Two In The Think Tank - 295 - "SMORGASBORG"

Episode Date: July 21, 2021

Permanent Steam, "That Oil Lifestyle", The Behind Youniverse, The Invention of Hiding, Dentist and a Show, Operating Theatre Restaurant, Eat Your Heart Out, Smorgasborg, Wife BreatherYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Listen and subscribe to THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastJoin the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right herePanthankual thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This holiday season, give the gift of glow with OSEA's limited edition Super Glow Body Set. This three-piece kit has everything they need to exfoliate, hydrate, and glow all over. For a gift that will impress, give OSEA's Super Glow Body Set. Right now, you can get the Super Glow Body Set valued at $126 for only $79 when you use code GIF at ocamalibu.com. That's code GIF at OSEA Malibu.com. Baby, baby, baby, baby, oh, hello and welcome to To In The Think Tank, the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy. And I'm Eleka Cherambla Bayacelle. Yes, yes. You know what the one thing that you can pronounce any way you want is your own name. You have total power over that.

The appearance present you with the cage of the spelling, but you can break free to the world of pronunciation. Those phonemes are yours. For me it's taking out any trebbly S sounds. Trebally to hard, into The hard seas. Also known as icebergs. Icebergs, really? Icebergs, hard seas. You know what would be really great.

Oh, would be. I'm going to get that, sorry. If in addition to the, I say great, but this could be where we're heading in a global warming situation. In addition to the ice banners. And it will be global warming. Well, the global warming. I'm global, well. They're re-daving climate change.

It was global warming. Then they changed climate change. Now they're calling it global warming, then they changed climate change. Now they're calling it global well-ming. Global well-ming. Yes. Now, if in addition to the icebergs at the poles, at the equator, we had regions of the sea where it was boiling. And so you had enormous bubbles floating around, you know? Somehow the surface tension is keeping the boiling steam, the steam, the steam ocean.

Exactly. In there, I guess, I mean, I don't wanna go too into this, but I would, Okay, why not? Why not? I don't know why, but I guess you could suggest that clouds are steamsys. Seam steams, I mean, those steamsys.

Yeah, although it's always pissed me off, right? When you get told by scientists, you know, it's fucking scientists. They say, well, actually, steam is invisible. What you're seeing is actually droplets of liquid water. That's condensation. Not steam. You can't see steam.

Did you know this? Did you know this? You were this? No, I didn't. Well, I mean, I feel like it's probably, look, I'm not 100% sure, but for example, regular water is invisible. Right? But you can see it. Because it affects, because of the way it affects the, when you look through it, you see other things. Yeah, in many ways that's what saying is.

Yes. Yeah, yeah. So. But it's see the right. Yes. Glass, you can't see. but actually you can, you know? Yeah, yeah, it's true. You see, you look right through it, right?

But at the same time, you can look at it often because of the way that it affects that. So, and I feel like steam is not gonna have no effect on the world. No, no. I think what it does is it can distort, and you can get like a wavy, wavy, you know, things look a little bit wavy.

But whatever you, whatever people normally say when they say, ah, I can see the steam, you know, oh, the steam is rising, I can see the steam, oh, my breath, my steam, and we're breath, you know, all that stuff, none of that steam. It's not steam. None of that steam. That's, that's all, that's all liquid, liquid drop. That steam that was, so I guess it must have been steam at some point. Yeah, yeah.

Well, that's not it. I think that's how it got there. I think that's how it got there. It escaped. And then it condensed as it cooled down. Or that's what you see. Or is it just breath water? Like when you, when it's cold outside and you've got breath water,

you know, so you're just blowing out a very small amount of water. And so, and it's that it's being, like that the, it's particles and it's being carried on the air because it's a small amount. Because you've distributed it throughout your air. I reckon that's probably both.

I think that you have water vapor in the air, like you know, you would have with humidity, okay, in the air that you're breathing out. But as it gets out into the cold, it condenses, turns into, again, water droplets, and you're just seeing liquid water. but but I guess but you don't know Look, I can see the water look at the water coming out I'm absolutely dripping through my mouth into the air cloud of drips

Hmm, that's what it is. That's the truth. It is. It's a cloud of drips. Um, but is Because I mean, it's not steam because I guess there's no water that's boiling in your body, right? No, I think I think that you can, well, you can still, you know, you can get evaporation from the oceans without the oceans boiling. You still get evaporation. You just get like a few, a few few so that means that those particles have reached a hundred degrees. I Don't know that temperature you can talk about for individual particles

Right here because it's an average. Yeah, so I think all that's happened is you know Maybe a couple of particles have collided with one particle and give it enough energy to break the bonds of the water and zip up into the atmos. So that can be steam. And I think that might be steam. Yeah, right. Okay, great. And now is there a sketch in this?

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Just you wait till I lay this sketch idea on your own, I'll stare. Yeah, yeah, I'm ready. I'm ready. You know, picture the dead parrot sketch, the iconic sketch, the dead parrot sketch.

But, well. But it's a cloud of breath of wet breath. It's cold day. It's a cloud of wet breath. And he says, you sold me this steam, he says, that's not steam. No, he says, it's a no, he says, you sold me this steam. Hmm. And it's called an expansion.

It's actually, it's actually water. Sorry. No, it isn't. No, it isn't. Anything, anything, anything, that. Yes, it is. As you can't, you can't. Did you get that? Did you get that? Yes, it is. You can't see, Steve. Which again? That's most, you got to admit, most of Monty Python is somebody saying something and then the other person going, no, it isn't. It's something that is obviously one thing and then you just go, no, it isn't in a really

funny way. No, it is slightly you took out slightly high-fit No, it isn't like you should if you say of trademark. No, it isn't They should have hmm if they if if you take out all the know it isn't From there's nothing there. Yes, it is from Monty Python There's nothing there. Yes, it is. From Mounty Python. It's actually, it's just dust.

