Simple Swedish Podcast - 293 - "HIGH HEELED HORSESHOE"

Episode Date: July 6, 2021

Grab a ticket to the LIVE episode of THE POP TEST on Autust 1 2021 here!Pavarotophone, Speed Dressage, High Heeled Horse Shoe, Summer Glove, Popenis, Glory Hair, Honey Comb Heart, Honeycomb Guts, Deat...h Planning.You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Listen and subscribe to THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastJoin the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereOmnithanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi icons, it's Danny Pellegrino from the Pop Culture Podcast, everything iconic, and I love Nordstrom. No place better to shop, particularly during the holiday season, because they have everything. They have holiday decor at Nordstrom. They have cozy cardigans from Barefoot Dreams, my fave. They have cold weather attire, party attire, plus free shipping and free returns. Free store pickup, you can also purchase a recycled fabric gift bag so your item arrives festive and wrapped. So check out Nordstrom this holiday season, a one-stop shop. You can explore more at Nordstrom in store or online at Nordstrom.com. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do And I'm Alistair George William, probably virtual. Yes, yes.
Starting point is 00:01:06 And Alistair has been working 48 out of the last 56 hours, and I have had three beers. So this is going to be an experimental episode. And the one very well, as you could tell from the original, from the music we had coming into it. There was no beat, it was all, it was too contrasting melodies. It was all vibe. I don't think, I don't, okay, Alistair Alistair. Yeah. I don't think it was a question of contrasting melodies because I don't think either of us was doing a melody. No, I think maybe I was doing a bass line,
Starting point is 00:01:42 maybe. No, okay. Well, I like to think that it was vibe on vibe. Yeah. Just deep, double vibe action. Yeah, great. You know, laying down two thick layers of compatible vibes. It was like background on background. Mm-hmm. Yes.
Starting point is 00:02:01 You know, I guess sometimes, you know, like one person's background is another person's foreground. Is there any music that is all just in bass, not drum and bass, but just the in bass bit? So it's bass. It's bass. It's an all-base band. It's just, you know, I mean, what would that sound like? Just four bass guitars.
Starting point is 00:02:30 Well, you could have upper bass and lower bass. So I think you could still have some color in there. I'm sorry, that goes against my vision. Well, so that way, what? So you actually just have like I guess one dimensional music would be music that doesn't go outside of a frequency, right? Yeah, okay sure let's say that let's say I mean, you know I was I was saying you could you in my mind you could play different bass because there are different bass notes, right?
Starting point is 00:03:01 Yeah, I'm not crazy here, but notes are going to be higher than the others. Right. And so no matter what. So you, that's the upper bass and lower bass, is it? Yeah, of course. Well, I assumed, I assumed that I understand that they would two different musical instruments that I didn't know about.
Starting point is 00:03:17 There were two bass notes. No. I thought there were two bass players, and they were sitting on bunk beds. And one was the upper bass player, and one is the lower bass player. Right. Two bass players sitting on a bunk bed. and there were Sit-On Bunk Bands, and one was the Upper Bays player, and one is the Lower Bays player. Two bass players sitting on a bunk bed. Now that's a show. Not enough musicians are playing with altitude.
Starting point is 00:03:36 I think that could be the missing element, because we all know, oh, Alistair, all right, I've invented a new type of music, right? Because we know that sound propagates differently at different atmospheric pressures. So presumably, you could just get some sort of machine that plays only one note or one set frequency. But you changed the pressure of the room. Yeah, I was going to say you run up and down mountains. And that's how you change the note. And so the audience runs with you. It's like a mountain. You could be making a recording. Look, I actually don't know whether or not this is valid. I don't know
Starting point is 00:04:25 whether or not notes and pitches change. Maybe the frequency is still just the frequency in there. Well, I mean, there's also there's also the way that you could, I guess, suppose you could play a guitar and acoustic guitar and run the chords run towards and away from the, oh, that's really good. And you double the ship, you know, to, you know, oh, the room was one of the, was one of the instruments. What we do, he was playing his distance from us. We get Pavarotti. I know he's. No, I know.
Starting point is 00:04:59 But that will, that will make the clearances. He's Pavarotti, Pavarotti, I would have had it. Pavarotti. but that will make the clearances. He's pavarotting. I would have had it. Pavarotting. And that's along with all the composers who are decomposing. That old joke. But we get him, right? He's still alive in this scenario.
Starting point is 00:05:19 We put him on one of those things that they spin astronauts around. You know? On the end of a stick. Oh, we put him in know, on the end of a stick. We put him in there. At the end of a stick. Yeah, it's a very technical type of stick. Yeah, it's a stick, nonetheless.
Starting point is 00:05:34 A stick is a stick. Is this the regular one or is this like a squirrel astronaut? Like it's not like a squirrel version of Paffer Roney, right? Don't be ridiculous, Alistair. Okay. We spin him around and we modulate, we just get him to sing just one note, but we modulate the note that he is singing
Starting point is 00:05:53 via the, you know, whether or not he's spinning towards us or away from us at great speeds. And we, and then you can play, you can play him like an instrument. You can take the musical genius of Pavarotti. And you can produce them to a note. Exactly. So is he just a signal generator. That's already, he's doing too many notes.
Starting point is 00:06:27 Oh, is that a sketch out here? Well, I'm not 100% sure how you're watching it. I'll tell you, I'll tell you how to sketch idea or all of a step. Okay. It's a behind the music style documentary about some experimental musician, right? Pavarotti, who's no. But somebody who's so successful from their work making whatever kind of music that's very popular, that they are able to hire Pavarotti just to use as a element. And they're talking about how they got particular sounds and they're describing
Starting point is 00:07:14 what they had to do to Pavarotti. They made an entire album, only using Pavarotti. And it's like how people these days like their movies to be done with practical special effects instead of CGI And what he said is I'm gonna I'm not gonna electronically manipulate the noise that's coming out of Pavarotti in any way It's gonna be all done practically and that involves Putting Pavarotti in different atmospheres involves spinning Pavarotti at great speeds Yeah, just driving Pavarotti around on the back of one of those airport, airport, you know, like airport bugs. Stepletters. Sure.
Starting point is 00:07:51 An airport step ladder. Driving them around on an airport step ladder. Whatever it takes, okay, and they take you through. How they made every sound on the album. Yeah. Okay, so he, this person is like, they're not like, they're like an arranger, but they just arranged the air and the position of Pavarotti. Sure. It's in the traditional meaning of the word arrangement.
Starting point is 00:08:18 It's true, it's purist form, and arranger of music. In a way, he's more arranger like a locational like a flower arranger is. He's actually, he's an arranger, but he is a flower arranger, but he does it with sound now. Each sound does it with Pavarotti. Each note is a bloom. Each note is Pavarotti. In this different, different atmospheric and geographical conditions. Sure. For the final note, we had to drop him into a black hole. I mean, what he could do though, is he could also change the gases in the room.
