Simple Swedish Podcast - 297 - "THE SEVEN KINGDOMS"

Episode Date: August 4, 2021

Reunion, Tennis Terrain, Summer Not Olympics, Sexy Diplomats, Leader World War, Cocktail Snaker, Magmeto, Can of FartsYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Listen and subscribe to THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastJoin the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right herePerpetual thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Oh, I'm Andy. And I'm Alice to George William, Tronley Bertrand. And we had no way of getting into phase just then. No. I just know. But was that a real song, what you were doing already? Not really. No. No. Don't think so. I just know. But was that a real song, what you were doing already?

Not really, no, no. Don't think so. The first line down by the river in the heat of the day is something from one of my children's books about a large crocodile, down by the river in the heat of the day. The crocodile sleeps and awaits his prey. It's a little bit of a creepy way to start a kids' book. But...

Do you have a kids' book? I do have a kids' book, yeah. I've got several. No, but... No, but as in like, is it one you own or one that you've written? It's one that I own. It's one that I own.

It's not one that I've written. I have written some kids' books, but they do not exist yet, Alistair. They are not yet out in the world. Well, but Andy, but Andy, I think if you say my kids book, one of my kids book. One of my kids. Oh, one of my kids books. Yes. You weren't listening for the possessive apostrophe.

No. Oh, yeah, I'm not sure Andy. I'm not sure if it was me there. You're right, you're right. We could put a little vote out, say, who thought that it was one of Andy's books? I think that he written. I think most people would assume that when you say one of my kids' books, that you're not a children's author.

I think that's the default. I'm not, I could be wrong, but I would say that statistically speaking, more than 50% of the population aren't children's authors yet. Right, and how many people who say that, that you assume what they're saying is your version? Do you think are people who write kids books? People who are, you know, their job is a writer and they've also been writing a kid book. But most people don't know that about me. That's one of my secrets.

So again, it's back on you. You know, is more than 50% of the people population people. And he said the right kids books because of his financial problems. It's been driven to despair, out of desperation, to authorship. Oh, it's the, it's so embarrassing. I like that. You know, that was Dickens, right? He had to, he had to keep writing to get, I mean, I imagine this is a lot of writers.

Who's their job? They have to keep writing to get, I mean, I imagine this is a lot of writers. Who's their job? They have to keep writing to get money. But like, it feels like when you hear stories about Dickens, it was like, Oh, I've got to get this story to the publisher this Friday or there won't be food on the table. And he was just like racing to get this stuff out there so that it could be turned into I'm just describing working in the arts. I don't know. I'm not actually... Well, you mean you're probably describing work?

Just... I've got a quick, I've got a work in order to get this money so that I can... I guess... I guess what I see interesting to me about it was that he's got the works that he produced are some of the pillars of English literature. That's true. And that it is funny to picture a... That there's no buffer, that it's, that you're a writer

who is writing until the last minute and then handing it in. And that you can get the money straight away. You can get the money straight away. You can be a sort of multi-year process. You get the money straight away and the money that you get, you instantly use to buy food, which is exactly as much food as you need to survive to finish the next chapter of the book. It's real. I mean, there should be a planet, you know, and I'm sure you're a big fan of Star Wars, Elisabeth. And you

watched the new, you know, the first one of the first recent trilogy. I haven't seen any of the new ones. Yeah. I've only seen episode one, two and three. Quite seriously, the old ones. Like, like, no, I've seen one, two, three, four, five and six. That's a shame. But I stopped watching them since about the year 2000. I don't know when the other ones came out.

I reckon they all came out within the last 10 years, but I could be wrong. But... Yeah, I haven't seen any since 2010 at least. Actually, no, I haven't seen three either. So I've seen one, two, four, five, six. In the new... The first one of the new trilogy, a new hug. So, a day late now. Day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day, a day the new trilogy, a new hope, Daly, no, Daisy Ridley's character,

is living on this planet where they sort of, they're scavengers and they scavenge materials from craft spaceships and then they go and give them to this guy and he gives them just enough of this sort of little flaky things that you then pour water on and they turn into bread. So it really is that, you know, that kind of thing where it's like it looks... Every culture has bread.

Every culture has bread, that's what I'm saying. Okay. But... Wait, wait, is that a room temperature bread? Hey, oh my god! That's what we've been dreaming of. They came up with it. It's Star Wars, room dreaming of. They came up with it. It's Star Wars room temperature bread. Oh, wow.