There's three minutes of content there. It's actually just water particles. Just people disagreeing vehemently for no reason. Clearly, they shouldn't be. So, okay, we don't have a sketch unless it is this water parrot. It's a parrot. Would that work as a, as as any kind of a sketch?

I mean, I feel like there's, it's almost a meme format to just, we're just, I mean, we're just taking their sketch idea and then, and then just putting other things in there because it's not quite a format really it's not really a sketch idea I think I think I think we've encountered the moment the first moment where something is so nothing Yeah, well, I think that what it is is that There's also the floor of the fact that obviously you can transform

Water between states and back again, you know, without you can get it back exactly as it was, which is a pretty cool thing about water. I mean, it would really suck if water was single use only, you know. Oh, yeah. Once it's evaporated, it's steam, it's steam forever. And once it's ice, it's ice, it's not coming back. But then if it's steam forever, does it just become, you could have ice steam, like, you know, like just freezing steam. Oh, that is pretty cool. You know, you could have room temperature water.

But then also room, you could have room temperature ice. I think ice that just stays ice hot ice. I mean, you could have, yes, you could have hot ice. Ice that melts rock. You know, just because you couldn't, you could have ice that, no, I was gonna say ice that melts other ice just because you couldn't. You could have ice that, no, I was going to say ice that melts other ice, but you couldn't, but you could have ice that boils

that melt other ice. No, you couldn't because the ice that is become ice remains ice. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's true. Yeah, gosh, you, but that's the one thing that it can. Yeah, I know you had already done that thinking. Yeah. So and and it's but you could have ice that boils water. You could heat really heat up some ice like till it's like a red hot with a little blowtorch and then you could chuck those. There's some water. Red hot ice pebbles into some water. That water boils turns into steam. Never changes back. We would have to learn. And then that ice is still just sitting there. just back. We would have to learn. And then that ice is still just sitting there. This is a I think this is a sketch and I know this just doesn't

but it's kind of it's a it's a dystopian kind of idea. Well it's a sci-fi idea. Where water can only change phases, change states, phases, state change phase once. And then it stays there. And then, so then we're getting less and less liquid water, which would mean. But then, so then eventually you would probably have to

learn how to drink steam. So you'd have to open up your soft August, you know, like people do, you'd have to open up your softagas. You know, like people do, you'd have to open up your softagas like people do when they're sculling, but you'd have to learn how to to suck in through your softagas. So sort of a soft, a softacle breathing.

The esophical suck. The esophical suck. The esophical suck. That's quite, I reckon that, I wonder if that's a technique that anybody uses in those competitive eating things where you kind of maybe expand your stomach cavity somehow to create some kind of suction, really pull down, suck stuff in. Yeah. And then, because you'd get all the steam in your blood. Yeah, well that's the problem, right?

Is that the water that is steam, can it then have any useful function in your body, can it be absorbed into your cells to do watery type things? Because that's suspiciously like it becoming water again. No, no, so I think, well, and then, you know, when it comes out, does it come out as piss or does it come out, like as liquid, or do it come out as... Absolutely, just go.

Bits, droplets that are liquid, drop in then, and then like just mist. Yeah, and also some shards of like solid ice in there as well if you've ever How would it get? Oh, I guess how would it get through? What would happen though? You could take the ice blocks and you could smash it down until ice blocks and you could smash it down until that's the only way you could get it back in any way to be close to liquid is to just break it up into small enough dust. That's nothing like a liquid. That's nothing like a liquid. That's still a solid. That's like dry water. That's still a solid. That's like, that is like sand or, yeah, or dust. Or, you know, shots of diamonds. But it wouldn't lose all of its properties, right? It would still

be like water, isn't that what? I guess if you can grind it down to whatever the particle size of water is, then I think they have to start to individual atoms. Individual atoms are molecules. No, don't go all the way to atoms because then you got just like free oxygen and hydrogen. And that oxygen will just start reacting with your skin, you'll probably just burn. You got all these free radicals.

It's not into sand, bad. No, but the sketch idea is, and look, it's not the clearest hilarious sketch, but is that water, there's an event, there's an event, there's a flashing that somehow affects the knowledge that molecules have on what to do. It changes.

Yeah, they know. They have identities and they remember. There's something they become really stubborn. You know, the thing that, you know, that whatever, you know, so so, whatever it is within a water molecule, that when you apply heat to it, it then changes and starts becoming a gas and then changes and starts becoming a a solid

When you cool it that thing that happens that it gets affected in some way. It's something about the molecular interaction between something happens in the code of the universe Hmm and the flash code. And that's. And somehow it manifests as just a big flash of light, but, but it comes from behind the universe. It comes from the back end. Everywhere. Yeah.

Right. And then, but we see the flash coming through matter. It's like everything glows from the other side, from behind the screen. Right. This sounds really good. Yeah. And we're like, I mean, I'm not sure how you would experience that in any way

that would be different to just a very bright light, just happy. Well, but it's a cool idea. Yeah. And then it's like coming for them from that fifth or fourth dimension, the one that we, yeah, we're worried, whatever's on the other side. Anyway, whatever the dimension is that's on the other side. It's behind everything if you can imagine where that dimension would be. I get it out. I get it. I get it. And the more you say it, the more I want to think about it, and that makes me get it less. So I think it's better to just say it and move on.

And then we, what we have to do as people is we have to, we have to then try to get all the liquid, once we realize what's happening, and until we can fix this until we get them to the back end right is we need to get as much water Into a safe secure place where it can stay room temperature So we take all the bottles of wine out of the sellers. We put just kitty pools just filled with water in there Yeah wine out of the cellars, we put just kiddie pools, just filled with water in there. Yeah. Um, museums that are air conditioned, I don't know that'll might cause some evaporation. No.

