Simple Swedish Podcast - 287 - "DOWN LOW, OH NO"

Episode Date: May 25, 2021

Silence Language, Night 2, Survivisection, Fused Back Buddies (FBB-BFF), Backriculture, Flavour Implants, House as a Pill, Mid FiveYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Listen and subscribe to THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastJoin the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereMelt-in-your-mouth thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential Savings will vary. Discount is not available in all safe and situations. Friends to see I'm having a pile of bins near me The bins are my friends, but they're not very shy So come on round and see them and Stand next to the my guy Hello, and welcome to two in the thing tank the show where we come up with five sketchy ideas.

And if you've made it this far, you're ready. You're ready. Well, do you ever think Andy that those musical intros that we do, they might be a bit weird? I mean, I think one day they'll be re-examined, critically re-examined as outside of art, of a very high caliber. And by high caliber, I mean extremely outside. So I assume that's how you measure the quality of outside of art.

I mean, we've done so many of them now that we've got to be insiders, right? Well, we're inside something. You know, we're inside our own world. We've done some world building. And I think the rules, if you were to look back, I think you'd find that the rules of music in this world have been very thoroughly established. And, you know, you could pick together a grammar of what constitutes rhythm, rhyme, and derosame melody. And it would be coherent.

What? Just like the grammar of a Zenanian, and as yet undiscovered language, deep in the Amazon. Does that sound fair? So you're suggesting that there's still some languages that yet to be discovered in there? I think there could be languages yet to be discovered, absolutely. In the Amazon? In the Amazon. There are tribes.

There are no other places. There are tribes with minimal contact. Possibly no contact. Yeah. It's cool. It's nice. I mean, I could be wrong about that, but that doesn't make it any less cool. You know. I mean, I could be wrong about that, but that doesn't make it any less cool, you know, the coolest of a fact is

Independent of the truthfulness of the fact And if you create a language, which one would you create? Italian Absolutely Italian. Yeah Yeah, yeah No, which language would I create what I was thinking about this only this morning actually, as it happens. I was thinking about the language, I believe it's an African tribal language that uses clicks. I was thinking, I'm going to create a language that uses silences.

The silences are just different lengths to mean different things. Sort of like a reverse, more code. Yeah, exactly. But then, don't you, in the end, are you still making sounds? Um, I... Two different, differentiate the, are you kind of like...

Yeah, I guess, I mean, the thing is, the noise you can make can be any noise. And that's what makes this very inclusive, right? It can like, yeah, and you can bang on something or you can, you know, you can slap your chest. And that way, you know, you can, you can express yourself in any way that you want. And then it's just a lot of waiting and a lot of counting. You need a, we don't have perfect pitch in this language, but we have perfect tempo. Really? And this is the one that you're creating. Well, I think I'll be, I'll be like, I don't think any one's suggesting that Steve Jobs actually

did any of the soldering, you know, I'm gonna be the visionary. The, the, the difficult to work. The great thing about, the great thing about us doing the music on these things is that we can pretend like we're always doing them from a distance and we can't sync up our timing. Yeah, that does help. That does help until it starts to be so out of sync, it falls back into sync again, Alistair.

Okay, so for example, can you give me an example of a sentence in your language? Yeah, okay, here we go. Ah. Wap. Bip-bop. People. And that means, sorry, the bagelry is closed for the month. And so again, none of the sounds that you made, they don't mean anything. No, they don't. And if anything, there's something to be overcome in the language.

Because there are quite a few of those distracting. And you don't. Some of them are quite different lengths and resonate for a bit longer and things like that. Yeah, and because you don't know what to expect, it's also really only a language that works in, otherwise a very silent environment, because any external noise, totally, totally fucks it, two conversations, somebody interrupting your conversation, interrupting your sentence,

totally changes the meaning of the words that you're saying. So yeah, it's interesting. It's... I can't hear myself speak, which is good. Means I'm doing it correctly. Yes, oh yes, you're absolutely right. But if you can't hear yourself speak because of other people doing speaking over the top,

that's also bad. So that, but then that would mean that also. That sentence is what's meaning. If you had this language, it means that just going outside, the world would speak to you. And that's very nice. Yes. And if you go into say a desert or a blizzard, the universe is saying a very long word indeed, you know, just you and the silence. And that's very helpful.

Yeah, but how would you, how would you order the words in terms of like silence and so making them have meaning. Like, is there a structure to the longer the silence, the bigger the word or like, or like, would you, would the most frequently used words be the shortest? I think that would make sense. I mean, we're all for practicality in this language. We don't want to make it difficult for people. So yes, the more commonly used words are indeed the shortest silences. Yes. Yeah. It's just like, you know, in order to actually write this language, it just seems like it would be there's not a lot of variation in anything.

So really, when writing it down, we use high or glyphics, so we use drawings and pictures. But once again, they're only to represent the spaces between the words. Andy, are you suggesting that maybe while you're talking, you're also doing physical hyroglyphics? Is there a chance that your language is charades? I wasn't suggesting that, no, but if that'll help,

it'll help you. Well, that is a silent language. It is. Yes. And it's not, but it's not an official, it's not like an Auslan or anything like that, is it? It's a, I wonder if we could try and get charades up as a.