Starting point is 00:08:58 Not only increase the pressure, but then he could let in more helium, for example. Exactly. He's got exactly the same sort of sets of niles and dobs, diels and knobs that a electronic music producer would have on their mixing desk, but he's actually just mixing different atmospheric concentrations of different gases. And positions of the nitrogen. Maybe he's, look, that's all he does. He's only works in gases, but he's also got Pavarotti sitting on a big cylinder of gas, and that's how he moves them around by turning the pressure on the tap on the, you know,
Starting point is 00:09:42 maybe remotely on the, on Pavararotti cylinder, so that the cylinder shoots them across the room. And you know what the track is called? What's the track called? The classical gas. Classical? So is he playing classical gas on Pavarotti? Yes, but I using different gases. I assume he's just changing the sound of
Starting point is 00:10:10 Pavarotti's rendition of classical gas, right, using gas. No, I think Pavarotti is still just playing the one Pavarotti playing a note. I think that's what Pavarotti called that he thought of it as playing a note. I'm going to play some notes now, he would say. He didn't think of it as singing. He took the concept of his voice being his instrument to a very extreme place. Does he? Would he keep his throat in a case? Alistair. If you let me finish my sentence, he would keep his throat in a case.
Starting point is 00:10:47 So he just kind of, he cut a little neck hole into like a French horn case and then he would just put his head in there. At night time, we're just going to sleep and do close it up. I've got to, but you've got to take care of your instrument. It let his voice, and he would clean it out with one of those little brushes on the end of a stick, plunging it up and down. Deep throating those brushes. Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow. Sorry, sorry.
Starting point is 00:11:27 I mean, in a way, deep throat from Pavarotti could be a very Pavarotic experience. Pavarotic. I knew you went into that knowing what you were saying. I did. How many moves ahead what you were saying. I did. How many moves ahead? You're like the Bobby Fisher of puns, right? Was he half a move ahead at all times? Yeah, no, I meant very racist puns.
Starting point is 00:11:55 Very, very anti-Semitic puns. Is it was he very that? Was he? I think so. I think he was he very that was he? I think so. I think I think you know, he was a very good chess player, but then I think he went a bit, um, bit conspiracy theory nuts. Hmm, but you know, at some point, you just, you start saying that people, this is how the world is. And you've stopped, you've stopped keeping your mind open. And then you just got to then you form groups online. And you know, and then I'll just read four things others. A very natural link between being a chest prodigy and being a conspiracy theorist, because
Starting point is 00:12:38 in chess, as well as thinking several moves ahead, you have to also assume that your opponent is thinking several moves ahead. And you look at very simple and seemingly unconnected things like moving a pawn forward one square, you know, moving a rook across a little bit. And from that you have to extrapolate a grand scheme. Yeah. A vast conspiracy. So that's what it is, I guess you've been hard to turn it off. I guess every time you enter a game of chess, you enter a vast conspiracy to defeat your opponent. Yes. You're in all the pieces working together. Every time you see somebody riding forwards on a horse, you're just waiting for the penny to drop and for them to start riding sideways on a horse.
Starting point is 00:13:36 And for, yeah, the horse doesn't go sideways as it goes up and then to the sideway, I guess that is side. I keep thinking diagonally. I guess going to the side is sideways. Yeah. Yeah. In a way. When you picture the night moving and you picture it on a real horse, person on the reverse. I do. Do you picture them walking forward and then sort of just hovering to the side whilst still pointing forward.
Starting point is 00:14:06 Well, I mean, in a way, but I picture the horse stepping sideways whilst still pointing forwards. Yes. You don't think that the horse would just turn. No, I don't. The horse would always just pick a way direction to move. I feel like we recently did talk about what I'd to say the Melbourne Cup, where the horses run backwards, or possibly the jockey sit backwards, and I can't remember.
Starting point is 00:14:36 But even more than that, I wanna say the Melbourne Cup, where the horses have to walk sideways. Yeah, I think one of, if you bring in that dressage, sideways walking or that diagonal walking that they do. Yeah. But that's a race.
Starting point is 00:14:51 Bring a speed version of dressage. No, I think no, I think you can. I think people would be, do people whip them during dressage or are those horses too good to whip. You know over time people would start to breed horses that were more aerodynamic for moving sideways. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:16 They would be sort of pointier on one side. That's true, yeah. I guess eventually, yeah, that's what would happen. Maybe there, maybe there were like ones with legs at the point. That point that way. That point, that way. And then we could, what Alice there, what we could do is we could just enter a regular horse, but tell everyone that it's a horse that we've bred so that it's head is on the side and its legs are turned around.
Starting point is 00:15:46 And then we could just run our horse forwards. Yeah, that's true. Or you wouldn't. Yeah, I guess that's true. I mean, but how would you prove that it was a side? You know, like as I mean, it feels like that one would look exactly like I mean look I think you're right Hmm, well we tell people this takes place in Ricky devices the invention of lying universe Where nobody knows what nobody knows about lie Ed, I want to see that extended universe that's a crossover universe with the sideways horses universe
Starting point is 00:16:22 Yeah, so the dressage, the speed dressage. Exactly. I think... Sideways horse. Sideways horse, sideways horse, but I think... Maybe side saddle, ideally, would be, you know, side saddle, which for women is more graceful in some way. Should technically be the women sitting sideways on the horse and then the horse also walking.
Starting point is 00:16:53 Now, do you think women horses should be forced to wear high heel horses? But as we discussed the other day, a horse's foot is actually like their finger. So their heel is actually way further up their leg. So that we just have to be a stiletto, stiletto, that probably wouldn't actually affect how they walk, except for just look interesting. I mean, I think high-heeled horseshoes is very good. Yeah, high-heeled horseshoes for the leading horse. I think even something about the history of horse racing could be a documentary about the history of horse racing and talking about You know the sexism that used to exist in horse racing
Starting point is 00:17:53 Where the lady horses were expected to run in a high heel horseshoes and Maybe some of the other barriers that they came up against but Yeah, until I guess until people were like, wait, they're actually the fastest horses. Are they? I think I don't know. Seems like a lot of, a lot of horses. A lot of some of the best was far-lap a lady.
Starting point is 00:18:20 Uh, I think he was all man. Not about, uh, Maccabi Deaver. Deaver. That sounds, that's sound, the deeper bit makes me think it's a lady horse. I think maybe the Wynx was also a lady horse. I don't know. I hate to misgender a horse. Yeah, let's see.
Starting point is 00:18:41 I know we don't look things up. But I think that is certainly a thing. Alistair. Yeah. A historical documentary about what Lady Horses have had to overcome. Wait, is there two categories? Is it like male horses and females? Yeah, they're all in there together, which I think is very good. It's very progressive. It's quite progressive. Yeah, you know, they're all competing.