Yeah, yeah, I don't think you, I mean, well, maybe you do need air conditioning. You need something to keep temperatures, it couldn't use evaporative cooling, obviously. No. But you need something to keep the temperatures of our living spaces as regulated as possible. And probably as close to zero degrees as possible. Why? Without going below it. Yeah. Because things are always evaporating. Yeah. And a temperature. I guess so. Yeah. I guess. Yeah. Be five degrees just to be safe. You know, and you'd have water would be so rationed. Yeah. The amount that you're allowed to have for everything. You'd have to write a form to the government for

every cup of water, explaining what you're going to use it for. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's going to be a lot of paperwork and that paper will contain water. That paper will probably contain some water, doesn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Oh. I reckon we'll probably won't be using ink. That's for sure. Yeah, we'll use and grail.

Crale old-fashioned wax crayons. Graffite. And people will probably oil will become a lot more. You know, well, you'll have your barbs in oil or maybe we'll have to just start drinking oil Yeah, just squeeze them right out of this straight from the pig Think it would be fun to drink oil for a weight Vegetable oils and just see what it's like. Hmm. I think you'd feel really I think you'd feel really inter- Well, you know, I think about that a lot

because I once read a story about a person who is preparing themselves for an Arctic journey, an exploration of the Arctic, and they just bring chocolate and nuts with them while they're on that journey because they just use up so many kilosils, so they just need stuff that's kilosil, then some sugar.

I'm sure I said this on this podcast is sometime in the last seven years. Anyway, but in order to prepare themselves for the journey for their body to take that many kilosils, they would drink two glasses of olive oil a day. Two points I think they were saying. I just want to know what your shit is like. I'll I'll come clean. That's what I want. No, you won't come clean. No, you'll come quite messily. In fact, you're good, and the doctor will say,

you'll have to stop coming. Stop coming to the doctor because it's making it a big mess. You're staying all, you're leaving everything, the carpet, the clothes. Yeah. Oh, I had. But you could become an oil-based creature.

Yeah. Do you think? You could. Um, now, do you think there's a sketch in that? I want to just write down my idea. And the oil thing, drinking oil? I don't forget. No, my idea is a different thing, so yeah, but is yours that?

I think somebody who drinks oil, who just replaces water with oil And then they just It's just like somebody's friend. They did they're just like I read on the internet that this was better and Then and they're just so greasy They're also so sick. Yeah, right like they're in they're in a hospital bed They're dying and sick. Yeah, they're in a hospital bed. They're dying. And their family is bagging them to just drink a glass of water.

And they're like, more oil. Oil. Some reason I picture them, you're at a pub with friends. And then this is their friend shows up and they're greasy. And they just pull out a bottle of sort of Crisco, or whatever Crisco, of sort of blended vegetable and pour that in a pile. Is this a new kind of alcoholism?

Yeah, but it's not a new drinking. But they're looking down at you who is drinking alcohol saying that that's so bad for you. But this person is gross, and their shirt is just drenched in oil. And they keep slipping. They can't lean on the table. Put the elbow on the table. But I think this is a funny new drinking problem that people start drinking oil. One of the funny things about is that you can't mix it with anything in order to disguise what you're

drinking. Other oil. You can't. It's only other oil, exactly. And the great thing is that if you're really under the influence of this slippery stuff, I'm sure it's bad for your driving as well, right? Drinking oil and driving because you probably can't grip the steering wheel properly. Probably affects your vision in some way. If all the liquid in your body is sort of yellowy,

I think that would make everything look yellowy. Well, okay, so your version of the body just starts replacing its fluids with oil. That's a theory, by the way. Yeah. But then the police try and get you, and they can't, because you're so slippery. It's so slippery.

Yeah, I wonder whether the oil, with the oil sort of offer you some kind of electrical insulation to stop you. I think it would. Yeah, I think that's a really good point. And also, they probably can't get the, you know, those little pricks. The tizer, yeah, the tizer pricks that they shoot at you. They wouldn't get stick to you. You could just keep running or, I guess it'd be like ice skating. Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot. Even the bullets they're shooting you with, by the way,

it is a wild, they've introduced, you know, shoot on sight for public intoxication. We're probably oil intoxication. We're the oil, we're the oil. But, um, yeah, the bullets are just slipping off you as well. They slip around you. Now my idea, analyst, different idea. So I think that's a sketch idea. I think drinking oil, oil drinking. Yeah, oil drinking problem is there. And I've put in and in Verdecomas for no reason says that oil lifestyle. I just

love that oil lifestyle. Now my I was thinking when you said, you know, this is to mention that's behind everything. Right. I like I was saying you'll be great if we found a way to access that. You know, we just found a new way to move objects so that when they're out of the way, you're actually seeing what's really behind it in some extra new type of bind. But I was like, well that's too weird. It got me a sketch. But then I thought, well, what about just regular, the idea of things regularly being behind things? And that is, is that's object permanence, right? That's the understanding of object permanence. And we've had a few sketch ideas where it's a twist on

the Ricky Gervais, the invention of lying movie. But I think the invention of object permanence and it's a world in which really, you know, only one person understands that things can be behind other things. What the ability to just like, it would be the equivalent of invisibility, right? Because when you walk behind things, people don't realize, you know, and then you come back again. I mean, I suppose it's confusing because in this world, people must still walk behind things relative to other people.

But people don't understand why. And what it, they don't understand why or where they've gone. But they wouldn't ever think to do it consciously in order to conceal something. And things disappearing, reappearing. It would probably end up being a lot like a horror film. It would probably end up being a lot like the father that terror, that horrific movie about dementia

had losing your place in the world. But I think it would be pretty neat to be able to just pull things out from behind things and make people think that you just summoned them into existence. I really like the idea that yeah, about only one person understands that things can be behind other things. I mean, you could just build that into any regular slice

of life sitcom, you know? That, um, I don't know. Well, that's a big cool, I was, I'm really intrigued. So like, just, you know, they made, they made how that could fit into a regular sitcom. What would a regular sitcom even look like if people didn't understand that people still existed when they went off street well look I mean it would really explain that enormous reaction that Kramer gets when he comes through the door on side well

like you know they've had the American office they've had the UK office but they have the office we're only one person understands that things can be behind other things Yeah, you know what you're right now what I like is that this is still in a Ricky device Well, I think he deserves it because the Ricky device extended universe crossover where that's the That's his crossover of a couple of his universes. Both the one where only one person knows, I'm the kitchen. Yeah, we're only one person knows something universe and the office universe.