Well, charades is an attempt at a universal language. I mean, we could invent a language that is still done with the mouth, but it's all mouth charades. So it's like mouth shapes. It's like what? Like mouth shapes. So like the other shape, let's say you put your mouth in the shape of a house. Exactly. That's how you would say house. Yeah, it's puppetry of the time. Yeah, but then people would say house the place you live with the TV show. No, you're right. Maybe this isn't gonna work.

But then you would have to, you could probably explain to them. There'd probably be another shape that you could do for the first one. Yeah. You'd shape like a number one with your lips or? Yeah, I think you could, you'd turn your head on the side and try and make a little one. I mean, it's not, you don't have to make the shape of absolutely everything. It could be like O'sland, but the various different mouth movements that you can make.

To represent different words. For some reason, for some reason, we're not using sound. Yeah, but I mean, it could be, it could be mute, a couple of muties. And then, and then sound can be used for something else. See? Exactly. Don't need to use our mouth and our mouth sounds. For language anymore, we can find another use for them. Because the mouth does, at the moment, we don't use mouth shapes really for anything, except for maybe like smiling, frowning, that kind of stuff.

It's kind of extra, it's extra information, they talk about body language being like, you know, 90% of the conversation, but to be honest, you don't even have to listen to 90% of the conversation. You could just listen to the words.

You close your eyes, which is why podcasts work. Yeah, I think that's a really good point. I mean, if that was true that 90% of language was communication, podcasts really, they would not work. Unless you had somebody audio describing what people are doing with their legs while the podcast is going on. Maybe that's a premium service that we should start offering for this podcast is that the more you pay to the Patreon,

each of our body parts will be filmed separately and to get extra layers of meaning rich layers of meaning You know you could get a video of one of my knees, you know you pay 50 dollars a month That'll get you a neat Film should you know? Hmm should you and I do Maybe we could do this for a patreon bonus episode, but like do some directors commentary on an episode of Two in the Think Tank? Absolutely, I mean it's gonna be great to listen to whatever it is.

So yeah, let's do that. I think that's a good way to devote this episode. I guess nobody needs to hear the same thing. You don't have to play the episode at the same time needs to hear the same, like you don't have to play the episode at the same time, because that would be insane. Well, you could play it quietly. Yeah, or maybe we could pitch it up. And then, or you could, yeah, or you could just pause it when you want to say something. Yeah, that's true. It takes so long to get there.

It takes so long. Fucking hell. We'd have to do, we'd have to do, in some way we'd have to differentiate the voices. So maybe we do the commentary in character as somebody else, the director of the podcast. I think that's a great idea. This is a really good idea. Much more listenable, absolutely. Oh, I can't believe that we used to think that this was a sketch idea.

But like the thing that I wrote down already today, silence language. Ah, you did write it down, Al. Of course. You did it quietly as well, which I think is very in the spirit of the thing. Hmm. Do you think that what would it be like if just everywhere we went, there was just a ticking. You know, everywhere we go, there's just a metronome. You know, like, could you introduce that from like a country perspective, you know, that you have?

Well, I mean, that's what, you know, in the way, in a way, night and day, night and day is a light metronome. You're right. You're absolutely right. I mean, in another way, we are on a spinning ball, you know, going around the sun. Okay, and so those are the two types of oscillation that define our lives. But if

we wanted to, we could introduce extra degrees of oscillation and we could create a huge spinning city and that we all go in and it spins around and maybe it has a one big wall as well which creates its own kind of shadow and its own night. And so we go on there and it's like basically a merry go round or not a Ferris wheel but yeah a merry go round. One of those things that you spin kids around at the park but it's enormous. We've got a whole city on there, right? We all live on there.

One side, you know, one side of the sort of the circle, half of the circle, there's a huge wall which blocks out the sun. You know what you're inventing? You know what? You're inventing night two. No, yeah. There should be a night in the middle of the day. Yes. Often, that's the perfect place to have a nap.

A nap can be uncomfortable because you wake up all disoriented because it's light out when you wake up. You know, we could even have a mirror opposite the night wall. There could be a big mirror wall. We could do it in some ways, that's the way we also can control the day. We're going to reflect some sun back at certain times, get in charge of both of these things. Well, I think by adding a second night, you're basically adding a second day. back at certain times, get in charge of both of these things. Well, I think by adding a second night, you're basically adding a second day. Yeah, that's true.

That's a very, you know, it's a very salient point, Elastair. I mean, would the place to establish this be at the North Pole? Or the South Pole? Well, for half a year, there is no night anyway, and we can have a bit of a blank slate I Don't mind if it's a city that just has half-size days. Yeah, you're right You know, what about us? It's like you go to that city. It's got that wall or that semi-circle dome or whatever It's always pointing away from the sun during the night too as a and as a way to test this as before we go to all the effort of building the big

merigo round, we could just do a sort of a trial where the government says, all right, everybody close your eyes, right? They come over, they go on a speaker or something like that, and everybody has to close their eyes for like three hours in the middle of the day. to close their eyes for like three hours in the middle of the day. Yeah, or we could have sort of government mandated eye shutters. Yeah, great. You know, and so that it can be, it can be like those Venetian blind sunglasses that they controlled centrally. That Kanye has, yeah, but they're like, they're like testless.