I mean, I know it was a long time ago, and a galaxy far, far away, but it really feels like the future. If they've got room temperature bread, that's a, that's an, I mean, an impossible dream. Is it a dry bread, though, or is it just like a sponge? It looks like dry bread.

Is it? She tears it apart. Yeah, that is it just like a sponge? It looks like dry bread. Is it? She tears it apart. Yeah, that seems crazy. Where, eh? She gets the flakes. You see the lake in the hole? You see the lake in the hole?

You see the lake in the hole? You see the lake in the hole? You see the lake in the hole? You see the lake in the hole? You see the lake in the hole? You see the lake in the hole? You see the lake in the hole? You see the lake in the hole?

You see the lake in the hole? You see the lake in the hole? You see the lake in the hole? She puts the water on the bread. The bread rises and turns into bread. Cooked bread. Yeah. and it just gets dry somehow. Maybe it's like fungus or something. So it would do that like a kind of it. Yeah, it just it just distributes the water really well into like within cell walls or something like that. Somebody should try cross breeding. I think the key to our room temperature bread, one of the first steps could be to cross-breed

yeast with wheat and made wheat. Oh, and then with mushrooms as well, which which bloss which you know rise and bloom so quickly. Now, I think one of our problems is that these are three different kingdoms of life. So we've got bacterial things we've got fungus is used to bacteria and then we've got bacterial things, we've got fungus, it's used to bacteria. And then we've got... I think, Andy, it's time we bring the seven houses to back together. I think so. We all used to be one. I think we need to become sort of inter-housel-preeding.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's gonna be an experimental... There's a sketch idea in this. Yes. And... It's time that we find out... It's people who try to figure out how to breed with mushrooms, how to breed with bacteria. You know who separated us.

It would be... It would be one of the groups... Or maybe a... As yet undiscovered group, that felt threatened by how powerful we were when we were together, and they split us up somehow, drove us apart, made us think that we were enemies. But really, do you think it was the UFOs? It would have been the UFOs.

Because at the time, you know, because apparently the UFOs? Could it be the UFOs? Who, who, who, who, because at the time are, you know, because apparently the UFOs, they watch our jets and stuff like that, they go to nuclear sites, testing sites and stuff like that. So they're always watching our most advanced technology, but at the time our most advanced technology was multi-cellular organisms. Exactly.

And they convinced us that we, you know, we needed to fight, we needed to eat each other to survive, but really we need to recombine all our DNA, and it'll slot together beautifully, like crystals into locking in some ancient artifact. And then we'll form one back into one sort of whatever the beautiful proto-organism that we once were or could have been before we were driven apart by this sort of prehistoric sour-on type. They convinced us to each other when really what we should be eating is free electrons from hot vents at the bottom of the sea. And room temperature bread,

which is probably what we'll shit at. I imagine once we become this creature. Now, well, if you just, if all you eat is free electrons, though, what does the shit look like? This would, would you just be shitting an electric charge? I guess Sparks.

Just Sparks, come out of your ass. Lightning? Yeah. A shit lightning. So you just kind of put, you just, you just sort of sit on a lightning rod and just ground it off. Yeah. Ground one off.

I'm going to go and ground one off. It's not a nice thought. Is it to have like a metal dildo that you just kind of sit on in the, you, and discharge. And then you, let that, and you go, okay, essentially your body is a big capacitor. But I mean, that's the purest form of eating just energy, right? Exactly. Getting energy from your food, if your food is just pure energy. But I think that the context that this would work as a sketch is we somehow get attacked

by whoever it was, right? So it's an alien, and they decide that we're now sufficiently divided, and they attack us, right? And we can't stand up to them. And then we do some sort of, there's some crazy scientists who has this theory that we need to recombine all the seven kingdoms of life to regain our primordial power to defeat this thing.

And I guess we all jump into a big blender, we blend everything which all works so well for like the masses and the masses. Yeah, they wouldn't notice the thing. But well, that's how they you can you can just you know, multiply mass by doing it and then just putting it with some milk or something and then just pouring it on pavement and you'll just have that pavement will be covered in moss. That's really cool. That's really cool. And one day that's how we'll make clothes.