Starting point is 00:19:13 Oh, you know what? It doesn't even, doesn't even list the gender of the horse. Well, that's even more progressive. Look at that. I don't I don't see horse gender I do but sometimes it's quite hard to overlook they don't make it easy. That's true Well, I don't know what to do beyond that. We spent so much time asking how a horse would wear pants Yeah, we never stocked to ask if they should when When what occasion they would wear pants. We'd never stop to ask if they should. When? When? What occasion they would wear them to. I think, and but also if we learn anything from the previous podcast where we discussed the fact that they should wear, that their legs are fingers, they're not wearing pants at all, they're wearing gloves. Let a fingerless gloves, like those ones that are regular,
Starting point is 00:20:06 like a person with no hands would wear. You always said a person with no home, is that right? No, I was going to say a person with no fingers, but... Well, I suppose a person with no fingers would also wear fingerless gloves. Maybe they were mittens. It'll see a lot of mittens in Australia. Do you see mittens in Australia?
Starting point is 00:20:40 Well, I certainly don't, because I bought two pairs of mittens for my children. And they've all disappeared except for one individual mittens, which is all that I can find at the moment. And it's very distressing to me. I bought them a long time ago, thinking, these will be perfect when we went to rolls around. Anyway, winter's rolled around. I can't find any of the mittens. So I've got to wait another whole year and hopefully rediscover the mittens in the interim.
Starting point is 00:21:04 Why, it's still winter. I just, I've just got a really big feeling that I'm not going to find them before this winter is out. But why this could be our last winter. But why do you think that a year passing will increase your chances of you finding those mittens? Because I got to, I got gotta believe in something, I got it. Yeah, I guess I'm gonna have hope. I guess you're right. Fingalous mittens, is that a thing?
Starting point is 00:21:35 Oh, I don't know, that actually is a problem. Parmalous mittens. Parmalous mittens, okay. So that's just a little sort of, a little beanie for your fist. Well, yeah, I think it's, they're kind of finger warmers. It's just there's sort of a little beanie for your fist. Well, yeah, I think it's a, they're kind of finger warmers. It's just a big hole in your palm because whose palm has ever gotten cold. Somebody holding a cold drink.
Starting point is 00:21:57 Mmm, it's nice. It's sort of like a sort of revealing. What about a little two piece, you know, that has just a bit of bits for the, yeah, little two piece, maybe a bit that sort of goes around the middle of the finger, right, that middle joint there, and then another bit that sort of covers just the palm, but then there has, you know, quite like quite a sexy and revealing sort of midriff section there on each finger, yeah, on
Starting point is 00:22:24 the bottom, the bottom knuckle area. What do you call the bit in between knuckles? I feel like we might have talked about this before. Finger? Does that have a, that's just finger. Is that pure finger? Yeah, that's pure finger right there. Is that the meat of the finger?
Starting point is 00:22:38 Ooh, I don't know. I think the meat, the meat is the muscle of the finger, which would be I suppose sort of up against the bone. We definitely talked about all of this recently It's like it is like your finger has a thigh and then a calf and then a foot or something Yeah, but it's all but it all bends the wrong way. It's like a dog's leg or a horse's leg I can't remember this is this is exactly the conversation we've already had. Anyway, Alistair, can I pitch to you the sexy and revealing two-piece glove as a sketch idea?
Starting point is 00:23:14 And it's something to wear because I think for the glove people, they've got winter absolutely sowing up, right? But it's in their interest to try and give us some options for a summer glove that's good for for summer. So it's made out of what kind of material? Um, like the key. Like a key. Kind of a key. It's a sport summer glove. Well, you could have a sports figure sports glove. Sure. But you what is it that you make swimsuits out of? I assume that was Lycra. Is that not Lycra? I don't know. I don't know. I just I just associate Lycra with, you know, with men riding bicycles. More women riding bicycles. Are they are they riding those bicycles into the ocean for us, when a summer glove, a sexy summer of glove, two, three piece.
Starting point is 00:24:13 Oh, yeah, like, I think the three, the three piece bathing suit. Why did we stop it too? Well, why not just a series of concentric rings? Well, if you think about the body, area between each joint is kind of like a belly, a belly in it. So you could have a little ring of lycra or, you know, swimsuit material, covering the top of each middle bit, the bust area. And we get... And we get...
Starting point is 00:24:49 And we get... And we get... And we get... And we get... And we get... And we get... And we get... And we get...
Starting point is 00:24:57 And we get... And we get... And we get... And we get... And we get... And we get... And we get... And we get... And we get... And we get... And we get... And we get... It's okay. I forgot my basic leg leg anatomy. Yeah, basic leg leg comparative leg and effort
Starting point is 00:25:07 that I was also seeing the boob of the leg, but I was also saying belly. Oh, right. Unless you're saying you heard me say something else, but I heard you say bust. Yeah, but I said belly before I'm sorry. I hate it when we fight like this. I think the listeners do too. They want to know that we're okay. That everything's going to be all right. I think Andy much. That mum and dad are going to keep podcasting together. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:39 Well. And do you think that people will find this sexy? Do you think we'll find ways of making our hands sexier? I think it's an investment. I think it's a long-term investment in titillation. We need a new, we need a new Puritanism, we need a new Victorian era, right? So that we can, this will be so good for growth and good for the economy.
Starting point is 00:26:08 You think about the money that is spent on lingerie and that sort of thing every year, but there are only so many bits of the body that we feel ashamed of that we need to cover up. And therefore, that we can derive sexiness from revealing in interesting ways, revealing and concealing in interesting ways, revealing and concealing in interesting ways. But if we all make an agreement now that we're going to start covering up every sort of joint or every, you know, if the finger has a boob, wherever that is, we're going to start covering those up as well.
Starting point is 00:26:36 Then 100, 200 years down the track, there's going to be a new sexual revolution. People will be burning their finger bars. And then there'll be a new wave of exciting lingerie for all these different parts that are now so erotic. Overexposed. Of another side. Because we did. Yeah, hiding them.
Starting point is 00:27:02 Sexualized. Yeah. Well, you know, I mean, then I guess we're heading towards like a burka for the men, for that man and for the women and everything like that. Is that kind of what you're proposing? I'm not thinking of it as a burka. I am thinking of it as just certain zones that we feel need to be concealed. Okay, but I mean, but would it, you know, if some of us the more conservative of us,
Starting point is 00:27:29 do you think covering my fingers in an entire burka or a necab would be appropriate? Sure, yes, yes, but that would be a glove, right? Camerang your fingers in a, that's what that would be. Maybe with a little slit for each finger to look through. At risk of this being unbelievably offensive to some people, I think, covering some of the really erotic parts of the body in a neck-carve or the other one, you know, would really, yeah, the Berka would, what I think really hide it from people's view. See that you don't wanna follow me on this
Starting point is 00:28:13 and it's okay. No, I've lost a little bit what we're talking about. And I am. I was just hinting. We're gonna say a little bit Monday drunk. Yeah, you're a bit Monday drunk, that's okay. That's okay, I wasn't clear. I was basically saying it would be funny to see a penis dressed in a Berkha. Oh, okay. Well, then I did not,
Starting point is 00:28:30 I was not with, I was not, it's not that I wasn't following you, Elastair. It's that you've got lost in the fog, and I couldn't see you anymore. Well, I wasn't 100% saying it clearly, because I was trying to... Alistair. Yeah. Alistair, if we could just follow this a little bit more. And, gee, really, just, you know, we said it now, I do think that little, little religious garments for your penis, of whatever denomination are very interesting. You know, I'm not a Catholic, but my penis is. And you reveal it.