They can see. It's Ven finish and blindness. That's what it gives you, Venetian blindness. Yeah. And then that allows you to experience night two. It allows you to trial it. Obviously, there'll be some states in the, you know, some places that won't take it on because they're farmers or whatever. They need the day. Well, could this be an alternative to daylight savings in some way? I'm not exactly sure how, right? But daylight savings is a massive pain in the ass.

I'm sure we've talked about it on the podcast before. I can never remember what it means or how it affects me every single time. I spend ages trying to work it out and then I give up. And it doesn't matter now. No, what? Does your phone just does it? I know, but I want to mentally prepare myself

for whether or not my children will be waking up earlier. If I'll be more tired as a result trying to, you know, do things at the right times. I think I think to think about that is even more suffering. It is. Yes. And that's what I'm complaining about. Alistair.

Well, no, but you're thinking about it. Like I'm saying, I'm saying if you don't think about it, and nobody even tells you that it happens. You're right. I've got a little bit of quiet in my mind. And not, um, you're not having a good... You've got monkey mind, Andy. I've got that monkey mind, Alistair.

I should have more lizard brain. Well, you know, I think that's the Buddhist that's that refer to the monkey mind as being a bad thing, but it sounds good. Monkey mind. Sounds like, yeah, it sounds like you're having a good time. I think. Getting things done. Is there a reality show where we basically, it's kind of like survivor, right? But instead of depriving people of you know shelter Pre-made food Tools that sort of thing

We just deprived tools tools or tools and pools We instead just deprived them of parts of their brain you know we have We we shut you know we have some sort of electro-resonance cap on where we can shut down bits of their brain. And we just watch them try and get by. And they're not a non-Island or anything like that, they're just in normal, the normal world. But now they've got no depth perception. What would that be like? Maybe.

So you'd like shut down one of their eyes. Yeah, we could have a rag tag band. Where everybody loses one of their mental faculties. They have to work together to create one functioning human. So one say, like, you know, doesn't have that thing that automatically beats their heart. Yeah. And the other people have to do that for them.

Yeah. You'd learn a lot about teamwork. Now, this is something I've discussed outside of the pod. I mean, look, okay, I'll, I'm going to write that down survivor. Thank you, I listen. I've written, I've written, Surveyor, if you wanna come up with a sketch like that, fits that.

I don't know how you spelled it. And I feel that that has a significant impact on what sketch would be. They shut down part of the brain. You know, do you need your whole brain? And imagine how much you'd appreciate it when you got it back. It's crazy that no one has died during an episode of Survivors, as far as I know. I'm...

Was that when those people died in that helicopter? They weren't on the show, but they were... Like, remember, did some helicopter crash or something? Or maybe that was a film? Oh, okay. A film. Yeah, maybe, okay. I crash or something? Or maybe that was a film. Oh, okay. A film. Yeah, maybe, okay, I don't know. I apologize.

No, no, no, no, no. But I think they were all the crews, so maybe that doesn't count. Yeah. Um. What about people, two people back to back, sewed together? I don't know why I always feel like sewing things

if you be living things together or something. Like, what about their, their, their, their conjoined twins, but conjoined friends? Conjoined friends. And this is an optional thing. You get, you get, you choose to get sewn together. Maybe, you know, maybe it could be like it, it could be like something like getting a tattoo, you know, you kind of have your skin melted together at the back. And it's like the back of your heads fused, then your two backs are fused.

Your butt cheeks are fused, but you've got your gaps lined up, your poop gaps. Oh, that's good. So that you can still squat. If you poop simultaneously, each other's poop will stop the other person's poop from touching your butt. And the one thing that I don't want when I get fused back to back with my best friend is their poop touching my butt.

I did not sign up for that. And I would rather, I don't mind my poop touching their poop. In fact, that's very, because keeping with the spirit of the thing. Yeah. But I think it will be fun. I think it'll be funner to use a squat toilet on two people. Yes. Yes.

Because you're kind of leaning up against each other and then lowering each other like a quadri-pod. I used to love that thing that you would do at primary school where you would sit back to back and you'd press against each other and try and stand up. You know, that thing, that was fun. And maybe that was the last time I was truly happy. So maybe that could be my whole life.

You know, why wouldn't I wanna have that all the time every day that joy? Here's a problem. I must say there you're best. Maybe you move on. Maybe you could set up a group, you know, in the neighborhood you could put up a little a little, you know, piece of paper in the local supermarket saying Yeah, looking for people on, you know, Wednesday nights or Saturday, you know, after mornings or something like that to get together and just stand up together, back to back. And it's a thing I do every Saturday. Nothing good and nothing could be less sexual as well because, so we all know, the back

is the least sexual side of the body. Of the two sides of the body. There's no sexual stuff that's done with butts. No, not talking about butts, talking about backs. You know, it's a big, in many ways, the back is the desert of the body. A vast, unfeatured, waste land. Not, I'm not talking about the waste, obviously. Don't get confused by the word waste, I mean it in the other way. But the waste is kind of close to the back.