We'll, you know, mosses is basically nature's velvet. And that's what we should be spongy, so nice to the touch. That's what we should be wearing. We should have gone with moss instead of grass. I know I've said that before. Have you said that before? I will never stop saying it. Yeah. I think moss is better than grass. It's so amazing. But it's more like single use. I think that like once you tread on moss, it's fucked. It's dead. No, no, I think I've I've stepped on

some moss that has lived. It's lived. Live to tell the tale. Well, I don't think you'd have it in a major. Think about this. Think about this. I think you'd play tennis on a moss court. Think about, oh, that's, that's, well, Wimble Moss. Actually, Moss, if we haven't already talked about that, that's another great sketch idea. Coming up with new surfaces to play tennis on.

Because the slippery rock surface, it's like a creek bed. Exactly, ice. The ice core. No. Different. I wonder if you could have skating tennis, you know, tennis on ice.

Sure somebody's tried it. Yeah, right? Yeah, flying tennis. Here's another idea, right? tennis on air. Ah Okay, so are you are you so it's tennis, but it's a it's a thousand meters up. Okay. How are you flying? Are you are you this would work right both the contestants jump out of the plane at the same time, right? And with a net. With a net, the net's also falling. And they play tennis in free fall, hitting the ball across. You'd have to exactly manipulate your terminal velocity. You'd have to drop the lines at the same time as well.

Yeah, everything would have to get dropped at the same time. Yeah. Now, the only question is, what about bouncing? Yes. What about bouncing? Well, and what? Presume. You'd have to have people miles below on the ground, or maybe just falling just below you

on some sort of upside down helicopter, right? With BB guns, and they point, they aim upwards and they hit fire at the balls to ricochet the balls back up towards the, the players. Maybe it would have to be a robot. Yeah, BB guns. Maybe it would have to be a robot that I've got. Yeah, BB guns. Oh, BB gun. Maybe, yeah. Maybe there could be quadro copters with like a platform on top of it that kind of moves around a bit like pong.

That is a much better idea. That's really good. And does the same thing for your feet. You can run around like that and it's just these things that catch your feet and push you up. Then you don't really even have to be falling. Don't even really have to be plummeting, do you? To pull this off.

You could be stationary in the air, leaping from quadricopter to quadricopter. Yeah. Well, I mean, really it's the quadracopter that's leaping from underfoot to underfoot. That's true. Yes, you would have to have a lot of, I love the faith and the confidence that would be involved in taking each individual leap step that the quadracopter would be there when you needed it. Who do you think has more confidence there? Do you think it's the tennis player that is running in the air and have been caught? Or do you think it's the engineer who says that this is going to work and design it?

Well, you know, the engineer will have some kind of professional indemnity insurance. So that'll probably be it. So they're fine. But the tennis player, they don't have anything. They couldn't possibly get an insurance company to, I guess the tennis player will have a parachute. So if they will allow them that, if they fall, if they miss a quadricopter, they can deploy their shoot and if a quadricopter misses them,

yeah, because they're not looking to the ground to see where to step on there just running so that they can catch the ball. They're focused on the tennis game. This would look really good in some sort of sci-fi movie. Right? Yeah, and the thing is is that if the technology is as good as we say, you could probably actually have a terrestrial game that goes upwards. That just gets elevated without the players even notice. So it just slowly goes higher and higher and higher. It slowly goes higher, all the tiles of the ground slowly fall away except for the necessary ones. And one for each foot and then one for the ball and each side. Now the

the lines and that sort of thing would have to be somehow Oh yeah, and then into the sky using lasers. Hologram hologram hologram. It's a hologram hologram. Yeah, maybe or they could be also quadricoped up. They could be yeah, you're right Why would I why would I suddenly back down on the quadricopter technology part of my brain was like I don't know if quadricopters would work for the lines But if we've got quadricopters working for everything else I'm gonna say it quadricopters for the lines as well

Quadricopters Alistair Have we talked about this? But that in the winter Olympics, things like running don't stop existing during winter, right? No, that's true. It feels like all the sports that, you know, shot put. Right, that's not a summer-only sport. All the sports that do exist during the summer sports.

All the sports that exist during the summer Olympics still exist during the Winter Olympics. It's just that the Winter Olympics sports can't exist during the summer. But I don't think that that floor with the Winter Olympics sports should stop summer Olympics, Olympians, from being able to demonstrate their, their feats of strength and endurance and speed. Jury. Yeah. The winter months. And so I think that we should become the indoor summer Olympics.

Indoor winter. Well, no, I don't think what you just want to see. I think they should be indoors. I think they should be. It's just doing them. But in the cold. And beach volleyball.