Yeah, exactly. I've always said that those happened in the same multiverse. I wonder. I wonder. I wonder. I mean, I haven't seen the movie yet. I think I should probably watch it because I referenced it so much. The invention of lying.

The invention of knowing that things can be behind other things. Is this a joke that all documentaries happen in the same universe? I have a theory that all documentaries happen in the same universe? I have a theory that all documentaries happen in the same universe. Yeah, the documentary extended universe. Yeah, the new D.E. I think if you tweet that, you could say that I have this theory that all nonfiction films

happen in the same, something like that. I don't know. I'm just trying to not use the word documentary twice And you were doing a really great job of it In fact, you didn't in that sentence. You didn't even use it Which I didn't I didn't bother saying your bit of the sentence, which was the punchline. Yeah, exactly. I know. Oh you were you listening I was listening. And Andy does listening help when somebody doesn't say something? Did you hear that I didn't say it because that doesn't make sense, Andy? God, you sound like an idiot.

You know what you really got? You sound like a fucking idiot. Oh, so embarrassing to do a podcast with you. Sorry, no, that's not true. I really love this and thank you very much for your... I really love this too, Alice, but I am scared of how tired it makes me these days. Do you think, you know, I used to be able to just do a podcast and then bounce right back, you know, and it would be fun.

There would be nothing to bounce back from. You'd be like, well, that was a little bit of talking. Exactly. Now I get to the head of a podcast and I have worn down. Ah, yes, well. My skin is cracked. Well, we're only about three weeks away or five weeks away from... I know, Alistair.

I know. God, I hope we're out of lockdown. I really felt old this year. I was up with my kids early in the morning walking around the front room and just for the first time being like my body hurts. Yeah right. I am uncomfortable moving. And I have had a little bit of it like a sore tooth recently. I hate that. And I've been like a sore tooth. I hope this goes away. Yeah, I had one that went away the other day.

Otherwise, oh, that's so good. That's so great. I'm so happy. So I feel good about ignoring it. Yeah, because I was like eating things, and I was like, ah, it hurts to eat these things when my sore tooth. I hope it stops.

Because if I go to a dentist, they're going to say, how long since you went to a dentist? Oh, no. And I'll have to say, I have no idea. I reckon 10 years. Oh no. But it could be 15. Oh, maybe.

I think you have to have gone to the dentist in the last year or year and a half, two years, if you're allowed, if you wanna be allowed to ignore painful teeth. Yeah, I know. I remember I went when I was working as an engineer, I remember going to where I was an engineer, I went to the dentist. And that was in 2007. So I could have gone since then. But whoever they were, they didn't make an impression on me. And you know what, that's not on me.

That's on the dentist. Absolutely. They need to, they're all, they don't really have a person that stays with you. And if they want me to be able to remember when I last went to the dentist, well then they've got to lift their game flair-wise. Yeah.

Turn it, have a little character thing they do. Have a little costume. A little show you know like like like one of those you know Japanese restaurants where they cook in front of you. They got a bit for each part of the cooking. They're slapping. They're slapping the hot plate with a with a metal with a metal spatula. Juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh,

juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, juh, j with a metal spatula. J-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j I'm gonna, I got a rica! Or something like that when they get through the enamel or something like that, and blood spurts out of your mouth. Dentists, they should. So there should be a little celebration like when they strike oil. Dentists are obviously people who wanted to be able to drill into their fellow human's heads. And they found a way to work within societies rules. Yeah. You know, it's a it's a relationship. It's a, where it's symbiotic.

That we both get something out of it. Do you think there's something in this dentist in a show? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. What about a, you know, capillary theater dentist? What the heck are you doing? How about dressed as a vampire? Yeah, sure.

There's a whole, you know, why is it just dinner in a show? There are so many other things that we need in life. Um, if that are, you know, they need required entertainment. You can't look at your phone while you're on the, only on the dentist table. Exactly. You know, and what a great end of year function for work. That's right. For us all to be able to go to the dentist. And ensemble dentist. Yeah.

And so the one, it's the one field where you, you know, of performing where you need to have one performer for every, for every audience member. I mean, I don't know if that's necessarily true. You look at how, you know, Gary Kasperov would play 12 chess grandmasters at once. You know, I think it would be nice to have them all lined up there. And this guy's such a good dentist that he's, he's, he's just noticing everyone rolling along. He's just, you know, one pair of gloves, 12 open mounds.

open mouths. That's right. Well, I mean, that's what they do in a restaurant. That's true. That's true. And I guess they could, the dentist, if the dentist is doing that, then it's only fair. Like that the dentist is doing sort of maybe a rendition of 12 Angry Men. You know, and so as they move, it's almost like each customer is one of the characters, but the dentist plays them. You know, and he sets up the people, instead of sitting on chairs like around, you know, around a table, like a jury would when they're, you know, deliberating,

they're dentist chairs. Instead of that, that's what you were thinking. They're dentist chairs. And so the people are, you know, the people are built into the set. But while the people should be talking, and you'll be able to tell when they should be talking because their mouth will be open.

And then the, but the dentist will have their hands in their mouth, but then we'll also be sort of doing ventriloquism through them. Now, you know what the flip side of this is. What's that? We've got dinner in a show. Right. Why, so we've said, well, why does it have to be dinner and a show? Why can't it be something else in a show?