Well, yes it is. I think the equator of the body is the back. If I would just talk about the body, the tropics of the body, I would absolutely be discussing the crotch as we all know, the steamyest and the dampest. The hottest. Well, yeah, there's also, I guess, two smaller ones in the armpits. Yes, those are the other two tropics. I guess, yeah, I suppose you could call them because they've kind of got a nicer, they've got a bit of a wind tunnel near them, maybe there's some kind of temperate rainforest. Yeah, I think that's exactly it, yes. Would you consider the belly the sort of the savanna? The belly, I mean, the belly button feels like an oasis.

No, the opposite of an oasis. An oasis? It's a no-asis. An oasis isn't? An oasis isn't. But is there anything in the back being the desert of the body? Is there anything in the back being the desert of the body, Elisir. Sorry, say that again. Is there anything in the back being the desert of the body? And possibly?

Yeah, well, this is, Andy, I'm currently trying to label with you every part of the body. Yeah, great. But specifically, the back, is there anything that could be done to, you know, like in Egypt they tried to irrigate the desert by damning the Nile, is there something that we could do to bring life to the back to... What would be life in this scenario? I guess boobs. I guess boobs. I mean, if I were to, if there was, if there was body agriculture, I mean, if you could

put, put all that fertile back land to, to work. Exactly. You know, I mean, it would make sense that that's where you would grow replacement parts. I must have worked where we are completely on the same page now and there is it and it you know, renting it out as space to grow, whatever, you don't have to see it, you don't have to know about it, you don't have to worry about it.

That's just making money. I can make money lying on my front. You know, there's, because think about, I mean, like, you know, sure, your original organs, right? Your spleen, your liver, things like that. You can fill in an organ donor's card for that, and you could be an organ donor.

Yes. But if you were growing an extra liver Yes. On your back or in your, just under your back scan, and maybe an extra set of lungs, you could also be an organ capitalist. Yes, turn an organ profit. Yeah, it's fine to give away the ones,

your used ones, that's like a, it's thrift, that's second hand stuff, you know, that's fine. But there's high quality stuff that you're spending your own resources, bringing into the world. Unused, you know? I think it would be good to be able to, I mean, in the future I imagine we will be able to buy a packet of stem cells, like you would buy a packet of seeds for any particular thing. And we might in the past have talked about going to a sort of a home depot or a

bunnings of organ parts. You know, this is in a future in which home surgery is as easy as any other kind of DIY. But I think also sort of a sort of an organ agriculture where you can buy a seed which is basically a set of stem cells that you just sort of press into your skin, right? Or maybe, you know, maybe you have to make a little hole and poke it in there and it'll just start growing, right? You know, you could get it, you could grow, you know, 10 noses or something. It's just something that just toss you back. It's just something that signals to the body. This is where the nose goes.

Exactly. A little nose anchor. And nature does the rest. Yeah, I think it could be just like a little grain of rice. You know, like it looks like a little grain of rice and it just has all the stuff in it. It's basically like, it would be a porous thing that is just that it is just there to allow the stem cells to start coming, send out signals in the last tense, that's to start coming and building around it, it probably dissolves in the nose after it's finished growing.

The seed? Sure. Yeah. You know? Yeah, made of some kind of I mean what are there any parts of the body already that kind of dissolve not many right? Body doesn't have other parts of the body that dissolve. Yeah, I think you know like teeth no I guess they kind of do very slowly, you know, well, you know, if you leave them overnight, you're drinking a lot of lemon. You know, can of coax. Maybe, you know, I wonder if that's true. Yeah, I don't know.

It's probably a myth, right? Feels a bit messy, but who knows? Who knows? But I mean, it is an acid. You know, it's carbonic acid. When you dissolve carbon dioxide in water. It does create an acid. And so it would do something.

Well, there you go. That's why you're never supposed to sleep with a mouthful of Coca-Cola. That's one of the rules in my house. Kids, swallow that Coca-Cola. That's one of the rules in my house. Kids, you swallow that Coca-Cola before you go to sleep, I say to them. They go, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You can't make me, I mean, you can call all of them, but you can be a little bit.

We, a while ago, on an episode, we talked about a way to be constantly pissing, right, because of the joy that comes from pissing. But also the good feeling. I, and, but now, you know, women, they can get a thing that goes under their skin, which is the implanon thing, which is like the birth control thing, and it's constantly releasing that hormone. At the same time, me as a man,

every time I want to freshen my breath, I've got a chew a new mint or brush my teeth again. Where's the implant on version of flavor? Something that I can get you to improve. I'm not sure if it's actually improved my breath. No, sure, but I don't think that undermines my central point. Of can I get something just implanted under the skin of my tongue that is just constantly releasing my favorite flavor or your favorite what? My favorite flavor or you know you can get a different one every month or something like that. So you get a different- Or releasing the signal into your brain that you are tasting your favorite flavor.