Beach volleyball. Winter beach volleyball. You see. With to beach volleyball, you see? Same, same restrictive uniform requirements. Well, I don't know. I mean, I guess I'm happy for them to be really, really rucked up. Just, just layer after layer. And they're basically a sphere of cladding.

And similarly with the running, I think the swimming. I think we may have talked about this, but I mean, yeah, swimming, I mean, it's just in cold water. What's it, sometimes the lakes will be frozen. I mean, probably the lakes will be frozen But I guess they do it inside anyway. I don't really do them in lakes. Yeah. I guess they do do them inside Well, well, they do like canoeing and stuff like that Mmm. Links or the yeah, the kayaking kayaking will become harder. Well, you'll need to incorporate some of that ice breaker technology from the Antarctic

research vessels into your kayak design, or maybe have a super-heated kayak that melts its way through the ice. Pedal-based heat. Pedal-based heat, exactly. Yeah. Like if you could just be pedaling on the inside and it creates friction that warms up your kayak. I think it's like hot knife technology.

Yeah. I think being able to pedal to power more household devices is also a good idea. For the winter Olympics. No, for life in general. So like, you know, using a coffee machine, why can't that be at the Olympics? Petal powered coffee machine. At the Olympics. At the winter. Obviously, it'll be this. I mean, it's traditionally it's a summer sport, but why not at the winter Olympics? Well, what's the thing that makes something a sport? You know, why isn't using a coffee machine?

Like, I mean, it's just about setting the parameters, right? Is it the speed at which you set it up? You get rid of the cold wet grounds that have been in there for three days. From the last time you used the thing that's first step. You got to rinse off all the other stuff off and then you got to find where the coffee is. See if you have any left. Get a spoon, try to remember what is the ratio again of of coffee to of water to I don't know I don't know and then I guess It I think it's usually like one teaspoon per cup Okay

Per that doesn't seem like very much. Are you using instant coffee? No, because that would be I think that would be considered cheating. I don't think we'll allow it. Yeah, yeah'm using a percolate. Um, anyways, are there anything in any of that? Um, yeah, I feel like we've done the winter Olympics sports in the summer before or the summer Olympic sports. No winter, but sure. Very fair. How about this then? Right. Yeah. or the Summer Olympic Sports in the winter. Sure, but. Sure. I'm very fair.

How about this then? Right? The hot cocoa, that is the traditional wintery drink. Are there any sports that are not Olympics? Yes. What does that mean to you? So it's the summer not Olympics. It's you send, you send, you know, a hundred of your best

to go there and not compete in sports. And but you televised them just doing stuff in their dorm rooms having sex with each other. I mean, this is this separate to Big Brother in some ways? Is this a different concept? Is this a different concept? Definitely got nothing to do with Big. These are our best.

Right, oh, sure. Well, I think there's definitely... We just look at our best for a bit. There's definitely got to be a market in just televising, live streaming, the athletes' village, as if it is a reality show and we get to watch everything that they do. And I can see that being extremely popular. Yeah, and Olympics up late. You know, like, but think about this,

like let's say you've got like, you've got your best diplomat, you got your best plumber, you got your best, delivery driver, things like that. You're sending them all to Japan, right? In the middle of a pandemic. And then they're all saying it at a village and there's all the best in the world at those things

From other countries there as well and now there's just a series of cameras CCTV and stuff like that everywhere and it but instead of just being televised you get to just You get to just go but go on your computer and just you can follow one person, see what they're doing, who they talking to, the diplomat talking to other diplomats. You can then, you can just zoom in with the cameras. You could probably choose an option that just follows one person. And you know, it chooses the cameras based on where the person's moving to.

You want to see what's he talking about? How's he talking to the plumber? What do they have to say to each other? And you can listen to the? How's he talking to the plumber? What do they have to have to say to each other? And you can listen to the conversation between the diplomat and the plumber. Yeah. You can listen. You know, what is the crossover in those two fields?

What about, you know, are they, is one more sexist than you? Well, I like this, but I want, I kind of, I want it to be sexier. And I was wondering if we could do a kind of... One of the handy... There could be cameras in the toilets. A diplomacy island type thing. It's like lava island. At the bottom of the toilet.

We get the world's sexiest diplomats. And we put them all in a sort of a United Nations. In a vagina. In a vagina? Is that, is that? What a vagina? Is that what you said? What's sexier than that? Yeah. We put them all in a big vagina.