But why can't it be dinner and something else? You know, dinner, ad, and appendectomy. You know, why can't... You're trying to say like, end a dinner, right? That's what you mean? Appendectomy and a dinner? Yeah, exactly. So we got these things in a dinner, right? That's what you mean? Appendecting and a dinner? Yeah, exactly. So we got these things in a show, but why can it be something and a dinner?

You know what, you've expressed it, at least as well as I was expressing it, Alistair, if not for you. That's great. You know, I don't know if this phrase exactly works, but operating theater restaurant. You know, we, it's already called an operating theater. And so maybe that's the theater component, the fact that you're being surgically operated on. Yeah.

And then they add in the restaurant component. And, you know, so below that sheet, that they put up so you don't have to look at your open stomach, your open torso. They're working away there. That could be a ginkim tablecloth. Sure. I mean, but why are they cooking the things that they're taking out of you? No, I don't think you're necessarily eating

your body. Sure. I think that's just. I think it would be nice. It's just I think it would be fine to at least eat one bit of you. This holiday season, give the gift of glow with those see as limited addition super glow body set. This three piece kit has everything This holiday season give the gift of glow with OSEA's limited edition Super Glow Body Set. This three-piece kit has everything they need to exfoliate, hydrate, and glow all over.

For a gift that will impress, give OSEA's Super Glow Body Set. Right now, you can get the Super Glow Body Set valued at $126 for only $79 when you use code GIF at ocamalibu.com. That's code GIF at OSEA Malibu.com. cook it up and eat it. I think in a, we've talked a lot about alternative medical futures here in other episodes. And we might have even discussed exactly this cannibals who eat your things that they've removed. Yeah, I think we have been to the recently health system. But I don't see why I shouldn't be able to pay what I want. You know, if we're again, I'm Americanized as a health system and make it user payers and the customer is always right, then I should be able to pay as much as I want to be able to eat the things that they're

cutting me and have them. I think I should be able to bring my own share. It doesn't seem that instead of having, you know, crazy that there should be a restaurant that specifically works with a doctor and you come and when they cut off a part of your body that is safe to cut off and then they prepare it for you. So let's say you take a date there and they take out a bit of your elbow skin. Yeah, it's just like you just go there for a little snack but it's about the experience of eating a part of yourself I think scrotum skin would probably be a good place to go This is so much It's just you know, it's it's a they specify in scrotum skin and outer labia skin

I mean probably a bit of ass would be a good idea like if it was if they performed a bit of ass liposuction very Micro bit of ass liposuction, very micro, micro dosing liposuction. Yeah. And then just like a pathology amount of ass skin, and then they just prepared that for you. In like a... Just a tiny...

A fordurve, kind of, fordurve. I'm so sorry. It's a hard, hard, hard, dear. or Derve kind of Or Derve, I'm so sorry. That's oh it's Hard or hard or dare or dare How the French wanted it pronounced and then you know, it's just it's a great date. I don't know why it's I feel like it's a good date thing Yeah, it's not a first date, but maybe it's a good third date third date You know and I mean yeah, it's not a... I hate your own balls.

Eat your own balls or ass or whatever it is. Oh, fuck it out. I mean, people are gonna think that we have some sort of cannibal finish. Listen, is it gonna start to tune out? Because they're like, they're gonna start to think. They're gonna start to think.

They're gonna start to think. They're gonna start to think. And how going to start to think. And how long have we been doing this? There's at least in the even in the last 100, you know, almost 100 sketch I did. So we're on 295, I think, or 296, I'm not sure. Even in the last 100 episodes, there's probably a cannibal sketch in 50% of the of the episode. You know what I think would be a great service would be a sort of a mobile chef, right,

who does call outs, right? And basically you can call them out and they got a cook whatever, whatever it is that you, you give them. So they've got this incredibly versatile skill set. They are real, you know, iron chef types. Are they made of iron? They're going to be worth like iron giant kind of scenario. Like is it a robot?

That's all, that's also the case. I think robots would definitely help with this. But they, they get to you, they don't know what they're going to have to cook until you get there. But you could be driving down the road, see some roadkill, and think, you know, what I reckon there's some good meat in this call up, this call out chef, and they'll come along, and they'll they'll cook it for you there and then. But it can absolutely be anything. It could be some fallen leaves. It could be some garbage. They'll find a way to make it good.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean, because I like the idea of their little van. They got a little van. It comes out like a small tiny van, like a smaller than a mini. Tiny van, yeah. It's really small. It's really, can they can sit upright in it? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I see still a van. They just go one one van one they got two vans one on each foot. They got a van. They are just a man again. Where are they wearing a pair of vans? They're wearing vans is what I'm describing. Oh, fuck it out. I don't want to get caught up on this vanting. I know this is really just about a roaming chef who cooks anything like it's a mystery box in like Master Chef. Like that's what all these shows show us,

all these cooking shows. It's all about, you don't know what the ingredients are until moments before you start cooking. And then it's a challenge, but it's something you never see chefs do at a restaurant or in love. But it is something that I do at home every night. It's like, well, what have we got?

But you're not, how is this gonna be pasta, do you? Yeah. That's the thing is that you're not, you're also not trying to make it award winning. You're trying to make it possible. No. Yeah, that's true. So, look, what is this sketch I did?

I don't know, I don't know if my call out chef idea. I don't think that's actually anything I'll let's do. I think, you know, let the chef stay alone. Let the tierge chef's lie. I mean, what is a way in which, I mean, say aliens come along, and we find that the only way that we can kill them is to eat them. That's the only way that we can...

We talk about aliens coming along. Along a lot, but... That means that we have to eat them alive. Because there's slow moving. Right. But they're unstoppable, They're slow moving. Right. But they're unstoppable, except by the human digestive system. Wow.

And so, you know, they come down and they are encroaching on a major city, right? They're going to, you know, maybe it's even just like a single, huge blob type thing. Right. And so we're all down there on the front line with, you know, Maybe it's even just like a single huge blob type thing. And so we're all down there on the front line, with, you know, and the chefs are now on the front line, because they're right down the front with their little mobile, what do they call that thing at the Japanese restaurant where they cook at the table?