Mmm. Sure, I'll take it. And that's a product that will be possible. It can just be something that releases signals that makes you feel like you're doing something. We just lie there in our own filth while our brain releases signals to tell us that we're clean and standing up the dream.

Well, I know, but I think you could probably could do it with actual flavors and smells. You know, you could just put a thing in and you're like, oh, I really like the smell of sort of those my little pony, you know, you know, they used to smell like raspberries or something like that. Sure, absolutely. You could just smell that all the time,

in any room you walk into. But let's say you're a hoarder who's sort of somehow wound up with a dead body in their house. Sure. And then you've just started putting garbage on top of it. Yeah. And you don't want to have to smell it while that body is rotting. That's the last thing I want when I bring a dead body

into my hoarder house. Well, you just activate. You just put this little limb plant in. Mm. And then you can just smell my little ponies all the time. It feels like something we should be able to take control of. You know, I don't want to be the victim of smells that are outside of my body. It feels like a, I don't know what the word is, but it's crazy that in a capitalist society where the individual

is always right, I have to just smell whatever is in the air. I should be able to smell what I want to smell at all times. That's freedom. And that's what I'm offering, you vote for me at the next election for President of the Rotary Club. What if it was just, instead, it was a signal, because I mean, I guess for someone like you who wants to feel that control, you just need a signal that is telling you you're smelling exactly what you want to sell. That would probably be easier. It's basically a satisfaction. It's demand-side

solution to the problem. Yeah. I mean, but once we've got that, maybe it's not smell anymore, maybe we're thinking too small, Alistair. While we've got this technology to make me think that everything's that I'm smelling what I want, why can't I get something that makes me think that everything is exactly as I want it to be at every moment. Be like, how good is this? What are the chances? Once again, everything's coming up handy as I, you know, as my car pirouettes off a cliff,

into a ravine. I would like just like I planned it. The dream, living the dream, I'd say, as I turned to the passenger seat. As you're falling off a cliff. Yeah. Yeah, is that what you're in picturing? Your drive is driven off of a cliff and you're falling. This is it. Oh, this is it.

This is the perfect, this is I'm having the perfect day. My run continues. I think it's good. Is it, it would this be considered a mind-altering drug? You know, you know, it's a drug you see. It's not a drug, it's an implant. It's a signal. Nothing wrong with that.

It is a plant. Yeah, I love it. I mean, it's a kind of... It's happiness in a way is what we're offering. But it's not addictive because... It's satisfaction, isn't it? It's always there, right? Yeah.

If somebody... It's only addictive if you take breaks sometimes and you go and take it again. Exactly. If you're always on heroin, are you addicted to heroin? You know, if you never stop taking it, then it just becomes another another thing, another feature of your life. Exactly. I'm not addicted to having feet. I just do. I have feet. I'm not a different than having feet. I just do. I have feet. I'm not addicted to hair having heroin. I just have heroin.

I think that's the best. I think if instead of, let's say, taking snorting heroin or injecting heroin, you just had a solid little log, like a Tootsie roll of heroin. Just slid under your arm skin. Great. Just there. Then it would just slowly dissolve. It would be slow release at the body's pace. You know, and it just always takes just as much heroin as it needs. Yep. I mean, people would start having technology to have a little bit more than they need.

And also, you'd probably build up a resistance. Well, no, that's not a signal. That's why the signal is such a good idea because the idea of having a signal, because there's no question of building up a tolerance to it. It's just a signal. Just tells you what you are. Exactly. I mean, It's just a signal. Just tells you what you are. Exactly. I mean, it's just like a thought that just comes from under your tongue. It's like above your tongue where there's so the majority of thoughts tend to come. People used to say Alistair that one day entire meals would come in pill form.

But why did they stop there? Why is it only meals that we could get as a pill? Why not all the other things that we require to live? Tables. Tables, exactly. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising.

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I'm going to talk about the new customer service. in a pill for. A house. And what you do is you just take a pill and it gives your body all the effects of having a house, you know, warm, dry, whatever. So it just sucks water from the outside of your body back in. Sure, or makes it evaporate in some way. I mean, these are just some of the, I haven't worked out the details. But I think, and there's a feeling as well,

there'd be certain pharmacological effects that it come from having a house, a sort of a feeling of comfort and home. Why can't I get all of that? As a pill, we were talking before about standing up. Right? In the future, standing up will be a pill, and you'll get a pill, you'll take it,

and it just makes you feel like you are standing up, even if you're not. I can just lie in bed and take a series of pills that give me the experience. Not that I actually have a bit. I'm on the ground taking a pill that makes me feel like I have a bit, but. That's right. And you're outside, you're outside in some public space. Yes. The cop is trying to move you on. Yes. I just keep taking a pill that makes me feel like I've been moved on. So I think that I'm compliant. Yeah, I like that.