And is that, is that, is that, is that your suggestion? Well, you said sexier. Yeah. And, and then we just, It could be a big penis if you want. I just want to see how they... What happens when the world's sexiest diplomats are left alone at a summit?

You know what my fear is? You know what my fear is? My fear is that this will quickly become not about the diplomacy. You know? And we won't be choosing these people based on their diplomatic skills, but they're on their physical

attributes alone. Well, I think you've got to make me compromise somewhere. And what I want is I want to get people the world over to care about diplomacy, like they care about reality television. And if what's required is for us to get only very sexy diplomats, then I think that that's, you know, that's what happens. You know, that's the price to pay. If it will get some eyeballs,

people invested in the otherwise quite dry business of international diplomacy. In IR, international relations. Okay, look, I want this to work, okay, so look, okay. We've got sexy diplomats, okay. We're filming them, going there, we're seeing different countries get along. I guess if you saw your diplomat hook up

with, you know, and like the, you know, the... A rival, the high commissioner, the high commissioner to Uzbekistan. And then you're like, oh, I didn't know relations between our two countries were that good, right? Or you see them, I guess you see them, you want them having sex, and it's really good. Do you think that would probably be good for trade to do countries? A lot of it. Better to a trade.

You know, it could go badly as well, you know. They could have falling out, one of them could turn out to be a very selfish lover and obviously that would have negative consequences. But I think we'd all learn more about each other. I also think there's a great movie. There's a slightly different idea. In the idea of like a United Nations summit, right? Everyone's gone to some sort of island again for a United Nations summit. They're all there. And then there's some kind of global catastrophe. And they get cut off

from everywhere, right? No one can get there to get cut off from everywhere, right? No one can get there to get them on. And all their clothes. And all their clothes fall off. And we just see how all the world leaders, like what happens when world leaders are left alone to fend for themselves. And what, you know, it's a Lord of the Flies type scenario. But with world leaders, and we see of all the world leaders who are mergers as the leader of the world leaders.

Maybe this is even... So it would be like president of the world leaders. Maybe this is even, so it would be like president of the philosophy. Maybe this is even a prank that the rest of the world pulls on all their leaders. We made them think that there's been a global catastrophe and they're cut off from everything. We watch them. We let them sort out their differences that way. Without us having to go to war, instead of a world war, we let them go to war. But then have a personal struggle. You know what it is? It's World War I of leaders. Hmm.

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Now is the time. Mycomputercareer.edu. So where is all of us sending them into like a, a, you know, like a, what's that, what's that game in that movie? Battle Royale. All the battle royale. Yeah, okay. But it's world leaders.

It's a battle royal. It's a battle, it's a battle royale. Yeah, okay. Buds world leaders. It's a battle royal. It's a battle, it's a battle elected leader. Nice. Some of them aren't, a leader elected. A leader. But I think that would be great. Maybe they could even be

some kind of alien involvement in this one as well. Like it feels like something that aliens might set up, right? They get, they come down, they get all our leaders, and then they chuck them in some sort of a big thing when they get them to fight. No, but that'll make us, I think that'll make us all want to, you know, come together against the aliens.

I think, you know, like, you the aliens. I think the... You know, like, you want it to be like the people have had enough. Yeah, that is also true. Okay, then that's what it is. We tell, we make the leaders think it's the aliens that have done this, right? But actually, it's the people who've had enough.

We pretend to be aliens doing it. it's the people who've had enough. We pretend to be aliens doing it. So what's so that they don't just like what open fire on us? Is that the leaders? Well, the leaders don't have the weapons. They're leaders. I know, but they've got armies. Well, the armies are on our side as well. We've all agreed. We organized it behind their backs on a big WhatsApp group. So why do we tell them that it's the aliens? No, we wouldn't use WhatsApp. We use signals so that the leaders couldn't hack in and see what we were doing. Why do we tell them that it's the aliens to set up the context of the contest, right?