Starting point is 00:29:09 And it's there, you know, little robe, you know, a little, little priestly robe. I mean, the little pope's hat would fit it so beautifully. You know, I've never thought of, um, of making a joke, point in hub account for comedy. But it feels like that's where that kind of thing would live, isn't it? Just having little popout fits for your penis, erect penis, that you would just put online. And I guess you don't have to have your face in it,
Starting point is 00:29:41 but you could just put it up. And I guess if anyone ever sees that, or if that's already there, just assume it's mine. Yeah, great. I think, you know, we've seen the puppetry of the penis. Well, this will be the papalery of the penis. Yes. And you, he can give little sermons.
Starting point is 00:30:01 Yeah. For, you can make a little cardboard Vatican. And you can poke your penis out of that window that he stands at. And he can, he can give to a little sermon. And then at the end, instead of saying, oh, man, he can ejaculate. And all across what I said, Peter Square or whatever it is. Is it the Basilica? I can't remember.
Starting point is 00:30:28 And I see, no, this is way too far, but I see them if we were doing this. All the people listening were also erected penises that have been dressed up and that when you, Jack and you just ejaculating over other penises. Now, I mean, they don't have to be exclusively penises. But you can't dress up a vulva to make it look like a person. Not in the Catholic church, certainly.
Starting point is 00:31:02 I think the Catholic church doesn't allow this to be sort of theater in the Catholic church, certainly. I think the Catholic church doesn't allow all the spiritual places. This would be sort of theater in the traditional sense like Shakespeare used to do. And all the roles would be played by men. All the roles are played by penises. It's a full penis nativity. Which is, you know, another thing that could be done. Maybe you could do that thing, you know,
Starting point is 00:31:28 it's like that thing where people are making art and lockdown, but there's only one of you, because you live alone or whatever, and so you're using green screens and things like that to put yourself in multiple parts of the screen and interacting with them. Yeah. screen and interacting with them. Never has there been more glory in a glory hole. Never has there been more holiness. I've talked about this on the podcast. The Holy Hall. That I think it's a shame that we stopped. You know, we came up with that for delivering sexual gratification, but we didn't apply it to any other business models, and we could have... Any business models?
Starting point is 00:32:18 Business models. You know, any other types of service delivery, because if I could go into a toilet cubicle and there were just two holes there and I could get a haircut through them, somebody would just put their hands through. Yeah. And give me a haircut and I would never have to see them or talk to them. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:40 I think, I think that's how I would like one of those done. Yeah. Well, I think it's just it's a very firstly charitable and kind of a gorilla act, isn't it? So, because I think if you were giving haircuts through holes in a public toilet wall, yes. Firstly, you'd have to be able to cut through a big enough hole to do it. That's true. You wouldn't be able to see. Well, I was thinking the person would poke their two hands through.
Starting point is 00:33:13 Yeah. Firstly, if you're just on the toilet and then you see a pair of scissors come through, yeah, and then maybe another hand with a comb. I mean, that would confuse you more than anything but but I guess you can have conversations between each other and maybe there could be two glory holes No, but I know that's the thing. I mean, I don't want the conversation I assume that's the same with the sexual act. Yeah, no, but I mean like somebody going like how would you like it?
Starting point is 00:33:42 Yeah, I don't want that. That's the whole point. I don't want to, I guess, I guess it's true. I do have to tell them how I want my hair cut. But I don't want to feel bad about not partaking in any other part. Well, I think maybe, you know, if you're doing it that way, I think you just have to accept you're getting, you're getting the haircut the other person wants to give you. Because that's how they derive pleasure from it. Yeah, you're right. You're exactly right.
Starting point is 00:34:15 And that's fair. That's fair that there's something in it for everybody. You know, and I think much in the way with other glory holes, you're assuming this person is not about to. You have to trust a stranger that they're not going to really hurt you. Sure. Then, but that's for social contract, isn't it? Yeah. And I guess they're not that far away.
Starting point is 00:34:37 They're only just a cubicle wall away. So I suppose where it comes to worse, you know, you can, you know, I can go find them and tell them off. But I guess the idea is that you don't have any injury. Yeah, it's a, you know, and you go there and it doesn't have to just be glory holes. I mean, it doesn't have to just be haircuts. It could be other things. Other services, I suppose, aged care. Does it still take place in a toilet cubicle? Yeah, I suppose that, you know, let's say your family can't afford to put you in a home.
Starting point is 00:35:19 Yeah, okay. Maybe you could just wander throughout the park and then when you really need care, you know. You go to the cubicle and then the succession of anonymous hands reaching and, and the press you. I mean, they would probably, a lot of the place where you need help is in the toilet anyway. Hmm, it's true. So you need, so good strong arms may be coming in from both sides to help you up and down. That's right. But they would decide how much help you,
Starting point is 00:35:48 they wanna give you. Well, again, I mean, what are they getting out of this? I mean, helping feels good, helping others in need, feels really good. It's true. I understand a lot of the time. That is the main satisfaction. That's the main reason that people do both aged care and traditional glory whole work. That's right.
Starting point is 00:36:12 And I salute all of you. You know, I mean dog, dog washing, you know? Yeah. You could walk, you know, walk your dog into the cubicle. Maybe somebody could, you know, lather up and wash your dog. That's true, that's true, that's true gift because.
Starting point is 00:36:37 Humanity. Well, because most people derive their pleasure from getting to look at a dog. You don't even get to see. You don't even get to see. They don't even get to see a dog. I got to tell you, I washed my dog yesterday. And while it was a pretty unpleasant experience, seeing exactly how much dirt was in the water afterwards was very satisfying.
Starting point is 00:37:07 was very satisfying. I think that there would be an entire service, just in or you know entire sort of pornography style website, just based entirely around pictures of dogs, dirty dogs, it's called dirtydogs.com and then the picture of the bath water after the dogs had the bath and then the picture of the bath water after the dogs had the bath. Yeah. And then a picture of the bath after the water has been drained out and you get to see all the dirt that's sort of hung around in the bath because sometimes that's quite satisfying as well just seeing the grit there. And then seeing the bath cleaned again.