Is that taping yaki? Yeah, I think it's taping yaki. Yeah, they got a little mobile Teppanyaki table. They're slicing bits off, right off this thing. Cooking them as quickly as they can and then chucking them to the people who are like standing around, yeah. And then, you know, and we're all eating it

as quickly as we can. And if you don't eat it, it's the little ooze, then just starts growing into a new one. Yeah, or like, oh yeah, okay, that's probably better. But this one I was just gonna picture it kind of goes and heads back to the big one and it's starting and rejoins it. But yeah, if it grows, it's growing into a new one.

How would we figure this out? Did it, I mean, you know, that moment where somebody accidentally eats something? I think they're tests doing tests on it in the lab. Some accidentally ends up in somebody's sandwich They try to stop them from eating it until the last second and then they do and then they realize that that kills you doing X-rays right And then they're like oh well, maybe we could recreate stomach acid and then they try that and they try putting stomach acid

It does nothing doesn't work. It It does nothing. If anything, it grows stronger. And this thing, I guess, is kind of quite a bland flavor. It's quite tofu-like. It's like that cognizant. So it really relies on the art of the chef to make it, to elevate it, and to make you want to keep eating it. Because that's the other problem is that people get fatigued eating this thing. It's so big and there's so much of it. It's grown into this extent. And what we find in a twist on common sorts of tropes in movies is that actually it is our gluttony that will save us. Yeah, that's good.

I like that. Yeah, I like this. Only way to beat alien is to eat it. I might call this episode Smorgas Borg. Sure. Yeah, I mean, look, there was a lot of, if I remember. Yeah, Smorgas Borg. I guess that's if we were robots in some way or

I guess maybe there that this beast this alien thing is kind of a bit like the Borg in some way I'm not really sure. Yeah, I because I sounded like it was like a giant blob kind of I pictured a big caterpillar Erie kind of hideous thing. That's just oozing. Yeah, these things don't have to make yeah, I mean you're absolutely right Yeah, I think it doesn't even have features necessarily. But yeah, I guess we we we wait a little while until like, you know, we've got to eat it's tiny, it's brain, it's tiny brain right at the end and everyone is so full. Everyone is so full. We're, you know, and this becomes a global effort. Yeah, you know, people are coming from a long way. Well, the different, well, and that's why, you know, and what a melting part of all the different chefs of all the different things there, all, you know, coming up with cuisines and then fusion cuisines.

Using those using those those zucchini spiralizers to turn it into noodles and then you're just having like ballon eyes on it and you're kind of having, you know, eight different Asian sauces, you know, beef black bean, mopo tofu sauce maybe, getting it cutting it up into cubes like it's, and then once it's gone, then we'll be like, actually,

oh, cutting it up into cubes, what a great idea. Cutting it up into cubes to replace tofu. Oh, I got like nobody thought of this until now. This is a breakthrough. This is gonna, this is gonna buy us another week. That thing where you blend it, turn it into juice. Cue, it's a gauze.

Turn it into juice. You know, like people who are eating like just bananas. Juicing it. Somebody who told me that, you know, like when they do that, that all banana diet, you know, people who do that? I haven't heard of this, but it sounds great. I'd do that. Well, yeah, and then suddenly it's like, you know people who do that? I haven't heard of this, but it sounds great. I'd do that. Well, yeah. And then suddenly it's like, you know, your days in,

your days in, and you just can't eat another banana, right? And so, but then you got to find just ways. I really want to look this up. You got to find ways of, there's something like, I think it's called banana island or something like that. And it's just these one food things, and people think it's a cleanse or something like that. And you's just these one food things and people think it's a cleanse or something like that. And you've got to find new ways of eating it

so that there's just some variation. And I think you got to wait for them to get sugar spots on them for some reason. Anyway. Banana, banana diet plan for weight loss lose 10 kilograms in 10 days. Fucking hell, it doesn't like, if that's true, that doesn't sound like it would be fun.

That can't be good. 10 kilograms of 10 days. That is like a very aggressive flesh eating bacteria. And the banana diet seem to be capable of doing that. Yeah, no, I don't... I don't envy them, but at the same time... A woman ate only bananas for 12 days and look what it did to her. I... I want to find out.

Yeah. What did it do to her? Is she okay? Oh, she's dead. Oh, no. No, let's see. No, I don't know. It doesn't seem to be a picture to actually indicate what it did to her. So Yeah, I'm calling bullshit on that one. Okay. Well look, we're probably far enough into this episode that I could take us take us to three words from a listener

Take me take you there. You ready to go there? Yeah, Andy. Yeah, you know listeners who listen? The real listeners those listeners who Andy. Yeah, you know listeners who listen The real listeners those listeners who listen yeah They can support us on Patreon by giving us three bucks or whatever and then they can Suggest three words from a listener them or any listeners any listeners in their life Somebody who is a good listener. I don't know if anybody is throwing in a lot of words from other people, from people that are listeners in their lives, or sort of famous good listeners. But anyway, so this listener, who I believe is submitting

their own words, and they had to resubmit, because their last three words to resubmit, because they're last three words. This is listener Sebastian Wyback. Oh, Seb. Yeah. Sebastian. Sebastian. It's great to hear from you. Thank you so much. Well, they... One of the best guys are actors.

Absolutely. Absolutely. One of the greatest listeners has their own podcast. Most of the how do we rob this podcast? Yeah, which we appeared on a long time ago. And I'm just trying to go to our, what the three words that he had sent in that we accidentally... It was neo-liberal glory hole. It's right.