So that they don't know that it's really a test in that way from us, the people. Maybe the aliens, if the aliens think it's complicated, if you're finding the aliens thing overwhelming, I'll ask there, I'm not married to it. I think the aliens makes me think all the world leaders will come together and then they'll discuss what should we do about these aliens. I think it's a good twist at the end. I think because I think the aliens force them to fight, right? They say you have to, you have to, you know, we only want to get out of here. And. Well, yeah, but you know what they're like, you know what the world

leaders like, if instead it was all the people of the world putting them in there, forcing them to fight, then they'll know that even if they escape, they're not going to be safe. It would be the... I think it's a good reveal for all people. And that it was the people. They think it's the islands and then we reveal at the end that it was we, the people, united something united something something but it's okay I'm not married to it as I say married to my wife sorry I said that very embarrassed well it's okay you are yeah I shouldn't be

embarrassed but it was a stupid thing to say. And he don't be embarrassed about being married to your wife. I think it's a good thing that he did. Well, if I was married to somebody else, that would be who wasn't my wife. That would be a real problem. So, yeah. Hey Andy, what's this sound? Silence. No. Go again. Are you doing it near the sound? Silence.

Okay. Go again. Are you doing it near the microphone or near the microphone that I'm listening to? Man, I was doing it right on the microphone. The fact that you couldn't hear it is an incredible achievement on the part of both my microphone, this telephone line. Oh, I was doing it into the podcast. That's what I was asking you.

Andy, don't worry about it. Everybody else will have heard a rattle. That's what was a rattle. I didn't know that. I don't want to ruin it for you. It was a rattle. Yeah, what about this? A rattle snake. A rattle snake that has a child's rattle on its tail.

That's what I was asking you. Andy, don't worry about it. Everybody else will have heard a rattle. That's what was a rattle. I didn't know that. I don't want to ruin it for you. It was a rattle. What about this? The rattlesnake that has a child's rattle on its tail. And it's in tired evolutionary niche is eating babies. You mean children? Yeah.

What do you think of that? How do you feel about that? Then it should have been, I reckon it would have been out done by the milk bottle. Or the boob-tail bottle. Or the boob-tail snake. Or bottle. What about this? It's a rattlesnake that's got a little cocktail shaker on its tail. And...

A cocktail shaker. A little cocktail shaker. Yeah. Looks exactly. And looks and sounds exactly like a cocktail shaker, right? The ice in there the mint all slosh in and rattling around the mint the other there is ice so there is actually ice There's an idea it's that that's what it sounds like it sounds like there's mint So you can like hear the mint yeah the unrestakeable there's mint in it. So you can like hear the mint. Yeah, the unrestakeable. Sloshing rattle of mint. They're making mahiitos. And you know, imagine you're out there in the desert.

I think you're meant to after in a mahiito. Among the rocks. Right. Among the rocks. Yeah. And and of course your thirsty in the desert. What what what what could tempt you more on the rocks than a majito? Yeah, that's true. Yeah, something like I know, white room, you're stumbling between the boulders. Oh, where's where's this cocktail being made? And then you see just poking up a butt behind a one of the rocks, what looks exactly like a cocktail shaker, moving by itself. Looking, moving exactly in the way it would move if a bartender, an invisible bartender was shaking it, a little bit to the side that forward and back motion.

Like that, you go, it must be a ghost bar. Yeah. But biggest can't be chooses you think, you clamber over the rock, and you go, I'll take a mojito for the layer of the cocktail shakas, Nike. Yeah, let me into it. Thanks. How many sketch ideas have we written down Elastair? Andy, let me count one ah yes Yeah, huh? or

yes And six there you go should we go to some words from a listener? I don't know if you know this Elistair, but this show has listeners and sometimes they support us on Patreon, they send in words and we turn them into sketch ideas. Which send in more words people, send in more words. Please do. But Alistair, I believe this week we have some words from one of our devoted listeners. And because I have such a good system, it has come to the point where every single set of words I think I've said before, or either that or I'm only able to pick words that

I've said before. It's such a good system. But these are three words from listener Thomas Ambrose. Thomas Ambrose. Thomas Ambrose once told us a story on Twitter, I think, telling us about being in a military situation and not allowed to listen to things, not being allowed. Could be court-martialed in this.

And was in like some kind of dugout listening to our podcast, chuckling to oneself. Illegally. Putting themselves at risk of ruining their career. There you go. I mean, we. So we appreciate the sacrifices that are made by by our listeners in order to listen to this show. Thank you Thomas. Now the three words from Thomas Andy, do you want to guess

them or do you already know that? Hope you didn't just reveal something that Thomas wouldn't want revealed. In case the the military are listening. Yeah. Well, I want you to know I used a known deputant fake name. And so if this actually has happened to a real person called Thomas Ambrose, that's just a coincidence. Exactly. This, the real listener has a different name.

