a grand piano. Yeah. You just got a regular piano. Yeah. It's just one of those things that's being passed around my parents' neighborhood. They ended up with it for a while. They realize they's like, it's just, it's one of those things that's being passed around my parents' neighborhood. They ended up with it for a while.

They realize they don't want it. Yeah. I said sure. I don't mean I- I don't mean I- Well, I mean imagine, I, I currently own a piano. It's wild how well my life's going. Are you learning?

Because I know you already have a bass. Yeah, I've got two basses now. Two basses. I bought a second bass and locked down. First one since I was in year 11. Yeah. And on that base, I broke the G string about seven years ago, never replaced.

Continue playing it on and off. Three string base. You've been playing the same thing. She's playing the least important thing. You've been playing this other one? I did when I got it. Yeah. Didn't know what to do with that fourth string.

No. Had to take it off, sitting in the way. But no, I did enjoy that. But things got busy. Things got busy. Yeah, didn't know what to do with that full string. No. Had to take it off, sitting in the way. But no, I did enjoy that, but things got busy. Things got busy. Yeah, another comedy festival. And now, I don't like after that, I'm gonna get back into exercise, playing that bass. Then we got you on this podcast.

And then, yeah, this is taking up all the time, since all the preparation I did. Well, I'm so sorry. Then we got standard four. Yeah, standard four, that's just as funny. That's the current story. I like so sorry. Then we got standard four. Yeah, standard four. That's just that's funny. That's the current one. Yeah, then we got the first one too. Then we got zombie fire. Oh, this is my story. I think this is the one of fire. I'm selling. I think it's being a movie more than a sketch. Yeah, no, I agree. Maybe it's maybe a ten-part Document. Yeah. I mean, I'd love to be in the museum that day when that fall-up hat heart just starts beating it again.

Mmm. Oh, Jesus. Then we got, I mean, I wrote reverse horse race, but it's really backwards horse race, isn't it? Have there been any zombie movies where it's all the animals, all the dead animals that come back to life? There was one called a K-W-A1 called bad shape or black shape, maybe. Right. And I think that come back to life. There was one called a K-Way one called bad shape or black shape maybe.

Right. And I think that was all about shape, like zombie shape or vampire shape or something. Apparently it was quite funny. Yeah, they're funny. Then we got them K-Ways. Yeah. Then we got week restaurant MMA.

It's sort of it's a combat sport where people fight for who gets to pay. I just love the idea of MMA taking place in a restaurant. We can't fight. And we got everything for sale, things of equal value, you have to relinquish. So when... It's a free-for-all. The guy sold his,

his rocks for the business outfit, but then he gave the guy, his clothes, he was wearing clothes and naked. Then what does, what is that part of the same transaction? I didn't give the guy his clothes, he just said that got a little back. Right, so that guy just walks off nude and he can't do anything about it.

Oh, he's just got, no, he's just got his, he's just a lot, a lot of his transactions complete. And he's got this big bag. Right, so that guy just walks off nude and he can't do anything about it. No, he's just got his he's just a lot longer. The transactions complete. And he's got this big bag. So now he's off going on I don't have to sell one of these shoes for a shirt. Maybe or the other bag rocks. He's now got the bag of rocks, which is worth a shirt. So I got in his world and just one go with the back of rocks always handing it over to get a shirt and then it's like, yeah, some weird game of TIGGY. You're it, you're the go with the back of rocks now. And I guess maybe if you, yeah, it's like, maybe you have to be able to touch the person to sort of make them sell you the thing, because that way you can just stay away from people with big bags of rocks.

Yeah, I mean, I think once we've all got chips in our arms or maybe you just stay away from people with big bags of rocks. Yeah, I mean I think once we've all got chips in our arms or maybe you just will be able to do it with mobile phones or something There's soon as somebody swipes your taps you the trans-transactions official. All right. Yeah Then we got a snake steak. Oh, this is my there's a money favorite. Yeah, Hissin Yeah, cooked in its own venom Yeah, Hissin. Yeah. Cooked in its own venom. Cooked in its own hiss.

Then we got business shake is perpendicular to hump for formal reasons. And then that allows us to develop new formal customs, the type of place in different planes. To different planes to the sexual ones. And then we've got the standing hump, which is actually a running hump, but it's in one place. And the hump is things matching. That's what sex is.

I mean, yeah. Yeah, it's something. I don't know how you do it, man. Smashing into your crotch and your crotch exploding. That's the definition of sex. Oh, yeah. That's what it is. If you do it wrong.

You guys said that to me in a bakery once, and that was the funnest thing. If you do it wrong. Yeah, that's a great punchline for a nailing anything. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Yeah, it was a bit of fun. Alicitor and I really get along quite well. I know, yeah, we'll argue about certain things, but usually stuff that is completely pointless. We argued about the attire that we both wore, and I don't know what it's there. Let's be honest, it wasn't the attire that we both wore.

It was the attire that I wore. It was my choice. I know, but through the arguing arguing mine got pulled in there, even though that's not what it was about. It got mentioned as a point of reference. And I was like, let's, let's, let's be, let's not talk, let's be objective about this and not bring what I wore into this. Now you're getting emotion. You'll be his Erica. I think the people at home, they know that you two are friends having quite real. That could probably break this thing out. So enjoy it while you can hear it.

And do know that when it does end end it'll be over something so stupid It'll be imposter it'll be will never be able to get to back together because it would that would require addressing how embarrassingly stupid the thing was But hopefully it won't happen before the 300th episode Mm-hmm. Oh, I mean if it did though, that would be a great way to get out of it. Yeah, well, we'll see maybe one of us all day It's not getting crossed Matt, do you want to plug anything? but did though, that would be a great way to get out of it. Yeah, well we'll see. Maybe one of us all day. Who knows? You're just looking crossed. Matt, do you want to play anything? I'm doing a show at the moment called the Beer Pioneer, which is where you saw me riding a horse.

Yes. And I've been, yeah, I think the second, well, whenever this comes out, it's like a seven-part series where I got it from breweries and retraced the steps sort of of escaped convict from the early 1800s William Buckley. It's a, it's really fun and funny. It's a great show. I enjoyed a lot. And people can find it by just got finding your Twitter and your...

Yeah, that's true. Matt's due on Scott Arden Twitter. Matt's your comedy on Instagram, Facebook, and yeah, this show is up for people. It's on the Stupid Old Channel, which is YouTube.com slash Stupid Old Channel. Wow. Is that also going to be on Channel 31? Yeah, it's on Channel 31 Tuesday nights in Melbourne, but for people outside of Melbourne, 9.30 Tuesdays in Melbourne and Jolong, I think, maybe Adelaide as well.

And for people in the United States, mostly YouTube, mostly YouTube, yeah. For people in the United States, how about this, our community station here is called Channel 31 and to watch it, you've got to go to Channel 44. It's pretty good. Where you can find us on Twitter at Toontank. I'm at Alistair TV. I'm at Stupid Old Andy. You can find us on Instagram at Toontank.

I'm at a Tromblay virtual because I lost the other account. I was at TV. Did you? I had it. I forgot how to get back in. I don't know what email I used. And you can support us on Patreon. You can support Matt on patreon

For his do-go-on podcasters primates podcast which had a recent episode coming out Yeah, I did a lot on that. I'm right. Yeah, I got a listen to that. That was just a That was just a free spot. I said yeah, I'll take that. I'll do a monkey podcast I wasn't sure if anyone would come and I did. It was very fun. Awesome. So, thank you very much for listening. And we love you.

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