Starting point is 00:37:39 That's it. I suppose you'd also want to see the clean dog. Yeah. But I'm really here for the filth, the object filth of the dirty bath water. And I think what you've just found yourself is a YouTube channel. Dirty dogs.
Starting point is 00:38:00 Dirty dogs, dog. Backslash, dirty dogs. And backslash, 30 dogs, and backslash. Yep. I was trying to remember which one it was, but you're right to pull me up on that, but I had to fight YouTube for the backslash. They didn't want me to use that. It's not part of the system.
Starting point is 00:38:21 The system can't read the backslash. But they went into the back end and they rewrote some stuff and now they let me have a backslash because that's what it is. And I get the dirtiest dogs. And I wash them. Do you only find dirty dogs or do you sometimes game it and you're dirty the dogs up yourself? Sometimes I'll see a dog who's almost dirty enough. Yeah. Well, I'll say, listen, I can get you across the line. I can turn this into a compelling narrative. If you trust me and I look into the dog's eyes and say, do you trust me? Do you trust me? I do. And then I smear some veggie mit on its back.
Starting point is 00:39:07 And that dog would have loved to lick that veggie mit. I know, but it can't because it's on its back. Yeah. And then what later on? Actually, a very cruel man. It's also not something that you would get to see really much of at the end of the bath. Most weight loss programs are short-term fixes, but managing your weight needs a long-term solution, and that's what makes NUME different. NUME uses science and personalization to help you manage your
Starting point is 00:39:35 weight for the long-term. Their psychology-based approach helps you build better habits and behaviors that are easier to maintain. The best part? You decide how noon fits into your life, not the other way around. Sign up for your trial today at noom.com. That's n-o-o-m dot com to sign up for your trial today. In a left and the morning, well, you know, oh yeah, it's true. It kind of dissolves into the water, wouldn't it? Mm-hmm. So you're not really adding much the satisfaction of your videos It's a journey. Yeah, I guess you're gonna be learning how to do this
Starting point is 00:40:21 Yeah, it's a new business now. Should I just take us through to three words from a listener? Do you think I mean? I think I've definitely ground this to a halt. That's cool, that's cool. All right, well, we got three words from a listener, Andy. And this, these are. It's the first on hearing of it. Yeah, well, we got listeners and they can support us on Patreon, Patreon. And this one comes from a listener called Jerry Dell. Yes.
Starting point is 00:40:53 Judici, or G-E-Dice. G-E-Dice. That's... It is... You're right. I've never thought about how I would pronounce that and I'm glad I'm not in the situation of having to do that, but Jerry it's so wonderful. Have you have you read Jerry's name before? Yeah, we're friends on Twitter. Yeah, well, big fan of jezza. Yeah, I want to get this
Starting point is 00:41:21 So Let's hang on let's get it. And here it is. It's coming. Press play. Don't know if this will turn off our call, but... I didn't hear anything. So, whatever you're doing,
Starting point is 00:41:39 you're on your own. You're having an experience that is truly unique. Yeah, it's not happening. It's not giving me what I want. Oh man, I'm really ruining this. Do you want to try and guess what the first word is? Yeah. I think that the first word is filtrum. Filtrum? Filtrum. Filtrum. That little bit between your nose and your top lip.
Starting point is 00:42:13 No, it's not. No, the first word is Martins. M-A-R-T-I-N-S Yeah, but apostrophe Yep, okay Cubic No Judice
Starting point is 00:42:40 Judice Judice probably Judice Wait, now is this the second word or is this you working on the pronunciation? Yeah. Jerry's surname. Well, because like the robot pronouncer on YouTube said, Joudice, Joudice, like that. But that doesn't feel like, wait, Jerry Dell, Joudice, it feels like that's kind of got some deadness to it.
Starting point is 00:43:05 So maybe like Jerry Del Jidee-J. Yeah, I like it. Jerry Del Jidee-J. I'm going to try it with that. I'm going to go with that. Still excited to find out what the second word is. Second word, cubic. Did you say cubic?
Starting point is 00:43:22 Cubic. It's not cubic, it's architect. Motions? Architect. Okay, is the third word? Dad. Dad. Dad.
Starting point is 00:43:34 I gotta tell you, Andy, this is one of the closest you've ever been conceptually. It's brother. Oh, yes. This is interesting. This is a fascinating crossing of the streams that's a moment in which universe is collide. And the characters from the Martin and Jerry side tank podcast, the bonus episodes from Patreon, are dragged into the reality of the two in the think tank mainstream podcasts.
Starting point is 00:44:14 So many people listening to this would not be familiar with Martin and Jerry. Well, they might know them from magma if anybody's seen magma. But there would be many, I believe, who haven't seen that. Sure. Haven't seen those guys, those guys live. Yeah, that's true. That's true. I believe, I believe all this is them coming through the door right now. Hang on. Someone's coming. It's it's Jerry, Jerry Roberts. Oh, yes, hello, I'm Jerry Roberts. I'm, um, I'm engineer and, um, hi, I'm Jerry Roberts. I am I'm engineer and Oh, it's imagine here wait and somebody's somebody's coming through my door. Oh, it's my
Starting point is 00:44:53 What are coming on Jerry? It's my wife Nice that voice? Yeah, you would. Your Martin's wife? Well. No, my last is wife. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Martin and Jerry are engineers and they have a problem with architects because they are concerned so much with form engineers, much more concerned with function and whether or not things are functional.
Starting point is 00:45:38 So I think Martin's architect brother would be somebody who, well, they'd be a very natural. What does it mean to mar some... To use family feud. Mar. Yeah. To inflict upon it negative consequences, some kind, you know, side effects. I knew you... Mar was stabbed in the eye with a chopstick today.
Starting point is 00:46:06 It really marred what would have otherwise been a very enjoyable jacuzzi. Would you say that a Martin is basically an old- a can of worms, but yes, a Martin, I've got to open up a Martin or a rear end. You're going to open up a can of whoopass or a Martin on your rear end. Yeah. So I think a can of worms and a can of whoopass. Yeah, it's interesting that they're both available in cans. Yeah, and do worms can they live in a can without air? It's a really good question. I don't think that they would be able to I think they'd be dead. Well, I know I but once bought somebody a box of worms
Starting point is 00:47:07 But they kind of like had like worm seeds in there It was like you know like like sort of like you know, it was like mostly worms like in their very like early stages Love I larvae yeah sure, but you know like how flies will be like a worm type thing. They'll be like maggots when they're in their larval form. Do worms have a like maggot form where they're like a smaller type of worm before they become a big worm? And then they go into a cocoon and then they come out as a slightly bigger worm. I couldn't tell you.