And I don't know. I don't know if I then, I mean, give the police officer a pill that makes him feel like he has successfully moved someone on. Yeah, maybe if you throw it at his mouth. It's a touristy mouth. Yeah. I mean, I'm kind of, am I a little magician in this situation? I mean, you know, it could be like a, like, you know, like, let's say there's a

peasant dispenser. I was thinking peasant dispenser. I was about to bring this up. Well, you weren't thinking of peasant dispenser. Well, I'm picturing that there's one somehow in your eyes. Okay. Yeah. So, picture, maybe you put the pills in your mouth and then they go up and they stack up like a magazine up into your, up up in your head. And then they shoot out of your eyes. When you blink, you can shoot little ones out of your eyes.

Maybe it's that thing you just go. I mean, why don't they stack down and shoot out of your mouth, Elastel? Why are they shooting out of your eyes? So you're saying that you push them into your eye and then they shoot at your mouth? I mean, I don't know how they get into that. I was trying not to involve the eye at all. No, because you know why the eye is perfect

for shooting things out of? Tell me. Because you're always aiming exactly where you're looking. That's really good points. Real point of view shooter, isn't it? First person shooter. Yeah, maybe true. Maybe true.

If the military wanted to make a real first person shooter type weapon, it would be one where you shoot out of your eyes. Well, I mean, this is a future where you've got also it's a pills. There's no reason why our eyes couldn't be replaced We don't need our eyes for seeing little like a pill that makes us feel like we're seeing It could also be one of those things that just shoots out those little gold particles That you know, but then it has little bits of medicine on there. Yes, this delivery You could shoot it out your eyes, almost like fairy dust, like weaponized fairy dust.

I mean, I do like the idea of shooting little peels out of your face somehow, and trying to aim to get them into people's mouths. I mean, I do like that element of it. I like it visual. And little things going, peep, peep, like a little peer to the sted Sir. You can miss and you can shoot it.

Yeah. You can miss and it hits a sign, it goes, pung, like that. Pch. Very good. It would be great. Yeah. And I mean, it's, it's a sort of a,

sort of a new form of interaction. In which we communicate emotions, thoughts, much more directly. Through the feeling of what you want them to, so I guess you would have a sort of a palette of pills in the same way you kind of have a palette of emojis. Yeah, or we have inside our bodies, we sort of have the pharmacy equivalent of one of those paint shop machines that allows them to tint and mix any combination of colors. And then give that to you in a cup of paint. It'd be the perfect use for the belly button. So that's for that to be the place where the pill comes out of and sits in there sort of like in the The area where like you get the bag of chips from a vending machine

Yes, you know the bill comes out sitting you belly button you get it You think you think about what what what exact scenario you want them to feel And then you blink really hard. And then the little machine, the little factory thing behind the belly button goes, like that pushes it out into the belly button. People with outies will be fucked. I mean, even more fucked than they already are. They won't really be able to, their pills will just fall in the grass. They will. And that eventually they'll die out, people withouties. They'll have to put a little bit of putty around their belly button. Oh, build a little, a little, a little bit temptation. Yeah, so that you can make it a little trough into. I was just thinking then fix their bodies.

I was just thinking then it would be great if you could have a drug that gives you the feeling of having a really great idea, but I just realised that I think that's all drugs. All drugs already have that effect basically, don't they? Yeah. Are there any drugs where you really doubt yourself? Yeah, I think that's also all drugs. I mean, I think some of them can definitely do that. I think marijuana can probably do that. Oh yeah, sure. And I guess alcohol to a certain extent, people do get sad sometimes when they drink.

Yeah, sad is daddy, you're happiness. Isn't it? You know why? You know why? In a why? Hmm. Well, I suppose. What?

No, you go. No, I need to say the thing. Well, I was just going to say, I wonder if we could find the default state of humans, whether or not we're actually supposed to be happy or sad or neutral. And from which everything is a deviation, it's probably neutral, isn't it? Because we do sort of adapt to our circumstances to sort of return to a kind of a baseline, you know, people can be in bad situations and still find a way to be happy and vice versa. Yeah, or at least get on with it.

Get on with it. We're in a default state of blood he's getting on with it mate. Yeah, because I think I think there's some sort of scenarios where you're just, you're always working. Yeah, that's true. But I think we can go to three words from a listener. Okay, great. Here's another drug. One that gives you a day off. Feels like you're on a day off.

And even when you work. Oh, that'd be a good one for taking while you work. Yeah. And then you would kind of, do you think you would enjoy, or do you think you would enjoy the work? Like it's a holiday, or do you think you'd be like,

oh, I'm a hot work on my day off. I'm not gonna do this work. It could be great. You'd call it day off. You say, I'm going to take a day off. That's what it would be in the ad. It's called a day off. And then he's going to do a day off. I'm not even supposed to be here today. This is my day off. I'm on a day off right now and then you take too many dayoffs and I don't know, what's that? You die from a terminal redundancy. Yeah, or

it could just be that thing where you know like if you have too much free time, it feels like you were... Yeah, you're right. You're antsy to get back to work. It's here to get back to work, so you can fluctuate and then you're like, oh, I'm going to stop taking it and you're like, oh, it's good to be back at work. You can say to people, oh, I am supposed to be here today. There you go.