Now, okay, here we go. I'm going to guess. I'm going to guess the guess the first word now. And the first word is leg. Oh, he started so strong and then ended really bad. The first word was correct. The first letter was correct. That's good.

But the word you were looking for was correct. The first letter was correct. The word you were looking for was listeners. Listeners. Second word is understand. No, Andy. But you had one, like, okay, the first letter of that word understand was half of the letter that is at the beginning of this one. A double-gum. Which is the beginning of the word watch. Listen as watch. And the last word is... WAKELY?

No, he wasn't pushing... Thomas wasn't pushing people towards listeners watching the weekly planet. Good show though, they should. They should, but why would a listener watch a listener listen? No, the third word is magma listeners watch magma Thomas Thomas is Using his three words to promote our show magma. This is on sosprousands.com I mean the the efficiency with which Thomas was able to do that, using only three words to say, what at the start of some episodes was taking me as much as five or 10 minutes is really impressive. And I've been suitably schooled.

I absolutely spectacular work there. But let's think about what a sketch would be. I mean, what would it mean for a listener to watch vibrations. A seismologist watches man with their ears. Yeah, I would say so. They use the sounds coming from the earth to detect the movement of magma to predict whether or not a volcano is going to erupt. And so, you know, they're watching in the sense of monitoring its movement, you know, which is something that normally you don't strictly use your ears for. But- So is it because they're vibrations that you're saying that they're it sounds?

Well, yeah, it is sounds. It's vibrations coming through the earth. That's what a seismologist picks up. Right? That sounds- Yeah, and so vibration is sound. I think so. Do you think that's a controversial statement? Well, no, no, I know that sound is vibration. There's vibrations. I just, I didn't know if it was necessarily truly the other way around.

I don't mean to be giving you a heart. No, no, no, that's okay. But I think, I think that is what a, you know, that's one way of interpreting what's going on there. Well, I think for me, look, I was thinking it's probably a person that has no senses, other than you. Yep. Being taken to observe magma, you know, imagine all you can do is listen, right? And, uh, and what have you been listening to? Well, people telling you about the wonders of the earth's interior. Liquid rock. I mean, how strange must that be? What is rock? Well, you know, listen to this. Click, click, click, click that somebody banging two stones together. Yeah. It's the only, right? But what would that be like?

Instead, if it was splooch, splooch, splooch, like that, well, this is what this listener wants to hear. What would it sound like if you were banging two liquid rocks together? Sure. Sure. I mean, you don't often often so they have not something you often experience is liquid on liquid You know contact like that. I guess that's a lot of waves crashing I don't think it would I don't think it would no think if it is not a drop falling into water It's a really good point. Yeah, I think it would It's a really good point. Yeah, I think it would. Yeah, okay. I mean, I think it would be I think it would be cute if

If magma did make some of the you know the little babbling noises that water makes when it's when it's running You know over down a babbling brook You know if it if it yeah, it's pretty dramatic a lot of the time. Yeah. I don't... I would like a nice Japanese garden, but instead of a cool running stream, it's magma. Can't there be calm magmas in us? Well, the Japanese are of course also famous for their rock gardens as well as for their, you know, little manipulation of water in little bamboo,

fountain type things. Let's combine it to. Let's have a little rock gun. And the imagine how soothing that would be if you could have dripping magma delicately into a pool. I feel I wanna see it also going over one of those big wheels. Yeah, you know that spins and generates a bit of electricity. Like could you get hydropower from flowing magma? I think we could, I think this could solve global warming. I mean, I'm not totally sure whether using hot rocks

to generate electricity, but it's gotta be something. And, you know, it's more dense than water. So it would have a lot more power to it. Well, a bit more um. What would you call that? Do you think there'd be moments where it would cool down enough that it would kind of jam up your thing by being by turning to rock? That would suck.

That would be really difficult. Yeah, but it does a lot of volume inside the earth. Yeah, just, just get it, just get it moving. It's magma electricity. It's our new business venture. But it's also magma electricity, but also cool and calming magma rock gardens. I mean, did we just come up with magmas?