Starting point is 00:47:45 I haven't studied the life cycle of the word, and whether or not they just date in a can. Or indeed whether they mourn their dead. Isn't it pretty amazing though, that a creature that is like a mammal or something, let's say a mammal, in a way starts out as a single-celled organism and then grows from there to become a mammal. So in a way it kind of goes through the whole evolutionary cycle, but in a way kind of goes through the evolutionary cycle. Well, you dept, but you see the evolutionary history in some ways, in the growth of the embryo to a fetus, don't you? You see the, you know, there's a period there where we do have
Starting point is 00:48:38 like a tail basically. Yeah. And all this stuff, we look a quite fishy quite fish like yeah sometimes you can And then a bit lizardy. No, not quite lizard, but you know what I mean. Yeah, like it looks so like how if you want to if you've forgotten an idea Right, you had it remember you had an idea for a joke and you've gotten it You've got to try go back and find like oh, what was the first Where did that idea come from? You know, every time you build a new person, you've got to try and remember how to build them.
Starting point is 00:49:10 And you're like, how did I get to building a person? Oh, that's right, I was a tadpole type thing. All right, yeah. And then put some legs on it. You know, you've got to go through the whole thing to work out where you're up to now. Yeah. All our history is there inside us.
Starting point is 00:49:27 All this bit where you don't. They're profound. All this bits where you don't even have a heart. I guess you don't need a lot of development. Yeah. Oh, that's interesting. Do you think it's just holding you back the heart? Well, I'm not saying that.
Starting point is 00:49:43 I'm just saying that. And this, you know, we don't, well, you said we don't need a heart. Well, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that this isn't what you said. We don't need a heart. Well, I said there's bits. Sounds like dead weight to me. Well, it could be. Well, I suppose you wouldn't need a heart if you could expose all your cells to oxygen.
Starting point is 00:49:58 This is really good. It might be possible to do away with the heart entirely if we just lived, if we were just extremely flat, we could have the same number of cells that we have now, but instead of being arranged in a three-dimensional object, they're just spread out on a sheet of glass. Yeah, you know what, I was thinking on a sheet of glass as well. Mm, yeah, exposed to the atmosphere.
Starting point is 00:50:23 Yeah, people could just carry around or we could just slide around using mind control. What I think would be quite big. Yeah, we would be. I think once you spread us out to that thin, we'd probably cover several kilometers. You think so? And I think we're going to cover, I think there's gonna be a fair amount of surface area. But maybe we would become less wide if we, obviously we can make ourselves do that. But what if we kind of created little ridges like a heat sink?
Starting point is 00:51:00 No, yeah. You know, so that we could build up little single-self thick walls that allow us to use up more. We could sort of become a bit more like a corrugated cardboard or something like that. Yeah. Just the corrugations. Yeah, or like, you know, if we created a honeycomb type lattice. Oh, okay, yeah. You know, if we got ourselves a bit more of a honeycomb type lattice, then we could also have creatures grow inside us or cocoon somewhere there or larval.
Starting point is 00:51:34 Well, we could have, I mean, why not just have bees, you know, living in the gas. Honey? Is nice, I love honey. Putting the honey in there, I mean, that could be how we get our foods, it's going to be hard. Otherwise, if we're just a flat sheet of cells, how we're going to eat. But if we become a honeycomb type organism, this is actually, this is a very good idea
Starting point is 00:51:55 for an organism. It's a living honeycomb, okay. What it does is it grows in such a way that it provides the perfect habitat for bees. It has these hexagonal compartments that they can put their honey and their whatever in. But it doesn't, and it just absorbs a bit of the glucose from the honey to get its sustenance and therefore to grow larger.
Starting point is 00:52:27 I think it's a very good idea. It could even be a new type of organism, a new type of alien, or something like that. I think a new type of man who, it is a colony. It's like a walking ant colony or a walking termite mound. Well, think about this. What if it's a person who's like, their doctors tell them their heart is dying. who's like, their doctors tell them their heart is dying. And they're like, well, there's anything can do, doc and the doc of course, Western medicine, know what they're like. They go, they go, nothing. The bunch of nerds, bunch of squizzes.
Starting point is 00:52:56 Nothing we can do. There's no creativity. Imagine that, thinking there's nothing. Or you couldn't spread me out like a honeycomb lattice and let me live with all my cells exposed to the oxygen so that I can live without a heart. I'm going to tell you this right now, Alastair. You don't even need to spread somebody out like that. What you need to do is just drill a bunch of holes
Starting point is 00:53:27 through their chest, really close together, sort of all through the heart and lung area. You allow the air to get straight in there into the lungs, right, without the, you know, so their hearts and their heart and their lungs are dying. And so you've drilled a whole bunch of holes, and the air goes straight into the lungs, so we don't need the throat.
Starting point is 00:53:48 It's always ridiculous to have it come in through a little pipe when it could just come in through lots of holes in the chest. And also, you allow bees to live in the holes. In the holes. And so they come in, they make their honey, and then you can, they push air in that blue ghost straight into the bloodstream. They push air in. Maybe we even let some termites go in running through the veins. They'll carry sugar, I imagine, deep into the body and deliver it to the cells that need it the most.
Starting point is 00:54:25 If you just had a whole honey, like even if you let's say you still had a heart and lungs that worked, but you replaced your stomach, like or at least you opened up your stomach and just let a bee's beehive be in there. Oh, yes. Yeah, and then bees can just enter your chest, you know, whatever they want and stuff like that. That would remove all the need to eat. The night, I'll tell you what would be
Starting point is 00:54:55 the perfect little inlet, now that little navel. Cause the bees, when they go into the hive, they're just going to a tiny little hole. That's true. So we just open up the navel and we let them go in there. I would like to be able to block up. They're coms. I'd like to be able to block up the food pipe though,
Starting point is 00:55:10 the one that goes from my neck, the neck to my stomach, like that. Block that up, never get into digestion again. I'd never risk choking as well. Never risk choking. Well, I mean, I still have my air hole that could still be blocked, but I probably wouldn't be putting food in there anymore. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:55:31 It could be pretty cool. I think it's a good plan. And this way we can entwine the well-being of man with the well-being of bees. You know, it's, it, which, you know, always we've been connected, but because the connection has been indirect, it's been easy for people to take bees for granted. Now we are cutting out the middle man and indeed the middle of the man in order to make ourselves a habitat for God's be, God's tiniest creature. God's be. God's be. God's be. Look, I also think that this living honeycomb person who can live heartless on a, on a pain of glass. Right. Now, the Dave, they say, they say that the doctors told them that they would never live after their heart died, but they've proved them well. But they now, they've just found
Starting point is 00:56:33 that the world, the world has made it difficult for them to live because they haven't made it. You know, the world isn't made really for a person who lives on a pain of glass. Sure. And then we could see their quests to make life, you know, easier for themselves. They could probably drive around on the back of one of those cars that has that thing. Harry's sheets of glass. Harry's sheets of glass. Or they could be, you know, maybe
Starting point is 00:57:08 eventually they could be added to the Pope mobile as one of the sheets of bulletproof glass that the Pope is encased. But the Pope is then using them as a human shield. Yeah, but they've got the Pope has got bodyguards. This is this person is now just one of the Pope's bodyguards. Can I just check is this the real Pope or is this the penis Pope? I think it's the I think it's the real one, but you know, I don't know if I would be able to tell the difference between it. I would have to wait till the end of one of his speeches. And so you probably wouldn't see them the first day, so you would have to really take the job, drive them to a speech and then wait till the end and find out which one he is. Both equally important jobs. Well one brings so much joy into people's lives and gives them hope and then the other one is the regular Pope. I think the most fun bit would be when he ejaculate see the little hack shoot off.