But then you could actually take some time off then. That'd be good too. So three words from a listener, are you ready? Yeah. Again, Andy, I think I say this every week, but we may have done these already, so I apologize. But these three words come from a listener who supports us on Patreon. That's good. Called Fraser, right.

Fraser, right. Mate, thank you for this. Thank you, Fraser. Oh, that's a solid name. Absolutely. Yes. You know, I would build a house on that name. Do you think there'd be a version of phraser where they just do it as phraser?

Do you think it would be like a tougher guy? Yeah, more I think more dependable. Yeah, less neurotic Hey Mac I see the Muscles Hey, Mac, I see the muscles arriving, thrown, thrown steak, and broken eggs. I realized very early on I didn't know the actual lyrics. It took me a while to work out what you're doing as a result, but it was really good now. It's our new show, Working Class Frazier. It's called Frazier. And they... class, Frazier. It's called Frazier and it's definitely a show. It doesn't have a radio show,

but he's on break and he's called the radio. But he does listen to the radio. Yeah, that's true. And Frazier is on. They should do Frazier from the point of view of the listeners. That's a really good idea. I hope they're exploring that with this new season that they're making. Hmm. So, Fraser's words. Do you want to guess what they are? Yep, yep.

First one. Finch? Finch? Finch, you know, like the bird with a little beak. Like the character from, just shoot me? Yeah, I haven't seen it, but yeah. It was David Spade. Oh, okay. Plead Finch. Am I right? No, you're not. But the thing that is, is a bit David Spady. Oh, Jason, I was close.

So you were close. The first thing is Andy. Oh, okay. Do you think that you're kind of like an alternative universe version of David Spade? Like kind of like... I do think that, yes. Yeah? Yeah.

Great. Okay, now that what's the second word? Um, for GIVES. For GIVES? Yeah. Um, you got two of the letters correct. Oh. But what it actually is. Is VS meaning versus?

Versus, okay, sure. Andy versus Alistair. It's the last word Alistair? Alistair? Alistair? Is it Alistair? That's what I'm going with. Andy, you're in the right ballpark because it is Alistair. Andy versus Alistair. Wow. You got one. Andy, no, it feels like it's hard to do these without you getting them. Yeah, I mean, I'm getting better. I got one. No, it feels like it's hard to do these without you getting them. Yeah, I mean, I'm getting better. I'm learning what it is to guess random words. Learning the ways of the listener.

Alistair, I mean, in a way, I feel that that is more and more what our life becomes, has become, you know, with our petty arguments and also our physical fights. Physical arguments. Argument of the body. Of the flesh. But I guess in a way that's what combat is. It's the physical debate. He is, isn't it? Yeah. Um, really, in, in, in fighting, is there any version of boxing

where they take it in turns to punch each other? Have you ever watched a response? For this, um, actually there is a competitive slapping. Oh, okay. That thing where they just slap the absolute fucking of each other. And sometimes just like a single slap will just knock a person entirely out.

There was that, and there was a game that we would play. It wasn't there at school. Knuckles, do you ever play knuckles where you just hit each other in the knuckles one after the other? so Or no that wasn't necessarily taking turns because you tried to get your hand out of the way Well, I think we we used to do that with just slapping each other's hands Right. Yeah, we did it with knuckles. I think maybe slapping as well I think I did the slapping as well.

I think I did the slapping, the hands one with you even. Oh, you put your hands together and then you hold them close to... No, I would put my hand out and you would slap it as hard as you could. And I think you would put your hand and I would slap it as hard as I could. Really, I do know that we've given some fairly vicious high fives. Yeah. But this is a more informal thing that you don't need to do for any particular occasion. It's sort of a general purpose slap that you can use at any time.

High five is sort of for special occasions or special moments of, you know, hello, as goodbyes, something interesting has happened. I agree with you. These are the small moments, the small celebrations of our lives. And then there's a sort of a high five that's more just slapping that you can do casually on an ongoing basis. It's the background hum of slapping each other. You know the low five.

In a way, that's actually probably the middle five. Right, you're absolutely right. A true low five, both your hands would be hanging down, right? Yeah. And then you would climb them together. This is big Alistair. The mid five. Well, this time we've been given middle five.

I next time I see you, Alistair, I'm going to try and give you a true low five. That's very nice idea. Appreciate that. No worries. I mean, is it one of the risks that you're sort of playing in the genital area? Is that why we don't do that? Oh, some people actually do just go for that genital tap and that sort of low five kind of...

Seen, I've seen some sort of stuff in the literature around the footballers, and apparently that's a big part of their The way they operate. It's just trying to touch each other's penises as a little game and That's great. Well, it's bonding. I assume Yeah, as long as everybody agrees that it's all right, then I suppose it's all right Um, but do you think that there's a there's a new role the low five could play? I guess it could be for bad occasions. It's a disappointment.