This is basically our show magma, where we come come up with magma? This is basically our show magma Where we come up with so this is the magma. Well the list is really should watch it They can get a SOS presents That's true And so what is our final idea here? Hydro? Sketch it. Hmm Well Hydro power. I think it would be a good thing for an evil person in a movie

to have a magma garden that they actually find quite soothing. You know, they could be a real sort of monstrous demon, but where they go to unwind, after a day of evil is their magma rock garden where magma drips. I mean, we realize that once it's out of the record. Yeah, Magma Rock Garden, where Magma drips. I mean, we realized that once it's out of the earth, it's lava technically, but, you know, and... Well, I know what he's got in, he's got an involcano layer so he could actually still have exposed magma and still technically be called mag.

Iran. Yes. So there you go, that's something. closed magma still technically be called mag. Iran. Yes. So there you go. That's something. I mean, I do like the idea of a bad guy who relaxes with an edge. You know, for relaxation to kind of be like, I don't have lame relaxation like waterfalls. You know, in the sound of silence and things like that.

No, no. you know, I like blowing, burning magma. I think the problem would be the smell of sulfur and stuff like that that comes from the inner earth. But, you know, it smells like farts. But they're evil, right? So farts are probably their intents. That's probably their air. Their air is farts. Yeah. Their perfume is farts. And their air freshener. Alistair. Farts. Yes, Andy.

Oh, you do. I, you know, you actually surprised me, because I thought you were going to say something. Yeah, they should have a can of farts like that. I'm amazed. My face doesn't exist at least as a novelty product. I'm sure it does. Yeah.

It would be pretty good to have a prank product where you can go into people's houses where they have one of those Glenn 20 automatic, automatic air freshener things. Replace the canister in there with a canister of farts. You got to admit a little thing that automatically detects when you come into the room and does a fart having a dog is. All me in your house. I'll stay. All right, I'll take us through the ideas before we run out of time. Sketch ideas. Number one, we need to recombine the seven kingdoms of life to defeat the aliens that separated us. They couldn't defeat us when we were single-celled organisms.

Love it. And so they tried to separate us so that eventually they could get us alone. It was the single-celled organisms they couldn't beat, but now they're, they just wanted to, I don't know what that was. I don't know what that was. I can't, I can't, I can't figure it out right now.

I don't know. Okay, then we got different tennis terrains like the flying hydrocopter, the desert, the ice terrain. I think that's cool. Then we have sexy, then we have summer, not Olympics. That's when we send a hundred of our best to just watch them.

What do they do? What are they up to? What's he saying to that guy raking those leaves? It's sexy diplomats. Oh, it's like diplomats butt sexy on an island. Always at an island. It's funny. This next one's set on an island as well.

We've got leader world war, which is like a battle world, but it's all world leaders. See how they like it. We conscripted them all into a war. I think you would have to be televised. And I imagine each country would be rooting for their leader. Maybe it depends on how much they like their leader, I suppose. Yeah, I guess so.

I think a lot of people would be rooting for them to die. But then of course, after this battle royal, we would put up a memorial to them in a party. That's nice, they'd like that. Yeah, they'd like, I mean, you know, they'd be dead, but then we got cocktail, shaker snake. We'll look out for that one. It's a real killer. It's kind of reverse hunger games that we came up with.

Yeah, exactly. I think that's a sketch. That's a very doable sketch. Too much to eat games. Then we got the hydro power from back. Oh, yeah. Like my rock garden. Oh, what a good idea. And then we go can of fart.

So this, this may be our last episode yet. I think can of fog. Oh, do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Thank you so much for listening to anything tank. BADDU BADDU BADDU BADDU BADDU BADDU BADDU BADDU BADDU Thank you so much for listening to InThink Tank. That was great that you did that.

You can find us on Twitter. Alistair is at Alistair TB. I'm at Stupid Old Andy. We are at To In Tank. You can support us on Patreon. There's a link in the show notes down below. Alistair, anything else? You can always get magma. You can always just, you know, spend some time with your family and friends and take care of yourself and make sure that you're drinking water. Hope you can get out. Rory from, Rory from Dog, Dog Hair Network, posted, tweeted recently about how he drank two liters of water in a day

and he felt fantastic. Instead of drinking two liters of coffee in a day, and I don't want to believe that happiness is that accessible. That's easy. But I'm never going to try it. I'm never going to try it, but I did go to an optometrist the other day and they said that my eyeballs looked dry. But I'm still lucky.

And I know that I'm dehydrated. And they said that my eyeballs looked dry. But I'm still lucky. And I know that I'm dehydrated and I know that's what it was. But no, no, no, I'm not giving in. I'm not going to give myself the satisfaction. No. Being happy. Thank you very much. Thank you very much for listening.

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