Starting point is 00:58:42 That's true. Yeah. see the little hat shoot off. That's true, yeah. Or tumble off. Yeah, tumble off. Or just get lifted slightly and then see the ooze poured on his face. And then one of them is the regular Pope. I mean, you can see it coming a billion miles away, LSD. But God, it's a fun format. What is?
Starting point is 00:59:11 That joke. Oh, yeah, it really is. You know, I've realized that. I mean, one of them, you can see coming a million miles away and then one of them is the regular Pope. You know, I've realized that, you know, like joke formats that you just keep, you've kind of internalized, then you just use every time you encounter that scenario in life. Yes.
Starting point is 00:59:35 You could, you could purposefully do that with, with joke formats that you really like, just kind of work your way through them. Because I've realized there's some joke formats that I really like, but kind of work your way through them. Because I realize there's some joke formats that I really like, but I don't quite understand enough. And I'm thinking about just trying to figure them out and then try to internalize it and figure out the scenarios which it's used so that I could just have another joke format ready, accessible.
Starting point is 01:00:05 Yeah, I'm putting you on the spot here, Alistair. But can you think of one off the top of your head as an example of that? The trouble is, is that I do have the joke format off the top of my head, but I can't tell you exactly the joke. But there was a couple of examples. One was Sarah Silverman had one, and the other one was that Scottish guy Kevin Oh, you're a little there, a little there. Scott Kevin, can you give me any Kevin bridges? Okay.
Starting point is 01:00:53 And he did a version and it's like a, oh man, I'm not going to describe this well. It's, it's basically a joke where you are about to give, you're giving to, you're, you're seeming like you're about to give two parameters, right? And the first parameter you give sounds like it's the low one. But then, but then in the, when you give the second parameter, it makes you realize that that was the high one. Yeah, that's a, I think I understand. Yeah, so I don't know. It's like saying, this is not a funny joke, but this is like, you know, I met a guy the other day. He was somewhere between, you know, four foot 10 and three foot 10. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:01:53 This is not a joke in any way, but yeah. Yeah. I reckon you can absolutely master that. I think I might be on a master. I don't know why I've had this conversation on the podcast with you. This is not something that's... I think it's a fascinating glimpse into... I might never psych a part.
Starting point is 01:02:15 The kind of... But the kind of conversations that we would just normally have. Yeah. Very normal. Alistair has a lot of aspirational comedy conversation. Yeah, it's true. It's true. Anyway, and this is what happens. You know, I start to get tired and I don't know all my inner truths come out. This is who I really am. I'm just... I think we've done it now. I think we've done the episode. All right. Well, let's take people through. Can I just do a quick
Starting point is 01:02:42 plug and let people know that there are tickets available now to our live episode of the pop test at the Melbourne podcast festival on August of August, this year of our Lord 2021. And from, and I'll try and put a link down below. And from the, from the panic that we can feel, even just through the emails from our producer, it feels like the tickets aren't really moving. But we, I don't. I know. And.
Starting point is 01:03:18 It's thinking it'll be okay. Yeah, yeah. So if you feel like coming, it would be lovely. All right, I'll take us to the sketch ideas for today. But also SansPants said that their tickets aren't moving, and they got a way bigger audience in us. Oh, man. Wow.
Starting point is 01:03:34 So, okay, sketches for today. We got pressure and Pavarotti arrangers. This is a person who, mostly, as a musician, they are an arranger, but they mostly arrange the amount of pressure in the room and the location of Pavarotti in that room in order to change, to modulate the music. Pavarotti just sings one note and then they change the amount of pressure and I suppose the air and maybe what types of gases are there.
Starting point is 01:04:06 So he could put in helium. This is going to really take a toll on pepperonis. And the audience is lungs. And I think if you body, some of those heavier gases that make you sing lower, I think they can actually damage your lung. But you know, I guess that's part of the price of art. Absolutely. Then we got speed dressage race. So that's the sideways walking horses that you see in dress.
Starting point is 01:04:38 It will be a great business service to provide. Yeah, Andy. business service to provide. We have Andy. Death planning. It's somebody who will curate for you, the perfect death. We have wedding planners. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:54 We have party planners. Well, I think now that we even have funeral planners, but we don't have anybody who plans the moment of death itself. That's right. I can't think of anything more important. That's true. And now that assisted suicide stuff is coming in, you know, I mean,
Starting point is 01:05:09 exactly. Eventually, like people will be more okay with it and death planning might be more okay. You can have a party, you can, you know, they could set up, I guess, scaffolding and things like that for you know depending on how high you wanted to it. Yeah. Well it's not fall off it's hey no but I'm just saying like it's you get to choose the way in which you do it right it's not. Absolutely yeah yeah yeah that's that's what they're offering. Here's the thing, Andy, if you had to die from falling from a great height, would you rather fall from a great height onto the ground, or would you like to fall from the ground into
Starting point is 01:05:58 a really deep hole? You know what initially I thought it was going to be fall onto the length as I'd enjoy the view, but then I would be able to see the ground coming up. And I think that would weigh on my mind. Yeah, that's true. And the darkness. I mean, the weightlessness that you experience is only physical. Your mind experiences a great weight. That's true. But in the impending doing in the darkness, falling into a dark hole, and I couldn't see it coming, your mind might have the same likenesses your body. Exactly. Oh, that could be good. That's a really, really good question, Alistair.
Starting point is 01:06:48 Or here's another one. Yeah. Would you like to be fired up from the earth, launched vertically? Yeah. And then splat onto something. A platform high in the air. Yeah. Wait, was that two two options or was that? No, that's one option. It's like falling from the sky down, but you're being shot from the ground up and smashing into something that maybe
Starting point is 01:07:21 something that's hovering. Sure. Here's another option there. Because would you rather be, let's say, shot upwards by a cannon and then you fall down and hit the ground, I splat on the ground, or would you rather they just point the cannon towards the ground and it just shoots you directly
Starting point is 01:07:41 onto the ground. Splat, straight away. Would you be rather be fired to the equivalent distance horizontally so that you crash into a wall? Yeah, that's a good one. The wall would feel worse to die. I think, because I think, I don't know, I think it's nice to have that gravity behind you when you're hitting the ground. I think it'd be quite exciting whipping along basically at ground level.