It's a really sad things, you know. Somebody's dying. That's a low five. It's a five of mourning. It's a five of woe. It's a woe five. You know what the high five everybody always says, like look at the elbow, look at the elbow or whatever.

But with the low five they say, rest your eyes on my knee. Okay. Rest your eyes on the knee. And yeah, it's a high five, you can do it a funeral. That's right. It's a condolences five. Yeah, you know, after the doctor,

it's delivered some bad news about your diagnosis. It's good. It's probably more COVID safe than a hug. Um, and, you know, the sadder the news, the harder you can slap each other's hands, but, but it's not so COVID safe that it's like nerdy. Hmm. You know what I mean? You're not being a doork. No, no, exactly.

It's still still super cool. Isn't it exciting that we've got four new cases in the community as of today and they don't know where I came from? And so we could be starting to go back into that mode again after we've had so much time out of that world. At any moment, Alistair, we could be locked down. Yeah. Andy, do you think mid-five and low-five becomes condolence five is okay? Yeah, Salistair.

Yes, I think we've done it. And I think more than that, I think the audience, the list is already for us to go. Okay, yeah. Apologies if we are a bit tired today. So I'll take us through the sketch ideas. Life, forgive us. Great. Thank you so much, Andy.

We have silence language. This is Andy's language where you just, you just put yells or noises in between the silences. The language and then the words are expressed through just their length. Salencio is the name of the language. Then we've got Knight II, which is, you know, a town maybe, is that has come up with a way

of creating night during the day. And it has basically split the days into two days. And that would be actually kind of quite novel if you move to that town. You know what would be good about this? Is that that's when you could do all the parties and stuff. Right? You do them in the middle of the day while you're still awake,

but it's night. Oh, but it's still at night times what makes sense to be having a party. Yeah. It's, you know, one of the problems with night is that very often, it's at the end of the day when you're tired. Night should be in the middle of the day, so you can have a bit of fun. That's true, yeah. I mean, we could all just shift our lives, or somewhat, you know,

so that we're getting up at night time. No, I think this is a better plan. Okay. Then we got survivor. So, survivor. S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S- Survivor what is it spin city spin city Survivor where they shut down part of the brain You have different bits So then there's like a guy who only drools and then there's some who will be You know has to learn how to walk again. I think you're shutting down the guy who I would lead for all I mean

I think I think we're should have two many bits, two many bits of the brain. It's only supposed to be like a one of the faculties. Yeah, well, I mean, you can do it whatever in your version. Okay. Then we got the fused back buddies, which is the conjoined friends. That's just a procedure you could do when you're young,

you know, like getting a tattoo that upsets your parents, but you just like, you're like, oh, I'm gonna love this friend forever and then you get both of your skin's fused together. You're never gonna see your friend again though. There you will, in selfies. I suppose.

Because they'll hold up their phone and take a selfie of themselves. And while they're doing that, you hold up their phone and take a selfie of themselves. And while they're doing that, you hold up your phone. Oh, yeah. And then you'll see their face in their phone. Oh, it's a big implant. Then we got cultivating the back, which is where you grow a body parts in the back. Then we got implant that gives you signal, smell, or taste that you want or a feeling that

you've got everything that you want to, you know, satisfaction in a signal. Then we got taking pills that make you feel like you've got a house, and then you shoot them at people or whatever you're taking. I mean, it's very similar to the signal one, but it's quite a complicated new world we've built. I mean there's one thing to retake in the build that makes you feel like you're in the house. And there's another thing for all interactions, just to be mediated by basically roofing one another, feeling the thing that you want them to feel. Yeah, I've got a bloody roofie over my head now. That's when you feel like you're in a house.

Yeah, well, you know, that's a roofie as a great name for a pillow that makes you feel like you've got a house. Hmm. It should be, should be. Ha! Ha! Ha! Spin city should be a town where they have an extra night in the middle of the day, Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Spin city should be a town where they have an extra night in the middle of the day and a roof you should be a pill that makes you feel like you've got a house.

This is basic stuff, guys. Yeah, come on. We're just trying to fix the bloody world. And then we got mid-five, we're reclassifying low-five as a mid-five. And then we're now creating the low five, which is actually a sad five. It's the condolence five. It's the, um, yeah.

And a hush puppy should be a dog that when it barks, it makes everything quiet. Shoot out a beam of silence. It's, yeah, it's a dog that works in a library. Exactly. DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUNES DUN into anything tank. I'm Andy, you know, my Alistair. And you can find us on Twitter at tointank. I'm an Alistair TV. Oh, that's too bad, Andy. You can support us on Patreon if you'd like.

Thank you for everybody who has been there. You can review us if you like. I don't know if that does anything, but you know what, go do it. Let's see. Sure. I'll see. And you can always get, you can always get magma online.

You can download the pop test, you can listen to that, you can review that. I mean, if you didn't have enough work on your plate or whatever. Thanks so much for listening. Sorry, we're getting so tired. And we love you. This episode is brought to you by Progressive.

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