And then he realized that Andy, you had basically stumbled upon that with some idea that you'd either tweeted or come up with. Yeah, yeah. And so using the glory hole as a service delivery... Absolutely, yeah. For other genres of things. Yeah, absolutely. It's probably what just like the male slot

that are in those doors. That's a thing that we, it's basically what the conservative version of it is. I guess so. And if anything, that flap that comes down is kind of a protection device against people putting their penis through it. Because if you do put it through, that flap will stop you from being able to pull it out

because of the... I don't. Is that how that flap works? Well, because you remember, it comes down like that. So if you get a penis head through there, which has a mushroom top of some sort, that mushroom top kind of acts like a, kind of acts like a stoppage. Stoppage is like a, you know, anyway. Parachute.

Parachute. It's a solid parachute. So Sebastian's three words, would you like to try to guess what? They are. Well, before it was neoliberal glory hole, so I'm going to guess all three words at once this time, okay? And I'm going to say it's neo-fascist, um, um, shame pit. Neo-fascist, shame pit.

Neo-fascist one word in this one? Oh yeah, in shame pit. Is it also one word or is it? No, there's a two word. So, okay, great. Well, it is incorrect. I'm so sorry. Yeah.

But the real three words are fragile, male. Yes. Is. Oh, interesting. So he's playing with the idea of the fragile male ego, but using one of the other realms of consciousness. What is the difference between a ego and an introids conception of, I have looked this up so many times, because it's one of the things that I would love to know. And I am never able to remember it. I've also tried several times to understand the basics of Jungian psychoanalysis.

And I have, psychoanalysis. Yeah, no, yeah. It's madness. Oh, sorry. Jungian is analytical psychology. Ad Freud is psychoanalysis. They had a falling out and they came up with those two different versions, which I think is really nice. Well, the id is the part of the mind in which innate instinctive impulses and primary processes

are manifest. The conflict between the drives of the eat and the demands of the cultural super-ego. That's somebody from a country said that. I bet they did. So it's basically, it sounds like instinct. I guess it's an instinctive impulse and primary processes that are manifest. So it almost sounds like the lizard brain. Mmm, yeah.

So, you know, we're talking eating, shitting, probably a bit of sexy stuff, breathing time, kind of business, hunting, breathing. But something that happens that makes this collapse. Mm. Yeah. Well, I think, you know, I guess you get self-conscious

in some way about those, those urges. If it's a male, if it's, do you think it's someone like a woman criticized your breathing? And you see, being able to? Yeah, all. Well, that I've hated his, it is interesting, because men can't do anything right anymore, Alice.

What? They can't do it. So far, I seem to be able to. Yeah, well, you're wrong. No, no, that could just be another thing I'm getting wrong. And so, you know, if, if people did start criticising men for breathing, all men felt like they weren't able to breathe. Well nobody was praising their breathing enough. Nobody was praising their breathing enough.

They used to, men used to be able to breathe most of the air. And now they can't keep all of the breath, breath for the end. Look, this isn't making any fucking sense. I don't know what I'm saying. But, to feel like there was, maybe there was like, but to feel like there was maybe there was like there's a very male way of doing some of those basic things, you know, that masculinity is under attack in terms of the way that men breathe and the way that men shit. Yeah.

Real lizard brain stuff. I don't necessarily feel the need to get it. I think it can just be a problem with one person in this sketch, who is having one of these over the top reactions, which can be a stand in for your kind of bigger idea that it's everyone. Because I mean, even in the real world, it's not none of these things are happening. They're just what insecure men are afraid of is happening and they can rally other men

behind them by saying that it is happening. And they need to find a way to defend themselves in some way, from it. And this idea that a man has collapsed and is on a ventilator, because nobody's been complimenting his breathing enough, and that men used to have their breathing complimented. And then people are like, I don't think that the hack actually did happen even in the sort of heyday of men sort of ruling. Yeah, the patriarchy, where the patriarchy was at its strongest and most absolute, I still don't think men really got applauded for breathing. But you know, if your wife doesn't, you're in a relationship

with someone and you feel that your wife doesn't celebrate enough your breathing and you know, her breathing is apparently just as important as yours now and you do start to feel very threatened by it. and you do start to feel very threatened by it. She actually breathes more than me. Yeah, yeah. You can't handle that. You're sitting there at the table, seething with a resentment, counting her breaths. Counting her breaths.

Yeah. And then, and then, you know, maybe you, I guess, well, I guess, if you did have a respiratory illness, that would be the equivalent of sort of losing the breadwinner status, you know, becoming unemployed in your family, right? And certainly, oh, I mean, what about this, Alistair? Is this anything that like, imagine the indignity of having to be given CPR by your own wife, that once upon a time you were the man, you would have done all the breathing. And here is your wife, able to not only breathe

for herself, but also now breathing for you. Well, I think this is, and you're just totally dependent. I think that this is the, you know, this is only contributed to his, to his, you know, having struggled with breath and then realizing that his wife was now breathing for the both of them. And then he felt completely unneeded.

Not even, he's not even needed for his own body now. He's completely useless. I mean, it could also, it could also be a good example of, you know, guys not helping around in the house. Well, I think it's quite funny. It is, it is quite funny. I tear up a husband who doesn't even breathe for himself. Not really does he not plead. He doesn't help with the kids, but he just lies there. Not even breathing. And his wife has to breathe air into his

lungs for him. This is how you. And he's just sitting there complaining about how men used to have a breath complimented. And that's why that's quite funny. I've very impressed. Complimented. That's quite. And that's why. That's quite funny. I've lost confidence in it. Yeah, I'll take that. Yeah. As a thing. Yeah.

Well, I think we might have all the skits. Well, I'll tell you what it is. That's a, that's a, that's a pump pointed bit of saccel. Yeah. I'll tell you. I'll take us to the sketch of ideas. I'm making a, I'll start. It feels a pump pointed bit of sacked on. Yeah. Um, I'll take us to the sketch of ideas, making a, a stake. Feels like a big, it feels like a big episode, Andy. This was a big episode, two and five. I think it's one for the, uh, for the big episode books.