Starting point is 01:08:16 Shooting past people. Yeah, you're family and stuff like that. I mean, I understand that you're going to fall downwards as well. That's just the nature of trajectories. But maybe we could we could work this out. Maybe a nice way to do it would be to be shot up into the air, really high up into the air. And then you land into like this gelatinous goo and you just suffocate in there. That's what I want. Well, I think really best of both worlds is being fired up into the air at a slight angle. Then your trajectory is planned in such a way that you then go down into a hole in the ground. Oh yeah. And then at a certain depth in the ground, you die, right? You can't see that bit coming. And then they just fill it in.
Starting point is 01:09:08 Oh, that would be cool. Yeah. I mean, that's a really deep hole for them to fill in. If you're falling. But I mean, I suppose there could be other people being shot into the same hole, right? And they fired in a couple of thousand. That would be quite a thing for it. He just
Starting point is 01:09:26 put a plug on it. Yeah. Well, all right, I'll take us through the rest of the sketches. But that's I've put that all under death planning. Anyway, we're doing well. Yeah, I mean, about us. I mean, our, our is so busy. I'm so busy. He's so busy. And he's at this podcast and then go to some other one. He is constantly taking on more work as well. Not anymore. Not all the I did yesterday, but you say you're going to direct Carly's French festival show. Yeah, I did, but but I that was already worked that I had thought that I had accepted and then I'd found out that I'd put it in such a way that I made it seem like I said no. And that's so I was just correct. That was I was writing or wrong.
Starting point is 01:10:14 Okay. So yeah, that was, but you know, did you actually take on more work yesterday? Well, there was just that I entered that competition. That application. Yeah. Yeah. That application to do more work. Yeah. So, um, who boy? All right, let's take us to the sketch ideas. Uh, we got speed dressage. That's the sideways running, but this, but which we think eventually will, you know know breeders won't be able to help Selecting for more sideways style horses Really really excited to see what horses start to look like yeah a few generations Absolutely walking exclusively sideways and then we've got high-heeled horses shoes for for female horses horses for female horses? Lengthen the thigh. Yeah, but I think, you know, we think that that's wrong, but that's just something,
Starting point is 01:11:12 it's probably the sketch idea is kind of, it's in the history of what female horses had to overcome. Sexes it. Right, it allows you, oh, just set it in the past, we can say that it's a, it's drawing attention to the issues. It's a say, well, it's really we just want to see horses wearing hard heels. I mean, yeah, for us, for us, that's what it's about, but, but really, we can, we can talk about how, how did we overcome so many gender issues in the horse world? How did we overcome so many gender issues in the horse world?
Starting point is 01:11:50 But we have so much work to do here in the regular world I'm so a so human centric for me to call this the regular world I apologize Then we have a summer glove a sexy two or three piece made of lycra. And of course that led to us thinking about all the body parts. It has a little strap that you tie up behind the finger. Oh yeah, that's right that you can undo and then it could be quite saucy. Yeah, because then, you know, to the, to the uninitiated, when you're, you know, people who don't see the inside of your palm, they might just think you've tied things around your finger to remember something.
Starting point is 01:12:36 No, no, no, no, no. No. Yeah, I mean, but that's not really what's happened. Oh, right. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. And really what's happening. Oh, right. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. And then we've got little religious garments for the penis.
Starting point is 01:12:54 And that this, I mean, I forgot, I guess I didn't write down that this is Pope penis, penis Pope. Yeah. That's okay. Yeah. That's okay. Yeah, that's okay. And then we got glory holes, but for other businesses, haircuts and age care. Flour, arranging.
Starting point is 01:13:14 Flour, arranging, things like that, which, the element just then is just wrong about it. Maybe we have done that idea before, but, that's cool. Then we've got, honeycomb person, which is a heartless person who had some, well, as a person with a heart who had some heart troubles and doctors, Western medicine doctors, there's nothing that they could do. And I can, but, you know, so willing to give up. Northern medicine.
Starting point is 01:13:51 So willing to give up when, in Northern medicine. Yeah. When, you know, alternative medicine people are very happy to keep taking your money. Mm. That's right. Then we, then we got honey into a colony.
Starting point is 01:14:09 We got honeycomb guts. That's, um, this is a person who realized that you can just have a colony of bees in your stomach and that honey will sustain you. And all you got to do is just, right. You don't be happy to live alongside the bees. Bees in the belly. Bees in the belly. Imagine that, you went, you had to do a show and you go, I got butterflies in my stomach, stomach.
Starting point is 01:14:35 And then they're going to start having war. It's like an invasive species in your belly. With the bees in the belly. With the bees in the belly. I don't know what a fight between a butterfly and a bee would look like. Who do you think would win? The bee. A single bee.
Starting point is 01:14:51 Absolutely the bee. Yeah. Butterflies have got no means of killing. Sorry, I don't think any bark, I think. I don't know if it's a bird tree. You show me a bee that's made out of bark and then maybe we've got a fight on our hands. Yeah, but you know why bees fly the way they do they flutter like that Why well, it's in a regular movement that makes them difficult to predict
Starting point is 01:15:14 How they how they move so it makes them more difficult butterflies? What did I say? Bees I thought I was talking about butterflies. Yeah, yeah, but you said bees Oh boy Guess we'll have to agree And then we got death planning So yeah, it's out of Andy. Thank you so much everybody for listening. Thank you so much for listening to Two in the Think Tank. We like that you do that thing. And please remember that there are tickets available to our live episode of the pop test. You can see the first ever live podcast
Starting point is 01:16:05 that we've done together, Alistair. First ever. So I think that's quite momentous. Yeah, we've never done a live tour in the thing thing. All these other podcasts are so willing to cash in, but we're actually not sure that we think our audience might be too spread around the world and not concentrated enough in Melbourne.
Starting point is 01:16:23 Yes, sure, we'll find out. So thank you for everything. You can find me at Stupid Old Andy. around the world and not concentrated enough in Melbourne. So thank you for everything. You can find me at Stupid Old Andy. And you can find me at Alistair TV. You can find us at Two in Tank, both on Twitter and on Instagram. You got to post something on Instagram. I haven't posted something on Instagram for ages, but I do haven't posted anything on Twitter for ages. I do use it sometimes to converse with listeners. You know who I've been conversing with sometimes. Patreon supporter Pupu Bumbumman. Pupu Bumbumman. Love it. Love your work. Absolutely. And thank you to Pupu. And you know what I found out from Pupu Bumbumman
Starting point is 01:17:02 that one time I was at a skate park in Castle Main with my, probably at the time, two-year-old son. And Pupu Bumbumman was there hanging out with their friends. But they didn't approach you. That's very, very restrained. Yeah, it was very respectful. I mean, also, I'm okay with people approaching me. So... Oh, me too. Yeah, it was very respectful. I mean also I'm okay with people approaching me. So, um... Oh, me too. Yeah. Come to my house. And we love you.
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