Yeah, it's a good episode. Yeah, uh, you know, what I'm sick of, the sick of the bank sending me statements all the time, never send me any questions. When was the last time your bank asked you? I think they do. I think something they said questionnaires and say, all you go in the running for like a $15. All right. All right. Fuck off. I lost it. All right. Fuck off. So we got permanent water phase change,

which is a world in which something happens from behind the dimension behind everything. And it changes the thing with water phases. And once a change is phase, it stays in that phase. And of course, that leads to the esophical suck. That's why we're dealing with gaseous water and how to drink it. And then we got oil drinking problem. This is somebody with an oil drinking problem.

They're living that oil lifestyle, which has become a real trend. And it's just these unbelievably oily people who said they feel they never have felt better. They think it's a healthy, and they're replacing all the water in their body with oil, which is a more complex chemical, which makes them a more complex person. It's really awful to think about as what it is,

I'll just make your all their clothes, or just drenched in a whale, and their hair is slicked back. But I mean, one way that you could deal with that, if your all your clothes were drenched in oil stains, you could wash them in oil. And what that would do is it would just make it like a uniform oil. Yeah, I like to think that they put on some dry clothes. And then and then they just get oily over time. But I, yeah, I don't mind. As long as I'm looking at an oily person interacting with the regular world, I think I'm happy I'm having a good time. Because the, as long as I look at an oily man, I got no complaint.

Yeah, there's, I think there's a, the world isn't built for humans to be that oily. Door handles are too slick, you know, and a lot of them are round and your hand will just not be able to get that grip that it's needed. The finger. It's interesting because there are some things that are like adaptations that you put in place for the elderly, which would help these people like those lever type door handles. But then there's other adaptations like ramps, which wouldn't help the people. No, yeah, yeah.

I don't know if even stairs would help them that much. I think they would have a good chance of getting up stairs. As long as you've just got straight downward force, there's no sideways forces. Exactly. You wouldn't want to pick up too much speed. You wouldn't want nidavee any weed. Yeah, but I do think that they would, they would start sort of skating on their bare feet, you know, or like on their shoes or whatever. It would be a kind of ice skating, but a whale skating. Then we've got, look, then I've just written

down the dimension behind everything, because I think there is something in it, right? But I don't, we, you know, it's too it's too hard to think about right now. But maybe somebody finds it. Absolutely. Somebody finds it during a game of hide and seek. That would be so good. Yeah, to find an alternative dimension. The ultimate hiding spot behind everything. Or just to slip into the memories. Yeah. behind everything. Or just to slip into the memories of the ones you love. You could just actually retreat into your own mind entirely physically. I actually became a fictional character. Sure. I became a memory of myself. But then it would be then reversing that and coming back out. That's the hard part. That's the really hard part after the other hard part, but it does

seem like that's a lesser hard part. Because once you get that done, it's the other bit that is really really hard, I think, because we've never made anything. We've put things into our mind before, not physically, but at least we've put things into our mind. I know, but then I was going to say, actually, we have taken things from our mind and made them a reality. But it's not the actual thing, forget it. All right, I'm just, I'm arguing with myself. But also, it's so hard to take something from your mind and make it a reality exactly.

Yeah. And imagine if it was you you were trying to make. Yeah. Be tricky. I feel like, you know, my artistic skills wouldn't be up to it. Yeah. I wouldn't be able to realize that vision. I'm not a very visual. Especially without a body. That would be really even harder. I would find that hard. And then we've got the only person who understands that things can be

behind other things sketch or a sitcom, maybe the office. Then we've got the invention of hiding. Invention of, well, the invention, yeah, I guess it's the invention of hiding, or the invention of object permanence. Then we've got Dentist in a Show. Great. Then we've got. Real shitty performance, as well... It's a real shitty performance as well. It's a real terrible...

Then we've got Operating Theater Restaurant, which is in the same world, maybe. Maybe it's not. I don't know, it's not in the same world, but they're in the same ballpark of ideas. It's like the opposite idea. No, it's not the opposite. It's just a restaurant.

Anyway, eat your own ass restaurant, and that's where you take a Pretty sure we've already come up with this but I still like it. We say that you take a date. I still like it. You take a date I don't think we did. I think that's a new element only way to Kill alien is to eat it giant alien comes the only way to beat it is to eat it. Giant alien comes. The only way to beat it is to eat it. Just eat it. Man collapses because he hadn't had his breathing complemented by his wife. Or, you know, maybe or his wife is breathing for him. Wife. Or his. We don't know. We don't know. We don't know. We never claimed to know. I think maybe one could leave to you and assume that we knew how to know. One could lead to the other. How to know sounds like a very good title for a modern philosophy. How know I think we should we should have philosophical debates and then

release them as small booklets. Yeah, I think it's a great idea. On the wetter sub water. Yeah, on whether or not water is wet. Well, but it wasn't even that actually it was whether or not Fisher wet. Yeah, it was the original. Yeah, that's true the original discussion And it is because it has water on it Yeah, well we'll say Yeah and They, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, in pain. You can. And you can check out the discord. There's a link to the discord in the show notes. Join us. We have a little bit of fun.

It's low key. There's no pressure. Nope. Yeah, a lot of these other discord. You feel like you got a post on there 10, 20 times a day or you lose your status. Yeah. Here, there's no status. Everybody is equal.

It's a common. It's a utopia. It's a utopia. It's a utopic discord. It's a come it's a utopia utopia. It's a utopic discord It's a you butopia you butopia and Anything else a patron you can suppose a patron you can get on there get the side tank episodes There's been some good ones recently and you can get yourself a little bit of I found an old story I've had a couple of old stories.

I'd like to put on sci-fi. Yeah, well, let's do one this month. I dream about doing sci-fi. We've only got, we've only got everything else to do. Yeah, that's true. That's true. We are overloaded, but we can try. And we, we, love, love you. You.

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